May 30, 2024 • 16 mins
You took my daughter away from me!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, the pot everyone your questions dms on Instagram. You've
got a question for us. We have to answer your questions. Will. Yesterday,
I was telling you what I most look forward to
in life?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Have you made notes for this?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Uh? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What do you most look forward to? Him?
Speaker 3 (00:23):
I had to write him down.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Okay, how many of you got We've only got ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
No, no, no, Like I had to.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I had to think.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
I had to really think about it because you took
my daughter away from me. I didn't take your daughter, Tom.
He took my daughter away from me yesterday. It was
like you can't talk about your daughter.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So yeah, fair, because it's like obvious, it is obvious.
It is obvious.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
So I find this question really difficult. At the moment,
he's snipping Sam Pellegrino.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
By the way, if you're an image of Will's his
feet up on the desk and he's sipping sand pellogrina.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Wearing woolen woolen line, birkenstocks, beige pants and I'm drinking
sand pello greenom spill it on himself in a green niche.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Oh, I didn't notice that? That was pretty fun?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Cover it? Well?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Now, look, your pricks have taken my daughter away, and
now you're making fun of me. Would you like to
hear my answer?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Yes or not? You don't have to hear my mister.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Peller Greener, it's sand to you, son's butler green or anyway,
so your sands I put your sands peller Greener in.
I find this tricky to answer, because what do you
get most excited for in life? I've been very difficult
(01:34):
to answer because I have a real tendency to take
things that I get excited about and turn them into
things that I can achieve at. Yes, sure, and then
that becomes something that I then don't get excited about,
and it becomes like a pressure, it becomes a burden
for me. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, so yeah, And I'm just in that mindset at
the moment.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I've been in that mind state firm a few weeks,
and I find it I'm really finding it hard to
do things without making them like I need to get
I don't need to get something out of this. So
with that in mind, and given that you stole my
daughter from me, I because well the reason I keep
mentioning that is because she is the purest sense of
something that I can get excited for. Because there's no
(02:21):
goal there that it's all nothing I can measure myself against,
which is for people that hate children like Tom hard
for them to understand. And I think that I understand
when I didn't have kids, and iould look at people
who talk.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
About their kids, they'd be like, shut up.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I totally understand that. But it is it really like
one of the great joys of children is having this
thing that is just like we can just lie on
a rug together and stare at each other and that
is the best time that we could possibly have together.
So there's no there's no way to measure it.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Children are very good at just finding the joy and
things and not worrying about it.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
So that is genuinely something that I get excited for.
So the other thing, so if I'm just talking purely
about enjoyment, I there there's not all that many things
that I that I get really excited for. But one
of them is probably surfing, because I that is that
is just raw fun. There's also nothing for me to
measure myself against in that either.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Do you not get into like a I stood up
I did well, I did a wave well.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I used to, but I couldn't stand up but now
that I stand up consistently, it's just like wow. And
because the rides are always so different, Yeah, it's just fun.
There's no like there's And also the other thing I
realized when surfing, and this is a common misconception people
that want to start surfing, is when you start surfing,
you paddle out thinking everyone's watching you, and then over
(03:42):
time you realize no one gives shit. You can catch
the best way of your life and no one's watching.
You can catch the worst way of your life and
no one's watching.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Small Boy in San Sebastian was laughing at me when
I was surfing.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
If you're really shit, then yeah people watch, and no doubt.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
He was trying to teach me, and I was like,
you're making it worse, mate.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
You're twelve. I'm like twenty five years old. Children's surfing
is humbling, and.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
He was trying to teach me how to paddle with
a language baron. He was like, no, no, you've got
a pout and I was like, stop doing it.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, worse, you're making it worse, bro.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
So I've tried to approach this. So there's surfing, and
that's a pure fun activity. All the other activities can
become things that I feel as if I need to
do well at, which becomes burdensome. So I've approached this
pretty broadly with just what I'm going to say is
what do I get most excited for in life at
the moment, And the way that I'm trying to approach
it is just time I get excited about having.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I'm the concept of time.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
My God, when I thought you couldn't get more boring,
what is a minute?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
No, I get excited about a block of time now
because I'm trying not to fill that with because when
my brain gets like this, in this like achievement made thing,
I will look at a block of time and I
will fill it really quickly with things that I have
to do.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
What are you doing tonight? Currently?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Nothing? It's block of time. But that's been imposed on
me by my current housemate Cody.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Do you have couch cushion?
