3 years, 2 kids, 1 huge problem. S3Ep21

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up, We've come all the things on the bottom all,
Oh wow, is you you're my favorite views?

Speaker 2 (00:17):
But that's not and we are back.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
Welcome back you, Beautiful Creatures.

Speaker 4 (00:26):
Season three, episode twenty one of the two Be Better Podcast.
We are five episodes away from the season, like the
mid season point.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Of what we recorded.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
That's insane.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
This will air in the middle of May.

Speaker 4 (00:36):
I think, actually, I think, excuse me, rude, I think
that this will actually air the week of Costa Rica
or while we're in Costa Rica.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Okay, so yep, that's wild to think about it is.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
Yeah, it's pretty cool though. So how's uh? Ronnie said,
good mid morning and happy wear Green Day. I did
wear green technically do I have? But I don't celebrate
the holiday like that.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
I am not wearing green today. No, that did not happen.
So I can wear you. You're the green.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
Technically it's me wearing you because I put you on
right like I go in.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Like a T shirt.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
The thing was, we'll figure it out.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
Yeah, we had a we had a really good weekend. Guys.
Life is very different this Monday.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
Yeah, life is. I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
I drank a little bit of an energy drink.

Speaker 4 (01:36):
Yesterday, I drank like, I don't know, four SIPs out
of it while driving home because I was so tired.
And everything I've drunk since then has been no caffeine.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
Yeah, I didn't even finish a soda yesterday. I had
half a can of soda yesterday. I'm somebody who would
pound three or four of them a day.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah. Food's been weird. Yeah, meat's not been good at
A lot of.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
Changes happened over here, a lot going on.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
Miss Jim.

Speaker 4 (02:02):
Thank you for being a Patreon member and seeing your
first live. So for those of you who don't know,
a lot don't know. We do record these live in
front of our Patreon community, so as we are reading chats,
it's for our Patreon. If you are not part of
our Patreon, we highly recommend that you at least check
that out. There'll be an ad inserted somewhere in this video,
hopefully not right now, Hopefully it's later so you get
a double dip of Patreon.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Yeah, but we missed the shit out of you, guys.

Speaker 4 (02:24):
We had a whole lot of gratitude this weekend, and
a lot of it was based around our community.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
Yeah, there was a lot of contemplation happening, a lot
of realization.

Speaker 4 (02:36):
Yeah, so before we sat down, we were starting to talk,
and it's like, just save it because I have things
that I want to talk about and we can talk
about on the podcast. Okay, that Mendala thing that I
had sent you were that chick free handed of Mendala.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:47):
You know that you can buy projectors. Oh really that
projects line work onto walls and things like that. So
if you want to paint a really detailed thing, you
don't have to sketch it on a wall. You can
put it on paper at the size that you're comfortable
with and then make your really fucking big and you've
got your bones to paint that. And that's how I've
always painted really big canvases and things of that nature.
We could totally do one of our walls in our

(03:08):
house in a giant Mandala. I love that that wall
that has the giant spider web print on it, that's
next to my desk where the poker table is, which
I want to move. I don't like that it's sitting there,
like it blocks so much. I don't know what we
would do with it or where we would.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Move it to. But I'm not helping you with that.
I would have to have somebody else do it. There's
no way. I can't even do it myself. Things eight
hundred pounds.

Speaker 4 (03:28):
But I want to do it on that wall because
we can't do it where the TV is, especially if
we're going to move that wall eventually. But Vibe said
that's how he did murals. Those projectors are cheap too,
They're like two hundred bucks and then you know you
can adjust on tube bottom.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
I had one.

Speaker 4 (03:42):
I had one for like probably six years until I
fell off of a ladder. Oh that sucks six foot
ladder from the top to the ground. So I tripped
over the cable.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
A moment of silence for your projector.

Speaker 4 (03:52):
Yeah, yep, glass broke. It was not a good day.
Not a good day.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
Oh everyone, it's eleven eleven. Stop make wish. I felt good.
I felt good doing that with you guys. Wish probably
wasn't the right phrasing. Maybe put an intention out, put
an intention into the world, all.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
Right, Biggy said, y'all are glowing today. We are different
people than we left Friday.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah, I feel changed on a molecular level of who
I am. Yeah, I don't want to get crazy into
what my experience was because I'm still processing and I'm
not going to cry.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
The emotion is still high, it really is.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
But the medicine showed me my soul and I have
a better understanding of who I am.

Speaker 4 (04:44):
Jay said, we missed you guys. All right, let me
let me pop up in our emails so that we
can get ready to read emails because that's, you know,
part of what we do. I'm trying to slow roll
our podcast until our food gets here because I would
like to eat.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yeah, too, Well, what was the thing that you want
to talk about? Because I started talking about tattooing.

Speaker 4 (05:04):
And well that was so the mandala thing was going
to be part of what I wanted to talk about
because I do want to do that in the house. Yeah,
and if you're going to be doing line work and
doing that shit, I'm just.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Gonna make you do it.

Speaker 4 (05:16):
I would love to do that, but I think that
would be pretty cool. And then you said that, I
figured that would be a good way to lead into
the tattoo question or the tattoo conversation. Okay, because you
said that you're going to be oop what you're wanting
to tattoo has changed. Yes, So what are you wanting
to tattoo now?

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Life?

Speaker 3 (05:37):
Things that bring people joy, things that are a reminder
of how beautiful they are.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
Like what, because that's very broad.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yeah, a lot of nature animals, loved ones, if.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
That's what they want.

Speaker 4 (05:53):
You want to get into doing portraits and ship yeah, yeah,
it's a lot of work. Portards are scary when you
first start doing them. Yeah, because it does not take
much to fuck portrait up. No, and you can't fix it.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
No, it's there for good. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:06):
And I'm thinking about so as you guys know, I
have this side shaved. I think husband's going to shave
the other side tonight tonight.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yeah, okay, that's new.

Speaker 4 (06:17):
Yeah when you mentioned that you were thinking about it,
you didn't didn't say that it was going to happen
that quickly.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
I think I want it to happen tonight. And then.

Speaker 3 (06:27):
I think I'm going to get the size of my
head tattooed. Yeah, I'm really I saw so many growing
flowers and vines, and I think that's what I want
to get tattooed on.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
The sides of my head.

Speaker 4 (06:41):
Abby said, I can get my datatil done by peach
done I know that we talked about you going back
to the tattoo shop one or two days a week.
We have to buy your supply. Still, yeah, like there's
still things like all my.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Equipment and stuff gone.

Speaker 4 (06:55):
I had like inks, and well we have that, but
like you were using a lot of mys and shit,
and I have a lot of that stuff. But we're
gonna have to put anything together and find out what
we're missing and then place in order run to Saint
Pete and by it. So I'm excited that that's coming.
I'm excited that's coming. I think that when you shave
the other side of your head, if you get like

(07:16):
a big head dress thing with feathers and shit in
your hair, it's would be pretty cool. Yeah, we we
had a moment where, man, I really don't know if
we should get into this right now.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
I don't want to get into this right now. Okay,
I get it.

Speaker 4 (07:32):
I cried a lot this weekend and I'm still very
fucking emotional, and just the idea of having the conversation
just made me well up.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
So I'm not ready to talk about that shit yet.
But this, yeah, I didn't throw up, though I did vibes.

Speaker 4 (07:49):
I would love that Mickey Sharp's liner we don't use
we're coiled. We don't use coils, we use rotaries. But
if you want to send me that tattoo machine, Mickey
Sharp's machines are normally custom built machines, and.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Some of them actually have value to them.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
So I would check the value of your machine before
you mail it out, because if it's actually worth money,
don't send it, keep it and sell it. Anyways, I'm
sorry that sidetrack thing.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
No, you're good, world. I don't remember what I was
gonna don't either. I threw up a lot this weekend. Oh,
I remember there was a so we had guardians there,
people who have already experienced the medicine and know that
connection on what it's like to go through that. And
as I was vomiting my demons out, I could feel
one of the guardians facing me and putting intent towards me.

(08:36):
And the next day, before we went into the larger
leg of our journey, I went over and I thanked
her and she told me that as I was purging,
I never looked more beautiful, and like that just hit me.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
Meghan Phillip said, where do you guys go this weekend?
What did you do. We went. We went into an
Ayahuascar retreat.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
I bet that's our food.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
I bet it is.

