7-Year Anniversary Special - Brewster's Millions

October 15, 2025 marked the 7-year anniversary of this podcast. To celebrate this occasion, here is a special episode: Lux Radio Theater’s production of Brewster’s Millions starring Jack Benny and Mary Livingstone.

Originally aired on February 15, 1937. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to Classic Comedy of Old Time Radio. I'm your host,
Ronicle Barger. October fifteen, twenty twenty five, marked the seven
year anniversary of this podcast. Wow, I cannot believe that
it has been seven years already. The first regular episode

(00:37):
of Classic Comedy of Old Time Radio went out on
October fifteen, twenty eighteen. Well, to celebrate this occasion, I
am pleased to present to you a special episode. This
episode was mentioned in last week's Jack Benny's show. On
that show, they talked about how Jack and Mary had
been on Lux Radio Theater's production of Brewster's Millions. So

(01:01):
I invite you to enjoy this special episode, which originally
aired one day after Jack Benny's birthday on February fifteenth,
nineteen thirty seven.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Prevent Hollywood Tonight, our producers that will be the mill
brings us Jack Benny and Mary Livingston, and as added attractions,
two sweep Steak winners and Willards of Hollywood Stocking, Designer
of the Stars, and the Lux Radio Theater Orchestra under
the direction of Louis Silver. So to the makers of
Lux Blake, those gentle, marvelously affected Salt Lake, welcome you

(01:37):
to another hour in Hollywood. Before we start miss millions,
let me suggest to our women listeners that luck flakes
can save you well, if not millions of dollars, at
least quite a lot of money. For example, take this
experience a Massachusetts woman had with lux Blake.

Speaker 3 (02:01):
And I East bought a peat silk stewed at the
same time. She was first along to hers. When she
told me how it shrunk and was almost white. Well,
I was discouraged and put off washing mine. At last,
I had due and using lucks as I always do,
I found it didn't shrink in any way and the
color hadn't changed a coal. I then asked my friend

(02:22):
what she used, and it was not luck.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Just remember luck blakes are different. They are so pure
and gentle that they're safe for anything that's safe and
water alone, it's a waste of money to have nice
dresses spoiled in washing. So always use lux Blake and
play safe. And now the producer of the Lux Radio Theater.
Ladies and gentlemen, with your suckles be to Mills who

(03:00):
from Hollywood. Ladies and gentlemen throughout the world. People celebrate
Jack Benny's birthday by sending flowers candy and Valentines to
each other that it happens to be February fourteenth, is,
of course, only inter dental. Jack made his first entrance
in Waukegan, Illinois. He also made his first audition there.

(03:23):
At a tender age, she played the violin for the
manager of the local theater. Deeply impressed, the manager gave
him a job at once as doorman. When the World
War broke out, Jack took a personal interest in it.
He joined the Navy to toughen him for battle. His
officers asked him to play at the sailor's benefits. Jack

(03:45):
was only a little like Nero on this occasion, for
while he played, the audience burned, so when he put
down his fiddle and talked, they enjoyed every minute of it.
Jack knew right then that while his fiddle playing was
fun his jokes were funnier. The way Jack became the
husband of Mary Livingston is funny too. They were introduced

(04:07):
by one of the four Marx brothers. First night they met,
Jack couldn't understand the word Mary said because she didn't
say anything. A few months later, Mary called to see him.
This time she talked to the extent of telling him
that she liked him very much. Jack married her at
once before she could change her mind. The most popular

(04:31):
comedian on the air, Jack is a record breaking picture personality.
The statisticians tell me that in his recent film College Holiday,
he smoked the incredible number of fifteen hundred cigars. I
noticed Jack smoking one of the cigars a little while ago,
and I agree with the statisticians, they are incredible. Tonight

(04:53):
we hear mister Benny as Jack Brewster, and Miss Livingston
becomes Mary Gray. But we've heard enough about our stars.
Now let's hear from them, ladies and gentlemen. The Lux
Radio Theater surrenders its microphones to Jack Benny and Mary
Livingston in Brewster's millions. We're in the offices of Grant

(05:29):
and Vanderpool, attorneys at law. For months, the two senior
partners have been trying to locate one Jack Brewster, who
has recently caught fallen heir to a huge fortune. At last,
their efforts have been rewarded. Grant, one of the attorneys,
reads from a tight written report. Jack B.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
Brewster sex, male color, white, dark complexion, living now in
New York boarding house run by missus Bridget Gray. Eight
twenty two or fourty sixth streets the present time. Brewster
is unemployed, single, evidently in desperate financial conditions. Type of
regular employment unknown, but claims to be a musician.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
You are, that's the detective report, Jack B. Brewster? Are
you sure that's the man we want?

Speaker 4 (06:15):
It seems to be the middle initial must stands for Benjamin,
his uncle's name, in desperate financial condition. Eh looks like
a pleasant surprise, and saw for him A cool million
will is a pleasant price for anyone. A million dollars?
Is that the final reckoning? Well, it's one or six,
depending upon Bruce himself. He lives up to the terms

(06:36):
of the will, he'll inherit six million at the end
of the year.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
Have you notified him yet? No?

Speaker 4 (06:41):
And we'd better break it gently. Hello, Send Timothy in here, William.
I want him to run an errand wouldn't a letter
be safer? I want Brewster hear in person before he
knows any of the terms secret sis, the essence of
the will. I'll come here him. I want you to
go to wait twenty two West fourty six Streets. Find

(07:03):
a fellow by the name of Jack B.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
Brewster. Bring him back here with you. Yes, sir, I
suppose he isn't there. Oh, he'll be there. It's his
boarding house.

Speaker 4 (07:11):
If he's not him, when you call camp from the
doorstep until he comes.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Back, Yes, sir, I'll get on Mista Grant.

Speaker 5 (07:37):
Oh, come in, hello Jack.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
Oh it's you Mary. You know he shouldn't interrupt me
when I'm practicing.

Speaker 5 (07:44):
See, somebody should.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
Never mind that. What do you want?

Speaker 5 (07:48):
And that man is here again?

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Is what man? You know?

Speaker 5 (07:51):
The fellow from the law office, he want to see you,
says it's very important.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
Oh important, Eh, well not to me. What did you
think I am a dope?

Speaker 5 (07:59):
I don't know. I didn't say.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
Say listen, I've been dogging that fella for a week
and he's not going to get me.

Speaker 6 (08:04):
Now.

Speaker 5 (08:05):
Why don't you find out what he wants?

Speaker 2 (08:07):
I know what he wants. Got a claim against me
for something and probably thinks he's going to attach my assets.
Well he's got another thing coming.

Speaker 5 (08:14):
Yes, he thinks he can find any assets.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
I'll tell him I'm not here, tell him I've moved,
tell him I'm in China. I did oh you did?
What did he say?

Speaker 5 (08:22):
He said he'd be back in twenty minutes.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Twenty minutes. Must have a pretty rough idea where China is.

Speaker 5 (08:28):
No, but he's had a pretty good idea where you are.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
Well. I'm wise to these lawyers tricks. I've been dragged
into court so often. I'm beginning to look like Exhibit AIDS.
But I get along all right.

Speaker 5 (08:40):
See Jack, you're a smile.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Oh, I don't know. I don't like to brag, but
I guess when it comes to money matters, I'm about
as smart as the next fella. You don't, Mary, I've
got ideas, big ideas. If I had ten or twenty
thousand dollars right now, I could turn it into a
quarter of a million like that, a quarter of a million,
maybe half a million, and maybe two million. There's no

(09:02):
limit to what I could do.

