May 23, 2026 • 56 mins
This month Pastor Jared and Charles speak with Ethan Smith about the You're Not the Boss of Me series. What does having control over your emotions but still feeling them look like? Tune in and see what we think!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:16):
Welcome and thanks for joining us on the Blue Chair
Podcast, brought to you by FreshWind Church.
Each month, we discuss thelatest sermons from the
perspective of the Blue Chairs.
SPEAKER_03 (00:27):
Hello, and welcome to the Blue Chair Podcast.
I am Pastor Jared, and with me,as always, we got Charles
Magyar.
How's it going?
Um, so we've got some explainingto do.
Uh we missed last month, and weare late this month.
So that I wish we had a goodreason.
Um I never remember last month Ireached out to you the second
Saturday of the month, and Isaid, Hey, we were supposed to
(00:50):
record last week.
SPEAKER_04 (00:51):
Yeah, I I would love to blame it on school, but I
can't blame it on anything butmyself.
SPEAKER_03 (00:56):
Yeah, no, we just totally forgot.
So we apologize about that.
Well, the exact same thinghappened this month, and we
said, you know what, let's umjust do it next week.
We're not gonna skip anothermonth, we're gonna get it in
there.
But we are covering the You'reNot the Boss of Me series that
we just uh that Pastor Ryan andPastor Tim went over, and um,
it's an exciting one.
But before we get into it, wegotta introduce our special
(01:17):
guest guest.
With us this month is EthanSmith.
Say what's up.
SPEAKER_01 (01:22):
What's up, everybody?
How you doing?
SPEAKER_03 (01:24):
So if you don't know Ethan, um watched last week's
sermon.
Um he did the announcements, anduh he's a cool guy.
He has been coming to the churchfor how long now?
SPEAKER_01 (01:34):
Um shoot, it's probably been it's probably been
close to two years now, year anda half at least.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
SPEAKER_03 (01:42):
Yeah.
Your wife did uh VBS last year,right?
SPEAKER_01 (01:45):
Or she she did.
I remember VBS very vividly.
Funny note about uh I did forgetyou in the announcement, so it
was like the one thing.
Oh yeah, that was hilarious.
I did forget him in there, butyeah, Kylie was doing the dances
um, you know, pretty much for anentire week.
I was like, couldn't memorizethe songs.
Like, zoom, man, this one.
SPEAKER_03 (02:06):
No, keep going.
Let's hear the let's hear thewhole song.
No, that's awesome.
They have uh a year and a halfor so, they're stepping up and
doing some cool things.
Your wife did announcements acouple weeks ago, you did it
last week, and uh I mean that'sawesome.
I love to see people steppingup, and so when we saw you do
announcements, we're like, weknow who's gonna be on the
podcast.
He's willing to do stuff.
SPEAKER_04 (02:24):
And I'm terrible with it because I unfortunately
only make it to like half theservices a month.
So actually, I think the firsttime I met you guys was at Tim's
house.
Um that was like almost probablya year ago.
Yeah.
Last year.
Um, but no, I'm super glad thatyou guys are here.
You guys seem like super coolpeople, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:44):
Well, hopefully, I think I think we're pretty cool.
SPEAKER_04 (02:46):
You know, if you guys' YouTube video or the video
you guys did for the church wasawesome.
SPEAKER_01 (02:50):
So yeah, thanks, appreciate it.
We um we did um do like likefive to ten takes for that.
Just like I mean, I can't saythat we've never done that for
this podcast.
SPEAKER_03 (03:01):
Oh, we have we've tried it at different intros.
Like the first couple months wewere doing it, we'd do five or
six intros.
And then I'd like I soundedterrible.
Delete, restart.
Yeah, it's completely normal.
SPEAKER_02 (03:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (03:13):
Um, but let's give a quick synopsis of the the series
as a whole.
It's talking about being theboss of our own emotions.
Um, more often than not, we seeuh um in America and the world
that we are emotionally driven,that when we get upset,
everybody and their cousin knowswe're upset.
Um when we feel something, webelieve it's true.
(03:34):
Um, and I think I'm probablygonna misquote it, but I think I
got it right.
The the mantra or the the thesaying that Pastor Tim and Ryan
kept saying was that ouremotions are great.
Uh what was the word you use,Charles?
Help me out here.
SPEAKER_04 (03:48):
Uh I have it in here.
In your putting me on the spot.
100%.
SPEAKER_03 (03:54):
Uh tools, but terrible bosses?
SPEAKER_04 (03:57):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Either I think they said it wasgood tools or terrible leaders
or bosses or good servants, Ithink.
SPEAKER_01 (04:04):
You got it.
Good servants, terrible bosses.
SPEAKER_03 (04:06):
Good servants, terrible bosses.
They're great at guiding us.
They're great at like letting usknow when something's wrong.
It's kind of like pain.
When you feel pain, like you, Idon't know, fracture your ankle
when you're playing uh kickballwith the students.
You know something's wrong.
But when you let that controlyou dictate what you do, you get
yourself in a heap of trouble.
And so let's go ahead and getinto it.
(04:27):
Charles, go ahead and come outwith the first point.
SPEAKER_04 (04:30):
Uh so I mean it it's essentially just over week one,
which I believe uh was Tim.
Yep.
And I mean just to just to coversome of the emotions, uh, I had
a list for like fear, anxiety,goat, comparison, insecurity,
and emotional reactions.
And like I just think about itin my day-to-day interactions,
(04:50):
and like this is something thatI still struggle with, but I
feel like as as my walk hasgotten farther, um, that it's
definitely easier to improve umwhen I rely on scripture more
than myself.
So there's a lot of times nowthat even when me and Erica talk
about it, there's a lot of timesthat I I catch myself in a
(05:11):
moment or I catch her in amoment, and you know, we have to
kind of take a step back and andevaluate like if that's where we
really need to be in ouremotions at the moment.
Um, but I loved how Tim tied itback to we need to be able to
learn to put that in check andsurrender, surrender it to the
authority of Christ.
You know, we can't let theseemotions take authority over us,
(05:34):
we gotta submit them to theauthority of Christ.
So um I just I feel like likeyou were saying in our culture
right now, like it's so easy toget wrapped up in your own
emotions.
SPEAKER_01 (05:46):
Yeah, for for sure.
I think um, you know, especiallyyou know, just having not been
that far from being in college,like pretty much everything you
hear is you know, follow youremotions, follow follow your
heart, follow all those things.
Um I did love that they wentover just how deceitful your
heart is.
You know, it's wicked above all,um and it's incurable.
(06:09):
And that really resonated withme.
And I think you know, as youcontinue to draw nearer to
Christ, you know, I think ofIsaiah 6 when he's staring at
the presence of God, and thefirst thing he says, woe is me.
You know, we we just start tosee all of those things about
us.
Um and some of those areemotions, you know, and I don't
(06:30):
think uh it's a need to likefret or fear or anything, and
um, if anything, it just we canhave more gratitude and thanking
God that He saved us from thesethings.
But um that part really stoodout to me because I'm like, man,
you know, when you go throughouta day, you just start to see the
deeper you get into your walk,like how deceitful your heart is
and how much emotions reallysometimes are there to deceive
(06:52):
you, um, to cause you to lashout, maybe, you know, in a
conversation or to be angryabout something.
SPEAKER_03 (06:58):
Um I see that with the youth all the time.
Yeah.
Um, it is such a um I don'tknow, it's it's pushed really
hard that just because you'refeeling something, just because
you have these emotions, thatthey must be true.
That that someone has to havedone you wrong.
And I've had conversations whereI'm like, yeah, you might feel
(07:20):
those things, but it'sunjustified.
Like it's it's not the end allbe all.
Just because you feel somethingdoesn't mean you're correct.
Like you could be acting onwrong information.
You could think someone talkedto you in some sort of way, and
they could have had like a somea catch in their throat and it
made them sound weird, likethey're being like sarcastic or
annoyed, or texting.
(07:41):
Yeah, do you know how hard it isto get context from texting?
Do you know how many times I'vegotten my trouble, myself in
trouble with Allison because ofmy text?
SPEAKER_04 (07:49):
Yeah, 100%.
I'm why are you yelling at me?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (07:54):
And so it is so important for us to recognize,
yeah, recognize the emotionsyou're feeling, but also take a
beat and be like, all right, amI am I allowing these things to
be the end all be all?
Am I allowing these things to bea master rather than a servant?
Sure.
And am I acting with a head,like with your brain or with
(08:14):
your heart?
Because like you said, likeheart is so deceitful.
SPEAKER_01 (08:17):
Yeah.
Um that's funny that you saidthat.
Stop yelling at me.
That's actually something I sayall the time, but in like a
jokey way.
It's like if she's if Kylie saysanything, I'll be like, why are
you yelling at me?
Or like, it's so hard to hearyou when you're yelling at me.
SPEAKER_04 (08:30):
Me and Erica went through this phase where if we
could feel each other likegetting annoyed with one
another, we would just startcomplimenting each other to the
point where like we would juststart laughing.
Because you can't continuefighting when the other person
is just throwing compliments atyou.
That's and it would be like themost wild compliments.
SPEAKER_01 (08:47):
That's good.
SPEAKER_04 (08:48):
It was an interesting uh interesting
lesson to try and learn to makelight out of the situation.
Oh, you better try.
SPEAKER_03 (08:56):
Usually when uh me and Alice are getting mad at
each other, I just apologize andleave her alone, and uh
eventually she starts talking tome again.
SPEAKER_04 (09:04):
We call that the doghouse.
SPEAKER_03 (09:05):
Yeah, it's more often than not my fault.
The uh I was texting Ryan aboutthis sermon today, I was
re-listening to him, and the thesermon that probably smacked me
the most was the um the envy andfear one.
Because I mean, when you'remid-20s, getting to your late
(09:26):
20s, you see people finishingdoctorates, finishing master's
degrees.
Um, I mean, it took me eightyears to get my bachelor's.
I did a million other things atthe same time.
I had two jobs, I had a wholefamily started, had two kids,
like I was doing so many things,other things that I did
part-time sometimes.
Um classes I just outrightfailed because I didn't have
(09:47):
time to do the stuff, right?
And I I compare myself to thekids that are the guys or people
that are getting theirdoctorates or finishing their
master's degrees and all ofthat, and I'm constantly like,
why aren't I there?
And or just at any position,right?
Even in like my secular work,like other people are making
(10:09):
more money, and I've got a joband I'm I'm fixing stuff.
I'm I'm the one getting greasyand dirty and disgusting and
sweaty and burning myself onburners and getting into a grill
and doing all that fun stuff.
It's not the most desirable typeof work, and so you see these
other jobs out of there, you seethese other opportunities, and
you just like, I want to dothat, I want to provide better,
(10:29):
I want to do these things, andit's it comes from a place of I
don't want to say it comes froma terrible place, right?
It's not like and it's it's notinherently bad to want more for
your family or to want more foryourself, but when Ryan said, um
it was Ecclesiastes 4, Ibelieve, 4.8, where he was
saying, For whom do I, for whomam I toiling?
I'm like, that is such a good,such a good saying.
(10:53):
Like whenever, and since then,whenever I feel myself getting
like, I'm just tired of thisday.
I don't want to work hereanymore, I don't want to do this
and stuff like that.
I'm like, why am I doing this?
I'm working here, so I have thetime to work at the church and I
can keep going.
That's that's why I'm doing it.
I'm not working for Allison, I'mnot working for the family, I'm
working for Christ, andeverything that comes from it,
(11:15):
that's awesome.
I get all these benefits fromit.
I get food, I get a house, I getthese things, and my kids get it
too.
And that was, I have literallybeen chewing on that since then,
and like I'm at the point whereI'm trying to plan out a tattoo
to get that tattooed on me.
I'm like, that is the coolestline I've heard in forever.
I want it on me so I can see itall the time.
SPEAKER_04 (11:35):
Yeah, and like the envy and fear thing is something
I was looking at too, becauseyou know, I've talked to you
before finally stepping out andgoing to Liberty, like I felt
like there was a calling, and Ikept putting it off because of
money, and you know, how muchtime was it gonna take away out
of the free time I already havea little of?
So it's like you know, you work12 hours, you come home, you're
(11:56):
trying to do schoolwork, maketime for the kids, and so there
was like a huge aspect of fear,but um with the envy tied into
it, I was in the same boat whereI'm looking around at even
friends we went to high schoolwith, and I'm like, you know,
they work at you know, whateverjob and they're living in
whatever house, and I sit thereand I think about it, and the
whole time, like at the sametime, I had a calling on my
life, and I had to startquestioning like why am I
(12:18):
envying what they have and notrealizing that we were all we
all have a calling, and theirwalk's not gonna look the same
as my walk.
So what God has gifted them withand their calling is not gonna
look the same as what He'sgifted me with in my calling,
and that's kind of helped mechange my mindset in terms of
envy in a way.
Or there's still times where Iwish I, you know, didn't have to
(12:40):
spend a bunch of money ondigging up my septic tank, 100%.
But I think just in terms of howI look at other people, and you
know, we talk with the youthabout it in terms of like um you
shouldn't have that uhpartiality towards people that
when I look at this person Ishouldn't think more higher of
them just because they havethese things, like that was the
(13:01):
intention of their walk withGod, just like I have my walk
with God.
Yeah, oh yeah, so it definitelyputs things in perspective for
me to just be thankful for whatI've already been given.
SPEAKER_01 (13:11):
Yeah, for sure.
