July 14, 2025 • 60 mins
When Monique Smith became a warrant officer in the military, she never expected the battlefield would be within her own unit. As a Black woman and subject matter expert in information systems, she discovered that her greatest challenge wasn't the technical complexities of her job, but the racism and sexism that threatened to undermine her expertise and achievements.
"They don't like to see that a woman knows more than they do, but tap on, the Black woman knows more than the white officer," Monique explains, detailing how male colleagues would deliberately sabotage her systems to make her look incompetent. The constant battle to prove herself pulled her away from her naturally laid-back personality, creating health problems and mental strain that seemed insurmountable.
What makes this conversation with Bree Charles especially powerful is Monique's candid description of her healing journey. After realizing "this is not you," she turned inward, developing spiritual practices that restored her sense of self. Her advice for anyone facing discrimination resonates deeply: "Remember who you are. When you walk in you, they cannot mess with you."
Throughout her 21-year military career, Monique's leadership philosophy evolved into one of nurturing potential rather than punishing mistakes. She shares touching stories of soldiers she mentored – from the suicidal young man who later thrived as a sergeant to the anxious soldier with high blood pressure who's now an E7 in Special Forces. These examples illustrate her profound understanding that "there's no me without us" and that true leadership requires seeing beyond immediate behaviors to recognize underlying struggles.
Now retired and planning to open an assisted living facility, Monique embodies the spirit of resilience and self-acceptance. Her grounding techniques and meditation practices offer practical tools for anyone navigating hostile environments while trying to maintain inner peace. This conversation isn't just about surviving workplace discrimination – it's a master class in reclaiming your authentic self and turning trauma into wisdom that benefits others.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hello, hello everyone .
All my viewers and all mylisteners, welcome to Be Free
you with your girl, bree Charles, and here we have yet another
amazing, astounding woman, msMonique Smith.
Welcome her to the show.
We welcome you and thank youfor coming on and sharing your
experience.
I am loving it.
(00:34):
So, ms Monique, big sis, as Icall her, please just tell us a
little bit about yourself,because I can tell everything
about you and be here all day.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I'm going to let you go ahead can tell everything
about you and be here all day.
I'm gonna let you go ahead,okay.
So my name is monique smith, Iam a travel agent, uh, so I, my
travel agent, is called mosttravel, yeah so if you ever want
to book a cruise, get online tomost travel.
For most travel, dot com.
(01:04):
Forward slash teletravel yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
So what kind of what kind of travel agent like do you
just do?
Do you do everything likehotels or cruises, or do you?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Well, I just I just trickled back down to just doing
cruises because majority of theclients that I have want to go
on cruises.
I have a few people that wantto go to resorts and stuff like
that, but majority of peoplewant to do the cruises now.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Okay, so cruises is the big thing.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
So the big thing, the biggest thing, all right,
follow the money.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
So tell me about your military experience.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
You are a military veteran.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Okay, I was in the military for 21 years, four
months and 24 days, and how?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
many hours a minute.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
We didn't break down like that I'm just telling you
what's on my DD-214.
Okay, Okay, so, yeah, so I wasthe beginning of my career.
I was just a signal air, I wasa route operator.
And what a route operator is?
(02:18):
Basically we work with infantryand work with the radios.
Work with infantry and workwith the radios so like the
tankers can like relay, you knowtheir calls and stuff like that
through communication right inmy system.
In the second 10 years Idecided to become a warrant
officer, so I became a subjectmatter expert in information
(02:42):
systems and security.
Awesome.
So yeah, girl.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Okay, awesome, awesome, awesome.
So yeah, how would you say yourmilitary experience?
I mean, we all go through bumpsand bruises in our military
career, but would you say it wasa good experience overall?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Well, overall, it was a learning experience overall.
Well, overall, it was alearning, learning experience.
I'll tell you that becauseoriginally I'm from brooklyn,
new york, yeah, and joining themilitary.
Even though I was the spouse ofa tanker in the military, I I
never encountered the racism andthe sexism that I did in the
(03:30):
military, not until I became anofficer.
When I was an enlisted NCO, itwas okay because I was dealing
with the lower enlisted, as theycall them.
When you switch over and becomean officer, it's a whole
different a whole differentstory.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
So let's let's talk a little bit about your trauma,
because I feel as though it tiesinto that.
What is the the what?
Share a little bit of yourstory, because I I feel like
we're going into like the wholemilitary thing.
So tell us a little bit aboutyour story did it happen in the
military.
Is it military related?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
yes, so there, you tell us a little bit about?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
tell us a little bit about your story.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Okay.
So, being a warrant officer,you're the subject matter expert
in your field, so you'resupposed to know everything,
almost everything you know.
So it's like dealing with whitesenior officers.
(04:34):
They don't like, first of all,they don't like to see that a
woman knows more than they do,but, tap on, the black woman
knows more than the whiteofficer.
Yeah, no, you know what I'msaying.
So it's like I know they.
You know, it's known that wehave to work 10 times harder
than the next person to getwhere we want to be.
(04:56):
But when you're in the militaryand you're in like close
proximity of these colonels andmajors and stuff and and they
want to take the credit foreverything, they don't want the
general to know that a woman,black woman, came up with these
ideas to make these systems workbetter.
(05:17):
So I had to.
I had to battle.
I had one incident with thewarrant officer counterpart.
We go out in the field and heworked a day shift because he
likes to smoke and joke with thehigher-ups, and I worked a
night shift.
So it seemed like all thesystems went down when he got
(05:41):
off work.
When he got off work, he gotoff of, uh, his shift and we
came in, just like all thesystems would go down all of a
sudden I'm like, well, what'sgoing on?
So me and my senior seo tryingto figure out what's going on,
we're going through all thatstuff, everything's working on
our end.
So I go to his night shift andI'm like, okay, could you check
(06:02):
and make sure your stuff isgoing?
Because my systems it's likeI'm time warning and he's I'm
like I'm the service, he's timewarner.
And then he pushes out theservice to you know the
customers, the, you knoweverybody else that's in this
(06:24):
war fight and it would just godown all of a sudden.
So push fast forward.
One of my captains, a female,caught one of his soldiers
putting in a code.
He would put a code in on hissystem so I couldn't see it, so
it was in on their side thatblocked my system from coming in
(06:48):
.
So that's when all the serviceswent down, because I'm the one
providing the service.
So when she found out, when shesaw him, she was like what are
you doing?
And he kind of like closed thewindow on his system, on his
computer.
She's like, no, open that bag.
So it's like stuff like thatyou have to battle.
You know he wanted to get thetop block.
(07:08):
And when I say top block it'slike different grades of
officers warrant officers,lieutenants, captains, majors,
so forth and so on.
If you get the top block thenyou're like the top of that uh
grade, that field grade.
So instead of him working withme, us working together to make
(07:32):
sure our colonel was, you know,g to g.
When the no, you will knock meoff, so I look bad and you can
get the top spot.
So that's basically what Ibattled.
I battled that with a comrade.
He was a lower enlisted for mehe was a W1, I was a W2.
But then I had to turn aroundand battle majors.
(07:53):
So it's like I just you know.
But then I decided I'm going toreach out to my seniors.
So I reached out to the seniorsup in the, the um core level
that I've worked with in thepast on different assignments,
who knew me, who knew what Icould, and I reached out to them
(08:15):
and they got my back.
We got everything together.
I jumped in on their system andeverything pushed out.
It's like it lit up likeChristmas tree when I jumped in
on their system and everythingpushed out.
It's like it lit up likeChristmas tree when I jumped in
on their system.
So then everybody started toknow that it wasn't me.
It wasn't me and my team thatwas blocking you know all the
(08:37):
services.
So once I did that, I was likeyou know what Let me sit back
here and stop worrying abouteverybody else and worry about
not even worry about me, buttake control of me, because it
pulled me out of myself.
It brought out that anger thatI've never had.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
I've always been a laid back person so that that's
what I was going to ask you.
So this, this is an experiencefor you with racism, because you
were an outstanding warrantofficer and this is for our
viewers to kind of track wherewe're going.
You are an outstanding blackfemale in your field and you had
(09:18):
a white major yes, white White.
You're a white major that knewhow good you were.
So this affected you throughoutyour military career.
So you said that you was amilitary warrant the 10 last
years of your service.
So how, actually, the last 11years, the last 11 years?
(09:40):
So tell me how this situationaffected you and put you into a
space where you were just likesurviving or just going through
the motions to make it throughyour last 11 years, and when did
you start to heal?
Or what more did you see to saythat this was a struggle for
(10:03):
you in your career?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
So I began, like I said, I reached out to other
seniors, other colonels andmajors that I worked with
outside of my brigade, that I'veworked with in the past.
You know what I'm saying that Ididn't have this problem, you
know, and they knew my work.
So they came in and got my back.
You know what I'm saying that Ididn't have this problem, you
know, and they knew my work.
(10:26):
So they came in, they got myback.
You know what I'm saying.
They was like, okay, let me seewhat's going on.
And I was like, just let mejoin on you.
So I joined their systems andthen everything worked.
You know what I'm saying.
So then they realized what wasgoing on.
But what made me what it did tome mentally was it put me in
(10:49):
defense mode?
You know saying I was sodefensive, I was so angry
because I knew me and my team.
So you know, because I have ateam that I work with, you know
I'm saying so.
I'm trying to cover their back,making sure they get their good
credits.
You know credit for the stuff.
So I'm trying to cover theirback, making sure they get their
good credit.
You know credit for the stuffthat they do, because I had some
really smart soldiers, okay,and so I had to stop.
(11:15):
I was like you coming out ofyourself, this is somebody I did
not recognize.
I did not recognize you know,because, like I used to run, run
into other NCOs, they was likeyou got kids.
You don't seem like somebodywho got kids, you're that age,
you don't seem so laid back.
But then it came to anger, theangry moment, and that wasn't
(11:39):
who I was and I can feel that itwasn't who I was because I
started getting sick.
So it's like when you come upout of who you originally are,
that's when those diseases andyou know, like high blood
pressure, diabetes, all of thatcomes in.
Because you came out ofyourself, you understand what I
(12:03):
mean.
It's like you letting all thesedifferent energies come and
it's pulling you out and it'stearing you down.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Did the racism affect your work, work, work ethics as
well?
Did you?
Did you know working, how youstill kept pushing to be the
same.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
I kept pushing girl.
It became a fight, not tophysically, you know, throw
somebody off, you understand.
It's like I had to fight andkeep my sanity.
I had to fight because what,like I said, I have a team.
I have a team of soldiers thatI'm training.
I have to train them were theyaffected by?
(12:44):
any of it.
I wouldn't let them getaffected.
It's like I took the brunt ofeverything I just explained.
Oh, it's okay, we're going tobe.
But they knew that what theywere doing was correct because
it was validated by outsidethings.
Was it a?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
mixture of race and with soldiers correct?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, yeah, I didn't have just African-American
soldiers, I had Hispanicsoldiers, I had white soldiers,
you know what I'm saying.
And we were a team.
