June 17, 2024 • 40 mins
In this episode, Kelly and Tiffanyrecount a memorable birth story from their practice. They discuss the beauty and uniqueness of a 10-pound baby waterbirth, the importance of midwifery care, and reflect on their supportive roles in the birth process. They also engage with listener feedback and talk about the experiences shared during their childbirth education course.
00:00 Welcome to At Home with Kelly and Tiffany
00:18 Introduction
00:44 Reflecting on Past Births
02:29 The Importance of Midwifery Care
04:02 Community Feedback and Review
06:49 The Birth Story: A Repeat Home Birth
18:09 Smooth Labor and Delivery
22:25 The Power of Preparation and Calmness
36:17 Reflection on the Birth Experience
37:40 Closing Thoughts and Childbirth Education
39:51 Links and Further Information
Links to all the extra good stuff:
Childbirth Education Wait List: HERE
Join our email community: HERE
Submit your answer-on-the-show questions: HERE
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast to catch every episode. Follow us on Instagram for extra education and antics between episodes at: @beautifulonemidwifery
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to At Home with Kellyand Tiffany, where naturally
minded women gather together aswe pursue simplicity and
confidence in healthalternatives, so we can show up
better in our busy lives andfeel more at home in our bodies.
Join your favorite home birthmidwife duo for conversation,
candor, and community.
You are at home with Kelly andTiffany I'm Kelly I'm Tiffany.
(00:23):
And today we are sharing a,another birth from our practice.
And this was a sweet one to lookback on because.
Of so many reasons we'll kind ofget into shortly, but I'm really
digging this Self-reflectionbirth reflection.
Way to kind of like shareinformation about birth and
about midwifery care and allthat good stuff.
(00:44):
Yeah.
I love, love, love, unpackingviews.
Burst story is Muslim becausethere's just dozens of them at
this point.
How many births have we done asa practice together?
Though I wish I would havelooked.
We had, at one point we kept aboard of all the baby names and
we had them in order.
(01:05):
The sweetest space to like keeptrack of those things.
And when we stopped.
Just because I don't know whathappened.
We moved office spaces and therewasn't like a great big space to
keep a name board up.
We had.
60 something.
And since then at that point,and that was about two years
(01:28):
ago, I think.
Yeah.
And then obviously we pulledback clinically.
Quite a bit.
So there's.
You know, maybe.
10 more or something from there?
Yeah.
Some.
We've got, I don't know, 70 or80 birth stories to share at
some point.
I mean, what a, what a beautifulvariety.
And I think that, that, I thinkthat helps a lot to hear stories
(01:49):
from people who practice almostthe exact same way all the time.
But are willing and able to makeaccommodations where needed.
And I mean, of course, we'regoing to share all kinds of
stories of like when othercomplications have come up, when
it wasn't appropriate to birthat home anymore.
Transfers before, you know,labor even begins and there's
(02:12):
that stuff that comes up.
But the majority of what weshared in 90%.
Of these stories are all goingto be centered around a really
specific.
And niched way of managingbirth.
Yeah.
And I think it's different thanhearing, like here are your
options on X, Y, Z, or somethinglike this is just a cool way to
(02:36):
not only hear other women'sexperiences, but to hear some of
the clinical pieces actuallyplayed out in real life and what
birth can be like.
And sometimes that's verystraightforward and sometimes
it's not, and that's helpful tosee like the variety or what it
can be also like.
Like what midwifery care lookslike over the spectrum of many,
(03:00):
many births.
Yeah.
I hope it gives womenperspective on the what's
possible.
Like the, that, that we don'tjust give midwifery care
accidentally.
And sometimes it works outgreat.
And we're like, oh, dodged abullet there.
But like we, that anticipationand the expectation is that.
(03:21):
Things stay low risk and womenare satisfied with their birth
experience.
Yeah.
And I think something so far,even though we've only had a few
of these that's kind of stoodout, is that an, each of those
births that we've shared aboutalready at the, from the start
of our practice, we kind of hadto do with something at each one
of them like that we've had tokind of manage or shift or maybe
not be as hands-off becausewe're seeing something and we're
(03:43):
like, oh, we need to, this iswhy we're here to kind of bring
something back into normal.
And I think that's reallyhelpful to hear also some of
those pieces where.
How that looks when you're athome.
Yeah.
Managed care versus expectantand versa.
Yeah.
And just the perspective.
It's very cool.
Okay.
Before we jump into today'sbirth story, we have a review to
(04:05):
read, and this one comes fromAshley.
E Ashley and she gives us fivestars and says, Mondays are for
midwives.
Ooh.
Oh, that's wait.
Okay.
Putting that in my pocket.
I like that she's doingsomething here.
Mondays are for midwives.
I always look forward to andlove listening to Kelly and
Tiffany every Monday and readingtheir weekly birth story on
(04:28):
Instagram.
Such a great start to my week.
I was half tempted to give fourstars only what.
Because they were taking timeoff the month.
I was due with my baby lastyear.
Sorry.
Cries.
Last, I cannot fault them forhaving a healthy work-life
balance.
Phew.
(04:49):
I was so sad that they weren'table to attend my birth, but I'm
grateful for these ladies.
Nonetheless, their education,resources and gifts have
certainly blessed my life.
You gals RAC.
That's really sweet.
Thank you, Ashley, for giving usa nice review, but thank you for
not giving this a four starreview.
Anybody who has like, I don'tknow, a personal.
(05:13):
Qualm with anything that we'redoing here, I would just invite
you to send us an email and wewill work it out on the backend.
Yeah, we will.
We.
We'll come to an agreement thatall parties can be happy with.
And no four star reviews will begiven.
We don't.
No one has to say, I might needto give a four-star review.
(05:35):
But she brings up a good point.
We.
We have pulled back in a waythat feels more manageable for
our families in particular.
And that is.
Acceptable and okay.
And wanting to give someencouragement to you if you were
listening.
And that is like a feeling thatyou are feeling called towards
and.
(05:56):
That is, it's not a, it's not abad thing to listen to, even if
it doesn't fully make sense toeverybody else around you.
When things are going well withwhat you're building putting
priorities in place.
Yes, absolutely.
And that the.
Decision to not take on the loadthat we had going a couple of
years ago was.
It took a very long time for usto make that decision.
(06:19):
And we did not take it lightlyand we are still balking out
the.
I don't know, consequences ofthat.
And working through what thatfeels like to have natural
consequences, to doing a thingthat is still the best and right
thing to do, but it's still ashard.
Yes.
Hard to say no to people, hardto say no to great people like
(06:39):
Ashley E.
Ashley.
If you are listening, Ashley.
Let us know that you heard usread your review and we will buy
you a drink.
Woo.
Okay.
So today we are talking about arepeat home birth.
This was the fourth or fifth orsomething birth in our practice
so far.
(07:00):
And so it was extra sweetbecause we were basically a
brand new practice.
I think the time that we gothired on by this client, I don't
even, we had maybe a birth underour belt together.
But she found us because herprevious midwife had moved.
And her previous midwiferecommended us as somebody that
like, oh, I know you.
And I know these ladies.
(07:21):
And I think that that would belike a perfect fit.
And I remember being like,Tiffany.
Other people in our communityare like respectful of what
we're doing.
It felt like very validating.
I remember asking her what it,what does she say exactly?
I need to know the details.
I know.
'cause we don't, we didn't knowthat other midwife particularly
(07:41):
well.
And I'm like, what do you meanshe, what do you mean?
She suggested and refer, likewhat, what do you think she.
What do you think she thought.
Did she give you otherrecommendations to.
It was just like, I couldn't, Icouldn't put the pieces together
that like we were referrableyet.
Yes.
It felt so new.
(08:02):
And so I feel like that was ashift in my mind of like, oh,
we're within this community andactually doing a thing that is.
Like, I don't know.
I'm just respected by otherpeople because the fact that she
even recommended it was supersweet.
But hearing her first birthstory, I was like, oh, this is
like, She knew what she wantedfrom the get go of her first
pregnancy.
(08:22):
And so coming around this time,she was like even more confident
or what I would assume moreconfident.
There was honestly, I mean, weeducated, but there wasn't a ton
that she needed, like supporton, which was a different
experience than the people wehad taken care of before anybody
that really I had taken care ofin.
As a student, either where I waslike, this woman is just walking
(08:45):
in.
What she knows to be true aboutherself as a mom, about what she
desires from her experience.
Like just very in it.
And that was an encouragement tome, both as a midwife, but also
as a mom, I was like this.
Exudes.
Not like hottiness, but justconfidence.
It was cool.
Yeah.
I was talking to someone onInstagram this week about, well,
(09:08):
her original question was canfirst-time moms have home
births?
And I was like, yes, that is themost important birth to have at
home.
You want to give yourself, youwant to set yourself up for the
best possible rest of yourbirds.
