Episode 370: The Book Every Protective Parent Needs: Helping Children Heal from Coercive Control with Dr. Christine Cocchiola

Dr. Christine Cocchiola is back with a brand-new children's book called Every Moment of Every Day. It's a book for kids who are going back and forth between homes when one of those homes isn't safe. It gives children language for what they're feeling, and it gives protective parents a roadmap for how to support them when they come home.

This book does something I haven't seen in any other children's book about divorce: it integrates somatic healing methods to help kids move out of survival mode and back into connection. It also gives children something abusers never do: choice and agency.

We also talk about how to co-regulate when your child comes home dysregulated, which is so hard to do, but so incredibly important. And I ask Dr. C for her thoughts on the way narcissists and coercive controllers are often conflated. She explains why they are not the same.

This is the kind of conversation that reminds me why we can't stop being fierce advocates for the people we work with every day. As Dr. C says, when kids finally connect the dots and the attachment gets rebuilt, it's the most beautiful thing to watch. And it starts with you.

What you'll hear about in this episode:

• Why Dr. C wrote a children's book specifically for kids in shared custody situations with an abusive parent, and what she was trying to give them (4:59)

• How the book helps kids identify what they're feeling in their body, not just their emotions (6:43)

• What makes this book different from other divorce books, which tend to normalize and soften when kids actually need to be seen (9:53)

• How the book integrates somatic healing methods, and what that looks like in practice (10:42)

• Why narcissists and coercive controllers are not the same, and why that distinction matters enormously for how you navigate these systems (21:48)

• What Dr. C has learned from her own experience of parental alienation, and the beautiful reunification stories she's seeing now (34:12)

• Why telling your kids "Dad loves you and is doing the best he can" may actually be gaslighting them (37:33)

Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola:

Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW, is a recognized expert on coercive control and its impact on adult and child victims. As a college professor of social work, she earned her Doctorate in Clinical Social Work from New York University, where she was mentored by Dr. Evan Stark, a leading authority on coercive control.

Dr. Cocchiola presents internationally on the dynamics of coercive control, educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents about children's lived experiences and the most effective intervention strategies for victims of abuse. A social justice advocate since age 19, she developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused therapeutic model designed for parents whose children have been harmed by abusive partners.

As both a survivor and protective parent, Dr. Cocchiola brings personal insight to her professional work. She is the author of the children's book Every Moment of Every Day and co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld. Her TEDx talk with over 1.4 M views, "It is ALL Coercive Control," is available on YouTube. 

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