May 6, 2026 • 39 mins
Mother's Day can be a joyful holiday for some and painful for others. Not everyone is feeling celebratory. "Mother's Day can be a difficult time if you have lost your mother or if you are a mother who has lost a child. There are also women who have been unable to conceive or who are struggling as a mother. Still, others are experiencing the joy of becoming new mothers and expanding their family," says Fearless Fabulous You's Melanie Young. She shares tips on being sensitive and compassionate.
Fearless Fabulous You is broadcast live Wednesdays at 12 Noon ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
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Fearless Fabulous You is broadcast live Wednesdays at 12 Noon ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com).
Fearless Fabulous You Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:20):
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Speaker 2 (00:21):
Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hello, and welcome to Fearless Fabulous You. I am your host,
Melanie Young, and I am so glad you were joining me.
It is May sixth, twenty twenty six, and Mother's Day
twenty twenty six is Sunday, May tenth. I am going
to dedicate this show to mothers and motherhood, but I'm
(01:03):
going to do it in a very in the Melanie
Young way, because I have a lot of feelings about
Mother's Day. My mother passed away in December twenty two.
The photograph of or I'll just start quickly to talk
about her, will show the photo want to put up.
(01:25):
And she was known as the Purple Lady of Chattanooga, Tennessee.
As you can see, I'm wearing one of her outfits.
I'm wearing one of her jewelry pieces of jewelry. Every
time you see me in purple, like the Fearless, Fabulous
Forever T shirt, it's because of my mother. My mother
was the Purple Lady because when she was a little
(01:48):
girl and fat, my grandmother amazing woman. I've talked to
her about her on the show Mimi. Her name was Rose,
I called her Mimi. She was amazing. She enrolled my
mother in ballet lesson sinking that would give my mother confidence.
My mother was five or six, and as the legend goes,
(02:08):
she had her dance recital, her ballet dance recital, and
she was dressed as a purple orchid. And my grandmother,
of course, being the amazing woman, she was made sure
that all of her majong pals, because she was a
big majong and canessa bridge player, joined her for the
recital along with my grandfather and gave my mother a
(02:32):
standing ovation, and that little plump orchid, purple Orchid, got
a standing ovation, and from that point on felt that
everything was beautiful at the ballet and she was going
to be more beautiful if she wore purple. Over the years,
she obviously didn't wear purple all the time, she didn't
(02:54):
pick her clothes up, but that was always her favorite color.
And when she became an adult and earned her master's
degree in psychology and became a psychologist working with children
with severe learning disabilities, she wore a lot of purple
(03:16):
because and she would hand out purple lollipops because the
children were less afraid of seeing my mother when she
was the Purple Lady. Over the years of Purple Lady
became her persona, and she used her royal purpleness to
raise money for many many charities, launch many many causes.
There's the Purple Pause Society at the mccamee Animal Center
(03:38):
that she raised money for. There's a Purple Heights Society
at the Zoo where she raised. For her eightieth birthday,
she threw a party at the Zoo to raise millions
for a new giraffe exhibit. There is the Purple Lady
Rehearsal Room at the Chattanooga Theater Center with a portrait
of her that I donated after she died. She had
(03:58):
many portraits done of her or she was a big
supporter of the arts, and she used her purpleness to
raise money for charities to support the arts, animal welfare,
and children's causes. I bring all this up because she
taught me to live by her purple principle, which is
somewhat based on the Judah Eudaic theory of giving mitzvah.
(04:22):
Mitzvah is a good deed, but always give a do
a daily mitzvah. She was Jewish, as my grandmother taught
her that, and not to expect anything back, so do
unto others without any expectation that they would do unto you.
And she lived and died thinking about ways to raise
money for charity. It's pretty amazing, right. So that was
(04:44):
my mother, and unfortunately she died. It was difficult for
me because I went home to take care of her,
and at that point she was withering away because she
didn't want to eat because she still was that little
fat girl on the ballet stage and never wanted to
be fat and had an eating disorder and eventually basically
stopped eating and didn't want to eat, and as a result,
(05:07):
her body suffered. But that's not the point. The point
is when Mother's Day rolls around that you may be
experiencing a difficult Mother's Day. Not everybody is experiencing a
blessed one. There's different categories. Well, first of all, let
me just say this Mother's Day is a big holiday.
(05:27):
According to the National Retail Federation, Mother's Day spending in
twenty twenty six is expected to hit a record thirty
eight billion dollars, even with gas prices high, even with
consumers feeling the pinch, because it seems like everything is expensive,
(05:51):
people will spend money on their mothers. It is a
priority for many Americans and they plan to lean into
this holiday because you only have one mother, well, some
people have stepmothers, but it is major and most of
this is spent on gifts, flowers, jewelry, dining out. Fifty
(06:12):
four percent of people plan to purchase something for their mother,
or their wife who's a mother, or their daughter who
is a mother. And as I said, the most popular
ones besides greeting cards this is from the National Retail Federation,
are dining brunch, gift cards, clothing, accessories, and je Jewelry
(06:35):
leads the bunch at seven point five billion. However, this
show is not about encouraging you to go out and
spend money you don't have. I'm a big believer in
spending time and not money. And probably the most important
Mother's Days I spent with my mother where after my
father passed away in two thousand and nine and my
(06:57):
mother was a widow, I flew home to spend time
with her in Chattanooga, Tennessee, almost every Mother's Day unless
I was traveling for work and unable to, but I
always took the time to fly home and take her
to brunch and we'd all be in purple. It was
always just really special and it was not about material things.
God just know my mother had so many material things
(07:19):
she didn't need anymore. The first year that I had
Mother's Day and she was gone was hard. And if
you are in a situation where you've recently lost your
mother and you really don't want to hear all the
hype and pressure and all the publicists were pitching me
at gifts, I basically put out a notice to the
(07:39):
public relations world saying, please do not pitch me on
Mother's Day. It is a difficult holiday for me, and
that's okay. You can. Over the years, I'm less sensitive.
It's now twenty twenty six, so I've got some years
under me. I'm not as it's not as it doesn't
touch the nerve it used to Mother's Day. And so
(08:01):
this year, however, this year we're dealing with my mother
in law passed away in September twenty twenty five, so
this is the first year that my husband has lost
his mother. So I'm trying to be sensitive. So I'm
saying all this because I want you to think about
all the people in your life, close or friends, where
(08:24):
Mother's Day may be a difficult holiday, and why it's
important to be sensitive or if you're thinking about how
to deal with it. I'm going to give you some
ways to commemorate your mother, even if she's no longer around.
I asked my husband, what would you like to do
for Mother's Day this year? Would you like to do
a special outing? Maybe we could each cook a dish
(08:45):
and have dinner at home and have a dish that
reminded us of our mothers. But he fled out said
and he said it again this morning. This holiday is
no longer a holiday for me. Mother's Day is a
non holiday. Now. I think that's a guy thing where
he's just hiding the grief because he hasn't really grieved.
