When your pet receives a serious diagnosis, the first thing that changes isn't the caregiving — it's you. The language your vet uses, the fear that rises before you even leave the clinic, the way you begin to see your pet differently — all of it shapes what comes next. In this episode, Karen and Gail explore why the words we choose matter, and what our animals can teach us about living fully in the middle of uncertainty.
In This Episode
Karen Wylie and Gail Pope unpack the thinking behind BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's term "life-changing diagnosis" — and why it was chosen over more commonly used phrases like "life-threatening" or "life-limiting." Drawing on Gail's decades of experience at BrightHaven Sanctuary, they explore how fear shapes a caregiver's response to difficult news, how animals model a kind of effortless acceptance that humans struggle to find, and why seeing the being within — rather than focusing on the physical condition — may be the most important shift a caregiver can make.
In This Episode You'll Hear:
- Why "life-changing diagnosis" reframes the experience for both pet and caregiver — and why the language we use from the very first moment matters
- How Gail's years of caring for 80+ sanctuary residents shaped a different relationship with diagnosis — one grounded in presence rather than fear
- What animals consistently model for us about adapting, adjusting, and continuing to live fully despite physical limitations
- Why fear of our own mortality is often at the root of how we respond when our pets receive difficult news
- Gail's closing reflection on seeing past the physical body to the being within — and why that shift changes everything about how we give care
📌 Related Resource:
- 📖 The Pet Legacy & Lifetime Care Planning Workbook - brightpathforpets.com/pet-future-care-planning-workbook
- 📖 The BrightHaven Way: Lessons from 700 Animal Teachers PDF: https://brightpathforpets.com/brighthaven-way-book/
-
📖 Download the PEACEFUL Quality of Dying Guide: Signs of a Peaceful Passing at: https://brightpathforpets.com/resources-html/
-
📖 Walking The BrightPath: A Pet Parent’s Guide To Home Hospice And Natural Transition - https://brightpathforpets.com/blog/pet-hospice-guide
-
📖 Soul-Centered Care: Seeing Pet Death Differently A BrightPath TRANSITION Series Booklet - https://brightpathforpets.com/soul-centered-care-booklet/
🌹 Join our monthly Rose Ceremony (free online pet celebration): https://brightpathforpets.com/rose-ceremony/
💬 If this episode touched your heart, you’re not alone. The BrightHaven Caregivers’ Hub is our supportive membership community for pet parents navigating caregiving, anticipatory grief, and all the moments in between.
We gather to share stories, ask questions, and care for each other as we care for our animals. If you’re walking this path, we’d be honored to walk it with you.
🔗 Learn more about the Hub: https://brightpathforpets.com/caregivers-hub/
📌Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review 🐶⭐🐱
💜 Karen Wylie, EdD is the Executive Director of the Animal Hospice Group and Co-Founder of BrightHaven Caregiver Academy. With decades of experience as an educator, caregiver, and organizational consultant, Karen has personally navigated the caregiving journey with cats, dogs, and horses through chronic illness and end-of-life transitions. Her mission is to give pet parents the tools, knowledge, and confidence to provide the best possible care for their animals at every stage of life. Learn more at BrightPathForPets.com
💜 Gail Pope is the Founder and President of BrightHaven, a nonprofit animal sanctuary, hospice, and educational center with over thirty years of experience providing holistic care to senior and special needs animals.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, the podcast by BrightHaven Caregiver Academy.
I'm Gail Pope and I'm Karen Wylie and together we're here to support you in navigating life with your aging or ill pets.
We know how deeply you care for your beloved companions, and we're here to offer guidance, understanding, and resources for this meaningful journey.
(00:25):
Each episode we'll explore topics that address the daily challenges, emotional realities, and choices you face as a pet parent helping you and your pets find peace, comfort, and joy.
Whether it's making sense of a new diagnosis, adjusting to changing needs, or simply seeking a place to feel understood, you're not alone.
(00:47):
Thank you for being here with us.
Karen Wylie (00:51):
Hello and welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
I'm Karen Wylie here as always with my wonderful friend Gail Pope.
Today we're going to talk about something that's been an important part of our BrightHaven Caregiver Academy philosophy when we talk about the BrightPath for caregivers to choose and that's the idea of a life-changing diagnosis.
(01:16):
When we were considering using that language, "a life-changing diagnosis", we were choosing it instead of what is more commonly talked about as life-threatening diagnoses, which sounds pretty scary.
