October 30, 2025 • 38 mins
Discover how to live and lead authentically — in life, relationships, and business. Learn how to uncover who you truly are, what you feel, what you need, and what you want, and then express that in healthy, empowered ways. When you are authentic, you naturally attract healthier relationships, more joy, and a thriving business aligned with your purpose.
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The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guests should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast for a thriving life business. And
we are live Thursdays at five pm Eastern on Top
four TV dot com, w W FOURWN dot com and
(01:10):
my YouTube channel, and you can hear the podcasts on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora,
Apple and many more. So today we continue to talk
about part three of how to know the steps to
become your authentic self in life and in business. And
(01:36):
you're going to learn what is inauthentic and what you
can do to shift it, change it, and transform it
so that you can become more authentically you in your
life and in your business. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
(01:58):
licensed Clinical social work, certified hypno therapist, and intuitive business expert.
I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform
your life. And this show is not a replacement for
therapy or counseling it is for educational purposes only. So
(02:19):
talking about so what is authentic, what does that really mean?
And the way that I define being authentic is being real,
being true to yourself, being in integrity with you and
with yourself, and what feels right, what feels in alignment
(02:42):
with your authentic self, which is your soul, the core
energy essence of who you are, and your higher self,
the wise, unconditionally loving part of you. And when you
are being your authentic self, you are being your higher
(03:05):
self and your soul, and that is what this is
all about. I really believe that we are here to
embody our souls, to live our potential, to be that
authentic being that we are, and to live all like
(03:27):
purpose and our mission and to transform our life and
to transform ourselves. And in doing so, we transform the world.
And we all know the world needs it right now.
So wherever you are in the world, we definitely need that.
(03:47):
Sending lots of healing light and prayers to Jamaica and
all that's going on there. And I know there are
many places in the world that need our prayers, so
prayers are going out to all all of those places.
So let's talk authentic. So one a way, And I'm
(04:10):
going to go back to my list. I know the
listeners that come regularly, the viewers listeners that come regularly,
then they put their questions in the chat love the list.
So what we're going to do is talk about a
way that would be inauthentic and then go to ways
(04:35):
you can be authentic. So if you are hiding your
emotions so that you can look strong, you're being inauthentic. Now,
many of you may have learned that you had hide
your emotions in order to be safe, in order to
(04:56):
be loved, in order to be taken care of, or
whatever that is. And what I'm letting you know is
that now for you to be that authentic self that
you are, it would be learning to be able to
(05:17):
express yourself your true emotions coming from your truth and
not having to look strong. So it's really allowing yourself
to feel and express your emotions in healthy ways. And
the way that I say that is healthy is you're
(05:39):
not hurting yourself, you're not hurting anyone else, and you're
not hurting the environment like destroying property and so expressing
yourself in healthy ways. So let's say it's learning to
be able to get in touch with your feeling and
(06:00):
be able to communicate that feeling if you need to.
So when I say you need to, it would be
to make a decision if it's appropriate to express that
feeling or not. And I see, Mistery, I see what you.
(06:20):
I will get to your comment shortly. I just want
to finish the thought that I'm on and so being
authentic and being able to communicate from that authentic place
and making the decision, because there are times where you
may be in touch with a feeling and it's not
(06:43):
about communicating that to someone else. And then there are
times where it's really important in order to maintain the
relationship or to have a healthier relationship, you need to
be able to communicate that feeling what you're feeling in
a healthy way, owning your piece and saying I am feeling,
(07:07):
and expressing your needs. So all of those are important
communication pieces in order to have authentic, healthy communication in
your relationships. So let's get to Misty's Misty says authentic
can be hidden from your own self. Okay, so two
(07:32):
things to say about that, Misty. I really feel that
what happens in our journey of life is that we
as you're in the journey you discover. As you get
older and wiser, you discover more and more of who
you really are, that authentic self. And yes it may
(07:56):
be hidden from you or but as you grow and
as you heal and remember, your authentic self is not
a destination. It's a journey. It's the journey to become
your authentic self. And it's in the becoming that is,
and the process of becoming where this huge growth and
(08:20):
this opportunity for you to expand and to understand yourself
and self discovery. It's such a huge opportunity and so
learning about who you really are and what you really
want and what feels right to you. It is a journey.
(08:41):
So yes, you're right. Sometimes it can be hidden, and
it can be also hidden to keep yourself safe, like
if it wasn't safe to truly express yourself in healthy ways,
truly express your feelings in healthy ways, may hide your
true feelings because it wasn't safe. But as you heal,
(09:05):
as you grow, as you transform, you start feeling more
comfortable with your true feelings. You start allowing yourself to
express your feelings, your true feelings to people that feel safe,
and you start allowing more and more of your authentic
self to come out, and you allow yourself to become
(09:30):
more and more authentic. So that's another way that you
become in the journey of becoming more authentically you. And
like I said, it is a journey. It's an unfolding
journey for all of you. Remember that you don't have
to get it right. You don't have to be perfect,
(09:51):
because all of those that you would put on yourself
are all the haters in the shugs, which is not authentic.