But I will honor this and just make it every day.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Day.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
We'll have brunch, we'll spend time with each other. He said,
I'd like Mother's Day to become couples Day, so we
celebrate each other. And I'm all over that. If you
have lost a mother, or are caring for a mother
who's going through her end of life, which is really difficult,
(09:29):
it's not about things. It's about time. It's about spending time.
If they're still alive, I think the best thing you
can do is just have a conversation. Let them talk.
If your mother is disabled or bedridden or isolated her
in a nursing home, if you can spend time with
her and just let her talk. Most of the time
(09:50):
that ell day love to talk about their past because
they have no future. Ask some questions about their childhood,
ask them about their high schoo, ask them about some
of their happiest memories, and just let them talk, and
if they're okay with it, record the conversation. I did
that with my mother. I actually interviewed my mother for
(10:13):
an article for the cha Nioga Zoo magazine. She was
a big patron and ended up being a cover article
and I recorded it, and my mother, even though she
was in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism, which is
scary up, she just rattled on and on and on.
Her memory was very you know, your memory gave me
very sharp when it's memories. And she went on and
(10:35):
on and on and on and on, and the article
ended up being a beautiful feature about my mother. Likewise,
literally within ten days before my mother passed away, I
had a wonderful guy who Randall Shruptay and his wife
come to our house. They offered to they were starting
a program, a business where they were going to videotape
(10:57):
people to commemorate your parents so you could capture their
voices and their image before they passed, and they use
my mother. When they asked my mother if she minded,
if she'd be the guinea pig, she said, of course,
of course, I love talking. And she did and amazingly,
even though she was propped up on pillows, frightfully frail,
(11:18):
we had to put lots of makeup on her and
wigs and really make her look part of the living.
My mother talked about her life for over an hour
ninety minutes, and it became a beautiful video that we
debuted at the celebration of her life, that I will
(11:38):
treasure because I have her image, and I have a voice,
and I have her story. So if you can do that,
take the time and do it, because you will treasure
that forever, and you can share it with your children,
your siblings are just have it for yourself, which I have.
Mine is actually on YouTube. You can see it in
my YouTube channel, which is where the show also airs.
(12:01):
It's Sonya Young the Purple Lady, so you can see it.
I'm really glad we did that because three days after
we filmed that video, my mother's voice started to fade
to the point where she lost her voice, and within
that week she died and she no longer had a voice,
(12:22):
but I have it captured in this video. So spending
time with someone and talking is the greatest gift you
can give a mother, particularly as they're advancing in age.
David's mother, Sally, had Alzheimer's, so her mind was drifting
a bit, but we took the time to spend with
(12:44):
her for her last Christmas and let her talk and
just she was just comforted to know we were there.
That's all you need to do. It's not about jewelry
and clothes and gloves and mittens and all that they
have it. So if it's still too painful to deal with,
(13:05):
may I suggest, as I did my first Mother's Day
without a mother, we took a long walk. I think
we either took a long walk or a day trip
somewhere and just got out and did something beautiful for ourselves.
I like to be in nature. I love to take
walks and bike rides, and that's what we did. We
cooked a simple dinner, we had a glass of wine,
(13:27):
we toasted to my mother. We called his mother, who
was still alive, and we got through it. I have
many friends who've lost their mother, and I will call
them the week leading up to Mother's Day and say
I'm thinking about you. How are you doing. So if
you have a friend who has lost their mother or
going through a difficult time, this is a really good
(13:48):
time to pick up the phone and say how are
you doing? Don't say anything else, Just say how are
you doing? I'm thinking about you, And if they want
to talk, they will, and if they don't, it's okay too.
You may want to do something to commemorate your mother,
you know, cook a dish cook a favorite recipe of hers.
(14:11):
Go through family photos and create a new album, watch
a movie that she loved. Make a donation to a
charity that was important to her. I know for me
she had so many, but I usually do Mcamie Animal Rescue,
a local noekill shelter in Chattanoga that she raised all
the money to build. That's a beautiful way to commemorate
(14:34):
your mother when she's no longer with you. It's not
just about showing a photo and posting something on Facebook.
Do something meaningful. I find that if I can donate
in her honor and wear a bit of purple every day,
which I do, I'm honoring my mother. So Goodness knows,
(14:54):
the lucky women in the life are the ones who
still have their mothers or our new mothers. And I'm
incredibly happy for all women who are celebrating and their
husbands who or their spouses who are celebrating their first
Mother's Day as a mother. That is truly an honor.
And capture those memories in photos and videos. I think
(15:15):
it's great. You're never over posting. It's awesome. I have
a friend who's recently become a grandmother she's over the
moon happy. I'm actually going to send her a message
on Facebook and say I'm thinking about you, Granny, your
new grandma. I know it's a joyous day, so let
people have that joy. Don't share any sadness or grief
(15:36):
about your mother. If they're in their moment of joy,
let them have it. That is so important. Let them
have their joy, send them a note, celebrate with them.
Because everybody has a different feeling about motherhood, which brings
(15:57):
me to this. I am not a mother. I never
had children. And in twenty fourteen, after watching a very
famous TV show hosts talk about motherhood because she'd had children,
she's recently had a baby, and she said, I don't
think anyone is truly fully a woman until they've had
(16:19):
a baby. And I watched her saying this, and she's
deeply religious, and she was going on on about the
miracle of birth and this is a miracle and she
really now feels complete as a woman. Let me say
that to anyone who says you're never fully a woman
until you have a baby, you are fully a woman.
(16:40):
You are a woman, period, and you can define how
you want to be a woman any way you choose
and if you are not able to have children, because
it's I think it's very insensitive for someone to say
you are not fully a woman until you've had a child.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
One.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
There are many women out there who were trying to
have children and are unable to. There are many women
out there who have lost children or miscarried. There are
many women like me who just frankly, it was not
part of the program of life. So don't define womanhood
(17:21):
by motherhood. Motherhood is not womanhood. It is part of
being a woman, but it does not define you or
anyone else as being a full and complete woman. I
can't understand. I can't emphasize that enough. So what I wrote,
which is for Huffington Posts excuse me and I have
(17:42):
no water this trip, and I'm reposting it on Facebook
fearless fabulist Melanie Young on my Facebook page, it's called
not being a mother? Does it make me any less
of a woman? Just because I'm not a mother doesn't
mean that I'm selfish. Life, life is incomplete. I have
a very happy, fulfilling life that I embrace with appreciation, enthusiasm.
(18:05):
And if you are a woman who is chosen not
to have children or unable to, or is just a
time passes by and the opportunity past you, or you
don't want to adopt. There's many reasons you just say.
Just because I am not a mother does not mean
that I am selfish or my life is incomplete. I
(18:30):
have a very happy, fulfilling life that I embrace with
appreciation and enthusiasm. This appeared in the Huffington Post and
was reposted around the world, and it starts like this.
I'm always amazed when someone asks me an abrupt question,
or my husband and I like, we'll be like, we'll
(18:50):
be an uber and somebody asks this, Okay, well, we'll
be in a social studing and they'll say do you
have children? And I'll say, no, we don't, and it's crazy.
