February 25, 2026 • 44 mins
CBS Radio Mystery Theater was a noteworthy attempt to revive in American radio dramas like Inner Sanctum (1941-1952) and Suspense (1942-1962). Radio dramas were widely considered "dead" 12 years prior to this series. CBS Radio Mystery Theater, or simply Mystery Theater, was created by Inner Sanctum creator Himan Brown and ran on CBS from 1974-1982. The show, much like older radio dramas, was introduced by a host (E.G. Marshall in this program), who steers us through the creaking door to start the episode. Many voices from the golden age of radio were featured, including Richard Widmark, Bret Morrison, Agnes Moorehead and many more. Find more classic, old-time radio series at Theater of the Mind - OTR | Spreaker | Apple | YouTube
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Enjoy all six of our commercial-free internet radio stations at theaterofthemind-otr.com - Do you want to discover more of these classic, old-time radio series? Search "Theater of the Mind - OTR" on your favorite platform or visit Theater of the Mind - OTR | Apple | Spreaker | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon | iHeart
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Come in welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm e g.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Marshall. As mister Ibsen says, we are all ghosts in us.
They are all sorts of dead ideas, all kinds of
old dead beliefs. We can never be rid of them.
Whenever I read a newspaper, I fancy I see ghosts
between the lines. There must be ghosts all over the world,
countless as the grains of sand, and we are so
(00:43):
miserably afraid of them, all of us. My host is haunted, haunted,
Missus Solmes. That's impossible.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Why is it impossible?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Because, Missus Solmes, this happens to be the enlightened nineteenth century.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Nevertheless, my house is haunted.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Missus Holmes. There is no such thing as a ghost.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Indeed, mister Smallwood, what would you call the cat.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
A ghost? Our mystery drama Indian Giver was written especially
for the Mystery Theater by Sam Dan and stars Fred Gwynn.
It is sponsored in part by Contact the twelve Hour
(01:32):
Cold Capsule and x Lex I'll be back shortly with
that one. And oh how we long for those supposedly
uncomplicated times.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We call the good old days?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
But what were the good old days? As mister Einstein said,
everything is relative. Why, even back in the good old
days there were still those people who would yearn and
sigh for guess what right the good old days? And
just think, some thirty or forty years from now, these
will have been the good old days. Can you imagine? Well,
(02:14):
let's go back to what many people are convinced were
the good old days, just around the turn.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Of the century, Madam, Jitters, I was about to send
for you, Yes, madam, is dinner late? My guess is
simply vanished.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
A concerning dinner, madam.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
It seems that are our arrangements.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Who have to be made?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Are their arrangements, yes, madam, for such as we who
have sent round the del Monicos or rexs for food.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Madam.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
But I had thought dinner was being prepared by our
own staff in our own kitchen. We was, Jitters. Suppose
you tell me exactly what is going on here?
Speaker 5 (02:52):
The staff was busily engaged in the dinner activity, madam,
and suddenly all of them decided to.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Leave, requit it in the midst, not quit, madam, please.
I failed to perceive the distinction.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
It seems that they were frightened.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Frightened, yes, madam, by what by ghost a ghost? Yes, Jetter,
you know perfectly well there's no such thing as a ghost.
Then how could anyone possibly.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
They heard it?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
And I heard it too. You heard it, yes, that
we all heard it below stairs? The staff noted, I
came here directed to make a report.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Oh, that was the proper thing. You say you heard
a ghost? Can you describe what he said?
Speaker 4 (03:45):
That will not be necessary.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Listen him for yourself.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Ladies and gentlemen, are my friends?
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Please?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
There's nothing you love me?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (04:11):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Miss Dowdy.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
There's a lady to see you?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
A lady, yes, sir? Who is she?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Oh, sir, she's one of them great swells?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Now, Miss Dowdy? How many times have I told your must.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Wearing diamonds and jewels.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
She's like a beautiful queen.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
What is her name, Miss Dowdy?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Her name?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yes? Hang it all her.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Name, mister Smallwood. When you shout at me.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I dash blamed it, Miss Doddy. She must have a name, yes, but.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
When you shout I just forget everything my mind funderation,
missus Dowdy. Here, mister Smallwood, I wote have you abusing
that brog girl?
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Why it's it's I could hear you in the reception room.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
It's missus Sews, missus Victorious.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
So you've terrified this poor child.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
This is indeed an honor, Missus.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Ho taking advantag of her naivete and her innocence and
the fact that she needs the job.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I'm not taking advantage of her. She's taking advantage of me.
She happens to be one of the handful of people
in this confounded city who knows how to operate that
newfangled typewriting machine.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Still, mister Smallwill, common politeness would require.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Common politeness, Missus Holmes, is not enough. One must have
extraordinary politeness to deal with Miss Dowdy. Now my girl,
back to your desk.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Oh, yes, yes, sir. Well, mister Smallwood, I must say
you have not made a very good first impression.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
It is not my business, Missus Holmes, to make good impressions,
but to create favorable results.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Were it not for the fact that you are highly
recommended by no lesser personage that the police Commissioner of
New York City, Colonel Theodore Roosevelt himself, I should terminate
our relationship at.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Once, Sir madam, you cannot terminate what has not yet begun.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I require the services of a private investigator. I requested
my friend and distant cousin, Colonel Roosevelt, do you recommend
a gentleman of spotless character, unimpeachable reputation, and immaculate integrity?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And the commissioner.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
And the commissioner suggested that I lower my science. He
advised me to settle for you.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Indeed, Colonel Roosevelt says that you are a veritable Sherlock Holmes. Now,
then I am Missus Victoria.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Solmes, wealthy widow of the late Gustavus Adolphus Solmes.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Everyone knows that.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
And you are here to consult me because of a
disturbance in your house. I would say it's of oh
supernatural origin.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Who told you?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
You told me?
Speaker 3 (06:47):
I I've said not one word concerning the motive for
my visits.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
On the contrary, Missus Holmes, you have been most eloquent. Besides,
the thing is simplicity itself.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
We begin with the fact that you are color blind?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Who told you?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
You told me you are wearing a yellow blouse with
a maroon skirt. Am I in the ordinary way, you
would not have committed such a gaff because you were
always carefully dressed by your personal.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Maid in Nassau, you are the detective.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
But this morning she was not present, and neither was
your coachman.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And who told you that?
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Er?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You told me on the bottom of your skirt there
are some stains of mud. Had your coachman been on duty,
he would have brought your carriage around the entrance of
your mansion. But this time you were obliged to walk
down the street, which was still wet with last evening's rain,
to seek a cab. Your cook has also deserted you.
Who told you? You told me? Your jacket on the
(07:50):
right cuff is the tiniest reddish black stain. It could
only be caused by one of those splendid new berries
recently created by the celebrated doctor Boison. They are served
only at sour Wines, which is where you had breakfast
this morning.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Which I must say, Sherlock Holmes could not have done better.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Sherlock Holmes could not have done as well. And so
obviously there is a domestic crisis, or more accurately, a
crisis among the domestics at the Solmes mansion. Isn't that?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
So?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Pray continue mister smold.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Most if not all, of them have left you? And why?
Surely it is not because of wages or working conditions.
A position in your household is a prized post. You
are known as one of the most generous employers in
the city. Therefore, what could cause your servants to leave
the house and all at the same time? The obvious answer,
(08:46):
they would not leave. They would have to be driven.
But what could drive them away?
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Why?
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Fear? And what sort of fear? Physical? Tangible fear? Unthinkable?
Therefore it must be a fear of the unknown, the unknown,
the supernatural ghosts? Am I correct?
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Scarcely necessary for you to indulge in this parliatric type
of deduction.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I see that you are not impressed very well, madam.
You have a ghost on the premises it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Why because ghosts cannot and do not exist. The sound
of a ghost was heard heard by my servants, by myself,
and by my guests.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Your guests heard the ghost. That's fascinating, is he? Yes?
You see, the word guest and ghost share the same
route as does host. It all originates in the concept
of the stranger as well.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
What do you intend to do with my ghost?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
What is there I can do? You have just informed
me that ghosts do not exist.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
One or something is creating noise that people assume is
being made by a ghost.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And you heard this noise? Oh yes, and what do
you think it is?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Had this noise ever been heard before?
