January 1, 2025 • 9 mins
Are you someone with a big heart who often feels compelled to save others from their struggles? In this episode, Arejay dives into why energetically sensitive people often step into this role—and why it’s time to stop. She explains how absorbing others’ emotions can create discomfort, leading to unnecessary interventions that disrupt personal growth. Using the metaphor of a butterfly’s emergence, Arejay illustrates how struggles are essential for building strength and resilience.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
So someone shared a post, and itwas talking about people with
big hearts, and it was somethingto the effect of, like, people
with big hearts, we're notsaving nobody this year, like
fuck them. And here's the thing,when you are a big hearted
person, you're normally a reallyenergetically sensitive person
(00:23):
as well, and what happens thereason some of y'all are like
upset about saving people? Firstoff, it's not your job to save
people. I'm so sorry todisappoint you. We show up for
people. We help people where wecan, but we don't save them.
People save themselves or not.And one of the things that
(00:44):
happens a lot with people whoare energetically sensitive,
especially in early years, bothin terms of like age, but also
early years of knowing andunderstanding that that's how
you are, because a lot of times,you won't know how to manage the
energy around you. You won'tknow how to modulate that, and
(01:06):
no one ever taught you how tosit in discomfort, which is what
happens when we're watchingpeople struggle, right and
especially if we'reenergetically sensitive, because
we can oftentimes pick up on theoftentimes pick up on the
emotions and we feel it likeit's us, and the only way that
(01:27):
we know how to stop that or muteit or dampen it is to stop the
other person from feeling itright. So we try to create a
scenario where they're not in asituation to feel these things
anymore, but I need you to hearme. That is your discomfort
leading. That's what it is,because you're doing it and and
(01:48):
yes, your heart may, your heartmay be in the right place, like
your desire to help is not whatI like. That's not in question,
right? But what's also happeningis you've learned that you can
make the swirl of emotionswithin you, the pain that you're
feeling and picking up on, stopif they stop. So then you step
(02:11):
in and change whatever you canchange to make that experience
stop for them, right? But it's avery different experience once
you learn to actually maintainyour own energy, right, and
learn to sit with thatdiscomfort. First off, it's not
as uncomfortable because you cansit and not experience it like
(02:32):
you're the one going through it,which you're not. You're a
witness to it, and that's fine,but sometimes what people need
is just a witness, right? Theydon't necessarily need the
person to step in, and soespecially if you're that person
with a big heart who'senergetically sensitive and like
(02:53):
you step in, and you find that,like you don't understand why
life goes sideways so often,because you're just trying to be
a good person, and you're tryingto help everybody, and you're
stepping in, you know, on othersbehalfs, to help them. That is
exactly the reason why you weregetting your ass handed back to
(03:16):
you, because that is not yourplace, and you were overstepping
your bounds, and you're actuallyhindering people from the growth
process that they need to gothrough, right? It's very much
akin to whenever a butterfly isemerging from a cocoon, right?
And you see it like you can seethe struggle it's trying to get
(03:38):
out. You know what it's tryingto do, and it's not necessarily
doing it with any amount ofease. And so it's very easy to
think, Oh, hey, like, let mehelp, let it out. But if you do
that, you condemn the butterflyto die, because that struggle is
what builds up those strengthsin its wings so that it can fly.
(04:00):
So if that cocoon gets opened inanother way, potentially their
wings haven't built up thatmusculature like they're not
strong enough to carry thebutterfly. So now this thing
that was supposed to transformand be able to fly cannot fly.
It still must walk around and itwill die, okay? And we don't
(04:22):
think of that in terms of likehumans and helping, but
sometimes that's exactly whatyou're doing, right? So learn to
sit and listen to your intuitionand have a conversation for a
minute with God, Spirit,creator, whatever name you want
to give, it about like, whyyou're seeing this? Like, what
(04:43):
are you supposed to do withthis, right? And sometimes it's
just to witness, and that may befor their benefit. It may be
something that's being reflectedto you, if you watch, and then
you get to work on it with. Inyourself, but have that
conversation first. Don't justlet like the emotions dictate
(05:04):
right. Make sure that whatyou're seeing and experiencing
is something you were supposedto act on, and then make sure
how you're supposed to act onit, because you're not always
supposed to act on it. Sometimesyou are supposed to you are
supposed to act on it likesometimes. That is why your
(05:25):
attention is called to it,because, hey, this person needs
help. You need to help them. Butthat instruction will become
clearer and clearer the moretime you spend with like God and
yourself and having thoseconversations with spirit,
divine, whatever, and buildingthat connection to the spiritual
(05:47):
and divine like in divinity, andmaking that relationship
stronger, those situationsbecome clearer and clearer on
when you should be stepping in,because this is what you're
being directed and called to do,and when you just need to
witness and hold space for thatperson, right and let them know,
(06:08):
like, Hey, I'm here. I see you.This is valid, but not
necessarily step in and try tointervene and try to save them,
because it's not for you tosave. It's really not. And when
we can learn to do that now,yes, okay, there are instances
when like, hey, it's a physicaldanger and like, someone
(06:29):
literally, like, physically,like, get their life, protect
their life, need to be safe.That's something different. I'm
talking about when we'rewatching people go through the
things that are like theemotional stuff, the hard stuff,
where it's not necessarily alife threatening thing, right?
