October 26, 2024 • 34 mins
In this episode, we meet with Maria, whose husband's sudden death left her fending for herself and her young children. Like so many others in her situation, she tried to deal with her pain and sorrow by drinking. But she was able to hold things together for the sake of her kids.
Although 15 years later, she's still haunted by one particular heart breaking occasion when her drinking meant that she let one of her daughters down.
When the kids went away to college, Maria's drinking ramped up. And so she sought help through Alcoholics Anonymous. But after years of going to AA meetings, it just wasn't working for her. Although she still loves the community and even the spirituality, the 12 steps were not for her.
She needed a more empowering approach. We'll hear how it was one to one coaching from a colleague of ours that set her on the road to alcohol freedom. This is a really inspiring story
Maria Parkhill
https://mariaparkhill.org/
https://www.instagram.com/mariaparkhillcoaching/
Our 30-day group programme:
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/aff-group
The podcast home page
https://podcast.alcoholfreedomfinders.com/
Justine Clark
https://justineclarktherapy.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/wellwithjustine/
Barry Condon
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/
https://www.instagram.com/clean.life.coaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/barry-condon-577b85294/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, we meet withMaria, whose husband's sudden
death left her fending forherself and her young children.
Like so many others in hersituation, she tried to deal
with her pain and sorrow bydrinking.
But she was able to hold thingstogether for the sake of her
kids.
Although 15 years later, she'sstill haunted by one particular
(00:23):
heart breaking occasion when herdrinking meant that she let one
of her daughters down.
When the kids went away tocollege, Maria's drinking ramped
up.
And so she sought help throughAlcoholics Anonymous.
But after years of going to AAmeetings, it just wasn't working
for her.
Although she still loves thecommunity and even the
spirituality, the 12 steps werenot for her.
(00:44):
She needed a more empoweringapproach.
We'll hear how it was one to onecoaching from a colleague of
ours that set her on the road toalcohol freedom.
This is a really inspiringstory.
Let's get started.
Welcome everybody to alcoholfreedom finders with myself,
Justin Clark and Barry Condon.
(01:05):
Today, we are super excited towelcome Maria Parkhill.
She's one of our fellow coachesand is a in a unique and
fantastic position to speak toboth an experience inside
Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, andalso This Naked Mind.
And Maria kind of specializes inthose who have Prior traditional
(01:30):
methods of stopping drinking orreducing and are looking for an
alternative.
Hi So happy to be here.
I'm so excited to to be with youboth and my journey definitely
Started a long time ago.
I I'm a single mom.
(01:52):
My husband died when my kidswere very little and so alcohol
played a big part in thatbecause it's You It was very
stressful and he died suddenly,so I was like, what do I do now?
And I was mostly sad about his,about my kids having to grow up
without their dad and they're,dealing with your children's
(02:15):
intense pain is very painful.
And alcohol came in a lot duringthat time, but when they were
little, I, I drank every day,definitely, but I couldn't.
Drink to excess, because I hadto get them on the bus in the
morning and get to schooloutings and do all those things.
(02:35):
And.
It was only in the last fewyears that I really focused on
that.
I had thought that it gotserious.
My, my drinking and but I wasrecently on a bike ride and last
weekend, actually.
And I went by this this hotel,beautiful hotel on the beach.
I live down the shore in NewJersey, and I was hit with this
(02:59):
flashback of 15 years ago whenmy now daughter, who's 26,
lives, she lives in New York.
She's doing really well and hasa great boyfriend, but when she
was 11, she had a birthday partyto go to, and I was at a repass,
which is, I don't know if youguys in the UK call it that, but
after a funeral, that's what wego to.
(03:22):
And there's always lots ofalcohol after funerals, go
figure.
And I drank too much and I hadto get to my daughter, pick, get
her from school and get her tothis party.
And she was a little bit shy andI didn't make it to the, get my
daughter to the party.
And it was just a huge mess andit brought back so much pain
(03:44):
when I remembered it.
And I talked to her about itmultiple times and, you know,
she's like, yeah, I had to go tothis birthday party in a cab.
At 11, so clearly my alcohol wasabused started long before what
I had thought was it just in thelast few years once they went to
college.
And so I started going to AA afew years ago and it just wasn't
(04:06):
doing it for me.
I just couldn't get it.
I didn't want to call myself analcoholic.
I did not want to have to talkto these strangers about my
really personal stuff, and Icould not understand how that
works.
I would say it all the time,like, how is this possibly going
(04:27):
to help me stop drinking bytalking to all these strangers
about my drinking?
And then many times I'd leave anAA meeting and go drinking.
It's so stressful to me.
And and plus all that talk aboutalcohol, made me want to drink
more.
So I would get like 30 days hereand 30 days there, but I was
still white knuckling itterribly.
And so I, I found this nakedmind through another book,
(04:51):
another alcohol free book.
And I joined the path and at thetime in November of 22, it was
only 90 days.
So I actually went to detox for6 days and then came out of
detox and then did the path for90 days.
It just wasn't enough for me.
So I had a coach, one of thecoaches from this naked mind
(05:15):
worked with me.
We did, we did work together fora couple of months.
We did the alcohol experimentand voila, I haven't had a drink
in 15 months.
So that's amazing.
That's amazing.
Can I.
I mean, I firstly, hi Maria, wedid talk beforehand before we
started the record.
So yeah, no, but thanks so muchfor coming on and, and your
(05:37):
story is, is, is.
Is amazing.
I and, and I think, I mean, bythis, by the sounds I don't want
to put words in your mouth, but,something as traumatic as
losing, losing your, yourhusband it's such a huge thing.
And, and, and trauma seems to bekey to a lot of people's journey
(05:59):
with alcohol.
And, you know, society makes usthink and see.
Everywhere that, you know, ifyou're in trouble, if you're, if
you are struggling, then alcoholis, is the place to escape to.
I don't know if you were able totalk to, speak to that at all.
Well, it's funny because traumais talked about so much now, but
(06:20):
it never occurred to me.
No.
I you know, I just come from akind of a crazy childhood too.
My, funny enough, my father diedwhen I was five.
And there was lots of alcoholismin my house.
Funny how these things repeatthemselves.
So so yeah, I don't know any, alot about trauma.
I'm sure I've suffered from it,but never really knew that's
(06:45):
what it was, I guess.
Yeah.
And I think that's also verycommon.
We don't, we don't even, we, wego through the things and, and
just think, you know, this iswhat life's throwing at me.
And, and I deal with it, how Ideal with it.
Amazing.
And, and I could so resonatewith the story of your your
daughter.
and you know, I, I, I had withmy kids, you know, that was,
(07:08):
that was what was probably mymain motivation for, for
stopping.
Was the example and, and thesituations I was getting myself
into, that, that, that that Iwas showing, you know the
example that I didn't wanna beshowing to my, to my children.
And having those moments where,you know, you know, you're
letting them down that's that'sdifficult.
I meant, but you, but you wentthrough a lot of years before
(07:28):
you found this naked mind.
Yeah.
How, so how many years did you,did you go go to AA?
Not for it was July of, of 22.
