July 3, 2025 • 47 mins
The party deals with a boss fight far too quickly and plans their big escape, but they come to blows after Ozzy reveals a terrible secret in a rabies-induced bout of insanity.
Currently Playing: Space Kings
LIVE LAUGH LOOT IS:
AyItsGreyJ (he/him) as GM
GamingNavi (she/they) as Felicia Fox
Wolfkaosaun (he/him) as Ozzy
MUSIC THIS EPISODE:
Marantz PMD221 Stereo Summing Test by HOME
Out of Control by Chill Carrier (licensed under CC BY-NC 3.0)
Como: Noir by Emilio Robot (licensed under CC BY 4.0)
One Point to Another by Rockit Maxx (licensed under CC BY-NC 3.0)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Live Laugh Loot contains foul language, violence, drug and alcohol references, and irreverent
(00:05):
humor.
So if you're not a fan of all that, then don't watch the show.
Okay, bye!
Hey there, I'm GreyJ, the host of Live Laugh Loot.
Maybe you've heard of it.
Real quick, before this episode begins, I just want to mention we did have some
unfortunate audio issues on Navi's side.
It seems she was using the wrong microphone to record, so her voice is going to sound
(00:25):
pretty far off.
We did the best we could to salvage the audio.
And this episode should be listenable, even with it, but just to let you know that that
is a temporary issue for this one episode only.
Thank you for bearing with us, and hope you enjoy the show.
Alright, I'm ready to get a move on whenever you all are.
I'm good to go.
(00:45):
Alright, Navi, you good to go?
Yep, my deck's shuffled, I've been recording for the last two minutes.
Frickin' two minutes over here.
Two minutes.
Yeah.
Well, let's get it started.
Except I gotta put on the music.
Also, better than that.
First question, who's anti-Joker this week?
You.
Okay.
(01:06):
That was quick.
Alrighty.
Democracy in action.
Now for the recap.
Previously on Live Laugh Loot.
Entering a garage on Sayonara Station, the crew immediately alerted some prison
guards who tried to take them back into custody, but in a classic move, Ozzy convinced
one of them that he was God.
Before the guard could spread the word about this new religion, his head mysteriously exploded.
(01:31):
Suddenly a voice taunted the escapees as the Juggernaut suddenly reappeared, and
as he and Felicia re-enacted King Kong, Ozzy went back to his old tricks and psychically
messed with his head.
Which worked this time, but there was no time to celebrate as the source of the
voice rounded the corner, a lamb in a cheap suit holding Carley at gunpoint.
(02:09):
So here's the sitch.
You all are grouped together on more or less one end of the garage.
This lamb holding Carley at gunpoint in his hands is on the other end towards the window
where you can see Saturn and its rings real up close down below.
He's got his gun pointed squarely at Carley's head.
(02:32):
And his mouth is covering her, so you can kind of hear her going like *mmph mmph*
And I gotta say, September is not the right backing music for this, uh, for this scenario.
Are you using the playlist I made way back when?
I am, but I didn't shuffle.
Goody!
Gosh.
You know what? That's fine.
So many songs were thrown into that.
Yeah, I'm gonna say that you can hear Earth, Wind and Fire over the loudspeakers.
(02:56):
That's the diegetic music.
If this were a film, of course, it'd be much more intense, but you just hear September.
My seventh favorite song.
Oh, uh, hold on, hold on.
I was just gonna look and just be like, wait, um, who are you?
That's not important right now.
What's important is that neither of you moves a muscle, see?
Uh, darling, I would argue it is important to tell us your name.
(03:19):
I mean, what are we gonna do?
Just call you the beatnik who kidnapped us?
Now that's a gunpoint.
But what do we call you?
You can call me Bobby Lambino.
Now, was that so hard, darling?
I'm gonna call you Bob.
I don't really give a shit what you call me,
as long as you do what I say when I say it.
And right now, I need you all to drop whatever you're carrying.
(03:40):
If it was that easy, my directors would have less martinis in their set diet, implying
she's hard to work with and her director's getting drunk.
Felicia, your mind cast back to a pretty terrifying day on set where the alcohol
was just flowing because you were being such a-
Not terrifying for her.
Yeah, well, terrifying for basically everybody on set.
(04:01):
Everyone was getting drunk and bitching about you behind your back, but you were
in your trailer just sipping down a cool drink and you were like, I'm the best.
Ah, yes, Cool Drink, everyone's favorite.
I don't know what Felicia would drink.
Remember, what was it?
The Max Fleischer?
Right, yeah, yeah, we invented a drink.
That was not on a recorded session, of course.
(04:21):
Oh, yeah.
Side note, our glorious DM created an entire fricking unique alcoholic beverage
for her because she's a cartoon called the Max Fleischer.
Which you can order now in the official Live Laugh Loot cocktail book.
Gosh.
I would unironically buy that.
I love novelty cookbooks.
It only has two drinks.
Well, we got to have a signature Felicia, Ozzy, and Wilbur and Mizool drink, obviously.
(04:46):
Well, if we're going to include those two, that means we have to make them
canon for the timeline.
True.
Which you know what?
I'm fine with that.
We need to see Wilbur come back.
Not like I knew for sure the same Wilbur.
We need to see how he's been changed after all of that.
I'm not super inclined to just bring your characters back without talking with you
(05:07):
about it first, but I'm not opposed to the idea.
That's irrelevant to this current situation, which is Mr.
Bobby Lambino here just said, hey, put your weapons and your items down on the ground.
Can I do that cartoon thing where I start pulling a bunch of random stuff
from my pocket and creating that small pile?
Absolutely.
That's got to be...
(05:27):
Are you doing this just for like the comedy?
Yes, I'm doing it explicitly for the joke.
Like you're just going to see me pull out an entire coat rack,
a bunch of a bag of fish.
It's just a bunch of random items that make no sense to be in a pocket,
but it's there.
Excellent.
I'm going to make that just because you're pulling out a lot of stuff
that's going to be either Brawn or Agility and Perform.
(05:50):
Failure, failure, failure, failure.
Come on, please.
No, it's all failures.
I want to do my comedic jokey thingy.
Dang it.
You don't even manage to pull out any pocket lint.
Just rummagees around the entire pocket.
You do the thing where you like pull your pockets inside out
so you just see a little white thing in your prison outfit.
Like, oh, I don't know.
(06:10):
I got nothing.
She even does like the sideways just shrug kind of thing.
Just shrug like, wop, wop, wop, wop.
Bobby Lambino looks at you like, that's real cute, doll face,
but you better set that hammer down right the fuck now.
Darling, you may be a little ragamuffin,
but you have no rights to call me a doll.
Now, I'm going to give you five seconds to apologize
and treat me like the lady I am.
(06:32):
Bobby Lambino points the gun at you, Felicia,
and is like, how's that for an apology?
There are only two people who call me doll.
What was your partner's names again?
It was Floyd and...
Uh, fuck.
Uh, hold on.
Where's my world-building document?
I like the idea of Felicia saying that out loud,
like, only two, oh, okay.
She just like reaches out of the screen to the DM.
(06:54):
What's my girlfriend's name again?
I remember my boyfriend's name.
Who's my girlfriend?
Lynx Floyd and Betty Bunny.
Okay, I was about to say Bonnie.
Okay, back in the frame.
Different bunny.
Back in the frame.
Only two people call me doll.
Floyd and...
I just heard it!
Betty, Betty.
(07:14):
Gosh.
Only two people call me doll.
Floyd and Betty.
I don't even know who Betty is.
She's a bunny, darling.
Okay, and as Ozzy says that he's going to try to telekinesis
to make the lamb drop the gun.
Sure, that'll be Presence / Telekinesis.
Am I healthy?
(07:34):
I am healthy.
Ooh, yay.
That's five cards.
All right.
All right, baby, how are the cards?
Two successes.
I'll do a quick flip to see
if Bobby Lambino is like that observant.
Well, he got two successes and a Joker
to counter your flip.
So I'm going to say Ozzy,
he notices that you're trying to get his gun away
(07:56):
with telekinesis and he's like,
hey, cut that out, you.
Points the gun squarely at you.
But in the process, his grip on Carley sort of loosens
and Carley just straight bites him on the arm.
Bobby's like, ow, motherfucker.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can I stick my hammer on him now?
Uh, you can try.
He said a swear in front of a child
(08:17):
and I want to hit him on the head.
Banned!
That's the point.
If I can land it, I have a follow-up line.
Yeah, you can certainly try.
I will say there is quite a bit of distance between you.
I thought he was point blank
the way he was doing his whole gun thing.
No, he's got enough distance between you
to like hold the gun against like five people.
Fine, I want to throw the hammer at his head.
(08:38):
Okay, that works too.
I'm into it.
I want to aim it right for the kisser.
I think that's got to be Agility and Melee.
Yes, let's see.
It's Agility, which I have three,
Melee which I have two, so that's five.
Yeah, plus one for your hammer.
Oh yeah, plus one for the hammer.
Three successes, K-A-J, K-A-J.
A-J, K-A-J.
(09:00):
So three successes.
And I think we determined that this was like
like the Amy Rose hammer, right?
Yeah.
Cool, so Felicia,
as Carley bites Bobby Lambino on the arm
and she like falls out of his grasp
and he's like,
ah, mother, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
motherfucker, ah, ah, piece of shit.
You line up a shot.
You just like get a like cool action stance going.
(09:23):
You take your hammer off of your back,
quickly raise it to do a cool pose, like a-
I have the power.
Exactly.
And you then like expertly like softball style-
not softball style, baseball style,
throw a fastball with the hammer
and it knocks this guy right in the head.
(09:43):
Hey, you big palooka, there's children here.
Watch your language.
As Carley runs across the distance in the garage
to immediately run into the Juggernaut's arms
and they do a tender father-daughter hug.
Aw, that's ta-tasty.
No, cute.
Now that everything's aces, can we get out of here?
The guy with a now very visible cartoon bump on his head.
(10:09):
Well, two can play at that game
and yeah, he's running at you right now,
gun firmly in hand.
Oh crap, my hammer's gone, what do I do?
Ozzy, I need help.
Hmm, I have two options.
Pressure situation, Ozzy, he is getting closer.
He's focused on Felicia, right?
(10:31):
Yes, because I'm going through the hammer.
He is kind of just charging at all of you
because you are grouped together,
but you get the feeling that he's probably gonna
go for Felicia because you know,
she just threw a fucking hammer at him.
Okay, Ozzy gonna hold his hand out
and he's gonna use telekinesis to call the hammer back
to try to hit him in the back of the head with it.
Excellent, Brawn / Telekinesis.
(10:51):
All right.
Which, as a reminder with you're a zombie rabies,
that's what's on the sheet,
you have four Brawn at the moment.
Oh gosh, that's seven cards, let's go baby.
Out of all that, I only got two successes.
You know what, I'm using Drive.
Go for it.
It was worth it.
Queen of Hearts, baby, so that's two successes
and then a Queen of Hearts.
Oh yeah. Nice, four successes.
Let's go, suffer.
(11:12):
Swear to me.
Swear to me.
Swear to me.
Where are the other drugs going?
Where is she?
Where are they?
Where are the cigarettes?
I don't wear hockey pads.
Well, Ozzy, you use your telekinetic powers
to lift the hammer on the ground.
Bobby Lambino is running towards you
and I'm gonna do a preemptive flip for him.
(11:34):
He got a success and a Joker.
So he's just Jokering left and right today, I guess.
Let's go.
