March 14, 2025 • 31 mins
This week we speak to the amazing Tony Will, who joined us in the same week that her TED Talk went live! Tony is a trailblazer and a disruptor who has broken many glass ceilings for herself and for women in general. Speaking of general, she is the general manager and governor, uh, of the Kalamazoo Wings, a men's professional ice hockey team in Michigan.
A world dominated by men and steeped in drinking culture. So how did she learn not only to thrive in an environment like that, but also to find alcohol freedom while doing it? Well listen in and let Tony tell you herself.
Toni Will
https://kwings.com/
https://mindfulnesselevated.me/
https://www.toniwillcoaching.com/
https://www.facebook.com/tonilentini
https://www.instagram.com/imtoniwill/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonildaniels/
Our 30-day group programme:
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/aff-group
The podcast home page
https://podcast.alcoholfreedomfinders.com/
Justine Clark
https://justineclarktherapy.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/wellwithjustine/
Barry Condon
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/
https://www.instagram.com/clean.life.coaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/barry-condon-577b85294/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
This week we speak to theamazing Tony Will, who joined us
in the same week that her TEDTalk went live.
Tony is a trailblazer and adisruptor who has broken many
glass ceilings for herself andfor women in general.
Speaking of general, she is thegeneral manager and governor,
uh, of the Kalamazoo Wings, amen's professional ice hockey
(00:21):
team in Michigan.
A world dominated by men andsteeped in drinking culture.
So how did she learn not only tothrive in an environment like
that, but also to find alcoholfreedom while doing it?
Well listen in and let Tony tellyou herself.
I.
Barry Condon (00:36):
Hi everybody.
Welcome to Alcohol FreedomFinders with me, Barry Conn and
my fantastic colleague JustineClark.
Today we're really excited tohave with us Tony Will.
She is the general manager of amen's pro hockey team in, in the
United States, which is, whichis pretty unusual.
I think it's like 3% of, of, ofpeople in the whole business
(00:59):
there are, are, are women, letalone the general manager.
So that's amazing.
She's also a lifestyle coachand, and like Justine and I,
she's also a, a, a coach withthis naked mind.
So we're really excited.
There'll be so much to talkabout.
Welcome Tony.
Justine Clark (01:13):
Well, hi guys.
I'm so excited to be with bothof you and we're spread out like
we're all over the world, thethree of us, so it's pretty
cool.
I totally agree.
I love the fact that we arespread out this, one of the
things about this naked mind is.
As it brings together from allover the world.
why don't you tell us a littlebit about, I don't know, what
drew you to this naked mind inthe first place?
Toni Will (01:35):
Yeah, so I was drawn to this naked mind because this
wasn't my first rodeo, trying toquit drinking.
And, in 2016, I, stoppeddrinking.
I got arrested, for, disorderlyconduct and, for, as a result of
Justine Clark (01:50):
I.
Toni Will (01:51):
like, I'll call it Brown out, I, I remember pieces
and parts of it, but I wasarrested and I was really.
I carried a ton of shame aroundthat.
And immediately I thought, well,if I, and I was already
questioning my relationship withalcohol, but I thought, well, if
this is, this is the rock bottomeveryone talks about, or whoever
everyone is, right?
And so I
Barry Condon (02:12):
I.
Toni Will (02:12):
immediately after I was bailed outta jail that I
would, go to an AA meeting.
And so I did that, and.
was scared to death.
I, I did, heaven forbid I sawsomeone I knew, which would be
fun, ironic because we'd bestruggling with the same thing.
But there was real fear there.
I spent 15 months actually in aaand I really enjoyed it for the
(02:36):
most part.
And I loved the communityaspect.
I loved being around peoplethat, Like I just wasn't alone,
right?
And, then,
Barry Condon (02:45):
then, you know.
Toni Will (02:46):
or so, I'm like, well, it really wasn't that hard
for me to stop.
And I started to have thesethoughts and I started to
believe the thoughts and Istarted to think, oh, a cult.
And, which I don't believe, butthat's, I need a justification.
So I had those saucer about.
I don't know, 90 days.
And then after 15 months ofbeing sober, I went back out and
I drank
Barry Condon (03:06):
I.
Toni Will (03:06):
years.
And, af there was nothing inparticular.
It wasn't like some big arrestor anything.
The, the next time I just, threeyears later, I was like, I'm so
sick of myself.
I didn't wanna go back to aa.
It was at the beginning of thepandemic, and so I Googled other
meth methodologies to stopdrinking besides and the Naked
Mind popped up.
So I ordered that book and Iordered the live alcohol
(03:29):
experiment, and I decided to putmyself in a 30 day Tony timeout,
that is how I found this nakedin mind.
Barry Condon (03:38):
brilliant, brilliant.
Okay, so, so you, you read thebook and it was, it was, it was,
it was lockdown.
that right?
Okay.
So how, how was, how waslockdown then?
I mean, what, what, what, whatled you to the sort of switch at
that point?
That it, it, was it, was it sortof the, the, the being, cooped
up at home or, or, or somethingelse?
Toni Will (03:57):
you know, I kind of felt like, so, because I work in
pro hockey and I stoppeddrinking in October of 2020.
Normally in October we'relaunching our hockey season and
our hockey season's long.
It goes October to April regularseason.
If we go to playoffs, we'replaying till June.
So I was working from home, butit was not nearly at the volume
because the season was dark.
So I had this opportunity.
(04:20):
work on me.
And so I said, Tony, you have achoice.
You can sit and drink during allthis, or you can work on you
because you knew what it waslike to be sober before.
And the methodology reallyresonated with me.
So I just decided to take thetime to focus on me, and that
really was the crux of it.
I was just sick of myself.
Justine Clark (04:40):
I totally get that.
It's that whole sort of alter,alter ego of yourself that is
running most of the show whereyou sort of, you're aware that
you're running it.
There's a duality of life wherethere's, there's the one part of
you that is going, you know,what time today?
Will I start to drink?
Or, or won't I drink today?
What am I gonna drink if I amgonna drink?
How much is too much?
All of that.
(05:00):
So tiresome, right?
we all have different struggleswithin that journey, and I think
when people listen to peoplethat have stopped drinking, they
assume that they have some kindof magic trick up their sleeve
and somehow they're lucky orthey're different, or, you know,
they have, they don't have thesame gene.
what about, so I like to talkabout a little bit about the
struggle.
(05:20):
So for you personally, what didyou find the biggest.
Struggle about, particularly'cause you went back to it,
right?
what did you find, what did youfind the struggle between?
I've decided I'm not gonna drinkagain anymore.
Toni Will (05:36):
Yeah.
Well, the first thing I'll noteis that I really did.
know it at the time that I wasdoing lengthening as
Justine Clark (05:43):
I.
Toni Will (05:43):
or strategy, but that's what I employed.
And so I, I chose to do take a30 day break and then I kind of
reevaluated it after that.
So I did the live, I did the 30day alcohol experiment, and then
I joined another program calledSober sis and extended it out 21
more days.
And then it was after those.
Six, seven weeks where I waslike, I think I'm done.
(06:06):
Right?
So I, it wasn't a light switch.
It wasn't like on October 12th,2020 it was done and the light
switch went on and the lightbulb over my head went off.
And life was good.
No, it was hard.
it was a giant identity switchbecause my friends called me
Tony Party time.
And, which I hated.
I mean, I laugh now'cause it iskind of funny.
(06:28):
But, it is fun.
I mean, that's just who I was.
I mean, I was the, the strawthat would stir the drink, you
know, if, if I was showing upinto a, a place, it was gonna be
fun until it wasn't.
So yeah,
Barry Condon (06:40):
yeah.