I, I went to my first AA meetingand then it was, had just been
the summer of I had beendrinking a lot, a lot, a lot
that, like I said, I lived downthe shore.
So at the beach all the time and4th of July weekend was huge.
(07:52):
But I didn't stop.
That was my thing.
It was like, everybody went backto their work and jobs and I was
like, Well, I don't really wantto stop now and it just went on
for 10 days.
But I got to AA and I told you,I, I just did not work for me.
I was white knuckling it andevery, and I mean, I could
picture my knuckles white fromtrying to not to drink.
(08:14):
And the cravings were just, andI think that's where this naked
mind really was huge in dealingwith cravings and rewiring the
subconscious.
That's not talked about.
And you know, I love thespirituality of AA.
I love the fellowship of AA.
I don't know any sober people,honestly, except for the people
I know from AA.
So, and alcohol is just soprevalent in every aspect of our
(08:39):
lives to not I don't knowanybody that actually shares
your sober life and your love ofa sober life.
It's difficult.
So there's a lot of things Idon't agree with in AA, like
having to call yourself analcoholic.
I don't believe in labeling.
I don't believe in limitingyourself to that.
But as I said, I love how theyreally, the 12 steps to me, I've
(09:02):
never done them, but to me, theyare all about just living a good
life and.
Being in touch with your withyour true authentic self.
So I, I would, I recommend both.
I think they work well together.
Compliment each other as well.
Each other.
Well, If you're looking to takeback control of your drinking,
(09:25):
why don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
(09:46):
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
Back to the episode.
before we go into a little bitmore about what you like about
(10:08):
each of AA and this naked mind,I just wanted to.
It really resonated with youtalking about people going back
to work after 4th of Julyweekend and you carrying on and
the cravings being the biggestthing for you.
I really resonate with thatbecause I remember just sort of
being here in my room going, whyis it that I'm wanting to have a
(10:28):
drink and it's 3 o'clock or 4o'clock and it's not, I don't
want to, why am I compelled to?
I don't want to use the wordneed, but there's something in
me that's needing it.
And instantly the, it's not,it's not shame, it's just sort
of like such disgust for, forthe fact that my urge is this I
(10:52):
don't know what, how, what yourexperience was like in that
place where everybody else wasdone for 4th of July weekend and
you weren't.
Yeah, it's what's wrong with me.
Those are the words.
It's like, what, why, how doeseverybody else go back to work?
And.
You know, I'm a little hungover,and some alcohol would feel so
(11:15):
good right now, and there wassome cold white claws in the
fridge, and it just, it was sogood.
And the cycle would keep going.
The alcohol would keep going.
But then, my kids would be like,Mom, by this point my kids are
in their 20s, Mom.
Like, what are you doing?
That's the shampoo effect.
Who the heck ever heard of theshampoo effect?
(11:35):
Which apparently is like, whenyou already have the alcohol in
your system, and then you drink,you're just so much more drunk
already.
And that definitely Happened tome, so but yeah, the cravings
were just, I remember Februaryof 23 was 6 months after my, I'd
been going to AA, been to detox,done it all, I'm going to New
York City to see my daughter forher birthday, and I had just
(11:57):
done 30 days and the desire todrink, I remember it so clearly
because it was so strong.
I couldn't drink.
Get away from it.
And it was my daughter'sbirthday.
My daughter who I've hurtmultiple times through alcohol.
And I'm like, I can't do this onher birthday.
And I went to New York and wewent to the plaza and we had a
great little tea and I'mwatching women next to me in the
(12:17):
table having white wine, justcraving it, and I came home and
I drank that entire weekend.
But this naked mind has a great,great way to deal with that.
They're earth surfing, which iswonderful and beautiful.
And then you understand it'syour brain, it's not your fault.
(12:37):
Those are the three words, it'snot your fault.
Four words that to me resonatewith anybody who's ever had the
shame, blame, and guilt ofalcohol.
It's not your fault because yourbrain is so hijacked.
By the alcohol, and that'sdefinitely what my cravings
were.
It was hijacked.
That's yeah, that's that is thatfor me, that's what what what I
(13:00):
locked a lot of it as well.
And when you, for me, thescience is really important and
empowering that you when yousort of understand that that
it's it's not you, it's just theway the alcohol works its way
that that our dopamine systemworks that it programs you into
seeing opportunities for for ashot of dopamine.
(13:22):
And That is built into usevolutionarily as a motivator
the most powerful motivator thatwe know.
And, yeah, as you said, alcoholhijacks that and makes us feel
as if it's, you know, your lifedepends on it.
That you need to chase.
That next opportunity, you know,when it sees, oh, there's,
(13:44):
there's wine served here.
Therefore, my brain tells me Ishould be drinking wine because
there's, there's benefit inthat.
And once you understand that youcan want 2 things at the same
time, your subconscious could bedriving you with motivation to
drink, even though.
Your rational brain is able tosee that that's not serving you
(14:06):
anymore.
The frustration is when you,you're sort of unaware of those
two things and you know, you'renot able to get those two, two
sides of you to, to, to, to meetand, and, and, and and evolve
together.
And that's, you know, that,that, that was for me so
empowering and you think, oh,it's just, it's just science.
It's just the way that alcoholworks and it triggers something
(14:27):
that it shouldn't really triggerinside us.
And when you understand it and,and, and can take a step back
and try alternatives toreprogram.
Those initial triggers then itbecomes it.
What was it during the park, andmaybe you could speak to it.
So the path is actually is isthis naked minds now year long a
(14:51):
program for, for, for to helppeople Transform their drinking
behavior.
Can you speak to a little bit, alittle bit about that, about how
you sort of took that went fromfinding it unbearable and white
knuckling to to being, you know,ultimately having the freedom
that you have now?
Well, I don't, I didn't fullytechnology is not my strong
(15:14):
point.
So let's just start with thatbecause I could, I didn't
really, I mean, I was on thepath, but I, you know, there was
a lot of, you know workingnavigating the platform, but so
that being said, part of the bigpart of the path.
is the pause and Which is whatthe P in PATH stands for I think
and the pause is all about juststop trying to stop and Annie's
(15:44):
Methodology in this is brilliantbecause she's just like look
You've got all this stuff whatyou were just talking about
Barry all this stuff going on inyour mind cognitive dissonance I
want to drink.
I don't want to drink.
I want to drink.
I don't want to drink up Juststop it.
Have a stupid drink and justlearn what it's doing to you.
I mean, to me, it was sobrilliant when Annie said, just
(16:04):
watch, put on a timer, take thatdrink and watch how long it
lasts.
It's 20 minutes, maybe 22minutes, and then your blood
alcohol level drops, and thenyou want another one, and it's,
it's an ongoing cycle, and it's,Ridiculous and the buzz doesn't
last.
So that's what I found to bereally really, really helpful in
(16:25):
my finally becoming alcohol freewas learning about the cognitive
dissonance learning that it'sokay to just watch that.
See your brain.
See what's going on.
Because I for me the authenticself, which is the self that we
are behind all the thoughts andall the stuff that goes on in
our brain to be able is whatwatches all your thoughts.