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Because I was going to get home and I've got
a song that I need to mix down and I
was like, I'm gonna get home and do that, and
she was like, Nah, you're just coming home at this.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Time, and how will she enforce it?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Because she's just going to say, well, right now, I'm
not allowed to make a plan because she's like we
might have dinner together, and she's kind of like imposed
this thing over me that I might have to.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
And then will she be like if you go like
wander off and go I'm just gonna go to the
bathroom and like keep the door open so I know
you're going to duck out there, you're going to mix
a track, and you're gonna run a chapter of your book,
and then you're going to solve something. Is she gonna
be how do you stop your mind?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
He's a good question.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Okay, So it's great that she's done that because I
think it's she knows you very well and she'd know
how important that is. How will you stop your mind
going to for example, thinking about the radio show tomorrow
or thinking about the book or that. Because it's one
thing to not be physically doing it, it's a whole
other thing that not me mentally.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah, that is that can be really tricky, and that,
honestly is the thing that will lead me to You've
hit the nail on the head. That is definitely the
thing that will lead me to breakdown. It's like, I'll
know age is out that I'm going I'm heading for
a breakdown because I'll know that in the spare minutes
(06:16):
in my day, like I cannot be.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Present, you're thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
I'm solving something that's happening in two weeks.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And I like a.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Be in a shower and I'll be like, oh my god,
I'm doing this thing again.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Do you really want to know?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Do you really want like do you want to know specifically?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Like do you have like if you have a process? Yeah, yeah,
I think it. I mean, if you feel comfortable sharing
just because I think there's other people like you, should
we go to the sponsors.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
It's a great time to go to great product, great people.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
So one of the probably a few things there's no
there's no solve all, but like do something that you
do love doing and you can't escape it. That's kind
of immersive. So surfing, surfing, see a movie, Yeah, yeah, awesome. Yeah,
Like I've got a little a little kind of like
quasi home cinema set up at home, and it's like
it's very it's immersive, So I can't think in there exercise.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Does that work for you? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
It does, But again, it's got to be pretty like blitz. Yeah,
because if I'm jogging, I'm thinking. Yeah, you know, so
it's got to be like an intense probably yoga setsh
or yeah, yoga's good actually, yeah, because yoga gotta focus
on your breath and if you lose your breath, then
you lose the rhythm.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Oh that's great.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
So you catches very mindful activity.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
It's great like that.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Swimming also really good. Swimming, Yeah, really yeah, because swimming
thinking during Even if I'm thinking during swimming, then my
stroke becomes sloppy and then my time gets bad.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
My strokes always sloppy. I need to confirm that.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
It's like a drown He's like a drowning frog.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
I was swimming months and a friend saw me and
and he tapped me on the shout and I got
to the end of the laugh and he goes hilarious,
and I was like, what's hilarious? And he's like, what's
what the gag? And I was like, what are you
talking about? It's like, well, you're obviously joking about the
way he's from. And I was like genuinely.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Thought I was swimming.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Oh my god, it's really bad. I don't know what
to do wrong anyway.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
So yeah, you can find a nervous actors intervenience like that.
Don't worry, that's an old insurance insurance law term. But
I just like I just like you guys thinking I'm
enough of a dickhead that like I can just keep
your arms length.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
But the I think that the and this is this
is tricky. But no matter what you have in your
head that afflicts you, whether it's self loathing, planning for
the future of your problem solver like me, anxiety, depression, whatever,
that is, all of that exists in and around your head, right,
(08:49):
And the way that you are going to make that
worse for yourself is by trying to attack that at
your head right, try and think about ways to solve that.
In your head you're just pouring petrol on the fire.
So all of the things that we just spoke about,
apart from all of them, take your attention from your
headspace somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
What about movie?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Take it into the movie.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Oh is, and the attention is in the movie.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Attentions, attentions in your breath. So if I am and again,
you just have to remember to do this. But the
thing that I have found most relieving is the most
simple thing in the whole world, which is just moving
my attention from my head to my body. Yeah, what
about what about your attentions in your body? It's concrete
your head is it's like watching a cinema roll the
(09:36):
whole time. Whereas if your attentions in your body, and
that's so simple, that's just like what do I feel?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Like, what is my feel?