By not.
(09:29):
Creating a ton of risk factorsin your first birth.
And I think that women oftenwill say things like, oh, we'll
just see how the first one goes.
I'm going to keep all themedical interventions at my
fingertips and just navigatethis for the first time.
I'm already overwhelmed with thefact that I'm pregnant.
And then they don't reallyunderstand what can happen to
(09:51):
them at their first birth.
And that can set up the rest oftheir obstetrical experiences
and history to be.
More complicated.
Yeah, for sure.
And we have so many.
Clients sitting on our couch whoare second, third time moms who
are coming to us because of.
(10:13):
Traumatic experiences or feelingbelittled or I mean, a million
other things that have happenedwhere they say as they are
experiencing things and notbecause we are so great, but
because the care model is sodifferent.
That they're like, oh man.
I missed the boat to do this thefirst time everything would
potentially look reallydifferent in my motherhood
(10:35):
journey.
Had I done that and I mean, youdo what you.
What you can with theinformation you have at the
time.
Right.
But and you make the decisionsthat are right for you in that
moment.
But I think the eyes wide open.
Like, oh, this is how good itcan be.
Is pretty cool.
Yeah.
I mean, saying that you're goingto have a home birth with your
second baby is like saying thatyou're okay with the first birth
(10:58):
sucking.
Yeah, right.
You're like, well, it might belike really me.
It would mediocre.
It might be terrible.
And then I'll play until likeredeem it next time.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't think that's what womenare actually saying no to
themselves or understanding it,but I think what happens is.
(11:18):
In your actions.
That is, that is actually thestory that ends up being told.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm thinking of myselfas a first time, mom choosing
something that I was like, Ithink this is going to be subpar
to what I actually am.
Desiring.
But I'm still not confident andI'm still a little lost.
And I feel like I shouldprobably just go with what
(11:39):
everybody else does at thispoint.
And.
I mean.
Not that I made the wrongdecision because what.
Whatever right decision with theinformation I had or the
feelings that I was feeling orthe feelings that like my
husband was feeling.
But.
It impacted the way things wentdown.
Of course.
Yeah.
And imagine.
Imagine what could be true foryour family and for that child
(12:02):
and for your ability as a mom,if you had had the most
supported.
And comprehensive andhand-holding experience
possible.
Yeah, for sure.
For sure.
I always say that the transitionfrom zero kids to one kid for
myself was hardest.
When I hear a lot of other womenwho are like, oh, one to two is
really hard or two to three orsomething.
(12:23):
But I'm like, oh man.
Cause that's lonely.
Without some extra support.
Absolutely.
Okay.
So this lady she's, this is hersecond, baby is her second home
birth because she did.
Her research ahead of time.
I had her first baby at home.
She had a midwife.
Who wasn't able to attend herthis second time.
(12:43):
And that's how she ended up inour care.
Yeah.
So she had a reallystraightforward pregnancy.
Like there were no flags aboutanything, just sweet
appointments.
We were mostly just, you know,Chatting like building
relationship, which was sweet tosee like that piece as well.
And to hear her desire for whatshe wanted, having been through
it before recognizing, okay.
(13:05):
I don't need a lot of stuff.
Like I want a birth tub.
I want my husband.
And I just want somebody therewho will just help me feel
loved, helped me feel supported,but like, Also.
Don't don't do much, you know,she kinda knew what exactly what
she wanted from us as well.
And so being able to flush thatout over, you know, the few
(13:27):
weeks leading up to birth,especially was encouraging to me
as a midwife because I was like,that's the kind of care I want
to give.
And it's so it's just feelsreally good to be able to serve
a family.
Who's like, this is our desire.
And this is like our visionalso.
And to have that match up, Idon't know.
It just felt a great, yeah.
I love taking care of her.
(13:49):
So on the day that she went intolabor, this is like, we'll
probably mention this in many ofour birth stories.
It was a clinic day.
And so it was a day that I washeading into clinic.
I think you were going to meetme there, but she had called and
was like, I'm experiencing somestuff and I don't need anything
yet, but it was.
Eight 30.
(14:09):
We start clinic potentially.
I think at that time we werestarting it at nine, but there
were weeks where we were havingto get in there even earlier
than that.
And so you went, she, oh, shewas calling, she was like, I
have an appointment later today.
I'm going to cancel it though.
Cause I think I'm probably goingto have a baby today.
Don't need you stuff is goingon, but just like some
communication stuff, which wewere very clear about.
(14:30):
Extra communication in labor sothat we make the births.
And we can give feedback as, asneeded.
And so I went into the office, Ithink we had a nine o'clock that
morning.
And so I started to meet them.
But you were like I'm going togo kind of, I'm going to be
available to.
Check out and like run that wayif she calls.
(14:51):
And that was like a goodreminder for me that day, where
I was like, this is why.
One of the many reasons why wewanted to do this together.
Like, because we could split up,we could still take care of
another client at the same time,but still give all of the
attention that was needed forsomebody like that.
She had already grown inrelationship with and all of
(15:14):
that too.
Yeah.
And like, I don't want to saythere's nothing worse than
rescheduling a clinic day.
But, but it is getting a wholeentire clinic day.
Rescheduled is a entire Tetrisbecause you can't just move
everybody onto another day andbe like, okay, well, sorry, we
(15:36):
couldn't make it today.
Can you just come the same timetomorrow?
They're like all of youeverybody's scheduled, it's all
open at the same time tomorrow,right?
Yeah.
It's it's a lot.
And so that's like a sweet pieceto be able to do that together
because there's been multipletimes over the years of our
practice where we've needed tosplit up for one reason or
another.
But the burden doesn't fall onthe laboring mom and the burden
(15:58):
doesn't fall.
Always.
Sometimes the burden is, Hey,sorry, your, your appointments
canceled.
One day, you're going to be inlabor and we may have to cancel
the appointments for you.
And that is.
There's a piece of grace therethat we can like accept, I
suppose.
Yeah.
Most moms are like, oh, how funat the birth?
Yes.
Because they recognize that.
Yeah, but there was this onetime not to get off topic, but
(16:19):
you remember.
This is one time we had someonecoming in to consult with us.
It was just an interview.
Yep.
And I know exactly where you'regoing with this one.
We had to last minute cancel ofcourse, the whole day to get to
a birth.
And she was so mad.
She was very upset that wewouldn't just see her or one of
(16:40):
us wouldn't just stay becausewhy can't one of you just go to
the birth.
And I was like, well, that's a,that's a consultation.
You're not getting.
And then she wanted toreschedule after.
She got mad at us and we'relike, oh, we're not the right
fit for you anymore.
Because of this interaction.
So, no, you can't, you can'tinterfere with us.
(17:02):
Sorry.
That that experience was ahelpful piece of our growth in
understanding.
Like red flags for just ourpersonal PR.
She could have gone on to have awonderful experience, you know,
pregnancy and birth andwhatever.
We're just not the right people.
If that was the response.
Not having even met us yet.
I was like, this is that's bad.
(17:23):
Okay.
Okay, so she calls it like eight30 or so I'm going into clinic.
But you know, of course she'slike, everything's so like just
mellow.
I just wanted to give you aheads up because like, you guys
have kids, you have clinic justletting you know, 45 minutes
later.
She's like, please come.
Quickly as possible.
I think the husband actually wasthe one who called.
And so I went in, I was still inclinic taking care of our nine
(17:44):
o'clock, but TIF, you skippedcoming into clinic that morning
and kind of went straight.
Over there, I was with theclinic.
I was with my client in clinicand let her know like, Hey, we
may have the luxury of an hour,but I'm just letting you know,
like we have somebody in labor,so I may need to jam, but it was
a sweet way to be able to takecare of somebody, but also stay.
(18:05):
Available for you.
Hey, thanks.
Yeah.
So that was like nine, 15 ish.
And then about a half an hourlater, you were already at their
house, like ready to go.
I thought it was really funny.
Or just interesting, likecommentary on laboring moms,
because she knew she didn't wantanything when she was of.
Of sound mind, not in labor.
(18:25):
She knew she didn't want.
Any hands-on anything like, justkind of there, we, she wanted us
to, they're just kind of, forthat, like, Scaffolding of.
Skillful watching.
Right.
But you mentioning when you gotthere both in the chart and we
kind of chatted about it aswell, but she was like, Things
are feeling really intense.
(18:46):
I want to get into the tub soon.
I sh should I have a vaginalexam that was like going
swirling through her head oflike starting a potential self
doubt or just like wantingconfirmation is what I'm
feeling.
Acceptable at this time, it wasa really interesting little
piece.
And we've seen it play out in amillion different ways in so
many labors that so many womenget to that place of like, oh,
(19:08):
when I was in my normal life, Iknew exactly what I wanted, but
here, this just.