Bobby... A) does not notice that you've picked up the hammer
with your telekinesis and are about to ram it into his back.
So you get a full like skull crack on the back of his head
that just sends him tumbling to the ground.
And he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, see, no.
(11:59):
I do see.
I'm gonna say the Joker is just
that he is just now immediately unconscious.
This guy was not the boss that I imagined he would be.
He's nothing but a goon.
No, he's unconscious.
He gooned too hard.
Yes, he is unconscious.
Let's not keep that in the final take.
No, put that in five more times.
(12:19):
I'm putting the kibosh on this.
So he is unconscious on the ground,
just sort of like writhing like.
Unconscious as in like,
he's not gonna move right now.
Not like combat unconscious.
So you could like wake him up
if you wanted information out of him
or to beat him up some more, I don't know.
I'm taking his gun.
I would like to get my hammer.
Yes, Felicia, you have your hammer.
Felicia, you have your hammer.
(12:39):
Thank goodness.
And all right, Ozzy, you get his gun,
which I'm gonna say is just like straight up a Glock.
Mm, this looks pretty neat.
You may add that to your inventory.
How many bullets do I have?
It has three bullets.
Okay.
And this is plus one to Firearms.
Okay, great.
(13:00):
I'll do a roll instead of a flip
because I don't feel like I should use cards for this.
Gonna go chaotic.
You're telling me that you're doing stuff
outside of the Space Kings system?
What the fuck?
This was not discussed with the DM earlier.
Gosh.
All right, I'm not being chaotic.
Do not homebrew my campaign, young man.
Ozzy's gonna look around like,
hey, do you guys have something to tie him up
with like a piano string
(13:22):
or I could just shoot him in the head.
Pfft.
Darling, darling.
Children.
Well, yeah, they should.
I'm pretty sure that child.
And Ozzy's gonna point to like the two dead bodies
next to him with their heads blown up.
I mean.
That was different.
This one is just, this is just murder.
That was defense.
This one, this is murder in front of a child.
(13:43):
So do you have piano string then
or something for me to tie the?
What I have to do to try and see
if I have any in my pocket.
If you're trying to pull out something to tie him up.
Yeah.
with an Engineering or Spacewise, I'm gonna say.
I get to draw one card.
This all is riding on one card
because I have none of those other stats
and by default, I have one Wit
(14:03):
and it's a 10.
Let's go.
You do the exact same joke,
but it doesn't land as well and nobody laughs.
Geena steps up and is like, I can handle it from here.
She uses her telekinetic powers
to make a sort of bubble barrier around Bobby Lambino
(14:23):
and hovers him up into the air.
And it's just like, I hope you two don't mind,
but this guy's gotta come with me
and I gotta leave it at that.
I think you should at least let me know something about them.
I mean, they just tried to shoot a child in front of me
and they blew up two heads.
I mean, come on, like I gotta know something.
Like I can't trust that they're not gonna blow up my head.
(14:44):
If either of you would like to try
and get more information out of Geena about this person,
it will either be Charm or Presence and Persuasion.
You wanna do a good cop, fun cop?
I really hope Ozzy's fun cop
because I wanna see Ozzy be a fun cop.
I don't see him being a fun cop anytime soon.
True.
All right, well, you're up first, Felicia.
(15:06):
Me?
Yeah, I said good cop, fun cop.
You're a good cop.
Darling, I don't know if you've seen my cartoon.
I get chased by cops.
I don't do the whole cop thingy.
But do you ever dress up like a cop
to act like them to make you think
that you're not you so that they get all confused?
Because I feel like you can do that.
(15:26):
I feel like you can do all the deep stuff.
I love how they just like deflate her logic
cause she knows she's done that.
Oh yeah.
She's like, dude, my out.
I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure
the kid's even seen that, right?
Yeah, I remember in this really fun one,
you had to dress up as a cop
so you could tell this villain
(15:47):
that you were chasing in your car
that he had to pull over.
And you pulled him over and then you were like,
can you step out of the vehicle, please?
And he did.
And you basically like wrote him up a really large ticket-
and then she just keeps going on and on and on.
What do I have?
Can I just like re-inflate in a cop outfit?
Do I need to try and think for that
or just be like a visual gag?
I feel like Felicia,
(16:07):
you just kind of have the ability
to do like a little cartoon spin
and you're just in another outfit.
And because you're out of combat,
I'll let you do that for free.
Sweet.
So yeah, you can just flip around
and you're in a police uniform.
I'm gonna do what I just said.
Since she just deflated here,
just called her out for crap.
She just, she re-inflates
and now she's wearing a completely new outfit.
(16:27):
You re-inflate with a full policewoman uniform
and a club, which is just for show.
You don't get any additional items with this disguise.
I don't exactly see myself using a cop outfit
as like a recurring item,
especially because knowing her,
it's like a cartoonish cop outfit.
So like none of it is up to regulation or code.
It's like, even like if she tried to trick cops,
(16:49):
they'd be like, nope, we can see through that.
And it's not even like a plastic thing or anything.
It's a prop, but it's,
let's just say it's glued in to your uniform.
Yeah.
Glued in.
She's in.
She is now wearing the outfit.
She's gonna go approach the suspect.
Cool.
If you want to learn more,
Charm or Presence and Persuasion.
Let's see.
I do have three in Charm.
(17:10):
Like I have nothing in Persuasion.
I have Perform, not Persuasion.
Not the action.
Failure.
Success.
Success.
A jack and a king.
We don't have time to be jacking around.
We got an investigation to do.
I don't get it.
I wanna know what you said.
Jack and king, what?
All right, so you can ask whatever questions you want
(17:30):
to Geena.
I'm actually trying to think of a question.
That's the hard problem.
Ask who it is.
Ask who what is.
Them on the ground.
Almost dead one.
The one we just beat up?
Yeah.
Yeah, you heard my friend.
Look, we're just gonna ask you some nice questions.
Now you answer us some questions
and we might be willing to light your sentence.
(17:51):
Yeah, I haven't done the clock roll that many times.
Well, you do make your pitch
and Felicia, you do put on your Charm.
Unfortunately, Geena flipped three successes to match you.
So she just says, I know that this is a,
you know, confusing situation for you two and all of us.
Cause you know, you were brought here against your will,
but.
(18:11):
Oh yeah, you're telling me that, right?
I'm supposed to be on set in the middle of a con
right now and you all kidnapped me.
All this gobbledygook
and I've yet to see a single martini.
Now tell me, why should I care about you?
I'm sorry.
I can't explain that right now or ever.
(18:31):
But- pain in the neck.
Right.
Listen, you get whistling Dixie all you want.
You give me the answers, things go well.
Otherwise I get my partner involved.
And let me tell you, he will flip his wig.
Geena looks back at you, Ozzy,
seeing some foam around your mouth
because you've still got the zombie rabies.
(18:52):
Absolutely, I do.
And I don't know if that has the intended effect
that Felicia wanted though.
Cause she's just sort of like, right.
Yeah.
I was trying to do the whole, you know,
good cop, bad cop.
Like the, hey, you know,
my partner's crazy kind of thing.
Ozzy thinks it's fun.
I'm like a dog, arf.
Geena's like, I see what you two are doing.
You're doing the classic good cop, fun cop,
(19:13):
but it's not going to work on me.
Sorry to say.
That's it.
Bupkis, I got nothing.
All right.
Your turn.
All right.
I'm going to show you magic trick ready.
Ha ha ha.
It is fun cop.
I so wasn't prepared to hear that.
Are you actually going to do a magic trick
or what are you going to do?
Well, he's going to try.
I imagine, because the whole Dark Knight thing
(19:35):
we were doing earlier,
I could just imagine that's the Joker set up.
I grab my pencil, I disappear.
Wha-bam, see? It's gone.
It's magic.
Introduce a little anarchy.
All right.
So what would you like to do?
Well, he's asking her if I can make you laugh.
Oh, so you are being Joker now.
Cool.
(19:55):
No, no, no.
If I can make you laugh,
you answer a question about Lamb Chop over there.
Bob, that was her name.
Yeah, Bob Lamb Chop.
I suppose you can give it a shot.
No, I need a yes or a no.
All right, fine.
Yes.
She says annoyed.
Thank you.
All right, you ready?
Yes.
(20:16):
He's going to think back.
I was like, all right, magic trick.
Got it.
And what he's going to do now
is he's going to use his telekinesis
to try to Weekend at Bernie's one of the bodies
without a head, like as a puppet.
Sheesh.
And like, try to do like stand up with them.
Try to do like a Jeff Dunham thing
with this lifeless body.
(20:36):
Good, good, good.
But hopefully less racist?
Well, yeah.
Okay, so your magic trick is to telekinesis
a body and like use it like a puppet.
Yeah, use it like a puppet.
I will say, because Geena is also telekinetic,
this will be Wit and Telekinesis,
but you've got to do a hell of a flip.
All right, so we've got Wit and Telekinesis.
(20:57):
So that's going to be, so that'd be six cards.
All right, let's go.
Yay.
I only got two successes.
Well, I'll tell you this.
The score to beat,
because I flipped for her as well,
she got three successes.
So if you want to goose it up, you're going to have to.
If you want to succeed.
But I don't want to backseat DM.
That's just, I'll just lay that on the line.
I'll do it.
(21:18):
We'll, hello, my baby.
Hello, my honey.
But yeah, let's do it.
Drive.
Do it.
All right.
So what happens if we tie?
You have to beat her if you want to like,
if the agreement was a-
Okay, so I have to do two cards then.
Yeah.
Okay, crap.
Okay, well, I tied.
All right, yep.
I did two cards and I'm still tied.
Well.
You're going to call it there? Is Ozzy a gamblin' man? Would it help if I tell you what'll happen if you tie?
(21:44):
No, no, I'm good.
Nope, nope.
I think Ozzy, I think Ozzy is going to call it there.
I think he's losing his mind
and he wants to not taste blood anymore.
with three successes,
you do successfully use your telekinesis
to do a pretty solid,
if you wanted to do the hello, my baby.
Yeah, I'll do that.
But like, obviously Ozzy doesn't know the words.
He's like, hello, my child.
(22:05):
Hello, my kid.
I am your fun time man.
Gotcha.
Yep, you do that.
And because it was three successes,
everyone is like paying attention to it
and not thinking like, wow, it's incredibly messed up
that he's using a dead body for a comedy routine.
Instead, everyone's just like,
oh, this is kind of fun.
But Geena does not laugh,
(22:27):
which was the agreement.
Again, she is telekinetic herself,
so she fully understands what you're doing.
Yeah.
And is more just like,
well, I can see another fervent student
of telekinesis when I see it.
And look, I appreciate you two
helping me reunite this kid
with the Juggernaut.
And I'll be grateful for that,
but about this guy,
I just can't give you any information.
(22:47):
I'm sorry.
She doesn't know anything about her boss
or the other guy she's working with.
Geena's not saying anything.
I got nothing.
I was the fun cop though, right?
You're the real cop, you do this.
You've never done an interrogation.
I'm not a cop, I'm a detective.
Yeah, police detectives are a thing.
I'm an actress and I know this.
(23:08):
That is a good question though.
Are you a police detective or are you a PI?
I thought he was a police detective.
I thought that was established.
Have I just been assuming this entire time?
No, I was under the impression that he was a PI
because of the hot dog-
Corn dog snatcher.
True.
Corn dog snatcher, there it is.
