January 31, 2025 • 24 mins
In this episode, we talk to our friend Michelle, whose entire social life revolved around alcohol, which I think most of us can relate to. So, when she decided to make a change, she didn't know how to tell her friends, or even her close family. She was wracked with shame, and petrified of what people might think.
Severe judgment of ourselves and underestimating the kindness and forgiveness and love of those around us seems to be hardwired into most of us. But Michelle's story will inspire you to lean into that discomfort and find genuine freedom on the other side.
Michelle Nesbitt
https://www.levelupcoaching.ca/
https://www.instagram.com/levelupcoaching.ca
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554884833491
Our 30-day group programme:
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/aff-group
The podcast home page
https://podcast.alcoholfreedomfinders.com/
Justine Clark
https://justineclarktherapy.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/wellwithjustine/
Barry Condon
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/
https://www.instagram.com/clean.life.coaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/barry-condon-577b85294/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
WIN_20250131_09_02_08_Pro (00:00):
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, we talk to ourfriend Michelle, whose entire
social life revolved aroundalcohol, which I think most of
us can relate to.
So, when she decided to make achange, she didn't know how to
tell her friends, or even herclose family.
She was wracked with shame, andpetrified of what people might
(00:20):
think.
Severe judgment of ourselves andunderestimating the kindness and
forgiveness and love of thosearound us seems to be hardwired
into most of us.
But Michelle's story willinspire you to lean into that
discomfort and find genuinefreedom on the other side.
Let's get going.
Justine Clark (00:38):
Hello everybody and welcome to our Alcohol
Freedom Finders podcast.
Today we are super excitedbecause we have Michelle Nesbitt
with us, who is a fellow of thisNaked Mind, Alcohol Freedom from
Alcohol coach, but she alsospecializes in helping women
through middle age, goingthrough crisis and change and
(00:59):
transition.
So welcome, Michelle.
Really great to have you here.
I
Barry Condon (01:04):
Great.
Great to see you, Michelle.
we're really looking forward tothis.
we, we've known each other for,you know, 18 months now and,
and, I know quite a, quite a bitabout your story, but, but, take
us back to, to when you decided,alcohol was a thing that you
needed to do something aboutand, and, and how did you find
your alcohol freedom?
Michelle Nesbitt (01:22):
Thanks, Barry.
truly, I remember the day, thatI started and it was November
20th.
2021.
I was leaving on vacation and Ihad woke up that day and went,
I, I just can't do this anymore.
And that was probably the 100thtime I had woken up.
And said the same thing tomyself.
What are you doing?
Yeah, this is your, this is notyou.
(01:44):
You are wasting your life.
What are you doing to yourself?
And I just decided to get a holdof it and give it up, turn it
around.
So I did reach out to, AnnieGrace's program.
I joined the path.
I looked at the alcoholexperiment and it was 30 days
and I was so committed tomaking, getting my life back.
(02:08):
That I said, no, I want theyear, so I went with the path,
and that was the best thing Idid.
Justine Clark (02:15):
I really resonate with that.
I particularly love the factthat you've alluded to for the
hundredth time.
Because I think so many of ushave gone to bed, woken up in
the morning going, Today is theday where I am definitely not
going to have a drink.
It's a Monday, or it's a, youknow, I'm only drinking three
days this week.
Or I'm only drinking on, uh, so,you know, I really hear you on
(02:36):
that one.
So, What was the struggle thatmade you realize that this was
it, this was the moment?
Was there anything that you justthought, no, no, no, I can't
live with this anymore?
Or what was that moment for you?
Michelle Nesbitt (02:47):
think I was seeing, myself in a different
light.
I knew who I was, I, did notwant to see myself do this
anymore.
Because it wasn't who I was.
I was a super active person.
I had been in business for 35years.
I had great friends, greatfamily, and nobody knew I was
(03:08):
doing this.
I was doing it in the evening.
Once I my life and I was doingit in the evening and I thought
this is not who I am.
I just didn't want to see myselfthat way anymore.
So I said, that's it for thehundredth time.
But this time I did somethingabout it in the sense of I knew
that I was trying so hard togive it up every day and it
(03:31):
wasn't working.
Some days were better thanothers.
And then, I had a friend who isa therapist and she said, Oh,
why don't you check out thisanti grace alcohol experiment?
that's what I did.
And I kept reading and then Isaw the year long path and I
went, that's what I want becauseI want this change.
Forever.
I do not want to stop for 30days.
I am.
(03:52):
I am committed to getting mylife back and being healthy
again.
Barry Condon (03:56):
And so what would you say were the things about
the, The program that, that,that spoke to you the most, you
know, what, what, what was itabout, the approach that, that
this naked mind takes, that youfound most, rewarding?
Michelle Nesbitt (04:08):
such a great question.
And I have said this to so manypeople.
It was the compassion, no blame,the no judgment.
It was a safe space for me toexplore and discover and grow
and dig deep.
And nobody was telling me.
That, oh, you shouldn't havedone that or that's terrible.
(04:31):
And we were all sharing stories,but it was, there was so much
support and care and compassion.
And when I listened to otherpeople telling their stories
too, we all got vulnerable and,you know, talked about some
things that we weren't proud of.
