Whoever Wants The Relationship Least Is In Control - SFTS76

=== SNIPPETS FROM THE SUMMIT === It's probably the harshest bit of dating truth out there: Whoever wants the relationship LEAST is in control. If you're in the habit of choosing vs. chasing in your dating life, you fully understand the notion. If you usually find yourself CHASING, however, you're probably trying to suspend your belief that it's true...and probably a little mad at me for even bringing it up. But here's the thing...what if you could go through life without ever having to even worry about the premise ever again? Not only is that possible, it's how it SHOULD be. In this brief episode I break it all down, revealing how couples who go the distance roll when it comes to this stuff. Make no mistake, the way out from under this trap might just shock you, but it's the secret to long and happy relationship with a woman you really want and who adores you in return. Check out the brand new Substack at https://mountaintoppodcast.com/substack

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
You're listening to Snippets from the Summit with your host Scott McKay.
All right, how's it going gentlemen?
This is your main man Scott McKay coming at you again with another snippet from the summitas part of the mountaintop podcast from X and Y communications today we're gonna get down
to the bottom of an Uncomfortable topic that I'm sure you've heard about before it goessomething like this Whoever wants the relationship least is in control

(00:35):
Now that's a pretty harsh statement because it implies that someone's going to be needytrying to get another person to stick around when really they don't really want to be
there.
And sure enough, every one of us, when we've had a woman who wasn't really so into us andwe were being Mr.
Nice guy or we didn't have a whole lot of options has tried to buy a woman's affection.

(00:59):
or to convince her to stay for some reason, if not flat out beg her to stay if she's gotone foot out the door already.
Now obviously, if we want a woman that badly, such that we're willing to pretty much sellour soul in the form of giving up all self-respect and cow-towing to her and supplicating
to her in such a way because we put her on a pedestal so high, well, you know, she knowsshe's in control.

(01:24):
She knows she owns you.
She's got you by the short hairs.
And it's up to her whether the relationship continues or not.
In fact, when she's absolutely cocksure, I feel part of the expression, that you're goingto stick around no matter what, she'll gladly leave you hanging.
She'll go test out a few other guys.

(01:44):
She'll ghost you.
She'll breadcrumb you.
All of those buzzwords we hear nowadays that are just short code for, well, she's just notthat into you.
And it's all because she knows you'll stick around.
Now think of it this way, when the tables are turned and you've got a woman in your lifewho, you know, you really'd rather trade up on someone better.

(02:05):
She's definitely not your one and only.
You're not falling in love with her.
You may not even be sexually attracted to her.
She's just someone kind of to hang around with, to fill up some dead air, some dead time,you know, when you're bored.
And that's pretty harsh too, isn't it?
But if she begs you to stay, if she starts getting the feels for you,

(02:25):
I know for sure you're very well acquainted with the feeling that, you know what, this isyour decision to make.
Whether this relationship continues or not is firmly in your grasp.
It's firmly in your wheelhouse.
You're the one who makes the decision.
And as soon as you say, yeah, you know what, it's over.
Yep.
She's going to be turned away heartbroken.

(02:46):
Well, now that we've established the real rough truth surrounding the statements,
whoever wants the relationship least is in control, let's put a whole new spin on it.
Why should someone be a chooser and the other person be the chaser in any relationship,right?
Why can't two people choose each other and want to be with each other, be into each other,to the point where the whole question of who wants the relationship more or less is

(03:15):
rendered moot?
Well, see, that's the way it should be.
Now, here's the caveat.
And here's where I think the heavy lifting is on this particular episode.
You see, when two people don't fear each other anymore, then they're able to love eachother.
And love should be selfless, not selfish.

(03:37):
So when we want what's in the best interest of our partner, it's not a matter of whetherwe get to possess her or keep her or vice versa.
That doesn't even enter into the equation anymore.
So when a couple enters into a relationship where they get each other, they havefundamental compatibility with each other.
They understand what's going on in each other's heads.

(03:58):
They're wildly attracted to each other and they're each other's best friend.
There's almost this chemical reaction that takes place where all the rules of dating andeven relationships sort of don't apply anymore.
mean, communication is the foundation of all relationship.
Well, as soon as you trust someone,
The communication gets a lot easier, doesn't it?

(04:20):
And you trust someone when you don't fear someone.
So, in a relationship that's love-based instead of fear-based, the couples don't worryabout who wants the relationship more or less so that they can sort out who has control
over the other one or not.
In a love-based relationship, everyone's free to leave.

(04:42):
Now, that's in the context of the couple just adoring the heck out of each other.
In my relationship, if Emily decided she didn't want this relationship anymore, if shewanted to leave, if she found a guy who she thought would treat her better than I would,
I've always said I'd shake that guy's hand and buy him a beer because she has the freedomto leave.

(05:04):
And even though the first time I had this conversation with Emily was pretty early in ourrelationship, shockingly so actually, she understood exactly what I meant.
She said, I don't think I'm ever going to want you to leave and I don't think I'm evergoing to kick you out or anything.
And that's when I said to her, I know, I trust that.
And it's almost like that trust allows us to stop thinking about it.

(05:29):
Now, if there ever came a time where it was thrown on the table and I was forced to thinkabout it, well, I'd deal with it.
I'd be disappointed that she left.
I wouldn't be excited about going out and finding another woman, but I sure would.
You see, guys,
You don't own women and they don't own you.
Relationships aren't a matter of possession.

(05:51):
As a matter of fact, even though it makes some people uneasy to hear this, it needs to besaid.
Just about every relationship we have in this life is a rental.
Business relationships, even our relationships with our offspring, with our kids, letalone our relationships with our significant other.
They're subject to change.
Someone can say to me, you know, every woman

(06:12):
is gonna leave you someday.
Well, you know what?
Unfortunately, that's true.
Even if it's by death.
You're either gonna die, she's gonna die, you're gonna leave each other.
But it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
And I'll tell you what, that's damn skippy better than having feared someone to the pointwhere you're trying to figure out who's in control of this relationship and who wants it

(06:38):
more so that the other person won't be compelled to leave.
and chasing your tail around like for however pitifully long the relationship manages tolast.
Guys, it's all about love, not fear.
Appreciate the women in your life.
Appreciate and respect the women you're attracted to and treat every day with that personas a gift.

(07:00):
If you're a big four man, chances are that woman's gonna wanna stick around with you.
And if you've made a good choice and you're with a good woman who's sane and attracted toyou in return and treats you right,
Chances are you're going to spend very valuable time together long into the future withouthaving to worry about the nature of the relationship or where you stand with each other.

(07:21):
And if you think about it, that's not very harsh news at all.
It's pretty good news.
Want to talk about this or anything else?
Scott at mountaintoppodcast.com.
Be good out there.
As always, visit mountaintoppodcast.com.
Love you all.