Table Reads

Table Reads

Shawn, Josh and Jeff work tirelessly to bring to life the screenplays that Hollywood tried to keep from you! Movies that were never made, but should have been! Movies that were never made and for good reason! Movies that definitely should NOT have been made, but you kind of wish you could see them anyway! These brave scriptonauts subject themselves to scripts good and bad (mostly bad), acting them out and editorializing for your entertainment!


September 14, 2020 60 min
Our rebooted Bill & Ted continue on their "voyage" through time, picking up as many historical figures that are roughly analogous to the ones from the original film as they can, eventually making back with all of them to the present day... which is where the script REALLY diverges from the original movie. Haha! Just Kidding! It's almost exactly the same.

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Bill and Ted's Friggin' Badass Voyage continues as they begin to collect historical figures in earnest... Adding Eric the Red, Cleopatra and Calamity Jane to their roster...

There's also a bit of a time kerfluffle at the Circle K, where a startling (and kinda dumb) fact about reality is revealed!

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Bill and Ted will face the music soon, but in 2007 they almost faced the threat of a reboot! Why the studio felt hat a new generation wanted a Keanu-free Bill & Ted reboot is anyone’s guess, but if you’re curious what was being considered back then, we have you covered!

As much as a reboot of the property was a poor idea, this is a surprisingly smooth read! We don’t agree with everything these writers chose to do, but its a fun...
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July 27, 2020 95 min
It’s finally the end of The Star Wars! Have you ever gone to write “Happy Birthday” or something as one line, and you start out with real big letters and you’re feeling good about yourself, and then you get toward the end and realize that you need a lot more room, so the last few letters are small and bunched up? Yeah, that’s this script.

Lucas decided that in the last 20 minutes, he would set up an entirely new threat, move all th...
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July 6, 2020 80 min
There is some really unfamiliar stuff happening, but with familiar names! Like giant, slimy (but also hairy) creatures called JAWAS! Also, BERU turns up on YAVIN, but she’s some weird lady that lives in a futuristic tree hut. There are also WOOKIES, but they’re not quite the same, either. But the spider-dog is exactly like you remember it. Oh, wait, there’s no spider dog in Star Wars, that would be insane.

This is the penultimate (...
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June 29, 2020 50 min
Strangely enough, with part six we kind of start understand what’s happening in this script! We’re not given new information or anything… It just sort of brute-forced itself in and we were able to see the overall story through the sea of pointless one-line characters that have been distracting us all along.

This episode is mostly a space dogfight, the likes of which Star Wars has come to be known for, but the story doesn’t really m...
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June 22, 2020 63 min
As we head into the second half of the script, our heroes are still trying to escape Townowi with the royal children, droids and… uh, liquified scientist brains.

They go to a familiar-to-us cantina where they meet up with someone who is going to help them get off-planet: Han Solo! That’s right, we finally get an appearance by everyone’s favorite… green monster… with gills?

Okay, so things are a little different! But we get some real...
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June 15, 2020 60 min
While George continues serving up a complex web of political intrigue to rival Game of Thrones, he throws in the most insane bonkers hard sci-fi bullshit we’ve ever seen… Like, for real, you will be ASTONISHED… Guys, it involves Brain smoothies. Yeah, you read that right. No, we’re not misleading you.

If your curiosity piqued yet? If not, I just don’t know what to tell you… but for the rest of you, give it a listen! You won’t be di...
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June 8, 2020 66 min
We made it to part 3 of The Star Wars! This week, we have in store for you… like 30 more characters that have a line of dialogue or less, several colors of sky, and SO MUCH CHROME.

Beyond that, there’s not much I can say about what actually happens… maybe you can give it a listen and fill us in? Because we ABSOLUTELY could not follow the story!

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June 1, 2020 69 min
It’s part two, and we’re giving you more of everything you love about Star Wars; Political maneuvering! Debate! Senatorial grandstanding! The heroic lead punching a princess in the face! Dozens of characters introduced to exist for the duration of a single scene! Truly, it is the Star Wars experience as George Lucas envisioned it!

