You’re Not Listening As Well As You Think

Scott explores the subtle mistakes nearly everyone makes when listening and explains how distraction, assumptions and emotional reactions block true understanding. He shares practical techniques to listen more deeply, stay present and build trust in your relationships. This episode is ideal for anyone wanting to improve communication at home or at work. Follow the show and explore the Emotional Intelligence Journal to support your own emotional growth.
#listening #communication #relationships #EQskills #selfawareness #mindset

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Most people believe they're good listeners, but if you ask
the people around them, you'll often hear a different story.
The truth is, listening isn't just staying quiet while someone
else talks. It's a skill. It's an emotional posture, and
surprisingly most of us overestimate how well we do it.

(00:21):
I'm Scott, and today we're talking about listening in a
way that actually strengthens your relationships, not just makes you
look polite. Real listening is one of the most underrated
emotional intelligent skills because it changes everything. When you listen properly,
people open up, they relax, they stop repeating themselves. They

(00:43):
feel valued, and in return, you feel more connected and trusted.
The first issue is that most people listen to respond,
not to understand. While the other person talks, your brain
is already forming your reply. You're thinking about your opinion,
your experience, your story that relates to theirs. You might

(01:06):
even be mentally fixing their problem before they've finished explaining it.
It's natural, but it gets in the way of true connection.
The second issue is distraction. Your phone lights up, your
mind drifts, you think about something else entirely. You nod along,
but you're not really there. People can feel when you're

(01:29):
half listening. It shows up in your questions, your tone,
your eye contact, or the slight delays in your responses.
The third issue is assumption. You think you already know
what they're going to say. You jump ahead in the story,
you fill in the gaps. You treat the conversation as
familiar instead of fresh. When you assume the meaning, you

(01:53):
stop hearing the details that matter. One of the biggest
shifts I made in my own listening was slowing down,
not dramatically, just enough to be present. I'd remind myself,
this isn't about you right now. That small mindset swich
changed the whole dynamic. It helped me ask better questions.

(02:15):
It helped me notice tone and pauses. It made people
feel safer talking to me because they felt genuinely heard.
Good listening is active. It means paying attention to what's
said and what's not said. It's staying curious instead of
rushing to solve. It's asking how did that make you feel,

(02:38):
rather than jumping straight into advice. When you do this,
conversations become deeper without feeling heavy. Another important part of
listening well is regulating your own emotions. If you feel
defensive or impatient, it blocks your ability to hear the
other person clearly. You might interrupt, you might make things personally,

(03:01):
You might misinterpret their tone. When your emotions take over,
your ears shut down. Sometimes the best thing you can
do is take a breath and steady yourself before responding.
Something that helps is reflecting back what you heard, not
repeating it word for word, but summarizing it gently so

(03:24):
you felt overlooked when that happened, or you were hoping
for more support there. This shows you're engaged and makes
the other person feel understood. Listening isn't about having the
perfect answer. It's about creating space. People don't always need solutions.
Sometimes they just need a moment where they can speak

(03:46):
without fear of judgment or interruption. That moment alone can
change the entire emotional temperature of your relationship. If you
want to practice this more intentionally, the Emotional Intelligence Journal
has prompts that help you reflect on conversations, identify where
you stopped listening, and understand what triggered you. Awareness makes

(04:10):
you a better listener because you notice your habits before
they take over. The key takeaway today is this you
become a better partner, friend, colleague, and human. When you
listen to understand, not to respond. Listening isn't passive. It's
one of the most powerful emotional skills you can develop.

(04:33):
Thanks for being here. Give someone your full attention today.
It costs nothing, but it means everything. I'll see you
in episode twenty