November 16, 2025 • 39 mins
Episode 352 of the Legally Clueless Podcast features Part 1 of Ciru Karimi’s powerful story a deeply honest journey through childhood, societal expectations, studying abroad, navigating adulthood in Nairobi, and the frightening moment her first pregnancy takes an unexpected turn.
In this episode, Ciru opens up about:
• Growing up between Donholm and Westlands, and the identity shifts that came with it
• Culture shocks in primary, high school, and university
• The transition from campus to job-hunting in Kenya
• Societal pressure on African women around marriage and children
• How anxiety first showed up in her life
• Her complicated pregnancy and preeclampsia diagnosis at 28 weeks
• The emotional, physical, and mental toll of a high-risk pregnancy
• Emergency delivery and the fear of navigating premature birth
This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in African women’s stories, preeclampsia experiences, pregnancy challenges, motherhood in Kenya, and the unseen emotional labour so many women carry.
Next week, Part 2 continues Ciru’s journey as she shares what happened after her emergency delivery, life with a premature baby, and the resilience she didn’t know she had.
Join the Legally Clueless Africa community:
Sign up for our newsletter → www.legallycluelessafrica.com
IG → www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok → www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube → www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
Submit your story → forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
#LegallyClueless #LegallyCluelessAfrica #AfricanPodcasts #PreeclampsiaStories #PregnancyJourneyKenya #WomenHealing #MotherhoodStoriesAfrica
In this episode, Ciru opens up about:
• Growing up between Donholm and Westlands, and the identity shifts that came with it
• Culture shocks in primary, high school, and university
• The transition from campus to job-hunting in Kenya
• Societal pressure on African women around marriage and children
• How anxiety first showed up in her life
• Her complicated pregnancy and preeclampsia diagnosis at 28 weeks
• The emotional, physical, and mental toll of a high-risk pregnancy
• Emergency delivery and the fear of navigating premature birth
This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in African women’s stories, preeclampsia experiences, pregnancy challenges, motherhood in Kenya, and the unseen emotional labour so many women carry.
Next week, Part 2 continues Ciru’s journey as she shares what happened after her emergency delivery, life with a premature baby, and the resilience she didn’t know she had.
Join the Legally Clueless Africa community:
Sign up for our newsletter → www.legallycluelessafrica.com
IG → www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok → www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube → www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
Submit your story → forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
#LegallyClueless #LegallyCluelessAfrica #AfricanPodcasts #PreeclampsiaStories #PregnancyJourneyKenya #WomenHealing #MotherhoodStoriesAfrica
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is adele On Younger and welcome to another
episode of legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hey, you welcome to this episode of legally Clueless. And
this is what's coming.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Up from when I came back from the fourteen, almost
all my relatives' uncles, Auntie's kept asking me, are you
seeing someone? Are you seeing someone? At around twenty seventeenty eight,
I started hearing the voices in my heads and I
was spending to the pressure. Yes, so we get married.
Society's back at us. People come from a very ignorant
(00:40):
space when they ask a woman, especially that question, because
when they don't know if you want to have a child,
they don't know if you guys are able to get children.
The pregnancy got complicated. At around twenty six weeks, I
go numb, and I'm just like, what the hell is
happening because this is supposed to be a smooth pregnancy.
Here suffering because the doctor had said I'd rather save
(01:03):
you because you can get another child, say epiduro, I
don't think I've ever taken in a painful injection like
that one you're injected in your spine, So you're injected
like three times and you're told not to move because
if it goes in their own place, you could get paralyzed.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
That's part one of Shearer's stories. Stick around. It's coming
up a little later in the episode. But welcome, Welcome,
Welcome to the family. If this is your first time
listening to the show, you've picked an awesome episode and
there is just so much to listen to, to watch,
to attend when you officially join the legally Cluless Africa family.
(01:39):
So first things first is this show goes out every
single Monday. On Wednesdays, we have the Midwig TI's where
I just talk about topics that I feel could help
you on your healing journey. And on Thursdays we have
for Manderalist Women. Season three has officially began on our
YouTube channel and is also going to show up here
on our audio channel on Thursday. This Thursday Fridays, we
(02:03):
have a seasonal show called Aska Therapist. To make sure
you also sign up for our newsletter that goes out
every single Wednesday. You can go to our website to
sign up for that Legally Clueless Africa Dot com don't
forget to subscribe to our YouTube and join us on
Insta and on TikTok. All of those links are in
the show notes. Welcome, Welcome, once again. If you are
(02:25):
an OG member, you know I've got nothing but love
for you, and it's just so incredible to see how
this space is just growing and growing and growing, and
so we wouldn't be here with out the OG members.
So I see you and I appreciate you. So today
we're going to start a two part story that I
genuinely believe will stay with you for a very long time,
(02:47):
even after the episode ends. We're going to meet Shiro Karimi,
who manno as Shiro or Jackie, and she's going to
take us through a journey that begins in her childhood
in Nairobi, moves us through culture shock, and brings us
back into Nairobi. Touches on something very many of US
African women can unfortunately identify with societal pressure around marriage
(03:10):
and kids. Ishsh But you know what, let me not
give away too much. Let's just get into the story.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
One hundred African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
My name is Shiro Karri. Me other name is Jacqueline,
but I don't really use it, so most people will
call me Jackie in the office, but Hiro is what
you would commonly get me being called outside here. I'm
a second one in a family of five. Firstboron is
a gentleman, then me, and two sisters after me, and
(03:48):
the last one is a gentleman as well. I was
born in Agacan Hospital here in Nerobi at exactly for
fifty five PM, cutting two my mother's tales. Born and
raised in Nairobi. I have lived in what I remember
Omoga out of pictures best part of my I think
(04:10):
childhood because the pictures I see mostly I am outside,
and I think that's why nowadays I like being outside.
Omoga is the time that really they shaped me up.
But really I don't remember much because all I have
is memories of memories from pictures I have been shown
(04:31):
from there. I remember down home. That's where most of
the time I have grown up. Best days of my life,
to be honest, because we went to school in Buru.
Buru was a good time in Chafford's Junior except the
discipline how they used to discipline us. Neighborhood was good.
(04:51):
Made quite a number of friends. I mean, that's how
kids are supposed to grow. Kids nowadays are in the
house playing fair Sadly, she got the real outdoor kind
of experience which really shipped us to who we are now.
Went to school in burlbarou Shepards Junior for six years.
(05:12):
Then my dad got promoted when got a new job
in now Communications Authority, so we had to move to Westlands.
Now that took a different trajectory because we were used
to island kind of life and now we've moved to
Westlands where it's more honestly and friendly. Because making friends
(05:37):
in Westlands was quite the challenge because I mean everyone
is in the house. There's no one outside, no one
to play with, no one to ask directions. I mean
it was just an upgrade, but a downgrade to the
kids because we were used to just having fun with
other kids outside. Got into Canada for two years. Yeah,
(05:57):
then had to I am not the performer when it
comes when it came to what do I say primary
school education? So I really didn't perform well. But after
all I got placed in a school in Morana for
my high school. That was another ten of events because
(06:21):
it's a culture shock because you move from Nairobi to
Morana and you're like, wow, my parents really don't like me.
