October 26, 2024 • 26 mins
In this episode, you'll hear about Stacey's many attempts to find alcohol freedom. Stints in rehab, trips to the ER, months of AA meetings, and a lonely Mother's Day weekend drinking champagne that left her fighting for her life. But then how it was a book that finally helped her become an alcohol freedom finder.
Stacey Crescitelli
https://www.staceycrescitelli.com/
https://www.instagram.com/stacey_crescitelli_coaching/
Our 30-day group programme:
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/aff-group
The podcast home page
https://podcast.alcoholfreedomfinders.com/
Justine Clark
https://justineclarktherapy.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/wellwithjustine/
Barry Condon
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/
https://www.instagram.com/clean.life.coaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/barry-condon-577b85294/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, you'll hearabout Stacey's many attempts to
find alcohol freedom.
Stints in rehab, trips to theER, months of AA meetings, and a
lonely Mother's Day weekenddrinking champagne that left her
fighting for her life.
But then how it was a book thatfinally helped her become an
alcohol freedom finder.
(00:22):
Let's dive in.
Stacey Crescitelli (00:27):
Silence.
Barry Condon (00:47):
a single mother and an empty nester and someone
who's worked her whole life inhospitality.
But she's got an amazing story.
And I'm really looking forwardto hearing more about it.
Welcome, Stacey.
Stacey Crescitelli (01:00):
you.
Justine Clark (01:02):
So I'm so excited to see you that I'm going to
come and fly out to LA and seeyou in person next week.
So that's super exciting.
Stacey Crescitelli (01:08):
Can't wait.
Justine Clark (01:09):
I know, I can't wait, really, honestly.
So let's get started.
Why don't you tell us what'sunique about your journey and
what led you to this naked mind,and ultimately becoming alcohol
free?
Stacey Crescitelli (01:23):
My journey is unique in that I am one of
the people that you hear aboutbut you don't think these things
really happen, and that I had avery, very scary, near death
medical event at the culminationof my drinking.
like lots of others, I starteddrinking at a young age in my
(01:46):
twenties and, you know, wine torelax, to socialize, to connect
after work.
And being in the hospitalityindustry, it was very easy to
fall into that on a nightlybasis.
Ultimately what ended uphappening, and we'll talk about
this more later, is I ended uphaving a withdrawal seizure when
I decided one morning that I'dhad enough.
Barry Condon (02:09):
Wow.
So we'll take us back a littlebit to, to where, to where your,
where you first sort of becameaware that, that, that drinking
was an issue for you.
Stacey Crescitelli (02:20):
became aware that drinking was probably an
issue was actually not until my40s.
So at this point I've beendrinking for many, many years.
Several or many years of grayarea drinking.
And it wasn't until my secondtime being married.
When my husband, who was not adrinker, asked me point blank,
(02:40):
Stacy, are you an alcoholic?
And I was aghast and I said, noway.
I'm not one of those people.
actually at the time I was justoffended, it didn't give me
pause.
it started to snowball at thatpoint and there were a couple of
trips to the emergency room whenhe felt that I had gone too far
and he was worried about alcoholpoisoning.
(03:03):
it wasn't until probably aboutage 45 that I really thought to
myself, Hey, maybe this actuallyis a problem.
Justine Clark (03:12):
No, I totally get that.
I think that sounds like, like,so common for many of us.
We're not sure whether we'redrinking too much.
We kind of go, well, know howmuch is too much.
What are other people drinking?
How many units am I doing?
Type into Google, am I analcoholic?
what, what is Was one of yourbiggest struggles there and, and
(03:32):
in that process and how did youovercome that?
Stacey Crescitelli (03:36):
I really had a huge cognitive dissonance in
my brain because the people thatI socialized with were all from
my work life and we all drankthe same way I drank.
when others were non drinkers orlight social drinkers like my
husband at the time, I thoughthe was the outlier.
It never occurred to me that Iwas the outlier and that this
(03:59):
was not normal drinkingbehavior.
So I really struggled in thisrelationship and during this
time.
the constant questioning aboutmy drinking and me being
defensive and really just notknowing that how much I was
drinking was just not normal.
Because I could easily put backtwo bottles of wine every night.
(04:22):
You know, that magic number,that two bottles of wine.
I was doing that.
Barry Condon (04:26):
Yeah, well.
That happened to be my luckynumber as well at the end or
unlucky number.
It's, it is amazing though.
I don't know whether it's a sortof, that's your mind playing
tricks with you, but there arealways people who are drinking
way more than you around you.
It just feels like, well, I'mnot, you know, I'm, there's, you
know, I don't drink like them,you know, that I think he might
have a problem, but, but me, youknow, maybe, maybe I get drunk
(04:47):
once, you know, too often.
And then, and you know, I usedto feel that was a bit of a
lightweight because, you know,I, I might get drunk before they
did, you know, but I wasn't, youknow.
Drinking loads of whiskey anddrinking in the morning and all
that kind of stuff.
So when did you sort of start toaddress it yourself then?
Yeah,
Stacey Crescitelli (05:08):
the end I was always leaving that one
little last couple sips in thebottle to drink it in the
morning to ward off thosemorning shakes.
And even then I still have theconversation in my head that
maybe this has gone too far.
my first attempts at reiningthis in were not of my own
(05:29):
accord.
