June 25, 2025 • 29 mins
This powerful Pride Month episode dives deep into the lifesaving work of The Trevor Project. Hosts Lisa and Gretchen get real about crisis support for LGBTQ youth, the importance of validation, and what it truly means to show up as an ally.
🎥 Watch the Video Podcast on YouTube: A video version of this episode is available here: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSurvivorsPodcastChannel
🎙️ Episode Sponsored by TheHelpHUB.co This episode is proudly brought to you by https://www.TheHelpHUB.co Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just… alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB—your online destination for mental health resources, content, and tools to help you navigate whatever mental health challenges you face. With over 16 tailored categories, you’ll find crisis support, lived-experience blogs, videos, and more to help you feel seen, supported, and safe. 💙Because your mental well-being matters. 💙
📖 Episode SummaryIn the Season 2 premiere, Lisa and Gretchen celebrate Pride Month by spotlighting The Trevor Project—one of the most vital lifelines for LGBTQ youth. They share raw, emotional stories from the crisis lines, discuss how even a single supportive voice can reduce suicide risk by 40%, and emphasize how every person can play a role in showing up for queer youth and adults alike. Whether you're a parent, ally, or part of the LGBTQ community, this episode is a heartfelt reminder: you are not alone, and help is always within reach.
💡 Lessons Learned- One compassionate listener can reduce a queer youth’s suicide risk by up to 40%.
- You don’t need professional training to be an effective ally—just show up without judgment.
- Lifelines like The Trevor Project and 988 offer free, 24/7, confidential support that saves lives.
- Inclusive resources like Free Mom Hugs and Trevor Space are essential community anchors for those without family or local support.
00:00 – Trigger Warning & Intro 01:30 – Why Pride Conversations Matter All Year 03:00 – The Trevor Project Lifeline: Who It Serves 05:00 – The Crisis LGBTQ Youth Face Today 08:00 – Supporting Queer Kids: Parents, You’re Needed 10:00 – Trevor Text Line & Online Safe Spaces 13:00 – Real-Life Lifeline Stories 18:00 – Allyship in Action 20:00 – Lifelines Are in Danger—Why We Must Act 26:00 – Final Thoughts: Keep Showing Up 28:00 – Gratitude & Resources
📚 Resources for Mental Health & Support🔹 The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/ 🔹 The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/ 🔹 Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions – Mental wellness coaching & support – https://schosersolutions.com/ 🔹 Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads – A raw, award-winning mental health podcast – https://goesoninourheads.net/
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🎙️ See You Next Week! Stay strong, keep going, and remember: You are enough. 💜#TheSurvivorsPodcast #EndTheStigma #MentalHealthMatters #SuicidePrevention #YouAreNotAlone #BreakTheSilence #GriefSupport #988Lifeline #SurvivorStories #HealingTogether #PodMatch #MentalHealth #SuicideAwareness #Podcast #Community #Hope #Grief #Stigma #MentalIllness #Support #LisaSuga
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
The Survivors is brought to you by our friends at the Help Hub. This
podcast mentions suicide, mental illness, grief and loss and may be
triggering for some listeners. So please take care of your mental well being
by pausing or skipping any sections that feel uncomfortable to you. And if
you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for support.
(00:22):
I love the fact that when you're talking about
recognition months, like we just came out of Mental Health
Awareness Month, now we're in Pride Month, we have a whole month. We
should be talking about all these things all 12 months. But I love the fact
that we have a dedicated month. So this is still Pride Month. We're
nearing the end of it. But you and I were talking a little while
(00:44):
ago about what we can offer people
who are listening in our community, what we can offer the queer
community that relates to suicide, that relates to
wellness during Pride. And it was kind of a no
brainer in my opinion. And you totally agreed, because you do everything I
tell you to do anyway,
(01:07):
that it really makes the most sense for us this week to
be talking about the Trevor Project. Not just because
I am a crisis counselor on the Trevor lifeline, but,
but for so many reasons, because it's Pride number one, because
you and I are both a part of the queer community, number two, and number
three, those things all combine to create
(01:30):
a great conversation focused on Pride Month. So
this is the time to elevate resources like the Trevor Project.
So I think it probably makes the most sense to have the quick
conversation about what is the Trevor Project if
people don't know, because there are a lot of people out there who don't know
what the 988 crisis lifeline is. So we like to
(01:52):
educate people about that. And now we can talk to people about Trevor. So
the Trevor Project is the largest
crisis and suicide lifeline for at risk
LGBTQ youth ages 13 to 24 in
this country. And they've been around for almost 20,
27 year, I think 27 years at this point. And I've been involved
(02:14):
for the last three years. And it functions just like any other lifeline.
You pick up, you call the number. In the case of the Trevor project,
it's 866-488-7386. But we'll have that
in the show notes and you get a counselor who is trained
to listen and hold space and offer resources and
create safety plans and all of those things geared
(02:37):
toward members of the LGBTQ community.
And so Pride Month is. It's a time to obviously to
celebrate LGBTQ and identity and all those things, but it's also this
powerful reminder of ongoing mental health struggles
and this disproportionate suicide risk that our
community faces, especially youth. 100%. And, you
(03:00):
know, the thing that we have going on right now is the world's literally
on fire. Our community is being attacked left, right, and center.
And, you know, there's a lot of times, like, parents and kids don't know where
to turn. Like, they have so many
hard feelings about their self identity, and
the world's just a really crappy place right now. And we. We need to
(03:22):
let people know that, you know, that you're not alone, especially if you're a kid
and you're trying to, like, figure out, you know, kind of what's going on with
your own body, like, who you love, how you want to present,
and with the world just attacking you left and right, it
makes it really difficult. And, you know, I wish that the
Trevor project had been around when I came out because, you know, I came out,
(03:45):
like, I don't know, it feels like 100,000 years ago.
Probably because it was a hundred thousand years ago. No offense. Probably was.
But, I mean, speaking of just the crisis
that we're all facing in this world and then the crisis that is layered on
top of the LGBTQ community. Did you know know me, I'm not like a super
number oriented person, but certain things stick with me.