Speaker 3 (09:41):
The pressure in your legs when you sit down, and
all those sorts of things like it's and it can
only and on the SDV for like half a second
to break the cycle, and it's quite relieving every time
it happens.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
What are your thoughts on like actually, like because I
find on it if I write down whatever, whatever the
thing is, that's like just like that thing is just
not going away when you write it down.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Does that help you at all?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
No?
Speaker 3 (10:01):
And and this is like there's a guy called Oliver
Berkman who I've spoken about.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Before, who who wrote.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
A book called Time Management for Mere Mortals, and his
whole thesis is on the fact that like, again, if
you write it down, you're engaging any thoughts.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Yes, but it's like a choice too, and then you
won't be thinking about it when I'm if I.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Start writing things down that I'm thinking, then that'll spawn
more thoughts. And he often said, and he and his
whole thesis is that like there's this, you know, you've
ever heard the terminology clearing the decks like a DJ
term no as a layer way of managing your life,
Like if I can just get if I just clear
the decks, like if I can get rid of my
(10:38):
to do list, if I can get rid of this,
if I can get rid of that, if I can
get rid of all these different things, then I will
have time to do the things that I want to do. Sure, right,
So that's that's some people's approach to having a busy mind.
It's just like I've got a thirty thing to do,
thirty list to do list, I've got two hours. Now,
I'm elite at getting things done. I mean to get
it done. His response to that is, you're going if
(11:01):
you get It's like people that get good at replying
to emails, you're going to get sent more emails. It's
like when they put another lane on the freeway, it's
going to fill with cars. If you get good at
clearing things, that is all you know. And then you're
spending the time clearing things, and you are losing that
time to do the things.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
You actually want to do.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Now that you might be really anxious about all the
things that you feel like you need to do, and
that can happen to me. It's like, I feel like
all these things to do, and I'm really good at
clearing the list. But the truth is, I'm lying to myself.
And then the lie that you tell yourself when you
try and get rid of all the things that you
need to do, the lie that you tell yourself when
you try and clear the decks is that you have
time to do that. And his whole thesis is the
(11:41):
only way to kind of be happy in this world
is to admit to yourself that you actually don't have
enough time.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
What if, Burke Dog, I'm not saying actually doing the thing,
I'm just saying what helps a man.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I'm a very simple bank.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
It's just like say, if I'm like, oh my god,
what's so much on? If I just go like, buy
this grocery shop, get PlayStation five, and then I go, oh, so,
actually not that much and I feel way calmer. Yeah,
for sure, if that works for you, it's horses for
courses that Berkman.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
But I think what he's saying is if you were
going to go and buy the PlayStation five, yes, and
that you felt like in order. So let's say after
buying the place the let's say that's your job. You're sure, right,
and then you after you buying the PlayStation five, you
want to go for a run, and that's the thing
that you want to do. So buying the PlayStation is
the thing you need to do. Going for a run
(12:31):
something that you want to do. If you run your
life where you go, I only get to go for
the run by doing the jobs I need to do first.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Oh right, They're always prioritizing.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
If you're if your if your approach to life is
only to clear the decks of my to do list
before I get the run, never have fun, you will
suffer fun, you will suffer. And the funny thing is
is that for so many I know, I don't know
who was listening to this. If you are in that
situation where you feel as if getting things done is
self soothing, because you've been taught that that's something you
(13:03):
should do and you will get rewarded for it. Do
all your jobs. You'll get rewarded for it at the
end doing your job. If do your jobs, I'll give
you deserve afterwards that doing jobs. You think the misbelief
is that doing jobs and getting things done is self soothing.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
But if you.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Actually look at it properly, you'll realize then it is
completely debilitating because it's not actually enriching. You're just getting
told from the past, from a voice when you're five
years old, probably that you are going to get rewarded
if you do those things. But that voice never arrives
and you're never actually listening to what you want to do,
which is go for a run, which is go surfing.
And the thing is in those moments, and I find
(13:39):
this really hard, is the voice of should, the voice
of need to, the voice of clear your list is
so fucking loud, and the voice of go surfing, go
watch a movie is so quiet that I find it
really hard to listen to it.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
A great exercise to do is to think about your
priorities in life. So whatever that is for you, it's
given for everyone.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Right. Look at your week. It's it's actually terrifying to
do it.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Look at your week and you go how many hours?
