April 6, 2025 • 44 mins
This week, Victoria sits down with a diarist whose story starts like a dream: swept off her feet, love-bombed, and suddenly living a life of superyachts, luxury cars, and first-class everything. But beneath the shine was something far more complex... and much harder to escape.
In this deeply moving episode, she shares her experience with financial abuse, coercive control, and the moment she realised she had to leave, baby in arms, without a cent to her name. Her bravery, honesty, and financial comeback are nothing short of extraordinary, and this conversation is one every woman should hear.
CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussions of domestic and financial abuse. If that’s triggering topic or not right for you, we encourage you to skip this one and take care of yourself. If you or someone you know needs support, please call 1800RESPECT/1800 737 732.
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Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
My name is Satasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud or
the Order Kerni Whaltbury and a waddery woman. And before
we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country.
Acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.
(00:23):
As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money. The podcast
does that let's you be pervy about other people's money
habits educational purposes of course. Welcome back to another one
of our money diaries where I get the absolute privilege
of talking to one of our incredible She's on the
Money community members all about their journey. Before I read
out today's email, I actually just want to jump in
(01:17):
here and give a content warning. So today we are
going to be discussing domestic violence. We are going to
be talking about financial abuse, and if that's not for
you and you aren't in the mood for hearing that,
or it is a story that is one that you
just don't really want to hear right now, jump off.
We have more than seven hundred other episodes you can
listen to, but if you're still sticking around, let's get
(01:39):
into it. This week, I got a very powerful message
and it sounded like this, dear, she's on the money.
I grew up in a working class family. Mum raised
two kids on her own, and my dad didn't pay
child support, so she busted her balls, working three jobs.
I've seen her lose money due to relationship breakdowns, one boyfriend.
(02:00):
Our house down when I was in grade four, which
left us with nothing. I've always been sensible with money,
but normal. Then I married into a very wealthy family,
super yachts rich. My husband didn't want me to work,
and I followed him and his career, and I got
sucked in by all the shiny things. After I sold
(02:20):
my only asset, my home, I discovered over time he
was conning people for money. We lived a very lavish life,
but other people were paying for it. I had no control, understanding,
or access to money. During our marriage. I had to
ask for money for petrol. We didn't even have a
joint account. One day, when he was away for work,
(02:42):
I left my Porsche keys on the coffee table and
fled into State with our six month old baby with
no access to money. My story has been a wild ride,
and I am now obsessed with getting back in front financially.
I would love to be brave and shared the story, Diarist,
What a privilege that you want to share it with me.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Thank you so much. That sounds so strange to hear
that being read back to me.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
It's weird when it's vocalized, isn't it. Everyone says that
they're always like, oh my god, Like I'm pretty cool,
an't I? It's true, though, I am so excited to
ask so many perfect questions about this. But before we
get their money, Diarist, what grade would you give your
money habits? From A through to F.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
I'm going to say A C C.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
All right, Well, now we get to learn more about
that money, Diarist, Can you tell me a little bit
more about your money story?
Speaker 4 (03:37):
I can so grew up in a very normal working
class situation. I was definitely fed the message to put
your head down, bump up work, buy a house as
the first thing that you do and then live your life,
and that was your main asset. It was very I guess,
very standard, nothing too adventurous, but safe the message that
(04:00):
I got. And I saw my mum do, and yeah,
I think I was on track for that, and I yeah,
fell into a situation where I got a dazzled by
someone who I thought was smarter than me with money,
someone who I thought was way in front of me
with money. And I got really impressed by that.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Of course, like I would be too, even if like
I'm friends with someone who's doing well, Like it's not
just about them having lots of money. Usually if you
have lots of money, you probably have a business or
you're like really tenacious or like really confident. Like it's
not it's not just like, oh they have money, how attractive.
It's like all of the other stuff that comes along
(04:45):
with it. That's not just the stuff. It's like the
personality traits.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Right, Ah, that is exactly right. I got impressed with
the confidence, the vision, all of that.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
We all want that though, Like you will impress me
if you've got vision, you got confidence. I'm like, I'm
on this journey with your baby, like we aren't even
getting married. I just want to be a.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Friend, Like, yeah, that's right. And I'd seen my mom struggle,
like really struggle. I mean I remember coming home from
school every night on my own, you know, having to
do like prep dinner. We didn't do lavish holidays. You know.
My mom just made ends meet, basically, And like I
said in my intro, I saw my mom lose a
(05:24):
lot of money and everything when our house burnt down
and having to start from scratch. I'm talking wearing hand
me down clothes to school and everything.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
That is a piece of the puzzle that I think
we have glossed over here. Your house got burned down
by your mum's at the time boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Yes, so she'd ended the relationship and here he was
very jealous and controlling and we went away for a
weekend and we weren't going twenty four hours in our
house was burnt to the ground, she deliberately. Yeah. So
I think, yes, the history there of like the financial
(06:04):
ups and downs is really strong for me. And also
that kind of power and control dynamic going on. Yeah.
So that's something that I've had to really face and
kind of live with and kind of hopefully overcome. Yeah,
but that was rough.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Because that's trauma. Like that's not just rough, that's serious.
Trump is your mum? Okay, now my mom is.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Yeah. Like with that background that I said, it was
very sensible. You know, we didn't live outside our means
or buy something if we couldn't afford it. That was
always the message that I got. So Mom didn't go
out and buy a brand new couch when her house
got rebuilt. She waited. So we didn't have a couch
for a year, you know what I mean? So, or
we had hand me downs and so when we got
(06:51):
that couch after a year, it was like the best
thing ever. So I've taken those things into my life
where we don't you know, I don't live outside my means,
and you know I say for things or I say
no if I can't if it's not going to work
for me financially to go away that weekend.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Or yeah, totally. So you've grown up like most of us.
And then how old were you? You met what you
thought was the man of your dreams? But how did
that eventuate? Honestly? Like, I know this didn't work out
for you, but how do we meet someone who's super
yacht rich, Like, how do we do that because like
like key asking for a friend.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Ah yeah, that's a point of contentious issue with myself
and my best friend because she introduced us.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Oh the audacity.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
She didn't know.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Honestly, if I had a super yacht rich friend and
then my friend was single, I'd be like, guys, I
have a match for you.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Yeah. Yeah. She thought she was doing great thing. And honestly,
I just went head over heels. You know, I was
swept off my feet. There was the full fairy tale scenario.
So I had just recently come out of a relationship
of six or seven years, and you know, I was
grieving that. And it wasn't a bad breakup or anything.
We just I'd come to the end of our end
of our time, and you know, I was in my
(08:04):
mid thirties, and I just knew it wasn't the guy
that I was going to have, you know, get married
to and have children with. So we ended it. And
then it wasn't only six months later that this other
person came into my life, and you know, I was
still grieving and feeling that loneliness that you feel post
break up and questioning your life and what's going to
happen and I'm not going to have children and all this.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Time, I'm going to be single forever.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
I literally thought I'm going to be single forever. And
then I met this guy and it was like lavishness
from the start, you know, dinners flying here, flying there.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So you got completely love Bob.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Oh. Yeah, who doesn't like having huge bouquets of flowers,
you know, turning up at their office.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I'm not going to lie, like I get that, Like
I'm just a girl at the end of the day.
Like that sounds fun. Like I wish I'd been more
adventurous in my dating years, you know.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
And I think I saw my mom go through such
struggle and I became, you know, so hyper independent. You know,
I just built my own house. Like I was so
independent that I think for there was a time I went,
oh my god, I don't have to be here's someone
saying you don't have to work, you don't have to
do this, you can have whatever you and I went,
oh my god. What It was almost like a relief.
(09:19):
I went, wow, you know, maybe this is so nice.
Yeah yeah, yeah. So but what I didn't do was
really evaluate the situation and kind of see those red.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Fogs tinted glasses on, and when you see red flags
through rose tinted glasses, they look pink.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Oh yeah, so the red flags are it? You know?
And I will say this to anyone that's listening. The
red flags are there from the start, but we.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Don't want to look at them and like, oh, like
red flags are so easy to look past. When you
get a really big bunch of flowers, you're like, oh,
clearly he didn't mean that. Like, don't get me wrong,
I'm not endorsing that because we don't want that to happen.
Like you're sharing your story obviously for a number of reasons,
but one of them would be because you don't want
this to happen to somebody else's right. I also don't
(10:08):
want people to feel shamed that they went through it.
And I'm sure that you went through that period of
time and you'd be like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed,
Like these red flags were here the whole time. No,
Like we are innately emotional human beings. We can we
can maybe look past a red flag if it feels good.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Absolutely, I still feel like, how how how did I
not act on that? Or how did I let that go.
I mean, I would never again, but yes, I mean
I'd also come out of a relationship with a really
nice person.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So you just don't expect it.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah, I didn't expect it, but it's amazing how quickly
I lost my footing. You know, within six months, I
wasn't working, Like I'm the person that's always had two
jobs and all the things. But next minute I was,
you know, overseas following his business ventures, and I wasn't working.
And it is insane. How if you don't, I don't
have money coming in of your own, how quickly that
(11:04):
starts to destabilize you and make you feel wobbly, And
the power dynamic shifts almost instantly. And even though I
was reassured by him that you know, this was going
to be like an easy thing and he was going
to look after me and I didn't have anything to
worry about, et cetera, et cetera, that I was instantly changed.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Wow, he I'd flown across the world and you know,
had committed to going overseas for this year period which
ended up being two years, and I didn't work, And
so I found myself feeling very much the power dynamic
me being at the bottom and him being at the top.
