December 2, 2025 • 16 mins
Feeling the Christmas chaos creeping in already? This episode hands you permission to rewrite the rules. Justin and Kylie share the three simple diagnostic questions that transform Christmas from exhausting and obligatory… to meaningful, memorable, and truly magical. If you’ve ever felt pressure to “do it all,” this is your reset button for a calmer, lighter, joy-filled holiday season.
KEY POINTS
- The three clarity questions that instantly simplify Christmas
- Why “What lights you up?” matters more than any tradition
- Identifying what drains you so you can let it go guilt-free
- The power of deciding “How do I want to feel on Christmas Day?”
- Helping kids create memories that actually matter
- How blended families, travel, and extended-family expectations fit into intentional planning
- Permission to do Christmas your way—without apology
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“If it doesn’t light you up, you don’t have to do it. Christmas works best when it works for your family.”
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Ask the three questions: What lights you up? What drains you? How do you want to feel on Christmas Day?
- Hold a mini family meeting to hear everyone’s must-haves (and their “don’t worry about it” items).
- Simplify: Cross out anything that doesn’t bring joy, connection or ease.
- Protect your vision: Communicate clearly with extended family.
- Choose one memory-maker to anchor your Christmas this year.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
This is The Happy Family's podcast, and there are three
weeks until Christmas Eve. Let me say that again, Kylie.
Three weeks till Christmas Eve. It's almost on top of
us and it feels like Christmas today. Our episode is
called Permission Granted, How to have an Intentional Christmas because
so much of Christmas needs to be redefined for so
(00:27):
many families. There's all these expectations, there's all these things
that drain us. And Christmas is meant to be the
silly season, the season of joy and goodwill and peace,
and yet we're so tired today. We step through a
three question structure that helps you to well. Rather than
having a whole list of things that you should do
for Christmas, gives you the three diagnostic questions to find
(00:51):
your magic this Christmas and make it special for the
whole family that's coming up next.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Stay with us.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
We're so glad you with this.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
This is The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every
single day. It's Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are
justin and Kylie Colson, like I said, thanks for joining us.
In some ways, Kylie, I feel like this should be
your podcast today and that you should be running it,
because as much as I love Christmas, you don't just
love Christmas. You put the Christmas tree up over a
(01:21):
month ago, Like, we've had lights going and flashing, and
you've been excited about Christmas for the last five or
six weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Well, I've probably all year. Really, you've been shopping for
it all year.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
But this I know you think I'm crazy, but there
is actually method to my madness.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Go ahead.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
December is chaos. It's chaotic. There is so much going on.
So by setting my Christmas tree up and all the decorations,
I do it in November before the stress of the
season hits. That's the first thing. But secondly, it sets
the tone for the months that are coming up. I
love sitting in my laund room with the Christmas lights
(01:56):
or glittering, and there's just this desire to keep the
house clean when all the Christmas lights are on. I
love it.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, I love it too.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Yeah, you do stop giving me our hard time.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I love sitting in the living room and seeing those
lights on and looking at the tree and thinking, just
it's feeling like Christmas. I mean it's really close now,
and just looking at the lights, it just feels so good.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
So I had a little bit of a unique experience
this year. Right Over the years, obviously, I have developed
my decorating skills and acquired more.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
For those who have not listened to the pot over
the last few years, nobody's allowed to touch the tree.
We're not one of those families where the kids get
involved and they hang the decorations on the tree. The
children don't even know you're doing it. They just get
home one day and there's a tree in the living
room because you've put it.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Up, and they all go, ah, it looks so good.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
I mean even our two year old granddaughter, she literally
walked in and she said, so pretty.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You just love it, don't you.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
I do. I do love it. But last year I
gifted our second Cristmas tree.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Oh way, Just for clarity, folks, Kylie loves Christmas so much.
