May 19, 2026 • 30 mins
In this meditation for the Solemnity of Pentecost, Fr. Leo Austin reflects on the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and the call to deeper interior conversion. Like the Apostles, we are invited to open our hearts to God and allow his grace to shape our desires, choices, and way of life.
Listen and reflect on:
- Examining the deeper motives of the heart
- Recognizing unhealthy attachments and desires
- The role of grace in personal transformation
- Growing in emotional and spiritual maturity
- Trusting God’s patience and mercy
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:10):
My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are
here, that you see me, that youhear me.
I adore you with profoundreverence.
I ask your pardon for my sinsand the grace to make this time
of prayer fruitful.
My immaculate mother, SaintJoseph, my father and Lord, my
(00:33):
guardian angel, intercede forme.
There is this quote by blessedClelia Merloni that I read some
time ago, my Lord, and I want tobring it to my time of prayer
today, to this meditation,because it's pretty deep, it's
impactful.
It was impactful when I read itthe first time, and uh and I
(00:55):
think it can help us and help meto examine myself in your
presence with peace.
And uh she says, remember thatthe devil, Satan, will often
make you feel the weight offatigue.
He will often torment you withthe fear of working uselessly.
(01:20):
End of the quote.
And maybe that was a little bitthe mindset of the apostles at
the early stages of the church,and today we are celebrating the
awesome feast of Pentecost, thecoming of the Holy Spirit.
It is good to consider whathappened before he came and to
(01:41):
enter into this time of prayer,putting ourselves in the shoes
of the apostles, or even in ourown shoes.
What stops me from beingoptimistic?
And maybe there is this sense ofuh feeling useless, and uh we
need to know that it doesn'tcome from God, does always come
from Satan, feeling useless,right?
(02:03):
But it is good to go through thepain that the apostles
experienced because then we canbe more grateful.
I will be more aware of thegifts that I have received if
I've had the experience, if Ihave the experience of going
through darkness, then Iappreciate better the light or
color or things like that.
(02:23):
So, with that being said, let'sread the Acts of the Apostles.
And remember to open this bookwith the excitement of the early
days of the church.
This is the beginning ofeverything, and we are in the
same moment in history.
We are still writing the Acts ofthe Apostles, because we are
apostles, we are inheritingright now the message of the
(02:47):
gospel, and we are bringing itto this generation today, right?
So when the time for Pentecostwas fulfilled, says the Acts of
the Apostles, they were all inone place, united.
United in prayer.
First clue.
The apostles, after theresurrection, after the shock of
the crucifixion, and then thejoy of the resurrection, they
(03:10):
gathered in prayer and they werebrought together by the Blessed
Virgin Mary.
So we can do the exact samething right now, my Lord.
I'm gathered somehow in prayerwith the entire church.
Our lady, my mother, in thismonth of May is inviting me to
join the apostles as the earlychurch and to pray, to look
(03:31):
inside myself, to look at theworld, right?
And it was the time offulfillment.
I really like in the gospel whenuh the evangelist uses these
words in look in this case,fulfillment.
Fulfillment is the name of thegame if you are Catholic.
It's playing the Olympic Gamesevery day, fulfillment, is
(03:52):
playing the World Cup every day,is fulfillment.
There is nothing better for asoccer player, for an Olympic
player, for a gymnast, whatever,to be in the center of history
right now, and in the stage ofhistory with all the spectators,
especially the Trinity, thesaints, the angels, looking at
me, not with vain thoughts, butknowing that I'm a protagonist
(04:16):
right now, I'm fulfilled,redeeming the world.
So they were in that moment ofprayer, which is very intense,
but very recollected at the sametime.
And suddenly, says the Acts ofthe Apostles, there came from
the sky a noise, like a strongdriving wind, and it filled the
entire house in which they were.
(04:37):
And then there appeared to themtongues as a fire, which parted
and came to rest on each one ofthem.
A mystical experience, anexperience of uh somehow
touching God in our prayer,somehow experiencing the
presence of God.
(04:58):
And don't worry if you don'tfeel it in a sensual or in a
physical way.
That's perfectly fine.
And many times the experience ofGod is intellectual first.
I firmly believe that you arehere, that you see me, that you
hear me, right?
I firmly believe, and I havereasons to believe.
(05:18):
And that's the first part ofprayer.
It's an act of faith that isbased on knowledge, on
revelation, on the company ofthe saints, many wonderful
aspects of my time of prayer.
I am united with the entirechurch, with God, with the
angels, etc.
(05:39):
And then the first questioncomes: why do I need the Holy
Spirit?
What was the change before andafter Pentecost?
What is the change?
The real change?
And uh maybe the temptation ashuman beings as we are is to
think that the change should befixing things, for instance.
Classic temptation, right?
(06:00):
This is what uh this blessed uhwoman was saying, that the devil
tempts you saying, well, you'reuseless.
You see, you're praying and youare not changing anything
externally, you are not fixingthings, and then maybe this is
the change.
First of all, is what do I want?
What do I want?
What do we expect?
What are my expectations inprayer?
(06:22):
Very difficult question, verymysterious.
Not that we can have an answerimmediately or experience it
with certainty as many times.
It's an ongoing unfolding ofmeaning and depth and beauty,
but it's it takes time and a tonof patience, a lot of patience.
(06:43):
The apostles before Pentecost,after Pentecost, what was the
difference?
Let's look at the gospel, right?
Saint Peter, for instance, veryimpatient.
Saint John, very harsh.
Do you want us to cast out firefrom heaven and to destroy this
village of Samaritans?
So you see, the apostles wereimpetuous many times or
(07:07):
discouraged.