And lest we forget,
you were brought here by like,
somebody just like sent you a letter
as like, please help me,
(23:29):
the Entertain-a-Thon convention is.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I thought he was a cop
because he tried to flex his badge and shit
to get it through the gates
and then they're like, nope, you need a ticket.
Maybe.
No, he'll be whatever people want him to be.
I thought he was.
Ozzy doesn't even know at this point.
Ozzy's just kind of here.
Ozzy's just vibing.
Oh wait, hold on.
I'm so confused now.
(23:50):
What is reality?
Yes, Ozzy, the Juggernaut is standing here.
Hey, you still have-.
I like to imagine these characters
will have this identity crisis
right here in front of them all.
And they're just watching police shit,
Ozzy just debate their own existences.
I mean, Ozzy's going through a lot right now,
mentally.
Geena just looks back at the Juggernaut
and is like, man, these guys are crazier
(24:11):
than you when you were under that telekinesis
and Juggernaut's like, yeah,
pretty messed up in the head.
And then Harlan, the human doctor,
he was like, yeah, I'm also here.
He hasn't said anything this session,
but he's still here.
Oh, hey Juggernaut.
Yeah.
You want to say bye to your kid real quick?
There had to have been a better way to say that.
(24:32):
Are you gonna fucking murder her?
This eight foot tall stone man
looks at you as like, I beg your pardon?
Well, look, because somebody gave me a card
to get into the convention
and they said I had to kill you for some reason.
And I just, you know, something going on there.
And so like, I don't know,
I'm not gonna say I'm gonna kill you,
(24:52):
but it sounds like someone wants to kill you.
And so like, just in case, you should probably say bye.
Excuse me, what the hell did you just say?
And remember, Felicia never knew this.
So even she's standing there
is like completely open-jawed at this entire situation.
Yeah, Felicia, your jaw's just on the floor.
Well, I didn't do anything.
I just said that like it could have.
Like I did, I mean, did I do the thing?
(25:13):
No.
You were going to.
You just said to send her out of the room
so you could possibly do that.
I didn't say that I was gonna do it.
I said someone might.
Yeah, and that someone would be you!
You're the only one here in this room,
except this woman right here that's chained up,
that wants to kill him or has reason to.
I don't know, maybe they do.
(25:34):
I don't know what they're up to.
I-
Because somebody's not answering questions.
I.
I need to sit down, darling. Ozzy starts licking the dead corpse.
You start what to the dead person?
I'm sorry.
Starts licking the corpse because- Why? What?.
All right, fine.
Ozzy, flip one card.
Six of spades.
(25:54):
You gain no vitality or anything from this corpse.
Everyone is just watching you licking a dead body.
It's what he would have maybe wanted.
I mean, this is the guard who thought you were God.
Oh, I'm using him?
That's even better, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's the only one who died.
When you came down here, there were two guards.
(26:15):
Ozzy, you convinced one of them you were God.
He knocked the other one out.
Then, yeah, so we have one guard unconscious.
Then that second guard, their head exploded.
You presume from a bomb that was in their head.
So that's the body you were just using for a puppet show.
And then there's this Bobby Lambino
who is unconscious and currently
in Geena's telekinetic possession.
(26:35):
You know what, I'm fine with that
because Ozzy would not have remembered any of that.
So that makes sense.
I'm done with that.
Yep, yep, yep.
So anyway, you lick a dead body.
Yeah, but so.
And everyone is staring at you
because you just admitted that you had a contract out
on the Juggernaut's life.
And you just openly admitted that.
I'm not saying I was gonna do it.
I mean, I could have and I thought about it
(26:57):
because like I did owe the person
because they did get me in, but I'm gonna be honest.
I should probably ask why they wanted me to.
And I did.
And what did they tell you?
Geena says, narrowing her eyes.
What did he say?
You know, honestly, at this point,
I don't remember either.
It's been so long.
Oh, I kind of remember he,
it was something that like, yes.
(27:17):
I do remember the basics that you already laid out
which was he said,
hey, I can get you a ticket into this Entertain-a-Thon
but you gotta kill the Juggernaut
which you agreed to verbally.
He handed you that and then that was kind of it.
You did get his name,
but I don't know if you remember that.
No, Ozzy does not remember that.
Cool.
I don't remember that.
Ozzy doesn't remember that.
Well, all I know is that they said that you had to die.
(27:40):
So I'm assuming it was one of two things.
One, it was a crazed fan.
The Juggernaut's like,
well, I do have a few of those.
Yeah, I mean, I get it.
So do I.
Wait, you do?
Ozzy, you cast your mind back to the crazed fans
just like sending you threatening letters
into your mailbox.
Like, I'm going to fucking kill you.
(28:00):
I love you.
That was a weird case.
Gosh.
Felicia, you've also gotten mail like that
and you're just like,
eh, whatever, it comes with a job.
Yeah, she's used to it.
She has people she pays to go through these things
and find the interesting hate mail.
She doesn't pay people to get rid of the hate mail.
Though she pays them to find out
which ones are the more interesting ones
and send them to her.
Yep.
(28:21):
That's called networking.
Oh, but yeah, no, someone wanted you dead.
Do you have a-
Yes, you've established that.
Who was it?
We can go back and ask.
Go back and wait.
Felicia's gonna just face slap herself.
It's like that Naked Gun scene.
Do you see what I am right now?
Do you think I can think right now?
No, I'm literally licking a body
(28:42):
that I told that I was God.
How do you think I feel right now?
This man believed in me and his head blew up.
I watched that happen.
You watched that happen.
It's like the Corn Dog Snatcher all over again,
except not at all,
because that didn't happen.
No, that's-
I think he's lost it.
Our bird's gone cuckoo.
He's now sitting in the lap of the corpse.
Oh my God.
Hey, when can you make my brain good again?
(29:04):
You say it to the doctor.
I don't think that's possible anymore.
Yeah, he says it to the doctor.
The doctor says,
well, I can cure your zombie rabies
once we get off this space station
and to a medical facility, but-
All right, let's go.
So you get up and Geena is like,
all right, I'm going to tell you both
what's going to happen.
(29:25):
The two of you are going to come with me
and the Juggernaut,
and we're going to get off the space station.
We're going to take you somewhere real private
so we can all figure out
what the hell is going on here.
Oh no, you didn't ask me a question
because I don't even know what I'm saying.
You didn't even read my rights.
And I know that I need to be told rights
before you can even do any of the crimina-na-nating.
(29:47):
I'm just going to get going.
We need to get to the hospital
so we can fix you.
Bring go good soon, right?
Felicia's given up.
Felicia's more or less just given up.
Tell me about the rabbits, Felicia.
I don't know any bunny.
You don't know any bunny?
Ha, that funny.
Oh man, I think now like the zombie rabies
(30:08):
really, really hit Ozzy.
Yep.
If you start to spew,
I'm slapping you silly.
I'll try to not do that.
I will say at this point,
Carley walks out of her dad's arms
and walks up to you, Felicia,
but is looking right at Ozzy
with stony tears in her eyes.
(30:28):
Mr. Ozzy, is what you said true?
Were you going to kill my dad?
You want the honest truth?
Probably not.
I actually was like, yeah, I could do that.
But when I thought about it for like two seconds,
I was like, well,
I'm not really going to kill some guy
over something like that small
because like, you know how many people
try to make me kill somebody
outside of a comic book shop? At least twice?.
And I haven't done a single one.
(30:49):
And also like, I'm going to be honest,
I didn't even really get to use the ticket.
I just kind of use it as a chauffeur
to make sure that you even got to your dad
and he's right there.
However, you also did try to kill me.
So technically, I'm pissed off at you.
So fuck you.
Darling!
Kid. Watch your language, bird.
I'm literally sitting in the lap of a dead body.
Think of the children.
(31:12):
Okay, I thought of the kid.
Now what?
They're right there.
I'm going to get this girl onto a ship
and we're going to wait to leave
so we can get you to a hospital
so you can stop being this.
Yeah, I like that.
Then let's go.
I said to let's go and no one was following me.
Oh yeah, the kid got sad and asked questions.
That's what happened.
(31:32):
Oh, do you still hate me, kid?
Carley doesn't say anything to you.
She just kind of buries her head
in Felicia's legs like a lost kid
hiding behind her parent.
I'm just going to pat her head.
Come on, darling, let's go.
This cockeyed bird is speaking some gobbledygook.
Felicia, I'm going to say you and the Juggernaut
basically just kind of like push Carley
a little away from Ozzy
(31:52):
because you're not exactly sure
what Ozzy is going to do at the moment.
And I think both of you really want to protect her
from Ozzy just from his parenting.
From whatever Ozzy's become.
Yeah.
What I've done.
I didn't do anything though.
We know, the Juggernaut is like,
yes, we know you could have.
That's not what we take issue with.
(32:15):
Oh, is it the rabies?
Yeah, I take issue with that too.
I mean, it's not really the rabies,
although maybe now it's kind of the rabies.
We shouldn't talk about this here.
We're technically still, you know,
in the middle of our escape.
If you two come with me,
we'll get you off of the space station.
We'll get you, points at Ozzy with daggers in her eyes,
to a hospital and maybe unscrew your mind.
(32:36):
And then we can figure this whole
put a contract out on the Juggernaut situation out.
But I just need you two to come with me.
Are you both on board?
Yeah, sure.
Yes.
All right, good.
Let's get out of here.
Okay.
And Ozzy is going to walk
and he's also going to make the body walk with him.
Leave that behind, Geena snaps immediately.
(32:57):
Hey, we could use their body for science
because like there was a bomb in there
and also like, I'm going to feel bad.
Ozzy, if you'd like to bring the body along,
you are going to have to convince everybody
that that's not a terrible idea.
So Charm or Presence and Persuasion.
Just Charm, Presence.
I'm going to say minus one
because like this is a hard sell.
(33:18):
Great.
I have, what's my Charm?
No Charm.
And then basically Persuasion for two,
Presence for two.
And we're going to, you know what?
Oh, you said minus one.
Yeah, so minus one card.
Well, all right.
I got a jack of hearts and a six of clubs.
So that's it.
That's all I got.
Cool, one success.
One second.
I'm just going to do a, I got to do a collective-
(33:40):
Okay, well I was going to flip like a lot of cards
to basically do like a group,
Are we going to allow this?
The first two cards I pulled were successes.
So they are immediately just like,
no, you're not bringing that with us.
In fact, I'm going to say that the Juggernaut
walks up to the body and takes it in his stone hands
and compacts it into a fleshy cube
(34:01):
and throws it into a garbage chute
on the other side of the wall.
There, it's gone forever.
Come with us.
Wait, it's over there.
Ozzy, they say.
Ozzy just starts walking.
All right, so you're all heading back
to get out of this garage.
Now, in a previous session,
you did find the escape pods,
which are on a higher level,
which, you know, for the sake of time,
(34:23):
let's just cut there.
You are at the escape pods.
Geena is with the two of you in one escape pod.
The Juggernaut and Carley and Harlan the doctor
are in another escape pod.
So you are in an escape pod
floating around Saturn right now,
trying to head back to Titan the moon.
Felicia, you are trapped in this pod
(34:43):
with a rapidly going insane zombie ostrich.
Do you believe in life after life?
Ozzy has been nonstop singing the whole way.
She's just gonna like ready her hammer
just in case something goes wrong.
Geena looks at you, Felicia,
and Geena also has telepathy.
So Felicia, you just hear in your head,
(35:06):
look, just say the word
and we can like knock this dumb idiot unconscious
whenever you want.
I'm not that dumb.
Do you believe?
