October 23, 2025 • 36 mins
Discover how to live and lead authentically — in life, relationships, and business. Learn how to uncover who you truly are, what you feel, what you need, and what you want, and then express that in healthy, empowered ways. When you are authentic, you naturally attract healthier relationships, more joy, and a thriving business aligned with your purpose.
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The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are live days at five
pm Eastern on top for TV dot com, W four
WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And today we
(01:11):
are going to be talking about the step to an
authentic life and business so that you can have a
thriving life and business aren't two and you'll discover today
we're going to actually talk today I had talked last show.
(01:33):
We talked about the list of how you can be inauthentic,
because in order for you to be authentic, you need
to get how you can be or how you may
be inauthentic. So we're going to talk more about that,
and we're going to talk about what you can do
to turn it around so that you can live as
(01:56):
your more authentic self. And this show is not a
replacement for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
And I'm your host Nancy Deutsch, licensed clinical social worker,
certified hypnotherapist, and intuitive business expert, and I help you
(02:18):
transform your life and your business combining my counseling, coaching,
and intuitive abilities. So i'd like to welcome all of you,
those that are just listening and those that have been
here before. And today let's jump right in to what
(02:41):
does it look like? First of all, what does authentic mean?
What does that really mean? And really being authentic means
being true, being true to you, allowing yourself to feel
and to know and to honor you your truth, your feelings,
(03:02):
your thoughts, your wants, your needs, and I really want
you to know that those are really important. And many
of you may have grown up in households where you
had to give and give or it wasn't okay to
express yourself and speak your truth. And what I want
(03:24):
you to know is that it's really important to learn
how to do that. And so today when we talk
about the list of ways that you could be an authentic,
then I really want you to know that you deserve
(03:45):
and you have the right to be authentic and to
express yourself to transform your life and your business. So
let's jump in to ways that you can be authentic,
and then let's talk about what you can do to
(04:05):
turn that around. So one of the ways, now, if
any of you have ever okay now, and I also
want to make this distinction, what happens as we heal,
as we grow, as we change, as we transform, we
start to become more and more authentically us. And as
(04:27):
you let go of the masks and as you let
go of the hats and the shuds, I'm going to
be talking more about that as well. Then you can
come more into what it is you really want, who
you really are, the true you, the real you underneath
(04:48):
it all. And I pull that part of you, your soul,
your higher self, your soul. And when you're living authentically,
your soul is shining through and you're bright and you're radiant.
When you're not living authentically, when you're being inauthentic, that's
when you're like can get dimmer. If you can imagine
(05:13):
your soul, you're like the sunshine, and when you're not
being authentic, there's lots of clouds in the way, covering
it up. Stuff. And also know that it is a journey.
This is a journey, This is a process. So if
you find yourself doing things that are inauthentic. It's not
(05:36):
about beating yourself up. It's not about making yourself wrong.
What it is is becoming aware and becoming aware. Oh
I do that, and you know what, you want to
do it differently, I'm going to start doing it differently.
That's what's most important. It's learning how to be aware
(06:01):
and to do it differently, or to start to do
it differently, or to start to realize that you could
be doing it differently. Okay, So the first thing you
if you say yes when you really want to say no,
you're being inauthentic and in order. And so what I'm
(06:24):
going to do is I'm going to say the authentic
the inauthentic thing, and then I'm going to talk about
how to turn that around so that it becomes you're authentic.
What you need to do so that you are being
more authentic. So if you find yourself saying yes when
(06:49):
you really mean no, the first thing that I support
you in doing is before you say yes, take a
breath and ask yourself. And now you don't know, okay,
I see the question. Come in, missy. I'll get to
you in a set you don't owe anyone and answer
(07:11):
immediately that you have a right to say give me
some time or I need to meditate. I say meditate,
you say I want to think about it, or give
me some time. I'll get back to you, and you
can always get back to the person, Okay. So know
(07:32):
that it's about taking the time, breathing, tuning in and
also learning to honor your boundaries, your limits, what's your
truth and learning to say no is part of you
having self respect. It's part of loving you. And remember
(07:57):
I said this is your journey. I'm going to be
saying that a lot. It's not about like, oh poof,
I got it all together. It's about catching yourself. It's
about becoming aware. It's about being aware so that then
you can change it. Okay. So I see, we have
a couple of questions, and let's get to those questions
(08:18):
and then I'll go to the next one. Misty s
do you feel it has something to do with falling
into patterns and not noticing? So what happens is you you,
all of us, Okay, in order to survive in our families,
(08:39):
in our culture, in our heritage wherever you grew up,
or in order to survive with caretakers, whoever they are,
you develop survival skills, their survival skills, and those survival
skills in order to get the love or attention, you
(09:00):
had to do things that were inauthentic to you because
most of you grew up in families or in situations
where you weren't heard or seen or respected for who
you are. Many of you grew up in families where
children are seen but not heard, or it's not okay
(09:23):
to speak your truth. Most children are not allowed to
really express themselves, and if they do, they their parents
put them in their place. It's a very rare family
that allows you to safely express your truth and your feelings.
So most of us grew up in families like that.