But really it's all about It was all about performance.
Based on my performance, that's the school I got myself.
Because the parents always said, you have to look for
your school. You have to look for your next school.
If you want to go to a nice school, you
(06:43):
have to put in the greeds. So yeah, I put
in the grids. That landed me in Murana and the
culture shock was crazy. First forward, I did my two years.
Every year I used to be told we will transfer
you to Nairobi to a n Aerobi school, but it
really never happened. And first ward, Room four did my exams,
(07:05):
I passed and I landed myself in Carbarac UNI. So
having been taken to a boarding school for high school,
I didn't want to be in a Ruby anymore for
my UNI, so Cabarack was the best fit for me.
A lot was happening in Cabarac at the time, but
the life of UNI is just very different from any
(07:29):
other institution because this is where we really set up
what we want to do in future, what do you
want to do as a career, etc. Etc. So I
did Bachelor of business management in it. Of course, really
I really didn't know what or where it's going to
(07:49):
land me because it was a new course, but it
was the main thing to be done then, so that's
what I did, and compass life is a whole different
ballgame because you're on your own. You have to do
the right thing at the right time, and the decisions
(08:12):
you make at the end of the day will really
land you in your future. So moving past that cleared,
thank god, finished my education and the period between finishing
UNI and now trying to land a job tamaking that is,
went did a bit of French classes and driving classes
(08:37):
as well, because this is the norm for African parents.
You can't just be staying at home chilling. You have
to do something before you get your placement together. I
did my courses as I waited for my job. So
I graduated in twenty ten and I think I stayed
(08:59):
that four years, then joined the family business, did it
for a year. Then I got a scholarship apart scholarship
to go and do my masters, which I took because
it was on the table. What my father had promised
is that if you pass your undergrad you have a
(09:21):
free ticket to do your masters wherever you want. So
I took it and I ran with it. I went
to the UK to do my masters. There was one
year of absolute bliss because I had never stepped out
of the country. I was obviously anxious only one of
leaving the country, leaving my mother and father. It was
(09:42):
an interesting journey because we don't all get this opportunity
to just get out and see the world different from
what you used to do. It was absolutely fantastic, but
the anxiety to just leave the country because my folks
did not take me on day one, as all parents
(10:03):
do or I assume they do, so I had to
board the plane, get to the airport, sort out my
accommodation each to see to see, settle down, and get
to my master's program. I leave the country as at
the airport there is this just cloud of emotion going
(10:23):
around because obviously I'm moving from a point of comfort
to an unknown place. And I think that's where my
anxiety started kicked off in my life. I'm partly excited,
partly anxious because I don't know what I'm going to
find on the other side of the world. Yes, so
(10:44):
we say our good wise and I mean it's time
to leave and board the plane, and the first thing
I did before boarding the plane was to check the
weather because I had been told it's going to be
really cold, get into the plane, pray and hope to
get to their side safely. Because also I had previously
(11:05):
watched a lot of airplane crash investigations, so that was
part of my anxiety and having boarded a plane for
the first time to leave Nairobi. I got there, got
stranded as anticipated because my accommodation had not been sorted
as promised by other agents we were using here. So
(11:28):
luckily I had a friend of mine that I will
be traveling to the UK to do my master's etc.
So she was ready on standby to just receive me
in case of anything called her. She sorted me out
on a couple of things. Shout out to Shiro Karuku.
Got settled in. First week is orientation, but apparently I
(11:51):
got there a bit late, so I got Orientation already
rolling out, but then we joined in settled in for
a few months or so. I had to live with
another friend because Shiro couldn't really accommodate me and a
friend of hers that had also gotten to the UK.
Almost at the same time she introduced us to Now,
(12:14):
she introduced the both of us to her friend called
Bunji because Bunji was living in her own house, Shiro
was living in school accommodation, so she couldn't really take
the both of us in. So we moved to Bunji's
house and yeah, we stayed there for a month just
looking for accommodation. So Shiro's friend, Janet and I became
(12:40):
house myths. So we decided to team up and get
a house together, which was easier instead of school accommodation.
Having going for Masters, you don't want to live in
a student accommodation because you went the freedom to move
around to explore. Student accommodation has limitations as all study
and accommodation normally does. So we team up and we
(13:04):
stay with Bunji for like a month and a half
because it was wintertime so movement was quite restricted. So
we move in with Bunji. Every day we wake up
is we're going to look for accommodation and also have
to make it to class because therese attendance and whatnot.
And your folks have paid for your school feest so
that you don't to drain that, so we'd have had
(13:29):
balance between looking for accommodation and going to class and
coming back and just doing small errants because now living
in someone's house, really you have to behave yourself and
just as adults, you just have to chip in into
the expenses of the house. So really that's what we
(13:50):
were doing while at Bunje's house. But she is a
great host. She just made our life very easy. At
some point, we were getting very comfortable forgetting that we
need to just get out and get our own place
so that we can move this master's program first forward,
we get our house, we move out, we start the program.
(14:12):
It's a success. Their challenges obviously because you're outside, do
not have family. I mean, it's just a matter of
developing tough skin because you have to survive out here
and you weren't knowing what you need to achieve at
the end of the year because it's a one year program.
So put in the work, did our coursework, made friends.
(14:37):
There's an amazing group out there for East Africa. There's
an East African community, so we got into that so
that we at least feel like we have a slice
of home. Yeah, so we used to lose activities in
the in the community and just to get the field,
(14:59):
like we're still at home because of hanging out to people.
So we finished masters and it's back to Nairobi because
then we couldn't get work permits. The visa that was
given when going is a student visa and it's a
one year student visa, but they at least extended for
(15:20):
six months because graduation was one after four months. Four
months after we graduated. Yeah, so we graduate and it's
time to come back to Nairobi. A bittersweet feeling because
now we had also created family kind of bones in
the UK coming back to the to Nairobi. Obviously this
expectation that you have come from abroad, people that are
(15:43):
expecting quite a number of things, including just stuff that
you brought for them, because they think in the one
year you would have accumulated so much for them. Anyway,
So we come back and my expectation was that I
was going to land a very amazing job now that
(16:05):
I am fully equipped with my masters. But that was
a blow in my face. And this market we are
in is quite I think limited or people sort of
limited to what they want or what they're looking for.
(16:26):
When they're giving you a job because most of the
interviews are went for. The response was that I am overqualified,
and this threw me off balance because I was wondering, Okay,
so we're told to get the papers in. When you
get the peoples in, we become overqualified. But with time,
I got to know that there is fear of compensation
(16:47):
by employers, so when they see the master program on
your TV, on your resume, they tend to feel like
they cannot really company seat. So anyway, I just pushed on.
