January 28, 2026 • 43 mins
It seems like the barrage of breaking bad news never ends. But don't let negative news break your spirit or diminish your voice to speak out and take action. You can turn away from social media and TV but not tune out completely. Managing anxiety is important to your mental health. Just don't allow apathy to settle in. Hear Melanie Young's coping tips to manage anxiety, keep focused and calm. If you are feeling distressed or suicidal, please call the 988 crisis lifeline or text Hello to 741741
Fearless Fabulous You is broadcast live Wednesdays at 12 Noon ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
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Fearless Fabulous You is broadcast live Wednesdays at 12 Noon ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Fearless Fabulous You Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:20):
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Speaker 2 (00:44):
Hello and welcome, Fearless Fabulous You. I am your host,
Melanie Young known as Melanie Fabulous on Instagram. I love
helping women, particular those over fifty, make sense of life,
make life happen on their terms, deal with changes, deal
(01:06):
with setbacks, deal with stumbling blocks mental and physical, to
move on. I also love spotlighting women entrepreneurs. I am
one a serial entrepreneur. I help women in business better,
find ways to communicate what they're doing, and I love
to write. I'm a certified wine specialist and a certified
(01:27):
health coach. Oh Wine and health Anyway. Today is October eleventh,
twenty twenty three, and it has been Okay, let's face it,
a weird week for many people in the world. You know,
I'm giving this show, which I'm hosting solo, which I
(01:47):
enjoy doing, the title Facing your Fears? What's keeping you
up at night? Or is breaking new starting to break
your spirit? Because let's face it, it just seems like
like every time we turn around, week by week, month
by month, there's a barrage of bad news. Why is
breaking news always bad news?
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Just think about that.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Wouldn't be nice to have breaking news that's good news?
Like breaking news somebody won the one point three billion
dollar lottery did you buy your lottery ticket? Or breaking
news somebody made a massive donation to help somebody, or
breaking news an entire community came together to help the
homeless people find homes. Positive things. Thankfully, there are some
(02:31):
wonderful reporters out there who mercifully have dedicated their lives
to talking about kindness and good in people. But boy,
they are like the diamond and the roff of a
rough world of ashes and smoke and dust and debris
of everything else happening. So uh, we just finished, you know,
(02:53):
living through the sorrow of watching the beautiful city of
Lehina burn to the ground in a in September. That
was the breaking news then and it was painful. Dave
and I go to Lahaina. It's in Maui frequently. We
actually own a time share there, and we're going to
be there in Thanksgiving of twenty twenty three doing some
(03:14):
volunteer work. But we feel like it's a home. We're
not tourists when we're there. We're people who have a
home there and we hate to see people lose there.
So we're grappling with how to be a sensitive traveling
to a hurting community so that we can do our
share of help without looking like we're being pompous assholes
(03:35):
who are entitled and living well and just doing this
on their vacation, which is not the case, but in
some case it's true, not true, So we're trying to
grapple with that. We're watching the horrific events unfold still
since the beginning of this year in Ukraine. It doesn't end.
People just lose their lives. People just keep turning on
each other. And we lived all the crazy people in
(03:59):
the House of Representatives, you know, they can't figure out
what to do.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Get a new speaker of the House.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I mean it hits everywhere, but this week really, really,
I think jarred a lot of people because on Saturday,
October seventh, twenty twenty three, the terrorist group Pa Mas,
the Palestinian terrorist group PA Moss basically blasted is Rul
in the Gaza Strip and attacked unprovoked and surprised, a
(04:28):
massive attack that many of your people calling the Israel's
nine to eleven and reported that more Jews were killed
in the weekend since this attack occurred. It was the
second largest killing of Jews in modern history since the Holocaust. Well,
that is beyond humbling. I am Jewish of Jewish birth,
(04:49):
and it sends chills up my spine for many reasons.
Think about it. The attacks occurred on a Saturday morning
at nine forty five. Okay, that's the Jewish Sabbath. It
was ending of the holiest weeks of the Jewish year
Russia Shana Yam Kippasukah. The Sabbath is a holy day
(05:12):
of rest in spiritual reflection. Families don't work, they're together,
they pray, they stay at home. It's a time of
as I said, rest, togetherness, family and spirituality. And yet
people were attacked the kibbutza's were like, you know, one
hundred people were killed in a kabutz, which is a
(05:33):
farming community, a peaceful farming community in Israel. I actually
know someone living in a kibbutz near the Gaza Strip.
She's okay, but she's praying for her family right now.
I have friends and family in Israel, fortunately not with
they're okay. One of the attacks was get this a
music festival of peace, a music festival of peace, and
people were massacred. They terrorist shot and people randomly like
(05:55):
target practice and hold the way hostages like pirates, booty
and now Hamas is threatening to murder the hostages every
time they are bombed. The whole thing is just a nightmare.
And today I saw Nora O'Donnell, who's my favorite newscaster,
and CBS try to hold back tiers. And when you
see newscasters of that prominence and professionalism trying to hold
(06:19):
back tiers, you know things are really really really shitty,
shitty bad. Welcome to peace, love and murder. Imagine you
go to a festival, you go to a club, you
go to a restaurant, you go to a family gathering,
and you go to church to pray and you.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Risk your life.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
And when I was at services, and I hadn't been
to Yumkidpor services in forty five years, but because my
mother died and now I have no more parents and
I'm in Chattanooga and it's very spiritual. The Jewish Committee
is very tight knit here. I thought it would go
and it's so jarring to you know, start every service
now with where all the emergency exits are and security detail.
(06:57):
You know, you don't want to go anywhere because all
you have to think about us. You know, when you
go to a festival, you think about what your exit
plan is. It's like when we go to New Orleans
and think about living in New Orleans, when you think
about her evacuation plan, and I'm like, why do I
want to live in a world room? I'm always thinking
about my evacuation plan. Yes it's getting to me, and
yes it's getting to all of us. So the focus
(07:17):
of this show is not to rag about how horrible
things are, but to talk about how to deal with them.
But it's not just the news. I mean, you know,
so we watch the news because it's history being made
in history as can be ugly, and actually history is
being made, it's being repeated, and the newscasters warn us
(07:39):
the images are disturbing, and they are, yet we still
watch them. Now we have a choice to turn off
the television, turn off the social media, stop watching, and
that may be a good thing for many of us,
including me, particularly as the night wears on. However, you
can't turn You can turn off, but you can't tune out.
They're totally different things. Turning off means I'm not going
(08:02):
to watch it today. I'm not going to read it today.
I'm going to focus on something or else. I need
to turn away. This is gutting to me. Tuning out
means I don't give a shit. I don't want to
hear about it. And you can't do that because that
can be dangerous. We've seen where that's gone before. So
ignoring the problem does not make it go away. It
(08:24):
allows it to fester, potentially grow and get worse. So
don't let your anxiety turn into despair, and don't let
your anger turn into apathy. Now I'm referring to you know, terrorists,
terrorism that's happening, and war and really inhumane things happening,
and what we're supposed to be a human population which
(08:46):
I certainly wonder about that. It can also happen in
your own backyard. It could happen in your house. Maybe
you're an abusive relationship, Maybe you are dealing with a
family member that committed a crime. Maybe you're dealing with
something that is just.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Horrible.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
I'll give you an example. You know, horrible things happen
all over the place. Recently, in Chattanooga, Tennessee, the city
where I reside now, a thirty eight year old man
named Christopher Wright. This happened two weeks ago. I think
two weeks ago, so it happened in the month of October.
End of September. Christopher Wright, a thirty eight year old man,
(09:31):
and this made national news.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
How depressing. A husband and father of three.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Children under the age of five, including an eight week
old baby, was murdered after leaving a party for his
twentieth high school reunion Baylor High School. He was downtown
at a place called the Pickle Barrel and a fairly
well lit noon area of town. But there are some
(09:56):
vagrant types who mill around there. I'm not sure why,
but I think it's because they live in some weird
building there that really needs to be like demolish or
have new owners. They care about it. But he was
leaving this gathering of friends for his twentieth high school
reunion weekend, and he, I guess, got into an altercation discussion.