(09:44):
Me too, Okay. I love my family and I love
my parents, but wasn't okay to be me. I've learned,
I know about being inauthentic, and I have had the
journey of working on turning it around too, become more authentic.
And I'm still in the journey. You know, I'm in
the journey as much as you are. So we're in
(10:06):
it together. Okay. So this is about survival, and what
happens is you go into those patterns of survival in
order to get the love or what your needs meant
the best that you could, because most of the time
you probably didn't get those needs met the way you
(10:28):
really needed it, but it was you try to do
what you could. And so that's why when we're talking
about patterns and behaviors, and I'll do my quick psych
one oh one for those of you who may be new,
and if you've heard this before, beginner's mind, maybe you'll
have a realization that you haven't had before. Your conscious
(10:51):
mind is the part of you that is the part
that becomes aware. It's the part that says, oh, I'm
doing this. That's what happens with your conscious mind. It's
the part that empowers you when you become conscious and
consciously aware, that's your conscious mind. Your subconscious mind is
(11:13):
the part that is the instinctual. It's the programs, the
patterns that you needed in order to survive. And you
needed those patterns to survive in your families or growing up,
and so learning to become aware with your conscious mind
(11:37):
is huge. Now those patterns are habitual. You don't a
lot of times you're doing things. Your behavior, your thoughts,
your emotions. Ninety five percent of the time are habitual.
You just do them without even realizing. So when you
start to become aware of something that you've had pattern doing,
(12:01):
like saying yes when you really wanted to say no,
and even if you said yes and you really can't
go back on the yes next time, you may be
is this really what I want? Or you may say,
you know what, give me some time. I'll get back
to you and I'll let you know. That's you taking
(12:22):
care of yourself, that's you setting your boundary, that's you
honoring yourself. So any other questions around that, let me know.
So that's your subconscious patterning. Your super conscious, is your soul,
your higher self, that's your authentic set. That's the part
of you that you want to connect more to, that shining,
(12:46):
beautiful light that you all are. You may have a
lot of clouds and fogs covering that up, but you
are all these beautiful, brilliant light. Just saying we will
go to Nicky's question. Nicky's question is many times people
(13:07):
go with the gut reaction before thinking, So, okay, so
that's really interesting, Nikky that you bring that up. Now,
A couple of things. A lot of times I'm all
about intuition. And I'm all about your gut because a
lot of times your gut is leading you towards what
you need to do. However, and this is the big However,
(13:29):
what happens with your intuition If you have those patterns
and behaviors that you've learned and that you do over
and over and over again, your gut may be like
there may be two levels. The gut really knows it
wants to say no. But your first thought, and this
(13:53):
may be coming from your head and not your gut,
your first thought is, oh, I got to say yes,
really mean no. And so this is about learning to
work on healing the issues because as you clear the
old trauma, the limiting beliefs, the emotions of why you're
(14:14):
saying yes when you mean no, then you are able
to come to the real truth of what your intuition
and your gut is trying to tell you. And Okay,
so Nicki says, I meant with the first thing that
comes out of your mouth rather than thinking, So the
(14:38):
first thing that comes out of your mouth, rather than thinking,
maybe that habitual reaction. So it is a habit. It
is a habit. So that's really what you're talking about
it's a habit of saying yes when you really wanted
to say no, and yes, that happens. It just come
(15:00):
out without you giving thought to it. So what I
really want all of you and just start thinking about it.
Start being aware when someone asks asks you to do
something or for a favor or something you're not sure,
(15:21):
you don't have to do that automatic response reaction. I
call it a reaction. It's not really a response because
to me, reaction is what happens immediately, the first thing
that comes out of your mouth. That's the habitual reaction.
You want to say, this is the response, give me
(15:43):
a moment, or I need some time. I'll let you know.
I'll get back to you. It's okay to do that
for yourself. That is being authentic important self care. I
call it essential self care. So hopefully that help and
that answers your question. Micky, Anastasia says, since we don't
(16:05):
always work in the conscious mind, what other mind is there?
So what happens is I'm going to tell you most
of us, most of you, all of us are ruled
by the unconscious subconscious mind. And they've done studies and
(16:25):
research and I think I said this before, ninety five
percent of your reactions, behaviors, thoughts, feelings is coming from
the unconscious mind. That's why you listening to the show.
That's why you becoming aware, That's why you taking a
(16:48):
moment to perhaps change your behavior starts making. That's a
transformation you're making. That's a transformation nation that you're doing
for yourself by learning to say, I'll get back to you.
And so you want to learn how to come from
(17:13):
that conscious mind and the super conscious mind. When you
become more conscious and you're working on clearing and you're
working on taking care of yourself, you're able to come
into more of an aligned state. And it's when you're
in that alignment that you're in your authentic self body, mind, emotion, spirit.
(17:37):
You're in alignment, you're feeling peaceful or joyful or calm.
When you're doing that, that's your authentic self shining through.
So all these things for you to be aware of
and to be on the lookout for. So you're being
inauthentic when you ignore your intuition. Now, because I'm an
(18:03):
intuitive expert, many times people say to me, how do
I even know it's my intuition? I don't know if
it's my intuition. And again this comes down to awareness.