And there's just a lothappening.
You had your trust and yourfoundation can get rocked.
By the huge influx of hormonesand anticipation.
There's a little bit of healthyfear there.
Sometimes unhealthy fear.
(19:29):
There is J it's big.
Labor is getting your attentionwith all of the hormonal
responses and you are justyou're in it.
And you're also potentially likeflailing a little bit while you
try to get a grip on thephysical sensation, especially
if your birth is moving quickly.
So trying to think rationallyand ask for what you need and
(19:52):
ha, and have somebody help youdecide if that's what you
actually want.
There's a lot of midwives thatwould be like, oh, you asked for
what?
Absolutely get on the bed.
Let's do a vaginal exam.
That's what my preference is.
So the.
The fact that you triggered thatconversation means you want it.
And we're just always willing togive a little bit of pushback.
Not because we don't want to dovaginal exams.
It's actually fun for us.
(20:13):
It's a way to use our skills andgather information.
But is that going to be the bestthing for the mom?
Most of the time, huge majorityof the time.
That's not the best thing.
You don't need to lay on yourback and spread your legs and
have somebody put their fingersin your vagina.
Because you're wondering.
Is the way that my labor.
(20:35):
Is progressing right now,acceptable.
Yeah, that's a big, it's a, it'sa big discussion in and of
itself.
And I just, I found it sofascinating that she, she went
there, but was in.
It was so calm and so in controlof her breath and her response
to her labor.
But you can tell even in that.
The mental space of being likemaybe, maybe not right.
(20:57):
The kind of grasping a littlebit.
But then in the chart it justsays like midwife councils and
mom declines.
It's like, I love that.
But then, so then she gotstraight in the tub and soon
after, probably about a half anhour later, I got there and the
older sibling was just pickedup.
Like I think as I was leaving, Isaid goodbye to them.
(21:19):
And the difference between herresponse to her labor with her.
Older child in the room who wasnot being rambunctious or
anything, but just present.
To being picked up and cared forand swept off by grandparents
was staggering.
Like within a handful ofminutes.
You could tell that she waslike, I mean, we even charted
(21:42):
it, like she said about, youknow, five, 10 minutes later,
she was like, oh, this thebaby's clothes.
And she was not in that headspace, a ham, even a handful of
minutes before.
But she really surrendered onceher child was swept out and she
knew beforehand, Hey, my kiddobeing there is not going to be,
it's not going to allow me to bein the right head space.
Women feel all different kindsof ways about that beforehand,
(22:04):
that may shift during laboralso, or it may not.
But it was, it was a reallyfascinating physiological and
psychological piece to witnessit in real time.
That she was able to surrenderso much after this older child
left.
Yeah, almost.
Almost like a switch went off.
Yeah.
And so then she's lettingeverybody know.
It's close.
(22:25):
And then she even just startslike moaning talking about more
pressure.
And then she's pushing probably15 minutes after her kid gets
picked up.
Yup.
And.
It was the sweetest pushing.
That I had seen in quite sometime, because she was smiling.
She would push and work and thensmile because she could feel the
(22:49):
progression and the closeness ofher baby.
And there was just somethingreally sweet about that, that we
just got to stand off andwitness.
We, we knew like, She and dadwanted to catch the baby
themselves.
We were just literally.
Steps away, but watching.
And it was a really sacred thingjust to witness her calmness
(23:12):
and.
Her.
I don't necessarily want to sayenjoyment, but her ability to be
so present in the work that shewas doing and get the
physiological feedback of like,oh, that was a, that was a good
one.
Cause I could feel how close mybaby is.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
She, she really embraced herwhole labor like that.
This is good.
This is normal.
(23:33):
This is what I'm meant to do.
And now this day, this time,this event that I've been
waiting for, finally, I get todo it.
I feel like that was it.
She was like, oh, I, now I canfinally do something.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And so literally as we're justlike, oh, I wonder when this
baby is going to come, she seemslike she's working.
I don't know exactly what ishappening here.
(23:55):
It's the smoothest transition.
This baby comes out beautifullyin like one.
One push.
I would call it a push becauseshe was bearing down, but like
breathing so beautifully, herand her husband, like
masterfully.
Pull the baby up from the watergoes straight onto mom's chest.
They're both crying together.
(24:16):
He's kissing her cheek.
Like there's barely any blood tobe seen.
It was just like, This thispicture.
Perfect.
Like, wow, this is birth init's.
And it's like sweetest spot oflike how it can, how it can
work.
So.
Beautifully and I mean, allbirths, like have their own
(24:36):
things and all of that, but itwas just like this reminder of
every single birth that we haddone together thus far.
We had to kind of, we didn'thave to do.
Yeah, we had to kind of dosomething about it.
Right.
We had to kind of like manage apiece of it thus far.
This was the first birth that wewere like, Spectators, almost
(24:57):
like obviously using ourclinical skills to watch, but.
The birth was sostraightforward.
The pushing was sostraightforward.
She birthed her placenta easilyon her own in the tub.
The easiest time postpartum.
She barely lost any blood she'swalking around to her bed.
Just fine.
She's.
You know, calling siblings tohelp with getting in and out for
(25:20):
her.
It's like her victory meal, allof it, just so straightforward
that it almost kind of like, Idon't know.
It just was a good reminder tome of like, yes, This is this is
possible, and this is the kindof care that like, we are really
excited.
To give, you know, You knowwhere everything is just like
normal and, oh, we have noproblem stepping in when we need
(25:42):
to step in, because we believethat's actually what we're there
for.
But when we get to have proofthat most bursts don't require
that.
Then all the power and all ofthe ownership and all of the
work.
Belongs to the family.
Yeah, which is really empoweringand what we want.
(26:03):
We want people to walk away fromtheir birth.
Even if we have to do a thing,we want them to walk away
feeling like they owned it andthat it was theirs.
And that.
Like not like, oh, they savedthe day, but just, oh, we came
in, we did a thing and hopefullywe restored things
physiologically enough to allowmom and baby just to continue on
their sweet little journeytogether.
(26:23):
But it definitely was just agood reminder that like, Hey,
sometimes we're just going to goto births and.
Provide.
Love and support.
And that idea of honing in theskillful watchfulness was
helpful for me as a new midwifealso because I haven't gotten to
practice a lot like that yet inmy, certainly as a student,
(26:46):
your.
Everybody's student experiencelooks a little different, but
mine was a little more hands-onclinically, which was helpful
for me to learn things.
But as I got closer tofinishing, I was like, you know,
in my mind, Here's how I wouldprobably tackle this.
If I, if this was my client onmy own.
And so it was one of thosechances to be okay with being
(27:06):
like, well, I could.
I provide.
Perennial support.
Do I need to, no, just sit onyour hands or I could do this
thing, but do I need to know,right.
Like going through your head,Hey, I know how to do these
things, but that's okay.
I don't have to do them.
Yeah, there's a call out theresomewhere.
And I'm not even going to try toquote it, but the basic idea is
(27:27):
that parents look back on theirbirth and they don't see the
midwife at the center of it.
They see themselves at thecenter of it and they think it
was nice to have her here thatmade us feel supported, but they
don't think I couldn't have doneit without her.
And that's something for us tobear in mind just as we check
(27:49):
our pride as midwives and whatour role is there, it is to
support our role is to supportand we do not need to be.
Saving everybody all the timefrom whatever it is that they're
working through.
And just being able to use ourskills and our expertise to hold
the space, especially when weencounter.
(28:11):
Clients who have a lot ofconfidence desire.
A lot of autonomy wants theprivacy wants the ownership of
the experience.
I mean, of course we have plentyof clients who have asked us to
be more involved if for whateverreason.
But that the default is I don'tneed to save anybody here.
Yeah.
And so to be able to like walkin that was sweet.
(28:33):
And of course, other birthswhere we have to do a thing or
whatever, we're like, oh yes, ofcourse this is sweet because
this is why we are.
This is why we go to births,right?
In case something goes sideways,but it was nice to be at a birth
where nothing went sideways andeverything was just really
straightforward.
And.
I mean potentially in my entire.
I mean, there's been a couple ofbirths that we've been to that
(28:53):
have been incredibly column.
This might be one of the, one ofthe top where I was like in awe
of what she was doing.
And she had questioned after thefact, she was like, I wasn't
sure, like if I should havetaken a hypnobirthing class
again or not, and we both werelike, You could probably teach
it at this point.
But that was pretty wild, but apiece of all of this also was
(29:15):
that she has this calm, labor,very straightforward birth, easy
pushing, and she won the biggestbaby in our practice for
probably.
A year and a half maybe.
Oh, probably longer than that.
Because we didn't get a biggerbaby until.
Two years ago.
Yeah.
So it was, it was, it was awhile.
(29:37):
So her baby was 10 pounds, evenlots of chunky fat, so super
cute.