So, to be able to watch that andwatch my mind be like, I need
(16:48):
another drink.
I have to have another drink.
It was really helpful becauseawareness is huge.
You can't re change anything ifyou're not aware of it.
So to be able to see it and belike, huh, I want another drink
now.
What's my brain doing to putalcohol levels dropping.
So no wonder I want anotherdrink.
My, my brain needs more becauseit thinks I need it to, to live.
(17:10):
Which it does not.
Hmm.
Exactly that.
So what you're saying is thatthis naked mind gave you an
opportunity to get back andreflect on your drinking and
take ownership of your ownjourney.
Yeah, absolutely.
It helped me to understandcravings.
(17:34):
Be present with them, watch it,because even, as I said, after
the path, now the path is awhole year now, and they have
living naked, which is the wholeyou know, okay, you've stopped
drinking now, let's deal withyour stuff, whatever you're, why
are you drinking in the firstplace, or why do you want to,
it's about creating a life youdon't want to escape from,
(17:56):
escape from, so That was hugefor me.
It was huge working with a coachto be able to see my stuff, to
see what it was that I felt Ineeded to run to alcohol from.
And to me, I was just thinkingabout this.
I'm on my way to Vermont todayfor a big family reunion, and
there's going to be alcoholeverywhere.
And I'm driving my 97 year oldmother in the car for 6 hours,
(18:18):
which in itself is going to bevery challenging.
Ends.
In years gone by, I would havegotten to Vermont and been like,
get me a drink now, and I wasthinking about how you just
develop tools through this nakedmind, do your own practice of
just going within to the higherself and being present there.
(18:44):
And there's so much peace andserenity there.
You don't need the drink to findthe peace.
It's there within, but our mindis always going like a tornado
24 7 and it just needs to bestopped or quieted or watched.
And the piece is there.
So that's how I found it.
(19:05):
That's what I'll be doing todayat 6 o'clock when I arrive in
Vermont after 6 hours with mymom in the car.
That's that's beautiful.
And it's.
And that's often the, the, the,the most powerful question is,
is, you know, we, we, we developthese triggers and moments and
programs that, where we reachfor a drink and the question
(19:27):
that we get to ask as weunprogram those is, well, what
do we really want?
What, what would really help?
Because we're, you know, we, youtalked about the, the, the, the
stuff that, that, that, that theself.
Part of of why we drink andsomething that the, in the
methodology that we, we learnedabout the, the, there are sort
of 3.
S's of, of, of, of wise aroundwhy people drink and, and it,
(19:53):
and it can be a societal thing.
That, that our culture is very,very as, as everybody knows.
And as you spoke to that, thatit's, it's everywhere.
Drinking is, is the go to in, incelebration, in, in
commiseration, in in stressrelief, in.
You name it.
There's a reason to associate adrink with with every occasion
(20:15):
and every every situation.
So that's 11 s.
So, so that's that's the societyand and we also have, you know,
the substance is sort of sold tous in a big way that it's that
it's it's glamorous, lovelytasty beverage that, that, that
you know, that, that is marketedto us the whole time.
And that's very, very powerful.
But as you said, the, the, thefinal part, which is perhaps
(20:37):
where the, the, the greatestfreedom comes from is, is, is
understanding what you reallywhat was Making you feel you
were missing something in thefirst place or what did the
alcohol highlight and, and, and,and allow you to escape from
perhaps so that's, and, and nowyou're able to sort of give
yourself what you really neededall along which is, which is
(20:58):
beautiful.
Yeah, it's exactly true.
And I just wish people wouldknow that, that it's there.
It's there, which you just canjust go within for it.
A few minutes a day and thenthroughout the day, because as
I've talked about, we have 60,000 thoughts a day.
That's a lot.
(21:19):
And most of them are from thesame day, same as the day before
and most of them are negative.
And if you're drinking, they'rereally negative, which is so sad
for people because they thinkthat they are worthless and that
they're terrible people.
And it's not true, it's thattheir brain became addicted and
that's not their fault.
And that's.
(21:40):
A huge, huge, huge realization.
And it was huge for me because Iraised three kids with a lot of
alcohol and I was doing a littlecocaine back in the day.
And so it's not your fault isreally huge for me.
Maria, we've talked a lot aboutthe struggle and, and how you've
overcome it with this ability todrop into your spirituality and
(22:03):
that, and that great sort ofsense of self and, and, you
know, self responsibility, whichI, I love myself as well.
What I'm looking to ask youabout now, other than struggle,
what are the, some of the thingsthat you've discovered for
yourself, the joys of being freefrom alcohol?
Well, there's so many.
(22:25):
I think to be present with thepeople that you love.
Sorry, I get a little emotionalwhen I talk about this because
it's so many times, so manytimes I'd be out to dinner with
my kids and, you know, in thelast 5 years.
And they're older now, like,they're in their 20s, so they
(22:46):
can see it.
It's not like when they were 3,4, it's like, oh, mommy's taking
a nap.
Mommy can't remember, you know,like I would say the same thing.
They're like, mommy, just askthat.
And this is after a few glass ofwine.
I never had a high toleranceanyway, but, I mean, 3 or 4 or
5, I'm not going to try andsugar coat it.
I drank a significant amount ofwine, but and sometimes vodka
(23:07):
and then I would think, oh,well, I think I'll have a an
espresso martini to wake me upbecause that's a good idea.
Yeah, so yeah, I think beingpresent with the people that I
love and remembering ourconversations.
And not having to ask them whatthe conversation was last night
or being embarrassed andpretending that I didn't know
what we talked about when Ireally had no recollection.
(23:29):
I mean, how sad is that?
We all know if you have kids,they don't talk often.
And if they're talking, you wantto listen and you want to
remember.
And more than anything, you wantto be present with them so that
your brain is working properlyso you can come back with the
proper response.
And not just something stupidand drunkenness.
So, I think for me, that wouldbe the greatest joy.
(23:51):
And my 97 year old mom, I'm sograteful.
So grateful.
By the grace of God, she's stillalive and she's still relatively
with it.
And I can be with her sober.
Because there were so many timesI was not.
With her sober and I mean, mymom still drinks every day at
97, but you know what?
I can pour her a glass of wine.
I can smell it.
(24:12):
Like, I haven't smelled that ina while, but I'm not tempted in
the least.
I don't know about you, but Ione of the things, you know,
we're always told, you know, noregrets and they don't, you
know, there's no point inregretting things.
And of course, you know, That'strue, but I do wonder and I, I
wish perhaps that what I knownow, you know, if I'd known that
(24:34):
10 years ago, 15 years ago, youknow, how much of a difference
it might have made.
Or, you know, and I guess that'sthe, the, the reason I'm a coach
is, is, is because you wantother people to find out sooner
than, than perhaps we did it.
Is there, is there anything.
Is this the one thing about thewhole your whole journey?
I wish I'd known that earlier,or I wish I could go back and
(24:57):
say to myself, you know itdoesn't have to be this way.
I never thought it was possiblebecause it who knew that a life
without alcohol could be soamazing.
I never could have imagined it.
Honestly, it's because it's so Igrew up with it.
My entire family drinks.