They fled.
When Jesus talked about thecross, they didn't understand,
it was too hard for them.
So superficiality, hardness ofheart.
So Pentecost.
The Holy Spirit comes,fulfillment comes to you.
And then what do you want fromhim?
What do you expect?
Maybe that's the first bigchange.
(07:28):
My expectations are such andsuch.
What are they?
And then examine yourself.
What do you want?
What do I want, my Lord, fromyou?
What am I asking for?
Sometime ago I was talking tosome group of people.
We had a kind of a debate withcollege students, both boys and
(07:48):
girls, and we had a gathering,and then we were throwing
different ideas, topics aboutlife, deep questions, and then
one person, jokingly a littlebit, but at the same time saying
the truth, said out loud, andI'm quoting with all due respect
because it happened to me too.
That person said, I don't havetime, I don't have time to think
(08:10):
about happiness.
And besides, it's scary.
And then we laughed, we were,and we were trying to give some
answer to that big question ofhappiness.
And I think it's symptomatic ofour society.
Again, we pray, we recollectourselves in this moment of
prayer, we go to receive theEucharist, we have our friends,
(08:32):
and then there's this ongoingquestion around us.
Am I happy?
Am I fulfilled?
And maybe the answer, my Lord,and I'm so sorry, is so
difficult that I prefer topostpone or to just put into a
box and to say, well, I think Iam happy, I I I hope I'm happy,
as if we're not we were not incontrol.
(08:52):
And then this statement, I don'thave time to think about my
happiness, and besides, it'sscary.
Maybe I'm not happy.
But there's a false idea offreedom, happiness.
What does it mean to be happy?
The apostles.
Maybe they felt the samescariness of am I a good
(09:13):
apostle?
Can I do this?
Is my vocation fulfilling me?
It's an ongoing question for allof us across the world and at
all times in our lives.
Am I happy?
Am I building this fulfillmentbecause God is in me?
Is this wind of the Holy Spirit,this fire purifying me
(09:36):
constantly?
Am I aware?
And then not easy to answer tothose questions, not easy to
tackle my Lord, my own life, myown vocation.
That's why I need you.
That's what I need you.
Saint José Maria in his homilyabout Pentecost in Christ is
passing by.
(09:59):
It shows how the early church,how the apostles, all of us, are
in this stream of grace that isstill current today, that the
same power of Pentecost ispresent right now in the church,
in your heart, in my heart.
And at some point in the homily,he says, the grace of the Holy
(10:19):
Spirit is present.
And then on our side, what weneed to do is to quote, allow
God to take possession of ourlives and to change our hearts.
To allow God to take possessionof our lives and to change our
hearts.
Very interesting.
Linked with this whole idea ofhappiness.
(10:40):
Jesus, my Lord, you talked a lotabout the Holy Spirit.
You talked a lot about theFather.
It's almost a every time youtalked about God, you were
talking about your Father.
You we see you in the gospeltalking about your father and
talking to your father.
Both.
It's a constant thing.
And then at the end of yourlife, you were also announcing
(11:00):
the coming of the Holy Spirit.
And San Josemaria says, Well,allow God to take possession of
your life and to change yourheart.
Interesting.
Because our Lord wants to changeyour heart, my heart.
Not just to change our actions,to have an influence, so to
speak, on our actions.
That would be great.
But it's way more than this, ishow you perceive reality, your
(11:25):
heart.
And I'm not talking about thefleeting feeling of I feel good.
No, no, no.
It's what do you love?
That's a huge, deeper change.
There's this author, AmedeoCencini, Italian priest, that
has several books.
Some of them are translated toEnglish, some of them are in
Italian or in Spanish.
And there's one, I found a copythat I think is in the process
(11:49):
of being translated to English.
Anyway, the name of the book isAdon, I seek you.
Early in the day, I seek you, Iseek your face.
And it's a book that has to dowith this whole idea of what San
José Maria is talking abouthere, changing your heart.
But again, not into a feelinggood heart.
It's more into a compass, intoan engine that moves you to
(12:14):
choose things.
And then if you are not moved byyour heart, you may, I may, be
doing external things all thetime.
And even good things.
But that's not enough.
It is not enough to be faithfulin the sense of or or
perseverant into externalthings.
(12:35):
The big change is in my heart.
That's the difference betweenbefore and after Pentecost in
the apostles.
They were not loving theteachings of Jesus Christ.
They were loving the externalactions of Jesus Christ, the
miracles, and some of theteachings maybe, but they were
not all in.
And there was this kind of uh,you know, cheering.
(13:00):
They were not completely,there's some rustiness inside
them that was not completelysolved into the way that Jesus
Christ would do things.
And that's why they needed, andwe do too, the Holy Spirit.
To change my heart.
I think the great model for thatis the Blessed Virgin Mary.
(13:20):
If we read the gospelattentively, many times Mary
externally experienced thingsthat she didn't understand, and
then her reaction was to ponder.
I need to change my heart.
Meaning, I experienced this, Idon't get it.
Or I don't love it, and Ishould, because it comes from
God.
(13:41):
And I don't know how to lovethis.
I need to ponder.
I need to adapt myself to God.
And then this author that I wastelling you, Amedeo Cincini,
says very interesting pointsabout this whole change, this
interior change.
He talks about some aspect ofour knowledge and our way of
(14:03):
engaging with reality, which issensitivity.
And sensitivity is bothinherited and also a choice.
Sensitivity is a little bit thebackground or the inheritance
that you have received ofreacting in front of things,
like that you have received fromeducation.