Ozzy, you can't hear this.
You're not invited to the telepathic chat.
Please just, can you not use that song?
Have I told you a story?
The first time I ever heard that song
was in your frigging Yooka-Laylee
(35:26):
Impossible Lair video.
And now whenever I hear that,
all I can imagine is you and emo outfit rapping.
You know?
You have permanently affected my perception
of that song because of that.
I- you know, I don't regret it.
No regrets.
No regrets.
Cause I forgot I did that.
That's weird.
Cause Ozzy has been imagining the same thing.
(35:48):
Except it was him.
Nice to know Wolfkaosaun is still famous in the future.
Gosh.
Oh yeah.
Wolfkaosaun has a billion subs in the year,
whatever the fuck this is, 6000 or whatever.
You know what?
Yeah, I like that.
He got the fricking Futurama treatment,
head put into a jar
and he still gets to make content on a shelf.
Okay.
Ozzy is going to start singing,
(36:09):
it should be another Cher song.
He's going to start singing,
I believe in a thing called love.
Nice.
There we go.
That's the one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cool.
Would you please flip Charm and Perform?
Am I still at a negative for that?
Nope.
Cause I know this is a very weak stat for you.
Yeah, I have one Charm and no Perform.
So this is one card.
And another cause you're healthy, I think.
(36:31):
Or are you not healthy?
I am indeed healthy,
but that has actually made things worse.
I failed and then now Joker.
Cool.
I don't know if that is.
I don't know if those words are correct.
Ozzy, you decide the best way to sing this song
is to do a full choreographed routine
inside this escape pod,
(36:52):
which really has like room for four people
sitting down and nothing else.
Right?
That's fine.
But you get up and you're an ostrich by the way.
So you take up just even more space.
Oh, absolutely.
You would just immediately go into
this intense choreographed routine.
In the process,
whacking some buttons on the front panel
of the escape pod
and maybe Ozzy doesn't hear this
cause he's distracted by the music in his head.
(37:14):
But Geena and Felicia,
you just hear the thruster on the escape pod
that you're in is no longer running.
You just hear like a engine wind down,
like (37:23):
*motor winding down sounds*
You feel the gravity in this area
start to be affected because it feels like
the escape pod is about to start plummeting.
Does anyone have any Engineering expertise?
If anyone wants to try and like
get this escape pod back on course,
it'd be a Piloting flip.
And you know who has some Piloting?
Oh no!
(37:45):
Can I like reach in my pocket
and find something to like, you know,
placate him so he has like a little bit
of like sanity just to do this?
Sure.
That's gotta be Wit and Spacewise.
She don't have any.
So I'm gonna have to make sure I use my Drive.
And Hero Points.
We have that too.
Drive gets reset every session, right?
(38:05):
Drive is reset every session.
Okay, so I have three.
You can use one, yeah.
So I have three Drive.
I have three Hero Points total.
I can draw one right now.
That one's a failure.
Using one Drive, also failure.
Two Drive, that's success.
Three Drive, also success.
It's queen of hearts.
Okay, I'm competent with that.
Okay, so five.
Yeah, you pull out, what do you pull out?
I'm trying to think like
(38:25):
what would help in this situation.
Cigarettes.
It's the cigarettes I'm keeping-
Yeah, you pull out Escape Pod brand cigarettes.
I just shove the entire box in his mouth
and just light it.
The box on the outside says,
guaranteed to make people better at flying escape pods
in context specific situations.
And then you see a little note on the bottom
(38:46):
from Bubs'Concession Stand.
Hey guys, it's me-
I can't do Bubs.
All the Homestar characters,
I can't do Bubs and that sucks.
I'm selling my cigarettes.
I can barely do it.
Yeah, that's much better than what I was doing.
I'm gonna say because it was five successes,
it's like a full like triple box of cigarettes.
Like one of those big long carts.
Yeah.
Not what you would see behind
(39:07):
the register at a convenience store,
like made to ship wholesale,
which you just force feed into Ozzy's mouth.
Ozzy, you get the sweet, sweet taste of nicotine
back on your tongue.
You snap back.
You realize you're dancing to a Cher song
and you're like, huh.
Oh, hmm.
(39:27):
These taste just like grandma used to make.
You say that and then immediately also clock,
oh, this escape pod is currently plummeting.
Oh, that's okay.
Hold on.
Does a big inhale.
All right.
The kid ain't around, right?
She's in a different room.
All right, good.
I'm just making sure cause you know,
(39:48):
I don't want the kid to think smoking's bad.
I mean, wait.
And then, yeah, he's just gonna start Piloting.
Aren't you the one who taught her
how to light matches on her skin
just to let you puff up?
Yeah.
And that was whenever he was normal.
Which you, you haven't revealed that to Geena yet.
You know, you've already said a lot
that she's not been a fan of this session.
So maybe not the best time to say that either.
(40:09):
Yeah.
You almost killed her dad
and you exposed her to secondhand smoke.
Oh yeah, he did say he wanted to kill
whoever did that too, so.
I know, but they maybe didn't hear that part
as much as they heard the,
I was hired to kill the Juggernaut part.
It's selective hearing.
I'd call it human nature, but you know.
They're not human.
Right.
I'm a cartoon character, he's a bird.
Yeah, she's a Nebulon, which is like purple human.
(40:32):
Not Thanos, this is not a ripoff.
Gosh.
Anyway, Ozzy, you have your focus back.
You got cigarettes.
You seem to be the only one in this escape pod
who can pilot it back to safety.
Let's do this.
All right, Intelligence and Piloting please.
Yay, Intelligence.
Plus two as a bonus
from Felicia's really good crit action.
(40:52):
Seven cards, right?
Yep. Yep.
Hey, did we use an anti-Joker?
No, we haven't.
You have not.
Okay, cause I have four successes and a Joker.
Cool, poppin' the anti-Joker.
Excellent.
So four successes.
Ozzy, you sort of do the wing equivalent
of crack your knuckles
and tap a bunch of buttons on the console.
(41:14):
Everyone in the escape pod feels the gravity start
to settle and the thrusters turn back on
as Ozzy you get this escape pod back on course.
And once you are back in formation
with the other escape pod,
you are just like, I fucking did that.
Yeah.
I smoke another one.
You smoke another cigarette, good.
You do hear a little transmission.
(41:36):
I was like, hey guys,
this is Harlan from the other escape pod.
We detected that you fall out of orbit there for a second.
What's going on guys?
I ended up believing in life after love.
Geena, Felicia, did you two let him behind the wheel
of the escape pod?
The one who fixed it.
You weren't an offering to pay the pod.
No, were you?
No, but I fixed it.
I wasn't talking to you.
(41:56):
Am I wrong?
No, still fixed it.
Yes, you did, darling.
Now go back to flying the ship.
You also broke it,
but I guess we can skip past that part.
If everything's okay now, then cool.
I just wanted to check in
cause you know, you kind of dropped
from our sights for a minute.
Everything's fine.
All right.
Harlan St. Valentine, fan favorite character out.
And you hear a *electronic noise* as communications are cut.
(42:18):
That's not my name.
Now get us to the hospital
so you can get some help.
Where's the hospital?
I had to resist myself from saying a swear
with how much I've been against it today.
I mean, Carley's not in the escape pod with you.
I've stuck to the bit and I'm committed to it.
All right, fair enough.
I'm here for it.
Fair enough.
That'll change by next week though.
(42:40):
I'm sure.
I mean, you see how I am right now.
So I feel it.
Yeah, we're gonna take you to a doctor
so you won't be an insane zombie
crazy lunatic anymore.
We cut to an exterior shot
of the two escape pods flying through space.
I want to say Ozzy,
because you did a really good Piloting flip.
You are doing some like pretty sweet maneuvers
with your escape pod,
(43:00):
which are totally unnecessary,
but they look great as the music swells up.
And there's a freeze frame that says (43:04):
Space Kings.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's me.
You're the Space King.
Space Kings, Space Queens, Space Everyone in Betweens.
Yeah.
Space for space.
And then another freeze frame
that says (43:20):
a Live Laugh Loot production.
Gosh.
As credits music starts to play.
(43:42):
So! Sweet.
I guess it's time to do Hero Points.
Yeah.
You may both set your Hero Points down or up
so they reach two because you're getting two.
Well, no, put them at three
because you're getting two Hero Points from me
because this was a hell of a fun session.
Yeah.
Anyways, I loved Zombie Wilbur.
(44:03):
That was funny.
Zombie Ozzy.
Zombie Ozzy, sorry.
Yeah.
Now you've got me doing it.
That's all good.
I did like a little like dice roll
and I was like even or odd to see.
Because what Wilbur was going to do,
I mean not Wilbur, wow.
Ozzy was either going to just go fully with the virus
and just shoot the lamb in the head or-
Oh yeah, I should also mention that.
(44:24):
I guess because you're with Geena,
I guess there is just the unconscious body
of this lamb character in your escape pod too.
Oh yeah.
You know, like I'm aware of that
but like I didn't make Ozzy-
because I'm kind of doing Ozzy like a whole,
like he's just like in.
He was in his own little zone this episode.
He started in the last episode too.
But at this episode, I was like,
we're just going, we're going for it.
(44:45):
We're going all in.
Yeah.
No, no, not all in, all in.
He would have shot the guy.
And he would have shot the general.
It has only been like up until you guys
headed to the escape pod.
It really had only been like 15 minutes
since you were bit by the zombie in real time.
It's been a lot of blood though.
Yeah, no.
Zombie Ozzy is great.
And I am sad that it probably
at the beginning of next session,
(45:05):
you are probably going to be rid of him.
That's fine.
I'm fine with that.
I want him to be smarter.
Gotta end the gag before it dies.
Yeah.
Anyway, so Ozzy, what did you like
about Felicia this session?
Felicia is out here being the entire,
there wasn't a thing that Felicia didn't fail.
Felicia was just like, yeah, I got this.
True.
I mean, she clocked the guy right in the head
with a hammer.
(45:26):
Calmed down everybody so no one killed me.
True.
Honestly, Felicia, if you were,
this maybe wasn't said out loud,
but I feel like if you were not there
in that situation,
I think they would have just straight up
shot Ozzy dead.
Yeah.
Honestly, I wouldn't blame them.
But yeah, no, Felicia was just out here
doing everything the right way.
Literally from beginning to end.
(45:47):
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Thank you both for playing Space Kings.
Thank you for hosting.
Absolutely.
And thank you listener for watching.
You're welcome.
Wait.
Thank you to everybody who listens to it,
including John, Jane, Jack, Jacqueline, Jackie,
Jackie O.
Joel, Joseph.
Hi, Heather.
(46:08):
Joe, Joe Jr.,
Jimmy, Jonathan, Jimathon, Johnny, Jimmy.
This is hurting me.
Jimmy, Jimmy. David. Davidson
What is happening?
David Schwimmer, Courtney Cox,
Jennifer Aniston, Matt LeBlanc,
Matt Perry, and... Lisa Kudrow.
I almost forgot her name, damn.
I don't know what just happened.
(46:29):
Thank you to King Charles III.
Keep doing your thing, buddy.
Yeah, get good, scrub.
Oh, I should probably stop recording.
I should probably do that too.
That gag's done its course.
Let's stop recording.
(46:57):
Thanks for listening to Live Laugh Loot.
We're currently using the Space King system
developed and published by Supertry Studios.
You can learn more about this game
or buy it yourself at supertry.itch.io/spacekings.