These were, like I said, myhusband was worried and he at
one point during that reallyrough few years of drinking and
being in denial, I did a fiveday stint in a detox facility.
And even then I thought, well,you know, I just went way too
far this time and after detox,I'll just rein it in.
(05:50):
And I, I had no intention ofquitting drinking even after
leaving a detox facility.
Justine Clark (05:55):
I think it's surprising that what you said so
far in the journey reminds methat alcohol sneaks in so
insidiously into our lives that,you know, I like you and Barry
was drinking two bottles of winea day, some of it I was on a
show that people would see I wasdrinking a bottle, but the other
was the bit I was sort of selfmedicating to just make me to
(06:18):
normalize my life.
it's what's surprising is thatalcohol finds a way to make us
think it's normal.
And that we have to do it.
It's not like we're overdrinking, we're having to drink
that much just to stay, to staylevel, right?
So what what changed for you?
What, what was the, I want tohear about how you stopped,
(06:43):
because I know for me it'staken, it took a number of
times, a number of ways, and Ithink that's really helpful to
people who are on the journey tofind out how did you make the
change?
Stacey Crescitelli (06:53):
My change happened my journey included, I
want to say maybe four or fiveor six day ones with a concerted
effort to leave alcohol behind.
And the first couple of times,like I said, after a stay in an
ER and after the detoxencouraged by my husband and my
family, I went on a long ishstring of days with no alcohol.
(07:20):
But I always return, because thethought of never again, I, I
just didn't know how to processthat.
And so, and I think there's justso much misinformation about
alcohol and alcoholism andalcoholics, so that if I'd
string together enough days,there would be a night where my
husband would say, let's have adrink together tonight, as sort
(07:42):
of like a Celebration, orStacey, you've done so well,
let's have a drink together.
So, of this to a drinker'sbrain, and even to his non
drinking brain, it's veryconfusing and it makes, it makes
that journey, it just gives thejourney more twists and turns.
(08:04):
I'll say that.
So, like I said, five or six dayones.
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
(08:26):
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
(08:46):
Back to the episode.
And to get back to how I finally did stop
drinking, we're jumping ahead alittle bit.
I actually did a 28 day stay ininpatient rehab in 2016.
And when I came out of that iswhen I put together quite a long
string of days.
I was alcohol free, say alcoholfree because it didn't enter my
(09:11):
mind.
I was literally free fromthoughts of it, but about two
and a half years in, I thought,well, this birthday.
The first of my friends is aboutto turn 50.
I will go and have one glass.
Surely that will be fine.
And so I, I didn't plan it in myhead as titled my relapse, but
(09:31):
that's in fact what happened andit was back to the races very
quickly.
culminating in a very sad,despondent weekend where I just
went off the rails and when Icame to on Tuesday morning, I
said, that's it.
I'm done.
And went about my day untilthings started to go sideways.
(09:54):
I ended up having an alcoholwithdrawal seizure.
I spent three days in thehospital and seizure was so
intense and lasted so long thatthey pumped me full of so much
that I didn't wake up for almost24 hours.
So that's a scary ending to adrinking story, right?
(10:16):
That's a scary end.
Barry Condon (10:19):
that's, that's unbelievable.
And, and, and it really, itreally shows you how how easily
that's done.
You know, cause it's just like,you know, we've all had a big
weekend, you know, where, wherewe've drunk way too much on, you
know, twice as much as wenormally would or whatever.
And it wasn't as if you wereguzzling liters of, of, of, of
whiskey but your body reacts,your body defends itself.
(10:43):
And, and I guess that's what,what we think of withdrawal as
something as your body piningfor it or something.
That's how I sort of envisage awithdrawal.
It's something, you know, yourbody's pining for something and
it can't deal with thewithdrawal, but it's actually
your body just sort of trying toprotect itself from from the
next onslaught and, and, andthen it doesn't come.
And so it's sort ofoverstimulated trying to protect
yourself from the sedation.
(11:04):
That's terrifying though.
So how, how, what, what happenednext?
Stacey Crescitelli (11:08):
I read a lot of stories about people who talk
about multiple episodes ofseizure in their history.
was terrified to my core.
When I woke up in the hospitaland it, they didn't piece
together what had happened to mefor several hours after I came
to.
And then they finally said, andI was so ashamed and I was so
(11:32):
frightened and terrified.
And my, my first thought was,what if I had died?
What if they had told my sonthat I drank myself to death?
And still right now that thatgets me so choked up because
that was not my intention.
I was just drinking bottles ofchampagne.
my house alone because it wasMother's Day and I was by
(11:52):
myself.
I was, I was sad and despondentand I had no intention of
harming myself, but I drankmyself into this situation.
I knew laying there in thathospital that I was done.
And one of my friends, my bestfriends that came to visit me,
(12:14):
came in the room and said, youdone?
Because they've watched me gothrough this up and down cycle
of I drink, I don't drink, Idrink too much.
I'm taking a break.
And now here I am lying in ahospital.
those words, are you done?
They just, they sat on me like ablanket.
(12:34):
I, I knew in my soul that yes,I'm done.
then when I come home from thehospital, I'm done, but how am I
going to stay done?
Because this has never stuckbefore.
And now it has to, and I am justat a loss.
Okay.
I'm terrified,
Justine Clark (12:52):
I look, I resonate with that so much.