(10:17):
Words were exchanged between him and another man named Darryl Roberts,
who was a career criminal with a lengthy rapper record
sixty six arrests. Okay, sixty six arrests. Who has sixty
six arrests and stays out on the street and is
able to buy a gun. Darryl Roberts, so right, local
(10:40):
high school football hero, Yale graduate, successful businessman, model citizen,
father of three, including a baby eight weeks old, was
gunned down, shot in the head by a sixty six
rap career criminal named Daryl Roberts.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
That just.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I'm even having tried. I don't even know the family,
and I'm grappling with it. I was told that the
funeral was the saddest thing ever. And there's a GoFundMe
set up for the three children's college fund. But you know,
it's like humans are becoming inhumane and I don't understand why,
and it is getting to me. The garden of human
(11:16):
nature is being overgrammed. With bad seeds, and we need
to do a better job of weeding and replanning with
better seeds. It's not about taking matters into your own
hands and fighting back with weapons. Don't go to pack
agon and becoming a you know, don't start being your
own vigilante. It's bigger than that, and it's while we
(11:37):
have law enforcement. It's about fighting back by taking action.
You can become an activist in your community or in
your industry. It's about if you see something, say something.
Don't turn away and tune out. As I said, you
can turn off the television, but if you see something happening,
you need to report it. That's what you do. You
(11:58):
call law enforcement, call authorities, you say stop. If you
feel safe, you go and say please stop. Turning away
and tuning out doesn't make things better and ultimately it
will not make you feel better. Today, going to the gym,
we saw a man outside the gym. His trunk is open,
(12:20):
he's got a zillion bottles on top of the car.
He's talking to themselves. He's clearly out of his mind
or something. And everybody at the gym at my exercise
class was looking out or wondering what was going on
and I thought, wow, maybe somebody should you know, call
someone and ask him to talk to him. I mean, he's,
(12:40):
you know, clearly loopy. I don't know where this went.
And I admit I was one of the people that
just kept walking by. I had my New York mentality on.
In New York, you see so many crazy people on
the streets you just wanted to step over them and
walk by them.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
And that's not good either.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But at some point, as one girl said today, I
can't just be helping everybody and giving everybody a handout
because I'll not have any money myself.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
I don't know what the answer is, but at the
end of the day, if.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You see something, you might as well, you know, call
and say I need to report this. Maybe this person
needs help. It's not being afraid to speak up and
say this person may need help. Could you check things out?
And that probably should have done that, and you know,
me a cul buffer, being one of the people that
(13:25):
just walked on, don't want to get involved. It's not good.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
We all need to be better.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
We don't need to be the police, but we need
to call the police. I mean, I remember living in Newark,
I was so overwhelmed by all the homeless people on
the streets begging for money. I just tuned them all
out because I couldn't keep giving any money. And frankly,
once I did give somebody money because he was so
pitiful looking, and then I saw it as a costume.
So I don't even know who's real or not anymore.
With with people asking for money today, I do to
(13:54):
handle things differently.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
And this is some vice to you.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
If you see people who are in distress or anxiety
or maybe mentally imbalanced, it's not about necessarily, you know,
you've got to make sure that they're not, you know,
packing a weapon or going to do something to you.
But if they come up to you, instead of getting
fearful and running away, say and they say I need money,
you know you can say I'm sorry, I can't give
(14:19):
you money, but I want to give you hope that
your situation will prove and I hope you find the
help you need, have a blessed day and walk on.
At least you're acknowledging the person. Most people just like
turn away and say get away from me. And I
don't know what that would be like. I don't know
what it'd be like to be so broken and homeless
and desperate and trying to go up to people and
have them just turn away with me like I was
(14:39):
like a stinky piece of garbage. I don't think that's
good either. I mean, they're humans, so we've got to
have compassion while being protection. While having protection, it's not
just about you know, terrorists and criminals and crazy people
roaming the streets. It's also about scammers and people who
are abusive on social media. I seem to be I
(15:04):
seem to be like, you know, scammer target one. I
have things on Facebook, Marketplace. Everybody seems to want to
text me and give me take my phone number. And
I've learned to have my scam and my scam tenna
up as I call it my scam tenna, and I report.
I report scammers. I don't just cut them out and
delete them. I report them because if they're gonna scam me,
(15:25):
they're going to scam someone else.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
So if you feel like people are taking.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Advantage of you and you don't do anything about it,
don't just tune out and turn away. Report them, take action,
because once they stop trying to take advantage and do
something to you, they'll just move on to the next person.
That's a scammer, that's an abuser, that's any type of
(15:52):
inappropriate behavior, illegal, inappropriate. You've got to say no, stop,
I'm going to report you, because otherwise it will keep happening.
If you feel you're in a situation where you feel
your life is at risk, obviously be careful, don't confront.
(16:15):
But and I'm no expert, but keep your wits about you,
Be calm and say I can't help you, or would
you like me to call help for you, and leave
it at that. So how was this? You know.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
A lot of people are feeling a broken spirit.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Like I said, I watched Nora O'Donnell today fight Back
Tears on television, and that really shook me up and
rattled me for the day. So I did what I
always do when I feel rattled, I go work out,
because for me, that is the best thing I can
do is step away from the computer, step away from
the television, step away from where I am, and go
somewhere else. Now, normally that involves buying an airplane ticket
(17:03):
and getting the hell out of touch. And believe me,
that's the best way to calm my nerves. But obviously
you can't always do that, and got to be frugal
with money these days. So I go work out, I
go take a walk, I do something that re energizes
me mentally and physically, and then I sit down and
write like I did this morning in preparation for this show,
(17:25):
because I know if I'm feeling it, you may be
feeling it. And I'm going to be very honest with
you today because that's what I do here. October starts
a very sad time for me personally, and one that
challenges my own spirit. And you know what's worse than
(17:46):
a broken heart, a broken spirit. Frankly, a broken heart
is easier to heal than a broken spirit. So how
do you keep your spirit strong even when everything around
you seems to be apart? I'll set it up this way.
Why is October a sad time for me personally? Well,
(18:06):
First of all, the days are getting shorter. That makes
me sad. But I woke up this morning to the
most beautiful sunrise and the sky was pink, rose, pink,
like a beautiful glass of rose. And I photographed it
and it made me feel better, and I thought, the
(18:26):
sky is pink, the sun is up.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Even those clouds right now.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
It's a better day than other people are having elsewhere
in the world. Last night I went to bed to
the most beautiful autumn moon. I didn't watch television. I
stop watching anything that's violent upsetting. I always keep at
least two or three good books by my bed, usually
their preparation for the show. But good books, or I write,
(18:53):
or I do a duel lingo, but I don't watch
anything that upsets me. I look out and gaze at
the moon, and it made me sleep better one of
the few times, because this time last year I was
having nightmares almost every night because my mother was dying
in the next room, literally in the next room, and
I never knew when she'd be calling out in the
middle of the night. So I thought, wow, things are
a lot better this year because I don't have a
(19:15):
dying woman in the bedroom next to me, screaming out
in the middle of the night. Help God, help me,
help me, help me, which is what she did. So
things are quieter now. So it's just surround yourself with serenity.
If things start to break your spirit and give you anxiety,
surround yourself with serenity. That's what you've got to do.
(19:38):
Turn off put on beautiful music. I've been doing that
a lot. I actually started cooking. I'm alone right now.
My husband's in New York. Hate that, But in flip side,
I love it. Why Because I can eat whatever I
want whenever I want. I can wake up whenever I want,
do whatever I want. I can come and go whenever
I want. I don't have anyone to say, oh but wait,
it's dinner time. It's not dinner time unless I'm hungry,
(20:00):
but for David, love you, it's dinner time always at
six thirty, whether you're hungry or not. So I've been,
you know, just cutting up roast of vegetables, cooking vegetables,
listening to music, having some wine, being low key, doing
all the things I never get to do when he's
around because we're being couplely, which is great. But I'm
kind of enjoying my solitude and then I'm going out
(20:21):
and doing things with other people, and I think that's
helping me prepare for what is the sad time, what
I call the autumn leaves.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Period of the year.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
My mother and father had a special song. It was
called Autumn Leaves. I don't know why they selected it
because it's so depressing. My mother asked me to play
it at a memorial service, and it's about falling leaves,
driving by the window, leaves of red and gold. I
see your lips, the summer kisses, the sunburn hands I
used to hold since you went away. The days grow long,
(20:53):
and soon i'll hear a winter song. But I miss
you most of all, my darling. When autumn leaves start
to fall, now, that is very difficult for me, because
not only is that a depressing song, but it reminds
me of three people I lost in the latter part
of a year and I had to grapple with. On
(21:16):
October thirteenth, twenty fifteen, my wonderfully talented cousin, Jeffrey Sloanem,
took a Saturday morning run to the West side of Manhattan.
