August 19, 2022 • 42 mins
Big Ben picks a winner between Deshaun Watson and the NFL when it comes to the agreed upon 11-game suspension, Watson talking out of both sides of his mouth, Maller to the Third Degree, Lame Jokes of the Week, and more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thanks for listening to the best of the Ben Mallers
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(00:23):
This is the best of the Ben Maller Show on
Fox Sports Radio. We have agreement. Welcome in the beginning
of another edition of the Ben Mallers Show. We are
in the air everywhere together as we avoid a losing street,
(00:45):
coast to coast, border to border, and beyond. On the
vast and zestfully powerful microphones of fs are emanating live
from the machine, a lean, mean wrecking machine the Fox
Sports Radio students. Wherever you happen to be like could
(01:08):
be in the north Woods. So I'm gonna tell you
right now. Normally, on a given night, most people ain't
listen for a few minutes to a radio show. But
I normally try to change things up a little bit.
I work on my cutter, I've got my off speed pitch,
I throw a knuckleball, I've got a knuckle curveball, I've
got my fastball, So I mix up my pitches, but
(01:30):
sometimes be rare and appropriate. It does not call for
you to mix up your pitches. You can be a
one pitch pitcher. Now I'm gonna be a two pitch
pitcher through the course of the overnight. And there is
a story that we have talked about for over a
year which has had a major development, and that certainly
(01:50):
takes precedent considering we're here every night and heck on
the weekends too with the podcast. So our lead this
hour coming from the gridiron, but more like a corner
off us in a skyscraper in Manhattan. As it was
settlement day, we did you? Did you have a cake
(02:13):
to celebrate? Did you buy a cake? No? Probably not,
But we got a deal. We got a deal, yeah, uh.
Deshaun Watson with the Council of the Union, the players
Association in the NFL, of course, led by the ownership,
the people that run the NFL, and they have reached
(02:33):
a compromise and agreement to update the punishment for the
creepy Brown's quarterback. I assume you saw that by now,
but possibly not, maybe actually have exactly. Well, hey, NFL,
we gotta deal. Now. Maybe you saw it, maybe not.
Watson will be suspended for the first eleven games of
(02:54):
the regular season and find five million dollars. He is
also required to undergo evaluation and treatment for violating a
personal conduct policy, which is a whole lot of window dressing,
is what that is? All right, So let us discuss
the toss up question here. Who got the w in
(03:17):
this situation, DeShawn Watson or the NFL. And this is
very straightforward. It is a win for the creepy quarterback.
He won. He won, he got away with it. He
came out ahead. Deshaun Watson can pump his chest out
(03:38):
and say no, no, no no, no, no, no, gotcha, and
you know what, He's right. It's a dark day for
the NFL. But that's the way it is. I've got
Austin Powers, Walt Disney and cat Walk and we will
tie all of this together and we are going to
make some browns or brownies, I should say. All right,
(04:00):
so hey listen, Deshaun Watson beat the system. He did.
It's a huge day. If you are a supporter of
sinister activity, good day for you, menacing Watson able to
mess with dozens of women who filed lawsuits. And he
was going around fast and lucy goosey and all that.
(04:21):
And he had his little tiny towels and his baby oil.
He liked to be in the baby yoga pose there.
And so at this moment he can hoist the Jolly
Roger flag, Deshaun Watson. It doesn't matter that a retired
federal judge, Sue L. Robinson, found that Watson committed at
(04:41):
least four instances of non violet sexual assault, that she
found his conduct to be egregious and predatory. Watson wins.
Deshaun Watson looks like the character from Austin Powers International
Man of Mystery, Doctor Evil, played by Mike Myers. Right,
just imagine, if you will, in the little cartoon bubble
(05:04):
above your head, right right over your head there, imagine
Watson letting out a doctor Evil style laugh while holding
his pinkie to his mouth, right just like that, just
just wonderful, Like the creepy villain. He has that little
chuckle where you start out kind of in that low
pitch and then you raise it. The octavis go up
(05:26):
there that the levels go up, and you get more
invested in the left. So listen, Watson ended up getting
what he wanted. He wanted to play this year. He's
gonna play this year. He'll be back on the field
week twelve and his old stopping grounds. And boy, I
bet he's getting ready for those massages when he goes
back to Houston. Right, come on now, hello, yes, all right? Now,
(05:48):
Part being is what does this updated punishment tell us
about the NFL. They're losing locker room? What is a
refresher course the NFL? And it's gonna happen. And they
have their theme months, you know, they this, that and
the other theme. They very woke over there at the NFL.
But the NFL likes to brag about their scruples. They're mortals.
They are the paragon of virtue. It's all manufactured bullcraft.
(06:12):
It's a misrepresentation a fictional world. Walt Disney would be
proud of the level of make believe as it is
fantasy Land. The whole thing's a sham. It's a sham.
It's always been a sham. It will continue to be
a sham. Roger Goodell and his underlings they believe that
(06:33):
you are a rube, and so they talk a good
game and they end up being like a two faced
snake the NFL. We already knew a lot of this right,
but now they have again pulled back the curtain like
a vampire exposed to sunlight. And there's a lot of
cronyism on display here that Watson in this story. The
(06:58):
reason he's a winner is because it is the epitome
of falling upwards. Deshaun Watson now can author the book.
He can write the book about this. So let's flash
back in the way back machine. So, Deshaun Watson, remember
you had a hissy fit prior to all this stuff
coming out in Houston. He demanded a trade. He was
(07:18):
very upset the direction of the Texans franchise, and people
forget this part of the story. He did that before
having his pants pulled down literally and figuratively. In the
middle of that, these lawsuits started free falling from the heavens.
So what does the industrial complex and professional football do? Well?
(07:41):
They reward Deshaun Watson. He gets his wish. He has
traded from the Texans, is given the largest contract in
NFL history, two hundred and thirty million, gay aunteed Garrottade.
It's enough for him to get in that baby yoga
pose again and is off the accusers check issues a
(08:02):
bogus apology on Brown's TV check check, and now he'll
get some more vacation time to get more massages. He
gets eleven more weeks off, and the NFL has helped
reward Deshaun Watson for his ongoing string of failures. He
has benefited from this, and it's good to be Deshaun Watson.
(08:25):
All right. Now the last word here, how does the
future outlook project for Watson when he does eventually return
to the field. So Watson lives in a bubble. He's
the guy in the bubble, right, He's insulated from a
lot of this. Now. He does love social media and
people are often harsh. But I've found a lot of
(08:47):
toe sucking Brown's backers on social media that are Deshaun
Watson truthers. They stand with de Shaun Watson. So I
imagine he'll be surrounded by people writing his codetails already?
Is we know that? Did you see that? His quarterback coach,
some guy I've never heard of. I don't know this
cat is, but he got very upset with a newspaper
(09:09):
reporter for quoting Watson's agent. When Watson's agent gave a
no comment questioning the journalism integrity. When I go to
look for who the arbitrator of journalism integrity is, it
is a quarterback coach. That's who I turned to. Now
for de Seaun, it's all about the cat walk, That's
(09:29):
what it's all about. And so his happy place is
the place not many people go on vacation. We learned
that years ago Cleveland I Watson he can do the
pirouette and shake his little tush down the catwalk to
a thunderous round of cheers, right approval. The blind sheep
(09:54):
wearing the brown uniform. Why, because there's a common theme here.
He will be a fashionis stuck, he said Jerry Seinfeld,
who informed us years ago that in a comedy bid
turned out to be true. There's truth and comedy that
when you get right down to it, the people are
(10:14):
rooting for clothes, and so the Brown's backers. There'll be
a few that will post messages on social media saying
I'm no longer a fan, and I'll call radio shows
like this and say I'm not gonna do it. But
the vast I'm not gonna pull for Watson, but the
vast majority will continue to scream and shout approval support
of Watson because he's he's part of their gang. It's
(10:38):
part of their gang. For the rest of us, it's
on like Donkey Kong. He's going to be under siege
from the boob berds everywhere he goes on the road.