So you can't know if it's your intuition or your
habitual reaction until and start listening to your intuition, until
(18:27):
you start blowing down, breathing, tuning in, tuning into you,
tuning into your heart, into your breath, grounding yourself, and
asking what is your truth? What is what is your
intuition trying to tell you? And it's learning to be
(18:49):
able to act on your inner wisdom, the small how
many of you have heard the saying the small voice
within you're in a wisdom and so that's the voice,
that's your authentic self voice. Now it may sound very
(19:10):
quiet at first because if you're not used to hearing
it or listening to it or tuning in, you may
that's where you overlook the intuition or you disregard it.
You're not even aware either A you're not even aware
you're getting an intuitive oppression. I mean, I've worked with
a lot of people and they they're getting into it.
(19:34):
You're getting intuitive hits all the time. But if you're
not aware you're getting them, or you're not listening, you
won't even know. And it's learning, learning, to be aware,
learning to tune in, learning to listen. Nicky says, why
do we steer ourselves wrong? So we steer ourselves wrong
because we are trained that way. Like what I've saying
(20:00):
with the unconscious subconscious mind is that you had patterns
and behaviors that kept you safe when you were a child,
that kept you to survive. You all developed resources and
patterns to survive in your life. And then now that
(20:22):
you're becoming more aware, and again I want to acknowledge
you for listening or viewing the show. Now you're becoming
more aware, you can start questioning, you can start observing,
you can start listening to those patterns and behaviors that
were totally out of your awareness before you become aware.
(20:47):
And that's one of the reasons why I'm saying the
list of the inauthentic, so that you become aware, Oh
is this this is the way I'm inauthentic, and this
is what I need to do to get back to
being authentic. The steps you can take to become authentic,
and so you don't you're not steering yourself wrong on purpose,
(21:08):
It's all part of your unconscious subconscious I'm using them interchangeably.
You're patterning your behavior that kept you in survival, but
now in order to go into thrival. It's about becoming
aware and starting to change those paths so that you
(21:29):
can start transforming yourself in your life. That's what it's about.
So if you are making choices, I'll get to yourself.
Your question is second misty. If you're making choices from
shoulds and have to instead of your authentic truth, that's
(21:53):
also being inauthentic. So if you start catching yourself I
should do that or I have to do that, then
you need to become aware and stop yourself and start
saying what is your truth? Now. Sometimes it may be
(22:13):
that you do want to do it or it feels
good to do it, but you still are living in
the should So I'm going to invite you to change
your language. If you're in the shoulds or the have tos,
and you notice you're in shoulds and haf tos, really
want to do it, use the word choice and I'm
(22:34):
choosing to do this instead or I should or I
have to. That's if you do want to do it.
If you're in the shoulds or the haf tos, then
it's about asking yourself, what is my truth? What do
I truly want? Is this something I really do want
to do? And what do I need to do to
(22:55):
do this? Or what do I need to do myself
here instead of being in the shoulds and the have tos.
And when you use the word shoes or choice, it
empowers you. And when you learn, because again the shoulds
and the half tos, you may need to say no
instead of saying yes. That goes back to the first
(23:15):
thing that we were talking about, because if you're feeling
I should or I have to and you're not feeling it,
then it's important for you to say no, I can't
do this right now, or this is not a good
time for me to do this. So it's learning to
set those boundaries. Learning to set the limits and the boundaries. Okay,
(23:36):
so that's really important. Okay, So let's go to those questions,
Misty asks, how can we realize those coping measures and
break those patterns. So again, this is why I love
to do this show, and I love that you're asking
these questions because I want you to know those of
(23:58):
you asking the questions, you're not only asking for yourselves,
you're asking for all the other viewers and listeners that
are not asking the question, So thank you to those,
and of course I always invite new people to come
on to ask questions. And I'm very grateful for those
of you who are asking the question because you're doing
(24:22):
so not only for you, but for many many others.
So so what I want you is, let's get back
to the question again I got I got off track.
Is I wanted to acknowledge you how can we realize
those coping measures and break those patterns. So the first
thing is it's the awareness piece. And that's okay, Now
(24:45):
I understand my train of thought. I was saying, because
you're listening to the show, you're becoming more aware. So
I acknowledge you for tuning in, either live or at
another time. And as you become more aware out and
you start noticing the patterns or the behaviors or the
thoughts or the feelings or the automatic reaction that you
(25:08):
didn't notice before, that is the first step towards change.
And so again, remember I said I was going to
say this a lot through the show. It's a journey.
It's not a destination. It's a journey. And once you
become aware, even if it's a little awareness if you
(25:29):
can start noticing, even if you don't change the behavior
right away, starting to notice and become aware, Oh, I
am saying yes when I really want to say no,
or I do feel like this is a should or
a have to And is this something that feels like
it really resonates with me? And again, and I also
(25:52):
want to bring you the balance. There are times where
we do need to go, like if someone is in
a crisis, you may need to do something you may
not want to do. But for the most part, I'm
talking about the everyday thing. You may need to go
out of your way to help somebody or to support
(26:14):
a loved one or a friend. But for the most part,
it's really becoming aware and knowing that you do have choice,
that you're not at the mercy of others. That is
empowering yourself. So hopefully, and as we continue to go
through these patterns and these things, you'll become more aware
(26:38):
so that next time it happens, Oh, what Nancy was
talking about. I have all these clients that say I
have Nancy on my shoulder or I hear you in
my ear, So maybe you'll have a little voice inside
that Nancy voice. Oh, that's when Nancy was talking about.