Um I think back to I think thisit might have been Pastor Ryan,
but um it just talks about youknow, Paul was in prison and he
was he was rejoicing, but um healso was content and he says
it's something that he learnedtoo.
Um so you know, like we all getthose those things, right?
We're in the flesh, we'refallen, and you know, praise the
Lord that we have Jesus Christ.
(13:31):
Um so those things are gonnacome up, and I think it's
encouraging to know, like, uheven Paul, you know, like he had
that thorn in his flesh, we haveno idea what it is, but he does
mention coveting, you know,earlier and uses that as the
example of like, oh, you neverknew you were coveting until the
law told you you were coveting,you know, that one.
Um we all struggle with thosethings, right?
Um I don't think they'renecessarily bad desires uh to
(13:54):
have either.
Um but being content issomething to learn.
So you know it's just gonna be apart of the walk and in the
struggle.
The envy and fear definitelyresonated with me, but maybe
more on like the fear and andanxiety side.
Um I think it's probably fromall of the pressure that maybe
was on me in like college, wherelike there were some like
(14:16):
anxious strongholds, I think,that maybe were built up in my
mind.
Um and I think one of thebiggest pieces, um, you know,
after listening to this and justreflecting on my own life, you
know, our thoughts it goesthoughts and then emotions and
then actions, right?
So our body's gonna follow ourthoughts.
And a lot of the times theemotions that we're feeling
(14:37):
guilt, envy, fear, it's oftenbecause it's what we're dwelling
on.
You know, we're gonna put outwhat we're spending that time.
Um so we can eliminate a lot ofthose things by choosing to, you
know, take captive and and justredirect our our our thoughts to
something grateful, faithful,um, and loving.
I know that's an area I'vestruggled with, so anyway, and
(14:58):
listening, you know, fear andanxiety, I think it's super
common.
Um my wrestling coach used toalways tell us that gratitude
defeats fear.
And Paul reflects that too,like, you know, go to him and
Thanksgiving, uh, prayers andpetitions.
Um, and so that's a an amazingway to kind of one, you know,
defeat envy in your mind, andthen also fear too.
(15:18):
Fear of are we gonna have themoney to pay the bills?
Fear of am I gonna get enoughcloses next month to make sure
that um everything is paid?
Um and so we uh we just gottakeep walking and learn these
things.
SPEAKER_03 (15:29):
I love that your mind went there because my mind
went same place, oppositedirection, because I've noticed
myself when I'm in like this,like we go through seasons,
right?
If I get myself in this rut ofenvy, and like I wish I had
these things, or I wish I wasable to do this, or I wish um
like you see some family onlinegoing on their fifth vacation or
(15:51):
something, and you're like, Idon't get to spend any of that
quality time with my kid, and Isit there and I worry about that
and stuff like that, and whatmeanwhile my kids are playing
outside alone, and that thatenvy and fear, and because of
the thoughts, they led toemotions.
Now the actions, rather thandoing the right thing and just
spending quality time with mykids that they're going to
remember, just because it's notout of town or doing something
(16:13):
fancy, doesn't mean they're notgoing to like enjoy this and
remember this and things likethat.
Yeah, I strip those things awayfrom my family because of that.
And it's like you said, catchingthose thoughts early and taking
them captive and letting theLord r renew your mind and being
like, hey, wow, I thought ofthis and I wasn't even I wasn't
(16:34):
being grateful for what you haveprovided me.
Like, I'm off at one o'clock inthe afternoon.
Yeah, I go in at five, but I'vebeen doing it for two years, so
I'm used to waking up at four atthis point, and so I'm off at
one, one thirty.
I pick the kids up.
I I get to pick my kids up everysingle day from school.
That's a luxury most peopledon't have.
It's a chore at the same time.
(16:55):
Some days I'm like, I gotta gosit in that pickup line.
I'm like, this is terrible.
I mean Allison got into it onetime.
She's off Mondays, and I haveto, and I worked on that Monday,
and I go home and I'm like, hey,will you get the kids?
And she's like, Well, I'm doingthis and this.
And I came home so frustrated.
And I was like, you were off allday long, and then I had to work
eight hours and then go sit inthe car line and pick up the
(17:16):
kids, and then I got this, andshe's like, Wow, okay.
And like we had a little littlechat about it, a little thing.
And I was 100% wrong.
Like, I allowed my emotion mythoughts to make me feel these
emotions, which made me want tomiss out on a half an hour of me
just sitting around with my son.
SPEAKER_04 (17:37):
Should have texted me, I would have told you we
were wrong.
I'll be sure to do that.
SPEAKER_01 (17:41):
Could have saved a half hour.
SPEAKER_04 (17:45):
Uh well, I think even with like um fear and envy,
I think it was in it's also inweek two where they talk about
like uh separating convictionand condemnation.
And like to break it apart,conviction from what I could
tell in the sermon was it'ssomething that draws us toward
(18:05):
God and leads us to repentance,and then condemnation attacks
your identity, keeps us trappedin shame, and pushes us away
from God.
And I think even when I firststarted going to your guys' life
group, I feel like I still livedunder this veil of condemnation
in a sense where I didn't allowscripture to speak to me as much
as it has been over the pastcouple years.
(18:28):
Um but something I think aboutuh as I've grown is I feel like
through the word it it tearsthat veil a little bit where it
gives you more judgment.
And I was actually leaningtowards 2 Timothy um 1.7 when it
talks about that God has notgiven us a spirit of fear, but
one of power, love, and soundjudgment.
(18:49):
And I think that in our walk, ifwe can rely back on scripture
and live in his word, like thatjudgment for me is like it
allows me to kind ofdifferentiate between am I
hearing conviction or am Ihearing condemnation?
And there's a lot of times whereI felt in my walk I was speaking
condemnation on myself, yeah,forgetting what Romans 8.1 tells
(19:10):
you.
Yep.
So I really loved how this kindof all tied into it because I
feel like, like I said, just inmy early walk, I feel like I was
just speaking so muchcondemnation over myself.
SPEAKER_03 (19:20):
That's where all the guilt and condemnation comes
from.
It's never coming from the Lord.
Like, like you started with, ifit's if it's from the Lord and
it's conviction, it's like, hey,that's not the right thing for
you.
But if you're thinking, wow, I'ma failure, that's not the Lord.
Yeah, like the Lord is going tocome to you in a way that is um
(19:41):
beneficial.
Like He'll be strict, he'll laydown the law, he'll tell you.
SPEAKER_04 (19:45):
But that was the hardest struggle.
Like the what you just said thatI'm a failure part, because
there was so many times, likejust as a dad, when I look at
like where we are, instead ofbeing grateful for where we are
and what we have, because uhwe're blessed.
And like I look at it now and Ican see that we're blessed, but
before, like, I would look atit, and then like you were
saying, you'd go on Facebook andyou'd see all these extravagant
(20:05):
vacations and these giant homesand everything else, and I'm
like, where did I fail?
That like I'm here and they'rethere, but I'm like, I didn't
fail, like God's given me what Ineed, and I need to be okay with
that.
SPEAKER_03 (20:15):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:18):
What do you guys think about that?
Yeah, um, for sure, I thinksometimes it's sometimes it's
hard to discern um convictionand condemnation, and I think
this definitely um is iscorrelated with the renewal of
the mind.
Um, I think you know, from myexperience, you know, um my
relationship with my father wasdisconnected and he was very
(20:42):
like, you know, or if I wasdoing good in wrestling, life
was good.
And so so I know from myexperience personally that
performance-based mindset kindof got pulled into my faith.
And so you find yourself, youknow, condemning more because
you're chasing like thisperfectionism, and I'm sure
there's others listening to thisthat that struggle with that.
Um, and we just have to rememberlike not only is Christ our
(21:05):
bridegroom king, but we're alsoGod's children, he's also a
loving father, the perfectfather.
Um, and so that's sometimesthat's a barrier to relate to
him.
Like we have to remember he'snot just loving and merciful,
like he is love, like he ismercy.
So he's never never condemningus.
Um, you know, I I think ofPeter, right?
(21:27):
He denies him and he comes andrestores him immediately.
There was not even when Peterfalls in the water, it's not
like you know, you goon.
He's like, Where's your faith?
But he picks him up, and it'salways restoration and
encouragement.
So that's been a struggle ofmine too, you know.
It's you get into this, uh youlike put your these expectations
(21:49):
on yourself that I don't thinkanyone's putting, expect God's
not putting on us for sure.
Um and those things can createguilt and and anxiety and um and
things like that.
SPEAKER_04 (22:00):
And I'm glad you brought that up because I think
they what was that, week four,where he kind of talks there was
ideas in week four, I think,about um things that Christians
are struggling with in terms oflike trying to earn God's
approval instead of living fromacceptance.
Um and there were some pointsthat I bulleted that uh it
creates being burnout, shame,performance-based faith, or
(22:21):
fear-driven obedience.
And I just made a note formyself, like you know, we've
been talking in Life Group aboutum because we're in the book of
James right now, so we've beentalking about because this is
where you're gonna get into thethe faith and works talk, um and
just being able to have thatmindset that we don't live a
certain way to strive or earnsalvation, but because of that
(22:43):
salvation and being freed,because of that we live a
different way because we've beencreated into a new man.
Um so I'm actually yeah, I'mglad you brought that up because
it I think those are good pointsto not get tricked into that
idea that it's all based offyour performance.
SPEAKER_01 (23:00):
Yeah, no, I I love that verse, and I think if we if
we focus like solely on Christ,um then it's like perfect love.
I love perfect love drives outfear.
Um isn't it somewhere in 1 John,you know, and because fear has
to do with punishment.
Um we didn't do anything todeserve it.
Um Christ died for us while wewere still in sin.
(23:21):
Completely, complete enemies ofGod.
I had no, I was I mocked him inmy everyday life, you know.
I used to make fun of people whoI would call them Jesus freaks.
And I was one of those guys.
And in the middle of all ofthat, completely undeserving, he
still called me by name becauseI was his.
And so, you know, it's from thatplace, I think, if we focus and
dwell in our minds on that love,that literal perfect love, um
(23:46):
can't even explain it, will justproduce good fruit, you know.
Um and then the striving, I itmight have been might have been
Pastor Ryan that said this to meor Kylie's dad, but um, you
know, you go out and look on thetrees, like you never see a
branch striving for fruit.
It just is there.
You never see a branchperforming and trying to do all
(24:08):
these extra things, and it's notworried about producing fruit,
it's just there, it just sitsthere in the vine, and we're
supposed to do the same thing.
Um but practically it'sdifficult, right?
Because we have all thesethoughts and emotions that are
telling us another thing.
SPEAKER_03 (24:22):
But the thing about that, like especially when like
don't get me wrong, you sin, youneed to repent, you need to go
to the Lord, you need to youneed to correct it.
Um but we never catch God offguard by our sin.
Yeah, like we're not God's notlike, oh, he did that, like I
can't what?
Like, I didn't see that onecoming.
Like, no, it's like, oh yeah, Ifigured that was gonna happen.
(24:43):
And it's oh look, it is thattime.
It was time for you to do that.
I didn't realize that.
And so we when we get in thisguilt and we get this, we're
scared to go to God.
We're scared, like at timeswe're like, I don't, I don't, I
wouldn't give that type offorgiveness.
I'm broken.
I like when someone wrongs me,I'm like Ryan talked about like
(25:05):
when he's cut off on the highwayand he's like so angry, and
people Joy's reminding him thathe's a pastor.
Like it's you you you feel thisdebt that needs to be paid, and
you're like, how dare you?
And you think like I'm supposedto go back to God and just
receive that like when I wouldnever?
And the answer is yes, becausewe're broken, and everything
(25:28):
like when it comes to returningback to God and coming back to
um coming back to repentanceafter we sin or after we screw
up, it's everything that'stelling us not to is just the
brokenness in us.
(25:48):
Everything that thinks I'm notworth it, I I'm I'm a sinner,
I'm gonna sin again, I'm a hedoesn't want me back, like
that's all so broken because itis so like you said, it's it's
hard to even explain the type oflove that God has for us.
And like we see it, um, you cansee it in some ways with your
(26:09):
own children that like, yeah,James, he can drive me up a
wall.
Like he runs up.
I think he kicked uh my littleaircast like four times today
already.
I got home at like 3.15 and Ileft my house at 5.30, and four
times he's kicked this thing,and I'm just like, I'm gonna
throw you at this point.
And but I'm gonna go home, I'mgonna hug him, I'm gonna tuck
(26:31):
him in for bed.
We're gonna watch our roll forsoda on TikTok.
It's gonna be a great time.
And it's but that doesn't evencompare to how the love that God
has for us.
Um one thing, this is off topicthan the love that God has for
us, is Brian's recommendation tobuild your truth, and I think it
was Tim.
(26:51):
Tim's recommendation to buildyour truth sermon that when you
are feeling emotions and youneed um for every one of your
out of out of control emotions,you look up some verses for
that.
A great tool that I utilizedlike crazy in college.
It's uh website called OpenBible Info.
I think it's openbible.info.
(27:13):
And you can literally searchGoogle and say, what does the
Bible say about insert thetopic?
Right.
And so if I was looking forverses on a topic and I'm at and
I'm just like, I can't think ofanything, nothing's coming to
mind, I would say, what does theBible say about abortion?
Or what does the Bible say aboutuh predestination?
And I would go to open Bibleinfo and it's literally just
(27:34):
verses.
It gives doesn't give context.
I think it's an ESV umtranslation, but it's um which
is a fine translation, but thechurch just typically uses CSB
when we preach, and so if that'syour thing, you may not love it,
but um it's just verses.