Follow us on blue sky at livelaughloot.bsky.social
or email us at livelaughlootpodcast@gmail.com.
(47:19):
Our intro music is Out of Control by Chill Carrier
and our outro music is One Point to Another by Rockit Maxx.
See the episode description to find out
what other songs played this episode
or to check licensing information.
To learn more about this podcast
or listen to more episodes,
check us out at livelaughloot.libsyn.com.
Live Laugh Loot contains foul language, violence, drug and alcohol references, and irreverent
(00:05):
humor.
So if you're not a fan of all that, then don't watch the show.
Okay, bye!
Hey there, I'm GreyJ, the host of Live Laugh Loot.
Maybe you've heard of it.
Real quick, before this episode begins, I just want to mention we did have some
unfortunate audio issues on Navi's side.
It seems she was using the wrong microphone to record, so her voice is going to sound
(00:25):
pretty far off.
We did the best we could to salvage the audio.
And this episode should be listenable, even with it, but just to let you know that that
is a temporary issue for this one episode only.
Thank you for bearing with us, and hope you enjoy the show.
Alright, I'm ready to get a move on whenever you all are.
I'm good to go.
(00:45):
Alright, Navi, you good to go?
Yep, my deck's shuffled, I've been recording for the last two minutes.
Frickin' two minutes over here.
Two minutes.
Yeah.
Well, let's get it started.
Except I gotta put on the music.
Also, better than that.
First question, who's anti-Joker this week?
You.
Okay.
(01:06):
That was quick.
Alrighty.
Democracy in action.
Now for the recap.
Previously on Live Laugh Loot.
Entering a garage on Sayonara Station, the crew immediately alerted some prison
guards who tried to take them back into custody, but in a classic move, Ozzy convinced
one of them that he was God.
Before the guard could spread the word about this new religion, his head mysteriously exploded.
(01:31):
Suddenly a voice taunted the escapees as the Juggernaut suddenly reappeared, and
as he and Felicia re-enacted King Kong, Ozzy went back to his old tricks and psychically
messed with his head.
Which worked this time, but there was no time to celebrate as the source of the
voice rounded the corner, a lamb in a cheap suit holding Carley at gunpoint.
(02:09):
So here's the sitch.
You all are grouped together on more or less one end of the garage.
This lamb holding Carley at gunpoint in his hands is on the other end towards the window
where you can see Saturn and its rings real up close down below.
He's got his gun pointed squarely at Carley's head.
(02:32):
And his mouth is covering her, so you can kind of hear her going like *mmph mmph*
And I gotta say, September is not the right backing music for this, uh, for this scenario.
Are you using the playlist I made way back when?
I am, but I didn't shuffle.
Goody!
Gosh.
You know what? That's fine.
So many songs were thrown into that.
Yeah, I'm gonna say that you can hear Earth, Wind and Fire over the loudspeakers.
(02:56):
That's the diegetic music.
If this were a film, of course, it'd be much more intense, but you just hear September.
My seventh favorite song.
Oh, uh, hold on, hold on.
I was just gonna look and just be like, wait, um, who are you?
That's not important right now.
What's important is that neither of you moves a muscle, see?
Uh, darling, I would argue it is important to tell us your name.
(03:19):
I mean, what are we gonna do?
Just call you the beatnik who kidnapped us?
Now that's a gunpoint.
But what do we call you?
You can call me Bobby Lambino.
Now, was that so hard, darling?
I'm gonna call you Bob.
I don't really give a shit what you call me,
as long as you do what I say when I say it.
And right now, I need you all to drop whatever you're carrying.
(03:40):
If it was that easy, my directors would have less martinis in their set diet, implying
she's hard to work with and her director's getting drunk.
Felicia, your mind cast back to a pretty terrifying day on set where the alcohol
was just flowing because you were being such a-
Not terrifying for her.
Yeah, well, terrifying for basically everybody on set.
(04:01):
Everyone was getting drunk and bitching about you behind your back, but you were
in your trailer just sipping down a cool drink and you were like, I'm the best.
Ah, yes, Cool Drink, everyone's favorite.
I don't know what Felicia would drink.
Remember, what was it?
The Max Fleischer?
Right, yeah, yeah, we invented a drink.
That was not on a recorded session, of course.
(04:21):
Oh, yeah.
Side note, our glorious DM created an entire fricking unique alcoholic beverage
for her because she's a cartoon called the Max Fleischer.
Which you can order now in the official Live Laugh Loot cocktail book.
Gosh.
I would unironically buy that.
I love novelty cookbooks.
It only has two drinks.
Well, we got to have a signature Felicia, Ozzy, and Wilbur and Mizool drink, obviously.
(04:46):
Well, if we're going to include those two, that means we have to make them
canon for the timeline.
True.
Which you know what?
I'm fine with that.
We need to see Wilbur come back.
Not like I knew for sure the same Wilbur.
We need to see how he's been changed after all of that.
I'm not super inclined to just bring your characters back without talking with you
(05:07):
about it first, but I'm not opposed to the idea.
That's irrelevant to this current situation, which is Mr.
Bobby Lambino here just said, hey, put your weapons and your items down on the ground.
Can I do that cartoon thing where I start pulling a bunch of random stuff
from my pocket and creating that small pile?
Absolutely.
That's got to be...
(05:27):
Are you doing this just for like the comedy?
Yes, I'm doing it explicitly for the joke.
Like you're just going to see me pull out an entire coat rack,
a bunch of a bag of fish.
It's just a bunch of random items that make no sense to be in a pocket,
but it's there.
Excellent.
I'm going to make that just because you're pulling out a lot of stuff
that's going to be either Brawn or Agility and Perform.
(05:50):
Failure, failure, failure, failure.
Come on, please.
No, it's all failures.
I want to do my comedic jokey thingy.
Dang it.
You don't even manage to pull out any pocket lint.
Just rummagees around the entire pocket.
You do the thing where you like pull your pockets inside out
so you just see a little white thing in your prison outfit.
Like, oh, I don't know.
(06:10):
I got nothing.
She even does like the sideways just shrug kind of thing.
Just shrug like, wop, wop, wop, wop.
Bobby Lambino looks at you like, that's real cute, doll face,
but you better set that hammer down right the fuck now.
Darling, you may be a little ragamuffin,
but you have no rights to call me a doll.
Now, I'm going to give you five seconds to apologize
and treat me like the lady I am.
(06:32):
Bobby Lambino points the gun at you, Felicia,
and is like, how's that for an apology?
There are only two people who call me doll.
What was your partner's names again?
It was Floyd and...
Uh, fuck.
Uh, hold on.
Where's my world-building document?
I like the idea of Felicia saying that out loud,
like, only two, oh, okay.
She just like reaches out of the screen to the DM.
(06:54):
What's my girlfriend's name again?
I remember my boyfriend's name.
Who's my girlfriend?
Lynx Floyd and Betty Bunny.
Okay, I was about to say Bonnie.
Okay, back in the frame.
Different bunny.
Back in the frame.
Only two people call me doll.
Floyd and...
I just heard it!
Betty, Betty.
(07:14):
Gosh.
Only two people call me doll.
Floyd and Betty.
I don't even know who Betty is.
She's a bunny, darling.
Okay, and as Ozzy says that he's going to try to telekinesis
to make the lamb drop the gun.
Sure, that'll be Presence / Telekinesis.
Am I healthy?
(07:34):
I am healthy.
Ooh, yay.
That's five cards.
All right.
All right, baby, how are the cards?
Two successes.
I'll do a quick flip to see
if Bobby Lambino is like that observant.
Well, he got two successes and a Joker
to counter your flip.
So I'm going to say Ozzy,
he notices that you're trying to get his gun away
(07:56):
with telekinesis and he's like,
hey, cut that out, you.
Points the gun squarely at you.
But in the process, his grip on Carley sort of loosens
and Carley just straight bites him on the arm.
Bobby's like, ow, motherfucker.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can I stick my hammer on him now?
Uh, you can try.
He said a swear in front of a child
(08:17):
and I want to hit him on the head.
Banned!
That's the point.
If I can land it, I have a follow-up line.
Yeah, you can certainly try.
I will say there is quite a bit of distance between you.
I thought he was point blank
the way he was doing his whole gun thing.
No, he's got enough distance between you
to like hold the gun against like five people.
Fine, I want to throw the hammer at his head.
(08:38):
Okay, that works too.
I'm into it.
I want to aim it right for the kisser.
I think that's got to be Agility and Melee.
Yes, let's see.
It's Agility, which I have three,
Melee which I have two, so that's five.
Yeah, plus one for your hammer.
Oh yeah, plus one for the hammer.
Three successes, K-A-J, K-A-J.
A-J, K-A-J.
(09:00):
So three successes.
And I think we determined that this was like
like the Amy Rose hammer, right?
Yeah.
Cool, so Felicia,
as Carley bites Bobby Lambino on the arm
and she like falls out of his grasp
and he's like,
ah, mother, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
motherfucker, ah, ah, piece of shit.
You line up a shot.
You just like get a like cool action stance going.
(09:23):
You take your hammer off of your back,
quickly raise it to do a cool pose, like a-
I have the power.
Exactly.
And you then like expertly like softball style-
not softball style, baseball style,
throw a fastball with the hammer
and it knocks this guy right in the head.
(09:43):
Hey, you big palooka, there's children here.
Watch your language.
As Carley runs across the distance in the garage
to immediately run into the Juggernaut's arms
and they do a tender father-daughter hug.
Aw, that's ta-tasty.
No, cute.
Now that everything's aces, can we get out of here?
The guy with a now very visible cartoon bump on his head.
(10:09):
Well, two can play at that game
and yeah, he's running at you right now,
gun firmly in hand.
Oh crap, my hammer's gone, what do I do?
Ozzy, I need help.
Hmm, I have two options.
Pressure situation, Ozzy, he is getting closer.
He's focused on Felicia, right?
(10:31):
Yes, because I'm going through the hammer.
He is kind of just charging at all of you
because you are grouped together,
but you get the feeling that he's probably gonna
go for Felicia because you know,
she just threw a fucking hammer at him.
Okay, Ozzy gonna hold his hand out
and he's gonna use telekinesis to call the hammer back
to try to hit him in the back of the head with it.
Excellent, Brawn / Telekinesis.
(10:51):
All right.
Which, as a reminder with you're a zombie rabies,
that's what's on the sheet,
you have four Brawn at the moment.
Oh gosh, that's seven cards, let's go baby.
Out of all that, I only got two successes.
You know what, I'm using Drive.
Go for it.
It was worth it.
Queen of Hearts, baby, so that's two successes
and then a Queen of Hearts.
Oh yeah. Nice, four successes.
Let's go, suffer.
(11:12):
Swear to me.
Swear to me.
Swear to me.
Where are the other drugs going?
Where is she?
Where are they?
Where are the cigarettes?
I don't wear hockey pads.
Well, Ozzy, you use your telekinetic powers
to lift the hammer on the ground.
Bobby Lambino is running towards you
and I'm gonna do a preemptive flip for him.
(11:34):
He got a success and a Joker.
So he's just Jokering left and right today, I guess.
Let's go.
Bobby... A) does not notice that you've picked up the hammer
with your telekinesis and are about to ram it into his back.
So you get a full like skull crack on the back of his head
that just sends him tumbling to the ground.
And he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, see, no.
(11:59):
I do see.
I'm gonna say the Joker is just
that he is just now immediately unconscious.
This guy was not the boss that I imagined he would be.
He's nothing but a goon.
