July 25, 2025 • 28 mins
A compilation of humorous shows ranging from slapstick sketches to witty banter and family sitcoms. This series highlights the timeless appeal of laughter and character-driven comedy.
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
The Lation.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
No Broadcasting Company presents The Magnificent Montague, starring Marty Woy.
This is an age that shall be marked by the
achievements of women Madame Curie, Florence Nightingale, Carrie Nation. But
all their accomplishments are overshadowed by the single triumph of
(00:33):
Lily Bowain. She talked to her husband, Edwin Montague, the
Magnificent Montague of the Shakespearean Theater.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
It are going on radio.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
As Uncle Goodheart here of an afternoon program. This not
only broke his heart but his eight year record of unemployment.
But today Lily is beginning to wonder if.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
It was such a good idea. After all, it.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Is the morning in the Montague apartment. Agnes, the maid
is about to answer the door.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Okay, okay, yeah, another crank for Uncle good Heart.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Oh brother, okay, walton in sign here?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Okay, some more trash from the grateful listeners. But joint
starting to look like a pawn shop, Agnes, would you please,
what in Heaven's name is that there's a letter? Come
with it from uh lullaputt ohio?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
What's it? Dear Uncle good Hud and crows? Please find
a six foot replica of our city hall at Lilliput, Ohio.
It was built with two thousand cakes of your sponsor's soap, A.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Little something for uncle to play with his bathtub.
Speaker 6 (01:49):
Agnes, we've got to get rid of this.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Here comes uncle Hambone.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Now small, I.
Speaker 7 (02:00):
Feel quite gad. What is that monstrosity?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Agnes?
Speaker 7 (02:06):
Have you been on another quiz program?
Speaker 6 (02:13):
Edwin, Sit down at the table, your breakfast is here.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Where's this letter?
Speaker 6 (02:16):
Well, it came with the monstrosity.
Speaker 7 (02:18):
Dear uncle, good heart, and close the ripica.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
So that's what it is.
Speaker 6 (02:24):
It was built, Agnes, call up and have them take
it away.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Wait, listen to this. It's rather touching.
Speaker 7 (02:30):
Every family in Lilliput donate his their year's supply of
shallom O soap in order to make this muddel possible.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Really, the the least we can do is to keep
it in the living room for a while.
Speaker 7 (02:42):
Now, Edwy, imagine they gave up their year's supply of
soap for me.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You know, I'd like to visit the Liput sometime.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Better wait till next year when they get some more soap.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Nonsense. I'll bet it's a pretzontle place.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
When the wind's right, my dear.
Speaker 7 (03:02):
Agnes, you could easily be replaced by a cocker spaniel.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
Edwin your breakfast. Now you have to go to your broadcast, Agnes.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Okay, I'll bring in the grub.
Speaker 7 (03:14):
The grub, really, Lily, don't you think it? After twenty
five years with us, this might have discovered that this is.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
A home and not a lumber camp.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
Here do you want the newspaper.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Just the radio section.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Listen to this and the drama's news, Max Garland, Lily,
must you mention that name me with an empty stomach? Oh?
Speaker 6 (03:35):
Please listen.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
Max Garland today announced that his forthcoming production of Romeo
and Juliet, starring Katherine Cornell and Lawrence Olivier, has been
temporarily postponed.
Speaker 7 (03:44):
Max gard putting out Romeo and Juliet with that juvenile
Vodevideon Lawrence Olivier, Oh Shakespeare, what crimes are committed in
the name now?
Speaker 6 (03:55):
Edwin? Just because Larry Olivier did Hamlet for.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
The movies, Hamlet for the movie, It's like playing Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata on a kazoo.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Let me read on macdof mister Olivia.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
I cannot leave England due to previous commitments.
Speaker 7 (04:12):
Have previous commitments. He's obviously in jail for impersonating an actor.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
This is rich.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Then it goes on. Read it nothing important.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Re read it. This is all very abusing. Go on.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
Theater goers of yesteryear will remember mister Garland's great Shakespearean revival,
starring the old time favorite Edwin the magnificent Montague.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
The old time favorite.
Speaker 7 (04:38):
But am I a horse car? A bicycle built for two?
Is about an old time favorite at the age of
forty three.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Forty three, forty three, and the subject is closed.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Read on pancakes younger than Springtime.
Speaker 7 (05:00):
Ah Lily, and our Thanksgiving dinnering. When you brought that
huge stuffed bird to the table for one glorious ecstatic moment,
I thought it was Agnes.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
He's set it down.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Edwhen there's more in the article about the fifteen years
you and Max were associated.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
Fifteen years for each and every minute of those fifteen years,
there's a gray hair in my beard.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I don't want to hear any more about the theater.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
But at when you're going overboard them, it's uncle good
heart afternoon programs.
Speaker 6 (05:32):
We don't go to any.
Speaker 7 (05:33):
Play please, I have a big day at the radio.
Stools here today the boys came in with a very
touching script. It seems a canary with a broken wing
hot into Uncle.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Goodheart's little cottage.
Speaker 7 (05:46):
Everybody says kill it, Uncle Goodhart put it out of
its misery. But I cannot destroy any living thing. I
make a little splint out of match sticks, bind up
the little broken wing. Suddenly the canary's eyes opened. It
looks up at me, and then and then it bursts
(06:06):
into song.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
And the farmer took another load away.
Speaker 7 (06:20):
And I do mean corn, Lily, I will see you
about dear Agnes. Christmas present last year for her room,
we got her a chair, this Christmas cat.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
We have it electrified.
Speaker 6 (06:42):
And when I'm serious, we build our whole lives around
the theater.
Speaker 7 (06:46):
Lily left face reality. There is a new bright life
in front of it. To ten million trusting listeners. I
am not Edwin Montague, the great actor.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I am Uncle good Heart.
Speaker 7 (06:57):
And you me, yes, you are not Lily the actress.
You and Uncle Goodheart's way, Aunt.
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Good Heart, Uncle and Aunt good Hud.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
The first one who mentions cousin, I guess, gets a
shot in my head.
Speaker 6 (07:17):
Willy boame a good Hud.
