December 22, 2024 • 12 mins
I have no idea how a person processes the notion of a life sentence coming down the track.
During the three and a half years I was in prison I wrote over a million words by hand. Tales From The Jails is a contemporaneous account of my life, and attempts to thrive rather than merely survive, whilst incarcerated.
Most names have been changed. The events have not.
This is a Jekyll & Pride production.
Producer: Trevessa Newton
Title Music taken from The Confession, on the album Crimes Against Poetry (written and performed by The Shadow Poet, produced by Lance Thomas)
Copyright Jekyll & Pride Ltd 2025
@talesfromthejailspodcast
@jekyllandpride2023
@theshadowpoettsp
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
During the three and a halfyears I was in prison, I wrote
(00:03):
over a million words by hand.
Tales from the Jails is acontemporaneous account of my
life, and attempts to thriverather than merely survive
whilst incarcerated.
Most names have been changed,but the events have not.
13.
(00:24):
The Murder Trial Verdict.
HMP is a cruel place.
An unforgiving den of rats,rogues and villains.
(00:45):
But there are gems and there ishope.
It still surprises me, how thedecent guys come from the most
unexpected of places.
The M people often tend to besurprisingly nice and polite.
Guys you would never expect orsuspect of having committed
(01:05):
horrific crimes, some of whichyou read in the papers, and it
makes you feel sick to the core.
Yet I find the sneering,duplicitous jackals are the
worst.
Pretending to be nicer than theyare.
Manipulating anything andeverything for their own benefit
or gain.
The best padmate I've had sofar, I've had to cut loose after
(01:28):
only a couple of nights.
The K kid is a lad who I have asoft spot for.
He's quirky, stupid at times,which is refreshing.
But he brings the wrong sort ofattention, and that will only
end in tears and ship outs.
He does have a kind and caringnature and means no harm.
(01:50):
But equally, he does not fit inwith the rest of the lads, and
in work, they already want himout.
This morning, he confided.
This is the best time he's hadso far.
He said it's like living like aking.
Only a few hours later, he'sbeing cut loose.
For me personally, he attractedtoo many undesirables to our
(02:12):
cell.
To make matters worse, none ofthe other reception lads wanted
to pad up with him either.
He was blackballed and feltwounded.
Tonight, he's in a pad byhimself.
Usually, that's a perk, but Ithink he feels let down.
I told him politely, butstraight.
(02:34):
If he didn't get intoextracurricular activities, then
I wouldn't have been swayed topart company.
But my instincts were screamingthat he's a loose cannon.
Although a nice enough lad, hewas almost certainly going to
bring trouble to our cell andworkplace.
So for the good of my own timeinside, it was wise to cut him
free.
(02:55):
The lads were shocked andimpressed by my transparency
with him.
There was no underhandedness.
Maybe tonight, my ex-padmatewill reflect on changing some of
his habits and understand.
It's a trade off to live andfeel like a king in prison.
In less than three months, I'veinhabited four different cells
(03:17):
and survived as many pad mates.
So it saves a person well tolearn and practice patience and
tolerance, or one will becondemned to squabble, silences,
and confrontations.
Cells are like a hive of doompits where very little happiness
exists.
Ironically, the most popular DVDbox set is The Walking Dead.
(03:44):
H, one of the Manchester murdertrials lads, received a guilty
verdict yesterday.
The jury had been out for twoweeks and one day.
Haunted would be the best way todescribe the look on his face
when he returned to Walton.
Although he's been on remandhere for some time with the rest
of the lads, and I've interactedwith them all for three months,
(04:07):
day after day, when they landedback from trial, this time felt
different.
Not just the impact of theverdict on H, but how the whole
process and protocols havealready kicked in between his
journey on the meat wagon tolanding in reception.
Now, he's convicted of murder.
(04:29):
He's a category A prisoner,updated on the system before
he's had enough time to let thewrong results sink in.
