Jo Robertson: therapist and parenting educator on the rise of parental concern over sleepovers

There's been a noticeable increase in parents refusing to send their children to sleepovers in recent years.

Many parents are worried about the potential harm that could come to their children under the watch of other families, with some refusing to let kids stay with close family members. 

Therapist and parenting educator Jo Robertson says parents don't have to ban them outright, but it's important to be cautious.

"There's a trend of kids at camps now where there's no adults in the room, it's only children in the room at school camps. And that's got its own challenges with it."

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Now apparently there's a growing trend of parents who won't
send their kids on sleepovers anymore. And this is basically
because they're worried about potential harms. It could happen in
someone else's home, and some parents won't even send their
kids to stay with close family members. Joe Robertson is
a sex and relationships therapist and with us now. Hi Joe, Hi,
you hearing this anecdotally?

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Oh yeah, and experiencing it myself got three kids in
that season, so definitely understand the challenges around where to
send your kids, where to keep you know, who to
keep them home from, etc. It's really hard for parents
to figure that out.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
Do you send your kids on sleepovers?

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yes, they have a couple of designated families that they
can have sleepovers with, and as they've gotten older, the
amount of people that they can spend that amount of
time with grows. So there's a kind of a.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
I guess, a staggered approach.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
M Okay, do you think that people's I mean, because
I grew up in the eighties and nineties and it
was a free for all. We were always staying at
people's houses and stuff.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
Were we a little bit loose back then.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yes, we were a little bit loose.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah, so we definitely need to be really intentional about
where our kids spend time. And what I don't mean
is them you know, biking down to the dairy, going
to the park and hanging out with friends. All of
that stuff's really healthy and goosh, you know, playing sports
and getting there by themselves. That's all fantastic, But where
they're actually spending the night in places, you know, if
you think about just the secrecy, the privacy, the kind

(01:24):
of the cover of darkness those spaces, we do need
to be more careful about.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah, I mean, look, because what a lot of parents
are worried about is you know, let's just call it
for what it is, like sexual stuff happening, right, and
often I imagine the concern should be perhaps less the adults,
but the other kids. Yeah, I totally agree.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
I definitely there's a trend now with kids at sleep over,
kids at camps sorry, where there's no adults in the room,
so it's only children in the rooms at school camps often,
and that's got its.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
Own challenges with it.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Okay, it's more than sexual harm, you know, it's like
the stuff that they would see in a movie they
had a bad dream. Like, there's definitely other things.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Okay, So how do parents suss out whether the host
family is an appropriate family or not?

Speaker 2 (02:08):
You want to spend a decent amount of time with
that family, you know. I think about it as if
your child had diarrhea. This is uncomfortable to imagine, I know,
but if they had it's not happens.

Speaker 3 (02:18):
All the time.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Carry on, Yes, if you're child a diarrhea and you
needed somebody to wash their body, would you feel comfortable
with the person that they're going to doing that for them?

Speaker 1 (02:29):
So that's you.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Know, that's like a really practical kind of measure.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
Do I trust those?

Speaker 1 (02:34):
But what about just like low level stuff like screen time?

Speaker 3 (02:38):
Right?

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Some parents are really liberal, some parents are a little
bit more conservative.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
Can you can you judge it based on that?

Speaker 1 (02:46):
I mean, I think that's a conversation you have to have.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
I don't know if that's the judge of whether you
trust that.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
Family or not.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
But it's getting too when they're in the bedroom with
the iPad looking at only fans.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, definitely, yeah, or making only fans. You know, we
don't want that either. No, So yeah, there's a conversation
I have even with playdates. It's not just sleepovers. But hey,
what are the rules around screens in your home? And
how do we manage it?

Speaker 3 (03:10):
Now?

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Okay, so Joe give me some advice. So I'm thinking
about my My one is three and a half, and
I'm thinking about him sending him to my mother full
Saturday night because his cousin's are there. But I'm worried
about my mother because she can be a bit loose
and I want. I don't know that I trust her
with the front door on a busy road. Am I
being a psycho?

Speaker 3 (03:27):
Probably?

Speaker 1 (03:28):
That's that is psycho, isn't it.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
You can say it. I don't think it's psycho.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
I think it just sounds like you need a really
honest conversation about your concerns.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Okay, cool, I will thank you, see, I'll say, Joe,
said Joe. Thank Joe definitely appreciated Joe robertson Sex and
Relationship Therapist. Now my mum knows because she'll be listening.
So I've done half the work already.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
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Speaker 1 (03:55):
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