June 26, 2025 • 18 mins
ASK UNCUT: Gabrielle has found out her husband of almost 30 years has been cheating on her, but she's torn on whether she should stay or go. We share the scandalous things you discovered with the DNA test, and we chat about thte lesser-known side of Post-Natal Depression.
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
I heard podcasts, hear more Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the Free iHeart app.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Good pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Ben Radio work
our windows down.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
That's my world, Rison the dust only good fabs all down.
I've done much now, but yeah I'm not. I'll big
get and what a lot. It don't matter where.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
This is the pickup, Hi, guys, it's the pickup with
Britt Harkley and Laura Burn.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I don't know if this has ever happened to you, Laura.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I know we've spoken about it maybe once in relation
to garlic. But I have like this new discovery the
last probably two years.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
But I've only just been the last two weeks really
realized it's something. What's going on. I cannot eat a
mint without sneezing. That is so weirdly specific because I'm
I'm allergic to it, but nothing else happens. I'm not allergic.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Like all I do is sneeze every time within one
minute of in a MINTI my mouth. I sneeze also
happens with like listerine, like anything that is minty that
goes in my mouth, I have a sneezing attack after it.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Is that weird?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, Chewinger know if it's weird, just look into the
light and have a sneeze.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Nothing like a good sneeze.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
But it's analogy thing that's formed later in life. Why
do they come out of nowhere?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I really don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
But the one person who does the most impressive sneezes
in this race is Produce a grace. No one has
ever heard anyone sneeze like produce a grace.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
I hate sneezing. Actually say I love to sneeze, but
that's not true.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
It's because you do seventeen of them in a row.
I don't need to try and record you next time,
just to play it out. It's almost like an unbelievable feat.
It is, but it takes years off my life.
Speaker 5 (01:49):
Every time I do it, I swear, and every time
I'm driving, that's the last time I'm driving.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Because you can't sneeze with your eyes open.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I think it's actually physiologically impossible just sneeze with your
eyes open. I remember, I'm trying really hard when there's
seventeen in a row, when you're on the highway.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I remember when I went for my driving my learner's
lesson and I sneezed twice, and the guy in the
seat next to me, who was doing the testing, he
made a joke that if I sneezed again and I
had to keep closing my eyes, he'd.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Have to fail me. And I was like, I think
he was joking. I think he was joking. But you can't.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yeah, you're right, you can't try and sneeze with your
eyes open. It's a real, real experience. Now, being that
it is Thursday, we have asked on cut, where you
guys call up. We answer your deepest, darkest burning questions
and we do our absolute best to answer them. Now,
we've never had a question quite like this one. We've
got Gabrielle on the line and she has just found
(02:39):
out very recently that her husband has been cheating on
her or having an affair.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Gabrielle, welcome to the show. Hello, what's been going on?
Speaker 4 (02:50):
How long have you been with your husband? And how
long have you found out he's cheating on you?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Okay, so we've been together relationship for twenty nine years, wow,
married three years, two kids, and apparently he has been
having an affair for five years.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
How did you do you find that out?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Well, long story short. Normally, his phone has been attached
to him consistently. He happened to leave it in the
kitchen one night and I heard a ding go off,
so naturally I just picked it up, thinking nothing of it,
went to hand it to him, and obviously discovered a
(03:32):
lovely naked woman on his phone.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Oh my god, Gabrielle, So is it been a five
year affair with the same woman?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yes? Wow? How long ago did you find out all
this information?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Probably about four months ago.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you're still probably really in the thick of all
of it. Have you made any decisions? Are you wanting
to stay? Are you unsure? Like what is happening for you?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Well, we are still living together, obviously. He claimed that
they haven't actually been intimate together, which is my burning question.
And do I believe that? No, And each morning I
wake up, I guess and I go, oh, I'd love
to talk to her. Also, is that the other question?
(04:18):
I really have this craving.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
To talk to this woman, which is nautral strange.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
No, that's not I don't think that's strange at all.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Like this is someone that has infiltrated your life directly
and indirectly for five years.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I mean Look, there are people who definitely have come
back from infidelity in relationships, but only if their partner
is really truthful and forthcoming about it all. Like if
you if you are actually feeling like, Okay, I know
I've got the information.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Now we can go to therapy together. Things have changed.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Like if there's no action in changing anything, then you're
just and you're left with so many unanswered questions. And
also when you are seeking answers to those questions, if
you're being shut down or you're not getting closure or
any of this, like you can't heal because you're expected
to just believe what's being told to you from the
person who's been lying to you for five years about
something correct.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
So is he still talking to her? Has he blocked her? Like?