And there was not one personthat did anything except give
(04:52):
compassion.
and support and no judgment.
So that to me, which I learnedlater, that's how people grow.
You can't grow in blame orshame.
You can't feel good aboutyourself and blame or shame.
So compassion and support and nojudgment is how the whole
program is led.
(05:13):
And that's how I lead my lifenow.
So that just kept going in mylife.
When
Justine Clark (05:20):
That sort of tribe of compassion.
You know, you feel like you'resurrounded by people who, Not
only understand your journey,but completely support in a non
judgemental way.
I think that's really uniquewith and quite unique for what
we go through when we stopalcohol because one of the
(05:41):
things that happens to us isthat we feel that we're alone
and that nobody else is doing itlike this or that nobody else is
Waking up with that kind ofcognitive dissonance, knowing
that they really don't want togo and have a a, a drink today.
Today's the day that they do thegym.
They eat the healthy food.
they plan a date night, youknow, do all the stuff, and then
(06:03):
come six o'clock, not even sixo'clock, maybe five o'clock,
they just go and reach fortheir, their, their favorite
drink because something's gottenin the way, you know, the, the
washing's fallen off the line orit started raining on it, or,
you know, any reason.
it's, it's, it's that feeling soalone and, and so stupid in
that, that, that is supported bythis work.
(06:25):
And what then, bearing that inmind, what then made you feel
that you wanted to extend your,your journey, to become a coach?
Michelle Nesbitt (06:35):
I was finished the path, I really did connect
with a lot of people, in mycohort and I really did love
talking with people and I felt,naturally compelled to uplift
and support surround people.
(06:55):
with what they needed.
I could see them flourishing inthat too.
And which what I had just comethrough, people did that for me.
And I've always loved, coaching,mentoring.
It's kind of been a little bitof who I've been my whole life.
I just decided, one of thecoaches reached out to me, the
(07:18):
senior coaches and asked if Iwould Be interested in coaching.
And I was like, yes.
So I, and that two parts,leaving alcohol behind
definitely opened up my lifeagain, going through the
coaching program, which is sointense and, and long that
(07:43):
changed my life that to me, wedid so much personal work.
So we can do that personal workwith others.
changed my life and I reinventedmyself and I found myself again.
you know what happens over theyears of career and family and
you get busy.
(08:03):
You lose a little bit ofyourself along the way and
that's pretty common.
And I had really lost myself.
And I got a chance to findmyself again.
So it's, that's been thegreatest, one of the greatest
joys.
Barry Condon (08:18):
That's brilliant.
I was just thinking back to, towhat you said earlier about how,
you did a lot of your drinkingin, Private and, and, and at the
end of the day, you know, whenyou had your day, how, what was
it a surprise for the peoplearound you when, when you came
out and sort of said, you know,I've got a problem, I'm not
drinking anymore.
How did people around you dealwith that?
(08:38):
Or how did you deal with, with,with telling people?
Michelle Nesbitt (08:40):
beginning, I just said I was doing a 30 day,
alcohol free challenge with afriend.
And that's barely all I couldget out, in telling people.
I was so ashamed.
I was so embarrassed.
I didn't want to be one of thosepeople, and I was so afraid of
what people thought.
(09:02):
And so it was, as I said to youbefore, it was a drip.
It was a slow drip, you know,the tribe and in our community,
online with the coaching, we allknew.
We all knew our backstories.
We know we knew everything andwe were very safe.
So out in the community.
My life, as I said, I often saidI was leading two lives and it
(09:25):
was very stressful and so Islowly started to tell a few
people that I felt very safearound and that was important to
me.
And then I started to tell alittle bit more and then I held
off for a long time.
I was petrified to tell, mykids, my two sons, I did tell my
(09:45):
oldest son And he said to me,mom, that's so brave.
that blew me away.
I didn't expect that.
And he said, I'm proud of you.
And I'm like, Whoa, really good.
So, and then, my youngest son,it took me quite a lot longer to
tell him he's still, he wasstill in that young stage going
(10:07):
out and drinking and, and, And,I didn't want him to view me
because I was still in a bit ofa parental role with my younger
son and I didn't want him toview me, um, poor light.
So when I did finally, I sat himdown in my office and I talked
to him, I said, I just want youto know why quit drinking.
(10:27):
So I told him a little bit ofthe backstory with, you know,
not coping and everything withsome things.
And then, I told him it just.
It just kind of such a habitthat I, I was doing too much of
it and it was really interruptedmy life.
And I had a really hard timestopping and went, that's not
like me.
So I had to take my life backagain.
(10:49):
he said, I understand mom.
He said, that's okay.
for me, that was another reliefand a release.
So once those two most importantpeople in my life.
I had told, then I started tobecome more comfortable and
confident, and then I wouldchoose some more people, some
(11:10):
friends, some very close friendsI talked to on the side, none of
them batted an eye.
They said, okay, all right.
And I, I had not been drinkingfor over a year at this point,
so they were used to me notdrinking.
They just, they used to laughthat I, that I didn't drink.
You know, Michelle and her soda.
So now I don't go out there andtell the world that I drank too
(11:34):
much.
But I also don't hide it.