Some people say well why not. Others will say, well, oh, like,
what are we going to talk about? Or in the
case of a wonderful woman that Chadnook and a Monica,
(19:13):
a canalyst, when we she asked me us that question
that she's got three children, and I said no, we don't.
She said, okay, we'll cancel that topic and go on
to another one. And after that we became very good
friends because she she's just great. She just knew that
wasn't part of the conversation. But I usually, you know,
I'm very honest, and then they say why not. I'll
just simply say, well, if you really want to know. Now,
(19:34):
my husband always says we can't. My husband's comment is
she's barren, which I think I'm not. I am barren.
I'm a menopause But I don't really want to put
people on the spot. People don't know what to say,
but I just simply say it wasn't part of the
It wasn't part of my destiny. I got married at
(19:55):
forty eight, I was approaching menopause. I did not want
to have I did not want to be a single mother.
Now I have several friends who have chosen to be
single mothers, and I have the utmost respect for that.
It was a decision they made and they are happy
about it. It wasn't something I wanted to do. I
didn't think I would be a good single mother. I
(20:17):
probably wouldn't be. I would be a better mother with
a husband. But by the time I got married at
age forty eight and was diagnosed with breast cancer at fifty,
and was running a company and dealing with a father
who was ill. It wasn't part of the program. And
I have no regrets. I respect my friends who are mothers.
I love their children. I respect my friends who became
(20:41):
single mothers. I have no regrets that I am not
a mother. If anything, I was a dog mother for
many years. I had dog and now I don't even
have a dog because I don't think I would be
a good dog mother. Right now, I'm too moving around
and traveling. And I do believe that if you were
going to commit to being a mother, you got to
be all in. You got to be there for your kids,
(21:04):
and it's a lifetime commitment. And the best thing I
did was not become a mother, because I don't think
I could have made that commitment. But it doesn't mean
I'm any less than a woman. I have the great feelings,
I have great capacity for love. I'm generous. I was
a loving daughter. I'm a loving sometimes wife. And I
(21:27):
love my friends and I think of them all the time.
So never have guilt about not becoming a mother, and
I know that I have. You may be trying to
be you may be trying and going through hormone therapy
and trying to have children. I have friends that went
through years of painful IVT and vitro fertilization to try
(21:50):
to have children and it just didn't happen. It wasn't
part of the program of life, and it was painful
for them emotionally, it was painful for the physically. But
they're okay. They're wonderful people even you know, they didn't
have children, but they're loving, wonderful family members, caring, and
(22:11):
it didn't make them any less amazing. Woman, husband, couple.
They're amazing and I love them still. So the Mommi
track is not for everybody. That's no right or wrong
direction in life as long as you're in control. Okay.
So Mother's Day for me is really a non holiday
(22:33):
because I'm not a mother. I don't have a mother.
My mother in law has passed. However, I have a
dear cousins who are mothers, and I will wish them
happy Mother's Day because it means something to them. And
I never want my lack of enthusiasm about a holiday
to dampen other people's enthusiasm about the holidays. So even
(22:54):
if it does, it like birthdays, like birthdays are a
really big deal for me. My birthday is a day
I was born. For me, that's like the most saying
that's the most sacred day of the year for me
is January first, because the day I entered the world. Okay,
it's more important to me than Christmas. More important to me.
You know, it's my birthday. And my husband's like, I
(23:15):
don't care about birthdays, They're not important to me. Well,
I celebrate here because it's a day he came into
the world, and I'm glad he's here. My mother loved birthdays.
She used them to raise money for charity. Every birthday
was a charity of opportunity for her, and she loved birthdays.
And I made sure that I was there for her
on her birthday because it meant a lot to her.
(23:36):
We gave cards if I wasn't there. She loved getting cards.
So don't dampen other people's enthusiasm about Mother's Day. If
it means something to them, let them have their moment.
Let them have their moment for birth. Let people have
their moment of joy and love. It's not your decision
(23:57):
and not your role to judge or change or put
your insinuate your opinion and try to convince them otherwise.
Let them have a wonderful Mother's Day. If they want
to spend crazy sums of money, let them do it.
It's individual. So we've talked about how you approach Mother's
(24:19):
Day if you are a mother, if you're not a mother,
maybe you're fighting with your mother, maybe there's family challenges.
Try not to let the family fighting get in the
way of Mother's Day. Set the fights asides and the
differences aside, and just honored the mother if she's still alive.
(24:40):
I know I have a good friend. She'd dread a
Mother's Day with her brothers because she adored her mother.
The brothers were deadbeats. It was always a tough day,
and I always said to her, just think about your
mother and the joy you bring each other and forget
about everything else. That's all that matters. Now I'm going
to talk about it another. I've talked about what it's
(25:03):
like to lose your mother and have Mother's Day come,
and the pings of pain because everybody's pushing stuff on
you and you're reading this, and you're reading that you
don't want to celebrate, and that's okay too. And in
my case, as a podcast host and journalist, I get
pitches from Mother's Day. And I've said, actually, the groups
(25:25):
that I'm on, the Facebook groups, public relations groups, they
actually put out a notice and as did several corporations.
If you if it is not a holiday for you,
or you don't want to be on our mailer list
or a pitchless, let us know and we will honor
and respect that. And I applaud companies that take that
(25:46):
stand that not everybody is excited about Mother's Day. It's
the same with Father's Day too, and same with Alan.
Not everybody's that excited about it. So take a step
back and don't bump bird them with stuff. Now I'm
going to talk about another very sensitive topic for Mother's Day.
(26:07):
And I actually have a friend, an industry friend I've
known for years. We stayed connected on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
And.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
I'm deciding how to reach out to her, and I'm
going to do it the way I do with everybody else.
I'm thinking about you. I just won't let you know.
I know this is a difficult time and I'm thinking
about you. And this is a mother whose daughter has
committed suicide. It could have been a mother whose child
has died tragically, or died of cancer, or just died.
(26:38):
But the child, the adult child, the young child, they're
no longer there, or they've lost grandchildren, or oh, god forbid,
they were in a school shooting. They're gone. And that
is a void that is so deep I can't even
fathom it. You have lost your child, you have lost
(27:02):
your grandchildren. Are you still a mother? Yes, You'll always
be their mother. You'll always be their mother, even if
they're no longer with you. You will always be a
mother in spirit. So this friend of mine, I plan
(27:23):
to reach out with her, to her and say, I'm
thinking about you, and I know this is a difficult time,
but you will always be the mother in spirit. And
I check in with her, not just Mother's Day. I
check in with her regularly. And we're not even best friends,
we're just friends. And I know she's going through that pain.
And I can't even imagine. You know, I thought going
(27:46):
through Mother's Day and not having a mother was painful,
but I cannot imagine what it's like. And I want
you to always put yourself in other people's shoes, to
think before you speak. I don't know what to be
like to be a mother who has lost their child
and have a Mother's Day come. I don't but I
(28:09):
want you to be sensitive to it. If you have
a friend or a family member or someone you know
where it is a very painful time because they could
use just that I'm thinking about you. I want to
let you know that I'm here for you, and I'm thinking.