I would always make sure theycross-trained so everybody knew
how to do everybody's job.
Just in case somebody got sick,they were able to take their
time off and it wouldn't disturbthe mission.
(13:27):
But it's like they it's kind oflike they became how do you say
it, I don't even know the wordsfor it my comforters.
They would come up and they'dbe like gee, it's okay, it's
going to be all right, you knowthey'll bring me something.
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
So they saw it, they saw what was going on.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
They saw it.
They saw it and you know, andthey was like, oh, that ain't
right, it's that next one.
But I started healing myself byclosing off all the negative
energy.
I began to meditate, I began todive deeper into spirituality,
(14:10):
and spirituality is notChristian christian.
So it's like I have my own, uh,relationship with god.
You know, some people call themthe.
I am yahweh buddha.
It's still the same person, youknow.
It's still the same entity.
(14:31):
So I began to have my ownrelationship and I would go girl
, I was on my knees just to keepmy sanity.
So I finally came up out ofthat darkness, slowly, because
it was a long journey.
I came up out of that darknessand here I am today.
(14:51):
I mean, I, did you ever feel apressure?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Did you ever feel a pressure to hurry up and get
over it?
Or you know something to thatnature, like you know, or or
talk to yourself to say this isthe norm.
Racism always been here,whatever I mean.
Was there ever those pressuresto like, minimize the racism
that you experience?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
well, what I used to do, me personally, what I would
do is just ignore it.
I'd be like, whatever you know,keep doing what I was supposed
to do.
I would ignore it.
But you know, over time itblows up.
You can only turn to otherpeople, so to speak.
But so many times, you know.
And then I started I had toseek help for myself, and then
(15:39):
that's when I became morespiritual and I ran across a
lady who was like I know, Godput her in my path and she
helped me get to where I am now,you know.
So it's like I'm not trying todeter anyone from joining the
(16:01):
military, because everybody'sexperience is different.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And I would say that you know this, this, this your
experience.
You know it doesn't have to bejust a military person.
I'm sure that there are women,men, experiencing trauma and in
other places, other work spaces.
So I wouldn't say it's just, youknow it's good for our military
listeners because we allunderstand you know at some form
(16:27):
or some part that you know wehad to.
You know, I wouldn't say Iwould say if I did experience
racism, I didn't recognize it,because my thing is like I think
I had the experience of love.
We all just trying to make itback home, so we all had each
other.
Now I would say I experiencedthe sexism that you know, just
(16:52):
because I was a female.
You know, but that's why Ialways went hard, went strong,
you know, but that's why Ialways went hard, went strong.
And then that's just foranybody, any woman of color in a
workspace, we always have toprove ourselves to be the best.
You know, I watch JasmineCrockett.
You know, amazing, amazingcouncilwoman who makes sure she
(17:18):
crosses every T and every.
She has to work harder thananybody else in her field.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So this is I actually have to pick up the spirit that
she has.
That spirit like, look, this isblah, blah, blah and have my
receipts.
You know what I'm saying.
That's when I had to start.
That's when I say I pulled backand had to start taking care of
myself.
That's when you know you pullback and you know what you know.
(17:49):
So can't nobody shoot you down.
I can pull them regs out.
Here we go Because we had to,we had to, and even out in the
workforce, workforce, out in thecivilian sector.
You have to know what you'redoing.
You have to have those receipts.
So when you're trying to climbup that corporate ladder and
(18:13):
then people it don't even haveto be, you know, white people it
could be, your own race because, trust me, I ran into that tip,
you know, so it's like you haveto know.
Unfortunately, we have, like yousaid, we have to work harder.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
You know, yeah, but even and you're right with that
too, even, you know, even what Inoticed one thing again in the
military or in the civilianrealm just being a woman, you
know, I believe that that's alittle piece of our Kamala
Harris not having a successfulpresidency.
(18:49):
I don't think it.
Just, I don't think people lookat women like we are strong
enough or qualified enough to doa job that a man, supposedly,
is set to do, and so, eventhough we show our worth, we
(19:14):
still sometimes just are notafforded that opportunity to do
the job that we know we can't.
And it's funny because you know, um, I say all the time women,
we are the nurturer, we can't,you, we, we wear so many hats as
(19:34):
, as a woman with not not onlywere you a communications
specialist, you was a mother,you was a doctor when the kids
got sick, and then when you'rein that top, that space of being
a top role, having a top rolelike you or your one, so we've
got women out here, there's CEOs, whatever we have people
(19:56):
underneath us.
Women out here, that is yo's,whatever we have people
underneath us.
So not only were you, you know,the chief warrant officer of
your field, but then you havepeople under you and what.
What happens with that?
Oh, chief, my toenail hurt.
Yeah, yeah, with some going athome, and so and I have more
children than what I birthedThan what you birthed.
(20:19):
And when you're faced withthings on top of because and I
know what you're talking about,because you're always looked at
to fail and not only do they setyou up to fail, but they don't,
you know, not realizing that,the amount of stress that that
puts on somebody, because nowyou're fighting to do to prove
(20:40):
yourself worthy of the job thatyou're doing.
Also, you're taking care of allthose soldiers that are
underneath you, yeah, who seewhat you're going through, but
they have their own struggles,so you, you're lifting them up.
then you got the family at home,you got the children and you
married with the ex-husband atthe time.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Oh no, we weren't together when I turned 10.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Oh, you weren't together, okay, okay mom, okay,
but you still had the children.
You still had to go through allthose phases.
And this is what I'm sayingwhen I look at women, and
especially if you're holdinghigh positions, to hear some of
the stories that we have to gothrough.
I applaud them all.
(21:25):
I applaud them all.
So I want to know what was themost surprising part of your
healing process when you said toyourself, like you said, you're
spiritual, you had to lookinside your spiritual self.
Like you said, you're spiritual, you had to look inside your
spiritual self.
And I heard you mention therewas a lot of tools that you used
, like meditation, things likethat.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
So what surprised you when you started your healing
process?
What surprised me was that allof that was already inside.
So it wasn't hard for me to doit.
You know, it wasn't hard for meto look inside.
It was hard for me to come outof the darkness of that anger.
You know what I'm saying.
But once I realized that, okay,you know, like you said, you
(22:22):
have to sit there and talk toyourself Because literally I,
like you, know, that's not whoyou are, this is not what we're
doing, what do we want?
So I had to answer those threequestions.
I had to face those three, youknow, and I was like got kids, I
have young people I need to behere for.
I have soldiers I need to behere for.
(22:44):
I had one soldier down rangewho told me he was going to kill
himself.
He was going to kill himselfbecause he found out the woman
that he married before hedeployed, that he only known for
two or three months, wascheating on him.
Right, he only known for two orthree months was cheating on him
, right you know.
And I had to pull, I had totake off cheap and put on mama.
You know what I'm saying.
(23:05):
I was like, okay, so you'regonna go ahead, just let me know
when you're gonna do it so Ican have all the paperwork ready
so her and her boyfriend canget your insurance and live out
their life.
And boy, let me tell you, threeyears later I seen him down
range.
He was a sergeant in themilitary and we looked at each
(23:29):
other.
He was at a different brigade.
He looked at me and he justsmiled.
I was like you know what I'msaying.
I'm like you going to go aheadand do that.
You think people are goinggonna stop living cause you no,
sir.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So let me ask you the trauma that you experienced
with the racism and sexism andagain, you're still helping
soldiers how did that shape your?
Did that help the trauma fromthe racism and sexism?
You still did what you had todo for family soldiers.
Did it help shape your purpose?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yes, it did, because, like I said, I had to stop and
say this is not you, the darkside, this is you.
You know I'm Monique, I'm mama,I'm leader, I'm mentor.
You know what?
I'm, monique, I'm mama, I'mleader, I'm mentor.
You know what I'm saying.
I have these are things.
You're a psychologist, doctor,psychologist Ooh wait, let me
(24:28):
think I know.
But it's like all those hats.
I had to stand up and put theminto one hat.
Instead of being five or sixdifferent hats, I had to put one
hat on my head and be like thisis what we're going to do, and
what I did was I pulled myselftogether.
I pulled all of those peoplethe mama, the doctor, the leader
(24:54):
, the mentor.
I put it all in one place and Igot back to who I was, because
originally that's who I was.
I wasn't an angry person.
It's like you would see meevery morning.
Hey, good morning, how youdoing Blah, blah, blah.
I knew who to.
(25:16):
You know what I'm saying.
You sit back and you watch andyou know who to stay away from.
That's what caused trauma inthe military, but I just was.
I had to get back to who I wasand then go forward with it.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Before we all joined the service, we all have our
purpose and our reasons.
Why Did you just?
Was it a reason why you joinedthe military?
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Well, I joined the military honestly to provide for
my kids Because, like I said,me and their dad, my dad and I
wanted them all to go to college, Because I've always talked to
my kids what do you want to do,what's your end game, what's
your goal in life?
And you know, all of them hadone wanted to be a doctor,
(26:04):
another one wanted to be apolice woman and the other one
he just didn't know what hewanted to do.
But I always talk to them.
You know, come on, we got tofigure out what we're going to
do so we can get on that path.
And if that's the right path,you're going to stay on that
path.
If not, god will be where youneed to be.
You know and see, that's who Iwas before I joined the military
(26:25):
.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Before you joined and you just joined to make a
better way for a better life foryour children.
You come in and you change overand you hit with the racism and
the sexism.
You're like what the hell youknow, and I wasn't ready for it
I wasn't ready for it, because Ididn't recognize it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You know, coming from new york, you would think so.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
But I mean it's a different I grew up with
italians.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I grew up with Italians, jamaicans even the
Scottish, irish, english.
New York is the melting pot.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
That's the melting pot.
You can find it all in New York.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Exactly, I never had a problem with that.
Never had a problem with ituntil I became a one-off, not
even as an enlisted soldier.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
It didn't break you, it didn't tear you down, it
surprised you, it shook you up.
Of course, you kept goingthrough that.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Unfortunately, you don't have no choice.
It's not like I was a civilianand I could quit my job.
Right oh yeah, and then go overhere and get another one I
probably could have.
It would have wrecked my wholecareer, like there was nobody
going to hire you you had backin our time of service.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I mean you really had to be a true dirt bag.
I mean you just literally hadto sit and not do nothing in
order to get removed from themilitary, because they was going
to keep you, because they spentabout a nice pretty penny to
get you in there, so they weregoing to keep you in there.
You was just going to do somehard work for thousands of
(28:12):
dollars.
So it's like you know.
I'm sure we can elaborate moreon all the.
I would say I did Like I said Iexperienced the sexism and this
is not just for people in themilitary, but a corporate job
experience and racism, sexismnot even just for white people,
(28:33):
but it could be your own, noteven just with white people, but
it could be your own.
So my question is what would wesay?
I know what I would say, butwhat would you say to someone
who feels like their position isnot being valued or they're not
(28:56):
being valued because of thecolor they skin or because they
are women?
What would you tell someone?
What advice can you givesomebody in that?