You could be more inclined tomusic, to art, to sports, or to
(14:25):
in some situations you react inone way or another, in part
because of your culture.
And he says that's perfectlyfine.
That's legit and it's part ofyour identity.
But your identity has also asecond part, which is your
choice.
So you are responsible,responsible for your reactions
internally.
I don't know if this is a littlebit complicated for a
(14:46):
meditation, but I think what itmeans is that uh we grow in
being more in educating oursensitivity.
So if I educate, if I grow, Iwill react better and better,
understanding the beauty or thetruth behind the things that are
happening to me.
And uh the truth is very, verydemanding.
(15:08):
The truth is is always aninclined plane.
So for instance, it's very easyto see it regarding charity,
right?
Let's say that we have a goodreason to get mad to someone, or
there's something that is brokenand we are not responsible, it
could be anything, right?
In a family situation, in asocial environment, and there's
(15:30):
something wrong.
That's part of the truth.
Because the entire truth has todo with not only saying the
diagnosis, oh, this is wrong,but saying, how do I interact
with this?
And that's when sensitivitypitches in.
Okay, given this situation,what's your reaction?
And then your reaction could beanything.
(15:51):
It could be mercy, it could beanger, it could be rejection, it
could be indifference, it couldbe coldness, it could be that
your heart actually explodes ingratitude for the opportunity of
serving.
Think about Mother Teresa ofCalcutta.
The situation is awful in thestreets of Calcutta.
Her reaction is beautiful.
(16:11):
So in front of the samesituation, we educate our
sensitivity, our, you know, ourway of loving what we are
presented with, right?
And then it creates by thosechoices of how you react, it
creates your own identity.
And you have a responsibilityfor that.
I think to me, yeah, MotherTeresa, or nurses are clear
(16:35):
examples of well, the more theythey love their job, the more
they act upon their talents as anurse or as a doctor, the more
they empathize with the peoplethat they have in front of them,
the more they love.
Their skills are geared towardsI'm giving myself towards this,
(16:56):
and I'm loving it, even in theprocess, right?
And the same happens witheducation, motherhood,
fatherhood.
It's not just anything thathappens in the past, that you
just deliver a baby or that youbecome a dad.
It's an ongoing identifyingyourself, choosing to be a dad,
(17:16):
choosing to be a mom in everysituation.
Not easy, very demanding, butbeautifully unfolding.
And the truth is that in thisbrokenness, I can add the glue
of my charity.
That's the real truth.
Because the truth is not juststatic, presented to me.
(17:37):
The truth is how I engage withthat.
That's my education of my heart.
Very difficult, and at the sametime, open to a vocational
engagement with reality.
Thank you, my Lord.
I want to enter into thisfulfillment.
I want to ask your mother, helpme to ponder things in my heart,
(17:58):
help me to respect the truth, toadapt myself to the truth, not
to just close the door, but toengage more and more into what
is presented to me as anopportunity.
Many times excuses could bequote unquote interesting
excuses, for instance, in our uhage, I think, there is this
(18:21):
whole idea of what bespontaneous.
Do not repress yourself, right?
Do not put limits to yourcreativity.
Or, for instance, a very subtletemptation that may come from
Satan.
Go after what your heart stakesyou.
Just follow your heart in thesense of your feelings.
And then we can fall into thisdictatorship of feeling good and
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the heart reduced to pleasure.
It could be intellectualpleasure, it could be a pleasure
that is not sinful, it could bea pleasure that is legit, but
it's still pleasure, it's stillseeking myself.
If I eat chocolate, I don'tthink I'm sinning.
It's nothing sinful aboutchocolate.
I hope not, because it's mylittle heaven sometimes.
(19:07):
But if the only way for me toact, to work, or to do something
or smile is to eat chocolate, Iwill be producing something
good, not even sinful, and andlimit my opportunities to give
myself and to grow.
And I would be like an animal atthe end.
Even a refined animal that eatscaviar or drinks, covernet, subi
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room, or whatever.
Okay, fine, but it is a refinedanimal, but it's an animal
following only instincts,pleasures, even if they are very
elevated.
So the point here is what do Iwhat do I want in this
situation?
How do I give myself?
What's the refinement that truthdemands in this situation?
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What's the refinement?
What's the best option?
What's the heroic way that givesme the fulfillment of entering
into the heart of God, into theheart of God guided by the Holy
Spirit?
When you read the gifts of theHoly Spirit, all of them have to
do with this openness, wisdom,understanding, counsel,
(20:17):
fortitude, knowledge, piety,fear of the Lord, wisdom, right?
Deep wisdom, choosing thingswith a big picture, a big
picture that goes beyond myself.
Very difficult, but verywonderful at the same time.
I was reading the other day alsothis um quote or this idea that
(20:42):
uh suggests that our earthlyactions and desires and our
habits define our post-deathstate.
So when we die, this author wassaying, when we die, the choices
of our life will become eternalrealities.
In other words, everything thatwe're choosing, or again,
(21:05):
actions, desires, habits thatwe're building define, will
define, we have a say, in ourpost-death state, transforming
all those temporary decisionsinto a permanent existence.
And it happens both with sin andwith virtue.
The only difference is that sinwill be annoyingly repetitive
(21:29):
and close to death, right?
Repetition, but you will be moreand more people when we sin, we
become more and more repetitiveand annoyed by that choice that
is absurd and is close toitself.
It's just death and frozen,right?
But it's repetitive.
(21:49):
You become your own sin.
Hopefully, with the ears of God,with our with your guidance,
Holy Spirit, we will beeternally in heaven, enjoying
your presence.