How is where are things at now?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Well, apparently it's all been blocked. We haven't heard from
her obviously. I think that the wall that blocks me
now is he does still get quite defensive if you
go to ask a question or talk about it and
sort of says you should not be over it, but
kind of be over it.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
If that may No, that is rubbing, and.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'm thinking the time frame for me is my biggest
thing it hasn't just been a couple of months. It's
actually been five years, and you know we're being married,
I've had a baby.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
He was doing this at the same time that you
were getting married, that you were walking down the aisle,
or that you were choosing to have a baby together.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
But also, he doesn't get to do this to you
and then tell you to get over it and move
on like sorry, that's not how this works. He either
has to be open and it's this goes now how
you want it to go. If you want access to
his phone and he wants to save the relationship, he
gives it to you. If you want to contact her
and ask her if you want to know anything about
that situation. He has to be willing to be completely
(06:14):
open with you. He doesn't get to gaslight you and
now say you should be over this by now.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah, look I agree with this woman. Yeah, with children
and thinking that life soul.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yeah, I think I just thought it.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, I think you're totally in your right if you
want to to reach out to this other woman to
find out more of the truth, if you think that
you might get more of the truth from her and
that might give you some sort of lidity enclosure.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
You are absolutely in your right to do that, and
I also.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Don't think that you're breaching anything in the relationship by
doing so, because at the moment, it sounds like one
of the big things that you can't get your head
around is whether you're being lied to as to whether
or not something physical happened or didn't happen, or whether
it was just text messages.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
You are not alone.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I think anyone who's in their car is listening to
this right now would absolutely be saying, Okay, if that
messaging has been going on back and forth, nude messages
for five years, it's probably unlikely that nothing more happened.
But you know what, even if nothing more did happen,
that's still such a huge infidelity that's happened in your
relationship for five years that you're allowed to navigate this
(07:28):
how is best for you.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
I think it's been eating at me and I'm like,
should I shouldn't I because.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
I think I would call guys in this situation, what
would you do, Britt? I mean, I have been in
that situation.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
I'm not married with kids, but you know, I was
with someone for six years that I found had a
double life. And I did contact her and we spoke
for hours and I got all the information. The difference
was she didn't know I existed either, so we were
both sort of in silos.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
So this woman might not want to talk to you.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I think if you're going to go down that track,
I would take a really gentle approach with her and
just say, look, I just want to know. I'm not
going to have a go at you. There's nothing that's
going to happen. I just want the information.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Like, no, what's done is done at the end of
the day. Yeah, it's still eat at me.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Is he really been?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Like, yeah, he's got a lot to lose, Gabrielle.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
If you do speak to her, though, please give us
a call and let us know what happens, because honestly,
if I was in your situation, I would be calling.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
That's where I would be at. And you don't even
need to tell your husband you're calling. To be honest,
just just do it. Just do it.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Ye, I definitely wouldn't devolve information.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
That's yeah, Please let us know how it goes.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
We're so sorry you're in this situation.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Have you ever done your DNA test like an ancestry
test or I actually.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Haven't, but I've never felt the need to. Are you
just a bit.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Curious about like I don't know your family tree?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
And like what it is? What's your DNA maker? I
mean if you are questioning where I'm from.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Yeah, if you have questions about me, I can definitely
go and get it done.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Don't belong to my parents? No, I this going. Do
you know something I don't pretty need? This is your life?
Speaker 4 (09:09):
No?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
I find it really fascinating.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
And so my husband and I we actually did DNA
tests together recently, ancestry DNA tests, and we got an
email saying that their results were inconclusive, so we weren't
able to get our results back. And I don't know,
but I'm gonna do it again because I made these
big jokes to Matt and I was like, what if
like they found out something, because when you do it,
you have to submit like.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
This is my dad, this is my mom, this, and
you submit.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
As much as your family tree as you possibly can.