Speaker 4 (10:14):
No? I see precisely.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
What is it that you see, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
The noise is either rational or supernatural in origin?
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Is that effect?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
What rational cause can there be for the noise?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Rational?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Afforded draft in a fireplace, loose shingles on the roof.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
No, the house is kept in perfect repair.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Uh huh. Then someone may have created the noise intentionally
for what purpose? Missus Solmes, you are the acknowledged leader
of society in our city. I'm sure you have rivals.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Pretenders would be a more accurate term.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
There are those who would contest your place.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
You certain my place if you please.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Of course, And according to the society pages of the press,
one of these is missus Sterling van Poundsford.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
No one takes her seriously.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Not her perhaps, but her money.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
She is the very essence of new Rawish vulgarity.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Concerning Missus van Pounds.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Must we discuss that impossible woman.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Haven't I read somewhere her statement to the effect that
she intended to become the number one hostess in the
city of New York?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
And the woman has absolutely no breeding, And that is
why I will not allow her in my house.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Can she be the cause of the disturbance?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
For what reason?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
For the obvious reason? To drive people away from your home?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
But how could she do it?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Ah? The how is what we must determine.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
That is what I shall say you to do.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Of course, the woman may be innocently impossible.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Bring me the facts and the proof as soon as
you can.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I shall have to visit the house and hear the
alleged ghosts for myself.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Oh very well, if you must waste time, who'd have
to know?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Medroom a jitters?
Speaker 3 (12:20):
This is mister Smallwood, a private investigator.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Oh yes, verom.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Have any of the staff returned yet? No? Well, then
we shall have to see about hiring others. Yes, meldom
has the thing? Has it been heard again?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Jitters?
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Yes? Constantly?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And what does this thing sound like? Jitters?
Speaker 5 (12:44):
Well, if you will be kind enough.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
To listen, where's it coming from?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
It seems to be coming from everywhere.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
The stairwell downstairs, I would.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
Say, from the diving room fireplace.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Huh, all right, Jitters, you go in there and I'll
run downstairs.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I shall go with you.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Uh no, mister Solmes, maybe dangers.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
No, it's probably that punds with women. She's probably sneaked
into the house and wait for me.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
There doesn't seem to be anything or anybody that might
be held responsible for the noise.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Haven't you encountered any clues, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
I'm sorry, Missus Solmes, but there doesn't seem to be
anything of significance in the lower part of the house.
I suggest we ask Jitters if he's been able to
find something.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Jitters, Jitters, come in here, please, Jitters. That's strange. He
always comes what he's called Jitters.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Wait, missus Holmes. Do you hear that.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
He is groaning?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Is coming from the next room. I must advise you
to stand back, Missus.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Oh nonsense, mister small would open the door. It's Jesus.
He's lying on the floor.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
He is he going Obviously he's still alive. He's groaning.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Jet Us, speak to me what happened?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You can relax for a minute or two. You won't
miss anything, because Jitters is not going to speak to
missus Victorious Holmes or to anyone else until I return
with that too, at which time we may discover that
a disembodied ghost may have some rather physical qualities. We're
(14:52):
in the home of Missus Victorious Solmes, a leader of
the social scene in the New York just before the
turn of the century. SOMs is having a problem with,
of all things, a ghost, and it is wreaking havoc
with her social life. The ghost hasn't done her, butler
Jitters an awful lot of good either, Jitters.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Speak to me.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
You'll be all rights.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
That are perfectly all right now. You know you didn't
try to stand with your permission?
Speaker 4 (15:25):
That would you assist me? No?
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Just lies.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
Still, if you would serve it, I'd be all right.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I think that's quite a bump you've got in your head.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Send you to the doctor.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Well, what exactly happened?
Speaker 5 (15:42):
But I was standing here by the fireplace and.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
I heard the noise?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Was it the same noise we all heard?
Speaker 4 (15:50):
Yes, But in addition to that's another noise?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Ah, can you describe it?
Speaker 5 (15:56):
It sounded like footsteps, foot skits, Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And where was that noise coming?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
From it seemed to me coming from behind me.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And what did you do?
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Well? I turned round?
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Yes, And at that point I was aware of a
sharp blow on my forehead.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Did you see anything?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
I was vaguely aware of a form.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
A form of what sort of a form?
Speaker 4 (16:27):
It was, just a kind of a things.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
There was this sudden shape.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Then I felt a blow.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Was the blow administered by the shape? I would assume
than the blow had to be administered somehow with a hand.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
I couldn't say whether whatever it was had a hand.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Was there a blunt instrument of some kind?
Speaker 4 (16:56):
I couldn't say.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Her, Well, very well it is that will be all.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
You may go, Very cute, sir.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
What have you discovered?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
We may not be dealing with the ghost?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
I could have told you that.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
On the other hand, we may. We shall have to
follow both lines of investigations.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Both lines, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Yes, as I said before, the natural and the supernatural.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
That dreadful Ben Poundsforth woman is behind all this? What
are you doing, mister Smallwood?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Obviously I'm tapping on the wall. How is missus van
Poundsforth behind all this? Why are you rapping on the
wall to see if there is some secret doorway passage.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
I never heard of any such to support.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
The theory of a rational explanation. There must be some
secret means of entrance and egress for whoever is making
these ghost like sounds? Don't you agree?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Oh, this is your hypothesis, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
He could have only gone out the front door. The
rear entrance is on the lower level where we were.
We then should have met him as we were coming
up the stairs.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Then he did go out the front door.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Huh did he come step this way? You see? See
what the front entrance jitters opened the door to let
us in, then he locked it again. You can see
the chain is set now. The intruder had no way
of letting himself out and then locking the door from
(18:37):
the inside where This.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Is rather like one of those puzzles, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
So If we do not find a secret passage of
some sort inside this room, then yes, then then we
must reluctantly conclude that the disturbance is of a supernatural origin.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Oh, I can't have it. I'm sorry, No one will
ever come here.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Hold on, what is it? This panel in the wall,
It seems to it's moving. It's part of a door
small door.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
With we found it.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Ah, let me shine my pocket torch inside. Why it's
a room, a small room, yes, but it doesn't seem
to lead anywhere.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Unless there's a secret entrance from here into another passage.
Why would anyone just want a small room behind the wall.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
As a hiding place for hat hiding?
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Graceful woo.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
This is Solmes who built this.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Mansion, my late husband's family back in colonial times.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Please forgive me for asking, But could they have been
engaged in smuggling?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Smuggling at words? I shouldn't be sprised.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Ah, Then this could be the story of the secret room.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Mister Smallwood. Some that should be obvious even to you.
I am the victim of a plot on the part
of that notorious Van pounds Forth woman.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
But how is she doing it?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
She had hired someone to steal in and out and
then make that horrendous word.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Ah, but there is no way for that person to
get in and out.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Are you telling me that we did not hear the voice?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
No, missus Holmes.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Are you telling me that Jitters was not assaulted?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
No, missus Silks.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Why are you asking me to believe in ghosts? There
must be a way of getting in and out without
being noticed.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
With your permission, Missus Holmes, I shall search the entire house.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Well, mister Smallwyn, have you any results for me?
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Missus Holmes, I have not yet crystallized my observations, which.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Means you have just covered absolutely in nothing.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I am forming hypothesis, madam, which requires a bit more
time to mature.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
The culprit can only be Missus van Pound's boss, and
the sooner you face her with the proof of it,
the better.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
At this point I have no absolute proof.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Confront her anyhow. I'm sure she has such a guilty
conscience she'd break down immediately. Mister Smallwood, I was expecting you.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Indeed, Oh, let's.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
Do away with indeed, there are no reporters around this
society for lover is enough to break my jaw. JL
see you were going to say, indeed again, let's just relax.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Huh Why were you expecting me?