And then these author suggeststhat our choices will become
eternal realities.
Our earthly choices will becomeeternal realities.
(22:10):
Will be what you choose in theeyes of God, giving yourself.
And then you will be more andmore, I will be hopefully more
and more identified with thosedreams, with those actions, with
those habits that I have beenbuilding on earth.
Wonderful idea, right?
Wonderful idea that has to dowith this ongoing action of the
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Holy Spirit.
This ongoing action of the HolySpirit and my own freedom, my
own wanting those things.
Identifying myself.
It makes sense.
I want that.
I really want that.
And I'm happy wanting thatbecause I have a deep
understanding of reality, oftruth.
(22:51):
Very, very engaging this ideathat we have of holiness that
St.
José Maria is proposing in hishomily.
Allowing God to take possessionof your hearts.
Not only of your actions, notonly of your external etiquette.
As Catholic, I more or lessaccomplish what I'm supposed to
(23:13):
do.
My duties, my obligations, I goto mass because it's mandatory.
Well, those things are true, andthey're better than not going to
mass, but uh, is it just anobligation?
Can you and I can we dig deeperand say, no, this is what I
really want, because I thoughtabout it and I educated my
feelings.
(23:34):
I gave them a reason to bedirected by reason, right,
towards the beauty, the truth ofthe revelation, and my
engagement with that revelation.
Before and after Pentecost, theapostles before, you and I
before, you and I with theapostles after receiving the
(23:56):
Holy Spirit.
The tongues of fire, the windthat uh pushes you softly, but
uh but or softly, softly, Idon't think is a good word,
maybe um subtly, but steadily atthe same time towards the truth.
Hey, look, look, look, look whatyou can discover, look what what
you're missing.
Let me show you.
This is the Holy Spirit, let meshow you more.
(24:20):
And this gives us a lot of uhinsightful material for our
examination.
Sometimes our feelings seemuncontrollable.
My sensitivity suggests suggeststhat I cannot do anything but
feel good or bad in front ofsuch a thing.
But sometimes it is it is veryuh it's crucial that we in our
(24:42):
prayer we say, why did I reactin this way?
Why did I react in this way?
Am I being mature in thisreaction?
Am I being holy in thisreaction?
It's not that you say, Well,yeah, but I it is what it is,
it's my my way of being.
It could be, but that can bechanged as well.
(25:04):
It could be, but the grace ofGod, uh, if San José Maria says,
if we open our hearts to theaction of the Holy Spirit, that
could be changed too.
And this is a great gift, right?
Because it means that even ifour natural inclination, after
many years of doing things orforming ourselves in such a way
(25:26):
that whatever our reaction islike that, that could be changed
too.
And we can, you know, in ouremotional, in our in our
volitional, in our will, we wehave an influence, we have a
decision, even in the way I wantthings, right?
And maybe for our time ofprayer, sometimes in the
(25:47):
examination of consciousness,why I why am I always reacting
in this way?
What's at the bottom?
And maybe it's not that we havea headache, and maybe it's that
we are self-centered.
Or maybe it's not that ourneighbor is annoying, but that
we are envious.
(26:07):
And we dig deeper, and maybedeep down inside our hearts,
there's this longing forsecurity in money.
And then this is what we'rereally what we really want.
And our idea of happiness isstained by a very subtle and
deep greediness that more orless makes sense because we want
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to provide for our families, wewant to make them happy, and
then suddenly somehow we getlost into the whole thing of
material security for thehappiness, the temporal
happiness of my family and myfriends, and my security,
whatever.
And then suddenly we have envyof our neighbors, or we treat
them poorly, we react in a badway because we are driven by
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greediness deep insideourselves.
And that's a discovery that uh Ithink all of us go through in
different aspects of our lives,right?
Could be with impurity, it couldbe with uh hatred, resentment.
We go deeper, we allow God totake possession of our hearts,
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and and God tells us, hey no,it's not your neighbor, sorry,
or it's not your lack of this orthat, or it's not the problem is
that you are seeking happinessin something that is never ever
making will make you happy.
And I can help you to changethat.
And then once you understandthat deeper healing, everything
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becomes not easier in the sensethat it's down the road and and
and like no effort, no, but itbecomes easier because I know
why.
I know what's the point here,and then all my actions are
meaningful and driven by a heartthat seeks happiness where
happiness is in Jesus Christ, inunderstanding the truth of my
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life, the truth of myrelationships.
Good news is that um, well, Iwould say two good news.
One, the apostles needed that.
So sometimes we think that thesaints were perfect from the
from birth.
The apostles needed that.
Even the blessed Virgin Maryneeded at least time to ponder,
(28:20):
to check the scriptures, tocheck how how can this event you
know make sense and thenscriptures, prayers.
So the blessed Virgin Mary, theapostles needed that.
So this is great news.
And second is that God is in ourside, and God knows too, and He
provides the grace of JesusChrist, the power of the Holy
Spirit is present today.
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So the saints went through thesame process as we're going
right now, and they did it, andalso the grace of God will never
be lacking.
Never, and uh, no fearwhatsoever, my Lord.
Wherever I am right now, even ifI feel that I didn't tell myself
I'm really mean because mygreediness, my impurity, my
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whatever resentment, I can behealed.
I want to allow your Holy Spiritto enlighten me, to give me his
wisdom, his peace, his joy, ameaningful life.
Let's ask the Blessed VirginMary to help us to ponder as she
did.
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And then we will understand verywell the title that our lady
has, Queen of Peace.
Queen of peace.
Not only peace in the world, butpeace in our hearts.
I thank you, my God, for thegood resolutions, affections,
and inspirations that you havecommunicated to me in this
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meditation.