So if someone says to me, Hey,you don't drink.
Why don't you drink?
I said, you know what?
I was drinking too much.
I'd had enough.
I was all done with it.
And my life is so much betternow.
And that's how I feel.
And I, I don't, I don't thinktwice about it.
I hardly even think aboutdrinking anymore.
(11:56):
it doesn't even cross my mind.
it's just, it's who I am withoutalcohol, so it's comfortable.
Justine Clark (12:03):
Yeah, I, Yeah, love that.
It's like you made one decision,one choice to tell one person,
and then you sort of extendedthat and extended that.
And almost by the process ofextending it, it moved further
away and became smaller, youknow, like that thing and
diminishing into the distancethat is just not such a big deal
(12:24):
anymore.
And even though it is a big dealto have drunk heavily for so
long, and to have felt so muchshame, that's a big feeling that
we can call up in a heartbeat.
It becomes not a big deal to, toshare the story because we're,
we've moved past that and we'resecure, secure with our
(12:44):
community and, and our, and ourpositive choices going forward.
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
(13:07):
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
(13:27):
Back to the episode.
So what would you say to, to somebody may be
still, you know, wanting 30 dayor, not sure whether they need a
coach, not, not sure what theright step forward is?
but they know that they arestruggling.
They know that they're not happywith where they are right now.
What would you say to them?
(13:50):
they're living deep in a shame.
Michelle Nesbitt (13:52):
first thing I'd say is you're not alone.
You may think that you are theonly one going through this, but
you're not.
There are millions of peoplethat overdrink.
There are millions of peoplethat wake up every day and say,
I'm not going to drink today.
And they drink today.
And you have nothing to lose bytrying.
And the, this is another thingthat I remember hearing and it
(14:18):
is so true.
There is very few, very few, ifany, straight lines to not
drinking.
drinking to not drinking.
There are some people that havegiven it up and never touched it
again.
And from start to finish, butthat can, I only know one person
in all the people that I know.
(14:39):
There are many squiggly lines.
You don't drink, and then youhave some, and then you beat
yourself up.
It's okay.
Just start again.
Start again.
I would tell them for sure,you're not alone, and you have
nothing to lose, and life on theother side is so good.
It's so much better.
Barry Condon (15:00):
That's brilliant.
Yeah, I mean, and you're right.
It's just nothing to lose.
And, and, and I think one of theother things that, that is often
said in, in our circles, yeah,it's not your fault.
It's, it's just an addictivesubstance that, you know, that
society pushes all over, youknow, all over us and, and, and
is good for us.
thrown out as the, as a solutionto, you know, all your troubles,
(15:23):
all your joys, all yoursituations.
and you know, and, and the moreyou do it, you know, and, and
the more, the more you rely on,on it, the more you expect it,
the more, yeah, it just keepsfeeding itself.
And it's the substance.
It really is the substance.
I think when we, we, you know,when, when you sort of see that,
Oh gosh, yeah, it's not, it'snot me.
I'm not broken.
(15:43):
I'm not broken.
You know, I'm just doing what,what's, you know, What's written
on the tin, you know, it'salcohol, it's addictive.
yeah, that's, that's, that'spretty good.
so looking back, what would,what would be one thing that you
wish you'd known, then that younow know about how life is, as
someone who's free of alcohol?
Michelle Nesbitt (16:04):
Oh, the first thing that popped into my mind
when you said that is that lifeisn't about alcohol.
And the media society, the normthere, says it is.
And being alcohol free, Inotice.
So much alcohol is involved inour daily life, and I do
(16:27):
remember that.
We would go out, it was aroundwhere we were eating, what was
the wine good, where we weregoing after, everything revolved
around alcohol.
that was normal.
And it still is common, verynormal in society.
(16:47):
And I think there's a big pushagainst that and saying it's not
normal.
It doesn't have to be normal.
So for me, I see that, alcoholis out of my life.
And yes, in many circumstances,I'm out and people are drinking
and doing whatever.
And I'm aware of it.
I see it.
And I just am so free of that,so I'm, I'm really happy about
(17:12):
that, but that was, that wassomething that if I had have
known back then that alcoholdidn't have to be in your life
every day, you couldn't havetold me that back then because
I'm like, Ooh, I didn't want itto be in my life, but how did
you get there?
And it can be done.
as I said before, I don't eventhink about it now.
Justine Clark (17:32):
I love what you've said there.
I mean, what I sort of feel,along those lines is that I was
in this massive relationshipthat, This controlling
relationship, abusiverelationship with somebody that,
something that I had no controlover.
You know, I was in arelationship with alcohol.
I wasn't in control of my ownlife.
And I think that's the mostsurprising thing for me, is that
(17:56):
being free of alcohol, all of asudden, I'm free to choose.
At the weekend, I chose to go toa Pearl Jam concert.
all By myself.
I didn't sell my ticket.
dad was going to be sitting upin the bleachers and my brother
was with his friends and I hadthis ticket.
I was like, well, I would havehad to go, well, I can't do that
(18:16):
without, well, at least I'mgoing to have to drink or do
something.
but I was I can get my car anddrive there.
I can go a bit later.
I can leave a bit earlier.