Sovember's process and you're unfolding even you're listening to the show,
whether you're alive or listening at another time of viewing
it another time. The fact that you are means there's
(10:13):
something here for you, and I acknowledge you for being
and we have anesthesia says the more you live, the
more you learn that is true. Exactly what I said
is that as you get older and wiser and you
learn more and more about yourself and what feels authentic,
(10:35):
what feels right and so, and what feels true, what
feels safe, and learning that it's okay more and more
to be you rather than the way you grew up
or the masks that you had to be in order
(10:56):
to be safe, or to be loved or to be
taken care of. So and if any if you have
any questions about that, let me know. So. Another way
that you could be in an authentic without even realizing
it is when you're comparing yourself to others. Now, comparison
is definitely a human thing, and I think we all compare.
(11:20):
I mean, I know I played the comparison game a lot,
especially when it comes to my business. That person's on
social media, or that person's doing this, so, this or
that and social media, whether it's your business or your life.
Like all these friends and you, what's wrong with me?
(11:43):
So you can be in the comparison game and you're
not alone. And what I want you to know, learning
to be more and more authentically you is learning to
stop comparing, and it's learning to say, celebrate you and
to learn to celebrate your unique journey, the unique person
(12:08):
that you are, and that there is no there is
no comparison. There are no two people, even twins, There
are no two people exactly alike, and that each of
each of you is on your unique journey, your unique path,
(12:29):
and your soul has planned it all before you came
in any obstacles and adventures and things you need to overcome.
So I really want you to know why bother comparing,
because you can't compare yourself to someone else because you're
all on your own unique path. Now, the other thing
(12:53):
that I want to say is stop comparing yourself to
you like let's say a few years ago, let's say
you were doing better. I'm putting that in air quotes
you were doing better or things were better or you know,
you need to remember that the journey you're on, that
even if you go backwards, there's a reason why you
(13:13):
have delays and setbacks on your journey. The path and
your vision is not a straight line. It's not a
straight line up the mountain, and it's not a straight
line wherever you want to go. The journey, the goal,
the destination. It looks more like like a scribble this
(13:36):
and that and all the way around. That's the journey.
And so comparing yourself to yourself or others, this is
about celebrating where you are right now, the opportunity that
you have to understand how is this happening for you
(13:57):
instead of happening to you. That's one of the things
one of my mentors says, is how is this happening
for you so that you can learn from this experience?
And what is it trying to teach you? I say
it in different ways. You've heard me say instead of
instead of beating yourself up for a mistake, it's learning.
(14:21):
It's a learning opportunity and that's the journey of life.
Any experience that you have is the learning opportunity. So, oh,
now this is a biggie and I already mentioned it,
but I'm going to mention it again. Being inauthentic is
when you're striving for perfection. If you think that you're
(14:44):
going to get it perfect, you are all because you
are human and every single one of us as a
human being is going to make mistakes, is gonna have
challenges and opposite and things that we have to overcome.
(15:05):
Life can get messy. Life is not going to be perfect.
It isn't truth. And so this is about learning. This
is allow about learning to let go of the perfection
and to focus on your progress, to focus on the
(15:29):
step by step that you are taking in the journey
of your life, in the journey of becoming your authentic self.
And it's not a race, and you don't have to
be perfect. It's step by step step and it could
be baby steps. It doesn't have to be big leaps.
(15:51):
It doesn't have to be huge step. It could be
step by step, by step, baby step, and you'll still
get there. It's better to have the progress step by step,
to think that you have to be perfect before you
get and get it all right, before you do something
(16:11):
or move forward or say something. And so I really
want to support you. You do not have to be perfect.
Your new slogan is I choose to have progress. I
choose progress over perfection. Okay, Now, Micky, there is no
(16:32):
such thing as perfect, Nicky says, and Micky is right.
There is no no perfection, no such thing so human human.
You're perfectly human. It's perfectly okay to be who you are.
I want to remind you that. Okay, so okay, you
(16:54):
don't have to be perfect. And I remember, you know,
years ago, when I was in therapy, this just popped
into my mind. So I'm going to tell you so
years ago, when I was looking for my first apartment,
I was in therapy and I was like, I gotta
have this, and I gotta have that, and I gotta
(17:15):
have this, and it has to be perfect. My therapist said,
it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to
be good enough. It has to feel right. And so
that I took that and I went looking and I
found a place I was good enough. My first apartment
by myself. It was good enough. It wasn't perfect, but
(17:36):
it was good enough. And so what I want to
remind you you don't have to be perfect. And the
reason why I am spending a long time on this
is because so many of us have the perfect thing.
I know I do, I have, I have and have
I always got it. Have I totally overcome it. I'm
working on it, just like you. I'm working on it too.
(17:59):
It's a journey, remember, journey, not destination. So yes, thank
you all. And another way that you can be inauthentic
is if you try to numb out or you're disconnected,
And numbing out or being disconnected is a survival mechanism.
(18:21):
You shut down, you go numb, you tune out to survive.
And what I invite you to do is to start
becoming aware. Start becoming aware. Am I numbing out? Am
I tuning out? Am I disconnecting? Now? I also want
to just say that there are times you know, tuning
(18:43):
out or disconnecting and moderation and healthy ways. Like let's say,
like for example, I'll give you an example when you
if you have had a long day and you want
to tune out or disconnect and just edge out and
watch a TV show and I don't mean TV show,
TV show, TV show. Like all day long, hopefully you're
(19:06):
working or doing things that are in alignment with your soul.