You don't need to say anything else. That's all you
(28:30):
need to say. Is there anything I can do? You
can do that would you like to be If they
live in your town, maybe call and say would you
like some companionship? Maybe they don't want to be, maybe
they shouldn't be alone. But think about that because that's
a gift in itself, to be the gift of saying
(28:53):
I'm thinking about you. What can I do to make
your day better? That's a great you know, really a
great thing. So Mother's Day or Father's Day, and I'm
not going to do a Father's Day. This is my
Mother's Day. And then I'm done because it's not just
(29:13):
about the show. It's not just about celebrating Mother's Day.
It's understanding that motherhood is a wonderful role and responsibility
for many women, but it's not one for every woman.
And the older I get now that I have no
mother and I have no children, and I'm my husband
(29:35):
and I are doing a state planning. I'm, like I
said to the lawyer, but I have no one. I
don't leave anything to uh maybe my cousin or charity.
I don't have any regret about it. I'm okay with it,
and you need to be as well. You need to
(29:55):
think about, you know, how you want to live your
life with or without children, grandchildren. Maybe you want a foster,
Maybe you want to just volunteer your time to work
with children. Maybe children are not your thing, and that's
okay too. You know a lot of people don't like kids,
(30:17):
believe or not, and that doesn't make them wrong. It
just means they're not the best person to take care
of children. I mean, I like other people's kids. I
just didn't want one of my own. It's just the
way it is. I think I've pretty much covered motherhood
(30:38):
and celebrating Mother's Day. If you are planning to celebrate,
as I said, the gift of time, spending it with
your mother, your grandmother, your aunt who may be a mother,
your sister who may be a new mother. Here's an
idea for you. Maybe your sister who is a new
(30:58):
mother would like to have some time off for being
a mom and needs a day for herself. What a
great gift would be. I would love to take your
children for the day and give you a day at
the spa or go with you and you know, take
care of you know, have someone take care of the kids,
or do something that's family friendly, because you know it's
(31:20):
important to them to spend time with their kids. So
think about that as well, because not all mothers who
have children are feeling great either. Maybe they're overwhelmed, over taxed,
overspending under budget, maybe they're dealing with work issues, personal issues.
(31:42):
Goodness helps the mother whose husband has disappeared. Be sensitive
to that, the single mother, the single mother by choice,
and the single mother because somebody walked away. Be sensitive
to that person because they probably could use a friend
right now on Mother's Day. So it's not being a
mother or a daughter or a granddaughter. Goodness knows, I
(32:06):
love grandmothers. It's also about being a friend. It's about
being a friend to the woman for whom Mother's Day
could probably use a little more love and attention. But
maybe she's not saying anything because she's just gonna suck
it in and be strong. Be sensitive to that as well.
(32:28):
So I'm going to end this show a little early.
I think I've shared my Mother's Day message and being
a mother. If you must give gifts, a charitable donation
in that person's name is the nicest gift possible. Other
than saying, let me give you some time to take
(32:49):
care of yourself. Let me take care of your kids,
or taken to the movie or the zoo so you
have some time to yourself. Time is a beautiful gift.
Donations maybe they're not able to make donations, but you
can in their honor. If you do want to give gifts,
simple flowers, you don't have to spend a fortune florus.
(33:10):
You can just give a beautiful bouquet. I have to
tell you my best bouquets are from Trader Joe's. I
can buy Ecuadorian roses for ten dollars and ninety nine
cents a dozen. They last three weeks. I do it.
I buy them every week because my mother had a
little tradition with me. Whenever I would come home to visit,
she would always have these beautiful Ecuadorian roses in a
(33:35):
vase in my bedroom without fail. And when she was bedridden,
she wanted the roses. Know why because my father, who
loved my mother unconditionally, every Friday he would bring her
a single rose. That's right, every Friday he brought her
(33:59):
one rose wherever they were in the world. I actually
was with him somewhere in the Caribbean and it was
a Friday, and he's like, I got to find a rose.
I'm my dad, We're in the Caribbean. I don't know
it's that easy. It's gonna be expensive. But we went
around looking for a flower, and eventually we got her
an orchid, which she loved as well. But roses were
very important to her. And even though you know she
(34:20):
was dealing with financial issues, we made sure that she
had her roses at her bedside every week. And I've
started that tradition because it brings me joy. The roses
remind me of my mother. They remind me of my grandmother,
whose name was Rose. Often they're purple, because if I
(34:43):
can find purple roses, I will put them. I have
my bureaus across from my bed, and when I wake
up every morning, I can see these beautiful purple roses
and I will remember my mother. So I find ways
to remember her through the cl or purple roses, the
beautiful things that she did leave me, which I'm grateful for,
(35:05):
and importantly making donations to charities in her memory when
I can't. They may not be big ones, but they're
little ones. And living by the one thing that meant
more to her than anything, which was called her purple principle,
was to do unto others, to image their life without
asking anything back in return. For her, that was the
(35:29):
ultimate gift, to give yourself without expecting or asking anything return.
I'm going to leave you with this quote that I
put in my article that was again I've posted it
at a fearless, fabulous Melanie Young on Facebook my page,
I invite you to join me there. Not being a
(35:50):
mother does it make me any less than a woman?
And I said, the MOMMI track was not the path
my life took, but it does not mean I went
in the wrong direction. There are no right or wrong
directions if we all navigate them with grace, kindness, and
passion and purpose. I respect and appreciate all mothers and
(36:14):
grandmothers and dads, and only ask that those of us
who remained childless receive equal respect, because, in the words
of the Great Dali Lama. People take roads seeking fulfillment
and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't
(36:39):
mean they are lost. Find your happiness, share your joy,
be respectful of others, and know that somewhere in the
world you must always remember that you've always had a mother,
because that's how you came here. We all come from mothers,
(37:03):
And just be aware of that and respect that we
all come from mothers, and understand that for many this
is very important. I mean, goodness knows. Respect that and
if that's all you can do, that's fine. Meanwhile, to
all the mothers out there who are celebrating, and the
daughters who are fortunate to have mothers to celebrate with,
(37:27):
and the new mothers and the new grandmothers and the
new great grandmothers. Because my cousin who just turned sixty, Allison,
she is about to become a grandmother for the first time.
I can't believe it. She's seven years younger than me.
Oh my god, and her mother, Finette Fife, it's about
(37:48):
to become a great grandmother. And I'm like, oh my god.
You know wow, because they're really young and vivacious, so
you know, the concept of grandmother and great grandmother is
very different now because I see some very energetic grandmothers
and great grandmothers. To all of them, Happy Mother's Day.
I hope you have a fabulous day surrounded with joy
(38:10):
and loving family. I'm Melanie Young. This is Fearless Fabulous
you thank you for joining me. Please follow me at
Melanie Fabulous. Check me out a Melanie Fabulous on substack.
I could use similar subscribers and watch the show on
YouTube at your convenience. Please share it and like it
(38:30):
or listen on more than sixty five podcast channels. Because
I created this for you and for women, to remind
you all and myself, which it helps that you have
a choice on how you choose to live your life.
That's what we're talking about today. Always choose to live
life on your terms and not with society or other
(38:52):
people define for you. Their way may not be your path.