I can rig on my way to thefront.
I sat there, I was literally,you know, 10 meters from the
front of the stage.
Okay, it was 20.
I'm exaggerating for, you know,for effect.
20 meters away with my greentea, watching this concert.
(18:40):
I have choice.
So, you know, that's what'schanged.
What's been the most surprisingthing for you?
Michelle Nesbitt (18:46):
What has changed for me?
The most surprising thing isthat I still have a load of fun,
like crazy fun.
I thought that that would begone and in the beginning, I
will be honest, it was because Ididn't know how to act.
I didn't know, I didn't havethat crutch with me.
I've always been kind of sillyand outgoing and, and honestly
(19:09):
didn't think that I would goingto have as much fun.
there was a period of time thatI didn't.
And then I remember we had awhole group of golf friends,
golf girls, get together out inthe country and we had a bonfire
and we had music going and wewere dancing around the dirt and
everything.
We had so much fun.
(19:31):
And one of the girls leaned overto my friend.
told me this later.
I didn't hear it.
She leaned over to my friend andshe said, Oh, Michelle's had a
lot to drink.
Like, is she driving?
And she said, Michelle doesn'tdrink at all.
And he thought, because I wasdancing and having so much fun.
And when I heard that later, Iwent, Oh, my God.
(19:51):
That's hilarious.
That's exactly how I want to be.
I just want to be myself stillbe fun and crazy.
And I don't, I don't do thingsthat I don't regret or that I
regret.
I don't, I go to bed when Iwant.
If I'm tired, I go to bed.
I get up early and I just, Ihave so much fun with my
(20:11):
grandkids.
I have fun traveling.
Everything is times ten.
see everything.
I just came back from an easternroad trip in Canada.
And everything was magnificent.
And I saw everything.
And I took it in.
It was breathtaking.
The entire trip.
I saw everything.
(20:32):
I didn't miss a thing.
So, everything is magnified.
To the better,
Barry Condon (20:38):
That's brilliant.
Yeah.
And I resonate with that.
It's, it's, it's, you know, funis genuine fun.
And, and, and yeah.
And if it's not fun, yeah.
You don't have, you know, you'renot pretending, you're not just
sort of, drinking to make itbetter or, or, but yeah, that's,
that's, that's also so true.
So, there's a final questionthat we ask everybody, to sort
of try and find the three wordsthat best sum up their journey
(21:01):
to finding alcohol freedom.
Do you have three words for us?
Hehehehehehe
Michelle Nesbitt (21:08):
relief, joy, and peace.
Sorry.
That's for, but I'm a rulebreaker freedom for
Justine Clark (21:15):
it.
Michelle Nesbitt (21:16):
I've never felt this free before.
joy.
I, I have so much joy in mylife.
It's.
I get giddy about it.
Like, I, I actually get giddyand go like, this is, this is
just great.
Life is fantastic.
relief.
It's like, I don't have to thinkabout that anymore.
That big thing that was loomingover me that kind of had this,
(21:37):
had me in this cloud and itwasn't me.
And I have a relief.
I don't, I don't have to thinkabout that anymore.
It's gone.
It's absolutely gone.
And the peace I have.
I'm so blessed.
I have so much peace in my life.
And that is, it's as a result ofnot drinking, taking alcohol out
(22:04):
of my life.
And I did that in, in order forme to do the work I wanted to do
on myself personally, and tofind out, down deeper.
We all drink for reasons.
We, we all over drink forreasons.
And I wanted to know what waslying beneath the surface.
What was happening?
(22:24):
Why was I turning to this?
And I did a lot of work for asolid year.
I've been working on myself foryears, but the last year, the
work that I've done, thepersonal journey that I've
taken, digging deep, painful,joyful, I would never would have
(22:46):
been able to do if I wasdrinking and I couldn't be
honest with myself.
And if there's anything I wantto say to people is be honest.
that is the beginning.
To get you to be honest withyourself, with what's happening
in your life, what you're doing,be honest.
Don't tell yourself stories.
(23:07):
You can tell the stories, butyou know, they're not true.
So be honest and then fastforward through all the work I
can say right now.
The honesty that I have life, Iwrite it daily.
I live with honesty.
I don't lie.
And I don't twist things.
I don't try and cover up things.
(23:28):
If I have said or done somethingand it's wrong, I'm honest about
it and I try and fix it andcorrect it.
but if you're honest all thetime with yourself, there's no
better feeling.
You don't have, you don't haveto hide.
There's nothing to hide from.
Justine Clark (23:46):
For sure.
For sure.
Thanks so much, Michelle.
And if, if somebody, one of ouraudience resonates with what
you're saying and they needhelp, finding their why and
finding a way to be honest withthemselves and they would like
to work with you, how best canthey find
Michelle Nesbitt (24:03):
I
Justine Clark (24:03):
you?
Michelle Nesbitt (24:04):
a website and, it is www level up coaching.ca
so they can that out and,
Barry Condon (24:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll put that in the show notesand what, what kind of services
are you, are you doing?
I think you're doing some sortof group, together with Martha.
Is that right?