And I was like, what if the reason why they
kept it is because they found out something they don't
want us to know about it, like maybe your dad's
not your dad.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
They don't want to blow up your life. Maybe my
uncle's not my uncle. I don't know, but like, look,
I think they'd tell you if your uncle of your
uncle's that's not that impactful. Well, I don't know, I
think it is.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Anyway, this article that came out, so a woman kind
of she went and did all the different DNA tests.
There's a couple that are really big ones in Australia,
ones my heritage obviously ancestry DNA, which I think most
people know of. And then there's also another one which
is kind of like the Crem Delachreme of DNA tests
called twenty three.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
And me, hasn't that just gone into what's it called receivership?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, maybe you know more about it than I. You're
like the Krem de la Crem. I'm like, it just
went down and go go.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Do you know why they say it's the Krem dela
crem purely because it's the most expensive. It's meant to
be the most thorough. But in the experience of this woman,
it absolutely wasn't the case. But one thing she did
find out plot twist. She found out that her childhood crush,
who she had been obsessed with and in love with,
for the majority of her adolescents turned out to be
(10:38):
her cousin. Imagine if you found out not when you know,
not a childhood crush. Imagine if you found out like
you were dating.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
There was a couple that found out in America. She
did the DNA test. She found out that her husband
or fiance was a direct relation to her and she
was going to bury that information.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Did she tell him I can't remember, I'm on the.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
Edge of my seat, Producier Grace Park to look it up.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Okay, So there was a couple who discovered, after ten
years of marriage and having three children, that they were cousins.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, and they found out viral D.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You just stay if you're being married and you've got kids,
it's goorn too far.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
You're in two D. You've already done all that.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
You're in white LOADUS territory, just staying there. Look, I
mean we opened up the text line and also I
did a call out on my Instagram for this. You
would be shocked by how many people discovered really salacious
things about their families or about their lives. This One
girl wrote in and said that her grandma had six
kids and they all did their ancestry tests as grandchildren,
(11:32):
and they found out that the grandma had been having
an affair with the farmer who lived on the farm
next door in Italian farmer, and the youngest three children
were not actually their grandfathers, but it was this Italian farmer.
So three of the kids had the Italian heritage in
DNA and they were all linked to a different dad.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
They were all having a rumble behind the shed. No,
they weren't just her, just the grandma. The kids absolutely
were not rumbling. They were they all weren't. But they
were wow. Good on her.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
People who found out that their biological dad just wasn't
like their dad, wasn't their dad.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Loads of those came in.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
That would be a really sad discovery imagining thirty years
old and finding out that your dad's not actually.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Your biological dad. No, that that is gut wrenching, and
your mum did the dirty all those there.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Another girl wrote, my sister found out that she has
a different dad. There's a lot of dads out here
that are finding out that they either have kids that
they didn't know they had, or that they're not the
father to the kids they thought they did have.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
I just think let dead dogs lie. What that's the saying,
isn't it.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
This is why I would worry about going and doing
a test, Not that I think anything would come of it,
but I'm happy with my life.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
I don't need the disruption.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
If it came out then my dad wasn't my dad,
which he definitely is.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Hang On, I don't want to stick go anywhere. My
dad is my dad.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
I don't have any queries, but I'm just saying, sometimes
I think ignorance is bliss.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
How's this one?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
This girl found out that Ivan Malatt is her dad's
second cousin. See you know that's that's a skeleton in
a wardrobe and a closet.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
You don't need to know about it. You're related to
a psychopath. What are you gonna do with that information? Anyway?
We've got a caller on the line, Rosie. What did
you find out from your ancestry DNA.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
Hiber Yeah, it wasn't myself directly, but it was a
family member. It was probably in her late fifties at
the time, who'd been doing the whole ancestry journey for
a long amount of time with her sister and her
dad wasn't her real dad, and it was actually the
next door neighbor when she was growing up.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Does linking to the neighbor though, how did she get there?
Speaker 6 (13:29):
I think maybe that family had also been doing kind
of their own journey, so there was already DNA kind
of in the system that was able to be linked. Yeah,
a bit of a shock.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
So did his neighbor. What's the outcome here? Did the
neighbor take her on? As like the dad?
Speaker 6 (13:44):
So look, I'm not sure if he was actually alive,
but I do know that she's now in touch with
the children that he did have, So she has kind
of got other siblings out of there, and she's in
very much the same mindset as she said for it,
Like you know, my great grandfather was her dad, that's.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Who raised her.
