June 23, 2025 • 55 mins
People do all kinds of things to bring attention to mental health and suicide prevention. There are people who have ridden bicycles nude around the United Kingdom. Some take ice baths and do push-up challenges. A few years ago, the host of this very podcast filmed himself driving his 1963 Beetle, emblazoned with the Suicide/Crisis line on the rear window, up and down the East Coast.
Tim Perreira is walking across the United States to bring awareness to men's mental health and suicide prevention. He is doing it to challenge himself, to help himself understand. To help himself help others.
On day 70 of his cross-country journey from Newport Beach to Virginia Beach, Tim sat down on a rest-day in a motel room in Elkhart, Kansas to share the profound story, journey, and experience with a fellow mental health and suicide awareness advocate, RDID's host, Gabriel Nathan. These two men care so deeply about the activism in which they engage, and their sometimes diverging, sometimes aligning perspectives shine through, making this interview engaging and far-reaching.
For Tim, this path he is creating is as much a reaching out as it is a reaching in. Despite appearing successful on paper—good grades, promising tech career, living in major cities—Tim experienced what he describes as "a landslide going on internally" between 2016-2020. His motivation disappeared, his health declined, and eventually, he lost his job due to declining performance.
Tim was able to rally, making changes in his personal and professional life, but it wasn't enough. He sunk into an even deeper depression, far more recently, and he knew he had to do something. And sometimes inspiration is a slow burn, and sometimes it hits-- well-- like lightning. That's how this went for Tim.
Tim knew he'd found his path forward. Now raising $50,000 for men's mental health charities, Tim approaches each day with his mantra "this too"—embracing every experience, whether it's physical pain, gear problems, or moments of beauty, as part of life's curriculum. "Life isn't happening to you," he explains, "it's happening for you."
What makes Tim's journey so compelling isn't just the miles covered but how he's transformed conceptual understanding into embodied wisdom. By walking without distractions and processing his thoughts in real-time, he's creating a living demonstration of mental health work that resonates deeply with followers across social media platforms.
We know you will be inspired by this thought-provoking interview. Follow Tim's remarkable journey on LinkedIn and Instagram. Tim is now over 100 days into his footpath across America, but he is just getting started making a difference in the lives of others.
Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Gabe Nathan (00:01):
Hello, this is Recovery Diaries In-Depth.
I'm your host, gabe Nathan.
Thanks so much for joining us.
We're very happy to have youhere.
We are so happy to have on ourshow Tim Pereira.
He is walking across Americafor men's mental health
awareness and suicide awareness.
This is obviously an off day onhis walk for him.
(00:21):
He's currently in Kansas andhe's joining us here today to
talk about what he's doing andwhy he's doing it.
Each week we'll bring you aRecovery Diaries contributor
folks who have shared theirmental health journey with us
through essay or video format.
We want to see where they areon their mental health journey.
Since initially being publishedon our website, our goal is to
(00:42):
continue supporting our diversecommunity by having
conversations here on ourpodcast to follow up and see
what has shifted, what haschanged and what new things have
emerged.
We're so happy to have youalong for this journey.
We want to remind you to followour show for new and back
episodes at recoverydiariesorg.
There, like the podcast, you'llfind stories of mental health,
(01:05):
empowerment and change.
You can also sign up for ourmailing list there so you never
miss a new podcast episode,essay or film, and you can find
this podcast pretty muchanywhere.
You get your podcasts.
We appreciate your comments andfeedback about our show.
It helps us improve, makechanges and grow.
And, of course, make sure tolike, share and subscribe.
(01:26):
Tim Pereira, welcome toRecovery Diaries In-Depth.
It is so lovely to be here andshare this space and time with
you.
Tim Perreira (01:42):
I'm honored, I'm happy to be on.
I'm thankful that this motelI'm staying in in Elkhart,
kansas, has good enough Wi-Fi tobe able to make it happen.
You never know.
Gabe Nathan (01:56):
I'm thankful for that too.
How's the bed?
Tim Perreira (01:59):
It's always dicey.
Yeah, it's okay.
The last four of the last sevennights I've slept on the ground
camping.
So it's you know.
One small thing that I havecome to really appreciate is and
this may be slightly TMI, butyou know we're here for it is if
(02:20):
I have to go to the bathroom inthe middle of the night, it's
much easier to, especially whenI'm sore after walking all those
miles every day.
It's much easier to turn andjust get out of bed than it is
to stand up from the ground froma full squat.
It may seem very minor, butfive days of walking 25 miles,
your body gets pretty sore, andso there have been times where I
(02:43):
just refused to go to thebathroom so I could stay laying
down, even if it meant I didn'tget to go back to sleep.
Gabe Nathan (02:50):
So I would argue that there's nothing minor that
you're experiencing as you arewalking across America for men's
mental health and suicideprevention, um, that everything
from the frozen burritos or hotpockets or whatever they are
that you're eating to, you knowhow and when, and you're going
(03:13):
to the bathroom and its impacton your body, um, everything,
everything is a big deal, um, abig deal, um, and for your body,
for your mind, and so you know,let's, let's talk about it,
(03:34):
let's talk about what you'redoing and why you're doing it,
yeah, yeah, you know it's onething that comes to mind with
that, just as you're talkingabout how nothing's minor.
Tim Perreira (03:43):
You know there have been so many challenges on
this walk, which I'll talk aboutwhy I'm even out here, but the
phrase that keeps coming up forme on the walk, for any
challenge, big or small, is justthis too.
You know, this too is part ofit, not just the sexy, glamorous
pictures I take welcome toKansas, sign the big milestones
(04:10):
but also the pebbles in the shoe, the difficulty finding a place
to sleep, not wanting to get upout of the tent and go to the
bathroom because it's windy andcold, and having to find, you
know, food like frozen hotpockets Not my first choice, but
in some of these places it'sbelieve it or not, is kind of
(04:31):
the best option.
So, but this too, you know,it's all part of it.
And as much as my mind wants toresist some of that stuff and
think no, no, no, it shouldn'tbe this way, I'm reminded that
no, this actually is just asmuch as part of it as the
beautiful sunrise and the birdschirping and the elk, the herd
of elk crossing in front of meon the road, and it's been such
(04:54):
an amazing mirror to life or arepresentation of what we go
through and how the mind reactsto it.
So to your question you knowwhat I'm doing right now.
I'm walking across America,about 2,800 miles.
I started March 6th.
I will end, hopefully, at somepoint in August I'm not sure
(05:17):
We'll see and I started inSouthern California, newport
beach, and I'm going to end inVirginia Beach.
That's the plan right now.
I'm walking part for personalchallenge, in part for raising
awareness and doing fundraisingfor men's mental health and
(05:40):
suicide prevention.
So, on the fundraising part, mygoal is to raise $50,000 to be
able to donate to charity.
One of the charities I'vepartnered with early on is
Movember recently and that's thegoal with that and actually
also raised $15,000 throughGoFundMe to help fund the trip
(06:05):
to help with food lodging youknow any gear, that kind of cost
.
So that part has already beenraised and you know, for me it's
a topic that is really, youknow it's near and dear to me.
It's I'm out here because it'ssomething that I have personally
(06:27):
struggled with, you know, fromabout 2016 to 2020.
I went through, you know,everything for me looked good on
paper.
It looked great on paper.
You know, I got always got goodgrades in college, landed a
good job, was doing really well,and I was in the tech industry.
I was in sales.
I was in sales leadership.
(06:47):
I had the brand new car.
I lived in San Francisco.
I ended up moving to New YorkCity to manage a sales office.
Things were outstanding on paperand at the same time,
internally there was a bit of alandslide going on and things
were really starting to slip.
And it was the more I reachedand the more I tried to grasp on
(07:13):
to certain areas of my life,the more things just slipped.
And so from that span I foundmyself slipping deeper and
deeper into a depression,becoming things like less
motivated.
I felt like I was now just alazy person.
(07:34):
I didn't really have purposeanymore.
I felt my health start to slip.
The only day of the week I wouldlook forward to was Saturday,
because it meant I got to go outwith friends and we got to
drink for most of the day outwith friends and we got to drink
, you know, for most of the dayand um, and I found myself just
just looking for escapes really,and until ultimately I I got to
(07:54):
a point I ended up gettingfired from my job for just for
performance.
I was just not the same highperformer that I had been my
whole life through playingsports, through college.
I played sports in college,like I said, I led sales teams
and it just put me face to facewith what was really going on.
(08:16):
And what was really going onwas there were some things that
were not okay under the surface.
You know, one of the thingsthat came up is I had gotten out
of a long-term relationshipwith my college girlfriend and
we broke up a week before movingin together and I didn't allow
myself to grieve, to process it,I just kind of powered through
(08:39):
it and I didn't allow myself tofeel those things and the
sadness from that part of mylife ending and just that
relationship ending for aboutthree years.
So it just built up with timeand anyway I had heard this
quote.
Kind of my turning point washearing a really simple quote,
(08:59):
really simple idea.
That probably isn't going to bebrand new for a lot of people
listening, but it really hit meand it was was everything in
life is neutral.
Every event, every circumstance, everything we go through.
Inherently it's just neutraland all of the meaning in our
life comes from within, good orbad.
And wow, that slapped me in theface.
(09:23):
It was such an epiphany moment,moment of epiphany, and I
thought, oh my gosh, it's me andit's how I'm viewing what I'm
going through.
It's the things I'm refusing toprocess or look at, it's the
emotions I'm not letting myselffeel.
It's the stories I'm making upof who I think I need to be and
(09:46):
the things I'm doing to try andlive up to that ideal.
And when it hasn't worked out,when it hasn't happened, I then
make up a story about, maybe,why I'm bad or I'm not worthy.
So that was kind of the generaltheme.
And so I realized, oh my gosh,this is.
I need to work on me.
And so that's what set me off,or set me down, this path of
(10:10):
this inner work, this selfdiscovery, this, you know I,
maybe this mental health path,this journey.
And I started to look into what, what do I even, how would I
even change how?
I think, you know, I wasstarting to read books on
mindset.
You know mindset, excuse me,performance, you know things,
(10:35):
things like that.
