December 5, 2025 • 20 mins
Transgender cousins, sibling drama, dealing with haters, and more! I react to your woke horror stories, personal life scenarios, and questions in this Voicemail Friday episode of the Brad vs Everyone podcast.
Send me a voice note: https://www.speakpipe.com/bradvseveryone
Check out the merch: https://bp-shop.fourthwall.com/
Support My Show: https://linktr.ee/bradpolumbo
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Transgender cousins, babysitting drama, and dealing with haters. We're going
to break this down and all your other wildcard stories,
personal life experiences, and questions that you guys have for
me in this voicemail Friday episode of The Bread Versus
(00:22):
Everyone Podcast, my daily show where normally we take on
the craziest stories from across the Internet and social media
from an independent political perspective, but on Fridays, I listen
to your voicemails and react to your crazy stories, questions
and experiences. Up first, guys, we're gonna hear from somebody
who doesn't know what to do when they are faced
(00:44):
with a situation where their fourteen year old cousin, I believe,
is asking for help in transitioning their gender.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Let's listen here, Rod, So, I'm in a bit of
a weird situation that I would love your advice on. So,
my cousin is fourteen, and she has expressed to me
that she's wanting to meet to buy her like binding
tape and is having like wanting a different name and
basically just kind of showing that she wants to identify
as something else. But my problem here is she has
(01:15):
a lot of other mental health issues that she's reached
out about, and obviously, well not obviously, but I do
as well, and the family has a history of it.
So I think there's more going on that's like underlying
than just the fact that you know she's possibly trans.
I think it's more likely that it's kind of a escapism,
but I'm not sure how to decipher whether or not
(01:38):
it's a legitimate like gender dysphoria thing, or if it's
more of like a fad.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Trend thing or like a means of escapism for her
other issues. I did talk to her. I basically made
her promise, like, if you can go to a therapist
for five months consecutively and you're still feeling this way,
like I'll buy you like the binding tape because I
figured that permanent and you know, maybe it'll make them
feel better if they can like make sure that that's
(02:05):
actually what they want. But yeah, I'm kind of in
the dark about what to do in this situation. I
don't want to do anything like wrong, so let me
know what you think.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Well, thank you for the note and for opening up
about your experience. I'll start by saying, it definitely sounds
like you are trying to do the right thing, and
you have your cousin's best interests at heart, and so
I want to give you like the benefit of the
doubt on that. That said, I think you're missing a
couple big things, and there are a couple red flags
about the story as you've recounted it to me. At
(02:38):
least one of those is where are your cousin's parents
in this conversation. I'm assuming you're an adult and you're
close with your cousin, and your cousin is coming to
you about this stuff, and that's nice that you guys
have a close relationship, But you shouldn't be making decisions
for your cousin or buying things for your cousin, like
(02:59):
talking tape, which were first, or binding tape, which refers
to tape that somebody would use to tape their breasts
so that they don't show as much. You shouldn't be
doing that in like without the permission or knowledge or
consent of your cousin's parents, your aunt and uncle. Now,
maybe there's more to the story here, and the parents
aren't in the picture, your cousin's all on their own,
(03:21):
or there's some sort of distorted family dynamic that I
don't know about, So I'm not gonna like leap to
judgment on that. I'm just pointing that out, like that's
a big missing answer to the questions that I have
here about this, because it's really it's your job to
love your cousin and be a good friend and support,
but it's not really your job to make them these
(03:42):
kinds of decisions for them, or act as if you
are their parent, unless you are their guardian in some
situation you didn't tell us about. So that's a big thing.
