Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
So in my holidays, I went to China with my
sons Liam and Jack. And one of the reasons was
that when I was working with Beyond two thousand, maybe
forty years ago, I went to China to Beijing, into
a whole lot of country areas, and it was a
really difficult, difficult trip, and I wanted to purge the
image of standing in a silkworm factory. I want to
(00:20):
get the sort of the hardness of that travel and
that trip out of me.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We went into a silkworm factory, yes, and was it
in a big cardboard shoe box.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
It wasn't. I ate my way through the mulberry leaves.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
So we went to Beijing and Shanghai, two very different cities,
and it was great, and I'm glad we did Beijing
first because it's easy to think these big what seemed
like big modern cities, big shopping complexes, beautiful hotels, all
that stuff. The rural areas I'm sure quite different, but
these big cities. But when we went to go to
(00:51):
Tianamen Square, we went on a tour. It was just
us with a tour guide, and I wasn't sure whether
it was true or not, But they don't know about.
They haven't learned about Tenneman Square in the way that
we have on the whole tank. For them, Teman Square
is the center of their power. That's where the politicians
come and stand on the big balcony. That's where they
show their strength of powers. As we know, the tanks
(01:12):
come in for their military parades, et cetera. So I
wonder why they think so many Westerns want to go there.
But this was the most stringent security I've ever seen.
Three different passport controls, very thorough pat downs. They checked
our waistbands, they checked to see if we were carrying
even bits of paper. Our guide turned very serious as
(01:35):
we were approaching and said, you cannot bring in paper,
cannot bring in signs, you can't bring in any written material.
In case, I guess, we held up signs and started
a protest. Or said to the locals, have a look
at what.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Guy did on Big Brother at that time. We held
up the sign Well, at one point I knew when
you were there. I didn't send you any texts like.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Any we know, and we were very respective.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I didn't want you to be in a Chinese ghula.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Well, we were very respectful and very careful was when
the guide said, and of course we pay homage here
to our great hero. I thought, I wonder if it's
the guy who stood in front of the tax tanks. No,
it's Mao big portrait.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Well, but not when you're over there.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
But we said nothing.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
But it was quite extraordinary, so there's no mention of
that whatsoever. And then we went to Shanghai, which is
just a fabulously modern city. I love the history of
Beijing and the Forbidden City, which is thousands of years
of their dynasties and where the concubines lived in the
history of all that brilliant. But Shanghai, the river's called
the bund b Und, lots of bars, restaurants, rooftop.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Places all along there. It was just brilliant. So I've
had a great time.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
You get bunded.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I didn't get bunded, but it's interesting when you do
a tour, it's still like the old beyond two thousand days,
they say, we're going to stop here because our driver
needs a coffee. Suddenly I was at a silkworm factory again,
and they showed and the guy had a stick and
a board and was showing us the life cycle of
a silk worm. Oh my god, I'm back here again.
And it was a different one, but back the same experience.
(03:09):
And then we went into a big showroom. We're the
only people there apart from the people who were standing
to attention to serve us, trying to hey, look at
why don't you buy an ider down, Why don't you
buy a douner cover, Why don't you buy this?
Speaker 3 (03:20):
And that?
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And that happened at a jade place. It happened at
a tea imporium, And so your travels, they go, We're
just going to stop here, so you can have a
cup of tea.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Look look what we're selling. You can't. You feel very
hard to leave without playing something.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Is it a good value?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Not really? No, those places were very expensive.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
What's the toilet facilities like?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Well, you know, most only found one squat toilet most
of the toilets. And as I said, I only went
to cities. You had a choice of a squadron non squat,
and there's only one place, a cafe where I got confused,
ended up in the squat toilet. My thighs weren't really
up to it. A bit of you know, I'm discomfort there,
but you know, I took every day, had a spare
(04:01):
pair of undies and I didn't need them.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
You can sign of a good trip. Very proud of
my fake blonde hair.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Really confused them as to my age because so many
people said to me, I can't believe these are your sons.
You look too young to have these sons. Consider I
had my youngest son, eldest son when I was thirty eight. Yeah,
you look too young to have had these sons. And
I said, well, thank you. And then they showed.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Me they do they confuse you with?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Well, they showed me photos of who they thought. I
looked like they were saying these as compliments.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I would say, you would have Julian Clary.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
No, no, that's who you think I look.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
No, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
The first one.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Brought up a photo and said, you look like this,
it's Meryl Streep in Devil wes Prata. And the next one,
and I've asked Ryan to look at the Google the picture.
Elon Musk's mother, who is ninety years old. She's a
very striking woman. She is ninety. You know there's a
(05:01):
she she is ninety?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Oh goodness me, Ship you know what?
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Yeah what, Brendan know what?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
There's a bit of cruel vibe. Do you want didn't
notice to see your dalmatian coat?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Do you do you want your give fit right in?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
I'm going to give a presentis I bought this at
Shanghai Zoo when we saw the pandas.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
It's not a silkworm kimono is no no? What does
it say?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Well, it's in Chinese. I don't know what. There's a picture.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
It's pretty much the back. It's a key ring. It's
the back end of a panda. What through Google something
or other? Don't fight over the bamboo and ruin my
good behavior score?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Is that what it says? Well, you live by that?
And Brendan, yeah, what if you are well?
Speaker 1 (05:48):
When you I wasn't going to give it to you
this to you on air because I was I don't
know if it's contraband or not.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
It's a packet of you have a look.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
It's a pack of smokes.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Take of cigarettes from Square Square smokes.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I don't even smoke any.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
No, I know, but I thought the packaging was interesting.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah, I'm in mal country now.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
I didn't get mal cancer
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Brighter ut that's enough