Michelle Nesbitt (24:22):
Redpath out of Vermont.
and I'm from Ontario, Canada,we're doing a women's burnout to
brilliance workshop and we do itfor six weeks on Monday nights
and we have one in process rightnow.
And then we're going to doanother one in February and it's
been absolutely fantastic.
Yeah, it's been wonderful.
Barry Condon (24:41):
Oh, that's great.
Now.
Thanks very much, Michelle.
It's been really, really greattalking to you.
Michelle Nesbitt (24:45):
Thanks very, thanks Justine.
It's wonderful to see you guysagain.
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, we talk to ourfriend Michelle, whose entire
social life revolved aroundalcohol, which I think most of
us can relate to.
So, when she decided to make achange, she didn't know how to
tell her friends, or even herclose family.
She was wracked with shame, andpetrified of what people might
(00:20):
think.
Severe judgment of ourselves andunderestimating the kindness and
forgiveness and love of thosearound us seems to be hardwired
into most of us.
But Michelle's story willinspire you to lean into that
discomfort and find genuinefreedom on the other side.
Let's get going.
Justine Clark (00:38):
Hello everybody and welcome to our Alcohol
Freedom Finders podcast.
Today we are super excitedbecause we have Michelle Nesbitt
with us, who is a fellow of thisNaked Mind, Alcohol Freedom from
Alcohol coach, but she alsospecializes in helping women
through middle age, goingthrough crisis and change and
(00:59):
transition.
So welcome, Michelle.
Really great to have you here.
I
Barry Condon (01:04):
Great.
Great to see you, Michelle.
we're really looking forward tothis.
we, we've known each other for,you know, 18 months now and,
and, I know quite a, quite a bitabout your story, but, but, take
us back to, to when you decided,alcohol was a thing that you
needed to do something aboutand, and, and how did you find
your alcohol freedom?
Michelle Nesbitt (01:22):
Thanks, Barry.
truly, I remember the day, thatI started and it was November
20th.
2021.
I was leaving on vacation and Ihad woke up that day and went,
I, I just can't do this anymore.
And that was probably the 100thtime I had woken up.
And said the same thing tomyself.
What are you doing?
Yeah, this is your, this is notyou.
(01:44):
You are wasting your life.
What are you doing to yourself?
And I just decided to get a holdof it and give it up, turn it
around.
So I did reach out to, AnnieGrace's program.
I joined the path.
I looked at the alcoholexperiment and it was 30 days
and I was so committed tomaking, getting my life back.
(02:08):
That I said, no, I want theyear, so I went with the path,
and that was the best thing Idid.
Justine Clark (02:15):
I really resonate with that.
I particularly love the factthat you've alluded to for the
hundredth time.
Because I think so many of ushave gone to bed, woken up in
the morning going, Today is theday where I am definitely not
going to have a drink.
It's a Monday, or it's a, youknow, I'm only drinking three
days this week.
Or I'm only drinking on, uh, so,you know, I really hear you on
(02:36):
that one.
So, What was the struggle thatmade you realize that this was
it, this was the moment?
Was there anything that you justthought, no, no, no, I can't
live with this anymore?
Or what was that moment for you?
Michelle Nesbitt (02:47):
think I was seeing, myself in a different
light.
I knew who I was, I, did notwant to see myself do this
anymore.
Because it wasn't who I was.
I was a super active person.
I had been in business for 35years.
I had great friends, greatfamily, and nobody knew I was
(03:08):
doing this.
I was doing it in the evening.
Once I my life and I was doingit in the evening and I thought
this is not who I am.
I just didn't want to see myselfthat way anymore.
So I said, that's it for thehundredth time.
But this time I did somethingabout it in the sense of I knew
that I was trying so hard togive it up every day and it
(03:31):
wasn't working.
Some days were better thanothers.
And then, I had a friend who isa therapist and she said, Oh,
why don't you check out thisanti grace alcohol experiment?
that's what I did.
And I kept reading and then Isaw the year long path and I
went, that's what I want becauseI want this change.
Forever.
I do not want to stop for 30days.
I am.
(03:52):
I am committed to getting mylife back and being healthy
again.
Barry Condon (03:56):
And so what would you say were the things about
the, The program that, that,that spoke to you the most, you
know, what, what, what was itabout, the approach that, that
this naked mind takes, that youfound most, rewarding?
Michelle Nesbitt (04:08):
such a great question.
And I have said this to so manypeople.
It was the compassion, no blame,the no judgment.
It was a safe space for me toexplore and discover and grow
and dig deep.
And nobody was telling me.
That, oh, you shouldn't havedone that or that's terrible.
(04:31):
And we were all sharing stories,but it was, there was so much
support and care and compassion.
And when I listened to otherpeople telling their stories
too, we all got vulnerable and,you know, talked about some
things that we weren't proud of.
And there was not one personthat did anything except give
(04:52):
compassion.
and support and no judgment.
So that to me, which I learnedlater, that's how people grow.
You can't grow in blame orshame.
You can't feel good aboutyourself and blame or shame.
So compassion and support and nojudgment is how the whole
program is led.
(05:13):
And that's how I lead my lifenow.
So that just kept going in mylife.
When
Justine Clark (05:20):
That sort of tribe of compassion.