Speaker 5 (09:04):
See that's wonderful.

Speaker 7 (09:05):
Yeah, And before I forget, mother says, if you don't
pay your back rent by wind do, you'll have to
get out there you go.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
It's a fine way to treat a man with big
ideas and bills come match. And another thing, it's a
nice attitude for your mother to take or the future
son in law. I'll bet ten dollars she doesn't want
you to marry me.

Speaker 5 (09:25):
Find it take her and you got your room rent?

Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah? What does she got against me? Anyway? I'm honest,
ain't I? And I'm hard working too. When I can
find any work, being broke isn't any disgrace. Are there
ten people living in this boarding house right now? Or
we're lots more than I do? Why does she always
pick on me?

Speaker 5 (09:45):
You're her favorite? Oh, but don't let it worry you, Jack,
I still feel the same.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Do you marry?

Speaker 5 (09:52):
Of course I do.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
Well, that's all I need. If you have faith in me,
I can lick the world. We'll get married. Yet you
wait and see. Sure we will say marry Mary. Remember
the first time we met. Gee, that was a great
day for me. I'll never forget it.

Speaker 5 (10:11):
I tried and I can't either.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
And then the day Mary, the day we went to
Coney Island. Remember I held your hand all the way home,
and when we got inside, I put my arm around
you and.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
You said, Mary, when you marry me?

Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (10:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (10:30):
Three eight years.

Speaker 8 (10:31):
Can go fast?

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Eight years? Eight years? You're always bringing that up.

Speaker 5 (10:36):
Well it is eight years, isn't it.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Well that's not my fault. I can't help it. If
I can't find work.

Speaker 5 (10:40):
Well, don't yell at me, Yelly, you are may I?

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Oh hello with Smith? Sure, come on in, thank you.

Speaker 8 (10:48):
I got continue in my room, and I thought I
heard voices in the hire.

Speaker 5 (10:52):
That's funny. I didn't hear a thing, could you, Jack?

Speaker 9 (10:55):
No?

Speaker 8 (10:56):
Oh no, no, you are having.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
A little fat women, just a little one.

Speaker 5 (11:01):
Yes, but it had possibilities.

Speaker 8 (11:03):
M I four? So now now you ought to be
ashamed of your fels. Jump six right down, both of you.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
What four?

Speaker 8 (11:12):
I'm going to heed you the last chapter of my
new novel. It's called Till.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Meets Boys, Girl meets Boy. Wait a minute, there is
a story called boy meets Girl.

Speaker 8 (11:24):
Well, this is general meets boys. Oh, Alitia, Sorry anyway,
it's all about the young couple.

Speaker 10 (11:32):
Just like you.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
It will do you good. Now, look, Mitts Smith, there's
no use wasting your voice and your energy reading it
to us. You ought to save your strength for reading
it to the publishers.

Speaker 5 (11:41):
She read it to five of them already.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
That's enough, Mary, you said it.

Speaker 8 (11:46):
No little children. Till Meets Boy by Sophie Smith.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
Chapter ten, Chapter ten. What happened to the first nine?

Speaker 5 (11:56):
What's the difference?

Speaker 4 (11:57):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (11:58):
I don't know.

Speaker 8 (11:59):
I want to start with chapter pin, because that's the
reconciliation scene that brings the lovers back together, and that's
what I want to.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Do here very well. Go ahead.

Speaker 8 (12:11):
In the gathering shadows of the midsummer twilight, Gwendolen stood
in the garden of being the Theodore. Oh, Gwendolen, he murmured,
Oh Theodore. She answered, his arms foo round her waist
and pressing her clothes. He keepped her food on the lips,
a long, glistering, lingering piece.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Now we're getting someplace, so was Theodore. Mary. Go ahead,
miss Smith.

Speaker 8 (12:40):
Carried away by the arbit of his love, Theodore pleased
her in a maddened grace, flung his arms round her,
and crushed her closely to him.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Mary, what are you laughing at?

Speaker 5 (12:55):
Theodore, goes wild.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Mary, Please, it's getting interested. Continue, Miss Mayor.

Speaker 8 (13:02):
Oh my sweets me. It's been so long six last
we held each other in disclosing brace. So long, yes,
she says, eight long year.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Hey stop stop, what are you trying to do? Start
some more trouble? Yes, ma, he your good morning, missus Gray,
good morning? Is it you? You know what time it is?

Speaker 9 (13:31):
I come up here to tell you once and for
all I'm serving breakfast up to eleven o'clock and if
anyone can't come on tim then he gets slipped to.

Speaker 8 (13:39):
My jack black.

Speaker 5 (13:40):
One down, sit down?

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Will you have.

Speaker 8 (13:49):
Another piece of tooth?

Speaker 2 (13:50):
Mister Dudley, Uh, thank you, I don't mind if I
do miss done?

Speaker 9 (13:54):
Will you have some?

Speaker 4 (13:55):
No?

Speaker 3 (13:55):
Thanks? I have to watch my weight.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
What form is done?

Speaker 5 (13:58):
Haven't you heard I'm going to have a tie out
this morning for the winter Polly.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
Mister clan the producer is very interested in my voice.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
Hey, I've been hearing that story for the last six months,
but not never happened.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
Is that so?

Speaker 7 (14:11):
Well?

Speaker 3 (14:11):
Let me tell you, mister Donovan, I've been hearing about
that invention of.

Speaker 9 (14:14):
You're the last ten months, but I don't see anyone
buying it. I got the patent on it, a patent
on an egg holder, and it.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
Ain't an egg holder. It's a soft boiled egg golpener,
a device to prevent the egg from sliding down the
side of the cup. Well, now, if you can keep
it from sliding down your vest, I think you got
something there. Yes, I was saying so the other even
that's all mister Dudley. Yes, it's been my privilege in
the past to promote the manufacturer of several worthfile articles.

(14:41):
And I'd like to promote mister Donovan's invention too, if
I had the uh.

Speaker 5 (14:45):
Yes, that's the Jack needs too.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
Yeah. Money the curse of modern civilization, but we gotta
have it. If I had a couple of thousand dollars
right now, I can turn it into a million like that.
That's all I'd need. A few pall three thousand dollars paultry.

Speaker 5 (15:00):
Yeah, why if you had five dolargy declare dividends.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
I would a Oh, mister Brewster, Yeah, Rosie's.

Speaker 5 (15:07):
Man, here's Minoyer's office.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
Tell him I'm not in mister Brewsters. Yes, this is great.

Speaker 9 (15:12):
I'd have you know. I'm running a respectable boarding house,
and I'm not used to having bill collector sitting in me.

Speaker 8 (15:18):
Tether, you go and see that man right away and
get rid of him, or I'll.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
Have to ask you to leave. All right, But if
anything happens to me, you'll be sorry. Sorry for what
mm that's gratitude for the way I worry about the
rent I owe. Don't push me. I don't think you're
mister Jackbrey Booster. Yeah, and the b is for bro.

(15:42):
I get that into our little meeting right now, mister Bowster,
I'm from grand and Vanderpool. They want you to come
to the office. Oh, both of 'em want to see
me and doubling up on me. Eh. Now, listen, you
you go back and tell mister Grant to tell mister
Vanderpool that mister Brewster is no mister sucker. I'll let
that be the end of it. But all I I
don't want to hear it. Wait. If you don't come,

(16:03):
you won't direct the money. What'd you say? The money?
If you don't come with me, you won't collect it.
Wait a minute, you mean uh you mean someone wants
to give me something? Yes, sir, Oh, your uncle he
died a month ago, left the will making you sole

(16:24):
the hair till I get some bold water. Mister Grant'll
rub his wrist, rub his wrist, He say, hey, you
should have broken it gently, mister Brewster. Mister Brewster, are
you all right? Uh?