Speaker 6 (13:59):
So that's still kind of her opinion. But kind of
good story is which has yeah, kind of got some
more family members out of it.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
So that's nice, all right, you sold me, I'll go
do one. I want to do one because I'm frightened
to what I might find out.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
To be honest, you need to do one because you've
done it and it came back inconclusive.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
So either they're saying that you're.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
One of those avatars and your DNA doesn't match the
humans or something is a myth, So we need to
get to the bottom of that.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
That is not a story arc that I want to
unpack on radio.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
That you're an avatar, that you're not related to your parents.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
It's not a surprise to anyone about when we speak
about postnatal depression and how it affects women who are
going through that.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Incredibly just full on.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Time after having a baby, that postnatal time, your hormones
are all over the place, the lack of sleep, the
transitioning in motherhood, like there are so many changes, and
the study suggests that one in seven women in Australia
will actually suffer from postnatal depression after having a baby.
But something I found really really interesting and like this
(15:00):
came up in an article, but it's also a conversation
I had recently with a friend of mine, and that
is that one in ten new dads also experienced walk
described as postnatal depression. Now, I would say very few
people would ever have kind of correlated this idea of
postnatal depression with men, and even given it the airtime,
I think there's so much focus that's put on women
(15:21):
who are having babies and rightly so, like it's incredibly
taxing for women. But I remember sitting down with a
good maid of mind and we're talking about having kids,
and he was talking about when he had his first baby,
and he said, you know, I always pictured that i'd
have my first baby and it would be this moment
when I held them and I'd be just full of
(15:41):
joy and cry and all the things that you see
on social media. And he was like, I held him,
I felt really absent. He's like, I walked out of
the hospital and I burst out crying. And it really
hit me because I think we think and they were
going to be overloaded with this flood of love. But
he was telling me, he was like, you know what
(16:02):
happened for me is that I grew to love my child.
I grew to love being a dad, and I fell
in love with him as he kind of turned into
this little person. But he really experienced postnatal depression. And
I think that there's more dads coming forward talking about this. Well.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I think there reason we don't necessarily associate men as
much with post natal depression is because a huge part
of the postnatal depression is linked to the hormones and
we're like, oh, cool, Well, the men's bodies haven't changed,
and they haven't been flooded with the hormones, and they
haven't just gone through a traumatic birth, and they aren't
trying to physically keep it alive with the breast, So
people don't necessarily associate it straight away. But I think
(16:38):
we have to realize that their life also does change drastically,
and the lack of hormones is what also keeps them
from having that almost natural sort of a bond that's
I mean, not every mother gets, but it's what helped
moms have that initial bond, and the men they're not
doing that. They haven't carried it and had that connection
with it for nine months.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
The flood of love is how it's described.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
But yeah, and I also think, I mean something that
is very relevant, and I guess a good dad probably
doesn't to make it about himself in that environment. I
think it would be pretty misled for a man to
be like, well, i'm having a hard time too. They're
not going to get a lot of sympathy out of
that situation, and so it really does mean that those
(17:19):
men who are struggling don't talk about the facts that
they're struggling because they also can read a room and
they realize that well, they probably it's not their time
to have the airtime to talk about it, and so
that fear about it taking away from their partner's needs
and the partner's experiences just means it gets pushed down
and suppressed. But really, I guess it comes as a
(17:39):
bit of a PSA like if you are a new parent,
if you're going through having your first or your second,
or however whatever number kit it is, if your partner
is detached or different, or if as a man you
are having these really sort of just uncomfortable thoughts around fatherhood.
It may actually be something that is more clinical than
(18:00):
it could be, something like postnatal depression for a man.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Yeah, and just so you know, something to keep your
eye on.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Clinical psychologist Julie Bornikoff has said some of the warning
signs include like self isolating, sleeping too much or not
resting when the baby sleeps, poor eating habits, of course,
things like increased alcohol and drug use, and maybe just
some statements from your partner, things like I'm a terrible parent.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
You know, I'm not doing a good job.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I don't know what I'm doing there's some of the
things just to keep your eye on and just be
hyper aware that it's not necessarily just women going through it.