My mom's been drinking everyday.
Forever, but she never, I don'tremember ever seeing her drunk.
(25:20):
So, but that doesn't matter.
I still alcohol was still, wehad cocktail hour at my
grandparents house when I was akid.
I mean, it was, it was like whatyou did.
And so I just couldn't fathom alife without alcohol.
And.
That's one thing I was talkingto a girl, a woman of mine,
friend of mine, who's strugglingterribly and you just want to
(25:43):
shake them and say, it's so muchbetter on the other side.
It's just like, just go, go afew weeks without alcohol and
you start to see it.
And your brain starts to work.
And when you actually do thescience, know the science and
know that all the neuralpathways that are healing in
your brain.
It's just amazing.
That was huge for me when Ifirst started.
(26:05):
It's like, wow, all those,there's, Annie once had a neuro
neurosurgeon on her podcasttalking about the neural
pathways that were forming inyour brain when you, when you do
anything every day.
And, but when you stop little bylittle, she described it like a
path, little by little, thegrass kind of grows over it and
the path goes away.
And I just kept picturing mybrain like, okay.
Hope those pads are growing overnow.
(26:27):
Like, I just wanted my brain.
I mean, the brain doeseverything.
It controls our whole body andwe're screwing with it with
alcohol.
I don't know.
That was a huge Huge thing forme and Maria.
That's exactly the same for me.
I totally get it where you'recoming from.
My grandparents cocktail are forsure.
(26:48):
Everything I did in my sociallife academic life, work life,
personal life, all involvedalcohol.
And I actually, it felt like, itfelt like a trait, even when I
was doing it, that I couldn'tsee my way out.
You know, we'd be at Wednesdayand I'd be drinking going, how
am I going to get through therest of the week?
I've got the weekend to getthrough.
You sort of start trying tonavigate how you're going to
(27:10):
manage your social life or yourlife.
And actually that one thing thatI wish I'd known was that not
only can you get to the otherside of that, but by just It's
almost like there's a life raftblowing up around you, so you
start floating in the sea andyou're, you're doggy paddling,
(27:31):
doggy paddling away.
And all of a sudden, just bylistening to the content and
staying with the program, thislife raft sort of forms around
you and lifts you out of thewater.
And then all of a sudden you'relike floating up going, Oh,
okay.
And I'm not even thinking aboutalcohol.
This is cool.
Now, I'm not saying for me ithappened overnight because it
(27:52):
didn't.
It was almost by degrees I wasin this like almost Titanic
sized lifeboat going, huh?
I need to tell other peopleabout this view.
It's really good up here.
I know.
Isn't it amazing?
I love that.
You just want to tell the wholeworld about it and, and like,
and talk about, I mean, I lovethe name of your podcast because
(28:12):
it emphasizes freedom and, and,and, and, and To me, that's huge
freedom from alcohol, freedomfrom the lies, freedom from
hiding from the people that youlove more than anything in this
world.
I was sneaking into the garageto drink, lying to people that,
I mean, it was just so crazyover what, over putting a poison
(28:32):
into my body.
And that's what I'm, I'm riskingrelationships that mean more to
me in my life over that.
It's, I don't know, you lookback on it, it's like, what the
heck?
It's absolute insanity.
They say doing the same thingover and over and expecting
different results is insanity.
And that's insanity, alcohol isinsanity to me.
(28:55):
Yeah, that's, that's really,really true.
And, and, and I think that, thatthat awareness that of how and
why we drink and becoming andseeing that that that life can
be better and actually believingthat it can be better.
That that can be the hardestthing because you go through
(29:16):
these phases, you know, whenalcohol is just what you do, and
it's not a problem and you'resort of unaware or sleepers as I
think, and he calls it, youknow, you're in that sort of
state where it might be anissue, but but you you don't
know, don't, you know, don'tlook at it.
The scary part can be whenyou're aware that you have a
problem, aware that it's nolonger serving you, but just
(29:37):
don't think there's analternative and don't see
there's a way out or, or canyou, you know, even if you can
white knuckle it for a while, itjust feels awful because you
think alcohol is the be all andend all still but, but with.
Our methodology with with thescience and with the psychology,
you can actually unprogram thosefeelings and those thoughts and
(30:00):
and and feel that you you canget free and and ultimately, you
know, with a little with there'sthere's there's there's there's
time and there's there's work tobe done, but it's so hopeful the
the the the journey that Thisnaked mind methodology allows
you to go through and gets youthat maybe that step further
(30:20):
than, than traditional methodscan bring you that you really
can get free as you say thatfreedom part is, is, is is, is,
is amazing.
Well, that's why I, that's theone key thing I think where this
naked mind differs from AA.
I mean, I, I still go to AA, asI said, and I still have a lot
of friends in AA, but I see somany people that go back.
(30:42):
To drinking after a year, twoyears, 35 years, and I think
that's the difference between AAand this naked mind is.
Through rewiring thesubconscious, learning what this
poison does to your brain, andreally understanding it, and
(31:03):
learning what you're feelingwhen you're having a craving,
and just being present with it,awareness is huge.
It's our superpower.
I think Annie actually says thatand just being present with it
so that it just dissipates.
So it's totally different than,because she, her biggest thing
is, are focusing on your, howyou want to feel.
(31:26):
That's what you always see Annieasking people.
Well, how is it that you want tofeel?
It's not focused on yourbehavior, not focused on not
going to drink today, one day ata time, which, Isn't such a bad
thing, but it's like, how do youwant to feel today?
How do you want to feeltomorrow?
How do you want to feel a yearfrom now?
Do you want to still be in thisprison of alcohol and lying to
(31:46):
all the people that you love, ordo you want to be free?
Like Justine said, in a giantlife raft that turned into the
Titanic and you're screamingfrom the mountaintops to tell
people, so I'm very happy to be.
In that freedom, and I'm veryhappy to be telling people about
it.
Thank you so much, Maria.
(32:06):
And what if we had, if you hadthree words to summarize your
biggest takeaway from thejourney so far, what would they
be?
Freedom.
Guilt and shame and regret.
And yeah, I mean, it's justpriceless, honestly, because.
(32:28):
When you feel good aboutyourself, and this is how I even
tried to raise my kids.
When you feel good aboutyourself, you're unstoppable.
You can do anything because youbelieve in yourself.
And that's like now I'm, I'm,I'm trying to start doing
coaching what I always thoughtthat coaching was ridiculous
when I was growing up.
I was like, who needs a lifecoach?
Well, here I am doing it and Istarted it and I love it and I
(32:50):
love making a difference inpeople's lives.
So, which, what, what, what kindof people are you are you
looking to help?
You know, and where can theyfind you?
Well, my website isMariaParkhill.
org, and I specialize in women,women like 45 to 65 or 75 who
(33:11):
really have tried other ways ofgetting away from alcohol, tried
traditional methods.
And as great as they are, as Isaid, I'm a big AA fan, but it's
not the whole story.
I don't think.
I think it really helps to know.
(33:31):
They don't talk about whatalcohol does to your brain
really in detail.
They don't talk about rewiringyour subconscious and they don't
talk about how you want to feel.