And then I appreciate that you are trying to support
your cousin and that you have encouraged your cousin to
get therapy and other things. But I do also that
you have a misconception about binding tape. So when it
(04:05):
comes to transitioning and maybe using a name or letting
someone dress different, that is a different thing than binding
your chest with tape, which actually you should look into
some of the research and reporting on this can cause
very serious physical consequences and harm to your development and
growth and body. So I actually don't think that is
(04:27):
a harmless or totally reversible thing to allow a teenager
to experiment with and I certainly don't think you should
be doing that just on the basis of how a
fourteen year old says they feel or absent. Really, I
just don't think you should be doing that period. And also,
I think, especially when there's these other confounding mental health
(04:50):
issues that you discussed, it's really important that your cousin
gets evidence based psychiatric care to treat their other conditions,
to see what's really going on with them and is
not kind of just given these culturally or socially popular
or trendy solutions and identities to kind of map on
(05:11):
to these underlying issues. I think you need to take
a step back and continue to support your cousin, but
not assume an authority or a decision making power or
an expertise that goes beyond the role that you have
in this family, and your role is somebody with maybe
not an expert understanding of these issues. That's my advice
(05:34):
to you. But I will again say that it really
does sound like you are coming from a place of
good intentions, and I hope that your cousin is able
to get the help and care that they need and deserve.
What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments.
Make sure subscribe to remember. You can send your voicemails
in for our voicemail Frida episodes at the link in
(05:54):
the description. It is the speak pipe link. And now
we're going to hear from somebody who has an interesting
scenario involving a trans identifying sibling wants to babysit their child.
Let's listen.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
Hey, Brad, my name is Alex, I'm a daily listener
and I love your stuff. So my story is, I
grew up with my younger brother, Tony super macho growing up,
wrestled through high school, always working out, and she went
to Washington to go to university. And when they came back,
(06:34):
all of a sudden, she was tiffany and didn't give
anybody a heads up, didn't didn't let anybody know what
was going on. So it was a huge shock to us.
So it's been a few years now when we've gotten
used to it. It was hard at first, but so
(06:54):
now the thing is all she talks about is trans stuff,
trans this, trans that, and you know, it's fine, it
work cool with all of it. But me and my
wife are having our new first baby here next month,
and she wants to babysit and be a huge part
(07:14):
of our baby's life. But you know, we don't We
don't want that to you know, our kid being taught
about all of this until he's.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Older, so we don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
That's our thoughts. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Well, thank you for the message and for being a
loyal listener. Y'all are so appreciated on that front. But
it sounds like you love your sibling, you love your
sister right the trans woman, but you do have some
concerns and it also sounds like there's some communication problems
in this relationship. Like the way that your sibling informed
(07:59):
the family about transitioning and other stuff does not sound
like super healthy communication is going on here. But what
I would say is this that, like, if your sibling
is otherwise a good person and a responsible adult who
like remove the trans thing you would trust to be
in your child's life and babysit your child, then you
should You shouldn't like exclude them from your kid's life
(08:22):
just because they identify as trains or anything like that.
But what you can do is have a conversation and
it doesn't matter. I don't think so much when your
baby's like two months old and they're not listening and
they're not understanding words so much. But obviously, when your
child is like young and understands language and starts absorbing
(08:44):
things you don't want your sibling, you know, talking about
like non binary gender theory and other or just like
pushing these ideas and values that you don't necessarily want
your kid taught as truth. But that is less about
I think your sibling being trans, which you can explain
(09:05):
to your kid when they're older, maybe, and it's more
about whether they respect your boundaries and your rights as
parents to teach your kids at your own pace and
in line with what you are comfortable with. And so
at some point I would just have a conversation with
your sibling and be like, listen, I don't want these
kind of complicated topics introduced to our son until maybe
(09:31):
he's older. So I'm I would I'm asking you to
not bring those things up around little baby Eric or whatever.
And I don't think that's actually a remotely unreasonable ask
or something that a healthy relationship wouldn't allow for. And
so I think as long as you draw that boundary
and your sibling respects it, this shouldn't really be an issue.
(09:53):
Of course, if you're sibling is not reasonable and tries
to play victim or scream outrage over that, then I
think you'll have to navigate that. But it's not an
unreasonable thing to ask. And you certainly don't need to
cut out your sibling from your child's life just because
they've got gender dysphoria and are transitioned or anything like that.