Toni Will (06:41):
it was definitely not easy and I would say the
identity piece was really hard.
And then challenging all thosebeliefs around, like my list of
why I drank and the number onebelief at the top was for fun.
And I had to unwind all thosebeliefs, and I did.
I still have my list.
I kept it and I use it incoaching quite often.
Barry Condon (07:02):
That's brilliant.
I mean, I can say relate to thatbecause the, I thought, you
know, there would be no fun, youknow, once I stopped and, and,
and I, you know, I stopped.
it's kind of that, you know,what Annie calls it, sort of
spontaneous, stopped and, and,but then thought, well, how do I
make this okay?
And went looking for, for, youknow, did the same Googling that
you did and, and, and foundAnnie Graces and, and other
(07:22):
quick lits that, that made merealize, you know, there must
be, you know, another way oflooking at it than, than aa.
I mean, what, what was your.
So you obviously had a decenttime the first time around in
aa, but what, what was it yousort of thought, you know, I
don't wanna go back.
what did you think you mightfind elsewhere and how would you
talk about the differencebetween the two options as the
sort of traditional method andthe, this naked mind method for
(07:42):
instance.
Toni Will (07:43):
Yeah, the what really pulled me away from AA was,
well, number one, it's a hundredyear old framework, and so it
was very male centric, and I'mnot anti-man by the way.
It's not like that at all.
But it was more, you know, I.
The women are at home and themen are out drinking and earning
money and all that, theframework was kind of archaic.
and the other thing that Ireally struggled with was the
(08:06):
stigma the notion of beingpowerless and'cause I do not
believe that I'm powerless.
I actually believe I'm powerful.
And so, I don't subscribe tothat.
And I think the language we useis really important when it
comes to something that's sostigma.
Packed.
So there's so much stigma behindquitting drinking.
(08:27):
And so
Barry Condon (08:28):
So that's why I.
Toni Will (08:29):
I need a different way to look at this
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
place.
(08:49):
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
(09:10):
Back to the episode.
and what really resonated with me.
I was sold, on the bookbasically when Annie talked
about that rebel tendencybecause she's, she identifies as
a rebel.
I do too.
And really thinking about thisin a space of.
because I choose not to
Barry Condon (09:27):
Not.
Toni Will (09:28):
and I live alcohol free.
And that language is important.
That's what, you know, rebels dobecause we choose to be the
minority and color outside thelines like I like to say.
So the language made sense andit felt empowering.
It didn't feel like somethingwas wrong with me.
Justine Clark (09:45):
Yeah.
I so love that answer.
And I so love that you'retalking about the stigma.
Barry and I were talking aboutthat, that just the other day
about how actually, first ofall, we have to start to be, to
live with ourselves going, God,I, I, I have to acknowledge that
I am drinking more than I wantto be drinking.
And then you have this kind ofbattle going, how do I,'cause
(10:07):
I'm secretly drinking more thanI wanna be drinking.
Right?
You're not even telling yourselfthat.
And then how do I secretlyunpick all of that because
there's such a stigma around it.
I don't want to do any formalmethod to start with.
I just want to try and work outwhat is the right amount for me.
How do I, you know, what, whatis the right amount?
So.
Because you are where you areand you, you know, you, you have
(10:30):
a, an amazing job and you are,you're a business woman.
That stigma is, is, is huge.
And there'll be other women andmen like you that have an
inkling that they need toreframe their relationship.
What would you say to someonewho is really feeling the
stigma?
Toni Will (10:51):
Yeah, so there's this, what I, what, what I hear
you referring to is like thisinner knowing, and I had an
inner knowing that myrelationship with alcohol wasn't
quite right and I knew that,well, I mean, back when I got
arrested and I went through IOP,which is in, I.
Inpatient, program or intensiveoutpatient program.
And I was diagnosed with alcoholuse disorder and so I didn't
(11:14):
even have an inner knowing.
I had an hour knowing too,'causeI, like, I had all the knowings,
so like I had all the signs.
It was just really believing itand accepting it and also
accepting the fact that rules doapply to me.
Like if I know internally thatsomething's off, to listen to
that, I tell you what I.
(11:36):
That by removing this onesubstance from my life, I have
opened up so many other doorsand, we were talking off air
before we hit record about themy TED Talk, and I never in a
million years would've thoughtI'd be on a stage a TED Talk,
let alone a TED Talk or talkingabout why I quit drinking.
(11:57):
You know, and Oh, thank you.
I, you know, like never, right.
So, or starting a businessbecause I'd have to tell
everybody, like, how are youstarting a business, Tony, and
about quitting drinking?
Like, how would you know to dothat?
Oh, I don't know, because Idrank too much.
Like, so I, I decided that Iwould tap into all that rebel
(12:19):
side of me and say, yeah, I'mgonna do this.
And, and, and because of thesechoices, and that inner knowing.
Just listening to that, how farit can take you.
But you have to be willing tolike it.
Just a willingness.
You don't have to do anythingabout it.
I tell my clients this all thetime, just a willingness.
You don't have to move to actionyet, but willing to consider.
Justine Clark (12:41):
So just to say, what does that look like as a,
as a statement or a phrase?
Or, or, or, you know, whatmight, what might they be able
to reframe?
yeah.
What does that look like?
Toni Will (12:54):
Yeah, so I, putting myself back in that it's, I'm
willing to consider that myrelationship with alcohol isn't
what I want it to be.
I think that language isimportant because what I want it
to be, and I have to definethat.
Well, what did you want it to beback then?
Tony and I wanted to be able, Iwanted nothing more than my
(13:17):
governing belief was to have itall, and I'm using air quotes if
no one's watching this, butlistening because my definition
of having it all was coffee inthe
Barry Condon (13:27):
The.
Toni Will (13:27):
wine at night.
There were my bookends to theday, you know, ramp me up.
Pull me down.
Right?
And so it's like, is that?
What if having it all would,would I have, did I have a
willingness to consider that?
Having it all actually tookthose two things out and I
already had it all, and thensome if I didn't have coffee or
alcohol.
So I removed both at the sametime back then.
(13:49):
And I experimented with that.
And, yeah.
So it's this asking like,defining.
What
Barry Condon (13:57):
What is that definition
Toni Will (13:59):
for me was having it all and
Barry Condon (14:02):
and why?
Toni Will (14:02):
such a big part of that picture?
Barry Condon (14:06):
Well, you talk about having it all.
I mean, you, you know, being thegeneral manager of a, of a pro
hockey team and, and, and, andhaving had a successful career
before that this sort of.
To the outside world, I'm sure,sure.
That, that people thought, youknow, she has it all and you
know, and, and then how, how inthat sort of position of
authority and a position of, of,of, you know, with people
(14:26):
looking up to you, how, how didyou approach, you know, telling
people that, or did you tellpeople to begin with?
Or how did, how did you come outof the closet of, of, of, of
saying, you know, actually, youknow, I, I, I had a problem and,
and I'm not drinking anymore.
Toni Will (14:38):
Yeah, that was, oh, did I grapple with that?
Because my job is public facing,and I thought.
What if I come out and tellpeople this and I get fired or,
you know, I don't know.
I mean, worst we, we future tripall the time and you know, all
this stuff.
And I just said, you know what,if I'm gonna get fired or
(14:59):
someone's gonna dislike mebecause I choose not to drink,
then it's not meant to be myjob.
It's not, those people aren'tmeant to be in my life.
Whoever, you know, all thisstuff, I'm dreaming up.
So what I did, what.
What I did is around, on day 80,I wrote a, a social media post
because I love a good loopholeand I knew if I didn't tell my
story,'cause on social media canframe your story the way you
(15:21):
want, right?
