November 11, 2025 • 30 mins
Jim’s eccentric cousin, Joe, leaves Jim an Arizona cattle ranch in his will. Have the Andersons become millionaires?
Originally aired on February 1, 1951. This is episode 67 of Father Knows Best.
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Originally aired on February 1, 1951. This is episode 67 of Father Knows Best.
Please email questions and comments to host@classiccomedyotr.com.
Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/classiccomedyotr. Please share this podcast with your friends and family.
You can also subscribe to our podcast on Spreaker.com, Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google podcasts.
This show is supported by Spreaker Prime.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your host,
Ronic Lobarger. Jim's eccentric cousin Joe leaves Jim an Arizona
cattle ranch, and as well, have the Andersons become millionaires.
This is episode number sixty seven, A Father Knows Best
entitled Jim Inherits a Ranch in Arizona. It originally aired
(00:39):
on February one, nineteen fifty one.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Mother, is Natville House really the only coffee in the world?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yes, it's father knows Best. Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert
Young's father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons,
brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House, the
coffee that's always good to the last drop. We once
(01:32):
knew a man who was extremely wealthy, and he had
a wonderful system for acquiring money, which we think will
interest you. He was up every morning at six, worked
fourteen hours a day, seven days a week for almost
twenty years, and then, when he was only forty five
years of age, his uncle died and left him three
million dollars. Was man nice? Of course? A thing like
(01:54):
that would never happen to our friendsy Anderson's, but it
almost did. Yes, sir, they came awfully close to being
the richest family in Springfield like this, I know, Frank,
but I don't care what Gribble says. Look, Frank, Van
Norton's willing to give us the land and if the
committee isn't willing to take it, okay, Frank, okay, And
(02:15):
you can tell Gribble for me that he's nothing but
a pig headed old goat. He's nothing but a self centered,
stubborn old jackass, that's.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
What he is. Is something wrong there?
Speaker 4 (02:25):
Oh, that Gribble. He's killing the whole deal I worked
out for the playground.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Jim, I wish you wouldn't take it so much to heart.
After all, it isn't your responsibility.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Well that isn't the point. I talk Van Norton into
giving ten acres of land for the playground, giving it,
mind you, and Gribble won't even take it. Says there
must be something wrong with it.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
But can't you tell the rest of the committe Margaret.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
I have told him. I've told them until I'm blue
in the face.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Well, maybe if you talk to mister Gribble.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Again, Gribble, How can you talk to a lunatic? All
you have to do is mention the name van Norton
and his nose lights up like a pinball machine.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
I still say you've done everything you could.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Well, I'm not licked yet. I may not have as
much money as Grippel, but I've got a lot more sense.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Of course you have, Dear.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I suppose you think I haven't.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Jim, there's no point in arguing with me.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Well, there isn't anybody else around argue with.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
All right, dear, but it makes you feel any better?
Speaker 6 (03:21):
Hello Father, Hello.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Father, Hello Miss Hepburn Ben. If you're going to start
spouting poetry, I'm warning you right now. Isn't this the.
Speaker 7 (03:31):
Most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Beautiful?
Speaker 5 (03:34):
It's snowing, snow, Darling. I think you've picked a very
bad time, blowing your earth like feathers from an angel's wing.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
Margaret, in exactly one day.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
I think you'd better go up to your room.
Speaker 7 (03:48):
But I didn't do anything.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
You deliberately disobeyed me. I told you I was in
no mood for any of that hogwash, father, and that's
all it is. Hogwash.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Oh, I'm too happy to If you say it's hogwash,
it's hogwash.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Well I'm glad somebody's happy around here.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
Mother. Do you know where I'm going next Friday?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
No, dear, to see a picture with Van Johnson.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
Who's Van Johnson?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
He's a Hollywood star, Dear?
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Oh that one? Do you mean he's taking Betty to
the movies? Fine? Well you just said he's in the picture.
Speaker 7 (04:27):
I'm going with Tadly Lawson.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Oh who's he?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
He's a new one, dear, and a very nice boy.
Speaker 6 (04:38):
He's wonderful.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
Now I know what they mean by nine day wonders
Betty's boyfriends, aren't they? Though?
Speaker 8 (04:47):
Hi?
Speaker 4 (04:47):
Everybody? What's cooking? Oh Jim?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Now what is it?
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Why does everybody have to be so happy? Boy? Would
you hear what we're gonna do? Hello, Bud?
Speaker 8 (04:56):
Joe Phillips and I bought a half inches in a
corn popper and we're gonna clean Now, Hello, Bud, We're
gonna set up a stand outside the movies and sell
popcorn to all the kids.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
How's that for.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
An idea, Bud?
Speaker 8 (05:07):
And all we have to boy, I said, hello, oh,
hi Dan, And all we have to do is find someplace.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
To plug it in plug?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
What in dear?
Speaker 4 (05:16):
The corn popper?
Speaker 6 (05:18):
What corn popper?
Speaker 8 (05:19):
The one I bought with Joe Phillips. You see, we
bought a half interest in a corner.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Don't you know? When you're being kidded?
Speaker 6 (05:27):
The corn popper?
Speaker 4 (05:29):
What corn popper? Oh? No, oh god, I.
Speaker 8 (05:34):
Don't say anything funny about our corn popper.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
All I all right, budd, just forget the whole thing.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
But I can't.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
I have to supply the soul.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Oh dear, Now why I was emmy?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
I was elected? Well if it isn't William Jennings.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Bryan, Kathleen, how many times have I told you, Oh, Daddy,
I was elected.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
Isn't it all right? Now? Just calm down, take it easy.
I was elected? What were you elected?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 7 (06:09):
They had an election, and I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 9 (06:12):
The treasurer, see Kathy, but not the first day?
Speaker 7 (06:25):
Take it easy, Well, I was just Margaret.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Do you know what this is all about?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Well, of course, dear Kathy was elected treasurer, Margaret?
Speaker 7 (06:34):
Of what my c love, Daddy?
Speaker 10 (06:37):
The little vultures, the little who vultures.
Speaker 7 (06:44):
It's a kind of bird, and I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Wait a minute, where did you ever dig up a
name like that?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Well, Mama, I gotta go.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Come back here. Holy were you the one who cooked
up this delightful little tag for Kathy's club?
Speaker 8 (07:02):
Oh gosh, Dad, they said they wanted some kind of
a bird's name, and well, have you ever watched him?
