December 3, 2025 • 15 mins
This week on the Mid Week Tease, Adelle opens up a gentle, grounding conversation for anyone who feels emotionally out of sync with a season that demands joy. If you're navigating burnout, numbness, sadness, or simply feel “flat” during the holidays, this episode offers validation, psychology-backed insights, and practical tools to help you honour your emotional truth.
We explore why joy sometimes feels far away, from allostatic load and emotional blunting to comparison culture and end-year fatigue and how to give yourself permission to feel exactly how you feel. Adelle also shares personal reflections and science-supported exercises to help you reconnect with yourself in soft, realistic ways. Whether you're overwhelmed, exhausted, or just not in a festive mood, this episode reminds you that you’re not broken, not behind, and not alone. Your humanity is welcome here.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
We explore why joy sometimes feels far away, from allostatic load and emotional blunting to comparison culture and end-year fatigue and how to give yourself permission to feel exactly how you feel. Adelle also shares personal reflections and science-supported exercises to help you reconnect with yourself in soft, realistic ways. Whether you're overwhelmed, exhausted, or just not in a festive mood, this episode reminds you that you’re not broken, not behind, and not alone. Your humanity is welcome here.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
- Why some people feel numb, low, or disconnected during the festive season
- How burnout and emotional overload affect your ability to feel joy
- The psychological roots of emotional flattening: allostatic load, emotional blunting & seasonal depression
- How societal pressure creates “performative joy”
- Personal reflections from Adelle on seasons when joy felt out of reach
- Science-backed practices to support you through this season:
- Name It To Tame It (neuroscience-backed emotion labeling)
- Micro-Joy Scan (positive psychology)
- A 30-second nervous system reset
- A CBT-inspired reframing for lowering unrealistic expectations
- A “permission slip” exercise to soothe internal shame
- Why joy eventually returns and how to create room for it gently
- End-of-year burnout
- Emotional numbness
- Seasonal depression
- Comparison-triggered shame
- Pressure to be joyful
- Low energy, anxiety, or overwhelm
- A desire for honest, soothing companionship
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Midwick Teeth with me adele Jngle, where
I share some random and not two random thoughts on things.
And in this episode, let's talk about something that quite
a few of us have felt or are feeling, but
we never really have honest conversations around that. We're in
(00:21):
that season where joy is expected of all of us.
The decorations are out, the countdowns are on, everybody's doing
their festive vibes only thing, and there's this like quiet
but not so quiet pressure to match that energy.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
But what happens when you.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Don't really feel joyful right when your body's tired and
your mind is just like we're running on fumes. First
of all, I just want you to know that you
are not alone. Trust and believe. I done been there
deep you know. I remember a couple of years ago
(01:00):
I had what I think was one of the most
emptiest Christmases. I was navigating a very difficult period in
my marriage, and I also was overworking, I had over
traveled that year. I was feeling a sense of loneliness
and confusion, and the festive season came up, and I
wanted deeply to feel joy because I mean, that's see
(01:24):
that's what's expected, right, And I tried to put all
the ingredients of what I thought would result in a
joyful festive season, and I kind of like pushed everybody
around me to go for this, like family lunch and
even the restaurants I picked. I picked because it's known
(01:45):
to host family lunches. And while yes, there were moments
of happiness for sure, but the emptiness was still there,
the inner ability to feel joy was still there. Yet
I had done all these things that I was like,
(02:05):
alas it was meant to resulting joy, and then it didn't.
So if you're feeling that, I want you to understand
that there is nothing wrong with you. This happens to
so many of us. We hit December carrying so much,
carrying emotional depletion. Burnout, burnout, dude, You've been working the
(02:26):
whole year. Our nervous system is finally exhaling. It does
not have time for doing anything other than that. The
festive season may bring grief or loneliness. There's the pressure
to end the year is strong, and sometimes the body
is just like WHOA, I'm tired. I don't have the
time for this joy thing. Please please you know, And
(02:48):
there are many reasons that our psychology backed that explain
why the festive season comes around and you just don't
have joy. And I've found four that I want to
share with you. The first one is a bit of
a mouthful, but trust me, after I break it down
for you, you'll be like, ooh, I think this is the one.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
That's the one adult.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It's called the allostatic loud effect. Right, So, after a
prolonged stress or pushing yourself all year, your body then
enters this protective state and the nervous system then reduces
emotional intensity of all emotions, even the yummy ones like joy,
(03:31):
and it does this to conserve energy. Many of us
are feeling this specific effect. It's the end of the year.