No, he's unconscious.
He gooned too hard.
Yes, he is unconscious.
Let's not keep that in the final take.
No, put that in five more times.
(12:19):
I'm putting the kibosh on this.
So he is unconscious on the ground,
just sort of like writhing like.
Unconscious as in like,
he's not gonna move right now.
Not like combat unconscious.
So you could like wake him up
if you wanted information out of him
or to beat him up some more, I don't know.
I'm taking his gun.
I would like to get my hammer.
Yes, Felicia, you have your hammer.
Felicia, you have your hammer.
(12:39):
Thank goodness.
And all right, Ozzy, you get his gun,
which I'm gonna say is just like straight up a Glock.
Mm, this looks pretty neat.
You may add that to your inventory.
How many bullets do I have?
It has three bullets.
Okay.
And this is plus one to Firearms.
Okay, great.
(13:00):
I'll do a roll instead of a flip
because I don't feel like I should use cards for this.
Gonna go chaotic.
You're telling me that you're doing stuff
outside of the Space Kings system?
What the fuck?
This was not discussed with the DM earlier.
Gosh.
All right, I'm not being chaotic.
Do not homebrew my campaign, young man.
Ozzy's gonna look around like,
hey, do you guys have something to tie him up
with like a piano string
(13:22):
or I could just shoot him in the head.
Pfft.
Darling, darling.
Children.
Well, yeah, they should.
I'm pretty sure that child.
And Ozzy's gonna point to like the two dead bodies
next to him with their heads blown up.
I mean.
That was different.
This one is just, this is just murder.
That was defense.
This one, this is murder in front of a child.
(13:43):
So do you have piano string then
or something for me to tie the?
What I have to do to try and see
if I have any in my pocket.
If you're trying to pull out something to tie him up.
Yeah.
with an Engineering or Spacewise, I'm gonna say.
I get to draw one card.
This all is riding on one card
because I have none of those other stats
and by default, I have one Wit
(14:03):
and it's a 10.
Let's go.
You do the exact same joke,
but it doesn't land as well and nobody laughs.
Geena steps up and is like, I can handle it from here.
She uses her telekinetic powers
to make a sort of bubble barrier around Bobby Lambino
(14:23):
and hovers him up into the air.
And it's just like, I hope you two don't mind,
but this guy's gotta come with me
and I gotta leave it at that.
I think you should at least let me know something about them.
I mean, they just tried to shoot a child in front of me
and they blew up two heads.
I mean, come on, like I gotta know something.
Like I can't trust that they're not gonna blow up my head.
(14:44):
If either of you would like to try
and get more information out of Geena about this person,
it will either be Charm or Presence and Persuasion.
You wanna do a good cop, fun cop?
I really hope Ozzy's fun cop
because I wanna see Ozzy be a fun cop.
I don't see him being a fun cop anytime soon.
True.
All right, well, you're up first, Felicia.
(15:06):
Me?
Yeah, I said good cop, fun cop.
You're a good cop.
Darling, I don't know if you've seen my cartoon.
I get chased by cops.
I don't do the whole cop thingy.
But do you ever dress up like a cop
to act like them to make you think
that you're not you so that they get all confused?
Because I feel like you can do that.
(15:26):
I feel like you can do all the deep stuff.
I love how they just like deflate her logic
cause she knows she's done that.
Oh yeah.
She's like, dude, my out.
I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure
the kid's even seen that, right?
Yeah, I remember in this really fun one,
you had to dress up as a cop
so you could tell this villain
(15:47):
that you were chasing in your car
that he had to pull over.
And you pulled him over and then you were like,
can you step out of the vehicle, please?
And he did.
And you basically like wrote him up a really large ticket-
and then she just keeps going on and on and on.
What do I have?
Can I just like re-inflate in a cop outfit?
Do I need to try and think for that
or just be like a visual gag?
I feel like Felicia,
(16:07):
you just kind of have the ability
to do like a little cartoon spin
and you're just in another outfit.
And because you're out of combat,
I'll let you do that for free.
Sweet.
So yeah, you can just flip around
and you're in a police uniform.
I'm gonna do what I just said.
Since she just deflated here,
just called her out for crap.
She just, she re-inflates
and now she's wearing a completely new outfit.
(16:27):
You re-inflate with a full policewoman uniform
and a club, which is just for show.
You don't get any additional items with this disguise.
I don't exactly see myself using a cop outfit
as like a recurring item,
especially because knowing her,
it's like a cartoonish cop outfit.
So like none of it is up to regulation or code.
It's like, even like if she tried to trick cops,
(16:49):
they'd be like, nope, we can see through that.
And it's not even like a plastic thing or anything.
It's a prop, but it's,
let's just say it's glued in to your uniform.
Yeah.
Glued in.
She's in.
She is now wearing the outfit.
She's gonna go approach the suspect.
Cool.
If you want to learn more,
Charm or Presence and Persuasion.
Let's see.
I do have three in Charm.
(17:10):
Like I have nothing in Persuasion.
I have Perform, not Persuasion.
Not the action.
Failure.
Success.
Success.
A jack and a king.
We don't have time to be jacking around.
We got an investigation to do.
I don't get it.
I wanna know what you said.
Jack and king, what?
All right, so you can ask whatever questions you want
(17:30):
to Geena.
I'm actually trying to think of a question.
That's the hard problem.
Ask who it is.
Ask who what is.
Them on the ground.
Almost dead one.
The one we just beat up?
Yeah.
Yeah, you heard my friend.
Look, we're just gonna ask you some nice questions.
Now you answer us some questions
and we might be willing to light your sentence.
(17:51):
Yeah, I haven't done the clock roll that many times.
Well, you do make your pitch
and Felicia, you do put on your Charm.
Unfortunately, Geena flipped three successes to match you.
So she just says, I know that this is a,
you know, confusing situation for you two and all of us.
Cause you know, you were brought here against your will,
but.
(18:11):
Oh yeah, you're telling me that, right?
I'm supposed to be on set in the middle of a con
right now and you all kidnapped me.
All this gobbledygook
and I've yet to see a single martini.
Now tell me, why should I care about you?
I'm sorry.
I can't explain that right now or ever.
(18:31):
But- pain in the neck.
Right.
Listen, you get whistling Dixie all you want.
You give me the answers, things go well.
Otherwise I get my partner involved.
And let me tell you, he will flip his wig.
Geena looks back at you, Ozzy,
seeing some foam around your mouth
because you've still got the zombie rabies.
(18:52):
Absolutely, I do.
And I don't know if that has the intended effect
that Felicia wanted though.
Cause she's just sort of like, right.
Yeah.
I was trying to do the whole, you know,
good cop, bad cop.
Like the, hey, you know,
my partner's crazy kind of thing.
Ozzy thinks it's fun.
I'm like a dog, arf.
Geena's like, I see what you two are doing.
You're doing the classic good cop, fun cop,
(19:13):
but it's not going to work on me.
Sorry to say.
That's it.
Bupkis, I got nothing.
All right.
Your turn.
All right.
I'm going to show you magic trick ready.
Ha ha ha.
It is fun cop.
I so wasn't prepared to hear that.
Are you actually going to do a magic trick
or what are you going to do?
Well, he's going to try.
I imagine, because the whole Dark Knight thing
(19:35):
we were doing earlier,
I could just imagine that's the Joker set up.
I grab my pencil, I disappear.
Wha-bam, see? It's gone.
It's magic.
Introduce a little anarchy.
All right.
So what would you like to do?
Well, he's asking her if I can make you laugh.
Oh, so you are being Joker now.
Cool.
(19:55):
No, no, no.
If I can make you laugh,
you answer a question about Lamb Chop over there.
Bob, that was her name.
Yeah, Bob Lamb Chop.
I suppose you can give it a shot.
No, I need a yes or a no.
All right, fine.
Yes.
She says annoyed.
Thank you.
All right, you ready?
Yes.
(20:16):
He's going to think back.
I was like, all right, magic trick.
Got it.
And what he's going to do now
is he's going to use his telekinesis
to try to Weekend at Bernie's one of the bodies
without a head, like as a puppet.
Sheesh.
And like, try to do like stand up with them.
Try to do like a Jeff Dunham thing
with this lifeless body.
(20:36):
Good, good, good.
But hopefully less racist?
Well, yeah.
Okay, so your magic trick is to telekinesis
a body and like use it like a puppet.
Yeah, use it like a puppet.
I will say, because Geena is also telekinetic,
this will be Wit and Telekinesis,
but you've got to do a hell of a flip.
All right, so we've got Wit and Telekinesis.
(20:57):
So that's going to be, so that'd be six cards.
All right, let's go.
Yay.
I only got two successes.
Well, I'll tell you this.
The score to beat,
because I flipped for her as well,
she got three successes.
So if you want to goose it up, you're going to have to.
If you want to succeed.
But I don't want to backseat DM.
That's just, I'll just lay that on the line.
I'll do it.
(21:18):
We'll, hello, my baby.
Hello, my honey.
But yeah, let's do it.
Drive.
Do it.
All right.
So what happens if we tie?
You have to beat her if you want to like,
if the agreement was a-
Okay, so I have to do two cards then.
Yeah.
Okay, crap.
Okay, well, I tied.
All right, yep.
I did two cards and I'm still tied.
Well.
You're going to call it there? Is Ozzy a gamblin' man? Would it help if I tell you what'll happen if you tie?
(21:44):
No, no, I'm good.
Nope, nope.
I think Ozzy, I think Ozzy is going to call it there.
I think he's losing his mind
and he wants to not taste blood anymore.
with three successes,
you do successfully use your telekinesis
to do a pretty solid,
if you wanted to do the hello, my baby.
Yeah, I'll do that.
But like, obviously Ozzy doesn't know the words.
He's like, hello, my child.
(22:05):
Hello, my kid.
I am your fun time man.
Gotcha.
Yep, you do that.
And because it was three successes,
everyone is like paying attention to it
and not thinking like, wow, it's incredibly messed up
that he's using a dead body for a comedy routine.
Instead, everyone's just like,
oh, this is kind of fun.
But Geena does not laugh,
(22:27):
which was the agreement.
Again, she is telekinetic herself,
so she fully understands what you're doing.
Yeah.
And is more just like,
well, I can see another fervent student
of telekinesis when I see it.
And look, I appreciate you two
helping me reunite this kid
with the Juggernaut.
And I'll be grateful for that,
but about this guy,
I just can't give you any information.
(22:47):
I'm sorry.
She doesn't know anything about her boss
or the other guy she's working with.
Geena's not saying anything.
I got nothing.
I was the fun cop though, right?
You're the real cop, you do this.
You've never done an interrogation.
I'm not a cop, I'm a detective.
Yeah, police detectives are a thing.
I'm an actress and I know this.
(23:08):
That is a good question though.
Are you a police detective or are you a PI?
I thought he was a police detective.
I thought that was established.
Have I just been assuming this entire time?
No, I was under the impression that he was a PI
because of the hot dog-
Corn dog snatcher.
True.
Corn dog snatcher, there it is.
And lest we forget,
you were brought here by like,
somebody just like sent you a letter
as like, please help me,
(23:29):
the Entertain-a-Thon convention is.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I thought he was a cop
because he tried to flex his badge and shit
to get it through the gates
and then they're like, nope, you need a ticket.
Maybe.
No, he'll be whatever people want him to be.
I thought he was.
Ozzy doesn't even know at this point.
Ozzy's just kind of here.
Ozzy's just vibing.
Oh wait, hold on.