You know, you feel like you'resurrounded by people who, Not
only understand your journey,but completely support in a non
judgemental way.
I think that's really uniquewith and quite unique for what
we go through when we stopalcohol because one of the
(05:41):
things that happens to us isthat we feel that we're alone
and that nobody else is doing itlike this or that nobody else is
Waking up with that kind ofcognitive dissonance, knowing
that they really don't want togo and have a a, a drink today.
Today's the day that they do thegym.
They eat the healthy food.
they plan a date night, youknow, do all the stuff, and then
(06:03):
come six o'clock, not even sixo'clock, maybe five o'clock,
they just go and reach fortheir, their, their favorite
drink because something's gottenin the way, you know, the, the
washing's fallen off the line orit started raining on it, or,
you know, any reason.
it's, it's, it's that feeling soalone and, and so stupid in
that, that, that is supported bythis work.
(06:25):
And what then, bearing that inmind, what then made you feel
that you wanted to extend your,your journey, to become a coach?
Michelle Nesbitt (06:35):
I was finished the path, I really did connect
with a lot of people, in mycohort and I really did love
talking with people and I felt,naturally compelled to uplift
and support surround people.
(06:55):
with what they needed.
I could see them flourishing inthat too.
And which what I had just comethrough, people did that for me.
And I've always loved, coaching,mentoring.
It's kind of been a little bitof who I've been my whole life.
I just decided, one of thecoaches reached out to me, the
(07:18):
senior coaches and asked if Iwould Be interested in coaching.
And I was like, yes.
So I, and that two parts,leaving alcohol behind
definitely opened up my lifeagain, going through the
coaching program, which is sointense and, and long that
(07:43):
changed my life that to me, wedid so much personal work.
So we can do that personal workwith others.
changed my life and I reinventedmyself and I found myself again.
you know what happens over theyears of career and family and
you get busy.
(08:03):
You lose a little bit ofyourself along the way and
that's pretty common.
And I had really lost myself.
And I got a chance to findmyself again.
So it's, that's been thegreatest, one of the greatest
joys.
Barry Condon (08:18):
That's brilliant.
I was just thinking back to, towhat you said earlier about how,
you did a lot of your drinkingin, Private and, and, and at the
end of the day, you know, whenyou had your day, how, what was
it a surprise for the peoplearound you when, when you came
out and sort of said, you know,I've got a problem, I'm not
drinking anymore.
How did people around you dealwith that?
(08:38):
Or how did you deal with, with,with telling people?
Michelle Nesbitt (08:40):
beginning, I just said I was doing a 30 day,
alcohol free challenge with afriend.
And that's barely all I couldget out, in telling people.
I was so ashamed.
I was so embarrassed.
I didn't want to be one of thosepeople, and I was so afraid of
what people thought.
(09:02):
And so it was, as I said to youbefore, it was a drip.
It was a slow drip, you know,the tribe and in our community,
online with the coaching, we allknew.
We all knew our backstories.
We know we knew everything andwe were very safe.
So out in the community.
My life, as I said, I often saidI was leading two lives and it
(09:25):
was very stressful and so Islowly started to tell a few
people that I felt very safearound and that was important to
me.
And then I started to tell alittle bit more and then I held
off for a long time.
I was petrified to tell, mykids, my two sons, I did tell my
(09:45):
oldest son And he said to me,mom, that's so brave.
that blew me away.
I didn't expect that.
And he said, I'm proud of you.
And I'm like, Whoa, really good.
So, and then, my youngest son,it took me quite a lot longer to
tell him he's still, he wasstill in that young stage going
(10:07):
out and drinking and, and, And,I didn't want him to view me
because I was still in a bit ofa parental role with my younger
son and I didn't want him toview me, um, poor light.
So when I did finally, I sat himdown in my office and I talked
to him, I said, I just want youto know why quit drinking.
(10:27):
So I told him a little bit ofthe backstory with, you know,
not coping and everything withsome things.
And then, I told him it just.
It just kind of such a habitthat I, I was doing too much of
it and it was really interruptedmy life.
And I had a really hard timestopping and went, that's not
like me.
So I had to take my life backagain.
(10:49):
he said, I understand mom.
He said, that's okay.
for me, that was another reliefand a release.
So once those two most importantpeople in my life.
I had told, then I started tobecome more comfortable and
confident, and then I wouldchoose some more people, some
(11:10):
friends, some very close friendsI talked to on the side, none of
them batted an eye.
They said, okay, all right.
And I, I had not been drinkingfor over a year at this point,
so they were used to me notdrinking.
They just, they used to laughthat I, that I didn't drink.
You know, Michelle and her soda.
So now I don't go out there andtell the world that I drank too
(11:34):
much.
But I also don't hide it.
So if someone says to me, Hey,you don't drink.
Why don't you drink?
I said, you know what?
I was drinking too much.
I'd had enough.
I was all done with it.
And my life is so much betternow.
And that's how I feel.
And I, I don't, I don't thinktwice about it.
I hardly even think aboutdrinking anymore.
(11:56):
it doesn't even cross my mind.
it's just, it's who I am withoutalcohol, so it's comfortable.
Justine Clark (12:03):
Yeah, I, Yeah, love that.