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Okay, I'm going to tell you the first thing that
came into my mind as you wasasking that question.
First thing that came to mymind was go sit down, find
somewhere quiet, nobody's around.
Go, take your seat, be quiet.
(29:27):
Just sit there and remember,forget what you're going through
, forget what you're goingthrough, remember who you are,
remember who you are, rememberwho you are.
And once you remember who youare, it gets easier for you to
(29:49):
come up and be like okay, allright, you see how them
shoulders go with that.
Yeah, all right, okay, you wantto be like that.
Okay, bam, you just come fullforth with what you got.
They cannot not recognize youbecause now you're walking in
(30:09):
you, if that makes sense.
When you walk in you, theycannot mess with you.
They're going to see you,they're going to see what's
going on.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Oh, they're gonna they're gonna see you, but they
can't.
They still ain't gonna be ableto stand you because they're
gonna look at this.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Oh, but see you cannot.
It's okay if you can't stand me, but the people who need to see
me will see me, it's like it'slike you know, you don't have to
understand me, but you're goingto respect me.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I was just talking to my daughter just yesterday and
this is the same story and she'svery introverted, which you
know.
That she's an introvertedperson.
She's experienced a lot ofbullying and a lot of things, so
she's really quiet and she wasin the Navy.
(30:59):
Navy treated her wrong, youknow, and she's like she was
telling me this incident had tohappen and she said, mom, you
know.
She said I need to ask yousomething Because you know, as
we can see, racism, I mean it'salways been there, but it's been
kicked up now.
I mean, people are just freewith it now.
(31:20):
I won't say everybody, becauseI think mostly I will say most
people or some people, I don'tknow what the ratio is.
But in the area that I live inand I am the only, the only
Black person, we are the onlyBlack family in our community,
and I will say that I have someawesome, pretty level-headed
(31:45):
neighbors.
But my daughter said that shewas at a store at the gas
station and she was coming up toa counter and a white man went
in front of her and put her hisstuff down and then looked at
her.
That gave her the like, andwhat type of situation.
And because she has anger andbuilt a trauma from the military
(32:09):
again with sexism and stufflike that, um, she was so angry
and she wanted to unleash.
But see my daughter's type thatwhat if she unleashes?
Like let's all pray?
And then I had to tell her andshe said Mom, I need your advice
Because, as he did that, Iwanted to go in.
(32:32):
But she said what I did was Ijust kind of.
You know, she was quiet, shewent ahead and let him do what
she wanted, what he wanted to do.
She paid for stuff.
And then she said when she gotin the car she was mad as shit.
Like she was mad, like, oh, Ishouldn't have let that get away
.
I mean she like she wanted togo and find him and give him the
(32:56):
business after the fact,because she, you know, when
you're talking about racism,sexism, bullying and all that
stuff, wakanda, sometimes wejust fold back in ourselves and
we be quiet and she said did Ido the right thing?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
She did the right thing because he was looking for
it.
He was looking for it.
He did that on purpose, to lookfor it, and I'm telling you
spirit told her back up, justpull back.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I said I'm going to tell you.
And for the, you know I'm goingto tell you.
You know I'm very transparent.
So, look, I was a thug, okay.
And I told my daughter.
I said learn from, I'm not thug.
I told her.
I said, listen, baby girl, I'mnot.
I told her.
I said listen, baby girl, I'mgoing to tell you why.
You did the right thing,because she has two beautiful
(33:43):
children, two beautiful children.
Had you had acted upon people'signorance and they don't know
who they're being ignorant toyou would have done that.
Then where would you have been?
I said you would be in jail.
And she was like, well, that'sokay, mom, because I know you're
going to take care of my kid.
(34:03):
And I said but okay, and see,this is my message to all young
people that are viewing too.
Regardless what you are facedwith, you know they're not
everybody is going to like theskin that you're in hell.
Some of the like, like we say,all skin folk ain't kinfolk
(34:24):
either.
So they, some people are outhere to you know, get ahead,
keep other people down.
And I said, regardless of whatsomebody you you always like,
have to think it out, because,okay, you'd be in jail, but then
you got to think about jail.
Now you gotta say your bootyfrom jail.
You know, you got your booty injail and when I said that she
(34:45):
kind of was like, oh, oh, maybejail ain't for me okay.
So this is why we have to teachour youth, we have to speak to
those like, because it couldhave been plenty.
I've plenty of times where youknow, um, like I said, mine was
sexism, where I could have justblew up right then and there
(35:06):
been sitting in somebody'smilitary jail or what.
But the greatest lesson thatI've learned is that you can
kill a person with kindness andmore knowledge, more knowledge,
that's what I was talking about.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
You got to know what you're talking about and people
that you know don't like you.
You be like yeah, uh-huh.
Hey, I didn't say socialize, Isaid hey, girl, or you know hey
man, what they say in themilitary, whore meant anything,
(35:42):
girl, my whore was straightratchet.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, whore to me, whore girl, whore, first sign,
kiss my ass, look, look howabout this one?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
How about this one?
I say whore, I say whore I saywhore, I say who.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I say who, I say who.
You know, it was so many timesthat I had that we, as women in
the military, we had to use thattype of terminology to play the
game in life.
I say who.
Look, I say who.
Like, fuck you, you ugly assbitch.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
You know, it was plenty of times I would just
stare, I'd just be like they'dbe like Chief you all right, it
was just one colonel.
She would just always try totalk to me, talk to me, and I
used to be like you know, Iwouldn't disrespect her.
She asked me something, I wouldanswer.
But if I had to answer nothing,I would just be looking at her
(36:43):
girl.
She was so intimidated by meshe used to give me coins every
time she said he had jeans and Iwas like I'm not mad at you, I
had an E4.
And her, I think you know her.
What is her name?
(37:05):
She's from Sierra Leone.
You know who I'm?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
talking about?
Okay, yes, I know who you'retalking about, but I want to
call her.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I don't want to call her name out, but she, when she
got promoted and I promoted her,she was there and she was
talking and she said somethingthat I will never forget.
She said my father always saidif I didn't have anything to say
, don't say anything.
So from the time I pinned thatchick, she was E4.
(37:37):
She became an officer.
She still kept that samementality.
She's out now.
She retired now, girl, she wasand she was.
I had some inspirationalsoldiers I mean good soldiers
and you have to nurture the goodones, even the ones that give
(37:59):
you problems.
You have to nurture the goodones, even the ones that give
you problems.
You have to pull to the side,because I had this one in Korea.
Oh my God.
I had to pull him to the sideand say you are so much better.
God has so much for you in yourfuture.
You need to come correct.
You need to get your stufftogether and stop playing around
(38:20):
, get your life right and moveforward.
Another one he used to just benervous about everything.
His blood pressure was all overthe place.
If he see this right now, he'sgoing to be like gee.
It was so bad so they wanted tochapter him out because every
time he went to the doctor hisblood pressure would be high.
(38:42):
So I sat him down.
I said come sit here.
I said does the doctor make younervous?
And he said yes, chief, I getso scared when I go to the
doctor's office, so I taught himhow to meditate.
Tell me why that E1, straightout of basic in AIT, is the E7
now in special force?
Oh wow, he's in Fort Bragg,fort Liberty, whatever they want
(39:06):
to call it.
Now he's the E7, just gotmarried, about to have a baby
and we stay in contact.
You know what I'm saying.
I never tore my soldiers down,Even when they was doing wrong.
I would sit them down and belike, look, I'm going to need
tore my soldiers down, Even whenthey was doing wrong.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I would sit them down and be like look yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I'm going to need you to come on.
I'm going to need you to getright, because what did you come
in the military for?
Just like I did my kids.
What is your angle?
What do you see yourself doing?
What do you want to do?
You sit them down and you talkto them like they got some sense
.
You talk to them like they'rean adult, no matter how old they
are.
They adult now because they'rein real life.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yes, they're ready.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Your mama had to sign for you or not.
You have to sit them down andtell them look that foolery you
doing, right, there is gonna getyou xyz and I need to figure it
out.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
That's real good.
That's real good right there,because that's the same thing
that you know, um, in my non, mynonprofit business, when I have
volunteers or whatever they'vedone.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Oh yes, I'm going to need y'all to come and donate to
the House of Humanity.
The House of Humanity.
We help the homeless, homelessfamilies and victims of domestic
domestic violence.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Low income families yeah, and what I would say to uh
, our volunteers that may bedoing volunteer hours for
everything, you know you don'twant to beat them down and
they're already doing volunteerwork for um, whatever.
But I had one volunteer um hewas volunteering, he was service
for it because he had to DUIand after somebody has already
(40:44):
messed up in their life, thelast thing you want to do is
beat them down.
So I like what you said aboutwhen your soldiers was messing
up, and that's even again in thecorporate world, especially for
us men and women of color.
Don't, if you see somebodymessing they messing up, don't
be so quick to beat them down.
You know, lift them up eventhough they're messing up.
(41:07):
They may be messing up, but theonly way we're going to get
stronger and better is that ifwe police up ourselves and move
as one unit and so I never knowwhat that person may be going
through.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
They may be going through something that's
sidestepping.
So you pull them to the sideand be like, not in front of
everybody.
Don't do that, because thenthey get on the defense.
You pull them off by themselvesand you be like look, I don't
know what's going on with you,but this and this is going to
get you fired If you want totell me what's going on, that's
(41:41):
fine.
If you don't, you need some helpfrom me or whatever.
Let me know, because I believein helping my sisters and
brothers rise.
There's no me without us.
You understand what I'm saying.
So it's like in the blackcommunity.
We need to come together.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I don't want to be done.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
If she make more money than I do, I'm on her ride
.
I'm like okay.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Some people's positions go to their heads.
Let's talk about that, howpeople's positions could go to
their heads.
I was a young private coming inthe military from the streets
of West Philadelphia, born andraised, you know.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Okay, that combination by itself is
dangerous.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
I came in as a woman who has been abused her whole
entire life.
So when I came in I was withthe rah-rah, as we call it, like
what?
Who you talking to?
I know you ain't talking to me.
And again, I was 30 years oldwhen I joined at one time.
(42:50):
So real quick story is I camein from the streets being abused
.
I had an aggressive nature.
It's because I vow vowed tomyself nobody will ever abuse me
again.
I joined this army for a purposeblah, blah, blah.
Now I had a first son.
I ain't gonna say a name, butif she's listening, you know who
you are, you know, you know,but you know because you know.
(43:15):
I came in because I literallydidn't have a clue.
I didn't even know what aninsurance bill was.
I just knew I had to pay for mycar or whatever, and I didn't
have insurance.
So a lot of things that Ibelieve that my leadership
should have done.
And they were all black, allblack.
(43:36):
I believe that what they shouldhave done, instead of down
looking down on me like, oh,can't get right, oh, can't do
right, or can't you know whatI'm saying they didn't take the
time to get to know who I was sothey could see how to service
me.
So you know what this first sonsaid to me.
Let me tell you what she said,girl, she said I'm gonna send
(43:57):
you back on the on the block,since you want to act like
you're on the block.