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May 25, 2020 76 min
Years before he wrote Star Wars, George Lucas wrote “THE STAR WARS,” an epic Space Opera that has some words you might recognize but otherwise bears almost no resemblance to what we now think of as Star Wars. The story, goals and themes are completely different. And, oh yeah, Artoo talks.

There are 4 main drafts of the original Star Wars script, and while you might expect that they progress from something strange to something famil...
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May 18, 2020 89 min
It’s the conclusion of Sam Hamm’s Watchmen, and it’s worth noting that this is now SAM HAMM’S WATCHMEN, because the finale bears absolutely NO resemblance to Alan Moore’s Watchmen and is, in fact, completely incompatible with the world that Moore established.

This whole episode is a series of “wait, what?” moments for anyone with even a passing familiarity with Watchmen. Time bubbles, main characters vaporized, and a turn for the m...
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May 11, 2020 71 min
Nite-Owl and the Silk Spectre take to the skies in the most… written… blimp dogfight in history! BLIMP DOGFIGHT! You read that correctly!

There’s also some hanky-panky (sans Leonard Cohen), some more Rorschach violence in lockup and, of course, a PRISON BREAK! You won’t want to miss this!

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May 4, 2020 75 min
It’s Rorschach’s turn in the spotlight! There’s action! Violence! A revealed Identity! Prison! Therapy! It’s everything you could want from an unhinged psycho vigilante backstory!

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Also: Don’t forget that our patrons can join us on a livestream while we record these episodes roug...
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April 27, 2020 80 min
Learn about the origins of Dr. Manhattan! How did he get his powers? Answered! Where…uh…do his powers come from? Answered! What did his dad do for a living? Mentioned!

Actually, the guys do more to inform you of the backstory of Dr. Manhattan (neé Osterman) than the script does. But it is a very Manhattan-centric episode, if you’re into Big Blue! So come spend some time with the only superhuman on Earth… We have been assured that d...
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April 20, 2020 82 min
Have you been listening to this just because you want to hear us talk about big blue dick? You sick pervert. YOUR WISH IS GRANTED! This is the episode where we’re introduced to a not-flashback Dr. Manhattan, in all his naked glory! And, look, we’re about to tell you more about the episode, but be honest: you’re already in. This is all you wanted.

There’s also some great unhinged Rorschach action, as he decided to bust heads, litera...
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April 13, 2020 80 min
It’s 1989. Alan Moore’s Watchmen is a commercial and critical success. Batmania is taking the nation by storm, ushering in a golden age for superhero movies. So there’s only one thing to do: Hire the Batman guy to write a script for Watchmen… and hire Terry Gilliam to direct!

Does all of that sound too good to be true? Well, if you’ve paid any attention to what this podcast is about, then, yeah, it should. That’s kinda what we’re ab...
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April 6, 2020 62 min
We have reached the end of our Batventure! While it’s tempting to tell you that this is the most bananas conclusion ever, the truth is that this final installment of the script sort of settles down. It’s still… weird… but it never again reached the insane heights of the previous couple episodes.

Why on Earth would we be so honest? Because we respect you, we know you’ll listen because you love the show and, most importantly, it doe...
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March 30, 2020 65 min
Witness the full, uncompromising power of the BAT-MAN, as he takes on the entirety of the GCPD, while hobos burn around him, like the most demented level of some rejected Arkham Asylum game!

This episode is almost wall-to-wall action of the most bananas-insane variety we've experienced yet, and that includes the cryogenic warg escape from the Lord of the Rings script!

Seriously, this craziness has to be heard to be believed. Thi...
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March 23, 2020 76 min
Having worked his way all the way to Gotham’s highest-ranking criminal, Bat-Man is shocked to discover that there is a deep conspiracy, and the real criminals are someone you’d never suspect! Unless you’ve ready any of the heavy-handed and childish foreshadowing all throughout the script.
What follows is some intensely-psychotic dead-dad letter-writing, followed by some skulking in some bushes and an encounter with the Catwo—uh, wh...
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