I'm sure so many people do soyou feel powerless and that
alcohol somehow got this powerover you and you're doing
something you really don't wantto be doing and it's just dawned
on me Stacy actually that thiswhole withdrawal and craving
cycle.
Lots of it is happening at asubconscious level.
(13:13):
We don't even, we're not evenconsciously aware of what we're
doing.
None of us wants to become aheavy drinker.
None of us wants to end uphaving a seizure from
withdrawal.
It's, and that's where fear istaken away with the kind of work
that we've been doing is Insteadof dealing with the conscious
behavior, to decode thesubconscious behavior.
(13:35):
So we tackle the withdrawals andthe cravings from underneath,
the subconscious where they'vebeen programmed in.
And how did that work for you,Stacey?
How did you go from going, Idon't know what to do, I can't
do this again, to finding yourway to where you are now?
Stacey Crescitelli (13:55):
I am a very spiritual person and sitting on
my porch one day after cominghome from the hospital.
I, I just heard a loud, a strongvoice said, you will go, you'll
find an AA meeting and you'llgo.
And I didn't want to, I had beento a couple before and I did not
belong there.
I did not belong there, I founda meeting and I went whereas the
(14:19):
times when I'd gone before, Ididn't feel like.
I didn't feel like things werebad enough for me to be there.
Now at this time, I thought,wow, I am definitely one of
these people.
And my story is shocking.
And I went and when I told mystory, nobody was shocked.
Not one person, nobody raised aneyebrow.
(14:40):
I was just another person.
in a room full of people that weall shared this same affliction.
And the connection there that Ifound was the first stepping
stone on the road thateventually led me to my true
freedom.
And that, that was like thepiece that I just said, it was
(15:02):
connection.
were people there that knewexactly what I was going through
and we're all in this struggletogether.
The difference for me was that Inever subscribed fully to the
fact that I was diseased withsomething called alcoholism.
(15:22):
inherently always knew that ifyou do something long enough it
becomes part of who you are sowhen you over drink this
substance, of course, you runthe risk of becoming an
alcoholic if you over consumealcohol.
I already had this thoughtspinning in my head, but that's
not a premise that is alive andat the forefront of AA.
(15:46):
So I had this, I had thiscomfort in the rooms, but I had
this brain full of differentideas.
Barry Condon (15:55):
Yeah, I think it's, I think, I think the
community.
Connection, you know, it is thesort of antithesis of, of, of
addiction and, and that kind oflonely struggle.
So yeah, that's, that'sdefinitely the, the, the, how
the power I can see in, in, inin AA.
And I think, you know, for a lotof people just following a set
(16:15):
of rules and, and, and saying,you know, I give myself over to,
you know, I'm powerless and Igive myself over to.
This way of thinking and way ofa way of acting, you know, it
works.
It works for people, but it'snot for everybody.
And it certainly wasn't for me.
And I think for a lot of peoplethey don't feel they belong
there.
And I think, like you said, youknow, it took, you know,
(16:37):
something really extreme for youto feel like, oh, I fit in here
because it feels like that isvery much the, you know, you
know, You have to hit a rockbottom before you can be
accepted So how long did you,how long did you go to a for?
Stacey Crescitelli (16:52):
went for four or five months, and around
that time, some little titteringtalk in our meetings was
starting to happen about a bookthat was called This Naked Mind,
and I would hear it in sort ofwhispers in little private side
chats, and it really, Peaked mycuriosity because these
(17:16):
conversations about this bookwere immediately shut down every
time the words were mentioned.
And so Kind of in a, in anaughty way, I was really
interested in finding out whatthis book was about because it
was so taboo in the meeting.
So I got the book This NakedMind by Annie Grace, sat down
(17:36):
with it and immediately was justso engrossed.
And I don't know how far intothe book she states, it's not
your fault.
And that is what did it for mebecause I don't know, is that
human nature?
We just want to know thatwhatever has happened, it's not
(17:57):
our fault.
So in reading, her, her take onalcohol, like the scientific and
the neuroscience part of it,about what alcohol does to your
brain, what it does to yourbody, that it's an addictive
legal drug, and that it's notour fault when we become
addictive, sold.
Read the whole book in onesitting.
And It was the piece for me inmy inquisitive brain and these
(18:21):
thoughts that I'd been havingabout Alcoholics who drink a lot
of alcohol?
It all just made sense.
It was it it was the best day Ijust I felt that was when my my
freedom arrived I knew rightthen and there that I was going
to be okay and that this wasn'tgoing to be a life of meetings
(18:46):
and of raising my hand andintroducing myself as an
alcoholic and society labels.
it was, it was like a crown.
Like I just, I walked free thatday.
Justine Clark (18:59):
Amazing.
Stacey, and I think that'ssomething that people need to
hear.
You know, we, we, we all have aunique journey and a unique way
to find freedom.
For some of us it is A.
A.
For other of us it's, it's thisnaked mind or a combination of
both or another way.
of us become spontaneouslysober.
(19:19):
It happens like that.
Some of us have to work a lotharder for it.
What would you say to somebodyelse who, who knows they have to
change, they feel it in theirbones that it's time to change?
But they haven't yet startedthat process.
Stacey Crescitelli (19:36):
I really can relate to those people and
empathize and being a coach now,that's my passion.
And What I want them to know isthat it is possible.
No matter how entrenched you arein alcohol culture, no matter
how much you're drinking,possible to get free, there's
(19:56):
some work involved.