Speaker 4 (08:56):
I didn't get a notification for the door, but carry's
carries run into the door. So because the food's out there,
we'll grab it, He'll grab it. We went to the
honey Kuhin tribe had a retreat in the United States,
and we went to the retreat and we did two
out of three of the ceremonies that were there. Yeah,

(09:18):
we had. It was a lot.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
It's a lot. It was a very good lot. There
was no bad or ugly.

Speaker 3 (09:26):
Yeah. People around us were going through it.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah, I went through it.

Speaker 4 (09:31):
Yeah, the amount of people who were like, dude, you
were battling for your life.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
I wasn't. All of my tears was gratitude.

Speaker 3 (09:37):
Yeah, I felt it. I could feel that it wasn't
nastiness or ugliness for you.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:43):
There was a moment where I told myself on Saturday
morning because Friday night I didn't get much from the medicine.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
It was very, very very little. It was like a
strong microdose.

Speaker 4 (09:53):
Yeah, And I didn't even really start feeling it until
like one in the morning. Like it took a long
time for the medicine to get into my system, and
by the time it got there, and like I could
have taken a third dose, I would have been up
until seven or eight in the morning.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
Like, yeah, I thought about the third dose too, but
I also didn't want to be up until sunrise, knowing
that we were going to be doing it all over
again the next night. I think that our bodies were
fighting the medicine the first time, maybe because it took
so long to accept it.

Speaker 4 (10:19):
Maybe on Saturday though, the second ceremony, we opted not
to do it during the daytime because we didn't really
sleep Friday night, and like I was, I was a
little bitter that, like I didn't get anything from my journey.
Friday I got, I did get things. I did get
what I went for Friday night, I got a lot,

(10:39):
but I didn't get what everyone else had.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, And there was like almost a bitterness. I get that.

Speaker 4 (10:44):
And Troy, you know, I was like, I think I'm
just going to do a single cup tonight. I'm not
going to go hard on it. I'm not going to
try to go super deep and if it works, great,
and if not, I mean I got what I came for.
And Troy it was a Guardian.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
For those of you who don't.

Speaker 4 (10:58):
Know Troy, he's got his own podcas, but he's been
on our podcast. He when you do the guardian work,
you take a very small dose so that you can
be connected with everyone else but not be in the
force or whatever they want to call it. And he
said that what they gave him was a little bit
too much. In the entire time that he was doing
the Guardian thing, he was obsessed with the medicine, telling

(11:20):
him that I needed to surrender and take a lot.
I needed to just give in and fucking go for it.
And I wasn't going to and I talked to Troy,
and after talking to him, I was like, all right, dude,
if that's what you think needs to happen, I'm a
fucking risk it. And I remember getting my cup and
I walked up there and I prayed over my cup
and I'm like, I need you to be gentle with me.
I cannot handle throwing up, like this is my biggest
fear in all of this. And I didn't puke once

(11:42):
all weekend. No, And I got all of the compassion.
I got it Friday night in a different way, and
then Saturday I got.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
It in a spiritual way.

Speaker 4 (11:51):
Yeah, yep, I'm trying so hard not to cry.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
It's been a lot.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
I know.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
We thought about you a lot this week and we
talked about you as well. Your soul's holding hands comment
was a very big topic Saturday night.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Yes, it was.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Yeah. They told us while we were there that they
recommend is that what you're going to say. I don't
know what you're going to say. Okay, you go first,
you go ahead, and no, you go.

Speaker 4 (12:18):
They say that they don't they don't recommend people sitting
next to each other and touching it and having a
connection the way that we have a connection. And the
woman said that they do that and they separate people
even if they're married, because one person could be talking
to God and the other one could be dying and
like going through their own death and rebirth process and
like and doing that it could pull one person away
from their journey and disrupt things. And we, you know,

(12:42):
we looked at each other and we took it into consideration,
and I told you, I was like, if you feel
like you need to separate from me for whatever reason,
I'm not going to be mad about it.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
I understand. Go do your thing. And then she also
said that.

Speaker 4 (12:53):
The that people do it as like a crutch, Like,
are you guys being together the way that you are
as a crutch? And and like we thought about that
for a little bit. And on Friday night us being
separate because we were trying to be respectful of the
medicine and what other people were doing. The beginning part
of our night was not enjoyable.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
No, I had a really hard time. Yeah, definitely had
a really hard time.

Speaker 4 (13:14):
And then I touched you, you know, and it changed
the entire night for both of us.

Speaker 3 (13:20):
I want to describe what we were sitting like. So
we had our mats side by side. We brought our
own matt to lay on top of it, and then we
put our mats on top double mats because of my back, yeah,
And we also had chairs to sit in also.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Because of my back.

Speaker 3 (13:33):
Yeah. For most of the night I laid on my
right side facing away from my husband and you sat
in your chair. There was total separation from us, and
it felt like true disconnect. It did not feel right.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (13:50):
So on Saturday we talked about that quite a bit
and her comments. There was a couple of things in
that discussion that really bothered me, and I don't I
know that there were no malice in her heart, and
there was certainly no ill intent. They were very lovely
people and they were just trying to help and be
supportive so the medicine can do the work. And then
it realized I dono me Saturday morning that most people

(14:12):
don't have the connection that you and I have, Like
there is definitely a deep spiritual bond between the two
of us, and there has been the entire time that
we've been together. We have had experiences like this weekend
that has made that so much more than anybody will
ever understand. But we are married, we are one flesh,

(14:34):
you know, our souls hold hands. As Jenna said, I
truly believe that in all of the things that we do,
we are not meant to do them alone. And we
talked very heavily about the crutch situation and how she
worded that, and the verbiage of using someone as a
crutch sounds like a bad thing. When you are too
strong all the time and you can never let go,

(14:57):
you need that crutch.

Speaker 2 (14:59):
And if you're.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
Constantly and you can't do it on your own, you
fucking need that crutch. There's nothing wrong with leaning on
the person that has said, Hey, I'm going to be
here with you forever. Yeah, a lot, there was a lot.
There was so much shit that went on this weekend
that like we have like probably twenty pages of journals
each at this point of shit that we have to
run through.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
I'm still going I woke up this morning and in
my groggy state, I just started journaling, just going at it. Yeah,
that second night, Saturday night, I sat in the chair.
I wanted to be more present during the second journey.
And then the medicine started getting too overwhelming. I was like,
I have to lay down, and I had to lay
on my right side because I was so nauseous. For

(15:40):
those of you who don't know, when you lay on
your left side, the way that your esophagus connect to
your stomach, it's on your left side. So if you
are having acid reflux or you're feeling nauseous, it's best
to lay on your right side. And I moved my
whole laying position so that I could face you. Even
though I was laying down, that connection was still there,
so you could see what I was going through. And

(16:01):
you came and you lay down next to me and
the moment I touched you, it started getting really intense
with the medicine and it got to a point where
I was so overwhelmed, and it wasn't a bad thing,
right Like, once the medicine really started kicking in, I
was like, oh my god, like it's happening, Like I'm
experiencing what I've heard everyone going through the last two
nights or last night and tonight. And there was a

(16:22):
point where I wanted to pull away just because everything.
My body was so hyper sensitive to everything going on,
and I almost pulled my hand away from you, and
the medicine told me not.

Speaker 5 (16:32):
To that I had to push through that. Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (16:43):
And I am fully convinced after the medicine and the
experience that I went through, that you're my protector and
I'm here to be your guardian.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
Yeah, And I went.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Through my experience first. My experience lasted maybe twenty or
thirty minutes.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
It was a little bit longer than that was. It
might have only felt like that. It was two hours
before my medicine hit me.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
They so they didn't dose as fast like no On Friday,
they did the first dose and in forty minutes, forty
five minutes later, they did the second.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
And I did two doses that night, right, yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:10):
I on Saturday, they did the first dose, and you
did a half half a.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Cup I did.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
I did one scoop okay, the first one, and then
sil came over and checked up on us, and I
was like, I want to do it a half scoop now, right,
I could. I could feel that I needed to do
more to go deeper with it, and I did. I
also did the hope, yeah, and I brought home the
tools and the tobacco mixture to be able to do
it at home, and I think that really added to

(17:38):
my experience as well.

Speaker 4 (17:39):
Probably Yeah, I did two scoops, but it didn't hit
me until after they did the second dose, which was
two hours later, and when she came over, she was like,
how are you.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
I'm like, I don't feel anything.