It's immediately invoking some fear about the outcome and the process.
(01:39):
Another commonly used phrase is a life-limiting diagnosis.
Yet our focus was very much in supporting the pet parent, the caregiver.
So that gave rise to looking at not just the medical aspects of the diagnosis endangering the life of the pet but looking at what it's like for a caregiver.
(02:01):
Because we're juggling three layers of what's happening physically in the journey for our pets, what the caregiving journey is like for us as caregivers, and then, of course, the relationship between us.
So Gail, I was hoping we could begin this conversation when you think back over the years at the BrightHaven Sanctuary, how did serious diagnoses change daily life for both the animals and caregivers?
(02:30):
What was happening that would change when a new diagnosis came in play?
Gail Pope (02:36):
Wow!
That's taken me down memory lane.
I guess it's having lived with and loved so many animals who have been teachers, obviously.
The word "Diagnosis" didn't really feature a huge amount in daily life because animals, some of them would come to us with a diagnosis, which may be the reason that they'f come.
(02:57):
Some would be younger with a diagnosis, not terminal diagnosis.
There are all sorts of different diagnoses, and I think that's where my brain's taking me.
Eventually, I think over the years, I probably didn't honor the word as much as maybe most people do.
It's just another thing and it's just part of the puzzle.
The aim is to have your animal be as happy, as comfortable, as all of those lovely warm and cuddly words, and of course, healthy would be in there.
(03:26):
So obviously, there's a focus too on how can we help this animal have better health.
We learned not to think about cure or fix.
It's just let's make them as happy and healthy as they can be, and let's all enjoy life.
So really the word "Diagnosis" when it appeared later in life didn't really phase me in the way of bringing fear.
(03:49):
We would have maybe a cat that was diagnosed with kidney disease and generally that would be diagnosed quite early in the journey.
Then maybe later on it would be increasing.
But that just really meant for us increasing our pace, knowing what we know, doing what we do, and concentrating on today and what they might need.
What everyone might need.
(04:09):
Keeping the atmosphere loving and happy and helping those that needed it in whatever way they needed it.
Does that make sense?
Karen Wylie (04:17):
It makes perfect sense.
Also, I would say it makes sense because your context within the sanctuary was a caregiving operation.
That is what your daily life was structured around.
Especially since, as we've talked about, there were times when you had 80 residents that were being cared for.
(04:40):
Not every single one of them needing critical care every day but they still had to be looked at.
You always want to get your eyes on every one of them and usually pick them up to see if you feel anything different.
There's certain daily tasks you tend to do with all of them.
I think your day-to-day life was just caregiving 24/7.
Gail Pope (04:58):
Yes, exactly!
Because it wasn't a focus on care, we had lots of medical work to do on a daily basis in all sorts of directions, even down to grooming and making sure everybody looked beautiful.
It was more of an overall community, and I think animals helped the people to help the animals as well.
Because if one animal was bedbound, others would circle around and be with them to help us to help them.
(05:22):
There were so many ways that we learned that animals will help each other as well as help themselves and us.
Let's face it, if you have a headache or you just don't feel very well, maybe you've got the flu.
I know we have photos somewhere but on one occasion I had the flu.
It took an awful lot to take me off my feet but on this occasion, I just had to go to bed.
(05:44):
There's a photograph of me.
You can't see me, really.
I'm lying in bed and the whole bed is covered in cats.
They're all snuggled all around the edges and above me and around the pillow.
That's caregiving, isn't it?
Karen Wylie (05:57):
That is!
I'm laughing as you describe that because as I started looking at photographs to include in "The BrightHaven Way", that was one of the first ones I was like, "That's got to be in there." And so it is.
Gail Pope (06:11):
Oh, I didn't remember that.
Karen Wylie (06:12):
It had to be in there because it captured that time.
You were just a few minutes ago talking about watching all the other cats surround another cat or a dog, but in this case you were the one who was down for the count.
You're huddled under the comforter and you got a lot of four-footed nurses surrounding you.
Gail Pope (06:34):
They do teach us, if only we will listen.
To be with them rather than try to help and fix them because that's not their focus.
Sometimes an animal may have a chronic illness.
Sometimes a human, the same.
Let's face it, we're all dealing with various imbalances in our bodies but animals don't focus on theirs.
I think as a culture, we're stepping a lot more into the world of mind and meditation.