(04:07):
And the statistic that LGBTQ
young people are more than four times as
likely as another youth who is not queer
to attempt suicide. And it's
heartbreaking, it's crushing. And that's why things like
visibility and affirmation and access to support, support platforms
(04:30):
like Trevor are literally saving people's
lives. Did you know there's one other statistic I have to toss out because it's
the perfect time to toss it out. Did you know that in the case
of the LGBTQ community and in the case of Lifelines, did
you know that if one single person is
there to listen to someone in crisis, do you know, it reduces
(04:51):
the likelihood of that? Let's say use cause. That's what we're talking about.
Reduces the risk of that youth trying to take their life by 40%.
Wow. I did not know that. But that gives me hope.
But I just. I feel so bad for these kids today.
A lot of them don't have a supportive family environment.
(05:14):
They are getting bullied at school. They're watching social
media, which has its own pros and cons, more cons
than pros. And then we have all
this other outside noise coming in and they don't know
how to process it. They're not adults. They don't know what those
resources are. And so if we can get these resources out
(05:37):
and let them know that there's actually somebody they can talk to and make them
feel better or at least get them someplace that they can, you
know, talk to somebody, get a group, whatever that you're.
They're not alone. They're not alone in this. Oftentimes they feel very
isolated and what they're going through, I mean, you
think. About normal people who are not, let's say,
(06:00):
dealing with being members of a marginalized community. Any
normal person right now is feeling stress, whether it
be political or whether it be
mental health related, just because of all the stress in the world.
Everyone's feeling it. And then you take any marginalized community
and you layer all the shit that they have to deal with on top of
(06:22):
all the normal day to day shit, and it becomes incredibly overwhelming.
So you're right. We need to be offering
these lifelines. And especially during a month like Pride where everybody's amplifying
everything, which is amazing. I'm glad that we can have
this conversation. I'm glad that we can do our part because hopefully there's a parent
out there and maybe there's a kid out there who comes across our podcast
(06:44):
who is struggling. Maybe it's with identity, maybe it's with
sexuality, maybe it's with just their peer
group or coming out, or they're just dealing with
depression for other reasons not related to sexuality. And they
don't know where to go and they don't know where to turn. And regular lifelines
don't seem appropriate because you want someone who gets you
(07:05):
right. And right not just get you, but understand that you're
a kid and that you're trying to deal with all these big
emotions that maybe life hasn't prepared you for. And
you know, another resource I wanted to, wanted to talk about with all
the pride parades and everything going on this month,
there's a group called Free Mom Hugs. And if you were
(07:28):
at a parade and you see somebody with a Free Mom Hug
shirt on them and you want to hug, go see, go see
these people. Is the most comforting,
compassionate hug you will ever get. We see you.
We, we all see you. I see you. Fortunately, like, when
I came out, I didn't have a problem. I kind of knew
(07:50):
that I was gay or I was a lesbian. But like, a lot of
people don't understand. Wait, you're gay? Yeah, Imagine that.
Yeah. A big old lesbo gay. I love you. I just love you.
Ain't turning back. I'm 61 years old. Don't think I'm going back to the
closet. But, like, you know, with me, I had
really supportive parents. I had a supportive community. I had
(08:14):
family. But for a lot of these kids, they don't have anyone. And having
the Trevor Hotline is huge for them. Huge.
Just being able to pick up the phone and call someone and walk through those
feelings. Or maybe you need a different resource. Maybe,
you know, you might think you're trans, but you. You don't
have the resources and you don't want to go to the library and look that
(08:36):
up or look it up on your family computer. Call the. Call the
Trevor Hotline. And Lisa, my question for you is, because,
I don't know, is have a text line also, or is it only
phone? I'm so glad you asked. And they do have a texting
platform as well. And anyone who
maybe just needs a little bit more of a buffer, like, sometimes people just don't
(08:58):
feel comfortable talking directly to another human. They need a little
bit of something in between. Just for peace of mind, they can text
678-678-START, and they'll
go directly to a Trevor Lifeline counselor
in a texting format so they can communicate that way.
I love that. And then, like, I had another question, because I don't know, can
(09:21):
parents call the Trevor Hotline if they have concerns about their
kids? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I'm so glad. God, you're so good at
asking appropriate questions. Yes. That's actually
a really important point to bring up for a number of reasons.
For parents as a lifeline. Yes. We have something in our
database that's accessible to anybody who visits us. At
(09:42):
trevorproject.org, it's called the Coming Out Handbook. It's for
parents, it's for kids, it's for allies. It's for anyone who
wants to have language that can help them
have those hard conversations, navigate what to say and in those moments.
And it's. It's such a valuable
platform. There's also something called Trevor Space, which is like
(10:05):
an online support group. I don't even know if you'd call
it a support group, but it's a platform within the Trevor Project where people can
go, it's safe, it's protected, it's moderated, and it's confidential.
And people can go on and just talk to people who are dealing with what
they're dealing with. Maybe it's other teens who are dealing with coming out, maybe they're
dealing with a whole host of mental health related challenges and you've got now
(10:27):
a whole community of people, thousands of people are on Trevor
space. And all you do is just create an anonymous profile for yourself if you
want it to be anonymous and you just go on and have conversations. But back
to your point about parents, yes, we have a lot of
parents calling on behalf of their kids and that's what we
call a third party call. And I think you and I have talked about that
(10:49):
in the context of the 988 Crisis Lifeline and it works the same
way at Trevor Project. So if you are calling
for, let's say a sibling or your partner
or a friend or a coworker, someone else, because for whatever reason,
maybe they don't have the capacity to call and you're kind of the
intermediary, that's called a third party call where you're calling on
(11:11):
behalf of someone else. And we take those calls all the time. And then
sometimes the person who they're calling for gets up the
either the courage or has the bandwidth to have the conversation
so they jump in. And it happens that way often.
But yes, absolutely, parents can utilize, take advantage of
Trevor Project. And we have great conversations with parents all the time.