Speaker 4 (16:40):
Oh good, he's coming around. I got him to the
out of office Timothy and telling that anyone come in
here for an.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Now, Yes, sir, mister Brewster, look at me. Are you
all right? Where am I you're in my office. Don't
you remember? My name is Grinn? Where's your beard?

Speaker 6 (16:58):
No?

Speaker 2 (16:59):
No, no, I'm a lawyer. Oh that's right. I came
here and you said.

Speaker 4 (17:04):
I said that you just inherited a million dollars and
you fainted.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
How do you feel now? Like a million bucks? Not bad?
Out of a sound sleeve. The good old Uncle Ned
left me a fortune. Ay, I always did like old
Uncle Ned. Lately, mister Brewster, I have some other news
for you, good news, exceptionally good. But I'm wanted to
afraid to tell you. I shouldn't want you to faint again.

(17:29):
Don't worry. Shoot, five years ago.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
Your grandfather died. We just opened the cord sile at
his will, and we find that he also.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
Left you something. What a parley? Go on, Oh, mister Brewster,
it's ready now, I'm ready. Mister Brewster.

Speaker 4 (17:46):
Your grandfather left you and the cords of his will.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
The some of exactly six million dollars. Not bad. You're
not going to faint, I don't think so. You know
they say the first million is the hottest. Well, I'm relieved.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
Of course, your grandfather's bequest had certain conditions.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
I knew there was a catch. I bet I'll have
to earn it.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
What kind of conditions, mister Brewster, are you good at
spending money?

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Well, I don't know. I never tried. They'll never tell
you this. You will inherit the six.

Speaker 4 (18:24):
Million left for your grandfather only, and if at the
end of one year from today you have spent the
inter million left by your uncle.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Why you mean all I have to do is run
through this million dollars in one year and I'll get
six more. Exact Now, I can start out by paying
my back room rant. That'll put a dett in it.
They always thought there was something screwy of our grandfather.

Speaker 4 (18:48):
A brief through the story is this, your grandfather hated
and despised your uncle.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
Well, as long as they both like me, and he
knew that your uncle would leave you quite a sum
of money. And if he didn't want you to keep it,
let them give me my uncle's a million and let
me out of here. I'll come back in a year
with holes in my stock. If any That's exactly what
you'll have to do. Now listen to this.

Speaker 4 (19:10):
Before my grandson complained the six million dollars, he must
spend the entire sum of money left by his uncle
and appear before the executives one year from the day
this is read. He must have no world of possessions whatsoever,
no cash in his pocket, no more than one two
the clothes.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Well, I'm dressed for the part right now, and there's more.

Speaker 4 (19:32):
Listen, Under no conditions may my grandson take anyone into
his confidence. No one must know why he is spending
his uncle's money or this card is still being validated,
and he will lose the bequest.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
That that means I can't tell anyoney.

Speaker 4 (19:48):
Oh, you can tell them what you've inherited one million dollars, yes,
but you mustn't tell them about the rest of them.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
I see. Go on.

Speaker 4 (19:56):
It must be understood by my grandson that he must
und a new circ senses, give money away recklessly. And
this is very important.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (20:05):
He must be and remain single. There must be no
matrimonial entanglement.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Wait a minute, you mean I can't get married for
a year. That's what it says. Gee, what a handicap.
A wife's is such a help when it comes to
spending money. Anyway, How am I going to explain it
to Mary? That's my girl.

Speaker 4 (20:25):
You mustn't explain it if you do you don't get
another penny?

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Well, what you say, are you willing to go through it? Willing? Brother?
I'm ready, willing and able. Free smart boys.

Speaker 4 (20:40):
Well, come to the office at nine o'clock tomorrow morning
and I'll.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
Have a check for you. Don't forget You've got to
spend every penny of it. I'll leave it to me
a million dollars in a year, while all I have
to do is spend about three thousand dollars a day.
Someday I'll spend sakes and relax a day.

Speaker 4 (20:56):
Mister Booster, good day, I'm good luck.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
It sure is and worse uh h, just think of
this this morning I didn't have a diamond. Now I'm
a millionaire. Well solong, mister Grant. So oh oh, I
almost forgot. They'll lend me a nickel, will Yeah, I
want to go home on the subway. Maybe.

Speaker 8 (21:20):
Will you pass the aspatagus to mister Dudley please?

Speaker 5 (21:23):
I would if there was any last Oh, never mind,
it's quite all right.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
Or by the way, Mary, where is mister Brewster? And
I haven't seen him since breakfast?

Speaker 5 (21:30):
Don't ask me. This is the first time he's missed
the Lincoln three years.

Speaker 8 (21:34):
I think he left the house with that lawyer today.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
Maybe they'd put him in the jug. Pass the butter,
will you?

Speaker 5 (21:40):
Oh hope nothing has happened to him.

Speaker 3 (21:42):
Maybe he'll telephone.

Speaker 5 (21:43):
What are you so worried about, miss Dahn.

Speaker 8 (21:46):
I'm not worried.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Mister Bruster means nothing to me.

Speaker 5 (21:49):
Hmm, Well, will you pass the bread please?

Speaker 6 (21:53):
Mister Donovan?

Speaker 2 (21:54):
Sure, I thought you was trying to keep your waist down.
Ain't you getting a tryout today?

Speaker 5 (21:59):
She had it all already passing the bread.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
Greetings to you? What and all? Looker's here?

Speaker 5 (22:06):
Hi Tolledy, you never missed line Mary.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I've got some news for you. And what news? Folks?
You're in on this too, but hold onto your chairs
because it's gonna blow the roof off.

Speaker 5 (22:14):
Well, what is it, ladies.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
And gentlemen, You are now looking at none other than
Jack Bee Brewster, the millionaire. The Bee is for big Shop.

Speaker 5 (22:22):
He's for bottle and that's what you've been hitting.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
What do you mean bottle? I tell you I'm in
the money, I'm a millionaire. Is this on the level
or it is my uncle guide and left me a
million dollar? Holy rags? Everybody? Than well, this is Drey
what are you think of me? Now?

Speaker 9 (22:38):
Hey, you're back rent by Windser get out all right?

Speaker 2 (22:42):
All right, you'll get your rent and I'll get out too.
I'm moving to a Park Avenue penthouse tomorrow morning. So there.
I want you all to come up and see me.
Sometimes we will.

Speaker 5 (22:55):
It's tall, dark and bombing, but I'm.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
Not gonna forget my old and soby. Did you say
that book of yours was finished? Y? Yes, mister, Well
bring it around. I'm gonna publish it for you.

Speaker 5 (23:07):
Are you crazy? That book has been turned down by
every publisher in the country.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Well, we'll set it to another country. And that's not
all I'm gonna do, Mike. I'm going to manufacture and
market that adventure of yours. Oh right, I'll show you
my heart in the right place. Dudley, you can be
my business manager. I need one. You need a keeper,
ch I'll get one. Oh, mister Bruce Hunk, and I
say no more. I'll start you off of two hundred
dollars a week.