Speaker 7 (07:13):
We like it, daddy, We even made but an honorary volt.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Couldn't have happened to a nicer boy, Betty. Never mind, daddy,
I'll get it the little vultures. Leave it to my children. Hello,
Oh hello, Hector? What well? Thank you very much? Oh sure,
I'm the luckiest guy in town. Sure, okay, heck I'll
(07:44):
be seeing it. Congratulations. There ever was a guy who
needed congratulations less was Jim Hector Smith. He wants to
extend his heartiest congratulations. Isn't that nice about what, dear
he didn't say?
Speaker 6 (08:01):
Maybe he heard about me.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
He's known about you for years, and believe that isn't
what he.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Meant, Jim, I won't be able to sleep a wink
all night? Why don't I call Elizabeth back?
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Well, I guess you won't have to. Maybe this time,
our dear friend Hector let us all in on the joke.
So Jo Hello, Heck. Oh George. I'm sorry George. You see,
Heck called me a minute ago and I thought, well,
thank you, George, But I don't know what George. No,
we're not having any celebration. We don't even know George.
(08:36):
Hello George. Oh fine, was it Hector? No, it was
George Phillips, and he's very happy for us.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
What on earth do you suppose it means?
Speaker 4 (08:45):
I don't know, but if those guys are having a
good time at our expense, I'll get it. You stay
where you are. I'll find out what this is about
if it takes all night, and if that's the kind
of friends I've got.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Hello, Hello, Jim, it was the front door.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Get a man so mixed up he doesn't know what
bell is ringing. After a while, I'll probably hear bell's
when nothing's ringing. Yes, mister Anderson, Yes bell.
Speaker 8 (09:10):
My name is Ford, Richard Ford, of the legal firm
of mcgoniga, Bristol and Finch.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
Oh, well, come in, mister Ford, mister Ford, thank you
very much.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Jim. If it's the paper boy, doll him, I'll pay
him next time.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
It wasn't the paper boy, Honey, Is that missus Anderson? Yeah?
She's in the living room, But well, why don't we
tell her the good news? What good news?
Speaker 8 (09:35):
All in good time, mister Anderson, All in good time,
missus Anderson, I know all the little Anderson.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Honey, this is mister Ford of h Mcgoniga, Bristol and
Jean's attorneys.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
How do you do how do you do?
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Uh? Sit down, mister Ford, thank you. Why don't you
kids find something to do someplace?
Speaker 8 (09:55):
Oh no, no, let them stay by all means, after all,
this concerns the entire family.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
Doesn't it. What does he is? Indeed, now.
Speaker 8 (10:06):
You are related to Joseph James Anderson, are you know?
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (10:11):
I am not.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
What's that I've never even heard of any Joseph James Anderson.
Speaker 8 (10:16):
Well, no, that's very strange. I had it on very
good authority that Robert Bruce Anderson.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Was my father. But oh I knew I hadn't made
a mistake, mister Anderson.
Speaker 8 (10:27):
Joseph James Anderson was your father's cousin once removed.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Oh you mean cousin Joe precisely. We haven't heard anything
about him for oh thirty years. Matter of fact, I
think he died about twenty years ago, didn't he no,
mister Anderson.
Speaker 8 (10:43):
Joseph James Anderson passed from this veil of tears less
than a month ago.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
That sempossible why he was over seventy when he decided
to run away from home and go to Arizona.
Speaker 8 (10:55):
He died last week at the age of one hundred
and two.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Whoa you see? My father always said he smoked too much.
The poor old coop, the poor old coot.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
You may be interested to know made you his sole heir,
Jim mother, Ellie Hahnah.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
Don't get excited if I know, cousin Joe, we've inherited
three barrels of bottle tops many father, isn't.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
It the most wonderful thing you've ever heard?
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Phoning?
Speaker 7 (11:25):
Have you ever been so excited my whole life?
Speaker 4 (11:27):
I mean, mister Ford while I answered the phone. Now
that's quite overf I help me. Next summer, I'm going
to spend my vacation in a nice quad boiler Factor. Hello,
oh hello, mister Gribble, Well, thank you very much. Now
about the Van Norton Land, well, naturally, I advice about
what investments you want? My advice, well, if you think
(11:50):
I'm qualified to all right, JP at twelve thirty tomorrow. Yeah,
see you that goodbye. He wants my.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Advice, Jim, we're waiting for you.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
That was mister Gremble. Honey, he wants me to give
him some advice on his investments.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
Let's talk about it later, dear. Mister Ford wants to
tell us about the inheritance.
Speaker 6 (12:11):
Why don't you sit.
Speaker 8 (12:11):
Down, father, he's a Christian Daddy want me to run
out for a cigar?
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Dad, Look, I just finished telling you not to get excited.
I know cousin Joe and he never had a dime
in his whole life.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
Well that may be true, mister Anderson, But if you'll
be good enough to sign this retainer.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
I'll be happy to tell you about the estate. Well, okay,
what is it? Four barrels of bottle tops?
Speaker 8 (12:34):
It's a fifteen thousand acre cattle ranch, mister Anderson, a wrench.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
For fifteen thousand acres with a possible value of nine
million dollars.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
Jim, Father, gosh.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
Whoa.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Holy cow? So father's inherited a nine million dollar estate,
(13:18):
And to mister Gribble, that makes him a financial expert.
Well that remains to be seen. But there are some
things the head of every family just naturally knows most
about and coffee heads the list. Yes, ladies, when it
comes to coffee, wonderfully good coffee you enjoy every time,
the world's greatest expert is your husband. Of course, down
(13:40):
the years we've been rated experts too, more families do
enjoy our Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But
when you fill the cups, the final authority is your husband.
So here's our promise. Tomorrow, if you'll fill his cup
with Maxwell House, he'll thank you and say best cup
of coffee I ever tasted. Yes, he'll say that, or
(14:02):
we'll give you back your money. We're that sure. You see,
no other coffee has that wonderful, good to the last
drop flavor. That's because no other coffee has our famous
Maxwell House recipe, a recipe demanding certain fine coffees blended
a particular way. In a word, no coffee tastes like
Maxwell House because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. But
(14:25):
don't take my say so tomorrow, start serving Maxwell House
to your husband. If he doesn't say best coffee ever,
just send us the can an unused portion, and we'll
gladly rEFInd every penny you paid. Our address is right
on every familiar blue tin tomorrow, then put it up
to your expert serve your husband the coffee with the
(14:45):
world's most famous flavor. Maxwell House coffee, always good to
the last drop. A week's gone by, and the white
frame house on Maple Street hasn't changed a bit. That's
(15:06):
the same snow on the front lawn, the same slippery
spot on the porch that Jim's going to fix next Sunday.