And it wasn't a good situation because I didn't get
(11:44):
an idea of money with us, Like, I didn't know
where money was coming in from. I didn't have any
clue as to the financial situation. I was given a
little bit of money every day and I'd go out
and buy the groceries and you know, do my thing,
and I just, yeah, that was the beginning of being
incredibly disempowered around money and falling into a situation where
(12:07):
my self esteem got really affected by it, and it
just continued.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Then yeah, wow, so you met this guy. He swept
you off your feet literally and figuratively. You're not working
six months in Like, honestly, this could have worked out
so well if he wasn't who he was and he
wasn't like, it could have been a dream life. And
that's exactly what you were anticipating. Someone once said to
me that the reason you didn't see the red flags
(12:35):
was because you would never operate in the same way,
so you didn't know what you were looking for. If
you just saw it, and if you had bought a
really big bouquet of flowers for somebody, it would have
been from a place of love, and you would have
assumed that that's what everybody does, right, Like, if you
want to buy me flowers, it would be coming from
a great place because if it was reciprocal, that's how
(12:57):
I would have meant it. So you're not thinking that, honestly,
the strategy and the thought process and what love bombing is,
because you're just like, oh, that's so nice, Like I
wish I'd thought of that. And I think that that's
something you need to remember because so many people in
situations like this, they blame themselves. And it's like, don't
blame yourself. In fact, reward yourself because you're such a
(13:21):
good person that that wouldn't have even been a part
of your thought process to do something like that, And
that's why it swept you off your feet, Like that's
why it was so easy for them to do to you.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I know, talk about sitting dark. I mean, if I
owed someone fifty dollars and forgot to pay, I'd feel
really bad about that, you know, And I, like I said,
I'd always lived in my means, so I didn't know.
I didn't have experience with people living outside of their
means to such an extent either so or you know,
being murky around money, because my family was very just straightforward. Yeah.
(13:55):
So then when we came back.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
So you've been away for two years, you came back
and then did you get married?
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Yes? Great, got married? Had the two hundred odd thousand
dollar wedding.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Geez, Louise, what's a two hundred thousand dollar wedding buy
you lots of stuff?
Speaker 4 (14:12):
No? But this is how extreme it was. So my
wedding dress, you would think for a two hundred thousand
dollar wedding would be what like a what I think
it was two hundred and fifty dollars? Excuse me? Like
I didn't have money to buy a wedding dress. I didn't.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Wait what that wasn't part of How do you have
a two hundred thousand dollar wedding and then the bride
doesn't have access to cash?
Speaker 4 (14:36):
I know, I know, I can't, Like I'm saying it now,
like a how I didn't have an f postcard that
had money on it?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I didn't, And like that makes sense, but like how
was this guy that you married paying for stuff? And
did you ever say, oh, can I have money for
a wedding dress? Or is that in budget, Like how
do these conversations eventuate. I'm just being pervy. I wouldn't
be allowed to ask this if it was just two
friends at brunch, but like we're on money podcast, I'm
meant to ask this.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
I want to share this because I think money plays
such a big part in women's health and sense of
safety and sense of everything, security options. And I think
by the time I got back from overseas, I was
so wobbly, and I didn't have that income for the
(15:23):
last two years, and yeah, so I felt like I
couldn't ask him anything about money because I would be
dismissed or made to feel that I wouldn't get it,
you know, or like I think I was called simple
minded a few times, just like constantly put down so
that I, you know, as if I wouldn't get the
(15:44):
big vision or wouldn't get the picture because that's not
my background. And so I think my self esteem was
so low that I felt like I couldn't ask for
those things, so I didn't. I just kind of plodded
along on my own, doing my own thing, and as
a result, antic lavish wedding, like I went and bought
a two hundred and fifty dollar dress, which looked pretty
cool actually, but you like, I still have style.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Come on, but I remember borrowing, like I remember.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
My brother paying for like a flower for my hair,
And yeah, it was really really confronting. But everyone at
that wedding thought that I had the most amazing life
and that this was all like, you know, no one knew.
I didn't tell anyone this stuff. I was so ashamed.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yeah, and like that makes sense. So you've married this guy,
will we on a honeymoon?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What did we do? What do you do after a
two hundred thousand dollar wedding?
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Didn't do a honeymoon? At that point, I think we
had just built a house in a very I guess
you would say blue chip area, and then so we
moved into that and we hadn't even been in that
for a few weeks when said person came home and said,
I've sold the house and all the furniture in it,
so you need to move out. So like this house
(17:00):
I would physically built was then sold. Like I didn't
have any decisions. I was not involved in one decision
to do with money in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Never once was there any conversation about why he'd sold
the house. And all your furniture.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
No, no, so there's just so much murkiness. So he
I know. So then next minute we moved out of that, and.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
That would have actually spiraled me because like I would
have felt so insecure and so untrusted and so like,
you know, my feelings aren't being considered. But I'm assuming
after having that for a few years, you don't even
feel like you can vocalize that, and you probably haven't
even thought, oh, I'm being disrespected here. You're just like,
oh my god, I'm so dumb, Like why don't I
(17:39):
understand this? So what did you do? Where did you move?
Speaker 4 (17:42):
I was crippled with shame over it, and I've faked
it to everybody.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
You were like, yeah, we're moving, yay.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
Yeah, I was driving this luxury car and you know.
But the ironic thing was he would work away a lot.
So when he worked away, I'd be like scrambling trying
to live off forty dollars a day, and then when
he'd come home, we'd be at the best restaurants and
buying the most expensive wine like that. I had like
two lives.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
The idea that this man didn't even just give you
a credit card, like.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
What I had no credit card. No, no, I had
a card that had his name on it that I
would have to ask on a daily basis to top up.
And I'd be like, get one hundred dollars or fifty
dollars or whatever. So yeah, I'd be at the pedro
station not knowing whether I could put money in my
car because it would bounce and I'd have to call
and say, can you put money on the car? Like
it was horrible.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
It's financial control. Like that is domestic Yeah, violence, Like
at the end of the day, that is abuse. Was
that his intention? Like obviously, like you know, I'm not
trying to see the good in this because like you
and I both know exactly what this is. This is
domestic violence. But do you think at the time he thought, right,
we're like on a strict budget, this is what we're doing.
Or was it coercive control?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
It was coercive control because I was never allowed to
bring it up or have a conversation about it. So
I think if there was a conversation where he went,
you know what we're actually you know, we're in the
shit here. I've over committed with this job and this
and rah rah, and can we try and live off.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, like we're a couple, we're in this together.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Yeah, can we do XYZ this next couple of months
and blah blah blah. But it was so like his
lifestyle versus my lifestyle were wildly different. You know, sometimes
I think, why didn't I just go and get a job.
But there were times when I had a job opportunity,
and you know, but he want me to work because.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Then you get your power back, and we don't want that.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
If I wasn't working, then I was flexible to fit
in with his kind of chaotic lifestyle. As soon as
I was grounded into a place of work, then it
was never going to suit that situation.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Yeah, So but the wheels were falling off for me mentally,
and my friends and family were picking up on a
little bit quite a lot. Yeah, so there was some
icing on the cake. We had a trade e vandalizer
house because he didn't get paid. I had people ringing
me for the money that was owed when we were
like having a luxury holiday. You know, I had people
(20:01):
pull me up on the street saying that, you know,
all these business things that were supposedly happening weren't actually
real and they were asking me about it, and I
was going, oh my god, this is that's not even true.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
So I knew that, and like you're here going I
probably should be backing my husband, but what the heck
is going on? Like and you're probably starting to question him,
but then not feeling like you can question him like
that would have been an awful position to be and
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Yeah it was pretty bad. And then yeah, so I
decided after I saw a bunch of emails that on
you know, a job he was doing that he was,
you know, blatantly lying, and thought, oh, I have to go.
This person won't have a conversation with me and won't
is actually actively deceiving people.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Then it's giving Hamish McLaren like that guy who was
a scammer who pretended to be really rich and was
like borrowing from Paul to give to Bob, Like yeah,
that's it moving money, Yeah, moving money around, spending some
of it along the way, hoping people don't follow up,
like it just it's a whole scene like can be
really you know, if someone says, oh, I don't forget
(21:09):
your own fifty dollars, you go, oh yeah, oh, I'll
just translate right now. But he could sustain those phone
calls and messages and emails, for god, not until the
person just can't be bothered anymore. That's what I saw
happening as well. So yeah, so I thought I have
to go. We had another property and it was just
I had no control over any of it. So in
the end, I was like, I can't believe what I've
(21:30):
done here in getting into this situation. So I left,
and my friends paid for my flight and my transport
for a few goods down to another state. So I
came back to my mum's place, like winding back a
hot second, Like you had a baby during this, you
had a six month old, and I'm assuming like for me,
(21:52):
I'm a mom, I'm a new mum, like I have
a one year old. Down I feel like you just
start taking life a lot more seriously because you're like,
they're reliant on me, and I'm assuming that was the
push come to shove am I correct.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
That's exactly. I had a little girl. I remember holding
her and thinking, oh my god, I cannot let her
have this as her front row seats to a relationship.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
No.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Yeah, and then someone said to me, now is your
time because you have just given birth, You've had a
really great birth, and you are in your power woman.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, I love that you got that.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Yeah, so now is your time.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
And I was like, you are so right, let's go.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
I remember my maternal health nurse even told me.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
To And at that point, you're like, oh, this is
pretty serious. The maternal health nurse is telling you to leave.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
She actually said, I'm not allowed to say this, this
is against my job description, but she said, but you
need to leave.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
What an angel though, because she wasn't meant to say that,
but she knew what was in your best interests. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Yeah, she said, nothing's going to change, you need to leave.