But eventually, what inevitably happens with these stories is people
move on to other stuff. They forget about this, and
eventually the storytellers around the NFL, they'll actually feel sorry
(10:59):
for Watson. We've seen this time and again. And then
what happens is they change the narrative. Right there's a storyline,
plot twist, and what's gonna happen. It's gonna be years
down the line, but it'll change from rise and fall,
which is what it is right now. The rise when
(11:20):
Watson was at Clemson and he was like Jesus, Mother,
Teresa and Gandhi. And then the fall when he had
his pants down and that we learned all of his
taboo habits at the massage office there. But he'll go
from rise fall to rise fall, Rise on the condition
(11:41):
that he does not suck if he goes out there
and blows, then all bets are off. But either way
he's getting two hundred thirty million or check that two
hundred and twenty five million will take down the five
million he's gonna pay, but he comes out ahead. So
a great day for creepsters like Deshaun Watson as he
(12:02):
ends up beating the NFL. And I was texting a
few friends of mine who work around the NFL on
a regular basis, and the working theory is that the
NFL did this because if they had given Watson what
he actually deserved, which is an indefinite lifetime suspension that
could be reviewed after a year, there would have been
(12:22):
a lawsuit and the NFL, even though they thought they
were going to win the lawsuit, they did not want
to deal with it. They didn't want to go through
the court system, and so this was a way to
circumvent the court system and not long gate the process
or process. But not a good day for the NFL.
(12:42):
But in the end, people are still going to watch
the games no matter what. It doesn't matter. And now
we've got a new really bad guy, got a bad dude,
Deshaun Watson. We can all hope that he goes out
there and breaks a leg right. Why not be sure
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports
Radio and the iHeartRadio app. The Quarterback, Muff the Apology,
(13:06):
Welcome in the beginning of another hour of The Ben
Mallers Show. We are in the air everywhere, side by
side as we are as cute as a bugs ear,
coast to coast, border to border and beyond on the
(13:27):
mass and vivaciously powerful microphones of fs are emanating live
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studios inside the device you're listening to somewhere from the
north Woods, and we play the hits. Play the Hits
(13:48):
by man or lead this hour coming from the Land.
As we continue our in depth around the clock team
covers of the punishment of the creepy quarterback, the NFL's
highest paid player, most guaranteed money all time. So Deshaun
Watson ends up getting the victory we talked about that
(14:08):
in a previous hour of the show. He ends up
taking what amounts to a plea deal, accepting an eleven
game suspension from the NFL. Watson cut massive checks to
settle twenty three of twenty four civil lawsuits from women
who had accused him of being a pervert. Sexual assault
(14:28):
session was conduct during massages. He cut checks last week.
You might remember happening on a Friday, and he looked
like he was in a hostage video on state sponsored
Brown's programming when he publicly Watson apologized on camera to
all the women I have impacted. So after the eleven
(14:50):
game suspension was announced, the pyrotechnic show then began and
Deshaun Watson was the one with the blowtorch lighting the
fireworks cup boom. Now, if you didn't hear, and maybe
not in a prepared statement, so this is the end
of the end. In the prepared statement, Watson said, wink, wink,
(15:14):
all the right things. I apologize once again for any
pain this situation is caused. I take accountability for the
decision decisions I made. Okay, so okay, fine. So then
he went out and talk to the media. He didn't
have a script and improv and during his news conference
(15:36):
he then backpedaled like he was attempting to keep up
with a Randy Moss running down field. Back in the day.
He backpedaled to saying that he has done nothing wrong.
So in the spin of like an hour, it went
from I apologize once again. So I have always stood
(15:57):
on minds I've done nothing wrong here and always said
I've never assaulted anyone or disrespected anyone Watson opining, he said,
I'm gonna continue to stand on my innocence. Close quote
from Deshaun. So let us discuss the question when you
first saw Deshaun Watson's statement and then heard his other
(16:24):
statement about innocence, We're on one hand, he says, I
apologize again, and then he maintains his innocence. What did
you think my observations. I've got Jerry Lee, Lewis Macavellian
and doom Buggy, and we'll connect all of these things
together and we are going to make massage oils, which
(16:47):
I understand de Shaun likes a lot. So Number one,
a friend of mine, here's how I heard the news.
So a friend of mine had sent me the quote
from Deshaun watch from the news conference. As you know,
you probably are working overnight right now. I'm someone that
does that as well. So working overnight, I sleep during
(17:09):
the day when most stuff's going on, and I woke
up from a snooze, and I don't sleep that long anyway.
And when I wake up, like most people, maybe like you,
I'm groggy. I'm a little sluggish, a little be draggled,
in that weird state where you're waking up. And I
immediately go to my phone like everyone else does, and
(17:30):
I see this quote and I'm like, oh, that's pretty funny.
That's some good work. In fact, I text back to
my buddy, I said, listen, that's I like that. They're
pretty good over there at ball Sack Sports. I said,
that's that's better than my guys sports talk Berry. It's
pretty funny. And in my head I'm thinking about there's
no way that Deshaun Watson's handlers would allow him to
(17:53):
say something so silly. I thought, well, that's satire. That's
pretty funny. You know, in a parallel dimension, maybe that happened.
So then I woke up and I rubbed my eyes
a little bit through some water on my face, and
so then I started snooping around looking at what happened
while I was in a coma, and I was like,
wait a minute, that that wasn't fake. He actually did it.
(18:16):
He did it, And so then I jumped on YouTube
and I found the press conference. I found the audio
and I was like, wow, that is hilarious. He said it.
The guy wasn't lying. I was like, holy conoli. I
could not believe it. And it's like Jerry Lee lewis right,
that old tune, goodness, gracious, great balls of fire, Deshaun
Watson big balls on fire, just like after a massage,
(18:41):
and what a toolbag, a blithering idiot. It's quite staggering,
but not shocking. Based on the other comments by Deshaun
Watson up until he was forced to apologize, it would
appear against his will to get a deal, all right,
and no more talking points. It was just him in
the media and he had to ad lib. And that
(19:04):
was Deshaun Watson saying he doesn't care. And it reminded
me of old quote. I quote Mark Twain a lot,
and I don't know how many of these things actually
came from him, but my dad was a huge fan
of Mark Twain, so he used to regale me with
all these Mark Twain quotes. But there's a Mark Twain
quote that goes something like, it's better to keep your
mouth shut and let people think you are a fool
(19:26):
than to open it up and remove any doubt at all.
And Deshaun Watson, to his credit, removed all doubt. He's
a donkey. Okay, the Browns, I get it. They're cool
with it right that they don't worry about any the NFL.
They don't give a rat's ass. We know DeShawn doesn't care. Now. Secondly,
(19:46):
on page two, will the real DeShawn Watson please stand
up and where I'm sitting on this side of the microphone.
He did, right, There's no debate. That was the unfiltered version.
We saw what the masseus has witnessed, although he wasn't
completely naked, but in the raw if you will. And
(20:09):
so watching how this last twenty four hour news cycle
has played out, it's very Macavellian, devious, cunning. Watson played
along with his team, his posse. He said, indeed what
he had to do to get back on the field
(20:31):
as ap, and in that on camera apology, it's more
likely than not that that had been choreographed, as we
said in a previous episode of the show, more than
a Broadway play. You must suspend disbelief to think otherwise.
(20:54):
And as far as Watson's prepared statement, do you think
that Watson had anything to do with that other than
pay the person that came up with it. I'd be
surprised if he did. We know that was likely vetted
by a gaggle of puppeteers co conspirators, if you will,
and the Deshaun that spoke on camera after the suspension
(21:18):
agreement that was unmodified, unsullied by spin. His body language.