(07:00):
Helping ourselves actually feel better by simply just stopping for a few minutes here or there and just *exhale* just letting go.
If you can have a cat or a dog on your lap while you're letting go, then—
Karen Wylie (07:13):
All the better!
Or if you have one with you while you're trying to have a recorded conversation—
Gail Pope (07:19):
Yes, I'm very envious.
Karen Wylie (07:20):
Put out to the world.
You can also have little helpers who see a different role for themselves.
I think as you're describing the situation at the sanctuary, you were providing caregiving for so many different types of illnesses and conditions.
That's why when we were beginning our discussions about the Caregiver Academy and how we would talk about caregiving, that's when we were discussing the different pathways for illness because different diagnoses ask different things from a caregiver.
(07:53):
If it's a chronic illness that requires you to learn a skill, give a particular medication or an injection and stabilize your pet and move forward, that's one path.
If it's a difficult to manage situation and there's lots of different ideas there.
I think maybe we could put in there a diabetic cat where we're monitoring the insulin every day and testing and measuring out the insulin.
(08:19):
I know that one of my most confounding diagnoses was on a cat well over 30 years ago, one of my Birmans, who didn't seem to be digesting food very well.
And after either the second or third time I brought her into the vet because you could hear that she was having breathing issues.
By the third time, my local vet, who was very practical and very hands-on and many decades of experience himself, he said, "If she was a dog, I'd know what I'd tell you.
(08:50):
I'd tell you that she had megaesophagus.
But she's a cat and cats don't get megaesophagus." And he sat there and he goes, "I think that's what we just have to try.
Let's assume that's what she's got."
So we put all the different routines into place in terms of how I would feed her in the upright position and so forth.
She still apparently had a bad case of it because no matter all the different things we did, she had a respiratory infection.
(09:16):
She aspirated any of the food.
I would then be setting up the nebulizer to get a little bit of antibiotic into her lungs and that worked for several years.
But ultimately, all those treatments with antibiotics changes the lung lining and then lost her.
But that was one of those that was a difficult to manage one because it just had a lot of moving parts to it.
(09:39):
Then we have terminal diagnoses which are difficult in a different way because of the anxiety and the anticipatory grief and everything else.
So at the beginning, when we were looking at how we could support caregivers, we were looking at the different contexts they might be in based on the diagnosis they would get on their pets.
(10:03):
And have you found that caregivers become more confident when they stop focusing on fear and the prognosis?
Gail Pope (10:12):
Oh, absolutely.
But then we're all only human, aren't we?
Plus we're all very different.
Each human is a different person too.
Fear is our greatest enemy, I think, as the human race.
And of course, heading towards the end of life is heading towards the great unknown.
So I think we are mostly fearful of our own deaths and therefore we translate that very easily and very rapidly when an animal that we love dearly may be approaching the end of their life.
(10:44):
Again, it's difficult to be human.
I think one of the biggest things for me is accepting the fact that we're all living.
We could be approaching the end of life but while we're living then we need to have fun, don't we?
We need to enjoy this time rather than sit gloomily looking towards the great unknown.
Our time is precious, whatever age we are.
(11:06):
Again, part of the teaching, living in the moment.
Not looking forward, not looking back.
Animals don't go, "Oh, God, let me look at the calendar. Oh, God, I don't think I've got long to go now."
They know of it.
Their bodies know naturally as they decline, and they go with it.
They go with the flow.
As they get closer to the end of life, they get tired.
They're not energetic.
(11:27):
The body very gradually starts to wind down with Mother Nature dictating the way.
And animals accept it, whereas a great majority of humans don't accept it.
We start fighting.
Karen Wylie (11:39):
We fight it whether it's for our human loved ones or our animals.
Gail Pope (11:44):
Exactly!
And I think if you are the type of person, as many of us are, that we have a symptom ourselves and we go to the doctors.
We get a referral, we do this, and this.
We're going to do the same for our animals.
If you're someone who actually doesn't, a lot of people just deny illness.
They get on with their lives.
They have a bad back or they have a this or a that or a pain that sometimes comes here, and they ignore it.
(12:08):
That's the way they treat life and death.
They just allow it.
Seems an easier way, doesn't it?
Karen Wylie (12:15):
It definitely changes how you look at so many aspects of illness if you look at it as part of life rather than catastrophizing.