Speaker 10 (23:32):
I think you're just the most wonderful sea.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
I haven't seen anything yet. You know what I'm gonna
do for you is done. I'm going to finance the
new show the biggest thing that ever hit broadways, and
you're gonna play the lead in it. Oh, mister Bruce,
to this is too much.

Speaker 5 (23:47):
Don't worry.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
I won't last long, Dudley, get busy. Engage me a
suite of offices in the Empire State Building, take a
whole floor. We gotta do things right.

Speaker 5 (23:54):
You're doing things right, all right. A year from now
you won't have a nickel.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
That's the idea. I mean, watch the day up front.

Speaker 5 (24:02):
He's standing your doll like a wild or wild jack Booster.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
That's me. Before I'm finished, I'll make Diamond Jim Brady
look like Sir Harry Lawter. Mike run outside and order
me attacked. The came mister Bruce. I want to pull
up to the door and stand there until I come out.

Speaker 5 (24:15):
Are you leaving already?

Speaker 2 (24:16):
No, but I have an appointment at nine o'clock tomorrow morning,
and I want the cab to wait. You'll continue this now.
I'd like to take you to a pretty little home
on Arden Street in Los Angeles. A young bride is
upset and she's telling her friend about it.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
But Bob never talked that way, befool, take Oh, he
meant it is a jewel.

Speaker 8 (24:41):
It's the old joke to stay my hands look like tomnadows.

Speaker 5 (24:45):
My hands get red, it's because I'm washing dishes for him.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
No, honey, that's no excuse. After all, a man does
here to see his wife get dishpan hands. They spoil
his pride in her. Now look here, why don't you
do there? I do most dishes the Luck's flakes? Do
luckstakes really make a difference? Who all say they do?
While my hand used to get the raw and chap,
I just couldn't then show them. Then I began using

(25:12):
Luck's flakes, and honestly, in a week my hands had
lost that dish grand look. And now look see how
soft and white they are, just as nice as when
I got married.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
Any woman's hands are aft to get red and rough
if exposed to harsh soaps in the dishpans. Such soaps
dry the natural oils of the skin. Why risk this
when for less than a cent a day you can
use gentle lux flakes for your dishes. Just try Lux
flakes for ten days or so, you'll never use anything else.
They're so soothing, leave your hands so soft and white.

(25:45):
Start using lux flakes for your breakfast dishes tomorrow. Now
back to our play and Cecil be the milk. We
continued versus Millions, starring Jack Bunney and Mary Livingston. Haste

(26:06):
with the enviable task of spending a million dollars inside
of a year, Jack has gone on a mad buying spray.
Nothing is too much, nothing is too good, but his
romance with Mary. He's had a complete standstill due to
the conditions of the bequest. He can't marry her, nor
can he tell her the reason. As our scene begins,

(26:27):
we're in Jack's suite of officers. Mary and Dudley, the
business manager, are in deep conversations. I tell you, miss Gray,
he's throwing his money around like a madman. He's run
through one hundred thousand dollars in the last thirty days.
And what has he got to show for it?

Speaker 5 (26:42):
A lot of cancel checks exactly.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
Now look at this. Seven hundred and ten dollars for typewriters.

Speaker 5 (26:48):
How many did he get ten?

Speaker 2 (26:50):
And he's hired five stenographers. He they'll have to use
their feet too, or Miss Gray, You've got to do something.
If he keeps on at this rate, he won't have
a penny to his name and he's in the market too.
He just bought a thousand shares of stock that's headed
straight for the bottom. They sell him, I'm to cost
him about fourte thousand.

Speaker 5 (27:07):
Dollars forty thousand dollars, and he's.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
Going to buy more this afternoon. It's absolutely worth it.
I tried to tell him, but he won't listen to me.

Speaker 7 (27:14):
When they listened to me, I've got a couple of
things I'd like to speak him into Brewster about.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
Well.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
Well, well, look who's there? Good morning, Mary, morning, Dudley,
Good morning, miss Bruce. There's a man waiting to see
you in the outer office. I'm too busy to see him.
Now send him a check, a check? What for it?
I don't care whatever he's selling. Well, Mary, how are you? Oh,
I'm I'll take it, Dudley, you skip along outside? Yes,
excuse me, Mary? Hello, Yes, I've had a thousand shares

(27:41):
that's right. Oh, going down? Hey, we'll buy another thousand. Sure,
I mean it. I'm a ball, I said, I'm a ball,
ball like in Blooney and listen if it goes down again,
keep buying. Right, Well, Mary, how are you?

Speaker 7 (27:56):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (27:56):
I'm choose him? Hello? Yeah, why of course? I'll contribute
to a deserving charity. What's the name of the organization?
The Society for Helping Joe Dugan? I see all right,
mister Dugan, come and see me in the morning. Well Mary,
how's every little?

Speaker 3 (28:17):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (28:17):
I'm off hello, Yes, that's right. I'm putting on a
new show. Oh you're an actor? Eh, now that's fine.
Would you be willing to accept two hundred and fifty
a week? Why? If you're not worth it? All right,
then I'll make it five hundred. Goodbye? Well Mary?

Speaker 5 (28:36):
How are you tell me that song? Will you?

Speaker 2 (28:38):
Hey? Hey? What are you doing? Stop it?

Speaker 5 (28:42):
I'm all right, Jack? How are you?

Speaker 2 (28:44):
Thanks for ruling my telephone? There goes another ten bucks.

Speaker 5 (28:47):
I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you spend
money all day?

Speaker 2 (28:50):
Oh what do you mean? It's business, isn't it. You
know the old saying you gotta spend it if you
want to make it.

Speaker 5 (28:55):
Yes, and a fool and his money is soon parted he.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
Who hesitates his loss. Now it's your turn.

Speaker 7 (29:00):
Look what you've been doing the last month, running around
like a wild man?

Speaker 5 (29:04):
And this new show you're gonna open?

Speaker 7 (29:05):
Do you realize the producer lost seventy thousand dollars last
year on a show like that.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Uh, chiefs Gates. Wait, let's see my flop, I mean my.

Speaker 5 (29:13):
Show and Barbara Dawn. You seem to be getting along
fine with her, don't you.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
Uh what do you mean.

Speaker 5 (29:20):
Spending all that money for clothes and furs? You've brought
a three first coach in the last two weeks.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
Well, that's all right, we're just building her up.

Speaker 5 (29:28):
What for a poor expedition.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
You're not jealous?

Speaker 7 (29:32):
Now?

Speaker 2 (29:32):
Are you married?

Speaker 11 (29:33):
Jellous of Barbara Dawn?

Speaker 5 (29:36):
Let's just say not.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
Oh, Mary, don't feel like that. Barbara Dawn is nothing
to me. Really, you're the the You're you're the only
one that counts.

Speaker 5 (29:46):
Well, if you think so much of me, why don't
you do something about it?

Speaker 2 (29:49):
You mean, uh, get married?

Speaker 5 (29:51):
Yes, I've been wearing your engagement ring so long, my
whole hand. It's turning green.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
I love married, marry. You've gotta you gotta trust me.
I I just can't get married now.

Speaker 5 (30:06):
Why not?

Speaker 2 (30:06):
Well, I I can't tell you. You'll just have to take
my word. There's a very good reason. Will you trust me, Mary?

Speaker 5 (30:15):
Well, if you'll stop spending money?

Speaker 2 (30:18):
Oh geez, thanks that's twell or miss Brewster. Yeah, your
car's downstairs. Oh that's right. Come on, Mary, I've got
an appointment with a man to buy a gold Well.
How do you like the new car? Mary? Only eighteen
thousand dollars? Not bad?