So I got up and I left, and yeah, and
I went to my mom's and it was pretty awful.
I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
So you had to make a plan because you said
one day he was away for work, and so did
you like plan in the back of your mind or
with your friends? Go all right, well he's going away
for work on this date and on that date, I'm
going to x y Z.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
He always went away for work, so I knew. Yeah,
so this is really horrible. It's actually a really horrible story.
So I started packing like a box at a time
and just putting it in a cupboard. And yeah, I
started like going through on my stuff and thinking about
what I needed. And my friend paid for my flight.
That's right, she booked it. And then yeah, I had
another friend who lived close by who came and got
(23:44):
me on the day and I couldn't even have a
normal conversation with him. So yeah, so I left and
I went to my mom's and that's when I said
I'm not coming back. He was really really angry, and
I didn't realize it at the time because I didn't
really think far ahead enough other than I don't have
any money, I have nowhere to go. I have to
go to my mom's place. Like what else do you do?
Speaker 2 (24:05):
You?
Speaker 4 (24:05):
I've got a baby. And I remember, like I think
now that was the best decision I ever made, even
though I didn't know, I didn't foresee it as being
the best decision, if that makes sense, like putting that
distance there.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah, one hundred percent, And like, I absolutely think you
did the right thing. But that is such a hard
decision to make to back up your life and just leave. Like,
don't get me wrong, You're right. You couldn't have spoken
to him, But like, you took the power away from
a narcissist, and when you do that, you don't know
how they're going to react. And yes, he would have
(24:37):
been very angry, but who knows what he would have
been like in person.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Oh, the behavior afterwards was much worse. I'm going to
say for years.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Yeah, yeah, So I stayed with my mom and yeah,
I had this baby. She was really good, you know,
I didn't have to work for a little bit. And
after a six months or so, I started doing some
part time work with a friend who just started this business,
and she come on, she took me under a wing,
and that was really is.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
It sounds like you're surrounded by so many beautiful people,
and in these situations, like the person who you're in
a relationship often creates space between you and the people
that you love, so that you don't have anybody to
reach out to, so that you do feel ashamed and
you don't want to share your journey. And I'm just
so grateful that you still had those people around, like
(25:24):
the fact that you had friends that were like, no money, diarist,
we're going to pay for your flights, We're going to
get you back to your mums. Like some people in
these situations just they don't have anybody who's able to
back them anymore because they've burnt those bridges because the
person they were with purposefully did that to them, like insane.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Well, yeah, so I was interstate from all my people,
so it's only because I've remained in contact with them.
But I will say that that's I did have family
members and relationships that got burnt because of that exact thing.
So yeah, that was really awful. I've over the years
had to go back to those family members and rebuild
(26:01):
those relationships and so that was pretty awful. But yeah,
so after about a year, so I still had no
excess to money, right because there was no like have
a maritual account or anything.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Absolutely, and you didn't keep the car. You just put
your Porsche keys on the coffee table and walked out, like, yeah,
was that because the car was in his name?
Speaker 4 (26:20):
Yeah, everything I didn't know. I wouldn't have even known
how that was paid for, So I wasn't going to
take that down. That was just ridiculous, driving one hundred
thousand dollar car without any money in my bank account.
That was humiliating. So my best friend's husband shout out
gave me ten thousand dollars to buy a car.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
I just love how much support you're surrounded by.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah, and he's like, sorry, my wife set you up
with that guy, Sorry about it.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Yeah. So then I filed for court because after I
was picking myself up and I got the strength to go,
all right, I actually need to go to court. I
need to get some kind of financial settlement here. Otherwise
I'm going to leave at my mum's until one hundred.
So I filed for court. And also he had promised
me that we didn't need to go to court, that
(27:11):
he was going to give me x amount when he
sold our development thing. And of course that date came
and went and he didn't give me the money. And
so that's when I filed for court. And I went
to court and it was awful and I didn't get
one dollar and I got a forty thousand dollars legal
bill just to like put the icing on the cake.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Excuse me, Okay, sorry, I have to be pervy. How
do you go through all of that and not get
a dollar? What did this man say or do to
get out of all of this?
Speaker 4 (27:39):
So in the court, process. You do parenting stuff as
one thing, completely isolated, and then you do your financials
in one thing. And remember you got to pay to
have a lawyer, right, and I didn't have the money
to pay for a lawyer. So I did find a
lawyer who was happy to do some kind of pro
bono stuff, and then she had so much trouble getting
(28:01):
him to.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Oh, you wouldn't have been able to get financials out
of him.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Absolutely, he wouldn't provide any financials. So she ended up
advising me to just put whatever resources I had into
getting the parenting arrangement that I wanted because there was
a note she said he'd buy by the chop off
his penis and give you any money, and he will,
So she said, you know, let's just go for the
parenting stuff and then if we get some financials, let's
(28:25):
try so anyway, so I remember, like one day, when
we're doing the financials, we had to go to court.
He had to have a barrister. It was five thousand
dollars a day for a barrister. And I got there
and we were in there for thirty seconds and he
didn't bring any of the documents that he was meant
to bring on the court that day as far as financials.
So it got sent out of court for the day
and it got further date down the track and I
(28:45):
had to pay five thousand dollars that day.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
How the hell is that not a fee that he
then has to pay for wasting everybody's time. This is
insane to me. Like I understand the process, I really do,
but like you're gonna waste their time, you have to pay,
Like in surely that's the thing.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
Yeah. So then at the end we're in this like
big room with the court person and myself and him
and both our barristers, and you know what, I never
got addressed on that day to do with financials. No
one ever asked me a question or no one asked
me what I want. And at the end of the
court register, who was supposed to be like facilitating this
whole financial thing, she just said, do you know what,
none of this makes any sense. We've been here all
(29:26):
day and I still don't understand your financial position. Why
don't you just make your wife an offer and then
we can all just move on and get out of
the day. And so they went off in their room
and they came back and they said the office is
you row and my barrister who was so annoying on
the day, he just was so weak. I didn't know him.
He was not the person that I had the first
time when I wanted the person that I had the
(29:47):
first time, because she was a ball breaker anyway, So
that's why I signed off on it. When he left,
the court register said she get darling, don't worry. You'll
build yourself back up and you've won. You've got your kid.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
You got out of there, okay, icon, Like you deserved
so much more than that, And like, you know what,
that man probably didn't even have any money because the
money that he's like shuffling through is other people's. But
like the fact that that money would have gone to
raising your daughter as well, be so for real, Like,
I get so frustrated about these situations because you've been
(30:19):
taken advantage of, and even once you leave, you're still
being taken advantage of.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
I know, and that time, like where you're committed to
helping them and their business ventures, you're not earning super
you know, your career is not going anywhere. They're building.
So even if he didn't have like massive cash flow
at that time, he saw businesses on the go. He
still had, you know, all the things happening in place,
and he was able to sell the property before core
(30:48):
and do whatever he wanted with the money. I didn't
get that privilege of going, oh cool, I'll get half
of that so I can put that into it.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And he shouldn't have even been doing that, Like, yeah,
oh my goodness, I am so sorry. So to talk
to me about today. Let's fast forward. You have a
beautiful doors, you are on track to getting financially in front,
and like you're here to tell the story, which is
honestly so good. What does life look like today?
Speaker 4 (31:15):
So the good news is I managed to buy myself
another place.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
You managed to buy yourself a house after all of
that and icon.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
Yeah, so thanks to the government, they brought out this
single parent scheme for women or men wanting to get
back into the housing market. And so through that scheme,
I fit the criteria perfectly. And I have a friend
who is a mortage broker and he's like, you've got
to get this. You have to go for this. You're
perfect for this scheme, and so I did and I
got a place. So that was good because I honestly
(31:47):
thought I'm never going to be homeowner again ever, so
that's still a scheme that's available.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
It is. We get people into that often, like it
is actually so cool. It's yeah, I'm probably going to
do a whole episode on that at some point. But
like this idea that you can get in for a
two percent deposit, no, LM, I like, it's actually so sexy.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
It's so helpful. So that's good. And I've yeah, I've
just become quite obsessed with money stuff now and my
like looking into the family history of my money journey
and what I need to, like, you know, improve and
face and all that kind of stuff. So I've started
investing as well, think in the last couple of years.
So I've got money that goes into ETFs or EFTs
(32:30):
always get that around the wrong way. Yeah, yeah, ETFs,
And then in the rays I've got raise and then
I've also got I heard another lady who talks about
money use this term. Maybe it was you, I'm not sure,
but she's calls it spicy investments. No, I like that. Yeah,
a couple of spicies that are just companies that I
share the value with, and they were, you know, doing
crowdfunding for equity and stuff like that. So I went
(32:51):
in with a couple of those, which was exciting.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
No, I love that. So let's jump forward. Obviously I
usually ask a million structured question, So now we're going
to like backtrack and I'm going to answer those because
We've got a beautiful segment of your story. But I wondered,
what are you doing today? What do you do for work?