I think part of the language that we've chosen to use of "Life-changing" and not focusing on life-limiting and life-threatening and terminal, of course.
(12:35):
Although, we also have talked in previous podcasts about if our vet thinks the condition or disease is in fact terminal for this particular pet, it's important that they say so.
So that the pet parent begins to understand what's going on instead of paying for the visit up front, going home and saying, "I wonder what it means. She said this or she said that, or he said that, but I still don't really understand what it means."
(13:03):
So sometimes it's important to use a word to communicate how you really view things.
Including my child here who's going to help us view things a little differently once again.
As I adapt as a caregiver—
Gail Pope (13:17):
Exactly.
Karen Wylie (13:18):
To a very active and healthy 13-year-old, what can I say?
But what do you think animals teach us, Gail, when life slows down and the routines that we have with them every day change?
When the routines begin changing, how do the animals help us in that situation?
Gail Pope (13:37):
I think you have to look at it in two ways there because it could be when our lives are changing as well as when and if their lives are changing.
So I think if we paid attention to how they're living their lives and we adjust to allow them to be themselves, all the while we're doing our caregiving in whatever way that care is needed.
(13:59):
I think if we can step back from any fear that creeps in and concentrate on the word "Care" and then open that up into their care as well as our care– meeting in the middle, living in the moment, laughing.
I think I've shown you him before.
Somebody gave me this as a little gift.
It's sometimes if I'm having a bad day, I look across at my wonderful Wayne Dyer calendar and this cute, dirty little pig, and it really hits me.
(14:27):
It's just we need these reminders to let our focus change and soften on daily life.
Just see that in most cases, our animals are living their best life.
Animals take the "Dis-" out of "Ability", don't they?
Karen Wylie (14:41):
Oh, nice.
Gail Pope (14:42):
They really do.
They do what they're able to do.
They don't think of what they're not able to do.
At least I don't see it in the animals.
They just adjust and keep going.
Then they adjust again and keep going.
We're like, "I used to be able to do that. Why can't I do…" We fight it.
We have to learn from them and just go with the flow.
I say the same thing over and over.
Karen Wylie (15:04):
When I'm thinking of the photographs I've seen of, I guess Joey and Ollie, right?
With the wheel carts in the yard with the great, beautiful green grass, and they're just delighting.
They're just joyous.
They're not thinking about the fact that those wheel carts give them the opportunity to be mobile.
They're just being mobile.
That's their life and they're enjoying it.
Gail Pope (15:26):
That kind of brings me to once I developed the understanding that I am not my body.
I'm living in this body.
This is my body house.
I may not be comfortable some of the time but it's my home.
When you take that and you look at animals, that's almost what you just described.
(15:47):
With a disabled animal of some sort, they don't look at the disability, they look at how best they can have ability.
Looking at all the various animals we've had in wheelchairs, they're not looking at their bodies and thinking, "Oh-oh, they're just accepting what can be done to help or not."
Most cats don't like wheelchairs.
We went there several times and they were like, "You come at me again with that thing and I'm going to kill you." They want to be in charge, and they don't care that their back legs or the back end doesn't work.
(16:18):
They can still claw their way up a six-foot cat tree.
Karen Wylie (16:21):
Up the cat tree.
I've had the same experience and the first time it happens you're like *staring*
Gail Pope (16:28):
Exactly!
So they demonstrate the fact that although there may be something wrong with the house they're living in, it's okay.
It's okay.
I can still do what I want to do, and maybe I don't do it as fast, or I do it a bit slowly, or I get an odd pain here or there.
It's okay.
Karen Wylie (16:47):
Yes, that's right.
Gail Pope (16:48):
I think those are the major lessons that I've learned over the years.
Karen Wylie (16:52):
They continually seem to be able to adapt to those life-changing diagnoses.
Gail Pope (16:58):
It's our diagnosis, in fact.
We're the ones that have it written down on paper and it reads it our way.
Karen Wylie (17:03):
And saying, "Oh, God, what does this mean for us? What does it mean for him or her?"
Gail Pope (17:07):
How often do you see a cat that's been diagnosed with chronic kidney failure or even acute kidney failure?
You don't see them going, "Oh, I have to think about this. Now I've got something wrong with my kidneys." They just follow what Mother Nature wants them to do and maybe drink a little more water and slow down a little bit eventually but they're going with the flow.
Karen Wylie (17:28):
That's it.
It's life.
It's caregiving.
