November 4, 2025 • 18 mins
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The responsibilities of being a parent don't end with making sure your kids are fed and clothed, nor do they end when your children reach a certain age. One of the most important things we do as parents is to help them learn how to manage their emotions, especially when navigating relationships.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome back to a Magical Life.
I'm your host, magic Barclay,and today we're talking about
helping young people navigaterelationships and strong
feelings.
Now, disclaimer here, I'm goingto talk about one of my kids,
and yes, I have his permissionto do so.
So.
Buckle up, let's go.
Feelings.
(01:03):
What are they?
Feelings are complicated.
That's what they are.
Feelings are messages from ourlimbic brain, so the center of
our brain taking informationfrom our reptilian brain, which
is at the base, at the amygdala,and the reptilian brain tells us
if we are safe or not.
(01:24):
So.
Information comes from there toour limbic brain where we have
the emotions form.
Now that's fine if you're anadult and you can handle your
emotions, but our young peopleoften cannot.
So babies will have, andtoddlers will have tantrums
(01:44):
'cause they don't understandemotions and big, strong
feelings.
When they're little kids, theymight act up.
When they're teens, they mightrebel.
They might be angry when they'reyoung adults.
All of a sudden they're throwninto the adult world and they're
still having big, big feelingsand then throw in the first
(02:09):
relationships.
And this can be a really, reallyconfusing time for our young
ones.
And so today I really wanna talkabout through those life stages.
And in two young adulthood, howcan we as parents, how can we,
as leaders of our families andof our communities, how can we
(02:30):
be supportive withoutoverbearing?
How can we be guiding withoutbeing judgmental?
And how can we navigate or helpour young people navigate
through that?
You know we have to do that too,so let's get into it.
(02:52):
Babies and toddlers.
Now babies and toddlers don'tunderstand what's going on.
Their limbic brain is workingjust the same as US adults, but
they really don't get it.
But they're at the boundarystages.
They're learning theirboundaries.
They're learning what behavioris acceptable and what is not,
(03:15):
and where to draw the line.
As parents, it's our job toguide them.
It's also our job not to reactto them.
Now, easier said than done, whenyou've got a toddler that's
pushing your buttons and you areso done with that, it can be
really hard, but we need to trynot to react negative.
(03:42):
In fact, we need to, at thattime, dig deep and be role
models because they are spongessoaking everything up and
learning from us.
So babies and toddlers, let themfeel the feelings.
Try not to react.
And if you do need to react,take yourself out of the
situation and help them learnboundaries.
(04:06):
They're learning how to form.
Friendships at that stage.
It may be at kindergarten, itmay be at daycare.
It may be in community care.
It may just be in the home witholder or younger children and
with pets and with yourself andyour partner.
But they need to learn.
Let them learn.
(04:28):
Young kids.
Well young kids, they're gettingtheir first waves of hormones
coming through, setting them upto be pre-teens, and they're
often in their first big socialsituations, be it school
homeschool groups.
Be it community groups, be itsports, they are finally thrust
(04:49):
into a community, and this ishard for them because they don't
even know who they are yet, letalone navigating 20 or 30 other
little personalities.
Not to mention all those otherlittle personalities have
parents too who may or may notbe exhibiting.
(05:10):
Good behavior.
They may be responding to what'sgoing on.
They may not have a grasp ontheir little one's.
Emotions.
So again, boundaries.
This is a time of learning.
These little walking spongesneed to know what they can do,
(05:31):
what they can't do.
It's very important, especiallyin this day and age, that we
commit ourselves as parents tohelping our young ones, because
guess what?
Before the age of seven, most ofyour feelings are starting to
develop most of what you arelearning, of fitting into a
(05:55):
group behaving.
Being a good person is formingbefore the age of seven.
So in this childhood phase, wereally need to provide safety
for them.
We need to provideunderstanding, we need to
provide support.
We need to just provide goodrole models.
(06:18):
And if that's not possible inyour family, I get it.
If you are the only good rolemodel for them in a sea of.
Waste, and I'm going to saywaste because I don't wanna call
people names, but you need to bethe shining beacon for your kids
(06:40):
going into pre-teens.
Well, you know, their bodies arechanging.
Their minds are changing.
They're starting to formindependence, and you need to go
with the flow now.
I will let you know I am an AGrade helicopter.
Mummy always was, probablyalways will be, but instead of
(07:04):
me just doing everything for mykids, I let them explore,
especially when it comes toemotions, thoughts, and
feelings, because I'm not alwaysgonna be.
So I need to make sure that theyknow how to self-regulate.
I need to make sure that theyknow what is acceptable in
(07:24):
society and what they need toaccept or deny for themselves.
Past preteens, we are goingright into puberty.
So yeah, wild ride, isn't it?
Any parents out there shakingtheir heads nodding yes, it's
(07:44):
wild, but do you know what?
This is the time that you canstart being their friend.