I would imagine he'll be markedas a potential suicide risk.
The atmosphere is a crossbetween a wake and business as
usual.
It may be the first time I'vebeen up this close and personal
(04:51):
to such rare events, but prisonand prison officers have
witnessed jaw-dropping crimes,trials and guilty verdicts for
longer than I've been alive.
I never spoke to him properly,other than to say, are you okay?
He responded with a single nod,and it was clear he just wanted
(05:11):
to get back to his cell and nottalk about it.
I have no idea how a personprocesses the notion of a life
sentence coming down the track.
If you don't die in prison, thenthe chances are, if you make it
out, then you're in your 60swith nothing or no one to look
forward to.
(05:32):
How do you readjust?
I imagine I'll speak to him inthe next couple of days.
The rest of the lads, hiscodefendants, must wait
agonizingly over the weekendbefore their verdicts are
announced.
How do they feel left waiting?
The biggest moment of theirlives.
Their fate hanging by a threadand painstakingly stretched out.
(05:57):
The judge apparently indicatedin his summing up that one
guilty means all guilty.
I've watched each of themshrink, fade and waste away to
shadows of their former selves.
The bravado has burnt out andthere are no longer bright
flames of confidence, butsmoking embers of hopelessness.
(06:21):
It's strange that although theremaining lads must be desperate
for it to be over, so too do therest of the lads in prison,
because the prolonged suspenseis turning into a death march.
I washed and ironed their shirtsthis morning, probably for the
final time.
I remember beginning them threemonths ago.
(06:43):
What stories each can tell.
Thank you.
From the boyish fourteen and ahalf to the monstrous seventeen
and a half worn by Adey, who hasa neck like the Hulk.
Someone died, and I do not losesight of this.
A family lost their loved one,and guys in here probably regret
their associations with eachother.
(07:04):
Strangely, although the labelthat comes with their crimes
suggests they must be awful ordespicable, on the contrary,
they are not.
I couldn't help but like thelads.
I've learned through my ownexperience that it is blurred
lines between the facts and thefiction.
Through the night, there wassome kind of kick off in a cell
(07:26):
close by.
Whether it was spice or justthings reaching a boiling point,
I do not know.
But it was shades of the asylummixed with thuds and clashes and
hallmarks of a fight betweenpadmates.
Only on very rare occasions willan officer rock up to check what
cell buzzers are screeching for.
(07:46):
The cutbacks in prison servicesmeans that there are now less
officers than before.
Mr R told me there used to be 12officers on a wing.
Now there is between two andfour during the day and one at
night, which is often an OSG andnot a fully fledged experienced
officer.
There are over a thousandprisoners in here,who spend
(08:09):
unhealthy and prolonged periodsof time behind the door.
If owners treated their petslike this, they would be
prosecuted for abuse.
It's a horrible feeling to knowthat we are considered as
nothing better than animals tobe abused.
We're like a dysfunctionalfamily, although none of us is
(08:31):
related.
Thankfully, my head is oftenpreoccupied with the appeal.
However, it's turning out to beas difficult, or maybe I should
say traumatic, as the case.
Appeals are negatively receivedas fool's gold or denial of the
crime in here by both officersand inmates.
(08:53):
And dare to say or promote thatone is not guilty and you're as
good as fucked.
As much as possible, I try tomake progress with it, but it's
painfully slow and frustratingand the lads are quizzing me
about it more and more, althoughI tried to avoid it, but that
isn't easy.
There are two camps, or groups.
(09:15):
One is intrigued and curious.
The simple, who am I, why am Ihere, saw the papers, heard from
the lads that used to be blahblah blah.
Or, there is the second group.
They're out to use or abuse you.
From silent assassins toprovocateurs twisted with
bitterness and envy.
They want to hurt you.
(09:37):
I find I'm surfing questions andcuriosities between avoiding the
poisonous posse and the perilousgauntlet.