I mean when we had we had a really big
house when we were in Brisbon. We moved to a
tiny little beach shack when we moved to the coast
few years ago, and you really, really really wanted to
insist that we still had two trees in the house.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I can't fit two trees.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
The house is too small, it doesn't work.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
So I gifted our second, which is actually the bigger
of the two trees, to our eldest daughter, who is
married and now has her own home. And last year
they didn't have any decorations because they had a toddler
and they didn't want to kind of do too much.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
They just stuck up a green plastic tree in the corner.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
But this year they showed up at my house a
couple of days after I'd put my tree up and said,
we've just come to do some Christmas.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
We'll call it your tree. It's our tree, O tree tree.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
What do you do to contribute to.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Finish a story?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I don't want to interrupt the story.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I just want to highlight it's our tree.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
And so she said, I'm wondering if you've got any
decorations you wouldn't mind hanging over. And so I got
to pull out our decorations from when we very first
got married, and as I started looking at them all
it was like just this nostalgia as I remembered all
of the things that I'd handmade because we couldn't afford
to decorations, and the very first set of decorations that
(04:13):
I brought and I gave them to them, and so
now I've got my beautiful tree that's progressed over time,
and I'm looking at their tree, which is essentially one
of my first trees of decorations, and there's just this
I don't know, it's just been really lovely kind of
seeing I guess, progression in my decorating style and skill,
(04:36):
but also the memories of all those years with that
tree and delight.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
What I'm hearing you say is there's this lovely nostalgia that, oh,
we used to have a tree that looked that ugly,
but look at how good ours is now.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
The judging thought, No, because I love those decorations, which
is why I still have them. There's so much sentiment
to them.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Hey, we need to talk about today's topic. This one
really is driven by you. We have a family meeting
most weeks.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Actually, we've been a bit slack lately. We need to
get back onto this. Oh it's some we're about to
have a brain. We needed to get back onto this.
For those of you who have not heard the podcast
episodes about this, we will link to it in the
show notes. But basically, every week we usually have a
family meeting and a couple's meeting, but we talk about
three things, what's going well, what's not, and what we
want to focus on for the next week so that
we can do better tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
And we're going to kind of just you know, have
a little bit of a play with that for Christmas.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
For Christmas, that's right, because there's so much pressure around Christmas,
and the reality is sometimes we're not really intentional about Christmas.
We're just doing what we're doing because of the expectations
of others, or because it's this Instagram says we should
that's right, or tradition says we're supposed to do it
this way or that way, and it can be a lot.
So three questions to three diagnostics really to help you
(05:49):
to be intentional about making Christmas work your way.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Kylie. First question, Well.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Usually when we have our family meetings, the first thing
we will talk about is what's going well. Kind of
tweak that a little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Because it's Christmas.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
What delights us about our Christmas experience?
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I think we need to shift it.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I think it should be what lights you up?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Because Christmas lights, but what lights you up to light
to light? I know I saw the play on words,
what lights you up, And I wonder, I wonder if
it's worth saying. Is it about what lights up the
family or is it about what lights up? What lights
you up? I mean, you're certainly not checking in with
me about this. This is our Christmas is very much
about what lights you up? Would that be fair to say?
Speaker 4 (06:26):
That's completely unfair? Because what lights me up lights you up?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Right?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Of course it does, seriously.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
So here's the trick, And it is tricky because children
have different expectations to us as adults about what lights
us up, right, But ultimately, if mum and Dad are
full of joy and light when it comes to the
Christmas season, then things are going to run smoother across
the board.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
So what lights me up is just the delight in
our kids eyes.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
And when this tree lights are sparkling.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah that too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
But I our youngest is about twelve, and things have
shifted so much in the twenty six and a half
years that we've been raising kids now. But in those
early years, we did Christmas so differently to how we
do it now.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
And those early years.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Were very much about lots of fun and looking at
Christmas lights on Christmas Eve and.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Really Christmas movies, building.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
The anticipation in those days are leading up to it,
and then I mean the sand are coming. Because we
lived in Queensland and the sun comes up in Queensland
at Christmas at like four point thirty, the kids will
be jumping on the bed and waking us up at
four fifteen.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
But not only that, we lived into states, so each
year we would have to go to a different family
so that we spent Christmas. So our kids in those
early years, they didn't ever wake up in their own
beds to celebrate.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Christmas rand parents' houses. Yeah, and just they.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Finally got to a point where they just were like,
we just want to be at home.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah, But the enthusiasm of that, So the question what
lights you up? Talk about the things that you're most
looking forward to a Christmas. Talk to the family about
what they're most looking forward to. How do they want
Christmas Eve to be? Is it at home watching Christmas movies?