Speaker 4 (17:51):
I literally sat there and watched you going through what
you were going through, like to make sure that you
were okay. I felt like I was protecting you, but
I was also observing every one else that was going
through shit. And there were people who were feeling the
effects of the medicine within minutes. Yeah, and I was too,
And I was starting to get mad about it, and
she came over and she's like, are you ready for
another dose? And I was like, I can just give
me a little bit, Like I can feel that it's

(18:12):
starting to affect me, and if I need it in
thirty minutes, I'll come ask you, but for right now, like,
I'm just gonna wait it out. There was a part
of me that was like, I'm just not meant to
go through this tonight.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, and then.

Speaker 4 (18:23):
You started becoming more lucid, and I laid down and
like as you came out, I went in. Yeah, and
I was in for fucking hours.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah. So I was in it for at least four hours.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
Yes, you are.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, it was a lot I was.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
I'm really glad that I didn't take that second dose,
but hindsight, now that i'm through it, I kind of
wish I would have.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
Yeah, I feel like I should have done more. Yeah,
I'm really looking forward to our next retreat.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
We're going to start doing these probably every six months.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
Yeah, that's what they recommend, every six months. I also
want to be a guardian for others. I feel pulled
to that.

Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yeah, I looked really heavily and to becoming a psychedelic
integration coach. Last night, I found a couple of places,
but they're all over ten thousand dollars and some of
them take more than a year to do. But I
want to do that for me. Yeah, even if nothing else,
just so that I have that knowledge, I would like.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
To do that too.

Speaker 3 (19:17):
There was a lot of anxiety in me going into this,
and there was fear of not what to expect. And
it feels so silly calling the medicine mother to people
who haven't experienced what happened, but she truly felt like
a mother. And even when I was seeing scary things

(19:39):
and having to go through what I had to go
through in order to get to where I needed to be,
none of it was terrifying. None of it was I
don't want to do this anymore. This is too much.
And you can communicate with her. I was having conversations
with her as everything was happening, and one of the

(19:59):
things that really it out to me like, even through
the scary parts, the parts that were overwhelming, she felt
like warm honey with no texture issues like I can
still feel. It was like a protective layer around my

(20:20):
body and I was feeling embraces and I was feeling
my hands being held, like physically feeling my hands being held.
It was I love it.

Speaker 4 (20:28):
We are going to if you guys want to hear
more about this, or you're interested in our experience, we
will you end up doing a a full breakdown. Yeah,
we will discuss our experience, what the medicine taught us,
the after effects, the glow of all of it.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
We are.

Speaker 4 (20:49):
I called yesterday day zero, yeah, right, day one and
day two of the medicine, and then day zero was
the reset after the medicine. Today's day one. So it's
been a little over thirty hours since we actually took
the medicine, and I can still feel her me too, Okay, yeah,
and it's not it's not it's not the medicine that

(21:11):
I feel.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
To be clear, Like, I don't feel.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Like I'm on anything, right, It's a connection.

Speaker 2 (21:18):
Right, It's okay. So it's just I know that you
get it.

Speaker 4 (21:21):
I don't want to be like guys, I still feel
the effects of the thing that we TOAK know.

Speaker 3 (21:26):
There's no high feeling, there's no right, It's like vibrations
in me. I can feel vibrations in me. It feels
like I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 4 (21:36):
Yeah, but we've been journaling, We've been writing a lot down.
There's a whole lot going on in that. So we
will we will have an episode on Patreon that deep
dives all of that, probably in the next week or so.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
But we need to just sit with it.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
Yeah, I don't want to devalue what I was taught
or give an incorrect account of my experience. Right, So,
all right, guys, As you know, there was a TikTok scare.
We lost the app for a whole twelve hours and
we have no idea what the future of the app
looks like. And with that, we are very concerned about
the loss of our following. We have a massed almost

(22:12):
three million followers across that platform with all four of
our accounts, and we are trying to push people to
other social media platforms to that in the event that
anything happens on one app, we have multiple other backup plans.
If you want to make sure that you're not missing
any content, we highly recommend that you check out our patreon.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content at
fifteen dollars a month. You get access to our private
discord server where we've enmassed in an absolutely amazing community
of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other tiers
to check out, along with my two private women's group
if that's something you may be interested in.

Speaker 4 (22:49):
Guys, on our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you have
access to live recordings. We record all of our content three, four,
sometimes five times a week live in front of our
Patreon audience, where they are able to chat with us
while we were and they can see all the flirting
and the outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually
make it on the podcast, and it's really worth that
aspect in itself. We have it after Dark, where we

(23:10):
sit down usually once a week and have a glass
of bourbon or and Pach's case of glass of wine
and a bowl of cheese and we have a whole
lot of fun conversations, karaoke in the discord, we finish
the lyrics. We literally just hang out and you guys
get to hang out with us. There is a host
of other perks, including zoom calls, that are coming for
the Ultimate tier, so that if you guys are having problems,
you can talk to us. It also gives you with

(23:32):
the heads up on private meet and Greece because when
we travel we try to meet up with people on
our discord on a regular basis. There's a whole slew
of other perks that come through Patreon. I highly recommend
that you check it out.

Speaker 3 (23:42):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.
I feel like a different person there.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
Why let's jump into some emails.

Speaker 3 (23:54):
Okay, this one is titled Patreon member three years, two babies,
one huge problem, Chris and Peaches. I cannot tell you
how extremely grateful I am for your podcast. It has
helped me change my life immensely. I used to be passive, aggressive,
a horrible communicator, and always thought about my needs first.
A little backstory on our situation. I lived on my

(24:15):
family farm after getting out of a really abusive relationship.
I was in my own home, paid my own bills,
and life was good. I got on tender to try
and film needs. When looking back, I should have continued
my healing. I met a man and after standing him up,
a couple of times he gave me the ultimatum of
a date or he's going to block me. I decided

(24:35):
to give him one last chance. We went on a date,
and I actually really liked him. I'm gonna pause there.
You didn't give him a last chance. He gave you
one more chance.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yeah, I feel like that's important to acknowledge you weren't
the one making the choices here. He he acknowledged that
you were playing a game. So I think it's important
to take that responsibility of carelessness with someone.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
Else's heart point.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Oh gosh, I can feel her talking through me a lot.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
This Our podcast is about to be very different.

Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (25:15):
I made a TikTok last night, and like, the TikTok
was unlike any TikTok I've ever made. And I listened
to it afterwards, I'm like, where the fuck did that
come from?

Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (25:24):
Continuing on, fast forward in January six months later, and
we were living together. Our relationship was based on alcohol,
great sex, and what I thought was great communication. I
had a full time career, as did he. In November
of that same year, we found out we were pregnant.
I saw the pregnancy through as my beliefs are very
pro life. In July of twenty twenty three, we welcomed

(25:46):
our baby girl. He was a great birthing partner and
even got in the tubble I was having her to
help support me. Oh that's beautiful. I love that.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
I don't like the term birthing partner, no.

Speaker 4 (26:01):
Elaborate it takes away the earned title of father, yeah,
because that's some shit. A father would do it right,
like somebody who's actually earned that. I understand why that
term is used because in that moment, he was there
for her. I just think that it takes away the aspect.

(26:23):
It takes away the ability for a man to be
a part of who he is destined to be, because
I believe we fill five roles. I don't know if
you got to that in my book or not, but
we start as a warrior, we become a husband, a father,
a teacher, and then an elder.

Speaker 2 (26:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
And part of that that change is going into fatherhood.
And obviously it doesn't always play out into that aspect,
but to earn that title and to truly be there
as a father, it's very different than pro creating.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
It is continuing on.

Speaker 3 (26:55):
I had extremely a bad postpartum depression and didn't bond
very well with our daughter. I believe this was because
my job didn't follow through with a replacement for my
maternity leave period and I went back to work after
one week.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
I hate that.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
I hate the way America has maternity leaves set up.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
I hate it.

Speaker 3 (27:20):
Seeing other countries, you know, provide an elder an elder
woman to come into the home and cook meals so
the mother isn't stressed and is able to just spend
time with the baby. They provide that for up to
six months up a year as a really big thing
in Japan, and not North Korea. South Korea, where another
woman comes into the home and acts like a nurturing

(27:45):
spirit for the family while they get through this period,
and after one week she was back at work.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
They didn't care. Well.

Speaker 4 (27:55):
I'm going to challenge you on this, Okay, I don't
believe in maternity leave.

Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (28:00):
I think that when you get pregnant and you're getting
ready to take your time off, you should quit your job. Yeah,
so that that job can hire somebody else to do
that job, and when you're ready to go back to work,
if a position is available, great. I don't think the
company should pay you while you're gone. You decided to
have that baby that your company that you are selling
your time to has nothing to do with your family.