(06:50):
But start to start to have thosedialogs and those questions, and
give yourself that moment ofpause of okay, like I know I'm
being this is being brought tomy attention for something I'm
picking up on it for somereason. What is it showing me?
Right? Like, what am I meant todo with this? Because it'll
(07:11):
really be life changing, Ipromise. Like, when you actually
stop intervening, when you'renot supposed to, and let people
get their lesson and theirgrowth and their challenges and
that muscle building stuff thathappens in life that isn't
always pretty or fun orcomfortable, right? Actually,
(07:32):
it's never comfortable, butthose things help people grow
and help shape them in ways thatthey need to experience, right?
And sometimes it's they need toexperience because this is the
path they're meant to take. Andsometimes they need to
experience it because, hey, theytook a wrong turn, and they need
(07:54):
to figure out they took a wrongturn, and this is how it lets
them know you took wrong turn sothey can course correct, right?
But if you intervene, they maykeep taking that wrong turn, and
then they end up in a situationthat is even worse than what you
stepped in and intervened ontheir behalf for, right? And you
(08:17):
end up in a worse situation too,because that shit wasn't for you
that was not what you were meantto do, and you weren't listening
either. So I just wanted toshare that, because it's not
about the saving of people,especially if it's not an actual
life or death situation. It'snot about saving people. Okay,
(08:39):
people save themselves like it,it's going to be handled the way
it needs to handle. Everything'sworking out as it should.
Everything's happening for areason. Now, you may not be
fully clued in into as to whatthat full reason is, and that's
fine, but just because you'renot clued into what that full
(09:00):
picture is and what that reasonis does not mean that is not
happening for a reason. So learnto sit with yourself. Learn to
sit with discomfort and it notbe something that you
automatically need to fix. Learnto manage your own energy and
the energy around you, so thatyou're not just taking in
(09:21):
everything from everyone andtaking ownership of shit that is
not yours.
So someone shared a post, and itwas talking about people with
big hearts, and it was somethingto the effect of, like, people
with big hearts, we're notsaving nobody this year, like
fuck them. And here's the thing,when you are a big hearted
person, you're normally a reallyenergetically sensitive person
(00:23):
as well, and what happens thereason some of y'all are like
upset about saving people? Firstoff, it's not your job to save
people. I'm so sorry todisappoint you. We show up for
people. We help people where wecan, but we don't save them.
People save themselves or not.And one of the things that
(00:44):
happens a lot with people whoare energetically sensitive,
especially in early years, bothin terms of like age, but also
early years of knowing andunderstanding that that's how
you are, because a lot of times,you won't know how to manage the
energy around you. You won'tknow how to modulate that, and
(01:06):
no one ever taught you how tosit in discomfort, which is what
happens when we're watchingpeople struggle, right and
especially if we'reenergetically sensitive, because
we can oftentimes pick up on theoftentimes pick up on the
emotions and we feel it likeit's us, and the only way that
(01:27):
we know how to stop that or muteit or dampen it is to stop the
other person from feeling itright. So we try to create a
scenario where they're not in asituation to feel these things
anymore, but I need you to hearme. That is your discomfort
leading. That's what it is,because you're doing it and and
(01:48):
yes, your heart may, your heartmay be in the right place, like
your desire to help is not whatI like. That's not in question,
right? But what's also happeningis you've learned that you can
make the swirl of emotionswithin you, the pain that you're
feeling and picking up on, stopif they stop. So then you step
(02:11):
in and change whatever you canchange to make that experience
stop for them, right? But it's avery different experience once
you learn to actually maintainyour own energy, right, and
learn to sit with thatdiscomfort. First off, it's not
as uncomfortable because you cansit and not experience it like
(02:32):
you're the one going through it,which you're not. You're a
witness to it, and that's fine,but sometimes what people need
is just a witness, right? Theydon't necessarily need the
person to step in, and soespecially if you're that person
with a big heart who'senergetically sensitive and like
(02:53):
you step in, and you find that,like you don't understand why
life goes sideways so often,because you're just trying to be
a good person, and you're tryingto help everybody, and you're
stepping in, you know, on othersbehalfs, to help them. That is
exactly the reason why you weregetting your ass handed back to
(03:16):
you, because that is not yourplace, and you were overstepping
your bounds, and you're actuallyhindering people from the growth
process that they need to gothrough, right? It's very much
akin to whenever a butterfly isemerging from a cocoon, right?