Is it going to the grandparents' house and swimming in
the pool because they've got one, or like, how does
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day look for you as a family.
(08:17):
This is a really great day for the whole family
to be together and to do things your way like
there's no rules is kind of what I'm getting at here.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
Well, and in some cases some families, you're going to
find that everyone's going to have a different response and
you're going to have to juggle how that looks.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Whether or not this is happy families once you just
do whether or not.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
You're able to do it all or pick, you know,
kind of one or two things. But as our children
have grown, what we have noticed is there is a
definite theme about the things that they absolutely love. We
have a twenty six year old who is married, lives
in her own home, but on Christmas Morning, there's no mistake.
She's showing up early so that she can jump on
our beds with the rest of her siblings so that
(08:57):
they can open their stockings.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Literally, Shag and her husband come into our bedroom at
five in the morning or five thirty in the morning
and they sit on the edge of our bed while
the other kids jump on us.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
And that was a non negotiable when she got married.
She just said, you have to know this is what
I'm doing Christmas morning.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
So what lights you up? Get clear about it.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
You know what lights our kids up.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You have always made a bigger deal of Christmas stockings
than Christmas presents under the tree. And I mean the
stockings cost a lot to feel because you've bought stockings
that are as big as a backpack.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
No, it's just because we have all girls and they use.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Makeup and cosmetics crystal gosh.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
But something that we've done from day dot is that
there's always been a Bunderberg ginger beer and an orange.
Oh sorry, not an orange and mango. What are they orange?
Because an orange orange?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, because there's always been a mango and a Christmas
and a Christmas ginger beer in their stockings. And they still,
twenty plus years later, they still cherish it.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
It lights them up. They know it's going to be there.
They expect it.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
And one year when we didn't do it, they were like,
where's our ginger be And we were like, I was
just in the fridge and know no, we want the
ginger beer in the stocking, like that's part of Christmas.
That first question is critically important because it helps you
to be intentional about the stuff that does matter, which
means that you can start to cross out the stuff
that doesn't.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
And I think you'll notice as you have those conversations.
I feel like you'll be surprised at the things that
your children actually care about, the things that we've got
so much emphasis onto so many things. But I think
you'll be surprised at what things the kids actually cherishing value.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
After the break the other two questions that will help
you to have the most memorable Christmas ever?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
So they were This.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Is the Happy Famili's podcast, We're so Glad that you're
with us today. A conversation about the three questions that
will help you to create the most magical, memorable, intentional, purposeful, delightful, joyous,
merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
The first one, what lights you up?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Kylie? The second question, well.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Normally in our family meetings we would say, what's not
going so well? I'm wondering what quirky thing you've got?
For this one?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
What drains you?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Nothing quirky about it? What's just zapping your energy? This
is the Marie Condo Christmas question. If it's not bringing
light into me into my room, then I need to
get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
What's draining me?
Speaker 4 (11:12):
So we've got all kinds of components that make up Christmas, right,
We've got matching pajamas, We've got Christmas eve boxes self
on the shelf. You've got Christmas parties and all of
the other events associated with the end of year. You've
got the countdown to Christmas, advent calendars like there is
gingerbread making houses, like there are so many things. We
talked about, watching movies and going and seeing Christmas lights.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
When we tried to watch one Christmas movie a night
for like every night in December, and why about night four?
I mean, I'm not into movies that much anyway, but
by night four, I was like, this is the this
is draining me. I'm not enjoying this at all. So
you watched movies with the kids and I went and
read a book every night instead.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
It was like, this does not work for me.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
So there's so many different things that Instagram posts and
tells us that will make the most magical Christmas, the.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Like it happens every year. I'm not on social media
at all anymore. I've changed my I've had my assistant
change my passwords. I don't know how to access myself
Carols by Christmas by candlelight, by candle light. Yeah, I
remember last year and the year before and the year before,
all the families having all these fun games around the
dining table at Christmas, and we've tried that and it's
just not as fun as it looks like it is
(12:21):
in the Instagram reels.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
You're so funny because everyone asked us to do that
again this show.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Have they realized you're just a party poop?