But then there is a time where Okay, you want
to disconnect, or you may want to go out of
nature and just kind of chill out or take a
time out to just daydream. So moments of disconnection, moments
(19:30):
of tuning out out moments. I think that that's part
of being human. You can't always be on all the time.
If you're numbing out and you're disconnecting so much so
that you're not being authentic and you're not feeling you're
able to make a connection, an authentic connection to yourself
(19:54):
and to others, then that's where it becomes a challenge.
That's where becomes a problem. And so I really want
to support you in those cases, to reach out for support,
to reach out for therapy or counseling or support groups.
To help you to learn how to move through so
(20:20):
that you're not numbing out or disconnecting. And one of
the ways that you can come back into alignment and
be connected again is by reconnecting with your body, your feelings,
and your spirit through self awareness and mindfulness. So when
(20:44):
you notice, oh I'm tuning out or oh I feel
really disconnected, or oh I feel like I'm numbing out,
then when you notice this is and maybe you're going
to hear my voice like, oh, this is what Nancy
(21:05):
was talking about. Oh oh this is what she meant. Okay,
you know what what can I do to reconnect? Ask
yourself that what can I do to reconnect right here,
right now? And maybe it's taking a deep breath, breathing, noticing, noticing,
(21:26):
and allowing yourself to really become present with your body,
become present with your feeling. What am I really feeling
right now at this moment? What can I do to
reconnect with my soul my spirit? What will support me
in making a reconnection? So you can ask yourself those questions.
(21:48):
The first thing is the awareness, though, it's the awareness
and now in relationships, a way that you could be
inauthentic is if you avoid conflict and stay quiet. So
if you stay quiet and you not speak your truth
(22:11):
in order to avoid conflict, you're being inauthentic. Now you
may say to yourself, well, I don't want conflict, I
don't want to be I would rather have no conflict.
But here's the thing. If you're in an intimate relationship
or a deep friendship and you're not allowing yourself to
(22:36):
be your authentic self, you're not allowing yourself to be quiet.
You stay quiet, and you're not allowing yourself to speak
your truth so that you're avoiding conflict, you're not helping
yourself and you're also not helping the relationship because what
happens is that when you avoid the conflict and you
(23:00):
stay silent, what usually happens. And I know because I've
been doing therapy and counseling with people for years and
couple counseling, And if you do not speak your truth
and say what you're feeling and what you mean, and
you shut it down and you shut it down, you're
(23:21):
going that is actually hurting yourself. And instead of speaking
your truth, you may have physical symptoms. You may use
addictive behaviors like food or smoking or drinking to numb
it out, to shut it down, and that is not
(23:43):
helping you. And what happens in the relationship, and then
what may happen is you may get angrier and angrier
or more and more resentful because you're not speaking your
truth and the relationship can't sustain itself. It won't sustain itself,
it'll break apart. And so you owe it, you don't
(24:03):
owe it. I support you, That's the better way for
me to say it. For you. I support you in
finding a way to speak your truth so that you
can be heard by the other person. And if you
are so afraid of the other person and that you
(24:25):
can speak your truth, then you may then maybe you're
in a toxic relationship and you need to look at
is that a relationship you want to stay in and
or is there a way that you can speak your truth?
And again, there are healthy ways to say it. It's
really important that when you're in a relationship, you're never
(24:48):
you youing somebody you did this and you're so stupid.
That's going to totally put someone on the defense, and
that will create conflict. You want to find a way
to speak your truth that will reduce conflict. Is owning
your feelings, owning your part of your responsibility for what's
(25:09):
ever going on and how I felt about their behavior
member the behavior, not the person. And I've done shows
you can go back on communication and healthy communication. So
I really support you, and there are plenty there are
books like Marshall Rosenberg's book Non Violent Communication is a
(25:34):
great book to get to help you in healthy communication.
And that's what I want to support you in doing.
And so it's learning to speak your truth in a
healthy way, calmly and clearly. Or you speak your truth,
you want to make sure you're clear and your calm
about what you want to say. And even if it's uncomfortable,
(25:59):
And if you're in a heated if you're in anger,
you know that I'm always coaching you. Do not engage
if you're really angry, Do not engage if you're intensely emotional,
wait until you process things through so that you can
speak to the other person in a calm, clear way,
(26:21):
and healthy way. You Another way that you can be
inauthentic is if you're overgiving in order to earn love
or approval. So if you're overgiving to earn love or approval,
you're being anathentiic and it's learning. It's learning to give
(26:44):
from your truth, from that place of heart and soul,
coming from wanting to give, not feeling obligated to give.
And it's learning when to say yes. And this goes
back to what we were talking about last week. When
to say yes when you mean yes, and when to
(27:06):
say no when you need to say no. It's important
not to overgive, and that is another learning opportunity and journey.
And I'm going to tell you that I really feel
our greatest teachers are our relationships, because our relationships can
be the most challenging parts of being alive. But boy,
(27:31):
do you learn? Do you learn? And I know I've
been there for the most part. I am very grateful
for all my relationships. And there are still a relationship
here or there that definitely challenges me. But I definitely
I'm grateful because the thing that I can say that
(27:56):
I've created for myself is I've created an inner circle,
a community of amazing women that I know that I
can speak my truth, I can be my authentic self
and if I'm upset, I'll tell them the truth. And
what's so amazing is that we're able to work it out,
(28:18):
we're able to express it and work it through. That's
the sign of a healthy relationship. And I want to
support you in finding your support system where you can
be authentically you and be supported and cheered and loved
for who you are. That's what I want for all
(28:39):
of you. Another way that you may be inauthentic is
that you would hide, You would hide in authentic, you'd
hide parts of yourself to get loved or approved of.