Everything's just as it's always been, except for the people. Yes,
the Andersons have changed a little, I'm afraid not much,
but a little like this. Oh that's fine, Frank. Oh sure,
Well it really wasn't anything, Frank, And that'll be fine, Frank. Sure.
(15:32):
Wednesday's as good at night as any he you bet, Frank.
That good night, Frank.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
What did Charlie have to say?
Speaker 4 (15:40):
Dear? That was Frank? Oh? How is George? You're so cute.
It may interest you to know, missus millionaires Anderson, that
your husband is being given a testimonial dinner next Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
No, yeah, Jim, how perfectly wonderful.
Speaker 6 (16:00):
What for?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Why for putting through the playground? That's what for. It's
all signed, sealed and delivered, Jim. That is wonderful boy,
what a playground that's going to be.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
You and mister van Norton have done a wonderful thing
for Springfield and I'm proud of you both.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
Well, you know how it is with us rich men.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Jim, do you know what I'm going to do with
our first million?
Speaker 5 (16:24):
I'm going to buy buds some new socks.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Good for you.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
I have never seen a boy so hard on socks
in my whole life.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Look at this, honey, speaking of millions, Yes, dear, don't
be too surprised if cousin Joe's ranch comes to less
than mister Ford said.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
I was only joking, deer, I know.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
But when he said nine million, that was only if
each acre was a whole unit.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I didn't understand that very well. Jim, What was that
unit business?
Speaker 4 (16:52):
It's very simple, honey. And the cattle country, a unit
is the amount of land required to feed a cow
and her calf for one year, So the way they figure.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
And that's worth six hundred dollars roughly.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
Then why do you say it might be less fifteen
thousand times six one hundred.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
We aren't sure about the land. Maybe an acre won't
feed a cow on a calf for a year. It
might take two or three gym really, well it might.
And if it takes three acres to make up a unit,
then each acre's worth only two hundred dollars and the
ranch is worth only a third or a three million.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Oh dear, we just had to get a smaller swimming pool,
that's all.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
It might even take ten acres to make a unit.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Well, gym, let's not be ridiculous. After all, how much
can a cow when one small calf eat?
Speaker 4 (17:40):
I don't know. But if it did take ten acres, well,
that'd make it sixty dollars an acre, and fifteen thousand
we'd only have nine hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Wouldn't that be awful?
Speaker 4 (17:53):
You know I've got a good mind.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Please front door open?
Speaker 4 (17:57):
It would.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Bode me. Mother, we're in the dender.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
What's the matter with you? Oh? Father?
Speaker 6 (18:06):
You got lipstick on your chin?
Speaker 4 (18:08):
I have huh somebody must have bit me.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Creepers. Isn't this a miserable day? Why bitty, I thought
you said snow? All it ever does in this town
is snow.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Wait a minute, sugar, let's get it out in the open.
What happened?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Oh, it isn't important I didn't want to go to
the movies anyway.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
So that's what it is.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
What's what is?
Speaker 3 (18:32):
She had a quarrel with Stanley Lawson.
Speaker 6 (18:35):
I didn't either.
Speaker 7 (18:35):
It's all father's fault.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
My fault. What did I do?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
He liked me when we were poor, but just because
you had to go and get nine million dollar.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Wait a minute. In the first place, we weren't exactly poor,
and in the second place, we've got the nine million
nicely whittled down to practically nothing. You have it might
even be less than one million.
Speaker 7 (18:55):
Oh well, what good is that?
Speaker 6 (18:57):
He still won't take me.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
He said he can't afford lowsh seats.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Why Betty?
Speaker 6 (19:05):
I told him I didn't mind.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But he says, girls with nine million dollars always sit
in lowsh seats.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
Naturally, they save a whole row for girls with nine
million dollars. It's the roll right in back of the
girls with ten million dollars. Jim, Well, this is the
silliest thing I've ever heard. We haven't collected a dime.
My bank book looks like an undernourished flapjack. And Stanley
Lawson won't go out with my daughter because she's got
(19:31):
nine million dollars.
Speaker 5 (19:33):
Betty, don't you think if you explained to him that
nothing has really changed?
Speaker 6 (19:36):
But it has. Everything's changed.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
But oh, Dad, not another one.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Is anything wrong?
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Dear? That's Jo Phillips. What a pain? He turned out
to be something amiss with the popcorn? Tycoons?
Speaker 8 (19:52):
Well, why should I supply all the butter? I bought
the salt, didn't I?
Speaker 6 (19:57):
We were all so happy when we were.
Speaker 8 (20:00):
He even had it figured out how many pounds of
buddy you can buy with nine million dollars.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
I'll bet that'll fix all the popcorn from here to
Lowe's Calcutta Bud.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
If you and Betty don't keep these things too seriously,
I'm sure.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Oh ye, gods, now what why Kathy Darling? What is it?
Speaker 6 (20:22):
They kicked me out of the club?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Angel Margaret?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Why don't you let me Kathy? Why did they kick
you out of the clubs?
Speaker 3 (20:34):
They won't let me be a little vulture?
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Never mind them, sweetheart, No one can keep you from
being a little vulture. Kathy? Does our mythical nine million
have anything to do with your expulsion from the club? Uh?
Speaker 6 (20:54):
Huh?
Speaker 7 (20:55):
They said it was too suspicious.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
What was they made me.
Speaker 10 (21:01):
The treasurer and the next day you had nine million flock.
They said I could never be the treasurer again, and
I had to give back the whole thirteen cents.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
We're outcast, that's what we are, nothing but social outcasts.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Fine, tell us all about it right after you answer
the phone.
Speaker 5 (21:27):
No, damn, Wait, Betty, why don't you take Kathy upstairs
and get her clean up?
Speaker 7 (21:32):
Okay, come on, blabber face.
Speaker 6 (21:36):
Oh Betty, I was so happy being the.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Treasure by the phone's ringing. You want me to where
did you go?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
All of a sudden?
Speaker 4 (21:45):
I got hungry? Do you want me to answer the phone? No?