(27:01):
So I invite you to start becoming more aware and
hopefully that will help you. Next one, Anastasia says, how
can we stop the should and do so again? This
is a journey, it's a journey destination. It's in the awareness.
So if you start noticing even everything that you're doing,
(27:27):
like if someone asks you a question, can you help
me or can you do me this favor? Or it's
not the automatic like Mickey was talking about the first
thing out of your math, it's breathe, breathe what's my truth?
That's being authentic? What is my truth right now? And
(27:50):
that's another important point. So your truth right now may
be to say no in this moment, but tomorrow or
a week from now, you may be saying, you know what,
it feels good or it feels like, can you do that.
It's about being authentic to yourself moment by moment. What
is your truth in this moment now? And in order
(28:14):
to know that truth in order to tap into it,
it's about slowing down. It's about taking that breath, breathing,
asking yourself, what's my truth in this moment? What do
I truly feel in this moment and so hopefully that
(28:34):
that will help slowing it down, breathing and asking yourself,
asking yourself, what's my truth in this moment and then
allowing allowing that answer to well up within you of
what your truth is. And one of the ways that
(28:56):
you can help yourself to be in moral awareness, to
help yourself gain that awareness and to help yourself tap
into your truth, the stillness, the small still voice within,
is by doing the meditation that I created. And this
meditation I call it the intuitive decision making meditation. But
(29:21):
what it does is it helps you to clear your energy.
It helps you to call in your higher self, that wise,
unconditionally authentic part of you, and ask what your truth
is in this moment. So, let's say a way that
you can use it is, let's say you have somebody
(29:44):
asking you, can you do this for me? And instead
of the automatic habitual response reaction, instead of saying yes,
you say you know what, give me, give me time.
I'll get back to you, and you do the meditation
and you find out what your truth is in this moment.
(30:05):
Now it may be the yes, or it may be
the numb. So know that this can help you to
get to that yes or to that numb. These are
important and essential life skills. So Rebel the link to
get the meditation, and Rebel's going to put it in
the chat and then we'll get to the other questions
(30:27):
and I'll continue on is go to the name of
the show, Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward slash
Meditation N d I t A t i o N
So Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward slash Meditation
(30:57):
N E d I N E d t A t
io n and download the meditation and also there is
a PDF if you want to read along. So this
is a tool to help you get more clarity and
(31:19):
understanding of your authentic self versus your innofant Okay, so
let's go back to those questions. So, Mickey, as we
may want to do a should but have to get
have to get in the way of that the want tos.
(31:41):
All right, let me repeat that we may want to
do as should, but have to get in the way
of the want tos. Okay, So I think this is
what you're asking me, so and if it's not, then
let me know. So you may feel like it's a
should because it's an habitual reaction you're Shoulting on yourself
(32:06):
is the habitual reaction, and then when you start tuning in,
you're like, you know what, I really it is a wanting.
It is I really do, but I'm labeling it as
it should. And so when that happens, then you what's
the empowering choice to help you connect with your authentic self.
(32:28):
The empowering choice is to say to yourself, I choose
to do this. I am making a choice to do
this now. An example of that is sometimes we all
have to do things that we don't want to do,
like pay taxes or do other kinds of obligations that
(32:53):
we need to do, and it feels like I have to.
And then what I want to empower you with is
even in those cases, it's saying to yourself, I am
choosing to do this. I am choosing to do this
because I want to take care of myself. I am choosing,
(33:18):
like I have to get to sleep, I am choosing
to go to bed earlier to take care of myself.
That's another example. So really to watch the language that
you're speaking to yourself and help you become more in
alignment with your authentic self. And that's an important point.
(33:43):
Being able to be in alignment, and that is about
the language you're using. So that's another way that you
can come into your authentic self. And so this is
really I'm gonna We're gonna continue this next week because
(34:04):
I have lots more to share with you, and as always,
I love answering the questions. Hopefully I got to all
those questions and and I invite you to join me
for more inspite and empowered living next week. So basically
what we were talking about in today's show is learning
(34:25):
to say no when you mean no, yes when you
mean yes, Learning to take time, slow down, breathe, tap
into your intuition, and tune into your authentic truth, breathing
instead of that immediate reaction speaking and then and then
(34:50):
late and regretting it. It's learning to slow down and learning.
It's really learning the boundaries, learning the self care, learning
to take time to tap in to your truth, to
that wisdom that lies within you, the shining beautiful light
(35:12):
that you are. You all have it and you all
deserve to access it. And I hope that I am
helping you to tap in, tap in, to tune in
and again join me next Thursday at five pm Eastern
on talkfortv dot com, W four WN dot com, my
(35:35):
YouTube channel, and you can hear the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Apple, Amazon,
and many more. And I wish you all an inspired
and empowered day, evening, and week. Have a great one.
