219 | Session Savvy: Reflecting Content Without Assuming Emotion

In this Session Savvy episode of the Play Therapy Podcast, I discuss an important topic: not assuming that content is emotionally connected in child-centered play therapy (CCPT). I explain that therapists often make the mistake of reacting to play scenarios based on their own assumptions rather than waiting for the child to cue the emotional response. I share specific examples, such as being handcuffed, shot, or stabbed during play, and emphasize the need to maintain neutrality unless the child clearly indicates an emotional context.

I also touch on how assuming certain feelings—like excitement about a birthday—can lead to misinterpretation if the child doesn’t express that emotion explicitly. The key takeaway is to reflect content or track behavior neutrally and wait for the child to clarify their emotions. This approach allows for a more accurate, child-centered response and prevents unintentional directives or assumptions by the therapist.

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Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class and child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode, we are doing another Session Savvy series

(00:23):
and today we're talking through
not assuming that content is emotionally connected.
So I'll make sense of what I mean by that in just a second.
But before we do,
if you are new to the podcast, welcome, we're so glad you're here.
You will not find a more helpful, loving, encouraging,
supportive community than the Play Therapy Podcast listeners.

(00:46):
So, really excited to have you.
If you have not, please go back and listen to the episodes in order.
This is a seminal training podcast
and it goes in order on purpose. So please go back and start at episode one
so that you get all of the basics that
you need before you dive into this series specifically,

(01:07):
but all of the most recent episodes.
Secondly, if you are planning to attend the Australia conference,
please sign up for the meet up.
So go to www.playtherapypodcast.com/meetup RSVP. It's free.
It's just so we know how many people to expect
and the Atlanta meet up was absolutely incredible.
So, really looking forward to doing it on the Gold Coast in Brisbane

(01:29):
next month
and we are at the end of October,
which is crazy to me and we're gonna be hitting the last
two months of the year here in the next couple of days.
So
really interesting to think about this year in reflection.
And I'll actually toward the end of the year,
I'll do kind of a reflection episode if you will

(01:49):
to go over
just lots of things that we've done lots
of things that we're looking forward to doing
and kind of encapsulating 2024. But I hope that you have felt that this year was
a year of shifts for you. And what I mean by that is,
I hope that you
feel that you have turned a corner on your skills.

(02:12):
I feel that you have gained more information. I hope that you feel that you
are
looking forward to continuing to grow and learn the CCPT model.
And
for me, I it has just been one positive shift after another. So
I hope that you're feeling excited.
I hope that you are looking back reflectively over

(02:32):
this year as it's coming to an end pretty soon
with a lot of gratitude and a lot of excitement.
And I'm just, I'm grateful for each and every one of you. So just wanted to
let you know that those have been my thoughts as we're moving into November.
Ok. So Session Savvy series,
here's what I'm seeing in a lot of the videos that I'm reviewing and

(02:53):
here's what I see in a lot of the sessions that I watch.
We sometimes assume that when a child does something
we're supposed to react in a certain way.
And we kind of get into this
habit of thinking that the content is emotionally connected
and therefore we respond

(03:13):
in an emotional way
or in the way that we assume we are supposed to respond.
Even when, what true CCPT is,
is remaining neutral until we're given a cue or a directive.
So let me give you some examples and I think this will start to make sense
so often if a child handcuffs
us, a child says you're gonna get handcuffed,

(03:36):
we would want to neutrally react and respond with a reflection of content there.
Oh, you're gonna handcuff me.
But then we don't assume
that we're supposed to not like it.
We're not supposed to assume that we're scared.
We're not supposed to assume that we want to be freed

(03:56):
and here's what will happen.
A therapist will get handcuffed and then go oh no, I don't wanna be handcuffed
or
oh, I want you to let me go, but I'm stuck
or I don't like this. When are you gonna let me go? Things like that
and
we think that we're playing a role

(04:17):
but unless the child has cued that, that is supposed to be our reaction,
that that is supposed to be our response
that is leading and its directive
and it's assumptive
and we don't want to be any of those things in CCPT.
So when a child handcuffs us, for example,
we wait to find out from the child what our response is supposed to be.