It's your social media, you getto write it.
so I, but I wanted to talk aboutit publicly'cause I didn't do
that before when I was in AAbecause a big part of AA is
being anonymous.
So I kicked anonymous to thecurb and I said, I'm gonna own
this.
In the way that feelscomfortable to me.
So on day 80, I posted about.
to, I was 80, free, 80 daysalcohol free and why I was doing
(15:44):
it, and that I'm hoping to shinea light on this for people
during the pandemic who don'twant to overdr and want to stop.
And that's, I just, I I callthat macro managing, like
holding things loosely.
I talk about it in the TED Talk.
It's part of my leadershippillars.
and, and a part of it was justtelling on myself so I could.
(16:05):
So I could free myself from thestories I was telling myself in
my head of what others wouldthink.
And here's the thing, spoileralert, I didn't lose my job.
And everyone in my life has beenwildly supportive.
And I mean, there's been so manypeople that have come along in
the journey as well.
So.
Barry Condon (16:22):
No, I can, I can imagine that the, the, the.
The world of, of men's hockey,is fairly alcohol centric as
well, and that, so it, it, itwould be extra nerve wracking to
sort of come out to, to thosekind of people.
Toni Will (16:36):
A hundred percent.
And one of the things I talkabout when I facilitate
sessions, like I just got backfrom Boston yesterday and I.
from the National Sports Forumand I, I facilitated a session
on, how to 10 x your, your salesin sports.
And, but, and one of thosethings is networking, right?
That's a way we think we're, youknow, and what comes with
networking?
Well, drinking and in sales.
There's this belief, and I usedto have it, that in order to
(16:59):
sell and make connections, yougotta belly up to the bar.
I, I completely dispel that andsay, it's actually you wanna do
business with the people whoaren't bellying up to the bar
because they're the ones upearly in the morning working out
who are clearheaded and arethere to do work.
Those are the people that youwanna be connected to.
And it's funny to watch theselight bulb moments go off
(17:20):
because I'm like, thoseconversations you're having when
you're drinking aren't asauthentic as you think, you
know?
And as you, they start toconsider that, they're like, oh
yeah, we didn't think aboutthat.
So, it, it's just that I canteach and the more that I can,
show a different way, in thehockey world specifically, or,
(17:41):
and that actually at that,conference, it was all levels of
sports, all sports.
Doesn't matter what sport itwas.
Just to be able to say, youdon't have to to fit in.
You fit in even better just bybeing your authentic self
without being all boozed
Justine Clark (17:55):
Yeah, I, I completely love that.
And I, I, I think you've spokento the two biggest things.
The two biggest stigmas is,telling people.
Generally telling people, yourpartner, your friends, anybody
to start with.
I think so many of us early inthe journey sit in that space of
trying to just go it alone.
So telling people is so key.
(18:16):
and then the second part is howdo I do me going forward?
How do I do me at work, how I dome at Christmas?
And, what you are speaking to isthe discoveries that happen, on
the, on the other side ofstarting to find what it's like
to actually be used.
So, we've talked about, youknow, the work, reframe.
(18:37):
What other things do you thinkyou've learned about yourself in
doing you.
Toni Will (18:45):
Yeah, I think that so, because my job like, it, it,
it, they're intersected, right?
Because what's happened is myworlds personally and
professionally just they've kindof morphed into one, but I'm
more confident in all areas ofmy life because I choose, I.
Not to drink.
I know who I am now through andthrough, I mean warts and all.
(19:07):
And, and that's okay.
I'd rather have like my worstday being alcohol free is like
nothing.
I mean, it's just easy comparedto like a being hung over and
And I've dealt with some reallychallenging things in my four
and a half years of beingalcohol free.
(19:28):
Justin and I were just talkingabout when we, when I
interviewed you on my podcast,my mom passed away on February
9th after a very long battlewith Alzheimer's and I was in
the room, I was present.
I was, and not just there.
They just live a half hour fromme or my dad does now.
But I was there for all of it,right.
(19:48):
And I just got into a caraccident on Sunday on the way to
the airport and totaled my carby hitting a deer the day after
my mom's funeral.
But here's the beautiful thing.
It was an early Sunday morningdrive to the airport.
I was, there was not a care inthe world'cause I wasn't
partying Saturday night tryingto get to the airport on time,
smoking a deer and worried thatI smelled like booze.
(20:10):
You know, like I, it likethere's so much freedom in that.
There's so much freedom in allof that and just being,
authentic in all my spaces andhaving my faculties and I, and I
really truly mean this.
I feel so empowered by thechoice di and I wanna also say
this, it didn't always feel thatway.
(20:31):
That
Justine Clark (20:32):
Yeah.
Toni Will (20:32):
year, year and a half was
Justine Clark (20:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Toni Will (20:34):
It was tough'cause my brain was screaming at me.
Tony, you need alcohol to live.
Because that's what we do.
We condition our brain to thinkthat way.
It's not my fault, but I had toreally work on it.
It was, it did not come easily.
And, one more thing, I, I willsay, Justine, that I believe one
of the silver bullets is tellingpeople, that's hard for un
(20:56):
individuals to hear becausethey're like, no, I don't want
that to be the thing, Tony.
And I'm like, no, but it is thething
Justine Clark (21:02):
Yeah.
A
Barry Condon (21:03):
That's
Justine Clark (21:03):
a hundred percent.
I, I'm with you there.
Barry Condon (21:05):
brilliant.
I'm so sorry to hear about yourmother.
I know, I know how that that is,Justin and I both lost a parents
in the last year and, and, andyeah, it's, it's, it's never
easy.
but you're so right.
It when you are, when you can bethere and, and, and.
process it and, and, and feel itin the moment.
And, and you know, we think, youknow, we're taught, you know,
(21:29):
for every occasion, you know,celebrate, commiserate, you
know, deal with pain, you know,drink, drink, drink.
That's what society, you know,our culture, you know, throws at
us as the solution toeverything.
And, and, and I know in the pastI would've done that and, you
know, you'd push down thefeelings and and you probably.
You know, make a mess of otherrelationships around, say the
(21:49):
wrong things.
And, and, and, you know, it's sooften that families end up
falling apart around, losingsomeone.
and I know that, that, that thistime, you know, my brother
doesn't drink either.
And, and, and, you know, mysister doesn't really drink very
much either.
And, and, and my mom was off thebooze as well at the time.
And, and, and, you know, it, it,it really allowed us to be, you
know, together and, and, I, I,yeah, it, it, it was a sort of
(22:11):
unexpected benefit that, that,that I felt this year.
wow.
That's, that's, that's great.
But we, we skipped over your TEDtalk and we can't do that.
That's just too unbelievable.
So was the Ted, the TED Talk, Ihave actually watched it, but
for people who haven't seen ityet, you, you, you speak
wonderfully about your business,but you also talk about, talk
about alcohol as well.
That, that, you know, how, howdid that all come about?
(22:33):
How, how were you approachedand, and, and how did you come
up with your.
Your, your, your, your whole,talk.
Yeah.
Toni Will (22:40):
one of the things I'm wildly passionate about beyond
Living Alcohol free is liftingwomen up in general.
But it, which is why I have mypodcast Women in Do I have men
and women on Justine's alreadybeen on.
Barry, you're coming on next.
You just don't know it.
because I'll email you thatafter we're done here, but I, I
wanna lift women up'cause for somany reasons.
But, So that's kind of wherethis started.
(23:02):
One of my coworkers, within themarketing hospitality world
emailed me or texted me.
She said, she sent me ascreenshot.
She said, you should apply forthis.