That's the other thing about this. Nobody's talking about this,
but the body language. And I recommend if you, if
you have eyes, I mean for our blindlisteners, let me
just explain. But for those of you that can watch it,
the body language was also a dead giveaway. Okay, he
(21:40):
was lyingg He was lying when he gave that state,
and when he said, I've always stood by my innocence
and I always have said I never assaulted anyone or
disrespected anyone. When he made that particular state. What I
did is I went back and I checked my notes,
I went by I looked at the FBI Handbook of
(22:01):
Lying or two line and there's a there's a tell
that Watson did while he was saying that line, he
kept moving his head. His head was shaking from back
and forth right while he was speaking, Now a coin
to the lying handbook. If people shake their head while
(22:22):
they're saying something, they've just denied the statement that their make. Meaning.
While Watson was saying something, the reason his head was
going back and forth is because it was part of
his brain was like, oh, you're lying, and so he was.
He was letting the world know. And I am going
to overdose on Schotenfreude if this story gets any better,
(22:45):
because think about where we are right now. You have
the Browns owners. Will talk more about that later. The
Browns owner came out claiming that, you know, Watson painted
Watson as a victim. But more importantly, he claimed that
Watson is sorry and is willing to change. That was
the gist of the statement, right they prepared. It wasn't
(23:07):
prepared statement. It was the owner comedy. They're so willing
to change. And while that's happening, simultaneously, while the owner
of the team saying, oh, he's gonna change, the people
around Watson, he's gonna change, Deshaun is letting everyone know
that he is one hund innocent and doesn't need to
change a damn thing. It's comedy. Gold is what it is.
(23:29):
If you can't make it up. It is a billion
dollar business, multi billion dollars, the NFL and the Cleveland
Browns and this is what you got. Dum de dum,
dumb dumb all right. Final point, So, is this settlement
the end of the Deshaun Watson saga. So I'm glad
you asked, and my response not by a long shot.
(23:53):
As they say in the opera, it ain't over till
the Fat Lady sings and the NFL and all the
people that have a vested interest in this, the Cleveland Browns,
Deshaun Watson, the people around Watson, Roger Goodell, his underlings
at the NFL, they will all be writing in the
Doom Buggy and they'll be writing in Deshaun Watson's haunted
(24:14):
mansion because it is going to be a spooky one
hundred and fifty four days. Because that's the timeline is
League brass are going to hope that there's no singing
ghosts or skeletons that pop out of the closet here.
There's a lot of fingernails that are gonna be chewed
(24:35):
up here worried about the attack of the Hobgoblin. And
I'll tell you why, because there's still one outstanding civil
lawsuit one woman, only one woman has not taken the money.
And so we're hearing that Watson is still trying to
pay that woman off. We'll see if he still wants
(24:55):
to do that after this. He's already gotten his punishment,
but the offers there. From what I understand, the offer's
gone up so far he has been unsuccessful at meeting
a compromise with that particular woman. It's garantee if that
goes to a civil case that all of the toddry
(25:16):
behavior will be chronicled yet again from that particular trial
will be put into the echo chamber, and we will
be able to yet again dissect every tantalizing tabboat from
Deshaun Watson. And then you have the other thing I mentioned,
the doom buggy. You have the statute of limitations and
(25:40):
some more troublesome math. So Watson had twenty four cases
against him in civil court, but there are likely close
to a hundred women who he was with. Some of those,
more than the twenty four, likely enjoy Deshawn's advance. And
(26:02):
that means, if my math is correct, that based on
when that massage happened, they would be able to file
a new round of lawsuits right up until mid March
twenty twenty three. I believe March eighteenth, twenty twenty one
was when the poop hit the fan in the massage
(26:24):
room for Deshaun Watson. So Watson has that long to
wait mid March, and his attitude, I would think is
going to likely inspire if there are others out there
to make more claims against him. So buckle up for
the spooky spooky ride. It's it's going to be interesting now,
(26:45):
just to prove I'm not lying about what Deshaun Watson
had had said. Here, here's Watson. You'll hear him, and
he points out, well, I have apologized already. Listened to
Watson his own words. Let's go to the audio tape.
I apologie eyes beforehand. I think the second time I
spoke to you guys, I actually apologized, but I think
for some people it didn't maybe register as I as
(27:09):
I was apologizing, but you know, I just wanted to clarify,
you know, I was apologizing to all women and people
that was affected about this situation because it's, uh, you know,
it's it's definitely a tough situation. Yeah, So that was one,
Deshaun Watson. Here's the other, Deshaun Watson. I've always stood
on my innocence and always said that I've never assaulted
(27:30):
anyone or disrespected anyone, and I'm continued to stand on that.
But at the same time, I have to continue to
push forward with my life in my career, and for
us to be able to move forward, you know, I
have to be able to take steps and pit prior
to the side. And I'm gonna continue to stand on
my innocence and keep pushing forward. And I've always, you know,
stood on not disrespecting or sexual assaulting anyone. There You good.
(27:52):
You can't make this up. What how did he get
out of Clemson? You must not a graduate. That's unbelieval.
This guy's a moron. Unbelievable. Be sure to catch live
editions of The Ben Maller Show weekday, said two am
Eastern eleven pm Pacific my chest. If you want exclusive
insight from the biggest names in the sports game. What's good?
(28:14):
This is national champion and former pro bowler Chris Johnson.
Let me tell you a little bit about my new series.
kJ J Live is the only show featuring me going
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I mean that real. I got legendary Hall of famers,
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(28:34):
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Live wherever you get your podcast from, it's maller. How
about to the third degree? This is one big band
(28:57):
gets grailed too. The College Football Playoffs Board of Managers
met on Monday, and apparently one of the topics of
discussion was the idea of becoming the governing body of
college football. Ben Are we nearing the end for the
ncuble A, Well, we can only hope. Right when that happens,
we can say hallelujah. Right, the NCAA has served its purpose.
(29:20):
It started out the reason the NCAA existed at a
different name, but it was to save college football. The
flying wage. People were dying playing college football. Schools were
getting rid of college football, and like everything else in Washington,
it started out with good intentions and turned into a
monster of bureaucracy. So why not college football can stand alone,
and you can have two worlds of college athletics. I
(29:43):
think that's a great idea. You have all the other
sports and then you have football. Next, x Phillis and
Yankees manager Joe Girardi has joined Marquis Sports Network and
will serve as game analysts for the Chicago Cubs. Ben,
do you think this is where Girardi settles in or
do you expect to return to managing at some point. No,
I could see him managing again, but he's on the
short list. You would think with the Yankees as a
former Yankee, he had success there as manager of Aaron
(30:05):
Boone walks the plank. Girardi's got to be in the mix,
and then outside of that, I think he'll be in
the broadcast booth for a fair amount of time. He
really gagged in Philadelphia. He choked on the cheese steak
there and it was toxic. So that's a bad look.
But he's pretty dull as a broadcast so I don't
know how long that's gonna last. Next. Clippers coach Ty
(30:26):
Lou was asked Wednesday if Kawhi Leonard will be ready
for the start of the NBA season. Lou chuckled and said,
I don't know Ben who has made a bigger impact
on the Clippers franchise, Kawhi or Michael Oliver Candy that's
a stupid question. Kawhi Leonards the Messiah, He's the Great, Hope,
the Monarch. He'll take the team to the promised Land.
Michael Ohler Candy Stead he was shock, but he played
(30:50):
more like a turd, played like Poindexter. There and Tyler
Coach of the Year, the Great Tyler. Where you get
the loss? There, Coop, I'm sorry. Fox Sports Radio has
the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all
of our shows at Foxsports Radio dot com and within
(31:10):
the iHeartRadio app. Search f SR to listen live Knock Knock,
Who's there? Blame Week? Blame Week? Coop, it's Big Band's
lame joke of the week? Is there actual jokes? By? Actually?