It's like you made one decision,one choice to tell one person,
and then you sort of extendedthat and extended that.
And almost by the process ofextending it, it moved further
away and became smaller, youknow, like that thing and
diminishing into the distancethat is just not such a big deal
(12:24):
anymore.
And even though it is a big dealto have drunk heavily for so
long, and to have felt so muchshame, that's a big feeling that
we can call up in a heartbeat.
It becomes not a big deal to, toshare the story because we're,
we've moved past that and we'resecure, secure with our
(12:44):
community and, and our, and ourpositive choices going forward.
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
(13:07):
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
(13:27):
Back to the episode.
So what would you say to, to somebody may be
still, you know, wanting 30 dayor, not sure whether they need a
coach, not, not sure what theright step forward is?
but they know that they arestruggling.
They know that they're not happywith where they are right now.
What would you say to them?
(13:50):
they're living deep in a shame.
Michelle Nesbitt (13:52):
first thing I'd say is you're not alone.
You may think that you are theonly one going through this, but
you're not.
There are millions of peoplethat overdrink.
There are millions of peoplethat wake up every day and say,
I'm not going to drink today.
And they drink today.
And you have nothing to lose bytrying.
And the, this is another thingthat I remember hearing and it
(14:18):
is so true.
There is very few, very few, ifany, straight lines to not
drinking.
drinking to not drinking.
There are some people that havegiven it up and never touched it
again.
And from start to finish, butthat can, I only know one person
in all the people that I know.
(14:39):
There are many squiggly lines.
You don't drink, and then youhave some, and then you beat
yourself up.
It's okay.
Just start again.
Start again.
I would tell them for sure,you're not alone, and you have
nothing to lose, and life on theother side is so good.
It's so much better.
Barry Condon (15:00):
That's brilliant.
Yeah, I mean, and you're right.
It's just nothing to lose.
And, and, and I think one of theother things that, that is often
said in, in our circles, yeah,it's not your fault.
It's, it's just an addictivesubstance that, you know, that
society pushes all over, youknow, all over us and, and, and
is good for us.
thrown out as the, as a solutionto, you know, all your troubles,
(15:23):
all your joys, all yoursituations.
and you know, and, and the moreyou do it, you know, and, and
the more, the more you rely on,on it, the more you expect it,
the more, yeah, it just keepsfeeding itself.
And it's the substance.
It really is the substance.
I think when we, we, you know,when, when you sort of see that,
Oh gosh, yeah, it's not, it'snot me.
I'm not broken.
(15:43):
I'm not broken.
You know, I'm just doing what,what's, you know, What's written
on the tin, you know, it'salcohol, it's addictive.
yeah, that's, that's, that'spretty good.
so looking back, what would,what would be one thing that you
wish you'd known, then that younow know about how life is, as
someone who's free of alcohol?
Michelle Nesbitt (16:04):
Oh, the first thing that popped into my mind
when you said that is that lifeisn't about alcohol.
And the media society, the normthere, says it is.
And being alcohol free, Inotice.
So much alcohol is involved inour daily life, and I do
(16:27):
remember that.
We would go out, it was aroundwhere we were eating, what was
the wine good, where we weregoing after, everything revolved
around alcohol.
that was normal.
And it still is common, verynormal in society.
(16:47):
And I think there's a big pushagainst that and saying it's not
normal.
It doesn't have to be normal.
So for me, I see that, alcoholis out of my life.
And yes, in many circumstances,I'm out and people are drinking
and doing whatever.
And I'm aware of it.
I see it.
And I just am so free of that,so I'm, I'm really happy about
(17:12):
that, but that was, that wassomething that if I had have
known back then that alcoholdidn't have to be in your life
every day, you couldn't havetold me that back then because
I'm like, Ooh, I didn't want itto be in my life, but how did
you get there?
And it can be done.
as I said before, I don't eventhink about it now.
Justine Clark (17:32):
I love what you've said there.
I mean, what I sort of feel,along those lines is that I was
in this massive relationshipthat, This controlling
relationship, abusiverelationship with somebody that,
something that I had no controlover.
You know, I was in arelationship with alcohol.
I wasn't in control of my ownlife.
And I think that's the mostsurprising thing for me, is that
(17:56):
being free of alcohol, all of asudden, I'm free to choose.
At the weekend, I chose to go toa Pearl Jam concert.
all By myself.
I didn't sell my ticket.
dad was going to be sitting upin the bleachers and my brother
was with his friends and I hadthis ticket.
I was like, well, I would havehad to go, well, I can't do that
(18:16):
without, well, at least I'mgoing to have to drink or do
something.
but I was I can get my car anddrive there.
I can go a bit later.
I can leave a bit earlier.
I can rig on my way to thefront.
I sat there, I was literally,you know, 10 meters from the
front of the stage.
Okay, it was 20.
I'm exaggerating for, you know,for effect.
20 meters away with my greentea, watching this concert.
(18:40):
I have choice.
So, you know, that's what'schanged.
What's been the most surprisingthing for you?
Michelle Nesbitt (18:46):
What has changed for me?
The most surprising thing isthat I still have a load of fun,
like crazy fun.
