Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Live Laugh Loot contains foul language, violence, drug and alcohol references, and irreverent humor.
(00:05):
So if you're not a fan of all that, then uh, don't watch the show.
Okay, bye!
This does make me want to do, like, maybe we should record a fake Session Zero where we go over what happened before we record a campaign.
I would love to.
Even better if we get some- if those who can get drunk decide to do so.
I can't, but like-
(00:26):
I like to-
I'm waiting for-
And then Jinjo's like, you know what, I can't do it either.
I can do it, I'm a big boy, I can handle me al-kee-hols.
I tried getting drunk, and I just, like, can't.
Is that a power move you just pulled on us?
Like, I can't get drunk, that's my X-Men power, I can just go to-
It's a complaint, because I want to try. I want to experience it once in my life.
(00:50):
You know what, I actually assumed that you meant that you didn't like alcohol or something, but yeah, that's actually interesting.
It's both. It's both.
One, I don't like alcohol for, like, the most part.
I found a few combinations that do work, but at the same time, on, like, my 21st birthday,
my mom gave me, like, a hundred dollars to go buy some alcohol,
and then my sister just sort of kept putting the stuff in me for, like, over an hour,
(01:11):
and I didn't even make it to tipsy levels.
I was still fine.
Gotcha.
You know what, we're gonna figure this out.
I'm gonna- you know what, I'm gonna make drinks, and this is gonna be a thing.
You're gonna make drinks when I'm a few state lines away.
Yeah, why not? I'll mail it.
No, you gotta carry a cocktail glass all the way across from **** to Nebraska,
(01:32):
and just be like, here you are.
If that's the case, I'll meet him at the state line.
Gosh. Which state line? Which state line? There's so many in between.
Iowa.
Oh, okay.
That way, once we're done, I can take you to the zoo.
You know, I want to go to the zoo.
Well, I'm in Minnesota. I can come down and meet you, and we can hang out,
and- but Wolf will probably be tired from walking across half the country.
(01:53):
Oh no, it's worth it.
Ah, anyway.
Yeah, okay.
Enough side tracking.
Look, I just- I just took my medication, okay?
It's fine.
The ADHD just was like-
This is all gonna be a post-credits talk after whichever episode.
This is stuff we'll cut out and put in the deleted scenes aspect,
(02:13):
like, you know, at the halfway point of the season.
Probably shouldn't put the exact cities, but-
Oh yeah, well-
Yeah, I can cut around that, but the rest of it, yeah.
We'll leave the states in, we'll cut out the cities.
You should cut it out and just put, like, Microsoft, like-
Yeah, I went from Idaho to Idaho.
Or, Microsoft Sam says that.
No, come on, you gotta use, like, a fate state, like Arkansas.
(02:33):
Yeah.
America to America.
They say Ar-Kansas.
Yeah.
Went to Ar-Kansas.
Previously on Live Laugh Loot.
After waking up unconscious, Felicia and Ozzy were forced into an underground cage match
against the Juggernaut, a stone guard wrestler and the father of the lost girl Carly.
Ozzy entered into the Juggernaut's mind and telepathically broke his spirit,
(02:55):
claiming the Juggernaut was a terrible father, and Felicia did some cartoony action,
but unfortunately, our two players were knocked out with a fucking vengeance.
The two black out in the ring, and that's where the story picks up.
(03:27):
So, for the second episode in a row, you wake up unconscious.
I'm gonna say, Felicia, you wake up first.
You are not in the ring anymore.
You are in a location unfamiliar.
Butler, give me my martini.
I don't get out of my trailer for anything less than a plate.
(03:51):
Ozzy, you wake up not long afterwards.
I think you've probably got bodied pretty hard by the Juggernaut,
so you are feeling quite a lot of pain.
I don't like any of that.
I need everybody to set their health to whatever hit point would be just above you being unconscious,
(04:13):
so I think for Ozzy, that's three, and Felicia, that's four, yeah.
Darling, I think I might be drunk still, because I see a giant bird.
Huh? Where's the giant bird?
Just pointing in his general direction.
Yeah, there's no one by me.
Then I must be really drunk.
Ozzy's gonna, like, look down, see, you know, what the situation is.
(04:36):
We're both so delirious after getting our ass kicked.
He doesn't realize I'm referring to him.
All right.
Nah, crap.
He's gonna try to spit and just, I don't know if ostriches spit, but he's gonna try.
Flip one card for spit.
It's a queen of diamonds.
You manage a good patooie, and you know what?
For a queen of diamonds, you actually learn something from that.
(04:57):
You spit in just a general direction, your eyes are kind of foggy,
but you do hear something in the air hiss, and you look,
and you see that spit flew right into a laser beam.
It seems that you are in a prison cell, and the bars are lasers.
Well, darling, why don't you tell me how we got into this mess?
(05:19):
We got into a fight, got beaten up, now we're here.
Welcome to jail.
Oh, yeah, that part.
Is your first time being in jail?
Yes. I'm an actress, darling.
That don't mean nothing.
My company keeps me out of it.
You'd be surprised.
All right, so, and he's gonna-
You used to be on the other side of these, aren't you?
Sure.
(05:40):
Just, sure.
Ozzy, you are well familiar with both sides of a jail cell.
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
I need that full story.
You might give it.
Probably has something to do with the corn dog killer.
All right, so, hey, is anyone out there?
Guard, or whatever, hello?
Ozzy, you call out, and after a little while,
(06:01):
you hear footsteps approaching.
And eventually, around the corner,
you see a guard walking up to you and says,
oh, you two are awake then, huh?
No.
Ozzy, do you say no?
No, I'm obviously still sleeping.
The guard says, oh, you're a little feisty, huh?