What's that? Roberto? We can't do the year. I need
Coop to stand in as your Ed McMahon for a
few minutes. I have to record. So I got a
(31:31):
weed Man, Can you got reband? Okay? Used Man? There
you go, Good job man, weed Man. You want to
be my co host? Weed Man? Hey, Dad, love you
all right? I'm gonna bounce the jokes off you weed Man. Okay,
maybe all these are actual jokes in by actual listeners.
If you'd like to send jokes in you think you're funny,
you think you can make people laugh, send the jokes
(31:52):
in care of Ben Maller's show at gmail dot com.
Ben Maller Show at gmail dot com. Put jokes in
the headline, and we thank you in advance. And if
you're easily offended by jokes, if you have no sense
of humor, I get it. I used to have a
teacher like that. I used to have a boss like that.
It's probably not the segment for you because we're just
having a good time, all right. So what is the
difference between weed Man and Lizzo. I'm not that no, no,
(32:18):
no, no no side. Yes, weed Man is a hippie, but
Lizzo is just hippie that's chipped from man. What's that cool?
So that could have been so much better. I know
weed Man is a hippie. Lizzo is a hippo. Yeah,
(32:38):
hippie hippie. All right. What's the name of Lizzo's first
country song? I don't know, cow Girl, that's that's surfer
Todd the comedian. Why is Lizzo mad at her doctor?
(33:01):
I don't know, Big, I know you don't know. Why,
God bless you? Why is liz Lizzo matter to doctor
because he told her to lift her lift up her
trunk and say ah, just like that. That's the Why
(33:22):
does Lizzo eat? Why does Lizzo? Why doesn't Lizzo? I
should say, eat fresh fish? It helped me. No, she
doesn't eat. She does not. You're just supposed to say
why here something magical about We've been trying to answer
the question. The answer to why why doesn't Lizzo eat
(33:45):
fresh fish? She does not want to have anything to
do with any scales, That's why. All right, that's the
George gel And here's another one. What is it? Okay?
What is the difference between Lizzo and Queen Latifa? I
don't know what's the difference between them? About four hundred
(34:07):
and fifty pounds is the difference. But this is a
hard one. Who is Lizzo's favorite baseball player? Oh? Um,
Daniel Vogelbach. Nope, Oh, Toney is a chip from Maine?
(34:32):
Who sent that one? And did you hear about the
walrus in Norway? That was youth and I I did
because it was too popular with the locals. As sad
story that was terrible. In a related note, Lizzo has
canceled all of the uh It's Gordon into coma. Why
(34:56):
does Lizzo always order from five guys? I don't know
why it takes five. It takes five guys to be
able to lift her Chris, Chris and de Moine. Why
does Lizzo wish he was blind? Scott? Oh wow, I
don't know. Why would she wish that? Well, then she
(35:16):
wouldn't have to watch the Red Sox either, so she
Boston and Which which recent law are Lizzo and Robbie
the Mariner fan excited about? Oh? I don't know what
what what changed in the law? They excited about? Excited
about Reese's law? Eddie, they're very shadowed about Eric. I
(35:41):
don't know. I don't know either. Coop, you got any
jokes over there? Coop? No, Weed Man, you got any
jokes over there? I don't have a joke. He's even
broke with jokes. All right, we'll have the renis of
Big Ben's lame jokes. There are some jokes about you
(36:03):
don't worry Weed man, you did get there were some
jokes made about you. We'll get to that Big Ben's
Lame Jokes in the week. Continue, we'll get to it next.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm pacifics Lame
Jokes the week. If you like this segment, we do
it just once a week. If you you don't like it,
it's only it is only once a week, So who
(36:23):
cares anyway? All right, here we go. What do cockroaches
and weed man's false teeth have in common? There? God,
I don't know what are they have in common? They
both come out at night, Eddie, they both come out
at night. So you don't have your tooth at all.
You lost your tooth. Your tooth is gone, lost my teeth. Okay,
(36:47):
how does weed man hippie determine? How does we man
hippie determine whether he's going to eat, whether he's going
to eat from day to day? I don't know how
does he determine that? Well, every morning he checked his
glue traps and then he decides what he gonna eat.
The hill a billion Mike set that one in. Thank
you for that all right? You know what people said
(37:10):
as Jed who fled and weed Man slid down the
shoot of a water slide. I know what did they say? Said? Wow,
this must also serve as a toilet from Gared from Youngstown, Ohio.
Big fan of your work there, weed Man, big fan
of your work. Coop, you got any jokes over there? Cool?
(37:35):
Still designing if I want to? If I want to
tell it, come back to me. It's all you, Coop.
I'll send you another one of you on here that
you probably won't want to read that one either. All right?
Did you know that Deshaun Watson has been going around
and introducing himself to Browns fans? Oh? Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah,
(37:56):
this is because the law requires he give notification to
his neighbor's when he lives nearby. Chris in them. And
why has the Shawn Watson been doing a lot of
barbecue lately? I don't know. Why is he barbecue? He's
working on his dry rob Eddy he likes that surfer.
(38:22):
Todd the comedian sent that one in Aaron after Aaron
Rodgers admit it to using the psychedelic drug ayahuasca in Peru.
What did he say when asked if he used any
other drugs. I don't know. What do you what do
you say? He said, I don't use cocaine. I love
the way it smells. That's it hot. RSV Pete Surfer Todd.
(38:50):
Is he gonna be at that meet and greet next Friday? Hey,
Weed man, we're gonna be meeting fans of the show.
If you want to come to LA next week, we'll
be there. Why me there? Yes, I'm sure you will.
Coop was in Miami and you didn't even see him.
I didn't get there. I know, all right. A couple
(39:12):
of dad jokes. A cougar got really close to me today, Eddie. Yeah,
it made me Puma pants. That's awful. San Francisco. How
does an Australian toilet greet you? I don't know how
does an Australian toilet greet you? But day mate occurred
(39:36):
from Earth? You think that was funny? He laughed at that.
He thought it was funny. Laugh. What did Ben Mallers
say when I asked what he wanted at his next
birthday party? This sounds like a good one. I don't know.
What did you say when you were asked about your
next birthday said, I want a camu camu, That is
what I said? And Ralei, Why was Roberto called a
(39:59):
paragraph as a kid? I don't know. Why would they
do that? That's crazy? He was apparently too short to
be an essay. Eric also said this one. And why
was the head of Fox Sports Radio Don Martin upset
(40:19):
with Ben Maller? Wow? When he didn't do the show
last week? A Don Martin joke. I don't know. Why
was he upset? My man? Apparently he was upset Eddie
because he heard there was no show and he got upset.
But there was no show. I wasn't here, there was
no show. What do you call Felexis's NFL picks during
(40:41):
the off season? I don't know what do you call that?
Picking with Poppy is what you call it? Right? Rob
from San Francisco? What's better than having ten million dollars
having twenty million? Yeah? Having a mute button on your radio?
When Andrea the Sports Sorceress calls the mallah, that's from
(41:02):
Gordon and to come. That's not very nice, Gordon. How
dare you the wizard? Right man? The wizard? I love, Yeah,
she's a big fan of hers. Why was Andrea and
Berkeley's a fortune Teller's conference canceled. Oh wait a minute,
it wasn't wed Men that called the wizard. It was
the Redbreast guy. Anyway, Well, I don't know why, all right?
(41:22):
Why was Andrea's U Andrew and Berkeley's for fortune Teller's
conference canceled because of unforeseen circumstances, Eddie? Unforeseen circumstances? Yeah,
Coop anything, last chance? Coop? No, I can't do it,
all right? Those are pretty good jokes. What is Uncle
(41:44):
Dynamite's favorite cable channel? Oh? T and t? Oh, you've
heard that joke before? Why that was from e? Why
does Regina's bike keep going around and around in circles?
I don't know why. Spin cycle? That's why, Eddie the
spin cycle. Thanking week Day Lad Jokes of the Week
(42:06):
m
Thanks for listening to the best of the Ben Mallers
Show podcast. Be sure to catch us live every weeknight
from two to six Eastern eleven pm to three am
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and to find your local
station for the Ben Mathers Show at Fox Sports Radio
dot Com. You can find it there or stream us
live every night on the iHeartRadio app by searching FSR.