But you can do. You can keep space for this
(10:16):
complicated family relationship while also maintaining parenting and boundaries the
same way you wouldn't want, you know, an uncle pushing
political ideas on your four year old or pushing a
different religion on your four year old. It's pretty reasonable
actually to say, hey, like, let me introduce my child
to these concepts on my own time and on my
(10:37):
own terms, rather than that's not the role of a babysitter, right,
And as long as your sibling respects that, I really
don't see any reason you guys can't all have a happy,
healthy family relationship here, And I really hope that you're
able to, because it's so sad to me. I hear
from you guys all the time, and I can't always
react to the stories because they do get repetitive but like,
(10:57):
whether it's gender identity or Trump or other political stuff,
so many families have just been torn apart in this
country by division, and it's sad because we still I
truly do believe that we still have far more in
common than we have dividing us. And there's good in
most people, even if it's complicated, even if we have
layers of nuance and problematic things about us. I think
(11:21):
there's good in most people. And these relationships and family
are some of the most important things in life, and
cutting them off or isolating them should be an absolute
last resort. Not to say it's never ever necessary, but
I do think it should be a last resort. So
up next, we're going to listen to a question about
dealing with haters. Let's listen.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
Hi, Brad, this is Pearly Paladin. I really enjoy your show,
and I comment a lot on your videos as well,
But so as a fellow queer person who is moderate
and also kind of right leaning, I'm wondering how you
deal with haters like accusing you of being a bod,
(12:05):
or like not wanting to listen to your opinions because
of the fact that you're queer. Because I am also queer,
And sometimes when even when I agree with a lot
of the right leaning videos and I comment about agreeing
with them, like, there's still a lot of people who
(12:26):
hate me because of either it's mostly because of my
being queer, but also because you know, like I'm Asian
American and they always like accuse me of being a
bod because there's no way a queer Asian woman would
be right leading, you know, like, and I get a
lot of hatred like that, And I'm wondering how you
(12:48):
deal with these situations, because I'm sure you also receive
this kind of hate from people, and I don't know,
sometimes it's very hurtful because I want to be respected
from my opinions, regardless of my orientation and race. So yeah,
(13:08):
I wanted to hear it from a fellow queer personal.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
So I'm trying really hard not to bristle at the
reference to me as a queer person because I know
that you don't mean any You don't mean anything by it.
You're just trying to say, like, you know, a person
who's gay or by or lesbian or whatever is a
queer person. But to me, the word queer is not
something I identify as at all. I view it as
(13:32):
like almost a political label. When I hear somebody says, oh,
I'm queer, what I hear them tell me is that
they're leftist, really, And maybe that's just my personal experiences
or my own interpretation of that, but I consider myself gay,
not queer, And so I do just find that funny
that it's just a verb. It's just a kind of
verbiage thing or word choice thing. I personally wouldn't describe
(13:55):
it that, but I know what you mean, right, And
it's interesting that you say this because I don't get
accused of being a bot. That's one that I don't
get accused of, But I get accused of being just
about everything under the sun. And the truthful answer is
that it's never going to stop as long as you
put your opinions out there publicly. But what you have
to do at some point is just decide whose opinions
(14:17):
are important to you, because if you just allow the
whole world to kind of define you by what they
say about you, well in any sort of public political
space or conversation, that is a recipe for misery, let
me tell you. Because there are people out there on
the far left, the far right who are just determined
to misrepresent and smear you if you go against their
(14:38):
personal beliefs or their holy grails or their pet projects,
or if you don't fit neatly into a box that
they think you're supposed to be in. And yeah, so
what I personally do, and that's all I can really
speak to is just tell you what I do, and
you can choose to model it or choose to not
is I have maybe five or six people close to
me in my life whose opinions I truly le value
(15:01):
and consult. Then I also have some maybe professional relationships
with people whose opinions I respect in the same work field,
and I evaluate my sense of self and my work
and whether I should feel good about myself entirely as
in one hundred percent based on how those people feel
about what I'm saying and what I'm doing, and zero
(15:23):
percent based on what anime profile picks or gropers on
Twitter or social media are saying, because half of those
are probably not real people, and the ones that they
are are sad people. Frankly, oftentimes they're not operating in
good faith. And what's that saying, like, never take criticism
from somebody you wouldn't take advice from Obviously, there's a
(15:44):
limit to that, because even a unimpressive person can make
a true point or true critique. But generally speaking, you
can't let other people's opinions but define you only the
ones who you actually care about and know in real life.