It's been a hectic year. Q one, Q two budgets
was slashed, people lost their jobs overnight, and we still
had to make it through the year.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
The second one is emotional blunting. And this is a
real psychological response.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
So, when you've had to cope with a lot, your
body sometimes nums feelings to prevent overwhelm.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
It's just like where if you add any more feelings here,
we are going to combust. We are going to burst
and so it's not you shutting down, it's literally your
brain just trying to keep you safe. The comparison trigger
is the third one, and this one, eh, I don't know,
like I know, some people even avoid social media during
the festive season so that they avoid this particular one.
(04:32):
So these seasonal expectations right to be posting your travels,
posting your family gatherings, posting your matching pajamas set with
your partner, post and posting, posting.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Joy vibes, traveling, partying, and social media helps prop up
the seasonal expectations to do all of these things.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And what happens is it creates an emotional dissonance, right
because you expected to feel one thing, which is the joy,
which is the good vibes only, which is the family first,
but you feel a completely different thing. It's a complete
mismatch of emotions that you're feeling. And because you're not
(05:15):
feeling that emotion that you're seeing online, I'm meant to
be feeling this thing, but me I'm feeling this other thing.
What you start feeling because of that is internal shame,
which then even that joy, you are wondering why you're
not feeling it's reduced to negatives because of that. The
fourth one is, let's be honest, the festive season is
(05:41):
synonymous with a grief season.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
For many of us.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
We could call it the grief season.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
You know.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I want to say, a week or so ago, some
of my friends lost a very close friend of theirs, died.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Exactly someone they spent so many.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Weekends with, chatted with all the time, probably had December
plans with to go for this concert, to go for
this road trip, and one day you're chatting with them,
and the next day they're gone, like gone their festive season.
(06:25):
For I want to say, for the rest of their lives,
it's gonna have.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
A tinge of grief. It's gonna feel lonely.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
They're gonna feel guilty even this year for feeling joy
during the festive season. Even in its smallest form, the
festive season does come with grief. Guys, you could have
lost people to death, right. So for me, I always
(06:56):
feel a tinge of grief because my mom's not there
for me to celebrate Christmas with. My dad's not there either,
and everybody's facing their family gatherings. So of course I
feel grief, and of course I feel loneliness. Maybe he
(07:17):
lost a friend like my friends, or there was a
friendship breakup that's still grief that still brings loneliness. All
of these feelings feel louder in December. And what our
brains do, which is so freaking irritating, is they naturally
(07:37):
scan for what's missing, not what's present. So those gaps
they're going to be amplified during the festive season. It
comes with a lot of grief, and I just find
that we almost never want to acknowledge that. So if
you're feeling those heavy feelings, one thing I would tell
(07:59):
you is that you do not owe anyone emotional performance.
Society during this time is often demanding joy. It's like
be thankful, be festive, smile. It's the holidays. What are
your wins this year?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And sometimes you're not energized enough the season for that.
But you've got to understand that you don't owe anyone
an emotional performance. You are allowed to sit this season
out emotionally. You do not owe the world a show.
(08:36):
So I want to give you some real tools that
are grounded in psychology, about five of them to help
you navigate this this season. In case you're not feeling
the feelings that you know you're meant to in quotes,
be feeling And the first one was also mentioned here
(08:57):
a couple of podcast episodes ago by a psychologist from
Shamiri Health. It's called the Name It to Tame It practice.
This is backed by neuroscience. What it says is that
once you label emotions, it reduces their intensity. So I
want you to pause and name what you're feeling out
(09:19):
loud or in your mind. Don't write long sentences, just
one word, so you could say tired, numb, overwhelmed, overstimulated, lonely, sad, anxious.
When you name what you're feeling, the brain shifts activity
(09:40):
from the emotional center to the reasoning center, and just
like that, your emotional load is reduced. The second thing
you can try, which I love love, Love Love, is
a practice from positive psychology. It's called the micro joy scan.
