Loneliness

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I once heard someone say that if you're on your own and lonely then you obviously don't like the company you're in. And when listening to clients talk about their loneliness that really does ring true. 

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Episode Transcript

Webcam Recording (00:00):
I once heard someone say that if you're on
your own and lonely, then youobviously don't like the company
you're in.
And when listening to clientstalk about their personal,
individual difference betweenbeing alone and being lonely,
that really does ring true.
They can be in a group of peopleand still feel lonely because of

(00:24):
the company they're in, not justbecause their in-group isn't
really connecting with them, butbecause they're not really
connecting with themselveseither.
So when they are alone they'reno better or worse.
They've been forced to come faceto face and spend time with

(00:48):
someone that they just don't geton with, themselves.
I'm not saying it's impossibleto feel lonely if you like your
own company, of course.
Loneliness has many levels.
But tackling this one first iskey, I think.
Taking the time to get to knowyourself as a person and

(01:09):
learning to be okay withyourself is really, really
important.
It's a self respect thing.
And if you can get your selftalk right, if you can be good
to yourself, the benefits willmean that you enjoy your own
company and so not feelthreatened when you're alone.
And then the knock on effect isthat having a good relationship

(01:30):
with yourself allows you tocreate good relationships with
other people too, which isobviously a big part in dealing
with those feelings ofloneliness.
Because that way you're notputting all your needs onto
other people to provide you witha safe and loving experience,
you're providing that foundationfor yourself.

(01:54):
And this takes quite a bit ofpractice, to be honest.
Spending time with yourself,being happy in your own company.
But I urge you to practice itbefore tackling any lifestyle
changes.
So start acting towards yourselfthe way that you would towards
somebody else, if you weren'talone.

(02:16):
Be a good friend.
to yourself Because in treatingourselves better, we begin to
feel less reliant on aconnection with other people in
order to feel loved orappreciated, like I say.
Because people can be reallyquite hard on themselves, which
lowers their self esteemtremendously.
If we gave ourselves the sameamount of praise as we do

(02:40):
criticism, then what adifference we'd see, wouldn't
we?
But like I so often say withthese sorts of things, pretty
much anything to be honest,start small.
If every time we put ourselvesdown, every time we call
ourselves stupid, or ugly, oruseless, we then follow it up
with, Oh, sorry about that.

(03:01):
There was no need for that, wasthere?
Sorry, I was just in a bad mood.
Because that's what we'd say tosomebody else, wouldn't we?
So if you are that hard onyourself too, be just as
respectful.
If we're not respectingourselves, all we do is create
this feeling that we areunlikable.
Which makes us more and moreanxious about taking steps to

(03:23):
connect with other peoplebecause we think of ourselves as
unlikable, and that makes usfeel even lonelier.
What I say is, think aboutsomeone that you love most,
maybe.
Think about what you'd do forthem.
Would you treat them to a back,neck and shoulder massage if
they said that their body wasreally tight and they were

(03:43):
feeling stressed?
Would you give them a gift cardfor a massage?
Would you give them a gift cardto their favourite restaurant?
So that they can turn what'sjust an average meal into a
really nice one?
Well Do those sorts of thingsfor yourself from time to time
as well.
With the self respect thatcreates, you promote self

(04:04):
esteem.
So you don't associate beingalone with being lonely.
Because you'll value your owncompany.
You'll stop ruminating and starttaking action.
Action to connect to the peopleyou might want to connect to and
maybe even disconnect from thepeople you might want to
distance yourself from.
Sometimes the fear of beinglonely keeps people trapped in a

(04:27):
bad friendship or even aloveless relationship as if a
bad relationship is better thanno relationship.
They probably feel more alone inthe relationship than they ever
would if they were free from it.
Breaking away from this fear ofloneliness is vital if it
exists.

(04:47):
But it only happens when youexperience those alone times,
and get to know yourself better,get to like yourself better.
We do need to dig a little, lookbelow the surface a bit
sometimes, and see what'scausing our loneliness so that
we know how to work with it.
Because it could be that thechanges that need to be made,

(05:09):
don't always need to be made toyour life itself, just the way
that you experience your life.
Anyway, we've come to time.
Have a great week.
Time to go.
I'll speak to you again verysoon.
See ya