How much money do you earn? Now?
Speaker 4 (33:09):
Okay, so I'm in the health industry or health space
and I'm on around one hundred.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Oh my goodness, I love this.
Speaker 4 (33:18):
I was going to say, but that also includes some
single parenting family tax stuff from the government and you
know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
So good.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
Yeah, so that's worked out quite well.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
So you've bought a house, which is so iconic after
going through this, you have a daughter. Talk to me,
what are your big money goals? Now? You said that
you are getting back in front financially. What are we
working towards?
Speaker 4 (33:41):
So I want to get my second property this year,
and just being a single parent, it is obviously hard
to get the loan over the line, you know, with
the banks and stuff like that, and I really felt
the pinch of that the last couple of years being
on your own and not having that jewel income to
kind of go off and do projects and stuff. So
I've got a really good friend who is in a
(34:03):
similar situation, and we've decided to do something together, and
so I'm looking forward to that, and I feel like
I would love, you know, if more single moms got
together and did stuff together, it would definitely help their
financial security.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Then that's so cool. I love that. I haven't heard
of that. I've heard of friends just doing it together.
I've heard of, you know, siblings buying together, but like going, Na,
we're single moms. We're going to do this together, Adore,
I'm obsessed with you.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
How good? Yeah, So we're on the fair start of
the conversation and we've got a bit of an arrangement
in place. We just are now getting I guess those
pieces of puzzle together so we can actually go into
the day and go, okay, this is what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Yeah, how good?
Speaker 4 (34:42):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
All right, let's go to a really quick break because
on the flip side, I have a few more questions
for you. All right, money, darised, we are back you
mentioned before. I'm investing. I've got some ETFs, I've got
some rays. How did you start that journey? Is that
part of your financial literacy journey? Was that something where
you're like, I just need to be growing wealth? Like,
(35:05):
how did you get into it?
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Yeah? I guess from I think you know, first comes
to fear of going, oh my god, what am I
going to do? You know, how am I going to
get myself out of this? To how do I recuperate
what I've lost in all the things? And how am
I going to have financial security in the future. So
I knew I wasn't investing, I didn't know how, I
didn't know what you did with I was just so
(35:27):
overwhelming for me. So I just started learning about it
and yeah, following podcasts like yours and Instagram page like
yours and a few others that were kind of giving tips,
and that built my confidence to I did a couple
of free webinars on investing, and that exposed me to
those things like raise and shares these I think it is. Yeah,
so that was how I built my confidence up to
start doing that. And yes, so kind of just learning,
(35:51):
just learning, And I think the other thing that I've
done is my bad money habit, which I don't know
if you were going to ask me about that, but
I will after.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
But you can boil it now.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Oh So my bad money habit which I wanted to
get over was that I can be avoidant about it.
So if I'm feeling overwhelmed, then I just go into
complete avoidance. So I won't look at superannuation details, or
I won't look at if it's performing, or I won't
check my bank account that week because I'm worried I've
spent too much money on the weekend. So that's my
bad money habit. But on the flip side of that,
(36:23):
I've kind of created my own little workbook that I
do to overcome that, and that was all about financial
literacy and daily habits so that I can come out
of that avoidance. So I'm forcing myself to check things
every day and forcing myself to learn one thing knew
every day about money that I didn't know yesterday. That
kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah, no, I adore that. So talk to me about debt.
You've obviously got a little bit of it, but it's
good debt because you have a mortgage and you're actually
planning on going into more. How much debt are you
in what does that look like and how does that
make you feel?
Speaker 4 (36:58):
I think the debt for the mortgages got bigger purpose,
so I'm not that doesn't concern me at all. I
don't really have any other debt which is good, other
than my hex which is one of.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Those you know ones that just linger. Mmm.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
So that's around thirty five, and I've got about two
thousand in credit card. But I don't have any other
debt and that's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yeah, No, I love that for you. So back to
best and worst money habits. You've obviously gone literally through
it all. We've gone from literally having your house burned
down when you were in grade four to super yacht
family rich, back to being a single mum and having
to borrow money from people and get people to buy
your flight like you've been through the ringer. Do you
(37:42):
have any good money habits that you've established along the way,
like I feel like you would have to. You mentioned
a couple of things before, but I want to know
what else have we got.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
I think you know what I've thought about this question,
and I think the main one, because it feelter to everything,
is that now I'm talking about money a lot, and
I've got my key friends that I talked to about
money a lot. And it's not in a comparison way
or a snoopy way or anything like that. It's more
I want to know what other people are doing, what
(38:12):
salary they're on. I want to know what the benchmarks
are here. I want to know what everyone else is.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Doing, so doing? How are you doing it? Like? Can
I grow from this?
Speaker 4 (38:20):
So having the conversations and with my friends and family now,
which I never if you know, what if I had
have had those back all those years ago, you know,
I might not have got into that situation because I
would have been able to speak about it.
Speaker 5 (38:33):
You know.
Speaker 4 (38:34):
But when you grow up being told, you know, don't
bring up money, that's very rude. You don't ask people
what they own, that's very rude. And you know, obviously
pick you don't just ask any random person what they earn.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I do I actually do. Yeah, I've done it for
years now. No one's corrected me, like, no one's actually
stopped me. So far, so good.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
I found out that a colleague was on almost triple
the amount, excuse me, Yeah, and it was only because
in her induction they actually made an there are and
so But then they had to, like, you know, live
by it and pay her that. But that was so
integral to understanding what.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Was an option?
Speaker 4 (39:09):
Yeah, what was out there? And so I think, you know,
we always think we can't talk about it, but how.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
How are we going to learn from each other? How
do we lift each other up if we can't talk
about where we're beginning from, Like, it makes no sense
to me, Like my success doesn't dim your ability to
be successful, Like my success actually helps you and gives
you a pathway to what you could do. Like I
want you to have that. I want you to have
every ounce of that, because if you aren't going to
(39:37):
back yourself, who is, Like you need to have every
tool to put yourself in the best possible position. And
I'm going to give you the tools. Like I've been
in oodles of debt. I also now am in a
way better financial position. But both of those things people
can learn from. Why wouldn't I share that?
Speaker 4 (39:53):
Yeah, exactly exactly. And you know where there's secrets so
to speak, that's where there's there can be predators or
where they'res can be you know, things that aren't quite right,
whereas you shit put the light on things, and yeah,
it's more expensive.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I guess, my goodness, So talk to me now. Worst
money habit is it just burying your head in the sand,
like you were saying before, You just hide from things
that aren't maybe lighting you up or making you feel
a little bit overwhelmed.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Yes, I guess the avoidance stuff. So if I went
away for the weekend and maybe I think I spent
too much money, then I won't check my bank account
for that week, or you know, just I get it though,
stupid stuff like that. I'm very aware of it. So
I've tried to face that through you know, doing daily
practice of checking accounts and checking superannuation. Where's that sitting?
Where's my race sitting? All that? But the other bad
(40:41):
habit I think is probably, I guess with everything that's happened,
is to blame myself or feel bad about it, or
if you know, to continue like punish myself over it
when actually that's not helping me. I have to keep
looking forward. So yeah, any negative self talk is probably
a bad habit and something that I'm continuously having to shake.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Yeah, and I'm glad that you're aware of it, because
if you're aware of it, you can work on it.
Like that's a good position to be in. At the
start of this episode, you said, i'ms and you've gone
on to tell me one of the most powerful money stories,
a story not about like dis growth. But you've been
through it. You've come up, you've come down, you've come back,
(41:23):
you've taken your power back, you've bought a house, you're
looking at a second house. You don't have your head
in this end. This has not destroyed you. In fact,
it's probably made you stronger. You are so intelligent, so articulate,
like I am at this point being like I hope
our paths cross in person because I want to meet you,
But I just I can't see your money story being
(41:46):
graded as a sea Like I just can't see it.
Like and I'm not going to argue with you after
everything that you've been through, but after hearing all of this,
after talking to me about this journey you've been on
and what you've done and what you've fought for, because
not everyone is in a position where they can do that,
but you have, and you've stepped up even that would
have been really friggin hard. Do you really think that
(42:09):
that's the money story of a c person or like
what would it take for you to go you know,
when can we sit down and say, I'm an a,
what would that take?
Speaker 4 (42:19):
It's true, I think I've still got some confidence to
work on, and I think if I, yeah, have a
few more wins in the next twelve months around confidence
and money and stuff like that, I think that will
take me up a notch or two.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I love that. I'm not gonna agree to your cea,
but I'll let you hide your bloth money, Diris. This
has been an absolute privilege learning about your money story,
like so pervy, but also so constructive, like just the
idea that this could literally happen to anybody, and like
you do get swept off your feet and like we
(42:53):
all love love. I love love, Like I just you know,
I would have been that friend at the side being like,
oh my god, I'm so glad you found your literal.
It's charming, Like I'm just so sorry that you went
through it, but I'm just so grateful that you and
I get to share this story with our community so
that hopefully people can learn from it and grow from
it and that it doesn't happen again to other people.