That would be my advice to you, And that is
the personal philosophy that I take to help me cope
(16:04):
through the endless slander and backlash and attacks that I face.
Now up next, we have an interesting and remember guys
sending your voicemails the link in the description the speak pipelink.
We have an interesting question from somebody about disclosure when
you have an intersex condition or better described as a
difference of sexual development. Let's listen, Hi.
Speaker 6 (16:24):
Brad, do you think that somebody with a disorder of
sex development or a difference of sex development in which
they have some female physical traits and some male physical
traits or vice versa, is obliged to tell their partner
that they have a difference of sex development.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
So this was an interesting question because I've thought I
hadn't thought about the specific issue. I've thought about this
previously in the context of trans people that don't disclose
their trands or that even sometimes intention like try to
trick people if they've had surgeries or whatever. They're like,
can I get away with this and they won't notice?
And I find that to be very gross and, depending
(17:09):
on the situation, like borderline and criminal behavior, at very
least unethical, because dishonesty shouldn't be a part of romantic
or sexual relationships really in any capacity, but especially when
it comes to the things that like fundamentally define those relationships,
among which biology and anatomy play a pretty important role
(17:32):
for most people. No shade to the bisexual kings and
queens out there who maybe don't care, but that is
not most of us. So I am generally pretty skeptical
of any sort of deception through omission or deception through
through lying, Like whether that is a man lying about
not being married, lying about having a job he doesn't
(17:54):
have to, you know, impress a woman or seduce a woman,
I think that is deeply unethical. Or whether it is
a train not telling a guy that she is a
trans woman and then performing an act that he might
not have consented to. All of it gives me the aic.
All of it is vaguely predatory, behavior in one way
or another, because you are tricking someone into doing stuff
(18:14):
with you they wouldn't otherwise consent to. And as far
as intersex, it's a little more complicated because it's not
easy to understand for a lot of people. For example,
like if you're somebody who has female genitalia but internal testes,
hard to kind of explain that over a bar conversation.
But what I would say is that you are just
(18:36):
because you have a DSD. There's nothing morally wrong with
you. You haven't done anything wrong, and somebody there's no good
way to start a relationship with dishonesty. Honesty is like
the building block of a healthy relationship. So if you
don't start with that, I don't see how you can
go on and build something positive. So I would say,
(18:58):
there's nothing that you've done wrong, and there's somebody out
there that's right for you and that will love you
as you are, and that is somebody with a DSD.
And maybe it's not you. Maybe you're asking in general,
but maybe you're asking for yourself. I don't know. And
so yes, I think you should disclose it. And anybody
who wouldn't want to be with you because of it,
isn't the right person for you anyway, So don't waste
(19:22):
their time, and more importantly, don't waste your time on
somebody who isn't right for you, because there again, you've
done nothing wrong right by simply having this genetic birth
thing right. It's not something that's going to be a
deal breaker for every person or most people, even depending
on the situation. And you deserve somebody who accepts you
(19:44):
as you are, not somebody who wouldn't want to be
with you if they knew the truth about you. That's
the thing same with friendships, whether they're like my friends
would hate me if they knew I was conservative, It's like, dude,
your friends already hate you, they just don't know it.
And I feel similarly about this, So I will always
say on this kind of thing when it comes to
relationships and social dynamics, honesty isn't always comfortable, it isn't
(20:06):
always fun, It can be awkward and uncomfortable, but it
is fundamentally the best policy, at least in my opinion,
and that's what we do here on the Brad Versus
Everyone podcast. I give my opinion, so y'all will have
to let me know what you think. In the comments below.