It's not right or wrong. It's a Ali Lama said.
Just because they're not on your road does not mean
they are lost. But so I always say, always be respectful,
Always be appreciative. Always know that everybody is different in
(39:16):
their own unique way and for you, always choose to
be fearless and fabulous. Thank you,
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(00:20):
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Speaker 2 (00:21):
Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hello, and welcome to Fearless Fabulous You. I am your host,
Melanie Young, and I am so glad you were joining me.
It is May sixth, twenty twenty six, and Mother's Day
twenty twenty six is Sunday, May tenth. I am going
to dedicate this show to mothers and motherhood, but I'm
(01:03):
going to do it in a very in the Melanie
Young way, because I have a lot of feelings about
Mother's Day. My mother passed away in December twenty two.
The photograph of or I'll just start quickly to talk
about her, will show the photo want to put up.
(01:25):
And she was known as the Purple Lady of Chattanooga, Tennessee.
As you can see, I'm wearing one of her outfits.
I'm wearing one of her jewelry pieces of jewelry. Every
time you see me in purple, like the Fearless, Fabulous
Forever T shirt, it's because of my mother. My mother
was the Purple Lady because when she was a little
(01:48):
girl and fat, my grandmother amazing woman. I've talked to
her about her on the show Mimi. Her name was Rose,
I called her Mimi. She was amazing. She enrolled my
mother in ballet lesson sinking that would give my mother confidence.
My mother was five or six, and as the legend goes,
(02:08):
she had her dance recital, her ballet dance recital, and
she was dressed as a purple orchid. And my grandmother,
of course, being the amazing woman, she was made sure
that all of her majong pals, because she was a
big majong and canessa bridge player, joined her for the
recital along with my grandfather and gave my mother a
(02:32):
standing ovation, and that little plump orchid, purple Orchid, got
a standing ovation, and from that point on felt that
everything was beautiful at the ballet and she was going
to be more beautiful if she wore purple. Over the years,
she obviously didn't wear purple all the time, she didn't
(02:54):
pick her clothes up, but that was always her favorite color.
And when she became an adult and earned her master's
degree in psychology and became a psychologist working with children
with severe learning disabilities, she wore a lot of purple
(03:16):
because and she would hand out purple lollipops because the
children were less afraid of seeing my mother when she
was the Purple Lady. Over the years of Purple Lady
became her persona, and she used her royal purpleness to
raise money for many many charities, launch many many causes.
There's the Purple Pause Society at the mccamee Animal Center
(03:38):
that she raised money for. There's a Purple Heights Society
at the Zoo where she raised. For her eightieth birthday,
she threw a party at the Zoo to raise millions
for a new giraffe exhibit. There is the Purple Lady
Rehearsal Room at the Chattanooga Theater Center with a portrait
of her that I donated after she died. She had
(03:58):
many portraits done of her or she was a big
supporter of the arts, and she used her purpleness to
raise money for charities to support the arts, animal welfare,
and children's causes. I bring all this up because she
taught me to live by her purple principle, which is
somewhat based on the Judah Eudaic theory of giving mitzvah.
(04:22):
Mitzvah is a good deed, but always give a do
a daily mitzvah. She was Jewish, as my grandmother taught
her that, and not to expect anything back, so do
unto others without any expectation that they would do unto you.
And she lived and died thinking about ways to raise
money for charity. It's pretty amazing, right. So that was
(04:44):
my mother, and unfortunately she died. It was difficult for
me because I went home to take care of her,
and at that point she was withering away because she
didn't want to eat because she still was that little
fat girl on the ballet stage and never wanted to
be fat and had an eating disorder and eventually basically
stopped eating and didn't want to eat, and as a result,
(05:07):
her body suffered. But that's not the point. The point
is when Mother's Day rolls around that you may be
experiencing a difficult Mother's Day. Not everybody is experiencing a
blessed one. There's different categories. Well, first of all, let
me just say this Mother's Day is a big holiday.
(05:27):
According to the National Retail Federation, Mother's Day spending in
twenty twenty six is expected to hit a record thirty
eight billion dollars, even with gas prices high, even with
consumers feeling the pinch, because it seems like everything is expensive,
(05:51):
people will spend money on their mothers. It is a
priority for many Americans and they plan to lean into
this holiday because you only have one mother, well, some
people have stepmothers, but it is major and most of
this is spent on gifts, flowers, jewelry, dining out. Fifty
(06:12):
four percent of people plan to purchase something for their mother,
or their wife who's a mother, or their daughter who
is a mother. And as I said, the most popular
ones besides greeting cards this is from the National Retail Federation,
are dining brunch, gift cards, clothing, accessories, and je Jewelry
(06:35):
leads the bunch at seven point five billion. However, this
show is not about encouraging you to go out and
spend money you don't have. I'm a big believer in
spending time and not money. And probably the most important
Mother's Days I spent with my mother where after my
father passed away in two thousand and nine and my
(06:57):
mother was a widow, I flew home to spend time
with her in Chattanooga, Tennessee, almost every Mother's Day unless
I was traveling for work and unable to, but I
always took the time to fly home and take her
to brunch and we'd all be in purple. It was
always just really special and it was not about material things.
God just know my mother had so many material things
(07:19):
she didn't need anymore. The first year that I had
Mother's Day and she was gone was hard. And if
you are in a situation where you've recently lost your
mother and you really don't want to hear all the
hype and pressure and all the publicists were pitching me
at gifts, I basically put out a notice to the
(07:39):
public relations world saying, please do not pitch me on
Mother's Day. It is a difficult holiday for me, and
that's okay. You can. Over the years, I'm less sensitive.
It's now twenty twenty six, so I've got some years
under me. I'm not as it's not as it doesn't
touch the nerve it used to Mother's Day. And so
(08:01):
this year, however, this year we're dealing with my mother
in law passed away in September twenty twenty five, so
this is the first year that my husband has lost
his mother. So I'm trying to be sensitive. So I'm
saying all this because I want you to think about
all the people in your life, close or friends, where
(08:24):
Mother's Day may be a difficult holiday, and why it's
important to be sensitive or if you're thinking about how
to deal with it. I'm going to give you some
ways to commemorate your mother, even if she's no longer around.
I asked my husband, what would you like to do
for Mother's Day this year? Would you like to do
a special outing? Maybe we could each cook a dish
(08:45):
and have dinner at home and have a dish that
reminded us of our mothers. But he fled out said
and he said it again this morning. This holiday is
no longer a holiday for me. Mother's Day is a
non holiday. Now. I think that's a guy thing where
he's just hiding the grief because he hasn't really grieved.
But I will honor this and just make it every day.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Day.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
We'll have brunch, we'll spend time with each other. He said,
I'd like Mother's Day to become couples Day, so we
celebrate each other. And I'm all over that. If you
have lost a mother, or are caring for a mother
who's going through her end of life, which is really difficult,
(09:29):
it's not about things. It's about time. It's about spending time.
If they're still alive, I think the best thing you
can do is just have a conversation. Let them talk.