You guys needed to be a team and go through
the trenches together. Just remember Lifeline is available twenty four
to seven on thirteen eleven fourteen
Speaker 3 (18:38):
And that is us done today, guys,
I heard podcasts, hear more Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the Free iHeart app.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Good pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Ben Radio work
our windows down.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
That's my world, Rison the dust only good fabs all down.
I've done much now, but yeah I'm not. I'll big
get and what a lot. It don't matter where.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
This is the pickup, Hi, guys, it's the pickup with
Britt Harkley and Laura Burn.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I don't know if this has ever happened to you, Laura.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I know we've spoken about it maybe once in relation
to garlic. But I have like this new discovery the
last probably two years.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
But I've only just been the last two weeks really
realized it's something. What's going on. I cannot eat a
mint without sneezing. That is so weirdly specific because I'm
I'm allergic to it, but nothing else happens. I'm not allergic.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Like all I do is sneeze every time within one
minute of in a MINTI my mouth. I sneeze also
happens with like listerine, like anything that is minty that
goes in my mouth, I have a sneezing attack after it.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Is that weird?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, Chewinger know if it's weird, just look into the
light and have a sneeze.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Nothing like a good sneeze.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
But it's analogy thing that's formed later in life. Why
do they come out of nowhere?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I really don't know.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
But the one person who does the most impressive sneezes
in this race is Produce a grace. No one has
ever heard anyone sneeze like produce a grace.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
I hate sneezing. Actually say I love to sneeze, but
that's not true.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
It's because you do seventeen of them in a row.
I don't need to try and record you next time,
just to play it out. It's almost like an unbelievable feat.
It is, but it takes years off my life.
Speaker 5 (01:49):
Every time I do it, I swear, and every time
I'm driving, that's the last time I'm driving.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Because you can't sneeze with your eyes open.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I think it's actually physiologically impossible just sneeze with your
eyes open. I remember, I'm trying really hard when there's
seventeen in a row, when you're on the highway.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I remember when I went for my driving my learner's
lesson and I sneezed twice, and the guy in the
seat next to me, who was doing the testing, he
made a joke that if I sneezed again and I
had to keep closing my eyes, he'd.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Have to fail me. And I was like, I think
he was joking. I think he was joking. But you can't.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yeah, you're right, you can't try and sneeze with your
eyes open. It's a real, real experience. Now, being that
it is Thursday, we have asked on cut, where you
guys call up. We answer your deepest, darkest burning questions
and we do our absolute best to answer them. Now,
we've never had a question quite like this one. We've
got Gabrielle on the line and she has just found
(02:39):
out very recently that her husband has been cheating on
her or having an affair.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Gabrielle, welcome to the show. Hello, what's been going on?
Speaker 4 (02:50):
How long have you been with your husband? And how
long have you found out he's cheating on you?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Okay, so we've been together relationship for twenty nine years, wow,
married three years, two kids, and apparently he has been
having an affair for five years.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
How did you do you find that out?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Well, long story short. Normally, his phone has been attached
to him consistently. He happened to leave it in the
kitchen one night and I heard a ding go off,
so naturally I just picked it up, thinking nothing of it,
went to hand it to him, and obviously discovered a
(03:32):
lovely naked woman on his phone.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Oh my god, Gabrielle, So is it been a five
year affair with the same woman?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yes? Wow? How long ago did you find out all
this information?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Probably about four months ago.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you're still probably really in the thick of all
of it. Have you made any decisions? Are you wanting
to stay? Are you unsure? Like what is happening for you?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Well, we are still living together, obviously. He claimed that
they haven't actually been intimate together, which is my burning question.
And do I believe that? No, And each morning I
wake up, I guess and I go, oh, I'd love
to talk to her. Also, is that the other question?
(04:18):
I really have this craving.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
To talk to this woman, which is nautral strange.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
No, that's not I don't think that's strange at all.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Like this is someone that has infiltrated your life directly
and indirectly for five years.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I mean Look, there are people who definitely have come
back from infidelity in relationships, but only if their partner
is really truthful and forthcoming about it all. Like if
you if you are actually feeling like, Okay, I know
I've got the information.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Now we can go to therapy together. Things have changed.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Like if there's no action in changing anything, then you're
just and you're left with so many unanswered questions. And
also when you are seeking answers to those questions, if
you're being shut down or you're not getting closure or
any of this, like you can't heal because you're expected
to just believe what's being told to you from the
person who's been lying to you for five years about
something correct.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
So is he still talking to her? Has he blocked her? Like?