But an encouragement that.
That did not hold her labor up.
It was nothing to be afraid of.
She baby had an easy transition.
Mom was, you know, mom's pelviswas able to.
Open up and it wasn't aparticularly tall or anything,
(29:59):
woman.
Like her body made the rightsize baby for her.
She didn't tear.
Like there, we weren't freakedout by like blood sugar issues
on the baby.
Just being able to watch all ofthe pieces and be like, no, this
is physiologically.
What clearly what needed tohappen?
Yeah.
And tha.
The fact that like, I don'tknow, sometimes Kelly and I
(30:21):
laugh.
Here's like a, here's like abehind the scenes piece of.
The way that we practice.
The part of the way we weretaught is to be estimating the
size of the baby.
I every single prenatalappointment.
And I, if that's clinicallyrelevant some of the time, I
don't know.
Maybe it's kind of like the waythat we don't weigh moms either.
(30:42):
Yeah.
But it's not clinic, it's not soclinically relevant that we do
at every single appointment.
And then write the number downin the chart.
I don't know.
I haven't actually, we've neverprocessed this out loud before.
Except for when we are trying tolike, just look at some extra
information, like, do we thinkthat there's an underlying
gestational diabetes thing?
(31:04):
Are we way past the due date?
Are we feeling a lot of baby oris there fluid in there to, I
don't know, just lots ofdifferent assessments is when it
comes up that we're like, okay,how big do you think this baby
is?
But we don't do it as a routinebecause if we were feeling in
there and we were thinking andassessing that constantly, like,
how big is this baby?
How big is this baby?
Oh, this name is going to beabout 10 pounds.
(31:26):
That would do a thing in my headthat would do a thing in your
head.
If we told the mom out loud thatwe thought her baby was almost
10 pounds, just because of thestigma of that in our society.
I'm just so glad that we didn'thave that.
That was not a part of thestory.
It got to be this cute littlecherry on top of like, well, you
just have like a huge baby.
(31:47):
With a big old chunky cheeks andall of that.
I'm thinking about that recentlyalso at a, at a birth that we
just did where mom was like, I'mway past my due date.
And I'm like, I'm afraid thatthis baby is going to be huge.
Can you tell me?
Right.
And so I'm feeling I'm like,Yeah, the biggest your baby's
going to be a substantial size.
I'm saying that in my head andI'm like, oh, it feels like just
(32:10):
perfect.
Like just feels like, you know,you're going to have like a
really healthy, happy baby whenthey come out your.
He's in there for longer andgoing to be a great nurse, you
know, like trying to say all theencouraging things and get the
mind off of just the weight,because I do feel like there's
such a.
A focus on.
(32:30):
Big babies being a negativething.
But sometimes, I mean, so manytimes in our practice and
personally in my own birthingexperiences.
I see larger babies actuallybeing able to navigate their way
out a little bit easier thanlike these tiny babies.
Who can, I mean, I know there'snot a lot of space in there, but
they can kind of get lost alittle bit more, not getting as
(32:52):
much pressure back from, youknow, the pelvic floor telling
them exactly where to turn andthings like that.
And so I was like, that's.
Big ladies don't have to befeared.
And I think that hopefully thatis an encouragement.
Maybe you have never heardsomething like that before.
We've had moms ask us, like, howcan we not have a big baby
again?
And I'm like, I don't want togive you information about how
to make a smaller baby.
(33:14):
And I don't know, right?
Like your, your body's going tomake the baby that it needs to
make.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
But in that situation, just toprove my point.
About that particular thing.
In that situation with the morerecent birth where you, who you
knew you felt, and you knew thatbaby was going to be big.
Did that, or did that not impacthow you were feeling about.
(33:35):
A little bit about how the birthwas unfolding.
She had mentioned being nervousabout having a big baby and the.
And the type of experience thatshe would have if her baby was
any bigger than her previousbabies and it a hundred percent.
Was in my brain.
It wasn't changing the way thatI was providing care.
(33:56):
Except for the fact that I waslike, I'm going to jump in so
fast.
If, if I noticed something thatI think maybe potentially
happening or coming.
And so it was in my head.
Absolutely.
But I.
Had to continuously tell myself,like, But we don't know that.
And like, look at what's infront of you right now.
(34:16):
There was a moment where I waslike, I might have to do.
Who knows, right.
I might have to do something inthe next handful of minutes.
If I, if you know, If what ishappening unfolding in front of
me continues or intensifies orsomething.
And I don't always feel thatway.
Upper it's.
I don't always come in and beinglike, oh my gosh, I'm always
ready to do a thing if thingsneed to be done, but I'm not
(34:38):
always like.
I don't know on edge.
And so a piece of that, it wasinteresting to be like, Was that
brought on because we just hadthis conversation about being
nervous about a big baby, eventhough in my heart, I know I'm
like, it's going to be fine or.
That doesn't necessarily have ahuge impact.
It's still messed with me so Ican imagine.
(34:59):
Providers who are afraid of bigbabies already.
Searching for information to belike, yep.
Told you big baby.
Gotta do something about that,right?
Yeah.
And what we're talking about,his shoulder dystocia.
And you're more likely toencounter a shoulder to social
with a larger baby.
However, only 30% of shoulderdystocias are with a large baby.
(35:23):
So we have to just constantlykeep that in mind.
Here's a risk factor.
We're paying attention to howthe pushing phases going.
We're watchful.
But outside of that risk factor.
We don't expect things to gowrong.
Yeah, try not to expect thingsto go wrong.
Yeah.
So it's, I don't know something.
A little pieces there.
(35:44):
To consider.
You know, pick apart a littlebit.
Yes, absolutely.
And so when this particular babyfor this birth that we're
talking about about this episodeis about.
When that baby came out, I waslike, that is a that's.
That's a big baby.
You could just tell like, justhow, how substantial that baby
was and was never a, never anissue.
(36:06):
And I'm thankful that it wasn'ton our.
Radar, I think at the time, Idon't really know if it would
have changed anything about theenjoyment that we got to
experience.
I'm just witnessing this unfold.
But overall, this was one ofthose births where we just felt
like, oh man, like, it felt likea breath of fresh air in some
ways.
And a good reminder that birthcan absolutely work and that
(36:28):
sometimes women.
You know, Hire us for support,hire us for the, you know, I
want to make sure that likeeverything's okay.
And really this mom hired usbecause she was like, well, if
something is a little sideways,like, yeah, I want somebody
there to help.
But like, I don't actually needyou guys unless I need you guys.
(36:50):
And it was a good, like put usin our place.
In terms of the kind ofmidwifery care we want to give.
Yeah, absolutely.
Sometimes we are the authorityin some ways, because we have
the most experience and becausemom's put us there and we have
to be really careful about wherewe are allowing people to what
position they're allowing us tobe in.
(37:11):
Even if our expertise and ourexperience is valid and needed,
that's a part of the value thatwe bring.
Yes.
With all this money you'repaying us.
That's part of that.
But being careful that we don'taccidentally start to adopt
more, take more responsibilitythan what we, you know, ha than
(37:33):
what is needed or take any partof the experience away from the
family.
Yes.
Absolutely.
That was a great little walkdown memory lane.
I don't know if you haveanything else to say about that
one, but what's been, what'sbeen cool is we are in the midst
of creating our childbirtheducation course right now and
behind the scenes, the women whoare going through it with us as
(37:54):
we are creating it sort of inlive throughout the last couple
of months, it's been really coolto see there.
They're like confidence buildwith the information that
they're gathering, especiallythose who don't have the benefit
of midwifery care of their own.
And to really start askingquestions.
And you know, just starting tosee things through a different
lens.
(38:15):
And I feel like this is thismom, you know, had that coming
in and which is great, but it'scool to witness other women kind
of grow in that space.
And we've seen it a ton of timesin the people we've taken care
of as well, but it's been coolto see it in this childbirth
education class, especiallycause I'm like we don't have
the, we don't have the benefitof sitting with you for these
(38:36):
appointments and like buildingrelationship both ways, but to
see them start.
Taking some ownership has beengreat.
Yeah.
So cool.
I think one of my favoritecomments that we've gotten about
the childbirth education courseitself.
Is one of our students said.
I would have never thought aboutmy baby's experience in this.
(38:56):
If you did not prompt me tothink about that more deeply.
Oh, that's good.
It's a big one.
Huge.
Yeah, absolutely.
absolutely.
huge.
So.
There's So.
much more than just gettingthrough your pregnancy and
writing a birth plan.
I mean, It is an experience thatis absolutely worth diving deep
(39:17):
into core.
Beliefs and values and what thatmeans for you as a parent, which
is ultimately what you're goingto spend the rest of this
child's life doing is parenting.
And so how do you, how do youreally touch base with that in a
meaningful way?
One option is through our traumaeducation course.