I got into the market. It was just a matter
(17:09):
of who knows, who were and what can they do
for you at what time? Got into a job that
really I didn't like, but it was for the experience.
Started off as an intern, but I was sure in
my mind I was not going to do that for long.
So just for the experience and to keep building the CB,
(17:33):
I just did it. And I did it more so
for the folks because they were getting worried and whatnot.
First forward twenty seventeen, we get into planning for my wedding. Yeah,
I was seeing someone we had dated for a while,
(17:56):
and you get to twenty seventeen to planning our wedding
and where I'm going to do with this is a
societal pressure. Societal pressure is just I think on another
level when it comes to African culture, the community, the
society is seeing Hiro us having done my schoolwork, having performed,
(18:21):
having gotten my masters. So what's next for Hiro is
to get married and get children. And in my mind,
I'm just like, yo, like, what is this order of
things that Africans need to do for them to get
validation in the society. You go to school, you graduate,
(18:46):
you get your masters, you get a job, you get married,
you get kids. Then the rest is just what happens
to everyone over time. From when I came back from
the eighteen fourteen all almost all my relatives, uncles, aunties
kept asking me, are you seeing someone? Are you seeing someone?
(19:07):
What's the next thing? When are you bringing this guy
for us to meet? And in my head, I'm just like,
I'm not even there. I'm just trying to look for
a job right now so I can be a bit
stable because before I start my family, pressure keeps building.
But really it was not getting to me. But because
(19:28):
I knew women have a biological clock. At around twenty
seventeenty eight, I started hearing the voices in my head,
and I was kind of bending to the pressure. I
could say, but I didn't let it really get to
me because I really wasn't ready at twenty seven to
(19:53):
settle down. That wasn't in my plan at all. So anyway,
I push through work. I do a coup of jobs
here and there. Then twenty seventeen we decided, why not,
let's let's get married, let's start off family. So before
(20:14):
I went to the UK, I had met the guy
that I am currently married to. We were just friends.
In fact, before into the UK, I was working for
an oil company and my boss was his best friend.
So that's how we met because he was working in
a bank and he needed accounts opened and he needed
(20:34):
to move the sales numbers. So we were just friends then,
but it materialized over time. So this is twenty twelve
ending towards twenty thirteen. Before I left, we had officially
(20:56):
dated for close to four years before deciding to just
settle down and get this thing rolling. Yeah, so twen
seventeen is here, we're planning, and we got married. It
(21:16):
was a fun day. It was a fun It was
amazing to get married because we had been friends for
quite a while, we just hadn't materialized it. But when
I came back is when things got serious and we
decided why not. We have become friends over time, let's
(21:40):
just settle down and do this life together. Yeah, so
we get married and society is back at us, and
that question, really, I don't know. It threw me off
balance because I feel like people come from a very
ignorant space when they ask a woman, especially that question,
(22:04):
because one, they don't know if you want to have
a child, They don't know if your partner wants to
have a child. They don't know if your guys are
able to get children. For a while, it took me aback,
but I talk to my mom about it, and it
is something that the society expects of us. It is
(22:25):
what they have planned for us in their heads to
do after a certain achievement. So go to school, get
a job, get married, have children. I understood some of
the people where they're coming from, but honestly, the pressure
given to people is quite unnecessary. If you ask me,
(22:50):
we had decided, my partner and I had decided that
we'll do one year, enjoy your marriage, honeymoon face, then
think about getting kids. After ulterally. For a fact, when
the kids come, it's a different ballgame. It really is,
because now we're really inside bringing up kids, and it's
(23:14):
very different. You have to be intentional about what you're doing.
We get our first baby in twenty nineteen. It was
not what we expected because first the pregnancy was the
pregnancy got complicated at around twenty six weeks. For twenty
(23:39):
six weeks, I was fine, everything was rolling out properly.
I first, I didn't know I was pregnant for the
first almost eight weeks, because I mean, this is not
something that I have done before, and so for eight
weeks I really did know. So what happened is the
(24:01):
contraceptive I was using kind of blocks out the menstrual cycle.
Like it. It's hormonal, so it controls how you're a
menstrul so you don't get a you don't get a
consistent or a regular period. So the doctor had told
me when I remove it, I can give it like
(24:23):
three months for me to get back to fertility, and
so I can conceive after three months. But bodies are different.
This thing is much treataman paper that this will work
for everyone in this particular in this particular way, so
we got the contraceptive out who are trying for the baby,
(24:46):
and we got the baby like two weeks after removing
the contracept. But we do know because in our heads
it said that in three months is when we can conceive.
So week one, week, two, week three, week eight, I
still don't know that I am pregnant. So what triggered
(25:11):
was we were out, just cowed off Friday night out
life and after I got really sick, like really really sick.
So I called my doctor friend asked her this. I
told her this my symptoms. What should I do? Should
I go to hospital? Should I you know, like advise me.
(25:31):
First thing to told me was get a pregnancy kit,
and I'm like huh, but the doctor said three months.
So she's like, yeah, just get a pregnancy kit first.
Because I was very nauseated. I was, yeah, feeling the work.
So I got three pregnancy kids just to make sure
(25:52):
that I am that I get the real results, the
actual results, because I was not ready for this. Not here.
Yeah anyway, So did the test and yeah, double lines,
double lins equals pregnancy. So at first I was like, yo,
am I even ready for this? Like yeah, So I
(26:20):
my husband had traveled, so when he came back, he
found the tests on a table that I had puts
and I was just not ready to tell him. I
don't know for what reason, because we were we were open,
but I just wasn't ready. I think I was just
not ready mentally that we will be parents. So he
(26:46):
looks at the tests and he obviously knows what that is,
and he was happy. That changed the whole of my
mindset and we got moving with this thing because we
both wanted kids. It was easy because we both wanted kids.
So we get into this program, now a new thing
(27:08):
in our lives. Up to twenty six weeks we're good,
started developing complications swelling, high blood pressure. So going to
see the doctor, he tells me that I have a
condition called prey clampsier. Prey clamps here is a condition
where high blood pressure is consistently an issue over time.
(27:32):
So this can cause death to the baby, even to
the mother if it's not controlled. So I'm put on
bedressed for two weeks, not knowing what bedress means. I
am up and about doing what wives and mothers do,
going for shopping, turning to the house, getting things done
(27:53):
around the house. When I went back from my week review.
The doctor is like, are you really relaxed? Are you
getting out? I told him I've been going to the
supermarket and doing my errands as usual. He's like, that's
not bad. Dressed. I need you to be in bed
twenty four hours a day, like, don't get out of
bed unless you're going shower or use the bathroom. I
(28:16):
didn't know that, so this was actually affecting my pressure.