It doesn't explain them, itdoesn't give any context.
It's just someone has said thatthis has to do with that topic.
(27:55):
And so, like, what does theBible say about envy?
Open Bibleinfo.com.
Look it up and use that to buildyour truth sermon.
Read what scripture says aboutit.
Uh, what does the Bible sayabout my anger?
What does the Bible say about uhguilt?
What does the Bible say aboutthis?
Use using that as a tool to helpbuild those um truth sermons is
a great option.
(28:16):
And I saw that note in there.
I wanted to make sure I threwthat out.
I've told Allison, Allison'staking some classes at Liberty,
and she's asked me, she's like,what are some verses that are
about this?
And I'm like, I've told you fourtimes now, Allison.
Open Bible info, like it's thebest website just to get verses
on a topic.
SPEAKER_04 (28:33):
I know I kind of want to figure out how to use, I
mean, total it's on topic withwhat you were talking about, but
I want to figure out how to uselogos more to do the sermon
building stuff because I knowthere's like a whole study
section of logos that you canput certain words in and it'll
just bring up all the verseswith that.
Um I also use my um ThompsonChain reference Bible because
you it like topic by topic,it'll tell you every book and
(28:56):
chapter that that theologicalidea is located in.
Yeah, which is awesome.
SPEAKER_03 (29:01):
I was talking to Dave Gamble, he's my
brother-in-law, um, about he'sbeen coming over my house to
pick up his kids.
I've been picking up his kidsfrom school, and we'll just get
into theology conversations andwe'll discuss these things.
And I always thought Logos, Ifound out about it when I was at
when I started working at thechurch, um, but he actually has
a logos account.
(29:22):
Logos is a website, it's kind ofum pastors use it a lot to build
sermons, but it is a greatstudies study tool.
If you're looking to like diginto the word and see what um
it's like Microsoft Word meetsuh what's the Amazon Audible,
not Audible, Kindle, like Amazonuh Microsoft Word meets Kindle
(29:44):
meets all kinds of stuff, andyou can get all this
information.
Um get the strongest concordancewith Hebrew and Greek and oh
yeah, and so if you're laid onyour Bible, if you're trying to
study scripture to see what it'sit's you the Bible says about
the emotions you're feeling orwhat the Bible says about
anything, Logos is a greatsoftware you can use.
It is a paying software, likeyou I don't think you can get it
(30:05):
for free, but I'll just throwthat tool out there too.
Why not?
You got all the tools.
SPEAKER_04 (30:10):
I'm glad you brought up the the preaching of sermon
to yourself because I feel likethere was two um two ideas that
kind of link that together forme because in one of I think it
was in it was in week one, theywere talking about uh people
treat emotions like their finalauthority.
And if we if we would just buildsermons to preach to ourselves
(30:33):
and rely more on the word, wewould realize that most of those
things we find are authority inour emotions are somehow
combated by reading scripture.
SPEAKER_03 (30:43):
I had this old pastor, um, he was my youth
pastor, and I went to a churchthat at the time, um, it was an
older generation that was mostlythere, and so there was still
not that you should disrespectthe Bible, but anything that was
um mildly not reverent, notdisrespectful, but just not
(31:06):
incredibly reverent, it wouldlike throw them off.
And he had this illustrate asermon illustration one time
when he was talking about umliving under the authority of
the Bible or living above theauthority of the Bible.
If you're living above theauthority of the Bible, you're
making your own rules, youremotions are deciding what you
do, your emotions tell you whereto lead.
And the way he just got everyoneto get the point was he tossed
(31:27):
his Bible onto the ground andthen stood on top of it.
And he's like, I'm living abovethe authority of the Bible, and
this is what you look like whenyou do this.
If we have this reverence forthe Bible, this book, the great
book, and you have all thatreverence, but you're not living
like the Bible is the authorityover your life, this is you,
(31:48):
this is how you God is lookingdown at you, that you're
standing on the word that He hasgiven you.
And then He took it and he saidit on his head, and he's like,
This is living under it.
That this is the first thing,this is your guide, this is how
you should live.
And so when we allow ouremotions to dictate our actions
and we allow our emotions to beour bosses, we're no longer
living under the authority ofScripture.
We're living under the we'reliving on top of the Bible,
(32:10):
we're stepping right on it andjust walking over it.
SPEAKER_01 (32:13):
Yeah, no, for sure.
Um, I I was thinking back tosomething that uh you had said
earlier.
Um, you know, we speak a lot ofthese things over ourselves, you
know, and there's life and deathin the tongue.
Um and there's there's times toowhere, you know, when these
emotions will come in, um youknow, myself and and Kylie,
(32:33):
where do you ever just stop andquestion who's telling me this?
Like you go into a room and youfeel guilty, you you feel uh
anxious or you feel some type offear, and it's like who is
telling me this right now?
As I if I compare it to God'sword, if I find an as it it is
written statement like Jesus didwhen he was tempted in the
wilderness, I was like, who'sactually telling me this?
You know what I mean?
(32:54):
Um I saw this clip the other daytoo where this guy had said,
because I mean I'm like guiltyof this too, where like
sometimes I'll attribute creditto the enemy for like thoughts
that are probably just for me,just for my ways of thinking and
all these things.
Um but he said something he'slike the enemy can only mess
with you to the level of yourunrenewed mind.
(33:16):
And that really like struck homewith me.
I'm like, dang.
Like, and he's like, you oftenget to a point, anxiousness,
fear, guilt, envy, whatever itmight be, you find yourself in
the hole and you look and theshovel was in your hand.
You're the one who dug itbecause you're listening to your
emotions.
Your emotions are the Lord overyour life.
Um and so anyone listening likethat's just a great thing to
(33:38):
just like slow things down,like, all right, who's actually
telling me this?
Like, you know, who's telling methat I'm anxious right now?
Who's telling me that I shouldfeel guilty about something that
happened three years ago thatI'm trusting that Christ took it
on the cross?
It's like and when you you kindof can laugh it off.
You're like, who's telling?
No one's telling no one'stelling me, you know what I
mean?
Where's it coming from?
(33:58):
Um, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (34:00):
That's good.
That is really good.
We it is really easy to blamesomebody else.
Like we see that in society allthe time now.
Like it's it's not me.
I'm not having these thoughts.
I'm being told these thoughts.
And once Satan stops puttingthose thoughts in my head, then
I won't ever, I'll I'll be good,I won't be anxious anymore.
But at to some level, like weare we are choosing that.
(34:21):
We are choosing that anxiety,we're choosing to be angry about
that.
Um, when I was younger, I wasterrible at being angry.
I I was the worst at it.
I would my brother would driveme absolutely insane.
I'd get so angry, and then he'djust mess with me a little bit,
and I'm just laughing.
And I'm just like, no, I'msupposed to be mad at you, and
I'd try to be all angry again,and it never worked.
Um but like as I got older, Inoticed there for a while that I
(34:44):
was just like grumpy.
Like I was just like, angry'snot being angry is not hard.
How was that ever difficult forme?
Like, look at all these thingspeople did wrong.
Like, I should be angry, andit's I'm telling myself that
it's there's no one else tellingme that.
SPEAKER_04 (34:58):
Yeah.
Oh, and I liked how you broughtup, you know, some a lot of
times it is like just our ownthoughts, but at the same time,
I I think I brought it up on oneof them was like I love that
mindset, but then I read a booklike Screw Tape Letters, and I'm
like, what thoughts are my own?
I'm like, they make it so forsure, so deceiving that
sometimes it's like, is this mythought or is this like just
(35:21):
something that's being plantedin my mind right now that I need
to just cast this out anyway?
SPEAKER_03 (35:25):
Well, the thing is, regardless of if it is the
demon, if it's screw tape comingup to you and saying these
things, it's don't get justbecause someone says something,
we're the only ones that givethat any power whatsoever.
If you are if you are saved,right, even if you're not like
(35:45):
if you still got a long way togo in the sanctification, right?
Like if your your mind is notrenewed, yeah, even then we have
power to be like you're you'renothing.
SPEAKER_04 (35:56):
That's why I really liked like where we went with
it, because despite whether it'sfrom the enemy or of your own
mind, like ultimately theshovel's still in your hand,
because the only power it has isthe power you give it.
Exactly.
Yeah, that's I really like howyou tied that in like that.
SPEAKER_01 (36:11):
Yeah, I think like um if we genuinely, um always
speaking of myself, we genuinelywoke up in the morning and
walked in our minds and ourhearts, but it's like we're we
were talking about this at LifeGroup uh a week or two ago, uh,
but I think it's in Hebrews, butlike we're brothers and sisters
with Christ, we're co-heirs inChrist, you know.
(36:32):
We think of the prodigal son,the father says, Everything you
have, everything I have isyours.
It's like we actually walk inthat, like I'm seated with
Christ in the heavenly places.
Um the Holy Spirit is like if wereally walked in that some of
these thoughts and theseemotions would just be like the
easiest thing to easiest thingto like brush off, you know what
(36:53):
I mean?
SPEAKER_03 (36:53):
Oh, for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (36:54):
Um and it's always just that that doubt, and it it
comes with emotions.
That's something too, like we wewe focus um a lot on like you
know what thoughts the enemy ismaybe shooting in our minds, and
ultimately we have the choice,and sometimes I think it's the
same with emotions, like thesethese evil forces, you know, we
wrestle now flesh and blood.
Sometimes it can be emotions,like sometimes it might not be
(37:17):
you that's kind of influencingthis, you know, cloud of anger
or anxiety over you.
Sometimes that very well can bedemonic, but you know, again, we
we have the choice to walk inauthority, um, and just be like,
I think when Jesus says, I'vegiven you all power to overcome
the enemy, trample on snakes,trample on scorpions, by no
(37:37):
means will anything harm you.
So like it's just like a louddog that barks.
And by the way, he's on a leash.
He has he has to ask, you know.
What does he say that Satan isasked to sift you like wheat?
Like he's gotta ask permissionfrom our father to do anything.
SPEAKER_03 (37:51):
So one of the biggest things I think anybody
can take from the series, andit's specifically men, right?
This is I am categorizing allmen in the same boat, is men are
generally terrible at showingemotions.
And the biggest lesson that weas men can take from this series
(38:13):
is that we need to honestlyacknowledge our emotions.
Do you know how many times thatI've been hurt or sad?
And it and Allison's like, Whyare you so angry?
Because I genuinely for a longtime, and I've talked about it
in the past, like I had to get alife coach to like figure out
how to show emotions correctly.
Like I when I we got it was fiveor six years, we had both of our
(38:34):
children before I was like,yeah, no, this isn't right.
Like, I shouldn't just be madwhen I when I feel hurt, when I
feel um unloved, or when I'mfeeling these negative things,
everything would come out asanger.
Um, and that is a genuine issuewith men.
And I think I was talking to mysister about it this week,
actually, that men are so out oftouch with their emotions
(38:57):
because they're so scared to umfeel weak.
SPEAKER_04 (39:02):
It is not weakness to feel hurt, and I think a lot
of that stems from societalissues because it's like imposed
on you from childhood intoadulthood, like you're expected
to come off as a certain way,and if you don't, then it's not
accepted.
SPEAKER_03 (39:17):
Yeah.
And there's there's definitely afine line.
Like, we as men have to be ableto capture our emotions and like
situations of an emergency andthings like that.
Like, right, we should be ableto be brave, right?
But being brave means you arescared inherently.
And so, um, just like if you'relistening to this and you're
like, well, I don't even knowwhat to talk about.
I don't ever feel envy, I don'tever feel that.
(39:39):
Check out, take a beat whenyou're angry about something and
ask yourself like, am I actuallyangry at this?
Am I mad at them for having thatthing?
Or am I just wanting it myself?
And is that envy?
Yeah, like that's there's youcan take everything.
Like, I could be hurt becauseAllison ignored me today or
didn't text me back all daybecause she was busy and I'm
(40:00):
like, oh, you didn't talk to meall day, la da da da da da, and
I'm angry.
That can come off as anger, oram I actually just hurt because
I feel unacknowledged orunimportant?
And if you take the time tonavigate those, you're able to
one, like discuss it with yourspouse or discuss it with
somebody, even your boss, right?
Like if your boss is driving youup a wall and you're always
(40:21):
angry at him, is it becausethey're talking down to you?
Well, how does that make youfeel?
And it's I think it's one of thebiggest things that men can
learn.
Yeah, because I I would call itan epidemic of being able to
show emotions.
There, yeah, it is verydifficult for men.
SPEAKER_01 (40:39):
Yeah, I I agree.
Um, and I think they just, youknow, the way I was raised, I'm
sure there's some many otherpeople, especially I think
people are probably a littleolder, where it was like, eh,
tough it up.
SPEAKER_04 (40:49):
Did you see how he looked right at me?
SPEAKER_03 (40:50):
Oh, eye contact.
Wow.
I loved it.
SPEAKER_04 (40:53):
I mean, you are like and his hand gesture was towards
me.
SPEAKER_03 (40:57):
Granted, I did say I'm like, oh, I'm just a year
older than you when before westarted this podcast.
But yeah, no, he definitelylooked you right in the ass.
SPEAKER_01 (41:08):
Um, but yeah, we're we're told to just tough it out
and to uh to not show emotion.
Um and it's just if one, it'snot healthy, you know, at all.
And I think um you're speakingof all these emotions, I think
what happens is like, you know,as a kid, you get these things
instilled in you, don't showemotion this, don't cry this,
tough it out.