(43:13):
So thank you for that. I just know the community
is going to have loved listening to you as much
as I've loved interviewing you.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
Thank you so much. Victoria, of course.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Did by shared on She's on the Money is general
in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards
(43:47):
your needs.
Speaker 5 (43:48):
Victoria, Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives
of Money showper pty Ltd ABN three two one IS
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Speaker 4 (44:11):
Mm hm
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
My name is Satasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud or
the Order Kerni Whaltbury and a waddery woman. And before
we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country.
Acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.
(00:23):
As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money. The podcast
does that let's you be pervy about other people's money
habits educational purposes of course. Welcome back to another one
of our money diaries where I get the absolute privilege
of talking to one of our incredible She's on the
Money community members all about their journey. Before I read
out today's email, I actually just want to jump in
(01:17):
here and give a content warning. So today we are
going to be discussing domestic violence. We are going to
be talking about financial abuse, and if that's not for
you and you aren't in the mood for hearing that,
or it is a story that is one that you
just don't really want to hear right now, jump off.
We have more than seven hundred other episodes you can
listen to, but if you're still sticking around, let's get
(01:39):
into it. This week, I got a very powerful message
and it sounded like this, dear, she's on the money.
I grew up in a working class family. Mum raised
two kids on her own, and my dad didn't pay
child support, so she busted her balls, working three jobs.
I've seen her lose money due to relationship breakdowns, one boyfriend.
(02:00):
Our house down when I was in grade four, which
left us with nothing. I've always been sensible with money,
but normal. Then I married into a very wealthy family,
super yachts rich. My husband didn't want me to work,
and I followed him and his career, and I got
sucked in by all the shiny things. After I sold
(02:20):
my only asset, my home, I discovered over time he
was conning people for money. We lived a very lavish life,
but other people were paying for it. I had no control, understanding,
or access to money. During our marriage. I had to
ask for money for petrol. We didn't even have a
joint account. One day, when he was away for work,
(02:42):
I left my Porsche keys on the coffee table and
fled into State with our six month old baby with
no access to money. My story has been a wild ride,
and I am now obsessed with getting back in front financially.
I would love to be brave and shared the story, Diarist,
What a privilege that you want to share it with me.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Thank you so much. That sounds so strange to hear
that being read back to me.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
It's weird when it's vocalized, isn't it. Everyone says that
they're always like, oh my god, Like I'm pretty cool,
an't I? It's true, though, I am so excited to
ask so many perfect questions about this. But before we
get their money, Diarist, what grade would you give your
money habits? From A through to F.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
I'm going to say A C C.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
All right, Well, now we get to learn more about
that money, Diarist, Can you tell me a little bit
more about your money story?
Speaker 4 (03:37):
I can so grew up in a very normal working
class situation. I was definitely fed the message to put
your head down, bump up work, buy a house as
the first thing that you do and then live your life,
and that was your main asset. It was very I guess,
very standard, nothing too adventurous, but safe the message that
(04:00):
I got. And I saw my mum do, and yeah,
I think I was on track for that, and I yeah,
fell into a situation where I got a dazzled by
someone who I thought was smarter than me with money,
someone who I thought was way in front of me
with money. And I got really impressed by that.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Of course, like I would be too, even if like
I'm friends with someone who's doing well, Like it's not
just about them having lots of money. Usually if you
have lots of money, you probably have a business or
you're like really tenacious or like really confident. Like it's
not it's not just like, oh they have money, how attractive.
It's like all of the other stuff that comes along
(04:45):
with it. That's not just the stuff. It's like the
personality traits.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Right, Ah, that is exactly right. I got impressed with
the confidence, the vision, all of that.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
We all want that though, Like you will impress me
if you've got vision, you got confidence. I'm like, I'm
on this journey with your baby, like we aren't even
getting married. I just want to be a.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Friend, Like, yeah, that's right. And I'd seen my mom struggle,
like really struggle. I mean I remember coming home from
school every night on my own, you know, having to
do like prep dinner. We didn't do lavish holidays. You know.
My mom just made ends meet, basically, And like I
said in my intro, I saw my mom lose a
(05:24):
lot of money and everything when our house burnt down
and having to start from scratch. I'm talking wearing hand
me down clothes to school and everything.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
That is a piece of the puzzle that I think
we have glossed over here. Your house got burned down
by your mum's at the time boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
Yes, so she'd ended the relationship and here he was
very jealous and controlling and we went away for a
weekend and we weren't going twenty four hours in our
house was burnt to the ground, she deliberately. Yeah. So
I think, yes, the history there of like the financial
(06:04):
ups and downs is really strong for me. And also
that kind of power and control dynamic going on. Yeah.
So that's something that I've had to really face and
kind of live with and kind of hopefully overcome. Yeah,
but that was rough.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Because that's trauma. Like that's not just rough, that's serious.
Trump is your mum? Okay, now my mom is.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Yeah. Like with that background that I said, it was
very sensible. You know, we didn't live outside our means
or buy something if we couldn't afford it. That was
always the message that I got. So Mom didn't go
out and buy a brand new couch when her house
got rebuilt. She waited. So we didn't have a couch
for a year, you know what I mean? So, or
we had hand me downs and so when we got
(06:51):
that couch after a year, it was like the best
thing ever. So I've taken those things into my life
where we don't you know, I don't live outside my means,
and you know I say for things or I say
no if I can't if it's not going to work
for me financially to go away that weekend.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Or yeah, totally. So you've grown up like most of us.
And then how old were you? You met what you
thought was the man of your dreams? But how did
that eventuate? Honestly? Like, I know this didn't work out
for you, but how do we meet someone who's super
yacht rich, Like, how do we do that because like
like key asking for a friend.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Ah yeah, that's a point of contentious issue with myself
and my best friend because she introduced us.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Oh the audacity.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
She didn't know.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Honestly, if I had a super yacht rich friend and
then my friend was single, I'd be like, guys, I
have a match for you.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Yeah. Yeah. She thought she was doing great thing. And honestly,
I just went head over heels. You know, I was
swept off my feet. There was the full fairy tale scenario.
So I had just recently come out of a relationship
of six or seven years, and you know, I was
grieving that. And it wasn't a bad breakup or anything.
We just I'd come to the end of our end
of our time, and you know, I was in my
(08:04):
mid thirties, and I just knew it wasn't the guy
that I was going to have, you know, get married
to and have children with. So we ended it. And
then it wasn't only six months later that this other
person came into my life, and you know, I was
still grieving and feeling that loneliness that you feel post
break up and questioning your life and what's going to
happen and I'm not going to have children and all this.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Time, I'm going to be single forever.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
I literally thought I'm going to be single forever. And
then I met this guy and it was like lavishness
from the start, you know, dinners flying here, flying there.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So you got completely love Bob.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Oh. Yeah, who doesn't like having huge bouquets of flowers,
you know, turning up at their office.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I'm not going to lie, like I get that, Like
I'm just a girl at the end of the day.
Like that sounds fun. Like I wish I'd been more
adventurous in my dating years, you know.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
And I think I saw my mom go through such
struggle and I became, you know, so hyper independent. You know,
I just built my own house. Like I was so
independent that I think for there was a time I went,
oh my god, I don't have to be here's someone
saying you don't have to work, you don't have to
do this, you can have whatever you and I went,
oh my god. What It was almost like a relief.
(09:19):
I went, wow, you know, maybe this is so nice.
Yeah yeah, yeah. So but what I didn't do was
really evaluate the situation and kind of see those red.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Fogs tinted glasses on, and when you see red flags
through rose tinted glasses, they look pink.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Oh yeah, so the red flags are it? You know?
And I will say this to anyone that's listening. The
red flags are there from the start, but we.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Don't want to look at them and like, oh, like
red flags are so easy to look past. When you
get a really big bunch of flowers, you're like, oh,
clearly he didn't mean that. Like, don't get me wrong,
I'm not endorsing that because we don't want that to happen.
Like you're sharing your story obviously for a number of reasons,
but one of them would be because you don't want
this to happen to somebody else's right. I also don't
(10:08):
want people to feel shamed that they went through it.
And I'm sure that you went through that period of
time and you'd be like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed,
Like these red flags were here the whole time. No,
Like we are innately emotional human beings. We can we
can maybe look past a red flag if it feels good.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Absolutely, I still feel like, how how how did I
not act on that? Or how did I let that go.
I mean, I would never again, but yes, I mean
I'd also come out of a relationship with a really
nice person.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So you just don't expect it.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah, I didn't expect it, but it's amazing how quickly
I lost my footing. You know, within six months, I
wasn't working, Like I'm the person that's always had two
jobs and all the things. But next minute I was,
you know, overseas following his business ventures, and I wasn't working.
And it is insane. How if you don't, I don't
have money coming in of your own, how quickly that
(11:04):
starts to destabilize you and make you feel wobbly, And
the power dynamic shifts almost instantly. And even though I
was reassured by him that you know, this was going
to be like an easy thing and he was going
to look after me and I didn't have anything to
worry about, et cetera, et cetera, that I was instantly changed.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Wow, he I'd flown across the world and you know,
had committed to going overseas for this year period which
ended up being two years, and I didn't work, And
so I found myself feeling very much the power dynamic
me being at the bottom and him being at the top.