And that's where this naked mindis huge.
They focus on your feelings.
Because one thing that we talkabout a lot is how emotions
determine behavior.
So you don't determine yourbehavior by what you want to do,
you determine on how you want tofeel.
(33:53):
So, yeah, that's what Ispecialize in, helping women
learn who they really are, andby the grace of God, they can
find this life.
They're freedom.
Amazing, Maria.
Thank you so much for, forjoining us and telling us how
you feel long way that lasts.
Yeah.
Thanks so much, Maria.
Thanks guys.
(34:13):
It was great to see you both.
Really.
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, we meet withMaria, whose husband's sudden
death left her fending forherself and her young children.
Like so many others in hersituation, she tried to deal
with her pain and sorrow bydrinking.
But she was able to hold thingstogether for the sake of her
kids.
Although 15 years later, she'sstill haunted by one particular
(00:23):
heart breaking occasion when herdrinking meant that she let one
of her daughters down.
When the kids went away tocollege, Maria's drinking ramped
up.
And so she sought help throughAlcoholics Anonymous.
But after years of going to AAmeetings, it just wasn't working
for her.
Although she still loves thecommunity and even the
spirituality, the 12 steps werenot for her.
(00:44):
She needed a more empoweringapproach.
We'll hear how it was one to onecoaching from a colleague of
ours that set her on the road toalcohol freedom.
This is a really inspiringstory.
Let's get started.
Welcome everybody to alcoholfreedom finders with myself,
Justin Clark and Barry Condon.
(01:05):
Today, we are super excited towelcome Maria Parkhill.
She's one of our fellow coachesand is a in a unique and
fantastic position to speak toboth an experience inside
Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, andalso This Naked Mind.
And Maria kind of specializes inthose who have Prior traditional
(01:30):
methods of stopping drinking orreducing and are looking for an
alternative.
Hi So happy to be here.
I'm so excited to to be with youboth and my journey definitely
Started a long time ago.
I I'm a single mom.
(01:52):
My husband died when my kidswere very little and so alcohol
played a big part in thatbecause it's You It was very
stressful and he died suddenly,so I was like, what do I do now?
And I was mostly sad about his,about my kids having to grow up
without their dad and they're,dealing with your children's
(02:15):
intense pain is very painful.
And alcohol came in a lot duringthat time, but when they were
little, I, I drank every day,definitely, but I couldn't.
Drink to excess, because I hadto get them on the bus in the
morning and get to schooloutings and do all those things.
(02:35):
And.
It was only in the last fewyears that I really focused on
that.
I had thought that it gotserious.
My, my drinking and but I wasrecently on a bike ride and last
weekend, actually.
And I went by this this hotel,beautiful hotel on the beach.
I live down the shore in NewJersey, and I was hit with this
(02:59):
flashback of 15 years ago whenmy now daughter, who's 26,
lives, she lives in New York.
She's doing really well and hasa great boyfriend, but when she
was 11, she had a birthday partyto go to, and I was at a repass,
which is, I don't know if youguys in the UK call it that, but
after a funeral, that's what wego to.
(03:22):
And there's always lots ofalcohol after funerals, go
figure.
And I drank too much and I hadto get to my daughter, pick, get
her from school and get her tothis party.
And she was a little bit shy andI didn't make it to the, get my
daughter to the party.
And it was just a huge mess andit brought back so much pain
(03:44):
when I remembered it.
And I talked to her about itmultiple times and, you know,
she's like, yeah, I had to go tothis birthday party in a cab.
At 11, so clearly my alcohol wasabused started long before what
I had thought was it just in thelast few years once they went to
college.
And so I started going to AA afew years ago and it just wasn't
(04:06):
doing it for me.
I just couldn't get it.
I didn't want to call myself analcoholic.
I did not want to have to talkto these strangers about my
really personal stuff, and Icould not understand how that
works.
I would say it all the time,like, how is this possibly going
(04:27):
to help me stop drinking bytalking to all these strangers
about my drinking?
And then many times I'd leave anAA meeting and go drinking.
It's so stressful to me.
And and plus all that talk aboutalcohol, made me want to drink
more.
So I would get like 30 days hereand 30 days there, but I was
still white knuckling itterribly.
And so I, I found this nakedmind through another book,
(04:51):
another alcohol free book.
And I joined the path and at thetime in November of 22, it was
only 90 days.
So I actually went to detox for6 days and then came out of
detox and then did the path for90 days.
It just wasn't enough for me.
So I had a coach, one of thecoaches from this naked mind
(05:15):
worked with me.
We did, we did work together fora couple of months.
We did the alcohol experimentand voila, I haven't had a drink
in 15 months.
So that's amazing.
That's amazing.
Can I.
I mean, I firstly, hi Maria, wedid talk beforehand before we
started the record.
So yeah, no, but thanks so muchfor coming on and, and your
(05:37):
story is, is, is.
Is amazing.
I and, and I think, I mean, bythis, by the sounds I don't want
to put words in your mouth, but,something as traumatic as
losing, losing your, yourhusband it's such a huge thing.
And, and, and trauma seems to bekey to a lot of people's journey
(05:59):
with alcohol.
And, you know, society makes usthink and see.
Everywhere that, you know, ifyou're in trouble, if you're, if
you are struggling, then alcoholis, is the place to escape to.
I don't know if you were able totalk to, speak to that at all.
Well, it's funny because traumais talked about so much now, but
(06:20):
it never occurred to me.
No.
I you know, I just come from akind of a crazy childhood too.
My, funny enough, my father diedwhen I was five.
And there was lots of alcoholismin my house.
Funny how these things repeatthemselves.
So so yeah, I don't know any, alot about trauma.
I'm sure I've suffered from it,but never really knew that's
(06:45):
what it was, I guess.
Yeah.
And I think that's also verycommon.
We don't, we don't even, we, wego through the things and, and
just think, you know, this iswhat life's throwing at me.
And, and I deal with it, how Ideal with it.
Amazing.
And, and I could so resonatewith the story of your your
daughter.
and you know, I, I, I had withmy kids, you know, that was,
(07:08):
that was what was probably mymain motivation for, for
stopping.
Was the example and, and thesituations I was getting myself
into, that, that, that that Iwas showing, you know the
example that I didn't wanna beshowing to my, to my children.
And having those moments where,you know, you know, you're
letting them down that's that'sdifficult.
I meant, but you, but you wentthrough a lot of years before
(07:28):
you found this naked mind.
Yeah.
How, so how many years did you,did you go go to AA?
Not for it was July of, of 22.
I, I went to my first AA meetingand then it was, had just been
the summer of I had beendrinking a lot, a lot, a lot
that, like I said, I lived downthe shore.
So at the beach all the time and4th of July weekend was huge.
(07:52):
But I didn't stop.
That was my thing.
It was like, everybody went backto their work and jobs and I was
like, Well, I don't really wantto stop now and it just went on
for 10 days.
But I got to AA and I told you,I, I just did not work for me.
I was white knuckling it andevery, and I mean, I could
picture my knuckles white fromtrying to not to drink.