I ask your help to put them intoeffect.
My Immaculate Mother, SaintJoseph, my father and lord, my
guardian angel, intercede forme.
My Lord and my God, I firmly believe that you are
here, that you see me, that youhear me.
I adore you with profoundreverence.
I ask your pardon for my sinsand the grace to make this time
of prayer fruitful.
My immaculate mother, SaintJoseph, my father and Lord, my
(00:33):
guardian angel, intercede forme.
There is this quote by blessedClelia Merloni that I read some
time ago, my Lord, and I want tobring it to my time of prayer
today, to this meditation,because it's pretty deep, it's
impactful.
It was impactful when I read itthe first time, and uh and I
(00:55):
think it can help us and help meto examine myself in your
presence with peace.
And uh she says, remember thatthe devil, Satan, will often
make you feel the weight offatigue.
He will often torment you withthe fear of working uselessly.
(01:20):
End of the quote.
And maybe that was a little bitthe mindset of the apostles at
the early stages of the church,and today we are celebrating the
awesome feast of Pentecost, thecoming of the Holy Spirit.
It is good to consider whathappened before he came and to
(01:41):
enter into this time of prayer,putting ourselves in the shoes
of the apostles, or even in ourown shoes.
What stops me from beingoptimistic?
And maybe there is this sense ofuh feeling useless, and uh we
need to know that it doesn'tcome from God, does always come
from Satan, feeling useless,right?
(02:03):
But it is good to go through thepain that the apostles
experienced because then we canbe more grateful.
I will be more aware of thegifts that I have received if
I've had the experience, if Ihave the experience of going
through darkness, then Iappreciate better the light or
color or things like that.
(02:23):
So, with that being said, let'sread the Acts of the Apostles.
And remember to open this bookwith the excitement of the early
days of the church.
This is the beginning ofeverything, and we are in the
same moment in history.
We are still writing the Acts ofthe Apostles, because we are
apostles, we are inheritingright now the message of the
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gospel, and we are bringing itto this generation today, right?
So when the time for Pentecostwas fulfilled, says the Acts of
the Apostles, they were all inone place, united.
United in prayer.
First clue.
The apostles, after theresurrection, after the shock of
the crucifixion, and then thejoy of the resurrection, they
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gathered in prayer and they werebrought together by the Blessed
Virgin Mary.
So we can do the exact samething right now, my Lord.
I'm gathered somehow in prayerwith the entire church.
Our lady, my mother, in thismonth of May is inviting me to
join the apostles as the earlychurch and to pray, to look
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inside myself, to look at theworld, right?
And it was the time offulfillment.
I really like in the gospel whenuh the evangelist uses these
words in look in this case,fulfillment.
Fulfillment is the name of thegame if you are Catholic.
It's playing the Olympic Gamesevery day, fulfillment, is
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playing the World Cup every day,is fulfillment.
There is nothing better for asoccer player, for an Olympic
player, for a gymnast, whatever,to be in the center of history
right now, and in the stage ofhistory with all the spectators,
especially the Trinity, thesaints, the angels, looking at
me, not with vain thoughts, butknowing that I'm a protagonist
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right now, I'm fulfilled,redeeming the world.
So they were in that moment ofprayer, which is very intense,
but very recollected at the sametime.
And suddenly, says the Acts ofthe Apostles, there came from
the sky a noise, like a strongdriving wind, and it filled the
entire house in which they were.
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And then there appeared to themtongues as a fire, which parted
and came to rest on each one ofthem.
A mystical experience, anexperience of uh somehow
touching God in our prayer,somehow experiencing the
presence of God.
(04:58):
And don't worry if you don'tfeel it in a sensual or in a
physical way.
That's perfectly fine.
And many times the experience ofGod is intellectual first.
I firmly believe that you arehere, that you see me, that you
hear me, right?
I firmly believe, and I havereasons to believe.
(05:18):
And that's the first part ofprayer.
It's an act of faith that isbased on knowledge, on
revelation, on the company ofthe saints, many wonderful
aspects of my time of prayer.
I am united with the entirechurch, with God, with the
angels, etc.
(05:39):
And then the first questioncomes: why do I need the Holy
Spirit?
What was the change before andafter Pentecost?
What is the change?
The real change?
And uh maybe the temptation ashuman beings as we are is to
think that the change should befixing things, for instance.
Classic temptation, right?
(06:00):
This is what uh this blessed uhwoman was saying, that the devil
tempts you saying, well, you'reuseless.
You see, you're praying and youare not changing anything
externally, you are not fixingthings, and then maybe this is
the change.
First of all, is what do I want?
What do I want?
What do we expect?
What are my expectations inprayer?
(06:22):
Very difficult question, verymysterious.
Not that we can have an answerimmediately or experience it
with certainty as many times.
It's an ongoing unfolding ofmeaning and depth and beauty,
but it's it takes time and a tonof patience, a lot of patience.
(06:43):
The apostles before Pentecost,after Pentecost, what was the
difference?
Let's look at the gospel, right?
Saint Peter, for instance, veryimpatient.
Saint John, very harsh.
Do you want us to cast out firefrom heaven and to destroy this
village of Samaritans?
So you see, the apostles wereimpetuous many times or
(07:07):
discouraged.
They fled.
When Jesus talked about thecross, they didn't understand,
it was too hard for them.
So superficiality, hardness ofheart.
So Pentecost.
The Holy Spirit comes,fulfillment comes to you.
And then what do you want fromhim?
What do you expect?
Maybe that's the first bigchange.
(07:28):
My expectations are such andsuch.