(39:38):
Yes, absolutely.
So the link to join the waitlist for that, it will be
rolling out in the coming monthsto everybody.
Is in the show notes.
So go ahead.
Hop in there.
Put your name on the list.
If you are interested in thattype of experience, we are
gaining confidence, gaininginformation gaining perspective,
(39:58):
and really, you know, leaninginto the idea of owning.
Your.
Experience.
All right, everybody until nextMonday.
And especially until next.
Humber Storytime.
Yep.
Love it.
We'll see you then.
Bye.
Welcome to At Home with Kellyand Tiffany, where naturally
minded women gather together aswe pursue simplicity and
confidence in healthalternatives, so we can show up
better in our busy lives andfeel more at home in our bodies.
Join your favorite home birthmidwife duo for conversation,
candor, and community.
You are at home with Kelly andTiffany I'm Kelly I'm Tiffany.
(00:23):
And today we are sharing a,another birth from our practice.
And this was a sweet one to lookback on because.
Of so many reasons we'll kind ofget into shortly, but I'm really
digging this Self-reflectionbirth reflection.
Way to kind of like shareinformation about birth and
about midwifery care and allthat good stuff.
(00:44):
Yeah.
I love, love, love, unpackingviews.
Burst story is Muslim becausethere's just dozens of them at
this point.
How many births have we done asa practice together?
Though I wish I would havelooked.
We had, at one point we kept aboard of all the baby names and
we had them in order.
(01:05):
The sweetest space to like keeptrack of those things.
And when we stopped.
Just because I don't know whathappened.
We moved office spaces and therewasn't like a great big space to
keep a name board up.
We had.
60 something.
And since then at that point,and that was about two years
(01:28):
ago, I think.
Yeah.
And then obviously we pulledback clinically.
Quite a bit.
So there's.
You know, maybe.
10 more or something from there?
Yeah.
Some.
We've got, I don't know, 70 or80 birth stories to share at
some point.
I mean, what a, what a beautifulvariety.
And I think that, that, I thinkthat helps a lot to hear stories
(01:49):
from people who practice almostthe exact same way all the time.
But are willing and able to makeaccommodations where needed.
And I mean, of course, we'regoing to share all kinds of
stories of like when othercomplications have come up, when
it wasn't appropriate to birthat home anymore.
Transfers before, you know,labor even begins and there's
(02:12):
that stuff that comes up.
But the majority of what weshared in 90%.
Of these stories are all goingto be centered around a really
specific.
And niched way of managingbirth.
Yeah.
And I think it's different thanhearing, like here are your
options on X, Y, Z, or somethinglike this is just a cool way to
(02:36):
not only hear other women'sexperiences, but to hear some of
the clinical pieces actuallyplayed out in real life and what
birth can be like.
And sometimes that's verystraightforward and sometimes
it's not, and that's helpful tosee like the variety or what it
can be also like.
Like what midwifery care lookslike over the spectrum of many,
(03:00):
many births.
Yeah.
I hope it gives womenperspective on the what's
possible.
Like the, that, that we don'tjust give midwifery care
accidentally.
And sometimes it works outgreat.
And we're like, oh, dodged abullet there.
But like we, that anticipationand the expectation is that.
(03:21):
Things stay low risk and womenare satisfied with their birth
experience.
Yeah.
And I think something so far,even though we've only had a few
of these that's kind of stoodout, is that an, each of those
births that we've shared aboutalready at the, from the start
of our practice, we kind of hadto do with something at each one
of them like that we've had tokind of manage or shift or maybe
not be as hands-off becausewe're seeing something and we're
(03:43):
like, oh, we need to, this iswhy we're here to kind of bring
something back into normal.
And I think that's reallyhelpful to hear also some of
those pieces where.
How that looks when you're athome.
Yeah.
Managed care versus expectantand versa.
Yeah.
And just the perspective.
It's very cool.
Okay.
Before we jump into today'sbirth story, we have a review to
(04:05):
read, and this one comes fromAshley.
E Ashley and she gives us fivestars and says, Mondays are for
midwives.
Ooh.
Oh, that's wait.
Okay.
Putting that in my pocket.
I like that she's doingsomething here.
Mondays are for midwives.
I always look forward to andlove listening to Kelly and
Tiffany every Monday and readingtheir weekly birth story on
(04:28):
Instagram.
Such a great start to my week.
I was half tempted to give fourstars only what.
Because they were taking timeoff the month.
I was due with my baby lastyear.
Sorry.
Cries.
Last, I cannot fault them forhaving a healthy work-life
balance.
Phew.
(04:49):
I was so sad that they weren'table to attend my birth, but I'm
grateful for these ladies.
Nonetheless, their education,resources and gifts have
certainly blessed my life.
You gals RAC.
That's really sweet.
Thank you, Ashley, for giving usa nice review, but thank you for
not giving this a four starreview.
Anybody who has like, I don'tknow, a personal.
(05:13):
Qualm with anything that we'redoing here, I would just invite
you to send us an email and wewill work it out on the backend.
Yeah, we will.
We.
We'll come to an agreement thatall parties can be happy with.
And no four star reviews will begiven.
We don't.
No one has to say, I might needto give a four-star review.
(05:35):
But she brings up a good point.
We.
We have pulled back in a waythat feels more manageable for
our families in particular.
And that is.
Acceptable and okay.
And wanting to give someencouragement to you if you were
listening.
And that is like a feeling thatyou are feeling called towards
and.
(05:56):
That is, it's not a, it's not abad thing to listen to, even if
it doesn't fully make sense toeverybody else around you.
When things are going well withwhat you're building putting
priorities in place.
Yes, absolutely.
And that the.
Decision to not take on the loadthat we had going a couple of
years ago was.
It took a very long time for usto make that decision.
(06:19):
And we did not take it lightlyand we are still balking out
the.
I don't know, consequences ofthat.
And working through what thatfeels like to have natural
consequences, to doing a thingthat is still the best and right
thing to do, but it's still ashard.
Yes.
Hard to say no to people, hardto say no to great people like
(06:39):
Ashley E.
Ashley.
If you are listening, Ashley.
Let us know that you heard usread your review and we will buy
you a drink.
Woo.
Okay.
So today we are talking about arepeat home birth.
This was the fourth or fifth orsomething birth in our practice
so far.
(07:00):
And so it was extra sweetbecause we were basically a
brand new practice.
I think the time that we gothired on by this client, I don't
even, we had maybe a birth underour belt together.
But she found us because herprevious midwife had moved.
And her previous midwiferecommended us as somebody that
like, oh, I know you.
And I know these ladies.
(07:21):
And I think that that would belike a perfect fit.
And I remember being like,Tiffany.
Other people in our communityare like respectful of what
we're doing.
It felt like very validating.
I remember asking her what it,what does she say exactly?
I need to know the details.
I know.
'cause we don't, we didn't knowthat other midwife particularly
(07:41):
well.
And I'm like, what do you meanshe, what do you mean?
She suggested and refer, likewhat, what do you think she.
What do you think she thought.
Did she give you otherrecommendations to.
It was just like, I couldn't, Icouldn't put the pieces together
that like we were referrableyet.
Yes.
It felt so new.
(08:02):
And so I feel like that was ashift in my mind of like, oh,
we're within this community andactually doing a thing that is.
Like, I don't know.
I'm just respected by otherpeople because the fact that she
even recommended it was supersweet.
But hearing her first birthstory, I was like, oh, this is
like, She knew what she wantedfrom the get go of her first
pregnancy.
(08:22):
And so coming around this time,she was like even more confident
or what I would assume moreconfident.
There was honestly, I mean, weeducated, but there wasn't a ton
that she needed, like supporton, which was a different
experience than the people wehad taken care of before anybody
that really I had taken care ofin.
As a student, either where I waslike, this woman is just walking
(08:45):
in.
What she knows to be true aboutherself as a mom, about what she
desires from her experience.
Like just very in it.
And that was an encouragement tome, both as a midwife, but also
as a mom, I was like this.
Exudes.
Not like hottiness, but justconfidence.
It was cool.
Yeah.
I was talking to someone onInstagram this week about, well,
(09:08):
her original question was canfirst-time moms have home
births?
And I was like, yes, that is themost important birth to have at
home.
You want to give yourself, youwant to set yourself up for the
best possible rest of yourbirds.
By not.
(09:29):
Creating a ton of risk factorsin your first birth.
And I think that women oftenwill say things like, oh, we'll
just see how the first one goes.
I'm going to keep all themedical interventions at my
fingertips and just navigatethis for the first time.
I'm already overwhelmed with thefact that I'm pregnant.
And then they don't reallyunderstand what can happen to
(09:51):
them at their first birth.
And that can set up the rest oftheir obstetrical experiences
and history to be.
More complicated.
Yeah, for sure.
And we have so many.