And this happens very often in relationship, especially in the honeymoon.
(29:01):
I'm doing the the air quotes again, so for those
of you who are listening. So if you are in
a new relationship or an updated one and you're back
in the honeymoon phase where you don't really allow yourself
to be totally you, you hide those parts. So the
(29:22):
honeymoon's over, and that's what happens to your other, your partner,
and then you both say to yourself, who is this person?
Because you didn't share who you really were. And some
people they never want to share those parts of themselves
because there's too much shame or they or you feel
(29:44):
so ashamed of those parts. And so what happens is
you're hiding yourself. You're hiding your true authentic self. And
here's the thing, not that this part is the authentic part.
It's it could be a part of you that that
(30:06):
maybe having challenges, or a part of you that needs
healing or help, or it could be a part that
really is a part of your soul and you're afraid
to share that part. I remember, I have always been
spiritual and I've always been holistic since I was a kid.
(30:28):
I was always unconventional. And when I met my husband
I'm divorced now.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
When I met my husband, I I shared with him
that that I was holistic and spiritual and into you know, unconventional, and.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
He was like, sure, sure, sure, no problem. You know,
he was all on board for that. And then what
ended up happening was as we got further into the
relation that it wasn't okay. He started making fun of me,
and he started putting down those things that were very
(31:07):
important to me. They were my soul. And I didn't
hide from him who I was, but he was hiding
from me saying he accepted it when he really did it,
he wasn't accepting me. Look, I know I learned so
much from that experience and it was a very important
(31:27):
of my life path, my life learning, and I'm grateful.
I'm grateful for the whole experience. Now I know now
what I want, what's important for me in any relationship,
whether it's a partnership or a friendship. I will not
(31:48):
tolerate being with somebody where I can't be me. And
I really want to support all of you. That that's
what I want for all of you. You are able
to be you and share who you are in your
life and your business and your relationships, because that's so
(32:09):
important to have an inspired in the palid life. So
a way that you're being inauthentic in business is that
you copy other people's styles or strategies and you don't
find your own, your own tune. That was what came
(32:30):
to me, the word that came to me you. But
it's really finding your own voice, finding your authentic voice.
And what I do is I and I see Arnie, Hey, Arnie,
good to see you. And what it's finding your authentic
(32:51):
voice and finding your authentic true and truth and expressing
that in your work in your business. And it's so
important because ultimately to have that successful business that you want,
you want to be you. You want to share who
(33:14):
you are and authentically be that authentic self so that
the people that work with you are your raving fans.
That's what you want. Okay, So we have Arnie making
some comments exactly what I speak on. Kay Arnie, all right,
I love it your authentic you. I love it. Say
(33:38):
that's what it's all about. And I really want to
support all of you if you need to find your
authentic voice. What I do with people too is I
help you be able to find that authentic you and
to be able to bring it all together to that
(34:00):
you create a powerful, successful, healthy, prosperous business. So that's
what it's about, learning to be authentically you. And then
another way in business that you would not be authentic
is that you chase trends instead of your purpose. So
(34:23):
if you're trying to be on the biggest trend now,
whatever that trend is, and you're not fulfilling your purpose
or you're not in alignment with your soul, then you
will it will you will falter them, and you will
(34:44):
then be not be able to be in alignment. And
when you're not in alignment in your business, you will
not create the amazing, successful business that you deserve that
you desire because successful business people are in alignment with
(35:08):
their soul. And I'm all about the soul and being
in alignment hard and soul and living from that purpose,
living from that alignment so that you can then really
thrive and have a thriving, inspired and empowered business. That's
what it's all about. So I'm going to take a
(35:31):
sip of water now, so there is more. I have
more on my list for relationships for business for life,
and so I am We're going to continue this next
week because I feel like, hopefully this is empowering you
(35:51):
and supporting you to get really clear, Oh I'm inauthentic
in this way? What can I do to become more
authentic and empower yourself? That's what this is about. Is
as you become more authentic, you empower yourself and so
that you can live and inspired and empowered life. That's
(36:13):
what this is. So Nicky says, raising awareness in ourselves. Yes, yes, yes,
thank you, Nicky. And that's what That's what I want
for all of you is to keep raising that awareness
in yourself and so that when you when you are
in your day to day, you can say, oh, that's
(36:35):
what Nancy was talking about I just realized it. So
I want to support all of you in knowing that
you have the power within you to be authentic, to
express your authentic self, and to know that you can
express yourself in healthy ways so that you're being being
(37:00):
heard and valued and honored and respected. And we talked
about that, and we talked about not having to be perfect.
You don't have to be perfect. Remember, this is a journey,
not a destination. You're in the journey. It's learning to
become more aware so that you can then choose and
(37:21):
make choices that empower you. And so to be continued
next week on Inspired and Empowered Living for a thriving
life and business, and you can find us on talk
for TV dot com, W FOURWN dot com, my YouTube channel,
(37:43):
and you can find the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Apple, Amazon,
and many more. And I look forward to seeing you.