And it wasn't a good situation because I didn't get
(11:44):
an idea of money with us, Like, I didn't know
where money was coming in from. I didn't have any
clue as to the financial situation. I was given a
little bit of money every day and I'd go out
and buy the groceries and you know, do my thing,
and I just, yeah, that was the beginning of being
incredibly disempowered around money and falling into a situation where
(12:07):
my self esteem got really affected by it, and it
just continued.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Then yeah, wow, so you met this guy. He swept
you off your feet literally and figuratively. You're not working
six months in Like, honestly, this could have worked out
so well if he wasn't who he was and he
wasn't like, it could have been a dream life. And
that's exactly what you were anticipating. Someone once said to
me that the reason you didn't see the red flags
(12:35):
was because you would never operate in the same way,
so you didn't know what you were looking for. If
you just saw it, and if you had bought a
really big bouquet of flowers for somebody, it would have
been from a place of love, and you would have
assumed that that's what everybody does, right, Like, if you
want to buy me flowers, it would be coming from
a great place because if it was reciprocal, that's how
(12:57):
I would have meant it. So you're not thinking that, honestly,
the strategy and the thought process and what love bombing is,
because you're just like, oh, that's so nice, Like I
wish I'd thought of that. And I think that that's
something you need to remember because so many people in
situations like this, they blame themselves. And it's like, don't
blame yourself. In fact, reward yourself because you're such a
(13:21):
good person that that wouldn't have even been a part
of your thought process to do something like that, And
that's why it swept you off your feet, Like that's
why it was so easy for them to do to you.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
I know, talk about sitting dark. I mean, if I
owed someone fifty dollars and forgot to pay, I'd feel
really bad about that, you know, And I, like I said,
I'd always lived in my means, so I didn't know.
I didn't have experience with people living outside of their
means to such an extent either so or you know,
being murky around money, because my family was very just straightforward. Yeah.
(13:55):
So then when we came back.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
So you've been away for two years, you came back
and then did you get married?
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Yes? Great, got married? Had the two hundred odd thousand
dollar wedding.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Geez, Louise, what's a two hundred thousand dollar wedding buy
you lots of stuff?
Speaker 4 (14:12):
No? But this is how extreme it was. So my
wedding dress, you would think for a two hundred thousand
dollar wedding would be what like a what I think
it was two hundred and fifty dollars? Excuse me? Like
I didn't have money to buy a wedding dress. I didn't.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Wait what that wasn't part of How do you have
a two hundred thousand dollar wedding and then the bride
doesn't have access to cash?
Speaker 4 (14:36):
I know, I know, I can't, Like I'm saying it now,
like a how I didn't have an f postcard that
had money on it?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I didn't, And like that makes sense, but like how
was this guy that you married paying for stuff? And
did you ever say, oh, can I have money for
a wedding dress? Or is that in budget, Like how
do these conversations eventuate. I'm just being pervy. I wouldn't
be allowed to ask this if it was just two
friends at brunch, but like we're on money podcast, I'm
meant to ask this.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
I want to share this because I think money plays
such a big part in women's health and sense of
safety and sense of everything, security options. And I think
by the time I got back from overseas, I was
so wobbly, and I didn't have that income for the
(15:23):
last two years, and yeah, so I felt like I
couldn't ask him anything about money because I would be
dismissed or made to feel that I wouldn't get it,
you know, or like I think I was called simple
minded a few times, just like constantly put down so
that I, you know, as if I wouldn't get the
(15:44):
big vision or wouldn't get the picture because that's not
my background. And so I think my self esteem was
so low that I felt like I couldn't ask for
those things, so I didn't. I just kind of plodded
along on my own, doing my own thing, and as
a result, antic lavish wedding, like I went and bought
a two hundred and fifty dollar dress, which looked pretty
cool actually, but you like, I still have style.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Come on, but I remember borrowing, like I remember.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
My brother paying for like a flower for my hair,
And yeah, it was really really confronting. But everyone at
that wedding thought that I had the most amazing life
and that this was all like, you know, no one knew.
I didn't tell anyone this stuff. I was so ashamed.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yeah, and like that makes sense. So you've married this guy,
will we on a honeymoon?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Like?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What did we do? What do you do after a
two hundred thousand dollar wedding?
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Didn't do a honeymoon? At that point, I think we
had just built a house in a very I guess
you would say blue chip area, and then so we
moved into that and we hadn't even been in that
for a few weeks when said person came home and said,
I've sold the house and all the furniture in it,
so you need to move out. So like this house
(17:00):
I would physically built was then sold. Like I didn't
have any decisions. I was not involved in one decision
to do with money in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Never once was there any conversation about why he'd sold
the house. And all your furniture.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
No, no, so there's just so much murkiness. So he
I know. So then next minute we moved out of that, and.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
That would have actually spiraled me because like I would
have felt so insecure and so untrusted and so like,
you know, my feelings aren't being considered. But I'm assuming
after having that for a few years, you don't even
feel like you can vocalize that, and you probably haven't
even thought, oh, I'm being disrespected here. You're just like,
oh my god, I'm so dumb, Like why don't I
(17:39):
understand this? So what did you do? Where did you move?
Speaker 4 (17:42):
I was crippled with shame over it, and I've faked
it to everybody.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
You were like, yeah, we're moving, yay.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
Yeah, I was driving this luxury car and you know.
But the ironic thing was he would work away a lot.
So when he worked away, I'd be like scrambling trying
to live off forty dollars a day, and then when
he'd come home, we'd be at the best restaurants and
buying the most expensive wine like that. I had like
two lives.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
The idea that this man didn't even just give you
a credit card, like.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
What I had no credit card. No, no, I had
a card that had his name on it that I
would have to ask on a daily basis to top up.
And I'd be like, get one hundred dollars or fifty
dollars or whatever. So yeah, I'd be at the pedro
station not knowing whether I could put money in my
car because it would bounce and I'd have to call
and say, can you put money on the car? Like
it was horrible.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
It's financial control. Like that is domestic Yeah, violence, Like
at the end of the day, that is abuse. Was
that his intention? Like obviously, like you know, I'm not
trying to see the good in this because like you
and I both know exactly what this is. This is
domestic violence. But do you think at the time he thought, right,
we're like on a strict budget, this is what we're doing.
Or was it coercive control?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
It was coercive control because I was never allowed to
bring it up or have a conversation about it. So
I think if there was a conversation where he went,
you know what we're actually you know, we're in the
shit here. I've over committed with this job and this
and rah rah, and can we try and live off.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, like we're a couple, we're in this together.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Yeah, can we do XYZ this next couple of months
and blah blah blah. But it was so like his
lifestyle versus my lifestyle were wildly different. You know, sometimes
I think, why didn't I just go and get a job.
But there were times when I had a job opportunity,
and you know, but he want me to work because.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Then you get your power back, and we don't want that.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
If I wasn't working, then I was flexible to fit
in with his kind of chaotic lifestyle. As soon as
I was grounded into a place of work, then it
was never going to suit that situation.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Yeah, So but the wheels were falling off for me mentally,
and my friends and family were picking up on a
little bit quite a lot. Yeah, so there was some
icing on the cake. We had a trade e vandalizer
house because he didn't get paid. I had people ringing
me for the money that was owed when we were
like having a luxury holiday. You know, I had people
(20:01):
pull me up on the street saying that, you know,
all these business things that were supposedly happening weren't actually
real and they were asking me about it, and I
was going, oh my god, this is that's not even true.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
So I knew that, and like you're here going I
probably should be backing my husband, but what the heck
is going on? Like and you're probably starting to question him,
but then not feeling like you can question him like
that would have been an awful position to be and
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Yeah it was pretty bad. And then yeah, so I
decided after I saw a bunch of emails that on
you know, a job he was doing that he was,
you know, blatantly lying, and thought, oh, I have to go.
This person won't have a conversation with me and won't
is actually actively deceiving people.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Then it's giving Hamish McLaren like that guy who was
a scammer who pretended to be really rich and was
like borrowing from Paul to give to Bob, Like yeah,
that's it moving money, Yeah, moving money around, spending some
of it along the way, hoping people don't follow up,
like it just it's a whole scene like can be
really you know, if someone says, oh, I don't forget
(21:09):
your own fifty dollars, you go, oh yeah, oh, I'll
just translate right now. But he could sustain those phone
calls and messages and emails, for god, not until the
person just can't be bothered anymore. That's what I saw
happening as well. So yeah, so I thought I have
to go. We had another property and it was just
I had no control over any of it. So in
the end, I was like, I can't believe what I've
(21:30):
done here in getting into this situation. So I left,
and my friends paid for my flight and my transport
for a few goods down to another state. So I
came back to my mum's place, like winding back a
hot second, Like you had a baby during this, you
had a six month old, and I'm assuming like for me,
(21:52):
I'm a mom, I'm a new mum, like I have
a one year old. Down I feel like you just
start taking life a lot more seriously because you're like,
they're reliant on me, and I'm assuming that was the
push come to shove am I correct.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
That's exactly. I had a little girl. I remember holding
her and thinking, oh my god, I cannot let her
have this as her front row seats to a relationship.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
No.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Yeah, and then someone said to me, now is your
time because you have just given birth, You've had a
really great birth, and you are in your power woman.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, I love that you got that.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Yeah, so now is your time.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
And I was like, you are so right, let's go.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
I remember my maternal health nurse even told me.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
To And at that point, you're like, oh, this is
pretty serious. The maternal health nurse is telling you to leave.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
She actually said, I'm not allowed to say this, this
is against my job description, but she said, but you
need to leave.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
What an angel though, because she wasn't meant to say that,
but she knew what was in your best interests. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Yeah, she said, nothing's going to change, you need to leave.