Speaker 7 (07:21):
That's why I'd get used to it in that Oh gad,
look at the time, I'll be late for rehearsal.
Speaker 6 (07:35):
Lily Bowaim is here to see you, mister Garland.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
Lily, send a ride in, Miss Cooper, Lily, sweetheart, Macks Lily,
how do you do what? You look wonderful? How's the
monster Edwin's fun?
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Max? You look so so healthy.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Very simple? No Montague, no ELSs Oh, Lily, I'm serious.
It was eight years ago, on a Thursday night, when
your husband and I had that final battle and we
parted after fifteen years. I remember that day walking back
to my office a broken, bitter man, and then it
hit me, no.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
More mounted you.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
It was like the finale of Blossom time. Suddenly birds
were singing, bells began ringing, and everything was sunshine and light.
Speaker 6 (08:20):
No more monted you now, Max, it was Lily. It
was a new world.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
I found out what people do at night. Do you
know what people do at night, Lily? They sleep. They
don't paste the floor all night. Wondering if Montague was
going to show up Opening Night with his own additional
dialogue for Hamlet's soliloquy They sleep, O Come. I found
(08:46):
out that a man does not live on Bromo seltzer alone.
For fifteen years, I was on a liquid diet, nothing
but Bromo seltzer. Do you know I haven't had one
Bromo celsus since that eight years ago. No more, Montague.
It's a gateway for life.
Speaker 6 (09:06):
So Max, I believe you here.
Speaker 5 (09:07):
You are happy, even though you can't put on your
Romeo and Juliet because Larry Olivier can't make it.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
So what Max?
Speaker 5 (09:15):
If I asked you for a favor, something that's very important.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
To me, Lily, anything you want, you just ask for
ordn It's yours.
Speaker 6 (09:22):
All right, Max? Here it is. I want you to
give Edwin the part of Romeo.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Miss Cooper. Yes, you send down for some Bromo celsuplease
Montague again, Lily does have mercy.
Speaker 6 (09:39):
Max. You have to do this for me.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
I can't do it, Lily, I can't Max. Wait, Max,
what time is it about? Three twenty five?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (09:46):
Good? May I turn on this radio?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Sure?
Speaker 6 (09:48):
Why I just sit back, Max, listen to this?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Oh uncle good heart, you fix the little Dickey bird's
wim and.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
We wanted you to destroy the canary. Oh how could
we you have been so cruel, so blind?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Look at this little canary. Remember this canary as you
go through life.
Speaker 6 (10:08):
Oh, welcome good Heart. Look the canaries opened his eyes.
He's stirring.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Golly, s this is the crisis. It's opening its mouth.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
It seems it sings, Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
My children, it sings. Remember this.
Speaker 7 (10:25):
You Melissa, worrying because your father's business went bankrupt and
your home burned out. You, Ronald fretting because Melissa's father
has peeved at you for stealing all his cash out
of his business in order to raise bail for your mother.
Think how small and insignificant these things are. Think how
small and insignificant these things are.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Alongside of this.
Speaker 7 (10:48):
Little bird with a broken wings, it sings, just as
you must sing as you walk out into the sunshine.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And you have been.
Speaker 8 (11:09):
Listening to another episode of Uncle good Heart, brought to
you by Shalimar Soap.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And now before we.
Speaker 8 (11:16):
Leave you until tomorrow, here is Uncle good Heart and
his thought for the day.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
When you see a friend in trouble in the cold,
without a coat, facing snow and sleet and blizzard, won't
you drop a little note?
Speaker 6 (11:37):
What's this all about? Max? That was Edwin Montague?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
Yes, miss Cooper, like that A double bram Off Well, next, Holy,
I can't believe Edone Montague, uncle good heart, Max harbabiv
It all is that he likes it, He likes it all. No,
this is the man who corrected the English and Shakespeare
before he'd lower himself to read the lines.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
Max's whole life is wrapped up in this, Uncle good heart.
I've got to get him back into the theater before
it's too late. You have to let him play Romeo.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
But Lily, I hesitated with Laurence Olivier because I thought
he was a little old.
Speaker 6 (12:19):
Now Montague is Romeo.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
Oh, Lily, this is I'm putting the song of my
own money. Give me a fighting chance. Max, I'm handing
you a smash hit. Are you blind?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
All I can see is Montague tottering up that ladder
to Julius Falcony.
Speaker 6 (12:35):
That'll take a whole act in itself.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Lily, I can't Max.
Speaker 6 (12:40):
Here is your head the one Shakespearean play. Edwin Montague
has never done.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Romeo and Juliet, his farewell Shakespearean.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Appearance, ver well appearance that always drags him in. Romeo
and Juliet strong play team with Catherine Cornell had never
hurts the clinic to direct. You know it's starting to
sound but Edwin Montague is Romeo.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
No, Max, you'll be wonderful. You always said he had
the magic. Once he's on that stage, he'll be eighteen again.
All Max for me, for yourself, for the theater.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Well Max, okay, Lily, you got me.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
He's rolling.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Oh Max, please back with Montague. That means I'll have
to dig up his old makeup man, the one I hate,
and the valet, the one who steals. And I have
to break this to Catherine Cornell.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Oh hello there, hello there.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
What was that nothing? I was just welcoming back my ulcer.
Montague is Romeo, Lily. Will he do it for me?
Speaker 5 (13:53):
Oh, don't worry, Max, I know my husband. There's only
one sure way to get Montague to take a part.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Tell him me, I tell you, Agnes.
Speaker 7 (14:13):
I don't like to talk about radio and uncle good heart,
but when I put that little splint on, the career
is broken.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Wing.
Speaker 7 (14:20):
Well I can tell you is that when I looked
in the control room, the engineers were just as they were,
tears streaming down their faces. It's silly, but I myself
choked up.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Here's your tea. I better dump the tea bag for you.
You're shattered, I.
Speaker 7 (14:39):
Tell you, Agnes, the impact of that little dicky bird
broken in body suddenly bursting us on.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Did you hear Uncle good Heart today?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
No, I heard it yesterday without getting sick. I didn't
want to press my luck.