He was on some medication that left him clinically depressed.
Jeffrey climbed to the roof of an Italian restaurant at
Lincoln Center called Lincoln and jumped. No one could persuade
him not to. He died of cardiac arrest before being
(21:36):
taken to After being taken to the er, Jeffrey left
behind a wife, Fiona, and two sons decline and Finbaugh,
a grieving family and many many friends. He was a
respected entertainment reporter and covered the red carpet and glamorous events.
It all seemed so fabulous, but obviously it was not,
and sadly it got all over the press. And I
think about him right now because August he has lost
(21:59):
his life on October thirteenth, of the age of fifty six.
In October two thousand and nine, my father was taken
home to die. He had metastasized prostate cancer, and I
flew home to tell him goodbye. In September two thousand
and nine, before I underwent a double mes sectomy for
breast cancer myself, I knew when I said goodbye, I
didn't say goodbye. I say i'll see you on this
(22:21):
I'll see you down the road, because I never say goodbye.
I always say i'll see you down the road. I
knew I would never see him again and almost wreck
my spirit. But however, I also happened to be facing
breast cancer and a big unknown because I hadn't had
my mass sectomy yet, so I didn't know how bad
the situation was, so I couldn't cave in. I think,
if anything, it made me stronger. My father died on November,
(22:44):
two days after my second cancer surgery, before I started chemo,
but I again. October November scary, and then October November
my mother will November, my mother's physical health started decline
further in October twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
You're at mental health. We're still strong, sort of. She
wanted to die, but.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
She just couldn't, so she just read a lot of books,
watched a lot of opera over Christmas. Before Christmas and
before she done NonStop Nutcracker, don't even ask me to
listen to the March of the Soldiers this year, and
refused to get up. She never saw the autumn leaves
starting to fall because she never got out of her
(23:25):
bed ever. And she done on December twenty second. We
played on them leaves at her funeral, but she never
saw them again. After she fell in May twenty twenty two.
She never saw them or left to go outside again,
except to go get a doctor's appointment. That's just crazy.
But I bring all this up because life happens to
(23:49):
all of us, and very horrible things happen. That's just
my life. But I have so many friends out there
who have lost loved ones, husbands, daughters, or they're going
to be losing them because they're the parents whose health
(24:09):
are failing. And then we have terrorists. How do you
handle all of that? How do you cope? Well, first
of all, I want to underscore that there are some
things you can handle yourself, and there's some things that
are bigger, and you need to understand that and say
(24:30):
I need help and ask for it. Maybe you can't
put the world on your shoulders because your shoulders are
going to buckle. But if you feel like your spirit
is unsteady and you need a spiritual lift, here are
some things that I suggest you do that I do. One.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Don't put an alarm clock on. Just go to bed.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Don't set an alarm, just wake up naturally and hopefully
you slept the night. Don't put any restrictions on how
long you sleep, how long you work. I'll get to
work in a bit. Don't put any restrictions on your rest.
Do put restrictions on your work, so clear or reduce
your schedule, sleep more and work less. Okay, unless you're
(25:23):
enjoying your work. But if you are doing anything that
is stressful, it's time to clear the plate, or take
a few things off of it and give yourself more time.
Take a day break, a dacation, and do one special
thing for yourself or maybe two. I've done that a
few times, where I'll just say I'm not going to
(25:45):
work today. I mean, fortunately, I work for myself, and
I can say that it's hard when you're employed. But
even if you're employed, you can take an after an
evening off. You can take time off to do something
special for yourself. Whatever it is, a many petty, a massage,
a walk, volunteer work, whatever it makes you feel good. Three,
(26:09):
call someone who can cheer you up. I have this
friend Valerie. I mean she's gone through her you know,
she's gone through a lot this year too, and next
husband was killed, She's lost a very dear friend. She
has had some hip issues, her mother has some health issues.
But she always laughs and she always makes me laugh.
And you need that friend who can just make you laugh.
(26:31):
Don't commiserate with that person, just talk about things that
make you laugh. Call someone who can cheer you up.
Then call someone that you can cheer up. Maybe you
have a friend it's going through a tough time. Call
and say I'd love to see how you're doing. Let's
go out kind of take you out. Can I visit
with you? Can I bring you some food? You're not
(26:51):
in this alone. There are a lot of people who
are in pain. Sometimes you can lean into the pain,
or you can offer a hand. Remember, offer a hand,
not a handout, but a hand. If someone is suffering,
it will lift them up and it will lift you up.
Then number five, make a list of all the things
(27:13):
to be grateful for and that you take for granted, because, boy,
when you watch the images on TV and people being massacred,
you better believe you at least live in a country
where there's not well, hopefully not major tour you know,
major bombs about to go off. You live in a home,
you have food, you have comfort that many people don't have,
(27:35):
and hopefully you have your health. But make a list
of all the things to be grateful for and all
those things you take for granted, and you should feel better.
Then number six, make a dream list of what can
be and what you'd like to see happen, and choose
(27:56):
one thing to act on it. I'll be interview I'm
interviewing a woman named Lisa Neighbors who went through a
rough time and divorce and the old transition of turning fifty.
And she de said to do fifty things before she
turned fifty. That was her milestone steps. And I think
(28:17):
tho'se a great move. Make a list of things that
you want to do that you haven't done, that challenges
your fear, that lifts you up, that lifts other people up.
Make that dream list and choose only one thing. Don't
load it up, but don't load up your plate again.
(28:37):
Just choose one or two things you want to do.
Maybe it's reading a book that you haven't read yet.
I want to read lessons in chemistry. I'm looking at
it right now. I'm trying to read more books that
are not self help books.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Oh, I'm going to write a book.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
As I said in a prior show, I'm not doing
any more self help books on the show. I'm only
going to do what I consider how I can help people,
because it's my voice that should be sharing, not others.
What's on my dream list? Oh well, I can tell
you right now. I want to write two best selling books.
That's like all I want to do to accomplish in
(29:12):
life right now is write two best selling books. So
I'm going to clear my schedule to do that. That's
what I want to do before I die. I also
want to see the northern lights. I always want to
see that. I hate cold weather, but I want to
see the northern lights because they look like magic. I
want to take a trip around the world with my husband,
get a one way ticket and just go. I'm going
(29:33):
to do that after I sell the house i'm living in.
Whenever I sell the house, not sure, but that's on
my list. I also want to dispossess myself of a
lot of things, like ninety percent of what I have
in the house. I did that before when I lived
in the Husband Valley. My husband I dispossess as in,
we sold most of our possessions and lived on the
(29:55):
road for two years. Bucket list did it. Now I
want to do it again because my mother left me
a beautiful house filled with stuff because she never threw
anything out. Now I get to try to throw it
all out myself or sell it. So that's a big project,
but I'm gonna master it. I'm going to be the
best at selling the estate possible. Maybe learn a new business, okay,
(30:19):
simple things, make cookies or eat them or brownies or
eat them, just make sure they're really good and homemade.
So last night, actually two nights ago, I was well,
not too last night in particular, I was feeling uneasy
after watching the news, and I just sat and chopped
up vegetables, cut up vegetables and roasted them and had
(30:40):
them with noodles. It was just basic. I had my
glass of wine. I didn't have my husband telling me
I needed to have protein because he wasn't here, so
I didn't have to make chicken or fish. I could
just have my vegetables and I was very happy just
doing back. But the process of slicing the vegetables and
putting the olive oil and herbs on them and putting
them down and spreading them out was very calming for me.
(31:03):
I think I used to have a love hate with cooking.
Cooking for a meal not so fun. Just cooking because
there's a rhythm to it. Fine. And maybe I will
make those brownies and then give them away to the
children down the street, so I don't eat them. But
just the process of using your hands to do something,
if it's not making cookies or brownies or bread. My
(31:25):
husband makes bread. Get a coloring book, I found my
crayle of crayons from my youth. It's cute to see
what colors I use the most. Most of them were
in blues and purples and pinks and oranges. And then
I found a box, a crayle of crayons that are
only purple, because my mother only like purple, and somehow
some are somebody bought up all the purple crayons and
(31:48):
made a special box for her, which is kind of cute.
But I'm thinking about taking up drawing and coloring just
to use my hands. So do something with your hands
that keeps your hands busy, but your mind as well.