My pressure kept going up and I was not realizing
because with high blood pressure you don't feel anything. Some
people get headaches. I wasn't getting anything. I was not
feeling any pain anywhere, but I was swelling. So two
(28:39):
weeks laps on bed dressed. Then when I was going
for my clinic for twenty eight weeks, the doctor wasn't
happy with my results. My pressure was still high, so
it was declared obviously a high risk of pregnancy. So
that's when he said, Jackie, you're not going home, going
have lunch and come back. We are admitting you. I
go numb, and I'm just like, what the hell is happening?
(29:02):
Because I mean, this is supposed to be a smooth pregnancy.
How comes other women get pregnant and go through till
that he ate thirty nine weeks and I'm here suffering.
So we go have lunch with my husband, starts the
admission process. So all this time I'm just quiet. I'm
just thinking something bad is going to happen. Because the
(29:25):
doctor had said I'd rather save you because you can
get another child, and that just didn't sly tried with me,
because for twenty six weeks, twenty six weeks, you have
really really bonded with this child, like it's the whole human.
So get admitted, and so many ters that need to
be done. You're on you're on watch, like the whole time,
(29:48):
you have a nurse, you have all these people in
your room taking your pressure. And that was just so
overwhelming because this is not what I anticipated for a
first pregnancy. I was looking forward to being a mom,
but not in this way. So first forward, spend the night.
Then in the morning the doctor is like, if your
(30:11):
pressure is not going down, we'll have to deliver this
child tonight. And I'm thinking, I'm twenty eight weeks going
twenty nine. I've never heard about premature babies. Well then
I really hadn't had an encounter with premature babies. I
never got friends who had that kind of an experience,
(30:32):
so I really hadn't read into it or familiarized myself
with what happens or what we should do is their
chance of survival? Like all those things are just going
through my mind. So that night, between admission and delivery,
you have to get some injections done for the baby's
lungs to develop because now they have to be delivered prematurely.
(30:56):
That was most horrendous thing I have ever been put through.
Then after that, they had to give me an injection
to prevent convulsions during surgery, and I think my partner
thought I was going crazy because the injection, the mask
comes and tells you we're giving you an injection to
prevent conversion. It might make you feel hot, but what
(31:19):
it really made me feel it was like fire was
being passed through my body, like I was losing my mind.
So my partner was panicking, not knowing what to do.
But over time I think it just calmed down. But
it was just horrend us. So family members are streaming
in coming to see me. They've had we've been admitted.
There's a lot of tension because no one knows we've
(31:42):
never experienced this. And the doctor walks in and he's like,
we're going in now. This is like seven pm. I
think all the about I can't really remember because I
was just zoned out. He says there are phones that
need to be signed consent forms because this is a
high risk pregnancy and we're going into theater. So at first,
(32:03):
my partner is hesitant to sign the phones because there's
risk of losing either of us. So the doctor shows
him he has to do the best to save the mother.
I think that's hospital policy. I don't know. So the
papers assigned and the process of preparing me for theater
is ongoing, and I am just not in the room.
(32:24):
I feel like I just left the room at some
point because I just couldn't take all what was happening. Finally,
I'm willed to the theater and it is really what
we see in the movies, the white lights. You feel
like you have actually left and gone to heaven. That
was a scary moment for me, and I remember I
was just crying and I just told the doctor just
(32:48):
just get the baby out safely and whatnot. And he's
quite a hilarious scare because he kept telling me relax,
He even started playing music in the theater and I
could hear them singing a lot, and I'm like, you, guys,
do you have a Do you understand the pressure I
have right now? And you guys seem to be having
(33:09):
like an easy time out there. But he told me
just relax, let's do our work and hope for the best.
So I think I blocked out at some point in
that theater because I just couldn't take it anymore. I
was not in any pain, but the procedure for numbing,
(33:32):
numbing for operation was just crazy, so epidural. I don't
think I've ever taken in a painful injection like that one.
Because you're injected in your spine. It's supposed to numb
you from waist down. So you're injected like three times,
and you told not to move because if it goes
(33:52):
in the wrong place, you could get paralyzed. So already
there's all this anxiety and tension, and it's just crazy
because what is this? Why do you have to do
it like this? They numby and I can't feel anything,
so they have to test. They keep touching your toes
to know if you're feeling anything, because that's their sign.
(34:15):
To go on with the surgery, so I give them
the girl ahead. I told them I can't feel I
couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't feel anything, So they
knew to stand.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cutes.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
What a powerful story. And that's just part one. So
there are quite a few things that really stayed with me.
The first one was probably in Passing, and I'm not
too sure very many people connected with it. But when
she was talking about her childhood and talks about growing
up in down home versus the loneliness of Westlands, it's
so crazy that most of the times, as adults, we
(34:51):
don't think kids internalize or understand certain things. We think
that only adults get it. But whenever I here, not
just sure, but all of our storytellers come on and
remember so vividly, not only the things they experienced in childhood,
but like how those things made them feel. I may
(35:12):
not have kids, but if you do have kids, whether
they're your own or you are mentoring them in one
way or another, please just meet them as complete beings.
Do not underestimate how much their environment affects or impacts
their identity and their confidence. Because it does another thing
(35:32):
which is crazy because we just talked about it last
week and the midwik TI's these societal timelines that are
such a trap for women by age nana. Now you
have to have done this by age nana a first
and foremos I got married when I was twenty eight,
twenty seven to twenty eight thereabouts. Looking back, it's not
(35:53):
just the age. I think just where I was in
terms of self growth and solf understanding. Is that a thing,
but like how well I understood myself. I had no
business being married, like to be honest, And yet society's
timelines will tell you even that twenty eight is late.
(36:17):
They're like, oh god, twenty five, what are you waiting for?
You know what I mean? But that pressure is crazy
and it just never stops. Like she was talking about
pressure to get married and then pressure to have children.
You have one child, pressure to have another one, Like
it's crazy and the things that I'm not saying. Marriage
(36:37):
can't be this incredible impactful thing in your life. Please
don't get me wrong. I love love, and I love relationships,
and I love the idea of having a life partner
and doing life with someone. I think when done in
a healthy way. It can be very expansive for both people.
So don't get me wrong, I'm all about that, But
(36:57):
I just wonder how comes that same pressure isn't put
on women to like further their education, expand their businesses,
you know what I mean? Like, if anything, you're told,
don't become too learned, you're gonna scare men away. You know,
don't become too successful. For those of us in business,
you're gonna scare men away. It's just weird. And then
(37:19):
another thing that was really impactful, and I hope you
can share this episode and next week's episode when part
two comes out with Everybody that you Love, is that
most of the times when people are pressurizing women to
have kids, they don't even leave enough room for understanding
(37:41):
that this is a hectic journey. Hectic in terms of
it can be life or death. There's so many things
that can shift your pregnancy to high risk in a
matter of minutes, second hours, days. Man, just listening to
her talk about the forms her husband had to be signing, like, so,
(38:03):
when we pressurize women to have kids, I feel like
we do not even come from a position of knowledge.
