Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Tax about This is the seventy seven WABC Mini cast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
There is a reason some husbands take longer bringing the
trash cans back, and it has very.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Little to do with trash.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
He rolls the bin outside, then stands there another minute,
because for that moment the house cannot ask anything from him.
No argument happened, and nobody did anything wrong. And he
may simply be taking sixty quiet seconds before walking back
into responsibility. So the man standing beside a trash can
may not be avoiding home. He may just be borrowing
one minute of silence.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
And that's all we get. That's the negotiation. Man takes
out the garbage, stands at the curb, stares across the street,
wondering what's going on in that house over there? Why
aren't there lights on? Thanks for forty five seconds, comes
back into the house, and what is he asked? What is?
(01:00):
He asked? Why did it take you so long to
take out the trash? What were you doing out there?
What was going on out there? Now he had stolen
forty five seconds to get peace and quiet from the
shrapnel of marriage, the shrapnel the suffering that married men
go through, which is a progressive disease. It's a progressive
(01:24):
disease because the longer of man is married in almost
ninety percent of the situations, the criticism increases over time.
It's a slow drip. If marriage started the way it
is at ten years, fifteen years, it wouldn't go past
a year, but slowly, slowly, the wife asks more annoying questions,
(01:49):
asks more, has more suggestions about how things are done.
Why is that there? Consider this if when your wife
starts the day, what she should be saying is good morning,
how's everything going? Did you sleep well? What fun thing
are we going to do today? That's how it should start,
(02:12):
But instead it starts with who put this here? She
comes downstairs, she looks at the room, she comes out
of her bedroom, she looks at the dining room, the
TV room. She goes, who put this here? Why is
this here? Not? How you doing? What fun thing we're
going to do today? No, she starts to have a
list of starting with suggestions and then going downhill from there,
(02:37):
and then it goes to why is this a mess?
Who's going to clean this up? It's all tactical, utilitarian demands,
endless demands, and you don't even realize it. A husband
the kids. They don't even realize it at first, but
slowly it grows and it grows. But then if you
(02:58):
catch it and you say to her, listen, you realize
it'd be good if he started the day by saying,
good morning, how's everything going. That would be a much
better way. Why are you talking about I always do that.
It would never it would never stop. It's the same
reason when I'm in a supermarket, I'm in a mall. Yes,
I do go to malls, and I'll see a married
(03:20):
couple walking through the aisles. And every time I pass
a married couple walking through the aisles, I always whisper
to the to the husband, I always say to him,
always shop alone. And then I keep going. The guy
hears it and he starts laughing. Every time I can
make a guy laugh by going always shop alone, and
he starts laughing, she goes, what did he say? What
(03:44):
did he say? And he goes, nothing, He didn't say anything.
He wasn't talking to me. But there it is. There
it is. You're crazy if you if you're if you're married,
or you're living together and you go food shopping alone,
you're nuts. Because it's an endless debate leading to an
endless argument and endless resentments. One of the many good
(04:08):
things about my marriage is my wife has no interest
in going food shopping. I don't think I've ever seen
her shop for food or prepare food. I don't think
either of those things have happened. A part of that
is self defense. I don't want her to prepare food.
She's irish. There's no upside for me in her preparing food,
but no fun to go to the supermarket with her.
(04:28):
Then what I'll do is I'll risk my life and
I'll take the fourteen year old. And what do fourteen
year olds want? They want everything, especially if it's strange
colors and heavily sugared. They want everything. They want the
lucky charms, they want, the cocoa puffas, all the terrible cereals.
That's what they want. And then you have an endless
(04:51):
fight with the fourteen year old about what we're gonna
get the pop tarts, many different flavors of pop tarts
that they will never eat. There's the big challenge going
with a teenager to the supermarket, huge challenge. But what
happens in a marriage or a long term relationship is
(05:15):
the default pleasantries. I think start to disappear, they start
to go away. And when I hear people who are
getting a divorce, what do I hear when I talk
to them about why are you getting a divorce? Why
are you doing this? I thought you guys got a
long rate. Well, the quote institution of marriage is a
failure in our culture because half of the people get
(05:36):
married and they get a divorce. Oh that's a bad percentage,
that's a failure. You know which country has the lowest
percent of divorces, the lowest percent India, only like five
percent of marriages in India and in divorce. And that
wonderful Indian comic, that woman whose name I can never
(05:58):
get right, Zara, I never get it right. She says,
we have a perfect marriage. We get along great because
we don't communicate. We never communicate, We never talk to
each other for any reason, and therefore our marriage is
going great. We have nothing to argue about because we
don't communicate at all. And I'm like, yes, that's the
right way. And I think I have a good marriage
(06:20):
because I'm not part of it. I have no involvement
with my marriage. My marriage is a separate issue. Whatever
she wants to do, that's just fine. She discusses her
issues with her sister. My sister in law controls the marriage.