Guys are bored, some want tolaugh, others to bully and
intimidate.
They're the mood hoovers, as Ilike to call them.
They suck the life and spiritout of a room from the moment
they inhabit it.
(09:57):
Agitators, aggressors,predators, preying on prey.
The mental abuse is worse thanthe physical.
Today, I was working on theappeal.
Jeremy is making slow progressand I'm instructed by him to
concentrate on acquiring thecourt transcripts.
JB is taking care of that, butonce again, it's not being made
(10:19):
easy by the judge.
The topic came up when I leastexpected it.
J asked me when we were playingcards, four of us around the
table.
And as bad luck would have it,the prick was observing
everything from the doorway,itching for a moment to geg in.
The lads knew I'd been on alegal visit, and were onto how I
(10:41):
was reading documents on aregular basis.
Whether it was naturalcuriosity, or to throw me off my
game, in the moment it felt likeback in the courtroom.
So what happens with you, G?
What bagged you seven years?
Who did you upset?
Then silence.
(11:03):
That silence lit a fuse in themiddle of a game of poker in the
bedding stores.
You learn in prison, there is atime for answers, and another
time for swerving or deflecting.
Maybe it was there to distractme from the game.
It hadn't gone unnoticed I had aknack for winning, and wasn't a
(11:23):
sore loser when I lost.
But the energy shifted, enoughto notice the lads show signs of
intrigue.
To make matters worse, the pricklunged in.
Yeah, go on, tell us yourversion.
It was like a reflex action, howI responded to him.
(11:45):
There is only one truth to bebelieved, and that is the one
that leaves these lips.
The lads loved that shout.
And the curiosity intensified asa result.
But I'd opened the door for theprick.
All fraudsters talk like that.
I thought I was in a spaghettiWestern scene.
Close ups on our eyes whileMorricone played in the
(12:07):
background.
I told them.
They came through the officedoors like SWAT.
40 of them shouting, everybodyfreeze, don't touch anything.
Sixty seconds into the lifebombexploding, I managed to press
pause.
I stood in front of the wholecompany, apologized for what was
(12:28):
taking place.
Obviously, we weren't expectingit.
I asked everyone to cooperatefully with the police and
authorities, and I told them allto tell the truth.
I didn't win the hand at thetable, but I did set the record
straight, and that felt good.
During the three and a halfyears I was in prison, I wrote
(00:03):
over a million words by hand.
Tales from the Jails is acontemporaneous account of my
life, and attempts to thriverather than merely survive
whilst incarcerated.
Most names have been changed,but the events have not.
13.
(00:24):
The Murder Trial Verdict.
HMP is a cruel place.
An unforgiving den of rats,rogues and villains.
(00:45):
But there are gems and there ishope.
It still surprises me, how thedecent guys come from the most
unexpected of places.
The M people often tend to besurprisingly nice and polite.
Guys you would never expect orsuspect of having committed
(01:05):
horrific crimes, some of whichyou read in the papers, and it
makes you feel sick to the core.
Yet I find the sneering,duplicitous jackals are the
worst.
Pretending to be nicer than theyare.
Manipulating anything andeverything for their own benefit
or gain.
The best padmate I've had sofar, I've had to cut loose after
(01:28):
only a couple of nights.
The K kid is a lad who I have asoft spot for.
He's quirky, stupid at times,which is refreshing.
But he brings the wrong sort ofattention, and that will only
end in tears and ship outs.
He does have a kind and caringnature and means no harm.
(01:50):
But equally, he does not fit inwith the rest of the lads, and
in work, they already want himout.
This morning, he confided.
This is the best time he's hadso far.
He said it's like living like aking.
Only a few hours later, he'sbeing cut loose.
For me personally, he attractedtoo many undesirables to our
(02:12):
cell.
To make matters worse, none ofthe other reception lads wanted
to pad up with him either.
He was blackballed and feltwounded.
Tonight, he's in a pad byhimself.