There's a lot of self work, andthat's the piece I didn't get to
experience until later.
I became free first, and then Idid the self work, and for most
people, or many people, I shouldsay, maybe that is in the
opposite order.
there's, there's questioning.
Why are we drinking?
(20:16):
What is it that we're reallyseeking when we drink?
And for me, I was seekingconnection.
I, I was just grown up as suchan introvert and a shy person.
I didn't know how to connectwith other humans.
until I put on that layer ofalcohol, which then I'm
connecting with people who arenot themselves and I'm not
(20:38):
myself because alcohol does thatto us.
So I like to walk my clientsthrough that, through the why
what are, what are some betterways?
Barry Condon (20:52):
Yeah, that's amazing.
I think that that's one of thebiggest differences I think with
this naked mind and, and the waythat, that we as coaches also
look at alcohol.
We, we see alcohol as theproblem, not, the problem.
You know, as you said, it's notyour fault.
You're, you're, you're drinkingsomething that is addictive.
So you're just, you know, actingnaturally by, you know, when you
(21:15):
over consume it, it's becauseit's addictive.
And I think by understanding theway that the science works, it
gives you the power yourself to,To solve the, the, the issue to,
to, to step away from it and,and gives you back the power
where, where, where AlcoholicsAnonymous wants you to feel
powerless and, and follow thesystem almost like joining the
(21:36):
army and being drilled to followthe, the, the, the, the, the, a
strict path, you know, for somepeople, you know, they're,
they're cut out to be that sortof regimented but, but for, for,
for me, I'm, I'm inquisitiveand, and, and, and want to and
like to.
Problems myself and and it wasin Congress, you know with the
(21:57):
rest of you know, how to thinkwith the rest of my life and
Yeah, it's just amazing and forme it feels that that that's
that's The way that we're ableto Detach ourselves from alcohol
and look back and go.
Oh, that was why I did it butnow I understand I don't need to
and I don't want to and I don'thave to and it's And that's the
(22:19):
the finding of the freedom andnot the finding of the being
able to say no I don't know howyou feel about that and and and
how you look back on, on, onalcoholics anonymous now,
Stacey Crescitelli (22:33):
said everything you just said, and
thank you so point for how Ithink.
Think that AA definitely has aplace for people, maybe as a
piece of their journey.
For me, it didn't resonate withme.
to sit there for the rest of mylife and label myself an
alcoholic.
(22:54):
And now five and a half yearsfree from alcohol in that land.
If I were to go to an AAmeeting, I'm supposed to say,
I'm Stacey and I'm an alcoholicin my brain, alcoholics drink
alcohol.
And I don't, I don't drink it.
I don't think about it unlessI'm coaching someone through it.
And it just takes up zero spacein my brain.
So there's no way that I couldbe an alcoholic.
(23:16):
And that's, where I am today.
And that's me.
Everyone chooses their ownjourney.
me, I needed the science piecebehind what alcohol is and what
it does and why, why I neededthe why.
And
Justine Clark (23:31):
Yes,
Stacey Crescitelli (23:32):
when I got that is like I said, when I,
when I gained my freedom,
Justine Clark (23:37):
I love that.
We needed to understand why.
So on that note, have you foundthe most surprising about being
free from alcohol?
Stacey Crescitelli (23:49):
the thing that I found the most surprising
is that I am okay.
And I like me.
And yeah.
I didn't know how to like mebefore.
I would never say I didn't likeme.
I didn't know how to like theparts of me that were different
than other people.
And again, I'm going to go backto this.
(24:10):
I used to be so shy and such anintrovert.
And when I say that to peoplenow, they just roll their eyes
because in many situations Iover talk and overshare and
it's.
It's just from freedom.
I'm just me.
I'm okay to be me.
I like me.
I like life.
(24:31):
Life is adventurous and excitingand it's not scary.
And yes, there's pieces of itthat are, but they don't require
me to numb with alcohol and it'sjust, it's, it's awesome.
And I just, I want it foreveryone.
That's really why I became acoach.
Barry Condon (24:48):
that's brilliant.
I mean, that's, that's, that'sit.
That just, you know, I couldn'thave said it any better either.
That, that just, yeah, that'swhy I'm inspired to try and help
other people as well, is becauseyou just want them to realize
that, you know, This is possibleand they don't need to keep
doing, you know, banging theirheads against the wall.
The question we like to askeverybody at the end is to come
(25:08):
up with the three words thatbest describe their their, their
journey of finding alcoholfreedom.
Can you explain?
Great.
We'll put that in the
Stacey Crescitelli (25:20):
learn, and rise.
And that That sums, yeah, thatsums up my journey perfectly.
Learn, I, I needed to learn.
I learned so much, like I said,about alcohol and our brain and
our physiology and that alcoholis a legal drug.
I needed to learn all of thatand grow.
(25:43):
I did so much self growth andI'm still in the process of,
like, it's a lifelong journeylearning about myself and where
I fit in the world and how it'sokay that I'm unique and not
like someone else.
And that growth is such a giftit's helped me rise and I want
(26:04):
to continue to rise.
That's, Rise up.
You
Justine Clark (26:08):
that's wonderful, and that's a wonderful way to
end our session.
Stacey, if people are lookingfor some coaching from you to
rise up, where will they findyou?
Stacey Crescitelli (26:19):
can find me on Instagram.