I think your sister in law controls the marriage as well.
In fact, I think it's safe to say that everybody's
(06:41):
marriage is controlled by their sister in law. If your
sister in law buys a piece of furniture, you will
find that in your house six months later. I saw
this at my sister's. I really thought i'd buy one
for us. Did you want to talk to me about that? No? No,
I knew you'd like. It stops the number of things
that I'm told I'm going to like long before it
(07:03):
actually happens. But I believe that the reason that half
the marriage is in America fail. It doesn't work. The
institution doesn't work the way it is. I feel there
are two big reasons. See what you think. Number One,
people get married before they're ready. And there's a trick,
(07:24):
which is that at some point you start you start
to embrace the notion that there's the right age for
you to get married. There is no right age. There
are people who get married at eighteen and they stay
married till they're seventy and it works. There are other
people who don't get married till they're sixty, and they
divorced in a year because they weren't ready. I believe
that each of us has a marriage clock, and that
(07:47):
marriage clock. If a person gets married before that marriage
clock goes off, it won't work. Doesn't matter who it is,
doesn't matter who they're marrying, it won't work. And then
if they get married after the marriage clock goes off,
it almost doesn't matter who they married, it'll be fine,
it'll work out because they were ready. But I think
(08:08):
most people get married before they're ready, and therefore half
the marriages fail. But then so I have decided to
start the process of freezing my eggs. But if you
talk to somebody who's about to get a divorce, and
you know that well enough, it's never that they stopped
having sex. Sex is not the reason that marriages succeed
or fail, Nor is it the reason that guys cheat.
(08:31):
Guys don't cheat for sex. Guys cheat for softness. Guys
cheat for a soft landing. They cheat to be greeted
during their day by a woman who answers them softly
and sweetly and gently and respects respects the decisions they made,
(08:51):
respects the choices they made at work or at home,
shows respect, absolute agreement on everything. No no, no, no no.
But there are ways to say that indicate everything's okay.
I respect your decisions, I respect why you did that.
Got it? Partnership, Notice that usually the wife, well, we're partners,
(09:12):
we're married. Now, we have to be married. Now, we
have to be getting together, we have to make these
decisions together, right, But she doesn't make decisions with the guy.
That's the whole cycle, that's the whole challenge. What a
guy wants in a marriage is softness. He wants to
be greeted with kindness and softness, as strange as this
may seem,
Tax about This is the seventy seven WABC Mini cast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
There is a reason some husbands take longer bringing the
trash cans back, and it has very.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Little to do with trash.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
He rolls the bin outside, then stands there another minute,
because for that moment the house cannot ask anything from him.
No argument happened, and nobody did anything wrong. And he
may simply be taking sixty quiet seconds before walking back
into responsibility. So the man standing beside a trash can
may not be avoiding home. He may just be borrowing
one minute of silence.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
And that's all we get. That's the negotiation. Man takes
out the garbage, stands at the curb, stares across the street,
wondering what's going on in that house over there? Why
aren't there lights on? Thanks for forty five seconds, comes
back into the house, and what is he asked? What is?
(01:00):
He asked? Why did it take you so long to
take out the trash? What were you doing out there?
What was going on out there? Now he had stolen
forty five seconds to get peace and quiet from the
shrapnel of marriage, the shrapnel the suffering that married men
go through, which is a progressive disease. It's a progressive
(01:24):
disease because the longer of man is married in almost
ninety percent of the situations, the criticism increases over time.
It's a slow drip. If marriage started the way it
is at ten years, fifteen years, it wouldn't go past
a year, but slowly, slowly, the wife asks more annoying questions,
(01:49):
asks more, has more suggestions about how things are done.
Why is that there? Consider this if when your wife
starts the day, what she should be saying is good morning,
how's everything going? Did you sleep well? What fun thing
are we going to do today? That's how it should start,
(02:12):
But instead it starts with who put this here? She
comes downstairs, she looks at the room, she comes out
of her bedroom, she looks at the dining room, the
TV room. She goes, who put this here? Why is
this here? Not? How you doing? What fun thing we're
going to do today? No, she starts to have a
list of starting with suggestions and then going downhill from there,
(02:37):
and then it goes to why is this a mess?
Who's going to clean this up? It's all tactical, utilitarian demands,
endless demands, and you don't even realize it. A husband
the kids. They don't even realize it at first, but
slowly it grows and it grows. But then if you
(02:58):
catch it and you say to her, listen, you realize
it'd be good if he started the day by saying,
good morning, how's everything going. That would be a much
better way. Why are you talking about I always do that.