I want to send you back to theblock.
And I was like, okay, you know,I would be good, you know.
And she tried to have meremoved out the military and put
me back on the block where shefelt as though I belong.
(44:21):
It took a white man to look atme and I mean they say it was
crazy.
I forgot, I wish I couldremember his name, but we was in
Fort Lewis Okay, that lightningpatch brigade, ok, all right.
And he looked at me and he usedto when he would talk to his
(44:45):
wife because you know he theybrought me in the office and he
was on the phone and he wouldanswer his phone.
One man that's how he would talkto his wife.
They said he talked to a bird,he had a, whatever.
I don't give a damn.
He was cool with me, he was uplooked and you know, you got the
first sergeant and all them,you know my platoon sergeant all
(45:05):
pieces of crap.
Okay, Because they didn't careto take the time to be leaders
to find out why and what's goingon with this young woman.
They didn't care.
This white man, he looked at meand he said you know what he
said, I'm not going to kick youout.
He said what you need is somerehabilitation.
(45:27):
And he gave me my 45, 45.
I did time and he sent me to anew unit where I progressed.
I lost all my rank, all my rank.
I lost every single bit of it.
Okay, and that was the firsttime too, by the way, but we're
getting at it.
But what he did for me was hegave me a chance, and then I
(45:52):
went up under new leadership andI excelled.
I made all my rank back, allthat they took from me, I made
all my rank back.
All that they took from me, Imake all I made all my rank back
and that kind of showed me thatI don't have no time for you
know this foolishness.
Yeah, I am angry, you know, butyou know I feel like nobody was
(46:13):
giving.
But I knew that I couldn't keepgoing backwards and money I had
to get right because mychildren don't deserve that.
I joined this military to keepgoing backwards.
So I just wanted to share thatstory because we need to find
out, like you know.
Find out what is the underlyingthing.
Why is this?
Don't be so quick to tear themdown and throw them out and
(46:35):
leave them for nothing.
We have to look deep into ouryoung people.
See, or young people, or people.
They don't even have to beyoung, you know, they could be
in our age range and it has tobe something that has happened
to make this person.
Now you can lead a horse towater, son, you can't make them
drink, but at least give it atry.
So I do, I do, totally agreewith that and at least offer
(47:03):
them the water.
Yeah, offer, you know, juststop.
You know we just so quick tojust give up.
But that was then.
But you know, what I do now isI look back and I think that
first time she did see me,matter of fact, in your area,
she saw me and she was like,because I used to be Harvey, and
(47:23):
you know, of course, now I'mCharles and she saw me and
anybody that called me Harvey.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
I'm like, oh, Like ooh, they remember that.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
Oh, if you call me Harvey, you knew me at my raw
military career.
Ok, and so when she said Harvey, I was like oh, and then I
remembered that voice.
So it was like I know thatain't this and it sure was.
It was her, and she looked atmy chest and I was wearing my
staff sergeant rank, ever soproudly.
(47:57):
And then when I saw was, I stuckout my chest even more.
Hey, first sergeant I think shewas a sergeant major then and I
was like I stuck out my chestand was like, hey, sergeant
major, how you doing?
She was like what, Look at you,staff sergeant.
I didn't even know you werestill in.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I wanted to say you know what you should have said.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
You tried to destroy me.
Yes, I mean, you know, but Ihumbled myself, as I told my
daughter, you know, humbleyourself and that will eat at
somebody even more.
Just to humble yourself, smileand be like, and I just smiled,
like Roger that term major I did, I made it and, doing very well
(48:55):
, and, you know, left it at that, got her phone number and you
know, you know, I have that verygiven kind heart.
But I said you know what peoplelike, that once you show me,
once that, you know, I mean shecould have changed.
But I didn't want to even takethe necessary steps because you
(49:16):
tried to destroy me, not knowingwhat I've been through already.
So, uh, that's why I told mydaughter you can do, you just by
.
You know there was no need togo back and try to find them and
beat them up.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
You, you just, you can do so many other things yeah
because they're looking forthat people look for.
They try to provoke.
They try to provoke you becausethey want to start something.
They want to attack you.
Have a reason to call you out,your name and stuff.
I know it took a lot because,trust me, I know it took a lot
(49:52):
for her to pull it back.
But you have to read theseenergies out here, unfortunately
.
You have to read the energiesout here, unfortunately.
You have to read the entitiesout here, because it's all.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Let's let some of this, this, these things that we
experience, to say okay,because this things that people
set for you as a failure shoulddrive you even more to say watch
, watch me work.
You know, if people are outthere and they're downing you
and you're downplaying you andyour skill because of your skin
(50:24):
color or your gender, all youjust got to do is sit back and
be like okay, all right, youknow all you gotta do is, like I
said, remember who you areremember who, remember who you
are, or even find, do better tofind who you are and say, once
you find out who you are, nobodycould take that from you.
(50:45):
So, miss monique, let me ask you, what are you doing today to
protect your peace and energy?
Now you know, uh, now thatyou're like this first
breakthrough because you are abeautiful, strong black woman.
This I know.
So how do you continue to dailyprotect your peace, not just
from the racism and sexism, butfrom anything that you're doing,
(51:07):
because I'm sure that you know,even in business, you know
things could come up.
How do you protect your peace?
Speaker 2 (51:16):
do you really want to ?
Speaker 1 (51:17):
know, don't mislead you.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Yes, we're going to jump back to my spirituality.
Okay, I tell you, you have tofind your peace.
When you find your peace andyou stand strong in it, you
stand grounded, ground yourself.
And when I'm going it, youstand grounded, ground yourself.
And I'm going to teach you howto ground yourself.
(51:44):
You can either go outside or youcan envision yourself standing
on the earth, in the grass orthe dirt or whatever, and you
envision these roots growing outof your feet.
And when the roots come out ofyour feet and they go into the
earth, you need to pray and askthe earth to send you that
(52:07):
positive energy.
And you envision in your mind'seye.
You envision that white lightcoming through your body, proud
of your head, and that whitelight is healing light.
That's peace.
So, on top of meditation, youground yourself and then you
(52:30):
meditate.
And when you meditate, that'swhen you sit, you be quiet.
You get all that out your mind.
And it's not easy, because egois your mind.
Ego is when your mind istelling you no, you can't do
that, no, that's too hard, oh,he's not gonna like that.
You know, anything negative isyour ego, and your ego is not
(52:54):
who you are.
It's part of you, but it's notwho you are, you understand.
I mean, it's good.
It would take a whole lot morethan this podcast for me to
explain it to you, because I hadto.
Like I said when I began tofind myself and get my peace
back and take my mind back, itjust brought me to this
(53:18):
wonderful place.
When I say I am so grateful forwhat God has given me, what he's
done for me, doing for me andwhat he will do for me, I don't
know if you call him God, yahweh, buddha, allah, it doesn't
matter what you call him.
He is the one source, one force, one source.
(53:39):
You just got to be gratefulEven for the hard source.
One force, one source.
You just got to be gratefuleven for the hard times.
I'm grateful because it made mestronger.
You know what I'm saying.
You had to pick yourself up.
So what I do is I meditate, Iground myself, I meditate and I
give out love from my heart,chakra.
(53:59):
I send out love and peace tothe world and that's me doing my
part.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (54:11):
I'm saying that's me doing my part in this world, you
know yeah.
Letting you take responsibilityfor your own actions and not
letting someone else determinehow you feel and how you walk
(54:33):
about your day exactly.
So I mean, I could be feelinglike this you're gonna see a
smile on my face because I'memulating myself to you.
I don't want you to feel hmm,hmm, hmm.
I want you to feel happy, soI'm going to smile.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm going to give you thatsmile and that's how I keep
(54:56):
myself.
That's how I keep myself.
I's how I keep myself.
I try to stay positive, youknow my partner drives me crazy
sometimes.
Speaker 1 (55:09):
I'm talking about my brother.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Oh, I love him to pieces.
You already know how yourbrother is.
He's one of them.
Real people, really raw people.
You have to be like I do.
Speaker 1 (55:26):
Don't make me go back to christian, right and yeah,
look, I would love uh for ourviewers and our listeners.
Her husband is a black retiredinfantryman.
Now, with that being said,that's all that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (55:44):
Wait, wait, wait, I'm going to need you to say it.
Right, he's a black 11 Bravoinfantry ranger, ranger, he's a
ranger, he's a raw ranger.
Speaker 1 (55:59):
Our military personnel understand that he
he's crazy.
Our civilian, uh, they probablydon't know, but I would love to
uh interview with him becauseit's not a.
You know, we as black women,yes, but our black men go
through some things in themilitary realm and in a
corporate workforce as well, butthat will be a later topic.
(56:20):
So, ms Moseley, tell me what'snext for you.
What's next for you and whatare you using and how are you
using your voice today?
I already see that you know youdid have work with the House of
Manatees, still do a lot ofvolunteer work, so your heart
and your passion is truly goingto be fundraising soon so tell
(56:42):
me what's what's next for you,any ideas, anything that you
have?
Speaker 2 (56:47):
any goals that you want to do.
I'm in the process of openingan assistant living home.
So we are uh, me and my sisterwe haven't chosen where we're
going to start yet.
North Carolina, my husband'scousin has several facilities in
(57:09):
Florida.
I want to open in NorthCarolina.
She started in North Carolina.
She's helping us with thepaperwork.
I want to open a facility here.
Get my feet wet, because thesefacilities here are kind of
subpar.
You know what I'm saying.
And my mom and my grandmotheralways had clients, you know,
(57:32):
but they stayed with them intheir home.
In their homes, you know, theycould function on their own,
like they could go to work, butthey couldn't live on their
homes.
You know they could function ontheir own, like they could go
to work, but they couldn't liveon their own, you understand.
So they were semi-independent.
So it I grew up with that, withhelping people, so that was
like in my nature, you know.
(57:55):
So we're going to open a systemin my home here in North
Carolina.
We're going to open a systemliving home here in North
Carolina.
So, working on that and I'mjust living my best life.
All right, I gave the military21 plus years, so now it's my
turn for me.
So I'm living my best life.
(58:16):
I love I even love the downdays when I'll be like I'm
loving it because I did what Icame to do.
I did a little more because Ionly want to do 20, but I did a
year to pay for.
But I'm living my best life.
I don't care what nobody say.
Speaker 1 (58:34):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (58:35):
I don't care what nobody do.
As long as you're not hurtingme or mine, go ahead and do what
you do, baby, I'm going to letyou know.
Hey, you might not want to dothat.
It's up to you to do it or not.
You see what I'm saying.
But for.
Monique.
I didn't say for Monique andspouse or kids.
I said for Monique, I'm goingto live my best life and that's
(58:57):
what I'm doing.
I'm going to live my best life.
And that's what I'm doing, I'mliving and I'm loving my best
life.
Speaker 1 (59:06):
Amen, girl.
And that is what B3U is aboutBurning, breaking and becoming
Unstoppable, Commanding Asuccessful purpose, privilege
and life.
And we are in the season ofcommanding.