It is Stacey underscoreCrescitelli underscore coaching.
I'm on Facebook as well asStacey Crescitelli health and
wellness coaching my websitestaceycrescitelli.
com.
Justine Clark (26:34):
Amazing.
Barry Condon (26:37):
show notes now.
Thanks so much for joining us.
It's been amazing.
Stacey Crescitelli (26:43):
awesome.
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, you'll hearabout Stacey's many attempts to
find alcohol freedom.
Stints in rehab, trips to theER, months of AA meetings, and a
lonely Mother's Day weekenddrinking champagne that left her
fighting for her life.
But then how it was a book thatfinally helped her become an
alcohol freedom finder.
(00:22):
Let's dive in.
Stacey Crescitelli (00:27):
Silence.
Barry Condon (00:47):
a single mother and an empty nester and someone
who's worked her whole life inhospitality.
But she's got an amazing story.
And I'm really looking forwardto hearing more about it.
Welcome, Stacey.
Stacey Crescitelli (01:00):
you.
Justine Clark (01:02):
So I'm so excited to see you that I'm going to
come and fly out to LA and seeyou in person next week.
So that's super exciting.
Stacey Crescitelli (01:08):
Can't wait.
Justine Clark (01:09):
I know, I can't wait, really, honestly.
So let's get started.
Why don't you tell us what'sunique about your journey and
what led you to this naked mind,and ultimately becoming alcohol
free?
Stacey Crescitelli (01:23):
My journey is unique in that I am one of
the people that you hear aboutbut you don't think these things
really happen, and that I had avery, very scary, near death
medical event at the culminationof my drinking.
like lots of others, I starteddrinking at a young age in my
(01:46):
twenties and, you know, wine torelax, to socialize, to connect
after work.
And being in the hospitalityindustry, it was very easy to
fall into that on a nightlybasis.
Ultimately what ended uphappening, and we'll talk about
this more later, is I ended uphaving a withdrawal seizure when
I decided one morning that I'dhad enough.
Barry Condon (02:09):
Wow.
So we'll take us back a littlebit to, to where, to where your,
where you first sort of becameaware that, that, that drinking
was an issue for you.
Stacey Crescitelli (02:20):
became aware that drinking was probably an
issue was actually not until my40s.
So at this point I've beendrinking for many, many years.
Several or many years of grayarea drinking.
And it wasn't until my secondtime being married.
When my husband, who was not adrinker, asked me point blank,
(02:40):
Stacy, are you an alcoholic?
And I was aghast and I said, noway.
I'm not one of those people.
actually at the time I was justoffended, it didn't give me
pause.
it started to snowball at thatpoint and there were a couple of
trips to the emergency room whenhe felt that I had gone too far
and he was worried about alcoholpoisoning.
(03:03):
it wasn't until probably aboutage 45 that I really thought to
myself, Hey, maybe this actuallyis a problem.
Justine Clark (03:12):
No, I totally get that.
I think that sounds like, like,so common for many of us.
We're not sure whether we'redrinking too much.
We kind of go, well, know howmuch is too much.
What are other people drinking?
How many units am I doing?
Type into Google, am I analcoholic?
what, what is Was one of yourbiggest struggles there and, and
(03:32):
in that process and how did youovercome that?
Stacey Crescitelli (03:36):
I really had a huge cognitive dissonance in
my brain because the people thatI socialized with were all from
my work life and we all drankthe same way I drank.
when others were non drinkers orlight social drinkers like my
husband at the time, I thoughthe was the outlier.
It never occurred to me that Iwas the outlier and that this
(03:59):
was not normal drinkingbehavior.
So I really struggled in thisrelationship and during this
time.
the constant questioning aboutmy drinking and me being
defensive and really just notknowing that how much I was
drinking was just not normal.
Because I could easily put backtwo bottles of wine every night.
(04:22):
You know, that magic number,that two bottles of wine.
I was doing that.
Barry Condon (04:26):
Yeah, well.
That happened to be my luckynumber as well at the end or
unlucky number.
It's, it is amazing though.
I don't know whether it's a sortof, that's your mind playing
tricks with you, but there arealways people who are drinking
way more than you around you.
It just feels like, well, I'mnot, you know, I'm, there's, you
know, I don't drink like them,you know, that I think he might
have a problem, but, but me, youknow, maybe, maybe I get drunk
(04:47):
once, you know, too often.
And then, and you know, I usedto feel that was a bit of a
lightweight because, you know,I, I might get drunk before they
did, you know, but I wasn't, youknow.
Drinking loads of whiskey anddrinking in the morning and all
that kind of stuff.
So when did you sort of start toaddress it yourself then?
Yeah,
Stacey Crescitelli (05:08):
the end I was always leaving that one
little last couple sips in thebottle to drink it in the
morning to ward off thosemorning shakes.
And even then I still have theconversation in my head that
maybe this has gone too far.
my first attempts at reiningthis in were not of my own
(05:29):
accord.
These were, like I said, myhusband was worried and he at
one point during that reallyrough few years of drinking and
being in denial, I did a fiveday stint in a detox facility.
And even then I thought, well,you know, I just went way too
far this time and after detox,I'll just rein it in.
(05:50):
And I, I had no intention ofquitting drinking even after
leaving a detox facility.