Make sure subscribed. If you aren't yet, hit the like
button and send in your voicemails the speak byelink in
(20:28):
the description for our voicemail Friday episodes. And that'll be it,
guys for today's episode of the Bread Versus Everyone Podcast.
Thanks so much for tuning in, and we will talk
again real soon
Transgender cousins, babysitting drama, and dealing with haters. We're going
to break this down and all your other wildcard stories,
personal life experiences, and questions that you guys have for
me in this voicemail Friday episode of The Bread Versus
(00:22):
Everyone Podcast, my daily show where normally we take on
the craziest stories from across the Internet and social media
from an independent political perspective, but on Fridays, I listen
to your voicemails and react to your crazy stories, questions
and experiences. Up first, guys, we're gonna hear from somebody
who doesn't know what to do when they are faced
(00:44):
with a situation where their fourteen year old cousin, I believe,
is asking for help in transitioning their gender.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Let's listen here, Rod, So, I'm in a bit of
a weird situation that I would love your advice on. So,
my cousin is fourteen, and she has expressed to me
that she's wanting to meet to buy her like binding
tape and is having like wanting a different name and
basically just kind of showing that she wants to identify
as something else. But my problem here is she has
(01:15):
a lot of other mental health issues that she's reached
out about, and obviously, well not obviously, but I do
as well, and the family has a history of it.
So I think there's more going on that's like underlying
than just the fact that you know she's possibly trans.
I think it's more likely that it's kind of a escapism,
but I'm not sure how to decipher whether or not
(01:38):
it's a legitimate like gender dysphoria thing, or if it's
more of like a fad.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Trend thing or like a means of escapism for her
other issues. I did talk to her. I basically made
her promise, like, if you can go to a therapist
for five months consecutively and you're still feeling this way,
like I'll buy you like the binding tape because I
figured that permanent and you know, maybe it'll make them
feel better if they can like make sure that that's
(02:05):
actually what they want. But yeah, I'm kind of in
the dark about what to do in this situation. I
don't want to do anything like wrong, so let me
know what you think.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Well, thank you for the note and for opening up
about your experience. I'll start by saying, it definitely sounds
like you are trying to do the right thing, and
you have your cousin's best interests at heart, and so
I want to give you like the benefit of the
doubt on that. That said, I think you're missing a
couple big things, and there are a couple red flags
about the story as you've recounted it to me. At
(02:38):
least one of those is where are your cousin's parents
in this conversation. I'm assuming you're an adult and you're
close with your cousin, and your cousin is coming to
you about this stuff, and that's nice that you guys
have a close relationship, But you shouldn't be making decisions
for your cousin or buying things for your cousin, like
(02:59):
talking tape, which were first, or binding tape, which refers
to tape that somebody would use to tape their breasts
so that they don't show as much. You shouldn't be
doing that in like without the permission or knowledge or
consent of your cousin's parents, your aunt and uncle. Now,
maybe there's more to the story here, and the parents
aren't in the picture, your cousin's all on their own,
(03:21):
or there's some sort of distorted family dynamic that I
don't know about, So I'm not gonna like leap to
judgment on that. I'm just pointing that out, like that's
a big missing answer to the questions that I have
here about this, because it's really it's your job to
love your cousin and be a good friend and support,
but it's not really your job to make them these
(03:42):
kinds of decisions for them, or act as if you
are their parent, unless you are their guardian in some
situation you didn't tell us about. So that's a big thing.
And then I appreciate that you are trying to support
your cousin and that you have encouraged your cousin to
get therapy and other things. But I do also that
you have a misconception about binding tape. So when it
(04:05):
comes to transitioning and maybe using a name or letting
someone dress different, that is a different thing than binding
your chest with tape, which actually you should look into
some of the research and reporting on this can cause
very serious physical consequences and harm to your development and
growth and body. So I actually don't think that is
(04:27):
a harmless or totally reversible thing to allow a teenager
to experiment with and I certainly don't think you should
be doing that just on the basis of how a
fourteen year old says they feel or absent. Really, I
just don't think you should be doing that period. And also,
I think, especially when there's these other confounding mental health
(04:50):
issues that you discussed, it's really important that your cousin
gets evidence based psychiatric care to treat their other conditions,
to see what's really going on with them and is
not kind of just given these culturally or socially popular
or trendy solutions and identities to kind of map on
(05:11):
to these underlying issues. I think you need to take
a step back and continue to support your cousin, but
not assume an authority or a decision making power or
an expertise that goes beyond the role that you have
in this family, and your role is somebody with maybe
not an expert understanding of these issues. That's my advice
(05:34):
to you. But I will again say that it really
does sound like you are coming from a place of
good intentions, and I hope that your cousin is able
to get the help and care that they need and deserve.