Usually, that's a perk, but Ithink he feels let down.
I told him politely, butstraight.
(02:34):
If he didn't get intoextracurricular activities, then
I wouldn't have been swayed topart company.
But my instincts were screamingthat he's a loose cannon.
Although a nice enough lad, hewas almost certainly going to
bring trouble to our cell andworkplace.
So for the good of my own timeinside, it was wise to cut him
free.
(02:55):
The lads were shocked andimpressed by my transparency
with him.
There was no underhandedness.
Maybe tonight, my ex-padmatewill reflect on changing some of
his habits and understand.
It's a trade off to live andfeel like a king in prison.
In less than three months, I'veinhabited four different cells
(03:17):
and survived as many pad mates.
So it saves a person well tolearn and practice patience and
tolerance, or one will becondemned to squabble, silences,
and confrontations.
Cells are like a hive of doompits where very little happiness
exists.
Ironically, the most popular DVDbox set is The Walking Dead.
(03:44):
H, one of the Manchester murdertrials lads, received a guilty
verdict yesterday.
The jury had been out for twoweeks and one day.
Haunted would be the best way todescribe the look on his face
when he returned to Walton.
Although he's been on remandhere for some time with the rest
of the lads, and I've interactedwith them all for three months,
(04:07):
day after day, when they landedback from trial, this time felt
different.
Not just the impact of theverdict on H, but how the whole
process and protocols havealready kicked in between his
journey on the meat wagon tolanding in reception.
Now, he's convicted of murder.
(04:29):
He's a category A prisoner,updated on the system before
he's had enough time to let thewrong results sink in.
I would imagine he'll be markedas a potential suicide risk.
The atmosphere is a crossbetween a wake and business as
usual.
It may be the first time I'vebeen up this close and personal
(04:51):
to such rare events, but prisonand prison officers have
witnessed jaw-dropping crimes,trials and guilty verdicts for
longer than I've been alive.
I never spoke to him properly,other than to say, are you okay?
He responded with a single nod,and it was clear he just wanted
(05:11):
to get back to his cell and nottalk about it.
I have no idea how a personprocesses the notion of a life
sentence coming down the track.
If you don't die in prison, thenthe chances are, if you make it
out, then you're in your 60swith nothing or no one to look
forward to.
(05:32):
How do you readjust?
I imagine I'll speak to him inthe next couple of days.
The rest of the lads, hiscodefendants, must wait
agonizingly over the weekendbefore their verdicts are
announced.
How do they feel left waiting?
The biggest moment of theirlives.
Their fate hanging by a threadand painstakingly stretched out.
(05:57):
The judge apparently indicatedin his summing up that one
guilty means all guilty.
I've watched each of themshrink, fade and waste away to
shadows of their former selves.
The bravado has burnt out andthere are no longer bright
flames of confidence, butsmoking embers of hopelessness.
(06:21):
It's strange that although theremaining lads must be desperate
for it to be over, so too do therest of the lads in prison,
because the prolonged suspenseis turning into a death march.
I washed and ironed their shirtsthis morning, probably for the
final time.
I remember beginning them threemonths ago.
(06:43):
What stories each can tell.
Thank you.
From the boyish fourteen and ahalf to the monstrous seventeen
and a half worn by Adey, who hasa neck like the Hulk.
Someone died, and I do not losesight of this.
A family lost their loved one,and guys in here probably regret
their associations with eachother.
(07:04):
Strangely, although the labelthat comes with their crimes
suggests they must be awful ordespicable, on the contrary,
they are not.
I couldn't help but like thelads.
I've learned through my ownexperience that it is blurred
lines between the facts and thefiction.
Through the night, there wassome kind of kick off in a cell
(07:26):
close by.
Whether it was spice or justthings reaching a boiling point,
I do not know.
But it was shades of the asylummixed with thuds and clashes and
hallmarks of a fight betweenpadmates.
