The Secret Fears That Keep Us Sick & Struggling – And How to Heal

“You’re going to grow up, go to college, and not depend on a man!”

This was the message my mom started programming me with from a young age… 6, 7, 8 years old… born out of her trauma of struggling in a marriage where there was never enough money  to cover our family expenses, married to a man who thought it was “women’s work” to help out at home with the kids, housekeeping and shopping.

Growing up, my mom was a strong woman … SUPER woman, who did it all raising 4 kids:  worked full time, managed our finances, kept up the house, handled all the shopping, helped us with our homework, took us to church.

She carried a heavy load, and as the firstborn, I was mom’s little helper, taking care of my siblings, making sure everyone did their chores and lightening mom’s load wherever I could.

My mom’s grandmother (my great-grandmother) was married to an entrepreneur.  He owned a furrier in downtown Columbus, Ohio, and they were a very affluent family of six children.

In 1934, her husband died of double pneumonia, and the townsfolk offered to take the kids in…

 

That was the only way that the family typically survived in those days, separated.   

 

In the 1930s, there were no single mothers or female entrepreneurs, yet my great-grandmother asked the man helping her husband run the business to stay on and she took over, running the business and raising six kids alone…

 

Growing up, I’ve seen my grandma and mom display the same grit, strength and courage… we’re all imprinted to take care of everyone and do what it takes to survive.

 

I was raised to take care of everyone … to be a problem-solver, to give selflessly and to act independently, so as not to burden others.

 

In the waiting room before my second surgery to fix a prior one that almost cost me my life, I was alone and scared.  I hadn’t told any of my friends what was happening with my health and felt so uncomfortable asking for support…

But I needed someone to be there with me.

 

I was scared that if I reached out for help, I might be a burden.  People are busy… I typically don’t need anyone’s help … 

 

I was afraid to reach out – I was embarrassed to NEED support!

 

This belief that I shouldn’t need help showed up a lot in my life… 

 

I didn’t know it at the time, but it was keeping me stuck in patterns that weren’t serving me.  

 

I started cycling through burnout after these surgeries… my body just wasn’t as resilient as it had been, and I realized I had some deeper healing to do.

In this interview, Cory and I  talk about how high-performing women can learn to cultivate the vulnerability that is required so we get the support we need t