And then that led me into moreof a connection with self or
calming the mind, things likemeditation.
I got into journaling and thatled me into learning about
emotional intelligence andreally building my emotional
intelligence and gainingawareness around how it's really
my emotions and feelings andtrying to get needs met that are
(10:56):
driving the actions that I'mtaking unconsciously.
And so I started exploring whatare some of these needs and
wants and desires that I have ata core core, started writing
about all this online and I hadthis response from men because I
(11:29):
was just sharing what I wentthrough.
I talked about the inner critic.
I talked about, you know,chasing money kind of on this,
this treadmill of chasing all ofthis external and material
stuff, and how it wasn'tfulfilling, it wasn't satisfying
and actually after a while itwas having more of a deleterious
effect, I would say.
And through that writing I hada lot of response from men just
(11:55):
messaging me hey, that actuallysounds a lot like what I'm going
through, and so that led me tostart a coaching business for
men.
I started doing things incohorts and communities, doing
in-person events.
I started helping friends throwretreats for this kind of stuff
and really immerse myself intothis world.
(12:16):
And then last year, as thingswere going well from a business
perspective, I actually foundmyself in a deeper second wave
of depression for about three orfour months, and last year
being 2024.
So from June to August,september, I got into a really
(12:37):
deep apathetic depression towhere all of the discipline and
habits I'd cultivated my wholelife from going to the gym, from
eating well, to now doing coldexposure, meditation, writing,
getting outside, going for walks, talking with people all this
stuff that I had worked withclients on and also developed
(13:02):
myself, completely went out thewindow and I was so apathetic I
didn't give a shit about any ofit.
Uh, I couldn't get out of bedtill nine or 10 in the morning
times.
Uh, often I would be running acoaching call, you know, midday,
and right after the coachingcall the first thing I would
reach for would be like a weedgummy, just so I could get some
(13:24):
reprieve from this feeling ofheaviness and darkness.
And that was when I firststarted experiencing suicidal
thoughts.
And so I had those every dayand it was increasing me a
different side of this journeyand struggles and what people go
(13:51):
through.
And even in the darkest ofmoments, I remember having a
shower thought and I was justbawling for a reason I couldn't
understand.
I couldn't pinpoint it right.
But I knew I just felt so heavy, so down, so terrible.
And in that moment I had thisreally interesting thought and I
(14:13):
realized, man, I can't wait toget to the other side of this
because it's going to help me somuch be able to relate to
others going through thisjourney.
And so, to just kind of wrap upthat part of the story, I ended
up going on.
I was seeking a lot of things totry and do.
(14:34):
I thought about moving to CostaRica for a month.
I thought about going on alittle bit of a pilgrimage.
I thought about maybe going toIndia.
I thought about doing a plantmedicine ceremony.
Like everything was on thetable and nothing really clicked
with me until a friend of minewas going to India.
She told me about the trip.
It really lit me up.
I ended up going on the trip,had a few life-changing moments
(14:58):
on the trip which I'm happy todive into, but this story's
already gone a little long.
And when I got back, I was backfor about four days, maybe a
little, maybe a week or so, andI heard the idea this guy was
sharing on Instagram how he hadwalked across America and how it
(15:19):
changed his life and I can'tquite explain.
I definitely don't know why ithappened, um, but when I heard
him say those words walk acrossAmerica, I felt like I had this
lightning bolt go through mybody and immediately was like
that's it, that's the thing I'mgoing to do, like that is what I
(15:39):
felt when I talked about I wassearching for something all year
.
I was like it was so clear to mein that moment I was like this
was the thing that was comingdown the pipe and I'm like what
an amazing way to use it, notonly to spread awareness and to
raise money for men's mentalhealth, but to use it as a
(16:00):
vehicle for learning and to notlisten to music, not listen to
podcasts or anything.
Be present with every singlestep and every single day.
Just cultivate, being morepresent, being more aware, being
with all of the challenges, allof the negative thoughts, all
of the, everything that comes up, and use it.
The five, six month journey asthe deepest it, the five, six
(16:28):
month journey as the deepest,you know, most rich and intense
curriculum that I've ever beenthrough in my life.
Gabe Nathan (16:30):
And so today is day 70 on this walk and we're
recording this on May 14th, justso people listening know.
Tim Perreira (16:39):
Yep, and I just crossed into Kansas yesterday,
so I'm almost halfway.
I'm probably two weeks away orso from being halfway, but that
was a bit of a ramble, butthat's kind of how I ended up
here on foot in Elkhart, kansas.
Gabe Nathan (16:56):
That's a judgmental thought, just so you know.
I don't want to just identifythat for you.
I'm not sitting here watchingthe clock, you're here to talk.
So this is literally whatyou're here for.
I asked a question and youanswered.
It was pretty simple, right,yeah?
But my, I mean you're on theshow with me because I think we
(17:18):
share a lot of the internalstuff, the self-critical voice.
I don't share any of theathletic stuff, um, the
self-critical voice, um, I don'tshare any of the athleticism
with you, but I do share some ofthe stuff that goes on up here,
um, a lot of the incessantnegativity, um the self doubt,
(17:39):
um the, the apathy that you wereexperiencing of nothing matters
, nothing I do matters, nothinganybody else does matters.
It's all shit, it's all afacade, it's all a show.
I'm bad, I mean.
That resonates hard with me, soI get it for sure, and I'm sure
(18:06):
a lot of people listening do aswell.
Um, so you weren't rambling,but you did say a lot, and so
I'm trying to make connectionsto things you were saying, cause
that's, I guess that's what agood host is supposed to do, and
if I were a really good host, Iwould have written some things
down while you were talking, butI wanted to just listen, like
you want to just walk and notlisten to music or be distracted
(18:29):
.
One of the things that you saidearlier in your answer was the
thought of this, too, and itreminded me of something that a
suicide loss survivor a womanwho lost her son.
I was on a panel with her andshe said you know how people say
(18:54):
this too shall pass.
Yes, talking about a trial or atime of struggle or an awful
period in one's life, she saidit applies to everything.
It also applies to good thingstoo.
Yeah, this too shall pass, thistime of feeling good and
(19:18):
feeling like I've got ittogether and that everyone's
healthy in my world andeverything's basically okay and
I have a job and a stable income.
Well, this too shall pass.
Um, and I thought you know youryour statement about this too.
It's just, it's anotherbeautiful reminder of that ebb
(19:39):
and flow of existence and um andI'm sure you've experienced
this so often on your walk thatyou can be feeling good, um, in
one moment, and then there's afucking pebble in the shoe, um,
or I know you had an issue withyour leg.
Um, and things are happening.
(20:00):
Things are always happening, oreven just your, just your mind.
You'll be feeling placid, butyour mind will go somewhere
negative or stressed or anxious,and it's all transient, it's
(20:21):
all ephemeral, 's all just uh,coming and going.
Tim Perreira (20:26):
Um, I don't know if you, if you want to comment
on that, or if that resonateswith you yeah, I think you know,
one of the first examples, uh,that came up during the walk was
, you know, I woke up.
I was walking through, uh, Ithink, east, the Eastern part of
(20:50):
the Navajo Nation Reservation,northeast Arizona, and I just
woke up.
I didn't sleep well the nightbefore and I just woke up
irritated.
You know, like I was justirritated, everything you know,
putting on my sock and itdoesn't go on exactly how I want
and I'm motherfucking my sockthe most silly stuff, but we all
(21:15):
do it in our own way.
And so I woke up irritated andI probably had 20, that was a
stretch.
I was doing 26 miles every dayfor seven days and you know it
was a little windy that morning.
I remember taking breaks thatday and just being pelted by
sand when I would sit down and Ijust remember feeling like, you
(21:42):
know, this isn't how it'ssupposed to go.
That was a real thought.
This, like almost like this isa mistake Today.
It's not supposed to go thisway, you know, and obviously
saying it out loud to you is,you know, we can, we can say,
well, that's not, that's, thatdoesn't make sense, that's not
how life goes.
But that is how the mind works.
Often it creates these veryslippery, slimy, subtle stories
(22:06):
that we just believe becausethey're just our thoughts.
We feel like it's true and Ibelieved it for about four hours
to start the day, and I was nothappy with the walk.
Man, I'm out here, I'm doingthis walk.
I'm supposed to be, you know,again, just the story.
I'm supposed to be just one,with everything and Zen, and you
(22:29):
know, talking mental health,and I'm like I'm fucking, I'm
pretty irritated today for noreason.
You know, I'm mad at the wind,my hat's flipping up every once
in a while and I'm just gettingmad at stuff.
And I'm just getting mad atstuff and that's when it hit me
and I thought man, can't.
(22:49):
You see, this is also part ofit.
This is just as part of it asthe good breakfast you had the
other day, or the stranger whostopped and gave you a banana
and a cranberry juice, and thisis also part of it.
(23:10):
You like, the opportunity is tobe present with this as well as
the other stuff.
You know, when I'm walking,there are a few days where I
feel good, like my feet aren'tsore, my legs feel fine.
You know, I'm not tired, I'vegot enough sleep, but most of
(23:31):
the time it's, you know, it'sjust a constant level of pain
and discomfort, physically, andbeing able to, you know, rest in
the awareness and not in thethoughts and not in the
discomfort this walk is apractice of.
Can I rest in the space of pureloving awareness and rest in
(23:54):
the space where I'm justnoticing this stuff?
Yeah, there's pain, okay, andI'm here and I'm noticing it,
you know, and not gettingwrapped up into it.
And so when I think of this too, it's.
You know, I got a flat tire theother day the first time and I
mean I was 0.3 miles into mywalk and I looked down and I
(24:14):
cause I heard something and Ihad never changed a flat tire in
my life, I had all the stuff todo it and I was like man, today
was supposed to be a short walk, get there early Now.
Gabe Nathan (24:28):
This is going to ruin the day, that's to inform
people.
This is on your support vehicle, yeah.
Tim Perreira (24:34):
I have a stroller that I push that carries my gear
.
Sometimes I have a supportvehicle, but I have a running
stroller, uh, that has mybackpack water, all that stuff.