What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments.
Make sure subscribe to remember. You can send your voicemails
in for our voicemail Frida episodes at the link in
(05:54):
the description. It is the speak pipe link. And now
we're going to hear from somebody who has an interesting
scenario involving a trans identifying sibling wants to babysit their child.
Let's listen.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
Hey, Brad, my name is Alex, I'm a daily listener
and I love your stuff. So my story is, I
grew up with my younger brother, Tony super macho growing up,
wrestled through high school, always working out, and she went
to Washington to go to university. And when they came back,
(06:34):
all of a sudden, she was tiffany and didn't give
anybody a heads up, didn't didn't let anybody know what
was going on. So it was a huge shock to us.
So it's been a few years now when we've gotten
used to it. It was hard at first, but so
(06:54):
now the thing is all she talks about is trans stuff,
trans this, trans that, and you know, it's fine, it
work cool with all of it. But me and my
wife are having our new first baby here next month,
and she wants to babysit and be a huge part
(07:14):
of our baby's life. But you know, we don't We
don't want that to you know, our kid being taught
about all of this until he's.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Older, so we don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
That's our thoughts. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Well, thank you for the message and for being a
loyal listener. Y'all are so appreciated on that front. But
it sounds like you love your sibling, you love your
sister right the trans woman, but you do have some
concerns and it also sounds like there's some communication problems
in this relationship. Like the way that your sibling informed
(07:59):
the family about transitioning and other stuff does not sound
like super healthy communication is going on here. But what
I would say is this that, like, if your sibling
is otherwise a good person and a responsible adult who
like remove the trans thing you would trust to be
in your child's life and babysit your child, then you
should You shouldn't like exclude them from your kid's life
(08:22):
just because they identify as trains or anything like that.
But what you can do is have a conversation and
it doesn't matter. I don't think so much when your
baby's like two months old and they're not listening and
they're not understanding words so much. But obviously, when your
child is like young and understands language and starts absorbing
(08:44):
things you don't want your sibling, you know, talking about
like non binary gender theory and other or just like
pushing these ideas and values that you don't necessarily want
your kid taught as truth. But that is less about
I think your sibling being trans, which you can explain
(09:05):
to your kid when they're older, maybe, and it's more
about whether they respect your boundaries and your rights as
parents to teach your kids at your own pace and
in line with what you are comfortable with. And so
at some point I would just have a conversation with
your sibling and be like, listen, I don't want these
kind of complicated topics introduced to our son until maybe
(09:31):
he's older. So I'm I would I'm asking you to
not bring those things up around little baby Eric or whatever.
And I don't think that's actually a remotely unreasonable ask
or something that a healthy relationship wouldn't allow for. And
so I think as long as you draw that boundary
and your sibling respects it, this shouldn't really be an issue.
(09:53):
Of course, if you're sibling is not reasonable and tries
to play victim or scream outrage over that, then I
think you'll have to navigate that. But it's not an
unreasonable thing to ask. And you certainly don't need to
cut out your sibling from your child's life just because
they've got gender dysphoria and are transitioned or anything like that.