Speaker 3 (21:49):
You know, behind your fancy suit and that high falutent conversation,
I can see Jersey City.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I don't see how that is. Jermaine.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Well, I'm from North myself, but I don't try to
hide it. That's what's killing this Victoria high horse Solmes.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
H you still haven't answered my question.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Oh why was I expressing you elementary? My dear Watson,
As it says in the books, she sent you here.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Uh huh? What makes you think she would do that?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Climb off it.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
It's a plot, don't you see?
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Now?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
I'm trying to give her place the reputation of a
haunted house, so it'll keep the other swirls away. That's
what she told you, right, Well, what's in it for me?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
The leadership of the six hundred, the leadership of the
four hundred, six hundred with a light brigade who rode
into the Valley of.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Death, same thing. I'm the leader anyhow, not quite Now.
My husband, Stirling Dan Poundsforth, has more money than everyone
else in New York put together. Now that fact may
not be known. He doesn't get into the papers like
some of those Morgans and Fricks and that crowd.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
But that's the crowd you're trying to dominate, isn't it.
That's the crowd that acknowledges the leadership of victorious Holmes.
And since she won't have you in our home, the
rest of them won't have you in theirs, so.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
They can't keep me out the next time there's a
panic on Wall Street, they'll need Sterling's money to help
stop it.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
But meanwhile, you are being systematically excluded.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
That means my revenge will be all that's sweeter.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Uh. You use the word revenge for sure, and you
claim you are doing nothing to hasten the arrival of
that day.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
What could I be doing?
Speaker 1 (23:35):
You could be hiring someone to impersonate a ghost.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
Oh, I don't have to hire anybody. The ghost is
already in the house.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Uh, what ghost?
Speaker 5 (23:45):
Why don't you ask her?
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Oh? Do you mean she hasn't told you? Hey? Do
you mean she's actually withholding valuable information?
Speaker 4 (23:55):
What ghost?
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Why didn't you ask me?
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Who's?
Speaker 5 (23:59):
Go?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Very well, I'm asking, and I.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Have to answer. It's not my place to tell you.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
How do I know you're telling me the truth.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
I'll just go back there and ask her, say why
didn't you tell me that your husband threatened you he'd
come back to haunt you. Go ahead, ask her why?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yes, missus Solmes, why didn't you tell me?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Because I didn't believe it was anyone's affair.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
But fine, obviously other people knew about it. Tell me
about your husband, missus Solms, Oh, very.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Well, Gustavas was a very shy and retiring person. He
could trace his family back to Governor Peter Minuett's time,
when this was the Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yes, missus Elms.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
As a matter of fact, it was said that this house, well,
not this house exactly, but the original log cabin from
which this house was expanded and rebuilt, was constructed on
the most historic site in the history of New York.
Do you know what that was?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Suppose you tell me?
Speaker 3 (25:09):
On this very ground the most famous financial transaction in
history took place. Representatives of the Dutch West India Company,
one of whom was my husband's ancestor, purchased the island
of Manhattan from the Indians for sixty guilds or twenty
four dollars.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
History has yet to determine who received the best of
that bargain.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Gustaves felt that he belonged to the oldest aristocracy in
New York. His family through the years looked down on
the new money. They considered anyone who could not trace
his New York ancestry back for at least two centuries
was an aleast a parvenue. I see, but I am
coming to the point of the story. He knew my
(25:55):
fondness for society, and he said to me, Victoria, I
did not permit those vulgar steel and railroad and stock
market millionaires in my home while I was alive, and
you shall not have them here after I am dead,
I see, to which he added, if you open the
(26:15):
doors to those get rich quick barmon news, I shall,
I shall come back to haunt you.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Huh. But missus Solmes, that explains the ghost, does it.
He threatened to come back to haunt you, and now
evidently he has.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
That isn't true. It isn't If I wanted to believe that,
I wouldn't hired you.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
But we not only had the ghost, we even know
who he is.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
A ghost cannot be.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
A heeh very well?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
It a ghost canot yeah, he or a she or
an it. A ghost is nothing. A ghost does not exist.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Us saying this is so, we are listening to this ourselves.
Where is it coming from? If it's truly a ghost,
it can be coming from anywhere. But if it isn't
a ghost, then we have problems. Do we Actually? A
(27:21):
non ghost in this situation would be even more mysterious
than a real ghost. Fortunately, there is still a third act,
which should clear up most of the puzzle when I return.
(27:41):
True love is like ghosts, said the poet, which everyone
talks about and very few have seen. Well, we have
seen some instances of true love. And while we haven't
actually seen any ghosts, at least on this show, we
have heard some. As a matter of fact, At this
very moment her mansion in New York City, some eighty
(28:01):
years ago, Missus Victoria Solmes and private investigator Spencer Smallwood
are listening to what can only be a ghost. See
if you don't agree, Yes, yes, you're right. Please Missus Solmes,
be quiet. But it's him, you.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Mean he it's Chris Tavas, my late husband, Chris Tavas,
Adolphus Solmes. Oh, you were right. He is a ghost.
There are ghosts, and this is the ghost of my
late husband.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Why you say that? Why does it sound like his voice?
Speaker 4 (28:33):
Well?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I think so, but you're not sure. Well I what
exactly did he say?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
I can't seem to make out.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
The words, But if you listen closely, there's only one word.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Keep listening. Do you hear it? Just one word spoken
in a variety of rhythms, it's hey yo.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Right, yes, well, yes, I think, sivil.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Well have you ever heard your husband say you're sure? Well,
then it can't be your husband?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
It stopped? Yes, why you say it isn't my husband?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Jitters, please come in here for a moment.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Yes, sir, you called sir.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Jitters, you heard it, Yes, sir? And where were.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
You Jitters in the pantry preparing lunch?
Speaker 1 (29:40):
But Jitters, didn't you want to investigate?
Speaker 4 (29:43):
No?
Speaker 5 (29:43):
No, no, If you'll pardon my saying, sir, I had
decided discretion is the better part from Valai in this affair.
The last time I had.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Tained far of course, Jitters. And we can still see
that ugly bump on your head.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Very well, Jitters, that will be all.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Oh, thank you, mister Smallwood. I am at a loss
to understand you. First you prove to me that there
was such a thing as a ghost, over my most
deharment objections. And second you insist that the ghost was
that of my late husband. And now that I believe you,
it seems you've changed your mind.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
One must be flexible at all times.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Well, if it is not the ghost of my late husband,
whose ghost is it?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
As to that I still have.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
I know you still have not completed your hypothesis. You
still have not crystallized your thinking.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Admittedly, but I am well on my way, Well on
your way where my dearness is showns who knows where
any of us is truly headed? Miss Daddie, If that's
Missus Solmes, tell her I'm not in.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Yes, Hello, this is.
Speaker 6 (31:05):
Missus Zoes is mister the well.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
He says to tell you he is.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Oh fuck, goodness sakes, Miss Dowdy, give me that telephone.
Uh ah, missus.
Speaker 6 (31:16):
So, mister Small, would I have some news for you?
Missus van pounds for that execrable woman is boasting that
she has already hired most of.
Speaker 7 (31:27):
My servant Oh and she votes.
Speaker 6 (31:29):
Them as saying that the atmosphere in the Zolms mansion
is he is too terrifying.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Well?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Uh no, mister Small, you must do something.
Speaker 6 (31:39):
Do you realize that no one comes.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
To see me anymore?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Oh? No, but they did?
Speaker 6 (31:45):
How could I serve dinner?
Speaker 1 (31:47):
It's a problem.
Speaker 6 (31:49):
I engaged you to solve that problem.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Uh and I shall win.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Two soon.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I I'm working on a lead right now. I shall
as soon as I crystallize my thinking.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Good Bye, Miss Dowdy. Oh, please, sir, don't lose your
temper with me again.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
I've already lost it. You better take the rest of
the afternoon off or I shall not be responsible.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Please, sir, I'd rather take tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Afternoon off, Mistaudia. I'm angry with you this afternoon.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
I'm all right, mister small. You'll be angry with me
tomorrow afternoon too, and I must have tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Off, must you? Indeed?
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Oh? Yes, my intended is taking me to see the
Wild Worst Show.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
You haven't intended, Yes, sir, you will marry and produce
little dowdies just like yourself.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Oh, sir, we did want to see The Wild Worst Shoe.