What are they?
And then examine yourself.
What do you want?
What do I want, my Lord, fromyou?
What am I asking for?
Sometime ago I was talking tosome group of people.
We had a kind of a debate withcollege students, both boys and
(07:48):
girls, and we had a gathering,and then we were throwing
different ideas, topics aboutlife, deep questions, and then
one person, jokingly a littlebit, but at the same time saying
the truth, said out loud, andI'm quoting with all due respect
because it happened to me too.
That person said, I don't havetime, I don't have time to think
(08:10):
about happiness.
And besides, it's scary.
And then we laughed, we were,and we were trying to give some
answer to that big question ofhappiness.
And I think it's symptomatic ofour society.
Again, we pray, we recollectourselves in this moment of
prayer, we go to receive theEucharist, we have our friends,
(08:32):
and then there's this ongoingquestion around us.
Am I happy?
Am I fulfilled?
And maybe the answer, my Lord,and I'm so sorry, is so
difficult that I prefer topostpone or to just put into a
box and to say, well, I think Iam happy, I I I hope I'm happy,
as if we're not we were not incontrol.
(08:52):
And then this statement, I don'thave time to think about my
happiness, and besides, it'sscary.
Maybe I'm not happy.
But there's a false idea offreedom, happiness.
What does it mean to be happy?
The apostles.
Maybe they felt the samescariness of am I a good
(09:13):
apostle?
Can I do this?
Is my vocation fulfilling me?
It's an ongoing question for allof us across the world and at
all times in our lives.
Am I happy?
Am I building this fulfillmentbecause God is in me?
Is this wind of the Holy Spirit,this fire purifying me
(09:36):
constantly?
Am I aware?
And then not easy to answer tothose questions, not easy to
tackle my Lord, my own life, myown vocation.
That's why I need you.
That's what I need you.
Saint José Maria in his homilyabout Pentecost in Christ is
passing by.
(09:59):
It shows how the early church,how the apostles, all of us, are
in this stream of grace that isstill current today, that the
same power of Pentecost ispresent right now in the church,
in your heart, in my heart.
And at some point in the homily,he says, the grace of the Holy
(10:19):
Spirit is present.
And then on our side, what weneed to do is to quote, allow
God to take possession of ourlives and to change our hearts.
To allow God to take possessionof our lives and to change our
hearts.
Very interesting.
Linked with this whole idea ofhappiness.
(10:40):
Jesus, my Lord, you talked a lotabout the Holy Spirit.
You talked a lot about theFather.
It's almost a every time youtalked about God, you were
talking about your Father.
You we see you in the gospeltalking about your father and
talking to your father.
Both.
It's a constant thing.
And then at the end of yourlife, you were also announcing
(11:00):
the coming of the Holy Spirit.
And San Josemaria says, Well,allow God to take possession of
your life and to change yourheart.
Interesting.
Because our Lord wants to changeyour heart, my heart.
Not just to change our actions,to have an influence, so to
speak, on our actions.
That would be great.
But it's way more than this, ishow you perceive reality, your
(11:25):
heart.
And I'm not talking about thefleeting feeling of I feel good.
No, no, no.
It's what do you love?
That's a huge, deeper change.
There's this author, AmedeoCencini, Italian priest, that
has several books.
Some of them are translated toEnglish, some of them are in
Italian or in Spanish.
And there's one, I found a copythat I think is in the process
(11:49):
of being translated to English.
Anyway, the name of the book isAdon, I seek you.
Early in the day, I seek you, Iseek your face.
And it's a book that has to dowith this whole idea of what San
José Maria is talking abouthere, changing your heart.
But again, not into a feelinggood heart.
It's more into a compass, intoan engine that moves you to
(12:14):
choose things.
And then if you are not moved byyour heart, you may, I may, be
doing external things all thetime.
And even good things.
But that's not enough.
It is not enough to be faithfulin the sense of or or
perseverant into externalthings.
(12:35):
The big change is in my heart.
That's the difference betweenbefore and after Pentecost in
the apostles.
They were not loving theteachings of Jesus Christ.
They were loving the externalactions of Jesus Christ, the
miracles, and some of theteachings maybe, but they were
not all in.
And there was this kind of uh,you know, cheering.
(13:00):
They were not completely,there's some rustiness inside
them that was not completelysolved into the way that Jesus
Christ would do things.
And that's why they needed, andwe do too, the Holy Spirit.
To change my heart.
I think the great model for thatis the Blessed Virgin Mary.
(13:20):
If we read the gospelattentively, many times Mary
externally experienced thingsthat she didn't understand, and
then her reaction was to ponder.
I need to change my heart.
Meaning, I experienced this, Idon't get it.
Or I don't love it, and Ishould, because it comes from
God.
(13:41):
And I don't know how to lovethis.
I need to ponder.
I need to adapt myself to God.
And then this author that I wastelling you, Amedeo Cincini,
says very interesting pointsabout this whole change, this
interior change.
He talks about some aspect ofour knowledge and our way of
(14:03):
engaging with reality, which issensitivity.
And sensitivity is bothinherited and also a choice.
Sensitivity is a little bit thebackground or the inheritance
that you have received ofreacting in front of things,
like that you have received fromeducation.
You could be more inclined tomusic, to art, to sports, or to
(14:25):
in some situations you react inone way or another, in part
because of your culture.
And he says that's perfectlyfine.
That's legit and it's part ofyour identity.
But your identity has also asecond part, which is your
choice.
So you are responsible,responsible for your reactions
internally.
I don't know if this is a littlebit complicated for a
(14:46):
meditation, but I think what itmeans is that uh we grow in
being more in educating oursensitivity.