Speaker 5 (30:35):
Uh, it's all right. You got a trailer to huh?

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Trailer at the rumble?

Speaker 5 (30:40):
See, hey, watch out when you're driving. Slow down.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
Don't worry, everything's under control. Mary. Watch that's phenometer. Hey,
stop stop before we're only doing sixty.

Speaker 5 (30:51):
I get stopped.

Speaker 7 (30:52):
You hear me?

Speaker 2 (30:52):
Stop nothing but or you'll stop? Gee? Can you imagine that?
A cop?

Speaker 5 (31:05):
Don't get many backtalk tack.

Speaker 7 (31:07):
A friend of mine got a big fine the other
day for sack and a policeman.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, are you sure of that?

Speaker 5 (31:16):
I was with him?

Speaker 2 (31:17):
Why? Oh never mind a big fine?

Speaker 10 (31:20):
Eh?

Speaker 2 (31:20):
Well, well look god.

Speaker 5 (31:22):
He's coming over.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Well why do you think you're growing? There were fire?
What the two you slugged?

Speaker 5 (31:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (31:31):
Oh fresh guy? Yeah you want to make something out
of it?

Speaker 5 (31:36):
Shut up, chuck, very weazel.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
I got a good mind to hands you a ticket.
What do you think of that? Make it too? I
have a lady with me. Hey, listen, mister it's a
two one a dollar fine for doing sixty in this time?
Say sure, I see you're dope. You think I'm blind?
And I wasn't doing sixty. I was doing seventy five?
Oh you was? Ay? Yeah, another minute, i'd have been

(31:58):
in high Now listen, yo, come on, give me a
taking scram out of here before I lose my temper.
Shut up, I won't shut up. What did you think
he is? Anyhow, I'm a citizen of this town and
a taxpayer, not taking any back talk from a dumb flatport.
What do you think of that, Charlie Chans? I guess

(32:20):
you're right, mister what.

Speaker 4 (32:24):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (32:24):
Maybe I was too hasty. I'm sorry. Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute. After all, it's folks like you were
paying my salary and I got no right to get
freshed with you. Excuse me? Hey wait, what about the taker?
What about that two hundred dollars? Pine's all right, forget it?
Mister come along? Hey, hey hello, mister Brewster's office? Oh

(32:54):
missus Brewster, can you see miss Dawn?

Speaker 6 (32:56):
Now?

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Okay, ever, come in, I have a come in please?
How don't we stand? Dudley go on with that report,
But that's all there is, sir. Your expenses for the
last last two months total almost three hundred thousand dollars
three hundred thousand and two months. Not bad, not bad.
How's that stock of mine going down faster than ever? Good?
When it hits zero cell? Hold on it's DN that'll

(33:21):
be all dudly, yes, sir. Well how's the uh little
leading lady today?

Speaker 9 (33:27):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (33:27):
Fine? Like when you're.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
Jed say, hey, that's all right, better get a couple
of more just like it?

Speaker 6 (33:32):
Oh Jack, Why you're still sweet to me?

Speaker 3 (33:36):
Jack?

Speaker 2 (33:37):
Oh? I just like to spend money, and you've gotta
have clothes if you're gonna be a star. You're one
of my big investments, is Donald?

Speaker 5 (33:45):
Is that all I mean to you?

Speaker 6 (33:46):
An investments?

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Well? Now I don't believe it.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
It wouldn't be doing all this for me in this
a mess? Noh, j Why don't you stay? Why don't
you tell me that you love me?

Speaker 2 (34:00):
You know you do? Look? Look, look Air is done.
You're making a big mistake.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Perhaps, but but I love you anyway.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
There I don't know. I mean, you're all wrong. I'm wrong.

Speaker 5 (34:11):
I I don't care what anyone says about you.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
I still think you're a nice man. I ever met
doll and Ollo?

Speaker 5 (34:20):
Jack?

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Oh? Oh, hello, Mary, come right in there. You uh
you know miss don.

Speaker 5 (34:25):
Gord John not see miss Dong, the one who used
to live at our boarding house. I think you remember me.
See I didn't recognize you for a minute behind those eyelashes?
Or is it a new kind of a veil?

Speaker 4 (34:36):
No?

Speaker 8 (34:37):
Wait, marriage, If you excuse me, Jack, I'll come back
sometime when you were alone, He.

Speaker 5 (34:41):
Was alone when I came in. Oh, she wants to
be alone with you. Huh what does he mean by that? Crack?

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Oh, don't pay any attention to her. Mary, listen, do
you want to come to the theater with me. I'm
picking talent for the new shows.

Speaker 5 (34:55):
Talent was up to you, Garble would still be in Sweden.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
Oh come on right there, okay Gallagher, Mary, you sit
next to me. We got plenty of talent here this afternoon.

(35:18):
Money in loud, h everybody wire down? All right, let's
see who's first. We aren't the Brons, Yeah we were
here boys. Well what are your names? Boys? Boys? And Slay?
You know those two funny guys. I'm boy. Yeah, I
guess that makes you slay. Then we're comedians, ain't we
moy Yeah, well that's very funny. Let's uh, let's hear

(35:44):
your act boys.

Speaker 5 (35:45):
Don't tell me there's more Mary.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
Well, when I come out, see I walk across the stage,
slave comes out from the other side, and we bump
into each other. We bump to do each other.

Speaker 5 (35:56):
Make it hard?

Speaker 2 (35:57):
Can I say? I say? Hello? Wait a minute of colloway.
You don't have to go any further. You're killing me.
Take these fellows outside and sign.

Speaker 5 (36:06):
Him up, Take him outside and hang him up.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
That's why I beg your pardon, mister Brewster. But may
I have a word with you? What is it? I
don't wish to waste my time here any further. I
am a tragedian. I have trod the board just hamlet
a smackbeth as hotello. Have you an opening for me? Well?

Speaker 5 (36:34):
The manhole just outside choiet.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Semister Gallagher? Tell him I said you can play prolo.
I thank you? How's next to polk? We are? We
are come on go sign Surrey? Hi? Are you mister Bruce? Hello?
You listen goast time man where I can help smash
sing songwriters? They did you ever write any hit number?
Listen you ever hear mothery Mickley old man the Saint

(36:57):
Louis Blue. Yeah, sure we righte good one. Hey, listen,
I got a song we will be sweeping the company
by stng. Yeah, what's the name of it? My woche
could che kid show, I got the.

Speaker 8 (37:15):
Hood meat good kid baby and the hood gee cook gile.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
Following me to eat something. Believe me, miss team. The
smell a scallon time. That's up that It burns me
up to listen less a gold signer. All your songs
like that one. If that's your team is possible.

Speaker 5 (37:33):
Some of them are even better. It's such a thing
as possible.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
Wait a minute, you're going any further with this talent business.

Speaker 5 (37:40):
Now you're getting smart.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Hey Gallagher, give everybody hear a contract rehears from Star tomorrow.
We should be ready to open in a month.

Speaker 5 (37:47):
It's such a thing as possible.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
Oh oh, Dudley g went Brewster. I I'm sorry to
bother you with this hour, but I I've got to
see you. I'm sure come in you see the opening
to Night Dudling, Yes, sir, but I that's not what
I but I come to talk about. Hey, you look worried.