It's about a hundred poundsfully loaded and you know, and I
have sealant in the tube.
So when I get little thorns andstuff it, it's fine.
(24:56):
But this was a thorn that wasstuck in the tire and I only
found it when I took it off andI used pliers to get it out.
But you know, it was another onewhere I was like, wait a minute
, this isn't, this isn't amistake, you know, and this is
the walk has been such arepresentation of life, of
course, and in those moments,what I, what I realized is, you
(25:20):
know, a lot, of a lot of peoplecreate this idea out of nothing
that they should be somewhere,they should have this type of
financial wealth they shouldhave.
I was talking with a client theother day and he mentioned how
he struggles because he'snoticing these stories he has
about what he should be doing,how much money he should be
making, where he should beliving, how he should have three
(25:40):
passive income revenue streams,and the fact that he's not
means he's less than, and so itjust shows.
We create these stories aboutthese expectations about how we
think life should be, and webecome resistant to how life
(26:02):
really is, life should be, andwe become resistant to how life
really is, and it takes us outof the present to just be with
it, to be with the this too, butthe but the stories don't come
from nowhere.
Gabe Nathan (26:13):
So they, they come from that.
You know that phrase.
Comparison is the thief of joy,and we see what other people
have and we go well, i'm'm, I'mx years old and they're x years
old and I'm like them in theseways.
So therefore, I should be doingwhat they're doing, yeah, and
doing it how they're doing it,and their image crafting, and I
(26:36):
see that and they look like theyhave it all.
They look like you and remembergood on paper.
Yeah, tim has this, this, this,this, this, this, this.
Therefore, he must be feelingsure, fucking great, and I feel
like shit.
Therefore, do you know what Imean?
(26:56):
So it's, we do make up thesestories, and we make up these
stories about other people basedon what we see on social media
or what other people arepresenting or what they're
telling us when they gettogether with us for an hour
social event and then they goand they're miserable or they're
terror struck that they can'tkeep up with the lifestyle that
(27:20):
they've created, and it'screating immense stress and
pressure and possibly makingthem a suicide risk.
Right, because we know thattrying to keep up a certain
lifestyle can be very fatal.
Um, so it's?
Yes, all those stories are madeup internally, but it is how we
(27:46):
see ourselves, but juxtaposedagainst how we see other people
and stories that we make upabout them, it's so unhealthy
and so dangerous.
Tim Perreira (27:56):
Yeah, it's part of the brain, or I'd refer to it
as the survival mind.
Really there's a survivalmechanism within us and you know
, for years and thousands andthousands of years it worked in
a very primal type of physicalsurvival way.
And as we evolve, as ourconsciousness expands,
(28:17):
individually and collectively,you know it has kind of turned
and shaped into psychologicalsurvival.
And so how the mind is wired isto constantly look for ways to
survive, and it just does so inthe best way it can.
And one of the methods it doesit is just as the perfect
example as you described, whichis so common, which is just
(28:39):
comparing to others.
And we see somebody elsebecause it's so arbitrary, right
, we see somebody else.
Your story could be totallydifferent depending on what
country you live in.
You know, the socioeconomicstatus of just the town you live
in, the story could be totallydifferent.
For somebody it could be man.
I see everybody around me inthis town with a brand new truck
(29:01):
, and I don't have one, I'm apiece of shit.
And then others you knowdepends on the circle you're in
go man.
I see everybody around me withthree businesses.
This guy's got a private jet.
This guy has a jet, a yacht, ahelicopter, and I'm only over
here making a million and a halfdollars.
I'm a piece of shit, right.
And so looking, stripping thatdown to its fundamental, to its
(29:23):
core, is recognizing what thebrain wants to do.
What the survival mind wants todo is believe that external
circumstance dictates ourinternal well-being, and it
doesn't.
It's how we view things, how weperceive things, our
perspective on whatever we'regoing through, our perspective
(29:45):
on life, and so one of the majorshifts has been the just
experimenting with and beingcurious to the idea that I am
not this body, right, I havegrown, I have gotten older, I've
gotten stronger, I've gottenweaker, I've had surgery, I've
(30:06):
had all these things happen tomy body.
Yet there is still a constantwithin me Ever since I was a kid
.
My earliest memory is at likethree years old.
My three-year-old birthdayparty, I think, was my first
memory.
There's still an awareness thathas been constant throughout it
all, even going through thismental health shift, as my
personality changes, as mydemeanor may change, there's
(30:26):
still a constant behind it allthat I recognize, that I
associate myself with.
So I'm not this body, I'm notthis mind.
I am the awareness that's behindit all and this idea that I've
really experimented with in thatagain, I don't know if it's
true, I don't think I'll havethe ability to know if it's true
(30:48):
, but it's something that hasfelt right to me is that, you
know, I'm just a soul.
Right Behind it all, I feellike, underneath it all, I am a
timeless, you know, boundlessbeing.
That is a soul or whatever termyou want to use, spirit.
And the idea is that I havecome here to learn certain
(31:11):
lessons and I have come herewith a certain set of
circumstances, a certain maybe,propensity of direction where my
mind likes to go, a certain setof internal dialogues or
narratives or beliefs or themesthat are recurring throughout my
life.
A certain set of woundingpsychological wounding, physical
(31:34):
wounding is certainly as welland perhaps my mission in life
and my whole purpose is to workthrough those, and each one of
those is just a differenttextbook.
It's just a part of mycurriculum as a being to grow
and evolve and learn deep,powerful lessons in this
(31:59):
lifetime.
And I have no way of provingthat in this lifetime and I have
no way of proving that, butwhen I really sit with that, you
know, and I quiet my mind and Ijust be present with that idea.
There's a part of me thatreally resonates with it and, as
hard as it is, what that doesis it shifts my perspective to
(32:19):
what I'm going through to justthink this isn't a mistake, this
isn't wrong.
You know, I'm not bad for goingthrough this.
This is just part of it, andthat is where that phrase this
too I think really it's like asubtle reminder.
It's like the guardrails on thebowling alley.
(32:41):
It's nudging me back.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Look, I'm here to learn and Iknow that when I'm faced with a
challenge and if my intent goinginto it is what can I learn
about myself?
How can I improve, how can Ichange how I relate to this
challenge?
When I can do that is when Iexperience the biggest growth,
(33:04):
when I experience the biggestshifts within me, when I have
perspective, when I feel calm,come over me, and so that is
just that's a perspective thatyou know, I've tried on just in
the last few years.
That is something that hasreally, really helped and it
shapes.
You know, it's kind of thatidea that is probably more
(33:25):
common that people have heard of.
That is, you know, life isn'thappening to you, it's happening
for you, you know, and it's thesame idea that, hey, what we're
going through, you know, isn'ta punishment.
It's here to teach us and wewill keep experiencing the same
lessons until we can learn andgrow through them.
(33:47):
And I think that's really whatthis walk does, is it provides a
vehicle for me to dive waydeeper than I've ever gone
before into these lessons andthe subtleties and the sub-less
think that it's important to saydo for you, because it is a lot
(34:28):
about what this is doing forTim.
Gabe Nathan (34:30):
It's also helping other people, but I think that
it I don't know if it's 50-50 orwhatever, but I think a lot of
this has to do with you.
And so my question is is itdoing for you what you thought
it would or what you hoped itwould?
I mean, I guess that's thequestion.
Tim Perreira (34:50):
Yeah, you know, when I mentioned that I had that
period when I was fired and Ihad the epiphany in 2020, I just
became a full-time student.
I mean, actually like afull-time student, I read
hundreds of books, I waslistening to podcasts, I was
journaling, I was meditatingLike I was doing that and then
(35:11):
trying to launch this clothingbusiness as well, which is a
different story, and so I readtons of different types of books
self-development, self-help,self-therapy, like all the books
on consciousness, easternspirituality, western psychology
, everything and I learned somuch and what this trip?
(35:35):
It's not so much that I feltlike I have been introduced to
brand new ideas or massiverevelations there have been a
couple of those, but I thinkwhat it's done more is it's
taken these ideas and the stuffthat I have read that has been
very conceptual and been veryknowledge-based up here, and
(35:57):
it's given me an avenue to startto let those trickle down and
go into what I would say is likemy full body, to embody them,
to integrate those ideas, toreally get it.
I describe it to someone andI'm like it's like if you've
never had a pineapple before.
It's like reading the mostin-depth description of a
(36:17):
pineapple, looking at all thepictures, hearing how people
describe it, learning about thejuiciness, the flavor, the
texture, the color, all that,and you know everything, you
know how to grow it, you knoweverything you could possibly
know about pineapples, and thenit's like tasting it.
And so now you go, oh, now Iget it.
(36:40):
All of this stuff I've known.
And now it's like, no, now Ifucking get it, like I see why,
how?
Why, you know they weredescribing it this way, and so
that's that's what I feel it hasdone for me.
And so when I'm, I've beensharing things online, and not
that they're new ideas to me,but they're almost like new
(37:03):
realized truths, and so, becausethey feel more like truths and
ideas, I feel much morecomfortable sharing them.
And and, um, you know, in termsof this, I don't know what the
split is 50, 50, but I feel likewhat has kind of evolved in
this trip is giving people aglimpse into just my process,
(37:29):
this growth process, this how Iam trying to approach this walk,
the curriculum that hassurfaced for me, how I have gone
through the process of beingstuck in these thought loops, to
being aware of them, to thenshifting into okay, we need to
shift to then seeing what isthis trying to teach me, and
(37:51):
then moving forward, and ithappens in so many different
ways big, small, et cetera.
And it feels like in doing so,that has allowed people to
relate a lot more Because, justas you described the thoughts
that go on, like hearing youshare yours, I'm like, oh, I
totally know those, theself-critical nature, the
(38:16):
self-doubt, what is this all for?
Hearing you share that, I waslike, oh, I just feel that in my
bones so much that I was like,oh, like I, you know, I just
feel that in my bones so much.