Ozzy, as your eyes sort of adjust to the darkness,
(06:23):
you'd get a good look.
This is the same security guard
that was harassing you earlier at the convention,
but now he's a prison guard.
Oh, great.
How's it going?
It's been a...
You're just chatting them up.
Been a while.
Not long enough, he says.
So what's the situation?
What's going on?
You're in jail.
(06:44):
I thought that was kind of obvious, the guy says.
Yes.
A strict description there, darling.
Now, please, a little bit more helpful.
And at least one martini, I need a drink.
More like why- check my canister,
but more like, why are we in jail?
Oh, you're going to be sitting around here for a while
until we need you to head back into another ring.
(07:04):
You two have been, let's just say,
volunteered for fight duty?
I'm pretty sure my company would say something else.
All right, are we fighting?
Oh, that's still to be determined.
I'm dropping out.
I think I have an acting gig in a week.
I'm afraid that the terms of our, you know, contract,
make any other prior engagements you have,
(07:28):
null and void, Miss Fox.
I don't sign anything.
I'm held by nothing.
Get out of my way.
Felicia, how drunk do you think you are at the moment?
She's not drunk.
She's just tired and refusing to put in any energy.
Gotcha.
Remember, she's the main face of the company.
She obeys what it does, but she knows what she's worth.
(07:50):
Right.
If she's not going to get her freedom.
She's at least going to make a pay for her bosses.
So that's the kind of person they kidnapped here.
That's good.
This guard looks at you, Ozzy, and says,
Well, I think we both know why you're here in the first place, Mr. Ostrich.
I know how you got into the Entertain-a-Thon, son.
Yeah, I got a ticket.
I know how you got that ticket.
(08:12):
Let's just say it's in the interest of me and my beneficiaries
that you don't accomplish what your true goal was.
I was just trying to help a little girl find her dad.
Find is an interesting way to put it, Mr. Detective.
I brought the kid to him, didn't I?
Ozzy, you definitely did not, as far as you are aware.
You were trying.
You were trying.
(08:33):
So if you know what I'm doing, then you know I have to stop the bomb from going off.
What?
Bomb?
What cockamamie stuff are you talking about?
You know, the bomb I'm trying to stop.
You know about that, right?
You didn't tell me no gums-
You were making your- bumping guns about finding a dad or something.
(08:53):
Right.
What do you think the bomb is?
You think that wrestler was a bomb?
Think?
No, I'm not talking about him being a bomb.
Look, if you want this whole place to not go up in smoke,
you gotta let me do what I gotta do.
Give me presence and lying, please.
Absolutely.
As gosh darn it, I'm a detective and I lie.
This nitwitery is gonna be the death of me.
I got three successes.
(09:15):
All right, let me just see how this guard reacts.
So, uh, he says bomb?
Bomb?
Ah, I see what you're saying now.
Yeah, you two might want to have those looked at.
He points at his forehead and sort of rubs it and is like,
you know, I'd be careful about what's in there if I were you
(09:36):
and walks away.
Oh, great.
He pulled a fucking Suicide Squad on us.
Yeah, it's gonna be easier than I thought.
You knew about that.
What does that mean?
Hold on.
He's actually gonna fucking blow this place up.
He's gonna look at Felicia and just say,
Well, no, I didn't.
Well, I learn as I say.
(09:56):
Oh my god.
Part of being a detective is the more you talk,
the more people correct you.
I'm going to die and this bird is gonna be the only thing
that will remember me.
As the guard leaves, Felicia, you do get a look at Ozzy's head
and you can see a scar there.
Ozzy, you can see a scar on Felicia's head.
What would I have to do if I just wanted to like pull it out?
(10:17):
That would be probably a biology check.
And it would just like rip it out.
That would be-
Well, it's like I'm a cartoon.
I just like draw a little circle, pull it out
and just take that, pull out that chunk of my head
and just sort of erase the little spot.
You could try, but that's gonna be brawn biology.
I've got three brawn and zero biology.
(10:38):
Because you are a living being, even though you're a cartoon.
I have three drive.
Oh, gosh.
And a Hero Point, which gives you two.
So feel free to use what you have.
And you also have the anti-Joker.
One failure, two failures.
Okay, drive one, one success.
Drive two, two success.
Okay, I'm just gonna stop it there.
That's two successes, a king and a jack.
(11:00):
That's not gonna be enough to just take the thing out.
But Felicia, you do just sort of take your fingers
and like expand them on your forehead
to create a little hole.
And you try fishing around in there to feel something.
But all you feel is whatever the cartoon equivalent of viscera is.
She could just feel her brain.
(11:21):
Yeah, you touch it and you all of a sudden
remember something really embarrassing
that happened 10 years ago.
A little hand comes off her brain,
smacks her hand off and just sort of like,
stop, stop remembering.
Ozzy, there's a big hole in Felicia Fox's head.
That's weird.
Hey, bird brain.
(11:41):
You've got an inquisitive eye.
Take a gander.
Get it?
Gander.
You done being racist?
Yes.
Now, please take a look in there and see if you can see anything.
I'm waiting for an apology before I say anything else.
I'm sorry.
Good.
Do it again,
I'll put another hole in your head.
Now.
Jesus.
Now, as per my contract, I'm not actually racist.
(12:02):
That's good that there's a clause in your contract
that says you are not racist.
Space Disney's got to be real protective of the brand.
Yeah.
We don't want Felicia Fox to get fucking canceled.
Well, Ozzy, if you would like to look into Felicia's brain hole,
that would be intelligence investigation.
Oh, yeah.
(12:22):
He's going to look to see what is going on with this thing.
So you said intelligence and investigation?
Yep.
Only got one success out of all eight cards.
Well, Ozzy, you look inside, all you can really see is some quite literal gray matter.