You make adaptations to what's happening, and you might need to adapt when you check on them through the day or how much time you're fortunate to be able to spend with them.
And live with them through whatever illness or condition they have but as you're saying, it is truly life.
(17:48):
It's life with them.
Gail Pope (17:50):
And their life is with us.
Lovely companionship.
Karen Wylie (17:54):
What would you like to say to bring this conversation to a close?
Gail Pope (17:59):
Just that sometimes the best thing we can do when we're looking at our animals is not to see the physical being but to look at the being that dwells within and the joy that emanates from within.
Karen Wylie (18:14):
Aw.
I love you so much.
I'm saying that to you and not Callie, although I could say something similar to Callie.
I just think that's a beautiful way to end because we are focused on helping caregivers understand that a diagnosis doesn't just change medical treatment or in any way imply that medical treatment is all we should focus on because it can change daily life, it can change our routines.
(18:40):
Obviously, we're going to have a lot of feelings about change and our caregiving and the relationship we have, but it's, we really do have the relationship with the inner being.
And each of them are so wonderfully unique, and that's what makes them all very special.
All right.
With that, we will call this conversation to a close, and thank you for being with us this week on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
(19:04):
Bye-bye now.
Gail Pope (19:05):
Goodbye.
Thank you for joining us on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
We hope today's episode has offered you support and insight as you care for your aging or ill pets.
Remember, it's not just about the end.
It's about living well at every stage of life.
To continue your journey with us, explore more resources at BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's website— BrightPathForPets.com, where you'll find guides, assessments, and a caring community of pet parents like you.
(19:41):
Until next time, may you and your pets find comfort, connection, and peace in every moment.
Take care.
Welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, the podcast by BrightHaven Caregiver Academy.
I'm Gail Pope and I'm Karen Wylie and together we're here to support you in navigating life with your aging or ill pets.
We know how deeply you care for your beloved companions, and we're here to offer guidance, understanding, and resources for this meaningful journey.
(00:25):
Each episode we'll explore topics that address the daily challenges, emotional realities, and choices you face as a pet parent helping you and your pets find peace, comfort, and joy.
Whether it's making sense of a new diagnosis, adjusting to changing needs, or simply seeking a place to feel understood, you're not alone.
(00:47):
Thank you for being here with us.
Karen Wylie (00:51):
Hello and welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
I'm Karen Wylie here as always with my wonderful friend Gail Pope.
Today we're going to talk about something that's been an important part of our BrightHaven Caregiver Academy philosophy when we talk about the BrightPath for caregivers to choose and that's the idea of a life-changing diagnosis.
(01:16):
When we were considering using that language, "a life-changing diagnosis", we were choosing it instead of what is more commonly talked about as life-threatening diagnoses, which sounds pretty scary.
It's immediately invoking some fear about the outcome and the process.
(01:39):
Another commonly used phrase is a life-limiting diagnosis.
Yet our focus was very much in supporting the pet parent, the caregiver.
So that gave rise to looking at not just the medical aspects of the diagnosis endangering the life of the pet but looking at what it's like for a caregiver.
(02:01):
Because we're juggling three layers of what's happening physically in the journey for our pets, what the caregiving journey is like for us as caregivers, and then, of course, the relationship between us.
So Gail, I was hoping we could begin this conversation when you think back over the years at the BrightHaven Sanctuary, how did serious diagnoses change daily life for both the animals and caregivers?
(02:30):
What was happening that would change when a new diagnosis came in play?
Gail Pope (02:36):
Wow!
That's taken me down memory lane.
I guess it's having lived with and loved so many animals who have been teachers, obviously.
The word "Diagnosis" didn't really feature a huge amount in daily life because animals, some of them would come to us with a diagnosis, which may be the reason that they'f come.
(02:57):
Some would be younger with a diagnosis, not terminal diagnosis.
There are all sorts of different diagnoses, and I think that's where my brain's taking me.
Eventually, I think over the years, I probably didn't honor the word as much as maybe most people do.
It's just another thing and it's just part of the puzzle.
The aim is to have your animal be as happy, as comfortable, as all of those lovely warm and cuddly words, and of course, healthy would be in there.
(03:26):
So obviously, there's a focus too on how can we help this animal have better health.
We learned not to think about cure or fix.
It's just let's make them as happy and healthy as they can be, and let's all enjoy life.