Speaker 7 (14:54):
Well, what can you expect from a just playing bill listener, Agnes,
you have all the charm and standing of a bucket
of chicken feet.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Thank you, dear Uncle Goodhart.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
The first time in my life I feel that I'm
close to humanity, close.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
To the people. Oh, it's wonderful.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
You've never been in a subway at six o'clock.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
This, my dear, It is.
Speaker 7 (15:17):
Only this insane loyalty my wife has for you that
stands between you being in our home and back setting
up pins and a bowling alley.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Hello Edwin, Hello Edwin, Hi, honey, ah.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Tea be down.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
I was just about to pour some for your husband
over his head, Oh, ed when.
Speaker 7 (15:37):
Magnus refreshing personally, I'll take a cup of hot Lord's
coming right up.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
No, no, oh, Edwin, I'm proud of you. I heard
Uncle good Heart today.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
You did, Lili, Really.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
It was simply magnificent.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
The Canary eh, oh it it only.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Made me cry.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
That's all that ending.
Speaker 6 (16:01):
When it burst into song, It's.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Sound dramatic wall offer.
Speaker 7 (16:05):
I'll tell you, Lily, these new writers on the program,
how they do it, I don't know beyond you know, Lila,
when you think it took Eugene O'Neil four years to
write Stranger the Little if those boys come up day
after day with this wonderful stuff starts out of thinking,
a heap of thinking.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I'll just mosey into the kitchen. I got a heap
of cook under the door.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
He har Lily, remember ten years ago when Agnes had
pneumonia and you nursed her through it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I'll never forgive you for it.
Speaker 5 (16:39):
Edwin, I was wrong about wanting you to take an
interest in the theater again.
Speaker 6 (16:43):
That life is over for you. You are the perfect uncle, goodheart.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Even Max said so Max Max Garland, Yes, I went
to his office.
Speaker 6 (16:52):
We heard the program together.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
What did Max the morons think of it?
Speaker 6 (16:58):
Loved it, loved it? Crazy about well.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
One thing I always didn't say about Max was occasionally
he had flashes of extremely good taste.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
By the way, did Max get another Romeo?
Speaker 5 (17:08):
No, but he's not worried plenty of top flight Shakespearean
actors still around. Max seems kind of sold on Burgess Meredith.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Oh, a boy from Hollywood. You'll insist on a song
at least two dance numbers.
Speaker 6 (17:24):
Of course, there's always Maurice Evans.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
No, and who else?
Speaker 5 (17:33):
Well, naturally, your name, Edwin Monkue came up, But Max
and I laughed, you did.
Speaker 6 (17:39):
We mentioned Duane Denton.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Stock actor, Lili, what do you mean you laugh Edwin?
Speaker 6 (17:46):
You is Romeo? It's ridiculous. You've never played it. You
don't know the rule.
Speaker 5 (17:50):
Oh yes, Max even talked of getting Austin Wells too.
Speaker 7 (17:54):
Fat, Lily, I don't know Roumio.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I don't know Romeo.
Speaker 6 (18:02):
It's silly to discuss.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I don't know Romeo. But soft what lights through yonder window.
Speaker 6 (18:08):
Streaks, yonder window breaks.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yonder window breaks.
Speaker 7 (18:13):
It is the west East. It is the east, and
junior to the star Sun. The sun arise hair Sun,
and kill the jealous moon, the envious moon, the envious moon,
who is already thick and weak with.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Grief, pale with grief, pale with grief.
Speaker 7 (18:36):
Let you her maid. Let now her maid is palm off.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Pale than she are. It is my lady. Oh it
is my loud h and I don't know Romeo. What's
the matter.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
I'm being foolish, Edwin, Edwin, it was so beautiful, the
depth and tenderness.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
He seems surprised. What did you expect, Bray.
Speaker 5 (19:09):
Well, it's just that it's been so long since I
heard anything like that. I guess I just forgot what
a truly great actor you are.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Is the he's a great actor. You ain't doing so
bad yourself, Edwin.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
When you recited those lines, just I suddenly saw you
bathed in an amber spotlight. I got that wonderful chill
I used to get watching you from the wings doing
Buddhists in Julius Caesar's.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Prim lend me your ear.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
You are Hamlet, the soul, the soul, The soul's the thing.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
Oh why torture myself with these foolish hopes that Edwin
Montague will ever present to the theater the one Shakespearean.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Play he's never done. Romeo and Juliet, Edwin Montague and
Roll and Juliet.
Speaker 5 (20:00):
They maybe no, No, Edmund, you have your uncle, good heart.
It's better as Max puts it.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And how does Max put it? Well?
Speaker 5 (20:11):
He said, the magnificent Monkeue is like a great thoroughbred.
Speaker 6 (20:15):
He's run his race.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I've run my race.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
And now, with his glorious victories behind him, he's earned
his right to be put out in the pasture of
radio to Gray's.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Put out to Gray. And that's stupid, insignificant, wretched little man.
Speaker 7 (20:35):
So he thinks I'm through it is I can't play Romeo, Edwin,
give him a Romeo.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I'll give me Romeo.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
There will send Evans, Olivia, Gilger and the rest of
those frauds scurrying back to the little dramatic school.
Speaker 6 (20:49):
You can't what about your uncle good heart.
Speaker 7 (20:51):
Programs that illiterate, drooling Poppycock. I'll tooss it off in
the afternoon, but at night, at night, Lily kit Connell
and I will give it a Romeo and Juliet.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
It'll make this theater ring with glory once again.
Speaker 6 (21:04):
So ed and I can't wait for that curtain.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
What a performance it'll be wanted, Agnes, Honey, there's only.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
One performance I don't want to miss, the magnificent Montague
trying to get into the Tisie War eight years ago.
Speaker 6 (21:28):
Agnes, get the door that's met.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Okay, Honey, Max Agnes. So it's you and Montague again.
You're joining our happy little family. That's right, Agnes, come in,
Welcome the Devil's Island.
Speaker 6 (21:43):
Hello, Max, is everything okay?
Speaker 4 (21:45):
I guess so? I just came from Catherine Cornell's place.
I sprung the news that her new Romeo is going
to be Edwin Montague.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
She was thrilled.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
Yes, after the first shock war off.