As you're looking around, you do hear a little something inside Felicia.
And Felicia, I think you hear this too now because it is in your head.
(12:44):
Just a little tiny beep.
It sounds very faint.
It seems like it's dug in the brain pretty hard, but something is in there.
Looks like we got the same things in our brain, too.
Oh, if you don't know what I mean by that,
it means that we have a bomb in our head that they can probably set off whenever.
Congrats.
And I thought I've had bad hangovers.
Yeah, you haven't gone a night down to St. Louis.
(13:08):
Ozzy, your mind cast back to the St. Louis Spree.
Uh, St. Louis, that was a...
Thank God video cameras existed because...
Anyway- we are just learning way, way much about Ozzy.
So what are we doing?
Well, we're beating one's gums right now.
We should probably figure out how to get out of here, or how to get these out.
(13:30):
Well, I have one idea.
Oh?
Honestly, you're a cartoon.
You've done a lot of 2D stuff.
Are you able to make yourself flat like paper to just slide on through that?
I'm sorry.
I make a joke about birds and suddenly I'm racist.
You assume I can go 2D and suddenly that's not racist.
I'm going off of your job description.
(13:52):
What I've seen you be able to do is watching you be able to pull things out.
Well, I'm not answering that.
Not until I get an apology.
All right.
Sorry.
Okay.
Now, can you do that?
Let's see.
Well, would I need to draw and flip to do this?
What are you trying to do, exactly?
Basically, just like press myself up against the wall to like where I'm 2D like paper
(14:14):
and then just sort of like walk along inside of that.
Like a Link Between Worlds kind of thing.
You know what I mean?
Gotcha.
I think that would probably be...
It's either brawn or agility and athletics.
Brawn.
I have the most in brawn and then I have four in athletics.
So that gets me eight draws.
All right.
Brawn and athletics, please.
Okay.
Three successes.
Felicia, you step against the wall but up against it become one with the wall.
(14:38):
You inch your way out of the cell passing the laser bars and you pop out on the other side.
There are far more cells.
This is just like a big prison hall.
You can hear a few people just sort of like muttering to themselves.
Maybe someone's like scratching on one of the walls
but nobody seems to notice so far at least.
(14:58):
And there are no guards.
Is there like a lock on the outside of this thing or?
You can access what looks to be some sort of circuitry
that seems to be related to the laser bars attached to your cell.
I'm just going to take my chance on the wires and just punch it.
Just going to punch the wires?
All right.
I'm a cartoon character.
All right.
Then brawn computers.
(15:19):
The most that's going to happen is like he'll just see my skeleton for a second
and I'll pretend I got burnt and that'll shake it off and be fine.
So like that's the worst that'll happen to me.
The very cool brawn computers flip, please.
Okay.
Just for the...
Because I don't have anything computers.
Because I'm based off the 1920s / 40s.
That entire area.
That's not a thing.
(15:39):
All four failures.
Note.
Punching wires does not solve problems.
Felicia, you punch the wire.
Nothing happens.
Okay.
I'm going to use...
Ah dang.
Not even the shock scene.
Just maybe you just like punch it
and then you just pull back and shake your fist like, ow.
I'm going to use try to use telepathy to talk to Foxy
without saying anything out loud because I don't want to draw attention.
(16:02):
Okay.
What would you like to say?
I'm going to say, so how's it looking out there?
Because obviously am I able to see what she's doing?
Yeah.
I'm just outside the bars.
You can clearly see me.
I'm right in front of you.
Oh, never mind.
I thought like you were like not ways away
but like too much off the left or right that I couldn't see you anymore.
Okay.
Never mind.
(16:22):
I'm not going to use telepathy.
Screw that.
So how's it coming along?
I don't know these new fangled devices.
Is Ozzy able to like squeeze his head through?
I think the bars are wide enough that you could get your head and your neck through.
Anything else?
No.
Yeah.
So he's going to get his neck through and turn around kind of like twirl it.
(16:44):
Like, all right, let's see.
Ozzy, you're looking up at the same wire configuration
and I will say because you are an ostrich,
I think your neck is long enough that you could probably reach it
with your beak if you wanted to try something.
Is it just looking like a bunch of random wires connected to one thing
or is there like any specific colors or anything?
It is connected to like a little electronic box that has a few buttons on it.
(17:08):
Nothing you can really understand or read, at least not from this angle.
All right, I have one idea.
Wish me luck with this.
And he's going to try to unplug it.
Okay.
He's just going to unplug the wire, the like box, just like pull it out.
I guess that would be like a precision.
So that wouldn't be brawn.
I guess that would be intelligence computers.
All right.
(17:28):
Well, good thing I have nothing in computers.
He hasn't checked his emails.
You're an ostrich.
Yeah, but he's a detective.
That's true.
I have two successes and a Joker.
So if you want to use an anti-Joker right now, that would be great.
I guess I'm the anti-Joker.
I'm just going to like step in and smack him before he does something stupid.
Geez.
Bite up, stupid.
(17:49):
Don't take any wooden nickels.
Yeah, they don't pay for anything.
So without the Joker, how many successes?
Two.
All right, I'm just going to do a quick flip to see like
how advanced these electronics are.
Are you just trying to pull it out like it's a freaking like cord?
I think you pull out one wire, which is enough to make one of the laser bars on your cell go away.
(18:11):
It's not enough for you to fit through unless you do an agility check.
What good does your agility have to be to fucking change your entire body?
I mean, I have no agility.
I feel like that would be a biology check at that point.
Well, yeah, it'd be like agility biology to kind of like...
No, just biology.
(18:31):
Well, that's not going to go well.
It needs an attribute.
Yeah.
But I'd say brawn because it's probably going to take a lot of strength
to reorganize your entire organ structure.