We don't share the facts of what the pregnancy journey
could look like health wise. You know, there's so many
women who go through life threatening pregnancies quietly. This is
because like the world just makes motherhood sound like it
should just come naturally. So even when you're going through
(38:26):
these life or death, high risk situations, you because it's
been presented to be this easy, natural thing, you start
to think something's wrong with you. These are just some
of the things that I connected with. And this is
only part one. Next week, in part two we go
through the surgery and a lot more comes after that.
(38:49):
Trust me, you want to come back for that. It'll
be out next Monday. Now, if Shurer's journey stirred something
in you, whether it's memories of your own pregnancy, pressures
from society that you have gone through, navigating adulthood, healing
from fear, navigating anxiety, come talk to us. If you
want to share your story, you can fill out our
(39:09):
story TeleForm. A link to it is in the show
notes your African Your story matters, We want to hear it.
Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.
Remember you can join our community by signing up for
our newsletter. Following us on socials or just sharing this
episode with someone who you think needs to hear it.
All of the links are in the show notes, and
(39:32):
as always, I truly appreciate you, and I know you
have every single thing that it takes to heal. That's
it for this episode of Legally Clueless.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
You can share this podcast with your friends, you can
keep it for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure
you're here next week for the next episode.
My name is adele On Younger and welcome to another
episode of legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hey, you welcome to this episode of legally Clueless. And
this is what's coming.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Up from when I came back from the fourteen, almost
all my relatives' uncles, Auntie's kept asking me, are you
seeing someone? Are you seeing someone? At around twenty seventeenty eight,
I started hearing the voices in my heads and I
was spending to the pressure. Yes, so we get married.
Society's back at us. People come from a very ignorant
(00:40):
space when they ask a woman, especially that question, because
when they don't know if you want to have a child,
they don't know if you guys are able to get children.
The pregnancy got complicated. At around twenty six weeks, I
go numb, and I'm just like, what the hell is
happening because this is supposed to be a smooth pregnancy.
Here suffering because the doctor had said I'd rather save
(01:03):
you because you can get another child, say epiduro, I
don't think I've ever taken in a painful injection like
that one you're injected in your spine, So you're injected
like three times and you're told not to move because
if it goes in their own place, you could get paralyzed.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
That's part one of Shearer's stories. Stick around. It's coming
up a little later in the episode. But welcome, Welcome,
Welcome to the family. If this is your first time
listening to the show, you've picked an awesome episode and
there is just so much to listen to, to watch,
to attend when you officially join the legally Cluless Africa family.
(01:39):
So first things first is this show goes out every
single Monday. On Wednesdays, we have the Midwig TI's where
I just talk about topics that I feel could help
you on your healing journey. And on Thursdays we have
for Manderalist Women. Season three has officially began on our
YouTube channel and is also going to show up here
on our audio channel on Thursday. This Thursday Fridays, we
(02:03):
have a seasonal show called Aska Therapist. To make sure
you also sign up for our newsletter that goes out
every single Wednesday. You can go to our website to
sign up for that Legally Clueless Africa Dot com don't
forget to subscribe to our YouTube and join us on
Insta and on TikTok. All of those links are in
the show notes. Welcome, Welcome, once again. If you are
(02:25):
an OG member, you know I've got nothing but love
for you, and it's just so incredible to see how
this space is just growing and growing and growing, and
so we wouldn't be here with out the OG members.
So I see you and I appreciate you. So today
we're going to start a two part story that I
genuinely believe will stay with you for a very long time,
(02:47):
even after the episode ends. We're going to meet Shiro Karimi,
who manno as Shiro or Jackie, and she's going to
take us through a journey that begins in her childhood
in Nairobi, moves us through culture shock, and brings us
back into Nairobi. Touches on something very many of US
African women can unfortunately identify with societal pressure around marriage
(03:10):
and kids. Ishsh But you know what, let me not
give away too much. Let's just get into the story.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
One hundred African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
My name is Shiro Karri. Me other name is Jacqueline,
but I don't really use it, so most people will
call me Jackie in the office, but Hiro is what
you would commonly get me being called outside here. I'm
a second one in a family of five. Firstboron is
a gentleman, then me, and two sisters after me, and
(03:48):
the last one is a gentleman as well. I was
born in Agacan Hospital here in Nerobi at exactly for
fifty five PM, cutting two my mother's tales. Born and
raised in Nairobi. I have lived in what I remember
Omoga out of pictures best part of my I think
(04:10):
childhood because the pictures I see mostly I am outside,
and I think that's why nowadays I like being outside.
Omoga is the time that really they shaped me up.
But really I don't remember much because all I have
is memories of memories from pictures I have been shown
(04:31):
from there. I remember down home. That's where most of
the time I have grown up. Best days of my life,
to be honest, because we went to school in Buru.
Buru was a good time in Chafford's Junior except the
discipline how they used to discipline us. Neighborhood was good.
(04:51):
Made quite a number of friends. I mean, that's how
kids are supposed to grow. Kids nowadays are in the
house playing fair Sadly, she got the real outdoor kind
of experience which really shipped us to who we are now.
Went to school in burlbarou Shepards Junior for six years.
(05:12):
Then my dad got promoted when got a new job
in now Communications Authority, so we had to move to Westlands.
Now that took a different trajectory because we were used
to island kind of life and now we've moved to
Westlands where it's more honestly and friendly. Because making friends
(05:37):
in Westlands was quite the challenge because I mean everyone
is in the house. There's no one outside, no one
to play with, no one to ask directions. I mean
it was just an upgrade, but a downgrade to the
kids because we were used to just having fun with
other kids outside. Got into Canada for two years. Yeah,
(05:57):
then had to I am not the performer when it
comes when it came to what do I say primary
school education? So I really didn't perform well. But after
all I got placed in a school in Morana for
my high school. That was another ten of events because
(06:21):
it's a culture shock because you move from Nairobi to
Morana and you're like, wow, my parents really don't like me.
But really it's all about It was all about performance.
Based on my performance, that's the school I got myself.
Because the parents always said, you have to look for
your school. You have to look for your next school.
If you want to go to a nice school, you
(06:43):
have to put in the greeds. So yeah, I put
in the grids. That landed me in Murana and the
culture shock was crazy. First forward, I did my two years.
Every year I used to be told we will transfer
you to Nairobi to a n Aerobi school, but it
really never happened. And first ward, Room four did my exams,
(07:05):
I passed and I landed myself in Carbarac UNI. So
having been taken to a boarding school for high school,
I didn't want to be in a Ruby anymore for
my UNI, so Cabarack was the best fit for me.