(28:21):
I don't believe that we should be a company should
have to pay maternity anything. I do think there should
be government benefits involved in that. If they expect women
to go back to.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
The workforce, there should be a support there.

Speaker 4 (28:32):
There should be some sort of something. I agree with
that what it is, I'm not smart enough to figure
that out. Yeah, but I think that deciding to have
a child is a personal decision.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
It's yours.

Speaker 4 (28:45):
I don't think that it should be the responsibility of
anyone else to make sure that there's anything for you
other than you have in your kid. And it's one
of those things that that's not a place of ugliness
or it being immoral or anything like that. I just
I think that everybody's got their own journey and their
own life to live, and it shouldn't be on other
people to make sure that you have your ducks in

(29:06):
an order.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
I agree with that.

Speaker 4 (29:07):
And if you're going to have a baby, you should
have a savings on you know what I mean? And
I understand sometimes there's oops, but that oops can be
negated if you really fucking are paying attention to what's happening.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
I don't know. There's a whole lot that can go
into that. It's a whole different discussion, But I agree
with that.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
I don't feel like that challenged me because I agree
with that. I think that society needs to have more
community in things.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
The community's huge.

Speaker 4 (29:30):
We wouldn't need surrogates to come into our home if
people's families were still around. Yeah, if family actually mattered,
you know what I mean, Especially in America, it doesn't anymore.
Family is family because you're told that they're your family.
It's not because there's love and honor and integrity amongst
your people. It's backstabbing and shittiness and ugliness and well
you got to love them anyways because they're blood related.

(29:51):
That's bullshit, right.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
Continuing on, I worked from home instead of in the office,
but I was working six plus hours a day, struggling
to breast feed and getting no sleep at all. In October,
we decided to stop breastfeeding to save my mental health.
It was the best decision for our family.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
At the time.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
I was back to work in the office full time,
although I wasn't supposed to be until January. I know
I was a pushover and put my family last. I
was supposed to become a mother who would do anything
for her new baby, but wasn't mentally able to do.
Wasn't mentally able to as my job was the only
thing I knew how to do, and that was my
escape route.

Speaker 4 (30:27):
So there's a whole lot of excuses happening right there. Yeah,
there's like she's trying to take accountability and she's saying
that she was a pushover and like allowed these things.
But that final line where she said, but wasn't mentally
able to as my job was the only thing I
knew how to do, and that was my escape route.
You negated everything that you said before that with that.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Butt.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
Yeah, you made a decision, and ultimately, that's what it
comes down to, all of the excuses that you're giving
yourself to try to justify your behavior and why you
did what you did. You made a choice, and I'm
willing to bet that it goes deeper than that. She
said she wasn't able to next with your child. There
was probably a want to go back to work to
use as a distraction. That's probably what the escape route was.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
I just want to add on, nobody has ever made
a choice for you in your life. Fact, right, I
can see how like in childhood, when you're living with
your parents, a lot of decisions can be made for you,
like what's for dinner, what you guys are going to
be doing that weekend, and whatnot. Once you come into
your own and you're an adult, nobody has ever made
a choice for you that wasn't made by yourself on

(31:29):
your own. I also want to touch on your job
wasn't the only thing that you knew how to do,
because there was a point when you didn't know how
to do your job. True, you had to learn how
to do it. And running away from something because you
don't understand it, it's okay to acknowledge that. I also
feel the need to say it's not that you can't

(31:49):
do something, you just lack the confidence in doing it.
In December of twenty twenty three, we have found out
that we were expecting again after one time of having
sex postpartum. Yeah, yeah, your fertility skyrocks it after having
a baby, that is one of the most fertile times
for a woman. Yeah, And in my mind that's because

(32:10):
you know, back in the olden days. If you didn't
do it that way, the chances of being able to
procreate and sustain life was a minimal thing. So it's
important to research your body and understand how you work.
Anything you want to add to that.

Speaker 4 (32:28):
We found out we were expecting again after one time
of having sex postpartum, after one time having unprotected sex. Yes,
after one time having sex without any repercussions, no prophylactics,
no Plan B contraception, nothing, Yeah, there was nothing there.
You were playing Russian roulette.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
Yeah, it should always be an expectation of after having
unprotected sex, I could become pregnant. Right, continuing on, we
again chose thank you.

Speaker 4 (32:55):
This is not a shitting on anyone, no, right, this
is just intelligent conversation for those who are listening. Yeah,
if you were somebody who had sex I had a baby,
you need to be aware of the things that you
just laid out, And you guys need to take accountability
if you're going to have sex that there is a
possibility that you're going to get pregnant from it. Yeah,
well there is to that. It doesn't matter if it's
never happened before, that possibility is there.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
Yeah, Okay, continuing on again. We chose to keep the baby.
In March, I quit my job. I was finally able
to see the unhealthy patterns and the route to the
same postpartum experience. My boyfriend I had been talking since
we found out in December about me finding a new job,
but I quit on a whim after a panic attack
one day on the job. I sincerely thought I was

(33:37):
having a hard attack. This was my wake up call
that things needed to be different. My boyfriend supported us
until I found a new job in May of twenty
twenty three. I was able to conceal my pregnancy until
I was six months long, since people just thought I
hadn't lost the baby weight yet from the first pregnancy.
But I did tell my new job that we were
expecting again. They hired me anyway, and we made long

(33:58):
term goals for when my maternity leave was up. I
started my maternity leave a month early as I had
an upper respiratory infection that wouldn't go away. I was
absolutely miserable. I slept upright on the couch every night
for two weeks while eight months pregnant. We chose to
leave our daughter in daycare five days a week so
that I could focus on getting better. Finally, after two

(34:20):
rounds of antibiotics and inhaler and multiple and a couple
of naturopathic remedies, I was healthy again. I was still
out of work, so I was slightly quarantined from people.
We took our daughter out of daycare except for two
days a week so that we could keep our spot.
I was not getting paid at this time, so we

(34:41):
were heavily relying on my boyfriend going to work. He
makes enough for me to be a stay at home mom,
but we could be, but we would be living paycheck
to paycheck for reference.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
Okay, so let's let's pause for a minute. How much
was she spinning on daycare?

Speaker 2 (34:57):
Right?

Speaker 4 (34:57):
One kid in daycare could run you anywhere from five
hundred bucks to a thousand dollars a week. Where we
live could be different somewhere else. I don't fucking know.
I only know our existence. Five hundred dollars a week
is two thousand dollars a month. If you're paying a thousand,
that's four grand a month. That's a whole lot of
savings if you're a stay at home mom. So if

(35:17):
you're living paycheck to paycheck while the kid is in daycare.
You have to factor in the difference and cost of that.
And if you're paying for daycare while you're working, is
your paycheck going to cover the daycare? Because if there's
only making like an extra hundred bucks a month over
that it's not worth it. We had I had a
very long conversation with this this weekend with a young

(35:39):
man named Zach who is a He's a veteran, but
he is very much like us. They have a ten
month old baby. She's a stay at home mom, and
he's the provider, right And he was saying that I
don't want my kid in daycare because nobody is going
to take care of my child the way my wife will,
because my wife loves my son. The people in daycare

(36:01):
have other kids that they have to worry about. They're
there to babysit. They're not going to be working on reading,
in language and colors and all of the fun activities
that you get to do as a mom if you're
sending your kid off to daycare. I understand that it's
not financially possible for people to always do the stay
at home thing, but if your income puts you in

(36:24):
a position where you can do it, if you don't
have to pay for daycare, or your daycare is going
to be your paycheck, don't work, Yeah, you're going to
have a better Your kid's going to be smarter for it,
especially if you're not on your phone the whole fucking time.
You know, if you're spending four hours a day with
your child, playing and teaching them things, they're going to
learn the problem solve and they're going to learn all

(36:45):
the things that you teach them.

Speaker 3 (36:47):
In August, we had our second daughter in the car
on the way to the birthing center. You called an
ambulance and it got transported to the hospital. My postprime
experience was dramatically different. I wasn't working. I could focus
on my baby and growing as a mom.

Speaker 2 (37:01):
Love all of that. Me too.

Speaker 3 (37:03):
That baby was born like Ricky Bobby.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
Oh Man.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Hey guys, a little quick interruption. If you're enjoying the content,
please leave alike, and also don't forget to comment. We
enjoy interacting with you guys and hearing your opinions and
it helps the algorithm.