How is where are things at now?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Well, apparently it's all been blocked. We haven't heard from
her obviously. I think that the wall that blocks me
now is he does still get quite defensive if you
go to ask a question or talk about it and
sort of says you should not be over it, but
kind of be over it.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
If that may No, that is rubbing, and.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'm thinking the time frame for me is my biggest
thing it hasn't just been a couple of months. It's
actually been five years, and you know we're being married,
I've had a baby.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
He was doing this at the same time that you
were getting married, that you were walking down the aisle,
or that you were choosing to have a baby together.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
But also, he doesn't get to do this to you
and then tell you to get over it and move
on like sorry, that's not how this works. He either
has to be open and it's this goes now how
you want it to go. If you want access to
his phone and he wants to save the relationship, he
gives it to you. If you want to contact her
and ask her if you want to know anything about
that situation. He has to be willing to be completely
(06:14):
open with you. He doesn't get to gaslight you and
now say you should be over this by now.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah, look I agree with this woman. Yeah, with children
and thinking that life soul.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yeah, I think I just thought it.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, I think you're totally in your right if you
want to to reach out to this other woman to
find out more of the truth, if you think that
you might get more of the truth from her and
that might give you some sort of lidity enclosure.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
You are absolutely in your right to do that, and
I also.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Don't think that you're breaching anything in the relationship by
doing so, because at the moment, it sounds like one
of the big things that you can't get your head
around is whether you're being lied to as to whether
or not something physical happened or didn't happen, or whether
it was just text messages.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
You are not alone.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I think anyone who's in their car is listening to
this right now would absolutely be saying, Okay, if that
messaging has been going on back and forth, nude messages
for five years, it's probably unlikely that nothing more happened.
But you know what, even if nothing more did happen,
that's still such a huge infidelity that's happened in your
relationship for five years that you're allowed to navigate this
(07:28):
how is best for you.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
I think it's been eating at me and I'm like,
should I shouldn't I because.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
I think I would call guys in this situation, what
would you do, Britt? I mean, I have been in
that situation.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
I'm not married with kids, but you know, I was
with someone for six years that I found had a
double life. And I did contact her and we spoke
for hours and I got all the information. The difference
was she didn't know I existed either, so we were
both sort of in silos.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
So this woman might not want to talk to you.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I think if you're going to go down that track,
I would take a really gentle approach with her and
just say, look, I just want to know. I'm not
going to have a go at you. There's nothing that's
going to happen. I just want the information.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Like, no, what's done is done at the end of
the day. Yeah, it's still eat at me.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Is he really been?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Like, yeah, he's got a lot to lose, Gabrielle.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
If you do speak to her, though, please give us
a call and let us know what happens, because honestly,
if I was in your situation, I would be calling.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
That's where I would be at. And you don't even
need to tell your husband you're calling. To be honest,
just just do it. Just do it.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Ye, I definitely wouldn't devolve information.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
That's yeah, Please let us know how it goes.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
We're so sorry you're in this situation.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Have you ever done your DNA test like an ancestry
test or I actually.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Haven't, but I've never felt the need to. Are you
just a bit.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Curious about like I don't know your family tree?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
And like what it is? What's your DNA maker? I
mean if you are questioning where I'm from.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Yeah, if you have questions about me, I can definitely
go and get it done.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Don't belong to my parents? No, I this going. Do
you know something I don't pretty need? This is your life?
Speaker 4 (09:09):
No?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
I find it really fascinating.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
And so my husband and I we actually did DNA
tests together recently, ancestry DNA tests, and we got an
email saying that their results were inconclusive, so we weren't
able to get our results back. And I don't know,
but I'm gonna do it again because I made these
big jokes to Matt and I was like, what if
like they found out something, because when you do it,
you have to submit like.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
This is my dad, this is my mom, this, and
you submit.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
As much as your family tree as you possibly can.
And I was like, what if the reason why they
kept it is because they found out something they don't
want us to know about it, like maybe your dad's
not your dad.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
They don't want to blow up your life. Maybe my
uncle's not my uncle. I don't know, but like, look,
I think they'd tell you if your uncle of your
uncle's that's not that impactful. Well, I don't know, I
think it is.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Anyway, this article that came out, so a woman kind
of she went and did all the different DNA tests.