A lot was happening in Cabarac at the time, but
the life of UNI is just very different from any
(07:29):
other institution because this is where we really set up
what we want to do in future, what do you
want to do as a career, etc. Etc. So I
did Bachelor of business management in it. Of course, really
I really didn't know what or where it's going to
(07:49):
land me because it was a new course, but it
was the main thing to be done then, so that's
what I did, and compass life is a whole different
ballgame because you're on your own. You have to do
the right thing at the right time, and the decisions
(08:12):
you make at the end of the day will really
land you in your future. So moving past that cleared,
thank god, finished my education and the period between finishing
UNI and now trying to land a job tamaking that is,
went did a bit of French classes and driving classes
(08:37):
as well, because this is the norm for African parents.
You can't just be staying at home chilling. You have
to do something before you get your placement together. I
did my courses as I waited for my job. So
I graduated in twenty ten and I think I stayed
(08:59):
that four years, then joined the family business, did it
for a year. Then I got a scholarship apart scholarship
to go and do my masters, which I took because
it was on the table. What my father had promised
is that if you pass your undergrad you have a
(09:21):
free ticket to do your masters wherever you want. So
I took it and I ran with it. I went
to the UK to do my masters. There was one
year of absolute bliss because I had never stepped out
of the country. I was obviously anxious only one of
leaving the country, leaving my mother and father. It was
(09:42):
an interesting journey because we don't all get this opportunity
to just get out and see the world different from
what you used to do. It was absolutely fantastic, but
the anxiety to just leave the country because my folks
did not take me on day one, as all parents
(10:03):
do or I assume they do, so I had to
board the plane, get to the airport, sort out my
accommodation each to see to see, settle down, and get
to my master's program. I leave the country as at
the airport there is this just cloud of emotion going
(10:23):
around because obviously I'm moving from a point of comfort
to an unknown place. And I think that's where my
anxiety started kicked off in my life. I'm partly excited,
partly anxious because I don't know what I'm going to
find on the other side of the world. Yes, so
(10:44):
we say our good wise and I mean it's time
to leave and board the plane, and the first thing
I did before boarding the plane was to check the
weather because I had been told it's going to be
really cold, get into the plane, pray and hope to
get to their side safely. Because also I had previously
(11:05):
watched a lot of airplane crash investigations, so that was
part of my anxiety and having boarded a plane for
the first time to leave Nairobi. I got there, got
stranded as anticipated because my accommodation had not been sorted
as promised by other agents we were using here. So
(11:28):
luckily I had a friend of mine that I will
be traveling to the UK to do my master's etc.
So she was ready on standby to just receive me
in case of anything called her. She sorted me out
on a couple of things. Shout out to Shiro Karuku.
Got settled in. First week is orientation, but apparently I
(11:51):
got there a bit late, so I got Orientation already
rolling out, but then we joined in settled in for
a few months or so. I had to live with
another friend because Shiro couldn't really accommodate me and a
friend of hers that had also gotten to the UK.
Almost at the same time she introduced us to Now,
(12:14):
she introduced the both of us to her friend called
Bunji because Bunji was living in her own house, Shiro
was living in school accommodation, so she couldn't really take
the both of us in. So we moved to Bunji's
house and yeah, we stayed there for a month just
looking for accommodation. So Shiro's friend, Janet and I became
(12:40):
house myths. So we decided to team up and get
a house together, which was easier instead of school accommodation.
Having going for Masters, you don't want to live in
a student accommodation because you went the freedom to move
around to explore. Student accommodation has limitations as all study
and accommodation normally does. So we team up and we
(13:04):
stay with Bunji for like a month and a half
because it was wintertime so movement was quite restricted. So
we move in with Bunji. Every day we wake up
is we're going to look for accommodation and also have
to make it to class because therese attendance and whatnot.
And your folks have paid for your school feest so
that you don't to drain that, so we'd have had
(13:29):
balance between looking for accommodation and going to class and
coming back and just doing small errants because now living
in someone's house, really you have to behave yourself and
just as adults, you just have to chip in into
the expenses of the house. So really that's what we
(13:50):
were doing while at Bunje's house. But she is a
great host. She just made our life very easy. At
some point, we were getting very comfortable forgetting that we
need to just get out and get our own place
so that we can move this master's program first forward,
we get our house, we move out, we start the program.
(14:12):
It's a success. Their challenges obviously because you're outside, do
not have family. I mean, it's just a matter of
developing tough skin because you have to survive out here
and you weren't knowing what you need to achieve at
the end of the year because it's a one year program.
So put in the work, did our coursework, made friends.
(14:37):
There's an amazing group out there for East Africa. There's
an East African community, so we got into that so
that we at least feel like we have a slice
of home. Yeah, so we used to lose activities in
the in the community and just to get the field,
(14:59):
like we're still at home because of hanging out to people.
So we finished masters and it's back to Nairobi because
then we couldn't get work permits. The visa that was
given when going is a student visa and it's a
one year student visa, but they at least extended for
(15:20):
six months because graduation was one after four months. Four
months after we graduated. Yeah, so we graduate and it's
time to come back to Nairobi. A bittersweet feeling because
now we had also created family kind of bones in
the UK coming back to the to Nairobi. Obviously this
expectation that you have come from abroad, people that are
(15:43):
expecting quite a number of things, including just stuff that
you brought for them, because they think in the one
year you would have accumulated so much for them. Anyway,
So we come back and my expectation was that I
was going to land a very amazing job now that
(16:05):
I am fully equipped with my masters. But that was
a blow in my face. And this market we are
in is quite I think limited or people sort of
limited to what they want or what they're looking for.
(16:26):
When they're giving you a job because most of the
interviews are went for. The response was that I am overqualified,
and this threw me off balance because I was wondering, Okay,
so we're told to get the papers in. When you
get the peoples in, we become overqualified. But with time,
I got to know that there is fear of compensation
(16:47):
by employers, so when they see the master program on
your TV, on your resume, they tend to feel like
they cannot really company seat. So anyway, I just pushed on.
I got into the market. It was just a matter
(17:09):
of who knows, who were and what can they do
for you at what time? Got into a job that
really I didn't like, but it was for the experience.
Started off as an intern, but I was sure in
my mind I was not going to do that for long.
So just for the experience and to keep building the CB,
(17:33):
I just did it. And I did it more so
for the folks because they were getting worried and whatnot.
First forward twenty seventeen, we get into planning for my wedding. Yeah,
I was seeing someone we had dated for a while,
(17:56):
and you get to twenty seventeen to planning our wedding
and where I'm going to do with this is a
societal pressure. Societal pressure is just I think on another
level when it comes to African culture, the community, the
society is seeing Hiro us having done my schoolwork, having performed,
(18:21):
having gotten my masters. So what's next for Hiro is
to get married and get children. And in my mind,
I'm just like, yo, like, what is this order of
things that Africans need to do for them to get
validation in the society. You go to school, you graduate,
(18:46):
you get your masters, you get a job, you get married,
you get kids. Then the rest is just what happens
to everyone over time. From when I came back from
the eighteen fourteen all almost all my relatives, uncles, aunties
kept asking me, are you seeing someone? Are you seeing someone?