Justine Clark (05:55):
I think it's surprising that what you said so
far in the journey reminds methat alcohol sneaks in so
insidiously into our lives that,you know, I like you and Barry
was drinking two bottles of winea day, some of it I was on a
show that people would see I wasdrinking a bottle, but the other
was the bit I was sort of selfmedicating to just make me to
(06:18):
normalize my life.
it's what's surprising is thatalcohol finds a way to make us
think it's normal.
And that we have to do it.
It's not like we're overdrinking, we're having to drink
that much just to stay, to staylevel, right?
So what what changed for you?
What, what was the, I want tohear about how you stopped,
(06:43):
because I know for me it'staken, it took a number of
times, a number of ways, and Ithink that's really helpful to
people who are on the journey tofind out how did you make the
change?
Stacey Crescitelli (06:53):
My change happened my journey included, I
want to say maybe four or fiveor six day ones with a concerted
effort to leave alcohol behind.
And the first couple of times,like I said, after a stay in an
ER and after the detoxencouraged by my husband and my
family, I went on a long ishstring of days with no alcohol.
(07:20):
But I always return, because thethought of never again, I, I
just didn't know how to processthat.
And so, and I think there's justso much misinformation about
alcohol and alcoholism andalcoholics, so that if I'd
string together enough days,there would be a night where my
husband would say, let's have adrink together tonight, as sort
(07:42):
of like a Celebration, orStacey, you've done so well,
let's have a drink together.
So, of this to a drinker'sbrain, and even to his non
drinking brain, it's veryconfusing and it makes, it makes
that journey, it just gives thejourney more twists and turns.
(08:04):
I'll say that.
So, like I said, five or six dayones.
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
(08:26):
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
(08:46):
Back to the episode.
And to get back to how I finally did stop
drinking, we're jumping ahead alittle bit.
I actually did a 28 day stay ininpatient rehab in 2016.
And when I came out of that iswhen I put together quite a long
string of days.
I was alcohol free, say alcoholfree because it didn't enter my
(09:11):
mind.
I was literally free fromthoughts of it, but about two
and a half years in, I thought,well, this birthday.
The first of my friends is aboutto turn 50.
I will go and have one glass.
Surely that will be fine.
And so I, I didn't plan it in myhead as titled my relapse, but
(09:31):
that's in fact what happened andit was back to the races very
quickly.
culminating in a very sad,despondent weekend where I just
went off the rails and when Icame to on Tuesday morning, I
said, that's it.
I'm done.
And went about my day untilthings started to go sideways.
(09:54):
I ended up having an alcoholwithdrawal seizure.
I spent three days in thehospital and seizure was so
intense and lasted so long thatthey pumped me full of so much
that I didn't wake up for almost24 hours.
So that's a scary ending to adrinking story, right?
(10:16):
That's a scary end.
Barry Condon (10:19):
that's, that's unbelievable.
And, and, and it really, itreally shows you how how easily
that's done.
You know, cause it's just like,you know, we've all had a big
weekend, you know, where, wherewe've drunk way too much on, you
know, twice as much as wenormally would or whatever.
And it wasn't as if you wereguzzling liters of, of, of, of
whiskey but your body reacts,your body defends itself.
(10:43):
And, and I guess that's what,what we think of withdrawal as
something as your body piningfor it or something.
That's how I sort of envisage awithdrawal.
It's something, you know, yourbody's pining for something and
it can't deal with thewithdrawal, but it's actually
your body just sort of trying toprotect itself from from the
next onslaught and, and, andthen it doesn't come.
And so it's sort ofoverstimulated trying to protect
yourself from the sedation.
(11:04):
That's terrifying though.
So how, how, what, what happenednext?
Stacey Crescitelli (11:08):
I read a lot of stories about people who talk
about multiple episodes ofseizure in their history.
was terrified to my core.
When I woke up in the hospitaland it, they didn't piece
together what had happened to mefor several hours after I came
to.
And then they finally said, andI was so ashamed and I was so
(11:32):
frightened and terrified.
And my, my first thought was,what if I had died?
What if they had told my sonthat I drank myself to death?
And still right now that thatgets me so choked up because
that was not my intention.
I was just drinking bottles ofchampagne.
my house alone because it wasMother's Day and I was by
(11:52):
myself.
I was, I was sad and despondentand I had no intention of
harming myself, but I drankmyself into this situation.
I knew laying there in thathospital that I was done.
And one of my friends, my bestfriends that came to visit me,
(12:14):
came in the room and said, youdone?
Because they've watched me gothrough this up and down cycle
of I drink, I don't drink, Idrink too much.
I'm taking a break.
And now here I am lying in ahospital.
those words, are you done?
They just, they sat on me like ablanket.
(12:34):
I, I knew in my soul that yes,I'm done.
then when I come home from thehospital, I'm done, but how am I
going to stay done?
Because this has never stuckbefore.
And now it has to, and I am justat a loss.
Okay.
I'm terrified,
Justine Clark (12:52):
I look, I resonate with that so much.
I'm sure so many people do soyou feel powerless and that
alcohol somehow got this powerover you and you're doing
something you really don't wantto be doing and it's just dawned
on me Stacy actually that thiswhole withdrawal and craving
cycle.
Lots of it is happening at asubconscious level.
(13:13):
We don't even, we're not evenconsciously aware of what we're
doing.
None of us wants to become aheavy drinker.
None of us wants to end uphaving a seizure from
withdrawal.
