Don't Negotiate Your Future

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Your biggest problem might be that you know exactly
how to talk yourself out ofeverything you said you were
going to do.
You said you were waking up at 6o'clock.
Alarm goes off, and immediatelythe negotiation starts.
I didn't sleep well.
I'll get up at 6:30.

(00:26):
I probably need the rest.
You said you were gonna eatbetter.
Then someone brings food intothe office.
Negotiation.
One meal isn't going to matter.
I've been good all week.
I'll start again tomorrow.
You said you were going to makea hundred calls.
You get to 42, nobody answers.

(00:48):
Couple people have told you tofuck off.
And suddenly, 42 feels like apretty respectable number.
Negotiation.
You said you were going to havethe difficult conversation, but
today does it feel like theright day?
Negotiation.
You said you were going to stopspending money, stop drinking,
start working out, post thecontent, follow up with the

(01:12):
lead, leave the relationship,start the business, finish the
project, whatever it is, andthen you did something really
dangerous.
You gave yourself permission torenegotiate the agreement.
And you are a phenomenalnegotiator when the person on
the other side of the table isyourself.

(01:35):
Because you know every weakness,every insecurity, every excuse,
every justification.
You know exactly what argumentwill work.
And somehow you always seem towin.
Except you don't.
That's the problem.
Every time you renegotiate acommitment you made to yourself,

(01:56):
you might win the moment you getanother hour of sleep, you avoid
the uncomfortable call, you eatthe food, you skip the workout,
you save yourself fromrejection.
You feel better for an hour.
But you're teaching yourself, myword is negotiable.

(02:17):
And that is a difficult lessonto learn.
Because eventually you stoptrusting yourself.
Think about that.
If someone else constantly toldyou they were going to do
something and then didn't do it,how long would you trust them?
If one of your employeesconstantly missed deadlines and

(02:37):
had a perfectly reasonableexplanation every single time,
would you consider themreliable?
No.
But we do this shit to ourselvesconstantly and then wonder why
we lack confidence.
Confidence isn't always aboutthinking more highly of
yourself.
Sometimes confidence is simplytrusting that when you say

(02:58):
you're going to do something,you'll actually fucking do it.
That's self-trust.
And a lot of people havedestroyed theirs one tiny
negotiation at a time.
Not one massive failure, tinyones.
I'll do it tomorrow.
I'll make it up later.
This week's been crazy.
I deserve a break.

(03:19):
I'm just not feeling it today.
Be careful with that sentence.
I don't feel like it becausefeelings make incredible
witnesses and terrible leaders.
You can listen to them, you canunderstand them, but they don't
automatically get a vote.
There are things I don't feellike doing all the time.

(03:40):
There are videos I don't feellike recording, calls I don't
want to make, conversations Idon't want to have, problems I
don't want to deal with,responsibilities I would happily
hand to somebody else, probablynamed Cassie.
But the question isn't always,how do I feel about this?
Sometimes the question is, whatdid I say I was going to do?

(04:04):
That question will change yourlife.
Because most people thinkdiscipline means forcing
yourself to do miserable shitevery single day.
I think discipline is muchsimpler.
It's refusing to reopennegotiations after the decision
has already been made.
That's it.
You decided, why are we stilldiscussing it?

(04:28):
If you said you're going to goto the gym at 6, why are we
having a board meeting withourselves at 5 45?
If you said you're making 100dials, why are we evaluating
your emotional state after call37?
If you said you were donespending money on stupid shit,
why are you building a legaldefense for a purchase you

(04:48):
already know you shouldn't make?
Decision made, meeting over.
That doesn't mean circumstancesnever change.
Of course they do.
Sometimes plans genuinely needto change.
Sometimes new informationmatters.
Sometimes the intelligent thingis to pivot.
But most of us know thedifference between changing a

(05:10):
decision because reality changedand changing it because we got
uncomfortable.
That's the part nobody wants toadmit.
A lot of your flexibility isjust discomfort wearing a suit.
You didn't discover newinformation, you got tired, you
got scared, you got bored, youwere rejected, you got hungry,

(05:31):
you got embarrassed, and now youwant different terms.
No, there has to be a pointwhere your word means something
to you.
Not because you're trying tobecome some robotic psychopath
who never changes their mind,because your entire life is
built on agreements.

(05:52):
Agreements with your family,your employees, your customers,
your spouse, your children, andyourself.
And if your agreement withyourself is always the easiest
one to break, eventually everyarea of your life pays for it.
Because the workout you skipbecomes your health.

(06:14):
The calls you avoided becomeyour income.
The conversation you delayedbecomes your relationship.
The money you kept spendingbecomes your debt.
The work you kept postponingbecomes the businesses you never
built.
Tiny negotiations becomeenormous outcomes.
That's what makes them so scary.

(06:36):
They don't feel expensive in themoment.
Five minutes here, one exceptionthere, tomorrow instead of
today, no big deal.
Until you look backward andrealize your life is basically
the accumulated result ofthousands of tiny agreements you
either kept or broke.

(06:56):
So maybe you don't need moremotivation.
Maybe you don't need anotherplanner, another podcast,
another book, another strategy.
Maybe you just need to becomeharder to negotiate with.
When you say you're going to dosomething, do it.
Especially when nobody iswatching, especially when you

(07:17):
don't feel like it.
When you can manufacture aperfectly reasonable excuse,
because anybody can keep anagreement when keeping it is
easy.
Your character gets revealedwhen breaking it would be
easier.
So tomorrow morning, when thealarm goes off, and that tiny
little attorney in your headstarts presenting the case for

(07:40):
another 30 minutes of sleep.
Remember, you already made thedecision.
When it's time to make the callsand suddenly today feels like a
bad day, you already made thedecision.
When you're tired, frustrated,embarrassed, scared, bored, or
uncomfortable, you made thedecision.

(08:01):
Stop taking every commitmentback to the negotiating table.
Make fewer promises if you haveto.
Set better standards.
Choose carefully.
But once you give yourself yourword, make it expensive to
break.
Because one of the most powerfulthings you can become is someone
who trusts themselves.

(08:23):
Someone who knows if I say it, Ido it.
And once that becomes true, youbecome very difficult to stop.
Because the person you used tonegotiate with is no longer
taking meetings.