It would never it would never stop. It's the same
reason when I'm in a supermarket, I'm in a mall. Yes,
I do go to malls, and I'll see a married
(03:20):
couple walking through the aisles. And every time I pass
a married couple walking through the aisles, I always whisper
to the to the husband, I always say to him,
always shop alone. And then I keep going. The guy
hears it and he starts laughing. Every time I can
make a guy laugh by going always shop alone, and
he starts laughing, she goes, what did he say? What
(03:44):
did he say? And he goes, nothing, He didn't say anything.
He wasn't talking to me. But there it is. There
it is. You're crazy if you if you're if you're married,
or you're living together and you go food shopping alone,
you're nuts. Because it's an endless debate leading to an
endless argument and endless resentments. One of the many good
(04:08):
things about my marriage is my wife has no interest
in going food shopping. I don't think I've ever seen
her shop for food or prepare food. I don't think
either of those things have happened. A part of that
is self defense. I don't want her to prepare food.
She's irish. There's no upside for me in her preparing food,
but no fun to go to the supermarket with her.
(04:28):
Then what I'll do is I'll risk my life and
I'll take the fourteen year old. And what do fourteen
year olds want? They want everything, especially if it's strange
colors and heavily sugared. They want everything. They want the
lucky charms, they want, the cocoa puffas, all the terrible cereals.
That's what they want. And then you have an endless
(04:51):
fight with the fourteen year old about what we're gonna
get the pop tarts, many different flavors of pop tarts
that they will never eat. There's the big challenge going
with a teenager to the supermarket, huge challenge. But what
happens in a marriage or a long term relationship is
(05:15):
the default pleasantries. I think start to disappear, they start
to go away. And when I hear people who are
getting a divorce, what do I hear when I talk
to them about why are you getting a divorce? Why
are you doing this? I thought you guys got a
long rate. Well, the quote institution of marriage is a
failure in our culture because half of the people get
(05:36):
married and they get a divorce. Oh that's a bad percentage,
that's a failure. You know which country has the lowest
percent of divorces, the lowest percent India, only like five
percent of marriages in India and in divorce. And that
wonderful Indian comic, that woman whose name I can never
(05:58):
get right, Zara, I never get it right. She says,
we have a perfect marriage. We get along great because
we don't communicate. We never communicate, We never talk to
each other for any reason, and therefore our marriage is
going great. We have nothing to argue about because we
don't communicate at all. And I'm like, yes, that's the
right way. And I think I have a good marriage
(06:20):
because I'm not part of it. I have no involvement
with my marriage. My marriage is a separate issue. Whatever
she wants to do, that's just fine. She discusses her
issues with her sister. My sister in law controls the marriage.
I think your sister in law controls the marriage as well.
In fact, I think it's safe to say that everybody's
(06:41):
marriage is controlled by their sister in law. If your
sister in law buys a piece of furniture, you will
find that in your house six months later. I saw
this at my sister's. I really thought i'd buy one
for us. Did you want to talk to me about that? No? No,
I knew you'd like. It stops the number of things
that I'm told I'm going to like long before it
(07:03):
actually happens. But I believe that the reason that half
the marriage is in America fail. It doesn't work. The
institution doesn't work the way it is. I feel there
are two big reasons. See what you think. Number One,
people get married before they're ready. And there's a trick,
(07:24):
which is that at some point you start you start
to embrace the notion that there's the right age for
you to get married. There is no right age. There
are people who get married at eighteen and they stay
married till they're seventy and it works. There are other
people who don't get married till they're sixty, and they
divorced in a year because they weren't ready. I believe
that each of us has a marriage clock, and that
(07:47):
marriage clock. If a person gets married before that marriage
clock goes off, it won't work. Doesn't matter who it is,
doesn't matter who they're marrying, it won't work. And then
if they get married after the marriage clock goes off,
it almost doesn't matter who they married, it'll be fine,
it'll work out because they were ready. But I think
(08:08):
most people get married before they're ready, and therefore half
the marriages fail. But then so I have decided to
start the process of freezing my eggs. But if you
talk to somebody who's about to get a divorce, and
you know that well enough, it's never that they stopped
having sex. Sex is not the reason that marriages succeed
or fail, Nor is it the reason that guys cheat.
(08:31):
Guys don't cheat for sex. Guys cheat for softness. Guys
cheat for a soft landing. They cheat to be greeted
during their day by a woman who answers them softly
and sweetly and gently and respects respects the decisions they made,
(08:51):
respects the choices they made at work or at home,
shows respect, absolute agreement on everything. No no, no, no no.
But there are ways to say that indicate everything's okay.
I respect your decisions, I respect why you did that.
Got it? Partnership, Notice that usually the wife, well, we're partners,
(09:12):
we're married. Now, we have to be married. Now, we
have to be getting together, we have to make these
decisions together, right, But she doesn't make decisions with the guy.
That's the whole cycle, that's the whole challenge. What a
guy wants in a marriage is softness. He wants to
be greeted with kindness and softness, as strange as this
may seem,
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