If your mother is disabled or bedridden or isolated her
in a nursing home, if you can spend time with
her and just let her talk. Most of the time
(09:50):
that ell day love to talk about their past because
they have no future. Ask some questions about their childhood,
ask them about their high schoo, ask them about some
of their happiest memories, and just let them talk, and
if they're okay with it, record the conversation. I did
that with my mother. I actually interviewed my mother for
(10:13):
an article for the cha Nioga Zoo magazine. She was
a big patron and ended up being a cover article
and I recorded it, and my mother, even though she
was in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism, which is
scary up, she just rattled on and on and on.
Her memory was very you know, your memory gave me
very sharp when it's memories. And she went on and
(10:35):
on and on and on and on, and the article
ended up being a beautiful feature about my mother. Likewise,
literally within ten days before my mother passed away, I
had a wonderful guy who Randall Shruptay and his wife
come to our house. They offered to they were starting
a program, a business where they were going to videotape
(10:57):
people to commemorate your parents so you could capture their
voices and their image before they passed, and they use
my mother. When they asked my mother if she minded,
if she'd be the guinea pig, she said, of course,
of course, I love talking. And she did and amazingly,
even though she was propped up on pillows, frightfully frail,
(11:18):
we had to put lots of makeup on her and
wigs and really make her look part of the living.
My mother talked about her life for over an hour
ninety minutes, and it became a beautiful video that we
debuted at the celebration of her life, that I will
(11:38):
treasure because I have her image, and I have a voice,
and I have her story. So if you can do that,
take the time and do it, because you will treasure
that forever, and you can share it with your children,
your siblings are just have it for yourself, which I have.
Mine is actually on YouTube. You can see it in
my YouTube channel, which is where the show also airs.
(12:01):
It's Sonya Young the Purple Lady, so you can see it.
I'm really glad we did that because three days after
we filmed that video, my mother's voice started to fade
to the point where she lost her voice, and within
that week she died and she no longer had a voice,
(12:22):
but I have it captured in this video. So spending
time with someone and talking is the greatest gift you
can give a mother, particularly as they're advancing in age.
David's mother, Sally, had Alzheimer's, so her mind was drifting
a bit, but we took the time to spend with
(12:44):
her for her last Christmas and let her talk and
just she was just comforted to know we were there.
That's all you need to do. It's not about jewelry
and clothes and gloves and mittens and all that they
have it. So if it's still too painful to deal with,
(13:05):
may I suggest, as I did my first Mother's Day
without a mother, we took a long walk. I think
we either took a long walk or a day trip
somewhere and just got out and did something beautiful for ourselves.
I like to be in nature. I love to take
walks and bike rides, and that's what we did. We
cooked a simple dinner, we had a glass of wine,
(13:27):
we toasted to my mother. We called his mother, who
was still alive, and we got through it. I have
many friends who've lost their mother, and I will call
them the week leading up to Mother's Day and say
I'm thinking about you. How are you doing. So if
you have a friend who has lost their mother or
going through a difficult time, this is a really good
(13:48):
time to pick up the phone and say how are
you doing? Don't say anything else, Just say how are
you doing? I'm thinking about you, And if they want
to talk, they will, and if they don't, it's okay too.
You may want to do something to commemorate your mother,
you know, cook a dish cook a favorite recipe of hers.
(14:11):
Go through family photos and create a new album, watch
a movie that she loved. Make a donation to a
charity that was important to her. I know for me
she had so many, but I usually do Mcamie Animal Rescue,
a local noekill shelter in Chattanoga that she raised all
the money to build. That's a beautiful way to commemorate
(14:34):
your mother when she's no longer with you. It's not
just about showing a photo and posting something on Facebook.
Do something meaningful. I find that if I can donate
in her honor and wear a bit of purple every day,
which I do, I'm honoring my mother. So Goodness knows,
(14:54):
the lucky women in the life are the ones who
still have their mothers or our new mothers. And I'm
incredibly happy for all women who are celebrating and their
husbands who or their spouses who are celebrating their first
Mother's Day as a mother. That is truly an honor.
And capture those memories in photos and videos. I think
(15:15):
it's great. You're never over posting. It's awesome. I have
a friend who's recently become a grandmother she's over the
moon happy. I'm actually going to send her a message
on Facebook and say I'm thinking about you, Granny, your
new grandma. I know it's a joyous day, so let
people have that joy. Don't share any sadness or grief
(15:36):
about your mother. If they're in their moment of joy,
let them have it. That is so important. Let them
have their joy, send them a note, celebrate with them.
Because everybody has a different feeling about motherhood, which brings
(15:57):
me to this. I am not a mother. I never
had children. And in twenty fourteen, after watching a very
famous TV show hosts talk about motherhood because she'd had children,
she's recently had a baby, and she said, I don't
think anyone is truly fully a woman until they've had
(16:19):
a baby. And I watched her saying this, and she's
deeply religious, and she was going on on about the
miracle of birth and this is a miracle and she
really now feels complete as a woman. Let me say
that to anyone who says you're never fully a woman
until you have a baby, you are fully a woman.
(16:40):
You are a woman, period, and you can define how
you want to be a woman any way you choose
and if you are not able to have children, because
it's I think it's very insensitive for someone to say
you are not fully a woman until you've had a child.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
One.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
There are many women out there who were trying to
have children and are unable to. There are many women
out there who have lost children or miscarried. There are
many women like me who just frankly, it was not
part of the program of life. So don't define womanhood
(17:21):
by motherhood. Motherhood is not womanhood. It is part of
being a woman, but it does not define you or
anyone else as being a full and complete woman. I
can't understand. I can't emphasize that enough. So what I wrote,
which is for Huffington Posts excuse me and I have
(17:42):
no water this trip, and I'm reposting it on Facebook
fearless fabulist Melanie Young on my Facebook page, it's called
not being a mother? Does it make me any less
of a woman? Just because I'm not a mother doesn't
mean that I'm selfish. Life, life is incomplete. I have
a very happy, fulfilling life that I embrace with appreciation, enthusiasm.
(18:05):
And if you are a woman who is chosen not
to have children or unable to, or is just a
time passes by and the opportunity past you, or you
don't want to adopt. There's many reasons you just say.
Just because I am not a mother does not mean
that I am selfish or my life is incomplete. I
(18:30):
have a very happy, fulfilling life that I embrace with
appreciation and enthusiasm. This appeared in the Huffington Post and
was reposted around the world, and it starts like this.
I'm always amazed when someone asks me an abrupt question,
or my husband and I like, we'll be like, we'll
(18:50):
be an uber and somebody asks this, Okay, well, we'll
be in a social studing and they'll say do you
have children? And I'll say, no, we don't, and it's crazy.
Some people say well why not. Others will say, well, oh, like,
what are we going to talk about? Or in the
case of a wonderful woman that Chadnook and a Monica,
(19:13):
a canalyst, when we she asked me us that question
that she's got three children, and I said no, we don't.