(32:11):
Eight you feeling really shitty, go to a local animal
shelter and talk to the cats and dogs in the
cages there and make them feel better. You know, your
local animal shelter is looking for volunteers to be cuddlers.
You could be a cat cuddler, a dog cuddler. It'll
make you feel better and it'll make those little animals
(32:31):
feel better. You don't have to adopt, But I think
that's what we're going to do when we go out
to Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
We're gonna volunteer for the animal shelter out there. It
seems like they need help.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
And we're also going to see if we can prepare
a Thanksgiving dinner for a family that lost their home.
Because there's something around sitting around the table, sharing a
meal with people and having conversation that can make you
feel better and make them feel better. Nine Invite a
friend to take a walk with you, or go have
(33:00):
lunch or coffee, just something where you're not sitting around,
you're moving. I like taking walks with friends. I think
it's a great way to have a meeting, get together.
I would rather take a walk than have coffee. Frankly,
but do that. Maybe there's somebody out there who you
know you always say oh, let's get together soon. Have
(33:22):
you how many times have you said, oh, let's get
together and then you don't. So you know what, get together,
pick up the phone, send the text and say let's
do it, let's get together. I do that all the
time when I travel. I always reach out to people
and say I'd like to get together a walk or
lunch or yes, coffee something.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Have you given yourself a hug lately?
Speaker 2 (33:46):
No? Really, have you given yourself a hug and said
I love you?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I think you're so amazing.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Look yourself in the mirror and say that, and then
get the most expensive body cream you can find. I
always just get a like TJ. Matt because they're always
on sale there. That's the best place to get really
good products at a discount. Tip slither yourself with body
cream or coconut oil. Curl up in bed with a
good book. Take a nap in the middle of the day.
(34:15):
I have a friend who used to take naps in
the middle of the day, even during the workday. Just
thirteen minutes. She'd get into her pajamas. She worked at home,
and she'd go take a nap, and then she'd give out,
have her pajamas, she'd go back to work. My mother
in law does that. My mother in law's ninety one.
She can take it as long as a nap as
she wants, but she always takes naps. But do something
(34:35):
that makes you feel good and makes you realize that
you actually love yourself, and if you're blessed with having
a loved one, a partner in your life, give that
person a hug. I bet you don't do it enough.
I know, I don't. You get so caught up in
the day to day life of married chatter like when
(34:55):
are we gonna go out to home depot? Or we
got to clean up the kitchen, or you know what
I mean. You forget about the hugs and the kisses.
And maybe you're so busy dealing with the kids, but
think about giving yourself a hug and then hugging someone else.
You know, we went for two years without hugging people
because of COVID.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Think about that.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
We went for two years where we really couldn't hug people. Sue,
unless you were still worried about germs. Give people a hug.
My husband's a great hugger. I he actually hugs more
people than he hugs me, and I'm going to actually
dress that with him. He loves to hug people, but
I'd like to be hugged more by him. I think
he'd like to be hugg more by me.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
So maybe that's.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
On that list, right. But you know, these are ten things,
ten that you can do very easy. Doesn't cost anything
unless you buy that expensive body cream. But you can
do right now to feel better, and you may find
other ways. I'd actually like to hear how you make
yourself feel better when the news is bad and you
(35:57):
feel like your spirit's about.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
To break go through it a lot.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
There's certain things that trigger me, trigger that make me
get agitated. One is watching, you know, people getting murdered
on television. That really triggers me, and therefore turn off
the TV. I still read the news because I read
the New York Times on Wall Street Journal, but I
got to stop the images. I don't like dealing with
money issues.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I still have to.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Pay bills, But how do I deal with that. I
allocate one afternoon or morning, I block everything out and
I tackle the bills.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
I hate paying them. I hate dealing with finances.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
I never have liked it. My dad, God Ressie, always
took care of these things and I just sent him
the money to deal with it. But that wasn't so
good either. I don't do it every day. I just
pick one day and say blinders boom. I also do
that with my writing when I'm working on an article
or a script for podcasts or whatever, like I did
this morning, I just block out everything and just sit
(36:59):
down down and write. I don't look at emails, I
don't answer texts, I don't answer the phone. I just
block out and I focus. And that's a really good
way to get back into your head. Block things out,
not tune out. Block out. Big difference. Tune out to
(37:20):
me is like you're not even there anymore. I am
not interested block out. I'm giving myself this amount of
time to focus on what I need to focus on.
And I think that'll help you too, because otherwise you're spinning.
Your mind is spinning. And if you feel like your
mind is spinning, you got to bring it back and
(37:41):
center it. So a lot of the things I just
told you about clear reduce your schedule, take a day
break and do one thing for yourself. Three call someone
who can cheer you up. Four call someone that you
can cheer up. Five make a list of things to
be grateful for and that you take for granted. Make
a dream less of what can be what you want
(38:02):
to have happen, and choose one thing and act on it.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Seven Make cookies.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Or brownies or just eat them, but don't go crazy
and make sure they're good. But do something. In other words,
do something with your hands. If it's not cooking, it
could be something artistic. But do something with your hands.
It could be ironing. I happen to like to iron.
By the way, iron clothes rhythm good one. Eight Go
(38:27):
to a local animal shelter and talk to the cats
and dogs and offer to volunteer as a cat or
dog cuddler.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
You could probably also do that at a senior sitter.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
But the great thing about going to animal shelters dogs
and cats can't talk back.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
They just love to be cuddled.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
Nine. Invite a friend to take a walk with you,
or go to lunch, or go to the movies, or
do something funf you and fun. Ten give yourself a hug,
look yourself in the mirror and say you're so awesome
and fabulous, how lucky you are to be. Slap for
yourself with rich body cream. Give yourself a massage, go
(39:06):
out and get do something really special for yourself. But
it could just be curling up in bed with a
great book, a fun book and just reading going to sleep.
Don't setting the alarm, letting your natural rhythm happen. So
that's something else to think about. Finally, and this is
(39:26):
really really important. If you're still feeling anxiety, anger, anguish, depressive,
and you feel there is no hope, If you truly
feel there is no hope and you potentially want to
clock out and end it, and say I'm done. And
(39:48):
I've seen these I've seen these comments on social media
and people jump in. But it's like wow, people are
calling out, call out, call out, reach out for help.
Contact your a minister, a rabbi, contact your doctor. If
(40:08):
you don't see a therapist, ask your doctor for the
names of one. And importantly, there are many, many, many
free hotlines, very free suicide and crisis not just suicide
crisis intervention. You don't have to feel suicidal. You can
feel like you are lost, but there are free phone lines.
(40:31):
The most prevalent are nine eight eight, text nine eight
eight or call nine eight eight or nine one one.
But nine eight eight is a suicide and crisis hotline,
and there's a crisis text line you text hello to
seven four one seven four one.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
I'll give you a tip.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
When I was a little girl, I went through I
had anxiety for a variety of reasons. I used to
call diala prayer. Yeah, I don't even know it exists,
but I used to call diala prayer and I would
hear a prayer. If exists, that's great, But just know
there are free lines where you can talk to someone.
(41:16):
Don't let things fester inside of you don't let breaking
news and bad things break your spirit. Step out from
the shadows to see the light by shining your own
amazing light, which I know you have even during the
dark times. And when hoomnies start to fall, you still
(41:39):
are a tree with branches and the leaves will come back.
So think about yourself as a tree with beautiful branches
that can reach out and offer shade for those who
feel they need shade, offer a breeze for those who
need a breeze. Let the sun in and are beautiful
(42:01):
and strong. And when your leaves fall and you look
like things are going down, remember there's always a springtime
down the road. You just have to stay strong and
sturdy and believe in yourself. I'm Melanie Young. This is
another edition of Fearless, Fabulous You. I hope that my
(42:24):
honesty about my own life resonates with you and helps you,
because that's why I do it.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I also do it to help me. We are all human.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Hope we rolled a good side of human, and we
can fight all the bad elements of human in our
own way, and hopefully we can all lift ourselves up
in the process. Because you deserve to be the person
you are and shine your light and your beautiful branches
(42:57):
to create beautiful wind and shade light to guide the
way for others. As I always say, you have the
choice in life to do things your way or the
way others want you to do them. Follow your heart,
follow your gut, follow your mind, follow your true, authentic you,
(43:18):
and always choose fearless and fabulous. Thank you.