Speaker 6 (21:56):
Where is he? He's in his dead waiting to make
an entrance.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Agnes, when you call him, okay, I'll not on stage,
mister Montague.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
As you have, Max coland O. Well, I can't believe
my eyes. Max, my dear dear friend.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
What a surprise, not that for only two hours rehearsal.
Speaker 7 (22:20):
You remember, Agnes, Max, our little forty year old juvenile delinquent.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Two of you still out of her. This is like
old times.
Speaker 7 (22:29):
No, Max is not going to be like old times.
All those arguments we had.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
For what mac, for what he said when we live
and learn?
Speaker 7 (22:37):
Yes, we had fifteen wonderful, exciting years together. Yeah, alday,
Why Jessica Dragonette, Yes, Max? Why should the memories of
those years be marred by one one flop king Lear?
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Sure?
Speaker 4 (22:56):
After all those hits what's one flop this time?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Max? You're the ball, you make the decisions.
Speaker 7 (23:01):
Thank you, Edwin.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Max fremn on. I'm just the lamb, you're the shepherd.
Just lead me. Where do we open New Heaven? That
is definitely out.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Here's a Bromo Max Edwin.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Max want no more college towns.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I'm an artist.
Speaker 7 (23:21):
I refuse to be treated as merely an intormation between
football games.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
All right, All right, edwhen we'll open in Philly? Now
about the billing. I spoke to Catherine.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Cornell and Billy I name him lights again.
Speaker 7 (23:32):
How it was Edwin Montague in Hamlet with Lillibo, Edwin
Montague and Judius Caesar with Lillibo.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Now it's all changed.
Speaker 7 (23:42):
It's going to be Edwin Montague and Romeo and Juliet
with Catherine Cornell.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
Max, Max, what's the matter?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Let me pounds you on the back, old man.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
Don't touch me.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
But Max, Edwin Montague and Romeo and Juliet with Catherine Cornell?
Speaker 6 (23:56):
Are you crazy?
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Catherine Cornell getting second billing would be reasonab reason.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Line of star. In my entire career, my name is
always stood out alone.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Mostly on unemployment insurance check.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
And this when the script calls for animal noises.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
We'll let you know, Montague, Catherine Cornell is going to
give you equal billing. It's the most gracious gesture you
could ask for, Edwin.
Speaker 6 (24:20):
She's a great star.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
What am I? Hoot? Gibson look, Edwin.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
We'll settle all this at the first rehearsal.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
First rehearsal.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Okay, when is this first rehearsal? Why you want to
notify the governor so it can declare martial laws.
Speaker 7 (24:37):
By some fantastic miracle, the American theater has managed to
survive so far without your advice.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
When the subject of.
Speaker 7 (24:44):
Our conversation turns to the keyping of a chicken, we
will solicit your opinion.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
You're sweet, Edwin.
Speaker 6 (24:55):
This is a big chance.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Romeo and Juliet and with Catherine Cornell. She told me
how she admires you.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
In fact, she wondered why the handsome, dashing Montague had
never done Romeo.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
She did.
Speaker 6 (25:07):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
In fact, her exact words were, he will be the
perfect Romeo for me. All he has to do is
to shave off that beard.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Excuse me, I have a kumquat in the oven.
Speaker 7 (25:26):
So Catherine Cornell wants me to shave off my beard now.
But those are the traditions of the American stage being
so little. To Catherine Cornell, there will be one word
she is willing to cut off, one of the few remaining.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Landmarks of the the other.
Speaker 7 (25:44):
Edwin's silence to become justed on a blank face in
this world of blank faces.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Nella nellah, Oh.
Speaker 5 (25:52):
That ends, And I tried Lily, wait next, Edwin, No mean,
don'tcle good Heart for the rest of your life.
Speaker 7 (25:58):
Mending a canary is broken, Lily, for heaven's sake.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
Next week it may be an air deal with a slipper,
and it's poor.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Your feet, Edwin.
Speaker 5 (26:07):
Is it going to be Uncle good Heart? Or this
from Romeo and Juliet? Oh Romeo Romeo?
Speaker 6 (26:13):
Wherefore art thou Romeo? Say it? Edwin?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Say it? Shall I hear him all? Or shall I
speak at this?
Speaker 6 (26:21):
This is what's thy name?
Speaker 4 (26:22):
That is my enemy?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
What's month of you? It is no hand nor f heat, no.
Speaker 7 (26:27):
Arm, nor face, nor beard, nor beard.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
No beard.
Speaker 6 (26:35):
Well that's what it says in the play.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
It don't Shakespeare said that, yes.
Speaker 6 (26:39):
Well, Edwin?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Not beard?
Speaker 6 (26:42):
Is it coming off?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Edwin?
Speaker 7 (26:45):
Yes, that's the way Shakespeare wanted it. So shall it
be Edwin.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
I'll call Catherine tell her.
Speaker 7 (26:51):
Please now, if you'd excuse me, I'd like to be
left alone alone to spend these last few remaining hours
with it.
Speaker 6 (27:03):
Edwin, We understand, thank you, and let.
Speaker 7 (27:07):
No man say he ever sacrificed more for his af.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Is the Magnificent Beard coming off of the Magnificent Montague.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Join us again next party at.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
The same time and find out what happens to the
Magnificent Montague. Starring Marty Woolley, directed by Nap Hiking and
written by Nap Hiking and Billy Friedberg and Seymour was
Lilli bowem kerk Calton was Agnes. Included in tonight's cast
were Anita Anton, Bob Hastings, John Griggs, and Bob Sweeney,
Jack Ward at the organ, your announcer Don Pardo three
(27:59):
times in Good Times on NBC, There's Fun and laughs next,
when Ed Gardner stars as Archie, the manager in Duffy's Tavern.
Duffy won't be there as usual, but Archie and his
remarkable friends are all on hand to provide customers with
their own whimsical brand of humor. There's no cover charge
at Duffy's Tavern. Just leave your dial right here on
NBC and for top listening. This Sunday, NBC brings you
(28:20):
another broadcast of the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
Now join the gang at Duffy's Tavern on NBC
The Lation.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
No Broadcasting Company presents The Magnificent Montague, starring Marty Woy.