She said, okay, we'll cancel that topic and go on
to another one. And after that we became very good
friends because she she's just great. She just knew that
wasn't part of the conversation. But I usually, you know,
I'm very honest, and then they say why not. I'll
just simply say, well, if you really want to know. Now,
(19:34):
my husband always says we can't. My husband's comment is
she's barren, which I think I'm not. I am barren.
I'm a menopause But I don't really want to put
people on the spot. People don't know what to say,
but I just simply say it wasn't part of the
It wasn't part of my destiny. I got married at
(19:55):
forty eight, I was approaching menopause. I did not want
to have I did not want to be a single mother.
Now I have several friends who have chosen to be
single mothers, and I have the utmost respect for that.
It was a decision they made and they are happy
about it. It wasn't something I wanted to do. I
didn't think I would be a good single mother. I
(20:17):
probably wouldn't be. I would be a better mother with
a husband. But by the time I got married at
age forty eight and was diagnosed with breast cancer at fifty,
and was running a company and dealing with a father
who was ill. It wasn't part of the program. And
I have no regrets. I respect my friends who are mothers.
I love their children. I respect my friends who became
(20:41):
single mothers. I have no regrets that I am not
a mother. If anything, I was a dog mother for
many years. I had dog and now I don't even
have a dog because I don't think I would be
a good dog mother. Right now, I'm too moving around
and traveling. And I do believe that if you were
going to commit to being a mother, you got to
be all in. You got to be there for your kids,
(21:04):
and it's a lifetime commitment. And the best thing I
did was not become a mother, because I don't think
I could have made that commitment. But it doesn't mean
I'm any less than a woman. I have the great feelings,
I have great capacity for love. I'm generous. I was
a loving daughter. I'm a loving sometimes wife. And I
(21:27):
love my friends and I think of them all the time.
So never have guilt about not becoming a mother, and
I know that I have. You may be trying to
be you may be trying and going through hormone therapy
and trying to have children. I have friends that went
through years of painful IVT and vitro fertilization to try
(21:50):
to have children and it just didn't happen. It wasn't
part of the program of life, and it was painful
for them emotionally, it was painful for the physically. But
they're okay. They're wonderful people even you know, they didn't
have children, but they're loving, wonderful family members, caring, and
(22:11):
it didn't make them any less amazing. Woman, husband, couple.
They're amazing and I love them still. So the Mommi
track is not for everybody. That's no right or wrong
direction in life as long as you're in control. Okay.
So Mother's Day for me is really a non holiday
(22:33):
because I'm not a mother. I don't have a mother.
My mother in law has passed. However, I have a
dear cousins who are mothers, and I will wish them
happy Mother's Day because it means something to them. And
I never want my lack of enthusiasm about a holiday
to dampen other people's enthusiasm about the holidays. So even
(22:54):
if it does, it like birthdays, like birthdays are a
really big deal for me. My birthday is a day
I was born. For me, that's like the most saying
that's the most sacred day of the year for me
is January first, because the day I entered the world. Okay,
it's more important to me than Christmas. More important to me.
You know, it's my birthday. And my husband's like, I
(23:15):
don't care about birthdays, They're not important to me. Well,
I celebrate here because it's a day he came into
the world, and I'm glad he's here. My mother loved birthdays.
She used them to raise money for charity. Every birthday
was a charity of opportunity for her, and she loved birthdays.
And I made sure that I was there for her
on her birthday because it meant a lot to her.
(23:36):
We gave cards if I wasn't there. She loved getting cards.
So don't dampen other people's enthusiasm about Mother's Day. If
it means something to them, let them have their moment.
Let them have their moment for birth. Let people have
their moment of joy and love. It's not your decision
(23:57):
and not your role to judge or change or put
your insinuate your opinion and try to convince them otherwise.
Let them have a wonderful Mother's Day. If they want
to spend crazy sums of money, let them do it.
It's individual. So we've talked about how you approach Mother's
(24:19):
Day if you are a mother, if you're not a mother,
maybe you're fighting with your mother, maybe there's family challenges.
Try not to let the family fighting get in the
way of Mother's Day. Set the fights asides and the
differences aside, and just honored the mother if she's still alive.
(24:40):
I know I have a good friend. She'd dread a
Mother's Day with her brothers because she adored her mother.
The brothers were deadbeats. It was always a tough day,
and I always said to her, just think about your
mother and the joy you bring each other and forget
about everything else. That's all that matters. Now I'm going
to talk about it another. I've talked about what it's
(25:03):
like to lose your mother and have Mother's Day come,
and the pings of pain because everybody's pushing stuff on
you and you're reading this, and you're reading that you
don't want to celebrate, and that's okay too. And in
my case, as a podcast host and journalist, I get
pitches from Mother's Day. And I've said, actually, the groups
(25:25):
that I'm on, the Facebook groups, public relations groups, they
actually put out a notice and as did several corporations.
If you if it is not a holiday for you,
or you don't want to be on our mailer list
or a pitchless, let us know and we will honor
and respect that. And I applaud companies that take that
(25:46):
stand that not everybody is excited about Mother's Day. It's
the same with Father's Day too, and same with Alan.
Not everybody's that excited about it. So take a step
back and don't bump bird them with stuff. Now I'm
going to talk about another very sensitive topic for Mother's Day.
(26:07):
And I actually have a friend, an industry friend I've
known for years. We stayed connected on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
And.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
I'm deciding how to reach out to her, and I'm
going to do it the way I do with everybody else.
I'm thinking about you. I just won't let you know.
I know this is a difficult time and I'm thinking
about you. And this is a mother whose daughter has
committed suicide. It could have been a mother whose child
has died tragically, or died of cancer, or just died.
(26:38):
But the child, the adult child, the young child, they're
no longer there, or they've lost grandchildren, or oh, god forbid,
they were in a school shooting. They're gone. And that
is a void that is so deep I can't even
fathom it. You have lost your child, you have lost
(27:02):
your grandchildren. Are you still a mother? Yes, You'll always
be their mother. You'll always be their mother, even if
they're no longer with you. You will always be a
mother in spirit. So this friend of mine, I plan
(27:23):
to reach out with her, to her and say, I'm
thinking about you, and I know this is a difficult time,
but you will always be the mother in spirit. And
I check in with her, not just Mother's Day. I
check in with her regularly. And we're not even best friends,
we're just friends. And I know she's going through that pain.
And I can't even imagine. You know, I thought going
(27:46):
through Mother's Day and not having a mother was painful,
but I cannot imagine what it's like. And I want
you to always put yourself in other people's shoes, to
think before you speak. I don't know what to be
like to be a mother who has lost their child
and have a Mother's Day come. I don't but I
(28:09):
want you to be sensitive to it. If you have
a friend or a family member or someone you know
where it is a very painful time because they could
use just that I'm thinking about you. I want to
let you know that I'm here for you, and I'm thinking.
You don't need to say anything else. That's all you
(28:30):
need to say. Is there anything I can do? You
can do that would you like to be If they
live in your town, maybe call and say would you
like some companionship? Maybe they don't want to be, maybe
they shouldn't be alone. But think about that because that's
a gift in itself, to be the gift of saying
(28:53):
I'm thinking about you. What can I do to make
your day better? That's a great you know, really a
great thing. So Mother's Day or Father's Day, and I'm
not going to do a Father's Day. This is my
Mother's Day. And then I'm done because it's not just
(29:13):
about the show. It's not just about celebrating Mother's Day.