Never mind. Either they all answered at once, or they
let the dyning thing ring for an hour. Well, keep
your shirt on, I'm coming Hello. Hello. Heck no, we
were just around having fun. I can't hear you. Heck,
(22:05):
sorry about what bad news? We haven't heard anything about
any Heck, okay, heck sure, if it'll make you happy,
I'll keep the lower lips stiff too. Thanks for calling. Heck, goodbye,
gloomy character. Sounds like it just got a good look
at the thing. Hector, he heard the sad news, and
(22:31):
he's very sorry.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
What sad news.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Dear. You don't suppose he's the field secretary for the
little vultures, do you? Every time something happens to Kathy
and the vultures, Heck's on the phone. Oh my aching ear.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Why don't you let me get it this time?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
No, I'll carry through to the bitter end. Better mousetrap Anderson.
That's me. One more trip to the phone and I
get permanent possession. Hello, Hello, George, Thank you very much, George.
Goodbye George. This can go on all night.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
What did George want to do?
Speaker 4 (23:05):
You? Same thing? Bad news? Keep a stiff upper lip,
Pip pip tally hole.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Well, the least you could have done was ask him
what bad news?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
And play straight for those two practical jokers, Margaret, I'm
surprised you've known Heck and George as long as I have.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
They were both perfectly sincere last time, Jim.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Say that's right, they were, weren't they. Maybe I better
call him back, Jim.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
This time it's the doorbell.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Thank you very much. Treat him man like he needs
a seeing eyed door opener. Oh hell, mister Ford, well, misrender.
We were sort of hoping we'd hear from you. Come
on in thank you, thank you. Yes, then a busy week.
I'll bet you had HoTT is mister Ford.
Speaker 8 (23:47):
Hello there, missus Anderson, go right into the den, mister Ford.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Ah, this is a country little spiders though, Why.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Don't you sit at the desk, mister Ford, and then
you can spread out all your papers and things?
Speaker 4 (23:58):
That would be nice. Let me get a couple of us.
Oh no, no, this will be fine.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
That's fine here.
Speaker 8 (24:04):
No, yes, well, first, here's the receipt for your one
hundred dollars retaining fee.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
All that.
Speaker 8 (24:10):
It's very important you know all these little details. Let
me see now, Oh, well, the ranch.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
If you haven't anything else on your.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Mind, Jim, please, you must.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Be very anxious, of course. Not what do we care
for a couple of million dollars more or less?
Speaker 8 (24:27):
Well, to mean, I'm afraid you're going to be just
a little disappointed. You see when I said nine million.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
Mister Ford, how much is it worth?
Speaker 8 (24:37):
Well you remember what I told you about the unit system,
one cow and one calf for one year. Yes, well,
on your cousin Joe's ranch, it seems that one cow
and one calf need quite a.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Bit of land.
Speaker 8 (24:51):
How much twelve hundred acres.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Tell one hundred, oh, Jim.
Speaker 8 (24:59):
Which makes the vat of the land fifty cents a me.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Oh yeah, well that isn't too bad, honey. We'll have
a ranch to go to every summer, and all it
cost us is one hundred dollars we gave mister Ford
and mister.
Speaker 8 (25:13):
Anderson as your legal advisor.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
May I suggest that you.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
Forget the whole fit forget it.
Speaker 8 (25:19):
Well, do you see the land is only worth seventy
five hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Well, what's wrong with seventy five hundred dollars?
Speaker 8 (25:24):
Well, nothing except that we found a bill for eighty
two hundred and back taxes.
Speaker 11 (25:30):
Oh no, no.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
This weekend, as you buy coffee for your family, remember this.
In coffee, just one thing means real value the flavor
you get for your money. With this in mind, take
home the coffee with the most famous flavor in the world,
our Maxwell House Coffee. Then let the world's greatest coffee
expert enjoy that famous flavor. Yes, serve our Maxwell House
(26:15):
to your husband. He's the real authority on coffee. When
he smiles and says greatest coffee ever, you'll know Maxwell
House has the flavor for you. And your family. And
for value, well, count for yourself all the truly good
cups of coffee you get from every pound tomorrow. Buy
coffee that gives you your money's worth and more. Look
(26:37):
for America's sign of good coffee, the big white cup
and drop on the friendly blue tin. That's Maxwell House coffee,
always good to the last drop. Remember Francois Billan, he
was king for a day. Remember the Andersons. They were
(27:00):
millionaires for a whole week, which is nice work if
you can get it anyway. They're back to normal now,
if you can call anything connected with the Anderson's normal, Like.
Speaker 7 (27:10):
This wasn't Jimmy Woody, sweet Mommy, Yes, dear, He said
he didn't care what anybody said. If I wasn't a
little vulture, nobody was.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
That's my girl.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 4 (27:27):
She saw Van Johnson?
Speaker 5 (27:28):
Well, she went to the show with Stanley, But I
think that's all she saw Stanley.
Speaker 8 (27:34):
Dad, I got the plac all polished up.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
How does it look? Oh fine, Bud, just fine.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Let me see it again? Please, Oh Jim, isn't it beautiful?
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Where do you think we ought to put it? Honey?
Speaker 5 (27:45):
When the den naturally to James Anderson Senior for outstanding
service to the youth of Springfield.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Isn't that nice?
Speaker 4 (27:54):
You know it's a funny thing, Margaret, But I've got
a peculiar feeling that the plaque isn't all mine. What
do you mean, dear well, I wasn't getting anywhere until
that silly inheritance came along. You know what I'm going
to do.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
You're not going to give it back?
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Oh no, no no. But down here in the bottom,
I'm going to put a little sticker that says, with
one assist from cousin Joel. At breakfast time, you don't
(28:32):
have to say you.
Speaker 9 (28:33):
Children eat your cereal right this instance, just say hop
along Cassidy is crazy about hot wheat meal.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Just a little psychology. Yes, to get your children to
eat a hot cereal, just tell them post wheatmeal is
hop Alon Cassidy's favorite hot cereal and they eat it too.
Post wheatmeal is chuck full of solid whole wheat nourishment,
has a wonderful nut like flavor, and at cooks in
just three and a half minutes. You'll see you'll all
agree it's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join
(29:06):
us again next week when we'll be back with Father
Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy
Bargee and the Maxwell House Orchestra in our cast for
Rhoda Williams as Betty June Whitley, Ted Donaldson, Norma ge Nielson,
Howard McNair, and yours truly, Bill Forman. So until next Thursday,
good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House,
America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop.
(29:30):
Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by
Ed Jane. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows
immediately over most of these states. Coming up drag That.