I mean, he could just like suck in or something and just like walk out.
He's an ostrich.
His body is too wide by default.
What I'm saying is Ozzy, if you want to try to get out now,
(18:51):
I will let you do a flip for it.
I'm sorry to ruin your fun there.
Stop interfering with my GMing.
Let's see.
Do I...
The question...
Oh, gosh.
Would Ozzy, being as beat up as he is, try to do this?
That's a good point.
Not to backseat GM, but you have used one of your Jokers already.
I have.
(19:12):
They also have used a decent amount of...
You know what?
Because I have one drive.
Why not?
I have one success.
That's...
Yeah.
All right.
Whatever.
We tried.
Yeah, that wouldn't be enough.
So I'll say like you try to get out,
I think maybe like a few of your feathers graze one of the laser bars,
and you immediately pull back like,
oh, nope, not doing that.
All right.
(19:32):
So this is a no.
Well, I'm going to try pulling more things out for me.
My mouth kind of hurts.
He's going to pull his head back in and just like...
I want to go take a peek at the other cells next to us,
see if there's anyone else nearby.
Felicia, you take a quick walk,
like a sneaky walk up and down the hallway near you.
(19:52):
Most of the cells here are currently unoccupied,
but at the very end of the hallway,
a few cells down from yours,
you do see somebody is in a cell
just sort of sitting down in a corner,
just sort of huddled up in the corner.
Can I try and break them out?
You certainly can try.
I will say like this cell with this person
(20:15):
has the same configuration as yours.
So I want to try and pull out
a knife or some scissors from my cartoon pocket.
This time I can try and cut the wires
instead of trying to punch them.
Sounds good.
I think that would be wit and melee.
I got two successes, a king and a queen.
All right.
Fuck yeah.
(20:36):
Yeah.
You pull out some pliers.
That'll cut through wires pretty good.
I'll take it.
And now I'm going to do that.
So to cut through the wires,
I think that's going to be
and computers plus two for your pliers.
I have no intelligence or computers.
I'm stressing my mouth so I'm not paying attention.
(20:58):
Ozzy, we just cut back to Ozzy real quick like
I need a cigarette.
Also good luck over there.
He's like going through his feathers
trying to find something.
I got one success and it's a crit.
Well, that's four successes.
So I'm going to say that's enough to
not only cut through the right wires
to free the person in this cell in front of you,
(21:18):
but you also cut through the wire
that kind of shuts off the laser grid
for this entire hall, which means Ozzy,
you're now completely free
and you don't have to set off any alarms.
So Ozzy, you can step out now,
but Felicia, this person who is
holding in the corner just looks up at you and is-
Hello there, darling.
Oh, thank you very much.
They step up and just sort of stretch out
(21:42):
and walk into the hallway.
Felicia, standing in front of you,
this is a Nebulon woman and you would know
Nebulon is one of the most common species
across the universe.
A very humanoid-esque, but purple skinned.
She's definitely seen like a lot of them
around the Space Disney Studios.
Oh, absolutely.
They're everywhere.
Nebulah Montana?
(22:05):
I'm sorry.
Damn it.
No, you know, Nebulons would probably more like,
they'd host talk shows.
They wouldn't necessarily do a lot of like...
Does Disney have a talk show?
Probably through like ABC and stuff like that.
They probably do.
Still more lighthearted stuff.
I forget everything Disney owns sometimes.
(22:25):
So do they.
Nebulons would also probably be more like
a producer type.
They wouldn't do a lot of like
on-screen talent for fiction.
They tend to be pretty straightly serious
and all that.
They're like the neutral planet people
from Futurama.
A little bit, yeah.
Tell my wife I was neutral.
I have no opinion one way or the other.
(22:45):
They're not like that neutral, but...
Well, I'm just trying to say that
they have a shtick that's just
somehow like genetic to their species.
Yeah.
So this Nebulon woman says,
Who are you?
Why are you freeing me?
You're a prisoner too, aren't you?
Yes, darling.
And we're hosting a breakout.
You know, it's not safe to be out here.
(23:07):
The guards love walking down this hall
with a check on their prisoners
and taunt them.
We gotta get somewhere safe.
Then we can talk.
Well then, let's scram, shall we?
Yeah, Ozzy's gonna look to see
where everyone's running.
Oh yeah, we kinda just left him behind.
And he's following.
Yeah, Ozzy, these two are just kind of
at the end of the hallway
you're in right now.
So you can easily just walk up
and say hello.
(23:27):
Oh, he's not gonna say hello.
He's gonna like see...
Did the prisoners get out
and start running?
Yeah, there were only a few
because it was only the prisoners
on your side of the hall
and there weren't that many in them.
But the few that do,
besides this Nebulon woman,
give a quick look around
and then just sort of run away.
Yeah, he's following that way.
Oh, you're gonna follow them?
Yeah, he's gonna look at them
(23:48):
as they're standing talking.
He's gonna just give the eyebrow like
come on, come on.
And then just continue following them.
Because Ozzy does not want to get on
a three versus probably 20 people.
He'd rather have more people with him.
And also, he doesn't know
where the exit is.
Maybe these people do.
Strength in numbers, baby.
Strength in numbers.
All right, well Ozzy's heading
with the other escaped prisoners.
(24:09):
Felicia, would you like to join?
Yes, ideally.
All right.
Yeah, you and this Nebulon lady
follow right behind.
You all catch up.
I'm gonna say that there are six of you.
So that's Ozzy, Felicia,
this Nebulon woman,
and three other prisoners
of various species.
Is the Juggernaut within our group or...?
No, the Juggernaut is not with you.
(24:30):
How about the little girl?
Is she with us?
Nope.
Dang.
I am gonna have you all
do a group sneaking roll.