It's five pm Eastern and I look forward to connecting
with you more or next week. I wish you all
an inspired and empowered day night and we caligrate when
(38:08):
everybody five and now
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guests should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast for a thriving life business. And
we are live Thursdays at five pm Eastern on Top
four TV dot com, w W FOURWN dot com and
(01:10):
my YouTube channel, and you can hear the podcasts on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora,
Apple and many more. So today we continue to talk
about part three of how to know the steps to
become your authentic self in life and in business. And
(01:36):
you're going to learn what is inauthentic and what you
can do to shift it, change it, and transform it
so that you can become more authentically you in your
life and in your business. I'm your host, Nancy Deutsch,
(01:58):
licensed Clinical social work, certified hypno therapist, and intuitive business expert.
I combine my counseling, coaching and intuitive abilities to transform
your life. And this show is not a replacement for
therapy or counseling it is for educational purposes only. So
(02:19):
talking about so what is authentic, what does that really mean?
And the way that I define being authentic is being real,
being true to yourself, being in integrity with you and
with yourself, and what feels right, what feels in alignment
(02:42):
with your authentic self, which is your soul, the core
energy essence of who you are, and your higher self,
the wise, unconditionally loving part of you. And when you
are being your authentic self, you are being your higher
(03:05):
self and your soul, and that is what this is
all about. I really believe that we are here to
embody our souls, to live our potential, to be that
authentic being that we are, and to live all like
(03:27):
purpose and our mission and to transform our life and
to transform ourselves. And in doing so, we transform the world.
And we all know the world needs it right now.
So wherever you are in the world, we definitely need that.
(03:47):
Sending lots of healing light and prayers to Jamaica and
all that's going on there. And I know there are
many places in the world that need our prayers, so
prayers are going out to all all of those places.
So let's talk authentic. So one a way, And I'm
(04:10):
going to go back to my list. I know the
listeners that come regularly, the viewers listeners that come regularly,
then they put their questions in the chat love the list.
So what we're going to do is talk about a
way that would be inauthentic and then go to ways
(04:35):
you can be authentic. So if you are hiding your
emotions so that you can look strong, you're being inauthentic. Now,
many of you may have learned that you had hide
your emotions in order to be safe, in order to
(04:56):
be loved, in order to be taken care of, or
whatever that is. And what I'm letting you know is
that now for you to be that authentic self that
you are, it would be learning to be able to
(05:17):
express yourself your true emotions coming from your truth and
not having to look strong. So it's really allowing yourself
to feel and express your emotions in healthy ways. And
the way that I say that is healthy is you're
(05:39):
not hurting yourself, you're not hurting anyone else, and you're
not hurting the environment like destroying property and so expressing
yourself in healthy ways. So let's say it's learning to
be able to get in touch with your feeling and
(06:00):
be able to communicate that feeling if you need to.
So when I say you need to, it would be
to make a decision if it's appropriate to express that
feeling or not. And I see, Mistery, I see what you.
(06:20):
I will get to your comment shortly. I just want
to finish the thought that I'm on and so being
authentic and being able to communicate from that authentic place
and making the decision, because there are times where you
may be in touch with a feeling and it's not
(06:43):
about communicating that to someone else. And then there are
times where it's really important in order to maintain the
relationship or to have a healthier relationship, you need to
be able to communicate that feeling what you're feeling in
a healthy way, owning your piece and saying I am feeling,
(07:07):
and expressing your needs. So all of those are important
communication pieces in order to have authentic, healthy communication in
your relationships. So let's get to Misty's Misty says authentic
can be hidden from your own self. Okay, so two
(07:32):
things to say about that, Misty. I really feel that
what happens in our journey of life is that we
as you're in the journey you discover. As you get
older and wiser, you discover more and more of who
you really are, that authentic self. And yes it may
(07:56):
be hidden from you or but as you grow and
as you heal and remember, your authentic self is not
a destination. It's a journey. It's the journey to become
your authentic self. And it's in the becoming that is,
and the process of becoming where this huge growth and
(08:20):
this opportunity for you to expand and to understand yourself
and self discovery. It's such a huge opportunity and so
learning about who you really are and what you really
want and what feels right to you. It is a journey.
(08:41):
So yes, you're right. Sometimes it can be hidden, and
it can be also hidden to keep yourself safe, like
if it wasn't safe to truly express yourself in healthy ways,
truly express your feelings in healthy ways, may hide your
true feelings because it wasn't safe. But as you heal,
(09:05):
as you grow, as you transform, you start feeling more
comfortable with your true feelings. You start allowing yourself to
express your feelings, your true feelings to people that feel safe,
and you start allowing more and more of your authentic
self to come out, and you allow yourself to become
(09:30):
more and more authentic. So that's another way that you
become in the journey of becoming more authentically you. And
like I said, it is a journey. It's an unfolding
journey for all of you. Remember that you don't have
to get it right. You don't have to be perfect,
(09:51):
because all of those that you would put on yourself
are all the haters in the shugs, which is not authentic.