(00:23):
This is the best of the Ben Maller Show on
Fox Sports Radio. We have agreement. Welcome in the beginning
of another edition of the Ben Mallers Show. We are
in the air everywhere together as we avoid a losing street,
(00:45):
coast to coast, border to border, and beyond. On the
vast and zestfully powerful microphones of fs are emanating live
from the machine, a lean, mean wrecking machine the Fox
Sports Radio students. Wherever you happen to be like could
(01:08):
be in the north Woods. So I'm gonna tell you
right now. Normally, on a given night, most people ain't
listen for a few minutes to a radio show. But
I normally try to change things up a little bit.
I work on my cutter, I've got my off speed pitch,
I throw a knuckleball, I've got a knuckle curveball, I've
got my fastball, So I mix up my pitches, but
(01:30):
sometimes be rare and appropriate. It does not call for
you to mix up your pitches. You can be a
one pitch pitcher. Now I'm gonna be a two pitch
pitcher through the course of the overnight. And there is
a story that we have talked about for over a
year which has had a major development, and that certainly
(01:50):
takes precedent considering we're here every night and heck on
the weekends too with the podcast. So our lead this
hour coming from the gridiron, but more like a corner
off us in a skyscraper in Manhattan. As it was
settlement day, we did you? Did you have a cake
(02:13):
to celebrate? Did you buy a cake? No? Probably not,
But we got a deal. We got a deal, yeah, uh.
Deshaun Watson with the Council of the Union, the players
Association in the NFL, of course, led by the ownership,
the people that run the NFL, and they have reached
(02:33):
a compromise and agreement to update the punishment for the
creepy Brown's quarterback. I assume you saw that by now,
but possibly not, maybe actually have exactly. Well, hey, NFL,
we gotta deal. Now. Maybe you saw it, maybe not.
Watson will be suspended for the first eleven games of
(02:54):
the regular season and find five million dollars. He is
also required to undergo evaluation and treatment for violating a
personal conduct policy, which is a whole lot of window dressing,
is what that is? All right, So let us discuss
the toss up question here. Who got the w in
(03:17):
this situation, DeShawn Watson or the NFL. And this is
very straightforward. It is a win for the creepy quarterback.
He won. He won, he got away with it. He
came out ahead. Deshaun Watson can pump his chest out
(03:38):
and say no, no, no no, no, no, no, gotcha, and
you know what, He's right. It's a dark day for
the NFL. But that's the way it is. I've got
Austin Powers, Walt Disney and cat Walk and we will
tie all of this together and we are going to
make some browns or brownies, I should say. All right,
(04:00):
so hey listen, Deshaun Watson beat the system. He did.
It's a huge day. If you are a supporter of
sinister activity, good day for you, menacing Watson able to
mess with dozens of women who filed lawsuits. And he
was going around fast and lucy goosey and all that.
(04:21):
And he had his little tiny towels and his baby oil.
He liked to be in the baby yoga pose there.
And so at this moment he can hoist the Jolly
Roger flag, Deshaun Watson. It doesn't matter that a retired
federal judge, Sue L. Robinson, found that Watson committed at
(04:41):
least four instances of non violet sexual assault, that she
found his conduct to be egregious and predatory. Watson wins.
Deshaun Watson looks like the character from Austin Powers International
Man of Mystery, Doctor Evil, played by Mike Myers. Right,
just imagine, if you will, in the little cartoon bubble
(05:04):
above your head, right right over your head there, imagine
Watson letting out a doctor Evil style laugh while holding
his pinkie to his mouth, right just like that, just
just wonderful, Like the creepy villain. He has that little
chuckle where you start out kind of in that low
pitch and then you raise it. The octavis go up
(05:26):
there that the levels go up, and you get more
invested in the left. So listen, Watson ended up getting
what he wanted. He wanted to play this year. He's
gonna play this year. He'll be back on the field
week twelve and his old stopping grounds. And boy, I
bet he's getting ready for those massages when he goes
back to Houston. Right, come on now, hello, yes, all right? Now,
(05:48):
Part being is what does this updated punishment tell us
about the NFL. They're losing locker room? What is a
refresher course the NFL? And it's gonna happen. And they
have their theme months, you know, they this, that and
the other theme. They very woke over there at the NFL.
But the NFL likes to brag about their scruples. They're mortals.
They are the paragon of virtue. It's all manufactured bullcraft.
(06:12):
It's a misrepresentation a fictional world. Walt Disney would be
proud of the level of make believe as it is
fantasy Land. The whole thing's a sham. It's a sham.
It's always been a sham. It will continue to be
a sham. Roger Goodell and his underlings they believe that
(06:33):
you are a rube, and so they talk a good
game and they end up being like a two faced
snake the NFL. We already knew a lot of this right,
but now they have again pulled back the curtain like
a vampire exposed to sunlight. And there's a lot of
cronyism on display here that Watson in this story. The
(06:58):
reason he's a winner is because it is the epitome
of falling upwards. Deshaun Watson now can author the book.
He can write the book about this. So let's flash
back in the way back machine. So, Deshaun Watson, remember
you had a hissy fit prior to all this stuff
coming out in Houston. He demanded a trade. He was
(07:18):
very upset the direction of the Texans franchise, and people
forget this part of the story. He did that before
having his pants pulled down literally and figuratively. In the
middle of that, these lawsuits started free falling from the heavens.
So what does the industrial complex and professional football do? Well?
(07:41):
They reward Deshaun Watson. He gets his wish. He has
traded from the Texans, is given the largest contract in
NFL history, two hundred and thirty million, gay aunteed Garrottade.
It's enough for him to get in that baby yoga
pose again and is off the accusers check issues a
(08:02):
bogus apology on Brown's TV check check, and now he'll
get some more vacation time to get more massages. He
gets eleven more weeks off, and the NFL has helped
reward Deshaun Watson for his ongoing string of failures. He
has benefited from this, and it's good to be Deshaun Watson.
(08:25):
All right. Now the last word here, how does the
future outlook project for Watson when he does eventually return
to the field. So Watson lives in a bubble. He's
the guy in the bubble, right, He's insulated from a
lot of this. Now. He does love social media and
people are often harsh. But I've found a lot of
(08:47):
toe sucking Brown's backers on social media that are Deshaun
Watson truthers. They stand with de Shaun Watson. So I
imagine he'll be surrounded by people writing his codetails already?
Is we know that? Did you see that? His quarterback coach,
some guy I've never heard of. I don't know this
cat is, but he got very upset with a newspaper
(09:09):
reporter for quoting Watson's agent. When Watson's agent gave a
no comment questioning the journalism integrity. When I go to
look for who the arbitrator of journalism integrity is, it
is a quarterback coach. That's who I turned to. Now
for de Seaun, it's all about the cat walk, That's
(09:29):
what it's all about. And so his happy place is
the place not many people go on vacation. We learned
that years ago Cleveland I Watson he can do the
pirouette and shake his little tush down the catwalk to
a thunderous round of cheers, right approval. The blind sheep
(09:54):
wearing the brown uniform. Why, because there's a common theme here.
He will be a fashionis stuck, he said Jerry Seinfeld,
who informed us years ago that in a comedy bid
turned out to be true. There's truth and comedy that
when you get right down to it, the people are
(10:14):
rooting for clothes, and so the Brown's backers. There'll be
a few that will post messages on social media saying
I'm no longer a fan, and I'll call radio shows
like this and say I'm not gonna do it. But
the vast I'm not gonna pull for Watson, but the
vast majority will continue to scream and shout approval support
of Watson because he's he's part of their gang. It's
(10:38):
part of their gang. For the rest of us, it's
on like Donkey Kong. He's going to be under siege
from the boob berds everywhere he goes on the road.