(08:14):
And the cravings were just, andI think that's where this naked
mind really was huge in dealingwith cravings and rewiring the
subconscious.
That's not talked about.
And you know, I love thespirituality of AA.
I love the fellowship of AA.
I don't know any sober people,honestly, except for the people
I know from AA.
So, and alcohol is just soprevalent in every aspect of our
(08:39):
lives to not I don't knowanybody that actually shares
your sober life and your love ofa sober life.
It's difficult.
So there's a lot of things Idon't agree with in AA, like
having to call yourself analcoholic.
I don't believe in labeling.
I don't believe in limitingyourself to that.
But as I said, I love how theyreally, the 12 steps to me, I've
(09:02):
never done them, but to me, theyare all about just living a good
life and.
Being in touch with your withyour true authentic self.
So I, I would, I recommend both.
I think they work well together.
Compliment each other as well.
Each other.
Well, If you're looking to takeback control of your drinking,
(09:25):
why don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
(09:46):
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
Back to the episode.
before we go into a little bitmore about what you like about
(10:08):
each of AA and this naked mind,I just wanted to.
It really resonated with youtalking about people going back
to work after 4th of Julyweekend and you carrying on and
the cravings being the biggestthing for you.
I really resonate with thatbecause I remember just sort of
being here in my room going, whyis it that I'm wanting to have a
(10:28):
drink and it's 3 o'clock or 4o'clock and it's not, I don't
want to, why am I compelled to?
I don't want to use the wordneed, but there's something in
me that's needing it.
And instantly the, it's not,it's not shame, it's just sort
of like such disgust for, forthe fact that my urge is this I
(10:52):
don't know what, how, what yourexperience was like in that
place where everybody else wasdone for 4th of July weekend and
you weren't.
Yeah, it's what's wrong with me.
Those are the words.
It's like, what, why, how doeseverybody else go back to work?
And.
You know, I'm a little hungover,and some alcohol would feel so
(11:15):
good right now, and there wassome cold white claws in the
fridge, and it just, it was sogood.
And the cycle would keep going.
The alcohol would keep going.
But then, my kids would be like,Mom, by this point my kids are
in their 20s, Mom.
Like, what are you doing?
That's the shampoo effect.
Who the heck ever heard of theshampoo effect?
(11:35):
Which apparently is like, whenyou already have the alcohol in
your system, and then you drink,you're just so much more drunk
already.
And that definitely Happened tome, so but yeah, the cravings
were just, I remember Februaryof 23 was 6 months after my, I'd
been going to AA, been to detox,done it all, I'm going to New
York City to see my daughter forher birthday, and I had just
(11:57):
done 30 days and the desire todrink, I remember it so clearly
because it was so strong.
I couldn't drink.
Get away from it.
And it was my daughter'sbirthday.
My daughter who I've hurtmultiple times through alcohol.
And I'm like, I can't do this onher birthday.
And I went to New York and wewent to the plaza and we had a
great little tea and I'mwatching women next to me in the
(12:17):
table having white wine, justcraving it, and I came home and
I drank that entire weekend.
But this naked mind has a great,great way to deal with that.
They're earth surfing, which iswonderful and beautiful.
And then you understand it'syour brain, it's not your fault.
(12:37):
Those are the three words, it'snot your fault.
Four words that to me resonatewith anybody who's ever had the
shame, blame, and guilt ofalcohol.
It's not your fault because yourbrain is so hijacked.
By the alcohol, and that'sdefinitely what my cravings
were.
It was hijacked.
That's yeah, that's that is thatfor me, that's what what what I
(13:00):
locked a lot of it as well.
And when you, for me, thescience is really important and
empowering that you when yousort of understand that that
it's it's not you, it's just theway the alcohol works its way
that that our dopamine systemworks that it programs you into
seeing opportunities for for ashot of dopamine.
(13:22):
And That is built into usevolutionarily as a motivator
the most powerful motivator thatwe know.
And, yeah, as you said, alcoholhijacks that and makes us feel
as if it's, you know, your lifedepends on it.
That you need to chase.
That next opportunity, you know,when it sees, oh, there's,
(13:44):
there's wine served here.
Therefore, my brain tells me Ishould be drinking wine because
there's, there's benefit inthat.
And once you understand that youcan want 2 things at the same
time, your subconscious could bedriving you with motivation to
drink, even though.
Your rational brain is able tosee that that's not serving you
(14:06):
anymore.
The frustration is when you,you're sort of unaware of those
two things and you know, you'renot able to get those two, two
sides of you to, to, to, to meetand, and, and, and and evolve
together.
And that's, you know, that,that, that was for me so
empowering and you think, oh,it's just, it's just science.
It's just the way that alcoholworks and it triggers something
(14:27):
that it shouldn't really triggerinside us.
And when you understand it and,and, and can take a step back
and try alternatives toreprogram.
Those initial triggers then itbecomes it.
What was it during the park, andmaybe you could speak to it.
So the path is actually is isthis naked minds now year long a
(14:51):
program for, for, for to helppeople Transform their drinking
behavior.
Can you speak to a little bit, alittle bit about that, about how
you sort of took that went fromfinding it unbearable and white
knuckling to to being, you know,ultimately having the freedom
that you have now?
Well, I don't, I didn't fullytechnology is not my strong
(15:14):
point.
So let's just start with thatbecause I could, I didn't
really, I mean, I was on thepath, but I, you know, there was
a lot of, you know workingnavigating the platform, but so
that being said, part of the bigpart of the path.
is the pause and Which is whatthe P in PATH stands for I think
and the pause is all about juststop trying to stop and Annie's
(15:44):
Methodology in this is brilliantbecause she's just like look
You've got all this stuff whatyou were just talking about
Barry all this stuff going on inyour mind cognitive dissonance I
want to drink.
I don't want to drink.
I want to drink.
I don't want to drink up Juststop it.
Have a stupid drink and justlearn what it's doing to you.
I mean, to me, it was sobrilliant when Annie said, just
(16:04):
watch, put on a timer, take thatdrink and watch how long it
lasts.
It's 20 minutes, maybe 22minutes, and then your blood
alcohol level drops, and thenyou want another one, and it's,
it's an ongoing cycle, and it's,Ridiculous and the buzz doesn't
last.
So that's what I found to bereally really, really helpful in
(16:25):
my finally becoming alcohol freewas learning about the cognitive
dissonance learning that it'sokay to just watch that.
See your brain.
See what's going on.
Because I for me the authenticself, which is the self that we
are behind all the thoughts andall the stuff that goes on in
our brain to be able is whatwatches all your thoughts.
So, to be able to watch that andwatch my mind be like, I need
(16:48):
another drink.
I have to have another drink.
It was really helpful becauseawareness is huge.
You can't re change anything ifyou're not aware of it.
So to be able to see it and belike, huh, I want another drink
now.
What's my brain doing to putalcohol levels dropping.
So no wonder I want anotherdrink.
My, my brain needs more becauseit thinks I need it to, to live.
(17:10):
Which it does not.
Hmm.
Exactly that.
So what you're saying is thatthis naked mind gave you an
opportunity to get back andreflect on your drinking and
take ownership of your ownjourney.