Ms Monique, I thank you forjoining me.
You're welcome.
(59:26):
Thank you for joining us andhearing yet another awesome
episode of B3U.
Speaker 2 (59:37):
Don't forget, we are living in a time of the divine
feminine, so us women, we comingup.
You may not have put Kamala upthere, but trust me, you're
going to have to deal with it,that's right.
Speaker 1 (59:53):
Look, Maya Angelou is one of my faves.
Oh yes, I love her.
And what was her poem?
It was one phenomenal one.
So what was the quote?
Yet I rise, still I rise.
Still I rise, still I rise, sothank you audience.
(01:00:14):
Thank you, viewers, for joiningus on B3U.
Make sure you like, share andcomment on this podcast and give
us some great reviews.
And if you want to be an MBE,please email me and talk to you
(01:00:35):
guys later.
Hello, hello everyone .
All my viewers and all mylisteners, welcome to Be Free
you with your girl, bree Charles, and here we have yet another
amazing, astounding woman, msMonique Smith.
Welcome her to the show.
We welcome you and thank youfor coming on and sharing your
experience.
I am loving it.
(00:34):
So, ms Monique, big sis, as Icall her, please just tell us a
little bit about yourself,because I can tell everything
about you and be here all day.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I'm going to let you go ahead can tell everything
about you and be here all day.
I'm gonna let you go ahead,okay.
So my name is monique smith, Iam a travel agent, uh, so I, my
travel agent, is called mosttravel, yeah so if you ever want
to book a cruise, get online tomost travel.
For most travel, dot com.
(01:04):
Forward slash teletravel yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
So what kind of what kind of travel agent like do you
just do?
Do you do everything likehotels or cruises, or do you?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Well, I just I just trickled back down to just doing
cruises because majority of theclients that I have want to go
on cruises.
I have a few people that wantto go to resorts and stuff like
that, but majority of peoplewant to do the cruises now.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Okay, so cruises is the big thing.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
So the big thing, the biggest thing, all right,
follow the money.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
So tell me about your military experience.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
You are a military veteran.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Okay, I was in the military for 21 years, four
months and 24 days, and how?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
many hours a minute.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
We didn't break down like that I'm just telling you
what's on my DD-214.
Okay, Okay, so, yeah, so I wasthe beginning of my career.
I was just a signal air, I wasa route operator.
And what a route operator is?
(02:18):
Basically we work with infantryand work with the radios.
Work with infantry and workwith the radios so like the
tankers can like relay, you knowtheir calls and stuff like that
through communication right inmy system.
In the second 10 years Idecided to become a warrant
officer, so I became a subjectmatter expert in information
(02:42):
systems and security.
Awesome.
So yeah, girl.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Okay, awesome, awesome, awesome.
So yeah, how would you say yourmilitary experience?
I mean, we all go through bumpsand bruises in our military
career, but would you say it wasa good experience overall?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Well, overall, it was a learning experience overall.
Well, overall, it was alearning, learning experience.
I'll tell you that becauseoriginally I'm from brooklyn,
new york, yeah, and joining themilitary.
Even though I was the spouse ofa tanker in the military, I I
never encountered the racism andthe sexism that I did in the
(03:30):
military, not until I became anofficer.
When I was an enlisted NCO, itwas okay because I was dealing
with the lower enlisted, as theycall them.
When you switch over and becomean officer, it's a whole
different a whole differentstory.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
So let's let's talk a little bit about your trauma,
because I feel as though it tiesinto that.
What is the the what?
Share a little bit of yourstory, because I I feel like
we're going into like the wholemilitary thing.
So tell us a little bit aboutyour story did it happen in the
military.
Is it military related?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
yes, so there, you tell us a little bit about?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
tell us a little bit about your story.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Okay.
So, being a warrant officer,you're the subject matter expert
in your field, so you'resupposed to know everything,
almost everything you know.
So it's like dealing with whitesenior officers.
(04:34):
They don't like, first of all,they don't like to see that a
woman knows more than they do,but, tap on, the black woman
knows more than the whiteofficer.
Yeah, no, you know what I'msaying.
So it's like I know they.
You know, it's known that wehave to work 10 times harder
than the next person to getwhere we want to be.
(04:56):
But when you're in the militaryand you're in like close
proximity of these colonels andmajors and stuff and and they
want to take the credit foreverything, they don't want the
general to know that a woman,black woman, came up with these
ideas to make these systems workbetter.
(05:17):
So I had to.
I had to battle.
I had one incident with thewarrant officer counterpart.
We go out in the field and heworked a day shift because he
likes to smoke and joke with thehigher-ups, and I worked a
night shift.
So it seemed like all thesystems went down when he got
(05:41):
off work.
When he got off work, he gotoff of, uh, his shift and we
came in, just like all thesystems would go down all of a
sudden I'm like, well, what'sgoing on?
So me and my senior seo tryingto figure out what's going on,
we're going through all thatstuff, everything's working on
our end.
So I go to his night shift andI'm like, okay, could you check
(06:02):
and make sure your stuff isgoing?
Because my systems it's likeI'm time warning and he's I'm
like I'm the service, he's timewarner.
And then he pushes out theservice to you know the
customers, the, you knoweverybody else that's in this
(06:24):
war fight and it would just godown all of a sudden.
So push fast forward.
One of my captains, a female,caught one of his soldiers
putting in a code.
He would put a code in on hissystem so I couldn't see it, so
it was in on their side thatblocked my system from coming in
(06:48):
.
So that's when all the serviceswent down, because I'm the one
providing the service.
So when she found out, when shesaw him, she was like what are
you doing?
And he kind of like closed thewindow on his system, on his
computer.
She's like, no, open that bag.
So it's like stuff like thatyou have to battle.
You know he wanted to get thetop block.
(07:08):
And when I say top block it'slike different grades of
officers warrant officers,lieutenants, captains, majors,
so forth and so on.
If you get the top block thenyou're like the top of that uh
grade, that field grade.
So instead of him working withme, us working together to make
(07:32):
sure our colonel was, you know,g to g.
When the no, you will knock meoff, so I look bad and you can
get the top spot.
So that's basically what Ibattled.
I battled that with a comrade.
He was a lower enlisted for mehe was a W1, I was a W2.
But then I had to turn aroundand battle majors.
(07:53):
So it's like I just you know.
But then I decided I'm going toreach out to my seniors.
So I reached out to the seniorsup in the, the um core level
that I've worked with in thepast on different assignments,
who knew me, who knew what Icould, and I reached out to them
(08:15):
and they got my back.
We got everything together.
I jumped in on their system andeverything pushed out.
It's like it lit up likeChristmas tree when I jumped in
on their system and everythingpushed out.
It's like it lit up likeChristmas tree when I jumped in
on their system.
So then everybody started toknow that it wasn't me.
It wasn't me and my team thatwas blocking you know all the
(08:37):
services.
So once I did that, I was likeyou know what Let me sit back
here and stop worrying abouteverybody else and worry about
not even worry about me, buttake control of me, because it
pulled me out of myself.
It brought out that anger thatI've never had.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
I've always been a laid back person so that that's
what I was going to ask you.
So this, this is an experiencefor you with racism, because you
were an outstanding warrantofficer and this is for our
viewers to kind of track wherewe're going.
You are an outstanding blackfemale in your field and you had
(09:18):
a white major yes, white White.
You're a white major that knewhow good you were.
So this affected you throughoutyour military career.
So you said that you was amilitary warrant the 10 last
years of your service.
So how, actually, the last 11years, the last 11 years?
(09:40):
So tell me how this situationaffected you and put you into a
space where you were just likesurviving or just going through
the motions to make it throughyour last 11 years, and when did
you start to heal?
Or what more did you see to saythat this was a struggle for
(10:03):
you in your career?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
So I began, like I said, I reached out to other
seniors, other colonels andmajors that I worked with
outside of my brigade, that I'veworked with in the past.
You know what I'm saying that Ididn't have this problem, you
know, and they knew my work.
So they came in and got my back.
You know what I'm saying that Ididn't have this problem, you
know, and they knew my work.
(10:26):
So they came in, they got myback.
You know what I'm saying.
They was like, okay, let me seewhat's going on.
And I was like, just let mejoin on you.
So I joined their systems andthen everything worked.
You know what I'm saying.
So then they realized what wasgoing on.
But what made me what it did tome mentally was it put me in
(10:49):
defense mode?
You know saying I was sodefensive, I was so angry
because I knew me and my team.
So you know, because I have ateam that I work with, you know
I'm saying so.
I'm trying to cover their back,making sure they get their good
credits.
You know credit for the stuff.
So I'm trying to cover theirback, making sure they get their
good credit.
You know credit for the stuffthat they do, because I had some
really smart soldiers, okay,and so I had to stop.
(11:15):
I was like you coming out ofyourself, this is somebody I did
not recognize.
I did not recognize you know,because, like I used to run, run
into other NCOs, they was likeyou got kids.
You don't seem like somebodywho got kids, you're that age,
you don't seem so laid back.
But then it came to anger, theangry moment, and that wasn't
(11:39):
who I was and I can feel that itwasn't who I was because I
started getting sick.
So it's like when you come upout of who you originally are,
that's when those diseases andyou know, like high blood
pressure, diabetes, all of thatcomes in.
Because you came out ofyourself, you understand what I
(12:03):
mean.
It's like you letting all thesedifferent energies come and
it's pulling you out and it'stearing you down.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Did the racism affect your work, work, work ethics as
well?
Did you?
Did you know working, how youstill kept pushing to be the
same.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
I kept pushing girl.
It became a fight, not tophysically, you know, throw
somebody off, you understand.
It's like I had to fight andkeep my sanity.
I had to fight because what,like I said, I have a team.
I have a team of soldiers thatI'm training.
I have to train them were theyaffected by?
(12:44):
any of it.
I wouldn't let them getaffected.
It's like I took the brunt ofeverything I just explained.
Oh, it's okay, we're going tobe.
But they knew that what theywere doing was correct because
it was validated by outsidethings.
Was it a?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
mixture of race and with soldiers correct?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, yeah, I didn't have just African-American
soldiers, I had Hispanicsoldiers, I had white soldiers,
you know what I'm saying.
And we were a team.
I would always make sure theycross-trained so everybody knew
how to do everybody's job.
Just in case somebody got sick,they were able to take their
time off and it wouldn't disturbthe mission.
(13:27):
But it's like they it's kind oflike they became how do you say
it, I don't even know the wordsfor it my comforters.
They would come up and they'dbe like gee, it's okay, it's
going to be all right, you knowthey'll bring me something.
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
So they saw it, they saw what was going on.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
They saw it.
They saw it and you know, andthey was like, oh, that ain't
right, it's that next one.
But I started healing myself byclosing off all the negative
energy.
I began to meditate, I began todive deeper into spirituality,
(14:10):
and spirituality is notChristian christian.
So it's like I have my own, uh,relationship with god.
You know, some people call themthe.
I am yahweh buddha.
It's still the same person, youknow.
It's still the same entity.