But eventually, what inevitably happens with these stories is people
move on to other stuff. They forget about this, and
eventually the storytellers around the NFL, they'll actually feel sorry
(10:59):
for Watson. We've seen this time and again. And then
what happens is they change the narrative. Right there's a storyline,
plot twist, and what's gonna happen. It's gonna be years
down the line, but it'll change from rise and fall,
which is what it is right now. The rise when
(11:20):
Watson was at Clemson and he was like Jesus, Mother,
Teresa and Gandhi. And then the fall when he had
his pants down and that we learned all of his
taboo habits at the massage office there. But he'll go
from rise fall to rise fall, Rise on the condition
(11:41):
that he does not suck if he goes out there
and blows, then all bets are off. But either way
he's getting two hundred thirty million or check that two
hundred and twenty five million will take down the five
million he's gonna pay, but he comes out ahead. So
a great day for creepsters like Deshaun Watson as he
(12:02):
ends up beating the NFL. And I was texting a
few friends of mine who work around the NFL on
a regular basis, and the working theory is that the
NFL did this because if they had given Watson what
he actually deserved, which is an indefinite lifetime suspension that
could be reviewed after a year, there would have been
(12:22):
a lawsuit and the NFL, even though they thought they
were going to win the lawsuit, they did not want
to deal with it. They didn't want to go through
the court system, and so this was a way to
circumvent the court system and not long gate the process
or process. But not a good day for the NFL.
(12:42):
But in the end, people are still going to watch
the games no matter what. It doesn't matter. And now
we've got a new really bad guy, got a bad dude,
Deshaun Watson. We can all hope that he goes out
there and breaks a leg right. Why not be sure
to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports
Radio and the iHeartRadio app. The Quarterback, Muff the Apology,
(13:06):
Welcome in the beginning of another hour of The Ben
Mallers Show. We are in the air everywhere, side by
side as we are as cute as a bugs ear,
coast to coast, border to border and beyond on the
(13:27):
mass and vivaciously powerful microphones of fs are emanating live
from the Victory the Victory Formation the Fox Sports Radio
studios inside the device you're listening to somewhere from the
north Woods, and we play the hits. Play the Hits
(13:48):
by man or lead this hour coming from the Land.
As we continue our in depth around the clock team
covers of the punishment of the creepy quarterback, the NFL's
highest paid player, most guaranteed money all time. So Deshaun
Watson ends up getting the victory we talked about that
(14:08):
in a previous hour of the show. He ends up
taking what amounts to a plea deal, accepting an eleven
game suspension from the NFL. Watson cut massive checks to
settle twenty three of twenty four civil lawsuits from women
who had accused him of being a pervert. Sexual assault
(14:28):
session was conduct during massages. He cut checks last week.
You might remember happening on a Friday, and he looked
like he was in a hostage video on state sponsored
Brown's programming when he publicly Watson apologized on camera to
all the women I have impacted. So after the eleven
(14:50):
game suspension was announced, the pyrotechnic show then began and
Deshaun Watson was the one with the blowtorch lighting the
fireworks cup boom. Now, if you didn't hear, and maybe
not in a prepared statement, so this is the end
of the end. In the prepared statement, Watson said, wink, wink,
(15:14):
all the right things. I apologize once again for any
pain this situation is caused. I take accountability for the
decision decisions I made. Okay, so okay, fine. So then
he went out and talk to the media. He didn't
have a script and improv and during his news conference
(15:36):
he then backpedaled like he was attempting to keep up
with a Randy Moss running down field. Back in the day.
He backpedaled to saying that he has done nothing wrong.
So in the spin of like an hour, it went
from I apologize once again. So I have always stood
(15:57):
on minds I've done nothing wrong here and always said
I've never assaulted anyone or disrespected anyone Watson opining, he said,
I'm gonna continue to stand on my innocence. Close quote
from Deshaun. So let us discuss the question when you
first saw Deshaun Watson's statement and then heard his other
(16:24):
statement about innocence, We're on one hand, he says, I
apologize again, and then he maintains his innocence. What did
you think my observations. I've got Jerry Lee, Lewis Macavellian
and doom Buggy, and we'll connect all of these things
together and we are going to make massage oils, which
(16:47):
I understand de Shaun likes a lot. So Number one,
a friend of mine, here's how I heard the news.
So a friend of mine had sent me the quote
from Deshaun watch from the news conference. As you know,
you probably are working overnight right now. I'm someone that
does that as well. So working overnight, I sleep during
(17:09):
the day when most stuff's going on, and I woke
up from a snooze, and I don't sleep that long anyway.
And when I wake up, like most people, maybe like you,
I'm groggy. I'm a little sluggish, a little be draggled,
in that weird state where you're waking up. And I
immediately go to my phone like everyone else does, and
(17:30):
I see this quote and I'm like, oh, that's pretty funny.
That's some good work. In fact, I text back to
my buddy, I said, listen, that's I like that. They're
pretty good over there at ball Sack Sports. I said,
that's that's better than my guys sports talk Berry. It's
pretty funny. And in my head I'm thinking about there's
no way that Deshaun Watson's handlers would allow him to
(17:53):
say something so silly. I thought, well, that's satire. That's
pretty funny. You know, in a parallel dimension, maybe that happened.
So then I woke up and I rubbed my eyes
a little bit through some water on my face, and
so then I started snooping around looking at what happened
while I was in a coma, and I was like,
wait a minute, that that wasn't fake. He actually did it.
(18:16):
He did it, And so then I jumped on YouTube
and I found the press conference. I found the audio
and I was like, wow, that is hilarious. He said it.
The guy wasn't lying. I was like, holy conoli. I
could not believe it. And it's like Jerry Lee lewis right,
that old tune, goodness, gracious, great balls of fire, Deshaun
Watson big balls on fire, just like after a massage,
(18:41):
and what a toolbag, a blithering idiot. It's quite staggering,
but not shocking. Based on the other comments by Deshaun
Watson up until he was forced to apologize, it would
appear against his will to get a deal, all right,
and no more talking points. It was just him in
the media and he had to ad lib. And that
(19:04):
was Deshaun Watson saying he doesn't care. And it reminded
me of old quote. I quote Mark Twain a lot,
and I don't know how many of these things actually
came from him, but my dad was a huge fan
of Mark Twain, so he used to regale me with
all these Mark Twain quotes. But there's a Mark Twain
quote that goes something like, it's better to keep your
mouth shut and let people think you are a fool
(19:26):
than to open it up and remove any doubt at all.
And Deshaun Watson, to his credit, removed all doubt. He's
a donkey. Okay, the Browns, I get it. They're cool
with it right that they don't worry about any the NFL.
They don't give a rat's ass. We know DeShawn doesn't care. Now. Secondly,
(19:46):
on page two, will the real DeShawn Watson please stand
up and where I'm sitting on this side of the microphone.
He did, right, There's no debate. That was the unfiltered version.
We saw what the masseus has witnessed, although he wasn't
completely naked, but in the raw if you will. And
(20:09):
so watching how this last twenty four hour news cycle
has played out, it's very Macavellian, devious, cunning. Watson played
along with his team, his posse. He said, indeed what
he had to do to get back on the field
(20:31):
as ap, and in that on camera apology, it's more
likely than not that that had been choreographed, as we
said in a previous episode of the show, more than
a Broadway play. You must suspend disbelief to think otherwise.
(20:54):
And as far as Watson's prepared statement, do you think
that Watson had anything to do with that other than
pay the person that came up with it. I'd be
surprised if he did. We know that was likely vetted
by a gaggle of puppeteers co conspirators, if you will,
and the Deshaun that spoke on camera after the suspension
(21:18):
agreement that was unmodified, unsullied by spin. His body language.