So I got up and I left, and yeah, and
I went to my mom's and it was pretty awful.
I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
So you had to make a plan because you said
one day he was away for work, and so did
you like plan in the back of your mind or
with your friends? Go all right, well he's going away
for work on this date and on that date, I'm
going to x y Z.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
He always went away for work, so I knew. Yeah,
so this is really horrible. It's actually a really horrible story.
So I started packing like a box at a time
and just putting it in a cupboard. And yeah, I
started like going through on my stuff and thinking about
what I needed. And my friend paid for my flight.
That's right, she booked it. And then yeah, I had
another friend who lived close by who came and got
(23:44):
me on the day and I couldn't even have a
normal conversation with him. So yeah, so I left and
I went to my mom's and that's when I said
I'm not coming back. He was really really angry, and
I didn't realize it at the time because I didn't
really think far ahead enough other than I don't have
any money, I have nowhere to go. I have to
go to my mom's place. Like what else do you do?
Speaker 2 (24:05):
You?
Speaker 4 (24:05):
I've got a baby. And I remember, like I think
now that was the best decision I ever made, even
though I didn't know, I didn't foresee it as being
the best decision, if that makes sense, like putting that
distance there.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah, one hundred percent, And like, I absolutely think you
did the right thing. But that is such a hard
decision to make to back up your life and just leave. Like,
don't get me wrong, You're right. You couldn't have spoken
to him, But like, you took the power away from
a narcissist, and when you do that, you don't know
how they're going to react. And yes, he would have
(24:37):
been very angry, but who knows what he would have
been like in person.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Oh, the behavior afterwards was much worse. I'm going to
say for years.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Yeah, yeah, So I stayed with my mom and yeah,
I had this baby. She was really good, you know,
I didn't have to work for a little bit. And
after a six months or so, I started doing some
part time work with a friend who just started this business,
and she come on, she took me under a wing,
and that was really is.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
It sounds like you're surrounded by so many beautiful people,
and in these situations, like the person who you're in
a relationship often creates space between you and the people
that you love, so that you don't have anybody to
reach out to, so that you do feel ashamed and
you don't want to share your journey. And I'm just
so grateful that you still had those people around, like
(25:24):
the fact that you had friends that were like, no money, diarist,
we're going to pay for your flights, We're going to
get you back to your mums. Like some people in
these situations just they don't have anybody who's able to
back them anymore because they've burnt those bridges because the
person they were with purposefully did that to them, like insane.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Well, yeah, so I was interstate from all my people,
so it's only because I've remained in contact with them.
But I will say that that's I did have family
members and relationships that got burnt because of that exact thing.
So yeah, that was really awful. I've over the years
had to go back to those family members and rebuild
(26:01):
those relationships and so that was pretty awful. But yeah,
so after about a year, so I still had no
excess to money, right because there was no like have
a maritual account or anything.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Absolutely, and you didn't keep the car. You just put
your Porsche keys on the coffee table and walked out, like, yeah,
was that because the car was in his name?
Speaker 4 (26:20):
Yeah, everything I didn't know. I wouldn't have even known
how that was paid for, So I wasn't going to
take that down. That was just ridiculous, driving one hundred
thousand dollar car without any money in my bank account.
That was humiliating. So my best friend's husband shout out
gave me ten thousand dollars to buy a car.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
I just love how much support you're surrounded by.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah, and he's like, sorry, my wife set you up
with that guy, Sorry about it.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Yeah. So then I filed for court because after I
was picking myself up and I got the strength to go,
all right, I actually need to go to court. I
need to get some kind of financial settlement here. Otherwise
I'm going to leave at my mum's until one hundred.
So I filed for court. And also he had promised
me that we didn't need to go to court, that
(27:11):
he was going to give me x amount when he
sold our development thing. And of course that date came
and went and he didn't give me the money. And
so that's when I filed for court. And I went
to court and it was awful and I didn't get
one dollar and I got a forty thousand dollars legal
bill just to like put the icing on the cake.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Excuse me, Okay, sorry, I have to be pervy. How
do you go through all of that and not get
a dollar? What did this man say or do to
get out of all of this?
Speaker 4 (27:39):
So in the court, process. You do parenting stuff as
one thing, completely isolated, and then you do your financials
in one thing. And remember you got to pay to
have a lawyer, right, and I didn't have the money
to pay for a lawyer. So I did find a
lawyer who was happy to do some kind of pro
bono stuff, and then she had so much trouble getting
(28:01):
him to.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Oh, you wouldn't have been able to get financials out
of him.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Absolutely, he wouldn't provide any financials. So she ended up
advising me to just put whatever resources I had into
getting the parenting arrangement that I wanted because there was
a note she said he'd buy by the chop off
his penis and give you any money, and he will,
So she said, you know, let's just go for the
parenting stuff and then if we get some financials, let's
(28:25):
try so anyway, so I remember, like one day, when
we're doing the financials, we had to go to court.
He had to have a barrister. It was five thousand
dollars a day for a barrister. And I got there
and we were in there for thirty seconds and he
didn't bring any of the documents that he was meant
to bring on the court that day as far as financials.
So it got sent out of court for the day
and it got further date down the track and I
(28:45):
had to pay five thousand dollars that day.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
How the hell is that not a fee that he
then has to pay for wasting everybody's time. This is
insane to me. Like I understand the process, I really do,
but like you're gonna waste their time, you have to pay,
Like in surely that's the thing.
Speaker 4 (29:03):
Yeah. So then at the end we're in this like
big room with the court person and myself and him
and both our barristers, and you know what, I never
got addressed on that day to do with financials. No
one ever asked me a question or no one asked
me what I want. And at the end of the
court register, who was supposed to be like facilitating this
whole financial thing, she just said, do you know what,
none of this makes any sense. We've been here all
(29:26):
day and I still don't understand your financial position. Why
don't you just make your wife an offer and then
we can all just move on and get out of
the day. And so they went off in their room
and they came back and they said the office is
you row and my barrister who was so annoying on
the day, he just was so weak. I didn't know him.
He was not the person that I had the first
time when I wanted the person that I had the
(29:47):
first time, because she was a ball breaker anyway, So
that's why I signed off on it. When he left,
the court register said she get darling, don't worry. You'll
build yourself back up and you've won. You've got your kid.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
You got out of there, okay, icon, Like you deserved
so much more than that, And like, you know what,
that man probably didn't even have any money because the
money that he's like shuffling through is other people's. But
like the fact that that money would have gone to
raising your daughter as well, be so for real, Like,
I get so frustrated about these situations because you've been
(30:19):
taken advantage of, and even once you leave, you're still
being taken advantage of.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
I know, and that time, like where you're committed to
helping them and their business ventures, you're not earning super
you know, your career is not going anywhere. They're building.
So even if he didn't have like massive cash flow
at that time, he saw businesses on the go. He
still had, you know, all the things happening in place,
and he was able to sell the property before core
(30:48):
and do whatever he wanted with the money. I didn't
get that privilege of going, oh cool, I'll get half
of that so I can put that into it.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And he shouldn't have even been doing that, Like, yeah,
oh my goodness, I am so sorry. So to talk
to me about today. Let's fast forward. You have a
beautiful doors, you are on track to getting financially in front,
and like you're here to tell the story, which is
honestly so good. What does life look like today?
Speaker 4 (31:15):
So the good news is I managed to buy myself
another place.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
You managed to buy yourself a house after all of
that and icon.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
Yeah, so thanks to the government, they brought out this
single parent scheme for women or men wanting to get
back into the housing market. And so through that scheme,
I fit the criteria perfectly. And I have a friend
who is a mortage broker and he's like, you've got
to get this. You have to go for this. You're
perfect for this scheme, and so I did and I
got a place. So that was good because I honestly
(31:47):
thought I'm never going to be homeowner again ever, so
that's still a scheme that's available.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
It is. We get people into that often, like it
is actually so cool. It's yeah, I'm probably going to
do a whole episode on that at some point. But
like this idea that you can get in for a
two percent deposit, no, LM, I like, it's actually so sexy.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
It's so helpful. So that's good. And I've yeah, I've
just become quite obsessed with money stuff now and my
like looking into the family history of my money journey
and what I need to, like, you know, improve and
face and all that kind of stuff. So I've started
investing as well, think in the last couple of years.
So I've got money that goes into ETFs or EFTs
(32:30):
always get that around the wrong way. Yeah, yeah, ETFs,
And then in the rays I've got raise and then
I've also got I heard another lady who talks about
money use this term. Maybe it was you, I'm not sure,
but she's calls it spicy investments. No, I like that. Yeah,
a couple of spicies that are just companies that I
share the value with, and they were, you know, doing
crowdfunding for equity and stuff like that. So I went
(32:51):
in with a couple of those, which was exciting.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
No, I love that. So let's jump forward. Obviously I
usually ask a million structured question, So now we're going
to like backtrack and I'm going to answer those because
We've got a beautiful segment of your story. But I wondered,
what are you doing today? What do you do for work?
How much money do you earn? Now?
Speaker 4 (33:09):
Okay, so I'm in the health industry or health space
and I'm on around one hundred.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Oh my goodness, I love this.