There's a couple that are really big ones in Australia,
ones my heritage obviously ancestry DNA, which I think most
people know of. And then there's also another one which
is kind of like the Crem Delachreme of DNA tests
called twenty three.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
And me, hasn't that just gone into what's it called receivership?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, maybe you know more about it than I. You're
like the Krem de la Crem. I'm like, it just
went down and go go.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Do you know why they say it's the Krem dela
crem purely because it's the most expensive. It's meant to
be the most thorough. But in the experience of this woman,
it absolutely wasn't the case. But one thing she did
find out plot twist. She found out that her childhood crush,
who she had been obsessed with and in love with,
for the majority of her adolescents turned out to be
(10:38):
her cousin. Imagine if you found out not when you know,
not a childhood crush. Imagine if you found out like
you were dating.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
There was a couple that found out in America. She
did the DNA test. She found out that her husband
or fiance was a direct relation to her and she
was going to bury that information.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Did she tell him I can't remember, I'm on the.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
Edge of my seat, Producier Grace Park to look it up.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Okay, So there was a couple who discovered, after ten
years of marriage and having three children, that they were cousins.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, and they found out viral D.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You just stay if you're being married and you've got kids,
it's goorn too far.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
You're in two D. You've already done all that.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
You're in white LOADUS territory, just staying there. Look, I
mean we opened up the text line and also I
did a call out on my Instagram for this. You
would be shocked by how many people discovered really salacious
things about their families or about their lives. This One
girl wrote in and said that her grandma had six
kids and they all did their ancestry tests as grandchildren,
(11:32):
and they found out that the grandma had been having
an affair with the farmer who lived on the farm
next door in Italian farmer, and the youngest three children
were not actually their grandfathers, but it was this Italian farmer.
So three of the kids had the Italian heritage in
DNA and they were all linked to a different dad.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
They were all having a rumble behind the shed. No,
they weren't just her, just the grandma. The kids absolutely
were not rumbling. They were they all weren't. But they
were wow. Good on her.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
People who found out that their biological dad just wasn't
like their dad, wasn't their dad.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Loads of those came in.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
That would be a really sad discovery imagining thirty years
old and finding out that your dad's not actually.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Your biological dad. No, that that is gut wrenching, and
your mum did the dirty all those there.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Another girl wrote, my sister found out that she has
a different dad. There's a lot of dads out here
that are finding out that they either have kids that
they didn't know they had, or that they're not the
father to the kids they thought they did have.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
I just think let dead dogs lie. What that's the saying,
isn't it.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
This is why I would worry about going and doing
a test, Not that I think anything would come of it,
but I'm happy with my life.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
I don't need the disruption.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
If it came out then my dad wasn't my dad,
which he definitely is.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
Hang On, I don't want to stick go anywhere. My
dad is my dad.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
I don't have any queries, but I'm just saying, sometimes
I think ignorance is bliss.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
How's this one?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
This girl found out that Ivan Malatt is her dad's
second cousin. See you know that's that's a skeleton in
a wardrobe and a closet.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
You don't need to know about it. You're related to
a psychopath. What are you gonna do with that information? Anyway?
We've got a caller on the line, Rosie. What did
you find out from your ancestry DNA.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
Hiber Yeah, it wasn't myself directly, but it was a
family member. It was probably in her late fifties at
the time, who'd been doing the whole ancestry journey for
a long amount of time with her sister and her
dad wasn't her real dad, and it was actually the
next door neighbor when she was growing up.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
Does linking to the neighbor though, how did she get there?
Speaker 6 (13:29):
I think maybe that family had also been doing kind
of their own journey, so there was already DNA kind
of in the system that was able to be linked. Yeah,
a bit of a shock.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
So did his neighbor. What's the outcome here? Did the
neighbor take her on? As like the dad?
Speaker 6 (13:44):
So look, I'm not sure if he was actually alive,
but I do know that she's now in touch with
the children that he did have, So she has kind
of got other siblings out of there, and she's in
very much the same mindset as she said for it,
Like you know, my great grandfather was her dad, that's.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Who raised her.