Only on very rare occasions willan officer rock up to check what
cell buzzers are screeching for.
(07:46):
The cutbacks in prison servicesmeans that there are now less
officers than before.
Mr R told me there used to be 12officers on a wing.
Now there is between two andfour during the day and one at
night, which is often an OSG andnot a fully fledged experienced
officer.
There are over a thousandprisoners in here,who spend
(08:09):
unhealthy and prolonged periodsof time behind the door.
If owners treated their petslike this, they would be
prosecuted for abuse.
It's a horrible feeling to knowthat we are considered as
nothing better than animals tobe abused.
We're like a dysfunctionalfamily, although none of us is
(08:31):
related.
Thankfully, my head is oftenpreoccupied with the appeal.
However, it's turning out to beas difficult, or maybe I should
say traumatic, as the case.
Appeals are negatively receivedas fool's gold or denial of the
crime in here by both officersand inmates.
(08:53):
And dare to say or promote thatone is not guilty and you're as
good as fucked.
As much as possible, I try tomake progress with it, but it's
painfully slow and frustratingand the lads are quizzing me
about it more and more, althoughI tried to avoid it, but that
isn't easy.
There are two camps, or groups.
(09:15):
One is intrigued and curious.
The simple, who am I, why am Ihere, saw the papers, heard from
the lads that used to be blahblah blah.
Or, there is the second group.
They're out to use or abuse you.
From silent assassins toprovocateurs twisted with
bitterness and envy.
They want to hurt you.
(09:37):
I find I'm surfing questions andcuriosities between avoiding the
poisonous posse and the perilousgauntlet.
Guys are bored, some want tolaugh, others to bully and
intimidate.
They're the mood hoovers, as Ilike to call them.
They suck the life and spiritout of a room from the moment
they inhabit it.
(09:57):
Agitators, aggressors,predators, preying on prey.
The mental abuse is worse thanthe physical.
Today, I was working on theappeal.
Jeremy is making slow progressand I'm instructed by him to
concentrate on acquiring thecourt transcripts.
JB is taking care of that, butonce again, it's not being made
(10:19):
easy by the judge.
The topic came up when I leastexpected it.
J asked me when we were playingcards, four of us around the
table.
And as bad luck would have it,the prick was observing
everything from the doorway,itching for a moment to geg in.
The lads knew I'd been on alegal visit, and were onto how I
(10:41):
was reading documents on aregular basis.
Whether it was naturalcuriosity, or to throw me off my
game, in the moment it felt likeback in the courtroom.
So what happens with you, G?
What bagged you seven years?
Who did you upset?
Then silence.
(11:03):
That silence lit a fuse in themiddle of a game of poker in the
bedding stores.
You learn in prison, there is atime for answers, and another
time for swerving or deflecting.
Maybe it was there to distractme from the game.
It hadn't gone unnoticed I had aknack for winning, and wasn't a
(11:23):
sore loser when I lost.
But the energy shifted, enoughto notice the lads show signs of
intrigue.
To make matters worse, the pricklunged in.
Yeah, go on, tell us yourversion.
It was like a reflex action, howI responded to him.
(11:45):
There is only one truth to bebelieved, and that is the one
that leaves these lips.
The lads loved that shout.
And the curiosity intensified asa result.
But I'd opened the door for theprick.
All fraudsters talk like that.
I thought I was in a spaghettiWestern scene.
Close ups on our eyes whileMorricone played in the
(12:07):
background.
I told them.
They came through the officedoors like SWAT.
40 of them shouting, everybodyfreeze, don't touch anything.
Sixty seconds into the lifebombexploding, I managed to press
pause.
I stood in front of the wholecompany, apologized for what was
(12:28):
taking place.
Obviously, we weren't expectingit.
I asked everyone to cooperatefully with the police and
authorities, and I told them allto tell the truth.
I didn't win the hand at thetable, but I did set the record
straight, and that felt good.
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