(19:07):
What's the next thing? When are you bringing this guy
for us to meet? And in my head, I'm just like,
I'm not even there. I'm just trying to look for
a job right now so I can be a bit
stable because before I start my family, pressure keeps building.
But really it was not getting to me. But because
(19:28):
I knew women have a biological clock. At around twenty
seventeenty eight, I started hearing the voices in my head,
and I was kind of bending to the pressure. I
could say, but I didn't let it really get to
me because I really wasn't ready at twenty seven to
(19:53):
settle down. That wasn't in my plan at all. So anyway,
I push through work. I do a coup of jobs
here and there. Then twenty seventeen we decided, why not,
let's let's get married, let's start off family. So before
(20:14):
I went to the UK, I had met the guy
that I am currently married to. We were just friends.
In fact, before into the UK, I was working for
an oil company and my boss was his best friend.
So that's how we met because he was working in
a bank and he needed accounts opened and he needed
(20:34):
to move the sales numbers. So we were just friends then,
but it materialized over time. So this is twenty twelve
ending towards twenty thirteen. Before I left, we had officially
(20:56):
dated for close to four years before deciding to just
settle down and get this thing rolling. Yeah, so twen
seventeen is here, we're planning, and we got married. It
(21:16):
was a fun day. It was a fun It was
amazing to get married because we had been friends for
quite a while, we just hadn't materialized it. But when
I came back is when things got serious and we
decided why not. We have become friends over time, let's
(21:40):
just settle down and do this life together. Yeah, so
we get married and society is back at us, and
that question, really, I don't know. It threw me off
balance because I feel like people come from a very
ignorant space when they ask a woman, especially that question,
(22:04):
because one, they don't know if you want to have
a child, They don't know if your partner wants to
have a child. They don't know if your guys are
able to get children. For a while, it took me aback,
but I talk to my mom about it, and it
is something that the society expects of us. It is
(22:25):
what they have planned for us in their heads to
do after a certain achievement. So go to school, get
a job, get married, have children. I understood some of
the people where they're coming from, but honestly, the pressure
given to people is quite unnecessary. If you ask me,
(22:50):
we had decided, my partner and I had decided that
we'll do one year, enjoy your marriage, honeymoon face, then
think about getting kids. After ulterally. For a fact, when
the kids come, it's a different ballgame. It really is,
because now we're really inside bringing up kids, and it's
(23:14):
very different. You have to be intentional about what you're doing.
We get our first baby in twenty nineteen. It was
not what we expected because first the pregnancy was the
pregnancy got complicated at around twenty six weeks. For twenty
(23:39):
six weeks, I was fine, everything was rolling out properly.
I first, I didn't know I was pregnant for the
first almost eight weeks, because I mean, this is not
something that I have done before, and so for eight
weeks I really did know. So what happened is the
(24:01):
contraceptive I was using kind of blocks out the menstrual cycle.
Like it. It's hormonal, so it controls how you're a
menstrul so you don't get a you don't get a
consistent or a regular period. So the doctor had told
me when I remove it, I can give it like
(24:23):
three months for me to get back to fertility, and
so I can conceive after three months. But bodies are different.
This thing is much treataman paper that this will work
for everyone in this particular in this particular way, so
we got the contraceptive out who are trying for the baby,
(24:46):
and we got the baby like two weeks after removing
the contracept. But we do know because in our heads
it said that in three months is when we can conceive.
So week one, week, two, week three, week eight, I
still don't know that I am pregnant. So what triggered
(25:11):
was we were out, just cowed off Friday night out
life and after I got really sick, like really really sick.
So I called my doctor friend asked her this. I
told her this my symptoms. What should I do? Should
I go to hospital? Should I you know, like advise me.
(25:31):
First thing to told me was get a pregnancy kit,
and I'm like huh, but the doctor said three months.
So she's like, yeah, just get a pregnancy kit first.
Because I was very nauseated. I was, yeah, feeling the work.
So I got three pregnancy kids just to make sure
(25:52):
that I am that I get the real results, the
actual results, because I was not ready for this. Not here.
Yeah anyway, So did the test and yeah, double lines,
double lins equals pregnancy. So at first I was like, yo,
am I even ready for this? Like yeah, So I
(26:20):
my husband had traveled, so when he came back, he
found the tests on a table that I had puts
and I was just not ready to tell him. I
don't know for what reason, because we were we were open,
but I just wasn't ready. I think I was just
not ready mentally that we will be parents. So he
(26:46):
looks at the tests and he obviously knows what that is,
and he was happy. That changed the whole of my
mindset and we got moving with this thing because we
both wanted kids. It was easy because we both wanted kids.
So we get into this program, now a new thing
(27:08):
in our lives. Up to twenty six weeks we're good,
started developing complications swelling, high blood pressure. So going to
see the doctor, he tells me that I have a
condition called prey clampsier. Prey clamps here is a condition
where high blood pressure is consistently an issue over time.
(27:32):
So this can cause death to the baby, even to
the mother if it's not controlled. So I'm put on
bedressed for two weeks, not knowing what bedress means. I
am up and about doing what wives and mothers do,
going for shopping, turning to the house, getting things done
(27:53):
around the house. When I went back from my week review.
The doctor is like, are you really relaxed? Are you
getting out? I told him I've been going to the
supermarket and doing my errands as usual. He's like, that's
not bad. Dressed. I need you to be in bed
twenty four hours a day, like, don't get out of
bed unless you're going shower or use the bathroom. I
(28:16):
didn't know that, so this was actually affecting my pressure.
My pressure kept going up and I was not realizing
because with high blood pressure you don't feel anything. Some
people get headaches. I wasn't getting anything. I was not
feeling any pain anywhere, but I was swelling. So two
(28:39):
weeks laps on bed dressed. Then when I was going
for my clinic for twenty eight weeks, the doctor wasn't
happy with my results. My pressure was still high, so
it was declared obviously a high risk of pregnancy. So
that's when he said, Jackie, you're not going home, going
have lunch and come back. We are admitting you. I
go numb, and I'm just like, what the hell is happening?
(29:02):
Because I mean, this is supposed to be a smooth pregnancy.
How comes other women get pregnant and go through till
that he ate thirty nine weeks and I'm here suffering.
So we go have lunch with my husband, starts the
admission process. So all this time I'm just quiet. I'm
just thinking something bad is going to happen. Because the
(29:25):
doctor had said I'd rather save you because you can
get another child, and that just didn't sly tried with me,
because for twenty six weeks, twenty six weeks, you have
really really bonded with this child, like it's the whole human.
So get admitted, and so many ters that need to
be done. You're on you're on watch, like the whole time,
(29:48):
you have a nurse, you have all these people in
your room taking your pressure. And that was just so
overwhelming because this is not what I anticipated for a
first pregnancy. I was looking forward to being a mom,
but not in this way. So first forward, spend the night.