(38:29):
What's the matter with the Brewster. I've got a confession
for me at two o'clock in the morning, Yes, sir,
I couldn't sleep. It's been on my mind for a
week and I I can't bear it any long way here. Hey, hey,
what's wrong with the Brewster? I'm a thief, a thief,

(38:49):
a swindle, an embezzlor. I've stolen money from you, scrambled
with it on the market. I thought the stock would
go up, but he didn't. And now I I've come
to confess or do what you want with me. I
don't care. Yeah, I no good. I see what stock
did you buy? American timber? How much did you lose?
Twenty two thousand dollars? That's loyalty for you. You get

(39:12):
a hot thing like that, and you don't let me
in on us? Was take an out of ten thousand
buy some more? You mean you mean you're not going
to send me to prison? Of course? Now that is
ut less, not unless the stock goes up. But I
will pay you back. I swear with every penny of
want it back. But I want to give it to
your twenty pos that I don't want it.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
Now.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Listen, have you seen the newspaper account of my new show. No, well,
get this. It's practically certain that playboy Brewster, that's me,
has back the biggest flop ever seen on broadways. Before
it is withdrawing. It will probably cost them over two
hundred grand. There, and you come around with your Paul
pre twenty two thousand. Get out of here.

Speaker 5 (40:00):
M here you are, mister Brewster. Here are the latest report.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
Let me see. Oh this is awful, awful from mister Brewster.
What's wrong that gold mine I bought? Look they struck gold,
struck gold. Why that's wonderful. Suddenly you gotta sell that mind?
Do you hear? And sell it cheap? Cheap? It's worth
a fortune. That's the whole trouble. For eight months I've
been going beautifully and now look what happens. I've started
to make money? Answer that Hello, Yes, yes, he's here.

(40:30):
Who oh uh? One moment? Please? Oh? Is it? It's
Hollywood calling mister Rosenblos of Super Super Sound Pictures or producer?
What does he want? Hello? As Jack Brewster? Why do
you wanna buy the rights to my show? Are you crazy?
My show is a flop, the biggest flopping years. Oh,

(40:53):
I see you like to buy flops cause they're cheaper. Well,
I won't sell now. I don't want to check for
fifty thousand dollars ad bye, Oh this is terrible. What
am I gonna do? Mister Bruce Draggon's understand? Shut up?
I gotta think something. Yeah, what can I do to
Wait a minute? Wait, I've got an idea. You have to, Dudley,

(41:15):
go out and buy me a yacht. I'll walk a yacht,
a big one, hire me a crew, and invite all
my friends, my enemies too. I want a crowd. We're
going on a three month's cruise.

Speaker 5 (41:37):
And say, kid, but where did you say?

Speaker 7 (41:38):
We were?

Speaker 2 (41:39):
About thirty miles off the coast of Virginia, Miss Gray?

Speaker 7 (41:41):
Is that all you will?

Speaker 5 (41:43):
Even been sailing around out here for six weeks and
we're only that far.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
We've been going in circles, and I heard mister Bruce
di give beyond it. I advised him to turn around
and head for port Yesterdaybody won't do it?

Speaker 3 (41:52):
Head for poor what's for?

Speaker 2 (41:54):
The barometer's falling fast. We're in for a heavy storm,
a storm rolling smoke. I can't understand. Mister asked him
why he wanted to stay up, and he said he
can't run the risk of making money on shore. I
think he's going satty.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
Where is he now?

Speaker 2 (42:07):
He's forward with Miss Dunn.

Speaker 5 (42:08):
Oh he is, Eh, I've suspected that for a long time.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
I mean he's in the full part of the boat.
He and Miss dawna making plans to produce another show.

Speaker 6 (42:17):
Why another show?

Speaker 3 (42:18):
Eh?

Speaker 7 (42:19):
Wait here, folks.

Speaker 5 (42:20):
I'll tell him a thing or two.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
And he's drawn. I think of the Valley alone will
cost about seventy thousand dollars. Oh that's wonderful, you know.
I think there's a storm approaching.

Speaker 5 (42:31):
Instead, it's fat head. I want to speak to you.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Oh a tornado? Huh? Hello, Mary?

Speaker 5 (42:37):
What's the idea of putting on another show? Didn't the
last one costs you enough?

Speaker 2 (42:41):
Not quite me. I'm not wanted here.

Speaker 3 (42:45):
I'll leave you.

Speaker 5 (42:46):
Got something there? Goodbye?

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Now listen, Mary, you listen to me.

Speaker 7 (42:50):
I'm sick and tired of the way you're throwing money around.
I'm tired of waiting for you to make up your
mind about getting married.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
Oh why are you getting excited?

Speaker 5 (42:57):
Excited? I don't want a honeymoon on the plans.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
Mary, looking give me two months, That's all I ask
just two months.

Speaker 5 (43:06):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (43:08):
Oh, man, I can't explain it now, but the show
will costs about a quarter of a million. That's exactly
what I have to get rid. Oh, don't ask me,
all right, but listen to this.

Speaker 7 (43:17):
If you throw another penny away on a new show
or any other crazy audio, we're through, I'll mary I'm
mean it.

Speaker 5 (43:25):
If you do one more crazy stut, I'll ever look
at you again, mister Bruce.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
What do you want to give her? So we've got
to turn around and head for porter. We're listening badly,
but I don't want to go on shore. We've got to.

Speaker 12 (43:35):
If we don't start now, we'll have to be assisted
by the Marjorio.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
She's standing by to help me. Oh, I don't care.
Do what you want, yes, sir, But.

Speaker 12 (43:42):
If the Marjorio is this this, you'll get Talvi's value.
The whole boat will belong to the owners of the Marjoro.
What it's maritime law. You'll lose a quarter of a
million dollars.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute. Are you sure of that, yes, sir?

Speaker 5 (43:53):
Oh, put out the sea, are you crazy?

Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yes, sir?

Speaker 12 (43:56):
Put out the sea in order to fly the Marjorie,
we need assistance, tell her we'll give herself.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Would ride in a bull of Dermick Naylor, go on,
go on. We pause for station identification. This is the
Columbia Broadcasting System. This is Kay and exquos Angelus, the

(44:24):
voice of Polly. After getting rid of a million dollars,
we think Jack Bennett Brewster and Mary Gray Livingston are
entitled to a little rest, So before continuing our play,
we bring you another couple who also find themselves the

(44:46):
possessors of sudden wealth as a result of a two
and a half dollar investment in the Irish sweepstakes. Marjorie
Wood and Norbert Jensen of Los Angeles have just received
fifty thousand dollars. I've asked sim here to tell us
what it's like to get pennies from heaven. Ladies and gentlemen,
Marjorie Wood and Norbert Jansen. First, what are you gonna

(45:12):
do with the money? We put him ay in a
joint account.

Speaker 10 (45:16):
Well, not exactly, mister mill. You see, we figured if
we could win fifty thousand dollars, then anything might happen
between now and aprils then we expect to get married.

Speaker 5 (45:27):
We decided not to take any chances.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
What do you do for a living? But or a
painter or huts our landscape? Neither?

Speaker 10 (45:34):
He paints hot water heated. And you well, I used
to work in an ice cream power but I had
been taking it kind of easy ever since the money
came along and I played tonight.

Speaker 2 (45:45):
Jack Benney fainted when he found a fortune in his lap.
How did you take the shock?

Speaker 5 (45:50):
Well, we were both eating lunch over at Marjorie's house
for the earth that our horse had been drawn?

Speaker 2 (45:54):
But what what did you do?

Speaker 10 (45:55):
As you say, we just looked at each other, and
Norbert said, I actually would like another piece of apple pie.
The first thing we're going to do is buy a
car so we.