Yeah, absolutely.
It helped me to understandcravings.
(17:34):
Be present with them, watch it,because even, as I said, after
the path, now the path is awhole year now, and they have
living naked, which is the wholeyou know, okay, you've stopped
drinking now, let's deal withyour stuff, whatever you're, why
are you drinking in the firstplace, or why do you want to,
it's about creating a life youdon't want to escape from,
(17:56):
escape from, so That was hugefor me.
It was huge working with a coachto be able to see my stuff, to
see what it was that I felt Ineeded to run to alcohol from.
And to me, I was just thinkingabout this.
I'm on my way to Vermont todayfor a big family reunion, and
there's going to be alcoholeverywhere.
And I'm driving my 97 year oldmother in the car for 6 hours,
(18:18):
which in itself is going to bevery challenging.
Ends.
In years gone by, I would havegotten to Vermont and been like,
get me a drink now, and I wasthinking about how you just
develop tools through this nakedmind, do your own practice of
just going within to the higherself and being present there.
(18:44):
And there's so much peace andserenity there.
You don't need the drink to findthe peace.
It's there within, but our mindis always going like a tornado
24 7 and it just needs to bestopped or quieted or watched.
And the piece is there.
So that's how I found it.
(19:05):
That's what I'll be doing todayat 6 o'clock when I arrive in
Vermont after 6 hours with mymom in the car.
That's that's beautiful.
And it's.
And that's often the, the, the,the most powerful question is,
is, you know, we, we, we developthese triggers and moments and
programs that, where we reachfor a drink and the question
(19:27):
that we get to ask as weunprogram those is, well, what
do we really want?
What, what would really help?
Because we're, you know, we, youtalked about the, the, the, the
stuff that, that, that, that theself.
Part of of why we drink andsomething that the, in the
methodology that we, we learnedabout the, the, there are sort
of 3.
S's of, of, of, of wise aroundwhy people drink and, and it,
(19:53):
and it can be a societal thing.
That, that our culture is very,very as, as everybody knows.
And as you spoke to that, thatit's, it's everywhere.
Drinking is, is the go to in, incelebration, in, in
commiseration, in in stressrelief, in.
You name it.
There's a reason to associate adrink with with every occasion
(20:15):
and every every situation.
So that's 11 s.
So, so that's that's the societyand and we also have, you know,
the substance is sort of sold tous in a big way that it's that
it's it's glamorous, lovelytasty beverage that, that, that
you know, that, that is marketedto us the whole time.
And that's very, very powerful.
But as you said, the, the, thefinal part, which is perhaps
(20:37):
where the, the, the greatestfreedom comes from is, is, is
understanding what you reallywhat was Making you feel you
were missing something in thefirst place or what did the
alcohol highlight and, and, and,and allow you to escape from
perhaps so that's, and, and nowyou're able to sort of give
yourself what you really neededall along which is, which is
(20:58):
beautiful.
Yeah, it's exactly true.
And I just wish people wouldknow that, that it's there.
It's there, which you just canjust go within for it.
A few minutes a day and thenthroughout the day, because as
I've talked about, we have 60,000 thoughts a day.
That's a lot.
(21:19):
And most of them are from thesame day, same as the day before
and most of them are negative.
And if you're drinking, they'rereally negative, which is so sad
for people because they thinkthat they are worthless and that
they're terrible people.
And it's not true, it's thattheir brain became addicted and
that's not their fault.
And that's.
(21:40):
A huge, huge, huge realization.
And it was huge for me because Iraised three kids with a lot of
alcohol and I was doing a littlecocaine back in the day.
And so it's not your fault isreally huge for me.
Maria, we've talked a lot aboutthe struggle and, and how you've
overcome it with this ability todrop into your spirituality and
(22:03):
that, and that great sort ofsense of self and, and, you
know, self responsibility, whichI, I love myself as well.
What I'm looking to ask youabout now, other than struggle,
what are the, some of the thingsthat you've discovered for
yourself, the joys of being freefrom alcohol?
Well, there's so many.
(22:25):
I think to be present with thepeople that you love.
Sorry, I get a little emotionalwhen I talk about this because
it's so many times, so manytimes I'd be out to dinner with
my kids and, you know, in thelast 5 years.
And they're older now, like,they're in their 20s, so they
(22:46):
can see it.
It's not like when they were 3,4, it's like, oh, mommy's taking
a nap.
Mommy can't remember, you know,like I would say the same thing.
They're like, mommy, just askthat.
And this is after a few glass ofwine.
I never had a high toleranceanyway, but, I mean, 3 or 4 or
5, I'm not going to try andsugar coat it.
I drank a significant amount ofwine, but and sometimes vodka
(23:07):
and then I would think, oh,well, I think I'll have a an
espresso martini to wake me upbecause that's a good idea.
Yeah, so yeah, I think beingpresent with the people that I
love and remembering ourconversations.
And not having to ask them whatthe conversation was last night
or being embarrassed andpretending that I didn't know
what we talked about when Ireally had no recollection.
(23:29):
I mean, how sad is that?
We all know if you have kids,they don't talk often.
And if they're talking, you wantto listen and you want to
remember.
And more than anything, you wantto be present with them so that
your brain is working properlyso you can come back with the
proper response.
And not just something stupidand drunkenness.
So, I think for me, that wouldbe the greatest joy.
(23:51):
And my 97 year old mom, I'm sograteful.
So grateful.
By the grace of God, she's stillalive and she's still relatively
with it.
And I can be with her sober.
Because there were so many timesI was not.
With her sober and I mean, mymom still drinks every day at
97, but you know what?
I can pour her a glass of wine.
I can smell it.
(24:12):
Like, I haven't smelled that ina while, but I'm not tempted in
the least.
I don't know about you, but Ione of the things, you know,
we're always told, you know, noregrets and they don't, you
know, there's no point inregretting things.
And of course, you know, That'strue, but I do wonder and I, I
wish perhaps that what I knownow, you know, if I'd known that
(24:34):
10 years ago, 15 years ago, youknow, how much of a difference
it might have made.
Or, you know, and I guess that'sthe, the, the reason I'm a coach
is, is, is because you wantother people to find out sooner
than, than perhaps we did it.
Is there, is there anything.
Is this the one thing about thewhole your whole journey?
I wish I'd known that earlier,or I wish I could go back and
(24:57):
say to myself, you know itdoesn't have to be this way.
I never thought it was possiblebecause it who knew that a life
without alcohol could be soamazing.
I never could have imagined it.
Honestly, it's because it's so Igrew up with it.
My entire family drinks.
My mom's been drinking everyday.
Forever, but she never, I don'tremember ever seeing her drunk.
(25:20):
So, but that doesn't matter.
I still alcohol was still, wehad cocktail hour at my
grandparents house when I was akid.
I mean, it was, it was like whatyou did.
And so I just couldn't fathom alife without alcohol.
And.
That's one thing I was talkingto a girl, a woman of mine,
friend of mine, who's strugglingterribly and you just want to
(25:43):
shake them and say, it's so muchbetter on the other side.
It's just like, just go, go afew weeks without alcohol and
you start to see it.