Speaker 4 (12:27):
Maybe maybe I was just a party pooper.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I really just like, I don't know. I can't wait
for Boxing Day.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I want to watch the Boxing Day test this year.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
I've trained you anyway. Question number three, yeah, yeah, what
do we want to focus on?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I think, sorry a little tweak on that. It's not
just about what do you want to focus on? Because
questions one and two help us to get clarity around that.
But the overarching question is when the kids look back
in five years, ten years, twenty years, thirty years, when
they're raising their own kids, what do you want them
to remember? What do you want them to say?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I remember when I was a kid, and I used
to just look so much for it to Christmas morning?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Because so I love that question. But for me, I
think it's actually, how do I want to feel on
Christmas Day?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Oh? Okay, well there's four questions.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
Now, then I'm podcast I actually think that that's actually
the very first question in this instance, how do I
want to feel on Christmas Day? Set the vision. If
the vision is I just want to feel relaxed, I
want to feel calm, I want to feel.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Joyful, then tell your parents and the in laws that
you're not going to be able to make it or
they're not coming over it.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Yeah, exactly, So set the intention of actually how you
want to feel. Do you want to feel joyful and
energized and energetic? That's a different that's a different Christmas.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
That sounds harsh, but again, we've been doing this with
combined families now for twenty six twenty seven years, and.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I remember we reached the point when our.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Eldest child was probably about twelve or thirteen, where I
contacted my family and said, guys, I know we've really
emphasized Christmas together for a long time, but we've now
got I don't know we had four kids at the
time or something like that.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
We've got four of our.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Own children, and they really want to wake up in
their own bed, they want to have Christmas as a family.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
We're not going to join you on Christmas Day this year.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
But see, the first time we ever did that, we
decided that they could wake up in their own bed
and then around lunchtime we'd make the drive. So we
were still going to have family Christmas, but we made
the drive that year.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Sucks, Yes, that's right, because we.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Were so much enjoying one another's company and all of
a sudden we had to cut everything.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah, so we get in the cars.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
We literally said, what let you up at Christmas? What
drained you?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And what do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
How do you want Christmas to remember?
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And so the following year, I said to my family,
We're not doing Christmas with you on Christmas Day. It's
going to have to be another time because we've got
our own family now. And so that was that whole
what do you want the kids to remember? How do
you want it to feel on that day? And we
were able to step into a much more and so
I guess what I'm getting at is as a result.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Of that, and my brother was furious.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
He specifically, I think there was a few ruffled feathers.
But my brother specifically told me and we've we've since
spoken about it a number of times because his kids
are now that age and older, and he's like, I
totally get it now, but I.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Was so mad when you said it. He was so cranky.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Well, for kids who are not married, so the siblings
that are still at home with them not having their
big siblings come.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
It felt like they were missing It felt like Christmas
didn't feel the same for them.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But we needed to have it anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
So now what we do, because we've asked these questions
is we have Christmas with our family on the first
weekend of December. My family gets together on the first
weekend of December because that works for us, and that
allows us to have the Christmas Day with our family.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
That's going to light us up.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Every family's in a different situation.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
We're not saying you're.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Sure or shouldn't do it one way or another. You've
got permission to do it however you want. But these
questions help you to get intentional about it. Otherwise you
end up doing everything to please everyone else and Christmas
doesn't feel nice. And then you're at Boxing Day and
you're kind of like, oh, now, I really do need
the next three or four days to lay on the
bed and not move because I'm shattered. And just while
(16:01):
we're at it, one of my favorite Christmas as ever,
was the Christmas where we left the country. We just
jumped on a plane and we went to Bali for
Christmas and it was really really different, but it was
really really memorable and we didn't have to deal with
any of the stuff and that was a delight as well.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Three questions What lights you up?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
What drains you? And how do I want to feel?