So really the word "Diagnosis" when it appeared later in life didn't really phase me in the way of bringing fear.
(03:49):
We would have maybe a cat that was diagnosed with kidney disease and generally that would be diagnosed quite early in the journey.
Then maybe later on it would be increasing.
But that just really meant for us increasing our pace, knowing what we know, doing what we do, and concentrating on today and what they might need.
What everyone might need.
(04:09):
Keeping the atmosphere loving and happy and helping those that needed it in whatever way they needed it.
Does that make sense?
Karen Wylie (04:17):
It makes perfect sense.
Also, I would say it makes sense because your context within the sanctuary was a caregiving operation.
That is what your daily life was structured around.
Especially since, as we've talked about, there were times when you had 80 residents that were being cared for.
(04:40):
Not every single one of them needing critical care every day but they still had to be looked at.
You always want to get your eyes on every one of them and usually pick them up to see if you feel anything different.
There's certain daily tasks you tend to do with all of them.
I think your day-to-day life was just caregiving 24/7.
Gail Pope (04:58):
Yes, exactly!
Because it wasn't a focus on care, we had lots of medical work to do on a daily basis in all sorts of directions, even down to grooming and making sure everybody looked beautiful.
It was more of an overall community, and I think animals helped the people to help the animals as well.
Because if one animal was bedbound, others would circle around and be with them to help us to help them.
(05:22):
There were so many ways that we learned that animals will help each other as well as help themselves and us.
Let's face it, if you have a headache or you just don't feel very well, maybe you've got the flu.
I know we have photos somewhere but on one occasion I had the flu.
It took an awful lot to take me off my feet but on this occasion, I just had to go to bed.
(05:44):
There's a photograph of me.
You can't see me, really.
I'm lying in bed and the whole bed is covered in cats.
They're all snuggled all around the edges and above me and around the pillow.
That's caregiving, isn't it?
Karen Wylie (05:57):
That is!
I'm laughing as you describe that because as I started looking at photographs to include in "The BrightHaven Way", that was one of the first ones I was like, "That's got to be in there." And so it is.
Gail Pope (06:11):
Oh, I didn't remember that.
Karen Wylie (06:12):
It had to be in there because it captured that time.
You were just a few minutes ago talking about watching all the other cats surround another cat or a dog, but in this case you were the one who was down for the count.
You're huddled under the comforter and you got a lot of four-footed nurses surrounding you.
Gail Pope (06:34):
They do teach us, if only we will listen.
To be with them rather than try to help and fix them because that's not their focus.
Sometimes an animal may have a chronic illness.
Sometimes a human, the same.
Let's face it, we're all dealing with various imbalances in our bodies but animals don't focus on theirs.
I think as a culture, we're stepping a lot more into the world of mind and meditation.
(07:00):
Helping ourselves actually feel better by simply just stopping for a few minutes here or there and just *exhale* just letting go.
If you can have a cat or a dog on your lap while you're letting go, then—
Karen Wylie (07:13):
All the better!
Or if you have one with you while you're trying to have a recorded conversation—
Gail Pope (07:19):
Yes, I'm very envious.
Karen Wylie (07:20):
Put out to the world.
You can also have little helpers who see a different role for themselves.
I think as you're describing the situation at the sanctuary, you were providing caregiving for so many different types of illnesses and conditions.
That's why when we were beginning our discussions about the Caregiver Academy and how we would talk about caregiving, that's when we were discussing the different pathways for illness because different diagnoses ask different things from a caregiver.
(07:53):
If it's a chronic illness that requires you to learn a skill, give a particular medication or an injection and stabilize your pet and move forward, that's one path.
If it's a difficult to manage situation and there's lots of different ideas there.
I think maybe we could put in there a diabetic cat where we're monitoring the insulin every day and testing and measuring out the insulin.
(08:19):
I know that one of my most confounding diagnoses was on a cat well over 30 years ago, one of my Birmans, who didn't seem to be digesting food very well.
And after either the second or third time I brought her into the vet because you could hear that she was having breathing issues.
By the third time, my local vet, who was very practical and very hands-on and many decades of experience himself, he said, "If she was a dog, I'd know what I'd tell you.
(08:50):
I'd tell you that she had megaesophagus.
But she's a cat and cats don't get megaesophagus." And he sat there and he goes, "I think that's what we just have to try.
Let's assume that's what she's got."
So we put all the different routines into place in terms of how I would feed her in the upright position and so forth.