So say, if my priority is my family? Yeah, and
say my second priority is having fun, my third priority
is work. And then I go, okay, I'm actually going
to write I'm going to jot down what a rough
week looks like. Yeah, and then figure out how many
hours you put in each Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Really confronting, Yeah, terrifying in fact, And I did a
similar program. I did it through the Burke Dog if only.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Enough, the Goddamn Burke Dog and the Good to Do.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Though the Burke Dog actually said I think I'm told
this before. He said, there's a famous quote by some
American anyway, he said, write down your list of twenty
things in your life that you like doing. Take the
top five right now. It's not rocket science. Everyone's going
to go, yeah, you just work through them one to
five your priorities. His response was delete, like like ruthlessly
(14:50):
abandoned six through twenty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Because his thesis
is fifteen to twenty is not killing you, Like they're
things that you know that you do sporadically. Six through
fifteen is what really fucks you, because you're trying to
tell yourself that you actually do those things. But the
fact is, because you're telling yourself that you kind of
do those things, you're never actually giving one to five
(15:13):
the attention.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
That you want to give them.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
You just have too much. And again he's again, you
do not have enough time. And the quicker that you
can realize that you're not going to get the things
done that you need to do, and you're not going
to get the things done that you want to do.
Simplifying and prioritizing comes really really simple, crystallizes.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah, the Burke dog, he's good at what he does.
He's got a couple of disciples in here. Even though
I have read a sentence of his.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Work time management for Mere Mortals. If you'd like a book, well,
speaking of time management, Oh no, I.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Happy with this.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Burto go if your priorities are outside of doing a podcast,
He's spent five minutes.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
I also want to live in a life where buying
a purs five is a job. Yeah right, I know.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Actually is a bit of a stress man. You know,
I've been talking about it. When do I have the
time to get this? You can go now, go now,
I can go now, I could go now get ready
for me, JB. That's not a mentioned.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Give out the things that you want to do, write
three of them. I reckon for your whole life, and
then try and put them into your week as the
first thing you do every day.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
And now see how many hours you put towards your
three priorities. Just just just equate that it's terrifying, but
also a good terrifying because you can make a change.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Brought you by Sam Pillar Greenow
Well, the pot everyone your questions dms on Instagram. You've
got a question for us. We have to answer your questions. Will. Yesterday,
I was telling you what I most look forward to
in life?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Have you made notes for this?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Uh? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What do you most look forward to? Him?
Speaker 3 (00:23):
I had to write him down.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Okay, how many of you got We've only got ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
No, no, no, Like I had to.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I had to think.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
I had to really think about it because you took
my daughter away from me. I didn't take your daughter, Tom.
He took my daughter away from me yesterday. It was
like you can't talk about your daughter.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So yeah, fair, because it's like obvious, it is obvious.
It is obvious.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
So I find this question really difficult. At the moment,
he's snipping Sam Pellegrino.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
By the way, if you're an image of Will's his
feet up on the desk and he's sipping sand pellogrina.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Wearing woolen woolen line, birkenstocks, beige pants and I'm drinking
sand pello greenom spill it on himself in a green niche.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Oh, I didn't notice that? That was pretty fun?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Cover it? Well?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Now, look, your pricks have taken my daughter away, and
now you're making fun of me. Would you like to
hear my answer?
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Yes or not? You don't have to hear my mister.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Peller Greener, it's sand to you, son's butler green or anyway,
so your sands I put your sands peller Greener in.
I find this tricky to answer, because what do you
get most excited for in life? I've been very difficult
(01:34):
to answer because I have a real tendency to take
things that I get excited about and turn them into
things that I can achieve at. Yes, sure, and then
that becomes something that I then don't get excited about,
and it becomes like a pressure, it becomes a burden
for me. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, so yeah, And I'm just in that mindset at
the moment.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I've been in that mind state firm a few weeks,
and I find it I'm really finding it hard to
do things without making them like I need to get
I don't need to get something out of this. So
with that in mind, and given that you stole my
daughter from me, I because well the reason I keep
mentioning that is because she is the purest sense of
something that I can get excited for. Because there's no
(02:21):
goal there that it's all nothing I can measure myself against,
which is for people that hate children like Tom hard
for them to understand. And I think that I understand
when I didn't have kids, and iould look at people
who talk.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
About their kids, they'd be like, shut up.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I totally understand that. But it is it really like
one of the great joys of children is having this
thing that is just like we can just lie on
a rug together and stare at each other and that
is the best time that we could possibly have together.