So I guess that'll be
agility and sneaking
to get around this place
without being detected.
Great.
That's not gonna happen.
All right.
Because I don't have sneaking,
but I do have three in agility.
Yeah, I feel.
I only have one.
One success.
(24:51):
Oh, no, I have no successes.
Maybe I shouldn't have used the anti-Joker earlier.
Yeah, I was thinking like,
oh, they're using it pretty early.
To be fair, my head was through the thing.
To be fair, if anyone is going
to make a mistake,
it should be Felicia
because cartoon character.
Yeah.
I was simply thinking,
oh, my head is through this wire.
I don't want it to come down on me
(25:11):
and just guillotine me
in the middle of everything
because knowing my luck,
that would happen.
I have no agility to even
back my head out of that.
I wouldn't kill Ozzy right now.
It's almost happened.
Yeah.
Though you're right,
I would kill Ozzy at a moment's notice.
I'm lying.
All right.
So Wolf, you got no successes
and Navi, you got no successes
and a Joker.
(25:31):
Yep.
Cool.
So one Joker is your total contribution.
The other prisoners only got
three additional successes.
So total three successes
and a Joker is not great for six of you.
The six of you do manage
to round a few corners
without getting spotted.
You are now out
of the prison area completely.
This is just a nondescript hallway.
(25:53):
One of the prisoners
who's like taking point right now
takes kind of a listen around
and he says,
I can hear something
on the other side of this wall.
Felicia, you then take it upon yourself
to be like,
I'll bust us through then, darling.
You immediately without asking-
If that's the case, darling,
let's go investigate.
Felicia, you take out a hole
(26:14):
like Roger Rabbit style hole,
and you flap it on the wall.
Unfortunately, what was on the other side
was the vacuum of space.
So you have now created an air hole.
Her pupils just get like real,
her eyes just get like real tiny.
The air pressure differential
just sucks your facial features
towards the hole.
(26:35):
She's just like her body stays,
but her head just revolves around.
Y'all don't need to breathe, do you?
And then just start to get sucked out.
You don't get sucked out,
at least not yet,
but you are decompressing this room,
which A, sets off an alarm:
air compression breach in prison hallway.
And yeah, I'm going to need everybody
to do a quick brawn and biology flip.
(26:58):
Great.
Brawn, one, two, three, four,
and that is it.
I got all failures.
Yo, queen of hearts and an ace.
Ooh, just flipping for everybody else.
One prisoner got a success and a Joker.
So they attempt to patch the hole in the wall
and are immediately sucked out into space and die.
Oh.
As he gets sucked out,
he yells back at you like,
(27:19):
tell everybody my name was Ralph!
Surprising,
he could say that in the vacuum of space.
Yeah, you're not quite sure the physics of it,
but it worked.
Another prisoner got no successes.
So I think they're just going to start choking.
They're not dead quite yet,
but they are losing air rapidly.
Another one got a success.
So they're okay.
Nebulon lady got three successes.
(27:40):
So I think she like kind of instinctively backed off.
So like she's going to be okay.
Maybe Nebulons probably have a higher tolerance
to deadly space air.
With a species named like Nebulon,
I'd almost expect them to.
Yeah, but also she's not immune
to the vacuum of space sucking in.
So she's just backing away from the currents.
(28:01):
What did you get Felicia?
No successes.
It's all failures for me.
Felicia, you also begin choking
on this deadly space air.
You mean lack of air, it's a vacuum.
No, it's deadly space air.
It's cooler.
Yeah, I can't breathe it in.
It's just bad.
You are beginning to choke from the lack of oxygen.
If you do not remedy the situation quick,
you will start to lose health.
And I know at this point,
(28:21):
you kind of can't afford that,
but Ozzy, you got a crit, you said?
Yeah, I got a crit and an ace.
Okay, so three successes.
Yep.
I think you instinctively.
Hold my breath.
You instinctively hold your breath.
I'm going to say that in a moment of clarity,
you run away from the hole.
You tear off some junk
from a nearby part of the wall that wasn't affected
(28:42):
and immediately throw it onto the hole.
And the piece of junk is large enough
to stop the decompression for now.
So it is now safe for all of you
to get away from this deadly hole in the wall,
which I assume you would all like to do.
Yes.
All right.
Well, with the alarms ringing,
you figure, okay, we better just run.
All of you run away.
(29:03):
Anyone who was in danger of the lack of oxygen
is now out of that danger.
So Felicia, you and that other prisoner
can catch your breath.
Felicia, because cartoon logic,
maybe your face is still a little like contorted
just from, again, the rush of air past you.
It looks all saggy,
like the vacuum is pulling it out.
My face is a little bad,
(29:24):
but you can probably just shake that off.
Yeah, she just like shakes her face,
you know, like it'll be fixed.
Ah, well, do not want to do that again.
The alarms are still ringing,
and then you hear someone's voice over the PA system.
Mayday, mayday.
We've detected a breach
on the side of our prison wall.
We also have confirmed six escaped prisoners.
(29:46):
Oh, scratch that.
Five escaped prisoners
and one dead prisoner floating past our station.
That, whoa, that's sad.
Anyway, we got five escaped prisoners on the base.
So keep a watch out for them, everybody.
All right, we need to get the hell out of here.
Do you guys know where we're supposed to go?
Exits, anything?
They tell you that they have been transferred around,
(30:10):
and they know the station a little bit.
As you may have been able to gather,
you are on a space station right now.
They tell you that you are now prisoners of Sayonara Station,
which is in space above Saturn's atmosphere.
They say that we know roughly the way out of here,
but first, and one of the prisoners lifts their hair up
(30:30):
and shows you a forehead scar on their head,
we probably got to get these out first.
Can I find like a phone?