Clients sitting on our couch whoare second, third time moms who
are coming to us because of.
(10:13):
Traumatic experiences or feelingbelittled or I mean, a million
other things that have happenedwhere they say as they are
experiencing things and notbecause we are so great, but
because the care model is sodifferent.
That they're like, oh man.
I missed the boat to do this thefirst time everything would
potentially look reallydifferent in my motherhood
(10:35):
journey.
Had I done that and I mean, youdo what you.
What you can with theinformation you have at the
time.
Right.
But and you make the decisionsthat are right for you in that
moment.
But I think the eyes wide open.
Like, oh, this is how good itcan be.
Is pretty cool.
Yeah.
I mean, saying that you're goingto have a home birth with your
second baby is like saying thatyou're okay with the first birth
(10:58):
sucking.
Yeah, right.
You're like, well, it might belike really me.
It would mediocre.
It might be terrible.
And then I'll play until likeredeem it next time.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't think that's what womenare actually saying no to
themselves or understanding it,but I think what happens is.
(11:18):
In your actions.
That is, that is actually thestory that ends up being told.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm thinking of myselfas a first time, mom choosing
something that I was like, Ithink this is going to be subpar
to what I actually am.
Desiring.
But I'm still not confident andI'm still a little lost.
And I feel like I shouldprobably just go with what
(11:39):
everybody else does at thispoint.
And.
I mean.
Not that I made the wrongdecision because what.
Whatever right decision with theinformation I had or the
feelings that I was feeling orthe feelings that like my
husband was feeling.
But.
It impacted the way things wentdown.
Of course.
Yeah.
And imagine.
Imagine what could be true foryour family and for that child
(12:02):
and for your ability as a mom,if you had had the most
supported.
And comprehensive andhand-holding experience
possible.
Yeah, for sure.
For sure.
I always say that the transitionfrom zero kids to one kid for
myself was hardest.
When I hear a lot of other womenwho are like, oh, one to two is
really hard or two to three orsomething.
(12:23):
But I'm like, oh man.
Cause that's lonely.
Without some extra support.
Absolutely.
Okay.
So this lady she's, this is hersecond, baby is her second home
birth because she did.
Her research ahead of time.
I had her first baby at home.
She had a midwife.
Who wasn't able to attend herthis second time.
(12:43):
And that's how she ended up inour care.
Yeah.
So she had a reallystraightforward pregnancy.
Like there were no flags aboutanything, just sweet
appointments.
We were mostly just, you know,Chatting like building
relationship, which was sweet tosee like that piece as well.
And to hear her desire for whatshe wanted, having been through
it before recognizing, okay.
(13:05):
I don't need a lot of stuff.
Like I want a birth tub.
I want my husband.
And I just want somebody therewho will just help me feel
loved, helped me feel supported,but like, Also.
Don't don't do much, you know,she kinda knew what exactly what
she wanted from us as well.
And so being able to flush thatout over, you know, the few
(13:27):
weeks leading up to birth,especially was encouraging to me
as a midwife because I was like,that's the kind of care I want
to give.
And it's so it's just feelsreally good to be able to serve
a family.
Who's like, this is our desire.
And this is like our visionalso.
And to have that match up, Idon't know.
It just felt a great, yeah.
I love taking care of her.
(13:49):
So on the day that she went intolabor, this is like, we'll
probably mention this in many ofour birth stories.
It was a clinic day.
And so it was a day that I washeading into clinic.
I think you were going to meetme there, but she had called and
was like, I'm experiencing somestuff and I don't need anything
yet, but it was.
Eight 30.
(14:09):
We start clinic potentially.
I think at that time we werestarting it at nine, but there
were weeks where we were havingto get in there even earlier
than that.
And so you went, she, oh, shewas calling, she was like, I
have an appointment later today.
I'm going to cancel it though.
Cause I think I'm probably goingto have a baby today.
Don't need you stuff is goingon, but just like some
communication stuff, which wewere very clear about.
(14:30):
Extra communication in labor sothat we make the births.
And we can give feedback as, asneeded.
And so I went into the office, Ithink we had a nine o'clock that
morning.
And so I started to meet them.
But you were like I'm going togo kind of, I'm going to be
available to.
Check out and like run that wayif she calls.
(14:51):
And that was like a goodreminder for me that day, where
I was like, this is why.
One of the many reasons why wewanted to do this together.
Like, because we could split up,we could still take care of
another client at the same time,but still give all of the
attention that was needed forsomebody like that.
She had already grown inrelationship with and all of
(15:14):
that too.
Yeah.
And like, I don't want to saythere's nothing worse than
rescheduling a clinic day.
But, but it is getting a wholeentire clinic day.
Rescheduled is a entire Tetrisbecause you can't just move
everybody onto another day andbe like, okay, well, sorry, we
(15:36):
couldn't make it today.
Can you just come the same timetomorrow?
They're like all of youeverybody's scheduled, it's all
open at the same time tomorrow,right?
Yeah.
It's it's a lot.
And so that's like a sweet pieceto be able to do that together
because there's been multipletimes over the years of our
practice where we've needed tosplit up for one reason or
another.
But the burden doesn't fall onthe laboring mom and the burden
(15:58):
doesn't fall.
Always.
Sometimes the burden is, Hey,sorry, your, your appointments
canceled.
One day, you're going to be inlabor and we may have to cancel
the appointments for you.
And that is.
There's a piece of grace therethat we can like accept, I
suppose.
Yeah.
Most moms are like, oh, how funat the birth?
Yes.
Because they recognize that.
Yeah, but there was this onetime not to get off topic, but
(16:19):
you remember.
This is one time we had someonecoming in to consult with us.
It was just an interview.
Yep.
And I know exactly where you'regoing with this one.
We had to last minute cancel ofcourse, the whole day to get to
a birth.
And she was so mad.
She was very upset that wewouldn't just see her or one of
(16:40):
us wouldn't just stay becausewhy can't one of you just go to
the birth.
And I was like, well, that's a,that's a consultation.
You're not getting.
And then she wanted toreschedule after.
She got mad at us and we'relike, oh, we're not the right
fit for you anymore.
Because of this interaction.
So, no, you can't, you can'tinterfere with us.
(17:02):
Sorry.
That that experience was ahelpful piece of our growth in
understanding.
Like red flags for just ourpersonal PR.
She could have gone on to have awonderful experience, you know,
pregnancy and birth andwhatever.
We're just not the right people.
If that was the response.
Not having even met us yet.
I was like, this is that's bad.
(17:23):
Okay.
Okay, so she calls it like eight30 or so I'm going into clinic.
But you know, of course she'slike, everything's so like just
mellow.
I just wanted to give you aheads up because like, you guys
have kids, you have clinic justletting you know, 45 minutes
later.
She's like, please come.
Quickly as possible.
I think the husband actually wasthe one who called.
And so I went in, I was still inclinic taking care of our nine
(17:44):
o'clock, but TIF, you skippedcoming into clinic that morning
and kind of went straight.
Over there, I was with theclinic.
I was with my client in clinicand let her know like, Hey, we
may have the luxury of an hour,but I'm just letting you know,
like we have somebody in labor,so I may need to jam, but it was
a sweet way to be able to takecare of somebody, but also stay.
(18:05):
Available for you.
Hey, thanks.
Yeah.
So that was like nine, 15 ish.
And then about a half an hourlater, you were already at their
house, like ready to go.
I thought it was really funny.
Or just interesting, likecommentary on laboring moms,
because she knew she didn't wantanything when she was of.
Of sound mind, not in labor.
(18:25):
She knew she didn't want.
Any hands-on anything like, justkind of there, we, she wanted us
to, they're just kind of, forthat, like, Scaffolding of.
Skillful watching.
Right.
But you mentioning when you gotthere both in the chart and we
kind of chatted about it aswell, but she was like, Things
are feeling really intense.
(18:46):
I want to get into the tub soon.
I sh should I have a vaginalexam that was like going
swirling through her head oflike starting a potential self
doubt or just like wantingconfirmation is what I'm
feeling.
Acceptable at this time, it wasa really interesting little
piece.
And we've seen it play out in amillion different ways in so
many labors that so many womenget to that place of like, oh,
(19:08):
when I was in my normal life, Iknew exactly what I wanted, but
here, this just.
And there's just a lothappening.
You had your trust and yourfoundation can get rocked.
By the huge influx of hormonesand anticipation.
There's a little bit of healthyfear there.
Sometimes unhealthy fear.
(19:29):
There is J it's big.
Labor is getting your attentionwith all of the hormonal
responses and you are justyou're in it.
And you're also potentially likeflailing a little bit while you
try to get a grip on thephysical sensation, especially
if your birth is moving quickly.
So trying to think rationallyand ask for what you need and
(19:52):
ha, and have somebody help youdecide if that's what you
actually want.