So there's no there's no way to measure it.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Children are very good at just finding the joy and
things and not worrying about it.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
So that is genuinely something that I get excited for.
So the other thing, so if I'm just talking purely
about enjoyment, I there there's not all that many things
that I that I get really excited for. But one
of them is probably surfing, because I that is that
is just raw fun. There's also nothing for me to
measure myself against in that either.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Do you not get into like a I stood up
I did well, I did a wave well.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I used to, but I couldn't stand up but now
that I stand up consistently, it's just like wow. And
because the rides are always so different, Yeah, it's just fun.
There's no like there's And also the other thing I
realized when surfing, and this is a common misconception people
that want to start surfing, is when you start surfing,
you paddle out thinking everyone's watching you, and then over
(03:42):
time you realize no one gives shit. You can catch
the best way of your life and no one's watching.
You can catch the worst way of your life and
no one's watching.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Small Boy in San Sebastian was laughing at me when
I was surfing.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
If you're really shit, then yeah people watch, and no doubt.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
He was trying to teach me, and I was like,
you're making it worse, mate.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
You're twelve. I'm like twenty five years old. Children's surfing
is humbling, and.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
He was trying to teach me how to paddle with
a language baron. He was like, no, no, you've got
a pout and I was like, stop doing it.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, worse, you're making it worse, bro.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
So I've tried to approach this. So there's surfing, and
that's a pure fun activity. All the other activities can
become things that I feel as if I need to
do well at, which becomes burdensome. So I've approached this
pretty broadly with just what I'm going to say is
what do I get most excited for in life at
the moment, And the way that I'm trying to approach
it is just time I get excited about having.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I'm the concept of time.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
My God, when I thought you couldn't get more boring,
what is a minute?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
No, I get excited about a block of time now
because I'm trying not to fill that with because when
my brain gets like this, in this like achievement made thing,
I will look at a block of time and I
will fill it really quickly with things that I have
to do.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
What are you doing tonight? Currently?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Nothing? It's block of time. But that's been imposed on
me by my current housemate Cody.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Do you have couch cushion?
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Because I was going to get home and I've got
a song that I need to mix down and I
was like, I'm gonna get home and do that, and
she was like, Nah, you're just coming home at this.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Time, and how will she enforce it?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Because she's just going to say, well, right now, I'm
not allowed to make a plan because she's like we
might have dinner together, and she's kind of like imposed
this thing over me that I might have to.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
And then will she be like if you go like
wander off and go I'm just gonna go to the
bathroom and like keep the door open so I know
you're going to duck out there, you're going to mix
a track, and you're gonna run a chapter of your book,
and then you're going to solve something. Is she gonna
be how do you stop your mind?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
He's a good question.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Okay, So it's great that she's done that because I
think it's she knows you very well and she'd know
how important that is. How will you stop your mind
going to for example, thinking about the radio show tomorrow
or thinking about the book or that. Because it's one
thing to not be physically doing it, it's a whole
other thing that not me mentally.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah, that is that can be really tricky, and that,
honestly is the thing that will lead me to You've
hit the nail on the head. That is definitely the
thing that will lead me to breakdown. It's like, I'll
know age is out that I'm going I'm heading for
a breakdown because I'll know that in the spare minutes
(06:16):
in my day, like I cannot be.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Present, you're thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
I'm solving something that's happening in two weeks.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And I like a.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Be in a shower and I'll be like, oh my god,
I'm doing this thing again.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Do you really want to know?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Do you really want like do you want to know specifically?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Like do you have like if you have a process? Yeah, yeah,
I think it. I mean, if you feel comfortable sharing
just because I think there's other people like you, should
we go to the sponsors.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
It's a great time to go to great product, great people.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
So one of the probably a few things there's no
there's no solve all, but like do something that you
do love doing and you can't escape it. That's kind
of immersive. So surfing, surfing, see a movie, Yeah, yeah, awesome. Yeah,
Like I've got a little a little kind of like
quasi home cinema set up at home, and it's like
it's very it's immersive, So I can't think in there exercise.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Does that work for you? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
It does, But again, it's got to be pretty like blitz. Yeah,
because if I'm jogging, I'm thinking. Yeah, you know, so
it's got to be like an intense probably yoga setsh
or yeah, yoga's good actually, yeah, because yoga gotta focus
on your breath and if you lose your breath, then
you lose the rhythm.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Oh that's great.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
So you catches very mindful activity.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
It's great like that.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Swimming also really good. Swimming, Yeah, really yeah, because swimming
thinking during Even if I'm thinking during swimming, then my
stroke becomes sloppy and then my time gets bad.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
My strokes always sloppy. I need to confirm that.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
It's like a drown He's like a drowning frog.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
I was swimming months and a friend saw me and
and he tapped me on the shout and I got
to the end of the laugh and he goes hilarious,
and I was like, what's hilarious? And he's like, what's
what the gag? And I was like, what are you
talking about? It's like, well, you're obviously joking about the
way he's from. And I was like genuinely.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Thought I was swimming.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Oh my god, it's really bad. I don't know what
to do wrong anyway.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
So yeah, you can find a nervous actors intervenience like that.