You're a man, you're supposed tobe tough, and albeit those
(41:31):
things are true, we gotta be arock in the head for our
families.
Um, but I think eventually, ifnot dealt with and brought into
the light, um, and replaced withhumility, like it just turns
into pride.
And I think pride and I don'tknow if anger is on here, we're
talking about anger just now,but pride and anger, I think,
are like a a two-in-one shampooor something, you know what I
(41:52):
mean?
Like they come two-in-oneshampoo.
They're like they're together,you know.
I like Kylie and I had a little,you know, riff the other day,
and I I felt super convictedafter it, and I I like can
confessed and was like, to behonest with you, like I was just
arguing for arguing's sake.
I just wanted to be right.
Like, I was just my pride, andthen pride turns into sizzling
(42:13):
anger, and now you're like,you're like, how the heck did I
even get here?
Oh yeah.
I think pride is such a a sneakyone, um, such a sneaky one that
gets in there.
So it's like sometimes it'sreally hard to be to be lowly
and humble in those situations.
Um stinking pride, man.
SPEAKER_04 (42:30):
Stinking pride.
I think me and you are a lot oflike in terms of how it was,
because I think it was again atthe beginning of our life group
when I told you like all growingup, you know, I I grew up in a
single parent house, and it wasone of those like I wasn't
allowed to show emotions.
So as soon as I would startcrying, it was go to your room
until you're done crying.
It was like this constant ideathat I wasn't allowed to express
(42:52):
emotions, yeah.
So it was extremely damaging asI got older between my
friendships and then even movinginto marriage.
Like, I'm gonna out Erica alittle bit here, but she was
like a public crier, like shewould choose a day of the week
and she would just cry in theshower.
And I thought it was theweirdest thing in the world, and
I didn't know how to interactwith it at all.
(43:13):
So and even with the kids, like,still to this day, I'm I'm a lot
better than I was, but there'sstill to this day where like the
kids will just start crying, andI'm like, I don't know what to
do.
Like, I don't know how to handlethese emotions.
I'm like, my mom's probably alittle bit better at this than I
am.
But it's like it took me a longtime, like to even myself be
able to express emotions, andnow I'm like this blubbering
(43:35):
baby of scrolling TikTok andweeping at these sad videos that
come out.
I'm like, where did this comefrom?
SPEAKER_03 (43:41):
That's called overcompensation.
You went too far the other way.
SPEAKER_04 (43:44):
I think it's like the overflow of what never came
out before.
Oh goodness, it's justoverflowing at this point.
That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03 (43:50):
But I whacked the heads of the men a little bit
there, but the other half ofthat is that if a guy, and it
can probably would be yourhusband, but any guy.
Right, if any guy comes up toyou and says, like, hey, um, and
they're clearly uncomfortable,and they're like, I felt hurt
when this happened, and theysound like a blubbering idiot,
and they are trying to figureout the words to say, it is the
(44:14):
responsibility of a woman inthat situation to honor that as
best as they possibly can.
Um, me and Allison have talkedabout it because I like when
this whole thing came out withme not being great with emotions
and showing them, like I had togenuinely like practice.
Like, hey, I'm uncomfortable andI don't know how to say this, so
I need you just to sit there andlet me just word vomit and I'll
(44:36):
probably somehow insult you, butlet me get it out and then we
can break it down.
And there were times where shedropped a ball, and I was like,
This is why I don't shareanything with you.
I'm never doing it again.
Like, this sucks.
I'm shoving it down again.
Cool.
And like I'm genuinely like it'sit would be like a panic, like
general, genuine fear.
And when I had that conversationwith my sister this week, and
(44:59):
how men have to like learn toshow these emotions, the thing I
said to her was like, but whenour wives have to honor that,
and you're gonna hear thingsthat like you don't want to
hear, that you've hurt yourhusband, you've made him feel
this way, you've done thisthing, and it sucks.
And it but it is that just likeif you're you come up to your
husband and you say, Hey, I washurt when when you did this, and
(45:20):
you expect him to be like, Oh, Ineed to fix this, it needs to be
that same way.
And because stubbornness, uhpride, that's what that is,
like, right?
If you're if you're like, oh no,you're just failing that, or
you're wrong, or this, that'snot what I said, that's not how
I said it.
That's just pride of trying tobe right.
And you may not have said itlike that, he may have received
it wrong, and you can have thatconversation in a loving way.
(45:43):
Uh, but if I'm gonna challengemen to have those conversations
with their wives, have thoseconversations with their
significant others, with theirchildren, even and and those uh
in general, it is imperativethat I also give the give the
females a challenge of hey, bewilling to sit down and for the
long haul conversations.
SPEAKER_04 (46:01):
And I like how you brought that up because I feel
like it it was such I think itwas more of you so it is normal
for men to be that for theirspouse.
Yeah.
So like, for instance, I mean weall know Erica, she's a little
anxious.
So every now and then I was likeher venting port when whenever
anxiety would creep in,whatever.
But it I think it shocked herthe first day that I ever came
(46:23):
across that way, because she'slike, Well, this isn't you,
like, where's this coming from?
But it I like how you worded itbecause all it takes is one bad
reaction to a man trying toexpress emotion or whatever's
going on, and that it almostlike just shuts you off.
You're not gonna want to do itagain because you had that bad
interaction.
For sure.
So I like how you brought thatup.
SPEAKER_01 (46:43):
Um speaking of that too, I think and there's uh
verse somewhere, maybe it's inthe letter to Corinth or
Ephesus, but it says, um, youknow, wives point your husbands
to Christ with your actions andbehaviors.
And so I think that would belike a perfect verse for um any
any wives listening to to go on,and then also for men too, like
(47:04):
um our prayers can be hindered.
Like it says that right after wecan have our prayers hindered
from the way that we treat ourwives.
We should love our wives as welove ourselves.
Um that's something that wasconvicting me.
It's like, man, like he like hereally might straight up oppose
me in my prayer life because ofthem being bitter towards my
wife.
Um and speaking of hinderingprayers, all these emotions, not
(47:27):
having a cap on these andletting them rule over our life,
I think it significantly hindersour prayer life.
Why does it um you know ifyou're if you're angry, if
you're fearful, and then kind oflike circling it to what we're
just talking about, um men notreally wanting to express their
emotions in the prayer room inthat secret place with God, he
wants you like your your thetruth, he wants the rawness in
(47:48):
your heart, not like I've donethis before, especially when I
was you know first started mywalk.
You want these elegant,beautiful, I sound like the
psalmist David, you know, let meget my harp out.
Um he's like, tell me you'remad.
I think Tim did this too, liketell him you're angry.
Oh yeah.
Um tell him you're hurt, tellhim you're feeling these things.
Um and as men, like you know, weneed, especially with the Lord,
(48:10):
to come into those places and bevery vulnerable because he sees
anything that that's going on inthere.
Um and if your heart'scondemning you, it says in in
1st or 2 John, if even ourhearts condemn us, God is
greater than our hearts and heknows everything.
He knows everything that's goingon inside of our heart.
Um yeah, and um I don't knowabout you guys, um, but my
(48:31):
prayer life has been somethingI've been trying to focus on uh
a lot more recently, you know,as I think there's times in our
life where either our thoughts,our emotions, um, and all these
things, and I think it couldjust be like uh, you know, it's
good like you're it's a symptomof your soul, just not being
deep in connection.
Um sometimes like I I read theword, but that's kind of it.
(48:53):
I'm like, well, man, you know,like have I really been praying?
Like putting my phone down, nodistractions, and just like just
sitting, you know, at the feetof the Lord.
Just God, you're just holy.
Like that, there's the verylittle bit, you're just holy.
Like there's nothing else.
I just making sure I'm inalignment with his will.
Um and so I don't know about youguys, it's something you
struggle with or something youwork on, but it's just something
(49:13):
I I've been trying to focus onrecently.
Um I think I'm seeing somefruits of it, and I'm excited to
continue to build it.
So I mean, I think Jesus wouldgo and pray for hours, you know.
And I think in Mark it also saystoo, like he would wake up and
it would still be dark, and hewould go off and he would pray.
I mean, how much more if the sonof man, the son of God, was like
(49:34):
praying for hours.
One, I'd love to know everythinghe was praying about.
Oh, for sure.
I could like a little recordingof like you know, anything.
I think we can see like, youknow, a glimpse in Psalm 22, but
he's like crying out from thecross.
It's like a differentcircumstance, but Psalm 22 is
beautiful, by the way.
Yeah, uh one of my favorites.
Um but yeah, I'm just gonnathink like, man, how much should
(49:54):
we we be praying?
Paul says unceasing prayer, butit's the flip side of the coin.
SPEAKER_03 (49:59):
There is the um there's the law side and there's
the the relationship side.
And you can you can get the lawside down in the in the word,
spending time in the word,figuring out what you should do,
being able to like sword racesis what they used to be called,
and you can find that verseright where it's at, and like
you're it's a race, and like youcan be great legally and um
(50:22):
academically, but you cancompletely miss the relational
side, and that's that only comesfrom prayer and worship.
And it it is everyone stru hasstruggled at times, um, myself
included, where I'm like, man,it's been I remember one time I
prayed, might have been at youthgroup, and I was like, I don't
(50:44):
remember praying in this entireweek until I prayed in front of
them again.
I'm like, that's a huge issue.
Yeah, um that is a big issue,and it was it was a busy week,
things were going on.
It wasn't like I was like, no,I'm not talking to God, it just
wasn't my top priority.
And if I went to Allison and waslike, hey, you're not my top
priority this week.
Sorry, that's not gonna help therelationship at all.
(51:07):
And so it's it's relational thatwe have to have that time and
spend it together.
Um, but we are over fiveminutes, and so we gotta wrap
up.
Um, final thoughts?
SPEAKER_04 (51:17):
Um, I guess uh what I marked is the thing that I
really loved in here, because Itry to think back at how much
time I spent in the envy idea,and I put on here that uh one of
the ideas was envy counts otherpeople's blessings, but
gratitude counts your own.
Um and I was thinking aboutJames because we're in the book
of James in our life group rightnow, but um the whole idea of
(51:40):
considering it a great joy, mybrothers and sisters, whenever
you experience various trials,and then it goes on to say that
because you know that thetesting of your faith produces
endurance, and let endurancehave its full effect, so that
you may be mature and complete,lacking nothing.
So I think about that and theidea that you know, we talked
about envying over otherpeople's lives and not looking
at the gratitude in your own.
And I realize that, you know, inthe trials that he's giving us
(52:02):
in our own walk, um, it's givingus that that faith that's gonna
produce endurance, and we needto understand that in that walk,
he's not gonna leave us lackinganything.
Yeah.
So like reading that and thentrying to pair it up with where
we're at uh in James, I justthat was one of my key takeaways
is trying to reflect daily.
(52:23):
And actually the prayer lifething is a big one because I
struggle with that just in time.
So it's like I need to learnthroughout the day in those
downtimes that I have to try anddedicate more to prayer life.
Yeah.
Um because I think that's that'sa big uh big bridge to to close
(52:44):
the gaps on a lot of thesethings.
SPEAKER_01 (52:46):
Yeah, for sure.
Something that that's helped me.
Speaking of emotions, um I Iwatched this this clip of
someone, I forget who it was,but our our emotions are always
deceiving us.
And so I felt this where there'ssometimes if I am praying and
I'm not like led to tears or Idon't feel super moved, I might
go with some bad prayer.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like it doesn't feel like I'mdeep in my spiritual life or
(53:07):
praying, and that's massivedeception there because that
does my emotions have no effecton God hearing what I just said
to him.
Um, but speaking of that though,something has helped me to feel
a little more lifted as I'lllike play like an instrumental
on my phone, you know, even ifit's five minutes, and I'll just
kind of let myself just sit andponder on the Lord, and that's
(53:28):
helped me go into prayer.
Um, so if that's something thatmight help you or anyone
listening, um there's a couplegood ones you can find on
Spotify.
But I think David played theharp.
He played the harp, and Daniel Ithink did the same thing to lift
his spirit.
SPEAKER_04 (53:41):
So I actually just to close out on this idea, I
just picked up a book that'scalled uh I think it's called
like praying the names of God.
It's like 52-week devotional,yeah, but it's every name of
God, and then examples from theBible of when he was called
those names, and then it ties aprayer into it.
Wow.
So it's it's interesting, likein terms of like provider, um,
(54:03):
you know, what whichever nameyou go by, you think of
something in your life thatpairs with that name, and then
you pray to God in that name andthank him for being that.
That's cool.
I like that.
It was interesting.
SPEAKER_03 (54:15):
Good stuff.
Well, I think uh we're gonnawrap it up here.
I think we could probably go onfor another hour or two.
SPEAKER_04 (54:22):
This is a good conversation.
SPEAKER_03 (54:24):
I like it.
This sermon series, I think, wasum top tier to say the least.
It was it was an excellent one.
Um so if if you're strugglingwith your emotions and you're
allowing them to be your bossrather than your servant, um,
it's time to go to God.
Start with some prayer, seewhere um He needs to He needs to
step in and and uh see where youneed to step up.
(54:46):
Um our boss, our emotions shouldbe our servants.
And God gave us those emotions,they're important, they're good,
you should feel them.
Um, but they're not always true,and we shouldn't allow them to
completely control our lives.
And so um hopefully this you gotsomething from this podcast.
Thank you so much for jumping onwith us, Ethan.
We really appreciate it.
You had so much good stuff tosay.
(55:07):
I loved it.
SPEAKER_01 (55:08):
Thanks for having me, guys.
