I'm re-airing one of the most powerful conversations I've ever had on this podcast. This is my conversation with Michelle Mays, author of The Betrayal Bind, and it is one of the most in-depth explorations I've done of betrayal, attachment, and the very real, very complex reasons it can feel so impossible to leave or to stay and repair when trust has been broken at this level.
"Divorce is common, and cheating is common. Because they are common, it doesn't mean they're not tremendously significant and have enormous ramifications for our mental and physical health," says Michelle. During our conversation, we discuss the importance of understanding what happened, explore betrayal through the lens of attachment systems, and unravel what happens to us when we experience this enormous injury.
What you'll hear about in this episode:
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A new attachment-based model for understanding the impacts of cheating in relationships (7:52)
-
Some of the binds in relationships that we can get stuck in including the shame bind and relational binds (12:55)
-
Healing and repairing relationships: what it means to stay, and what it takes to repair the fractures betrayal has caused (23:25)
What gets in the way of leaving when we want or know we need to leave (35:39) -
The difference between rebuilding emotional connection and rebuilding sexual connection (48:30)
Learn more about Michelle Mays:
Michelle Mays is a Licensed Professional Counselor and expert in treating sexual betrayal and trauma. She's also the author of the new book The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Has Hurt You the Worst. Michelle has created The Braving Hope™ Treatment Model to address the devastating dilemma that betrayed partners face when their significant other is unsafe to connect to, yet connection is the key to healing.
Michelle is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in Virginia and Washington DC, and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor. She was trained by Pia Mellody in the Post Induction Therapy model for treating developmental trauma and is currently completing her PhD in Clinical Sexology and certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples.
Resources & Links:
Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce
Connect with Michelle Mays:
Michelle's website
Michelle on Facebook
Michelle on Instagram
Michelle on YouTube
Books:
Michelle's book, The Betrayal Bind
Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody
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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
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Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/
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