Don't worry, that's an old insurance insurance law term. But
I just like I just like you guys thinking I'm
enough of a dickhead that like I can just keep
your arms length.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
But the I think that the and this is this
is tricky. But no matter what you have in your
head that afflicts you, whether it's self loathing, planning for
the future of your problem solver like me, anxiety, depression, whatever,
that is, all of that exists in and around your head, right,
(08:49):
And the way that you are going to make that
worse for yourself is by trying to attack that at
your head right, try and think about ways to solve that.
In your head you're just pouring petrol on the fire.
So all of the things that we just spoke about,
apart from all of them, take your attention from your
headspace somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
What about movie?
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Take it into the movie.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Oh is, and the attention is in the movie.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Attentions, attentions in your breath. So if I am and again,
you just have to remember to do this. But the
thing that I have found most relieving is the most
simple thing in the whole world, which is just moving
my attention from my head to my body. Yeah, what
about what about your attentions in your body? It's concrete
your head is it's like watching a cinema roll the
(09:36):
whole time. Whereas if your attentions in your body, and
that's so simple, that's just like what do I feel?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Like, what is my feel?
Speaker 3 (09:41):
The pressure in your legs when you sit down, and
all those sorts of things like it's and it can
only and on the SDV for like half a second
to break the cycle, and it's quite relieving every time
it happens.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
What are your thoughts on like actually, like because I
find on it if I write down whatever, whatever the
thing is, that's like just like that thing is just
not going away when you write it down.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Does that help you at all?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
No?
Speaker 3 (10:01):
And and this is like there's a guy called Oliver
Berkman who I've spoken about.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Before, who who wrote.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
A book called Time Management for Mere Mortals, and his
whole thesis is on the fact that like, again, if
you write it down, you're engaging any thoughts.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Yes, but it's like a choice too, and then you
won't be thinking about it when I'm if I.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Start writing things down that I'm thinking, then that'll spawn
more thoughts. And he often said, and he and his
whole thesis is that like there's this, you know, you've
ever heard the terminology clearing the decks like a DJ
term no as a layer way of managing your life,
Like if I can just get if I just clear
the decks, like if I can get rid of my
(10:38):
to do list, if I can get rid of this,
if I can get rid of that, if I can
get rid of all these different things, then I will
have time to do the things that I want to do. Sure, right,
So that's that's some people's approach to having a busy mind.
It's just like I've got a thirty thing to do,
thirty list to do list, I've got two hours. Now,
I'm elite at getting things done. I mean to get
it done. His response to that is, you're going if
(11:01):
you get It's like people that get good at replying
to emails, you're going to get sent more emails. It's
like when they put another lane on the freeway, it's
going to fill with cars. If you get good at
clearing things, that is all you know. And then you're
spending the time clearing things, and you are losing that
time to do the things.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
You actually want to do.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Now that you might be really anxious about all the
things that you feel like you need to do, and
that can happen to me. It's like, I feel like
all these things to do, and I'm really good at
clearing the list. But the truth is, I'm lying to myself.