It's understanding that motherhood is a wonderful role and responsibility
for many women, but it's not one for every woman.
And the older I get now that I have no
mother and I have no children, and I'm my husband
(29:35):
and I are doing a state planning. I'm, like I
said to the lawyer, but I have no one. I
don't leave anything to uh maybe my cousin or charity.
I don't have any regret about it. I'm okay with it,
and you need to be as well. You need to
(29:55):
think about, you know, how you want to live your
life with or without children, grandchildren. Maybe you want a foster,
Maybe you want to just volunteer your time to work
with children. Maybe children are not your thing, and that's
okay too. You know a lot of people don't like kids,
(30:17):
believe or not, and that doesn't make them wrong. It
just means they're not the best person to take care
of children. I mean, I like other people's kids. I
just didn't want one of my own. It's just the
way it is. I think I've pretty much covered motherhood
(30:38):
and celebrating Mother's Day. If you are planning to celebrate,
as I said, the gift of time, spending it with
your mother, your grandmother, your aunt who may be a mother,
your sister who may be a new mother. Here's an
idea for you. Maybe your sister who is a new
(30:58):
mother would like to have some time off for being
a mom and needs a day for herself. What a
great gift would be. I would love to take your
children for the day and give you a day at
the spa or go with you and you know, take
care of you know, have someone take care of the kids,
or do something that's family friendly, because you know it's
(31:20):
important to them to spend time with their kids. So
think about that as well, because not all mothers who
have children are feeling great either. Maybe they're overwhelmed, over taxed,
overspending under budget, maybe they're dealing with work issues, personal issues.
(31:42):
Goodness helps the mother whose husband has disappeared. Be sensitive
to that, the single mother, the single mother by choice,
and the single mother because somebody walked away. Be sensitive
to that person because they probably could use a friend
right now on Mother's Day. So it's not being a
mother or a daughter or a granddaughter. Goodness knows, I
(32:06):
love grandmothers. It's also about being a friend. It's about
being a friend to the woman for whom Mother's Day
could probably use a little more love and attention. But
maybe she's not saying anything because she's just gonna suck
it in and be strong. Be sensitive to that as well.
(32:28):
So I'm going to end this show a little early.
I think I've shared my Mother's Day message and being
a mother. If you must give gifts, a charitable donation
in that person's name is the nicest gift possible. Other
than saying, let me give you some time to take
(32:49):
care of yourself. Let me take care of your kids,
or taken to the movie or the zoo so you
have some time to yourself. Time is a beautiful gift.
Donations maybe they're not able to make donations, but you
can in their honor. If you do want to give gifts,
simple flowers, you don't have to spend a fortune florus.
(33:10):
You can just give a beautiful bouquet. I have to
tell you my best bouquets are from Trader Joe's. I
can buy Ecuadorian roses for ten dollars and ninety nine
cents a dozen. They last three weeks. I do it.
I buy them every week because my mother had a
little tradition with me. Whenever I would come home to visit,
she would always have these beautiful Ecuadorian roses in a
(33:35):
vase in my bedroom without fail. And when she was bedridden,
she wanted the roses. Know why because my father, who
loved my mother unconditionally, every Friday he would bring her
a single rose. That's right, every Friday he brought her
(33:59):
one rose wherever they were in the world. I actually
was with him somewhere in the Caribbean and it was
a Friday, and he's like, I got to find a rose.
I'm my dad, We're in the Caribbean. I don't know
it's that easy. It's gonna be expensive. But we went
around looking for a flower, and eventually we got her
an orchid, which she loved as well. But roses were
very important to her. And even though you know she
(34:20):
was dealing with financial issues, we made sure that she
had her roses at her bedside every week. And I've
started that tradition because it brings me joy. The roses
remind me of my mother. They remind me of my grandmother,
whose name was Rose. Often they're purple, because if I
(34:43):
can find purple roses, I will put them. I have
my bureaus across from my bed, and when I wake
up every morning, I can see these beautiful purple roses
and I will remember my mother. So I find ways
to remember her through the cl or purple roses, the
beautiful things that she did leave me, which I'm grateful for,
(35:05):
and importantly making donations to charities in her memory when
I can't. They may not be big ones, but they're
little ones. And living by the one thing that meant
more to her than anything, which was called her purple principle,
was to do unto others, to image their life without
asking anything back in return. For her, that was the
(35:29):
ultimate gift, to give yourself without expecting or asking anything return.
I'm going to leave you with this quote that I
put in my article that was again I've posted it
at a fearless, fabulous Melanie Young on Facebook my page,
I invite you to join me there. Not being a
(35:50):
mother does it make me any less than a woman?
And I said, the MOMMI track was not the path
my life took, but it does not mean I went
in the wrong direction. There are no right or wrong
directions if we all navigate them with grace, kindness, and
passion and purpose. I respect and appreciate all mothers and
(36:14):
grandmothers and dads, and only ask that those of us
who remained childless receive equal respect, because, in the words
of the Great Dali Lama. People take roads seeking fulfillment
and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't
(36:39):
mean they are lost. Find your happiness, share your joy,
be respectful of others, and know that somewhere in the
world you must always remember that you've always had a mother,
because that's how you came here. We all come from mothers,
(37:03):
And just be aware of that and respect that we
all come from mothers, and understand that for many this
is very important. I mean, goodness knows. Respect that and
if that's all you can do, that's fine. Meanwhile, to
all the mothers out there who are celebrating, and the
daughters who are fortunate to have mothers to celebrate with,
(37:27):
and the new mothers and the new grandmothers and the
new great grandmothers. Because my cousin who just turned sixty, Allison,
she is about to become a grandmother for the first time.
I can't believe it. She's seven years younger than me.
Oh my god, and her mother, Finette Fife, it's about
(37:48):
to become a great grandmother. And I'm like, oh my god.
You know wow, because they're really young and vivacious, so
you know, the concept of grandmother and great grandmother is
very different now because I see some very energetic grandmothers
and great grandmothers. To all of them, Happy Mother's Day.
I hope you have a fabulous day surrounded with joy
(38:10):
and loving family. I'm Melanie Young. This is Fearless Fabulous
you thank you for joining me. Please follow me at
Melanie Fabulous. Check me out a Melanie Fabulous on substack.
I could use similar subscribers and watch the show on
YouTube at your convenience. Please share it and like it
(38:30):
or listen on more than sixty five podcast channels. Because
I created this for you and for women, to remind
you all and myself, which it helps that you have
a choice on how you choose to live your life.
That's what we're talking about today. Always choose to live
life on your terms and not with society or other
(38:52):
people define for you. Their way may not be your path.
It's not right or wrong. It's a Ali Lama said.
Just because they're not on your road does not mean
they are lost. But so I always say, always be respectful,
Always be appreciative. Always know that everybody is different in
(39:16):
their own unique way and for you, always choose to
be fearless and fabulous. Thank you,
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