Yeah, that'll be either intelligence or wit
and investigation to find a phone.
Dang, I have none of those.
Okay, I'm not going to...
I was going to make a joke moment.
I'm just like me calling Space Disney and being like,
I might be late.
I gotta inform the company.
I'll let you do that for free for the comedy.
(30:53):
Goes up to like a nearby payphone.
She puts in a nickel.
Hello, boss.
Yes, it's Felicia.
Yes, I know I disappeared from the convention.
It's a very complicated story.
I'll tell you the whole story when I get back.
Look, I...
No, I don't know how long this is going to take.
It's a very long story.
No, I can't tell you now.
I promise I'll tell you when I get back.
(31:14):
No, I don't know when I'm going to be back.
I told...
It's a long story.
I'll be back when I get back, okay?
Some bosses, I swear.
Are you serious?
What?
Okay, so you really have never been in prison before?
No.
My boss keeps me out of prison.
I do believe I made that clear earlier.
(31:34):
What?
Just know that if he could,
he would start rubbing his temples right now.
Ozzy, nothing's stopping you from using the phone
for whatever you want to do.
He's got no hands.
Oh, wait, no, he's telekinetic.
But yeah.
And also he has...
Oh, he has a big beak.
But he's gonna...
Does he have the change?
I had to use a nickel.
To get it working.
(31:56):
Okay.
Would Ozzy know...
Because he's been to prison.
Would he know that he's able to push a button
to like call the front desk?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, because this is a phone for like the staff, right?
So obviously they would have a direct line to front desk.
Okay.
So he would do that.
Felicia got a free flip to use the phone,
but that was for comedy.
(32:17):
So I think you got to do...
That's why I'm not going to make any more interactions
with the phone unless the DM sanctions it.
I'm gonna lie.
That'll be charm or presence in lying.
While he's doing that,
can I talk to the other prisoners
and see if anyone has enough like biology
to possibly fish out one of these bombs?
Yeah.
Let me do a quick...
Because I still got the circle in my head.
So I just need someone to more or less reach in there
(32:39):
and pull it out at this point.
Yeah.
They say they can do that, but not here.
They got to get to like a medical wing
so they can have the tools to do it.
But if you get them there, then one of them says,
Yeah, I'll be able to get these bombs out from all of our heads.
I used to be a doctor, but I need my tools.
Even with my pre-open frontal cortex over here,
(33:02):
nothing you can do.
That's right.
You got a hole in your head.
That just says,
Well, I guess for you, all I'd need is the forceps.
But, you know...
Okay.
Let me see if I can pull those out of my bag.
What do I need?
Probably either wit or intelligence.
Yeah.
And then what from there?
Wit and I guess this would be survival.
(33:22):
Oh, fuck.
Oh, I got one draw on this.
Queen of spades.
It's a 100% victory on this.
That's...
Yeah.
I mean, I can't make that statement for you,
but the fact that I only had one draw
and it was like success, I just...
Yeah.
No, pretty lucky.
But also it was just one success.
(33:45):
So like you pull out a pair of like tweezers.
Who let this do?
Uh, I can try.
Yes.
All right.
Come on, baby.
Let's see how the doctor...
Oh, okay.
So I want to take a picture of this
just so you know that I'm not lying.
The doctor double Jokered.
(34:05):
Oh, no.
I don't know what's gonna happen.
I'm so sorry.
So much for me lying about anything now.
I probably should have waited then.
All right.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know what's about to happen.
You know what?
I'm just gonna watch what happened
(34:25):
and just go from there.
All right.
So Ozzy, you catch wind of what's happening
with the doc and Felicia
before you make your phone call.
First off, Felicia, this man is just like,
all right, let's give this a shot.
Yeah, as he's like bringing the tweezers
up to the hole in your head,
you can tell that he is shaking immensely.
He is incredibly nervous about this.
(34:47):
He says, all right, here goes nothing.
Felicia, take one damage.
I'm unconscious now.
As the doctor reaches into your head
with way too much force
and basically tweezers your brain too hard.
And yeah, Felicia, you're unconscious.
Is the bomb out at least?
Gosh.
(35:07):
All right.
Well, I'm not gonna be so cruel
to say that the second Joker
is that the bomb explodes
because that will kill you.
The doctor didn't get any successes.
So you know what I'm gonna say what happens?
Felicia, because you are unconscious,
your body basically cannot sustain
the hole in your head being open.
So it immediately closes on the doctor
and now his hand is stuck in your head.
(35:28):
So this doctor prisoner
basically has a Felicia Fox
on the end of one of his arms.
An unconscious one at that.
So he's like, oh shit, that's not good.
It's like that one sbemail where Strong Bad's talking about,
he replaces hands with.
And in this instance,
it's not a bucket or a megaphone.
It's an entire ass cartoon character
(35:51):
and it's an unconscious one.
So it's not like it can help him.
So that happened.
Okay.
God.
Okay.
So the recap,
this doctor tried to get the bomb
out of Felicia Fox's head,
knocked her unconscious
and now the two of them are fused.
No fusion dance needed for this one.
No, but Ozzy,
you can make the phone call now.
(36:12):
I'm not sure.
If you still want to.
I mean, I drew the cards I'm going to.
Okay, fair.
Yeah.
What did you,
what were you flipping again?
It was lying?
Yeah, I was gonna lie.
All right.
And I had two successes, I think.
Okay.
You get on the phone,
you hit the front desk button
and after a little bit of ringing you hear,
(36:33):
hello, front desk, Sayonara Station.
There is an emergency.
The prisoners have left the one wing
and ran back to the cell.
There is an injury.
We need other doors open.
Make sure that everyone goes
to the middle of the cell.
They're going that way towards the other area.
Please get there as soon as possible.