That's the other thing about this. Nobody's talking about this,
but the body language. And I recommend if you, if
you have eyes, I mean for our blindlisteners, let me
just explain. But for those of you that can watch it,
the body language was also a dead giveaway. Okay, he
(21:40):
was lyingg He was lying when he gave that state,
and when he said, I've always stood by my innocence
and I always have said I never assaulted anyone or
disrespected anyone. When he made that particular state. What I
did is I went back and I checked my notes,
I went by I looked at the FBI Handbook of
(22:01):
Lying or two line and there's a there's a tell
that Watson did while he was saying that line, he
kept moving his head. His head was shaking from back
and forth right while he was speaking, Now a coin
to the lying handbook. If people shake their head while
(22:22):
they're saying something, they've just denied the statement that their make. Meaning.
While Watson was saying something, the reason his head was
going back and forth is because it was part of
his brain was like, oh, you're lying, and so he was.
He was letting the world know. And I am going
to overdose on Schotenfreude if this story gets any better,
(22:45):
because think about where we are right now. You have
the Browns owners. Will talk more about that later. The
Browns owner came out claiming that, you know, Watson painted
Watson as a victim. But more importantly, he claimed that
Watson is sorry and is willing to change. That was
the gist of the statement, right they prepared. It wasn't
(23:07):
prepared statement. It was the owner comedy. They're so willing
to change. And while that's happening, simultaneously, while the owner
of the team saying, oh, he's gonna change, the people
around Watson, he's gonna change, Deshaun is letting everyone know
that he is one hund innocent and doesn't need to
change a damn thing. It's comedy. Gold is what it is.
(23:29):
If you can't make it up. It is a billion
dollar business, multi billion dollars, the NFL and the Cleveland
Browns and this is what you got. Dum de dum,
dumb dumb all right. Final point, So, is this settlement
the end of the Deshaun Watson saga. So I'm glad
you asked, and my response not by a long shot.
(23:53):
As they say in the opera, it ain't over till
the Fat Lady sings and the NFL and all the
people that have a vested interest in this, the Cleveland Browns,
Deshaun Watson, the people around Watson, Roger Goodell, his underlings
at the NFL, they will all be writing in the
Doom Buggy and they'll be writing in Deshaun Watson's haunted
(24:14):
mansion because it is going to be a spooky one
hundred and fifty four days. Because that's the timeline is
League brass are going to hope that there's no singing
ghosts or skeletons that pop out of the closet here.
There's a lot of fingernails that are gonna be chewed
(24:35):
up here worried about the attack of the Hobgoblin. And
I'll tell you why, because there's still one outstanding civil
lawsuit one woman, only one woman has not taken the money.
And so we're hearing that Watson is still trying to
pay that woman off. We'll see if he still wants
(24:55):
to do that after this. He's already gotten his punishment,
but the offers there. From what I understand, the offer's
gone up so far he has been unsuccessful at meeting
a compromise with that particular woman. It's garantee if that
goes to a civil case that all of the toddry
(25:16):
behavior will be chronicled yet again from that particular trial
will be put into the echo chamber, and we will
be able to yet again dissect every tantalizing tabboat from
Deshaun Watson. And then you have the other thing I mentioned,
the doom buggy. You have the statute of limitations and
(25:40):
some more troublesome math. So Watson had twenty four cases
against him in civil court, but there are likely close
to a hundred women who he was with. Some of those,
more than the twenty four, likely enjoy Deshawn's advance. And
(26:02):
that means, if my math is correct, that based on
when that massage happened, they would be able to file
a new round of lawsuits right up until mid March
twenty twenty three. I believe March eighteenth, twenty twenty one
was when the poop hit the fan in the massage
(26:24):
room for Deshaun Watson. So Watson has that long to
wait mid March, and his attitude, I would think is
going to likely inspire if there are others out there
to make more claims against him. So buckle up for
the spooky spooky ride. It's it's going to be interesting now,
(26:45):
just to prove I'm not lying about what Deshaun Watson
had had said. Here, here's Watson. You'll hear him, and
he points out, well, I have apologized already. Listened to
Watson his own words. Let's go to the audio tape.
I apologie eyes beforehand. I think the second time I
spoke to you guys, I actually apologized, but I think
for some people it didn't maybe register as I as
(27:09):
I was apologizing, but you know, I just wanted to clarify,
you know, I was apologizing to all women and people
that was affected about this situation because it's, uh, you know,
it's it's definitely a tough situation. Yeah, So that was one,
Deshaun Watson. Here's the other, Deshaun Watson. I've always stood
on my innocence and always said that I've never assaulted
(27:30):
anyone or disrespected anyone, and I'm continued to stand on that.
But at the same time, I have to continue to
push forward with my life in my career, and for
us to be able to move forward, you know, I
have to be able to take steps and pit prior
to the side. And I'm gonna continue to stand on
my innocence and keep pushing forward. And I've always, you know,
stood on not disrespecting or sexual assaulting anyone. There You good.
(27:52):
You can't make this up. What how did he get
out of Clemson? You must not a graduate. That's unbelieval.
This guy's a moron. Unbelievable. Be sure to catch live
editions of The Ben Maller Show weekday, said two am
Eastern eleven pm Pacific my chest. If you want exclusive
insight from the biggest names in the sports game. What's good?
(28:14):
This is national champion and former pro bowler Chris Johnson.
Let me tell you a little bit about my new series.
kJ J Live is the only show featuring me going
one on one with the brightest basketball minds on the
planet to get the real and when I say real,
I mean that real. I got legendary Hall of famers,
elite coaches, and the top basketball inside is bringing you
(28:34):
a unique perspective on all things hoops culture that you
will not find anywhere. Helps to make your next move
your best move. And tap in with me on kJ
Live wherever you get your podcast from, it's maller. How
about to the third degree? This is one big band
(28:57):
gets grailed too. The College Football Playoffs Board of Managers
met on Monday, and apparently one of the topics of
discussion was the idea of becoming the governing body of
college football. Ben Are we nearing the end for the
ncuble A, Well, we can only hope. Right when that happens,
we can say hallelujah. Right, the NCAA has served its purpose.
(29:20):
It started out the reason the NCAA existed at a
different name, but it was to save college football. The
flying wage. People were dying playing college football. Schools were
getting rid of college football, and like everything else in Washington,
it started out with good intentions and turned into a
monster of bureaucracy. So why not college football can stand alone,
and you can have two worlds of college athletics. I
(29:43):
think that's a great idea. You have all the other
sports and then you have football. Next, x Phillis and
Yankees manager Joe Girardi has joined Marquis Sports Network and
will serve as game analysts for the Chicago Cubs. Ben,
do you think this is where Girardi settles in or
do you expect to return to managing at some point. No,
I could see him managing again, but he's on the
short list. You would think with the Yankees as a
former Yankee, he had success there as manager of Aaron
(30:05):
Boone walks the plank. Girardi's got to be in the mix,
and then outside of that, I think he'll be in
the broadcast booth for a fair amount of time. He
really gagged in Philadelphia. He choked on the cheese steak
there and it was toxic. So that's a bad look.
But he's pretty dull as a broadcast so I don't
know how long that's gonna last. Next. Clippers coach Ty
(30:26):
Lou was asked Wednesday if Kawhi Leonard will be ready
for the start of the NBA season. Lou chuckled and said,
I don't know Ben who has made a bigger impact
on the Clippers franchise, Kawhi or Michael Oliver Candy that's
a stupid question. Kawhi Leonards the Messiah, He's the Great, Hope,
the Monarch. He'll take the team to the promised Land.
Michael Ohler Candy Stead he was shock, but he played
(30:50):
more like a turd, played like Poindexter. There and Tyler
Coach of the Year, the Great Tyler. Where you get
the loss? There, Coop, I'm sorry. Fox Sports Radio has
the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all
of our shows at Foxsports Radio dot com and within
(31:10):
the iHeartRadio app. Search f SR to listen live Knock Knock,
Who's there? Blame Week? Blame Week? Coop, it's Big Band's
lame joke of the week? Is there actual jokes? By? Actually?