I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_03 (55:09):
No problem at all.
We'll see you guys next month.
We love you.
Have a great month.
Welcome and thanks for joining us on the Blue Chair
Podcast, brought to you by FreshWind Church.
Each month, we discuss thelatest sermons from the
perspective of the Blue Chairs.
SPEAKER_03 (00:27):
Hello, and welcome to the Blue Chair Podcast.
I am Pastor Jared, and with me,as always, we got Charles
Magyar.
How's it going?
Um, so we've got some explainingto do.
Uh we missed last month, and weare late this month.
So that I wish we had a goodreason.
Um I never remember last month Ireached out to you the second
Saturday of the month, and Isaid, Hey, we were supposed to
(00:50):
record last week.
SPEAKER_04 (00:51):
Yeah, I I would love to blame it on school, but I
can't blame it on anything butmyself.
SPEAKER_03 (00:56):
Yeah, no, we just totally forgot.
So we apologize about that.
Well, the exact same thinghappened this month, and we
said, you know what, let's umjust do it next week.
We're not gonna skip anothermonth, we're gonna get it in
there.
But we are covering the You'reNot the Boss of Me series that
we just uh that Pastor Ryan andPastor Tim went over, and um,
it's an exciting one.
But before we get into it, wegotta introduce our special
(01:17):
guest guest.
With us this month is EthanSmith.
Say what's up.
SPEAKER_01 (01:22):
What's up, everybody?
How you doing?
SPEAKER_03 (01:24):
So if you don't know Ethan, um watched last week's
sermon.
Um he did the announcements, anduh he's a cool guy.
He has been coming to the churchfor how long now?
SPEAKER_01 (01:34):
Um shoot, it's probably been it's probably been
close to two years now, year anda half at least.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
SPEAKER_03 (01:42):
Yeah.
Your wife did uh VBS last year,right?
SPEAKER_01 (01:45):
Or she she did.
I remember VBS very vividly.
Funny note about uh I did forgetyou in the announcement, so it
was like the one thing.
Oh yeah, that was hilarious.
I did forget him in there, butyeah, Kylie was doing the dances
um, you know, pretty much for anentire week.
I was like, couldn't memorizethe songs.
Like, zoom, man, this one.
SPEAKER_03 (02:06):
No, keep going.
Let's hear the let's hear thewhole song.
No, that's awesome.
They have uh a year and a halfor so, they're stepping up and
doing some cool things.
Your wife did announcements acouple weeks ago, you did it
last week, and uh I mean that'sawesome.
I love to see people steppingup, and so when we saw you do
announcements, we're like, weknow who's gonna be on the
podcast.
He's willing to do stuff.
SPEAKER_04 (02:24):
And I'm terrible with it because I unfortunately
only make it to like half theservices a month.
So actually, I think the firsttime I met you guys was at Tim's
house.
Um that was like almost probablya year ago.
Yeah.
Last year.
Um, but no, I'm super glad thatyou guys are here.
You guys seem like super coolpeople, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:44):
Well, hopefully, I think I think we're pretty cool.
SPEAKER_04 (02:46):
You know, if you guys' YouTube video or the video
you guys did for the church wasawesome.
SPEAKER_01 (02:50):
So yeah, thanks, appreciate it.
We um we did um do like likefive to ten takes for that.
Just like I mean, I can't saythat we've never done that for
this podcast.
SPEAKER_03 (03:01):
Oh, we have we've tried it at different intros.
Like the first couple months wewere doing it, we'd do five or
six intros.
And then I'd like I soundedterrible.
Delete, restart.
Yeah, it's completely normal.
SPEAKER_02 (03:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (03:13):
Um, but let's give a quick synopsis of the the series
as a whole.
It's talking about being theboss of our own emotions.
Um, more often than not, we seeuh um in America and the world
that we are emotionally driven,that when we get upset,
everybody and their cousin knowswe're upset.
Um when we feel something, webelieve it's true.
(03:34):
Um, and I think I'm probablygonna misquote it, but I think I
got it right.
The the mantra or the the thesaying that Pastor Tim and Ryan
kept saying was that ouremotions are great.
Uh what was the word you use,Charles?
Help me out here.
SPEAKER_04 (03:48):
Uh I have it in here.
In your putting me on the spot.
100%.
SPEAKER_03 (03:54):
Uh tools, but terrible bosses?
SPEAKER_04 (03:57):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Either I think they said it wasgood tools or terrible leaders
or bosses or good servants, Ithink.
SPEAKER_01 (04:04):
You got it.
Good servants, terrible bosses.
SPEAKER_03 (04:06):
Good servants, terrible bosses.
They're great at guiding us.
They're great at like letting usknow when something's wrong.
It's kind of like pain.
When you feel pain, like you, Idon't know, fracture your ankle
when you're playing uh kickballwith the students.
You know something's wrong.
But when you let that controlyou dictate what you do, you get
yourself in a heap of trouble.
And so let's go ahead and getinto it.
(04:27):
Charles, go ahead and come outwith the first point.
SPEAKER_04 (04:30):
Uh so I mean it it's essentially just over week one,
which I believe uh was Tim.
Yep.
And I mean just to just to coversome of the emotions, uh, I had
a list for like fear, anxiety,goat, comparison, insecurity,
and emotional reactions.
And like I just think about itin my day-to-day interactions,
(04:50):
and like this is something thatI still struggle with, but I
feel like as as my walk hasgotten farther, um, that it's
definitely easier to improve umwhen I rely on scripture more
than myself.
So there's a lot of times nowthat even when me and Erica talk
about it, there's a lot of timesthat I I catch myself in a
(05:11):
moment or I catch her in amoment, and you know, we have to
kind of take a step back and andevaluate like if that's where we
really need to be in ouremotions at the moment.
Um, but I loved how Tim tied itback to we need to be able to
learn to put that in check andsurrender, surrender it to the
authority of Christ.
You know, we can't let theseemotions take authority over us,
(05:34):
we gotta submit them to theauthority of Christ.
So um I just I feel like likeyou were saying in our culture
right now, like it's so easy toget wrapped up in your own
emotions.
SPEAKER_01 (05:46):
Yeah, for for sure.
I think um, you know, especiallyyou know, just having not been
that far from being in college,like pretty much everything you
hear is you know, follow youremotions, follow follow your
heart, follow all those things.
Um I did love that they wentover just how deceitful your
heart is.
You know, it's wicked above all,um and it's incurable.
(06:09):
And that really resonated withme.
And I think you know, as youcontinue to draw nearer to
Christ, you know, I think ofIsaiah 6 when he's staring at
the presence of God, and thefirst thing he says, woe is me.
You know, we we just start tosee all of those things about
us.
Um and some of those areemotions, you know, and I don't
(06:30):
think uh it's a need to likefret or fear or anything, and
um, if anything, it just we canhave more gratitude and thanking
God that He saved us from thesethings.
But um that part really stoodout to me because I'm like, man,
you know, when you go throughouta day, you just start to see the
deeper you get into your walk,like how deceitful your heart is
and how much emotions reallysometimes are there to deceive
(06:52):
you, um, to cause you to lashout, maybe, you know, in a
conversation or to be angryabout something.
SPEAKER_03 (06:58):
Um I see that with the youth all the time.
Yeah.
Um, it is such a um I don'tknow, it's it's pushed really
hard that just because you'refeeling something, just because
you have these emotions, thatthey must be true.
That that someone has to havedone you wrong.
And I've had conversations whereI'm like, yeah, you might feel
(07:20):
those things, but it'sunjustified.
Like it's it's not the end allbe all.
Just because you feel somethingdoesn't mean you're correct.
Like you could be acting onwrong information.
You could think someone talkedto you in some sort of way, and
they could have had like a somea catch in their throat and it
made them sound weird, likethey're being like sarcastic or
annoyed, or texting.
(07:41):
Yeah, do you know how hard it isto get context from texting?
Do you know how many times I'vegotten my trouble, myself in
trouble with Allison because ofmy text?
SPEAKER_04 (07:49):
Yeah, 100%.
I'm why are you yelling at me?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (07:54):
And so it is so important for us to recognize,
yeah, recognize the emotionsyou're feeling, but also take a
beat and be like, all right, amI am I allowing these things to
be the end all be all?
Am I allowing these things to bea master rather than a servant?
Sure.
And am I acting with a head,like with your brain or with
(08:14):
your heart?
Because like you said, likeheart is so deceitful.
SPEAKER_01 (08:17):
Yeah.
Um that's funny that you saidthat.
Stop yelling at me.
That's actually something I sayall the time, but in like a
jokey way.
It's like if she's if Kylie saysanything, I'll be like, why are
you yelling at me?
Or like, it's so hard to hearyou when you're yelling at me.
SPEAKER_04 (08:30):
Me and Erica went through this phase where if we
could feel each other likegetting annoyed with one
another, we would just startcomplimenting each other to the
point where like we would juststart laughing.
Because you can't continuefighting when the other person
is just throwing compliments atyou.
That's and it would be like themost wild compliments.
SPEAKER_01 (08:47):
That's good.
SPEAKER_04 (08:48):
It was an interesting uh interesting
lesson to try and learn to makelight out of the situation.
Oh, you better try.
SPEAKER_03 (08:56):
Usually when uh me and Alice are getting mad at
each other, I just apologize andleave her alone, and uh
eventually she starts talking tome again.
SPEAKER_04 (09:04):
We call that the doghouse.
SPEAKER_03 (09:05):
Yeah, it's more often than not my fault.
The uh I was texting Ryan aboutthis sermon today, I was
re-listening to him, and the thesermon that probably smacked me
the most was the um the envy andfear one.
Because I mean, when you'remid-20s, getting to your late
(09:26):
20s, you see people finishingdoctorates, finishing master's
degrees.
Um, I mean, it took me eightyears to get my bachelor's.
I did a million other things atthe same time.
I had two jobs, I had a wholefamily started, had two kids,
like I was doing so many things,other things that I did
part-time sometimes.
Um classes I just outrightfailed because I didn't have
(09:47):
time to do the stuff, right?
And I I compare myself to thekids that are the guys or people
that are getting theirdoctorates or finishing their
master's degrees and all ofthat, and I'm constantly like,
why aren't I there?
And or just at any position,right?
Even in like my secular work,like other people are making
(10:09):
more money, and I've got a joband I'm I'm fixing stuff.
I'm I'm the one getting greasyand dirty and disgusting and
sweaty and burning myself onburners and getting into a grill
and doing all that fun stuff.
It's not the most desirable typeof work, and so you see these
other jobs out of there, you seethese other opportunities, and
you just like, I want to dothat, I want to provide better,
(10:29):
I want to do these things, andit's it comes from a place of I
don't want to say it comes froma terrible place, right?
It's not like and it's it's notinherently bad to want more for
your family or to want more foryourself, but when Ryan said, um
it was Ecclesiastes 4, Ibelieve, 4.8, where he was
saying, For whom do I, for whomam I toiling?
I'm like, that is such a good,such a good saying.
(10:53):
Like whenever, and since then,whenever I feel myself getting
like, I'm just tired of thisday.
I don't want to work hereanymore, I don't want to do this
and stuff like that.
I'm like, why am I doing this?
I'm working here, so I have thetime to work at the church and I
can keep going.
That's that's why I'm doing it.
I'm not working for Allison, I'mnot working for the family, I'm
working for Christ, andeverything that comes from it,
(11:15):
that's awesome.
I get all these benefits fromit.
I get food, I get a house, I getthese things, and my kids get it
too.
And that was, I have literallybeen chewing on that since then,
and like I'm at the point whereI'm trying to plan out a tattoo
to get that tattooed on me.
I'm like, that is the coolestline I've heard in forever.
I want it on me so I can see itall the time.
SPEAKER_04 (11:35):
Yeah, and like the envy and fear thing is something
I was looking at too, becauseyou know, I've talked to you
before finally stepping out andgoing to Liberty, like I felt
like there was a calling, and Ikept putting it off because of
money, and you know, how muchtime was it gonna take away out
of the free time I already havea little of?
So it's like you know, you work12 hours, you come home, you're
(11:56):
trying to do schoolwork, maketime for the kids, and so there
was like a huge aspect of fear,but um with the envy tied into
it, I was in the same boat whereI'm looking around at even
friends we went to high schoolwith, and I'm like, you know,
they work at you know, whateverjob and they're living in
whatever house, and I sit thereand I think about it, and the
whole time, like at the sametime, I had a calling on my
life, and I had to startquestioning like why am I
(12:18):
envying what they have and notrealizing that we were all we
all have a calling, and theirwalk's not gonna look the same
as my walk.
So what God has gifted them withand their calling is not gonna
look the same as what He'sgifted me with in my calling,
and that's kind of helped mechange my mindset in terms of
envy in a way.
Or there's still times where Iwish I, you know, didn't have to
(12:40):
spend a bunch of money ondigging up my septic tank, 100%.
But I think just in terms of howI look at other people, and you
know, we talk with the youthabout it in terms of like um you
shouldn't have that uhpartiality towards people that
when I look at this person Ishouldn't think more higher of
them just because they havethese things, like that was the
(13:01):
intention of their walk withGod, just like I have my walk
with God.
Yeah, oh yeah, so it definitelyputs things in perspective for
me to just be thankful for whatI've already been given.
SPEAKER_01 (13:11):
Yeah, for sure.
Um I think back to I think thisit might have been Pastor Ryan,
but um it just talks about youknow, Paul was in prison and he
was he was rejoicing, but um healso was content and he says
it's something that he learnedtoo.