What do we want the kids to remember in twenty
years time.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I hope you've enjoyed this and gotten some inspo to
make your Christmas that little bit more refined, that little
bit more meaningful, that little.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Bit more joyful.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I was going to say, Mary, either is fine that
Happy Famili's podcast is produced by Justin Rawlan from Bridge Medium.
Mimhamon's provides research, having in and a whole lot of
other support and if you'd like more info and more
resources to make you family happier, including maybe a parenting
book for your stocking, check out Happy Families dot com
dot a U or you'll find a whole range of
books that can make your family thrive.
This is The Happy Family's podcast, and there are three
weeks until Christmas Eve. Let me say that again, Kylie.
Three weeks till Christmas Eve. It's almost on top of
us and it feels like Christmas today. Our episode is
called Permission Granted, How to have an Intentional Christmas because
so much of Christmas needs to be redefined for so
(00:27):
many families. There's all these expectations, there's all these things
that drain us. And Christmas is meant to be the
silly season, the season of joy and goodwill and peace,
and yet we're so tired today. We step through a
three question structure that helps you to well. Rather than
having a whole list of things that you should do
for Christmas, gives you the three diagnostic questions to find
(00:51):
your magic this Christmas and make it special for the
whole family that's coming up next.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Stay with us.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
We're so glad you with this.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
This is The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every
single day. It's Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are
justin and Kylie Colson, like I said, thanks for joining us.
In some ways, Kylie, I feel like this should be
your podcast today and that you should be running it,
because as much as I love Christmas, you don't just
love Christmas. You put the Christmas tree up over a
(01:21):
month ago, Like, we've had lights going and flashing, and
you've been excited about Christmas for the last five or
six weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Well, I've probably all year. Really, you've been shopping for
it all year.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
But this I know you think I'm crazy, but there
is actually method to my madness.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Go ahead.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
December is chaos. It's chaotic. There is so much going on.
So by setting my Christmas tree up and all the decorations,
I do it in November before the stress of the
season hits. That's the first thing. But secondly, it sets
the tone for the months that are coming up. I
love sitting in my laund room with the Christmas lights
(01:56):
or glittering, and there's just this desire to keep the
house clean when all the Christmas lights are on. I
love it.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, I love it too.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Yeah, you do stop giving me our hard time.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I love sitting in the living room and seeing those
lights on and looking at the tree and thinking, just
it's feeling like Christmas. I mean it's really close now,
and just looking at the lights, it just feels so good.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
So I had a little bit of a unique experience
this year. Right Over the years, obviously, I have developed
my decorating skills and acquired more.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
For those who have not listened to the pot over
the last few years, nobody's allowed to touch the tree.
We're not one of those families where the kids get
involved and they hang the decorations on the tree. The
children don't even know you're doing it. They just get
home one day and there's a tree in the living
room because you've put it.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Up, and they all go, ah, it looks so good.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
I mean even our two year old granddaughter, she literally
walked in and she said, so pretty.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You just love it, don't you.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
I do. I do love it. But last year I
gifted our second Cristmas tree.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Oh way, Just for clarity, folks, Kylie loves Christmas so much.