Micro like right, So what you can ask yourself is,
(10:03):
what is one small, tiny joy that's available to you today,
not a big joy, a micro joy. It could be
sunlight on your skin, It could be oh my god,
this one is mine almost every morning, the wind hitting
my face on my morning walk.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Ah.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
That stuff is like crack toy. It could be a
warm drink. It could be lying under a blanket. It
could be finishing a task. It could be hearing someone's laugh.
It could be your favorite scent. It could be silence.
It could be running yourself a bath. Microjoy builds emotional
resilience right without forcing you to be happy. The other
(10:46):
thing that's really good is to reset your nervous system,
and the best way.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
To do that is through breath work.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
This is backed by research right and it's the thirty
second exhale. What you're going to do is take a
deep breath in through your nose and hold it for
four seconds. So you breathe in through your nose for
four seconds, and then you hold for two seconds, and
then you exhale for six seconds. So really hold that
(11:18):
exhale for longer. Breathe in for four, hold for two,
exhale for six. Now. Research shows that the long exhales
activate the parasympathetic nervous system, and you can do this
exercise more than once, more than twice. So listen to
your body like as it's softening, and just keep going
(11:41):
until you feel that your emotional overwhelm is regulated. Another
that I think is quite important is from cognitive behavioral therapy.
I've talked about this, I think earlier on in the
podcast when I was navigating a lot of anxiety. This
one is called the CBT reframe. It's called lower the bar.
(12:05):
So basically, what you're doing is reducing unrealistic expectations so
that you decrease emotional distress.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
So ask yourself, what could.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
This season look like if I allowed myself to just
be human? I love this one so much because, like,
not only are you reducing unrealistic expectations, but I also
like to think about it like you are taking control. Right,
you could design what the season looks like for you.
(12:36):
You should right, whether it looks like doing less, resting more,
saying no, choosing peace, not traveling, having a quiet December,
whatever it looks like. Step one, ask yourself, what could
this season look like if I allowed myself to just
be human? Now the fifth in the last one, it's
(13:00):
based on something all of us know from high school.
We all wanted a permission slip to ditch school, ditch
triple math.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Ditch spots day. Right, But you can use the same.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Ideology to free yourself. And I want you to write
or say to yourself this one sentence, I give myself
permission to feel exactly how I feel today. It's a
beautiful affirmation. Let me say it again, I give myself
(13:36):
permission to feel exactly how I feel today. And this
single affirmation is going to reduce internal shame and increase
emotional acceptance, which is what we want. Want you to
accept the heavy emotions you're feeling and not feel like
you have to perform joy. And just remember that joy
(13:59):
returns on its own time, even if you're not feeling
it now.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
It doesn't mean you'll never.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Feel it again. It's gonna come back. It's gonna come
back when your system has enough space, when you're rested,
when you're feeling safe enough to feel again, joy will return.
And so I want to leave you with a question
that if you feel moved too, you can drop the
answer in the common section wherever you're listening to this
on How are you really feeling as this season unfolds?
(14:28):
Not how you're supposed to feel? How are you honestly
feeling as this season unfolds? Let me know in the
common section, And if you resonated with this episode, share
it with someone you love. Thanks for listening to The Midwig.
TI's a Legally Clueless Africa production. Episodes go out every Wednesday,
(14:50):
and you can learn more about us by going to
legally Clueless Africa dot com
Welcome to the Midwick Teeth with me adele Jngle, where
I share some random and not two random thoughts on things.
And in this episode, let's talk about something that quite
a few of us have felt or are feeling, but
we never really have honest conversations around that. We're in
(00:21):
that season where joy is expected of all of us.
The decorations are out, the countdowns are on, everybody's doing
their festive vibes only thing, and there's this like quiet
but not so quiet pressure to match that energy.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
But what happens when you.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Don't really feel joyful right when your body's tired and
your mind is just like we're running on fumes. First
of all, I just want you to know that you
are not alone. Trust and believe. I done been there
deep you know. I remember a couple of years ago
(01:00):
I had what I think was one of the most
emptiest Christmases. I was navigating a very difficult period in
my marriage, and I also was overworking, I had over
traveled that year. I was feeling a sense of loneliness
and confusion, and the festive season came up, and I
wanted deeply to feel joy because I mean, that's see
(01:24):
that's what's expected, right, And I tried to put all
the ingredients of what I thought would result in a
joyful festive season, and I kind of like pushed everybody
around me to go for this, like family lunch and
even the restaurants I picked. I picked because it's known
(01:45):
to host family lunches. And while yes, there were moments
of happiness for sure, but the emptiness was still there,
the inner ability to feel joy was still there. Yet
I had done all these things that I was like,
(02:05):
alas it was meant to resulting joy, and then it didn't.