(14:31):
So I began to have my ownrelationship and I would go girl
, I was on my knees just to keepmy sanity.
So I finally came up out ofthat darkness, slowly, because
it was a long journey.
I came up out of that darknessand here I am today.
(14:51):
I mean, I, did you ever feel apressure?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Did you ever feel a pressure to hurry up and get
over it?
Or you know something to thatnature, like you know, or or
talk to yourself to say this isthe norm.
Racism always been here,whatever I mean.
Was there ever those pressuresto like, minimize the racism
that you experience?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
well, what I used to do, me personally, what I would
do is just ignore it.
I'd be like, whatever you know,keep doing what I was supposed
to do.
I would ignore it.
But you know, over time itblows up.
You can only turn to otherpeople, so to speak.
But so many times, you know.
And then I started I had toseek help for myself, and then
(15:39):
that's when I became morespiritual and I ran across a
lady who was like I know, Godput her in my path and she
helped me get to where I am now,you know.
So it's like I'm not trying todeter anyone from joining the
(16:01):
military, because everybody'sexperience is different.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And I would say that you know this, this, this your
experience.
You know it doesn't have to bejust a military person.
I'm sure that there are women,men, experiencing trauma and in
other places, other work spaces.
So I wouldn't say it's just, youknow it's good for our military
listeners because we allunderstand you know at some form
(16:27):
or some part that you know wehad to.
You know, I wouldn't say Iwould say if I did experience
racism, I didn't recognize it,because my thing is like I think
I had the experience of love.
We all just trying to make itback home, so we all had each
other.
Now I would say I experiencedthe sexism that you know, just
(16:52):
because I was a female.
You know, but that's why Ialways went hard, went strong,
you know, but that's why Ialways went hard, went strong.
And then that's just foranybody, any woman of color in a
workspace, we always have toprove ourselves to be the best.
You know, I watch JasmineCrockett.
You know, amazing, amazingcouncilwoman who makes sure she
(17:18):
crosses every T and every.
She has to work harder thananybody else in her field.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So this is I actually have to pick up the spirit that
she has.
That spirit like, look, this isblah, blah, blah and have my
receipts.
You know what I'm saying.
That's when I had to start.
That's when I say I pulled backand had to start taking care of
myself.
That's when you know you pullback and you know what you know.
(17:49):
So can't nobody shoot you down.
I can pull them regs out.
Here we go Because we had to,we had to, and even out in the
workforce, workforce, out in thecivilian sector.
You have to know what you'redoing.
You have to have those receipts.
So when you're trying to climbup that corporate ladder and
(18:13):
then people it don't even haveto be, you know, white people it
could be, your own race because, trust me, I ran into that tip,
you know, so it's like you haveto know.
Unfortunately, we have, like yousaid, we have to work harder.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
You know, yeah, but even and you're right with that
too, even, you know, even what Inoticed one thing again in the
military or in the civilianrealm just being a woman, you
know, I believe that that's alittle piece of our Kamala
Harris not having a successfulpresidency.
(18:49):
I don't think it.
Just, I don't think people lookat women like we are strong
enough or qualified enough to doa job that a man, supposedly,
is set to do, and so, eventhough we show our worth, we
(19:14):
still sometimes just are notafforded that opportunity to do
the job that we know we can't.
And it's funny because you know, um, I say all the time women,
we are the nurturer, we can't,you, we, we wear so many hats as
(19:34):
, as a woman with not not onlywere you a communications
specialist, you was a mother,you was a doctor when the kids
got sick, and then when you'rein that top, that space of being
a top role, having a top rolelike you or your one, so we've
got women out here, there's CEOs, whatever we have people
(19:56):
underneath us.
Women out here, that is yo's,whatever we have people
underneath us.
So not only were you, you know,the chief warrant officer of
your field, but then you havepeople under you and what.
What happens with that?
Oh, chief, my toenail hurt.
Yeah, yeah, with some going athome, and so and I have more
children than what I birthedThan what you birthed.
(20:19):
And when you're faced withthings on top of because and I
know what you're talking about,because you're always looked at
to fail and not only do they setyou up to fail, but they don't,
you know, not realizing that,the amount of stress that that
puts on somebody, because nowyou're fighting to do to prove
(20:40):
yourself worthy of the job thatyou're doing.
Also, you're taking care of allthose soldiers that are
underneath you, yeah, who seewhat you're going through, but
they have their own struggles,so you, you're lifting them up.
then you got the family at home,you got the children and you
married with the ex-husband atthe time.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Oh no, we weren't together when I turned 10.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Oh, you weren't together, okay, okay mom, okay,
but you still had the children.
You still had to go through allthose phases.
And this is what I'm sayingwhen I look at women, and
especially if you're holdinghigh positions, to hear some of
the stories that we have to gothrough.
I applaud them all.
(21:25):
I applaud them all.
So I want to know what was themost surprising part of your
healing process when you said toyourself, like you said, you're
spiritual, you had to lookinside your spiritual self.
Like you said, you're spiritual, you had to look inside your
spiritual self.
And I heard you mention therewas a lot of tools that you used
, like meditation, things likethat.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
So what surprised you when you started your healing
process?
What surprised me was that allof that was already inside.
So it wasn't hard for me to doit.
You know, it wasn't hard for meto look inside.
It was hard for me to come outof the darkness of that anger.
You know what I'm saying.
But once I realized that, okay,you know, like you said, you
(22:22):
have to sit there and talk toyourself Because literally I,
like you, know, that's not whoyou are, this is not what we're
doing, what do we want?
So I had to answer those threequestions.
I had to face those three, youknow, and I was like got kids, I
have young people I need to behere for.
I have soldiers I need to behere for.
(22:44):
I had one soldier down rangewho told me he was going to kill
himself.
He was going to kill himselfbecause he found out the woman
that he married before hedeployed, that he only known for
two or three months, wascheating on him.
Right, he only known for two orthree months was cheating on him
, right you know.
And I had to pull, I had totake off cheap and put on mama.
You know what I'm saying.
(23:05):
I was like, okay, so you'regonna go ahead, just let me know
when you're gonna do it so Ican have all the paperwork ready
so her and her boyfriend canget your insurance and live out
their life.
And boy, let me tell you, threeyears later I seen him down
range.
He was a sergeant in themilitary and we looked at each
(23:29):
other.
He was at a different brigade.
He looked at me and he justsmiled.
I was like you know what I'msaying.
I'm like you going to go aheadand do that.
You think people are goinggonna stop living cause you no,
sir.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So let me ask you the trauma that you experienced
with the racism and sexism andagain, you're still helping
soldiers how did that shape your?
Did that help the trauma fromthe racism and sexism?
You still did what you had todo for family soldiers.
Did it help shape your purpose?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yes, it did, because, like I said, I had to stop and
say this is not you, the darkside, this is you.
You know I'm Monique, I'm mama,I'm leader, I'm mentor.
You know what?
I'm, monique, I'm mama, I'mleader, I'm mentor.
You know what I'm saying.
I have these are things.
You're a psychologist, doctor,psychologist Ooh wait, let me
(24:28):
think I know.
But it's like all those hats.
I had to stand up and put theminto one hat.
Instead of being five or sixdifferent hats, I had to put one
hat on my head and be like thisis what we're going to do, and
what I did was I pulled myselftogether.
I pulled all of those peoplethe mama, the doctor, the leader
(24:54):
, the mentor.
I put it all in one place and Igot back to who I was, because
originally that's who I was.
I wasn't an angry person.
It's like you would see meevery morning.
Hey, good morning, how youdoing Blah, blah, blah.
I knew who to.
(25:16):
You know what I'm saying.
You sit back and you watch andyou know who to stay away from.
That's what caused trauma inthe military, but I just was.
I had to get back to who I wasand then go forward with it.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Before we all joined the service, we all have our
purpose and our reasons.
Why Did you just?
Was it a reason why you joinedthe military?
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Well, I joined the military honestly to provide for
my kids Because, like I said,me and their dad, my dad and I
wanted them all to go to college, Because I've always talked to
my kids what do you want to do,what's your end game, what's
your goal in life?
And you know, all of them hadone wanted to be a doctor,
(26:04):
another one wanted to be apolice woman and the other one
he just didn't know what hewanted to do.
But I always talk to them.
You know, come on, we got tofigure out what we're going to
do so we can get on that path.
And if that's the right path,you're going to stay on that
path.
If not, god will be where youneed to be.
You know and see, that's who Iwas before I joined the military
(26:25):
.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Before you joined and you just joined to make a
better way for a better life foryour children.
You come in and you change overand you hit with the racism and
the sexism.
You're like what the hell youknow, and I wasn't ready for it
I wasn't ready for it, because Ididn't recognize it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You know, coming from new york, you would think so.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
But I mean it's a different I grew up with
italians.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I grew up with Italians, jamaicans even the
Scottish, irish, english.
New York is the melting pot.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
That's the melting pot.
You can find it all in New York.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Exactly, I never had a problem with that.
Never had a problem with ituntil I became a one-off, not
even as an enlisted soldier.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
It didn't break you, it didn't tear you down, it
surprised you, it shook you up.
Of course, you kept goingthrough that.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Unfortunately, you don't have no choice.
It's not like I was a civilianand I could quit my job.
Right oh yeah, and then go overhere and get another one I
probably could have.
It would have wrecked my wholecareer, like there was nobody
going to hire you you had backin our time of service.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I mean you really had to be a true dirt bag.
I mean you just literally hadto sit and not do nothing in
order to get removed from themilitary, because they was going
to keep you, because they spentabout a nice pretty penny to
get you in there, so they weregoing to keep you in there.
You was just going to do somehard work for thousands of
(28:12):
dollars.
So it's like you know.
I'm sure we can elaborate moreon all the.
I would say I did Like I said Iexperienced the sexism and this
is not just for people in themilitary, but a corporate job
experience and racism, sexismnot even just for white people,
(28:33):
but it could be your own, noteven just with white people, but
it could be your own.
So my question is what would wesay?
I know what I would say, butwhat would you say to someone
who feels like their position isnot being valued or they're not
(28:56):
being valued because of thecolor they skin or because they
are women?
What would you tell someone?
What advice can you givesomebody in that?
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Okay, I'm going to tell you the first thing that
came into my mind as you wasasking that question.
First thing that came to mymind was go sit down, find
somewhere quiet, nobody's around.
Go, take your seat, be quiet.
(29:27):
Just sit there and remember,forget what you're going through
, forget what you're goingthrough, remember who you are,
remember who you are, rememberwho you are.
And once you remember who youare, it gets easier for you to
(29:49):
come up and be like okay, allright, you see how them
shoulders go with that.
Yeah, all right, okay, you wantto be like that.
Okay, bam, you just come fullforth with what you got.
They cannot not recognize youbecause now you're walking in
(30:09):
you, if that makes sense.
When you walk in you, theycannot mess with you.
They're going to see you,they're going to see what's
going on.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Oh, they're gonna they're gonna see you, but they
can't.
They still ain't gonna be ableto stand you because they're
gonna look at this.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Oh, but see you cannot.