Speaker 4 (32:47):
It's Buffalo Bill.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Very very very well missed, ouded. You may have tomorrow
afternoon off too, sir.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
It's a fantastic show.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
Please.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
My favorite is always been.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
The Indian in the agonizing details.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
It's so exciting, the way they come in on horseback
and they're showing their war chat. Hey you, hey you,
hey you lowdy.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Why don't you leave me now before wait?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Wait, wait, what did you say? I didn't say anything.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
That word which word?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
The ones the Indians use? That word?
Speaker 4 (33:23):
Hey? Yo? Oh?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
They say it all the time, no matter what they're doing.
It's hey yo this, and Hey yo that and.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Hey yo all day long.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Are you sure?
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Please, sir, don't yell at me again that word.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Are you sure?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Oh? Yes, sir, I'm sure that is I think so,
mister Smallwood, this is a surprise you have news for me.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
I hope, Missus Jones, may I present Chief Old Bonnet
of the Oglalla Sue.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Oh, heap charmed.
Speaker 5 (33:59):
Jeez, pleasure is mine, Missus Solmes, Oh, Chief Old Bonnet
has a doctorate in philosophy from Oxford University. Oh, of
course the Chief has been kind enough to come here
to listen to our most interesting phenomenon. Interesting well of
interest to an Indian?
Speaker 3 (34:16):
And why would it be of interest to an Indian?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Because, Missus Solmes, of that word? Which word you hear?
Speaker 5 (34:28):
It?
Speaker 4 (34:28):
You?
Speaker 5 (34:29):
It's the ghost?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Please, Missus Solmes.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
But you must do something. But we are what are
you doing?
Speaker 1 (34:37):
We're listening to what the ghost?
Speaker 4 (34:41):
What for?
Speaker 1 (34:45):
He stopped?
Speaker 4 (34:47):
Maybe you'll go away?
Speaker 7 (34:48):
I do not think so.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Miss What are you saying?
Speaker 1 (34:52):
It's remarkable?
Speaker 3 (34:53):
What is remarkable?
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Chief?
Speaker 1 (34:55):
The story tells us?
Speaker 3 (34:57):
The story? What story? I didn't hear any story.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Oh, yes, yes, it was clearly told.
Speaker 8 (35:03):
He's an Indian, an Indian, a long dead India. Oh no,
now Gonquin Indian from one of the tribes that lived
on this very island.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
His name was Little.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Head, Little Head.
Speaker 5 (35:18):
Yes, you see, he was the chief of the Manhattan tribe,
and he was the one who made the deal for
Manhattan Island right here where this house stands now.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
But what does this have to do with everything?
Speaker 5 (35:32):
I'm afraid you see, it soon became obvious to the
Indian people the chief Little had made.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Well, ah, it was hardly a bargain.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Would I able to see the significance of that?
Speaker 5 (35:44):
And he tells me he has been condemned to spend
all his time, even until the eternity, to try to
get the islands back.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yes, brother, I comprehend.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
Tell them the diamonds were only glass that soon broke,
and the hatchets couldn't chop, and the knives couldn't cut,
and even the mirrors showed a false reflection. Yes, it
was too bad, and the bright cloth faded in the sun.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
You mean he has told you all, dear. Of course,
he's only been saying one word.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Hey, you true?
Speaker 5 (36:29):
It may be only one word, but it speaks volumes.
It all depends on how it is said.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
You say hey, yo, you say hey yo, you say
hey hey hey Yo, you say hey yo yo yo,
you say yo yo yo yo, hey hey hey hey
yo hey.
Speaker 5 (36:54):
It conveys a veritable treasure trove of meeting.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Yes, missus um, and therefore we have discovered that this
poor chieftain wanders through this place is a ghost, vainly
trying to change the course of history, mourning for what
has happened and for what might have been.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
And this is what you have discovered.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Yet, this is what Chief old Bonnet has discovered. And
I find it reasonable, don't you.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Oh, it's unfair. I'm dreadfully sorry. It was a cruel
trick to play on Chief little Head and all the Indians.
But how can it be made right?
Speaker 5 (37:33):
You would have to give them back the island.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Then once again they would be getting in the worst
of the bargain.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
At least you can now account for the ghostly noise.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
But that does me no good. It won't help me
get people to come here to my house. No, Now,
I cannot accept this answer to the problem.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
You cannot, mississipis no I cannot. Then I must give
you the alternate solution, which happens to be the rational
and practical one.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
There is another solution to this problem.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Of course, we needed for those people who do not
believe in ghosts. Jitters, come in here for a moment.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
From what is it you called her?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Jitters? At first I was of the opinion that the
noises were being made by a ghost. But I see
now that someone else is responsible. Do you happen to
know who?
Speaker 5 (38:29):
I knows?
Speaker 8 (38:31):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (38:33):
You should? Jitters?
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Why who? Right?
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Because Jitters, it's you.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Me, sir, Jitters.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Missus van pounds Forth paid you to spread a reign
of terror among the servants, did she not?
Speaker 3 (38:48):
But mister Smallwood, aren't you forgetting a small detail? Jitters
was actually struck down by this? Oh? Well, by this ghost?
Speaker 4 (38:58):
Was he?
Speaker 3 (38:58):
You could see the bump on his foe?
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Ah? Can you? Indeed? I searched the premises in general,
and your room, Jitters in particular. I found this bit
of flesh colored patty? Is that what you have on
your forehead?
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Jitters?
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Well? Shall you remove a Jitters? Or shall I do
it for you? Ah? Thank you? You see missus sobs
Jitters only pretended to be struck down.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Oh, Jitters, how could you why?
Speaker 5 (39:32):
I I was merely following my late master's.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Instruction, git instruction.
Speaker 5 (39:38):
Yes, Madam, I was present when he said to you, Victoria,
if you entertain all these people I didn't like while
I was alive, after I'm dead, I'll come.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Back to haunt you.
Speaker 5 (39:52):
Did you you recall that statement, Meadable?
Speaker 3 (39:55):
Yes, yes, well.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Maybe the art you had left the room to call
the doctor.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
He motioned to me to come closer, and he said,
do that see that. I come back to haunt my
wife if she pools any of that stuff. Promise he
made me.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Promise, all my poor Jetters, you are only being loyal, yes, madam,
and I must keep that promise. Then what am I
to do?
Speaker 5 (40:26):
There are two solutions, madam.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
Two solutions.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
One you could fire me.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Oh, I wouldn't care to do that, nor too.
Speaker 5 (40:37):
Mister Solmes said he wanted me to help him haunt
his wife. But if you were to marry mister Small
would here you would no longer be mister Solmes's wife,
and his wishes would no longer be binding.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
A que a fulating idea, Jetters, How could I ever
survive without you marry mister Smallwood. Now what do you
think of that, mister.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Small would well, missus Solmes, I have not yet had
a chance to.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
I know, to crystalize your thinking.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
What do you think, Chief old Ronett? They Well, there
you are, Victoria, my darling. It has just become crystal Claire.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Well, if you've been paying attention to the oldest rule
of all in the science of the mystery story, you'd
have arrived at the ending, at the very beginning.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
And what is that rule?
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Why the butler did it? Well, we have some other
deeds to announce shortly.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
I guess I'm lucky. My family's always been healthy. Oh,
a touch of constipation now and then, but we've got
Xlax for that.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
Today, more American families trust x Slax than any other brand.
When you need a laxative, you can count on x
Slax for relief in the morning, for occasional use only
as directed.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Why Xlax my family trusted.
Speaker 7 (42:16):
That's why now you can relieve the misery of itching fast.
Bicozine cream has the fastest antioch drug you can buy
without a doctor's prescription.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Use only as directed.
Speaker 7 (42:26):
Get bcozine.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
We try to offer something for everyone. If you're practical,
it was Jitters the Butler. If you're supernaturally oriented, it
was the ghost of an Indian chief. Maybe it was both,
or maybe it was the ghost of the late Gustavus
Adolphus Solmes. Maybe it was all three. After all, this
(42:59):
is the place where we deal in endless possibilities, seven
times each week. Our cast included Fred Gwynn, Mary Jane Higbee,
Robert Dryden and Bryana Rayburn. The entire production was under
the direction of Hymon Brown.