It's, and that's where fear istaken away with the kind of work
that we've been doing is Insteadof dealing with the conscious
behavior, to decode thesubconscious behavior.
(13:35):
So we tackle the withdrawals andthe cravings from underneath,
the subconscious where they'vebeen programmed in.
And how did that work for you,Stacey?
How did you go from going, Idon't know what to do, I can't
do this again, to finding yourway to where you are now?
Stacey Crescitelli (13:55):
I am a very spiritual person and sitting on
my porch one day after cominghome from the hospital.
I, I just heard a loud, a strongvoice said, you will go, you'll
find an AA meeting and you'llgo.
And I didn't want to, I had beento a couple before and I did not
belong there.
I did not belong there, I founda meeting and I went whereas the
(14:19):
times when I'd gone before, Ididn't feel like.
I didn't feel like things werebad enough for me to be there.
Now at this time, I thought,wow, I am definitely one of
these people.
And my story is shocking.
And I went and when I told mystory, nobody was shocked.
Not one person, nobody raised aneyebrow.
(14:40):
I was just another person.
in a room full of people that weall shared this same affliction.
And the connection there that Ifound was the first stepping
stone on the road thateventually led me to my true
freedom.
And that, that was like thepiece that I just said, it was
(15:02):
connection.
were people there that knewexactly what I was going through
and we're all in this struggletogether.
The difference for me was that Inever subscribed fully to the
fact that I was diseased withsomething called alcoholism.
(15:22):
inherently always knew that ifyou do something long enough it
becomes part of who you are sowhen you over drink this
substance, of course, you runthe risk of becoming an
alcoholic if you over consumealcohol.
I already had this thoughtspinning in my head, but that's
not a premise that is alive andat the forefront of AA.
(15:46):
So I had this, I had thiscomfort in the rooms, but I had
this brain full of differentideas.
Barry Condon (15:55):
Yeah, I think it's, I think, I think the
community.
Connection, you know, it is thesort of antithesis of, of, of
addiction and, and that kind oflonely struggle.
So yeah, that's, that'sdefinitely the, the, the, how
the power I can see in, in, inin AA.
And I think, you know, for a lotof people just following a set
(16:15):
of rules and, and, and saying,you know, I give myself over to,
you know, I'm powerless and Igive myself over to.
This way of thinking and way ofa way of acting, you know, it
works.
It works for people, but it'snot for everybody.
And it certainly wasn't for me.
And I think for a lot of peoplethey don't feel they belong
there.
And I think, like you said, youknow, it took, you know,
(16:37):
something really extreme for youto feel like, oh, I fit in here
because it feels like that isvery much the, you know, you
know, You have to hit a rockbottom before you can be
accepted So how long did you,how long did you go to a for?
Stacey Crescitelli (16:52):
went for four or five months, and around
that time, some little titteringtalk in our meetings was
starting to happen about a bookthat was called This Naked Mind,
and I would hear it in sort ofwhispers in little private side
chats, and it really, Peaked mycuriosity because these
(17:16):
conversations about this bookwere immediately shut down every
time the words were mentioned.
And so Kind of in a, in anaughty way, I was really
interested in finding out whatthis book was about because it
was so taboo in the meeting.
So I got the book This NakedMind by Annie Grace, sat down
(17:36):
with it and immediately was justso engrossed.
And I don't know how far intothe book she states, it's not
your fault.
And that is what did it for mebecause I don't know, is that
human nature?
We just want to know thatwhatever has happened, it's not
(17:57):
our fault.
So in reading, her, her take onalcohol, like the scientific and
the neuroscience part of it,about what alcohol does to your
brain, what it does to yourbody, that it's an addictive
legal drug, and that it's notour fault when we become
addictive, sold.
Read the whole book in onesitting.
And It was the piece for me inmy inquisitive brain and these
(18:21):
thoughts that I'd been havingabout Alcoholics who drink a lot
of alcohol?
It all just made sense.
It was it it was the best day Ijust I felt that was when my my
freedom arrived I knew rightthen and there that I was going
to be okay and that this wasn'tgoing to be a life of meetings
(18:46):
and of raising my hand andintroducing myself as an
alcoholic and society labels.
it was, it was like a crown.
Like I just, I walked free thatday.
Justine Clark (18:59):
Amazing.
Stacey, and I think that'ssomething that people need to
hear.
You know, we, we, we all have aunique journey and a unique way
to find freedom.
For some of us it is A.
A.
For other of us it's, it's thisnaked mind or a combination of
both or another way.
of us become spontaneouslysober.
(19:19):
It happens like that.
Some of us have to work a lotharder for it.
What would you say to somebodyelse who, who knows they have to
change, they feel it in theirbones that it's time to change?
But they haven't yet startedthat process.
Stacey Crescitelli (19:36):
I really can relate to those people and
empathize and being a coach now,that's my passion.
And What I want them to know isthat it is possible.
No matter how entrenched you arein alcohol culture, no matter
how much you're drinking,possible to get free, there's
(19:56):
some work involved.
There's a lot of self work, andthat's the piece I didn't get to
experience until later.
I became free first, and then Idid the self work, and for most
people, or many people, I shouldsay, maybe that is in the
opposite order.
there's, there's questioning.
Why are we drinking?
(20:16):
What is it that we're reallyseeking when we drink?
And for me, I was seekingconnection.