And it was for the TED Talk and,and it was being hosted here in
my hometown.
And I
Barry Condon (23:16):
I thought, okay.
Toni Will (23:16):
I'll just, I'll email the organizer and say I'm
interested.
Ted.
TED Talks never been on mybucket list.
I watch'em, I use, I referclients to them a lot, like,
watch this'cause there's so manygreat talks out there, but it's
never been something I wanted todo.
but I do love to public speak,so I don't know why it wasn't on
my list, but it wasn't, anyways,so they emailed me like six
weeks later.
They're like, yeah, we'd lovefor you to apply.
(23:37):
This is hilarious.
I go, you have to apply forthis.
Like, I had no clue.
So I, I'm in an airport and I'mlike, fine, I'll apply.
And so I took five wholeminutes, like zero thought.
And not that I blew it off, butI was like, oh, I didn't, I
thought they just wanted meanyways, so I apply and then I
heard like two months later.
I got an email'cause I'dforgotten about it, that I was
(24:00):
selected and I was happy, but I,I, again, I didn't understand
the gravity of it, and then Iwas having kind of a crappy day.
And so I'm like, well, I'llshare this on social media that
I, I'm doing a TED talk.
So I did, and it, it explodedand I'm like, oh, is a really
big deal.
I, I laugh at my negativitysometimes.
And so
Barry Condon (24:20):
So
Toni Will (24:20):
what,
Barry Condon (24:21):
what, what, when
Toni Will (24:22):
a TED Talk is
Barry Condon (24:24):
they?
Toni Will (24:24):
Really hook you up with writers, coaches, training
videos on how to craft a talk.
And I had just under a hundreddays and so I took the course
'cause I had not researched thisat all.
And and then I started workingwith my coaches and with a
writer and I said, you want meto write every single word out?
(24:45):
And my writer kind of giggles.
She goes, yeah, Tony.
And I'm like.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
So I started working on it andmy husband, my, he's just
fantastic.
he was really a partner in thisand he helped me fine tune it
along with my coaches, and itended up being seven pages of
dialogue.
(25:05):
and I, it took me every bit ofthose day, 90 plus days to
memorize it.
I chose, if I'm gonna do a TEDTalk, I'm gonna do a TED Talk
and I'm gonna memorize everysingle word.
and so I did, and I just gotpublished, like I did it in
October.
I.
And then it takes some time forit to be, go through the TED
(25:27):
platform and all their approvalprocesses.
And so it got published lastweek and I got to see it with
all of you.
'cause I did, I, I didn't get tosee it.
So I was really proud of it andhow I decided on what I was
gonna write.
I really wanted to tell stories,around being a minority in
sports, but also being aminority.
not to drink and how I did that,because I want other people to
(25:51):
be able to walk away and say,oh, I can do that.
And so that's the, the storiesand the idea I shared.
Justine Clark (25:57):
Do you know what's really incredible about
that?
Is that people think Lucky Tony,she got to do a TED Talk.
Lucky Tony.
She's got a great job and is,you know, alcohol free.
But what you've shown there isactually that bit that's going
on beneath the surface.
You memorized every word of aseven page script, and I don't
(26:21):
know if anyone else has beenthrough menopause out there, but
that gets tougher.
To memorize, you know, it, itdoes get tougher as we get older
to memorize things.
that's totally extraordinary.
And I just think you're, you'rean inspiration to women and you
really are living up to, to allthe things that you, aspire to
be in your core values.
If you had, if you had a gift, alittle present wrapped up
(26:44):
beautifully that you could giveto yourself, maybe back, let's
just go back, maybe give it toyou and.
I don't know, maybe even 15years ago.
If you could give yourself alittle gift, what would that be?
Toni Will (27:01):
I, when I think about 15 years
Justine Clark (27:03):
I.
Toni Will (27:04):
I was 31.
I would say just keep trustingyour gut.
I really would, I would just, Iwould do it all over again.
All of it, and, because it'smade me where I am today.
So the gift would be a littlenote that I wrote to myself.
Just keep going, Tony.
Just keep going.
Justine Clark (27:24):
Yeah.
See, see that's extraordinary initself as well.
'cause what you're saying is,the answer is be authentic, be
vulnerable, be yourself.
And I've probably gone aheadand, you know, we always ask
this last question, you know,what three words would describe
your journey?
Yours will be different.
So, yeah.
What, what three words, woulddescribe the biggest takeaway in
(27:48):
this journey so far?
Toni Will (27:51):
So my three words might be a little different.
And I have listened to yourpodcast because you have, some
fabulous guests, some of which Iknow.
So I'm always like, oh, I wannalisten.
I heard about it.
I was like, so I startedlistening to this.
mine might be different in mythree words, and I'm gonna keep
it PG because I.
I'm following rules.
I'm not gonna be a rebel rightnow, but my three words are,
let's fricking go.
Justine Clark (28:12):
Yeah.
Barry Condon (28:13):
Very good, very good.
I mean, yeah.
And that's amazing.
And, and, and, and do you miss,Tony party time?
You know, how, how do you findfun still now without, your,
your, your alcohol partner?
Toni Will (28:26):
Yeah, I do.
I don't miss her at allactually.
I, I actually think fondly ofher, in the sense that, she got
out of that part of her lifewhat she was supposed to.
And, I, I think, good for you,Tony, for man, you let her rip
and somehow I stayed aboveground.
I don't know how, but I did.
so yeah, I, I don't, I don'tmiss her, but I really enjoy me.
(28:50):
Like now I'm just much, I haveso many more layers to me, and
I'm, a lot more empathy.
I'm, I'm not selfish.
I'm not driven by where can Iget my next drink.
So,
Barry Condon (29:01):
Yeah,
Toni Will (29:01):
yeah, I, I am.
I really am at peace with likethis, this part
Barry Condon (29:06):
part of my life.
What do I.
Toni Will (29:08):
I do talk about that in the TED Talk, but I, I love
watching True Crime.
I'm a big, like true crime buff.
I love to read books.
I read my age every year.
So I'm reading 46 books thisyear.
or more.
I li I listen to my age two,meaning I listen to at least 46
podcast episodes that are notmine'cause that's cheating.
But I do listen back to all ofmine and, and then I, you know,
(29:29):
I love to travel.
So, and that's just some of thestuff that I do to have fun.
I mean, my husband and I aregoofballs.
We just do funny things andlaugh all the time.
I laugh more now than I did backwhen I thought I was having fun
with alcohol.
Barry Condon (29:42):
Brilliant.
tell people where they can findyou and and and who are the sort
of, you know, what sort ofpeople are you, are, are, are
you looking to help, obviouslywomen, but, but, but, but in
your own words.
Toni Will (29:54):
Yeah, so, I can be found.
So if you, if you're interestedin the hockey side of my life, k
wings.com, K as in Kalamazoo,which is where I'm from, wings
with an s.com.
My coaching business forlifestyle coaching is
mindfulness elevated.com.
And then I have a professionalcoaching, professional
development coaching businesstoo to help people break through
their own personal glassceilings in their career.
(30:16):
and that's tony willcoaching.com.
I'm on all social media, well,not all.
I'm on three social mediaplatforms, LinkedIn and Facebook
at Tony Ntini, will andInstagram.
I'm Tony Will, and then, I help,I coach actually both men and
women.
I find that the type of clientthat is attracted to me is
generally high achieving,values, wellness, health and
(30:37):
wellness is part of their, youknow, approach towards the
alcohol coaching or theprofessional development
coaching, because once youremove alcohol, you're just.
butt on the, your, career sideof life too.
So, but I, I, that's typicallythe type of client I track and I
coach clients all over theworld.