(29:53):
Then be sure to hear Counter Spy on NBC.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Please send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the words of four
star General Ann E. Dunwoodie, as a soldier, you can
continually serve. It is a calling to be a soldier,
and there is a great sense of pride and camaraderie
in serving
Welcome to classic comedy of old time radio. I'm your host,
Ronic Lobarger. Jim's eccentric cousin Joe leaves Jim an Arizona
cattle ranch, and as well, have the Andersons become millionaires.
This is episode number sixty seven, A Father Knows Best
entitled Jim Inherits a Ranch in Arizona. It originally aired
(00:39):
on February one, nineteen fifty one.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Mother, is Natville House really the only coffee in the world?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yes, it's father knows Best. Transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert
Young's father. A half hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons,
brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House, the
coffee that's always good to the last drop. We once
(01:32):
knew a man who was extremely wealthy, and he had
a wonderful system for acquiring money, which we think will
interest you. He was up every morning at six, worked
fourteen hours a day, seven days a week for almost
twenty years, and then, when he was only forty five
years of age, his uncle died and left him three
million dollars. Was man nice? Of course? A thing like
(01:54):
that would never happen to our friendsy Anderson's, but it
almost did. Yes, sir, they came awfully close to being
the richest family in Springfield like this, I know, Frank,
but I don't care what Gribble says. Look, Frank, Van
Norton's willing to give us the land and if the
committee isn't willing to take it, okay, Frank, okay, And
(02:15):
you can tell Gribble for me that he's nothing but
a pig headed old goat. He's nothing but a self centered,
stubborn old jackass, that's.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
What he is. Is something wrong there?
Speaker 4 (02:25):
Oh, that Gribble. He's killing the whole deal I worked
out for the playground.
Speaker 5 (02:29):
Jim, I wish you wouldn't take it so much to heart.
After all, it isn't your responsibility.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Well that isn't the point. I talk Van Norton into
giving ten acres of land for the playground, giving it,
mind you, and Gribble won't even take it. Says there
must be something wrong with it.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
But can't you tell the rest of the committe Margaret.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
I have told him. I've told them until I'm blue
in the face.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Well, maybe if you talk to mister Gribble.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Again, Gribble, How can you talk to a lunatic? All
you have to do is mention the name van Norton
and his nose lights up like a pinball machine.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
I still say you've done everything you could.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Well, I'm not licked yet. I may not have as
much money as Grippel, but I've got a lot more sense.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Of course you have, Dear.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I suppose you think I haven't.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Jim, there's no point in arguing with me.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Well, there isn't anybody else around argue with.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
All right, dear, but it makes you feel any better?
Speaker 6 (03:21):
Hello Father, Hello.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Father, Hello Miss Hepburn Ben. If you're going to start
spouting poetry, I'm warning you right now. Isn't this the.
Speaker 7 (03:31):
Most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Beautiful?
Speaker 5 (03:34):
It's snowing, snow, Darling. I think you've picked a very
bad time, blowing your earth like feathers from an angel's wing.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
Margaret, in exactly one day.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
I think you'd better go up to your room.
Speaker 7 (03:48):
But I didn't do anything.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
You deliberately disobeyed me. I told you I was in
no mood for any of that hogwash, father, and that's
all it is. Hogwash.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Oh, I'm too happy to If you say it's hogwash,
it's hogwash.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Well I'm glad somebody's happy around here.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
Mother. Do you know where I'm going next Friday?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
No, dear, to see a picture with Van Johnson.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
Who's Van Johnson?
Speaker 3 (04:17):
He's a Hollywood star, Dear?
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Oh that one? Do you mean he's taking Betty to
the movies? Fine? Well you just said he's in the picture.
Speaker 7 (04:27):
I'm going with Tadly Lawson.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Oh who's he?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
He's a new one, dear, and a very nice boy.
Speaker 6 (04:38):
He's wonderful.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
Now I know what they mean by nine day wonders
Betty's boyfriends, aren't they? Though?
Speaker 8 (04:47):
Hi?
Speaker 4 (04:47):
Everybody? What's cooking? Oh Jim?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Now what is it?
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Why does everybody have to be so happy? Boy? Would
you hear what we're gonna do? Hello, Bud?
Speaker 8 (04:56):
Joe Phillips and I bought a half inches in a
corn popper and we're gonna clean Now, Hello, Bud, We're
gonna set up a stand outside the movies and sell
popcorn to all the kids.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
How's that for.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
An idea, Bud?
Speaker 8 (05:07):
And all we have to boy, I said, hello, oh,
hi Dan, And all we have to do is find someplace.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
To plug it in plug?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
What in dear?
Speaker 4 (05:16):
The corn popper?
Speaker 6 (05:18):
What corn popper?
Speaker 8 (05:19):
The one I bought with Joe Phillips. You see, we
bought a half interest in a corner.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Don't you know? When you're being kidded?
Speaker 6 (05:27):
The corn popper?
Speaker 4 (05:29):
What corn popper? Oh? No, oh god, I.
Speaker 8 (05:34):
Don't say anything funny about our corn popper.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
All I all right, budd, just forget the whole thing.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
But I can't.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
I have to supply the soul.
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Oh dear, Now why I was emmy?
Speaker 4 (05:49):
I was elected? Well if it isn't William Jennings.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Bryan, Kathleen, how many times have I told you, Oh, Daddy,
I was elected.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
Isn't it all right? Now? Just calm down, take it easy.
I was elected? What were you elected?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 7 (06:09):
They had an election, and I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 9 (06:12):
The treasurer, see Kathy, but not the first day?
Speaker 7 (06:25):
Take it easy, Well, I was just Margaret.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Do you know what this is all about?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Well, of course, dear Kathy was elected treasurer, Margaret?
Speaker 7 (06:34):
Of what my c love, Daddy?
Speaker 10 (06:37):
The little vultures, the little who vultures.
Speaker 7 (06:44):
It's a kind of bird, and I'm the treasurer.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Wait a minute, where did you ever dig up a
name like that?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Well, Mama, I gotta go.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Come back here. Holy were you the one who cooked
up this delightful little tag for Kathy's club?
Speaker 8 (07:02):
Oh gosh, Dad, they said they wanted some kind of
a bird's name, and well, have you ever watched him?
Speaker 7 (07:13):
We like it, daddy, We even made but an honorary volt.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Couldn't have happened to a nicer boy, Betty. Never mind, daddy,
I'll get it the little vultures. Leave it to my children. Hello,
Oh hello, Hector? What well? Thank you very much? Oh sure,
I'm the luckiest guy in town. Sure, okay, heck I'll
(07:44):
be seeing it. Congratulations. There ever was a guy who
needed congratulations less was Jim Hector Smith. He wants to
extend his heartiest congratulations. Isn't that nice about what, dear
he didn't say?