There's a lot of midwives thatwould be like, oh, you asked for
what?
Absolutely get on the bed.
Let's do a vaginal exam.
That's what my preference is.
So the.
The fact that you triggered thatconversation means you want it.
And we're just always willing togive a little bit of pushback.
Not because we don't want to dovaginal exams.
It's actually fun for us.
(20:13):
It's a way to use our skills andgather information.
But is that going to be the bestthing for the mom?
Most of the time, huge majorityof the time.
That's not the best thing.
You don't need to lay on yourback and spread your legs and
have somebody put their fingersin your vagina.
Because you're wondering.
Is the way that my labor.
(20:35):
Is progressing right now,acceptable.
Yeah, that's a big, it's a, it'sa big discussion in and of
itself.
And I just, I found it sofascinating that she, she went
there, but was in.
It was so calm and so in controlof her breath and her response
to her labor.
But you can tell even in that.
The mental space of being likemaybe, maybe not right.
(20:57):
The kind of grasping a littlebit.
But then in the chart it justsays like midwife councils and
mom declines.
It's like, I love that.
But then, so then she gotstraight in the tub and soon
after, probably about a half anhour later, I got there and the
older sibling was just pickedup.
Like I think as I was leaving, Isaid goodbye to them.
(21:19):
And the difference between herresponse to her labor with her.
Older child in the room who wasnot being rambunctious or
anything, but just present.
To being picked up and cared forand swept off by grandparents
was staggering.
Like within a handful ofminutes.
You could tell that she waslike, I mean, we even charted
(21:42):
it, like she said about, youknow, five, 10 minutes later,
she was like, oh, this thebaby's clothes.
And she was not in that headspace, a ham, even a handful of
minutes before.
But she really surrendered onceher child was swept out and she
knew beforehand, Hey, my kiddobeing there is not going to be,
it's not going to allow me to bein the right head space.
Women feel all different kindsof ways about that beforehand,
(22:04):
that may shift during laboralso, or it may not.
But it was, it was a reallyfascinating physiological and
psychological piece to witnessit in real time.
That she was able to surrenderso much after this older child
left.
Yeah, almost.
Almost like a switch went off.
Yeah.
And so then she's lettingeverybody know.
It's close.
(22:25):
And then she even just startslike moaning talking about more
pressure.
And then she's pushing probably15 minutes after her kid gets
picked up.
Yup.
And.
It was the sweetest pushing.
That I had seen in quite sometime, because she was smiling.
She would push and work and thensmile because she could feel the
(22:49):
progression and the closeness ofher baby.
And there was just somethingreally sweet about that, that we
just got to stand off andwitness.
We, we knew like, She and dadwanted to catch the baby
themselves.
We were just literally.
Steps away, but watching.
And it was a really sacred thingjust to witness her calmness
(23:12):
and.
Her.
I don't necessarily want to sayenjoyment, but her ability to be
so present in the work that shewas doing and get the
physiological feedback of like,oh, that was a, that was a good
one.
Cause I could feel how close mybaby is.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
She, she really embraced herwhole labor like that.
This is good.
This is normal.
(23:33):
This is what I'm meant to do.
And now this day, this time,this event that I've been
waiting for, finally, I get todo it.
I feel like that was it.
She was like, oh, I, now I canfinally do something.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
And so literally as we're justlike, oh, I wonder when this
baby is going to come, she seemslike she's working.
I don't know exactly what ishappening here.
(23:55):
It's the smoothest transition.
This baby comes out beautifullyin like one.
One push.
I would call it a push becauseshe was bearing down, but like
breathing so beautifully, herand her husband, like
masterfully.
Pull the baby up from the watergoes straight onto mom's chest.
They're both crying together.
(24:16):
He's kissing her cheek.
Like there's barely any blood tobe seen.
It was just like, This thispicture.
Perfect.
Like, wow, this is birth init's.
And it's like sweetest spot oflike how it can, how it can
work.
So.
Beautifully and I mean, allbirths, like have their own
(24:36):
things and all of that, but itwas just like this reminder of
every single birth that we haddone together thus far.
We had to kind of, we didn'thave to do.
Yeah, we had to kind of dosomething about it.
Right.
We had to kind of like manage apiece of it thus far.
This was the first birth that wewere like, Spectators, almost
(24:57):
like obviously using ourclinical skills to watch, but.
The birth was sostraightforward.
The pushing was sostraightforward.
She birthed her placenta easilyon her own in the tub.
The easiest time postpartum.
She barely lost any blood she'swalking around to her bed.
Just fine.
She's.
You know, calling siblings tohelp with getting in and out for
(25:20):
her.
It's like her victory meal, allof it, just so straightforward
that it almost kind of like, Idon't know.
It just was a good reminder tome of like, yes, This is this is
possible, and this is the kindof care that like, we are really
excited.
To give, you know, You knowwhere everything is just like
normal and, oh, we have noproblem stepping in when we need
(25:42):
to step in, because we believethat's actually what we're there
for.
But when we get to have proofthat most bursts don't require
that.
Then all the power and all ofthe ownership and all of the
work.
Belongs to the family.
Yeah, which is really empoweringand what we want.
(26:03):
We want people to walk away fromtheir birth.
Even if we have to do a thing,we want them to walk away
feeling like they owned it andthat it was theirs.
And that.
Like not like, oh, they savedthe day, but just, oh, we came
in, we did a thing and hopefullywe restored things
physiologically enough to allowmom and baby just to continue on
their sweet little journeytogether.
(26:23):
But it definitely was just agood reminder that like, Hey,
sometimes we're just going to goto births and.
Provide.
Love and support.
And that idea of honing in theskillful watchfulness was
helpful for me as a new midwifealso because I haven't gotten to
practice a lot like that yet inmy, certainly as a student,
(26:46):
your.
Everybody's student experiencelooks a little different, but
mine was a little more hands-onclinically, which was helpful
for me to learn things.
But as I got closer tofinishing, I was like, you know,
in my mind, Here's how I wouldprobably tackle this.
If I, if this was my client onmy own.
And so it was one of thosechances to be okay with being
(27:06):
like, well, I could.
I provide.
Perennial support.
Do I need to, no, just sit onyour hands or I could do this
thing, but do I need to know,right.
Like going through your head,Hey, I know how to do these
things, but that's okay.
I don't have to do them.
Yeah, there's a call out theresomewhere.
And I'm not even going to try toquote it, but the basic idea is
(27:27):
that parents look back on theirbirth and they don't see the
midwife at the center of it.
They see themselves at thecenter of it and they think it
was nice to have her here thatmade us feel supported, but they
don't think I couldn't have doneit without her.
And that's something for us tobear in mind just as we check
(27:49):
our pride as midwives and whatour role is there, it is to
support our role is to supportand we do not need to be.
Saving everybody all the timefrom whatever it is that they're
working through.
And just being able to use ourskills and our expertise to hold
the space, especially when weencounter.
(28:11):
Clients who have a lot ofconfidence desire.
A lot of autonomy wants theprivacy wants the ownership of
the experience.
I mean, of course we have plentyof clients who have asked us to
be more involved if for whateverreason.
But that the default is I don'tneed to save anybody here.
Yeah.
And so to be able to like walkin that was sweet.
(28:33):
And of course, other birthswhere we have to do a thing or
whatever, we're like, oh yes, ofcourse this is sweet because
this is why we are.
This is why we go to births,right?
In case something goes sideways,but it was nice to be at a birth
where nothing went sideways andeverything was just really
straightforward.
And.
I mean potentially in my entire.
I mean, there's been a couple ofbirths that we've been to that
(28:53):
have been incredibly column.
This might be one of the, one ofthe top where I was like in awe
of what she was doing.
And she had questioned after thefact, she was like, I wasn't
sure, like if I should havetaken a hypnobirthing class
again or not, and we both werelike, You could probably teach
it at this point.
But that was pretty wild, but apiece of all of this also was
(29:15):
that she has this calm, labor,very straightforward birth, easy
pushing, and she won the biggestbaby in our practice for
probably.
A year and a half maybe.
Oh, probably longer than that.
Because we didn't get a biggerbaby until.
Two years ago.
Yeah.
So it was, it was, it was awhile.
(29:37):
So her baby was 10 pounds, evenlots of chunky fat, so super
cute.
But an encouragement that.
That did not hold her labor up.
It was nothing to be afraid of.
She baby had an easy transition.
Mom was, you know, mom's pelviswas able to.
Open up and it wasn't aparticularly tall or anything,
(29:59):
woman.
Like her body made the rightsize baby for her.
She didn't tear.
Like there, we weren't freakedout by like blood sugar issues
on the baby.
Just being able to watch all ofthe pieces and be like, no, this
is physiologically.
What clearly what needed tohappen?
Yeah.
And tha.