And then the lie that you tell yourself when you
try and get rid of all the things that you
need to do, the lie that you tell yourself when
you try and clear the decks is that you have
time to do that. And his whole thesis is the
(11:41):
only way to kind of be happy in this world
is to admit to yourself that you actually don't have
enough time.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
What if, Burke Dog, I'm not saying actually doing the thing,
I'm just saying what helps a man.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I'm a very simple bank.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
It's just like say, if I'm like, oh my god,
what's so much on? If I just go like, buy
this grocery shop, get PlayStation five, and then I go, oh, so,
actually not that much and I feel way calmer. Yeah,
for sure, if that works for you, it's horses for
courses that Berkman.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
But I think what he's saying is if you were
going to go and buy the PlayStation five, yes, and
that you felt like in order. So let's say after
buying the place the let's say that's your job. You're sure, right,
and then you after you buying the PlayStation five, you
want to go for a run, and that's the thing
that you want to do. So buying the PlayStation is
the thing you need to do. Going for a run
(12:31):
something that you want to do. If you run your
life where you go, I only get to go for
the run by doing the jobs I need to do first.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Oh right, They're always prioritizing.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
If you're if your if your approach to life is
only to clear the decks of my to do list
before I get the run, never have fun, you will
suffer fun, you will suffer. And the funny thing is
is that for so many I know, I don't know
who was listening to this. If you are in that
situation where you feel as if getting things done is
self soothing, because you've been taught that that's something you
(13:03):
should do and you will get rewarded for it. Do
all your jobs. You'll get rewarded for it at the
end doing your job. If do your jobs, I'll give
you deserve afterwards that doing jobs. You think the misbelief
is that doing jobs and getting things done is self soothing.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
But if you.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Actually look at it properly, you'll realize then it is
completely debilitating because it's not actually enriching. You're just getting
told from the past, from a voice when you're five
years old, probably that you are going to get rewarded
if you do those things. But that voice never arrives
and you're never actually listening to what you want to do,
which is go for a run, which is go surfing.
And the thing is in those moments, and I find
(13:39):
this really hard, is the voice of should, the voice
of need to, the voice of clear your list is
so fucking loud, and the voice of go surfing, go
watch a movie is so quiet that I find it
really hard to listen to it.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
A great exercise to do is to think about your
priorities in life. So whatever that is for you, it's
given for everyone.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Right. Look at your week. It's it's actually terrifying to
do it.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Look at your week and you go how many hours?
So say, if my priority is my family? Yeah, and
say my second priority is having fun, my third priority
is work. And then I go, okay, I'm actually going
to write I'm going to jot down what a rough
week looks like. Yeah, and then figure out how many
hours you put in each Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Really confronting, Yeah, terrifying in fact, And I did a
similar program. I did it through the Burke Dog if only.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Enough, the Goddamn Burke Dog and the Good to Do.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
Though the Burke Dog actually said I think I'm told
this before. He said, there's a famous quote by some
American anyway, he said, write down your list of twenty
things in your life that you like doing. Take the
top five right now. It's not rocket science. Everyone's going
to go, yeah, you just work through them one to
five your priorities. His response was delete, like like ruthlessly
(14:50):
abandoned six through twenty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Because his thesis
is fifteen to twenty is not killing you, Like they're
things that you know that you do sporadically. Six through
fifteen is what really fucks you, because you're trying to
tell yourself that you actually do those things. But the
fact is, because you're telling yourself that you kind of
do those things, you're never actually giving one to five
(15:13):
the attention.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
That you want to give them.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
You just have too much. And again he's again, you
do not have enough time. And the quicker that you
can realize that you're not going to get the things
done that you need to do, and you're not going
to get the things done that you want to do.
Simplifying and prioritizing comes really really simple, crystallizes.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah, the Burke dog, he's good at what he does.
He's got a couple of disciples in here. Even though
I have read a sentence of his.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Work time management for Mere Mortals. If you'd like a book, well,
speaking of time management, Oh no, I.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Happy with this.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Burto go if your priorities are outside of doing a podcast,
He's spent five minutes.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
I also want to live in a life where buying
a purs five is a job. Yeah right, I know.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Actually is a bit of a stress man. You know,
I've been talking about it. When do I have the
time to get this? You can go now, go now,
I can go now, I could go now get ready
for me, JB. That's not a mentioned.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Give out the things that you want to do, write
three of them. I reckon for your whole life, and
then try and put them into your week as the
first thing you do every day.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
And now see how many hours you put towards your
three priorities. Just just just equate that it's terrifying, but
also a good terrifying because you can make a change.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Brought you by Sam Pillar Greenow
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