I mean when we had we had a really big
house when we were in Brisbon. We moved to a
tiny little beach shack when we moved to the coast
few years ago, and you really, really really wanted to
insist that we still had two trees in the house.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I can't fit two trees.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
The house is too small, it doesn't work.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
So I gifted our second, which is actually the bigger
of the two trees, to our eldest daughter, who is
married and now has her own home. And last year
they didn't have any decorations because they had a toddler
and they didn't want to kind of do too much.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
They just stuck up a green plastic tree in the corner.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
But this year they showed up at my house a
couple of days after I'd put my tree up and said,
we've just come to do some Christmas.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
We'll call it your tree. It's our tree, O tree tree.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
What do you do to contribute to.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Finish a story?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I don't want to interrupt the story.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I just want to highlight it's our tree.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
And so she said, I'm wondering if you've got any
decorations you wouldn't mind hanging over. And so I got
to pull out our decorations from when we very first
got married, and as I started looking at them all
it was like just this nostalgia as I remembered all
of the things that I'd handmade because we couldn't afford
to decorations, and the very first set of decorations that
(04:13):
I brought and I gave them to them, and so
now I've got my beautiful tree that's progressed over time,
and I'm looking at their tree, which is essentially one
of my first trees of decorations, and there's just this
I don't know, it's just been really lovely kind of
seeing I guess, progression in my decorating style and skill,
(04:36):
but also the memories of all those years with that
tree and delight.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
What I'm hearing you say is there's this lovely nostalgia that, oh,
we used to have a tree that looked that ugly,
but look at how good ours is now.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
The judging thought, No, because I love those decorations, which
is why I still have them. There's so much sentiment
to them.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Hey, we need to talk about today's topic. This one
really is driven by you. We have a family meeting
most weeks.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Actually, we've been a bit slack lately. We need to
get back onto this. Oh it's some we're about to
have a brain. We needed to get back onto this.
For those of you who have not heard the podcast
episodes about this, we will link to it in the
show notes. But basically, every week we usually have a
family meeting and a couple's meeting, but we talk about
three things, what's going well, what's not, and what we
want to focus on for the next week so that
we can do better tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
And we're going to kind of just you know, have
a little bit of a play with that for Christmas.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
For Christmas, that's right, because there's so much pressure around Christmas,
and the reality is sometimes we're not really intentional about Christmas.
We're just doing what we're doing because of the expectations
of others, or because it's this Instagram says we should
that's right, or tradition says we're supposed to do it
this way or that way, and it can be a lot.
So three questions to three diagnostics really to help you
(05:49):
to be intentional about making Christmas work your way.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Kylie. First question, Well.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Usually when we have our family meetings, the first thing
we will talk about is what's going well. Kind of
tweak that a little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Because it's Christmas.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
What delights us about our Christmas experience?
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I think we need to shift it.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I think it should be what lights you up?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Because Christmas lights, but what lights you up to light
to light? I know I saw the play on words,
what lights you up, And I wonder, I wonder if
it's worth saying. Is it about what lights up the
family or is it about what lights up? What lights
you up? I mean, you're certainly not checking in with
me about this. This is our Christmas is very much
about what lights you up? Would that be fair to say?
Speaker 4 (06:26):
That's completely unfair? Because what lights me up lights you up?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Right?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Of course it does, seriously.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
So here's the trick, And it is tricky because children
have different expectations to us as adults about what lights
us up, right, But ultimately, if mum and Dad are
full of joy and light when it comes to the
Christmas season, then things are going to run smoother across
the board.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
So what lights me up is just the delight in
our kids eyes.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
And when this tree lights are sparkling.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah that too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
But I our youngest is about twelve, and things have
shifted so much in the twenty six and a half
years that we've been raising kids now. But in those
early years, we did Christmas so differently to how we
do it now.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
And those early years.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Were very much about lots of fun and looking at
Christmas lights on Christmas Eve and.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Really Christmas movies, building.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
The anticipation in those days are leading up to it,
and then I mean the sand are coming. Because we
lived in Queensland and the sun comes up in Queensland
at Christmas at like four point thirty, the kids will
be jumping on the bed and waking us up at
four fifteen.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
But not only that, we lived into states, so each
year we would have to go to a different family
so that we spent Christmas. So our kids in those
early years, they didn't ever wake up in their own
beds to celebrate.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Christmas rand parents' houses. Yeah, and just they.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Finally got to a point where they just were like,
we just want to be at home.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah, But the enthusiasm of that, So the question what
lights you up? Talk about the things that you're most
looking forward to a Christmas. Talk to the family about
what they're most looking forward to. How do they want
Christmas Eve to be? Is it at home watching Christmas movies?
Is it going to the grandparents' house and swimming in
the pool because they've got one, or like, how does
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day look for you as a family.