Um so you know, like we all getthose those things, right?
We're in the flesh, we'refallen, and you know, praise the
Lord that we have Jesus Christ.
(13:31):
Um so those things are gonnacome up, and I think it's
encouraging to know, like, uheven Paul, you know, like he had
that thorn in his flesh, we haveno idea what it is, but he does
mention coveting, you know,earlier and uses that as the
example of like, oh, you neverknew you were coveting until the
law told you you were coveting,you know, that one.
Um we all struggle with thosethings, right?
Um I don't think they'renecessarily bad desires uh to
(13:54):
have either.
Um but being content issomething to learn.
So you know it's just gonna be apart of the walk and in the
struggle.
The envy and fear definitelyresonated with me, but maybe
more on like the fear and andanxiety side.
Um I think it's probably fromall of the pressure that maybe
was on me in like college, wherelike there were some like
(14:16):
anxious strongholds, I think,that maybe were built up in my
mind.
Um and I think one of thebiggest pieces, um, you know,
after listening to this and justreflecting on my own life, you
know, our thoughts it goesthoughts and then emotions and
then actions, right?
So our body's gonna follow ourthoughts.
And a lot of the times theemotions that we're feeling
(14:37):
guilt, envy, fear, it's oftenbecause it's what we're dwelling
on.
You know, we're gonna put outwhat we're spending that time.
Um so we can eliminate a lot ofthose things by choosing to, you
know, take captive and and justredirect our our our thoughts to
something grateful, faithful,um, and loving.
I know that's an area I'vestruggled with, so anyway, and
(14:58):
listening, you know, fear andanxiety, I think it's super
common.
Um my wrestling coach used toalways tell us that gratitude
defeats fear.
And Paul reflects that too,like, you know, go to him and
Thanksgiving, uh, prayers andpetitions.
Um, and so that's a an amazingway to kind of one, you know,
defeat envy in your mind, andthen also fear too.
(15:18):
Fear of are we gonna have themoney to pay the bills?
Fear of am I gonna get enoughcloses next month to make sure
that um everything is paid?
Um and so we uh we just gottakeep walking and learn these
things.
SPEAKER_03 (15:29):
I love that your mind went there because my mind
went same place, oppositedirection, because I've noticed
myself when I'm in like this,like we go through seasons,
right?
If I get myself in this rut ofenvy, and like I wish I had
these things, or I wish I wasable to do this, or I wish um
like you see some family onlinegoing on their fifth vacation or
(15:51):
something, and you're like, Idon't get to spend any of that
quality time with my kid, and Isit there and I worry about that
and stuff like that, and whatmeanwhile my kids are playing
outside alone, and that thatenvy and fear, and because of
the thoughts, they led toemotions.
Now the actions, rather thandoing the right thing and just
spending quality time with mykids that they're going to
remember, just because it's notout of town or doing something
(16:13):
fancy, doesn't mean they're notgoing to like enjoy this and
remember this and things likethat.
Yeah, I strip those things awayfrom my family because of that.
And it's like you said, catchingthose thoughts early and taking
them captive and letting theLord r renew your mind and being
like, hey, wow, I thought ofthis and I wasn't even I wasn't
(16:34):
being grateful for what you haveprovided me.
Like, I'm off at one o'clock inthe afternoon.
Yeah, I go in at five, but I'vebeen doing it for two years, so
I'm used to waking up at four atthis point, and so I'm off at
one, one thirty.
I pick the kids up.
I I get to pick my kids up everysingle day from school.
That's a luxury most peopledon't have.
It's a chore at the same time.
(16:55):
Some days I'm like, I gotta gosit in that pickup line.
I'm like, this is terrible.
I mean Allison got into it onetime.
She's off Mondays, and I haveto, and I worked on that Monday,
and I go home and I'm like, hey,will you get the kids?
And she's like, Well, I'm doingthis and this.
And I came home so frustrated.
And I was like, you were off allday long, and then I had to work
eight hours and then go sit inthe car line and pick up the
(17:16):
kids, and then I got this, andshe's like, Wow, okay.
And like we had a little littlechat about it, a little thing.
And I was 100% wrong.
Like, I allowed my emotion mythoughts to make me feel these
emotions, which made me want tomiss out on a half an hour of me
just sitting around with my son.
SPEAKER_04 (17:37):
Should have texted me, I would have told you we
were wrong.
I'll be sure to do that.
SPEAKER_01 (17:41):
Could have saved a half hour.
SPEAKER_04 (17:45):
Uh well, I think even with like um fear and envy,
I think it was in it's also inweek two where they talk about
like uh separating convictionand condemnation.
And like to break it apart,conviction from what I could
tell in the sermon was it'ssomething that draws us toward
(18:05):
God and leads us to repentance,and then condemnation attacks
your identity, keeps us trappedin shame, and pushes us away
from God.
And I think even when I firststarted going to your guys' life
group, I feel like I still livedunder this veil of condemnation
in a sense where I didn't allowscripture to speak to me as much
as it has been over the pastcouple years.
(18:28):
Um but something I think aboutuh as I've grown is I feel like
through the word it it tearsthat veil a little bit where it
gives you more judgment.
And I was actually leaningtowards 2 Timothy um 1.7 when it
talks about that God has notgiven us a spirit of fear, but
one of power, love, and soundjudgment.
(18:49):
And I think that in our walk, ifwe can rely back on scripture
and live in his word, like thatjudgment for me is like it
allows me to kind ofdifferentiate between am I
hearing conviction or am Ihearing condemnation?
And there's a lot of times whereI felt in my walk I was speaking
condemnation on myself, yeah,forgetting what Romans 8.1 tells
(19:10):
you.
Yep.
So I really loved how this kindof all tied into it because I
feel like, like I said, just inmy early walk, I feel like I was
just speaking so muchcondemnation over myself.
SPEAKER_03 (19:20):
That's where all the guilt and condemnation comes
from.
It's never coming from the Lord.
Like, like you started with, ifit's if it's from the Lord and
it's conviction, it's like, hey,that's not the right thing for
you.
But if you're thinking, wow, I'ma failure, that's not the Lord.
Yeah, like the Lord is going tocome to you in a way that is um
(19:41):
beneficial.
Like He'll be strict, he'll laydown the law, he'll tell you.
SPEAKER_04 (19:45):
But that was the hardest struggle.
Like the what you just said thatI'm a failure part, because
there was so many times, likejust as a dad, when I look at
like where we are, instead ofbeing grateful for where we are
and what we have, because uhwe're blessed.
And like I look at it now and Ican see that we're blessed, but
before, like, I would look atit, and then like you were
saying, you'd go on Facebook andyou'd see all these extravagant
(20:05):
vacations and these giant homesand everything else, and I'm
like, where did I fail?
That like I'm here and they'rethere, but I'm like, I didn't
fail, like God's given me what Ineed, and I need to be okay with
that.
SPEAKER_03 (20:15):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:18):
What do you guys think about that?
Yeah, um, for sure, I thinksometimes it's sometimes it's
hard to discern um convictionand condemnation, and I think
this definitely um is iscorrelated with the renewal of
the mind.
Um, I think you know, from myexperience, you know, um my
relationship with my father wasdisconnected and he was very
(20:42):
like, you know, or if I wasdoing good in wrestling, life
was good.
And so so I know from myexperience personally that
performance-based mindset kindof got pulled into my faith.
And so you find yourself, youknow, condemning more because
you're chasing like thisperfectionism, and I'm sure
there's others listening to thisthat that struggle with that.
Um, and we just have to rememberlike not only is Christ our
(21:05):
bridegroom king, but we're alsoGod's children, he's also a
loving father, the perfectfather.
Um, and so that's sometimesthat's a barrier to relate to
him.
Like we have to remember he'snot just loving and merciful,
like he is love, like he ismercy.
So he's never never condemningus.
Um, you know, I I think ofPeter, right?
(21:27):
He denies him and he comes andrestores him immediately.
There was not even when Peterfalls in the water, it's not
like you know, you goon.
He's like, Where's your faith?
But he picks him up, and it'salways restoration and
encouragement.
So that's been a struggle ofmine too, you know.
It's you get into this, uh youlike put your these expectations
(21:49):
on yourself that I don't thinkanyone's putting, expect God's
not putting on us for sure.
Um and those things can createguilt and and anxiety and um and
things like that.
SPEAKER_04 (22:00):
And I'm glad you brought that up because I think
they what was that, week four,where he kind of talks there was
ideas in week four, I think,about um things that Christians
are struggling with in terms oflike trying to earn God's
approval instead of living fromacceptance.
Um and there were some pointsthat I bulleted that uh it
creates being burnout, shame,performance-based faith, or
(22:21):
fear-driven obedience.
And I just made a note formyself, like you know, we've
been talking in Life Group aboutum because we're in the book of
James right now, so we've beentalking about because this is
where you're gonna get into thethe faith and works talk, um and
just being able to have thatmindset that we don't live a
certain way to strive or earnsalvation, but because of that
(22:43):
salvation and being freed,because of that we live a
different way because we've beencreated into a new man.
Um so I'm actually yeah, I'mglad you brought that up because
it I think those are good pointsto not get tricked into that
idea that it's all based offyour performance.
SPEAKER_01 (23:00):
Yeah, no, I I love that verse, and I think if we if
we focus like solely on Christ,um then it's like perfect love.
I love perfect love drives outfear.
Um isn't it somewhere in 1 John,you know, and because fear has
to do with punishment.
Um we didn't do anything todeserve it.
Um Christ died for us while wewere still in sin.
(23:21):
Completely, complete enemies ofGod.
I had no, I was I mocked him inmy everyday life, you know.
I used to make fun of people whoI would call them Jesus freaks.
And I was one of those guys.
And in the middle of all ofthat, completely undeserving, he
still called me by name becauseI was his.
And so, you know, it's from thatplace, I think, if we focus and
dwell in our minds on that love,that literal perfect love, um
(23:46):
can't even explain it, will justproduce good fruit, you know.
Um and then the striving, I itmight have been might have been
Pastor Ryan that said this to meor Kylie's dad, but um, you
know, you go out and look on thetrees, like you never see a
branch striving for fruit.
It just is there.
You never see a branchperforming and trying to do all
(24:08):
these extra things, and it's notworried about producing fruit,
it's just there, it just sitsthere in the vine, and we're
supposed to do the same thing.
Um but practically it'sdifficult, right?
Because we have all thesethoughts and emotions that are
telling us another thing.
SPEAKER_03 (24:22):
But the thing about that, like especially when like
don't get me wrong, you sin, youneed to repent, you need to go
to the Lord, you need to youneed to correct it.
Um but we never catch God offguard by our sin.
Yeah, like we're not God's notlike, oh, he did that, like I
can't what?
Like, I didn't see that onecoming.
Like, no, it's like, oh yeah, Ifigured that was gonna happen.
(24:43):
And it's oh look, it is thattime.
It was time for you to do that.
I didn't realize that.
And so we when we get in thisguilt and we get this, we're
scared to go to God.
We're scared, like at timeswe're like, I don't, I don't, I
wouldn't give that type offorgiveness.
I'm broken.
I like when someone wrongs me,I'm like Ryan talked about like
(25:05):
when he's cut off on the highwayand he's like so angry, and
people Joy's reminding him thathe's a pastor.
Like it's you you you feel thisdebt that needs to be paid, and
you're like, how dare you?
And you think like I'm supposedto go back to God and just
receive that like when I wouldnever?
And the answer is yes, becausewe're broken, and everything
(25:28):
like when it comes to returningback to God and coming back to
um coming back to repentanceafter we sin or after we screw
up, it's everything that'stelling us not to is just the
brokenness in us.
(25:48):
Everything that thinks I'm notworth it, I I'm I'm a sinner,
I'm gonna sin again, I'm a hedoesn't want me back, like
that's all so broken because itis so like you said, it's it's
hard to even explain the type oflove that God has for us.
And like we see it, um, you cansee it in some ways with your
(26:09):
own children that like, yeah,James, he can drive me up a
wall.
Like he runs up.
I think he kicked uh my littleaircast like four times today
already.
I got home at like 3.15 and Ileft my house at 5.30, and four
times he's kicked this thing,and I'm just like, I'm gonna
throw you at this point.
And but I'm gonna go home, I'mgonna hug him, I'm gonna tuck
(26:31):
him in for bed.
We're gonna watch our roll forsoda on TikTok.
It's gonna be a great time.
And it's but that doesn't evencompare to how the love that God
has for us.
Um one thing, this is off topicthan the love that God has for
us, is Brian's recommendation tobuild your truth, and I think it
was Tim.
(26:51):
Tim's recommendation to buildyour truth sermon that when you
are feeling emotions and youneed um for every one of your
out of out of control emotions,you look up some verses for
that.
A great tool that I utilizedlike crazy in college.
It's uh website called OpenBible Info.
I think it's openbible.info.
(27:13):
And you can literally searchGoogle and say, what does the
Bible say about insert thetopic?
Right.
And so if I was looking forverses on a topic and I'm at and
I'm just like, I can't think ofanything, nothing's coming to
mind, I would say, what does theBible say about abortion?
Or what does the Bible say aboutuh predestination?
And I would go to open Bibleinfo and it's literally just
(27:34):
verses.
It gives doesn't give context.
I think it's an ESV umtranslation, but it's um which
is a fine translation, but thechurch just typically uses CSB
when we preach, and so if that'syour thing, you may not love it,
but um it's just verses.
It doesn't explain them, itdoesn't give any context.