And sometimes hearing somebodyarticulate their own experience
not only validates we're goingthrough but can actually deepen
our understanding of what we'regoing through, can lessen the
burden, because I go, oh, I'mnot the only one that does that,
(38:37):
I'm not happy that you alsoexperienced that, but there's a
part of me that does feel asense of relief.
It's just turning the releasevalve.
Gabe Nathan (38:45):
It's kinship really and that is not to bring
Recovery Diaries into this,because I don't need to promote
our organization on our ownfucking show You're E Kim.
It is the whole reason why weexist.
So we're a mental healthstorytelling platform to share
human experiences from all overthe world so that somebody
(39:08):
living in Rwanda or Australia orIreland or Kansas- can read an
essay by someone in some cornerof the world and go shit,
they're saying the same fuckingthing.
They're giving voice to what'shappening up here in me.
(39:28):
I have never met this person, Iwill never meet this person,
but I am.
I'm connected now and I don'tfeel so alone.
And I a quick story that I Ishare a lot because it stayed
with me Um, when I was workingin a psych hospital, I was
(39:50):
running a group and this youngwoman, um, raised her hand to
ask if she could share somethingand she said um, you know, um,
and I thought I was the only onewho felt the way I feel and was
(40:11):
going through what I go throughin my life.
And I had to be dragged out ofmy apartment at three o'clock in
the morning by the police andbrought here against my will to
understand, to finallyunderstand that I'm not alone.
And that's a really drastic wayto have someone realize that.
(40:35):
And I want people to realizethat in ways that are not
coercive, that are leastrestrictive and that are not
traumatizing, and if it'sthrough bringing you here to
(41:07):
talk.
Yeah, I feel icky when someonewill say about anything that
anyone is doing in the mentalhealth sphere or the suicide
prevention or awareness raisingfield, you are saving lives,
(41:39):
no-transcript and I would getthat feeling because it's not.
It's spreading awareness, it'sputting a message in front of
people.
It's certainly more helpful thanharmful.
But in the end, if someone seesthat little car and picks up the
(42:06):
phone and calls 988 threemonths from then or has a
conversation, or they learnsomething about suicide
prevention, about busting a myththat like, okay, asking someone
if they're suicidal doesn't putthe thought into their mind
Like it's actually it's not arisk, it's an act of love, right
(42:27):
, and it can open a conversationthat wouldn't have been open
before, right.
So if someone does that becauseof something that they saw or
something that they read orsomething that they heard, it's
that person who's acting on that.
That's saving a life.
And so I don't want tooverstate the importance of the
(42:50):
suicide awareness work that I'vedone or the mental health
awareness raising that RecoveryDiaries does, or the work that
you're doing.
It's all of value and it's allwonderful to keep it in
(43:13):
perspective and in context thatit's other human beings who
experience what you're doing,who then go off and like, do the
work of changing other people'slives or changing their own
lives you know I I think I mighthave a slightly different
perspective on it.
Tim Perreira (43:29):
I want to hear it.
I think there's so much thatgoes into it, just like
depression isn't because of onething.
Gabe Nathan (43:41):
Of course, suicide is never just one thing.
Tim Perreira (43:44):
Yeah, there's so many factors, and I feel the
same way with recovery or withsaving lives is it's not just
about the person who picks upthe hotline and helps that
person through it, because whathappened upstream from that, you
know, there could have been 500other touch points that got
(44:05):
that person to even be okay withpicking up the call, picking up
the phone in the first place.
You know, like, I think what'simportant with like we'll use
your example of driving aroundwith the hotline on the beetle,
is what it does in its subtlestform is it's saying that I get
(44:32):
it, that I see you, that ifyou're struggling, I get it and
it's important enough for me todrive around with this freaking
car.
Okay, and here is a number Okay, and that could be a touch
point.
That is just enough to wheresomebody sees it and goes man,
this guy is like he's reallydriving around with this thing,
(44:53):
like he must get it.
On some level it may resonate.
He must be crazy, and he mustbe crazy and okay, and I feel
like I'm crazy you know, and sothere's another crazy guy who's
talking about this.
Gabe Nathan (45:06):
That's what I was thinking when I heard about you,
you because I was like, okay,so I did this for six years and
it was my daily car and we brokedown all the fucking time.
And I mean I am not amechanical person and I was the
wrong.
I couldn't afford to keep thecar.
I was in every possible way.
I was the wrong person to bedoing this and I have a very low
(45:30):
frustration tolerance, and sowhen things would go bad, they
went bad with me also.
And then I was like, well, I'llmake a movie and I'll mount
GoPros to the car and I won'thave any help, I'll just do it
all myself and I will drive.
The original plan was to do whatyou're doing, to drive from PA
(45:53):
to the Golden Gate Bridge.
And then I had to scale thatback and then it was like, well,
I'll go from PA to Bar Harbor,maine, and broke down in Vermont
and I mean it was awful and Ihated it.
I was gone for 11 days and itwas just one frustration after
(46:14):
another and I was pretending forthe camera that I was enjoying
it and that I was fully dialedin to the people who I met along
the way, and I met friends whoeither had lost people to
suicide or had consideredsuicide themselves or attempted,
and I also recordedinteractions with strangers,
(46:37):
right, but it was so frustratingand so upset I couldn't wait
for it to be over and I sold thecar in 2023, you know that part
of my mission is over.
I'm still doing the work, butwithout the shiny object and and
(47:01):
it's different you know, I'velost a lot of my following.
I've lost a lot of my causepeople.
They're just not interestedanymore now that Herbie's gone
Right, it's just Gabe Um, and Ilearned a lot um about myself
and about how I'm perceived, orwhat I think about how I'm
(47:25):
perceived or how I think I'mperceived, and I think you're
learning a lot also through yourjourney.
I think you're much bettersuited for what you're doing
than I was in terms of yourmindset and where you are in
terms of acceptance and how youlook at the whole of life and
(47:47):
the things that happen aroundyou, not to you.
I think I was very much in thewhole of life and the things
that that that happen around you, not to you.
I think I was very much in themindset of why is it happening
to me?
Why is this V belt breakingagain Like why, why, you know,
um, but and I would hear mymother's voice in my head we'll
all make choices, gabriel, andit's like yeah, gabriel, and
(48:10):
it's like yeah, but I guess, see, now I'm rambling, I did that
just to help you out, so therambling scales would be
balanced, but I don't know, Idon't even know if there's a
question in there, tim, I guessI wanted to share that.
(48:31):
I resonate with what is hardabout this for you and, as two
people who've done similarthings in very, very different
ways in very different spaces intime, I just knew that I wanted
(48:52):
to connect with you because myroad trip thing was in 2018 and
I'm so different now than who Iwas then, and I'm grateful for
the experience.
In my mind, I failed to do whatI wanted to do and I guess, if
(49:15):
there is a question, I want toknow from you what happens if
you don't make it to VirginiaBeach.
Yeah, is it Virginia Beach?
Virginia Beach, yeah, yeah, areyou like, are you prepared for
(49:38):
that?
Do you feel pressure, um,pressure that you've put on
yourself or pressure from yourfollowers?
And cause I?
I do want to say one thing andthen I promise I'll shut up.
So your hat says keep going,yeah.
And when I owned Herbie and Iwould post about suicide
prevention and I would poststatistics or I conference and
this appearance and people wouldcomment very well, meaningly,
(50:15):
what you're doing is so, oh myGod, just keep going.
And that began to feel like abrick on my chest that I was
being told keep going, keepgoing, keep doing it.
And I could see the moneydepleting from my checking
account on a first name basiswith my fucking mechanic, vw
(50:36):
mechanic, and I mean, I didn'twant to, but I was feeling that
pressure internally andexternally and I wonder if you
have any of that or if you havebuilt a safety net around
feeling that or being motivatedby that.
Tim Perreira (50:59):
You know, that's one thing that has really hit me
so much, especially as I, youknow, continue on this journey
of helping men with mentalhealth and, obviously, this walk
.
But the greater journey of mylife is, you know, whether I'm
growing a business or writingcontent online is am I doing
something because I have beenconsistently doing it or am I
(51:21):
doing something because it iswhat feels absolutely true to me
in the moment?
And so, while if I, you know, Ithink about the potential of
not finishing this walk, I'm notsaying that it would be easy to
accept, but I think that thedeeper commitment for me is just
(51:41):
the truth is not to, you know,only get to Virginia Beach just
for the sake of getting there.
It is for, you know, if thatpresents itself, then it is just
the next challenge for me towork through and the next
curriculum for me to learn, andthe lesson in that could easily
(52:03):
be acceptance in what feels.
You know just what the momentis, and maybe something happens
where it's just not possible.
You know when I just I can't doit, and and what I have to honor
in that moment is just whatfeels true to me, and so I think
that is, you know, that's justbeen such a core tenant that I
(52:25):
try and live by, uh, for thelast couple of years, right
Since I heard that, that I tryand live by for the last couple
of years, right since I heardthat.
And also it's worth saying Idon't feel like there's a
possibility I don't make it toVirginia Beach.
That's just what I feel.
Even since I started, therehasn't been a shred of doubt in
(52:47):
my mind that I wouldn't make it.
I don't know how long it'lltake, I don't know if that means
I got to split it up or ifsomething happens and I have to
postpone it.
But yeah, just on a personallevel, that's just what I feel
with it.
But it would just be anotherchallenge.
That's it, yeah, that's it,yeah.
Gabe Nathan (53:12):
Well, here's to Virginia Beach.
Yeah, where can people find you?
Tim Perreira (53:22):
I share most of the story on LinkedIn and most
of the journey on LinkedIn andI'm doing my best to share on
other social media platforms aswell, like Instagram threads,
doing a little bit more onTikTok, but for the most part,
linkedin.
Gabe Nathan (53:40):
Yeah, Awesome.
I'm very, very grateful to youfor what you're doing, for who
you are and for spending sometime with me today.
Thank you.
Tim Perreira (53:51):
Yeah, Gabe, Thanks for having me on.
I'm glad we were able to makeit work.
I know it's tough to schedulethese things on the road and
often I mean it was very lastminute.
So thank you for being flexibleand happy, Happy we can make it
work.