Then in the morning the doctor is like, if your
(30:11):
pressure is not going down, we'll have to deliver this
child tonight. And I'm thinking, I'm twenty eight weeks going
twenty nine. I've never heard about premature babies. Well then
I really hadn't had an encounter with premature babies. I
never got friends who had that kind of an experience,
(30:32):
so I really hadn't read into it or familiarized myself
with what happens or what we should do is their
chance of survival? Like all those things are just going
through my mind. So that night, between admission and delivery,
you have to get some injections done for the baby's
lungs to develop because now they have to be delivered prematurely.
(30:56):
That was most horrendous thing I have ever been put through.
Then after that, they had to give me an injection
to prevent convulsions during surgery, and I think my partner
thought I was going crazy because the injection, the mask
comes and tells you we're giving you an injection to
prevent conversion. It might make you feel hot, but what
(31:19):
it really made me feel it was like fire was
being passed through my body, like I was losing my mind.
So my partner was panicking, not knowing what to do.
But over time I think it just calmed down. But
it was just horrend us. So family members are streaming
in coming to see me. They've had we've been admitted.
There's a lot of tension because no one knows we've
(31:42):
never experienced this. And the doctor walks in and he's like,
we're going in now. This is like seven pm. I
think all the about I can't really remember because I
was just zoned out. He says there are phones that
need to be signed consent forms because this is a
high risk pregnancy and we're going into theater. So at first,
(32:03):
my partner is hesitant to sign the phones because there's
risk of losing either of us. So the doctor shows
him he has to do the best to save the mother.
I think that's hospital policy. I don't know. So the
papers assigned and the process of preparing me for theater
is ongoing, and I am just not in the room.
(32:24):
I feel like I just left the room at some
point because I just couldn't take all what was happening. Finally,
I'm willed to the theater and it is really what
we see in the movies, the white lights. You feel
like you have actually left and gone to heaven. That
was a scary moment for me, and I remember I
was just crying and I just told the doctor just
(32:48):
just get the baby out safely and whatnot. And he's
quite a hilarious scare because he kept telling me relax,
He even started playing music in the theater and I
could hear them singing a lot, and I'm like, you, guys,
do you have a Do you understand the pressure I
have right now? And you guys seem to be having
(33:09):
like an easy time out there. But he told me
just relax, let's do our work and hope for the best.
So I think I blocked out at some point in
that theater because I just couldn't take it anymore. I
was not in any pain, but the procedure for numbing,
(33:32):
numbing for operation was just crazy, so epidural. I don't
think I've ever taken in a painful injection like that one.
Because you're injected in your spine. It's supposed to numb
you from waist down. So you're injected like three times,
and you told not to move because if it goes
(33:52):
in the wrong place, you could get paralyzed. So already
there's all this anxiety and tension, and it's just crazy
because what is this? Why do you have to do
it like this? They numby and I can't feel anything,
so they have to test. They keep touching your toes
to know if you're feeling anything, because that's their sign.
(34:15):
To go on with the surgery, so I give them
the girl ahead. I told them I can't feel I
couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't feel anything, So they
knew to stand.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cutes.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
What a powerful story. And that's just part one. So
there are quite a few things that really stayed with me.
The first one was probably in Passing, and I'm not
too sure very many people connected with it. But when
she was talking about her childhood and talks about growing
up in down home versus the loneliness of Westlands, it's
so crazy that most of the times, as adults, we
(34:51):
don't think kids internalize or understand certain things. We think
that only adults get it. But whenever I here, not
just sure, but all of our storytellers come on and
remember so vividly, not only the things they experienced in childhood,
but like how those things made them feel. I may
(35:12):
not have kids, but if you do have kids, whether
they're your own or you are mentoring them in one
way or another, please just meet them as complete beings.
Do not underestimate how much their environment affects or impacts
their identity and their confidence. Because it does another thing
(35:32):
which is crazy because we just talked about it last
week and the midwik TI's these societal timelines that are
such a trap for women by age nana. Now you
have to have done this by age nana a first
and foremos I got married when I was twenty eight,
twenty seven to twenty eight thereabouts. Looking back, it's not
(35:53):
just the age. I think just where I was in
terms of self growth and solf understanding. Is that a thing,
but like how well I understood myself. I had no
business being married, like to be honest, And yet society's
timelines will tell you even that twenty eight is late.
(36:17):
They're like, oh god, twenty five, what are you waiting for?
You know what I mean? But that pressure is crazy
and it just never stops. Like she was talking about
pressure to get married and then pressure to have children.
You have one child, pressure to have another one, Like
it's crazy and the things that I'm not saying. Marriage
(36:37):
can't be this incredible impactful thing in your life. Please
don't get me wrong. I love love, and I love relationships,
and I love the idea of having a life partner
and doing life with someone. I think when done in
a healthy way. It can be very expansive for both people.
So don't get me wrong, I'm all about that, But
(36:57):
I just wonder how comes that same pressure isn't put
on women to like further their education, expand their businesses,
you know what I mean? Like, if anything, you're told,
don't become too learned, you're gonna scare men away. You know,
don't become too successful. For those of us in business,
you're gonna scare men away. It's just weird. And then
(37:19):
another thing that was really impactful, and I hope you
can share this episode and next week's episode when part
two comes out with Everybody that you Love, is that
most of the times when people are pressurizing women to
have kids, they don't even leave enough room for understanding
(37:41):
that this is a hectic journey. Hectic in terms of
it can be life or death. There's so many things
that can shift your pregnancy to high risk in a
matter of minutes, second hours, days. Man, just listening to
her talk about the forms her husband had to be signing, like, so,
(38:03):
when we pressurize women to have kids, I feel like
we do not even come from a position of knowledge.
We don't share the facts of what the pregnancy journey
could look like health wise. You know, there's so many
women who go through life threatening pregnancies quietly. This is
because like the world just makes motherhood sound like it
should just come naturally. So even when you're going through
(38:26):
these life or death, high risk situations, you because it's
been presented to be this easy, natural thing, you start
to think something's wrong with you. These are just some
of the things that I connected with. And this is
only part one. Next week, in part two we go
through the surgery and a lot more comes after that.
(38:49):
Trust me, you want to come back for that. It'll
be out next Monday. Now, if Shurer's journey stirred something
in you, whether it's memories of your own pregnancy, pressures
from society that you have gone through, navigating adulthood, healing
from fear, navigating anxiety, come talk to us. If you
want to share your story, you can fill out our
(39:09):
story TeleForm. A link to it is in the show
notes your African Your story matters, We want to hear it.
Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.
Remember you can join our community by signing up for
our newsletter. Following us on socials or just sharing this
episode with someone who you think needs to hear it.
All of the links are in the show notes, and
(39:32):
as always, I truly appreciate you, and I know you
have every single thing that it takes to heal. That's
it for this episode of Legally Clueless.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
You can share this podcast with your friends, you can
keep it for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure
you're here next week for the next episode.
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