It's just someone has said thatthis has to do with that topic.
(27:55):
And so, like, what does theBible say about envy?
Open Bibleinfo.com.
Look it up and use that to buildyour truth sermon.
Read what scripture says aboutit.
Uh, what does the Bible sayabout my anger?
What does the Bible say about uhguilt?
What does the Bible say aboutthis?
Use using that as a tool to helpbuild those um truth sermons is
a great option.
(28:16):
And I saw that note in there.
I wanted to make sure I threwthat out.
I've told Allison, Allison'staking some classes at Liberty,
and she's asked me, she's like,what are some verses that are
about this?
And I'm like, I've told you fourtimes now, Allison.
Open Bible info, like it's thebest website just to get verses
on a topic.
SPEAKER_04 (28:33):
I know I kind of want to figure out how to use, I
mean, total it's on topic withwhat you were talking about, but
I want to figure out how to uselogos more to do the sermon
building stuff because I knowthere's like a whole study
section of logos that you canput certain words in and it'll
just bring up all the verseswith that.
Um I also use my um ThompsonChain reference Bible because
you it like topic by topic,it'll tell you every book and
(28:56):
chapter that that theologicalidea is located in.
Yeah, which is awesome.
SPEAKER_03 (29:01):
I was talking to Dave Gamble, he's my
brother-in-law, um, about he'sbeen coming over my house to
pick up his kids.
I've been picking up his kidsfrom school, and we'll just get
into theology conversations andwe'll discuss these things.
And I always thought Logos, Ifound out about it when I was at
when I started working at thechurch, um, but he actually has
a logos account.
(29:22):
Logos is a website, it's kind ofum pastors use it a lot to build
sermons, but it is a greatstudies study tool.
If you're looking to like diginto the word and see what um
it's like Microsoft Word meetsuh what's the Amazon Audible,
not Audible, Kindle, like Amazonuh Microsoft Word meets Kindle
(29:44):
meets all kinds of stuff, andyou can get all this
information.
Um get the strongest concordancewith Hebrew and Greek and oh
yeah, and so if you're laid onyour Bible, if you're trying to
study scripture to see what it'sit's you the Bible says about
the emotions you're feeling orwhat the Bible says about
anything, Logos is a greatsoftware you can use.
It is a paying software, likeyou I don't think you can get it
(30:05):
for free, but I'll just throwthat tool out there too.
Why not?
You got all the tools.
SPEAKER_04 (30:10):
I'm glad you brought up the the preaching of sermon
to yourself because I feel likethere was two um two ideas that
kind of link that together forme because in one of I think it
was in it was in week one, theywere talking about uh people
treat emotions like their finalauthority.
And if we if we would just buildsermons to preach to ourselves
(30:33):
and rely more on the word, wewould realize that most of those
things we find are authority inour emotions are somehow
combated by reading scripture.
SPEAKER_03 (30:43):
I had this old pastor, um, he was my youth
pastor, and I went to a churchthat at the time, um, it was an
older generation that was mostlythere, and so there was still
not that you should disrespectthe Bible, but anything that was
um mildly not reverent, notdisrespectful, but just not
(31:06):
incredibly reverent, it wouldlike throw them off.
And he had this illustrate asermon illustration one time
when he was talking about umliving under the authority of
the Bible or living above theauthority of the Bible.
If you're living above theauthority of the Bible, you're
making your own rules, youremotions are deciding what you
do, your emotions tell you whereto lead.
And the way he just got everyoneto get the point was he tossed
(31:27):
his Bible onto the ground andthen stood on top of it.
And he's like, I'm living abovethe authority of the Bible, and
this is what you look like whenyou do this.
If we have this reverence forthe Bible, this book, the great
book, and you have all thatreverence, but you're not living
like the Bible is the authorityover your life, this is you,
(31:48):
this is how you God is lookingdown at you, that you're
standing on the word that He hasgiven you.
And then He took it and he saidit on his head, and he's like,
This is living under it.
That this is the first thing,this is your guide, this is how
you should live.
And so when we allow ouremotions to dictate our actions
and we allow our emotions to beour bosses, we're no longer
living under the authority ofScripture.
We're living under the we'reliving on top of the Bible,
(32:10):
we're stepping right on it andjust walking over it.
SPEAKER_01 (32:13):
Yeah, no, for sure.
Um, I I was thinking back tosomething that uh you had said
earlier.
Um, you know, we speak a lot ofthese things over ourselves, you
know, and there's life and deathin the tongue.
Um and there's there's times toowhere, you know, when these
emotions will come in, um youknow, myself and and Kylie,
(32:33):
where do you ever just stop andquestion who's telling me this?
Like you go into a room and youfeel guilty, you you feel uh
anxious or you feel some type offear, and it's like who is
telling me this right now?
As I if I compare it to God'sword, if I find an as it it is
written statement like Jesus didwhen he was tempted in the
wilderness, I was like, who'sactually telling me this?
You know what I mean?
(32:54):
Um I saw this clip the other daytoo where this guy had said,
because I mean I'm like guiltyof this too, where like
sometimes I'll attribute creditto the enemy for like thoughts
that are probably just for me,just for my ways of thinking and
all these things.
Um but he said something he'slike the enemy can only mess
with you to the level of yourunrenewed mind.
(33:16):
And that really like struck homewith me.
I'm like, dang.
Like, and he's like, you oftenget to a point, anxiousness,
fear, guilt, envy, whatever itmight be, you find yourself in
the hole and you look and theshovel was in your hand.
You're the one who dug itbecause you're listening to your
emotions.
Your emotions are the Lord overyour life.
Um and so anyone listening likethat's just a great thing to
(33:38):
just like slow things down,like, all right, who's actually
telling me this?
Like, you know, who's telling methat I'm anxious right now?
Who's telling me that I shouldfeel guilty about something that
happened three years ago thatI'm trusting that Christ took it
on the cross?
It's like and when you you kindof can laugh it off.
You're like, who's telling?
No one's telling no one'stelling me, you know what I
mean?
Where's it coming from?
(33:58):
Um, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (34:00):
That's good.
That is really good.
We it is really easy to blamesomebody else.
Like we see that in society allthe time now.
Like it's it's not me.
I'm not having these thoughts.
I'm being told these thoughts.
And once Satan stops puttingthose thoughts in my head, then
I won't ever, I'll I'll be good,I won't be anxious anymore.
But at to some level, like weare we are choosing that.
(34:21):
We are choosing that anxiety,we're choosing to be angry about
that.
Um, when I was younger, I wasterrible at being angry.
I I was the worst at it.
I would my brother would driveme absolutely insane.
I'd get so angry, and then he'djust mess with me a little bit,
and I'm just laughing.
And I'm just like, no, I'msupposed to be mad at you, and
I'd try to be all angry again,and it never worked.
Um but like as I got older, Inoticed there for a while that I
(34:44):
was just like grumpy.
Like I was just like, angry'snot being angry is not hard.
How was that ever difficult forme?
Like, look at all these thingspeople did wrong.
Like, I should be angry, andit's I'm telling myself that
it's there's no one else tellingme that.
SPEAKER_04 (34:58):
Yeah.
Oh, and I liked how you broughtup, you know, some a lot of
times it is like just our ownthoughts, but at the same time,
I I think I brought it up on oneof them was like I love that
mindset, but then I read a booklike Screw Tape Letters, and I'm
like, what thoughts are my own?
I'm like, they make it so forsure, so deceiving that
sometimes it's like, is this mythought or is this like just
(35:21):
something that's being plantedin my mind right now that I need
to just cast this out anyway?
SPEAKER_03 (35:25):
Well, the thing is, regardless of if it is the
demon, if it's screw tape comingup to you and saying these
things, it's don't get justbecause someone says something,
we're the only ones that givethat any power whatsoever.
If you are if you are saved,right, even if you're not like
(35:45):
if you still got a long way togo in the sanctification, right?
Like if your your mind is notrenewed, yeah, even then we have
power to be like you're you'renothing.
SPEAKER_04 (35:56):
That's why I really liked like where we went with
it, because despite whether it'sfrom the enemy or of your own
mind, like ultimately theshovel's still in your hand,
because the only power it has isthe power you give it.
Exactly.
Yeah, that's I really like howyou tied that in like that.
SPEAKER_01 (36:11):
Yeah, I think like um if we genuinely, um always
speaking of myself, we genuinelywoke up in the morning and
walked in our minds and ourhearts, but it's like we're we
were talking about this at LifeGroup uh a week or two ago, uh,
but I think it's in Hebrews, butlike we're brothers and sisters
with Christ, we're co-heirs inChrist, you know.
(36:32):
We think of the prodigal son,the father says, Everything you
have, everything I have isyours.
It's like we actually walk inthat, like I'm seated with
Christ in the heavenly places.
Um the Holy Spirit is like if wereally walked in that some of
these thoughts and theseemotions would just be like the
easiest thing to easiest thingto like brush off, you know what
(36:53):
I mean?
SPEAKER_03 (36:53):
Oh, for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (36:54):
Um and it's always just that that doubt, and it it
comes with emotions.
That's something too, like we wewe focus um a lot on like you
know what thoughts the enemy ismaybe shooting in our minds, and
ultimately we have the choice,and sometimes I think it's the
same with emotions, like thesethese evil forces, you know, we
wrestle now flesh and blood.
Sometimes it can be emotions,like sometimes it might not be
(37:17):
you that's kind of influencingthis, you know, cloud of anger
or anxiety over you.
Sometimes that very well can bedemonic, but you know, again, we
we have the choice to walk inauthority, um, and just be like,
I think when Jesus says, I'vegiven you all power to overcome
the enemy, trample on snakes,trample on scorpions, by no
(37:37):
means will anything harm you.
So like it's just like a louddog that barks.
And by the way, he's on a leash.
He has he has to ask, you know.
What does he say that Satan isasked to sift you like wheat?
Like he's gotta ask permissionfrom our father to do anything.
SPEAKER_03 (37:51):
So one of the biggest things I think anybody
can take from the series, andit's specifically men, right?
This is I am categorizing allmen in the same boat, is men are
generally terrible at showingemotions.
And the biggest lesson that weas men can take from this series
(38:13):
is that we need to honestlyacknowledge our emotions.
Do you know how many times thatI've been hurt or sad?
And it and Allison's like, Whyare you so angry?
Because I genuinely for a longtime, and I've talked about it
in the past, like I had to get alife coach to like figure out
how to show emotions correctly.
Like I when I we got it was fiveor six years, we had both of our
(38:34):
children before I was like,yeah, no, this isn't right.
Like, I shouldn't just be madwhen I when I feel hurt, when I
feel um unloved, or when I'mfeeling these negative things,
everything would come out asanger.
Um, and that is a genuine issuewith men.
And I think I was talking to mysister about it this week,
actually, that men are so out oftouch with their emotions
(38:57):
because they're so scared to umfeel weak.
SPEAKER_04 (39:02):
It is not weakness to feel hurt, and I think a lot
of that stems from societalissues because it's like imposed
on you from childhood intoadulthood, like you're expected
to come off as a certain way,and if you don't, then it's not
accepted.
SPEAKER_03 (39:17):
Yeah.
And there's there's definitely afine line.
Like, we as men have to be ableto capture our emotions and like
situations of an emergency andthings like that.
Like, right, we should be ableto be brave, right?
But being brave means you arescared inherently.
And so, um, just like if you'relistening to this and you're
like, well, I don't even knowwhat to talk about.
I don't ever feel envy, I don'tever feel that.
(39:39):
Check out, take a beat whenyou're angry about something and
ask yourself like, am I actuallyangry at this?
Am I mad at them for having thatthing?
Or am I just wanting it myself?
And is that envy?
Yeah, like that's there's youcan take everything.
Like, I could be hurt becauseAllison ignored me today or
didn't text me back all daybecause she was busy and I'm
(40:00):
like, oh, you didn't talk to meall day, la da da da da da, and
I'm angry.
That can come off as anger, oram I actually just hurt because
I feel unacknowledged orunimportant?
And if you take the time tonavigate those, you're able to
one, like discuss it with yourspouse or discuss it with
somebody, even your boss, right?
Like if your boss is driving youup a wall and you're always
(40:21):
angry at him, is it becausethey're talking down to you?
Well, how does that make youfeel?
And it's I think it's one of thebiggest things that men can
learn.
Yeah, because I I would call itan epidemic of being able to
show emotions.
There, yeah, it is verydifficult for men.
SPEAKER_01 (40:39):
Yeah, I I agree.
Um, and I think they just, youknow, the way I was raised, I'm
sure there's some many otherpeople, especially I think
people are probably a littleolder, where it was like, eh,
tough it up.
SPEAKER_04 (40:49):
Did you see how he looked right at me?
SPEAKER_03 (40:50):
Oh, eye contact.
Wow.
I loved it.
SPEAKER_04 (40:53):
I mean, you are like and his hand gesture was towards
me.
SPEAKER_03 (40:57):
Granted, I did say I'm like, oh, I'm just a year
older than you when before westarted this podcast.
But yeah, no, he definitelylooked you right in the ass.
SPEAKER_01 (41:08):
Um, but yeah, we're we're told to just tough it out
and to uh to not show emotion.
Um and it's just if one, it'snot healthy, you know, at all.
And I think um you're speakingof all these emotions, I think
what happens is like, you know,as a kid, you get these things
instilled in you, don't showemotion this, don't cry this,
tough it out.
You're a man, you're supposed tobe tough, and albeit those
(41:31):
things are true, we gotta be arock in the head for our
families.