She still apparently had a bad case of it because no matter all the different things we did, she had a respiratory infection.
(09:16):
She aspirated any of the food.
I would then be setting up the nebulizer to get a little bit of antibiotic into her lungs and that worked for several years.
But ultimately, all those treatments with antibiotics changes the lung lining and then lost her.
But that was one of those that was a difficult to manage one because it just had a lot of moving parts to it.
(09:39):
Then we have terminal diagnoses which are difficult in a different way because of the anxiety and the anticipatory grief and everything else.
So at the beginning, when we were looking at how we could support caregivers, we were looking at the different contexts they might be in based on the diagnosis they would get on their pets.
(10:03):
And have you found that caregivers become more confident when they stop focusing on fear and the prognosis?
Gail Pope (10:12):
Oh, absolutely.
But then we're all only human, aren't we?
Plus we're all very different.
Each human is a different person too.
Fear is our greatest enemy, I think, as the human race.
And of course, heading towards the end of life is heading towards the great unknown.
So I think we are mostly fearful of our own deaths and therefore we translate that very easily and very rapidly when an animal that we love dearly may be approaching the end of their life.
(10:44):
Again, it's difficult to be human.
I think one of the biggest things for me is accepting the fact that we're all living.
We could be approaching the end of life but while we're living then we need to have fun, don't we?
We need to enjoy this time rather than sit gloomily looking towards the great unknown.
Our time is precious, whatever age we are.
(11:06):
Again, part of the teaching, living in the moment.
Not looking forward, not looking back.
Animals don't go, "Oh, God, let me look at the calendar. Oh, God, I don't think I've got long to go now."
They know of it.
Their bodies know naturally as they decline, and they go with it.
They go with the flow.
As they get closer to the end of life, they get tired.
They're not energetic.
(11:27):
The body very gradually starts to wind down with Mother Nature dictating the way.
And animals accept it, whereas a great majority of humans don't accept it.
We start fighting.
Karen Wylie (11:39):
We fight it whether it's for our human loved ones or our animals.
Gail Pope (11:44):
Exactly!
And I think if you are the type of person, as many of us are, that we have a symptom ourselves and we go to the doctors.
We get a referral, we do this, and this.
We're going to do the same for our animals.
If you're someone who actually doesn't, a lot of people just deny illness.
They get on with their lives.
They have a bad back or they have a this or a that or a pain that sometimes comes here, and they ignore it.
(12:08):
That's the way they treat life and death.
They just allow it.
Seems an easier way, doesn't it?
Karen Wylie (12:15):
It definitely changes how you look at so many aspects of illness if you look at it as part of life rather than catastrophizing.
I think part of the language that we've chosen to use of "Life-changing" and not focusing on life-limiting and life-threatening and terminal, of course.
(12:35):
Although, we also have talked in previous podcasts about if our vet thinks the condition or disease is in fact terminal for this particular pet, it's important that they say so.
So that the pet parent begins to understand what's going on instead of paying for the visit up front, going home and saying, "I wonder what it means. She said this or she said that, or he said that, but I still don't really understand what it means."
(13:03):
So sometimes it's important to use a word to communicate how you really view things.
Including my child here who's going to help us view things a little differently once again.
As I adapt as a caregiver—
Gail Pope (13:17):
Exactly.
Karen Wylie (13:18):
To a very active and healthy 13-year-old, what can I say?
But what do you think animals teach us, Gail, when life slows down and the routines that we have with them every day change?
When the routines begin changing, how do the animals help us in that situation?
Gail Pope (13:37):
I think you have to look at it in two ways there because it could be when our lives are changing as well as when and if their lives are changing.
So I think if we paid attention to how they're living their lives and we adjust to allow them to be themselves, all the while we're doing our caregiving in whatever way that care is needed.
(13:59):
I think if we can step back from any fear that creeps in and concentrate on the word "Care" and then open that up into their care as well as our care– meeting in the middle, living in the moment, laughing.
I think I've shown you him before.
Somebody gave me this as a little gift.
It's sometimes if I'm having a bad day, I look across at my wonderful Wayne Dyer calendar and this cute, dirty little pig, and it really hits me.
(14:27):
It's just we need these reminders to let our focus change and soften on daily life.
Just see that in most cases, our animals are living their best life.
Animals take the "Dis-" out of "Ability", don't they?