I'm so confused now.
(23:50):
What is reality?
Yes, Ozzy, the Juggernaut is standing here.
Hey, you still have-.
I like to imagine these characters
will have this identity crisis
right here in front of them all.
And they're just watching police shit,
Ozzy just debate their own existences.
I mean, Ozzy's going through a lot right now,
mentally.
Geena just looks back at the Juggernaut
and is like, man, these guys are crazier
(24:11):
than you when you were under that telekinesis
and Juggernaut's like, yeah,
pretty messed up in the head.
And then Harlan, the human doctor,
he was like, yeah, I'm also here.
He hasn't said anything this session,
but he's still here.
Oh, hey Juggernaut.
Yeah.
You want to say bye to your kid real quick?
There had to have been a better way to say that.
(24:32):
Are you gonna fucking murder her?
This eight foot tall stone man
looks at you as like, I beg your pardon?
Well, look, because somebody gave me a card
to get into the convention
and they said I had to kill you for some reason.
And I just, you know, something going on there.
And so like, I don't know,
I'm not gonna say I'm gonna kill you,
(24:52):
but it sounds like someone wants to kill you.
And so like, just in case, you should probably say bye.
Excuse me, what the hell did you just say?
And remember, Felicia never knew this.
So even she's standing there
is like completely open-jawed at this entire situation.
Yeah, Felicia, your jaw's just on the floor.
Well, I didn't do anything.
I just said that like it could have.
Like I did, I mean, did I do the thing?
(25:13):
No.
You were going to.
You just said to send her out of the room
so you could possibly do that.
I didn't say that I was gonna do it.
I said someone might.
Yeah, and that someone would be you!
You're the only one here in this room,
except this woman right here that's chained up,
that wants to kill him or has reason to.
I don't know, maybe they do.
(25:34):
I don't know what they're up to.
I-
Because somebody's not answering questions.
I.
I need to sit down, darling. Ozzy starts licking the dead corpse.
You start what to the dead person?
I'm sorry.
Starts licking the corpse because- Why? What?.
All right, fine.
Ozzy, flip one card.
Six of spades.
(25:54):
You gain no vitality or anything from this corpse.
Everyone is just watching you licking a dead body.
It's what he would have maybe wanted.
I mean, this is the guard who thought you were God.
Oh, I'm using him?
That's even better, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's the only one who died.
When you came down here, there were two guards.
(26:15):
Ozzy, you convinced one of them you were God.
He knocked the other one out.
Then, yeah, so we have one guard unconscious.
Then that second guard, their head exploded.
You presume from a bomb that was in their head.
So that's the body you were just using for a puppet show.
And then there's this Bobby Lambino
who is unconscious and currently
in Geena's telekinetic possession.
(26:35):
You know what, I'm fine with that
because Ozzy would not have remembered any of that.
So that makes sense.
I'm done with that.
Yep, yep, yep.
So anyway, you lick a dead body.
Yeah, but so.
And everyone is staring at you
because you just admitted that you had a contract out
on the Juggernaut's life.
And you just openly admitted that.
I'm not saying I was gonna do it.
I mean, I could have and I thought about it
(26:57):
because like I did owe the person
because they did get me in, but I'm gonna be honest.
I should probably ask why they wanted me to.
And I did.
And what did they tell you?
Geena says, narrowing her eyes.
What did he say?
You know, honestly, at this point,
I don't remember either.
It's been so long.
Oh, I kind of remember he,
it was something that like, yes.
(27:17):
I do remember the basics that you already laid out
which was he said,
hey, I can get you a ticket into this Entertain-a-Thon
but you gotta kill the Juggernaut
which you agreed to verbally.
He handed you that and then that was kind of it.
You did get his name,
but I don't know if you remember that.
No, Ozzy does not remember that.
Cool.
I don't remember that.
Ozzy doesn't remember that.
Well, all I know is that they said that you had to die.
(27:40):
So I'm assuming it was one of two things.
One, it was a crazed fan.
The Juggernaut's like,
well, I do have a few of those.
Yeah, I mean, I get it.
So do I.
Wait, you do?
Ozzy, you cast your mind back to the crazed fans
just like sending you threatening letters
into your mailbox.
Like, I'm going to fucking kill you.
(28:00):
I love you.
That was a weird case.
Gosh.
Felicia, you've also gotten mail like that
and you're just like,
eh, whatever, it comes with a job.
Yeah, she's used to it.
She has people she pays to go through these things
and find the interesting hate mail.
She doesn't pay people to get rid of the hate mail.
Though she pays them to find out
which ones are the more interesting ones
and send them to her.
Yep.
(28:21):
That's called networking.
Oh, but yeah, no, someone wanted you dead.
Do you have a-
Yes, you've established that.
Who was it?
We can go back and ask.
Go back and wait.
Felicia's gonna just face slap herself.
It's like that Naked Gun scene.
Do you see what I am right now?
Do you think I can think right now?
No, I'm literally licking a body
(28:42):
that I told that I was God.
How do you think I feel right now?
This man believed in me and his head blew up.
I watched that happen.
You watched that happen.
It's like the Corn Dog Snatcher all over again,
except not at all,
because that didn't happen.
No, that's-
I think he's lost it.
Our bird's gone cuckoo.
He's now sitting in the lap of the corpse.
Oh my God.
Hey, when can you make my brain good again?
(29:04):
You say it to the doctor.
I don't think that's possible anymore.
Yeah, he says it to the doctor.
The doctor says,
well, I can cure your zombie rabies
once we get off this space station
and to a medical facility, but-
All right, let's go.
So you get up and Geena is like,
all right, I'm going to tell you both
what's going to happen.
(29:25):
The two of you are going to come with me
and the Juggernaut,
and we're going to get off the space station.
We're going to take you somewhere real private
so we can all figure out
what the hell is going on here.
Oh no, you didn't ask me a question
because I don't even know what I'm saying.
You didn't even read my rights.
And I know that I need to be told rights
before you can even do any of the crimina-na-nating.
(29:47):
I'm just going to get going.
We need to get to the hospital
so we can fix you.
Bring go good soon, right?
Felicia's given up.
Felicia's more or less just given up.
Tell me about the rabbits, Felicia.
I don't know any bunny.
You don't know any bunny?
Ha, that funny.
Oh man, I think now like the zombie rabies
(30:08):
really, really hit Ozzy.
Yep.
If you start to spew,
I'm slapping you silly.
I'll try to not do that.
I will say at this point,
Carley walks out of her dad's arms
and walks up to you, Felicia,
but is looking right at Ozzy
with stony tears in her eyes.
(30:28):
Mr. Ozzy, is what you said true?
Were you going to kill my dad?
You want the honest truth?
Probably not.
I actually was like, yeah, I could do that.
But when I thought about it for like two seconds,
I was like, well,
I'm not really going to kill some guy
over something like that small
because like, you know how many people
try to make me kill somebody
outside of a comic book shop? At least twice?.
And I haven't done a single one.
(30:49):
And also like, I'm going to be honest,
I didn't even really get to use the ticket.
I just kind of use it as a chauffeur
to make sure that you even got to your dad
and he's right there.
However, you also did try to kill me.
So technically, I'm pissed off at you.
So fuck you.
Darling!
Kid. Watch your language, bird.
I'm literally sitting in the lap of a dead body.
Think of the children.
(31:12):
Okay, I thought of the kid.
Now what?
They're right there.
I'm going to get this girl onto a ship
and we're going to wait to leave
so we can get you to a hospital
so you can stop being this.
Yeah, I like that.
Then let's go.
I said to let's go and no one was following me.
Oh yeah, the kid got sad and asked questions.
That's what happened.
(31:32):
Oh, do you still hate me, kid?
Carley doesn't say anything to you.
She just kind of buries her head
in Felicia's legs like a lost kid
hiding behind her parent.
I'm just going to pat her head.
Come on, darling, let's go.
This cockeyed bird is speaking some gobbledygook.
Felicia, I'm going to say you and the Juggernaut
basically just kind of like push Carley
a little away from Ozzy
(31:52):
because you're not exactly sure
what Ozzy is going to do at the moment.
And I think both of you really want to protect her
from Ozzy just from his parenting.
From whatever Ozzy's become.
Yeah.
What I've done.
I didn't do anything though.
We know, the Juggernaut is like,
yes, we know you could have.
That's not what we take issue with.
(32:15):
Oh, is it the rabies?
Yeah, I take issue with that too.
I mean, it's not really the rabies,
although maybe now it's kind of the rabies.
We shouldn't talk about this here.
We're technically still, you know,
in the middle of our escape.
If you two come with me,
we'll get you off of the space station.
We'll get you, points at Ozzy with daggers in her eyes,
to a hospital and maybe unscrew your mind.
(32:36):
And then we can figure this whole
put a contract out on the Juggernaut situation out.
But I just need you two to come with me.
Are you both on board?
Yeah, sure.
Yes.
All right, good.
Let's get out of here.
Okay.
And Ozzy is going to walk
and he's also going to make the body walk with him.
Leave that behind, Geena snaps immediately.
(32:57):
Hey, we could use their body for science
because like there was a bomb in there
and also like, I'm going to feel bad.
Ozzy, if you'd like to bring the body along,
you are going to have to convince everybody
that that's not a terrible idea.
So Charm or Presence and Persuasion.
Just Charm, Presence.
I'm going to say minus one
because like this is a hard sell.
(33:18):
Great.
I have, what's my Charm?
No Charm.
And then basically Persuasion for two,
Presence for two.
And we're going to, you know what?
Oh, you said minus one.
Yeah, so minus one card.
Well, all right.
I got a jack of hearts and a six of clubs.
So that's it.
That's all I got.
Cool, one success.
One second.
I'm just going to do a, I got to do a collective-
(33:40):
Okay, well I was going to flip like a lot of cards
to basically do like a group,
Are we going to allow this?
The first two cards I pulled were successes.
So they are immediately just like,
no, you're not bringing that with us.
In fact, I'm going to say that the Juggernaut
walks up to the body and takes it in his stone hands
and compacts it into a fleshy cube
(34:01):
and throws it into a garbage chute
on the other side of the wall.
There, it's gone forever.
Come with us.
Wait, it's over there.
Ozzy, they say.
Ozzy just starts walking.
All right, so you're all heading back
to get out of this garage.
Now, in a previous session,
you did find the escape pods,
which are on a higher level,
which, you know, for the sake of time,
(34:23):
let's just cut there.
You are at the escape pods.
Geena is with the two of you in one escape pod.
The Juggernaut and Carley and Harlan the doctor
are in another escape pod.
So you are in an escape pod
floating around Saturn right now,
trying to head back to Titan the moon.
Felicia, you are trapped in this pod
(34:43):
with a rapidly going insane zombie ostrich.
Do you believe in life after life?
Ozzy has been nonstop singing the whole way.
She's just gonna like ready her hammer
just in case something goes wrong.
Geena looks at you, Felicia,
and Geena also has telepathy.
So Felicia, you just hear in your head,
(35:06):
look, just say the word
and we can like knock this dumb idiot unconscious
whenever you want.
I'm not that dumb.
Do you believe?
Ozzy, you can't hear this.
You're not invited to the telepathic chat.
Please just, can you not use that song?
Have I told you a story?
The first time I ever heard that song
was in your frigging Yooka-Laylee
(35:26):
Impossible Lair video.
And now whenever I hear that,
all I can imagine is you and emo outfit rapping.
You know?
You have permanently affected my perception
of that song because of that.