Gabe Nathan (54:05):
My pleasure and for those of you watching on
YouTube, you see the keep goingon Tim's hat and on my mug.
Don't be a salty bitch.
So keep those two messages inmind in tandem as you go about
your day today.
And thank you, I'm really gladthese hats.
So if anybody wants a, hat.
Tim Perreira (54:24):
I made them available.
We've sold over 215 already, Ithink, which is crazy.
But if you resonate with KeepGoing and you like hats, yeah,
we have them available.
Gabe Nathan (54:46):
Awesome thank you.
Hats off to you.
Thank you again for joining usin conversation today.
(55:10):
He tells most of his story onLinkedIn.
You can also follow him onInstagram and TikTok to join him
on his unique and specialjourney.
Before we leave you, we want toremind you to check out our
website, recoverydiariesorg.
There, like this podcast,you'll find additional stories,
videos and content about mentalhealth, empowerment and change.
We look forward to continuingto grow our community.
(55:31):
Thank you so much for being apart of it.
We wouldn't be here without you.
Be sure to join our mailinglist so you never miss a podcast
, episode, essay or film.
I'm Gabe Nathan.
Until next time, take good care.
Hello, this is Recovery Diaries In-Depth.
I'm your host, gabe Nathan.
Thanks so much for joining us.
We're very happy to have youhere.
We are so happy to have on ourshow Tim Pereira.
He is walking across Americafor men's mental health
awareness and suicide awareness.
This is obviously an off day onhis walk for him.
(00:21):
He's currently in Kansas andhe's joining us here today to
talk about what he's doing andwhy he's doing it.
Each week we'll bring you aRecovery Diaries contributor
folks who have shared theirmental health journey with us
through essay or video format.
We want to see where they areon their mental health journey.
Since initially being publishedon our website, our goal is to
(00:42):
continue supporting our diversecommunity by having
conversations here on ourpodcast to follow up and see
what has shifted, what haschanged and what new things have
emerged.
We're so happy to have youalong for this journey.
We want to remind you to followour show for new and back
episodes at recoverydiariesorg.
There, like the podcast, you'llfind stories of mental health,
(01:05):
empowerment and change.
You can also sign up for ourmailing list there so you never
miss a new podcast episode,essay or film, and you can find
this podcast pretty muchanywhere.
You get your podcasts.
We appreciate your comments andfeedback about our show.
It helps us improve, makechanges and grow.
And, of course, make sure tolike, share and subscribe.
(01:26):
Tim Pereira, welcome toRecovery Diaries In-Depth.
It is so lovely to be here andshare this space and time with
you.
Tim Perreira (01:42):
I'm honored, I'm happy to be on.
I'm thankful that this motelI'm staying in in Elkhart,
kansas, has good enough Wi-Fi tobe able to make it happen.
You never know.
Gabe Nathan (01:56):
I'm thankful for that too.
How's the bed?
Tim Perreira (01:59):
It's always dicey.
Yeah, it's okay.
The last four of the last sevennights I've slept on the ground
camping.
So it's you know.
One small thing that I havecome to really appreciate is and
this may be slightly TMI, butyou know we're here for it is if
(02:20):
I have to go to the bathroom inthe middle of the night, it's
much easier to, especially whenI'm sore after walking all those
miles every day.
It's much easier to turn andjust get out of bed than it is
to stand up from the ground froma full squat.
It may seem very minor, butfive days of walking 25 miles,
your body gets pretty sore, andso there have been times where I
(02:43):
just refused to go to thebathroom so I could stay laying
down, even if it meant I didn'tget to go back to sleep.
Gabe Nathan (02:50):
So I would argue that there's nothing minor that
you're experiencing as you arewalking across America for men's
mental health and suicideprevention, um, that everything
from the frozen burritos or hotpockets or whatever they are
that you're eating to, you knowhow and when, and you're going
(03:13):
to the bathroom and its impacton your body, um, everything,
everything is a big deal, um, abig deal, um, and for your body,
for your mind, and so you know,let's, let's talk about it,
(03:34):
let's talk about what you'redoing and why you're doing it,
yeah, yeah, you know it's onething that comes to mind with
that, just as you're talkingabout how nothing's minor.
Tim Perreira (03:43):
You know there have been so many challenges on
this walk, which I'll talk aboutwhy I'm even out here, but the
phrase that keeps coming up forme on the walk, for any
challenge, big or small, is justthis too.
You know, this too is part ofit, not just the sexy, glamorous
pictures I take welcome toKansas, sign the big milestones
(04:10):
but also the pebbles in the shoe, the difficulty finding a place
to sleep, not wanting to get upout of the tent and go to the
bathroom because it's windy andcold, and having to find, you
know, food like frozen hotpockets Not my first choice, but
in some of these places it'sbelieve it or not, is kind of
(04:31):
the best option.
So, but this too, you know,it's all part of it.
And as much as my mind wants toresist some of that stuff and
think no, no, no, it shouldn'tbe this way, I'm reminded that
no, this actually is just asmuch as part of it as the
beautiful sunrise and the birdschirping and the elk, the herd
of elk crossing in front of meon the road, and it's been such
(04:54):
an amazing mirror to life or arepresentation of what we go
through and how the mind reactsto it.
So to your question you knowwhat I'm doing right now.
I'm walking across America,about 2,800 miles.
I started March 6th.
I will end, hopefully, at somepoint in August I'm not sure
(05:17):
We'll see and I started inSouthern California, newport
beach, and I'm going to end inVirginia Beach.
That's the plan right now.
I'm walking part for personalchallenge, in part for raising
awareness and doing fundraisingfor men's mental health and
(05:40):
suicide prevention.
So, on the fundraising part, mygoal is to raise $50,000 to be
able to donate to charity.
One of the charities I'vepartnered with early on is
Movember recently and that's thegoal with that and actually
also raised $15,000 throughGoFundMe to help fund the trip
(06:05):
to help with food lodging youknow any gear, that kind of cost
.
So that part has already beenraised and you know, for me it's
a topic that is really, youknow it's near and dear to me.
It's I'm out here because it'ssomething that I have personally
(06:27):
struggled with, you know, fromabout 2016 to 2020.
I went through, you know,everything for me looked good on
paper.
It looked great on paper.
You know, I got always got goodgrades in college, landed a
good job, was doing really well,and I was in the tech industry.
I was in sales.
I was in sales leadership.
(06:47):
I had the brand new car.
I lived in San Francisco.
I ended up moving to New YorkCity to manage a sales office.
Things were outstanding on paperand at the same time,
internally there was a bit of alandslide going on and things
were really starting to slip.
And it was the more I reachedand the more I tried to grasp on
(07:13):
to certain areas of my life,the more things just slipped.
And so from that span I foundmyself slipping deeper and
deeper into a depression,becoming things like less
motivated.
I felt like I was now just alazy person.
(07:34):
I didn't really have purposeanymore.
I felt my health start to slip.
The only day of the week I wouldlook forward to was Saturday,
because it meant I got to go outwith friends and we got to
drink for most of the day outwith friends and we got to drink
, you know, for most of the dayand um, and I found myself just
just looking for escapes really,and until ultimately I I got to
(07:54):
a point I ended up gettingfired from my job for just for
performance.
I was just not the same highperformer that I had been my
whole life through playingsports, through college.
I played sports in college,like I said, I led sales teams
and it just put me face to facewith what was really going on.
(08:16):
And what was really going onwas there were some things that
were not okay under the surface.
You know, one of the thingsthat came up is I had gotten out
of a long-term relationshipwith my college girlfriend and
we broke up a week before movingin together and I didn't allow
myself to grieve, to process it,I just kind of powered through
(08:39):
it and I didn't allow myself tofeel those things and the
sadness from that part of mylife ending and just that
relationship ending for aboutthree years.
So it just built up with timeand anyway I had heard this
quote.
Kind of my turning point washearing a really simple quote,
(08:59):
really simple idea.
That probably isn't going to bebrand new for a lot of people
listening, but it really hit meand it was was everything in
life is neutral.
Every event, every circumstance, everything we go through.
Inherently it's just neutraland all of the meaning in our
life comes from within, good orbad.
And wow, that slapped me in theface.
(09:23):
It was such an epiphany moment,moment of epiphany, and I
thought, oh my gosh, it's me andit's how I'm viewing what I'm
going through.
It's the things I'm refusing toprocess or look at, it's the
emotions I'm not letting myselffeel.
It's the stories I'm making upof who I think I need to be and
(09:46):
the things I'm doing to try andlive up to that ideal.
And when it hasn't worked out,when it hasn't happened, I then
make up a story about, maybe,why I'm bad or I'm not worthy.
So that was kind of the generaltheme.
And so I realized, oh my gosh,this is.
I need to work on me.
And so that's what set me off,or set me down, this path of
(10:10):
this inner work, this selfdiscovery, this, you know I,
maybe this mental health path,this journey.
And I started to look into what, what do I even, how would I
even change how?
I think, you know, I wasstarting to read books on
mindset.
You know mindset, excuse me,performance, you know things,
(10:35):
things like that.
And then that led me into moreof a connection with self or
calming the mind, things likemeditation.
I got into journaling and thatled me into learning about
emotional intelligence andreally building my emotional
intelligence and gainingawareness around how it's really
my emotions and feelings andtrying to get needs met that are
(10:56):
driving the actions that I'mtaking unconsciously.
And so I started exploring whatare some of these needs and
wants and desires that I have ata core core, started writing
about all this online and I hadthis response from men because I
(11:29):
was just sharing what I wentthrough.
I talked about the inner critic.
I talked about, you know,chasing money kind of on this,
this treadmill of chasing all ofthis external and material
stuff, and how it wasn'tfulfilling, it wasn't satisfying
and actually after a while itwas having more of a deleterious
effect, I would say.
And through that writing I hada lot of response from men just
(11:55):
messaging me hey, that actuallysounds a lot like what I'm going
through, and so that led me tostart a coaching business for
men.
I started doing things incohorts and communities, doing
in-person events.
I started helping friends throwretreats for this kind of stuff
and really immerse myself intothis world.