So that's the beautiful thingabout technology.
Barry Condon (31:00):
Brilliant.
We'll get all that in the shownotes, the, all your legs.
Justine Clark (31:03):
Thank you so much for being with us.
You are an inspiration to me andit's been such a pleasure
talking with you.
Toni Will (31:10):
Oh, you guys
Barry Condon (31:10):
Yeah.
Thanks, study.
Toni Will (31:11):
work and I love being in great company with other, the
Naked Mind coaches.
There's nothing better than thisgroup of people, I tell you.
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
This week we speak to theamazing Tony Will, who joined us
in the same week that her TEDTalk went live.
Tony is a trailblazer and adisruptor who has broken many
glass ceilings for herself andfor women in general.
Speaking of general, she is thegeneral manager and governor,
uh, of the Kalamazoo Wings, amen's professional ice hockey
(00:21):
team in Michigan.
A world dominated by men andsteeped in drinking culture.
So how did she learn not only tothrive in an environment like
that, but also to find alcoholfreedom while doing it?
Well listen in and let Tony tellyou herself.
I.
Barry Condon (00:36):
Hi everybody.
Welcome to Alcohol FreedomFinders with me, Barry Conn and
my fantastic colleague JustineClark.
Today we're really excited tohave with us Tony Will.
She is the general manager of amen's pro hockey team in, in the
United States, which is, whichis pretty unusual.
I think it's like 3% of, of, ofpeople in the whole business
(00:59):
there are, are, are women, letalone the general manager.
So that's amazing.
She's also a lifestyle coachand, and like Justine and I,
she's also a, a, a coach withthis naked mind.
So we're really excited.
There'll be so much to talkabout.
Welcome Tony.
Justine Clark (01:13):
Well, hi guys.
I'm so excited to be with bothof you and we're spread out like
we're all over the world, thethree of us, so it's pretty
cool.
I totally agree.
I love the fact that we arespread out this, one of the
things about this naked mind is.
As it brings together from allover the world.
why don't you tell us a littlebit about, I don't know, what
drew you to this naked mind inthe first place?
Toni Will (01:35):
Yeah, so I was drawn to this naked mind because this
wasn't my first rodeo, trying toquit drinking.
And, in 2016, I, stoppeddrinking.
I got arrested, for, disorderlyconduct and, for, as a result of
Justine Clark (01:50):
I.
Toni Will (01:51):
like, I'll call it Brown out, I, I remember pieces
and parts of it, but I wasarrested and I was really.
I carried a ton of shame aroundthat.
And immediately I thought, well,if I, and I was already
questioning my relationship withalcohol, but I thought, well, if
this is, this is the rock bottomeveryone talks about, or whoever
everyone is, right?
And so I
Barry Condon (02:12):
I.
Toni Will (02:12):
immediately after I was bailed outta jail that I
would, go to an AA meeting.
And so I did that, and.
was scared to death.
I, I did, heaven forbid I sawsomeone I knew, which would be
fun, ironic because we'd bestruggling with the same thing.
But there was real fear there.
I spent 15 months actually in aaand I really enjoyed it for the
(02:36):
most part.
And I loved the communityaspect.
I loved being around peoplethat, Like I just wasn't alone,
right?
And, then,
Barry Condon (02:45):
then, you know.
Toni Will (02:46):
or so, I'm like, well, it really wasn't that hard
for me to stop.
And I started to have thesethoughts and I started to
believe the thoughts and Istarted to think, oh, a cult.
And, which I don't believe, butthat's, I need a justification.
So I had those saucer about.
I don't know, 90 days.
And then after 15 months ofbeing sober, I went back out and
I drank
Barry Condon (03:06):
I.
Toni Will (03:06):
years.
And, af there was nothing inparticular.
It wasn't like some big arrestor anything.
The, the next time I just, threeyears later, I was like, I'm so
sick of myself.
I didn't wanna go back to aa.
It was at the beginning of thepandemic, and so I Googled other
meth methodologies to stopdrinking besides and the Naked
Mind popped up.
So I ordered that book and Iordered the live alcohol
(03:29):
experiment, and I decided to putmyself in a 30 day Tony timeout,
that is how I found this nakedin mind.
Barry Condon (03:38):
brilliant, brilliant.
Okay, so, so you, you read thebook and it was, it was, it was,
it was lockdown.
that right?
Okay.
So how, how was, how waslockdown then?
I mean, what, what, what, whatled you to the sort of switch at
that point?
That it, it, was it, was it sortof the, the, the being, cooped
up at home or, or, or somethingelse?
Toni Will (03:57):
you know, I kind of felt like, so, because I work in
pro hockey and I stoppeddrinking in October of 2020.
Normally in October we'relaunching our hockey season and
our hockey season's long.
It goes October to April regularseason.
If we go to playoffs, we'replaying till June.
So I was working from home, butit was not nearly at the volume
because the season was dark.
So I had this opportunity.
(04:20):
work on me.
And so I said, Tony, you have achoice.
You can sit and drink during allthis, or you can work on you
because you knew what it waslike to be sober before.
And the methodology reallyresonated with me.
So I just decided to take thetime to focus on me, and that
really was the crux of it.
I was just sick of myself.
Justine Clark (04:40):
I totally get that.
It's that whole sort of alter,alter ego of yourself that is
running most of the show whereyou sort of, you're aware that
you're running it.
There's a duality of life wherethere's, there's the one part of
you that is going, you know,what time today?
Will I start to drink?
Or, or won't I drink today?
What am I gonna drink if I amgonna drink?
How much is too much?
All of that.
(05:00):
So tiresome, right?
we all have different struggleswithin that journey, and I think
when people listen to peoplethat have stopped drinking, they
assume that they have some kindof magic trick up their sleeve
and somehow they're lucky orthey're different, or, you know,
they have, they don't have thesame gene.
what about, so I like to talkabout a little bit about the
struggle.
(05:20):
So for you personally, what didyou find the biggest.
Struggle about, particularly'cause you went back to it,
right?
what did you find, what did youfind the struggle between?
I've decided I'm not gonna drinkagain anymore.
Toni Will (05:36):
Yeah.
Well, the first thing I'll noteis that I really did.
know it at the time that I wasdoing lengthening as
Justine Clark (05:43):
I.
Toni Will (05:43):
or strategy, but that's what I employed.
And so I, I chose to do take a30 day break and then I kind of
reevaluated it after that.
So I did the live, I did the 30day alcohol experiment, and then
I joined another program calledSober sis and extended it out 21
more days.
And then it was after those.
Six, seven weeks where I waslike, I think I'm done.
(06:06):
Right?
So I, it wasn't a light switch.
It wasn't like on October 12th,2020 it was done and the light
switch went on and the lightbulb over my head went off.
And life was good.
No, it was hard.
it was a giant identity switchbecause my friends called me
Tony Party time.
And, which I hated.
I mean, I laugh now'cause it iskind of funny.
(06:28):
But, it is fun.
I mean, that's just who I was.
I mean, I was the, the strawthat would stir the drink, you
know, if, if I was showing upinto a, a place, it was gonna be
fun until it wasn't.
So yeah,
Barry Condon (06:40):
yeah.
Toni Will (06:41):
it was definitely not easy and I would say the
identity piece was really hard.
And then challenging all thosebeliefs around, like my list of
why I drank and the number onebelief at the top was for fun.
And I had to unwind all thosebeliefs, and I did.
I still have my list.
I kept it and I use it incoaching quite often.
Barry Condon (07:02):
That's brilliant.
I mean, I can say relate to thatbecause the, I thought, you
know, there would be no fun, youknow, once I stopped and, and,
and I, you know, I stopped.
it's kind of that, you know,what Annie calls it, sort of
spontaneous, stopped and, and,but then thought, well, how do I
make this okay?