Speaker 4 (37:18):
It's also free to do, and if you really want
to help make sure the show continues to do, hit
the subscribe button and share the content across your social media's.
It costs you nothing and it greatly helps the show.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
My boyfriend went to all of our postpartum appointments, and
midwives told me to lay low for eight weeks for
the first five practically bedridden so my body could truly heal.
It might have been my postpartum anxiety talking, but I
photo as though I wasn't able to do this. I
didn't trust that my boyfriend was capable of taking care
of two under two and the house. There was never

(37:50):
any you shouldn't do that or I got it go
relax my boyfriend at all.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Was there a discussion about any of that.

Speaker 3 (37:57):
I don't know, because look, okay, that was a lot
for me too.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
I understand.

Speaker 4 (38:05):
That we are genetically different, we are also raised different.
Men are expected to do things a whole lot different
than women are. If I get sick, asking you to
do something is really fucking hard for me. Yeah, it
doesn't matter. When I was having my kidney shit, like,
there's a whole lot of like, you don't do that
as a man. So if you were needing something and

(38:29):
I could tell that you were really hurting, I'll do
it for you. But I also don't want to take
away your ability to do for yourself because that's something
that makes us proud to be who we are. I
don't want a caretaker.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Are independence right?

Speaker 4 (38:41):
When you had your surgery, I was told by the
doctor specifically, you can't let her do these things. So
I fucking did it all. Yeah, But the moment that
I could tell that you were healing and you started
trying to do things, I let you do them. If
it got to be too much, you would sit down
and be like, maybe it's too much. Yeah I need
I got you, But the communication has to be there.

(39:02):
You can't expect me to know what you're going through.
And in this situation, she can't get mad at him
for not asking or doing things if she never specified
what it was that she needed. Hey, I need this
done and I'm in a lot of pain. Can you
take care of it?

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Sure? Maybe I got it.

Speaker 4 (39:15):
That's I understand that we want people to offer, but
nobody knows what you're going through. We can't feel your
level of pain. I can tell you my back hurts.
You don't know what to what to what degree it is,
or what right you had your abdominal motels muscles cut
through at one point, I haven't. I have no idea
what it would feel like to have to sit up
with my abdominal wall ripped in half. You did multiple times, right, But.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (39:41):
So like, if your abdominal law was cut through, and
I know that that hurts you to sit up, well,
standing up is just a quick version of sitting up.
It can't be that bad. Right, I did it with
a broken femur and broken tailbone. I know what that
feels like. It's not the same thing. Our pain levels
are different. Are our pain tolerances are different. It's like
the injuries were different. I don't live your experience. Guys

(40:01):
need to have grace with people.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
You need to.

Speaker 4 (40:03):
Understand that you are your own universe inside of your
body and so are they, and you are not going
to be able to share your experiences. You have to
communicate with your person what you need.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
And another perspective of this is if you were up
and moving around after five weeks, he could have been thinking,
she's feeling better. Yeah, I love that she's able to
get up and do things. It's all about perspective. To
be salty that he didn't say you shouldn't do that
or I got it, go relax.

Speaker 4 (40:29):
Yeah, she didn't actually indicate that she was salty, like,
there was nothing there that said she was bitter. Yeah,
but the fact that she put it there feel yeah. Yeah,
it feels that way.

Speaker 3 (40:37):
It's giving off that.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
He should have done more.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
Yeah, like a prickly thorn.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
There you go.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
Yeah, continuing on, I got my tubes tied in November
and was down for another week. I wasn't supposed to
pick up anything heavier than my baby for four weeks.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Again, there was very little. Don't do that. I got it.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
There's nothing for you to worry about for my boyfriend. Okay,
so you were looking for a babysitter, right, If you
knew you shouldn't be doing it, why are you doing it?

Speaker 2 (41:09):
She made a choice, right, Her pride got in the way.
That's ego, ego.

Speaker 4 (41:14):
I'm gonna just do it instead of asking for help. Yeah,
I shouldn't have to ask. No, you should, yeah, because
the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If people don't know
what you're going through, they can't help you.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
If you want to feel cared for, ask for help.
Someone getting in your way to stop you from doing
something like my husband just said, you were making a choice.
If my husband knew he shouldn't be doing something, but
he's doing it anyway. Clearly he feels good enough to
be up to it, right. I'm not going to get

(41:44):
in his way of his independence.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
I wonder how much of this is a she didn't
feel seen and loved.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
Maybe I can imagine that he was very preoccupied with
everything else that was going on. Yeah, cleaning the house.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Working, trying to make sure that they're like together.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
Yeah, I could see how she felt like she was
left behind.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
That's a good point too.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
I was up taking care of both kids and packing
for a vacation within a couple of days of surgery.
Fast forward to today, I am six months postpartum for
my second baby. We co sleep with our youngest and
I exclusively breastfeed. I am back to work what should
be full time, although I haven't seen a full forty
hour week paycheck. His job pays the bills as mine,

(42:30):
supports our savings and tackling debt We occurred. So I
am typically the parent who stays home when the kids
are sick. There's no daycare, doctor's appointments, et cetera. I
have communicated with my boyfriend. My needs for all of this.
My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch.

Speaker 4 (42:49):
Hold On, I don't believe that. I don't believe that
she expressed her needs through all of this. And here's why.
The first job, she let them take advantage of her
and push her back into the work.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
She made that choice the first time.

Speaker 4 (43:02):
When the baby was born and she was on bed rest,
she didn't ask for help. She got salty that he
didn't offer it. When she got her tubes tied, the
same thing happened. She was salty again that he didn't
offer assistance, and she got back up and started packing
for vacation and doing things. It sounds to me like
she has a hard time standing up for what it
is that she needs. So in this situation where she said,

(43:25):
I've communicated with my boyfriends through my needs through all
of this, I don't believe that she did, and maybe
she believes she does. I don't believe it was effective.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
I agree, I hang on.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
It's important how a message is delivered. Yes, so you
may think that you are getting what you need across,
but you're actually beating around the bush. And it's already
very clear that there's anxiety already happened. So if your
anxiety is speaking for you, you're not communicating what your needs.
You're talking through your anxiety.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
And it could be more than meeting around the bush.
Could be ugly.

Speaker 4 (44:09):
Yeah, you know, there could be passive aggressive statements being made.
There's you know, so how you communicate, the way the
message is delivered matters. Yeah, she said that my love
language are words of affirmation and physical touch right after
that sentence about what her expressing her needs. So maybe
that's what she meant, I express my needs about my
physical love language or about my love languages, because the

(44:31):
rest of the email says otherwise. So maybe that's what
she meant. Just trying to give benefit of the doubt.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
I don't know, okay.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
I also don't believe that those are her only love
languages because she was looking for acts of service from
her boyfriends.

Speaker 4 (44:43):
Yeah that's true. You also have all five love languages.
You just have primaries like it descends and.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
Different percentages, right like a little pie.

Speaker 4 (44:51):
Yeah those things change too, do Your love languages are
not the same your entire life. Your main too will
probably stay up there, probably stay up there, but they shift.
You're going to go through different seasons where you need
different things from your partner, and that comes down to
communication in the way that you're able to talk to
each other.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
Yes, it does.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
After this week, and I need more physical touch pad. Yeah,
don't say that to me.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Say it again.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
Oh gosh, I love us. Continuing on, Yeah, my body
is extremely different from when I first met him three
years ago. I am not comfortable in my own skin,
and unfortunately I can't do much about it.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
That's not true.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
I agree. That is a complete bullshit statement. Continuing on.
I eat extremely clean, but have to eat enough calories
to breastfeed. I have a five minute buffer between the
time I have to be at the next stop before
I'm late throughout the day, as I am the one
who drops off and picks up the kids. I cook
dinners most nights. I put one of the two kids

(46:01):
to bed every night. We clean up the house and
have enough time for me to sit and relax for
about twenty to thirty minutes before I have to go
to bed. I know that I could do some work
out here, but I mentally need to check out and
doom scroll for a minute.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
You don't need that, you do. Scroll is the last
fucking thing that you need.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
That's a distraction.

Speaker 4 (46:18):
Yeah, and it's not healthy, and it affects your mental health.
Like it's one thing to take a decompression moment, to
meditate or take a bath, But to doom scroll that's
not something you need. That's something you want at your addiction.
Look at your screen time and tell me that you
need the doom scroll because I guarantee you, if you
check your screenslot time, it's a lot fucking higher than
you think it is.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
Yes, I went no cell phone this weekend. We pulled
up to the retreat at four I was on my
phone the whole time driving to the retreat, and I
recognize it was a distraction because I was very anxious
about what the weekend.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Was going to hold.