It's okay if you can't stand me, but the people who need to see
me will see me, it's like it'slike you know, you don't have to
understand me, but you're goingto respect me.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I was just talking to my daughter just yesterday and
this is the same story and she'svery introverted, which you
know.
That she's an introvertedperson.
She's experienced a lot ofbullying and a lot of things, so
she's really quiet and she wasin the Navy.
(30:59):
Navy treated her wrong, youknow, and she's like she was
telling me this incident had tohappen and she said, mom, you
know.
She said I need to ask yousomething Because you know, as
we can see, racism, I mean it'salways been there, but it's been
kicked up now.
I mean, people are just freewith it now.
(31:20):
I won't say everybody, becauseI think mostly I will say most
people or some people, I don'tknow what the ratio is.
But in the area that I live inand I am the only, the only
Black person, we are the onlyBlack family in our community,
and I will say that I have someawesome, pretty level-headed
(31:45):
neighbors.
But my daughter said that shewas at a store at the gas
station and she was coming up toa counter and a white man went
in front of her and put her hisstuff down and then looked at
her.
That gave her the like, andwhat type of situation.
And because she has anger andbuilt a trauma from the military
(32:09):
again with sexism and stufflike that, um, she was so angry
and she wanted to unleash.
But see my daughter's type thatwhat if she unleashes?
Like let's all pray?
And then I had to tell her andshe said Mom, I need your advice
Because, as he did that, Iwanted to go in.
(32:32):
But she said what I did was Ijust kind of.
You know, she was quiet, shewent ahead and let him do what
she wanted, what he wanted to do.
She paid for stuff.
And then she said when she gotin the car she was mad as shit.
Like she was mad, like, oh, Ishouldn't have let that get away
.
I mean she like she wanted togo and find him and give him the
(32:56):
business after the fact,because she, you know, when
you're talking about racism,sexism, bullying and all that
stuff, wakanda, sometimes wejust fold back in ourselves and
we be quiet and she said did Ido the right thing?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
She did the right thing because he was looking for
it.
He was looking for it.
He did that on purpose, to lookfor it, and I'm telling you
spirit told her back up, justpull back.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I said I'm going to tell you.
And for the, you know I'm goingto tell you.
You know I'm very transparent.
So, look, I was a thug, okay.
And I told my daughter.
I said learn from, I'm not thug.
I told her.
I said, listen, baby girl, I'mnot.
I told her.
I said listen, baby girl, I'mgoing to tell you why.
You did the right thing,because she has two beautiful
(33:43):
children, two beautiful children.
Had you had acted upon people'signorance and they don't know
who they're being ignorant toyou would have done that.
Then where would you have been?
I said you would be in jail.
And she was like, well, that'sokay, mom, because I know you're
going to take care of my kid.
(34:03):
And I said but okay, and see,this is my message to all young
people that are viewing too.
Regardless what you are facedwith, you know they're not
everybody is going to like theskin that you're in hell.
Some of the like, like we say,all skin folk ain't kinfolk
(34:24):
either.
So they, some people are outhere to you know, get ahead,
keep other people down.
And I said, regardless of whatsomebody you you always like,
have to think it out, because,okay, you'd be in jail, but then
you got to think about jail.
Now you gotta say your bootyfrom jail.
You know, you got your booty injail and when I said that she
(34:45):
kind of was like, oh, oh, maybejail ain't for me okay.
So this is why we have to teachour youth, we have to speak to
those like, because it couldhave been plenty.
I've plenty of times where youknow, um, like I said, mine was
sexism, where I could have justblew up right then and there
(35:06):
been sitting in somebody'smilitary jail or what.
But the greatest lesson thatI've learned is that you can
kill a person with kindness andmore knowledge, more knowledge,
that's what I was talking about.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
You got to know what you're talking about and people
that you know don't like you.
You be like yeah, uh-huh.
Hey, I didn't say socialize, Isaid hey, girl, or you know hey
man, what they say in themilitary, whore meant anything,
(35:42):
girl, my whore was straightratchet.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, whore to me, whore girl, whore, first sign,
kiss my ass, look, look howabout this one?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
How about this one?
I say whore, I say whore I saywhore, I say who.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I say who, I say who.
You know, it was so many timesthat I had that we, as women in
the military, we had to use thattype of terminology to play the
game in life.
I say who.
Look, I say who.
Like, fuck you, you ugly assbitch.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
You know, it was plenty of times I would just
stare, I'd just be like they'dbe like Chief you all right, it
was just one colonel.
She would just always try totalk to me, talk to me, and I
used to be like you know, Iwouldn't disrespect her.
She asked me something, I wouldanswer.
But if I had to answer nothing,I would just be looking at her
(36:43):
girl.
She was so intimidated by meshe used to give me coins every
time she said he had jeans and Iwas like I'm not mad at you, I
had an E4.
And her, I think you know her.
What is her name?
(37:05):
She's from Sierra Leone.
You know who I'm?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
talking about?
Okay, yes, I know who you'retalking about, but I want to
call her.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I don't want to call her name out, but she, when she
got promoted and I promoted her,she was there and she was
talking and she said somethingthat I will never forget.
She said my father always saidif I didn't have anything to say
, don't say anything.
So from the time I pinned thatchick, she was E4.
(37:37):
She became an officer.
She still kept that samementality.
She's out now.
She retired now, girl, she wasand she was.
I had some inspirationalsoldiers I mean good soldiers
and you have to nurture the goodones, even the ones that give
(37:59):
you problems.
You have to nurture the goodones, even the ones that give
you problems.
You have to pull to the side,because I had this one in Korea.
Oh my God.
I had to pull him to the sideand say you are so much better.
God has so much for you in yourfuture.
You need to come correct.
You need to get your stufftogether and stop playing around
(38:20):
, get your life right and moveforward.
Another one he used to just benervous about everything.
His blood pressure was all overthe place.
If he see this right now, he'sgoing to be like gee.
It was so bad so they wanted tochapter him out because every
time he went to the doctor hisblood pressure would be high.
(38:42):
So I sat him down.
I said come sit here.
I said does the doctor make younervous?
And he said yes, chief, I getso scared when I go to the
doctor's office, so I taught himhow to meditate.
Tell me why that E1, straightout of basic in AIT, is the E7
now in special force?
Oh wow, he's in Fort Bragg,fort Liberty, whatever they want
(39:06):
to call it.
Now he's the E7, just gotmarried, about to have a baby
and we stay in contact.
You know what I'm saying.
I never tore my soldiers down,Even when they was doing wrong.
I would sit them down and belike, look, I'm going to need
tore my soldiers down, Even whenthey was doing wrong.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I would sit them down and be like look yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I'm going to need you to come on.
I'm going to need you to getright, because what did you come
in the military for?
Just like I did my kids.
What is your angle?
What do you see yourself doing?
What do you want to do?
You sit them down and you talkto them like they got some sense
.
You talk to them like they'rean adult, no matter how old they
are.
They adult now because they'rein real life.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yes, they're ready.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Your mama had to sign for you or not.
You have to sit them down andtell them look that foolery you
doing, right, there is gonna getyou xyz and I need to figure it
out.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
That's real good.
That's real good right there,because that's the same thing
that you know, um, in my non, mynonprofit business, when I have
volunteers or whatever they'vedone.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Oh yes, I'm going to need y'all to come and donate to
the House of Humanity.
The House of Humanity.
We help the homeless, homelessfamilies and victims of domestic
domestic violence.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Low income families yeah, and what I would say to uh
, our volunteers that may bedoing volunteer hours for
everything, you know you don'twant to beat them down and
they're already doing volunteerwork for um, whatever.
But I had one volunteer um hewas volunteering, he was service
for it because he had to DUIand after somebody has already
(40:44):
messed up in their life, thelast thing you want to do is
beat them down.
So I like what you said aboutwhen your soldiers was messing
up, and that's even again in thecorporate world, especially for
us men and women of color.
Don't, if you see somebodymessing they messing up, don't
be so quick to beat them down.
You know, lift them up eventhough they're messing up.
(41:07):
They may be messing up, but theonly way we're going to get
stronger and better is that ifwe police up ourselves and move
as one unit and so I never knowwhat that person may be going
through.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
They may be going through something that's
sidestepping.
So you pull them to the sideand be like, not in front of
everybody.
Don't do that, because thenthey get on the defense.
You pull them off by themselvesand you be like look, I don't
know what's going on with you,but this and this is going to
get you fired If you want totell me what's going on, that's
(41:41):
fine.
If you don't, you need some helpfrom me or whatever.
Let me know, because I believein helping my sisters and
brothers rise.
There's no me without us.
You understand what I'm saying.
So it's like in the blackcommunity.
We need to come together.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I don't want to be done.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
If she make more money than I do, I'm on her ride
.
I'm like okay.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Some people's positions go to their heads.
Let's talk about that, howpeople's positions could go to
their heads.
I was a young private coming inthe military from the streets
of West Philadelphia, born andraised, you know.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Okay, that combination by itself is
dangerous.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
I came in as a woman who has been abused her whole
entire life.
So when I came in I was withthe rah-rah, as we call it, like
what?
Who you talking to?
I know you ain't talking to me.
And again, I was 30 years oldwhen I joined at one time.
(42:50):
So real quick story is I camein from the streets being abused
.
I had an aggressive nature.
It's because I vow vowed tomyself nobody will ever abuse me
again.
I joined this army for a purposeblah, blah, blah.
Now I had a first son.
I ain't gonna say a name, butif she's listening, you know who
you are, you know, you know,but you know because you know.
(43:15):
I came in because I literallydidn't have a clue.
I didn't even know what aninsurance bill was.
I just knew I had to pay for mycar or whatever, and I didn't
have insurance.
So a lot of things that Ibelieve that my leadership
should have done.
And they were all black, allblack.
(43:36):
I believe that what they shouldhave done, instead of down
looking down on me like, oh,can't get right, oh, can't do
right, or can't you know whatI'm saying they didn't take the
time to get to know who I was sothey could see how to service
me.
So you know what this first sonsaid to me.
Let me tell you what she said,girl, she said I'm gonna send
(43:57):
you back on the on the block,since you want to act like
you're on the block.
I want to send you back to theblock.
And I was like, okay, you know,I would be good, you know.
And she tried to have meremoved out the military and put
me back on the block where shefelt as though I belong.
(44:21):
It took a white man to look atme and I mean they say it was
crazy.
I forgot, I wish I couldremember his name, but we was in
Fort Lewis Okay, that lightningpatch brigade, ok, all right.
And he looked at me and he usedto when he would talk to his
(44:45):
wife because you know he theybrought me in the office and he
was on the phone and he wouldanswer his phone.
One man that's how he would talkto his wife.
They said he talked to a bird,he had a, whatever.
I don't give a damn.
He was cool with me, he was uplooked and you know, you got the
first sergeant and all them,you know my platoon sergeant all
(45:05):
pieces of crap.
Okay, Because they didn't careto take the time to be leaders
to find out why and what's goingon with this young woman.