(35:56):
Everybody by for now, as then consists
Any health related information on the following show provides general
information only. Content presented on any show by any host
or guest should not be substituted for a doctor's advice.
Always consult your physician before beginning any new diet, exercise,
or treatment program.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Inspired and Empowered Living
TV show and podcast. We are live days at five
pm Eastern on top for TV dot com, W four
WN dot com, and my YouTube channel. And today we
(01:11):
are going to be talking about the step to an
authentic life and business so that you can have a
thriving life and business aren't two and you'll discover today
we're going to actually talk today I had talked last show.
(01:33):
We talked about the list of how you can be inauthentic,
because in order for you to be authentic, you need
to get how you can be or how you may
be inauthentic. So we're going to talk more about that,
and we're going to talk about what you can do
to turn it around so that you can live as
(01:56):
your more authentic self. And this show is not a
replacement for therapy or counseling. It is for educational purposes only.
And I'm your host Nancy Deutsch, licensed clinical social worker,
certified hypnotherapist, and intuitive business expert, and I help you
(02:18):
transform your life and your business combining my counseling, coaching,
and intuitive abilities. So i'd like to welcome all of you,
those that are just listening and those that have been
here before. And today let's jump right in to what
(02:41):
does it look like? First of all, what does authentic mean?
What does that really mean? And really being authentic means
being true, being true to you, allowing yourself to feel
and to know and to honor you your truth, your feelings,
(03:02):
your thoughts, your wants, your needs, and I really want
you to know that those are really important. And many
of you may have grown up in households where you
had to give and give or it wasn't okay to
express yourself and speak your truth. And what I want
(03:24):
you to know is that it's really important to learn
how to do that. And so today when we talk
about the list of ways that you could be an authentic,
then I really want you to know that you deserve
(03:45):
and you have the right to be authentic and to
express yourself to transform your life and your business. So
let's jump in to ways that you can be authentic,
and then let's talk about what you can do to
(04:05):
turn that around. So one of the ways, now, if
any of you have ever okay now, and I also
want to make this distinction, what happens as we heal,
as we grow, as we change, as we transform, we
start to become more and more authentically us. And as
(04:27):
you let go of the masks and as you let
go of the hats and the shuds, I'm going to
be talking more about that as well. Then you can
come more into what it is you really want, who
you really are, the true you, the real you underneath
(04:48):
it all. And I pull that part of you, your soul,
your higher self, your soul. And when you're living authentically,
your soul is shining through and you're bright and you're radiant.
When you're not living authentically, when you're being inauthentic, that's
when you're like can get dimmer. If you can imagine
(05:13):
your soul, you're like the sunshine, and when you're not
being authentic, there's lots of clouds in the way, covering
it up. Stuff. And also know that it is a journey.
This is a journey, This is a process. So if
you find yourself doing things that are inauthentic. It's not
(05:36):
about beating yourself up. It's not about making yourself wrong.
What it is is becoming aware and becoming aware. Oh
I do that, and you know what, you want to
do it differently, I'm going to start doing it differently.
That's what's most important. It's learning how to be aware
(06:01):
and to do it differently, or to start to do
it differently, or to start to realize that you could
be doing it differently. Okay, So the first thing you
if you say yes when you really want to say no,
you're being inauthentic and in order. And so what I'm
(06:24):
going to do is I'm going to say the authentic
the inauthentic thing, and then I'm going to talk about
how to turn that around so that it becomes you're authentic.
What you need to do so that you are being
more authentic. So if you find yourself saying yes when
(06:49):
you really mean no, the first thing that I support
you in doing is before you say yes, take a
breath and ask yourself. And now you don't know, okay,
I see the question. Come in, missy. I'll get to
you in a set you don't owe anyone and answer
(07:11):
immediately that you have a right to say give me
some time or I need to meditate. I say meditate,
you say I want to think about it, or give
me some time. I'll get back to you, and you
can always get back to the person, Okay. So know
(07:32):
that it's about taking the time, breathing, tuning in and
also learning to honor your boundaries, your limits, what's your
truth and learning to say no is part of you
having self respect. It's part of loving you. And remember
(07:57):
I said this is your journey. I'm going to be
saying that a lot. It's not about like, oh poof,
I got it all together. It's about catching yourself. It's
about becoming aware. It's about being aware so that then
you can change it. Okay. So I see, we have
a couple of questions, and let's get to those questions
(08:18):
and then I'll go to the next one. Misty s
do you feel it has something to do with falling
into patterns and not noticing? So what happens is you you,
all of us, Okay, in order to survive in our families,
(08:39):
in our culture, in our heritage wherever you grew up,
or in order to survive with caretakers, whoever they are,
you develop survival skills, their survival skills, and those survival
skills in order to get the love or attention, you
(09:00):
had to do things that were inauthentic to you because
most of you grew up in families or in situations
where you weren't heard or seen or respected for who
you are. Many of you grew up in families where
children are seen but not heard, or it's not okay
(09:23):
to speak your truth. Most children are not allowed to
really express themselves, and if they do, they their parents
put them in their place. It's a very rare family
that allows you to safely express your truth and your feelings.
So most of us grew up in families like that.