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We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services,
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(00:20):
be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing
W four WN Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Hello and welcome, Fearless Fabulous You. I am your host,
Melanie Young known as Melanie Fabulous on Instagram. I love
helping women, particular those over fifty, make sense of life,
make life happen on their terms, deal with changes, deal
(01:06):
with setbacks, deal with stumbling blocks mental and physical, to
move on. I also love spotlighting women entrepreneurs. I am
one a serial entrepreneur. I help women in business better,
find ways to communicate what they're doing, and I love
to write. I'm a certified wine specialist and a certified
(01:27):
health coach. Oh Wine and health Anyway. Today is October eleventh,
twenty twenty three, and it has been Okay, let's face it,
a weird week for many people in the world. You know,
I'm giving this show, which I'm hosting solo, which I
(01:47):
enjoy doing, the title Facing your Fears? What's keeping you
up at night? Or is breaking new starting to break
your spirit? Because let's face it, it just seems like
like every time we turn around, week by week, month
by month, there's a barrage of bad news. Why is
breaking news always bad news?
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Just think about that.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Wouldn't be nice to have breaking news that's good news?
Like breaking news somebody won the one point three billion
dollar lottery did you buy your lottery ticket? Or breaking
news somebody made a massive donation to help somebody, or
breaking news an entire community came together to help the
homeless people find homes. Positive things. Thankfully, there are some
(02:31):
wonderful reporters out there who mercifully have dedicated their lives
to talking about kindness and good in people. But boy,
they are like the diamond and the roff of a
rough world of ashes and smoke and dust and debris
of everything else happening. So uh, we just finished, you know,
(02:53):
living through the sorrow of watching the beautiful city of
Lehina burn to the ground in a in September. That
was the breaking news then and it was painful. Dave
and I go to Lahaina. It's in Maui frequently. We
actually own a time share there, and we're going to
be there in Thanksgiving of twenty twenty three doing some
(03:14):
volunteer work. But we feel like it's a home. We're
not tourists when we're there. We're people who have a
home there and we hate to see people lose there.
So we're grappling with how to be a sensitive traveling
to a hurting community so that we can do our
share of help without looking like we're being pompous assholes
(03:35):
who are entitled and living well and just doing this
on their vacation, which is not the case, but in
some case it's true, not true, So we're trying to
grapple with that. We're watching the horrific events unfold still
since the beginning of this year in Ukraine. It doesn't end.
People just lose their lives. People just keep turning on
each other. And we lived all the crazy people in
(03:59):
the House of Representatives, you know, they can't figure out
what to do.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Get a new speaker of the House.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I mean it hits everywhere, but this week really, really,
I think jarred a lot of people because on Saturday,
October seventh, twenty twenty three, the terrorist group Pa Mas,
the Palestinian terrorist group PA Moss basically blasted is Rul
in the Gaza Strip and attacked unprovoked and surprised, a
(04:28):
massive attack that many of your people calling the Israel's
nine to eleven and reported that more Jews were killed
in the weekend since this attack occurred. It was the
second largest killing of Jews in modern history since the Holocaust. Well,
that is beyond humbling. I am Jewish of Jewish birth,
(04:49):
and it sends chills up my spine for many reasons.
Think about it. The attacks occurred on a Saturday morning
at nine forty five. Okay, that's the Jewish Sabbath. It
was ending of the holiest weeks of the Jewish year
Russia Shana Yam Kippasukah. The Sabbath is a holy day
(05:12):
of rest in spiritual reflection. Families don't work, they're together,
they pray, they stay at home. It's a time of
as I said, rest, togetherness, family and spirituality. And yet
people were attacked the kibbutza's were like, you know, one
hundred people were killed in a kabutz, which is a
(05:33):
farming community, a peaceful farming community in Israel. I actually
know someone living in a kibbutz near the Gaza Strip.
She's okay, but she's praying for her family right now.
I have friends and family in Israel, fortunately not with
they're okay. One of the attacks was get this a
music festival of peace, a music festival of peace, and
people were massacred. They terrorist shot and people randomly like
(05:55):
target practice and hold the way hostages like pirates, booty
and now Hamas is threatening to murder the hostages every
time they are bombed. The whole thing is just a nightmare.
And today I saw Nora O'Donnell, who's my favorite newscaster,
and CBS try to hold back tiers. And when you
see newscasters of that prominence and professionalism trying to hold
(06:19):
back tiers, you know things are really really really shitty,
shitty bad. Welcome to peace, love and murder. Imagine you
go to a festival, you go to a club, you
go to a restaurant, you go to a family gathering,
and you go to church to pray and you.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Risk your life.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
And when I was at services, and I hadn't been
to Yumkidpor services in forty five years, but because my
mother died and now I have no more parents and
I'm in Chattanooga and it's very spiritual. The Jewish Committee
is very tight knit here. I thought it would go
and it's so jarring to you know, start every service
now with where all the emergency exits are and security detail.
(06:57):
You know, you don't want to go anywhere because all
you have to think about us. You know, when you
go to a festival, you think about what your exit
plan is. It's like when we go to New Orleans
and think about living in New Orleans, when you think
about her evacuation plan, and I'm like, why do I
want to live in a world room? I'm always thinking
about my evacuation plan. Yes it's getting to me, and
yes it's getting to all of us. So the focus
(07:17):
of this show is not to rag about how horrible
things are, but to talk about how to deal with them.
But it's not just the news. I mean, you know,
so we watch the news because it's history being made
in history as can be ugly, and actually history is
being made, it's being repeated, and the newscasters warn us
(07:39):
the images are disturbing, and they are, yet we still
watch them. Now we have a choice to turn off
the television, turn off the social media, stop watching, and
that may be a good thing for many of us,
including me, particularly as the night wears on. However, you
can't turn You can turn off, but you can't tune out.
They're totally different things. Turning off means I'm not going
(08:02):
to watch it today. I'm not going to read it today.
I'm going to focus on something or else. I need
to turn away. This is gutting to me. Tuning out
means I don't give a shit. I don't want to
hear about it. And you can't do that because that
can be dangerous. We've seen where that's gone before. So
ignoring the problem does not make it go away. It
(08:24):
allows it to fester, potentially grow and get worse. So
don't let your anxiety turn into despair, and don't let
your anger turn into apathy. Now I'm referring to you know, terrorists,
terrorism that's happening, and war and really inhumane things happening,
and what we're supposed to be a human population which
(08:46):
I certainly wonder about that. It can also happen in
your own backyard. It could happen in your house. Maybe
you're an abusive relationship, Maybe you are dealing with a
family member that committed a crime. Maybe you're dealing with
something that is just.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Horrible.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
I'll give you an example. You know, horrible things happen
all over the place. Recently, in Chattanooga, Tennessee, the city
where I reside now, a thirty eight year old man
named Christopher Wright. This happened two weeks ago. I think
two weeks ago, so it happened in the month of October.
End of September. Christopher Wright, a thirty eight year old man,
(09:31):
and this made national news.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
How depressing. A husband and father of three.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Children under the age of five, including an eight week
old baby, was murdered after leaving a party for his
twentieth high school reunion Baylor High School. He was downtown
at a place called the Pickle Barrel and a fairly
well lit noon area of town. But there are some
(09:56):
vagrant types who mill around there. I'm not sure why,
but I think it's because they live in some weird
building there that really needs to be like demolish or
have new owners. They care about it. But he was
leaving this gathering of friends for his twentieth high school
reunion weekend, and he, I guess, got into an altercation discussion.
(10:17):
Words were exchanged between him and another man named Darryl Roberts,
who was a career criminal with a lengthy rapper record
sixty six arrests. Okay, sixty six arrests. Who has sixty
six arrests and stays out on the street and is
able to buy a gun. Darryl Roberts, so right, local
(10:40):
high school football hero, Yale graduate, successful businessman, model citizen,
father of three, including a baby eight weeks old, was
gunned down, shot in the head by a sixty six
rap career criminal named Daryl Roberts.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
That just.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
I'm even having tried. I don't even know the family,
and I'm grappling with it. I was told that the
funeral was the saddest thing ever. And there's a GoFundMe
set up for the three children's college fund. But you know,
it's like humans are becoming inhumane and I don't understand why,
and it is getting to me. The garden of human
(11:16):
nature is being overgrammed. With bad seeds, and we need
to do a better job of weeding and replanning with
better seeds. It's not about taking matters into your own
hands and fighting back with weapons. Don't go to pack
agon and becoming a you know, don't start being your
own vigilante. It's bigger than that, and it's while we
(11:37):
have law enforcement. It's about fighting back by taking action.