I thought that that would begone and in the beginning, I
will be honest, it was because Ididn't know how to act.
I didn't know, I didn't havethat crutch with me.
I've always been kind of sillyand outgoing and, and honestly
(19:09):
didn't think that I would goingto have as much fun.
there was a period of time thatI didn't.
And then I remember we had awhole group of golf friends,
golf girls, get together out inthe country and we had a bonfire
and we had music going and wewere dancing around the dirt and
everything.
We had so much fun.
(19:31):
And one of the girls leaned overto my friend.
told me this later.
I didn't hear it.
She leaned over to my friend andshe said, Oh, Michelle's had a
lot to drink.
Like, is she driving?
And she said, Michelle doesn'tdrink at all.
And he thought, because I wasdancing and having so much fun.
And when I heard that later, Iwent, Oh, my God.
(19:51):
That's hilarious.
That's exactly how I want to be.
I just want to be myself stillbe fun and crazy.
And I don't, I don't do thingsthat I don't regret or that I
regret.
I don't, I go to bed when Iwant.
If I'm tired, I go to bed.
I get up early and I just, Ihave so much fun with my
(20:11):
grandkids.
I have fun traveling.
Everything is times ten.
see everything.
I just came back from an easternroad trip in Canada.
And everything was magnificent.
And I saw everything.
And I took it in.
It was breathtaking.
The entire trip.
I saw everything.
(20:32):
I didn't miss a thing.
So, everything is magnified.
To the better,
Barry Condon (20:38):
That's brilliant.
Yeah.
And I resonate with that.
It's, it's, it's, you know, funis genuine fun.
And, and, and yeah.
And if it's not fun, yeah.
You don't have, you know, you'renot pretending, you're not just
sort of, drinking to make itbetter or, or, but yeah, that's,
that's, that's also so true.
So, there's a final questionthat we ask everybody, to sort
of try and find the three wordsthat best sum up their journey
(21:01):
to finding alcohol freedom.
Do you have three words for us?
Hehehehehehe
Michelle Nesbitt (21:08):
relief, joy, and peace.
Sorry.
That's for, but I'm a rulebreaker freedom for
Justine Clark (21:15):
it.
Michelle Nesbitt (21:16):
I've never felt this free before.
joy.
I, I have so much joy in mylife.
It's.
I get giddy about it.
Like, I, I actually get giddyand go like, this is, this is
just great.
Life is fantastic.
relief.
It's like, I don't have to thinkabout that anymore.
That big thing that was loomingover me that kind of had this,
(21:37):
had me in this cloud and itwasn't me.
And I have a relief.
I don't, I don't have to thinkabout that anymore.
It's gone.
It's absolutely gone.
And the peace I have.
I'm so blessed.
I have so much peace in my life.
And that is, it's as a result ofnot drinking, taking alcohol out
(22:04):
of my life.
And I did that in, in order forme to do the work I wanted to do
on myself personally, and tofind out, down deeper.
We all drink for reasons.
We, we all over drink forreasons.
And I wanted to know what waslying beneath the surface.
What was happening?
(22:24):
Why was I turning to this?
And I did a lot of work for asolid year.
I've been working on myself foryears, but the last year, the
work that I've done, thepersonal journey that I've
taken, digging deep, painful,joyful, I would never would have
(22:46):
been able to do if I wasdrinking and I couldn't be
honest with myself.
And if there's anything I wantto say to people is be honest.
that is the beginning.
To get you to be honest withyourself, with what's happening
in your life, what you're doing,be honest.
Don't tell yourself stories.
(23:07):
You can tell the stories, butyou know, they're not true.
So be honest and then fastforward through all the work I
can say right now.
The honesty that I have life, Iwrite it daily.
I live with honesty.
I don't lie.
And I don't twist things.
I don't try and cover up things.
(23:28):
If I have said or done somethingand it's wrong, I'm honest about
it and I try and fix it andcorrect it.
but if you're honest all thetime with yourself, there's no
better feeling.
You don't have, you don't haveto hide.
There's nothing to hide from.
Justine Clark (23:46):
For sure.
For sure.
Thanks so much, Michelle.
And if, if somebody, one of ouraudience resonates with what
you're saying and they needhelp, finding their why and
finding a way to be honest withthemselves and they would like
to work with you, how best canthey find
Michelle Nesbitt (24:03):
I
Justine Clark (24:03):
you?
Michelle Nesbitt (24:04):
a website and, it is www level up coaching.ca
so they can that out and,
Barry Condon (24:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll put that in the show notesand what, what kind of services
are you, are you doing?
I think you're doing some sortof group, together with Martha.
Is that right?
Michelle Nesbitt (24:22):
Redpath out of Vermont.
and I'm from Ontario, Canada,we're doing a women's burnout to
brilliance workshop and we do itfor six weeks on Monday nights
and we have one in process rightnow.
And then we're going to doanother one in February and it's
been absolutely fantastic.
Yeah, it's been wonderful.
Barry Condon (24:41):
Oh, that's great.
Now.
Thanks very much, Michelle.
It's been really, really greattalking to you.
Michelle Nesbitt (24:45):
Thanks very, thanks Justine.
It's wonderful to see you guysagain.
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