Speaker 6 (13:59):
So that's still kind of her opinion. But kind of
good story is which has yeah, kind of got some
more family members out of it.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
So that's nice, all right, you sold me, I'll go
do one. I want to do one because I'm frightened
to what I might find out.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
To be honest, you need to do one because you've
done it and it came back inconclusive.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
So either they're saying that you're.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
One of those avatars and your DNA doesn't match the
humans or something is a myth, So we need to
get to the bottom of that.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
That is not a story arc that I want to
unpack on radio.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
That you're an avatar, that you're not related to your parents.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
It's not a surprise to anyone about when we speak
about postnatal depression and how it affects women who are
going through that.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Incredibly just full on.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Time after having a baby, that postnatal time, your hormones
are all over the place, the lack of sleep, the
transitioning in motherhood, like there are so many changes, and
the study suggests that one in seven women in Australia
will actually suffer from postnatal depression after having a baby.
But something I found really really interesting and like this
(15:00):
came up in an article, but it's also a conversation
I had recently with a friend of mine, and that
is that one in ten new dads also experienced walk
described as postnatal depression. Now, I would say very few
people would ever have kind of correlated this idea of
postnatal depression with men, and even given it the airtime,
I think there's so much focus that's put on women
(15:21):
who are having babies and rightly so, like it's incredibly
taxing for women. But I remember sitting down with a
good maid of mind and we're talking about having kids,
and he was talking about when he had his first baby,
and he said, you know, I always pictured that i'd
have my first baby and it would be this moment
when I held them and I'd be just full of
(15:41):
joy and cry and all the things that you see
on social media. And he was like, I held him,
I felt really absent. He's like, I walked out of
the hospital and I burst out crying. And it really
hit me because I think we think and they were
going to be overloaded with this flood of love. But
he was telling me, he was like, you know what
(16:02):
happened for me is that I grew to love my child.
I grew to love being a dad, and I fell
in love with him as he kind of turned into
this little person. But he really experienced postnatal depression. And
I think that there's more dads coming forward talking about this. Well.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
I think there reason we don't necessarily associate men as
much with post natal depression is because a huge part
of the postnatal depression is linked to the hormones and
we're like, oh, cool, Well, the men's bodies haven't changed,
and they haven't been flooded with the hormones, and they
haven't just gone through a traumatic birth, and they aren't
trying to physically keep it alive with the breast, So
people don't necessarily associate it straight away. But I think
(16:38):
we have to realize that their life also does change drastically,
and the lack of hormones is what also keeps them
from having that almost natural sort of a bond that's
I mean, not every mother gets, but it's what helped
moms have that initial bond, and the men they're not
doing that. They haven't carried it and had that connection
with it for nine months.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
The flood of love is how it's described.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
But yeah, and I also think, I mean something that
is very relevant, and I guess a good dad probably
doesn't to make it about himself in that environment. I
think it would be pretty misled for a man to
be like, well, i'm having a hard time too. They're
not going to get a lot of sympathy out of
that situation, and so it really does mean that those
(17:19):
men who are struggling don't talk about the facts that
they're struggling because they also can read a room and
they realize that well, they probably it's not their time
to have the airtime to talk about it, and so
that fear about it taking away from their partner's needs
and the partner's experiences just means it gets pushed down
and suppressed. But really, I guess it comes as a
(17:39):
bit of a PSA like if you are a new parent,
if you're going through having your first or your second,
or however whatever number kit it is, if your partner
is detached or different, or if as a man you
are having these really sort of just uncomfortable thoughts around fatherhood.
It may actually be something that is more clinical than
(18:00):
it could be, something like postnatal depression for a man.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Yeah, and just so you know, something to keep your
eye on.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Clinical psychologist Julie Bornikoff has said some of the warning
signs include like self isolating, sleeping too much or not
resting when the baby sleeps, poor eating habits, of course,
things like increased alcohol and drug use, and maybe just
some statements from your partner, things like I'm a terrible parent.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
You know, I'm not doing a good job.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I don't know what I'm doing there's some of the
things just to keep your eye on and just be
hyper aware that it's not necessarily just women going through it.
You guys needed to be a team and go through
the trenches together. Just remember Lifeline is available twenty four
to seven on thirteen eleven fourteen
Speaker 3 (18:38):
And that is us done today, guys,
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