(08:17):
This is a really great day for the whole family
to be together and to do things your way like
there's no rules is kind of what I'm getting at here.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
Well, and in some cases some families, you're going to
find that everyone's going to have a different response and
you're going to have to juggle how that looks.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Whether or not this is happy families once you just
do whether or not.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
You're able to do it all or pick, you know,
kind of one or two things. But as our children
have grown, what we have noticed is there is a
definite theme about the things that they absolutely love. We
have a twenty six year old who is married, lives
in her own home, but on Christmas Morning, there's no mistake.
She's showing up early so that she can jump on
our beds with the rest of her siblings so that
(08:57):
they can open their stockings.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Literally, Shag and her husband come into our bedroom at
five in the morning or five thirty in the morning
and they sit on the edge of our bed while
the other kids jump on us.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
And that was a non negotiable when she got married.
She just said, you have to know this is what
I'm doing Christmas morning.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
So what lights you up? Get clear about it.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
You know what lights our kids up.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You have always made a bigger deal of Christmas stockings
than Christmas presents under the tree. And I mean the
stockings cost a lot to feel because you've bought stockings
that are as big as a backpack.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
No, it's just because we have all girls and they use.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Makeup and cosmetics crystal gosh.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
But something that we've done from day dot is that
there's always been a Bunderberg ginger beer and an orange.
Oh sorry, not an orange and mango. What are they orange?
Because an orange orange?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, because there's always been a mango and a Christmas
and a Christmas ginger beer in their stockings. And they still,
twenty plus years later, they still cherish it.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
It lights them up. They know it's going to be there.
They expect it.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
And one year when we didn't do it, they were like,
where's our ginger be And we were like, I was
just in the fridge and know no, we want the
ginger beer in the stocking, like that's part of Christmas.
That first question is critically important because it helps you
to be intentional about the stuff that does matter, which
means that you can start to cross out the stuff
that doesn't.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
And I think you'll notice as you have those conversations.
I feel like you'll be surprised at the things that
your children actually care about, the things that we've got
so much emphasis onto so many things. But I think
you'll be surprised at what things the kids actually cherishing value.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
After the break the other two questions that will help
you to have the most memorable Christmas ever?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
So they were This.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Is the Happy Famili's podcast, We're so Glad that you're
with us today. A conversation about the three questions that
will help you to create the most magical, memorable, intentional, purposeful, delightful, joyous,
merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
The first one, what lights you up?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Kylie? The second question, well.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Normally in our family meetings we would say, what's not
going so well? I'm wondering what quirky thing you've got?
For this one?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
What drains you?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Nothing quirky about it? What's just zapping your energy? This
is the Marie Condo Christmas question. If it's not bringing
light into me into my room, then I need to
get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
What's draining me?
Speaker 4 (11:12):
So we've got all kinds of components that make up Christmas, right,
We've got matching pajamas, We've got Christmas eve boxes self
on the shelf. You've got Christmas parties and all of
the other events associated with the end of year. You've
got the countdown to Christmas, advent calendars like there is
gingerbread making houses, like there are so many things. We
talked about, watching movies and going and seeing Christmas lights.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
When we tried to watch one Christmas movie a night
for like every night in December, and why about night four?
I mean, I'm not into movies that much anyway, but
by night four, I was like, this is the this
is draining me. I'm not enjoying this at all. So
you watched movies with the kids and I went and
read a book every night instead.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
It was like, this does not work for me.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
So there's so many different things that Instagram posts and
tells us that will make the most magical Christmas, the.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Like it happens every year. I'm not on social media
at all anymore. I've changed my I've had my assistant
change my passwords. I don't know how to access myself
Carols by Christmas by candlelight, by candle light. Yeah, I
remember last year and the year before and the year before,
all the families having all these fun games around the
dining table at Christmas, and we've tried that and it's
just not as fun as it looks like it is
(12:21):
in the Instagram reels.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
You're so funny because everyone asked us to do that
again this show.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Have they realized you're just a party poop?
Speaker 4 (12:27):
Maybe maybe I was just a party pooper.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I really just like, I don't know. I can't wait
for Boxing Day.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I want to watch the Boxing Day test this year.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
I've trained you anyway. Question number three, yeah, yeah, what
do we want to focus on?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I think, sorry a little tweak on that. It's not
just about what do you want to focus on? Because
questions one and two help us to get clarity around that.