This is an age that shall be marked by the
achievements of women Madame Curie, Florence Nightingale, Carrie Nation. But
all their accomplishments are overshadowed by the single triumph of
(00:33):
Lily Bowain. She talked to her husband, Edwin Montague, the
Magnificent Montague of the Shakespearean Theater.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
It are going on radio.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
As Uncle Goodheart here of an afternoon program. This not
only broke his heart but his eight year record of unemployment.
But today Lily is beginning to wonder if.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
It was such a good idea. After all, it.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Is the morning in the Montague apartment. Agnes, the maid
is about to answer the door.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Okay, okay, yeah, another crank for Uncle good Heart.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Oh brother, okay, walton in sign here?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Okay, some more trash from the grateful listeners. But joint
starting to look like a pawn shop, Agnes, would you please,
what in Heaven's name is that there's a letter? Come
with it from uh lullaputt ohio?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
What's it? Dear Uncle good Hud and crows? Please find
a six foot replica of our city hall at Lilliput, Ohio.
It was built with two thousand cakes of your sponsor's soap, A.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Little something for uncle to play with his bathtub.
Speaker 6 (01:49):
Agnes, we've got to get rid of this.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Here comes uncle Hambone.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Now small, I.
Speaker 7 (02:00):
Feel quite gad. What is that monstrosity?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Agnes?
Speaker 7 (02:06):
Have you been on another quiz program?
Speaker 6 (02:13):
Edwin, Sit down at the table, your breakfast is here.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Where's this letter?
Speaker 6 (02:16):
Well, it came with the monstrosity.
Speaker 7 (02:18):
Dear uncle, good heart, and close the ripica.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
So that's what it is.
Speaker 6 (02:24):
It was built, Agnes, call up and have them take
it away.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Wait, listen to this. It's rather touching.
Speaker 7 (02:30):
Every family in Lilliput donate his their year's supply of
shallom O soap in order to make this muddel possible.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Really, the the least we can do is to keep
it in the living room for a while.
Speaker 7 (02:42):
Now, Edwy, imagine they gave up their year's supply of
soap for me.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You know, I'd like to visit the Liput sometime.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Better wait till next year when they get some more soap.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Nonsense. I'll bet it's a pretzontle place.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
When the wind's right, my dear.
Speaker 7 (03:02):
Agnes, you could easily be replaced by a cocker spaniel.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
Edwin your breakfast. Now you have to go to your broadcast, Agnes.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Okay, I'll bring in the grub.
Speaker 7 (03:14):
The grub, really, Lily, don't you think it? After twenty
five years with us, this might have discovered that this is.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
A home and not a lumber camp.
Speaker 6 (03:25):
Here do you want the newspaper.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Just the radio section.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Listen to this and the drama's news, Max Garland, Lily,
must you mention that name me with an empty stomach? Oh?
Speaker 6 (03:35):
Please listen.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
Max Garland today announced that his forthcoming production of Romeo
and Juliet, starring Katherine Cornell and Lawrence Olivier, has been
temporarily postponed.
Speaker 7 (03:44):
Max gard putting out Romeo and Juliet with that juvenile
Vodevideon Lawrence Olivier, Oh Shakespeare, what crimes are committed in
the name now?
Speaker 6 (03:55):
Edwin? Just because Larry Olivier did Hamlet for.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
The movies, Hamlet for the movie, It's like playing Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata on a kazoo.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Let me read on macdof mister Olivia.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
I cannot leave England due to previous commitments.
Speaker 7 (04:12):
Have previous commitments. He's obviously in jail for impersonating an actor.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
This is rich.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Then it goes on. Read it nothing important.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Re read it. This is all very abusing. Go on.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
Theater goers of yesteryear will remember mister Garland's great Shakespearean revival,
starring the old time favorite Edwin the magnificent Montague.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
The old time favorite.
Speaker 7 (04:38):
But am I a horse car? A bicycle built for two?
Is about an old time favorite at the age of
forty three.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Forty three, forty three, and the subject is closed.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Read on pancakes younger than Springtime.
Speaker 7 (05:00):
Ah Lily, and our Thanksgiving dinnering. When you brought that
huge stuffed bird to the table for one glorious ecstatic moment,
I thought it was Agnes.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
He's set it down.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Edwhen there's more in the article about the fifteen years
you and Max were associated.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
Fifteen years for each and every minute of those fifteen years,
there's a gray hair in my beard.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I don't want to hear any more about the theater.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
But at when you're going overboard them, it's uncle good
heart afternoon programs.
Speaker 6 (05:32):
We don't go to any.
Speaker 7 (05:33):
Play please, I have a big day at the radio.
Stools here today the boys came in with a very
touching script. It seems a canary with a broken wing
hot into Uncle.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Goodheart's little cottage.
Speaker 7 (05:46):
Everybody says kill it, Uncle Goodhart put it out of
its misery. But I cannot destroy any living thing. I
make a little splint out of match sticks, bind up
the little broken wing. Suddenly the canary's eyes opened. It
looks up at me, and then and then it bursts
(06:06):
into song.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
And the farmer took another load away.
Speaker 7 (06:20):
And I do mean corn, Lily, I will see you
about dear Agnes. Christmas present last year for her room,
we got her a chair, this Christmas cat.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
We have it electrified.
Speaker 6 (06:42):
And when I'm serious, we build our whole lives around
the theater.
Speaker 7 (06:46):
Lily left face reality. There is a new bright life
in front of it. To ten million trusting listeners. I
am not Edwin Montague, the great actor.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I am Uncle good Heart.
Speaker 7 (06:57):
And you me, yes, you are not Lily the actress.
You and Uncle Goodheart's way, Aunt.
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Good Heart, Uncle and Aunt good Hud.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
The first one who mentions cousin, I guess, gets a
shot in my head.
Speaker 6 (07:17):
Willy boame a good Hud.
Speaker 7 (07:21):
That's why I'd get used to it in that Oh gad,
look at the time, I'll be late for rehearsal.