Speaker 6 (46:06):
Can go on our honeymoon.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
We've never seen New York, and I sure on it.

Speaker 5 (46:10):
And if we aren't scrapping by that time, I guess
I'll go down to Florida.

Speaker 10 (46:15):
But first I want to see Niagara Falls.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
And when we get back, I'm gonna keep on painting
hot water eaters and Margorie can run the house.

Speaker 10 (46:24):
And believe me, we're not going to have any maids eaters.
I'll learn plenty in my life about being thrifty and
careful and I'm going ride on being just the same
way because this.

Speaker 6 (46:34):
Is a lux program. Mister Jamil, I'd like to say
to you once, one of the things that has helped
me a lot of being thrifty has been take care
of my folk stockings another nice things by washing them
in luck slate.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
I'll continue to use them as sound advice for every housewife.
And now just one more questions. Why do you suppose
fate picked you two to win that fifty thousand dollars.

Speaker 5 (47:00):
Well, I don't know, except maybe it is because I
was born on Friday, April thirteenth, nineteen thirteen.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
And um, it's what I wish I could be original,
but I can't.

Speaker 10 (47:09):
I was born on Friday, April thirteenth, nineteen thirteen.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Two. Why don't you get married on April thirteenth? And
let's hope your luck continues. Thank you both for coming here.
Don't leave till you see what happens to broce there. Now,
Oh Brewster's Million, starring Jack Benny and Mary Livingston. It's

(47:37):
the morning of the last day, the day on which
Jack has to be completely broke if he's to inherit
his grandfather's six million dollars in his hotel room. He's
talking to Grant, the lawyer. He really broke Amus Bruson blessed,
mister Grant. I'm so broke that well. I haven't eaten

(47:58):
in a week. My belt in one more notch. I
look like an hourglass. What about possessions? Do you own anything?
Not a thing? I lost my boat, I sold my furniture,
I owed two months hotel and office rent. The holes
in my socks were any bigger, I could use them
for goddess.

Speaker 4 (48:17):
Now you seem to have complied with all the conditions
of the will.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
Of course, it's not twelve o'clock noon yet, I know it.
That's why I'm hiding out. Believe me, I've had a
tough time, mister Grant. Everything I touch turned the gold
except Mary's rings. And I'm not taking any chance. And
I'm staying right here until the time's almost up. A
good idea.

Speaker 4 (48:40):
Well, I suppose you've had a good time spending all
that money.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
Oh it is all right. Of course I lost my girl,
you mean miss Gray. Yeah, he got sore at me
for spending so much and walked out. I haven't seen
her for two months.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
Oh well, those things happened Sprus like I always say.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
That's did you make that up yourself? Anyway, mister Grant,
I don't feel too happy about it.

Speaker 4 (49:07):
Well, maybe when she finds out the real reason way
he was spending him on issue, will forgive you.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
Maybe that's why I want her to be in the
office when you hand over the money, and I've asked
the whole crowd to show up.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
I'll be delighted to explain it to her. Well, it's
time I left, mister Brewster. I'll see you at exactly
twelve noon.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
That's right at the office until that time. Don't take
any Nichols wood not otherwise I could have used you
in my show. Hello.

Speaker 5 (49:45):
Yes, this is mister Brewster's office. No, we ain't here. Yeah,
well I want to see him too. He owes me
thirteen weeks salary.

Speaker 8 (49:55):
Say, do you know a good lawyer.

Speaker 5 (49:56):
I want to bring a suit against that guy myself.

Speaker 2 (49:59):
Yeah, on that phone, it's a fine thing you're doing
asking for a lawyer so you can sue your own boss.
That's loyalty. That is odd.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Dry up.

Speaker 5 (50:08):
What about my back salary?

Speaker 2 (50:09):
I only owe you thirteen weeks. You're not superstitious, are you.
We'll get your back salary. As soon as I get
what's coming to me, and I hope it's soon. I'll
remember that, remarked Miss Higgins when it's time for bonuses.
Anybody arrive yet?

Speaker 5 (50:23):
Yeah, they're inside. Say where is that guy?

Speaker 7 (50:27):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (50:28):
Here you are?

Speaker 2 (50:29):
Oh hello Mary. See it's good to see you again.

Speaker 6 (50:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (50:34):
Well I didn't come because I wanted to. Mister Dudley
dragged me. I didn't ever want to see you again.

Speaker 2 (50:40):
Oh gee, don't talk like that. Mary. I'm I'm crazy
about you, no fooler.

Speaker 5 (50:46):
Don't mind me.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Folks, it don't work here anymore. You may go on,
Mis Higgins. Sure, Mary, marry let me look at you.
See you look swell?

Speaker 5 (50:58):
Thanks, you look better. I'd return the compliments.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
Well, I've been on a sort of a diet, haven't
eaten much of anything for a week. You know, life
has its ups and downs. Mary, Sometimes you're on top,
sometimes you hit the bottom.

Speaker 5 (51:12):
You must have land it with an awful stud.

Speaker 7 (51:14):
Well you're broke, eh, well sort of In either words,
you're right back where you were nine years ago.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
No money, no job, that's right, only this time I
haven't even got a girl.

Speaker 5 (51:26):
What happened to that Dawn Dame.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
Oh Mary, she meant nothing to me, only three four
coats a week. I wish I had the lining of
one for a suit.

Speaker 5 (51:36):
Oh well, I don't want to talk about her.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Look, Mary, do you think that, I mean, would it
be possible?

Speaker 3 (51:44):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Oh, you probably won't believe me anyway, Probably not, Mary.
I've been a pool. I'll be a different guy waiting
you see.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
You mean you're really reformed.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
From now on, you won't know. It's the same full.
I'll let you be the boys. You can even handle
the cash.

Speaker 5 (51:59):
That'll be easy enough.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
What do you say, Mary, is it a goal? I mean,
can we start all over again? Well?

Speaker 7 (52:06):
Oh, come on, you promise you won't pull any more
crazy cross my heart.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
I'll never spend a dime unless you're okay.

Speaker 5 (52:12):
It all right, Jack, it's a go Oh gee, Mary,
some funny. Yeah, come on, we better join the others.
They're waiting for you.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
That's right. I forgot where are they in here?

Speaker 5 (52:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (52:22):
Yeah, I'm not even hungry now. Hello, folks, one at
a time, Folks, one at a time, Ladies and gentlemen.
I've asked you here today for a very special reason.
I'm not at liberty to tell you what it's all about.
But as soon as the clock strikes twelve, I'm gonna
hand you all a big surprise. During the last year,

(52:43):
you have all seen me under very trying condition, needles
to say I had good reason for my actions, but
now everything has turned out fine. In the first place,
I am completely broke, but never mind that. It's all
part of the plan. You'll see Mary Well while they're waiting.
I have a little surprise too, you, mister Dadley, Yes, ma'am.

(53:06):
Ladies and gentlemen, mister Brewster once did a very fine
thing for me, and I've never forgotten it. To show
him that my heart's in the right place, and to
prove my gratitude, I take pleasure in returning to him.
Is twenty two thousand dollars. What here you are, mister brucer.

Speaker 6 (53:20):
Here we're away.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Put it away, Promise to pay it back. You act one.
Get rid of it.

Speaker 13 (53:24):
Cat, Yes you take that?

Speaker 2 (53:25):
No, no, no, it's I don't want it. I can't
take it. I don't know what he's talking about. Remember
what I said, jam the window quick man's crazy. I'll
give me that money there. That settles that. Holy mackerel.
He threw twenty two thousand bucks out the window.