(12:16):
And then last year, as thingswere going well from a business
perspective, I actually foundmyself in a deeper second wave
of depression for about three orfour months, and last year
being 2024.
So from June to August,september, I got into a really
(12:37):
deep apathetic depression towhere all of the discipline and
habits I'd cultivated my wholelife from going to the gym, from
eating well, to now doing coldexposure, meditation, writing,
getting outside, going for walks, talking with people all this
stuff that I had worked withclients on and also developed
(13:02):
myself, completely went out thewindow and I was so apathetic I
didn't give a shit about any ofit.
Uh, I couldn't get out of bedtill nine or 10 in the morning
times.
Uh, often I would be running acoaching call, you know, midday,
and right after the coachingcall the first thing I would
reach for would be like a weedgummy, just so I could get some
(13:24):
reprieve from this feeling ofheaviness and darkness.
And that was when I firststarted experiencing suicidal
thoughts.
And so I had those every dayand it was increasing me a
different side of this journeyand struggles and what people go
(13:51):
through.
And even in the darkest ofmoments, I remember having a
shower thought and I was justbawling for a reason I couldn't
understand.
I couldn't pinpoint it right.
But I knew I just felt so heavy, so down, so terrible.
And in that moment I had thisreally interesting thought and I
(14:13):
realized, man, I can't wait toget to the other side of this
because it's going to help me somuch be able to relate to
others going through thisjourney.
And so, to just kind of wrap upthat part of the story, I ended
up going on.
I was seeking a lot of things totry and do.
(14:34):
I thought about moving to CostaRica for a month.
I thought about going on alittle bit of a pilgrimage.
I thought about maybe going toIndia.
I thought about doing a plantmedicine ceremony.
Like everything was on thetable and nothing really clicked
with me until a friend of minewas going to India.
She told me about the trip.
It really lit me up.
I ended up going on the trip,had a few life-changing moments
(14:58):
on the trip which I'm happy todive into, but this story's
already gone a little long.
And when I got back, I was backfor about four days, maybe a
little, maybe a week or so, andI heard the idea this guy was
sharing on Instagram how he hadwalked across America and how it
(15:19):
changed his life and I can'tquite explain.
I definitely don't know why ithappened, um, but when I heard
him say those words walk acrossAmerica, I felt like I had this
lightning bolt go through mybody and immediately was like
that's it, that's the thing I'mgoing to do, like that is what I
(15:39):
felt when I talked about I wassearching for something all year
.
I was like it was so clear to mein that moment I was like this
was the thing that was comingdown the pipe and I'm like what
an amazing way to use it, notonly to spread awareness and to
raise money for men's mentalhealth, but to use it as a
(16:00):
vehicle for learning and to notlisten to music, not listen to
podcasts or anything.
Be present with every singlestep and every single day.
Just cultivate, being morepresent, being more aware, being
with all of the challenges, allof the negative thoughts, all
of the, everything that comes up, and use it.
The five, six month journey asthe deepest it, the five, six
(16:28):
month journey as the deepest,you know, most rich and intense
curriculum that I've ever beenthrough in my life.
Gabe Nathan (16:30):
And so today is day 70 on this walk and we're
recording this on May 14th, justso people listening know.
Tim Perreira (16:39):
Yep, and I just crossed into Kansas yesterday,
so I'm almost halfway.
I'm probably two weeks away orso from being halfway, but that
was a bit of a ramble, butthat's kind of how I ended up
here on foot in Elkhart, kansas.
Gabe Nathan (16:56):
That's a judgmental thought, just so you know.
I don't want to just identifythat for you.
I'm not sitting here watchingthe clock, you're here to talk.
So this is literally whatyou're here for.
I asked a question and youanswered.
It was pretty simple, right,yeah?
But my, I mean you're on theshow with me because I think we
(17:18):
share a lot of the internalstuff, the self-critical voice.
I don't share any of theathletic stuff, um, the
self-critical voice, um, I don'tshare any of the athleticism
with you, but I do share some ofthe stuff that goes on up here,
um, a lot of the incessantnegativity, um the self doubt,
(17:39):
um the, the apathy that you wereexperiencing of nothing matters
, nothing I do matters, nothinganybody else does matters.
It's all shit, it's all afacade, it's all a show.
I'm bad, I mean.
That resonates hard with me, soI get it for sure, and I'm sure
(18:06):
a lot of people listening do aswell.
Um, so you weren't rambling,but you did say a lot, and so
I'm trying to make connectionsto things you were saying, cause
that's, I guess that's what agood host is supposed to do, and
if I were a really good host, Iwould have written some things
down while you were talking, butI wanted to just listen, like
you want to just walk and notlisten to music or be distracted
(18:29):
.
One of the things that you saidearlier in your answer was the
thought of this, too, and itreminded me of something that a
suicide loss survivor a womanwho lost her son.
I was on a panel with her andshe said you know how people say
(18:54):
this too shall pass.
Yes, talking about a trial or atime of struggle or an awful
period in one's life, she saidit applies to everything.
It also applies to good thingstoo.
Yeah, this too shall pass, thistime of feeling good and
(19:18):
feeling like I've got ittogether and that everyone's
healthy in my world andeverything's basically okay and
I have a job and a stable income.
Well, this too shall pass.
Um, and I thought you know youryour statement about this too.
It's just, it's anotherbeautiful reminder of that ebb
(19:39):
and flow of existence and um andI'm sure you've experienced
this so often on your walk thatyou can be feeling good, um, in
one moment, and then there's afucking pebble in the shoe, um,
or I know you had an issue withyour leg.
Um, and things are happening.
(20:00):
Things are always happening, oreven just your, just your mind.
You'll be feeling placid, butyour mind will go somewhere
negative or stressed or anxious,and it's all transient, it's
(20:21):
all ephemeral, 's all just uh,coming and going.
Tim Perreira (20:26):
Um, I don't know if you, if you want to comment
on that, or if that resonateswith you yeah, I think you know,
one of the first examples, uh,that came up during the walk was
, you know, I woke up.
I was walking through, uh, Ithink, east, the Eastern part of
(20:50):
the Navajo Nation Reservation,northeast Arizona, and I just
woke up.
I didn't sleep well the nightbefore and I just woke up
irritated.
You know, like I was justirritated, everything you know,
putting on my sock and itdoesn't go on exactly how I want
and I'm motherfucking my sockthe most silly stuff, but we all
(21:15):
do it in our own way.
And so I woke up irritated andI probably had 20, that was a
stretch.
I was doing 26 miles every dayfor seven days and you know it
was a little windy that morning.
I remember taking breaks thatday and just being pelted by
sand when I would sit down and Ijust remember feeling like, you
(21:42):
know, this isn't how it'ssupposed to go.
That was a real thought.
This, like almost like this isa mistake Today.
It's not supposed to go thisway, you know, and obviously
saying it out loud to you is,you know, we can, we can say,
well, that's not, that's, thatdoesn't make sense, that's not
how life goes.
But that is how the mind works.
Often it creates these veryslippery, slimy, subtle stories
(22:06):
that we just believe becausethey're just our thoughts.
We feel like it's true and Ibelieved it for about four hours
to start the day, and I was nothappy with the walk.
Man, I'm out here, I'm doingthis walk.
I'm supposed to be, you know,again, just the story.
I'm supposed to be just one,with everything and Zen, and you
(22:29):
know, talking mental health,and I'm like I'm fucking, I'm
pretty irritated today for noreason.
You know, I'm mad at the wind,my hat's flipping up every once
in a while and I'm just gettingmad at stuff.
And I'm just getting mad atstuff and that's when it hit me
and I thought man, can't.
(22:49):
You see, this is also part ofit.
This is just as part of it asthe good breakfast you had the
other day, or the stranger whostopped and gave you a banana
and a cranberry juice, and thisis also part of it.
(23:10):
You like, the opportunity is tobe present with this as well as
the other stuff.
You know, when I'm walking,there are a few days where I
feel good, like my feet aren'tsore, my legs feel fine.
You know, I'm not tired, I'vegot enough sleep, but most of
(23:31):
the time it's, you know, it'sjust a constant level of pain
and discomfort, physically, andbeing able to, you know, rest in
the awareness and not in thethoughts and not in the
discomfort this walk is apractice of.
Can I rest in the space of pureloving awareness and rest in
(23:54):
the space where I'm justnoticing this stuff?
Yeah, there's pain, okay, andI'm here and I'm noticing it,
you know, and not gettingwrapped up into it.
And so when I think of this too, it's.
You know, I got a flat tire theother day the first time and I
mean I was 0.3 miles into mywalk and I looked down and I
(24:14):
cause I heard something and Ihad never changed a flat tire in
my life, I had all the stuff todo it and I was like man, today
was supposed to be a short walk, get there early Now.
Gabe Nathan (24:28):
This is going to ruin the day, that's to inform
people.
This is on your support vehicle, yeah.
Tim Perreira (24:34):
I have a stroller that I push that carries my gear
.
Sometimes I have a supportvehicle, but I have a running
stroller, uh, that has mybackpack water, all that stuff.
It's about a hundred poundsfully loaded and you know, and I
have sealant in the tube.
So when I get little thorns andstuff it, it's fine.
(24:56):
But this was a thorn that wasstuck in the tire and I only
found it when I took it off andI used pliers to get it out.
But you know, it was another onewhere I was like, wait a minute
, this isn't, this isn't amistake, you know, and this is
the walk has been such arepresentation of life, of
course, and in those moments,what I, what I realized is, you
(25:20):
know, a lot, of a lot of peoplecreate this idea out of nothing
that they should be somewhere,they should have this type of
financial wealth they shouldhave.
I was talking with a client theother day and he mentioned how
he struggles because he'snoticing these stories he has
about what he should be doing,how much money he should be
making, where he should beliving, how he should have three
(25:40):
passive income revenue streams,and the fact that he's not
means he's less than, and so itjust shows.
We create these stories aboutthese expectations about how we
think life should be, and webecome resistant to how life
(26:02):
really is, life should be, andwe become resistant to how life
really is, and it takes us outof the present to just be with
it, to be with the this too, butthe but the stories don't come
from nowhere.