Speaker 4 (43:14):
This is E. G.
Speaker 5 (43:15):
Marshall inviting you to return to our Mystery Theater for
another adventure in the macabre.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Until next time, pleasant
Speaker 4 (44:00):
Bah.
Come in welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm e g.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Marshall. As mister Ibsen says, we are all ghosts in us.
They are all sorts of dead ideas, all kinds of
old dead beliefs. We can never be rid of them.
Whenever I read a newspaper, I fancy I see ghosts
between the lines. There must be ghosts all over the world,
countless as the grains of sand, and we are so
(00:43):
miserably afraid of them, all of us. My host is haunted, haunted,
Missus Solmes. That's impossible.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Why is it impossible?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Because, Missus Solmes, this happens to be the enlightened nineteenth century.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Nevertheless, my house is haunted.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Missus Holmes. There is no such thing as a ghost.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Indeed, mister Smallwood, what would you call the cat.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
A ghost? Our mystery drama Indian Giver was written especially
for the Mystery Theater by Sam Dan and stars Fred Gwynn.
It is sponsored in part by Contact the twelve Hour
(01:32):
Cold Capsule and x Lex I'll be back shortly with
that one. And oh how we long for those supposedly
uncomplicated times.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We call the good old days?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
But what were the good old days? As mister Einstein said,
everything is relative. Why, even back in the good old
days there were still those people who would yearn and
sigh for guess what right the good old days? And
just think, some thirty or forty years from now, these
will have been the good old days. Can you imagine? Well,
(02:14):
let's go back to what many people are convinced were
the good old days, just around the turn.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Of the century, Madam, Jitters, I was about to send
for you, Yes, madam, is dinner late? My guess is
simply vanished.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
A concerning dinner, madam.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
It seems that are our arrangements.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Who have to be made?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Are their arrangements, yes, madam, for such as we who
have sent round the del Monicos or rexs for food.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Madam.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
But I had thought dinner was being prepared by our
own staff in our own kitchen. We was, Jitters. Suppose
you tell me exactly what is going on here?
Speaker 5 (02:52):
The staff was busily engaged in the dinner activity, madam,
and suddenly all of them decided to.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Leave, requit it in the midst, not quit, madam, please.
I failed to perceive the distinction.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
It seems that they were frightened.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Frightened, yes, madam, by what by ghost a ghost? Yes, Jetter,
you know perfectly well there's no such thing as a ghost.
Then how could anyone possibly.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
They heard it?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
And I heard it too. You heard it, yes, that
we all heard it below stairs? The staff noted, I
came here directed to make a report.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Oh, that was the proper thing. You say you heard
a ghost? Can you describe what he said?
Speaker 4 (03:45):
That will not be necessary.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Listen him for yourself.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Ladies and gentlemen, are my friends?
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Please?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
There's nothing you love me?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (04:11):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Miss Dowdy.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
There's a lady to see you?
Speaker 1 (04:15):
A lady, yes, sir? Who is she?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Oh, sir, she's one of them great swells?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Now, Miss Dowdy? How many times have I told your must.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Wearing diamonds and jewels.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
She's like a beautiful queen.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
What is her name, Miss Dowdy?
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Her name?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yes? Hang it all her.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Name, mister Smallwood. When you shout at me.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I dash blamed it, Miss Doddy. She must have a name, yes, but.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
When you shout I just forget everything my mind funderation,
missus Dowdy. Here, mister Smallwood, I wote have you abusing
that brog girl?
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Why it's it's I could hear you in the reception room.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
It's missus Sews, missus Victorious.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
So you've terrified this poor child.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
This is indeed an honor, Missus.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Ho taking advantag of her naivete and her innocence and
the fact that she needs the job.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I'm not taking advantage of her. She's taking advantage of me.
She happens to be one of the handful of people
in this confounded city who knows how to operate that
newfangled typewriting machine.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Still, mister Smallwill, common politeness would require.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Common politeness, Missus Holmes, is not enough. One must have
extraordinary politeness to deal with Miss Dowdy. Now my girl,
back to your desk.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Oh, yes, yes, sir. Well, mister Smallwood, I must say
you have not made a very good first impression.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
It is not my business, Missus Holmes, to make good impressions,
but to create favorable results.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Were it not for the fact that you are highly
recommended by no lesser personage that the police Commissioner of
New York City, Colonel Theodore Roosevelt himself, I should terminate
our relationship at.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Once, Sir madam, you cannot terminate what has not yet begun.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I require the services of a private investigator. I requested
my friend and distant cousin, Colonel Roosevelt, do you recommend
a gentleman of spotless character, unimpeachable reputation, and immaculate integrity?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And the commissioner.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
And the commissioner suggested that I lower my science. He
advised me to settle for you.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Indeed, Colonel Roosevelt says that you are a veritable Sherlock Holmes. Now,
then I am Missus Victoria.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Solmes, wealthy widow of the late Gustavus Adolphus Solmes.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Everyone knows that.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
And you are here to consult me because of a
disturbance in your house. I would say it's of oh
supernatural origin.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Who told you?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
You told me?
Speaker 3 (06:47):
I I've said not one word concerning the motive for
my visits.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
On the contrary, Missus Holmes, you have been most eloquent. Besides,
the thing is simplicity itself.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
We begin with the fact that you are color blind?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Who told you?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
You told me you are wearing a yellow blouse with
a maroon skirt. Am I in the ordinary way, you
would not have committed such a gaff because you were
always carefully dressed by your personal.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Maid in Nassau, you are the detective.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
But this morning she was not present, and neither was
your coachman.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And who told you that?
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Er?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You told me on the bottom of your skirt there
are some stains of mud. Had your coachman been on duty,
he would have brought your carriage around the entrance of
your mansion. But this time you were obliged to walk
down the street, which was still wet with last evening's rain,
to seek a cab. Your cook has also deserted you.
Who told you? You told me? Your jacket on the
(07:50):
right cuff is the tiniest reddish black stain. It could
only be caused by one of those splendid new berries
recently created by the celebrated doctor Boison. They are served
only at sour Wines, which is where you had breakfast
this morning.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Which I must say, Sherlock Holmes could not have done better.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Sherlock Holmes could not have done as well. And so
obviously there is a domestic crisis, or more accurately, a
crisis among the domestics at the Solmes mansion. Isn't that?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
So?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Pray continue mister smold.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Most if not all, of them have left you? And why?
Surely it is not because of wages or working conditions.
A position in your household is a prized post. You
are known as one of the most generous employers in
the city. Therefore, what could cause your servants to leave
the house and all at the same time? The obvious answer,
(08:46):
they would not leave. They would have to be driven.
But what could drive them away?
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Why?
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Fear? And what sort of fear? Physical? Tangible fear? Unthinkable?
Therefore it must be a fear of the unknown, the unknown,
the supernatural ghosts? Am I correct?
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Scarcely necessary for you to indulge in this parliatric type
of deduction.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I see that you are not impressed very well, madam.
You have a ghost on the premises it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Why because ghosts cannot and do not exist. The sound
of a ghost was heard heard by my servants, by myself,
and by my guests.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Your guests heard the ghost. That's fascinating, is he? Yes?
You see, the word guest and ghost share the same
route as does host. It all originates in the concept
of the stranger as well.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
What do you intend to do with my ghost?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
What is there I can do? You have just informed
me that ghosts do not exist.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
One or something is creating noise that people assume is
being made by a ghost.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And you heard this noise? Oh yes, and what do
you think it is?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Had this noise ever been heard before?
Speaker 4 (10:14):
No? I see precisely.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
What is it that you see, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
The noise is either rational or supernatural in origin?