(09:44):
Me too, Okay. I love my family and I love
my parents, but wasn't okay to be me. I've learned,
I know about being inauthentic, and I have had the
journey of working on turning it around too, become more authentic.
And I'm still in the journey. You know, I'm in
the journey as much as you are. So we're in
(10:06):
it together. Okay. So this is about survival, and what
happens is you go into those patterns of survival in
order to get the love or what your needs meant
the best that you could, because most of the time
you probably didn't get those needs met the way you
(10:28):
really needed it, but it was you try to do
what you could. And so that's why when we're talking
about patterns and behaviors, and I'll do my quick psych
one oh one for those of you who may be new,
and if you've heard this before, beginner's mind, maybe you'll
have a realization that you haven't had before. Your conscious
(10:51):
mind is the part of you that is the part
that becomes aware. It's the part that says, oh, I'm
doing this. That's what happens with your conscious mind. It's
the part that empowers you when you become conscious and
consciously aware, that's your conscious mind. Your subconscious mind is
(11:13):
the part that is the instinctual. It's the programs, the
patterns that you needed in order to survive. And you
needed those patterns to survive in your families or growing up,
and so learning to become aware with your conscious mind
(11:37):
is huge. Now those patterns are habitual. You don't a
lot of times you're doing things. Your behavior, your thoughts,
your emotions. Ninety five percent of the time are habitual.
You just do them without even realizing. So when you
start to become aware of something that you've had pattern doing,
(12:01):
like saying yes when you really wanted to say no,
and even if you said yes and you really can't
go back on the yes next time, you may be
is this really what I want? Or you may say,
you know what, give me some time. I'll get back
to you and I'll let you know. That's you taking
(12:22):
care of yourself, that's you setting your boundary, that's you
honoring yourself. So any other questions around that, let me know.
So that's your subconscious patterning. Your super conscious, is your soul,
your higher self, that's your authentic set. That's the part
of you that you want to connect more to, that shining,
(12:46):
beautiful light that you all are. You may have a
lot of clouds and fogs covering that up, but you
are all these beautiful, brilliant light. Just saying we will
go to Nicky's question. Nicky's question is many times people
(13:07):
go with the gut reaction before thinking, So, okay, so
that's really interesting, Nikky that you bring that up. Now,
A couple of things. A lot of times I'm all
about intuition. And I'm all about your gut because a
lot of times your gut is leading you towards what
you need to do. However, and this is the big However,
(13:29):
what happens with your intuition If you have those patterns
and behaviors that you've learned and that you do over
and over and over again, your gut may be like
there may be two levels. The gut really knows it
wants to say no. But your first thought, and this
(13:53):
may be coming from your head and not your gut,
your first thought is, oh, I got to say yes,
really mean no. And so this is about learning to
work on healing the issues because as you clear the
old trauma, the limiting beliefs, the emotions of why you're
(14:14):
saying yes when you mean no, then you are able
to come to the real truth of what your intuition
and your gut is trying to tell you. And Okay,
so Nicki says, I meant with the first thing that
comes out of your mouth rather than thinking, So the
(14:38):
first thing that comes out of your mouth, rather than thinking,
maybe that habitual reaction. So it is a habit. It
is a habit. So that's really what you're talking about
it's a habit of saying yes when you really wanted
to say no, and yes, that happens. It just come
(15:00):
out without you giving thought to it. So what I
really want all of you and just start thinking about it.
Start being aware when someone asks asks you to do
something or for a favor or something you're not sure,
(15:21):
you don't have to do that automatic response reaction. I
call it a reaction. It's not really a response because
to me, reaction is what happens immediately, the first thing
that comes out of your mouth. That's the habitual reaction.
You want to say, this is the response, give me
(15:43):
a moment, or I need some time. I'll let you know.
I'll get back to you. It's okay to do that
for yourself. That is being authentic important self care. I
call it essential self care. So hopefully that help and
that answers your question. Micky, Anastasia says, since we don't
(16:05):
always work in the conscious mind, what other mind is there?
So what happens is I'm going to tell you most
of us, most of you, all of us are ruled
by the unconscious subconscious mind. And they've done studies and
(16:25):
research and I think I said this before, ninety five
percent of your reactions, behaviors, thoughts, feelings is coming from
the unconscious mind. That's why you listening to the show.
That's why you becoming aware, That's why you taking a
(16:48):
moment to perhaps change your behavior starts making. That's a
transformation you're making. That's a transformation nation that you're doing
for yourself by learning to say, I'll get back to you.
And so you want to learn how to come from
(17:13):
that conscious mind and the super conscious mind. When you
become more conscious and you're working on clearing and you're
working on taking care of yourself, you're able to come
into more of an aligned state. And it's when you're
in that alignment that you're in your authentic self body, mind, emotion, spirit.
(17:37):
You're in alignment, you're feeling peaceful or joyful or calm.
When you're doing that, that's your authentic self shining through.
So all these things for you to be aware of
and to be on the lookout for. So you're being
inauthentic when you ignore your intuition. Now, because I'm an
(18:03):
intuitive expert, many times people say to me, how do
I even know it's my intuition? I don't know if
it's my intuition. And again this comes down to awareness.