I- you know, I don't regret it.
No regrets.
No regrets.
Cause I forgot I did that.
That's weird.
Cause Ozzy has been imagining the same thing.
(35:48):
Except it was him.
Nice to know Wolfkaosaun is still famous in the future.
Gosh.
Oh yeah.
Wolfkaosaun has a billion subs in the year,
whatever the fuck this is, 6000 or whatever.
You know what?
Yeah, I like that.
He got the fricking Futurama treatment,
head put into a jar
and he still gets to make content on a shelf.
Okay.
Ozzy is going to start singing,
(36:09):
it should be another Cher song.
He's going to start singing,
I believe in a thing called love.
Nice.
There we go.
That's the one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cool.
Would you please flip Charm and Perform?
Am I still at a negative for that?
Nope.
Cause I know this is a very weak stat for you.
Yeah, I have one Charm and no Perform.
So this is one card.
And another cause you're healthy, I think.
(36:31):
Or are you not healthy?
I am indeed healthy,
but that has actually made things worse.
I failed and then now Joker.
Cool.
I don't know if that is.
I don't know if those words are correct.
Ozzy, you decide the best way to sing this song
is to do a full choreographed routine
inside this escape pod,
(36:52):
which really has like room for four people
sitting down and nothing else.
Right?
That's fine.
But you get up and you're an ostrich by the way.
So you take up just even more space.
Oh, absolutely.
You would just immediately go into
this intense choreographed routine.
In the process,
whacking some buttons on the front panel
of the escape pod
and maybe Ozzy doesn't hear this
cause he's distracted by the music in his head.
(37:14):
But Geena and Felicia,
you just hear the thruster on the escape pod
that you're in is no longer running.
You just hear like a engine wind down,
like (37:23):
*motor winding down sounds*
You feel the gravity in this area
start to be affected because it feels like
the escape pod is about to start plummeting.
Does anyone have any Engineering expertise?
If anyone wants to try and like
get this escape pod back on course,
it'd be a Piloting flip.
And you know who has some Piloting?
Oh no!
(37:45):
Can I like reach in my pocket
and find something to like, you know,
placate him so he has like a little bit
of like sanity just to do this?
Sure.
That's gotta be Wit and Spacewise.
She don't have any.
So I'm gonna have to make sure I use my Drive.
And Hero Points.
We have that too.
Drive gets reset every session, right?
(38:05):
Drive is reset every session.
Okay, so I have three.
You can use one, yeah.
So I have three Drive.
I have three Hero Points total.
I can draw one right now.
That one's a failure.
Using one Drive, also failure.
Two Drive, that's success.
Three Drive, also success.
It's queen of hearts.
Okay, I'm competent with that.
Okay, so five.
Yeah, you pull out, what do you pull out?
I'm trying to think like
(38:25):
what would help in this situation.
Cigarettes.
It's the cigarettes I'm keeping-
Yeah, you pull out Escape Pod brand cigarettes.
I just shove the entire box in his mouth
and just light it.
The box on the outside says,
guaranteed to make people better at flying escape pods
in context specific situations.
And then you see a little note on the bottom
(38:46):
from Bubs'Concession Stand.
Hey guys, it's me-
I can't do Bubs.
All the Homestar characters,
I can't do Bubs and that sucks.
I'm selling my cigarettes.
I can barely do it.
Yeah, that's much better than what I was doing.
I'm gonna say because it was five successes,
it's like a full like triple box of cigarettes.
Like one of those big long carts.
Yeah.
Not what you would see behind
(39:07):
the register at a convenience store,
like made to ship wholesale,
which you just force feed into Ozzy's mouth.
Ozzy, you get the sweet, sweet taste of nicotine
back on your tongue.
You snap back.
You realize you're dancing to a Cher song
and you're like, huh.
Oh, hmm.
(39:27):
These taste just like grandma used to make.
You say that and then immediately also clock,
oh, this escape pod is currently plummeting.
Oh, that's okay.
Hold on.
Does a big inhale.
All right.
The kid ain't around, right?
She's in a different room.
All right, good.
I'm just making sure cause you know,
(39:48):
I don't want the kid to think smoking's bad.
I mean, wait.
And then, yeah, he's just gonna start Piloting.
Aren't you the one who taught her
how to light matches on her skin
just to let you puff up?
Yeah.
And that was whenever he was normal.
Which you, you haven't revealed that to Geena yet.
You know, you've already said a lot
that she's not been a fan of this session.
So maybe not the best time to say that either.
(40:09):
Yeah.
You almost killed her dad
and you exposed her to secondhand smoke.
Oh yeah, he did say he wanted to kill
whoever did that too, so.
I know, but they maybe didn't hear that part
as much as they heard the,
I was hired to kill the Juggernaut part.
It's selective hearing.
I'd call it human nature, but you know.
They're not human.
Right.
I'm a cartoon character, he's a bird.
Yeah, she's a Nebulon, which is like purple human.
(40:32):
Not Thanos, this is not a ripoff.
Gosh.
Anyway, Ozzy, you have your focus back.
You got cigarettes.
You seem to be the only one in this escape pod
who can pilot it back to safety.
Let's do this.
All right, Intelligence and Piloting please.
Yay, Intelligence.
Plus two as a bonus
from Felicia's really good crit action.
(40:52):
Seven cards, right?
Yep. Yep.
Hey, did we use an anti-Joker?
No, we haven't.
You have not.
Okay, cause I have four successes and a Joker.
Cool, poppin' the anti-Joker.
Excellent.
So four successes.
Ozzy, you sort of do the wing equivalent
of crack your knuckles
and tap a bunch of buttons on the console.
(41:14):
Everyone in the escape pod feels the gravity start
to settle and the thrusters turn back on
as Ozzy you get this escape pod back on course.
And once you are back in formation
with the other escape pod,
you are just like, I fucking did that.
Yeah.
I smoke another one.
You smoke another cigarette, good.
You do hear a little transmission.
(41:36):
I was like, hey guys,
this is Harlan from the other escape pod.
We detected that you fall out of orbit there for a second.
What's going on guys?
I ended up believing in life after love.
Geena, Felicia, did you two let him behind the wheel
of the escape pod?
The one who fixed it.
You weren't an offering to pay the pod.
No, were you?
No, but I fixed it.
I wasn't talking to you.
(41:56):
Am I wrong?
No, still fixed it.
Yes, you did, darling.
Now go back to flying the ship.
You also broke it,
but I guess we can skip past that part.
If everything's okay now, then cool.
I just wanted to check in
cause you know, you kind of dropped
from our sights for a minute.
Everything's fine.
All right.
Harlan St. Valentine, fan favorite character out.
And you hear a *electronic noise* as communications are cut.
(42:18):
That's not my name.
Now get us to the hospital
so you can get some help.
Where's the hospital?
I had to resist myself from saying a swear
with how much I've been against it today.
I mean, Carley's not in the escape pod with you.
I've stuck to the bit and I'm committed to it.
All right, fair enough.
I'm here for it.
Fair enough.
That'll change by next week though.
(42:40):
I'm sure.
I mean, you see how I am right now.
So I feel it.
Yeah, we're gonna take you to a doctor
so you won't be an insane zombie
crazy lunatic anymore.
We cut to an exterior shot
of the two escape pods flying through space.
I want to say Ozzy,
because you did a really good Piloting flip.
You are doing some like pretty sweet maneuvers
with your escape pod,
(43:00):
which are totally unnecessary,
but they look great as the music swells up.
And there's a freeze frame that says (43:04):
Space Kings.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's me.
You're the Space King.
Space Kings, Space Queens, Space Everyone in Betweens.
Yeah.
Space for space.
And then another freeze frame
that says (43:20):
a Live Laugh Loot production.
Gosh.
As credits music starts to play.
(43:42):
So! Sweet.
I guess it's time to do Hero Points.
Yeah.
You may both set your Hero Points down or up
so they reach two because you're getting two.
Well, no, put them at three
because you're getting two Hero Points from me
because this was a hell of a fun session.
Yeah.
Anyways, I loved Zombie Wilbur.
(44:03):
That was funny.
Zombie Ozzy.
Zombie Ozzy, sorry.
Yeah.
Now you've got me doing it.
That's all good.
I did like a little like dice roll
and I was like even or odd to see.
Because what Wilbur was going to do,
I mean not Wilbur, wow.
Ozzy was either going to just go fully with the virus
and just shoot the lamb in the head or-
Oh yeah, I should also mention that.
(44:24):
I guess because you're with Geena,
I guess there is just the unconscious body
of this lamb character in your escape pod too.
Oh yeah.
You know, like I'm aware of that
but like I didn't make Ozzy-
because I'm kind of doing Ozzy like a whole,
like he's just like in.
He was in his own little zone this episode.
He started in the last episode too.
But at this episode, I was like,
we're just going, we're going for it.
(44:45):
We're going all in.
Yeah.
No, no, not all in, all in.
He would have shot the guy.
And he would have shot the general.
It has only been like up until you guys
headed to the escape pod.
It really had only been like 15 minutes
since you were bit by the zombie in real time.
It's been a lot of blood though.
Yeah, no.
Zombie Ozzy is great.
And I am sad that it probably
at the beginning of next session,
(45:05):
you are probably going to be rid of him.
That's fine.
I'm fine with that.
I want him to be smarter.
Gotta end the gag before it dies.
Yeah.
Anyway, so Ozzy, what did you like
about Felicia this session?
Felicia is out here being the entire,
there wasn't a thing that Felicia didn't fail.
Felicia was just like, yeah, I got this.
True.
I mean, she clocked the guy right in the head
with a hammer.
(45:26):
Calmed down everybody so no one killed me.
True.
Honestly, Felicia, if you were,
this maybe wasn't said out loud,
but I feel like if you were not there
in that situation,
I think they would have just straight up
shot Ozzy dead.
Yeah.
Honestly, I wouldn't blame them.
But yeah, no, Felicia was just out here
doing everything the right way.
Literally from beginning to end.
(45:47):
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Thank you both for playing Space Kings.
Thank you for hosting.
Absolutely.
And thank you listener for watching.
You're welcome.
Wait.
Thank you to everybody who listens to it,
including John, Jane, Jack, Jacqueline, Jackie,
Jackie O.
Joel, Joseph.
Hi, Heather.
(46:08):
Joe, Joe Jr.,
Jimmy, Jonathan, Jimathon, Johnny, Jimmy.
This is hurting me.
Jimmy, Jimmy. David. Davidson
What is happening?
David Schwimmer, Courtney Cox,
Jennifer Aniston, Matt LeBlanc,
Matt Perry, and... Lisa Kudrow.
I almost forgot her name, damn.
I don't know what just happened.
(46:29):
Thank you to King Charles III.
Keep doing your thing, buddy.
Yeah, get good, scrub.
Oh, I should probably stop recording.
I should probably do that too.
That gag's done its course.
Let's stop recording.
(46:57):
Thanks for listening to Live Laugh Loot.
We're currently using the Space King system
developed and published by Supertry Studios.
You can learn more about this game
or buy it yourself at supertry.itch.io/spacekings.
Follow us on blue sky at livelaughloot.bsky.social
or email us at livelaughlootpodcast@gmail.com.
(47:19):
Our intro music is Out of Control by Chill Carrier
and our outro music is One Point to Another by Rockit Maxx.
See the episode description to find out
what other songs played this episode
or to check licensing information.
To learn more about this podcast
or listen to more episodes,
check us out at livelaughloot.libsyn.com.
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