(11:35):
That really warms my heart because, you know, I can think of, when
I came out, we didn't, like I said, we didn't have these types of crisis
hotlines. We didn't have anything like, go figure it out.
But you know, in today's age, kids are getting so much different information.
Same with parents. And just giving them the resources
that they need to maybe just some, some days just make it to the next
(11:58):
minute because they're getting bullied, they're getting crap from
home. You know, society's treating them like dirt. You're
not dirt. The world needs you. And it
just, it makes me really sad. It makes me sad that we have to have
these conversations. Struggling with your
mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed or just alone?
(12:21):
Well, you're not. Welcome to the Help Hub, your online
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At the Help Hub, we offer individualized resources tailored to
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categories to find exactly the kind of personalized help you need
(12:43):
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way. So whether you're Looking for crisis support,
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(13:05):
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Yeah, I know. You know what, though? On the other side, because there's
(13:27):
always a flip side, you know that we are so lucky that
we have resources like 988 and we have resources like the crisis text line and,
and Mom Hugs. I'm actually part of the Mom Hugs organization here in
Massachusetts, so I go to pride parades and I give a million
hugs. And I love that so, so much. So, yes, it
sucks that people have to be dealing with so many of these issues.
(13:50):
But on the other side, there is a community. If you're out here and you're
listening to us and this community and, and you're feeling
hopeless or you're feeling scared or whatever it is that you're
feeling either for yourself or someone that you care about, just know
you are not alone out here. Like, we're. We're
here and I are here. Obviously you and I are here creating a community
(14:12):
of survivors, but we're also both queer and,
and we're creating an inclusive
community for people who are struggling with what it means to
survive in general. And yeah, you and I talk a ton about suicide and grief
and loss because that's where both our experience is. But we're
not just talking about that. We're going to be talking, as time goes on, seasons
(14:34):
go on about all different kinds of surviving
and surviving being queer. It's
one big part of what people have to survive in
this world. So we're lucky that we have places like the Trevor Project, which
is. It's more than a lifeline, it is a support system. And it's
designed that way. It kind of meets young people exactly
(14:56):
where they are. Not only young people, but everybody. Even though our demographic is
age 13 to 24, we never turn anybody away. I mean, I've.
I've talked to people younger than 13 and as old as
70, and it's. It's all about just validation.
It's interesting, something you said about just being able to show up as your
true self made me think of a call that I took recently. And it's one
(15:19):
of those calls that is such a gift to me. This person
was calling and they were
acknowledging for the first time that they're trans and they are
in a hetero presenting relationship and they have
children and they were
sure that they are trans, but not sure what to do about
(15:41):
it. If I come out it, it will potentially
ruin my life and my relationship and family and all, you know, all the things
that everybody's so afraid of. But one of the things that we always
do when we start a conversation with someone, no matter who you are, we
ask, what name can I call you? What name are you comfortable
with? And in some cases someone may, like in the case of this call,
(16:02):
someone may give the name that they would love to be called but have
never ever heard anyone say. And this person
asked me to call them by that name and they had never heard anyone
say it to them before. And they almost cried. They were so
overwhelmed and so touched and so grateful to
be seen for who they really are for the first time and be validated. And
(16:25):
that was like, what an honor for me to, to take a phone
call like that. It was just such a privilege to take a phone call like
that. And so we do stuff like that all the time. And all these lifelines
are, in addition to holding space, it's all about just
validating our own experiences and who we are in the world.
Yeah, I compare that a lot to like the 988 crisis
(16:48):
line. Like I said the day I ended up calling. So much compassion,
giving a voice to what was going on in my head. Like,
I can't think of the words that I'm trying to say, but, like, they didn't
make me feel any worse about myself than I already had when I made that
call. Meaning judgment. Yeah, no judgment. It was a
judgment free zone. And I think that's so important
(17:11):
for kids, especially, like kids young, like 13, 14 years
old, they're being judged every single day by their
parents, their peers, kids they go to school with, teachers, society.
And giving them that ability to, to just be
themselves is huge. Yeah. And that
actually makes me think a lot about just the nature of
(17:33):
allyship in general. So
we're talking about, obviously resources here during
Pride Month to help people navigate
any kind of emotional crisis. And that kind of crisis can be related
to coming out and being queer and feeling different and
feeling alone. But there's so much that
(17:55):
relates back to being an ally. And how do you
help support someone? How can we all help support
the people around us who we care about, who are being
challenged right now by, like you said, the world being on
fire? How do, how do we stop, drop and roll
onto those people who are? You know what I mean? How
(18:17):
do we protect those people? And it's like, you don't need to be a
counselor to help save someone's life. You don't need
to be trained, necessarily. I mean, sure, it's great if you are,
but you don't need to be trained in crisis intervention or
risk assessment to be able to help somebody. A lot of it is just
like, show up, show up with an open mind. And look, if you're an ally,
(18:40):
people call Trevor Project and get involved and go online and search our
website and our databases for way more than just help for other people
sometime. Sometimes people are just looking to be educated. What we have
directories on there. We have what you would probably consider to be a
glossary of terms. There's so many terms
out there relating to the LGBTQ community.
(19:02):
And, I mean, I'm queer, and I don't know half
of what they are. And you can go on and just
learn and understand and
different talking points to be able to share with people that you
want to be able to support. Know how to support your people
better. And that's another reason to go to Trevor. That's another reason
(19:25):
to utilize either our website or our Lifeline
or our texting platform. Just listen
without judgment. Learn what you can about the
person you're trying to help, and then share resources like
Trevor, like 988. And continue
to show up in that role as an ally and continue to.
(19:47):
To become a stronger one as you. Go for,
like, the parents out there that are listening and maybe your kids are coming
out and you don't understand. There's other organizations like
pflag, an amazing organization. All these
organizations work together to help not just the
kids out there, but the adults, the teenagers, the people later in life.
(20:11):
We are valued. We're needed in this world. And I don't want anybody to
ever feel so terrified that they can't talk about what's going on in their head.
And isolating yourself and not being your true self.
There's nothing worse than not being able to show up every day as your true
self and use these resources. Know that
it's okay to feel the way you're feeling. Like we all have messy minds,
(20:33):
you know, My mind is messy every day. Every day.
Your mind is like a. Like a hoarder. No, it's
not. It is. I have the hoarder's mentality in
my head and probably in my office still. But
I've learned through life that if we can lean on the people
that really mean the most to us. They don't
(20:55):
pass judgment. They just listen. That's what these
crisis hotlines can do for you. There's no judgment. You are free
to be you. And as we continue to
fight for our rights and make sure that the next generation
is taken care of, use these numbers. Be okay with who
you are. And every day when you go to bed, like, you wake up, you're
(21:18):
still the same person. But the more you lean
into the resources that are out there and available to you,
the better you're going to feel. That's right. And the more supported you're going to
feel, the lighter you're going to feel and reason. All of these
platforms exist for a reason. And the beauty is they're
24 hours a day. The Trevor Project is 24 hours a day, 365
(21:40):
days a year, just like the 988 Crisis Lifeline. And
no one is going to turn you away. Everything is completely confidential. I
mean, maybe it makes a little bit of sense right now. I know in a
previous episode last month, when we talked about the 988 lifeline in
particular, I kind of ran through. Cause I'm Also a certified
988 crisis counselor, I ran through what to expect. I
(22:01):
think it might be very helpful. Do you think we should talk about
that? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Like, in the context of the Trevor
Project in particular, all of these lifelines are structured very
similarly. So everyone's doing what's called a risk assessment.
Everyone is holding space. There is a resource component.
There's a de escalation process. So all of those things are
(22:24):
pretty much the same. But obviously the difference with the Trevor Project
is, is that we are targeting the LGBTQ
community and when someone calls. And again, I
want to say this before I even talk about how a call goes
when you are in crisis. A place like the
Trevor Project is not just for people who are experiencing
(22:48):
ideation, who don't want to live anymore, who are on the edge.
It's not what any of these lifelines are just exclusively for. That
is a big part of why they exist. That is a big part of
our role and responsibility as counselors is deescalating people like that.
But that's not the only reason why people call lifelines and Trevor Lifeline
is exactly the same. People might be
(23:10):
terrified that if they come out, they're going to lose their family, or you maybe
experienced some kind of abuse, or maybe you're dealing with
homelessness, or maybe you've had a really, really bad breakup or Your dog
died or you're in jeopardy of losing your job. Like
anything that is a crisis to you is relevant
for you to pick up the phone and call us. So that being said, just
(23:31):
know that whatever's. Whatever's on your mind, whatever's
de. You know, causing you stress, that's worthy of a phone call. And when
you call, we are. We're going to try and be as compassionate as
we possibly can. We're going to validate every single thing that you're going through. And
we hear a lot of things on these lifelines that are
extreme. We hear, you know, people have very,
(23:54):
very, in a lot of cases, chaotic situations.
And sometimes something may seem, when it's coming out of your mouth on a lifeline,
like, they're not going to believe me. This sounds outrageous.
They're going to think this is a prank call. We take
every phone call and every situation at face value.
So if you're calling up saying X, Y and Z, well, then it's X, Y
(24:16):
and Z as far as we're concerned. And that's exactly how we're gonna treat you.
And eventually, in the very early stage of the call, we're gonna give somebody
what's called a risk assessment. We're gonna find out if you are
actively suicidal. And be prepared for that. Be prepared for that,
because we're gonna ask you, are you thinking of killing yourself? Are you thinking of
harming yourself? Have you done anything today to try and harm yourself?
(24:40):
So those are big parts of the conversation. And then we're just. We're just
gonna talk like, what made you call today? Who do you go to when you're
feeling dysregulated like this? What are some of the things that help you? Let's
figure out some more things that can help you. Let's do a safety plan. How
are you gonna take care of yourself after this call? So that. That's how a
call kind of spins up and plays out in most cases.
(25:01):
And our goal is to. To just de. Escalate however
you're feeling and get you the help and the resources and support that you need.
So that's. That's what it's like on our end.
And on that note right now, because like I said, I'm going to keep saying
this until it's not true anymore. The world's on fire. Crisis hotlines like
the Trevor project and 988 are in crisis right now. There.
(25:23):
There's a threat of them being defunded. So if you see somebody reaching out and
looking for A donation. We need these folks, we need these phone
lines because when I came out 40 plus years ago, probably
closer to 50 now, I didn't have something like this. And we
need this. We. We need to have these numbers available,
24, 7 for everyone. And
(25:48):
it's just a really crucial time right now. And, you know,
I just want to see the next generation be a little bit more. More
successful and more equipped to handle the future than most
of us adults are now. Yeah, that's a really good point. I'm really, really
glad that you mentioned that particular point about
our lifelines. In particular, our LGBTQ
(26:11):
focused lifelines like the Trevor Project are on the chopping
block for this fall. And it's terrifying. And I'm saying that speaking not only
as I'm queer, I have a daughter who is part of the
queer community, and I'm on the crisis lifelines. So
for me as a human, thinking about the lifelines
going away is absolutely terrifying. It
(26:34):
is. It is terrifying. And we need to
do whatever we can do to preserve that. Because remember one thing too, and it's
worth mentioning that there are a lot of people out there in the
world who do not have healthcare coverage. There are people who are paying out of
pocket for their healthcare. There are people who don't have the capacity to
just like, oh, I'm gonna go into my directory and pick my self a
(26:55):
therapist and pay my $10 $20 co payment. It's prohibitive and
they cannot afford care. And so places
like these lifelines are. I mean, they are exactly that. They
are a lifeline for people who a don't
even have the financial means to support their mental
health because they don't have insurance. And then there's the whole population and we have
(27:18):
a ton of them on the Trevor lifeline who are people who are.
They're using the lifeline every day, maybe calling at the same time every day.
And I know that they have 9 and 88 lifeline people who are doing the
same, people who just don't have community. They don't have partners or
spouses or families or friends. And their only human contact
every day is calling something like a lifeline, whether it be Trevor or
(27:40):
988. And that's their outlet, that's their
10 minutes of talking to an actual live human being. So for
so, so many reasons, we need to be
prioritizing the preservation of these
lifelines for everybody from all walks of life who
are taking advantage of them because they truly, truly. And now I'm actually like
(28:02):
getting super Emotional. Wow. I did not even feel that coming, but I'm like totally
getting emotional because it's a difference between life and death is what I'm getting
at. It really is. It is. And since this is the
last week of pride, I hope everyone out there is
loud and proud. You are wanted, needed and loved.
And let's just keep making the world better. Yeah. Yeah, I like
(28:24):
that. That's a good way to end. I wish I could hug you right now
in person. So thanks for. Thanks for listening. Thanks for just being part of our
community. Go check out the trevor project@trevor
project.org and don't forget about the 988 crisis
lifeline. And we'll be back. We'll be back in just one
more week and we have a lot more to talk about and share in
(28:45):
the weeks and months and hopefully decades ahead. So I love you,
G. Love you, man. Bye. Bye.
Thanks for joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things
feel, you are enough and the world needs you just the way you are.
You're not alone in this journey. There's a community here and every step forward
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen and we hope you'll
(29:09):
take one day at a time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
Thanks for being here. Friends, just remember, help is out there
in so many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
(29:29):
mental health resources, tools and
content@thehelphub.co. just remember that help,
help is always just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week.
In the meantime, keep surviving.
The Survivors is brought to you by our friends at the Help Hub. This
podcast mentions suicide, mental illness, grief and loss and may be
triggering for some listeners. So please take care of your mental well being
by pausing or skipping any sections that feel uncomfortable to you. And if
you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for support.
(00:22):
I love the fact that when you're talking about
recognition months, like we just came out of Mental Health
Awareness Month, now we're in Pride Month, we have a whole month. We
should be talking about all these things all 12 months. But I love the fact
that we have a dedicated month. So this is still Pride Month. We're
nearing the end of it. But you and I were talking a little while
(00:44):
ago about what we can offer people
who are listening in our community, what we can offer the queer
community that relates to suicide, that relates to
wellness during Pride. And it was kind of a no
brainer in my opinion. And you totally agreed, because you do everything I
tell you to do anyway,
(01:07):
that it really makes the most sense for us this week to
be talking about the Trevor Project. Not just because
I am a crisis counselor on the Trevor lifeline, but,
but for so many reasons, because it's Pride number one, because
you and I are both a part of the queer community, number two, and number
three, those things all combine to create
(01:30):
a great conversation focused on Pride Month. So
this is the time to elevate resources like the Trevor Project.
So I think it probably makes the most sense to have the quick
conversation about what is the Trevor Project if
people don't know, because there are a lot of people out there who don't know
what the 988 crisis lifeline is. So we like to
(01:52):
educate people about that. And now we can talk to people about Trevor. So
the Trevor Project is the largest
crisis and suicide lifeline for at risk
LGBTQ youth ages 13 to 24 in
this country. And they've been around for almost 20,
27 year, I think 27 years at this point. And I've been involved
(02:14):
for the last three years. And it functions just like any other lifeline.
You pick up, you call the number. In the case of the Trevor project,
it's 866-488-7386. But we'll have that
in the show notes and you get a counselor who is trained
to listen and hold space and offer resources and
create safety plans and all of those things geared
(02:37):
toward members of the LGBTQ community.
And so Pride Month is. It's a time to obviously to
celebrate LGBTQ and identity and all those things, but it's also this
powerful reminder of ongoing mental health struggles
and this disproportionate suicide risk that our
community faces, especially youth. 100%. And, you
(03:00):
know, the thing that we have going on right now is the world's literally
on fire. Our community is being attacked left, right, and center.
And, you know, there's a lot of times, like, parents and kids don't know where
to turn. Like, they have so many
hard feelings about their self identity, and
the world's just a really crappy place right now. And we. We need to
(03:22):
let people know that, you know, that you're not alone, especially if you're a kid
and you're trying to, like, figure out, you know, kind of what's going on with
your own body, like, who you love, how you want to present,
and with the world just attacking you left and right, it
makes it really difficult. And, you know, I wish that the
Trevor project had been around when I came out because, you know, I came out,
(03:45):
like, I don't know, it feels like 100,000 years ago.
Probably because it was a hundred thousand years ago. No offense. Probably was.
But, I mean, speaking of just the crisis
that we're all facing in this world and then the crisis that is layered on
top of the LGBTQ community. Did you know know me, I'm not like a super
number oriented person, but certain things stick with me.
(04:07):
And the statistic that LGBTQ
young people are more than four times as
likely as another youth who is not queer
to attempt suicide. And it's
heartbreaking, it's crushing. And that's why things like
visibility and affirmation and access to support, support platforms
(04:30):
like Trevor are literally saving people's
lives. Did you know there's one other statistic I have to toss out because it's
the perfect time to toss it out. Did you know that in the case
of the LGBTQ community and in the case of Lifelines, did
you know that if one single person is
there to listen to someone in crisis, do you know, it reduces
(04:51):
the likelihood of that? Let's say use cause. That's what we're talking about.
Reduces the risk of that youth trying to take their life by 40%.
Wow. I did not know that. But that gives me hope.
But I just. I feel so bad for these kids today.
A lot of them don't have a supportive family environment.
(05:14):
They are getting bullied at school. They're watching social
media, which has its own pros and cons, more cons
than pros. And then we have all
this other outside noise coming in and they don't know
how to process it. They're not adults. They don't know what those
resources are. And so if we can get these resources out
(05:37):
and let them know that there's actually somebody they can talk to and make them
feel better or at least get them someplace that they can, you
know, talk to somebody, get a group, whatever that you're.
They're not alone. They're not alone in this. Oftentimes they feel very
isolated and what they're going through, I mean, you
think. About normal people who are not, let's say,
(06:00):
dealing with being members of a marginalized community. Any
normal person right now is feeling stress, whether it
be political or whether it be
mental health related, just because of all the stress in the world.
Everyone's feeling it. And then you take any marginalized community
and you layer all the shit that they have to deal with on top of
(06:22):
all the normal day to day shit, and it becomes incredibly overwhelming.
So you're right. We need to be offering
these lifelines. And especially during a month like Pride where everybody's amplifying
everything, which is amazing. I'm glad that we can have
this conversation. I'm glad that we can do our part because hopefully there's a parent
out there and maybe there's a kid out there who comes across our podcast
(06:44):
who is struggling. Maybe it's with identity, maybe it's with
sexuality, maybe it's with just their peer
group or coming out, or they're just dealing with
depression for other reasons not related to sexuality. And they
don't know where to go and they don't know where to turn. And regular lifelines
don't seem appropriate because you want someone who gets you
(07:05):
right. And right not just get you, but understand that you're
a kid and that you're trying to deal with all these big
emotions that maybe life hasn't prepared you for. And
you know, another resource I wanted to, wanted to talk about with all
the pride parades and everything going on this month,
there's a group called Free Mom Hugs. And if you were
(07:28):
at a parade and you see somebody with a Free Mom Hug
shirt on them and you want to hug, go see, go see
these people. Is the most comforting,
compassionate hug you will ever get. We see you.
We, we all see you. I see you. Fortunately, like, when
I came out, I didn't have a problem. I kind of knew
(07:50):
that I was gay or I was a lesbian. But like, a lot of
people don't understand. Wait, you're gay? Yeah, Imagine that.
Yeah. A big old lesbo gay. I love you. I just love you.
Ain't turning back. I'm 61 years old. Don't think I'm going back to the
closet. But, like, you know, with me, I had
really supportive parents. I had a supportive community. I had
(08:14):
family. But for a lot of these kids, they don't have anyone. And having
the Trevor Hotline is huge for them. Huge.
Just being able to pick up the phone and call someone and walk through those
feelings. Or maybe you need a different resource. Maybe,
you know, you might think you're trans, but you. You don't
have the resources and you don't want to go to the library and look that
(08:36):
up or look it up on your family computer. Call the. Call the
Trevor Hotline. And Lisa, my question for you is, because,
I don't know, is have a text line also, or is it only
phone? I'm so glad you asked. And they do have a texting
platform as well. And anyone who
maybe just needs a little bit more of a buffer, like, sometimes people just don't
(08:58):
feel comfortable talking directly to another human. They need a little
bit of something in between. Just for peace of mind, they can text
678-678-START, and they'll
go directly to a Trevor Lifeline counselor
in a texting format so they can communicate that way.
I love that. And then, like, I had another question, because I don't know, can
(09:21):
parents call the Trevor Hotline if they have concerns about their
kids? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I'm so glad. God, you're so good at
asking appropriate questions. Yes. That's actually
a really important point to bring up for a number of reasons.
For parents as a lifeline. Yes. We have something in our
database that's accessible to anybody who visits us. At
(09:42):
trevorproject.org, it's called the Coming Out Handbook. It's for
parents, it's for kids, it's for allies. It's for anyone who
wants to have language that can help them
have those hard conversations, navigate what to say and in those moments.
And it's. It's such a valuable
platform. There's also something called Trevor Space, which is like
(10:05):
an online support group. I don't even know if you'd call
it a support group, but it's a platform within the Trevor Project where people can
go, it's safe, it's protected, it's moderated, and it's confidential.
And people can go on and just talk to people who are dealing with what
they're dealing with. Maybe it's other teens who are dealing with coming out, maybe they're
dealing with a whole host of mental health related challenges and you've got now
(10:27):
a whole community of people, thousands of people are on Trevor
space. And all you do is just create an anonymous profile for yourself if you
want it to be anonymous and you just go on and have conversations. But back
to your point about parents, yes, we have a lot of
parents calling on behalf of their kids and that's what we
call a third party call. And I think you and I have talked about that
(10:49):
in the context of the 988 Crisis Lifeline and it works the same
way at Trevor Project. So if you are calling
for, let's say a sibling or your partner
or a friend or a coworker, someone else, because for whatever reason,
maybe they don't have the capacity to call and you're kind of the
intermediary, that's called a third party call where you're calling on
(11:11):
behalf of someone else. And we take those calls all the time. And then
sometimes the person who they're calling for gets up the
either the courage or has the bandwidth to have the conversation
so they jump in. And it happens that way often.
But yes, absolutely, parents can utilize, take advantage of
Trevor Project. And we have great conversations with parents all the time.
(11:35):
That really warms my heart because, you know, I can think of, when
I came out, we didn't, like I said, we didn't have these types of crisis
hotlines. We didn't have anything like, go figure it out.
But you know, in today's age, kids are getting so much different information.
Same with parents. And just giving them the resources
that they need to maybe just some, some days just make it to the next
(11:58):
minute because they're getting bullied, they're getting crap from
home. You know, society's treating them like dirt. You're
not dirt. The world needs you. And it
just, it makes me really sad. It makes me sad that we have to have
these conversations. Struggling with your
mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed or just alone?
(12:21):
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(12:43):
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(13:05):
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Yeah, I know. You know what, though? On the other side, because there's
(13:27):
always a flip side, you know that we are so lucky that
we have resources like 988 and we have resources like the crisis text line and,
and Mom Hugs. I'm actually part of the Mom Hugs organization here in
Massachusetts, so I go to pride parades and I give a million
hugs. And I love that so, so much. So, yes, it
sucks that people have to be dealing with so many of these issues.
(13:50):
But on the other side, there is a community. If you're out here and you're
listening to us and this community and, and you're feeling
hopeless or you're feeling scared or whatever it is that you're
feeling either for yourself or someone that you care about, just know
you are not alone out here. Like, we're. We're
here and I are here. Obviously you and I are here creating a community
(14:12):
of survivors, but we're also both queer and,
and we're creating an inclusive
community for people who are struggling with what it means to
survive in general. And yeah, you and I talk a ton about suicide and grief
and loss because that's where both our experience is. But we're
not just talking about that. We're going to be talking, as time goes on, seasons
(14:34):
go on about all different kinds of surviving
and surviving being queer. It's
one big part of what people have to survive in
this world. So we're lucky that we have places like the Trevor Project, which
is. It's more than a lifeline, it is a support system. And it's
designed that way. It kind of meets young people exactly
(14:56):
where they are. Not only young people, but everybody. Even though our demographic is
age 13 to 24, we never turn anybody away. I mean, I've.
I've talked to people younger than 13 and as old as
70, and it's. It's all about just validation.
It's interesting, something you said about just being able to show up as your
true self made me think of a call that I took recently. And it's one
(15:19):
of those calls that is such a gift to me. This person
was calling and they were
acknowledging for the first time that they're trans and they are
in a hetero presenting relationship and they have
children and they were
sure that they are trans, but not sure what to do about
(15:41):
it. If I come out it, it will potentially
ruin my life and my relationship and family and all, you know, all the things
that everybody's so afraid of. But one of the things that we always
do when we start a conversation with someone, no matter who you are, we
ask, what name can I call you? What name are you comfortable
with? And in some cases someone may, like in the case of this call,
(16:02):
someone may give the name that they would love to be called but have
never ever heard anyone say. And this person
asked me to call them by that name and they had never heard anyone
say it to them before. And they almost cried. They were so
overwhelmed and so touched and so grateful to
be seen for who they really are for the first time and be validated. And
(16:25):
that was like, what an honor for me to, to take a phone
call like that. It was just such a privilege to take a phone call like
that. And so we do stuff like that all the time. And all these lifelines
are, in addition to holding space, it's all about just
validating our own experiences and who we are in the world.
Yeah, I compare that a lot to like the 988 crisis
(16:48):
line. Like I said the day I ended up calling. So much compassion,
giving a voice to what was going on in my head. Like,
I can't think of the words that I'm trying to say, but, like, they didn't
make me feel any worse about myself than I already had when I made that
call. Meaning judgment. Yeah, no judgment. It was a
judgment free zone. And I think that's so important
(17:11):
for kids, especially, like kids young, like 13, 14 years
old, they're being judged every single day by their
parents, their peers, kids they go to school with, teachers, society.
And giving them that ability to, to just be
themselves is huge. Yeah. And that
actually makes me think a lot about just the nature of
(17:33):
allyship in general. So
we're talking about, obviously resources here during
Pride Month to help people navigate
any kind of emotional crisis. And that kind of crisis can be related
to coming out and being queer and feeling different and
feeling alone. But there's so much that
(17:55):
relates back to being an ally. And how do you
help support someone? How can we all help support
the people around us who we care about, who are being
challenged right now by, like you said, the world being on
fire? How do, how do we stop, drop and roll
onto those people who are? You know what I mean? How
(18:17):
do we protect those people? And it's like, you don't need to be a
counselor to help save someone's life. You don't need
to be trained, necessarily. I mean, sure, it's great if you are,
but you don't need to be trained in crisis intervention or
risk assessment to be able to help somebody. A lot of it is just
like, show up, show up with an open mind. And look, if you're an ally,
(18:40):
people call Trevor Project and get involved and go online and search our
website and our databases for way more than just help for other people
sometime. Sometimes people are just looking to be educated. What we have
directories on there. We have what you would probably consider to be a
glossary of terms. There's so many terms
out there relating to the LGBTQ community.
(19:02):
And, I mean, I'm queer, and I don't know half
of what they are. And you can go on and just
learn and understand and
different talking points to be able to share with people that you
want to be able to support. Know how to support your people
better. And that's another reason to go to Trevor. That's another reason
(19:25):
to utilize either our website or our Lifeline
or our texting platform. Just listen
without judgment. Learn what you can about the
person you're trying to help, and then share resources like
Trevor, like 988. And continue
to show up in that role as an ally and continue to.
(19:47):
To become a stronger one as you. Go for,
like, the parents out there that are listening and maybe your kids are coming
out and you don't understand. There's other organizations like
pflag, an amazing organization. All these
organizations work together to help not just the
kids out there, but the adults, the teenagers, the people later in life.
(20:11):
We are valued. We're needed in this world. And I don't want anybody to
ever feel so terrified that they can't talk about what's going on in their head.
And isolating yourself and not being your true self.
There's nothing worse than not being able to show up every day as your true
self and use these resources. Know that
it's okay to feel the way you're feeling. Like we all have messy minds,
(20:33):
you know, My mind is messy every day. Every day.
Your mind is like a. Like a hoarder. No, it's
not. It is. I have the hoarder's mentality in
my head and probably in my office still. But
I've learned through life that if we can lean on the people
that really mean the most to us. They don't
(20:55):
pass judgment. They just listen. That's what these
crisis hotlines can do for you. There's no judgment. You are free
to be you. And as we continue to
fight for our rights and make sure that the next generation
is taken care of, use these numbers. Be okay with who
you are. And every day when you go to bed, like, you wake up, you're
(21:18):
still the same person. But the more you lean
into the resources that are out there and available to you,
the better you're going to feel. That's right. And the more supported you're going to
feel, the lighter you're going to feel and reason. All of these
platforms exist for a reason. And the beauty is they're
24 hours a day. The Trevor Project is 24 hours a day, 365
(21:40):
days a year, just like the 988 Crisis Lifeline. And
no one is going to turn you away. Everything is completely confidential. I
mean, maybe it makes a little bit of sense right now. I know in a
previous episode last month, when we talked about the 988 lifeline in
particular, I kind of ran through. Cause I'm Also a certified
988 crisis counselor, I ran through what to expect. I
(22:01):
think it might be very helpful. Do you think we should talk about
that? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Like, in the context of the Trevor
Project in particular, all of these lifelines are structured very
similarly. So everyone's doing what's called a risk assessment.
Everyone is holding space. There is a resource component.
There's a de escalation process. So all of those things are
(22:24):
pretty much the same. But obviously the difference with the Trevor Project
is, is that we are targeting the LGBTQ
community and when someone calls. And again, I
want to say this before I even talk about how a call goes
when you are in crisis. A place like the
Trevor Project is not just for people who are experiencing
(22:48):
ideation, who don't want to live anymore, who are on the edge.
It's not what any of these lifelines are just exclusively for. That
is a big part of why they exist. That is a big part of
our role and responsibility as counselors is deescalating people like that.
But that's not the only reason why people call lifelines and Trevor Lifeline
is exactly the same. People might be
(23:10):
terrified that if they come out, they're going to lose their family, or you maybe
experienced some kind of abuse, or maybe you're dealing with
homelessness, or maybe you've had a really, really bad breakup or Your dog
died or you're in jeopardy of losing your job. Like
anything that is a crisis to you is relevant
for you to pick up the phone and call us. So that being said, just
(23:31):
know that whatever's. Whatever's on your mind, whatever's
de. You know, causing you stress, that's worthy of a phone call. And when
you call, we are. We're going to try and be as compassionate as
we possibly can. We're going to validate every single thing that you're going through. And
we hear a lot of things on these lifelines that are
extreme. We hear, you know, people have very,
(23:54):
very, in a lot of cases, chaotic situations.
And sometimes something may seem, when it's coming out of your mouth on a lifeline,
like, they're not going to believe me. This sounds outrageous.
They're going to think this is a prank call. We take
every phone call and every situation at face value.
So if you're calling up saying X, Y and Z, well, then it's X, Y
(24:16):
and Z as far as we're concerned. And that's exactly how we're gonna treat you.
And eventually, in the very early stage of the call, we're gonna give somebody
what's called a risk assessment. We're gonna find out if you are
actively suicidal. And be prepared for that. Be prepared for that,
because we're gonna ask you, are you thinking of killing yourself? Are you thinking of
harming yourself? Have you done anything today to try and harm yourself?
(24:40):
So those are big parts of the conversation. And then we're just. We're just
gonna talk like, what made you call today? Who do you go to when you're
feeling dysregulated like this? What are some of the things that help you? Let's
figure out some more things that can help you. Let's do a safety plan. How
are you gonna take care of yourself after this call? So that. That's how a
call kind of spins up and plays out in most cases.
(25:01):
And our goal is to. To just de. Escalate however
you're feeling and get you the help and the resources and support that you need.
So that's. That's what it's like on our end.
And on that note right now, because like I said, I'm going to keep saying
this until it's not true anymore. The world's on fire. Crisis hotlines like
the Trevor project and 988 are in crisis right now. There.
(25:23):
There's a threat of them being defunded. So if you see somebody reaching out and
looking for A donation. We need these folks, we need these phone
lines because when I came out 40 plus years ago, probably
closer to 50 now, I didn't have something like this. And we
need this. We. We need to have these numbers available,
24, 7 for everyone. And
(25:48):
it's just a really crucial time right now. And, you know,
I just want to see the next generation be a little bit more. More
successful and more equipped to handle the future than most
of us adults are now. Yeah, that's a really good point. I'm really, really
glad that you mentioned that particular point about
our lifelines. In particular, our LGBTQ
(26:11):
focused lifelines like the Trevor Project are on the chopping
block for this fall. And it's terrifying. And I'm saying that speaking not only
as I'm queer, I have a daughter who is part of the
queer community, and I'm on the crisis lifelines. So
for me as a human, thinking about the lifelines
going away is absolutely terrifying. It
(26:34):
is. It is terrifying. And we need to
do whatever we can do to preserve that. Because remember one thing too, and it's
worth mentioning that there are a lot of people out there in the
world who do not have healthcare coverage. There are people who are paying out of
pocket for their healthcare. There are people who don't have the capacity to
just like, oh, I'm gonna go into my directory and pick my self a
(26:55):
therapist and pay my $10 $20 co payment. It's prohibitive and
they cannot afford care. And so places
like these lifelines are. I mean, they are exactly that. They
are a lifeline for people who a don't
even have the financial means to support their mental
health because they don't have insurance. And then there's the whole population and we have
(27:18):
a ton of them on the Trevor lifeline who are people who are.
They're using the lifeline every day, maybe calling at the same time every day.
And I know that they have 9 and 88 lifeline people who are doing the
same, people who just don't have community. They don't have partners or
spouses or families or friends. And their only human contact
every day is calling something like a lifeline, whether it be Trevor or
(27:40):
988. And that's their outlet, that's their
10 minutes of talking to an actual live human being. So for
so, so many reasons, we need to be
prioritizing the preservation of these
lifelines for everybody from all walks of life who
are taking advantage of them because they truly, truly. And now I'm actually like
(28:02):
getting super Emotional. Wow. I did not even feel that coming, but I'm like totally
getting emotional because it's a difference between life and death is what I'm getting
at. It really is. It is. And since this is the
last week of pride, I hope everyone out there is
loud and proud. You are wanted, needed and loved.
And let's just keep making the world better. Yeah. Yeah, I like
(28:24):
that. That's a good way to end. I wish I could hug you right now
in person. So thanks for. Thanks for listening. Thanks for just being part of our
community. Go check out the trevor project@trevor
project.org and don't forget about the 988 crisis
lifeline. And we'll be back. We'll be back in just one
more week and we have a lot more to talk about and share in
(28:45):
the weeks and months and hopefully decades ahead. So I love you,
G. Love you, man. Bye. Bye.
Thanks for joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things
feel, you are enough and the world needs you just the way you are.
You're not alone in this journey. There's a community here and every step forward
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen and we hope you'll
(29:09):
take one day at a time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
Thanks for being here. Friends, just remember, help is out there
in so many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
(29:29):
mental health resources, tools and
content@thehelphub.co. just remember that help,
help is always just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week.
In the meantime, keep surviving.
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