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Is that effect?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
What rational cause can there be for the noise?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Rational?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Afforded draft in a fireplace, loose shingles on the roof.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
No, the house is kept in perfect repair.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Uh huh. Then someone may have created the noise intentionally
for what purpose? Missus Solmes, you are the acknowledged leader
of society in our city. I'm sure you have rivals.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Pretenders would be a more accurate term.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
There are those who would contest your place.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
You certain my place if you please.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Of course, And according to the society pages of the press,
one of these is missus Sterling van Poundsford.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
No one takes her seriously.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Not her perhaps, but her money.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
She is the very essence of new Rawish vulgarity.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Concerning Missus van Pounds.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Must we discuss that impossible woman.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Haven't I read somewhere her statement to the effect that
she intended to become the number one hostess in the
city of New York?
Speaker 3 (11:27):
And the woman has absolutely no breeding, And that is
why I will not allow her in my house.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Can she be the cause of the disturbance?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
For what reason?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
For the obvious reason? To drive people away from your home?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
But how could she do it?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Ah? The how is what we must determine.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
That is what I shall say you to do.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Of course, the woman may be innocently impossible.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Bring me the facts and the proof as soon as
you can.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I shall have to visit the house and hear the
alleged ghosts for myself.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Oh very well, if you must waste time, who'd have
to know?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Medroom a jitters?
Speaker 3 (12:20):
This is mister Smallwood, a private investigator.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Oh yes, verom.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Have any of the staff returned yet? No? Well, then
we shall have to see about hiring others. Yes, meldom
has the thing? Has it been heard again?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Jitters?
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Yes? Constantly?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And what does this thing sound like? Jitters?
Speaker 5 (12:44):
Well, if you will be kind enough.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
To listen, where's it coming from?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
It seems to be coming from everywhere.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
The stairwell downstairs, I would.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
Say, from the diving room fireplace.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Huh, all right, Jitters, you go in there and I'll
run downstairs.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I shall go with you.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Uh no, mister Solmes, maybe dangers.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
No, it's probably that punds with women. She's probably sneaked
into the house and wait for me.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
There doesn't seem to be anything or anybody that might
be held responsible for the noise.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Haven't you encountered any clues, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
I'm sorry, Missus Solmes, but there doesn't seem to be
anything of significance in the lower part of the house.
I suggest we ask Jitters if he's been able to
find something.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Jitters, Jitters, come in here, please, Jitters. That's strange. He
always comes what he's called Jitters.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Wait, missus Holmes. Do you hear that.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
He is groaning?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Is coming from the next room. I must advise you
to stand back, Missus.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Oh nonsense, mister small would open the door. It's Jesus.
He's lying on the floor.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
He is he going Obviously he's still alive. He's groaning.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Jet Us, speak to me what happened?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You can relax for a minute or two. You won't
miss anything, because Jitters is not going to speak to
missus Victorious Holmes or to anyone else until I return
with that too, at which time we may discover that
a disembodied ghost may have some rather physical qualities. We're
(14:52):
in the home of Missus Victorious Solmes, a leader of
the social scene in the New York just before the
turn of the century. SOMs is having a problem with,
of all things, a ghost, and it is wreaking havoc
with her social life. The ghost hasn't done her, butler
Jitters an awful lot of good either, Jitters.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Speak to me.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
You'll be all rights.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
That are perfectly all right now. You know you didn't
try to stand with your permission?
Speaker 4 (15:25):
That would you assist me? No?
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Just lies.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
Still, if you would serve it, I'd be all right.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I think that's quite a bump you've got in your head.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Send you to the doctor.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Well, what exactly happened?
Speaker 5 (15:42):
But I was standing here by the fireplace and.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
I heard the noise?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Was it the same noise we all heard?
Speaker 4 (15:50):
Yes, But in addition to that's another noise?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Ah, can you describe it?
Speaker 5 (15:56):
It sounded like footsteps, foot skits, Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And where was that noise coming?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
From it seemed to me coming from behind me.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And what did you do?
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Well? I turned round?
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Yes, And at that point I was aware of a
sharp blow on my forehead.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Did you see anything?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
I was vaguely aware of a form.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
A form of what sort of a form?
Speaker 4 (16:27):
It was, just a kind of a things.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
There was this sudden shape.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Then I felt a blow.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Was the blow administered by the shape? I would assume
than the blow had to be administered somehow with a hand.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
I couldn't say whether whatever it was had a hand.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Was there a blunt instrument of some kind?
Speaker 4 (16:56):
I couldn't say.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Her, Well, very well it is that will be all.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
You may go, Very cute, sir.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
What have you discovered?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
We may not be dealing with the ghost?
Speaker 3 (17:12):
I could have told you that.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
On the other hand, we may. We shall have to
follow both lines of investigations.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Both lines, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Yes, as I said before, the natural and the supernatural.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
That dreadful Ben Poundsforth woman is behind all this? What
are you doing, mister Smallwood?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Obviously I'm tapping on the wall. How is missus van
Poundsforth behind all this? Why are you rapping on the
wall to see if there is some secret doorway passage.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
I never heard of any such to support.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
The theory of a rational explanation. There must be some
secret means of entrance and egress for whoever is making
these ghost like sounds? Don't you agree?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Oh, this is your hypothesis, mister Smallwood.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
He could have only gone out the front door. The
rear entrance is on the lower level where we were.
We then should have met him as we were coming
up the stairs.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Then he did go out the front door.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Huh did he come step this way? You see? See
what the front entrance jitters opened the door to let
us in, then he locked it again. You can see
the chain is set now. The intruder had no way
of letting himself out and then locking the door from
(18:37):
the inside where This.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Is rather like one of those puzzles, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
So If we do not find a secret passage of
some sort inside this room, then yes, then then we
must reluctantly conclude that the disturbance is of a supernatural origin.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Oh, I can't have it. I'm sorry, No one will
ever come here.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Hold on, what is it? This panel in the wall,
It seems to it's moving. It's part of a door
small door.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
With we found it.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Ah, let me shine my pocket torch inside. Why it's
a room, a small room, yes, but it doesn't seem
to lead anywhere.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Unless there's a secret entrance from here into another passage.
Why would anyone just want a small room behind the wall.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
As a hiding place for hat hiding?
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Graceful woo.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
This is Solmes who built this.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Mansion, my late husband's family back in colonial times.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Please forgive me for asking, But could they have been
engaged in smuggling?
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Smuggling at words? I shouldn't be sprised.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Ah, Then this could be the story of the secret room.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Mister Smallwood. Some that should be obvious even to you.
I am the victim of a plot on the part
of that notorious Van pounds Forth woman.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
But how is she doing it?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
She had hired someone to steal in and out and
then make that horrendous word.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Ah, but there is no way for that person to
get in and out.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Are you telling me that we did not hear the voice?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
No, missus Holmes.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Are you telling me that Jitters was not assaulted?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
No, missus Silks.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Why are you asking me to believe in ghosts? There
must be a way of getting in and out without
being noticed.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
With your permission, Missus Holmes, I shall search the entire house.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Well, mister Smallwyn, have you any results for me?
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Missus Holmes, I have not yet crystallized my observations, which.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Means you have just covered absolutely in nothing.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I am forming hypothesis, madam, which requires a bit more
time to mature.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
The culprit can only be Missus van Pound's boss, and
the sooner you face her with the proof of it,
the better.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
At this point I have no absolute proof.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Confront her anyhow. I'm sure she has such a guilty
conscience she'd break down immediately. Mister Smallwood, I was expecting you.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Indeed, Oh, let's.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
Do away with indeed, there are no reporters around this
society for lover is enough to break my jaw. JL
see you were going to say, indeed again, let's just relax.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Huh Why were you expecting me?
Speaker 3 (21:49):
You know, behind your fancy suit and that high falutent conversation,
I can see Jersey City.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I don't see how that is. Jermaine.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Well, I'm from North myself, but I don't try to
hide it. That's what's killing this Victoria high horse Solmes.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
H you still haven't answered my question.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Oh why was I expressing you elementary? My dear Watson,
As it says in the books, she sent you here.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Uh huh? What makes you think she would do that?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Climb off it.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
It's a plot, don't you see?
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Now?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
I'm trying to give her place the reputation of a
haunted house, so it'll keep the other swirls away. That's
what she told you, right, Well, what's in it for me?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
The leadership of the six hundred, the leadership of the
four hundred, six hundred with a light brigade who rode
into the Valley of.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Death, same thing. I'm the leader anyhow, not quite Now.