Speaker 6 (08:01):
Maybe he heard about me.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
He's known about you for years, and believe that isn't
what he.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Meant, Jim, I won't be able to sleep a wink
all night? Why don't I call Elizabeth back?
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Well, I guess you won't have to. Maybe this time,
our dear friend Hector let us all in on the joke.
So Jo Hello, Heck. Oh George. I'm sorry George. You see,
Heck called me a minute ago and I thought, well,
thank you, George, But I don't know what George. No,
we're not having any celebration. We don't even know George.
(08:36):
Hello George. Oh fine, was it Hector? No, it was
George Phillips, and he's very happy for us.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
What on earth do you suppose it means?
Speaker 4 (08:45):
I don't know, but if those guys are having a
good time at our expense, I'll get it. You stay
where you are. I'll find out what this is about
if it takes all night, and if that's the kind
of friends I've got.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Hello, Hello, Jim, it was the front door.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Get a man so mixed up he doesn't know what
bell is ringing. After a while, I'll probably hear bell's
when nothing's ringing. Yes, mister Anderson, Yes bell.
Speaker 8 (09:10):
My name is Ford, Richard Ford, of the legal firm
of mcgoniga, Bristol and Finch.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
Oh, well, come in, mister Ford, mister Ford, thank you
very much.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Jim. If it's the paper boy, doll him, I'll pay
him next time.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
It wasn't the paper boy, Honey, Is that missus Anderson? Yeah?
She's in the living room, But well, why don't we
tell her the good news? What good news?
Speaker 8 (09:35):
All in good time, mister Anderson, All in good time,
missus Anderson, I know all the little Anderson.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Honey, this is mister Ford of h Mcgoniga, Bristol and
Jean's attorneys.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
How do you do how do you do?
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Uh? Sit down, mister Ford, thank you. Why don't you
kids find something to do someplace?
Speaker 8 (09:55):
Oh no, no, let them stay by all means, after all,
this concerns the entire family.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
Doesn't it. What does he is? Indeed, now.
Speaker 8 (10:06):
You are related to Joseph James Anderson, are you know?
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (10:11):
I am not.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
What's that I've never even heard of any Joseph James Anderson.
Speaker 8 (10:16):
Well, no, that's very strange. I had it on very
good authority that Robert Bruce Anderson.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Was my father. But oh I knew I hadn't made
a mistake, mister Anderson.
Speaker 8 (10:27):
Joseph James Anderson was your father's cousin once removed.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Oh you mean cousin Joe precisely. We haven't heard anything
about him for oh thirty years. Matter of fact, I
think he died about twenty years ago, didn't he no,
mister Anderson.
Speaker 8 (10:43):
Joseph James Anderson passed from this veil of tears less
than a month ago.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
That sempossible why he was over seventy when he decided
to run away from home and go to Arizona.
Speaker 8 (10:55):
He died last week at the age of one hundred
and two.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Whoa you see? My father always said he smoked too much.
The poor old coop, the poor old coot.
Speaker 8 (11:08):
You may be interested to know made you his sole heir,
Jim mother, Ellie Hahnah.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
Don't get excited if I know, cousin Joe, we've inherited
three barrels of bottle tops many father, isn't.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
It the most wonderful thing you've ever heard?
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Phoning?
Speaker 7 (11:25):
Have you ever been so excited my whole life?
Speaker 4 (11:27):
I mean, mister Ford while I answered the phone. Now
that's quite overf I help me. Next summer, I'm going
to spend my vacation in a nice quad boiler Factor. Hello,
oh hello, mister Gribble, Well, thank you very much. Now
about the Van Norton Land, well, naturally, I advice about
what investments you want? My advice, well, if you think
(11:50):
I'm qualified to all right, JP at twelve thirty tomorrow. Yeah,
see you that goodbye. He wants my.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Advice, Jim, we're waiting for you.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
That was mister Gremble. Honey, he wants me to give
him some advice on his investments.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
Let's talk about it later, dear. Mister Ford wants to
tell us about the inheritance.
Speaker 6 (12:11):
Why don't you sit.
Speaker 8 (12:11):
Down, father, he's a Christian Daddy want me to run
out for a cigar?
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Dad, Look, I just finished telling you not to get excited.
I know cousin Joe and he never had a dime
in his whole life.
Speaker 8 (12:24):
Well that may be true, mister Anderson, But if you'll
be good enough to sign this retainer.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
I'll be happy to tell you about the estate. Well, okay,
what is it? Four barrels of bottle tops?
Speaker 8 (12:34):
It's a fifteen thousand acre cattle ranch, mister Anderson, a wrench.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
For fifteen thousand acres with a possible value of nine
million dollars.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
Jim, Father, gosh.
Speaker 6 (12:53):
Whoa.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Holy cow? So father's inherited a nine million dollar estate,
(13:18):
And to mister Gribble, that makes him a financial expert.
Well that remains to be seen. But there are some
things the head of every family just naturally knows most
about and coffee heads the list. Yes, ladies, when it
comes to coffee, wonderfully good coffee you enjoy every time,
the world's greatest expert is your husband. Of course, down
(13:40):
the years we've been rated experts too, more families do
enjoy our Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But
when you fill the cups, the final authority is your husband.
So here's our promise. Tomorrow, if you'll fill his cup
with Maxwell House, he'll thank you and say best cup
of coffee I ever tasted. Yes, he'll say that, or
(14:02):
we'll give you back your money. We're that sure. You see,
no other coffee has that wonderful, good to the last
drop flavor. That's because no other coffee has our famous
Maxwell House recipe, a recipe demanding certain fine coffees blended
a particular way. In a word, no coffee tastes like
Maxwell House because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. But
(14:25):
don't take my say so tomorrow, start serving Maxwell House
to your husband. If he doesn't say best coffee ever,
just send us the can an unused portion, and we'll
gladly rEFInd every penny you paid. Our address is right
on every familiar blue tin tomorrow, then put it up
to your expert serve your husband the coffee with the
(14:45):
world's most famous flavor. Maxwell House coffee, always good to
the last drop. A week's gone by, and the white
frame house on Maple Street hasn't changed a bit. That's
(15:06):
the same snow on the front lawn, the same slippery
spot on the porch that Jim's going to fix next Sunday.