And you see it like you can seethe struggle it's trying to get
(03:38):
out. You know what it's tryingto do, and it's not necessarily
doing it with any amount ofease. And so it's very easy to
think, Oh, hey, like, let mehelp, let it out. But if you do
that, you condemn the butterflyto die, because that struggle is
what builds up those strengthsin its wings so that it can fly.
(04:00):
So if that cocoon gets opened inanother way, potentially their
wings haven't built up thatmusculature like they're not
strong enough to carry thebutterfly. So now this thing
that was supposed to transformand be able to fly cannot fly.
It still must walk around and itwill die, okay? And we don't
(04:22):
think of that in terms of likehumans and helping, but
sometimes that's exactly whatyou're doing, right? So learn to
sit and listen to your intuitionand have a conversation for a
minute with God, Spirit,creator, whatever name you want
to give, it about like, whyyou're seeing this? Like, what
(04:43):
are you supposed to do withthis, right? And sometimes it's
just to witness, and that may befor their benefit. It may be
something that's being reflectedto you, if you watch, and then
you get to work on it with. Inyourself, but have that
conversation first. Don't justlet like the emotions dictate
(05:04):
right. Make sure that whatyou're seeing and experiencing
is something you were supposedto act on, and then make sure
how you're supposed to act onit, because you're not always
supposed to act on it. Sometimesyou are supposed to you are
supposed to act on it likesometimes. That is why your
(05:25):
attention is called to it,because, hey, this person needs
help. You need to help them. Butthat instruction will become
clearer and clearer the moretime you spend with like God and
yourself and having thoseconversations with spirit,
divine, whatever, and buildingthat connection to the spiritual
(05:47):
and divine like in divinity, andmaking that relationship
stronger, those situationsbecome clearer and clearer on
when you should be stepping in,because this is what you're
being directed and called to do,and when you just need to
witness and hold space for thatperson, right and let them know,
(06:08):
like, Hey, I'm here. I see you.This is valid, but not
necessarily step in and try tointervene and try to save them,
because it's not for you tosave. It's really not. And when
we can learn to do that now,yes, okay, there are instances
when like, hey, it's a physicaldanger and like, someone
(06:29):
literally, like, physically,like, get their life, protect
their life, need to be safe.That's something different. I'm
talking about when we'rewatching people go through the
things that are like theemotional stuff, the hard stuff,
where it's not necessarily alife threatening thing, right?
(06:50):
But start to start to have thosedialogs and those questions, and
give yourself that moment ofpause of okay, like I know I'm
being this is being brought tomy attention for something I'm
picking up on it for somereason. What is it showing me?
Right? Like, what am I meant todo with this? Because it'll
(07:11):
really be life changing, Ipromise. Like, when you actually
stop intervening, when you'renot supposed to, and let people
get their lesson and theirgrowth and their challenges and
that muscle building stuff thathappens in life that isn't
always pretty or fun orcomfortable, right? Actually,
(07:32):
it's never comfortable, butthose things help people grow
and help shape them in ways thatthey need to experience, right?
And sometimes it's they need toexperience because this is the
path they're meant to take. Andsometimes they need to
experience it because, hey, theytook a wrong turn, and they need
(07:54):
to figure out they took a wrongturn, and this is how it lets
them know you took wrong turn sothey can course correct, right?
But if you intervene, they maykeep taking that wrong turn, and
then they end up in a situationthat is even worse than what you
stepped in and intervened ontheir behalf for, right? And you
(08:17):
end up in a worse situation too,because that shit wasn't for you
that was not what you were meantto do, and you weren't listening
either. So I just wanted toshare that, because it's not
about the saving of people,especially if it's not an actual
life or death situation. It'snot about saving people. Okay,
(08:39):
people save themselves like it,it's going to be handled the way
it needs to handle. Everything'sworking out as it should.
Everything's happening for areason. Now, you may not be
fully clued in into as to whatthat full reason is, and that's
fine, but just because you'renot clued into what that full
(09:00):
picture is and what that reasonis does not mean that is not
happening for a reason. So learnto sit with yourself. Learn to
sit with discomfort and it notbe something that you
automatically need to fix. Learnto manage your own energy and
the energy around you, so thatyou're not just taking in
(09:21):
everything from everyone andtaking ownership of shit that is
not yours.
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