And went looking for, for, youknow, did the same Googling that
you did and, and, and foundAnnie Graces and, and other
(07:22):
quick lits that, that made merealize, you know, there must
be, you know, another way oflooking at it than, than aa.
I mean, what, what was your.
So you obviously had a decenttime the first time around in
aa, but what, what was it yousort of thought, you know, I
don't wanna go back.
what did you think you mightfind elsewhere and how would you
talk about the differencebetween the two options as the
sort of traditional method andthe, this naked mind method for
(07:42):
instance.
Toni Will (07:43):
Yeah, the what really pulled me away from AA was,
well, number one, it's a hundredyear old framework, and so it
was very male centric, and I'mnot anti-man by the way.
It's not like that at all.
But it was more, you know, I.
The women are at home and themen are out drinking and earning
money and all that, theframework was kind of archaic.
and the other thing that Ireally struggled with was the
(08:06):
stigma the notion of beingpowerless and'cause I do not
believe that I'm powerless.
I actually believe I'm powerful.
And so, I don't subscribe tothat.
And I think the language we useis really important when it
comes to something that's sostigma.
Packed.
So there's so much stigma behindquitting drinking.
(08:27):
And so
Barry Condon (08:28):
So that's why I.
Toni Will (08:29):
I need a different way to look at this
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
place.
(08:49):
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
(09:10):
Back to the episode.
and what really resonated with me.
I was sold, on the bookbasically when Annie talked
about that rebel tendencybecause she's, she identifies as
a rebel.
I do too.
And really thinking about thisin a space of.
because I choose not to
Barry Condon (09:27):
Not.
Toni Will (09:28):
and I live alcohol free.
And that language is important.
That's what, you know, rebels dobecause we choose to be the
minority and color outside thelines like I like to say.
So the language made sense andit felt empowering.
It didn't feel like somethingwas wrong with me.
Justine Clark (09:45):
Yeah.
I so love that answer.
And I so love that you'retalking about the stigma.
Barry and I were talking aboutthat, that just the other day
about how actually, first ofall, we have to start to be, to
live with ourselves going, God,I, I, I have to acknowledge that
I am drinking more than I wantto be drinking.
And then you have this kind ofbattle going, how do I,'cause
(10:07):
I'm secretly drinking more thanI wanna be drinking.
Right?
You're not even telling yourselfthat.
And then how do I secretlyunpick all of that because
there's such a stigma around it.
I don't want to do any formalmethod to start with.
I just want to try and work outwhat is the right amount for me.
How do I, you know, what, whatis the right amount?
So.
Because you are where you areand you, you know, you, you have
(10:30):
a, an amazing job and you are,you're a business woman.
That stigma is, is, is huge.
And there'll be other women andmen like you that have an
inkling that they need toreframe their relationship.
What would you say to someonewho is really feeling the
stigma?
Toni Will (10:51):
Yeah, so there's this, what I, what, what I hear
you referring to is like thisinner knowing, and I had an
inner knowing that myrelationship with alcohol wasn't
quite right and I knew that,well, I mean, back when I got
arrested and I went through IOP,which is in, I.
Inpatient, program or intensiveoutpatient program.
And I was diagnosed with alcoholuse disorder and so I didn't
(11:14):
even have an inner knowing.
I had an hour knowing too,'causeI, like, I had all the knowings,
so like I had all the signs.
It was just really believing itand accepting it and also
accepting the fact that rules doapply to me.
Like if I know internally thatsomething's off, to listen to
that, I tell you what I.
(11:36):
That by removing this onesubstance from my life, I have
opened up so many other doorsand, we were talking off air
before we hit record about themy TED Talk, and I never in a
million years would've thoughtI'd be on a stage a TED Talk,
let alone a TED Talk or talkingabout why I quit drinking.
(11:57):
You know, and Oh, thank you.
I, you know, like never, right.
So, or starting a businessbecause I'd have to tell
everybody, like, how are youstarting a business, Tony, and
about quitting drinking?
Like, how would you know to dothat?
Oh, I don't know, because Idrank too much.
Like, so I, I decided that Iwould tap into all that rebel
(12:19):
side of me and say, yeah, I'mgonna do this.
And, and, and because of thesechoices, and that inner knowing.
Just listening to that, how farit can take you.
But you have to be willing tolike it.
Just a willingness.
You don't have to do anythingabout it.
I tell my clients this all thetime, just a willingness.
You don't have to move to actionyet, but willing to consider.
Justine Clark (12:41):
So just to say, what does that look like as a,
as a statement or a phrase?
Or, or, or, you know, whatmight, what might they be able
to reframe?
yeah.
What does that look like?
Toni Will (12:54):
Yeah, so I, putting myself back in that it's, I'm
willing to consider that myrelationship with alcohol isn't
what I want it to be.
I think that language isimportant because what I want it
to be, and I have to definethat.
Well, what did you want it to beback then?
Tony and I wanted to be able, Iwanted nothing more than my
(13:17):
governing belief was to have itall, and I'm using air quotes if
no one's watching this, butlistening because my definition
of having it all was coffee inthe
Barry Condon (13:27):
The.
Toni Will (13:27):
wine at night.
There were my bookends to theday, you know, ramp me up.
Pull me down.
Right?
And so it's like, is that?
What if having it all would,would I have, did I have a
willingness to consider that?
Having it all actually tookthose two things out and I
already had it all, and thensome if I didn't have coffee or
alcohol.
So I removed both at the sametime back then.
(13:49):
And I experimented with that.
And, yeah.
So it's this asking like,defining.
What
Barry Condon (13:57):
What is that definition
Toni Will (13:59):
for me was having it all and
Barry Condon (14:02):
and why?
Toni Will (14:02):
such a big part of that picture?
Barry Condon (14:06):
Well, you talk about having it all.
I mean, you, you know, being thegeneral manager of a, of a pro
hockey team and, and, and, andhaving had a successful career
before that this sort of.
To the outside world, I'm sure,sure.
That, that people thought, youknow, she has it all and you
know, and, and then how, how inthat sort of position of
authority and a position of, of,of, you know, with people
(14:26):
looking up to you, how, how didyou approach, you know, telling
people that, or did you tellpeople to begin with?
Or how did, how did you come outof the closet of, of, of, of
saying, you know, actually, youknow, I, I, I had a problem and,
and I'm not drinking anymore.
Toni Will (14:38):
Yeah, that was, oh, did I grapple with that?
Because my job is public facing,and I thought.
What if I come out and tellpeople this and I get fired or,
you know, I don't know.
I mean, worst we, we future tripall the time and you know, all
this stuff.
And I just said, you know what,if I'm gonna get fired or
(14:59):
someone's gonna dislike mebecause I choose not to drink,
then it's not meant to be myjob.
It's not, those people aren'tmeant to be in my life.
Whoever, you know, all thisstuff, I'm dreaming up.
So what I did, what.
What I did is around, on day 80,I wrote a, a social media post
because I love a good loopholeand I knew if I didn't tell my
story,'cause on social media canframe your story the way you
(15:21):
want, right?
It's your social media, you getto write it.
so I, but I wanted to talk aboutit publicly'cause I didn't do
that before when I was in AAbecause a big part of AA is
being anonymous.
So I kicked anonymous to thecurb and I said, I'm gonna own
this.
In the way that feelscomfortable to me.
So on day 80, I posted about.
to, I was 80, free, 80 daysalcohol free and why I was doing
(15:44):
it, and that I'm hoping to shinea light on this for people
during the pandemic who don'twant to overdr and want to stop.