The fact that like, I don'tknow, sometimes Kelly and I
(30:21):
laugh.
Here's like a, here's like abehind the scenes piece of.
The way that we practice.
The part of the way we weretaught is to be estimating the
size of the baby.
I every single prenatalappointment.
And I, if that's clinicallyrelevant some of the time, I
don't know.
Maybe it's kind of like the waythat we don't weigh moms either.
(30:42):
Yeah.
But it's not clinic, it's not soclinically relevant that we do
at every single appointment.
And then write the number downin the chart.
I don't know.
I haven't actually, we've neverprocessed this out loud before.
Except for when we are trying tolike, just look at some extra
information, like, do we thinkthat there's an underlying
gestational diabetes thing?
(31:04):
Are we way past the due date?
Are we feeling a lot of baby oris there fluid in there to, I
don't know, just lots ofdifferent assessments is when it
comes up that we're like, okay,how big do you think this baby
is?
But we don't do it as a routinebecause if we were feeling in
there and we were thinking andassessing that constantly, like,
how big is this baby?
How big is this baby?
Oh, this name is going to beabout 10 pounds.
(31:26):
That would do a thing in my headthat would do a thing in your
head.
If we told the mom out loud thatwe thought her baby was almost
10 pounds, just because of thestigma of that in our society.
I'm just so glad that we didn'thave that.
That was not a part of thestory.
It got to be this cute littlecherry on top of like, well, you
just have like a huge baby.
(31:47):
With a big old chunky cheeks andall of that.
I'm thinking about that recentlyalso at a, at a birth that we
just did where mom was like, I'mway past my due date.
And I'm like, I'm afraid thatthis baby is going to be huge.
Can you tell me?
Right.
And so I'm feeling I'm like,Yeah, the biggest your baby's
going to be a substantial size.
I'm saying that in my head andI'm like, oh, it feels like just
(32:10):
perfect.
Like just feels like, you know,you're going to have like a
really healthy, happy baby whenthey come out your.
He's in there for longer andgoing to be a great nurse, you
know, like trying to say all theencouraging things and get the
mind off of just the weight,because I do feel like there's
such a.
A focus on.
(32:30):
Big babies being a negativething.
But sometimes, I mean, so manytimes in our practice and
personally in my own birthingexperiences.
I see larger babies actuallybeing able to navigate their way
out a little bit easier thanlike these tiny babies.
Who can, I mean, I know there'snot a lot of space in there, but
they can kind of get lost alittle bit more, not getting as
(32:52):
much pressure back from, youknow, the pelvic floor telling
them exactly where to turn andthings like that.
And so I was like, that's.
Big ladies don't have to befeared.
And I think that hopefully thatis an encouragement.
Maybe you have never heardsomething like that before.
We've had moms ask us, like, howcan we not have a big baby
again?
And I'm like, I don't want togive you information about how
to make a smaller baby.
(33:14):
And I don't know, right?
Like your, your body's going tomake the baby that it needs to
make.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay.
But in that situation, just toprove my point.
About that particular thing.
In that situation with the morerecent birth where you, who you
knew you felt, and you knew thatbaby was going to be big.
Did that, or did that not impacthow you were feeling about.
(33:35):
A little bit about how the birthwas unfolding.
She had mentioned being nervousabout having a big baby and the.
And the type of experience thatshe would have if her baby was
any bigger than her previousbabies and it a hundred percent.
Was in my brain.
It wasn't changing the way thatI was providing care.
(33:56):
Except for the fact that I waslike, I'm going to jump in so
fast.
If, if I noticed something thatI think maybe potentially
happening or coming.
And so it was in my head.
Absolutely.
But I.
Had to continuously tell myself,like, But we don't know that.
And like, look at what's infront of you right now.
(34:16):
There was a moment where I waslike, I might have to do.
Who knows, right.
I might have to do something inthe next handful of minutes.
If I, if you know, If what ishappening unfolding in front of
me continues or intensifies orsomething.
And I don't always feel thatway.
Upper it's.
I don't always come in and beinglike, oh my gosh, I'm always
ready to do a thing if thingsneed to be done, but I'm not
(34:38):
always like.
I don't know on edge.
And so a piece of that, it wasinteresting to be like, Was that
brought on because we just hadthis conversation about being
nervous about a big baby, eventhough in my heart, I know I'm
like, it's going to be fine or.
That doesn't necessarily have ahuge impact.
It's still messed with me so Ican imagine.
(34:59):
Providers who are afraid of bigbabies already.
Searching for information to belike, yep.
Told you big baby.
Gotta do something about that,right?
Yeah.
And what we're talking about,his shoulder dystocia.
And you're more likely toencounter a shoulder to social
with a larger baby.
However, only 30% of shoulderdystocias are with a large baby.
(35:23):
So we have to just constantlykeep that in mind.
Here's a risk factor.
We're paying attention to howthe pushing phases going.
We're watchful.
But outside of that risk factor.
We don't expect things to gowrong.
Yeah, try not to expect thingsto go wrong.
Yeah.
So it's, I don't know something.
A little pieces there.
(35:44):
To consider.
You know, pick apart a littlebit.
Yes, absolutely.
And so when this particular babyfor this birth that we're
talking about about this episodeis about.
When that baby came out, I waslike, that is a that's.
That's a big baby.
You could just tell like, justhow, how substantial that baby
was and was never a, never anissue.
(36:06):
And I'm thankful that it wasn'ton our.
Radar, I think at the time, Idon't really know if it would
have changed anything about theenjoyment that we got to
experience.
I'm just witnessing this unfold.
But overall, this was one ofthose births where we just felt
like, oh man, like, it felt likea breath of fresh air in some
ways.
And a good reminder that birthcan absolutely work and that
(36:28):
sometimes women.
You know, Hire us for support,hire us for the, you know, I
want to make sure that likeeverything's okay.
And really this mom hired usbecause she was like, well, if
something is a little sideways,like, yeah, I want somebody
there to help.
But like, I don't actually needyou guys unless I need you guys.
(36:50):
And it was a good, like put usin our place.
In terms of the kind ofmidwifery care we want to give.
Yeah, absolutely.
Sometimes we are the authorityin some ways, because we have
the most experience and becausemom's put us there and we have
to be really careful about wherewe are allowing people to what
position they're allowing us tobe in.
(37:11):
Even if our expertise and ourexperience is valid and needed,
that's a part of the value thatwe bring.
Yes.
With all this money you'repaying us.
That's part of that.
But being careful that we don'taccidentally start to adopt
more, take more responsibilitythan what we, you know, ha than
(37:33):
what is needed or take any partof the experience away from the
family.
Yes.
Absolutely.
That was a great little walkdown memory lane.
I don't know if you haveanything else to say about that
one, but what's been, what'sbeen cool is we are in the midst
of creating our childbirtheducation course right now and
behind the scenes, the women whoare going through it with us as
(37:54):
we are creating it sort of inlive throughout the last couple
of months, it's been really coolto see there.
They're like confidence buildwith the information that
they're gathering, especiallythose who don't have the benefit
of midwifery care of their own.
And to really start askingquestions.
And you know, just starting tosee things through a different
lens.
(38:15):
And I feel like this is thismom, you know, had that coming
in and which is great, but it'scool to witness other women kind
of grow in that space.
And we've seen it a ton of timesin the people we've taken care
of as well, but it's been coolto see it in this childbirth
education class, especiallycause I'm like we don't have
the, we don't have the benefitof sitting with you for these
(38:36):
appointments and like buildingrelationship both ways, but to
see them start.
Taking some ownership has beengreat.
Yeah.
So cool.
I think one of my favoritecomments that we've gotten about
the childbirth education courseitself.
Is one of our students said.
I would have never thought aboutmy baby's experience in this.
(38:56):
If you did not prompt me tothink about that more deeply.
Oh, that's good.
It's a big one.
Huge.
Yeah, absolutely.
absolutely.
huge.
So.
There's So.
much more than just gettingthrough your pregnancy and
writing a birth plan.
I mean, It is an experience thatis absolutely worth diving deep
(39:17):
into core.
Beliefs and values and what thatmeans for you as a parent, which
is ultimately what you're goingto spend the rest of this
child's life doing is parenting.
And so how do you, how do youreally touch base with that in a
meaningful way?
One option is through our traumaeducation course.
(39:38):
Yes, absolutely.
So the link to join the waitlist for that, it will be
rolling out in the coming monthsto everybody.
Is in the show notes.
So go ahead.
Hop in there.
Put your name on the list.
If you are interested in thattype of experience, we are
gaining confidence, gaininginformation gaining perspective,
(39:58):
and really, you know, leaninginto the idea of owning.
Your.
Experience.
All right, everybody until nextMonday.
And especially until next.
Humber Storytime.
Yep.
Love it.
We'll see you then.
Bye.
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