You can become an activist in your community or in
your industry. It's about if you see something, say something.
Don't turn away and tune out. As I said, you
can turn off the television, but if you see something happening,
you need to report it. That's what you do. You
(11:58):
call law enforcement, call authorities, you say stop. If you
feel safe, you go and say please stop. Turning away
and tuning out doesn't make things better and ultimately it
will not make you feel better. Today, going to the gym,
we saw a man outside the gym. His trunk is open,
(12:20):
he's got a zillion bottles on top of the car.
He's talking to themselves. He's clearly out of his mind
or something. And everybody at the gym at my exercise
class was looking out or wondering what was going on
and I thought, wow, maybe somebody should you know, call
someone and ask him to talk to him. I mean, he's,
(12:40):
you know, clearly loopy. I don't know where this went.
And I admit I was one of the people that
just kept walking by. I had my New York mentality on.
In New York, you see so many crazy people on
the streets you just wanted to step over them and
walk by them.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
And that's not good either.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But at some point, as one girl said today, I
can't just be helping everybody and giving everybody a handout
because I'll not have any money myself.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
I don't know what the answer is, but at the
end of the day, if.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You see something, you might as well, you know, call
and say I need to report this. Maybe this person
needs help. It's not being afraid to speak up and
say this person may need help. Could you check things out?
And that probably should have done that, and you know,
me a cul buffer, being one of the people that
(13:25):
just walked on, don't want to get involved. It's not good.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
We all need to be better.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
We don't need to be the police, but we need
to call the police. I mean, I remember living in Newark,
I was so overwhelmed by all the homeless people on
the streets begging for money. I just tuned them all
out because I couldn't keep giving any money. And frankly,
once I did give somebody money because he was so
pitiful looking, and then I saw it as a costume.
So I don't even know who's real or not anymore.
With with people asking for money today, I do to
(13:54):
handle things differently.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
And this is some vice to you.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
If you see people who are in distress or anxiety
or maybe mentally imbalanced, it's not about necessarily, you know,
you've got to make sure that they're not, you know,
packing a weapon or going to do something to you.
But if they come up to you, instead of getting
fearful and running away, say and they say I need money,
you know you can say I'm sorry, I can't give
(14:19):
you money, but I want to give you hope that
your situation will prove and I hope you find the
help you need, have a blessed day and walk on.
At least you're acknowledging the person. Most people just like
turn away and say get away from me. And I
don't know what that would be like. I don't know
what it'd be like to be so broken and homeless
and desperate and trying to go up to people and
have them just turn away with me like I was
(14:39):
like a stinky piece of garbage. I don't think that's
good either. I mean, they're humans, so we've got to
have compassion while being protection. While having protection, it's not
just about you know, terrorists and criminals and crazy people
roaming the streets. It's also about scammers and people who
are abusive on social media. I seem to be I
(15:04):
seem to be like, you know, scammer target one. I
have things on Facebook, Marketplace. Everybody seems to want to
text me and give me take my phone number. And
I've learned to have my scam and my scam tenna
up as I call it my scam tenna, and I report.
I report scammers. I don't just cut them out and
delete them. I report them because if they're gonna scam me,
(15:25):
they're going to scam someone else.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
So if you feel like people are taking.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Advantage of you and you don't do anything about it,
don't just tune out and turn away. Report them, take action,
because once they stop trying to take advantage and do
something to you, they'll just move on to the next person.
That's a scammer, that's an abuser, that's any type of
(15:52):
inappropriate behavior, illegal, inappropriate. You've got to say no, stop,
I'm going to report you, because otherwise it will keep happening.
If you feel you're in a situation where you feel
your life is at risk, obviously be careful, don't confront.
(16:15):
But and I'm no expert, but keep your wits about you,
Be calm and say I can't help you, or would
you like me to call help for you, and leave
it at that. So how was this? You know.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
A lot of people are feeling a broken spirit.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Like I said, I watched Nora O'Donnell today fight Back
Tears on television, and that really shook me up and
rattled me for the day. So I did what I
always do when I feel rattled, I go work out,
because for me, that is the best thing I can
do is step away from the computer, step away from
the television, step away from where I am, and go
somewhere else. Now, normally that involves buying an airplane ticket
(17:03):
and getting the hell out of touch. And believe me,
that's the best way to calm my nerves. But obviously
you can't always do that, and got to be frugal
with money these days. So I go work out, I
go take a walk, I do something that re energizes
me mentally and physically, and then I sit down and
write like I did this morning in preparation for this show,
(17:25):
because I know if I'm feeling it, you may be
feeling it. And I'm going to be very honest with
you today because that's what I do here. October starts
a very sad time for me personally, and one that
challenges my own spirit. And you know what's worse than
(17:46):
a broken heart, a broken spirit. Frankly, a broken heart
is easier to heal than a broken spirit. So how
do you keep your spirit strong even when everything around
you seems to be apart? I'll set it up this way.
Why is October a sad time for me personally? Well,
(18:06):
First of all, the days are getting shorter. That makes
me sad. But I woke up this morning to the
most beautiful sunrise and the sky was pink, rose, pink,
like a beautiful glass of rose. And I photographed it
and it made me feel better, and I thought, the
(18:26):
sky is pink, the sun is up.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Even those clouds right now.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
It's a better day than other people are having elsewhere
in the world. Last night I went to bed to
the most beautiful autumn moon. I didn't watch television. I
stop watching anything that's violent upsetting. I always keep at
least two or three good books by my bed, usually
their preparation for the show. But good books, or I write,
(18:53):
or I do a duel lingo, but I don't watch
anything that upsets me. I look out and gaze at
the moon, and it made me sleep better one of
the few times, because this time last year I was
having nightmares almost every night because my mother was dying
in the next room, literally in the next room, and
I never knew when she'd be calling out in the
middle of the night. So I thought, wow, things are
a lot better this year because I don't have a
(19:15):
dying woman in the bedroom next to me, screaming out
in the middle of the night. Help God, help me,
help me, help me, which is what she did. So
things are quieter now. So it's just surround yourself with serenity.
If things start to break your spirit and give you anxiety,
surround yourself with serenity. That's what you've got to do.
(19:38):
Turn off put on beautiful music. I've been doing that
a lot. I actually started cooking. I'm alone right now.
My husband's in New York. Hate that, But in flip side,
I love it. Why Because I can eat whatever I
want whenever I want. I can wake up whenever I want,
do whatever I want. I can come and go whenever
I want. I don't have anyone to say, oh but wait,
it's dinner time. It's not dinner time unless I'm hungry,
(20:00):
but for David, love you, it's dinner time always at
six thirty, whether you're hungry or not. So I've been,
you know, just cutting up roast of vegetables, cooking vegetables,
listening to music, having some wine, being low key, doing
all the things I never get to do when he's
around because we're being couplely, which is great. But I'm
kind of enjoying my solitude and then I'm going out
(20:21):
and doing things with other people, and I think that's
helping me prepare for what is the sad time, what
I call the autumn leaves.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Period of the year.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
My mother and father had a special song. It was
called Autumn Leaves. I don't know why they selected it
because it's so depressing. My mother asked me to play
it at a memorial service, and it's about falling leaves,
driving by the window, leaves of red and gold. I
see your lips, the summer kisses, the sunburn hands I
used to hold since you went away. The days grow long,
(20:53):
and soon i'll hear a winter song. But I miss
you most of all, my darling. When autumn leaves start
to fall, now, that is very difficult for me, because
not only is that a depressing song, but it reminds
me of three people I lost in the latter part
of a year and I had to grapple with. On
(21:16):
October thirteenth, twenty fifteen, my wonderfully talented cousin, Jeffrey Sloanem,
took a Saturday morning run to the West side of Manhattan.
He was on some medication that left him clinically depressed.
Jeffrey climbed to the roof of an Italian restaurant at
Lincoln Center called Lincoln and jumped. No one could persuade
him not to. He died of cardiac arrest before being
(21:36):
taken to After being taken to the er, Jeffrey left
behind a wife, Fiona, and two sons decline and Finbaugh,
a grieving family and many many friends. He was a
respected entertainment reporter and covered the red carpet and glamorous events.