Sovember's process and you're unfolding even you're listening to the show,
whether you're alive or listening at another time of viewing
it another time. The fact that you are means there's
(10:13):
something here for you, and I acknowledge you for being
and we have anesthesia says the more you live, the
more you learn that is true. Exactly what I said
is that as you get older and wiser and you
learn more and more about yourself and what feels authentic,
(10:35):
what feels right and so, and what feels true, what
feels safe, and learning that it's okay more and more
to be you rather than the way you grew up
or the masks that you had to be in order
(10:56):
to be safe, or to be loved or to be
taken care of. So and if any if you have
any questions about that, let me know. So. Another way
that you could be in an authentic without even realizing
it is when you're comparing yourself to others. Now, comparison
is definitely a human thing, and I think we all compare.
(11:20):
I mean, I know I played the comparison game a lot,
especially when it comes to my business. That person's on
social media, or that person's doing this, so, this or
that and social media, whether it's your business or your life.
Like all these friends and you, what's wrong with me?
(11:43):
So you can be in the comparison game and you're
not alone. And what I want you to know, learning
to be more and more authentically you is learning to
stop comparing, and it's learning to say, celebrate you and
to learn to celebrate your unique journey, the unique person
(12:08):
that you are, and that there is no there is
no comparison. There are no two people, even twins, There
are no two people exactly alike, and that each of
each of you is on your unique journey, your unique path,
(12:29):
and your soul has planned it all before you came
in any obstacles and adventures and things you need to overcome.
So I really want you to know why bother comparing,
because you can't compare yourself to someone else because you're
all on your own unique path. Now, the other thing
(12:53):
that I want to say is stop comparing yourself to
you like let's say a few years ago, let's say
you were doing better. I'm putting that in air quotes
you were doing better or things were better or you know,
you need to remember that the journey you're on, that
even if you go backwards, there's a reason why you
(13:13):
have delays and setbacks on your journey. The path and
your vision is not a straight line. It's not a
straight line up the mountain, and it's not a straight
line wherever you want to go. The journey, the goal,
the destination. It looks more like like a scribble this
(13:36):
and that and all the way around. That's the journey.
And so comparing yourself to yourself or others, this is
about celebrating where you are right now, the opportunity that
you have to understand how is this happening for you
(13:57):
instead of happening to you. That's one of the things
one of my mentors says, is how is this happening
for you so that you can learn from this experience?
And what is it trying to teach you? I say
it in different ways. You've heard me say instead of
instead of beating yourself up for a mistake, it's learning.
(14:21):
It's a learning opportunity and that's the journey of life.
Any experience that you have is the learning opportunity. So, oh,
now this is a biggie and I already mentioned it,
but I'm going to mention it again. Being inauthentic is
when you're striving for perfection. If you think that you're
(14:44):
going to get it perfect, you are all because you
are human and every single one of us as a
human being is going to make mistakes, is gonna have
challenges and opposite and things that we have to overcome.
(15:05):
Life can get messy. Life is not going to be perfect.
It isn't truth. And so this is about learning. This
is allow about learning to let go of the perfection
and to focus on your progress, to focus on the
(15:29):
step by step that you are taking in the journey
of your life, in the journey of becoming your authentic self.
And it's not a race, and you don't have to
be perfect. It's step by step step and it could
be baby steps. It doesn't have to be big leaps.
(15:51):
It doesn't have to be huge step. It could be
step by step, by step, baby step, and you'll still
get there. It's better to have the progress step by step,
to think that you have to be perfect before you
get and get it all right, before you do something
(16:11):
or move forward or say something. And so I really
want to support you. You do not have to be perfect.
Your new slogan is I choose to have progress. I
choose progress over perfection. Okay, Now, Micky, there is no
(16:32):
such thing as perfect, Nicky says, and Micky is right.
There is no no perfection, no such thing so human human.
You're perfectly human. It's perfectly okay to be who you are.
I want to remind you that. Okay, so okay, you
(16:54):
don't have to be perfect. And I remember, you know,
years ago, when I was in therapy, this just popped
into my mind. So I'm going to tell you so
years ago, when I was looking for my first apartment,
I was in therapy and I was like, I gotta
have this, and I gotta have that, and I gotta
(17:15):
have this, and it has to be perfect. My therapist said,
it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to
be good enough. It has to feel right. And so
that I took that and I went looking and I
found a place I was good enough. My first apartment
by myself. It was good enough. It wasn't perfect, but
(17:36):
it was good enough. And so what I want to
remind you you don't have to be perfect. And the
reason why I am spending a long time on this
is because so many of us have the perfect thing.
I know I do, I have, I have and have
I always got it. Have I totally overcome it. I'm
working on it, just like you. I'm working on it too.
(17:59):
It's a journey, remember, journey, not destination. So yes, thank
you all. And another way that you can be inauthentic
is if you try to numb out or you're disconnected,
And numbing out or being disconnected is a survival mechanism.
(18:21):
You shut down, you go numb, you tune out to survive.
And what I invite you to do is to start
becoming aware. Start becoming aware. Am I numbing out? Am
I tuning out? Am I disconnecting? Now? I also want
to just say that there are times you know, tuning
(18:43):
out or disconnecting and moderation and healthy ways. Like let's say,
like for example, I'll give you an example when you
if you have had a long day and you want
to tune out or disconnect and just edge out and
watch a TV show and I don't mean TV show,
TV show, TV show. Like all day long, hopefully you're
(19:06):
working or doing things that are in alignment with your soul.
But then there is a time where Okay, you want
to disconnect, or you may want to go out of
nature and just kind of chill out or take a
time out to just daydream. So moments of disconnection, moments
(19:30):
of tuning out out moments. I think that that's part
of being human. You can't always be on all the time.