Um, but I think eventually, ifnot dealt with and brought into
the light, um, and replaced withhumility, like it just turns
into pride.
And I think pride and I don'tknow if anger is on here, we're
talking about anger just now,but pride and anger, I think,
are like a a two-in-one shampooor something, you know what I
(41:52):
mean?
Like they come two-in-oneshampoo.
They're like they're together,you know.
I like Kylie and I had a little,you know, riff the other day,
and I I felt super convictedafter it, and I I like can
confessed and was like, to behonest with you, like I was just
arguing for arguing's sake.
I just wanted to be right.
Like, I was just my pride, andthen pride turns into sizzling
(42:13):
anger, and now you're like,you're like, how the heck did I
even get here?
Oh yeah.
I think pride is such a a sneakyone, um, such a sneaky one that
gets in there.
So it's like sometimes it'sreally hard to be to be lowly
and humble in those situations.
Um stinking pride, man.
SPEAKER_04 (42:30):
Stinking pride.
I think me and you are a lot oflike in terms of how it was,
because I think it was again atthe beginning of our life group
when I told you like all growingup, you know, I I grew up in a
single parent house, and it wasone of those like I wasn't
allowed to show emotions.
So as soon as I would startcrying, it was go to your room
until you're done crying.
It was like this constant ideathat I wasn't allowed to express
(42:52):
emotions, yeah.
So it was extremely damaging asI got older between my
friendships and then even movinginto marriage.
Like, I'm gonna out Erica alittle bit here, but she was
like a public crier, like shewould choose a day of the week
and she would just cry in theshower.
And I thought it was theweirdest thing in the world, and
I didn't know how to interactwith it at all.
(43:13):
So and even with the kids, like,still to this day, I'm I'm a lot
better than I was, but there'sstill to this day where like the
kids will just start crying, andI'm like, I don't know what to
do.
Like, I don't know how to handlethese emotions.
I'm like, my mom's probably alittle bit better at this than I
am.
But it's like it took me a longtime, like to even myself be
able to express emotions, andnow I'm like this blubbering
(43:35):
baby of scrolling TikTok andweeping at these sad videos that
come out.
I'm like, where did this comefrom?
SPEAKER_03 (43:41):
That's called overcompensation.
You went too far the other way.
SPEAKER_04 (43:44):
I think it's like the overflow of what never came
out before.
Oh goodness, it's justoverflowing at this point.
That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03 (43:50):
But I whacked the heads of the men a little bit
there, but the other half ofthat is that if a guy, and it
can probably would be yourhusband, but any guy.
Right, if any guy comes up toyou and says, like, hey, um, and
they're clearly uncomfortable,and they're like, I felt hurt
when this happened, and theysound like a blubbering idiot,
and they are trying to figureout the words to say, it is the
(44:14):
responsibility of a woman inthat situation to honor that as
best as they possibly can.
Um, me and Allison have talkedabout it because I like when
this whole thing came out withme not being great with emotions
and showing them, like I had togenuinely like practice.
Like, hey, I'm uncomfortable andI don't know how to say this, so
I need you just to sit there andlet me just word vomit and I'll
(44:36):
probably somehow insult you, butlet me get it out and then we
can break it down.
And there were times where shedropped a ball, and I was like,
This is why I don't shareanything with you.
I'm never doing it again.
Like, this sucks.
I'm shoving it down again.
Cool.
And like I'm genuinely like it'sit would be like a panic, like
general, genuine fear.
And when I had that conversationwith my sister this week, and
(44:59):
how men have to like learn toshow these emotions, the thing I
said to her was like, but whenour wives have to honor that,
and you're gonna hear thingsthat like you don't want to
hear, that you've hurt yourhusband, you've made him feel
this way, you've done thisthing, and it sucks.
And it but it is that just likeif you're you come up to your
husband and you say, Hey, I washurt when when you did this, and
(45:20):
you expect him to be like, Oh, Ineed to fix this, it needs to be
that same way.
And because stubbornness, uhpride, that's what that is,
like, right?
If you're if you're like, oh no,you're just failing that, or
you're wrong, or this, that'snot what I said, that's not how
I said it.
That's just pride of trying tobe right.
And you may not have said itlike that, he may have received
it wrong, and you can have thatconversation in a loving way.
(45:43):
Uh, but if I'm gonna challengemen to have those conversations
with their wives, have thoseconversations with their
significant others, with theirchildren, even and and those uh
in general, it is imperativethat I also give the give the
females a challenge of hey, bewilling to sit down and for the
long haul conversations.
SPEAKER_04 (46:01):
And I like how you brought that up because I feel
like it it was such I think itwas more of you so it is normal
for men to be that for theirspouse.
Yeah.
So like, for instance, I mean weall know Erica, she's a little
anxious.
So every now and then I was likeher venting port when whenever
anxiety would creep in,whatever.
But it I think it shocked herthe first day that I ever came
(46:23):
across that way, because she'slike, Well, this isn't you,
like, where's this coming from?
But it I like how you worded itbecause all it takes is one bad
reaction to a man trying toexpress emotion or whatever's
going on, and that it almostlike just shuts you off.
You're not gonna want to do itagain because you had that bad
interaction.
For sure.
So I like how you brought thatup.
SPEAKER_01 (46:43):
Um speaking of that too, I think and there's uh
verse somewhere, maybe it's inthe letter to Corinth or
Ephesus, but it says, um, youknow, wives point your husbands
to Christ with your actions andbehaviors.
And so I think that would belike a perfect verse for um any
any wives listening to to go on,and then also for men too, like
(47:04):
um our prayers can be hindered.
Like it says that right after wecan have our prayers hindered
from the way that we treat ourwives.
We should love our wives as welove ourselves.
Um that's something that wasconvicting me.
It's like, man, like he like hereally might straight up oppose
me in my prayer life because ofthem being bitter towards my
wife.
Um and speaking of hinderingprayers, all these emotions, not
(47:27):
having a cap on these andletting them rule over our life,
I think it significantly hindersour prayer life.
Why does it um you know ifyou're if you're angry, if
you're fearful, and then kind oflike circling it to what we're
just talking about, um men notreally wanting to express their
emotions in the prayer room inthat secret place with God, he
wants you like your your thetruth, he wants the rawness in
(47:48):
your heart, not like I've donethis before, especially when I
was you know first started mywalk.
You want these elegant,beautiful, I sound like the
psalmist David, you know, let meget my harp out.
Um he's like, tell me you'remad.
I think Tim did this too, liketell him you're angry.
Oh yeah.
Um tell him you're hurt, tellhim you're feeling these things.
Um and as men, like you know, weneed, especially with the Lord,
(48:10):
to come into those places and bevery vulnerable because he sees
anything that that's going on inthere.
Um and if your heart'scondemning you, it says in in
1st or 2 John, if even ourhearts condemn us, God is
greater than our hearts and heknows everything.
He knows everything that's goingon inside of our heart.
Um yeah, and um I don't knowabout you guys, um, but my
(48:31):
prayer life has been somethingI've been trying to focus on uh
a lot more recently, you know,as I think there's times in our
life where either our thoughts,our emotions, um, and all these
things, and I think it couldjust be like uh, you know, it's
good like you're it's a symptomof your soul, just not being
deep in connection.
Um sometimes like I I read theword, but that's kind of it.
(48:53):
I'm like, well, man, you know,like have I really been praying?
Like putting my phone down, nodistractions, and just like just
sitting, you know, at the feetof the Lord.
Just God, you're just holy.
Like that, there's the verylittle bit, you're just holy.
Like there's nothing else.
I just making sure I'm inalignment with his will.
Um and so I don't know about youguys, it's something you
struggle with or something youwork on, but it's just something
(49:13):
I I've been trying to focus onrecently.
Um I think I'm seeing somefruits of it, and I'm excited to
continue to build it.
So I mean, I think Jesus wouldgo and pray for hours, you know.
And I think in Mark it also saystoo, like he would wake up and
it would still be dark, and hewould go off and he would pray.
I mean, how much more if the sonof man, the son of God, was like
(49:34):
praying for hours.
One, I'd love to know everythinghe was praying about.
Oh, for sure.
I could like a little recordingof like you know, anything.
I think we can see like, youknow, a glimpse in Psalm 22, but
he's like crying out from thecross.
It's like a differentcircumstance, but Psalm 22 is
beautiful, by the way.
Yeah, uh one of my favorites.
Um but yeah, I'm just gonnathink like, man, how much should
(49:54):
we we be praying?
Paul says unceasing prayer, butit's the flip side of the coin.
SPEAKER_03 (49:59):
There is the um there's the law side and there's
the the relationship side.
And you can you can get the lawside down in the in the word,
spending time in the word,figuring out what you should do,
being able to like sword racesis what they used to be called,
and you can find that verseright where it's at, and like
you're it's a race, and like youcan be great legally and um
(50:22):
academically, but you cancompletely miss the relational
side, and that's that only comesfrom prayer and worship.
And it it is everyone stru hasstruggled at times, um, myself
included, where I'm like, man,it's been I remember one time I
prayed, might have been at youthgroup, and I was like, I don't
(50:44):
remember praying in this entireweek until I prayed in front of
them again.
I'm like, that's a huge issue.
Yeah, um that is a big issue,and it was it was a busy week,
things were going on.
It wasn't like I was like, no,I'm not talking to God, it just
wasn't my top priority.
And if I went to Allison and waslike, hey, you're not my top
priority this week.
Sorry, that's not gonna help therelationship at all.
(51:07):
And so it's it's relational thatwe have to have that time and
spend it together.
Um, but we are over fiveminutes, and so we gotta wrap
up.
Um, final thoughts?
SPEAKER_04 (51:17):
Um, I guess uh what I marked is the thing that I
really loved in here, because Itry to think back at how much
time I spent in the envy idea,and I put on here that uh one of
the ideas was envy counts otherpeople's blessings, but
gratitude counts your own.
Um and I was thinking aboutJames because we're in the book
of James in our life group rightnow, but um the whole idea of
(51:40):
considering it a great joy, mybrothers and sisters, whenever
you experience various trials,and then it goes on to say that
because you know that thetesting of your faith produces
endurance, and let endurancehave its full effect, so that
you may be mature and complete,lacking nothing.
So I think about that and theidea that you know, we talked
about envying over otherpeople's lives and not looking
at the gratitude in your own.
And I realize that, you know, inthe trials that he's giving us
(52:02):
in our own walk, um, it's givingus that that faith that's gonna
produce endurance, and we needto understand that in that walk,
he's not gonna leave us lackinganything.
Yeah.
So like reading that and thentrying to pair it up with where
we're at uh in James, I justthat was one of my key takeaways
is trying to reflect daily.
(52:23):
And actually the prayer lifething is a big one because I
struggle with that just in time.
So it's like I need to learnthroughout the day in those
downtimes that I have to try anddedicate more to prayer life.
Yeah.
Um because I think that's that'sa big uh big bridge to to close
(52:44):
the gaps on a lot of thesethings.
SPEAKER_01 (52:46):
Yeah, for sure.
Something that that's helped me.
Speaking of emotions, um I Iwatched this this clip of
someone, I forget who it was,but our our emotions are always
deceiving us.
And so I felt this where there'ssometimes if I am praying and
I'm not like led to tears or Idon't feel super moved, I might
go with some bad prayer.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like it doesn't feel like I'mdeep in my spiritual life or
(53:07):
praying, and that's massivedeception there because that
does my emotions have no effecton God hearing what I just said
to him.
Um, but speaking of that though,something has helped me to feel
a little more lifted as I'lllike play like an instrumental
on my phone, you know, even ifit's five minutes, and I'll just
kind of let myself just sit andponder on the Lord, and that's
(53:28):
helped me go into prayer.
Um, so if that's something thatmight help you or anyone
listening, um there's a couplegood ones you can find on
Spotify.
But I think David played theharp.
He played the harp, and Daniel Ithink did the same thing to lift
his spirit.
SPEAKER_04 (53:41):
So I actually just to close out on this idea, I
just picked up a book that'scalled uh I think it's called
like praying the names of God.
It's like 52-week devotional,yeah, but it's every name of
God, and then examples from theBible of when he was called
those names, and then it ties aprayer into it.
Wow.
So it's it's interesting, likein terms of like provider, um,
(54:03):
you know, what whichever nameyou go by, you think of
something in your life thatpairs with that name, and then
you pray to God in that name andthank him for being that.
That's cool.
I like that.
It was interesting.
SPEAKER_03 (54:15):
Good stuff.
Well, I think uh we're gonnawrap it up here.
I think we could probably go onfor another hour or two.
SPEAKER_04 (54:22):
This is a good conversation.
SPEAKER_03 (54:24):
I like it.
This sermon series, I think, wasum top tier to say the least.
It was it was an excellent one.
Um so if if you're strugglingwith your emotions and you're
allowing them to be your bossrather than your servant, um,
it's time to go to God.
Start with some prayer, seewhere um He needs to He needs to
step in and and uh see where youneed to step up.
(54:46):
Um our boss, our emotions shouldbe our servants.
And God gave us those emotions,they're important, they're good,
you should feel them.
Um, but they're not always true,and we shouldn't allow them to
completely control our lives.
And so um hopefully this you gotsomething from this podcast.
Thank you so much for jumping onwith us, Ethan.
We really appreciate it.
You had so much good stuff tosay.
(55:07):
I loved it.
SPEAKER_01 (55:08):
Thanks for having me, guys.
I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_03 (55:09):
No problem at all.
We'll see you guys next month.
We love you.
Have a great month.
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