Reframing

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Sometimes all it takes is a tiny tweak in how we talk to ourselves. You can actually have the same event but create a completely different feeling about it. It's called reframing and can shift your mindset, boost gratitude, and make everyday life feel that bit lighter.

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Episode Transcript

Richard (00:00):
Another week, another podcast episode, folks.
How are you doing?
Hopefully things are going allright for you, but if they're
not, I hope at least you canfind different perspectives.
'cause that's what I want totalk about today.
Reframing.
Quick story for you.
A couple of weeks ago, my mumneeded to go for a blood test.

(00:23):
Now she can't walk.
She's in a wheelchair, so it wasme taking her.
My sister works full time, she'sgot contracted hours, but I've
got more flexibility.
So off we went and bless her,she kept apologising.
She kept saying things like, I'msorry you had to take time off
work for this.
I had to stop her and say, mum.

(00:45):
I don't have to take time offwork.
I get to.
I get the chance to spend sometime with you.
I get the chance to move my workaround'cause I'm self-employed.
I've got the privilege of beingable to work at eight o'clock at
night if I want to.
'cause that's when I'm recordingthis.
And instantly the energyshifted.

(01:07):
She smiled, she relaxed, and sodid I.
'cause what could, so easilyhave been framed as an
interruption became a gift.
And that's what reframing does.
It doesn't change the situation,but it changes the way we see
it.
Saying I have to, that's heavy.

(01:28):
That primes us to feel burdened,resentful, even stressed.
But I get to invites gratitude.
It reminds us of the privilegebehind the task.
Now, it's important to say thatreframing is not about faking
positivity.
We're shifting our focus,adjusting the lens on a camera.

(01:48):
The garden's the same, but ifyou zoom in on the weeds, it's
gonna look scruffy.
Zoom in on the flowers and itlooks beautiful, and we can
reframe anything.
Think about housework.
I have to do the washing.
Well, that's a drag, but I getto have clean clothes that's
lighter.

(02:09):
Could even maybe help you tofeel grateful.
Like work.
If someone says on a Fridaynight, what you up to tomorrow?
And you say, I have to go towork, that's gonna feel heavy.
Even just reframing thelanguage, changing that a bit to
I'm in work tomorrow.
It's more matter of fact.

(02:30):
And if you can remind yourselfat the same time, I get to earn
money, I get to support myself.
That feels different, again.
Exercise is something that oftenneeds a reframe.
I have to go for a run.
Already, your brain's trying totalk you out of it.
But I get to move my body.
I get to feel stronger.

(02:52):
I get to protect my health.
That gives that exercisepurpose.
So this isn't just about fluffylanguage'cause this is the
foundation of psychotherapy.
Our thoughts shape our emotions,and if we can change the way
that we describe a situation,then we can change the way that
we feel about it.
Like you've heard me say amillion times, the brain doesn't

(03:14):
know the difference between factand fiction.
It reacts to the words we feedit.
I have to often means obligationand stress hormones.
I get to is gonna mean gratitudeand dopamine.
You have the same event, but youcould end up with a totally
different body chemistry.

(03:35):
It's hard to see it sometimes,but it's no secret that there
are people in hospital beds whowould love to say, I get to go
for a walk.
My mum would love to be able tosay that.
And my wife would give anythingto be able to say, I get to take
my mum for a blood test.
But she can't, her mum died lastyear.

(03:56):
Now I'm not saying this to guilttrip, anybody, I'm saying this
to remind us all.
So often the things we callburdens are actually privileges.
So here's something simple.
Notice the next time you say Ihave to, and just pause.
See if you can swap it for an Iget to or just strip it back

(04:18):
like instead of I have to go towork, try, I'm going to work.
It's lighter.
See how it feels.
Life's full of have tos, buthidden inside, most of them is a
get to.
Where the situation doesn'tchange, but the story we tell
ourselves does.
And that story is gonna shapehow we feel.
It shapes how we show up and howothers experience us.

(04:43):
Like my mum, who went fromfeeling like a burden to feeling
valued just because of onelittle reframe.
So maybe this week, keep a listat the end of the day in your
head or jot it down if you like.
What did you get to do?
You might surprise yourself.
Alright folks, that's it fortoday.

(05:04):
This is only my Friday bonusepisode after all the full
length one is on Patreon.
If you want it, go and look meup.
Take care of yourself and I'llspeak to you soon.