So if you're feeling that, I want you to understand
that there is nothing wrong with you. This happens to
so many of us. We hit December carrying so much,
carrying emotional depletion. Burnout, burnout, dude, You've been working the
(02:26):
whole year. Our nervous system is finally exhaling. It does
not have time for doing anything other than that. The
festive season may bring grief or loneliness. There's the pressure
to end the year is strong, and sometimes the body
is just like WHOA, I'm tired. I don't have the
time for this joy thing. Please please you know, And
(02:48):
there are many reasons that our psychology backed that explain
why the festive season comes around and you just don't
have joy. And I've found four that I want to
share with you. The first one is a bit of
a mouthful, but trust me, after I break it down
for you, you'll be like, ooh, I think this is the one.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
That's the one adult.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It's called the allostatic loud effect. Right, So, after a
prolonged stress or pushing yourself all year, your body then
enters this protective state and the nervous system then reduces
emotional intensity of all emotions, even the yummy ones like joy,
(03:31):
and it does this to conserve energy. Many of us
are feeling this specific effect. It's the end of the year.
It's been a hectic year. Q one, Q two budgets
was slashed, people lost their jobs overnight, and we still
had to make it through the year.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
The second one is emotional blunting. And this is a
real psychological response.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
So, when you've had to cope with a lot, your
body sometimes nums feelings to prevent overwhelm.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
It's just like where if you add any more feelings here,
we are going to combust. We are going to burst
and so it's not you shutting down, it's literally your
brain just trying to keep you safe. The comparison trigger
is the third one, and this one, eh, I don't know,
like I know, some people even avoid social media during
the festive season so that they avoid this particular one.
(04:32):
So these seasonal expectations right to be posting your travels,
posting your family gatherings, posting your matching pajamas set with
your partner, post and posting, posting.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Joy vibes, traveling, partying, and social media helps prop up
the seasonal expectations to do all of these things.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And what happens is it creates an emotional dissonance, right
because you expected to feel one thing, which is the joy,
which is the good vibes only, which is the family first,
but you feel a completely different thing. It's a complete
mismatch of emotions that you're feeling. And because you're not
(05:15):
feeling that emotion that you're seeing online, I'm meant to
be feeling this thing, but me I'm feeling this other thing.
What you start feeling because of that is internal shame,
which then even that joy, you are wondering why you're
not feeling it's reduced to negatives because of that. The
fourth one is, let's be honest, the festive season is
(05:41):
synonymous with a grief season.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
For many of us.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
We could call it the grief season.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
You know.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I want to say, a week or so ago, some
of my friends lost a very close friend of theirs, died.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Exactly someone they spent so many.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Weekends with, chatted with all the time, probably had December
plans with to go for this concert, to go for
this road trip, and one day you're chatting with them,
and the next day they're gone, like gone their festive season.
(06:25):
For I want to say, for the rest of their lives,
it's gonna have.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
A tinge of grief. It's gonna feel lonely.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
They're gonna feel guilty even this year for feeling joy
during the festive season. Even in its smallest form, the
festive season does come with grief. Guys, you could have
lost people to death, right. So for me, I always
(06:56):
feel a tinge of grief because my mom's not there
for me to celebrate Christmas with. My dad's not there either,
and everybody's facing their family gatherings. So of course I
feel grief, and of course I feel loneliness. Maybe he
(07:17):
lost a friend like my friends, or there was a
friendship breakup that's still grief that still brings loneliness. All
of these feelings feel louder in December. And what our
brains do, which is so freaking irritating, is they naturally
(07:37):
scan for what's missing, not what's present. So those gaps
they're going to be amplified during the festive season. It
comes with a lot of grief, and I just find
that we almost never want to acknowledge that. So if
you're feeling those heavy feelings, one thing I would tell
(07:59):
you is that you do not owe anyone emotional performance.
Society during this time is often demanding joy. It's like
be thankful, be festive, smile. It's the holidays. What are
your wins this year?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And sometimes you're not energized enough the season for that.