My husband, Stirling Dan Poundsforth, has more money than everyone
else in New York put together. Now that fact may
not be known. He doesn't get into the papers like
some of those Morgans and Fricks and that crowd.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
But that's the crowd you're trying to dominate, isn't it.
That's the crowd that acknowledges the leadership of victorious Holmes.
And since she won't have you in our home, the
rest of them won't have you in theirs, so.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
They can't keep me out the next time there's a
panic on Wall Street, they'll need Sterling's money to help
stop it.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
But meanwhile, you are being systematically excluded.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
That means my revenge will be all that's sweeter.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Uh. You use the word revenge for sure, and you
claim you are doing nothing to hasten the arrival of
that day.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
What could I be doing?
Speaker 1 (23:35):
You could be hiring someone to impersonate a ghost.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
Oh, I don't have to hire anybody. The ghost is
already in the house.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Uh, what ghost?
Speaker 5 (23:45):
Why don't you ask her?
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Oh? Do you mean she hasn't told you? Hey? Do
you mean she's actually withholding valuable information?
Speaker 4 (23:55):
What ghost?
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Why didn't you ask me?
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Who's?
Speaker 5 (23:59):
Go?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Very well, I'm asking, and I.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Have to answer. It's not my place to tell you.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
How do I know you're telling me the truth.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
I'll just go back there and ask her, say why
didn't you tell me that your husband threatened you he'd
come back to haunt you. Go ahead, ask her why?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yes, missus Solmes, why didn't you tell me?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Because I didn't believe it was anyone's affair.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
But fine, obviously other people knew about it. Tell me
about your husband, missus Solms, Oh, very.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Well, Gustavas was a very shy and retiring person. He
could trace his family back to Governor Peter Minuett's time,
when this was the Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yes, missus Elms.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
As a matter of fact, it was said that this house, well,
not this house exactly, but the original log cabin from
which this house was expanded and rebuilt, was constructed on
the most historic site in the history of New York.
Do you know what that was?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Suppose you tell me?
Speaker 3 (25:09):
On this very ground the most famous financial transaction in
history took place. Representatives of the Dutch West India Company,
one of whom was my husband's ancestor, purchased the island
of Manhattan from the Indians for sixty guilds or twenty
four dollars.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
History has yet to determine who received the best of
that bargain.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Gustaves felt that he belonged to the oldest aristocracy in
New York. His family through the years looked down on
the new money. They considered anyone who could not trace
his New York ancestry back for at least two centuries
was an aleast a parvenue. I see, but I am
coming to the point of the story. He knew my
(25:55):
fondness for society, and he said to me, Victoria, I
did not permit those vulgar steel and railroad and stock
market millionaires in my home while I was alive, and
you shall not have them here after I am dead,
I see, to which he added, if you open the
(26:15):
doors to those get rich quick barmon news, I shall,
I shall come back to haunt you.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Huh. But missus Solmes, that explains the ghost, does it.
He threatened to come back to haunt you, and now
evidently he has.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
That isn't true. It isn't If I wanted to believe that,
I wouldn't hired you.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
But we not only had the ghost, we even know
who he is.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
A ghost cannot be.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
A heeh very well?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
It a ghost canot yeah, he or a she or
an it. A ghost is nothing. A ghost does not exist.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Us saying this is so, we are listening to this ourselves.
Where is it coming from? If it's truly a ghost,
it can be coming from anywhere. But if it isn't
a ghost, then we have problems. Do we Actually? A
(27:21):
non ghost in this situation would be even more mysterious
than a real ghost. Fortunately, there is still a third act,
which should clear up most of the puzzle when I return.
(27:41):
True love is like ghosts, said the poet, which everyone
talks about and very few have seen. Well, we have
seen some instances of true love. And while we haven't
actually seen any ghosts, at least on this show, we
have heard some. As a matter of fact, At this
very moment her mansion in New York City, some eighty
(28:01):
years ago, Missus Victoria Solmes and private investigator Spencer Smallwood
are listening to what can only be a ghost. See
if you don't agree, Yes, yes, you're right. Please Missus Solmes,
be quiet. But it's him, you.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Mean he it's Chris Tavas, my late husband, Chris Tavas,
Adolphus Solmes. Oh, you were right. He is a ghost.
There are ghosts, and this is the ghost of my
late husband.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Why you say that? Why does it sound like his voice?
Speaker 4 (28:33):
Well?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I think so, but you're not sure. Well I what
exactly did he say?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
I can't seem to make out.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
The words, But if you listen closely, there's only one word.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Keep listening. Do you hear it? Just one word spoken
in a variety of rhythms, it's hey yo.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Right, yes, well, yes, I think, sivil.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Well have you ever heard your husband say you're sure? Well,
then it can't be your husband?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
It stopped? Yes, why you say it isn't my husband?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Jitters, please come in here for a moment.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Yes, sir, you called sir.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Jitters, you heard it, Yes, sir? And where were.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
You Jitters in the pantry preparing lunch?
Speaker 1 (29:40):
But Jitters, didn't you want to investigate?
Speaker 4 (29:43):
No?
Speaker 5 (29:43):
No, no, If you'll pardon my saying, sir, I had
decided discretion is the better part from Valai in this affair.
The last time I had.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Tained far of course, Jitters. And we can still see
that ugly bump on your head.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Very well, Jitters, that will be all.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Oh, thank you, mister Smallwood. I am at a loss
to understand you. First you prove to me that there
was such a thing as a ghost, over my most
deharment objections. And second you insist that the ghost was
that of my late husband. And now that I believe you,
it seems you've changed your mind.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
One must be flexible at all times.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Well, if it is not the ghost of my late husband,
whose ghost is it?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
As to that I still have.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
I know you still have not completed your hypothesis. You
still have not crystallized your thinking.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Admittedly, but I am well on my way, Well on
your way where my dearness is showns who knows where
any of us is truly headed? Miss Daddie, If that's
Missus Solmes, tell her I'm not in.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Yes, Hello, this is.
Speaker 6 (31:05):
Missus Zoes is mister the well.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
He says to tell you he is.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Oh fuck, goodness sakes, Miss Dowdy, give me that telephone.
Uh ah, missus.
Speaker 6 (31:16):
So, mister Small, would I have some news for you?
Missus van pounds for that execrable woman is boasting that
she has already hired most of.
Speaker 7 (31:27):
My servant Oh and she votes.
Speaker 6 (31:29):
Them as saying that the atmosphere in the Zolms mansion
is he is too terrifying.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Well?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Uh no, mister Small, you must do something.
Speaker 6 (31:39):
Do you realize that no one comes.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
To see me anymore?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Oh? No, but they did?
Speaker 6 (31:45):
How could I serve dinner?
Speaker 1 (31:47):
It's a problem.
Speaker 6 (31:49):
I engaged you to solve that problem.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Uh and I shall win.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Two soon.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I I'm working on a lead right now. I shall
as soon as I crystallize my thinking.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Good Bye, Miss Dowdy. Oh, please, sir, don't lose your
temper with me again.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
I've already lost it. You better take the rest of
the afternoon off or I shall not be responsible.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Please, sir, I'd rather take tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Afternoon off, Mistaudia. I'm angry with you this afternoon.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
I'm all right, mister small. You'll be angry with me
tomorrow afternoon too, and I must have tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Off, must you? Indeed?
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Oh? Yes, my intended is taking me to see the
Wild Worst Show.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
You haven't intended, Yes, sir, you will marry and produce
little dowdies just like yourself.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Oh, sir, we did want to see The Wild Worst Shoe.
Speaker 4 (32:47):
It's Buffalo Bill.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Very very very well missed, ouded. You may have tomorrow
afternoon off too, sir.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
It's a fantastic show.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
Please.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
My favorite is always been.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
The Indian in the agonizing details.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
It's so exciting, the way they come in on horseback
and they're showing their war chat. Hey you, hey you,
hey you lowdy.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Why don't you leave me now before wait?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Wait, wait, what did you say? I didn't say anything.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
That word which word?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
The ones the Indians use? That word?