Speaker 4 (46:51):
That's because the universe got involved on our way up there.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
Yes it did, Yes it did. And we pulled up
at four thirty, My phone went off and I did
not look at it again until nine o'clock on Sunday morning.
So I went the whole weekend without looking at my phone.
And now to look at my phone and to see
something that doesn't feed me spiritually, it disgusts me.

Speaker 4 (47:13):
We had two moments over the weekend where I turned
my phone on. One was at two thirty in the
morning on Saturday, which is technically Sunday morning. That was
when I made the Discord post that was post journey,
but I turned my phone on because we were trying
to buy stuff. Yeah, I actually think that we were
trying to buy this in your ear rings that night.
And the other one was when we bought we bought

(47:34):
something else. I don't remember what it was. We bought
something else, my hope maybe. Uh no, it was the
first set of earrings you bought, oh, the red ones.
We had to turn my phone back on for that.
And both times that I had to go get back,
go get my phone, I got nauseous. Yeah, before I
picked my phone up, there was a disgust is the
only word that's coming to mind. So I'm going to

(47:55):
run with it. It disgusted me knowing that I was
having to turn.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
My phone on.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Yeah, and it feels unnatural.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
It doesn't feel good.

Speaker 4 (48:03):
So my screen time has been very, very limited since
we've got back, which is not like me. No, I'm
almost always on something. I've checked my phone when I've
noticed things have gone off and I've done research, but
for the most part, my phone's not in my hand.
I've been journaling, and I played games this morning while
you were in bed. Still, like I played Magic on
the computer, but I also listened to music and like

(48:23):
I did self care in that timeframe. I think maybe
this is our own bias towards technology, and that's why
we're so vehemently like, you don't need to doom scroll,
but I'm willing to bet that that thirty minutes that
you're doom scrolling, if you did a workout, you'd feel
so much fucking better about yourself.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
Yeah, and it only takes thirty minutes. Go for a
thirty minute walk.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
Do body weight exercises, push ups, pull up squats, and
sit ups. You don't even need a gym membership to
do that. No, and do it for time. Do a
little mini body weight CrossFit workouts in your bedroom.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:56):
It improves your breathing, improve your mental health. Like, there's
so much that goes into that. Yes, and you want
to talk about feeling good in your own skin, get
in shape. Get in shape and tell me you don't
feel good in your skin.

Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
There there is a different type of strength when you
feel strong in your body.

Speaker 4 (49:11):
Yeah, yep, it also gives you victories.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Look what I did to.

Speaker 3 (49:17):
This, Yeah, you know, we fasted all weekend. Yeah, and
there was not a single point where I was craving
anything that was unhealthy. Like when when I eat normally
throughout the day, I'm craving pizza, I want French fries, cheese. Yeah,
And after fasting this weekend, all I had to eat

(49:37):
this weekend was not even the full bowl I ate.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
Well, you had half a bowl of omeal, I ate
the other.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
Half, and then I had some sweet potato chips with
hummus Saturday morning, after our experience wrapped up.

Speaker 4 (49:50):
That's because we were told we had to eat. Yeah,
because we were ready to go to bed.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
We were, But like after that, I don't have to
eat the way that I was eating that it was
a distraction for me.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
It's a choice.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
It's also a sickness because our food is made to
be addictive. Yeah, you know, if we only ate when
we were supposed to eat, it would cost the food
industry billions of dollars, So yearly, yearly, it would cost
them billions of dollars.

Speaker 3 (50:15):
My partner and I have had sex twice since having
our second daughter, and only a couple of times while
I was pregnant. He told me he didn't find my
pregnant body attractive. This made me feel uncomfortable, and I
don't want to initiate sex with him. Today he still
doesn't tell me I'm beautiful or sexy and doesn't make
me feel that way physically.

Speaker 4 (50:35):
Okay, wait minute, he told me he didn't find my
pregnant body attractive. This hasn't made me feel uncomfortable, and
I don't want to initiate sex. Not I didn't. I
don't so something he said while she was pregnant.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
Stuck with her.

Speaker 4 (50:50):
It hurt her. So it's not an uncomfortable feeling that
hurts your feelings. Right, that made you feel less than?
It's not an uncomfortable thing that hurt you, and that
it's fine to say that like that fucked with my
mental health, like it made me feel less than. You
also have to understand that people have preferences. If your

(51:12):
man is one hundred pounds and he put on three
hundred pounds to find him sexy, you wouldn't if he
has to lift up his fucking fat creases to like
make sure there's not mold in there, Like, there's a
whole lot of hygienic issues. And I'm not saying that
she had that while she was pregnant. We don't know
what kind of weight she gained. We don't we know
that she was able to hide her other pregnancy because
she was still carrying baby weight. But like downplaying the

(51:33):
things that he finds attractive in a person is selfish.
Him stating those things is probably not something he should
have done. But I also have issue with him holding
back his his once is not the right word to
have a I have issues with him hiding things from

(51:55):
his partner. If we both got one hundred and twenty
pounds and we pretended that we were just okay with
everything and we were not attracted to each other anymore,
that would be a problem. Having the conversation of I
don't like you being big and I don't like me
being big is going to get us back to healthy.
So there's a we have to have this conversation. There's

(52:17):
also an air of you did this to me right
when it comes to pregnancy, Like I think there should
have been grace in that moment. I agree he probably
so in that moment I think that he probably shouldn't
have said shit and just kept it in, and then
after the baby was born, she decided not to lose
the baby wait and stayed big and it became a

(52:38):
problem for them.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
There should have been.

Speaker 4 (52:40):
A soft way to have the conversation about getting healthy again.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
Yeah, because he clearly hurt her, which sucks. It does suck.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
As a woman, you don't want to hear that your
mate's not attracted.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
To you anymore, right, I mean nobody wants to hear that.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
Right, And society puts a lot of emphasis on our
bu is external. Yeah, and I want to touch on
that your beauty is not just external. If you were
carrying and still are carrying animosity over the fact that
he wasn't like, babe, go sit down, I got this.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
He can feel that.

Speaker 4 (53:13):
Yeah, there's an ugliness between the two of them. Yeah,
that's a really good point. Yeah, there's there's there is
an unspoken tension in the house.

Speaker 3 (53:23):
Yeah, he will smack my ass every once in a while,
but it feels more like he's whipping guys with towels
in the locker room.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Why that's her perception of things.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
Right, Like, why does it feel that way? Because one,
you're not a man. Two, you're not one of the
guys that he hangs out with.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
You're not a dude. Friend.

Speaker 3 (53:45):
I have never once felt like you doing anything to
me is like, oh, he does that with everybody, right,
Definitely a perception thing.

Speaker 4 (53:54):
I would also like to point out that we don't ever,
We never whip dudes in the ass with a towel. No, No,
that's going to happen. It's going to be like the
inside of the thigh. We're gonna hit you in the nuts,
like we're gonna make it hurt.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (54:05):
If if we're playing that game, the end of the
towel is gonna be wet, like we're trying to break skin.
It's not an ass slap, that's.

Speaker 3 (54:10):
Yeah, it's brutal. Yeah. Continuing on, I communicate very effectively,
tell him I want some needs and even given examples
of how to improve set alarms in your phone to
remind you to tell me that I'm pretty set a
reoccurring date night to make me feel special. Okay, So

(54:32):
I want to pause there. If he needs to set
alarms to let you know that you're beautiful, that's for
you and that's not for the.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
Relationships, nothing to do with anything but hr e right.

Speaker 3 (54:42):
That that is one hundred percent in your ego. And
I don't believe that you're communicating effectively because that sounds
demanding the way that was phrase. I've told him I
want some my needs and even given examples of how
to improve, I just get the feeling that you're not
communicating effectively the way that you think you are. I
bet he feels like it's demands.

Speaker 4 (55:03):
It could be I would feel that way. Yeah, if
you told me that you needed me to tell you
every day at four o'clock that you're pretty and I
had to set an alarm, it would diminish the emotion
behind it.

Speaker 3 (55:14):
Sure.

Speaker 4 (55:15):
Yeah, that's a really good way to put it. It's
a fucking chore.

Speaker 3 (55:18):
I set alarms to maintain my structure of my day.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Right now.

Speaker 4 (55:23):
There are things that you can do technologically that will
benefit you, Like you get crystalpher Elbow chocolate every time
they send me an email, Oh look they have a
sale chocolate.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
She's gonna be loving that shit.