But you can do. You can keep space for this
(10:16):
complicated family relationship while also maintaining parenting and boundaries the
same way you wouldn't want, you know, an uncle pushing
political ideas on your four year old or pushing a
different religion on your four year old. It's pretty reasonable
actually to say, hey, like, let me introduce my child
to these concepts on my own time and on my
(10:37):
own terms, rather than that's not the role of a babysitter, right,
And as long as your sibling respects that, I really
don't see any reason you guys can't all have a happy,
healthy family relationship here, And I really hope that you're
able to, because it's so sad to me. I hear
from you guys all the time, and I can't always
react to the stories because they do get repetitive but like,
(10:57):
whether it's gender identity or Trump or other political stuff,
so many families have just been torn apart in this
country by division, and it's sad because we still I
truly do believe that we still have far more in
common than we have dividing us. And there's good in
most people, even if it's complicated, even if we have
layers of nuance and problematic things about us. I think
(11:21):
there's good in most people. And these relationships and family
are some of the most important things in life, and
cutting them off or isolating them should be an absolute
last resort. Not to say it's never ever necessary, but
I do think it should be a last resort. So
up next, we're going to listen to a question about
dealing with haters. Let's listen.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
Hi, Brad, this is Pearly Paladin. I really enjoy your show,
and I comment a lot on your videos as well,
But so as a fellow queer person who is moderate
and also kind of right leaning, I'm wondering how you
deal with haters like accusing you of being a bod,
(12:05):
or like not wanting to listen to your opinions because
of the fact that you're queer. Because I am also queer,
And sometimes when even when I agree with a lot
of the right leaning videos and I comment about agreeing
with them, like, there's still a lot of people who
(12:26):
hate me because of either it's mostly because of my
being queer, but also because you know, like I'm Asian
American and they always like accuse me of being a
bod because there's no way a queer Asian woman would
be right leading, you know, like, and I get a
lot of hatred like that, And I'm wondering how you
(12:48):
deal with these situations, because I'm sure you also receive
this kind of hate from people, and I don't know,
sometimes it's very hurtful because I want to be respected
from my opinions, regardless of my orientation and race. So yeah,
(13:08):
I wanted to hear it from a fellow queer personal.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
So I'm trying really hard not to bristle at the
reference to me as a queer person because I know
that you don't mean any You don't mean anything by it.
You're just trying to say, like, you know, a person
who's gay or by or lesbian or whatever is a
queer person. But to me, the word queer is not
something I identify as at all. I view it as
(13:32):
like almost a political label. When I hear somebody says, oh,
I'm queer, what I hear them tell me is that
they're leftist, really, And maybe that's just my personal experiences
or my own interpretation of that, but I consider myself gay,
not queer, And so I do just find that funny
that it's just a verb. It's just a kind of
verbiage thing or word choice thing. I personally wouldn't describe
(13:55):
it that, but I know what you mean, right, And
it's interesting that you say this because I don't get
accused of being a bot. That's one that I don't
get accused of, But I get accused of being just
about everything under the sun. And the truthful answer is
that it's never going to stop as long as you
put your opinions out there publicly. But what you have
to do at some point is just decide whose opinions
(14:17):
are important to you, because if you just allow the
whole world to kind of define you by what they
say about you, well in any sort of public political
space or conversation, that is a recipe for misery, let
me tell you. Because there are people out there on
the far left, the far right who are just determined
to misrepresent and smear you if you go against their
(14:38):
personal beliefs or their holy grails or their pet projects,
or if you don't fit neatly into a box that
they think you're supposed to be in. And yeah, so
what I personally do, and that's all I can really
speak to is just tell you what I do, and
you can choose to model it or choose to not
is I have maybe five or six people close to
me in my life whose opinions I truly le value
(15:01):
and consult. Then I also have some maybe professional relationships
with people whose opinions I respect in the same work field,
and I evaluate my sense of self and my work
and whether I should feel good about myself entirely as
in one hundred percent based on how those people feel
about what I'm saying and what I'm doing, and zero
(15:23):
percent based on what anime profile picks or gropers on
Twitter or social media are saying, because half of those
are probably not real people, and the ones that they
are are sad people. Frankly, oftentimes they're not operating in
good faith. And what's that saying, like, never take criticism
from somebody you wouldn't take advice from Obviously, there's a
(15:44):
limit to that, because even a unimpressive person can make
a true point or true critique. But generally speaking, you
can't let other people's opinions but define you only the
ones who you actually care about and know in real life.