Karen Wylie (14:41):
Oh, nice.
Gail Pope (14:42):
They really do.
They do what they're able to do.
They don't think of what they're not able to do.
At least I don't see it in the animals.
They just adjust and keep going.
Then they adjust again and keep going.
We're like, "I used to be able to do that. Why can't I do…" We fight it.
We have to learn from them and just go with the flow.
I say the same thing over and over.
Karen Wylie (15:04):
When I'm thinking of the photographs I've seen of, I guess Joey and Ollie, right?
With the wheel carts in the yard with the great, beautiful green grass, and they're just delighting.
They're just joyous.
They're not thinking about the fact that those wheel carts give them the opportunity to be mobile.
They're just being mobile.
That's their life and they're enjoying it.
Gail Pope (15:26):
That kind of brings me to once I developed the understanding that I am not my body.
I'm living in this body.
This is my body house.
I may not be comfortable some of the time but it's my home.
When you take that and you look at animals, that's almost what you just described.
(15:47):
With a disabled animal of some sort, they don't look at the disability, they look at how best they can have ability.
Looking at all the various animals we've had in wheelchairs, they're not looking at their bodies and thinking, "Oh-oh, they're just accepting what can be done to help or not."
Most cats don't like wheelchairs.
We went there several times and they were like, "You come at me again with that thing and I'm going to kill you." They want to be in charge, and they don't care that their back legs or the back end doesn't work.
(16:18):
They can still claw their way up a six-foot cat tree.
Karen Wylie (16:21):
Up the cat tree.
I've had the same experience and the first time it happens you're like *staring*
Gail Pope (16:28):
Exactly!
So they demonstrate the fact that although there may be something wrong with the house they're living in, it's okay.
It's okay.
I can still do what I want to do, and maybe I don't do it as fast, or I do it a bit slowly, or I get an odd pain here or there.
It's okay.
Karen Wylie (16:47):
Yes, that's right.
Gail Pope (16:48):
I think those are the major lessons that I've learned over the years.
Karen Wylie (16:52):
They continually seem to be able to adapt to those life-changing diagnoses.
Gail Pope (16:58):
It's our diagnosis, in fact.
We're the ones that have it written down on paper and it reads it our way.
Karen Wylie (17:03):
And saying, "Oh, God, what does this mean for us? What does it mean for him or her?"
Gail Pope (17:07):
How often do you see a cat that's been diagnosed with chronic kidney failure or even acute kidney failure?
You don't see them going, "Oh, I have to think about this. Now I've got something wrong with my kidneys." They just follow what Mother Nature wants them to do and maybe drink a little more water and slow down a little bit eventually but they're going with the flow.
Karen Wylie (17:28):
That's it.
It's life.
It's caregiving.
You make adaptations to what's happening, and you might need to adapt when you check on them through the day or how much time you're fortunate to be able to spend with them.
And live with them through whatever illness or condition they have but as you're saying, it is truly life.
(17:48):
It's life with them.
Gail Pope (17:50):
And their life is with us.
Lovely companionship.
Karen Wylie (17:54):
What would you like to say to bring this conversation to a close?
Gail Pope (17:59):
Just that sometimes the best thing we can do when we're looking at our animals is not to see the physical being but to look at the being that dwells within and the joy that emanates from within.
Karen Wylie (18:14):
Aw.
I love you so much.
I'm saying that to you and not Callie, although I could say something similar to Callie.
I just think that's a beautiful way to end because we are focused on helping caregivers understand that a diagnosis doesn't just change medical treatment or in any way imply that medical treatment is all we should focus on because it can change daily life, it can change our routines.
(18:40):
Obviously, we're going to have a lot of feelings about change and our caregiving and the relationship we have, but it's, we really do have the relationship with the inner being.
And each of them are so wonderfully unique, and that's what makes them all very special.
All right.
With that, we will call this conversation to a close, and thank you for being with us this week on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
(19:04):
Bye-bye now.
Gail Pope (19:05):
Goodbye.
Thank you for joining us on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
We hope today's episode has offered you support and insight as you care for your aging or ill pets.
Remember, it's not just about the end.
It's about living well at every stage of life.
To continue your journey with us, explore more resources at BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's website— BrightPathForPets.com, where you'll find guides, assessments, and a caring community of pet parents like you.
(19:41):
Until next time, may you and your pets find comfort, connection, and peace in every moment.
Take care.
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