They didn't care.
This white man, he looked at meand he said you know what he
said, I'm not going to kick youout.
He said what you need is somerehabilitation.
(45:27):
And he gave me my 45, 45.
I did time and he sent me to anew unit where I progressed.
I lost all my rank, all my rank.
I lost every single bit of it.
Okay, and that was the firsttime too, by the way, but we're
getting at it.
But what he did for me was hegave me a chance, and then I
(45:52):
went up under new leadership andI excelled.
I made all my rank back, allthat they took from me, I made
all my rank back.
All that they took from me, Imake all I made all my rank back
and that kind of showed me thatI don't have no time for you
know this foolishness.
Yeah, I am angry, you know, butyou know I feel like nobody was
(46:13):
giving.
But I knew that I couldn't keepgoing backwards and money I had
to get right because mychildren don't deserve that.
I joined this military to keepgoing backwards.
So I just wanted to share thatstory because we need to find
out, like you know.
Find out what is the underlyingthing.
Why is this?
Don't be so quick to tear themdown and throw them out and
(46:35):
leave them for nothing.
We have to look deep into ouryoung people.
See, or young people, or people.
They don't even have to beyoung, you know, they could be
in our age range and it has tobe something that has happened
to make this person.
Now you can lead a horse towater, son, you can't make them
drink, but at least give it atry.
So I do, I do, totally agreewith that and at least offer
(47:03):
them the water.
Yeah, offer, you know, juststop.
You know we just so quick tojust give up.
But that was then.
But you know, what I do now isI look back and I think that
first time she did see me,matter of fact, in your area,
she saw me and she was like,because I used to be Harvey, and
(47:23):
you know, of course, now I'mCharles and she saw me and
anybody that called me Harvey.
Speaker 2 (47:28):
I'm like, oh, Like ooh, they remember that.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
Oh, if you call me Harvey, you knew me at my raw
military career.
Ok, and so when she said Harvey, I was like oh, and then I
remembered that voice.
So it was like I know thatain't this and it sure was.
It was her, and she looked atmy chest and I was wearing my
staff sergeant rank, ever soproudly.
(47:57):
And then when I saw was, I stuckout my chest even more.
Hey, first sergeant I think shewas a sergeant major then and I
was like I stuck out my chestand was like, hey, sergeant
major, how you doing?
She was like what, Look at you,staff sergeant.
I didn't even know you werestill in.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I wanted to say you know what you should have said.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
You tried to destroy me.
Yes, I mean, you know, but Ihumbled myself, as I told my
daughter, you know, humbleyourself and that will eat at
somebody even more.
Just to humble yourself, smileand be like, and I just smiled,
like Roger that term major I did, I made it and, doing very well
(48:55):
, and, you know, left it at that, got her phone number and you
know, you know, I have that verygiven kind heart.
But I said you know what peoplelike, that once you show me,
once that, you know, I mean shecould have changed.
But I didn't want to even takethe necessary steps because you
(49:16):
tried to destroy me, not knowingwhat I've been through already.
So, uh, that's why I told mydaughter you can do, you just by
.
You know there was no need togo back and try to find them and
beat them up.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
You, you just, you can do so many other things yeah
because they're looking forthat people look for.
They try to provoke.
They try to provoke you becausethey want to start something.
They want to attack you.
Have a reason to call you out,your name and stuff.
I know it took a lot because,trust me, I know it took a lot
(49:52):
for her to pull it back.
But you have to read theseenergies out here, unfortunately
.
You have to read the energiesout here, unfortunately.
You have to read the entitiesout here, because it's all.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Let's let some of this, this, these things that we
experience, to say okay,because this things that people
set for you as a failure shoulddrive you even more to say watch
, watch me work.
You know, if people are outthere and they're downing you
and you're downplaying you andyour skill because of your skin
(50:24):
color or your gender, all youjust got to do is sit back and
be like okay, all right, youknow all you gotta do is, like I
said, remember who you areremember who, remember who you
are, or even find, do better tofind who you are and say, once
you find out who you are, nobodycould take that from you.
(50:45):
So, miss monique, let me ask you, what are you doing today to
protect your peace and energy?
Now you know, uh, now thatyou're like this first
breakthrough because you are abeautiful, strong black woman.
This I know.
So how do you continue to dailyprotect your peace, not just
from the racism and sexism, butfrom anything that you're doing,
(51:07):
because I'm sure that you know,even in business, you know
things could come up.
How do you protect your peace?
Speaker 2 (51:16):
do you really want to ?
Speaker 1 (51:17):
know, don't mislead you.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Yes, we're going to jump back to my spirituality.
Okay, I tell you, you have tofind your peace.
When you find your peace andyou stand strong in it, you
stand grounded, ground yourself.
And when I'm going it, youstand grounded, ground yourself.
And I'm going to teach you howto ground yourself.
(51:44):
You can either go outside or youcan envision yourself standing
on the earth, in the grass orthe dirt or whatever, and you
envision these roots growing outof your feet.
And when the roots come out ofyour feet and they go into the
earth, you need to pray and askthe earth to send you that
(52:07):
positive energy.
And you envision in your mind'seye.
You envision that white lightcoming through your body, proud
of your head, and that whitelight is healing light.
That's peace.
So, on top of meditation, youground yourself and then you
(52:30):
meditate.
And when you meditate, that'swhen you sit, you be quiet.
You get all that out your mind.
And it's not easy, because egois your mind.
Ego is when your mind istelling you no, you can't do
that, no, that's too hard, oh,he's not gonna like that.
You know, anything negative isyour ego, and your ego is not
(52:54):
who you are.
It's part of you, but it's notwho you are, you understand.
I mean, it's good.
It would take a whole lot morethan this podcast for me to
explain it to you, because I hadto.
Like I said when I began tofind myself and get my peace
back and take my mind back, itjust brought me to this
(53:18):
wonderful place.
When I say I am so grateful forwhat God has given me, what he's
done for me, doing for me andwhat he will do for me, I don't
know if you call him God, yahweh, buddha, allah, it doesn't
matter what you call him.
He is the one source, one force, one source.
(53:39):
You just got to be gratefulEven for the hard source.
One force, one source.
You just got to be gratefuleven for the hard times.
I'm grateful because it made mestronger.
You know what I'm saying.
You had to pick yourself up.
So what I do is I meditate, Iground myself, I meditate and I
give out love from my heart,chakra.
(53:59):
I send out love and peace tothe world and that's me doing my
part.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (54:11):
I'm saying that's me doing my part in this world, you
know yeah.
Letting you take responsibilityfor your own actions and not
letting someone else determinehow you feel and how you walk
(54:33):
about your day exactly.
So I mean, I could be feelinglike this you're gonna see a
smile on my face because I'memulating myself to you.
I don't want you to feel hmm,hmm, hmm.
I want you to feel happy, soI'm going to smile.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm going to give you thatsmile and that's how I keep
(54:56):
myself.
That's how I keep myself.
I's how I keep myself.
I try to stay positive, youknow my partner drives me crazy
sometimes.
Speaker 1 (55:09):
I'm talking about my brother.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Oh, I love him to pieces.
You already know how yourbrother is.
He's one of them.
Real people, really raw people.
You have to be like I do.
Speaker 1 (55:26):
Don't make me go back to christian, right and yeah,
look, I would love uh for ourviewers and our listeners.
Her husband is a black retiredinfantryman.
Now, with that being said,that's all that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (55:44):
Wait, wait, wait, I'm going to need you to say it.
Right, he's a black 11 Bravoinfantry ranger, ranger, he's a
ranger, he's a raw ranger.
Speaker 1 (55:59):
Our military personnel understand that he
he's crazy.
Our civilian, uh, they probablydon't know, but I would love to
uh interview with him becauseit's not a.
You know, we as black women,yes, but our black men go
through some things in themilitary realm and in a
corporate workforce as well, butthat will be a later topic.
(56:20):
So, ms Moseley, tell me what'snext for you.
What's next for you and whatare you using and how are you
using your voice today?
I already see that you know youdid have work with the House of
Manatees, still do a lot ofvolunteer work, so your heart
and your passion is truly goingto be fundraising soon so tell
(56:42):
me what's what's next for you,any ideas, anything that you
have?
Speaker 2 (56:47):
any goals that you want to do.
I'm in the process of openingan assistant living home.
So we are uh, me and my sisterwe haven't chosen where we're
going to start yet.
North Carolina, my husband'scousin has several facilities in
(57:09):
Florida.
I want to open in NorthCarolina.
She started in North Carolina.
She's helping us with thepaperwork.
I want to open a facility here.
Get my feet wet, because thesefacilities here are kind of
subpar.
You know what I'm saying.
And my mom and my grandmotheralways had clients, you know,
(57:32):
but they stayed with them intheir home.
In their homes, you know, theycould function on their own,
like they could go to work, butthey couldn't live on their
homes.
You know they could function ontheir own, like they could go
to work, but they couldn't liveon their own, you understand.
So they were semi-independent.
So it I grew up with that, withhelping people, so that was
like in my nature, you know.
(57:55):
So we're going to open a systemin my home here in North
Carolina.
We're going to open a systemliving home here in North
Carolina.
So, working on that and I'mjust living my best life.
All right, I gave the military21 plus years, so now it's my
turn for me.
So I'm living my best life.
(58:16):
I love I even love the downdays when I'll be like I'm
loving it because I did what Icame to do.
I did a little more because Ionly want to do 20, but I did a
year to pay for.
But I'm living my best life.
I don't care what nobody say.
Speaker 1 (58:34):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (58:35):
I don't care what nobody do.
As long as you're not hurtingme or mine, go ahead and do what
you do, baby, I'm going to letyou know.
Hey, you might not want to dothat.
It's up to you to do it or not.
You see what I'm saying.
But for.
Monique.
I didn't say for Monique andspouse or kids.
I said for Monique, I'm goingto live my best life and that's
(58:57):
what I'm doing.
I'm going to live my best life.
And that's what I'm doing, I'mliving and I'm loving my best
life.
Speaker 1 (59:06):
Amen, girl.
And that is what B3U is aboutBurning, breaking and becoming
Unstoppable, Commanding Asuccessful purpose, privilege
and life.
And we are in the season ofcommanding.
Ms Monique, I thank you forjoining me.
You're welcome.
(59:26):
Thank you for joining us andhearing yet another awesome
episode of B3U.
Speaker 2 (59:37):
Don't forget, we are living in a time of the divine
feminine, so us women, we comingup.
You may not have put Kamala upthere, but trust me, you're
going to have to deal with it,that's right.
Speaker 1 (59:53):
Look, Maya Angelou is one of my faves.
Oh yes, I love her.
And what was her poem?
It was one phenomenal one.
So what was the quote?
Yet I rise, still I rise.
Still I rise, still I rise, sothank you audience.
(01:00:14):
Thank you, viewers, for joiningus on B3U.
Make sure you like, share andcomment on this podcast and give
us some great reviews.
And if you want to be an MBE,please email me and talk to you
(01:00:35):
guys later.
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