So you can't know if it's your intuition or your
habitual reaction until and start listening to your intuition, until
(18:27):
you start blowing down, breathing, tuning in, tuning into you,
tuning into your heart, into your breath, grounding yourself, and
asking what is your truth? What is what is your
intuition trying to tell you? And it's learning to be
(18:49):
able to act on your inner wisdom, the small how
many of you have heard the saying the small voice
within you're in a wisdom and so that's the voice,
that's your authentic self voice. Now it may sound very
(19:10):
quiet at first because if you're not used to hearing
it or listening to it or tuning in, you may
that's where you overlook the intuition or you disregard it.
You're not even aware either A you're not even aware
you're getting an intuitive oppression. I mean, I've worked with
a lot of people and they they're getting into it.
(19:34):
You're getting intuitive hits all the time. But if you're
not aware you're getting them, or you're not listening, you
won't even know. And it's learning, learning, to be aware,
learning to tune in, learning to listen. Nicky says, why
do we steer ourselves wrong? So we steer ourselves wrong
because we are trained that way. Like what I've saying
(20:00):
with the unconscious subconscious mind is that you had patterns
and behaviors that kept you safe when you were a child,
that kept you to survive. You all developed resources and
patterns to survive in your life. And then now that
(20:22):
you're becoming more aware, and again I want to acknowledge
you for listening or viewing the show. Now you're becoming
more aware, you can start questioning, you can start observing,
you can start listening to those patterns and behaviors that
were totally out of your awareness before you become aware.
(20:47):
And that's one of the reasons why I'm saying the
list of the inauthentic, so that you become aware, Oh
is this this is the way I'm inauthentic, and this
is what I need to do to get back to
being authentic. The steps you can take to become authentic,
and so you don't you're not steering yourself wrong on purpose,
(21:08):
It's all part of your unconscious subconscious I'm using them interchangeably.
You're patterning your behavior that kept you in survival, but
now in order to go into thrival. It's about becoming
aware and starting to change those paths so that you
(21:29):
can start transforming yourself in your life. That's what it's about.
So if you are making choices, I'll get to yourself.
Your question is second misty. If you're making choices from
shoulds and have to instead of your authentic truth, that's
(21:53):
also being inauthentic. So if you start catching yourself I
should do that or I have to do that, then
you need to become aware and stop yourself and start
saying what is your truth? Now. Sometimes it may be
(22:13):
that you do want to do it or it feels
good to do it, but you still are living in
the should So I'm going to invite you to change
your language. If you're in the shoulds or the have tos,
and you notice you're in shoulds and haf tos, really
want to do it, use the word choice and I'm
(22:34):
choosing to do this instead or I should or I
have to. That's if you do want to do it.
If you're in the shoulds or the haf tos, then
it's about asking yourself, what is my truth? What do
I truly want? Is this something I really do want
to do? And what do I need to do to
(22:55):
do this? Or what do I need to do myself
here instead of being in the shoulds and the have tos.
And when you use the word shoes or choice, it
empowers you. And when you learn, because again the shoulds
and the half tos, you may need to say no
instead of saying yes. That goes back to the first
(23:15):
thing that we were talking about, because if you're feeling
I should or I have to and you're not feeling it,
then it's important for you to say no, I can't
do this right now, or this is not a good
time for me to do this. So it's learning to
set those boundaries. Learning to set the limits and the boundaries. Okay,
(23:36):
so that's really important. Okay, So let's go to those questions,
Misty asks, how can we realize those coping measures and
break those patterns. So again, this is why I love
to do this show, and I love that you're asking
these questions because I want you to know those of
(23:58):
you asking the questions, you're not only asking for yourselves,
you're asking for all the other viewers and listeners that
are not asking the question, So thank you to those,
and of course I always invite new people to come
on to ask questions. And I'm very grateful for those
of you who are asking the question because you're doing
(24:22):
so not only for you, but for many many others.
So so what I want you is, let's get back
to the question again I got I got off track.
Is I wanted to acknowledge you how can we realize
those coping measures and break those patterns. So the first
thing is it's the awareness piece. And that's okay, Now
(24:45):
I understand my train of thought. I was saying, because
you're listening to the show, you're becoming more aware. So
I acknowledge you for tuning in, either live or at
another time. And as you become more aware out and
you start noticing the patterns or the behaviors or the
thoughts or the feelings or the automatic reaction that you
(25:08):
didn't notice before, that is the first step towards change.
And so again, remember I said I was going to
say this a lot through the show. It's a journey.
It's not a destination. It's a journey. And once you
become aware, even if it's a little awareness if you
(25:29):
can start noticing, even if you don't change the behavior
right away, starting to notice and become aware, Oh, I
am saying yes when I really want to say no,
or I do feel like this is a should or
a have to And is this something that feels like
it really resonates with me? And again, and I also
(25:52):
want to bring you the balance. There are times where
we do need to go, like if someone is in
a crisis, you may need to do something you may
not want to do. But for the most part, I'm
talking about the everyday thing. You may need to go
out of your way to help somebody or to support
(26:14):
a loved one or a friend. But for the most part,
it's really becoming aware and knowing that you do have choice,
that you're not at the mercy of others. That is
empowering yourself. So hopefully, and as we continue to go
through these patterns and these things, you'll become more aware
(26:38):
so that next time it happens, Oh, what Nancy was
talking about. I have all these clients that say I
have Nancy on my shoulder or I hear you in
my ear, So maybe you'll have a little voice inside
that Nancy voice. Oh, that's when Nancy was talking about.