And your brain starts to work.
And when you actually do thescience, know the science and
know that all the neuralpathways that are healing in
your brain.
It's just amazing.
That was huge for me when Ifirst started.
(26:05):
It's like, wow, all those,there's, Annie once had a neuro
neurosurgeon on her podcasttalking about the neural
pathways that were forming inyour brain when you, when you do
anything every day.
And, but when you stop little bylittle, she described it like a
path, little by little, thegrass kind of grows over it and
the path goes away.
And I just kept picturing mybrain like, okay.
Hope those pads are growing overnow.
(26:27):
Like, I just wanted my brain.
I mean, the brain doeseverything.
It controls our whole body andwe're screwing with it with
alcohol.
I don't know.
That was a huge Huge thing forme and Maria.
That's exactly the same for me.
I totally get it where you'recoming from.
My grandparents cocktail are forsure.
(26:48):
Everything I did in my sociallife academic life, work life,
personal life, all involvedalcohol.
And I actually, it felt like, itfelt like a trait, even when I
was doing it, that I couldn'tsee my way out.
You know, we'd be at Wednesdayand I'd be drinking going, how
am I going to get through therest of the week?
I've got the weekend to getthrough.
You sort of start trying tonavigate how you're going to
(27:10):
manage your social life or yourlife.
And actually that one thing thatI wish I'd known was that not
only can you get to the otherside of that, but by just It's
almost like there's a life raftblowing up around you, so you
start floating in the sea andyou're, you're doggy paddling,
(27:31):
doggy paddling away.
And all of a sudden, just bylistening to the content and
staying with the program, thislife raft sort of forms around
you and lifts you out of thewater.
And then all of a sudden you'relike floating up going, Oh,
okay.
And I'm not even thinking aboutalcohol.
This is cool.
Now, I'm not saying for me ithappened overnight because it
(27:52):
didn't.
It was almost by degrees I wasin this like almost Titanic
sized lifeboat going, huh?
I need to tell other peopleabout this view.
It's really good up here.
I know.
Isn't it amazing?
I love that.
You just want to tell the wholeworld about it and, and like,
and talk about, I mean, I lovethe name of your podcast because
(28:12):
it emphasizes freedom and, and,and, and, and To me, that's huge
freedom from alcohol, freedomfrom the lies, freedom from
hiding from the people that youlove more than anything in this
world.
I was sneaking into the garageto drink, lying to people that,
I mean, it was just so crazyover what, over putting a poison
(28:32):
into my body.
And that's what I'm, I'm riskingrelationships that mean more to
me in my life over that.
It's, I don't know, you lookback on it, it's like, what the
heck?
It's absolute insanity.
They say doing the same thingover and over and expecting
different results is insanity.
And that's insanity, alcohol isinsanity to me.
(28:55):
Yeah, that's, that's really,really true.
And, and, and I think that, thatthat awareness that of how and
why we drink and becoming andseeing that that that life can
be better and actually believingthat it can be better.
That that can be the hardestthing because you go through
(29:16):
these phases, you know, whenalcohol is just what you do, and
it's not a problem and you'resort of unaware or sleepers as I
think, and he calls it, youknow, you're in that sort of
state where it might be anissue, but but you you don't
know, don't, you know, don'tlook at it.
The scary part can be whenyou're aware that you have a
problem, aware that it's nolonger serving you, but just
(29:37):
don't think there's analternative and don't see
there's a way out or, or canyou, you know, even if you can
white knuckle it for a while, itjust feels awful because you
think alcohol is the be all andend all still but, but with.
Our methodology with with thescience and with the psychology,
you can actually unprogram thosefeelings and those thoughts and
(30:00):
and and feel that you you canget free and and ultimately, you
know, with a little with there'sthere's there's there's there's
time and there's there's work tobe done, but it's so hopeful the
the the the journey that Thisnaked mind methodology allows
you to go through and gets youthat maybe that step further
(30:20):
than, than traditional methodscan bring you that you really
can get free as you say thatfreedom part is, is, is is, is,
is amazing.
Well, that's why I, that's theone key thing I think where this
naked mind differs from AA.
I mean, I, I still go to AA, asI said, and I still have a lot
of friends in AA, but I see somany people that go back.
(30:42):
To drinking after a year, twoyears, 35 years, and I think
that's the difference between AAand this naked mind is.
Through rewiring thesubconscious, learning what this
poison does to your brain, andreally understanding it, and
(31:03):
learning what you're feelingwhen you're having a craving,
and just being present with it,awareness is huge.
It's our superpower.
I think Annie actually says thatand just being present with it
so that it just dissipates.
So it's totally different than,because she, her biggest thing
is, are focusing on your, howyou want to feel.
(31:26):
That's what you always see Annieasking people.
Well, how is it that you want tofeel?
It's not focused on yourbehavior, not focused on not
going to drink today, one day ata time, which, Isn't such a bad
thing, but it's like, how do youwant to feel today?
How do you want to feeltomorrow?
How do you want to feel a yearfrom now?
Do you want to still be in thisprison of alcohol and lying to
(31:46):
all the people that you love, ordo you want to be free?
Like Justine said, in a giantlife raft that turned into the
Titanic and you're screamingfrom the mountaintops to tell
people, so I'm very happy to be.
In that freedom, and I'm veryhappy to be telling people about
it.
Thank you so much, Maria.
(32:06):
And what if we had, if you hadthree words to summarize your
biggest takeaway from thejourney so far, what would they
be?
Freedom.
Guilt and shame and regret.
And yeah, I mean, it's justpriceless, honestly, because.
(32:28):
When you feel good aboutyourself, and this is how I even
tried to raise my kids.
When you feel good aboutyourself, you're unstoppable.
You can do anything because youbelieve in yourself.
And that's like now I'm, I'm,I'm trying to start doing
coaching what I always thoughtthat coaching was ridiculous
when I was growing up.
I was like, who needs a lifecoach?
Well, here I am doing it and Istarted it and I love it and I
(32:50):
love making a difference inpeople's lives.
So, which, what, what, what kindof people are you are you
looking to help?
You know, and where can theyfind you?
Well, my website isMariaParkhill.
org, and I specialize in women,women like 45 to 65 or 75 who
(33:11):
really have tried other ways ofgetting away from alcohol, tried
traditional methods.
And as great as they are, as Isaid, I'm a big AA fan, but it's
not the whole story.
I don't think.
I think it really helps to know.
(33:31):
They don't talk about whatalcohol does to your brain
really in detail.
They don't talk about rewiringyour subconscious and they don't
talk about how you want to feel.
And that's where this naked mindis huge.
They focus on your feelings.
Because one thing that we talkabout a lot is how emotions
determine behavior.
So you don't determine yourbehavior by what you want to do,
you determine on how you want tofeel.
(33:53):
So, yeah, that's what Ispecialize in, helping women
learn who they really are, andby the grace of God, they can
find this life.
They're freedom.
Amazing, Maria.
Thank you so much for, forjoining us and telling us how
you feel long way that lasts.
Yeah.
Thanks so much, Maria.
Thanks guys.
(34:13):
It was great to see you both.
Really.
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