Speaker 4 (33:23):
Hey? Yo? Oh?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
They say it all the time, no matter what they're doing.
It's hey yo this, and Hey yo that and.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Hey yo all day long.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Are you sure?
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Please, sir, don't yell at me again that word.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Are you sure?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Oh? Yes, sir, I'm sure that is I think so,
mister Smallwood, this is a surprise you have news for me.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
I hope, Missus Jones, may I present Chief Old Bonnet
of the Oglalla Sue.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Oh, heap charmed.
Speaker 5 (33:59):
Jeez, pleasure is mine, Missus Solmes, Oh, Chief Old Bonnet
has a doctorate in philosophy from Oxford University. Oh, of
course the Chief has been kind enough to come here
to listen to our most interesting phenomenon. Interesting well of
interest to an Indian?
Speaker 3 (34:16):
And why would it be of interest to an Indian?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Because, Missus Solmes, of that word? Which word you hear?
Speaker 5 (34:28):
It?
Speaker 4 (34:28):
You?
Speaker 5 (34:29):
It's the ghost?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Please, Missus Solmes.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
But you must do something. But we are what are
you doing?
Speaker 1 (34:37):
We're listening to what the ghost?
Speaker 4 (34:41):
What for?
Speaker 1 (34:45):
He stopped?
Speaker 4 (34:47):
Maybe you'll go away?
Speaker 7 (34:48):
I do not think so.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Miss What are you saying?
Speaker 1 (34:52):
It's remarkable?
Speaker 3 (34:53):
What is remarkable?
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Chief?
Speaker 1 (34:55):
The story tells us?
Speaker 3 (34:57):
The story? What story? I didn't hear any story.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Oh, yes, yes, it was clearly told.
Speaker 8 (35:03):
He's an Indian, an Indian, a long dead India. Oh no,
now Gonquin Indian from one of the tribes that lived
on this very island.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
His name was Little.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Head, Little Head.
Speaker 5 (35:18):
Yes, you see, he was the chief of the Manhattan tribe,
and he was the one who made the deal for
Manhattan Island right here where this house stands now.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
But what does this have to do with everything?
Speaker 5 (35:32):
I'm afraid you see, it soon became obvious to the
Indian people the chief Little had made.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Well, ah, it was hardly a bargain.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Would I able to see the significance of that?
Speaker 5 (35:44):
And he tells me he has been condemned to spend
all his time, even until the eternity, to try to
get the islands back.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yes, brother, I comprehend.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
Tell them the diamonds were only glass that soon broke,
and the hatchets couldn't chop, and the knives couldn't cut,
and even the mirrors showed a false reflection. Yes, it
was too bad, and the bright cloth faded in the sun.
Speaker 3 (36:19):
You mean he has told you all, dear. Of course,
he's only been saying one word.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Hey, you true?
Speaker 5 (36:29):
It may be only one word, but it speaks volumes.
It all depends on how it is said.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
You say hey, yo, you say hey yo, you say
hey hey hey Yo, you say hey yo yo yo,
you say yo yo yo yo, hey hey hey hey
yo hey.
Speaker 5 (36:54):
It conveys a veritable treasure trove of meeting.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Yes, missus um, and therefore we have discovered that this
poor chieftain wanders through this place is a ghost, vainly
trying to change the course of history, mourning for what
has happened and for what might have been.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
And this is what you have discovered.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Yet, this is what Chief old Bonnet has discovered. And
I find it reasonable, don't you.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Oh, it's unfair. I'm dreadfully sorry. It was a cruel
trick to play on Chief little Head and all the Indians.
But how can it be made right?
Speaker 5 (37:33):
You would have to give them back the island.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Then once again they would be getting in the worst
of the bargain.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
At least you can now account for the ghostly noise.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
But that does me no good. It won't help me
get people to come here to my house. No, Now,
I cannot accept this answer to the problem.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
You cannot, mississipis no I cannot. Then I must give
you the alternate solution, which happens to be the rational
and practical one.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
There is another solution to this problem.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Of course, we needed for those people who do not
believe in ghosts. Jitters, come in here for a moment.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
From what is it you called her?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Jitters? At first I was of the opinion that the
noises were being made by a ghost. But I see
now that someone else is responsible. Do you happen to
know who?
Speaker 5 (38:29):
I knows?
Speaker 8 (38:31):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (38:33):
You should? Jitters?
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Why who? Right?
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Because Jitters, it's you.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Me, sir, Jitters.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Missus van pounds Forth paid you to spread a reign
of terror among the servants, did she not?
Speaker 3 (38:48):
But mister Smallwood, aren't you forgetting a small detail? Jitters
was actually struck down by this? Oh? Well, by this ghost?
Speaker 4 (38:58):
Was he?
Speaker 3 (38:58):
You could see the bump on his foe?
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Ah? Can you? Indeed? I searched the premises in general,
and your room, Jitters in particular. I found this bit
of flesh colored patty? Is that what you have on
your forehead?
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Jitters?
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Well? Shall you remove a Jitters? Or shall I do
it for you? Ah? Thank you? You see missus sobs
Jitters only pretended to be struck down.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Oh, Jitters, how could you why?
Speaker 5 (39:32):
I I was merely following my late master's.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Instruction, git instruction.
Speaker 5 (39:38):
Yes, Madam, I was present when he said to you, Victoria,
if you entertain all these people I didn't like while
I was alive, after I'm dead, I'll come.
Speaker 4 (39:50):
Back to haunt you.
Speaker 5 (39:52):
Did you you recall that statement, Meadable?
Speaker 3 (39:55):
Yes, yes, well.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Maybe the art you had left the room to call
the doctor.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
He motioned to me to come closer, and he said,
do that see that. I come back to haunt my
wife if she pools any of that stuff. Promise he
made me.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Promise, all my poor Jetters, you are only being loyal, yes, madam,
and I must keep that promise. Then what am I
to do?
Speaker 5 (40:26):
There are two solutions, madam.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
Two solutions.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
One you could fire me.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
Oh, I wouldn't care to do that, nor too.
Speaker 5 (40:37):
Mister Solmes said he wanted me to help him haunt
his wife. But if you were to marry mister Small
would here you would no longer be mister Solmes's wife,
and his wishes would no longer be binding.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
A que a fulating idea, Jetters, How could I ever
survive without you marry mister Smallwood. Now what do you
think of that, mister.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Small would well, missus Solmes, I have not yet had
a chance to.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
I know, to crystalize your thinking.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
What do you think, Chief old Ronett? They Well, there
you are, Victoria, my darling. It has just become crystal Claire.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Well, if you've been paying attention to the oldest rule
of all in the science of the mystery story, you'd
have arrived at the ending, at the very beginning.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
And what is that rule?
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Why the butler did it? Well, we have some other
deeds to announce shortly.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
I guess I'm lucky. My family's always been healthy. Oh,
a touch of constipation now and then, but we've got
Xlax for that.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
Today, more American families trust x Slax than any other brand.
When you need a laxative, you can count on x
Slax for relief in the morning, for occasional use only
as directed.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Why Xlax my family trusted.
Speaker 7 (42:16):
That's why now you can relieve the misery of itching fast.
Bicozine cream has the fastest antioch drug you can buy
without a doctor's prescription.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Use only as directed.
Speaker 7 (42:26):
Get bcozine.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
We try to offer something for everyone. If you're practical,
it was Jitters the Butler. If you're supernaturally oriented, it
was the ghost of an Indian chief. Maybe it was both,
or maybe it was the ghost of the late Gustavus
Adolphus Solmes. Maybe it was all three. After all, this
(42:59):
is the place where we deal in endless possibilities, seven
times each week. Our cast included Fred Gwynn, Mary Jane Higbee,
Robert Dryden and Bryana Rayburn. The entire production was under
the direction of Hymon Brown.
Speaker 4 (43:14):
This is E. G.
Speaker 5 (43:15):
Marshall inviting you to return to our Mystery Theater for
another adventure in the macabre.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Until next time, pleasant
Speaker 4 (44:00):
Bah.
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