Speaker 6 (07:35):
Lily Bowaim is here to see you, mister Garland.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
Lily, send a ride in, Miss Cooper, Lily, sweetheart, Macks Lily,
how do you do what? You look wonderful? How's the
monster Edwin's fun?
Speaker 6 (07:49):
Max? You look so so healthy.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Very simple? No Montague, no ELSs Oh, Lily, I'm serious.
It was eight years ago, on a Thursday night, when
your husband and I had that final battle and we
parted after fifteen years. I remember that day walking back
to my office a broken, bitter man, and then it
hit me, no.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
More mounted you.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
It was like the finale of Blossom time. Suddenly birds
were singing, bells began ringing, and everything was sunshine and light.
Speaker 6 (08:20):
No more monted you now, Max, it was Lily. It
was a new world.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
I found out what people do at night. Do you
know what people do at night, Lily? They sleep. They
don't paste the floor all night. Wondering if Montague was
going to show up Opening Night with his own additional
dialogue for Hamlet's soliloquy They sleep, O Come. I found
(08:46):
out that a man does not live on Bromo seltzer alone.
For fifteen years, I was on a liquid diet, nothing
but Bromo seltzer. Do you know I haven't had one
Bromo celsus since that eight years ago. No more, Montague.
It's a gateway for life.
Speaker 6 (09:06):
So Max, I believe you here.
Speaker 5 (09:07):
You are happy, even though you can't put on your
Romeo and Juliet because Larry Olivier can't make it.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
So what Max?
Speaker 5 (09:15):
If I asked you for a favor, something that's very important.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
To me, Lily, anything you want, you just ask for
ordn It's yours.
Speaker 6 (09:22):
All right, Max? Here it is. I want you to
give Edwin the part of Romeo.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Miss Cooper. Yes, you send down for some Bromo celsuplease
Montague again, Lily does have mercy.
Speaker 6 (09:39):
Max. You have to do this for me.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
I can't do it, Lily, I can't Max. Wait, Max,
what time is it about? Three twenty five?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (09:46):
Good? May I turn on this radio?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Sure?
Speaker 6 (09:48):
Why I just sit back, Max, listen to this?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Oh uncle good heart, you fix the little Dickey bird's
wim and.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
We wanted you to destroy the canary. Oh how could
we you have been so cruel, so blind?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Look at this little canary. Remember this canary as you
go through life.
Speaker 6 (10:08):
Oh, welcome good Heart. Look the canaries opened his eyes.
He's stirring.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Golly, s this is the crisis. It's opening its mouth.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
It seems it sings, Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
My children, it sings. Remember this.
Speaker 7 (10:25):
You Melissa, worrying because your father's business went bankrupt and
your home burned out. You, Ronald fretting because Melissa's father
has peeved at you for stealing all his cash out
of his business in order to raise bail for your mother.
Think how small and insignificant these things are. Think how
small and insignificant these things are.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Alongside of this.
Speaker 7 (10:48):
Little bird with a broken wings, it sings, just as
you must sing as you walk out into the sunshine.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And you have been.
Speaker 8 (11:09):
Listening to another episode of Uncle good Heart, brought to
you by Shalimar Soap.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And now before we.
Speaker 8 (11:16):
Leave you until tomorrow, here is Uncle good Heart and
his thought for the day.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
When you see a friend in trouble in the cold,
without a coat, facing snow and sleet and blizzard, won't
you drop a little note?
Speaker 6 (11:37):
What's this all about? Max? That was Edwin Montague?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
Yes, miss Cooper, like that A double bram Off Well, next, Holy,
I can't believe Edone Montague, uncle good heart, Max harbabiv
It all is that he likes it, He likes it all. No,
this is the man who corrected the English and Shakespeare
before he'd lower himself to read the lines.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
Max's whole life is wrapped up in this, Uncle good heart.
I've got to get him back into the theater before
it's too late. You have to let him play Romeo.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
But Lily, I hesitated with Laurence Olivier because I thought
he was a little old.
Speaker 6 (12:19):
Now Montague is Romeo.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
Oh, Lily, this is I'm putting the song of my
own money. Give me a fighting chance. Max, I'm handing
you a smash hit. Are you blind?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
All I can see is Montague tottering up that ladder
to Julius Falcony.
Speaker 6 (12:35):
That'll take a whole act in itself.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Lily, I can't Max.
Speaker 6 (12:40):
Here is your head the one Shakespearean play. Edwin Montague
has never done.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Romeo and Juliet, his farewell Shakespearean.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Appearance, ver well appearance that always drags him in. Romeo
and Juliet strong play team with Catherine Cornell had never
hurts the clinic to direct. You know it's starting to
sound but Edwin Montague is Romeo.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
No, Max, you'll be wonderful. You always said he had
the magic. Once he's on that stage, he'll be eighteen again.
All Max for me, for yourself, for the theater.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Well Max, okay, Lily, you got me.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
He's rolling.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Oh Max, please back with Montague. That means I'll have
to dig up his old makeup man, the one I hate,
and the valet, the one who steals. And I have
to break this to Catherine Cornell.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Oh hello there, hello there.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
What was that nothing? I was just welcoming back my ulcer.
Montague is Romeo, Lily. Will he do it for me?
Speaker 5 (13:53):
Oh, don't worry, Max, I know my husband. There's only
one sure way to get Montague to take a part.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Tell him me, I tell you, Agnes.
Speaker 7 (14:13):
I don't like to talk about radio and uncle good heart,
but when I put that little splint on, the career
is broken.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Wing.
Speaker 7 (14:20):
Well I can tell you is that when I looked
in the control room, the engineers were just as they were,
tears streaming down their faces. It's silly, but I myself
choked up.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Here's your tea. I better dump the tea bag for you.
You're shattered, I.
Speaker 7 (14:39):
Tell you, Agnes, the impact of that little dicky bird
broken in body suddenly bursting us on.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Did you hear Uncle good Heart today?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
No, I heard it yesterday without getting sick. I didn't
want to press my luck.