So if I educate, if I grow, Iwill react better and better,
understanding the beauty or thetruth behind the things that are
happening to me.
And uh the truth is very, verydemanding.
(15:08):
The truth is is always aninclined plane.
So for instance, it's very easyto see it regarding charity,
right?
Let's say that we have a goodreason to get mad to someone, or
there's something that is brokenand we are not responsible, it
could be anything, right?
In a family situation, in asocial environment, and there's
(15:30):
something wrong.
That's part of the truth.
Because the entire truth has todo with not only saying the
diagnosis, oh, this is wrong,but saying, how do I interact
with this?
And that's when sensitivitypitches in.
Okay, given this situation,what's your reaction?
And then your reaction could beanything.
(15:51):
It could be mercy, it could beanger, it could be rejection, it
could be indifference, it couldbe coldness, it could be that
your heart actually explodes ingratitude for the opportunity of
serving.
Think about Mother Teresa ofCalcutta.
The situation is awful in thestreets of Calcutta.
Her reaction is beautiful.
(16:11):
So in front of the samesituation, we educate our
sensitivity, our, you know, ourway of loving what we are
presented with, right?
And then it creates by thosechoices of how you react, it
creates your own identity.
And you have a responsibilityfor that.
I think to me, yeah, MotherTeresa, or nurses are clear
(16:35):
examples of well, the more theythey love their job, the more
they act upon their talents as anurse or as a doctor, the more
they empathize with the peoplethat they have in front of them,
the more they love.
Their skills are geared towardsI'm giving myself towards this,
(16:56):
and I'm loving it, even in theprocess, right?
And the same happens witheducation, motherhood,
fatherhood.
It's not just anything thathappens in the past, that you
just deliver a baby or that youbecome a dad.
It's an ongoing identifyingyourself, choosing to be a dad,
(17:16):
choosing to be a mom in everysituation.
Not easy, very demanding, butbeautifully unfolding.
And the truth is that in thisbrokenness, I can add the glue
of my charity.
That's the real truth.
Because the truth is not juststatic, presented to me.
(17:37):
The truth is how I engage withthat.
That's my education of my heart.
Very difficult, and at the sametime, open to a vocational
engagement with reality.
Thank you, my Lord.
I want to enter into thisfulfillment.
I want to ask your mother, helpme to ponder things in my heart,
(17:58):
help me to respect the truth, toadapt myself to the truth, not
to just close the door, but toengage more and more into what
is presented to me as anopportunity.
Many times excuses could bequote unquote interesting
excuses, for instance, in our uhage, I think, there is this
(18:21):
whole idea of what bespontaneous.
Do not repress yourself, right?
Do not put limits to yourcreativity.
Or, for instance, a very subtletemptation that may come from
Satan.
Go after what your heart stakesyou.
Just follow your heart in thesense of your feelings.
And then we can fall into thisdictatorship of feeling good and
(18:45):
the heart reduced to pleasure.
It could be intellectualpleasure, it could be a pleasure
that is not sinful, it could bea pleasure that is legit, but
it's still pleasure, it's stillseeking myself.
If I eat chocolate, I don'tthink I'm sinning.
It's nothing sinful aboutchocolate.
I hope not, because it's mylittle heaven sometimes.
(19:07):
But if the only way for me toact, to work, or to do something
or smile is to eat chocolate, Iwill be producing something
good, not even sinful, and andlimit my opportunities to give
myself and to grow.
And I would be like an animal atthe end.
Even a refined animal that eatscaviar or drinks, covernet, subi
(19:32):
room, or whatever.
Okay, fine, but it is a refinedanimal, but it's an animal
following only instincts,pleasures, even if they are very
elevated.
So the point here is what do Iwhat do I want in this
situation?
How do I give myself?
What's the refinement that truthdemands in this situation?
(19:55):
What's the refinement?
What's the best option?
What's the heroic way that givesme the fulfillment of entering
into the heart of God, into theheart of God guided by the Holy
Spirit?
When you read the gifts of theHoly Spirit, all of them have to
do with this openness, wisdom,understanding, counsel,
(20:17):
fortitude, knowledge, piety,fear of the Lord, wisdom, right?
Deep wisdom, choosing thingswith a big picture, a big
picture that goes beyond myself.
Very difficult, but verywonderful at the same time.
I was reading the other day alsothis um quote or this idea that
(20:42):
uh suggests that our earthlyactions and desires and our
habits define our post-deathstate.
So when we die, this author wassaying, when we die, the choices
of our life will become eternalrealities.
In other words, everything thatwe're choosing, or again,
(21:05):
actions, desires, habits thatwe're building define, will
define, we have a say, in ourpost-death state, transforming
all those temporary decisionsinto a permanent existence.
And it happens both with sin andwith virtue.
The only difference is that sinwill be annoyingly repetitive
(21:29):
and close to death, right?
Repetition, but you will be moreand more people when we sin, we
become more and more repetitiveand annoyed by that choice that
is absurd and is close toitself.
It's just death and frozen,right?
But it's repetitive.
(21:49):
You become your own sin.
Hopefully, with the ears of God,with our with your guidance,
Holy Spirit, we will beeternally in heaven, enjoying
your presence.
And then these author suggeststhat our choices will become
eternal realities.
Our earthly choices will becomeeternal realities.
(22:10):
Will be what you choose in theeyes of God, giving yourself.
And then you will be more andmore, I will be hopefully more
and more identified with thosedreams, with those actions, with
those habits that I have beenbuilding on earth.
Wonderful idea, right?