What's that? Roberto? We can't do the year. I need
Coop to stand in as your Ed McMahon for a
few minutes. I have to record. So I got a
(31:31):
weed Man, Can you got reband? Okay? Used Man? There
you go, Good job man, weed Man. You want to
be my co host? Weed Man? Hey, Dad, love you
all right? I'm gonna bounce the jokes off you weed Man. Okay,
maybe all these are actual jokes in by actual listeners.
If you'd like to send jokes in you think you're funny,
you think you can make people laugh, send the jokes
(31:52):
in care of Ben Maller's show at gmail dot com.
Ben Maller Show at gmail dot com. Put jokes in
the headline, and we thank you in advance. And if
you're easily offended by jokes, if you have no sense
of humor, I get it. I used to have a
teacher like that. I used to have a boss like that.
It's probably not the segment for you because we're just
having a good time, all right. So what is the
difference between weed Man and Lizzo. I'm not that no, no,
(32:18):
no, no no side. Yes, weed Man is a hippie, but
Lizzo is just hippie that's chipped from man. What's that cool?
So that could have been so much better. I know
weed Man is a hippie. Lizzo is a hippo. Yeah,
(32:38):
hippie hippie. All right. What's the name of Lizzo's first
country song? I don't know, cow Girl, that's that's surfer
Todd the comedian. Why is Lizzo mad at her doctor?
(33:01):
I don't know, Big, I know you don't know. Why,
God bless you? Why is liz Lizzo matter to doctor
because he told her to lift her lift up her
trunk and say ah, just like that. That's the Why
(33:22):
does Lizzo eat? Why does Lizzo? Why doesn't Lizzo? I
should say, eat fresh fish? It helped me. No, she
doesn't eat. She does not. You're just supposed to say
why here something magical about We've been trying to answer
the question. The answer to why why doesn't Lizzo eat
(33:45):
fresh fish? She does not want to have anything to
do with any scales, That's why. All right, that's the
George gel And here's another one. What is it? Okay?
What is the difference between Lizzo and Queen Latifa? I
don't know what's the difference between them? About four hundred
(34:07):
and fifty pounds is the difference. But this is a
hard one. Who is Lizzo's favorite baseball player? Oh? Um,
Daniel Vogelbach. Nope, Oh, Toney is a chip from Maine?
(34:32):
Who sent that one? And did you hear about the
walrus in Norway? That was youth and I I did
because it was too popular with the locals. As sad
story that was terrible. In a related note, Lizzo has
canceled all of the uh It's Gordon into coma. Why
(34:56):
does Lizzo always order from five guys? I don't know
why it takes five. It takes five guys to be
able to lift her Chris, Chris and de Moine. Why
does Lizzo wish he was blind? Scott? Oh wow, I
don't know. Why would she wish that? Well, then she
(35:16):
wouldn't have to watch the Red Sox either, so she
Boston and Which which recent law are Lizzo and Robbie
the Mariner fan excited about? Oh? I don't know what
what what changed in the law? They excited about? Excited
about Reese's law? Eddie, they're very shadowed about Eric. I
(35:41):
don't know. I don't know either. Coop, you got any
jokes over there? Coop? No, Weed Man, you got any
jokes over there? I don't have a joke. He's even
broke with jokes. All right, we'll have the renis of
Big Ben's lame jokes. There are some jokes about you
(36:03):
don't worry Weed man, you did get there were some
jokes made about you. We'll get to that Big Ben's
Lame Jokes in the week. Continue, we'll get to it next.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm pacifics Lame
Jokes the week. If you like this segment, we do
it just once a week. If you you don't like it,
it's only it is only once a week, So who
(36:23):
cares anyway? All right, here we go. What do cockroaches
and weed man's false teeth have in common? There? God,
I don't know what are they have in common? They
both come out at night, Eddie, they both come out
at night. So you don't have your tooth at all.
You lost your tooth. Your tooth is gone, lost my teeth. Okay,
(36:47):
how does weed man hippie determine? How does we man
hippie determine whether he's going to eat, whether he's going
to eat from day to day? I don't know how
does he determine that? Well, every morning he checked his
glue traps and then he decides what he gonna eat.
The hill a billion Mike set that one in. Thank
you for that all right? You know what people said
(37:10):
as Jed who fled and weed Man slid down the
shoot of a water slide. I know what did they say? Said? Wow,
this must also serve as a toilet from Gared from Youngstown, Ohio.
Big fan of your work there, weed Man, big fan
of your work. Coop, you got any jokes over there? Cool?
(37:35):
Still designing if I want to? If I want to
tell it, come back to me. It's all you, Coop.
I'll send you another one of you on here that
you probably won't want to read that one either. All right?
Did you know that Deshaun Watson has been going around
and introducing himself to Browns fans? Oh? Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah,
(37:56):
this is because the law requires he give notification to
his neighbor's when he lives nearby. Chris in them. And
why has the Shawn Watson been doing a lot of
barbecue lately? I don't know. Why is he barbecue? He's
working on his dry rob Eddy he likes that surfer.
(38:22):
Todd the comedian sent that one in Aaron after Aaron
Rodgers admit it to using the psychedelic drug ayahuasca in Peru.
What did he say when asked if he used any
other drugs. I don't know. What do you what do
you say? He said, I don't use cocaine. I love
the way it smells. That's it hot. RSV Pete Surfer Todd.
(38:50):
Is he gonna be at that meet and greet next Friday? Hey,
Weed man, we're gonna be meeting fans of the show.
If you want to come to LA next week, we'll
be there. Why me there? Yes, I'm sure you will.
Coop was in Miami and you didn't even see him.
I didn't get there. I know, all right. A couple
(39:12):
of dad jokes. A cougar got really close to me today, Eddie. Yeah,
it made me Puma pants. That's awful. San Francisco. How
does an Australian toilet greet you? I don't know how
does an Australian toilet greet you? But day mate occurred
(39:36):
from Earth? You think that was funny? He laughed at that.
He thought it was funny. Laugh. What did Ben Mallers
say when I asked what he wanted at his next
birthday party? This sounds like a good one. I don't know.
What did you say when you were asked about your
next birthday said, I want a camu camu, That is
what I said? And Ralei, Why was Roberto called a
(39:59):
paragraph as a kid? I don't know. Why would they
do that? That's crazy? He was apparently too short to
be an essay. Eric also said this one. And why
was the head of Fox Sports Radio Don Martin upset
(40:19):
with Ben Maller? Wow? When he didn't do the show
last week? A Don Martin joke. I don't know. Why
was he upset? My man? Apparently he was upset Eddie
because he heard there was no show and he got upset.
But there was no show. I wasn't here, there was
no show. What do you call Felexis's NFL picks during
(40:41):
the off season? I don't know what do you call that?
Picking with Poppy is what you call it? Right? Rob
from San Francisco? What's better than having ten million dollars
having twenty million? Yeah? Having a mute button on your radio?
When Andrea the Sports Sorceress calls the mallah, that's from
(41:02):
Gordon and to come. That's not very nice, Gordon. How
dare you the wizard? Right man? The wizard? I love, Yeah,
she's a big fan of hers. Why was Andrea and
Berkeley's a fortune Teller's conference canceled. Oh wait a minute,
it wasn't wed Men that called the wizard. It was
the Redbreast guy. Anyway, Well, I don't know why, all right?
(41:22):
Why was Andrea's U Andrew and Berkeley's for fortune Teller's
conference canceled because of unforeseen circumstances, Eddie? Unforeseen circumstances? Yeah,
Coop anything, last chance? Coop? No, I can't do it,
all right? Those are pretty good jokes. What is Uncle
(41:44):
Dynamite's favorite cable channel? Oh? T and t? Oh, you've
heard that joke before? Why that was from e? Why
does Regina's bike keep going around and around in circles?
I don't know why. Spin cycle? That's why, Eddie the
spin cycle. Thanking week Day Lad Jokes of the Week
(42:06):
m
Host
Ben Maller
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