Gabe Nathan (26:13):
So they, they come from that.
You know that phrase.
Comparison is the thief of joy,and we see what other people
have and we go well, i'm'm, I'mx years old and they're x years
old and I'm like them in theseways.
So therefore, I should be doingwhat they're doing, yeah, and
doing it how they're doing it,and their image crafting, and I
(26:36):
see that and they look like theyhave it all.
They look like you and remembergood on paper.
Yeah, tim has this, this, this,this, this, this, this.
Therefore, he must be feelingsure, fucking great, and I feel
like shit.
Therefore, do you know what Imean?
(26:56):
So it's, we do make up thesestories, and we make up these
stories about other people basedon what we see on social media
or what other people arepresenting or what they're
telling us when they gettogether with us for an hour
social event and then they goand they're miserable or they're
terror struck that they can'tkeep up with the lifestyle that
(27:20):
they've created, and it'screating immense stress and
pressure and possibly makingthem a suicide risk.
Right, because we know thattrying to keep up a certain
lifestyle can be very fatal.
Um, so it's?
Yes, all those stories are madeup internally, but it is how we
(27:46):
see ourselves, but juxtaposedagainst how we see other people
and stories that we make upabout them, it's so unhealthy
and so dangerous.
Tim Perreira (27:56):
Yeah, it's part of the brain, or I'd refer to it
as the survival mind.
Really there's a survivalmechanism within us and you know
, for years and thousands andthousands of years it worked in
a very primal type of physicalsurvival way.
And as we evolve, as ourconsciousness expands,
(28:17):
individually and collectively,you know it has kind of turned
and shaped into psychologicalsurvival.
And so how the mind is wired isto constantly look for ways to
survive, and it just does so inthe best way it can.
And one of the methods it doesit is just as the perfect
example as you described, whichis so common, which is just
(28:39):
comparing to others.
And we see somebody elsebecause it's so arbitrary, right
, we see somebody else.
Your story could be totallydifferent depending on what
country you live in.
You know, the socioeconomicstatus of just the town you live
in, the story could be totallydifferent.
For somebody it could be man.
I see everybody around me inthis town with a brand new truck
(29:01):
, and I don't have one, I'm apiece of shit.
And then others you knowdepends on the circle you're in
go man.
I see everybody around me withthree businesses.
This guy's got a private jet.
This guy has a jet, a yacht, ahelicopter, and I'm only over
here making a million and a halfdollars.
I'm a piece of shit, right.
And so looking, stripping thatdown to its fundamental, to its
(29:23):
core, is recognizing what thebrain wants to do.
What the survival mind wants todo is believe that external
circumstance dictates ourinternal well-being, and it
doesn't.
It's how we view things, how weperceive things, our
perspective on whatever we'regoing through, our perspective
(29:45):
on life, and so one of the majorshifts has been the just
experimenting with and beingcurious to the idea that I am
not this body, right, I havegrown, I have gotten older, I've
gotten stronger, I've gottenweaker, I've had surgery, I've
(30:06):
had all these things happen tomy body.
Yet there is still a constantwithin me Ever since I was a kid
.
My earliest memory is at likethree years old.
My three-year-old birthdayparty, I think, was my first
memory.
There's still an awareness thathas been constant throughout it
all, even going through thismental health shift, as my
personality changes, as mydemeanor may change, there's
(30:26):
still a constant behind it allthat I recognize, that I
associate myself with.
So I'm not this body, I'm notthis mind.
I am the awareness that's behindit all and this idea that I've
really experimented with in thatagain, I don't know if it's
true, I don't think I'll havethe ability to know if it's true
(30:48):
, but it's something that hasfelt right to me is that, you
know, I'm just a soul.
Right Behind it all, I feellike, underneath it all, I am a
timeless, you know, boundlessbeing.
That is a soul or whatever termyou want to use, spirit.
And the idea is that I havecome here to learn certain
(31:11):
lessons and I have come herewith a certain set of
circumstances, a certain maybe,propensity of direction where my
mind likes to go, a certain setof internal dialogues or
narratives or beliefs or themesthat are recurring throughout my
life.
A certain set of woundingpsychological wounding, physical
(31:34):
wounding is certainly as welland perhaps my mission in life
and my whole purpose is to workthrough those, and each one of
those is just a differenttextbook.
It's just a part of mycurriculum as a being to grow
and evolve and learn deep,powerful lessons in this
(31:59):
lifetime.
And I have no way of provingthat in this lifetime and I have
no way of proving that, butwhen I really sit with that, you
know, and I quiet my mind and Ijust be present with that idea.
There's a part of me thatreally resonates with it and, as
hard as it is, what that doesis it shifts my perspective to
(32:19):
what I'm going through to justthink this isn't a mistake, this
isn't wrong.
You know, I'm not bad for goingthrough this.
This is just part of it, andthat is where that phrase this
too I think really it's like asubtle reminder.
It's like the guardrails on thebowling alley.
(32:41):
It's nudging me back.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Look, I'm here to learn and Iknow that when I'm faced with a
challenge and if my intent goinginto it is what can I learn
about myself?
How can I improve, how can Ichange how I relate to this
challenge?
When I can do that is when Iexperience the biggest growth,
(33:04):
when I experience the biggestshifts within me, when I have
perspective, when I feel calm,come over me, and so that is
just that's a perspective thatyou know, I've tried on just in
the last few years.
That is something that hasreally, really helped and it
shapes.
You know, it's kind of thatidea that is probably more
(33:25):
common that people have heard of.
That is, you know, life isn'thappening to you, it's happening
for you, you know, and it's thesame idea that, hey, what we're
going through, you know, isn'ta punishment.
It's here to teach us and wewill keep experiencing the same
lessons until we can learn andgrow through them.
(33:47):
And I think that's really whatthis walk does, is it provides a
vehicle for me to dive waydeeper than I've ever gone
before into these lessons andthe subtleties and the sub-less
think that it's important to saydo for you, because it is a lot
(34:28):
about what this is doing forTim.
Gabe Nathan (34:30):
It's also helping other people, but I think that
it I don't know if it's 50-50 orwhatever, but I think a lot of
this has to do with you.
And so my question is is itdoing for you what you thought
it would or what you hoped itwould?
I mean, I guess that's thequestion.
Tim Perreira (34:50):
Yeah, you know, when I mentioned that I had that
period when I was fired and Ihad the epiphany in 2020, I just
became a full-time student.
I mean, actually like afull-time student, I read
hundreds of books, I waslistening to podcasts, I was
journaling, I was meditatingLike I was doing that and then
(35:11):
trying to launch this clothingbusiness as well, which is a
different story, and so I readtons of different types of books
self-development, self-help,self-therapy, like all the books
on consciousness, easternspirituality, western psychology
, everything and I learned somuch and what this trip?
(35:35):
It's not so much that I feltlike I have been introduced to
brand new ideas or massiverevelations there have been a
couple of those, but I thinkwhat it's done more is it's
taken these ideas and the stuffthat I have read that has been
very conceptual and been veryknowledge-based up here, and
(35:57):
it's given me an avenue to startto let those trickle down and
go into what I would say is likemy full body, to embody them,
to integrate those ideas, toreally get it.
I describe it to someone andI'm like it's like if you've
never had a pineapple before.
It's like reading the mostin-depth description of a
(36:17):
pineapple, looking at all thepictures, hearing how people
describe it, learning about thejuiciness, the flavor, the
texture, the color, all that,and you know everything, you
know how to grow it, you knoweverything you could possibly
know about pineapples, and thenit's like tasting it.
And so now you go, oh, now Iget it.
(36:40):
All of this stuff I've known.
And now it's like, no, now Ifucking get it, like I see why,
how?
Why, you know they weredescribing it this way, and so
that's that's what I feel it hasdone for me.
And so when I'm, I've beensharing things online, and not
that they're new ideas to me,but they're almost like new
(37:03):
realized truths, and so, becausethey feel more like truths and
ideas, I feel much morecomfortable sharing them.
And and, um, you know, in termsof this, I don't know what the
split is 50, 50, but I feel likewhat has kind of evolved in
this trip is giving people aglimpse into just my process,
(37:29):
this growth process, this how Iam trying to approach this walk,
the curriculum that hassurfaced for me, how I have gone
through the process of beingstuck in these thought loops, to
being aware of them, to thenshifting into okay, we need to
shift to then seeing what isthis trying to teach me, and
(37:51):
then moving forward, and ithappens in so many different
ways big, small, et cetera.
And it feels like in doing so,that has allowed people to
relate a lot more Because, justas you described the thoughts
that go on, like hearing youshare yours, I'm like, oh, I
totally know those, theself-critical nature, the
(38:16):
self-doubt, what is this all for?
Hearing you share that, I waslike, oh, I just feel that in my
bones so much that I was like,oh, like I, you know, I just
feel that in my bones so much.
And sometimes hearing somebodyarticulate their own experience
not only validates we're goingthrough but can actually deepen
our understanding of what we'regoing through, can lessen the
burden, because I go, oh, I'mnot the only one that does that,
(38:37):
I'm not happy that you alsoexperienced that, but there's a
part of me that does feel asense of relief.
It's just turning the releasevalve.
Gabe Nathan (38:45):
It's kinship really and that is not to bring
Recovery Diaries into this,because I don't need to promote
our organization on our ownfucking show You're E Kim.
It is the whole reason why weexist.
So we're a mental healthstorytelling platform to share
human experiences from all overthe world so that somebody
(39:08):
living in Rwanda or Australia orIreland or Kansas- can read an
essay by someone in some cornerof the world and go shit,
they're saying the same fuckingthing.
They're giving voice to what'shappening up here in me.
(39:28):
I have never met this person, Iwill never meet this person,
but I am.
I'm connected now and I don'tfeel so alone.
And I a quick story that I Ishare a lot because it stayed
with me Um, when I was workingin a psych hospital, I was
(39:50):
running a group and this youngwoman, um, raised her hand to
ask if she could share somethingand she said um, you know, um,
and I thought I was the only onewho felt the way I feel and was
(40:11):
going through what I go throughin my life.