I, I was just grown up as suchan introvert and a shy person.
I didn't know how to connectwith other humans.
until I put on that layer ofalcohol, which then I'm
connecting with people who arenot themselves and I'm not
(20:38):
myself because alcohol does thatto us.
So I like to walk my clientsthrough that, through the why
what are, what are some betterways?
Barry Condon (20:52):
Yeah, that's amazing.
I think that that's one of thebiggest differences I think with
this naked mind and, and the waythat, that we as coaches also
look at alcohol.
We, we see alcohol as theproblem, not, the problem.
You know, as you said, it's notyour fault.
You're, you're, you're drinkingsomething that is addictive.
So you're just, you know, actingnaturally by, you know, when you
(21:15):
over consume it, it's becauseit's addictive.
And I think by understanding theway that the science works, it
gives you the power yourself to,To solve the, the, the issue to,
to, to step away from it and,and gives you back the power
where, where, where AlcoholicsAnonymous wants you to feel
powerless and, and follow thesystem almost like joining the
(21:36):
army and being drilled to followthe, the, the, the, the, the, a
strict path, you know, for somepeople, you know, they're,
they're cut out to be that sortof regimented but, but for, for,
for me, I'm, I'm inquisitiveand, and, and, and want to and
like to.
Problems myself and and it wasin Congress, you know with the
(21:57):
rest of you know, how to thinkwith the rest of my life and
Yeah, it's just amazing and forme it feels that that that's
that's The way that we're ableto Detach ourselves from alcohol
and look back and go.
Oh, that was why I did it butnow I understand I don't need to
and I don't want to and I don'thave to and it's And that's the
(22:19):
the finding of the freedom andnot the finding of the being
able to say no I don't know howyou feel about that and and and
how you look back on, on, onalcoholics anonymous now,
Stacey Crescitelli (22:33):
said everything you just said, and
thank you so point for how Ithink.
Think that AA definitely has aplace for people, maybe as a
piece of their journey.
For me, it didn't resonate withme.
to sit there for the rest of mylife and label myself an
alcoholic.
(22:54):
And now five and a half yearsfree from alcohol in that land.
If I were to go to an AAmeeting, I'm supposed to say,
I'm Stacey and I'm an alcoholicin my brain, alcoholics drink
alcohol.
And I don't, I don't drink it.
I don't think about it unlessI'm coaching someone through it.
And it just takes up zero spacein my brain.
So there's no way that I couldbe an alcoholic.
(23:16):
And that's, where I am today.
And that's me.
Everyone chooses their ownjourney.
me, I needed the science piecebehind what alcohol is and what
it does and why, why I neededthe why.
And
Justine Clark (23:31):
Yes,
Stacey Crescitelli (23:32):
when I got that is like I said, when I,
when I gained my freedom,
Justine Clark (23:37):
I love that.
We needed to understand why.
So on that note, have you foundthe most surprising about being
free from alcohol?
Stacey Crescitelli (23:49):
the thing that I found the most surprising
is that I am okay.
And I like me.
And yeah.
I didn't know how to like mebefore.
I would never say I didn't likeme.
I didn't know how to like theparts of me that were different
than other people.
And again, I'm going to go backto this.
(24:10):
I used to be so shy and such anintrovert.
And when I say that to peoplenow, they just roll their eyes
because in many situations Iover talk and overshare and
it's.
It's just from freedom.
I'm just me.
I'm okay to be me.
I like me.
I like life.
(24:31):
Life is adventurous and excitingand it's not scary.
And yes, there's pieces of itthat are, but they don't require
me to numb with alcohol and it'sjust, it's, it's awesome.
And I just, I want it foreveryone.
That's really why I became acoach.
Barry Condon (24:48):
that's brilliant.
I mean, that's, that's, that'sit.
That just, you know, I couldn'thave said it any better either.
That, that just, yeah, that'swhy I'm inspired to try and help
other people as well, is becauseyou just want them to realize
that, you know, This is possibleand they don't need to keep
doing, you know, banging theirheads against the wall.
The question we like to askeverybody at the end is to come
(25:08):
up with the three words thatbest describe their their, their
journey of finding alcoholfreedom.
Can you explain?
Great.
We'll put that in the
Stacey Crescitelli (25:20):
learn, and rise.
And that That sums, yeah, thatsums up my journey perfectly.
Learn, I, I needed to learn.
I learned so much, like I said,about alcohol and our brain and
our physiology and that alcoholis a legal drug.
I needed to learn all of thatand grow.
(25:43):
I did so much self growth andI'm still in the process of,
like, it's a lifelong journeylearning about myself and where
I fit in the world and how it'sokay that I'm unique and not
like someone else.
And that growth is such a giftit's helped me rise and I want
(26:04):
to continue to rise.
That's, Rise up.
You
Justine Clark (26:08):
that's wonderful, and that's a wonderful way to
end our session.
Stacey, if people are lookingfor some coaching from you to
rise up, where will they findyou?
Stacey Crescitelli (26:19):
can find me on Instagram.
It is Stacey underscoreCrescitelli underscore coaching.
I'm on Facebook as well asStacey Crescitelli health and
wellness coaching my websitestaceycrescitelli.
com.
Justine Clark (26:34):
Amazing.
Barry Condon (26:37):
show notes now.
Thanks so much for joining us.
It's been amazing.
Stacey Crescitelli (26:43):
awesome.
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