Speaker 5 (53:41):
And that's not ticker tape.

Speaker 7 (53:43):
Jat.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
This is the end, Mary, Mary, I had a jot.

Speaker 5 (53:46):
Speak to be an after you promise.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Mary, listen, no, guys is I'm oh, come in mister grant, marry,
don't leave. Please sit on at the grant.

Speaker 4 (53:55):
Thank you well, mister Brewster. It's exactly twelve noon. Have
you change is your financial setters?

Speaker 2 (54:01):
It's a grant. I'm twice as broke as ever before.
It's good.

Speaker 4 (54:06):
Then I take pleasure in presenting you with this check
for six million dollars.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Hey, it's a no, it isn't marry, I'm rich. I
don't get it well married. Look, let me explain. I
had to spend my uncle's million in a year so
I could get the six million left by my grandfather.
It's all mine, Mary, every penny of us.

Speaker 5 (54:27):
Just a minute.

Speaker 6 (54:28):
I don't understand the ship, but.

Speaker 5 (54:29):
Don't forget our agreement. I handle a cat.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
Yes, my love. Are you happy?

Speaker 3 (54:38):
Mary?

Speaker 10 (54:39):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (54:39):
Jacket's wonderful.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
No, from now on, you're gonna have anything you want anything? Yeah,
you mean it, of course I do.

Speaker 7 (54:47):
Well.

Speaker 5 (54:47):
Let's run out and get a hamburger.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
I'm stop okay, and the treats on me. Brewster gets
his millions, Mary gets Brewster, and we get a promise

(55:11):
from Jack Benny and Mary Livingstone that after a little
time out, they'll be back with us for a bit
of Benny Banta. Woolli's of Hollywood is not a term
referring to the jitters of the film capitol. Willies is
really William Munshine, the man who sheathes the handsome legs
of many Hollywood stars in silk stockings. His rise is

(55:34):
one from canvas to silk. For Willie started his career
as an amateur prize fighter, winning sixty out of eighty
five bouts by knockouts. But then silk stockings caught his
eye and he's been designing them ever since, for motion
pictures and such Broadway shows as Earl Carroll's Families, Ladies
and Gentlemen, Willies of Hollywood, thank You.

Speaker 11 (56:01):
A woman's Randy could be blamed for a lot of things,
ladies and gentlemen, but not for silk stockings.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
So there's none other than King Henry.

Speaker 11 (56:08):
The yash who faces exhibited the fat at calf and silk.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
His daughter Queen Elizabeth, was the first woman to wear
silk stockings. Her first pair were two months in the making.
Now you tell us about the stocking feat of Hollywood's royal.

Speaker 11 (56:22):
There right now, many of the stars are wearing sandal stockings.
Those that have neither toe nor heels.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
This is a type up mount.

Speaker 11 (56:30):
Races the international famous legs of Marlene Dietrich. Lily Ponds
wears them afternoon and evenings. Grace Moore prefers them, and
so does Greta Gobbel. This Gobble was frequently accused of
large feet, but I assure you she wears the same
size stocking as the average woman.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Nine and a half.

Speaker 11 (56:48):
Ginger Rogers is very fond of verridescent stockings. Kean Hollow
invariably wears nets mesh holds for both streets and formal dress.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
This may be a little shock to the husbands in
our audience, but didn't you tell me that a woman
should have twenty pairs of stockings.

Speaker 11 (57:04):
That's quite true, but they'll last a full year properly
cared for. Here's the advice I give the motion picture
wardrobe directors there in Hollywood. When you use luck flakes,
you preserve the elasticity of silk and naturally stockings sit
better and where longer. You should never soak stockings, rub them,
just dip them into luck stubs that are look warmer cool,

(57:26):
then rinse in almost cool water. After this you can
roll them in the purkish towel to take out the moisture.
Then shape them a bit and dry away from heat.
Never dry stockings on a radiator. There are some tips
about selecting the right stockings. If you're a little on
the heavy side, you'll find out stockings with clocks or nut.
Stockings with perpendicular lines will plunderized white calves and ankles.

(57:50):
If your legs are a bit too thin, get stockings with.

Speaker 6 (57:53):
The very low heel.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
I hope I'm going to some help. Thank you, good night,
where there is a hollyworld. According to the clock, it's
now time for tonight's star to make a second entrance.
I welcome her with a bouquet of freshly plucked congratulations,
ladies and gentlemen, Miss Mary Livingston.

Speaker 5 (58:21):
Thank you, mister Danielle.

Speaker 7 (58:22):
And I'd like to tell you what a grand program
I think the Lux Radio Theater is especially tonight.

Speaker 5 (58:28):
And I'm sure that goes to my assistant too.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
As system come in Miss Livingston. Yeah, I like to
take this opportunity. Sorry, Jack, I'm sorry, but I was
just about to interview our star, Miss Livingston. Oh. I
thought maybe you'd like to hear me play the B
on my violin, so as millions of other paper But

(58:50):
we don't believe you own a violin, and we don't
believe you can play one. It's just an obsession that's
gone to your head.

Speaker 5 (58:56):
Yeah, he's got a B in his bonnet.

Speaker 13 (58:59):
Yeah that de mill Or Fred Allen and say, uh,
mister de Mel, mister de Bell you uh you.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
Directed the picture of the planesman? Yes, I did. Did
you say it? Yes? And I want to tell you
how good. I thought it could be a nice photography,
swell story. I thought Gene Author was terrific.

Speaker 5 (59:25):
You know.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
Uh uh Gary Cooper was gonna too. Cooper, Oh, yes,
that's what I wanted to speak to you about. Of course,
you know, Gary and I are both working for Paramount Studio,
and I I don't want to say anything out of
the way, but uh, look, mister Demill, you know I
do that outdoor stuff myself. Uh you've heard of me,
Buck Benny, Yes, yes, I I can't understand how you've

(59:50):
overlooked me. I see you in the commentary all the time.
Oh do you even that? Yes, that's in my contract.
I get my meals and car fair U what about yourself?

Speaker 5 (01:00:02):
They're coming to that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
Yeah, if you ever make another picture of that type,
please don't forget me. Thank you, I will. You're welcome
and so Jack tell me, doesn't this kind of broadcast
make you a little another. Well, now that it's all over,
mister Demil, I will admit I was, of course on
our own half hour shows, I generally give my all,

(01:00:26):
but this being an hour show, I just had to
give twice of myself. You were good too, Mary, and
tonight I'm gonna pay you for working with me. What
are you laughing at?

Speaker 5 (01:00:38):
I just thought it something very funny?

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
All right?

Speaker 9 (01:00:41):
What is it?

Speaker 5 (01:00:42):
This is my lucky day?

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
Remember our own product? Mary, Jack, Jack, I rather thank
you and Mary for coming up here tonight. Maybe you
can't play the b but you can play Brewster like.

Speaker 5 (01:00:56):
A million dollars and if you spend it all in
one year, six million.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Thanks mister de Mill for letting me be an actor.
Thank you, Oh, mister de Mill, don't forget that little
thing we discussed. You know the hand eye drop. Remember
I'm the Cooper type. Yes, Jackie, I'm Jackie Cooper. Goodbye.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
Please end your questions and comments to host at Classiccomedy
otr dot com until next time. In the words of
Lucille Ball, a man who correctly guesses a woman's age
may be smart, but he's not very bright.