Everything's just as it's always been, except for the people. Yes,
the Andersons have changed a little, I'm afraid not much,
but a little like this. Oh that's fine, Frank. Oh sure,
Well it really wasn't anything, Frank, And that'll be fine, Frank. Sure.
(15:32):
Wednesday's as good at night as any he you bet, Frank.
That good night, Frank.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
What did Charlie have to say?
Speaker 4 (15:40):
Dear? That was Frank? Oh? How is George? You're so cute.
It may interest you to know, missus millionaires Anderson, that
your husband is being given a testimonial dinner next Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
No, yeah, Jim, how perfectly wonderful.
Speaker 6 (16:00):
What for?
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Why for putting through the playground? That's what for. It's
all signed, sealed and delivered, Jim. That is wonderful boy,
what a playground that's going to be.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
You and mister van Norton have done a wonderful thing
for Springfield and I'm proud of you both.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
Well, you know how it is with us rich men.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Jim, do you know what I'm going to do with
our first million?
Speaker 5 (16:24):
I'm going to buy buds some new socks.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Good for you.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
I have never seen a boy so hard on socks
in my whole life.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Look at this, honey, speaking of millions, Yes, dear, don't
be too surprised if cousin Joe's ranch comes to less
than mister Ford said.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
I was only joking, deer, I know.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
But when he said nine million, that was only if
each acre was a whole unit.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I didn't understand that very well. Jim, What was that
unit business?
Speaker 4 (16:52):
It's very simple, honey. And the cattle country, a unit
is the amount of land required to feed a cow
and her calf for one year, So the way they figure.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
And that's worth six hundred dollars roughly.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
Then why do you say it might be less fifteen
thousand times six one hundred.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
We aren't sure about the land. Maybe an acre won't
feed a cow on a calf for a year. It
might take two or three gym really, well it might.
And if it takes three acres to make up a unit,
then each acre's worth only two hundred dollars and the
ranch is worth only a third or a three million.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Oh dear, we just had to get a smaller swimming pool,
that's all.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
It might even take ten acres to make a unit.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Well, gym, let's not be ridiculous. After all, how much
can a cow when one small calf eat?
Speaker 4 (17:40):
I don't know. But if it did take ten acres, well,
that'd make it sixty dollars an acre, and fifteen thousand
we'd only have nine hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Wouldn't that be awful?
Speaker 4 (17:53):
You know I've got a good mind.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Please front door open?
Speaker 4 (17:57):
It would.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Bode me. Mother, we're in the dender.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
What's the matter with you? Oh? Father?
Speaker 6 (18:06):
You got lipstick on your chin?
Speaker 4 (18:08):
I have huh somebody must have bit me.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Creepers. Isn't this a miserable day? Why bitty, I thought
you said snow? All it ever does in this town
is snow.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Wait a minute, sugar, let's get it out in the open.
What happened?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Oh, it isn't important I didn't want to go to
the movies anyway.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
So that's what it is.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
What's what is?
Speaker 3 (18:32):
She had a quarrel with Stanley Lawson.
Speaker 6 (18:35):
I didn't either.
Speaker 7 (18:35):
It's all father's fault.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
My fault. What did I do?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
He liked me when we were poor, but just because
you had to go and get nine million dollar.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Wait a minute. In the first place, we weren't exactly poor,
and in the second place, we've got the nine million
nicely whittled down to practically nothing. You have it might
even be less than one million.
Speaker 7 (18:55):
Oh well, what good is that?
Speaker 6 (18:57):
He still won't take me.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
He said he can't afford lowsh seats.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Why Betty?
Speaker 6 (19:05):
I told him I didn't mind.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
But he says, girls with nine million dollars always sit
in lowsh seats.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
Naturally, they save a whole row for girls with nine
million dollars. It's the roll right in back of the
girls with ten million dollars. Jim, Well, this is the
silliest thing I've ever heard. We haven't collected a dime.
My bank book looks like an undernourished flapjack. And Stanley
Lawson won't go out with my daughter because she's got
(19:31):
nine million dollars.
Speaker 5 (19:33):
Betty, don't you think if you explained to him that
nothing has really changed?
Speaker 6 (19:36):
But it has. Everything's changed.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
But oh, Dad, not another one.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Is anything wrong?
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Dear? That's Jo Phillips. What a pain? He turned out
to be something amiss with the popcorn? Tycoons?
Speaker 8 (19:52):
Well, why should I supply all the butter? I bought
the salt, didn't I?
Speaker 6 (19:57):
We were all so happy when we were.
Speaker 8 (20:00):
He even had it figured out how many pounds of
buddy you can buy with nine million dollars.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
I'll bet that'll fix all the popcorn from here to
Lowe's Calcutta Bud.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
If you and Betty don't keep these things too seriously,
I'm sure.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Oh ye, gods, now what why Kathy Darling? What is it?
Speaker 6 (20:22):
They kicked me out of the club?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Angel Margaret?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Why don't you let me Kathy? Why did they kick
you out of the clubs?
Speaker 3 (20:34):
They won't let me be a little vulture?
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Never mind them, sweetheart, No one can keep you from
being a little vulture. Kathy? Does our mythical nine million
have anything to do with your expulsion from the club? Uh?
Speaker 6 (20:54):
Huh?
Speaker 7 (20:55):
They said it was too suspicious.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
What was they made me.
Speaker 10 (21:01):
The treasurer and the next day you had nine million flock.
They said I could never be the treasurer again, and
I had to give back the whole thirteen cents.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
We're outcast, that's what we are, nothing but social outcasts.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Fine, tell us all about it right after you answer
the phone.
Speaker 5 (21:27):
No, damn, Wait, Betty, why don't you take Kathy upstairs
and get her clean up?
Speaker 7 (21:32):
Okay, come on, blabber face.
Speaker 6 (21:36):
Oh Betty, I was so happy being the.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Treasure by the phone's ringing. You want me to where
did you go?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
All of a sudden?
Speaker 4 (21:45):
I got hungry? Do you want me to answer the phone? No?
Never mind. Either they all answered at once, or they
let the dyning thing ring for an hour. Well, keep
your shirt on, I'm coming Hello. Hello. Heck no, we
were just around having fun. I can't hear you. Heck,
(22:05):
sorry about what bad news? We haven't heard anything about
any Heck, okay, heck sure, if it'll make you happy,
I'll keep the lower lips stiff too. Thanks for calling. Heck, goodbye,
gloomy character. Sounds like it just got a good look
at the thing. Hector, he heard the sad news, and
(22:31):
he's very sorry.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
What sad news.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Dear. You don't suppose he's the field secretary for the
little vultures, do you? Every time something happens to Kathy
and the vultures, Heck's on the phone. Oh my aching ear.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Why don't you let me get it this time?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
No, I'll carry through to the bitter end. Better mousetrap Anderson.