But the overarching question is when the kids look back
in five years, ten years, twenty years, thirty years, when
they're raising their own kids, what do you want them
to remember? What do you want them to say?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I remember when I was a kid, and I used
to just look so much for it to Christmas morning?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Because so I love that question. But for me, I
think it's actually, how do I want to feel on
Christmas Day?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Oh? Okay, well there's four questions.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
Now, then I'm podcast I actually think that that's actually
the very first question in this instance, how do I
want to feel on Christmas Day? Set the vision. If
the vision is I just want to feel relaxed, I
want to feel calm, I want to feel.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Joyful, then tell your parents and the in laws that
you're not going to be able to make it or
they're not coming over it.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Yeah, exactly, So set the intention of actually how you
want to feel. Do you want to feel joyful and
energized and energetic? That's a different that's a different Christmas.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
That sounds harsh, but again, we've been doing this with
combined families now for twenty six twenty seven years, and.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I remember we reached the point when our.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Eldest child was probably about twelve or thirteen, where I
contacted my family and said, guys, I know we've really
emphasized Christmas together for a long time, but we've now
got I don't know we had four kids at the
time or something like that.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
We've got four of our.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Own children, and they really want to wake up in
their own bed, they want to have Christmas as a family.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
We're not going to join you on Christmas Day this year.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
But see, the first time we ever did that, we
decided that they could wake up in their own bed
and then around lunchtime we'd make the drive. So we
were still going to have family Christmas, but we made
the drive that year.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Sucks, Yes, that's right, because we.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Were so much enjoying one another's company and all of
a sudden we had to cut everything.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah, so we get in the cars.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
We literally said, what let you up at Christmas? What
drained you?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And what do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
How do you want Christmas to remember?
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And so the following year, I said to my family,
We're not doing Christmas with you on Christmas Day. It's
going to have to be another time because we've got
our own family now. And so that was that whole
what do you want the kids to remember? How do
you want it to feel on that day? And we
were able to step into a much more and so
I guess what I'm getting at is as a result.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Of that, and my brother was furious.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
He specifically, I think there was a few ruffled feathers.
But my brother specifically told me and we've we've since
spoken about it a number of times because his kids
are now that age and older, and he's like, I
totally get it now, but I.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Was so mad when you said it. He was so cranky.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Well, for kids who are not married, so the siblings
that are still at home with them not having their
big siblings come.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
It felt like they were missing It felt like Christmas
didn't feel the same for them.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But we needed to have it anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
So now what we do, because we've asked these questions
is we have Christmas with our family on the first
weekend of December. My family gets together on the first
weekend of December because that works for us, and that
allows us to have the Christmas Day with our family.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
That's going to light us up.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Every family's in a different situation.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
We're not saying you're.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Sure or shouldn't do it one way or another. You've
got permission to do it however you want. But these
questions help you to get intentional about it. Otherwise you
end up doing everything to please everyone else and Christmas
doesn't feel nice. And then you're at Boxing Day and
you're kind of like, oh, now, I really do need
the next three or four days to lay on the
bed and not move because I'm shattered. And just while
(16:01):
we're at it, one of my favorite Christmas as ever,
was the Christmas where we left the country. We just
jumped on a plane and we went to Bali for
Christmas and it was really really different, but it was
really really memorable and we didn't have to deal with
any of the stuff and that was a delight as well.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Three questions What lights you up?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
What drains you? And how do I want to feel?
What do we want the kids to remember in twenty
years time.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I hope you've enjoyed this and gotten some inspo to
make your Christmas that little bit more refined, that little
bit more meaningful, that little.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Bit more joyful.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I was going to say, Mary, either is fine that
Happy Famili's podcast is produced by Justin Rawlan from Bridge Medium.
Mimhamon's provides research, having in and a whole lot of
other support and if you'd like more info and more
resources to make you family happier, including maybe a parenting
book for your stocking, check out Happy Families dot com
dot a U or you'll find a whole range of
books that can make your family thrive.
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