Speaker 4 (55:34):
Yeah, because I don't think about the chocolate unless I'm
thinking about wanting to do something for you. But I
want to do other things for you because the chocolate
thing becomes redundant. And if I did it every single
week and you always had chocolates, it would just be
one of those things, right. Telling you that you're beautiful
is reserved. Hotness is something that I call you all
the time. But even that I feel like it's too

(55:56):
much because it's become my pet name for you.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
If you.

Speaker 4 (56:01):
It becomes habitual, yeah, it's not. There's no umph behind it.
I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
I don't like that even the reoccurring dates.

Speaker 4 (56:12):
It's cool to have a scheduled date day, but it
does it can't be the same thing. No, Like we
are now doing doggy date days where they go to
the groomer and we dropped the dogs off and get
to go be normal people without dogs for a little while. Yeah,
and last week we went to Ford's garage and had.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
Lunch and then we went to ARII yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
Yeah, I was gonna say we did that backwards. We did.

Speaker 4 (56:33):
We have to go back though, because I now that
we watched Idiocracy again. I want those ugly ass crocs
that they had, the marral ones, so that if we go,
if we go kayaking, I can wear those or if
we go on another retreat, I can wear crocs because
putting my shoes and socks on every time I went
to walk away from my mat was a lot. Made
that decision over the weekend anyway, So we have to

(56:55):
do ARII again, completely off topic and irrelevant to anything.
But if that's what we did every time we dropped
the dogs off, we were living in team, right, It's not.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
We're not living with intent. No, it's not meaningful right now.

Speaker 4 (57:07):
If we were to go, you know, picking strawberries in Tampa,
is still able to get back to get the dogs
in time, and then we went to fly airplanes and
then went to learn how to do trape his art.
I don't fucking know. I'm just making it up at
this point. But every single Thursday would be something that
you look forward to because it is a dedicated day.
So setting the schedule for that where that specific day

(57:29):
from those specific times, or something that we were able
to do an uninterrupted that needs to be a thing.

Speaker 3 (57:34):
Yeah, Oh, I do want to emphasize that if he's
not telling you that you're beautiful, and like I said before,
beauty is not just external. If you are not somebody
who is pleasant to be around or make him feel
like he's constantly fucking up or he's not good enough.
Why would he want to pour into your cup if

(57:56):
you're not pouring into his. I I wouldn't want to
hear you tell me that I'm beautiful if you had
to tell me based on an alarm in your phone.

Speaker 4 (58:06):
I don't think that you would enjoy me telling you
that you're beautiful every day. I wouldn't because it would
just become one of those things. You know how much
that word means to me, Like, I'm not throwing that
shit around easily, so when I say it, you're like, oh, oh.

Speaker 3 (58:18):
Really it made me sob Saturday nights.

Speaker 4 (58:21):
I did, because I don't use that word lightly. That
word has a lot of meaning to But we've had
those conversations, and that comes down to our ability to
communicate effectively with each other. We had a couple of
times over the weekend where I was able to say
something and you knew exactly what the fuck I was
getting at because of all our stupid conversations that we have.

Speaker 3 (58:40):
Yeah, so continuing on, I personally feel as though the
sex aspect is his responsibility as of right now.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
That's bullshit.

Speaker 3 (58:48):
I agree. I don't feel safe being that vulnerable with.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
Him, Then why do you want to sleep with him? Right?

Speaker 3 (58:54):
Why do you want it if you don't feel safe
with it. I don't believe that you don't feel safe.
I believe that you're bitter.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
I believe this punishment. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (59:01):
Yeah, could you imagine being told that I want sex
but I want you to do all the work because
you said something to me months ago and I'm not
over it. Yeah, because that's how that sounds. And if
they've had that conversation, Well, you made that converse. You
made that comment while I was pregnant about not being
attracted to my pregnant body, and now you need to
be the one to initiate all the time.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
I don't want to initiate. You're bitter.

Speaker 4 (59:22):
Your energy is ugly right now, and I don't appreciate it.
I don't want to be near you. I don't want
to touch you. You have put me off. Why would
I want to initiate that. You want to grudge fuck?
You want me to call you names and to degrade
you while we're doing it, Because that's how this is
making me feel, and it's not in a fun way
like it'll be out of animosity, not out of love.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
Continuing on, I feel as though we are going around
and around in circles on this one topic. I have
personally made it a point to improve in every aspect
he's requested. I am saving money, keeping the house cleaner,
shopping at cheaper grocery stores, eating not as clean food,
eating not as clean food options, et cetera. I don't understand.

(01:00:01):
So you're eating worse than you were.

Speaker 4 (01:00:03):
Before, probably eating not clean. He's probably sick of kale.
I would be.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
I'm willing to make more than one meal. Yeah. A
lot of people don't have the time for that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
Yeah, well you don't have to spend three hours in
the kitchen. I love cooking. Yeah, and I also love
being hands on and knowing what's going into our food.
I'm not buying pre packaged, pre boxed, canned veggies that
have been sitting on the show for last year, Like
I want to know what's going into our body is
going to be fuel. You don't have to cook that way. Yeah,

(01:00:39):
read the ingredients list on the back of things. There
are so many products out there that are just tomato, water, salt. Yeah,
and you can do that instead of taking the hour
and a half, like I do to make our own
tomato sauce or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
It won't taste as good though it won't.

Speaker 3 (01:00:53):
But there are effective time costly is the is not
what I'm trying to say. Time effective ways to prepare
healthy meals that will help you feel good about what's
going on inside of you. If you wanted chicken nuggets
and French fries, and I'm over here eating a salad,
it takes me fifteen minutes to pop that. I I

(01:01:15):
don't even have to look at the chicken nuggets, Start
the air fryer, throw them in. I don't even wait
until it pings. When it's ready, it's gonna be cooking
the whole time it's done there, I don't care. And
then when it's done, pop it out, throw it on
a plate. You want, ketch up a mustard, babe.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
Yeah, and it's done.

Speaker 4 (01:01:30):
All of the things that she's listed that she's doing, though,
is not going to fix their relationship. Those are all
service things. Yeah, those are all things to improve life.
And if that's what he's asking, that's what he's telling you.
He needs life improvement. This is looking for the deeper
meaning of things. Yeah, this is also maybe I'm stressed out.
The house is always dirty, the fucking you know, groceries
and blah blah blah. All the things that she's laid

(01:01:51):
out that she's doing for him are all things that
is quality life improvements.

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
He's not happy.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
Yeah, I think you need to put the phone down.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
Yeah, good point.

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
I think the phone needs to put down. The doom
scrolling needs to stop. You need to find other ways
to nurture your soul that's not wasting your existence on
the earth.

Speaker 4 (01:02:11):
Guys, they need to to turn towards each other. Yeah,
in a healthy, intimate way, not just because we were
told to do this.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
Continuing on communication has been the one area that I
have requested him to improve, and it always goes by
the wayside. After a couple of days. For example, I
ask him if he's mad and he says no, I
do the same thing again that didn't make him mad,
and he gets mad and says, you always do this
and it frustrates me.

Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
Okay, so before you move on, you doing something once
is an overlookable thing for a lot of people. Yeah,
because do you really want to go through a whole
ass conversation about something and what could be perceived as
a fight because most people don't have the ability to
communicate in a calm manner. Or do you want to

(01:03:00):
just go no, I'm good and move past this so
that you can continue to have the rest of your
day be good, because there's a choice being made there.
Neither one of those are the right options. Sometimes the
answer is to just say no and then bring it
back up later when you're out of the situation that
you're in and you're not angry and you can have
a calm conversation. Sometimes you need to have that conversation

(01:03:21):
right fucking now. Lying to your partner when they do
something that makes you mad also makes you a liar,
and it shows that you are not safe enough and
having a conversation with your person because you've been trained
that it's going to become a big ass blowout, and
people don't want to do that. There are so many
times in my life where I've just said nothing or

(01:03:41):
I'm good when I'm really not fucking good and it's
totally not nothing. Because it's easier to do that than
it is to have a fight with somebody. You have to,
you know, this is choosing your battles and if you
believe that everything is going to be a fucking fight.
You're eventually just gonna stop.

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:59):
I also want to touch on that being mad and
being frustrated are not the same thing. No, so he
told you the truth. He's not mad about it frustrates him.
It frustrates him, and I think that maybe a deep
dive of what emotions are could be beneficial to both
of them. It took me a while to sit down

(01:04:20):
and go, I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. I'm not frustrated.
It just didn't go the way I expected it to,
so now I'm feeling a certain way about it.