But you've got to understand that you don't owe anyone
an emotional performance. You are allowed to sit this season
out emotionally. You do not owe the world a show.
(08:36):
So I want to give you some real tools that
are grounded in psychology, about five of them to help
you navigate this this season. In case you're not feeling
the feelings that you know you're meant to in quotes,
be feeling And the first one was also mentioned here
(08:57):
a couple of podcast episodes ago by a psychologist from
Shamiri Health. It's called the Name It to Tame It practice.
This is backed by neuroscience. What it says is that
once you label emotions, it reduces their intensity. So I
want you to pause and name what you're feeling out
(09:19):
loud or in your mind. Don't write long sentences, just
one word, so you could say tired, numb, overwhelmed, overstimulated, lonely, sad, anxious.
When you name what you're feeling, the brain shifts activity
(09:40):
from the emotional center to the reasoning center, and just
like that, your emotional load is reduced. The second thing
you can try, which I love love, Love Love, is
a practice from positive psychology. It's called the micro joy scan.
Micro like right, So what you can ask yourself is,
(10:03):
what is one small, tiny joy that's available to you today,
not a big joy, a micro joy. It could be
sunlight on your skin, It could be oh my god,
this one is mine almost every morning, the wind hitting
my face on my morning walk.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Ah.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
That stuff is like crack toy. It could be a
warm drink. It could be lying under a blanket. It
could be finishing a task. It could be hearing someone's laugh.
It could be your favorite scent. It could be silence.
It could be running yourself a bath. Microjoy builds emotional
resilience right without forcing you to be happy. The other
(10:46):
thing that's really good is to reset your nervous system,
and the best way.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
To do that is through breath work.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
This is backed by research right and it's the thirty
second exhale. What you're going to do is take a
deep breath in through your nose and hold it for
four seconds. So you breathe in through your nose for
four seconds, and then you hold for two seconds, and
then you exhale for six seconds. So really hold that
(11:18):
exhale for longer. Breathe in for four, hold for two,
exhale for six. Now. Research shows that the long exhales
activate the parasympathetic nervous system, and you can do this
exercise more than once, more than twice. So listen to
your body like as it's softening, and just keep going
(11:41):
until you feel that your emotional overwhelm is regulated. Another
that I think is quite important is from cognitive behavioral therapy.
I've talked about this, I think earlier on in the
podcast when I was navigating a lot of anxiety. This
one is called the CBT reframe. It's called lower the bar.
(12:05):
So basically, what you're doing is reducing unrealistic expectations so
that you decrease emotional distress.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
So ask yourself, what could.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
This season look like if I allowed myself to just
be human? I love this one so much because, like,
not only are you reducing unrealistic expectations, but I also
like to think about it like you are taking control. Right,
you could design what the season looks like for you.
(12:36):
You should right, whether it looks like doing less, resting more,
saying no, choosing peace, not traveling, having a quiet December,
whatever it looks like. Step one, ask yourself, what could
this season look like if I allowed myself to just
be human? Now the fifth in the last one, it's
(13:00):
based on something all of us know from high school.
We all wanted a permission slip to ditch school, ditch
triple math.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Ditch spots day. Right, But you can use the same.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Ideology to free yourself. And I want you to write
or say to yourself this one sentence, I give myself
permission to feel exactly how I feel today. It's a
beautiful affirmation. Let me say it again, I give myself
(13:36):
permission to feel exactly how I feel today. And this
single affirmation is going to reduce internal shame and increase
emotional acceptance, which is what we want. Want you to
accept the heavy emotions you're feeling and not feel like
you have to perform joy. And just remember that joy
(13:59):
returns on its own time, even if you're not feeling
it now.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
It doesn't mean you'll never.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Feel it again. It's gonna come back. It's gonna come
back when your system has enough space, when you're rested,
when you're feeling safe enough to feel again, joy will return.
And so I want to leave you with a question
that if you feel moved too, you can drop the
answer in the common section wherever you're listening to this
on How are you really feeling as this season unfolds?
(14:28):
Not how you're supposed to feel? How are you honestly
feeling as this season unfolds? Let me know in the
common section, And if you resonated with this episode, share
it with someone you love. Thanks for listening to The Midwig.
TI's a Legally Clueless Africa production. Episodes go out every Wednesday,
(14:50):
and you can learn more about us by going to
legally Clueless Africa dot com
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