If you're numbing out and you're disconnecting so much so
that you're not being authentic and you're not feeling you're
able to make a connection, an authentic connection to yourself
(19:54):
and to others, then that's where it becomes a challenge.
That's where becomes a problem. And so I really want
to support you in those cases, to reach out for support,
to reach out for therapy or counseling or support groups.
To help you to learn how to move through so
(20:20):
that you're not numbing out or disconnecting. And one of
the ways that you can come back into alignment and
be connected again is by reconnecting with your body, your feelings,
and your spirit through self awareness and mindfulness. So when
(20:44):
you notice, oh I'm tuning out or oh I feel
really disconnected, or oh I feel like I'm numbing out,
then when you notice this is and maybe you're going
to hear my voice like, oh, this is what Nancy
(21:05):
was talking about. Oh oh this is what she meant. Okay,
you know what what can I do to reconnect? Ask
yourself that what can I do to reconnect right here,
right now? And maybe it's taking a deep breath, breathing, noticing, noticing,
(21:26):
and allowing yourself to really become present with your body,
become present with your feeling. What am I really feeling
right now at this moment? What can I do to
reconnect with my soul my spirit? What will support me
in making a reconnection? So you can ask yourself those questions.
(21:48):
The first thing is the awareness, though, it's the awareness
and now in relationships, a way that you could be
inauthentic is if you avoid conflict and stay quiet. So
if you stay quiet and you not speak your truth
(22:11):
in order to avoid conflict, you're being inauthentic. Now you
may say to yourself, well, I don't want conflict, I
don't want to be I would rather have no conflict.
But here's the thing. If you're in an intimate relationship
or a deep friendship and you're not allowing yourself to
(22:36):
be your authentic self, you're not allowing yourself to be quiet.
You stay quiet, and you're not allowing yourself to speak
your truth so that you're avoiding conflict, you're not helping
yourself and you're also not helping the relationship because what
happens is that when you avoid the conflict and you
(23:00):
stay silent, what usually happens. And I know because I've
been doing therapy and counseling with people for years and
couple counseling, And if you do not speak your truth
and say what you're feeling and what you mean, and
you shut it down and you shut it down, you're
(23:21):
going that is actually hurting yourself. And instead of speaking
your truth, you may have physical symptoms. You may use
addictive behaviors like food or smoking or drinking to numb
it out, to shut it down, and that is not
(23:43):
helping you. And what happens in the relationship, and then
what may happen is you may get angrier and angrier
or more and more resentful because you're not speaking your
truth and the relationship can't sustain itself. It won't sustain itself,
it'll break apart. And so you owe it, you don't
(24:03):
owe it. I support you, That's the better way for
me to say it. For you. I support you in
finding a way to speak your truth so that you
can be heard by the other person. And if you
are so afraid of the other person and that you
(24:25):
can speak your truth, then you may then maybe you're
in a toxic relationship and you need to look at
is that a relationship you want to stay in and
or is there a way that you can speak your truth?
And again, there are healthy ways to say it. It's
really important that when you're in a relationship, you're never
(24:48):
you youing somebody you did this and you're so stupid.
That's going to totally put someone on the defense, and
that will create conflict. You want to find a way
to speak your truth that will reduce conflict. Is owning
your feelings, owning your part of your responsibility for what's
(25:09):
ever going on and how I felt about their behavior
member the behavior, not the person. And I've done shows
you can go back on communication and healthy communication. So
I really support you, and there are plenty there are
books like Marshall Rosenberg's book Non Violent Communication is a
(25:34):
great book to get to help you in healthy communication.
And that's what I want to support you in doing.
And so it's learning to speak your truth in a
healthy way, calmly and clearly. Or you speak your truth,
you want to make sure you're clear and your calm
about what you want to say. And even if it's uncomfortable,
(25:59):
And if you're in a heated if you're in anger,
you know that I'm always coaching you. Do not engage
if you're really angry, Do not engage if you're intensely emotional,
wait until you process things through so that you can
speak to the other person in a calm, clear way,
(26:21):
and healthy way. You Another way that you can be
inauthentic is if you're overgiving in order to earn love
or approval. So if you're overgiving to earn love or approval,
you're being anathentiic and it's learning. It's learning to give
(26:44):
from your truth, from that place of heart and soul,
coming from wanting to give, not feeling obligated to give.
And it's learning when to say yes. And this goes
back to what we were talking about last week. When
to say yes when you mean yes, and when to
(27:06):
say no when you need to say no. It's important
not to overgive, and that is another learning opportunity and journey.
And I'm going to tell you that I really feel
our greatest teachers are our relationships, because our relationships can
be the most challenging parts of being alive. But boy,
(27:31):
do you learn? Do you learn? And I know I've
been there for the most part. I am very grateful
for all my relationships. And there are still a relationship
here or there that definitely challenges me. But I definitely
I'm grateful because the thing that I can say that
(27:56):
I've created for myself is I've created an inner circle,
a community of amazing women that I know that I
can speak my truth, I can be my authentic self
and if I'm upset, I'll tell them the truth. And
what's so amazing is that we're able to work it out,
(28:18):
we're able to express it and work it through. That's
the sign of a healthy relationship. And I want to
support you in finding your support system where you can
be authentically you and be supported and cheered and loved
for who you are. That's what I want for all
(28:39):
of you. Another way that you may be inauthentic is
that you would hide, You would hide in authentic, you'd
hide parts of yourself to get loved or approved of.