And that's, I just, I I callthat macro managing, like
holding things loosely.
I talk about it in the TED Talk.
It's part of my leadershippillars.
and, and a part of it was justtelling on myself so I could.
(16:05):
So I could free myself from thestories I was telling myself in
my head of what others wouldthink.
And here's the thing, spoileralert, I didn't lose my job.
And everyone in my life has beenwildly supportive.
And I mean, there's been so manypeople that have come along in
the journey as well.
So.
Barry Condon (16:22):
No, I can, I can imagine that the, the, the.
The world of, of men's hockey,is fairly alcohol centric as
well, and that, so it, it, itwould be extra nerve wracking to
sort of come out to, to thosekind of people.
Toni Will (16:36):
A hundred percent.
And one of the things I talkabout when I facilitate
sessions, like I just got backfrom Boston yesterday and I.
from the National Sports Forumand I, I facilitated a session
on, how to 10 x your, your salesin sports.
And, but, and one of thosethings is networking, right?
That's a way we think we're, youknow, and what comes with
networking?
Well, drinking and in sales.
There's this belief, and I usedto have it, that in order to
(16:59):
sell and make connections, yougotta belly up to the bar.
I, I completely dispel that andsay, it's actually you wanna do
business with the people whoaren't bellying up to the bar
because they're the ones upearly in the morning working out
who are clearheaded and arethere to do work.
Those are the people that youwanna be connected to.
And it's funny to watch theselight bulb moments go off
(17:20):
because I'm like, thoseconversations you're having when
you're drinking aren't asauthentic as you think, you
know?
And as you, they start toconsider that, they're like, oh
yeah, we didn't think aboutthat.
So, it, it's just that I canteach and the more that I can,
show a different way, in thehockey world specifically, or,
(17:41):
and that actually at that,conference, it was all levels of
sports, all sports.
Doesn't matter what sport itwas.
Just to be able to say, youdon't have to to fit in.
You fit in even better just bybeing your authentic self
without being all boozed
Justine Clark (17:55):
Yeah, I, I completely love that.
And I, I, I think you've spokento the two biggest things.
The two biggest stigmas is,telling people.
Generally telling people, yourpartner, your friends, anybody
to start with.
I think so many of us early inthe journey sit in that space of
trying to just go it alone.
So telling people is so key.
(18:16):
and then the second part is howdo I do me going forward?
How do I do me at work, how I dome at Christmas?
And, what you are speaking to isthe discoveries that happen, on
the, on the other side ofstarting to find what it's like
to actually be used.
So, we've talked about, youknow, the work, reframe.
(18:37):
What other things do you thinkyou've learned about yourself in
doing you.
Toni Will (18:45):
Yeah, I think that so, because my job like, it, it,
it, they're intersected, right?
Because what's happened is myworlds personally and
professionally just they've kindof morphed into one, but I'm
more confident in all areas ofmy life because I choose, I.
Not to drink.
I know who I am now through andthrough, I mean warts and all.
(19:07):
And, and that's okay.
I'd rather have like my worstday being alcohol free is like
nothing.
I mean, it's just easy comparedto like a being hung over and
And I've dealt with some reallychallenging things in my four
and a half years of beingalcohol free.
(19:28):
Justin and I were just talkingabout when we, when I
interviewed you on my podcast,my mom passed away on February
9th after a very long battlewith Alzheimer's and I was in
the room, I was present.
I was, and not just there.
They just live a half hour fromme or my dad does now.
But I was there for all of it,right.
(19:48):
And I just got into a caraccident on Sunday on the way to
the airport and totaled my carby hitting a deer the day after
my mom's funeral.
But here's the beautiful thing.
It was an early Sunday morningdrive to the airport.
I was, there was not a care inthe world'cause I wasn't
partying Saturday night tryingto get to the airport on time,
smoking a deer and worried thatI smelled like booze.
(20:10):
You know, like I, it likethere's so much freedom in that.
There's so much freedom in allof that and just being,
authentic in all my spaces andhaving my faculties and I, and I
really truly mean this.
I feel so empowered by thechoice di and I wanna also say
this, it didn't always feel thatway.
(20:31):
That
Justine Clark (20:32):
Yeah.
Toni Will (20:32):
year, year and a half was
Justine Clark (20:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Toni Will (20:34):
It was tough'cause my brain was screaming at me.
Tony, you need alcohol to live.
Because that's what we do.
We condition our brain to thinkthat way.
It's not my fault, but I had toreally work on it.
It was, it did not come easily.
And, one more thing, I, I willsay, Justine, that I believe one
of the silver bullets is tellingpeople, that's hard for un
(20:56):
individuals to hear becausethey're like, no, I don't want
that to be the thing, Tony.
And I'm like, no, but it is thething
Justine Clark (21:02):
Yeah.
A
Barry Condon (21:03):
That's
Justine Clark (21:03):
a hundred percent.
I, I'm with you there.
Barry Condon (21:05):
brilliant.
I'm so sorry to hear about yourmother.
I know, I know how that that is,Justin and I both lost a parents
in the last year and, and, andyeah, it's, it's, it's never
easy.
but you're so right.
It when you are, when you can bethere and, and, and.
process it and, and, and feel itin the moment.
And, and you know, we think, youknow, we're taught, you know,
(21:29):
for every occasion, you know,celebrate, commiserate, you
know, deal with pain, you know,drink, drink, drink.
That's what society, you know,our culture, you know, throws at
us as the solution toeverything.
And, and, and I know in the pastI would've done that and, you
know, you'd push down thefeelings and and you probably.
You know, make a mess of otherrelationships around, say the
(21:49):
wrong things.
And, and, and, you know, it's sooften that families end up
falling apart around, losingsomeone.
and I know that, that, that thistime, you know, my brother
doesn't drink either.
And, and, and, you know, mysister doesn't really drink very
much either.
And, and, and my mom was off thebooze as well at the time.
And, and, and, you know, it, it,it really allowed us to be, you
know, together and, and, I, I,yeah, it, it, it was a sort of
(22:11):
unexpected benefit that, that,that I felt this year.
wow.
That's, that's, that's great.
But we, we skipped over your TEDtalk and we can't do that.
That's just too unbelievable.
So was the Ted, the TED Talk, Ihave actually watched it, but
for people who haven't seen ityet, you, you, you speak
wonderfully about your business,but you also talk about, talk
about alcohol as well.
That, that, you know, how, howdid that all come about?
(22:33):
How, how were you approachedand, and, and how did you come
up with your.
Your, your, your, your whole,talk.
Yeah.
Toni Will (22:40):
one of the things I'm wildly passionate about beyond
Living Alcohol free is liftingwomen up in general.
But it, which is why I have mypodcast Women in Do I have men
and women on Justine's alreadybeen on.
Barry, you're coming on next.
You just don't know it.
because I'll email you thatafter we're done here, but I, I
wanna lift women up'cause for somany reasons.
But, So that's kind of wherethis started.
(23:02):
One of my coworkers, within themarketing hospitality world
emailed me or texted me.
She said, she sent me ascreenshot.
She said, you should apply forthis.
And it was for the TED Talk and,and it was being hosted here in
my hometown.
And I
Barry Condon (23:16):
I thought, okay.
Toni Will (23:16):
I'll just, I'll email the organizer and say I'm
interested.
Ted.
TED Talks never been on mybucket list.
I watch'em, I use, I referclients to them a lot, like,
watch this'cause there's so manygreat talks out there, but it's
never been something I wanted todo.
but I do love to public speak,so I don't know why it wasn't on
my list, but it wasn't, anyways,so they emailed me like six
weeks later.