Speaker 4 (01:04:32):
It's also not healthy to assume somebody else's emotions. And,
like you said, frustrated is not angry, it's not anger
is easy. If that's their go to thing and they
are getting angry and mad, it's because they don't understand
the rest of their emotions. Being able to discern the
difference between anger and frustration is a big deal. Oh,

(01:04:52):
I said that because I did that to you for
a while. I assumed your emotions instead of asking you.
That creates a whole lot of other problems because you
posture based off of what you feel is happening. And
if you feel your person's getting mad at you and
you posture for that fight, you're gonna have one.

Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
If you're looking for something, it's gonna be there.

Speaker 3 (01:05:12):
Continuing on, I try to keep him accountable, But at
what point does it become mothering? At what point do
I put my needs first?

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
Again?

Speaker 3 (01:05:21):
I don't want my girls to think this is the
relationship they have to settle for, So why should I?

Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
When have you not put your needs first?

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
This whole email has sounded like me, me, me, me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
Me, Right.

Speaker 4 (01:05:34):
I haven't heard an example where she's not putting her
needs first. Right.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
She did say that she's doing the things that she
that he's asked.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
Of her, right, keeping the house cleaner.

Speaker 4 (01:05:42):
That's great, all of that, But I don't see where
there's she needs him to initiate all the time, right, So, like.

Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
What sacrifices have been made that makes you feel like
you're not on the same level?

Speaker 4 (01:05:53):
Right, That's a good question that should have been included
in an email. Yeah, you don't settle in your relationship. No,
you serve each other and when things are not the
way they're supposed to be, have conversations about it. In
a way that lands so the other person can understand
what's happening. And sometimes those conversations have to happen a bunch.
Sometimes you're going to find people in your life that
you cannot overcome those things. You're gonna be gridlocked. You're

(01:06:14):
gonna be stuck in a perpetual fight, as they call it.
There's nothing you can do about that. People are going
to do what they want to do. And if this
dude doesn't want to do any of these things and
you're nagging and complaining, it's just going to continue to
push him. We talked about this earlier last week. When
you push for something, people are going to push back.
It doesn't matter who they are. If you're trying to
make demands and you're nagging and you're doing those things,

(01:06:35):
people are not going to just say okay and do
them right. And if they do, they're not them anymore,
like they're just doing what the fuck they're told. You
have a servant, it's a very different situation. You lay
things out in a way that makes people want to
serve you. They makes them want to serve you, not
to be a servant.

Speaker 3 (01:06:54):
Right, I can't trust a word, he says, I have
contemplated looking through his phone and see if he's cheating
when going two work meetings. Who can go eighteen months
without having sex? Maybe three times?

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
It happens with a lot of people.

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
A lot.

Speaker 4 (01:07:09):
Sexless marriages are fucking common, and you're not even married. Right,
She's also not initiated at all, Right, because that's his duty.
Now that he made that comment. There's also two kids
in the house, a whole lot of stress that's probably happening.

Speaker 3 (01:07:23):
Two oopsie babies.

Speaker 4 (01:07:24):
Right, I want to know why she can't trust to
what he says? Yeah, why would that be a thing?
Has he been lying? Because that sit Now that's a
whole other conversation.

Speaker 3 (01:07:32):
Right, she has laid out this man has changed so drastically.
He went from being the man who got into the
birthing pool to help support her to I can't trust
anything that he says. There is so much that has
not been included in this email.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
I wonder how much of that would have painted her
in a bad light. I believe it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
Who can go eighteen months without having sex? Men who
still hold on to hope that their woman is going
to come back to them.

Speaker 4 (01:08:02):
Yeah, People who don't feel desired or wanted. Yeah, people
who feel like they're John Wick when they're in their house.
People who feel like they're with somebody because they don't
have a choice. The roommate fays, Yeah, it happens all
the time. That's a sexless marriage.

Speaker 3 (01:08:17):
Yeah, continuing on, we don't have any physical connection anymore.
I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know how
to save myself. I cannot financially support my two kids myself.
I don't think I would be able to mentally share
custody of them. But I don't want to stay in
a relationship that is not going to go anywhere just
for a paycheck. Thank you for helping me figure out

(01:08:37):
new ways to move forward or give me the confidence
to do so.

Speaker 4 (01:08:41):
This is one of those times where you're only in
a relationship with somebody, you're not married. You have the
option of leaving if you truly wanted to, and that
would be the end of it. I don't think that's
the answer. I don't think that there's enough information here
for us to give out any type of real opinion
because what we've laid out, what's been laid out and
we've talked on is just that. Yeah. But you have
an opportunity to fix your relationship if you guys can

(01:09:03):
learn how to fucking talk to each other. You can't
expect him to be the one to initiate and do
all these things for you if you're not grateful for
any of it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
Right.

Speaker 4 (01:09:12):
If so, if he's tried to initiate three times in
eighteen months and you were stand offish or didn't really
seem engaged or like you really were interested in.

Speaker 3 (01:09:22):
It, you were even doing it because he wanted it.

Speaker 4 (01:09:24):
Right, why would somebody want to continue to do that? Either,
There's a whole lot of what if in all of this.

Speaker 3 (01:09:30):
I want to touch on the email or said, I
feel like I'm drowning and I don't know how to
save myself. You're not drowning, you're both drowning. Yeah, yep,
this man is not the man that you got with.
I couldn't imagine trying to save myself without trying to
save you.

Speaker 2 (01:09:44):
It's because it's not you or I, right, it's us.

Speaker 3 (01:09:48):
That's something to think about. I don't have anything else on.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
I don't either.

Speaker 4 (01:09:53):
I hope that you find the ability to talk to
him in a way that he's able to understand and
not feel like he's being attacked, and that you don't
feel like you're being attacked. Maybe you guys start doing
the check ins. Yeah, and remember, make him watch the video,
be like, look, this is a last ditch effort. I'm
fucking miserable. You're clearly not happy. This is going to
be the thing that is going to make or break us.

(01:10:14):
I want you to watch this video, and I want
to implement this, and if this works out and we
can learn to communicate, it could be the thing that
keeps me around. And if it doesn't and this doesn't go,
then we really need to reevaluate our life because this
isn't working for us. I know that it's working for us,
and that we're financially taking care of our bills are paid.
That's great, but you're not happy and I'm not happy.

(01:10:36):
So we have to find a way to make that work,
because we get one opportunity at life and I don't
want to waste it. Do you want to spend the
next thirty years of your life feeling like you feel
right now, because I'm telling you right now I don't,
And that's going to hurt them him in this situation,
he's going to feel hurt. Your partner, whoever's listening, will
feel hurt when you say some shit like that. It's
going to make them recluse, retract from you a little bit, Yeah,

(01:11:00):
like a wounded dog while they process what was said.
And then they have the opportunity to serve you based
off of a one that you have versus you bitching
and complaining and nagging and trying to force them to
give you something. And the way that they handle things
beyond that tells you everything that you need to know.
Because if they really want to try to make the
marriage work or the relationship work, they'll do the fucking
check ins, yeap. And if they're not willing to do them,

(01:11:21):
that tells you everything you to know. I'm not willing
to sit down with you for two hours and have
a conversation. I dislike you that much. That's what that says.
That's what I hear when people say that my partner
won't do them. This was a long when already an
hour and thirty three and there's fifteen minutes or so
that has to be cut out. Oh wow, Yeah, so
we can wrap up with this one and move on
to a Friday episode if you want.

Speaker 2 (01:11:39):
Okay, I'm down for that.

Speaker 4 (01:11:41):
So with that being so, you know what one of
the other things were the other phrases that I just
remembered was life is a ceremony.

Speaker 2 (01:11:46):
Yeah, that was a big one for me. That was
a really, really big one for me.

Speaker 4 (01:11:50):
I actually thought about changing, like trying to change our
sign off so that I can include that with our
sign off and something else.

Speaker 3 (01:11:57):
But why was the ceremony? So don't forget the dance.

Speaker 4 (01:12:00):
That's good. That's a good way to remind people to
live their life. Yeah, we'll have to to talk about that.
Are you writing it down? You're writing now the whole
the whole sign off or just the life is a ceremony?

Speaker 3 (01:12:13):
How do you spelled ceremony?

Speaker 2 (01:12:15):
C E R E M O n oh.

Speaker 3 (01:12:16):
I already messed it up.

Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
Hang on.

Speaker 4 (01:12:18):
So with that being said, guys, remember that life is
a pen. Remember that you are the autist artists. Fuck me,
just paint a picture. Guys, you are the author of
your own life. So grab a pen and we will
see you on the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:12:34):
Bye, guys.