Episode 365: Children as Co-Victims of Coercive Control with Dr. Emma Katz

I am so glad to bring Dr. Emma Katz back to the show. She is a senior lecturer in criminology at Edgehill University and one of the world's leading experts on coercive control. She is the author of Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives and writes the Substack Decoding Coercive Control, where she makes this research clear to process and digest for anyone navigating it in real life.

Today we are focused on children and their lived experience of coercive control, and what actually supports them when one parent is trying to protect them inside constrained systems.

In this conversation we explore what children are actually experiencing as co-victims and co-survivors of coercive control, both inside the home and after separation, when the tactics don't stop, they just shift. We get into what protective mothers can actually do to support their kids, why your own survival is already a road map, and how to talk to your children about what is happening in a way that helps them make sense of it without putting them in more danger. We also go deep on family court and why court-ordered systemic therapy in a coercive control situation is, in Emma's words, a match made in hell.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

• How coercive control intensifies for children after separation, and what they are experiencing when they move between homes (2:34)
• How to talk to your children about abuse in a way that is ongoing, depersonalized, and actually safe (27:06)
• Family court and systemic therapy: how to navigate it strategically when you have no choice (35:36)
• The changes Emma is seeing in family court in the UK, why the US is moving in the opposite direction, and what that means for protective mothers (44:20)
• Final advice for protective mothers on building the anti-coercive control environment in your own home, and why even when you cannot fix what is happening, making your child feel heard is already so much (50:42)

✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here.

Learn more about Dr. Emma Katz

Dr Emma Katz is Associate Professor at Durham University. She is an award-winning expert in domestic abuse and coercive control, whose work has influenced policy and professional practice in the UK and globally.

Dr Katz's book, Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (published in 2022 by Oxford University Press) is described by Professor Evan Stark as a 'pioneering work that will change how we understand and respond to children's experience of domestic abuse'.

Follow Dr Katz on Substack to receive her popular blog Decoding Coercive Control with Dr Emma Katz.

Resources & Links:

Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
The Divorce Survival Guide Resource Bundle
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Kate on Instagram
Kate on Facebook
Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube!
Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce 

Connect with Dr. Katz:
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