Speaker 7 (14:54):
Well, what can you expect from a just playing bill listener, Agnes,
you have all the charm and standing of a bucket
of chicken feet.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Thank you, dear Uncle Goodhart.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
The first time in my life I feel that I'm
close to humanity, close.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
To the people. Oh, it's wonderful.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
You've never been in a subway at six o'clock.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
This, my dear, It is.
Speaker 7 (15:17):
Only this insane loyalty my wife has for you that
stands between you being in our home and back setting
up pins and a bowling alley.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Hello Edwin, Hello Edwin, Hi, honey, ah.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Tea be down.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
I was just about to pour some for your husband
over his head, Oh, ed when.
Speaker 7 (15:37):
Magnus refreshing personally, I'll take a cup of hot Lord's
coming right up.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
No, no, oh, Edwin, I'm proud of you. I heard
Uncle good Heart today.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
You did, Lili, Really.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
It was simply magnificent.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
The Canary eh, oh it it only.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Made me cry.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
That's all that ending.
Speaker 6 (16:01):
When it burst into song, It's.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Sound dramatic wall offer.
Speaker 7 (16:05):
I'll tell you, Lily, these new writers on the program,
how they do it, I don't know beyond you know, Lila,
when you think it took Eugene O'Neil four years to
write Stranger the Little if those boys come up day
after day with this wonderful stuff starts out of thinking,
a heap of thinking.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I'll just mosey into the kitchen. I got a heap
of cook under the door.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
He har Lily, remember ten years ago when Agnes had
pneumonia and you nursed her through it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I'll never forgive you for it.
Speaker 5 (16:39):
Edwin, I was wrong about wanting you to take an
interest in the theater again.
Speaker 6 (16:43):
That life is over for you. You are the perfect uncle, goodheart.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Even Max said so Max Max Garland, Yes, I went
to his office.
Speaker 6 (16:52):
We heard the program together.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
What did Max the morons think of it?
Speaker 6 (16:58):
Loved it, loved it? Crazy about well.
Speaker 7 (17:01):
One thing I always didn't say about Max was occasionally
he had flashes of extremely good taste.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
By the way, did Max get another Romeo?
Speaker 5 (17:08):
No, but he's not worried plenty of top flight Shakespearean
actors still around. Max seems kind of sold on Burgess Meredith.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Oh, a boy from Hollywood. You'll insist on a song
at least two dance numbers.
Speaker 6 (17:24):
Of course, there's always Maurice Evans.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
No, and who else?
Speaker 5 (17:33):
Well, naturally, your name, Edwin Monkue came up, But Max
and I laughed, you did.
Speaker 6 (17:39):
We mentioned Duane Denton.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Stock actor, Lili, what do you mean you laugh Edwin?
Speaker 6 (17:46):
You is Romeo? It's ridiculous. You've never played it. You
don't know the rule.
Speaker 5 (17:50):
Oh yes, Max even talked of getting Austin Wells too.
Speaker 7 (17:54):
Fat, Lily, I don't know Roumio.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I don't know Romeo.
Speaker 6 (18:02):
It's silly to discuss.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I don't know Romeo. But soft what lights through yonder window.
Speaker 6 (18:08):
Streaks, yonder window breaks.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yonder window breaks.
Speaker 7 (18:13):
It is the west East. It is the east, and
junior to the star Sun. The sun arise hair Sun,
and kill the jealous moon, the envious moon, the envious moon,
who is already thick and weak with.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Grief, pale with grief, pale with grief.
Speaker 7 (18:36):
Let you her maid. Let now her maid is palm off.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Pale than she are. It is my lady. Oh it
is my loud h and I don't know Romeo. What's
the matter.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
I'm being foolish, Edwin, Edwin, it was so beautiful, the
depth and tenderness.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
He seems surprised. What did you expect, Bray.
Speaker 5 (19:09):
Well, it's just that it's been so long since I
heard anything like that. I guess I just forgot what
a truly great actor you are.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Is the he's a great actor. You ain't doing so
bad yourself, Edwin.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
When you recited those lines, just I suddenly saw you
bathed in an amber spotlight. I got that wonderful chill
I used to get watching you from the wings doing
Buddhists in Julius Caesar's.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Prim lend me your ear.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
You are Hamlet, the soul, the soul, The soul's the thing.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
Oh why torture myself with these foolish hopes that Edwin
Montague will ever present to the theater the one Shakespearean.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Play he's never done. Romeo and Juliet, Edwin Montague and
Roll and Juliet.
Speaker 5 (20:00):
They maybe no, No, Edmund, you have your uncle, good heart.
It's better as Max puts it.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And how does Max put it? Well?
Speaker 5 (20:11):
He said, the magnificent Monkeue is like a great thoroughbred.
Speaker 6 (20:15):
He's run his race.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I've run my race.
Speaker 5 (20:21):
And now, with his glorious victories behind him, he's earned
his right to be put out in the pasture of
radio to Gray's.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Put out to Gray. And that's stupid, insignificant, wretched little man.
Speaker 7 (20:35):
So he thinks I'm through it is I can't play Romeo, Edwin,
give him a Romeo.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I'll give me Romeo.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
There will send Evans, Olivia, Gilger and the rest of
those frauds scurrying back to the little dramatic school.
Speaker 6 (20:49):
You can't what about your uncle good heart.
Speaker 7 (20:51):
Programs that illiterate, drooling Poppycock. I'll tooss it off in
the afternoon, but at night, at night, Lily kit Connell
and I will give it a Romeo and Juliet.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
It'll make this theater ring with glory once again.
Speaker 6 (21:04):
So ed and I can't wait for that curtain.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
What a performance it'll be wanted, Agnes, Honey, there's only.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
One performance I don't want to miss, the magnificent Montague
trying to get into the Tisie War eight years ago.
Speaker 6 (21:28):
Agnes, get the door that's met.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Okay, Honey, Max Agnes. So it's you and Montague again.
You're joining our happy little family. That's right, Agnes, come in,
Welcome the Devil's Island.
Speaker 6 (21:43):
Hello, Max, is everything okay?
Speaker 4 (21:45):
I guess so? I just came from Catherine Cornell's place.
I sprung the news that her new Romeo is going
to be Edwin Montague.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
She was thrilled.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
Yes, after the first shock war off.