That's me. One more trip to the phone and I
get permanent possession. Hello, Hello, George, Thank you very much, George.
Goodbye George. This can go on all night.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
What did George want to do?
Speaker 4 (23:05):
You? Same thing? Bad news? Keep a stiff upper lip,
Pip pip tally hole.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Well, the least you could have done was ask him
what bad news?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
And play straight for those two practical jokers, Margaret, I'm
surprised you've known Heck and George as long as I have.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
They were both perfectly sincere last time, Jim.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Say that's right, they were, weren't they. Maybe I better
call him back, Jim.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
This time it's the doorbell.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Thank you very much. Treat him man like he needs
a seeing eyed door opener. Oh hell, mister Ford, well, misrender.
We were sort of hoping we'd hear from you. Come
on in thank you, thank you. Yes, then a busy week.
I'll bet you had HoTT is mister Ford.
Speaker 8 (23:47):
Hello there, missus Anderson, go right into the den, mister Ford.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Ah, this is a country little spiders though, Why.
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Don't you sit at the desk, mister Ford, and then
you can spread out all your papers and things?
Speaker 4 (23:58):
That would be nice. Let me get a couple of us.
Oh no, no, this will be fine.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
That's fine here.
Speaker 8 (24:04):
No, yes, well, first, here's the receipt for your one
hundred dollars retaining fee.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
All that.
Speaker 8 (24:10):
It's very important you know all these little details. Let
me see now, Oh, well, the ranch.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
If you haven't anything else on your.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Mind, Jim, please, you must.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Be very anxious, of course. Not what do we care
for a couple of million dollars more or less?
Speaker 8 (24:27):
Well, to mean, I'm afraid you're going to be just
a little disappointed. You see when I said nine million.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
Mister Ford, how much is it worth?
Speaker 8 (24:37):
Well you remember what I told you about the unit system,
one cow and one calf for one year. Yes, well,
on your cousin Joe's ranch, it seems that one cow
and one calf need quite a.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Bit of land.
Speaker 8 (24:51):
How much twelve hundred acres.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Tell one hundred, oh, Jim.
Speaker 8 (24:59):
Which makes the vat of the land fifty cents a me.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
Oh yeah, well that isn't too bad, honey. We'll have
a ranch to go to every summer, and all it
cost us is one hundred dollars we gave mister Ford
and mister.
Speaker 8 (25:13):
Anderson as your legal advisor.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
May I suggest that you.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
Forget the whole fit forget it.
Speaker 8 (25:19):
Well, do you see the land is only worth seventy
five hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Well, what's wrong with seventy five hundred dollars?
Speaker 8 (25:24):
Well, nothing except that we found a bill for eighty
two hundred and back taxes.
Speaker 11 (25:30):
Oh no, no.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
This weekend, as you buy coffee for your family, remember this.
In coffee, just one thing means real value the flavor
you get for your money. With this in mind, take
home the coffee with the most famous flavor in the world,
our Maxwell House Coffee. Then let the world's greatest coffee
expert enjoy that famous flavor. Yes, serve our Maxwell House
(26:15):
to your husband. He's the real authority on coffee. When
he smiles and says greatest coffee ever, you'll know Maxwell
House has the flavor for you. And your family. And
for value, well, count for yourself all the truly good
cups of coffee you get from every pound tomorrow. Buy
coffee that gives you your money's worth and more. Look
(26:37):
for America's sign of good coffee, the big white cup
and drop on the friendly blue tin. That's Maxwell House coffee,
always good to the last drop. Remember Francois Billan, he
was king for a day. Remember the Andersons. They were
(27:00):
millionaires for a whole week, which is nice work if
you can get it anyway. They're back to normal now,
if you can call anything connected with the Anderson's normal, Like.
Speaker 7 (27:10):
This wasn't Jimmy Woody, sweet Mommy, Yes, dear, He said
he didn't care what anybody said. If I wasn't a
little vulture, nobody was.
Speaker 4 (27:22):
That's my girl.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Isn't this the most beautiful day you've ever seen?
Speaker 4 (27:27):
She saw Van Johnson?
Speaker 5 (27:28):
Well, she went to the show with Stanley, But I
think that's all she saw Stanley.
Speaker 8 (27:34):
Dad, I got the plac all polished up.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
How does it look? Oh fine, Bud, just fine.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Let me see it again? Please, Oh Jim, isn't it beautiful?
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Where do you think we ought to put it? Honey?
Speaker 5 (27:45):
When the den naturally to James Anderson Senior for outstanding
service to the youth of Springfield.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Isn't that nice?
Speaker 4 (27:54):
You know it's a funny thing, Margaret, But I've got
a peculiar feeling that the plaque isn't all mine. What
do you mean, dear well, I wasn't getting anywhere until
that silly inheritance came along. You know what I'm going
to do.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
You're not going to give it back?
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Oh no, no no. But down here in the bottom,
I'm going to put a little sticker that says, with
one assist from cousin Joel. At breakfast time, you don't
(28:32):
have to say you.
Speaker 9 (28:33):
Children eat your cereal right this instance, just say hop
along Cassidy is crazy about hot wheat meal.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Just a little psychology. Yes, to get your children to
eat a hot cereal, just tell them post wheatmeal is
hop Alon Cassidy's favorite hot cereal and they eat it too.
Post wheatmeal is chuck full of solid whole wheat nourishment,
has a wonderful nut like flavor, and at cooks in
just three and a half minutes. You'll see you'll all
agree it's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join
(29:06):
us again next week when we'll be back with Father
Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy
Bargee and the Maxwell House Orchestra in our cast for
Rhoda Williams as Betty June Whitley, Ted Donaldson, Norma ge Nielson,
Howard McNair, and yours truly, Bill Forman. So until next Thursday,
good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House,
America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop.
(29:30):
Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by
Ed Jane. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows
immediately over most of these states. Coming up drag That.
(29:53):
Then be sure to hear Counter Spy on NBC.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Please send your questions and comments to host at classiccomedyotr
dot com until next time. In the words of four
star General Ann E. Dunwoodie, as a soldier, you can
continually serve. It is a calling to be a soldier,
and there is a great sense of pride and camaraderie
in serving
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