That would be my advice to you, And that is
the personal philosophy that I take to help me cope
(16:04):
through the endless slander and backlash and attacks that I face.
Now up next, we have an interesting and remember guys
sending your voicemails the link in the description the speak pipelink.
We have an interesting question from somebody about disclosure when
you have an intersex condition or better described as a
difference of sexual development. Let's listen, Hi.
Speaker 6 (16:24):
Brad, do you think that somebody with a disorder of
sex development or a difference of sex development in which
they have some female physical traits and some male physical
traits or vice versa, is obliged to tell their partner
that they have a difference of sex development.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
So this was an interesting question because I've thought I
hadn't thought about the specific issue. I've thought about this
previously in the context of trans people that don't disclose
their trands or that even sometimes intention like try to
trick people if they've had surgeries or whatever. They're like,
can I get away with this and they won't notice?
And I find that to be very gross and, depending
(17:09):
on the situation, like borderline and criminal behavior, at very
least unethical, because dishonesty shouldn't be a part of romantic
or sexual relationships really in any capacity, but especially when
it comes to the things that like fundamentally define those relationships,
among which biology and anatomy play a pretty important role
(17:32):
for most people. No shade to the bisexual kings and
queens out there who maybe don't care, but that is
not most of us. So I am generally pretty skeptical
of any sort of deception through omission or deception through
through lying, Like whether that is a man lying about
not being married, lying about having a job he doesn't
(17:54):
have to, you know, impress a woman or seduce a woman,
I think that is deeply unethical. Or whether it is
a train not telling a guy that she is a
trans woman and then performing an act that he might
not have consented to. All of it gives me the aic.
All of it is vaguely predatory, behavior in one way
or another, because you are tricking someone into doing stuff
(18:14):
with you they wouldn't otherwise consent to. And as far
as intersex, it's a little more complicated because it's not
easy to understand for a lot of people. For example,
like if you're somebody who has female genitalia but internal testes,
hard to kind of explain that over a bar conversation.
But what I would say is that you are just
(18:36):
because you have a DSD. There's nothing morally wrong with
you. You haven't done anything wrong, and somebody there's no good
way to start a relationship with dishonesty. Honesty is like
the building block of a healthy relationship. So if you
don't start with that, I don't see how you can
go on and build something positive. So I would say,
(18:58):
there's nothing that you've done wrong, and there's somebody out
there that's right for you and that will love you
as you are, and that is somebody with a DSD.
And maybe it's not you. Maybe you're asking in general,
but maybe you're asking for yourself. I don't know. And
so yes, I think you should disclose it. And anybody
who wouldn't want to be with you because of it,
isn't the right person for you anyway, So don't waste
(19:22):
their time, and more importantly, don't waste your time on
somebody who isn't right for you, because there again, you've
done nothing wrong right by simply having this genetic birth
thing right. It's not something that's going to be a
deal breaker for every person or most people, even depending
on the situation. And you deserve somebody who accepts you
(19:44):
as you are, not somebody who wouldn't want to be
with you if they knew the truth about you. That's
the thing same with friendships, whether they're like my friends
would hate me if they knew I was conservative, It's like, dude,
your friends already hate you, they just don't know it.
And I feel similarly about this, So I will always
say on this kind of thing when it comes to
relationships and social dynamics, honesty isn't always comfortable, it isn't
(20:06):
always fun, It can be awkward and uncomfortable, but it
is fundamentally the best policy, at least in my opinion,
and that's what we do here on the Brad Versus
Everyone podcast. I give my opinion, so y'all will have
to let me know what you think. In the comments below.
Make sure subscribed. If you aren't yet, hit the like
button and send in your voicemails the speak byelink in
(20:28):
the description for our voicemail Friday episodes. And that'll be it,
guys for today's episode of the Bread Versus Everyone Podcast.
Thanks so much for tuning in, and we will talk
again real soon
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com