It all seemed so fabulous, but obviously it was not,
and sadly it got all over the press. And I
think about him right now because August he has lost
(21:59):
his life on October thirteenth, of the age of fifty six.
In October two thousand and nine, my father was taken
home to die. He had metastasized prostate cancer, and I
flew home to tell him goodbye. In September two thousand
and nine, before I underwent a double mes sectomy for
breast cancer myself, I knew when I said goodbye, I
didn't say goodbye. I say i'll see you on this
(22:21):
I'll see you down the road, because I never say goodbye.
I always say i'll see you down the road. I
knew I would never see him again and almost wreck
my spirit. But however, I also happened to be facing
breast cancer and a big unknown because I hadn't had
my mass sectomy yet, so I didn't know how bad
the situation was, so I couldn't cave in. I think,
if anything, it made me stronger. My father died on November,
(22:44):
two days after my second cancer surgery, before I started chemo,
but I again. October November scary, and then October November
my mother will November, my mother's physical health started decline
further in October twenty twenty two.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
You're at mental health. We're still strong, sort of. She
wanted to die, but.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
She just couldn't, so she just read a lot of books,
watched a lot of opera over Christmas. Before Christmas and
before she done NonStop Nutcracker, don't even ask me to
listen to the March of the Soldiers this year, and
refused to get up. She never saw the autumn leaves
starting to fall because she never got out of her
(23:25):
bed ever. And she done on December twenty second. We
played on them leaves at her funeral, but she never
saw them again. After she fell in May twenty twenty two.
She never saw them or left to go outside again,
except to go get a doctor's appointment. That's just crazy.
But I bring all this up because life happens to
(23:49):
all of us, and very horrible things happen. That's just
my life. But I have so many friends out there
who have lost loved ones, husbands, daughters, or they're going
to be losing them because they're the parents whose health
(24:09):
are failing. And then we have terrorists. How do you
handle all of that? How do you cope? Well, first
of all, I want to underscore that there are some
things you can handle yourself, and there's some things that
are bigger, and you need to understand that and say
(24:30):
I need help and ask for it. Maybe you can't
put the world on your shoulders because your shoulders are
going to buckle. But if you feel like your spirit
is unsteady and you need a spiritual lift, here are
some things that I suggest you do that I do. One.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Don't put an alarm clock on. Just go to bed.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Don't set an alarm, just wake up naturally and hopefully
you slept the night. Don't put any restrictions on how
long you sleep, how long you work. I'll get to
work in a bit. Don't put any restrictions on your rest.
Do put restrictions on your work, so clear or reduce
your schedule, sleep more and work less. Okay, unless you're
(25:23):
enjoying your work. But if you are doing anything that
is stressful, it's time to clear the plate, or take
a few things off of it and give yourself more time.
Take a day break, a dacation, and do one special
thing for yourself or maybe two. I've done that a
few times, where I'll just say I'm not going to
(25:45):
work today. I mean, fortunately, I work for myself, and
I can say that it's hard when you're employed. But
even if you're employed, you can take an after an
evening off. You can take time off to do something
special for yourself. Whatever it is, a many petty, a massage,
a walk, volunteer work, whatever it makes you feel good. Three,
(26:09):
call someone who can cheer you up. I have this
friend Valerie. I mean she's gone through her you know,
she's gone through a lot this year too, and next
husband was killed, She's lost a very dear friend. She
has had some hip issues, her mother has some health issues.
But she always laughs and she always makes me laugh.
And you need that friend who can just make you laugh.
(26:31):
Don't commiserate with that person, just talk about things that
make you laugh. Call someone who can cheer you up.
Then call someone that you can cheer up. Maybe you
have a friend it's going through a tough time. Call
and say I'd love to see how you're doing. Let's
go out kind of take you out. Can I visit
with you? Can I bring you some food? You're not
(26:51):
in this alone. There are a lot of people who
are in pain. Sometimes you can lean into the pain,
or you can offer a hand. Remember, offer a hand,
not a handout, but a hand. If someone is suffering,
it will lift them up and it will lift you up.
Then number five, make a list of all the things
(27:13):
to be grateful for and that you take for granted, because, boy,
when you watch the images on TV and people being massacred,
you better believe you at least live in a country
where there's not well, hopefully not major tour you know,
major bombs about to go off. You live in a home,
you have food, you have comfort that many people don't have,
(27:35):
and hopefully you have your health. But make a list
of all the things to be grateful for and all
those things you take for granted, and you should feel better.
Then number six, make a dream list of what can
be and what you'd like to see happen, and choose
(27:56):
one thing to act on it. I'll be interview I'm
interviewing a woman named Lisa Neighbors who went through a
rough time and divorce and the old transition of turning fifty.
And she de said to do fifty things before she
turned fifty. That was her milestone steps. And I think
(28:17):
tho'se a great move. Make a list of things that
you want to do that you haven't done, that challenges
your fear, that lifts you up, that lifts other people up.
Make that dream list and choose only one thing. Don't
load it up, but don't load up your plate again.
(28:37):
Just choose one or two things you want to do.
Maybe it's reading a book that you haven't read yet.
I want to read lessons in chemistry. I'm looking at
it right now. I'm trying to read more books that
are not self help books.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
Oh, I'm going to write a book.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
As I said in a prior show, I'm not doing
any more self help books on the show. I'm only
going to do what I consider how I can help people,
because it's my voice that should be sharing, not others.
What's on my dream list? Oh well, I can tell
you right now. I want to write two best selling books.
That's like all I want to do to accomplish in
(29:12):
life right now is write two best selling books. So
I'm going to clear my schedule to do that. That's
what I want to do before I die. I also
want to see the northern lights. I always want to
see that. I hate cold weather, but I want to
see the northern lights because they look like magic. I
want to take a trip around the world with my husband,
get a one way ticket and just go. I'm going
(29:33):
to do that after I sell the house i'm living in.
Whenever I sell the house, not sure, but that's on
my list. I also want to dispossess myself of a
lot of things, like ninety percent of what I have
in the house. I did that before when I lived
in the Husband Valley. My husband I dispossess as in,
we sold most of our possessions and lived on the
(29:55):
road for two years. Bucket list did it. Now I
want to do it again because my mother left me
a beautiful house filled with stuff because she never threw
anything out. Now I get to try to throw it
all out myself or sell it. So that's a big project,
but I'm gonna master it. I'm going to be the
best at selling the estate possible. Maybe learn a new business, okay,
(30:19):
simple things, make cookies or eat them or brownies or
eat them, just make sure they're really good and homemade.
So last night, actually two nights ago, I was well,
not too last night in particular, I was feeling uneasy
after watching the news, and I just sat and chopped
up vegetables, cut up vegetables and roasted them and had
(30:40):
them with noodles. It was just basic. I had my
glass of wine. I didn't have my husband telling me
I needed to have protein because he wasn't here, so
I didn't have to make chicken or fish. I could
just have my vegetables and I was very happy just
doing back. But the process of slicing the vegetables and
putting the olive oil and herbs on them and putting
them down and spreading them out was very calming for me.
(31:03):
I think I used to have a love hate with cooking.
Cooking for a meal not so fun. Just cooking because
there's a rhythm to it. Fine. And maybe I will
make those brownies and then give them away to the
children down the street, so I don't eat them. But
just the process of using your hands to do something,
if it's not making cookies or brownies or bread. My
(31:25):
husband makes bread. Get a coloring book, I found my
crayle of crayons from my youth. It's cute to see
what colors I use the most. Most of them were
in blues and purples and pinks and oranges. And then
I found a box, a crayle of crayons that are
only purple, because my mother only like purple, and somehow
some are somebody bought up all the purple crayons and
(31:48):
made a special box for her, which is kind of cute.
But I'm thinking about taking up drawing and coloring just
to use my hands. So do something with your hands
that keeps your hands busy, but your mind as well.
(32:11):
Eight you feeling really shitty, go to a local animal
shelter and talk to the cats and dogs in the
cages there and make them feel better. You know, your
local animal shelter is looking for volunteers to be cuddlers.
You could be a cat cuddler, a dog cuddler. It'll
make you feel better and it'll make those little animals
(32:31):
feel better. You don't have to adopt, But I think
that's what we're going to do when we go out
to Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
We're gonna volunteer for the animal shelter out there. It
seems like they need help.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
And we're also going to see if we can prepare
a Thanksgiving dinner for a family that lost their home.