Speaker 6 (21:56):
Where is he? He's in his dead waiting to make
an entrance.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Agnes, when you call him, okay, I'll not on stage,
mister Montague.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
As you have, Max coland O. Well, I can't believe
my eyes. Max, my dear dear friend.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
What a surprise, not that for only two hours rehearsal.
Speaker 7 (22:20):
You remember, Agnes, Max, our little forty year old juvenile delinquent.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Two of you still out of her. This is like
old times.
Speaker 7 (22:29):
No, Max is not going to be like old times.
All those arguments we had.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
For what mac, for what he said when we live
and learn?
Speaker 7 (22:37):
Yes, we had fifteen wonderful, exciting years together. Yeah, alday,
Why Jessica Dragonette, Yes, Max? Why should the memories of
those years be marred by one one flop king Lear?
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Sure?
Speaker 4 (22:56):
After all those hits what's one flop this time?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Max? You're the ball, you make the decisions.
Speaker 7 (23:01):
Thank you, Edwin.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Max fremn on. I'm just the lamb, you're the shepherd.
Just lead me. Where do we open New Heaven? That
is definitely out.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Here's a Bromo Max Edwin.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Max want no more college towns.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I'm an artist.
Speaker 7 (23:21):
I refuse to be treated as merely an intormation between
football games.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
All right, All right, edwhen we'll open in Philly? Now
about the billing. I spoke to Catherine.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Cornell and Billy I name him lights again.
Speaker 7 (23:32):
How it was Edwin Montague in Hamlet with Lillibo, Edwin
Montague and Judius Caesar with Lillibo.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Now it's all changed.
Speaker 7 (23:42):
It's going to be Edwin Montague and Romeo and Juliet
with Catherine Cornell.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
Max, Max, what's the matter?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Let me pounds you on the back, old man.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
Don't touch me.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
But Max, Edwin Montague and Romeo and Juliet with Catherine Cornell?
Speaker 6 (23:56):
Are you crazy?
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Catherine Cornell getting second billing would be reasonab reason.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Line of star. In my entire career, my name is
always stood out alone.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Mostly on unemployment insurance check.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
And this when the script calls for animal noises.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
We'll let you know, Montague, Catherine Cornell is going to
give you equal billing. It's the most gracious gesture you
could ask for, Edwin.
Speaker 6 (24:20):
She's a great star.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
What am I? Hoot? Gibson look, Edwin.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
We'll settle all this at the first rehearsal.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
First rehearsal.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Okay, when is this first rehearsal? Why you want to
notify the governor so it can declare martial laws.
Speaker 7 (24:37):
By some fantastic miracle, the American theater has managed to
survive so far without your advice.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
When the subject of.
Speaker 7 (24:44):
Our conversation turns to the keyping of a chicken, we
will solicit your opinion.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
You're sweet, Edwin.
Speaker 6 (24:55):
This is a big chance.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Romeo and Juliet and with Catherine Cornell. She told me
how she admires you.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
In fact, she wondered why the handsome, dashing Montague had
never done Romeo.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
She did.
Speaker 6 (25:07):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (25:08):
In fact, her exact words were, he will be the
perfect Romeo for me. All he has to do is
to shave off that beard.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Excuse me, I have a kumquat in the oven.
Speaker 7 (25:26):
So Catherine Cornell wants me to shave off my beard now.
But those are the traditions of the American stage being
so little. To Catherine Cornell, there will be one word
she is willing to cut off, one of the few remaining.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Landmarks of the the other.
Speaker 7 (25:44):
Edwin's silence to become justed on a blank face in
this world of blank faces.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Nella nellah, Oh.
Speaker 5 (25:52):
That ends, And I tried Lily, wait next, Edwin, No mean,
don'tcle good Heart for the rest of your life.
Speaker 7 (25:58):
Mending a canary is broken, Lily, for heaven's sake.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
Next week it may be an air deal with a slipper,
and it's poor.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Your feet, Edwin.
Speaker 5 (26:07):
Is it going to be Uncle good Heart? Or this
from Romeo and Juliet? Oh Romeo Romeo?
Speaker 6 (26:13):
Wherefore art thou Romeo? Say it? Edwin?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Say it? Shall I hear him all? Or shall I
speak at this?
Speaker 6 (26:21):
This is what's thy name?
Speaker 4 (26:22):
That is my enemy?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
What's month of you? It is no hand nor f heat, no.
Speaker 7 (26:27):
Arm, nor face, nor beard, nor beard.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
No beard.
Speaker 6 (26:35):
Well that's what it says in the play.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
It don't Shakespeare said that, yes.
Speaker 6 (26:39):
Well, Edwin?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Not beard?
Speaker 6 (26:42):
Is it coming off?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Edwin?
Speaker 7 (26:45):
Yes, that's the way Shakespeare wanted it. So shall it
be Edwin.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
I'll call Catherine tell her.
Speaker 7 (26:51):
Please now, if you'd excuse me, I'd like to be
left alone alone to spend these last few remaining hours
with it.
Speaker 6 (27:03):
Edwin, We understand, thank you, and let.
Speaker 7 (27:07):
No man say he ever sacrificed more for his af.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Is the Magnificent Beard coming off of the Magnificent Montague.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Join us again next party at.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
The same time and find out what happens to the
Magnificent Montague. Starring Marty Woolley, directed by Nap Hiking and
written by Nap Hiking and Billy Friedberg and Seymour was
Lilli bowem kerk Calton was Agnes. Included in tonight's cast
were Anita Anton, Bob Hastings, John Griggs, and Bob Sweeney,
Jack Ward at the organ, your announcer Don Pardo three
(27:59):
times in Good Times on NBC, There's Fun and laughs next,
when Ed Gardner stars as Archie, the manager in Duffy's Tavern.
Duffy won't be there as usual, but Archie and his
remarkable friends are all on hand to provide customers with
their own whimsical brand of humor. There's no cover charge
at Duffy's Tavern. Just leave your dial right here on
NBC and for top listening. This Sunday, NBC brings you
(28:20):
another broadcast of the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
Now join the gang at Duffy's Tavern on NBC
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