(04:41):
So if the child says,
yeah, and you don't want to be handcuffed,
ok, now we have a role to play. I don't want these handcuffs on,
but until a child gives us that directive, we don't want to assume that.
Ok, another example is if we get shot
either with

(05:02):
the air because there's just a regular gun or with a dark gun or
with a bow and arrow or with whatever we happen to get shot with
in my room, it's a crossbow. But
for whatever weapons you happen to have a slingshot, maybe I,
I think there are some play rooms with slingshots
if you get shot
often, what will happen is

(05:23):
I see therapists clutch their chests and fall over
and stick their tongue out and they immediately die.
Well,
how are we supposed to know that we're meant to die when we get shot?
We shouldn't.
So in a moment like that, we're supposed to respond neutrally
and Oh,

(05:44):
and actually let me extend this to getting stabbed because
I think stabbing is even worse because when we get stabbed
we tend to go. what I make all these, I'm in pain. Dying sounds
ok. We don't know that that is how we're supposed to respond.
We can assume that
but we don't want to do that in a CCPT playroom

(06:06):
because it's the child's story,
the child's narration,
the child's direction.
So we want to neutrally acknowledge what happened.
Oh, you're stabbing me
or you shot me
and then we wait
because if the child wants us to do something else, they'll tell us.

(06:26):
And if they don't,
then we can just watch how the story unfolds.
And that usually gives us contextual clues.
So
the goal is always to either reflect content or track behavior,
not assume emotion, not assume outcome,
not assume charge.

(06:48):
And then we wait to see how whatever that storyline is develops.
OK. Final example,
there will be sometimes that a child will tell you something
that it's actually not part of the play, right?
So these first two examples,
you're getting handcuffed or you're getting shot or stabbed,

(07:08):
that's in the moment in the playroom.
And we can assume,
but what if a child tells you something that
has nothing to do with the playroom at all?
So it's a connective moment. It's a relational moment.
It's something that they're working through. So they want to talk about it
I watched a session a while back where the little girl said
it's my birthday on Saturday

(07:30):
and she said it like that.
It was just,
my birthday is on Saturday
and we have a tendency to go. Your birthday is Saturday. That's so exciting.
But do we know that?
What if this is a child that has never had her birthday celebrated her whole life?

(07:50):
Because her family always forgets
or her family's always too busy.
And this was a child that was living with grandma. Mom and dad were not in the picture.
So I'm not making up these crazy scenarios.
This was a girl that her parents might not have ever celebrated her birthday.
I don't know. And I don't know that the therapist knew either.
And
we have a tendency to connect certain things with certain feelings.

(08:15):
Birthday parties are exciting.
But for a child, they might not be,
she might dread her birthday coming around every year.
She might never want to celebrate her birthday because she never
gets presents and she feels lonely and ignored on her birthday.
So when we go, that's so exciting. Now, let's back up. Had the child gone.

(08:38):
It's my birthday on Saturday.
Ok. Well, that's clear excitement. So we could absolutely reflect that feeling.
But if we're just told something,
we can't assume
that there's an emotion tied there unless the child has indicated that
because that's our context.

(08:59):
Birthdays are exciting, but they're not always exciting.
Think about foster kids. Think about kids that have been adopted out of foster care.
Think about kids that live in really dysfunctional households.
Think about kids that have parents who are addicted to substances,
birthdays might be completely forgotten, ignored and miserable for those kids.

(09:20):
And I think we also tend to do it
when
a child is acting out in a certain way in the playroom. So for example,
when a child
hits their fist on the table,
we might say,
oh, you're mad,
but
was the child really mad?

(09:43):
That might have been
just an expression of I need to channel this stuff that's inside.
It could have been
a pounding victory kind of scenario without really understanding the emotion.
We don't want to
move forward with what we think might
be an indication there.
So we might say, oh,

(10:03):
you're really angry or you're upset a lot of times when kids punch Bobo,
we'll say you're angry
but punching isn't angry.
We've talked about that in an earlier podcast.
So we have to be really careful about
not connecting things that are not clearly connected.
So
going back to how we started this, we can't assume content is emotionally charged

(10:26):
because we need to just neutrally
reflect content or track behavior
and wait for a cue
and or wait for a child to express a very evident emotion.
And then we're able to reflect that
I hope that's helpful to you all.
So many of you have given me feedback on this Session

(10:46):
Savvy series and told me how much it has been
valuable to you and how helpful it has been.
So, I'm really, really happy
to hear the feedback from you all.
If you want to reach out to me, I'd love to hear from you,
[e-mail].
I haven't said this in a while.
So for my vets, you know, this, but for my new listeners,
a lot of times people ask who filters my emails or,

(11:07):
does every email get passed to you or who reads them and vets them and who blah, blah,
blah.
The answer is no one.
So if you email me, it comes directly to me, I will directly respond. I promise.
I'm the only one that reads my emails. I'm the only one that responds.
Sometimes it takes several days.
So if you don't hear from me immediately, it doesn't mean I didn't get it.

(11:28):
I just have a lot of emails,
but I promise you, I will respond.
And if you just want to say hello, if you wanna tell me a story,
if you wanna ask me a question,
I'd love to hear from you, [e-mail].
All right, y'all love you. Good to be with you. Talk again soon. Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr Brenna Hicks.

(11:49):
For more episodes and resources.
Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.