Speaker 4 (33:18):
I was going to say, but that also includes some
single parenting family tax stuff from the government and you
know that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
So good.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
Yeah, so that's worked out quite well.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
So you've bought a house, which is so iconic after
going through this, you have a daughter. Talk to me,
what are your big money goals? Now? You said that
you are getting back in front financially. What are we
working towards?
Speaker 4 (33:41):
So I want to get my second property this year,
and just being a single parent, it is obviously hard
to get the loan over the line, you know, with
the banks and stuff like that, and I really felt
the pinch of that the last couple of years being
on your own and not having that jewel income to
kind of go off and do projects and stuff. So
I've got a really good friend who is in a
(34:03):
similar situation, and we've decided to do something together, and
so I'm looking forward to that, and I feel like
I would love, you know, if more single moms got
together and did stuff together, it would definitely help their
financial security.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Then that's so cool. I love that. I haven't heard
of that. I've heard of friends just doing it together.
I've heard of, you know, siblings buying together, but like going, Na,
we're single moms. We're going to do this together, Adore,
I'm obsessed with you.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
How good? Yeah, So we're on the fair start of
the conversation and we've got a bit of an arrangement
in place. We just are now getting I guess those
pieces of puzzle together so we can actually go into
the day and go, okay, this is what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Yeah, how good?
Speaker 4 (34:42):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
All right, let's go to a really quick break because
on the flip side, I have a few more questions
for you. All right, money, darised, we are back you
mentioned before. I'm investing. I've got some ETFs, I've got
some rays. How did you start that journey? Is that
part of your financial literacy journey? Was that something where
you're like, I just need to be growing wealth? Like,
(35:05):
how did you get into it?
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Yeah? I guess from I think you know, first comes
to fear of going, oh my god, what am I
going to do? You know, how am I going to
get myself out of this? To how do I recuperate
what I've lost in all the things? And how am
I going to have financial security in the future. So
I knew I wasn't investing, I didn't know how, I
didn't know what you did with I was just so
(35:27):
overwhelming for me. So I just started learning about it
and yeah, following podcasts like yours and Instagram page like
yours and a few others that were kind of giving tips,
and that built my confidence to I did a couple
of free webinars on investing, and that exposed me to
those things like raise and shares these I think it is. Yeah,
so that was how I built my confidence up to
start doing that. And yes, so kind of just learning,
(35:51):
just learning, And I think the other thing that I've
done is my bad money habit, which I don't know
if you were going to ask me about that, but
I will after.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
But you can boil it now.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Oh So my bad money habit which I wanted to
get over was that I can be avoidant about it.
So if I'm feeling overwhelmed, then I just go into
complete avoidance. So I won't look at superannuation details, or
I won't look at if it's performing, or I won't
check my bank account that week because I'm worried I've
spent too much money on the weekend. So that's my
bad money habit. But on the flip side of that,
(36:23):
I've kind of created my own little workbook that I
do to overcome that, and that was all about financial
literacy and daily habits so that I can come out
of that avoidance. So I'm forcing myself to check things
every day and forcing myself to learn one thing knew
every day about money that I didn't know yesterday. That
kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah, no, I adore that. So talk to me about debt.
You've obviously got a little bit of it, but it's
good debt because you have a mortgage and you're actually
planning on going into more. How much debt are you
in what does that look like and how does that
make you feel?
Speaker 4 (36:58):
I think the debt for the mortgages got bigger purpose,
so I'm not that doesn't concern me at all. I
don't really have any other debt which is good, other
than my hex which is one of.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Those you know ones that just linger. Mmm.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
So that's around thirty five, and I've got about two
thousand in credit card. But I don't have any other
debt and that's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Yeah, No, I love that for you. So back to
best and worst money habits. You've obviously gone literally through
it all. We've gone from literally having your house burned
down when you were in grade four to super yacht
family rich, back to being a single mum and having
to borrow money from people and get people to buy
your flight like you've been through the ringer. Do you
(37:42):
have any good money habits that you've established along the way,
like I feel like you would have to. You mentioned
a couple of things before, but I want to know
what else have we got.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
I think you know what I've thought about this question,
and I think the main one, because it feelter to everything,
is that now I'm talking about money a lot, and
I've got my key friends that I talked to about
money a lot. And it's not in a comparison way
or a snoopy way or anything like that. It's more
I want to know what other people are doing, what
(38:12):
salary they're on. I want to know what the benchmarks
are here. I want to know what everyone else is.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Doing, so doing? How are you doing it? Like? Can
I grow from this?
Speaker 4 (38:20):
So having the conversations and with my friends and family now,
which I never if you know, what if I had
have had those back all those years ago, you know,
I might not have got into that situation because I
would have been able to speak about it.
Speaker 5 (38:33):
You know.
Speaker 4 (38:34):
But when you grow up being told, you know, don't
bring up money, that's very rude. You don't ask people
what they own, that's very rude. And you know, obviously
pick you don't just ask any random person what they earn.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I do I actually do. Yeah, I've done it for
years now. No one's corrected me, like, no one's actually
stopped me. So far, so good.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
I found out that a colleague was on almost triple
the amount, excuse me, Yeah, and it was only because
in her induction they actually made an there are and
so But then they had to, like, you know, live
by it and pay her that. But that was so
integral to understanding what.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Was an option?
Speaker 4 (39:09):
Yeah, what was out there? And so I think, you know,
we always think we can't talk about it, but how.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
How are we going to learn from each other? How
do we lift each other up if we can't talk
about where we're beginning from, Like, it makes no sense
to me, Like my success doesn't dim your ability to
be successful, Like my success actually helps you and gives
you a pathway to what you could do. Like I
want you to have that. I want you to have
every ounce of that, because if you aren't going to
(39:37):
back yourself, who is, Like you need to have every
tool to put yourself in the best possible position. And
I'm going to give you the tools. Like I've been
in oodles of debt. I also now am in a
way better financial position. But both of those things people
can learn from. Why wouldn't I share that?
Speaker 4 (39:53):
Yeah, exactly exactly. And you know where there's secrets so
to speak, that's where there's there can be predators or
where they'res can be you know, things that aren't quite right,
whereas you shit put the light on things, and yeah,
it's more expensive.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I guess, my goodness, So talk to me now. Worst
money habit is it just burying your head in the sand,
like you were saying before, You just hide from things
that aren't maybe lighting you up or making you feel
a little bit overwhelmed.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Yes, I guess the avoidance stuff. So if I went
away for the weekend and maybe I think I spent
too much money, then I won't check my bank account
for that week, or you know, just I get it though,
stupid stuff like that. I'm very aware of it. So
I've tried to face that through you know, doing daily
practice of checking accounts and checking superannuation. Where's that sitting?
Where's my race sitting? All that? But the other bad
(40:41):
habit I think is probably, I guess with everything that's happened,
is to blame myself or feel bad about it, or
if you know, to continue like punish myself over it
when actually that's not helping me. I have to keep
looking forward. So yeah, any negative self talk is probably
a bad habit and something that I'm continuously having to shake.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Yeah, and I'm glad that you're aware of it, because
if you're aware of it, you can work on it.
Like that's a good position to be in. At the
start of this episode, you said, i'ms and you've gone
on to tell me one of the most powerful money stories,
a story not about like dis growth. But you've been
through it. You've come up, you've come down, you've come back,
(41:23):
you've taken your power back, you've bought a house, you're
looking at a second house. You don't have your head
in this end. This has not destroyed you. In fact,
it's probably made you stronger. You are so intelligent, so articulate,
like I am at this point being like I hope
our paths cross in person because I want to meet you,
But I just I can't see your money story being
(41:46):
graded as a sea Like I just can't see it.
Like and I'm not going to argue with you after
everything that you've been through, but after hearing all of this,
after talking to me about this journey you've been on
and what you've done and what you've fought for, because
not everyone is in a position where they can do that,
but you have, and you've stepped up even that would
have been really friggin hard. Do you really think that
(42:09):
that's the money story of a c person or like
what would it take for you to go you know,
when can we sit down and say, I'm an a,
what would that take?
Speaker 4 (42:19):
It's true, I think I've still got some confidence to
work on, and I think if I, yeah, have a
few more wins in the next twelve months around confidence
and money and stuff like that, I think that will
take me up a notch or two.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I love that. I'm not gonna agree to your cea,
but I'll let you hide your bloth money, Diris. This
has been an absolute privilege learning about your money story,
like so pervy, but also so constructive, like just the
idea that this could literally happen to anybody, and like
you do get swept off your feet and like we
(42:53):
all love love. I love love, Like I just you know,
I would have been that friend at the side being like,
oh my god, I'm so glad you found your literal.
It's charming, Like I'm just so sorry that you went
through it, but I'm just so grateful that you and
I get to share this story with our community so
that hopefully people can learn from it and grow from
it and that it doesn't happen again to other people.
(43:13):
So thank you for that. I just know the community
is going to have loved listening to you as much
as I've loved interviewing you.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
Thank you so much. Victoria, of course.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Did by shared on She's on the Money is general
in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards
(43:47):
your needs.
Speaker 5 (43:48):
Victoria, Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives
of Money showper pty Ltd ABN three two one IS
six four nine two seven seven zero eight AFSL four
five one two eight nine
Speaker 4 (44:11):
Mm hm
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