And I had to be dragged out ofmy apartment at three o'clock in
the morning by the police andbrought here against my will to
understand, to finallyunderstand that I'm not alone.
And that's a really drastic wayto have someone realize that.
(40:35):
And I want people to realizethat in ways that are not
coercive, that are leastrestrictive and that are not
traumatizing, and if it'sthrough bringing you here to
(41:07):
talk.
Yeah, I feel icky when someonewill say about anything that
anyone is doing in the mentalhealth sphere or the suicide
prevention or awareness raisingfield, you are saving lives,
(41:39):
no-transcript and I would getthat feeling because it's not.
It's spreading awareness, it'sputting a message in front of
people.
It's certainly more helpful thanharmful.
But in the end, if someone seesthat little car and picks up the
(42:06):
phone and calls 988 threemonths from then or has a
conversation, or they learnsomething about suicide
prevention, about busting a myththat like, okay, asking someone
if they're suicidal doesn't putthe thought into their mind
Like it's actually it's not arisk, it's an act of love, right
(42:27):
, and it can open a conversationthat wouldn't have been open
before, right.
So if someone does that becauseof something that they saw or
something that they read orsomething that they heard, it's
that person who's acting on that.
That's saving a life.
And so I don't want tooverstate the importance of the
(42:50):
suicide awareness work that I'vedone or the mental health
awareness raising that RecoveryDiaries does, or the work that
you're doing.
It's all of value and it's allwonderful to keep it in
(43:13):
perspective and in context thatit's other human beings who
experience what you're doing,who then go off and like, do the
work of changing other people'slives or changing their own
lives you know I I think I mighthave a slightly different
perspective on it.
Tim Perreira (43:29):
I want to hear it.
I think there's so much thatgoes into it, just like
depression isn't because of onething.
Gabe Nathan (43:41):
Of course, suicide is never just one thing.
Tim Perreira (43:44):
Yeah, there's so many factors, and I feel the
same way with recovery or withsaving lives is it's not just
about the person who picks upthe hotline and helps that
person through it, because whathappened upstream from that, you
know, there could have been 500other touch points that got
(44:05):
that person to even be okay withpicking up the call, picking up
the phone in the first place.
You know, like, I think what'simportant with like we'll use
your example of driving aroundwith the hotline on the beetle,
is what it does in its subtlestform is it's saying that I get
(44:32):
it, that I see you, that ifyou're struggling, I get it and
it's important enough for me todrive around with this freaking
car.
Okay, and here is a number Okay, and that could be a touch
point.
That is just enough to wheresomebody sees it and goes man,
this guy is like he's reallydriving around with this thing,
(44:53):
like he must get it.
On some level it may resonate.
He must be crazy, and he mustbe crazy and okay, and I feel
like I'm crazy you know, and sothere's another crazy guy who's
talking about this.
Gabe Nathan (45:06):
That's what I was thinking when I heard about you,
you because I was like, okay,so I did this for six years and
it was my daily car and we brokedown all the fucking time.
And I mean I am not amechanical person and I was the
wrong.
I couldn't afford to keep thecar.
I was in every possible way.
I was the wrong person to bedoing this and I have a very low
(45:30):
frustration tolerance, and sowhen things would go bad, they
went bad with me also.
And then I was like, well, I'llmake a movie and I'll mount
GoPros to the car and I won'thave any help, I'll just do it
all myself and I will drive.
The original plan was to do whatyou're doing, to drive from PA
(45:53):
to the Golden Gate Bridge.
And then I had to scale thatback and then it was like, well,
I'll go from PA to Bar Harbor,maine, and broke down in Vermont
and I mean it was awful and Ihated it.
I was gone for 11 days and itwas just one frustration after
(46:14):
another and I was pretending forthe camera that I was enjoying
it and that I was fully dialedin to the people who I met along
the way, and I met friends whoeither had lost people to
suicide or had consideredsuicide themselves or attempted,
and I also recordedinteractions with strangers,
(46:37):
right, but it was so frustratingand so upset I couldn't wait
for it to be over and I sold thecar in 2023, you know that part
of my mission is over.
I'm still doing the work, butwithout the shiny object and and
(47:01):
it's different you know, I'velost a lot of my following.
I've lost a lot of my causepeople.
They're just not interestedanymore now that Herbie's gone
Right, it's just Gabe Um, and Ilearned a lot um about myself
and about how I'm perceived, orwhat I think about how I'm
(47:25):
perceived or how I think I'mperceived, and I think you're
learning a lot also through yourjourney.
I think you're much bettersuited for what you're doing
than I was in terms of yourmindset and where you are in
terms of acceptance and how youlook at the whole of life and
(47:47):
the things that happen aroundyou, not to you.
I think I was very much in thewhole of life and the things
that that that happen around you, not to you.
I think I was very much in themindset of why is it happening
to me?
Why is this V belt breakingagain Like why, why, you know,
um, but and I would hear mymother's voice in my head we'll
all make choices, gabriel, andit's like yeah, gabriel, and
(48:10):
it's like yeah, but I guess, see, now I'm rambling, I did that
just to help you out, so therambling scales would be
balanced, but I don't know, Idon't even know if there's a
question in there, tim, I guessI wanted to share that.
(48:31):
I resonate with what is hardabout this for you and, as two
people who've done similarthings in very, very different
ways in very different spaces intime, I just knew that I wanted
(48:52):
to connect with you because myroad trip thing was in 2018 and
I'm so different now than who Iwas then, and I'm grateful for
the experience.
In my mind, I failed to do whatI wanted to do and I guess, if
(49:15):
there is a question, I want toknow from you what happens if
you don't make it to VirginiaBeach.
Yeah, is it Virginia Beach?
Virginia Beach, yeah, yeah, areyou like, are you prepared for
(49:38):
that?
Do you feel pressure, um,pressure that you've put on
yourself or pressure from yourfollowers?
And cause I?
I do want to say one thing andthen I promise I'll shut up.
So your hat says keep going,yeah.
And when I owned Herbie and Iwould post about suicide
prevention and I would poststatistics or I conference and
this appearance and people wouldcomment very well, meaningly,
(50:15):
what you're doing is so, oh myGod, just keep going.
And that began to feel like abrick on my chest that I was
being told keep going, keepgoing, keep doing it.
And I could see the moneydepleting from my checking
account on a first name basiswith my fucking mechanic, vw
(50:36):
mechanic, and I mean, I didn'twant to, but I was feeling that
pressure internally andexternally and I wonder if you
have any of that or if you havebuilt a safety net around
feeling that or being motivatedby that.
Tim Perreira (50:59):
You know, that's one thing that has really hit me
so much, especially as I, youknow, continue on this journey
of helping men with mentalhealth and, obviously, this walk
.
But the greater journey of mylife is, you know, whether I'm
growing a business or writingcontent online is am I doing
something because I have beenconsistently doing it or am I
(51:21):
doing something because it iswhat feels absolutely true to me
in the moment?
And so, while if I, you know, Ithink about the potential of
not finishing this walk, I'm notsaying that it would be easy to
accept, but I think that thedeeper commitment for me is just
(51:41):
the truth is not to, you know,only get to Virginia Beach just
for the sake of getting there.
It is for, you know, if thatpresents itself, then it is just
the next challenge for me towork through and the next
curriculum for me to learn, andthe lesson in that could easily
(52:03):
be acceptance in what feels.
You know just what the momentis, and maybe something happens
where it's just not possible.
You know when I just I can't doit, and and what I have to honor
in that moment is just whatfeels true to me, and so I think
that is, you know, that's justbeen such a core tenant that I
(52:25):
try and live by, uh, for thelast couple of years, right
Since I heard that, that I tryand live by for the last couple
of years, right since I heardthat.
And also it's worth saying Idon't feel like there's a
possibility I don't make it toVirginia Beach.
That's just what I feel.
Even since I started, therehasn't been a shred of doubt in
(52:47):
my mind that I wouldn't make it.
I don't know how long it'lltake, I don't know if that means
I got to split it up or ifsomething happens and I have to
postpone it.
But yeah, just on a personallevel, that's just what I feel
with it.
But it would just be anotherchallenge.
That's it, yeah, that's it,yeah.
Gabe Nathan (53:12):
Well, here's to Virginia Beach.
Yeah, where can people find you?
Tim Perreira (53:22):
I share most of the story on LinkedIn and most
of the journey on LinkedIn andI'm doing my best to share on
other social media platforms aswell, like Instagram threads,
doing a little bit more onTikTok, but for the most part,
linkedin.
Gabe Nathan (53:40):
Yeah, Awesome.
I'm very, very grateful to youfor what you're doing, for who
you are and for spending sometime with me today.
Thank you.
Tim Perreira (53:51):
Yeah, Gabe, Thanks for having me on.
I'm glad we were able to makeit work.
I know it's tough to schedulethese things on the road and
often I mean it was very lastminute.
So thank you for being flexibleand happy, Happy we can make it
work.
Gabe Nathan (54:05):
My pleasure and for those of you watching on
YouTube, you see the keep goingon Tim's hat and on my mug.
Don't be a salty bitch.
So keep those two messages inmind in tandem as you go about
your day today.
And thank you, I'm really gladthese hats.
So if anybody wants a, hat.
Tim Perreira (54:24):
I made them available.
We've sold over 215 already, Ithink, which is crazy.
But if you resonate with KeepGoing and you like hats, yeah,
we have them available.
Gabe Nathan (54:46):
Awesome thank you.
Hats off to you.
Thank you again for joining usin conversation today.
(55:10):
He tells most of his story onLinkedIn.
You can also follow him onInstagram and TikTok to join him
on his unique and specialjourney.
Before we leave you, we want toremind you to check out our
website, recoverydiariesorg.
There, like this podcast,you'll find additional stories,
videos and content about mentalhealth, empowerment and change.
We look forward to continuingto grow our community.
(55:31):
Thank you so much for being apart of it.
We wouldn't be here without you.
Be sure to join our mailinglist so you never miss a podcast
, episode, essay or film.
I'm Gabe Nathan.
Until next time, take good care.
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