And this happens very often in relationship, especially in the honeymoon.
(29:01):
I'm doing the the air quotes again, so for those
of you who are listening. So if you are in
a new relationship or an updated one and you're back
in the honeymoon phase where you don't really allow yourself
to be totally you, you hide those parts. So the
(29:22):
honeymoon's over, and that's what happens to your other, your partner,
and then you both say to yourself, who is this person?
Because you didn't share who you really were. And some
people they never want to share those parts of themselves
because there's too much shame or they or you feel
(29:44):
so ashamed of those parts. And so what happens is
you're hiding yourself. You're hiding your true authentic self. And
here's the thing, not that this part is the authentic part.
It's it could be a part of you that that
(30:06):
maybe having challenges, or a part of you that needs
healing or help, or it could be a part that
really is a part of your soul and you're afraid
to share that part. I remember, I have always been
spiritual and I've always been holistic since I was a kid.
(30:28):
I was always unconventional. And when I met my husband
I'm divorced now.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
When I met my husband, I I shared with him
that that I was holistic and spiritual and into you know, unconventional, and.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
He was like, sure, sure, sure, no problem. You know,
he was all on board for that. And then what
ended up happening was as we got further into the
relation that it wasn't okay. He started making fun of me,
and he started putting down those things that were very
(31:07):
important to me. They were my soul. And I didn't
hide from him who I was, but he was hiding
from me saying he accepted it when he really did it,
he wasn't accepting me. Look, I know I learned so
much from that experience and it was a very important
(31:27):
of my life path, my life learning, and I'm grateful.
I'm grateful for the whole experience. Now I know now
what I want, what's important for me in any relationship,
whether it's a partnership or a friendship. I will not
(31:48):
tolerate being with somebody where I can't be me. And
I really want to support all of you. That that's
what I want for all of you. You are able
to be you and share who you are in your
life and your business and your relationships, because that's so
(32:09):
important to have an inspired in the palid life. So
a way that you're being inauthentic in business is that
you copy other people's styles or strategies and you don't
find your own, your own tune. That was what came
(32:30):
to me, the word that came to me you. But
it's really finding your own voice, finding your authentic voice.
And what I do is I and I see Arnie, Hey, Arnie,
good to see you. And what it's finding your authentic
(32:51):
voice and finding your authentic true and truth and expressing
that in your work in your business. And it's so
important because ultimately to have that successful business that you want,
you want to be you. You want to share who
(33:14):
you are and authentically be that authentic self so that
the people that work with you are your raving fans.
That's what you want. Okay, So we have Arnie making
some comments exactly what I speak on. Kay Arnie, all right,
I love it your authentic you. I love it. Say
(33:38):
that's what it's all about. And I really want to
support all of you if you need to find your
authentic voice. What I do with people too is I
help you be able to find that authentic you and
to be able to bring it all together to that
(34:00):
you create a powerful, successful, healthy, prosperous business. So that's
what it's about, learning to be authentically you. And then
another way in business that you would not be authentic
is that you chase trends instead of your purpose. So
(34:23):
if you're trying to be on the biggest trend now,
whatever that trend is, and you're not fulfilling your purpose
or you're not in alignment with your soul, then you
will it will you will falter them, and you will
(34:44):
then be not be able to be in alignment. And
when you're not in alignment in your business, you will
not create the amazing, successful business that you deserve that
you desire because successful business people are in alignment with
(35:08):
their soul. And I'm all about the soul and being
in alignment hard and soul and living from that purpose,
living from that alignment so that you can then really
thrive and have a thriving, inspired and empowered business. That's
what it's all about. So I'm going to take a
(35:31):
sip of water now, so there is more. I have
more on my list for relationships for business for life,
and so I am We're going to continue this next
week because I feel like, hopefully this is empowering you
(35:51):
and supporting you to get really clear, Oh I'm inauthentic
in this way? What can I do to become more
authentic and empower yourself? That's what this is about. Is
as you become more authentic, you empower yourself and so
that you can live and inspired and empowered life. That's
(36:13):
what this is. So Nicky says, raising awareness in ourselves. Yes, yes, yes,
thank you, Nicky. And that's what That's what I want
for all of you is to keep raising that awareness
in yourself and so that when you when you are
in your day to day, you can say, oh, that's
(36:35):
what Nancy was talking about I just realized it. So
I want to support all of you in knowing that
you have the power within you to be authentic, to
express your authentic self, and to know that you can
express yourself in healthy ways so that you're being being
(37:00):
heard and valued and honored and respected. And we talked
about that, and we talked about not having to be perfect.
You don't have to be perfect. Remember, this is a journey,
not a destination. You're in the journey. It's learning to
become more aware so that you can then choose and
(37:21):
make choices that empower you. And so to be continued
next week on Inspired and Empowered Living for a thriving
life and business, and you can find us on talk
for TV dot com, W FOURWN dot com, my YouTube channel,
(37:43):
and you can find the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Apple, Amazon,
and many more. And I look forward to seeing you.
It's five pm Eastern and I look forward to connecting
with you more or next week. I wish you all
an inspired and empowered day night and we caligrate when
(38:08):
everybody five and now
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