Wonderful idea that has to dowith this ongoing action of the
(22:31):
Holy Spirit.
This ongoing action of the HolySpirit and my own freedom, my
own wanting those things.
Identifying myself.
It makes sense.
I want that.
I really want that.
And I'm happy wanting thatbecause I have a deep
understanding of reality, oftruth.
(22:51):
Very, very engaging this ideathat we have of holiness that
St.
José Maria is proposing in hishomily.
Allowing God to take possessionof your hearts.
Not only of your actions, notonly of your external etiquette.
As Catholic, I more or lessaccomplish what I'm supposed to
(23:13):
do.
My duties, my obligations, I goto mass because it's mandatory.
Well, those things are true, andthey're better than not going to
mass, but uh, is it just anobligation?
Can you and I can we dig deeperand say, no, this is what I
really want, because I thoughtabout it and I educated my
feelings.
(23:34):
I gave them a reason to bedirected by reason, right,
towards the beauty, the truth ofthe revelation, and my
engagement with that revelation.
Before and after Pentecost, theapostles before, you and I
before, you and I with theapostles after receiving the
(23:56):
Holy Spirit.
The tongues of fire, the windthat uh pushes you softly, but
uh but or softly, softly, Idon't think is a good word,
maybe um subtly, but steadily atthe same time towards the truth.
Hey, look, look, look, look whatyou can discover, look what what
you're missing.
Let me show you.
This is the Holy Spirit, let meshow you more.
(24:20):
And this gives us a lot of uhinsightful material for our
examination.
Sometimes our feelings seemuncontrollable.
My sensitivity suggests suggeststhat I cannot do anything but
feel good or bad in front ofsuch a thing.
But sometimes it is it is veryuh it's crucial that we in our
(24:42):
prayer we say, why did I reactin this way?
Why did I react in this way?
Am I being mature in thisreaction?
Am I being holy in thisreaction?
It's not that you say, Well,yeah, but I it is what it is,
it's my my way of being.
It could be, but that can bechanged as well.
(25:04):
It could be, but the grace ofGod, uh, if San José Maria says,
if we open our hearts to theaction of the Holy Spirit, that
could be changed too.
And this is a great gift, right?
Because it means that even ifour natural inclination, after
many years of doing things orforming ourselves in such a way
(25:26):
that whatever our reaction islike that, that could be changed
too.
And we can, you know, in ouremotional, in our in our
volitional, in our will, we wehave an influence, we have a
decision, even in the way I wantthings, right?
And maybe for our time ofprayer, sometimes in the
(25:47):
examination of consciousness,why I why am I always reacting
in this way?
What's at the bottom?
And maybe it's not that we havea headache, and maybe it's that
we are self-centered.
Or maybe it's not that ourneighbor is annoying, but that
we are envious.
(26:07):
And we dig deeper, and maybedeep down inside our hearts,
there's this longing forsecurity in money.
And then this is what we'rereally what we really want.
And our idea of happiness isstained by a very subtle and
deep greediness that more orless makes sense because we want
(26:31):
to provide for our families, wewant to make them happy, and
then suddenly somehow we getlost into the whole thing of
material security for thehappiness, the temporal
happiness of my family and myfriends, and my security,
whatever.
And then suddenly we have envyof our neighbors, or we treat
them poorly, we react in a badway because we are driven by
(26:53):
greediness deep insideourselves.
And that's a discovery that uh Ithink all of us go through in
different aspects of our lives,right?
Could be with impurity, it couldbe with uh hatred, resentment.
We go deeper, we allow God totake possession of our hearts,
(27:13):
and and God tells us, hey no,it's not your neighbor, sorry,
or it's not your lack of this orthat, or it's not the problem is
that you are seeking happinessin something that is never ever
making will make you happy.
And I can help you to changethat.
And then once you understandthat deeper healing, everything
(27:34):
becomes not easier in the sensethat it's down the road and and
and like no effort, no, but itbecomes easier because I know
why.
I know what's the point here,and then all my actions are
meaningful and driven by a heartthat seeks happiness where
happiness is in Jesus Christ, inunderstanding the truth of my
(27:55):
life, the truth of myrelationships.
Good news is that um, well, Iwould say two good news.
One, the apostles needed that.
So sometimes we think that thesaints were perfect from the
from birth.
The apostles needed that.
Even the blessed Virgin Maryneeded at least time to ponder,
(28:20):
to check the scriptures, tocheck how how can this event you
know make sense and thenscriptures, prayers.
So the blessed Virgin Mary, theapostles needed that.
So this is great news.
And second is that God is in ourside, and God knows too, and He
provides the grace of JesusChrist, the power of the Holy
Spirit is present today.
(28:41):
So the saints went through thesame process as we're going
right now, and they did it, andalso the grace of God will never
be lacking.
Never, and uh, no fearwhatsoever, my Lord.
Wherever I am right now, even ifI feel that I didn't tell myself
I'm really mean because mygreediness, my impurity, my
(29:02):
whatever resentment, I can behealed.
I want to allow your Holy Spiritto enlighten me, to give me his
wisdom, his peace, his joy, ameaningful life.
Let's ask the Blessed VirginMary to help us to ponder as she
did.
(29:22):
And then we will understand verywell the title that our lady
has, Queen of Peace.
Queen of peace.
Not only peace in the world, butpeace in our hearts.
I thank you, my God, for thegood resolutions, affections,
and inspirations that you havecommunicated to me in this
(29:44):
meditation.
I ask your help to put them intoeffect.
My Immaculate Mother, SaintJoseph, my father and lord, my
guardian angel, intercede forme.
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