One of them, I think,
actually took out one of their,
you know what they try to take out.
(36:55):
Be very aware.
As Ralph was falling out of the sky,
he accidentally put a covering over the hole
so that does not need
immediate attention right this moment,
but the prisoners are making their way that way.
Send everyone over there now.
I'm going to try to bring the security member
through the hallways going the opposite way.
Thank you.
So to clarify,
were you directing them to like,
(37:16):
you're trying to say like,
hey, the prisoners went the other way from your cell?
They went back towards the cell.
They're going the other way now
and to open the other doors
because somebody got hurt
and we're just taking them through quickly.
So you're saying that you gang
are like the security that needs help
and like open the doors for you
(37:36):
because you're security quote unquote.
Okay, because it sounded like
you were bending the truth
rather than flat out lying.
So I just want to make sure I got what you're saying.
Two successes?
Yes, two successes.
Basically, hey, they're going that way.
I'm taking this injured person this way.
Okay.
I'm not going to be able to use my card
because, you know, lifting him or whatever.
(37:57):
I understand, sir.
We'll have the doors open for you in a moment
and we will send security to round up those prisoners.
Thank you for calling Sayonara Station.
Goodbye.
After a few seconds,
you hear a door that was nearby you
that was closed, Ozzy, slide open.
He's gone right through.
All right.
The five of you,
including the unconscious Felicia Fox,
(38:18):
walk on through.
You are now out of the detention center
but the hallways on this station look very identical.
At least one person is going to have to do
like an investigation flip
to figure out where to go from here.
I guess I can do that.
All right, intelligence.
Oh, sorry, wit investigation.
Wit and investigation.
(38:38):
What's my wit?
Three.
I only got one success out of all that.
Ozzy, you take a kind of quick like peek around
the immediate hallway with your big ostrich neck
and you're like, yeah, this kind of looks like the way.
You know what?
Also, I'm going to see if the prisoners can help you out.
Oh, one of them got three successes immediately.
I'm stopping right there.
(38:59):
Immediately like, yep.
Maybe like Ozzy, your success is like,
you're kind of on lookout right now,
like peeking ahead and then one of the other prisoners,
probably not the doctor
because his mind is kind of occupied
with something else right now,
is telling you like, all right,
to the right, to the left and-
To the left.
Take it back now, y'all.
Cha-cha, real smooth.
Phyllis just instinctively just says that unconsciously.
(39:23):
Reverse, reverse.
Gosh.
So Ozzy, you and the gang,
cha-cha slide over to the next part of the station.
The people do lead you to the medical wing,
which with the alarms ringing
seems to have been abandoned.
You don't see anybody in here.
So you can all just kind of get inside,
take a breather.
This medical wing seems to be for people
(39:44):
in the station besides just the prisoners.
So it does look a little more nice and up-keeped.
Upkept, I should say.
You can see some pretty nice beds.
There seem to be a lot of like medicine cabinets
and just sort of loose medical equipment around.
So there's a lot of stuff here if you need to,
you know, do whatever you need to do.
Ozzy's not good at this.
(40:04):
Uh, would I be able to do anything to help out?
Because I have no medicine, anything.
Yeah, no biology.
I mean, I have intelligence and wit.
That's about it.
Firearms is not going to help out right now.
No, probably not.
Yeah.
Also, you don't have a gun.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know that.
(40:24):
Oh, I got rid of my club.
That's right.
I don't have my club anymore.
Yeah, that was taken away from you.
Do I still have my detective hat?
No, that was also taken from you.
Man, I hate everything.
Reaching my bag.
Pulling out.
He's not going to actually do that.
All right.
I have to make a GM decision
if I'm going to allow that to happen.
He wouldn't do that.
(40:45):
He doesn't want to put his hand in there.
He doesn't know what's in there.
You know what?
I'm going to say you can try.
You know, I'm going to flip to see if you would even do it.
Would he do it?
Sorry, you're flipping to figure out what your character would do?
Yeah, because I'm like, would he actually do it right now
while his friend's unconscious?
Does seem like a dick thing that he would do,
but also he doesn't know what else to do.
(41:05):
I mean, to be fair, the girl's unconscious and, you know.
Oh, he doesn't steal.
He's a bad cop, but not a corrupt cop.
There's no other kind.
I was going to say he's also not a cop,
but no, he's not going to do it.
All right.
All right.
So, hey, can any of you help this lady out?
The doctor says, I mean, normally we'd have to get her healthy again
(41:29):
so that her body can contort in the way that cartoons do.
Anything you can see around here that'll boost her health
would be very much appreciated because my arm is in her.
Yeah, I guess he's going to look around to see if he can find anything.
Just like, I don't know, he's going to look for food, water, a Band-aid.
Give me wit and investigation, please.
(41:51):
All right.
No successes and a Joker.
Cool.
Yeah, knew that was coming.
It'd be funny if I still didn't have the anti-Joker after all this time
and I tried using it now while I'm unconscious.
Well, the anti-Joker is more for the player,
so in-universe it wouldn't matter.
It's not like Felicia's like, no Jokers!
Gosh, no Jokers ever again.
(42:13):
Ozzy, you try scrounging around the medical wing
for any sort of medical supplies.
You find an area one, but you do see in the corner,
there is a patient's bed that the curtains are drawn on it
so you can't see what's inside,
but you can see something is moving around in there.
And Ozzy, your natural detective curiosity gets the better of you.
(42:36):
You walk up to it and almost immediately,
whatever's behind the curtain notices you sneaking up
and jumps out at you.
Ozzy, you are tackled to the ground and you look up
and you can see somebody who's wearing a prisoner's outfit,
but they look very feral.
I think they have rabies based off looking at them.
(42:58):
Yeah, you ever seen 28 Days Later?