Because there's something around sitting around the table, sharing a
meal with people and having conversation that can make you
feel better and make them feel better. Nine Invite a
friend to take a walk with you, or go have
(33:00):
lunch or coffee, just something where you're not sitting around,
you're moving. I like taking walks with friends. I think
it's a great way to have a meeting, get together.
I would rather take a walk than have coffee. Frankly,
but do that. Maybe there's somebody out there who you
know you always say oh, let's get together soon. Have
(33:22):
you how many times have you said, oh, let's get
together and then you don't. So you know what, get together,
pick up the phone, send the text and say let's
do it, let's get together. I do that all the
time when I travel. I always reach out to people
and say I'd like to get together a walk or
lunch or yes, coffee something.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Have you given yourself a hug lately?
Speaker 2 (33:46):
No? Really, have you given yourself a hug and said
I love you?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I think you're so amazing.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Look yourself in the mirror and say that, and then
get the most expensive body cream you can find. I
always just get a like TJ. Matt because they're always
on sale there. That's the best place to get really
good products at a discount. Tip slither yourself with body
cream or coconut oil. Curl up in bed with a
good book. Take a nap in the middle of the day.
(34:15):
I have a friend who used to take naps in
the middle of the day, even during the workday. Just
thirteen minutes. She'd get into her pajamas. She worked at home,
and she'd go take a nap, and then she'd give out,
have her pajamas, she'd go back to work. My mother
in law does that. My mother in law's ninety one.
She can take it as long as a nap as
she wants, but she always takes naps. But do something
(34:35):
that makes you feel good and makes you realize that
you actually love yourself, and if you're blessed with having
a loved one, a partner in your life, give that
person a hug. I bet you don't do it enough.
I know, I don't. You get so caught up in
the day to day life of married chatter like when
(34:55):
are we gonna go out to home depot? Or we
got to clean up the kitchen, or you know what
I mean. You forget about the hugs and the kisses.
And maybe you're so busy dealing with the kids, but
think about giving yourself a hug and then hugging someone else.
You know, we went for two years without hugging people
because of COVID.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Think about that.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
We went for two years where we really couldn't hug people. Sue,
unless you were still worried about germs. Give people a hug.
My husband's a great hugger. I he actually hugs more
people than he hugs me, and I'm going to actually
dress that with him. He loves to hug people, but
I'd like to be hugged more by him. I think
he'd like to be hugg more by me.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
So maybe that's.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
On that list, right. But you know, these are ten things,
ten that you can do very easy. Doesn't cost anything
unless you buy that expensive body cream. But you can
do right now to feel better, and you may find
other ways. I'd actually like to hear how you make
yourself feel better when the news is bad and you
(35:57):
feel like your spirit's about.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
To break go through it a lot.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
There's certain things that trigger me, trigger that make me
get agitated. One is watching, you know, people getting murdered
on television. That really triggers me, and therefore turn off
the TV. I still read the news because I read
the New York Times on Wall Street Journal, but I
got to stop the images. I don't like dealing with
money issues.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I still have to.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Pay bills, But how do I deal with that. I
allocate one afternoon or morning, I block everything out and
I tackle the bills.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
I hate paying them. I hate dealing with finances.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
I never have liked it. My dad, God Ressie, always
took care of these things and I just sent him
the money to deal with it. But that wasn't so
good either. I don't do it every day. I just
pick one day and say blinders boom. I also do
that with my writing when I'm working on an article
or a script for podcasts or whatever, like I did
this morning, I just block out everything and just sit
(36:59):
down down and write. I don't look at emails, I
don't answer texts, I don't answer the phone. I just
block out and I focus. And that's a really good
way to get back into your head. Block things out,
not tune out. Block out. Big difference. Tune out to
(37:20):
me is like you're not even there anymore. I am
not interested block out. I'm giving myself this amount of
time to focus on what I need to focus on.
And I think that'll help you too, because otherwise you're spinning.
Your mind is spinning. And if you feel like your
mind is spinning, you got to bring it back and
(37:41):
center it. So a lot of the things I just
told you about clear reduce your schedule, take a day
break and do one thing for yourself. Three call someone
who can cheer you up. Four call someone that you
can cheer up. Five make a list of things to
be grateful for and that you take for granted. Make
a dream less of what can be what you want
(38:02):
to have happen, and choose one thing and act on it.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
Seven Make cookies.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Or brownies or just eat them, but don't go crazy
and make sure they're good. But do something. In other words,
do something with your hands. If it's not cooking, it
could be something artistic. But do something with your hands.
It could be ironing. I happen to like to iron.
By the way, iron clothes rhythm good one. Eight Go
(38:27):
to a local animal shelter and talk to the cats
and dogs and offer to volunteer as a cat or
dog cuddler.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
You could probably also do that at a senior sitter.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
But the great thing about going to animal shelters dogs
and cats can't talk back.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
They just love to be cuddled.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
Nine. Invite a friend to take a walk with you,
or go to lunch, or go to the movies, or
do something funf you and fun. Ten give yourself a hug,
look yourself in the mirror and say you're so awesome
and fabulous, how lucky you are to be. Slap for
yourself with rich body cream. Give yourself a massage, go
(39:06):
out and get do something really special for yourself. But
it could just be curling up in bed with a
great book, a fun book and just reading going to sleep.
Don't setting the alarm, letting your natural rhythm happen. So
that's something else to think about. Finally, and this is
(39:26):
really really important. If you're still feeling anxiety, anger, anguish, depressive,
and you feel there is no hope, If you truly
feel there is no hope and you potentially want to
clock out and end it, and say I'm done. And
(39:48):
I've seen these I've seen these comments on social media
and people jump in. But it's like wow, people are
calling out, call out, call out, reach out for help.
Contact your a minister, a rabbi, contact your doctor. If
(40:08):
you don't see a therapist, ask your doctor for the
names of one. And importantly, there are many, many, many
free hotlines, very free suicide and crisis not just suicide
crisis intervention. You don't have to feel suicidal. You can
feel like you are lost, but there are free phone lines.
(40:31):
The most prevalent are nine eight eight, text nine eight
eight or call nine eight eight or nine one one.
But nine eight eight is a suicide and crisis hotline,
and there's a crisis text line you text hello to
seven four one seven four one.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
I'll give you a tip.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
When I was a little girl, I went through I
had anxiety for a variety of reasons. I used to
call diala prayer. Yeah, I don't even know it exists,
but I used to call diala prayer and I would
hear a prayer. If exists, that's great, But just know
there are free lines where you can talk to someone.
(41:16):
Don't let things fester inside of you don't let breaking
news and bad things break your spirit. Step out from
the shadows to see the light by shining your own
amazing light, which I know you have even during the
dark times. And when hoomnies start to fall, you still
(41:39):
are a tree with branches and the leaves will come back.
So think about yourself as a tree with beautiful branches
that can reach out and offer shade for those who
feel they need shade, offer a breeze for those who
need a breeze. Let the sun in and are beautiful
(42:01):
and strong. And when your leaves fall and you look
like things are going down, remember there's always a springtime
down the road. You just have to stay strong and
sturdy and believe in yourself. I'm Melanie Young. This is
another edition of Fearless, Fabulous You. I hope that my
(42:24):
honesty about my own life resonates with you and helps you,
because that's why I do it.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I also do it to help me. We are all human.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Hope we rolled a good side of human, and we
can fight all the bad elements of human in our
own way, and hopefully we can all lift ourselves up
in the process. Because you deserve to be the person
you are and shine your light and your beautiful branches
(42:57):
to create beautiful wind and shade light to guide the
way for others. As I always say, you have the
choice in life to do things your way or the
way others want you to do them. Follow your heart,
follow your gut, follow your mind, follow your true, authentic you,
(43:18):
and always choose fearless and fabulous. Thank you.
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Betrayal Weekly is back for a new season. Every Thursday, Betrayal Weekly shares first-hand accounts of broken trust, shocking deceptions, and the trail of destruction they leave behind. Hosted by Andrea Gunning, this weekly ongoing series digs into real-life stories of betrayal and the aftermath. From stories of double lives to dark discoveries, these are cautionary tales and accounts of resilience against all odds. From the producers of the critically acclaimed Betrayal series, Betrayal Weekly drops new episodes every Thursday. If you would like to share your story, you can reach out to the Betrayal Team by emailing them at betrayalpod@gmail.com and follow us on Instagram at @betrayalpod and @glasspodcasts. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations, and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience, and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack.