Author Amanda Foster speaks to the benefits of grieving alcohol free - Episode 11

 In this episode, we talk to Amanda Foster from Zero Fierce, a digital marketing expert who's also a fellow This Naked Mind alcohol freedom coach, like Justine and myself. 
As you'll hear, Amanda is also an expert in grief and has written a fantastic book called Spirits and Sorrow that brilliantly and autobiographically takes our culture's understandable instinct to numb grief with alcohol and compares it to the alternative of facing grief alcohol free and processing the pain and sorrow instead of trying to forget that it's there. Amanda has tried both approaches and is very clear on which one works best.
She's so sweet and bubbly, you'd think she'd led a charmed life, untouched by any kind of hardship. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I can't wait for you all to meet this gentle warrior.

Amanda Foster
https://www.zerofierce.com/
https://www.instagram.com/zerofierce
https://www.facebook.com/zerofierce

Our 30-day group programme:
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/aff-group

The podcast home page
https://podcast.alcoholfreedomfinders.com/

Justine Clark
https://justineclarktherapy.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/wellwithjustine/

Barry Condon
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/
https://www.instagram.com/clean.life.coaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/barry-condon-577b85294/

Episode Transcript

WIN_20250112_14_40_11_Pro (00:01):
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, we talk toAmanda Foster from Zero Fierce,
a digital marketing expert who'salso a fellow This Naked Mind
alcohol freedom coach, likeJustine and myself.
As you'll hear, Amanda is alsoan expert in grief and has
written a fantastic book calledSpirits and Sorrow that
brilliantly andautobiographically takes our

(00:23):
culture's understandableinstinct to numb grief with
alcohol and compares it to thealternative of facing grief
alcohol free and processing thepain and sorrow instead of
trying to forget that it'sthere.
Amanda has tried both approachesand is very clear on which one
works best.
She's so sweet and bubbly, you'dthink she'd led a charmed life,

(00:44):
untouched by any kind ofhardship.
But that couldn't be furtherfrom the truth.
I can't wait for you all to meetthis gentle warrior.

Justine Clark (00:52):
Hello everybody.
I have the greatest pleasuretoday introducing Amanda Foster,
who is a certified This NakedMind coach, a friend of mine in
Barry's.
And also she is an author, whichis super exciting.
We're going to talk about thattoo.
Hi Amanda.
How are you?
I'm great.
Hmm.

Barry Condon (01:13):
Oh, it's great to see you, Amanda.
Yeah.
I mean, we saw each other in thesummer and since then your books
come out, which is, which isamazing.
I knew a bit about the story.
it's, it's an incredible book.
so I'm dying for you to take usback there, it's a book, if I
can sort of say in, in my wordsthat it's an autobiography, but

(01:34):
it's also a book that will helppeople who, who've been through
similar journeys, of grief andloss and sorrow.
and we'll hopefully sort of showthem how you dealt with it to
begin with and how you'velearned, a new way of dealing
with things.
so yeah, tell me, tell us inyour own words, you know, what
brought you to, write the bookand how would you sum it up?

Justine Clark (03:02):
I mean, that's such a huge story in itself,

(03:50):
Amanda.
I think so many people are goingto resonate with that.
But the loss and the sufferingthat you've gone through, tell
us about how you managed tobring yourself out of, or maybe
a little bit about how it gotstarted.
How did you know it started toget really bad?
When did you know this has tochange?

Barry Condon (06:04):
Were you or when did you become aware that it was
the grief was related to thedrinking or the drinking was
related to the grief.
Was it something you wereimmediately aware or this is I'm
drinking now to, to, to dealwith it?
with the signs of, of, of, ofhow it was or wasn't helping.

Justine Clark (07:31):
Yeah, I totally understand that and I think that
many people who are usingalcohol to help deal with tricky
situations will be enjoying thenumbing sensation.
What I have found the mostsurprising is that we, we don't
like to acknowledge that alcoholthen takes over the rest of our

(07:54):
lives and there's like a Jekylland Hyde kind of scenario where
it's not just the numbing thing,it's the whole of our life is
either trying to deal with.
The aftereffects, the anxiety,the hangover and the grief,
which is exacerbated by,withdrawal.
and that actually, how did youfind a way to go, hang on a
minute, this is alcohol.

(08:16):
This alcohol is not helping me.
It's taking over.

Barry Condon (09:51):
Yeah, that's so true.
That's so true.
And I think, yeah, that, that'sthe, the, one of the things that
I never appreciated.
and, and you don't until, untilyou, go through the process of,
of stopping, or at least going,going, a period without
drinking.
And think it also takes a littlebit of work to, to, to delve

(10:14):
into why you're doing it andrealize that it's not serving
you that you can, Sort of relaxyour grip, around it and, see it
with less importance and thenyou can sort of start to
appreciate other things, youknow, because you are looking
better, you are feeling better.
but if you keep sort of, piningback for it, then you don't
appreciate the sort of physical,improvements.

(10:36):
but yeah, when you look back andyou see, Oh my gosh.
You know, it's like throwing agrenade into, into your, your
brain chemistry
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the

(10:58):
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd

(11:19):
had more to drink last night,did they?
Back to the episode.
so what would you, now, like to say to people who,
find themselves in a situationwhere they're, drinking, away
their sorrows, and dealing withpain and grief by using alcohol,
because that seems to be onlytool available.

(11:40):
what have you learned throughyour, your experience, as an
alternative way to, to approachthings?

Justine Clark (14:29):
So what I'm hearing you saying there,
Amanda, is that you've gonethrough some terribly painful
times.
Losing your father, young,losing your 12 year old son, I
mean, and then to lose your bestfriend and brother, and to
experience those things It'stough enough in itself, but what

(14:52):
would you say the keydifference, between grief with
alcohol and grief withoutalcohol is?

(17:15):
Yeah,

Barry Condon (17:16):
That's amazing.
And I think that idea of thepeaks and troughs and feeling,
you know, the ups and downsreally important.
But it's, but it's really scary.
And we, you know, that the paingoing towards the pain is the
opposite of, of, you know, whatfeels natural.
and I remember from your bookwhere you said, you know, you
didn't even allow yourself tocry or not consciously.

(17:37):
Didn't stop yourself fromcrying, but, but you just
thought I've got to be strong.
And that's kind of that, youknow, you even, you know, you
numbed the parts of the day whenyou weren't drinking, it was
just, know, to keep it all onone level thing where you sort
of felt as if you were incontrol, but actually, you know,
you weren't dealing with any ofit.

Justine Clark (18:17):
for sure.
I, I lost, my mum this year aswell, Amanda, as you know, and I
think you've been so helpful inthat process for me, just
allowing myself to, Go sort oflean in.
One of the tactics we use in thecourse itself is, lean into the
feeling.
So actually, whether it's angeror sadness or resentment or

(18:38):
whatever the feelings you'refeeling, none of those feelings
are wrong.
And as you say, we're so muchmore present in our feelings
when we are not using alcohol.
So being able to almost likeride that wave of whatever
feeling comes.
And, I mean, you speak to thatin your book, and I'm sure,
you're living that in your lifenow.

(18:59):
I know that you've had lots ofother adventures, since becoming
alcohol free.
Why don't you talk to us aboutwhat you've been doing since
you, first came across thisnaked mind?

Barry Condon (21:01):
That's brilliant.
Yeah.
I, I love your, your socialmedia.
you're really good at poking funat the, at the marketing.
big alcohol, is always a, alwaysa big target of yoUrs., Amanda,
the thing that we like to askeverybody at the end of, our
sessions is to, for them to tellus what the three words are that
sum up, uh, journey to andfinding alcohol freedom.

Justine Clark (22:01):
that's perfect.
And I think that's the realsignature phrase from this naked
mind and where it kind of leapsaway from other methodologies to
to understand the science behindwhy alcohol creates a Venus fly
trap for us all and actually Youknow, it isn't our fault.
We, we all like to taste thehoney.

(22:22):
but once we realized that thehoney is actually a poison, it
becomes slowly less appealingover time.
And I'm just so grateful thatyou, you, you're around Amanda.
You're a bubble of joy.
You're a pleasure to be withfrom the very beginning of
meeting you in the course, youhave been a light and a treasure
full of laughter, and full of somuch love, even though you were

(22:44):
going through that time at aterrible time in your life.
So I've got so much love andgratitude for what you're doing
and your book is going to helpso many people and we're really
grateful to have you with ustoday and sharing your story.
We've only scratched thesurface, Amanda.

Barry Condon (23:02):
Yeah, I know.
It's amazing.
Thanks so much, Amanda.
Now tell everybody where theycan find you, and, and what sort
of, services you're offering.

Justine Clark (23:46):
Hold it up, Amanda.
Show us, show us.

Barry Condon (23:54):
Brilliant.
Thanks so much.