Yeah, okay. Yep.
You get tackled to the ground by a ravenous prisoner zombie.
I'm going to do a quick flip to see if anybody can help you out.
This Nebulon woman grabs a wrench and whacks this zombie in the head.
So Ozzy, you can stand up and...
(43:18):
He's going to get up and back up.
Yeah, the zombie sort of looks at everyone and you
and does like, ah, and then immediately runs off
and leaves the medical wing.
Do you know what that was?
The Nebulon woman says, I've got no idea.
I had heard that they'd been experimenting
with some of the prisoners on here
(43:39):
as part of a horrific science project,
but they weren't going to do that to us.
We were kept alive for this fight ring,
but what the hell is this station involved with?
Did they also have like the same like carving
that we did on our heads or no?
You didn't notice it.
Well, one, no clue, but they're probably dead.
Number two, I don't know if anything here
(44:00):
is going to help her or make her feral.
And I'm going to be honest,
a feral Foxy sounds absolutely awful to everybody.
I mean, yeah, no, there's,
you ain't going to be able to control whatever.
I don't know if they're even doing that to us.
You know, they kind of got to keep us alive
and ready to fight at a moment's notice.
But look, I don't know no medicine around here.
(44:21):
I don't want to accidentally think, oh, that's ibuprofen.
It turns out to be like whatever made her mouth
or that thing's mouth like,
I don't know.
I don't know that.
The only time I ever take anything is Alka-seltzer
and that's in the morning.
I take it even when I'm not hungover.
It's just actually, it's pretty much my coffee
at this point, I like the fizz.
Ozzy, you could really go for an Alka-seltzer right now.
(44:41):
Ozzy, he just looks at her dead in the eyes.
Honestly, I sometimes just put the tablet on my tongue
and then just drink water, wakes me up.
I see.
You should try it one day.
What's your name, by the way, sir?
I've never seen anything like you before.
No, I'm a detective.
Well, I don't have my hat.
That's probably why you didn't know,
but I'm Detective Ozzy.
(45:02):
Ozzy, she reaches out her hand and says,
my name's Geena, Geena Radmist.
Oh, Geena, nice to meet you.
He goes to shake her hand.
My accomplice over there on the ground.
Oh, I know her.
That's Felicia Fox.
Yeah, and we're going to make sure she's not
Feral Fox or Felicia Feral.
I don't know which one I like better, but anyway.
She's too unconscious to care.
(45:23):
We got to get her up because I'm going to be honest.
Having the doctor's hand stuck inside somebody's head
with explosives, bad time for everybody.
The doctor says it's a living.
This has happened to him before.
I think that's concerning me more than anything.
Well, he's a doctor.
I'm pretty sure he's seen him in many places.
You have no idea the horrors I've seen
(45:44):
as the doctor stares off with a thousand yard stare.
Same here, buddy, except mine...
Anyway, do you know what will help her?
I can try and at least give her some like
food or medicine that'll heal her up
and she can free the doctor's hand.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
You do that.
The only way we're going to free me from the doctor's hand
(46:04):
is if we get to that medical bay
so we can at least cut open my skull
a little bit more to get me off.
You're in the medical bay.
Oh, we are?
Okay, cool.
That case, I just mean you can also take the bomb out
while he's at it because he made a big deal
about how he needed the proper tools.
So the reason that your body's fused
is that Felicia, you're unconscious.
So your body's not able to sustain
(46:25):
the normal contortions of a cartoon
because you're not alive at the moment.
Point is, yeah, I'm going to do a quick flip for Geena
to see if she can find something
that'll heal Felicia up.
Because I just did mine.
I got a Joker.
Well, Geena also got no successes.
Gosh, we are great at this.
Okay, you know what?
GM powers.
(46:46):
Ozzy, a can of cherries falls from the ceiling
and you're like, oh, this will work,
which you immediately feed to Felicia Fox.
Felicia Fox, gain one health point back.
Yeah, he's going to open the thing with his beak
and instead of like feeding,
he's just going to grab the can with his mouth,
turn it over and just dump the entire thing
of cherries into your mouth.
(47:07):
I'm back, baby.
What happened?
Felicia, you do a little bit of Popeye,
just like just tap dancing as- with a little dance.
As you just sort of like flex your muscles
and just *ding* the doctor right off of your,
no, sorry, it was in your head.
You're flexing your skull muscles
of your brain muscles.
How do you have a-
(47:30):
Felicia, now that you are conscious again,
you're like, hey,
let me open up this hole in my head,
which you do.
The doctor is able to free his hand.
He's got just like cartoon ink up
and I was like, well,
I only wish that I had sterilized my hand
before doing that,
but I guess all's well that ends well.
I'll be fine.
(47:50):
Good job on having a six pack as a forehead.
I don't know how you have muscles up there
like that, but you know,
kudos to you.
So was he able to take the bomb out
when he pulled his hand out or?
Nope.
Oh, it's still in there.
Yep.
Then I want to make sure I'm keeping the hole open.
All right, Felicia,
the hole in your head is still open,
but I think we'll have to deal with
the rest of this next time on Space Kings.
(48:28):
Thanks for listening to Live Laugh Loot.
We're currently using the Space Kings system
developed and published by SuperTry Studios.
You can learn more about this game
or buy it yourself at
supertry.itch.io
slash Space Kings.
Follow us on BlueSky
at livelaughloot.bsky.social
or email us at livelaughlootpodcast
(48:48):
at gmail.com.
Our intro music is Out of Control
by Chill Carrier
and our outro music is
One Point to Another by Rockit Maxx.
See the episode description
to find out what other songs
played this episode
or to check licensing information.
To learn more about this podcast
or listen to more episodes,
check us out at
livelaughloot.libsyn.com.