They're like, yeah, we'd lovefor you to apply.
(23:37):
This is hilarious.
I go, you have to apply forthis.
Like, I had no clue.
So I, I'm in an airport and I'mlike, fine, I'll apply.
And so I took five wholeminutes, like zero thought.
And not that I blew it off, butI was like, oh, I didn't, I
thought they just wanted meanyways, so I apply and then I
heard like two months later.
I got an email'cause I'dforgotten about it, that I was
(24:00):
selected and I was happy, but I,I, again, I didn't understand
the gravity of it, and then Iwas having kind of a crappy day.
And so I'm like, well, I'llshare this on social media that
I, I'm doing a TED talk.
So I did, and it, it explodedand I'm like, oh, is a really
big deal.
I, I laugh at my negativitysometimes.
And so
Barry Condon (24:20):
So
Toni Will (24:20):
what,
Barry Condon (24:21):
what, what, when
Toni Will (24:22):
a TED Talk is
Barry Condon (24:24):
they?
Toni Will (24:24):
Really hook you up with writers, coaches, training
videos on how to craft a talk.
And I had just under a hundreddays and so I took the course
'cause I had not researched thisat all.
And and then I started workingwith my coaches and with a
writer and I said, you want meto write every single word out?
(24:45):
And my writer kind of giggles.
She goes, yeah, Tony.
And I'm like.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
So I started working on it andmy husband, my, he's just
fantastic.
he was really a partner in thisand he helped me fine tune it
along with my coaches, and itended up being seven pages of
dialogue.
(25:05):
and I, it took me every bit ofthose day, 90 plus days to
memorize it.
I chose, if I'm gonna do a TEDTalk, I'm gonna do a TED Talk
and I'm gonna memorize everysingle word.
and so I did, and I just gotpublished, like I did it in
October.
I.
And then it takes some time forit to be, go through the TED
(25:27):
platform and all their approvalprocesses.
And so it got published lastweek and I got to see it with
all of you.
'cause I did, I, I didn't get tosee it.
So I was really proud of it andhow I decided on what I was
gonna write.
I really wanted to tell stories,around being a minority in
sports, but also being aminority.
not to drink and how I did that,because I want other people to
(25:51):
be able to walk away and say,oh, I can do that.
And so that's the, the storiesand the idea I shared.
Justine Clark (25:57):
Do you know what's really incredible about
that?
Is that people think Lucky Tony,she got to do a TED Talk.
Lucky Tony.
She's got a great job and is,you know, alcohol free.
But what you've shown there isactually that bit that's going
on beneath the surface.
You memorized every word of aseven page script, and I don't
(26:21):
know if anyone else has beenthrough menopause out there, but
that gets tougher.
To memorize, you know, it, itdoes get tougher as we get older
to memorize things.
that's totally extraordinary.
And I just think you're, you'rean inspiration to women and you
really are living up to, to allthe things that you, aspire to
be in your core values.
If you had, if you had a gift, alittle present wrapped up
(26:44):
beautifully that you could giveto yourself, maybe back, let's
just go back, maybe give it toyou and.
I don't know, maybe even 15years ago.
If you could give yourself alittle gift, what would that be?
Toni Will (27:01):
I, when I think about 15 years
Justine Clark (27:03):
I.
Toni Will (27:04):
I was 31.
I would say just keep trustingyour gut.
I really would, I would just, Iwould do it all over again.
All of it, and, because it'smade me where I am today.
So the gift would be a littlenote that I wrote to myself.
Just keep going, Tony.
Just keep going.
Justine Clark (27:24):
Yeah.
See, see that's extraordinary initself as well.
'cause what you're saying is,the answer is be authentic, be
vulnerable, be yourself.
And I've probably gone aheadand, you know, we always ask
this last question, you know,what three words would describe
your journey?
Yours will be different.
So, yeah.
What, what three words, woulddescribe the biggest takeaway in
(27:48):
this journey so far?
Toni Will (27:51):
So my three words might be a little different.
And I have listened to yourpodcast because you have, some
fabulous guests, some of which Iknow.
So I'm always like, oh, I wannalisten.
I heard about it.
I was like, so I startedlistening to this.
mine might be different in mythree words, and I'm gonna keep
it PG because I.
I'm following rules.
I'm not gonna be a rebel rightnow, but my three words are,
let's fricking go.
Justine Clark (28:12):
Yeah.
Barry Condon (28:13):
Very good, very good.
I mean, yeah.
And that's amazing.
And, and, and, and do you miss,Tony party time?
You know, how, how do you findfun still now without, your,
your, your alcohol partner?
Toni Will (28:26):
Yeah, I do.
I don't miss her at allactually.
I, I actually think fondly ofher, in the sense that, she got
out of that part of her lifewhat she was supposed to.
And, I, I think, good for you,Tony, for man, you let her rip
and somehow I stayed aboveground.
I don't know how, but I did.
so yeah, I, I don't, I don'tmiss her, but I really enjoy me.
(28:50):
Like now I'm just much, I haveso many more layers to me, and
I'm, a lot more empathy.
I'm, I'm not selfish.
I'm not driven by where can Iget my next drink.
So,
Barry Condon (29:01):
Yeah,
Toni Will (29:01):
yeah, I, I am.
I really am at peace with likethis, this part
Barry Condon (29:06):
part of my life.
What do I.
Toni Will (29:08):
I do talk about that in the TED Talk, but I, I love
watching True Crime.
I'm a big, like true crime buff.
I love to read books.
I read my age every year.
So I'm reading 46 books thisyear.
or more.
I li I listen to my age two,meaning I listen to at least 46
podcast episodes that are notmine'cause that's cheating.
But I do listen back to all ofmine and, and then I, you know,
(29:29):
I love to travel.
So, and that's just some of thestuff that I do to have fun.
I mean, my husband and I aregoofballs.
We just do funny things andlaugh all the time.
I laugh more now than I did backwhen I thought I was having fun
with alcohol.
Barry Condon (29:42):
Brilliant.
tell people where they can findyou and and and who are the sort
of, you know, what sort ofpeople are you, are, are, are
you looking to help, obviouslywomen, but, but, but, but in
your own words.
Toni Will (29:54):
Yeah, so, I can be found.
So if you, if you're interestedin the hockey side of my life, k
wings.com, K as in Kalamazoo,which is where I'm from, wings
with an s.com.
My coaching business forlifestyle coaching is
mindfulness elevated.com.
And then I have a professionalcoaching, professional
development coaching businesstoo to help people break through
their own personal glassceilings in their career.
(30:16):
and that's tony willcoaching.com.
I'm on all social media, well,not all.
I'm on three social mediaplatforms, LinkedIn and Facebook
at Tony Ntini, will andInstagram.
I'm Tony Will, and then, I help,I coach actually both men and
women.
I find that the type of clientthat is attracted to me is
generally high achieving,values, wellness, health and
(30:37):
wellness is part of their, youknow, approach towards the
alcohol coaching or theprofessional development
coaching, because once youremove alcohol, you're just.
butt on the, your, career sideof life too.
So, but I, I, that's typicallythe type of client I track and I
coach clients all over theworld.
So that's the beautiful thingabout technology.
Barry Condon (31:00):
Brilliant.
We'll get all that in the shownotes, the, all your legs.
Justine Clark (31:03):
Thank you so much for being with us.
You are an inspiration to me andit's been such a pleasure
talking with you.
Toni Will (31:10):
Oh, you guys
Barry Condon (31:10):
Yeah.
Thanks, study.
Toni Will (31:11):
work and I love being in great company with other, the
Naked Mind coaches.
There's nothing better than thisgroup of people, I tell you.
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