(27:01):
So I invite you to start becoming more aware and
hopefully that will help you. Next one, Anastasia says, how
can we stop the should and do so again? This
is a journey, it's a journey destination. It's in the awareness.
So if you start noticing even everything that you're doing,
(27:27):
like if someone asks you a question, can you help
me or can you do me this favor? Or it's
not the automatic like Mickey was talking about the first
thing out of your math, it's breathe, breathe what's my truth?
That's being authentic? What is my truth right now? And
(27:50):
that's another important point. So your truth right now may
be to say no in this moment, but tomorrow or
a week from now, you may be saying, you know what,
it feels good or it feels like, can you do that.
It's about being authentic to yourself moment by moment. What
is your truth in this moment now? And in order
(28:14):
to know that truth in order to tap into it,
it's about slowing down. It's about taking that breath, breathing,
asking yourself, what's my truth in this moment? What do
I truly feel in this moment and so hopefully that
(28:34):
that will help slowing it down, breathing and asking yourself,
asking yourself, what's my truth in this moment and then
allowing allowing that answer to well up within you of
what your truth is. And one of the ways that
(28:56):
you can help yourself to be in moral awareness, to
help yourself gain that awareness and to help yourself tap
into your truth, the stillness, the small still voice within,
is by doing the meditation that I created. And this
meditation I call it the intuitive decision making meditation. But
(29:21):
what it does is it helps you to clear your energy.
It helps you to call in your higher self, that wise,
unconditionally authentic part of you, and ask what your truth
is in this moment. So, let's say a way that
you can use it is, let's say you have somebody
(29:44):
asking you, can you do this for me? And instead
of the automatic habitual response reaction, instead of saying yes,
you say you know what, give me, give me time.
I'll get back to you, and you do the meditation
and you find out what your truth is in this moment.
(30:05):
Now it may be the yes, or it may be
the numb. So know that this can help you to
get to that yes or to that numb. These are
important and essential life skills. So Rebel the link to
get the meditation, and Rebel's going to put it in
the chat and then we'll get to the other questions
(30:27):
and I'll continue on is go to the name of
the show, Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward slash
Meditation N d I t A t i o N
So Inspired and Empowered Living dot Com Forward slash Meditation
(30:57):
N E d I N E d t A t
io n and download the meditation and also there is
a PDF if you want to read along. So this
is a tool to help you get more clarity and
(31:19):
understanding of your authentic self versus your innofant Okay, so
let's go back to those questions. So, Mickey, as we
may want to do a should but have to get
have to get in the way of that the want tos.
(31:41):
All right, let me repeat that we may want to
do as should, but have to get in the way
of the want tos. Okay, So I think this is
what you're asking me, so and if it's not, then
let me know. So you may feel like it's a
should because it's an habitual reaction you're Shoulting on yourself
(32:06):
is the habitual reaction, and then when you start tuning in,
you're like, you know what, I really it is a wanting.
It is I really do, but I'm labeling it as
it should. And so when that happens, then you what's
the empowering choice to help you connect with your authentic self.
(32:28):
The empowering choice is to say to yourself, I choose
to do this. I am making a choice to do
this now. An example of that is sometimes we all
have to do things that we don't want to do,
like pay taxes or do other kinds of obligations that
(32:53):
we need to do, and it feels like I have to.
And then what I want to empower you with is
even in those cases, it's saying to yourself, I am
choosing to do this. I am choosing to do this
because I want to take care of myself. I am choosing,
(33:18):
like I have to get to sleep, I am choosing
to go to bed earlier to take care of myself.
That's another example. So really to watch the language that
you're speaking to yourself and help you become more in
alignment with your authentic self. And that's an important point.
(33:43):
Being able to be in alignment, and that is about
the language you're using. So that's another way that you
can come into your authentic self. And so this is
really I'm gonna We're gonna continue this next week because
(34:04):
I have lots more to share with you, and as always,
I love answering the questions. Hopefully I got to all
those questions and and I invite you to join me
for more inspite and empowered living next week. So basically
what we were talking about in today's show is learning
(34:25):
to say no when you mean no, yes when you
mean yes, Learning to take time, slow down, breathe, tap
into your intuition, and tune into your authentic truth, breathing
instead of that immediate reaction speaking and then and then
(34:50):
late and regretting it. It's learning to slow down and learning.
It's really learning the boundaries, learning the self care, learning
to take time to tap in to your truth, to
that wisdom that lies within you, the shining beautiful light
(35:12):
that you are. You all have it and you all
deserve to access it. And I hope that I am
helping you to tap in, tap in, to tune in
and again join me next Thursday at five pm Eastern
on talkfortv dot com, W four WN dot com, my
(35:35):
YouTube channel, and you can hear the podcast on iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Apple, Amazon,
and many more. And I wish you all an inspired
and empowered day, evening, and week. Have a great one.
(35:56):
Everybody by for now, as then consists
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