This is the time that you canstart guiding them, and this is
the time where they startlooking to you more as a peer
than a parent.
Now, you do still need to parentthem.
I will let you know that theystill need to be pulled back
(08:07):
into line and they still needboundaries because.
A teen with no boundariesbecomes a street criminal, a
thug, a really nasty person, andthat then affects the rest of
society.
It's not up to schools to teachyour children what's right and
what's wrong.
(08:27):
It's not up to the police toteach your children what's right
or what's wrong.
That's your job.
That is probably your mostimportant job to make your young
people functioning well,respectful members of the
community.
(08:47):
And if you are not prepared todo that, find someone that will
for them, an auntie, an uncle, afamily friend who's got kids the
same age.
If you can't put yourself thereto be with your kids, you make
sure they've got the supportthey need.
Because guess what?
A thug on the street with aweapon, a young thug, that's a
(09:10):
parental failure.
I will be controversial and Iwill say that.
All right.
Back to the happy stuff though.
So now we've gone throughpuberty and our young ones are
starting to become young adults.
Your job's not over as a parentbecause now they're having first
(09:32):
relationships.
And I'm going to give you anexample and yes, I do have his
permission.
Just a reminder, my young fellahad a girlfriend.
Same age as him, same values ashim.
Also, we thought everyconversation was leading towards
(09:53):
permanency in a relationship.
They were talking marriage, theywere talking kids, they were
talking where they're going tolive.
They were talking everything.
And then something changed andshe started talking more and
more about her work.
Talking less and less with himabout them and not prioritizing
(10:18):
their time together.
And he came to me for advicebecause we're friends and he
asked me what I would do and Isaid, listen, I'm going to tell
you I am not the best personwith relationships.
My own track record isn'tfantastic, but.
(10:39):
If you feel this relationship isnot going 50 50 on its way
forward and that you are doingall the heavy lifting, you need
to say something.
So he did.
I've always taught my kids tostand up for what they believe
in and to my dying day, I willbe teaching them that.
(11:02):
So he did.
He had a conversation with theyoung lady and realized that.
She wanted the kids, but shedidn't necessarily want the
marriage and for his values thatis important to him.
So I congratulate him forstaying true to his values, for
(11:24):
doing what he feels right.
I will say they are still veryclose and they still talk nearly
every single day in his mind.
The doors likely closed to arelationship now, but they split
being respectful, stayingfriends, and holding similar
(11:46):
values.
In many ways, that's a healthybreakup.
I only wish I'd done that when Iwas his age.
I mean, let's be honest, he'sgot a lifelong friend now.
He's talking about, you know,when they're both parents with
other partners.
Now their kids will have friendsand you know, I really applaud
(12:08):
him on standing up for what hebelieves in.
And I think as parents, this iswhat we need to do.
We need to encourage our youngpeople to not only stay true to
their values, their corebeliefs, but to not accept.
(12:29):
Anyone that comes along becauseof scarcity, because of, I will
never find the right person if Idon't snap this one up.
And I think we really, reallyneed to help them navigate this
Now, the emotions involved inthis breakup, yes, he was sad.
And I will tell you, I wasgetting angry.
(12:52):
I very nearly messaged this girland said, you are hurting my
kid.
Watch it, but I didn't.
I respected the boundaries.
I put my helicopter mama hataside for a minute and I said to
myself, how can I support myyoung man here?
How can I support him?
So he learns valuable lessonsfrom this, and so he can move
(13:18):
with powerful tools into thefuture.
But without overstepping mybounds.
And I let him know, I'm here foryou.
I'm here to support you, but I'mnot gonna run your life for you.
He appreciated that.
Now we talk about a lot ofthings, more about relationships
than we ever did, really, and Iknow he'll make healthy choices,
(13:43):
and I said to him.
My choices in relationships havenot been as healthy.
I applaud you for this and I'mso proud of you for this.
So moving forward with youryoung people, your job as a
parent will never end.
And if you think it does, youare in a dreamland because I can
(14:06):
tell you, even into my elderlyyears, I will still be parenting
my boys.
Because they need that.
They always need that supportsystem.
They always need that shoulderto lean on.
They always need that.
You know, can I pick your brainfor a minute and just get your
opinion?
(14:28):
They're not necessarily going totake everything that you say and
run with it.
They will listen and they willbalance and weigh things up and
really play to their ownstrengths and values.
If.
You teach them to do so.
So to all the parents out therethat are wondering, how do I
(14:48):
parent my child into the future,I say, you need to do it with
grace.
You need to do it with ease.
You need to do it with respect.
You need to do it withunderstanding, and you need to
do it holistically.
So you are parenting them toguide them in their health.
(15:11):
You are parenting them to guidethem in their relationships.
You are parenting them to guidethem through community.
When you take your foot off thatpedal, things can go very wrong.
And to all the parents that tooktheir foot off the pedal way too
early, it's never too late toget that kid back.
(15:31):
It's never too late to say, doyou know what?
This is what I think is right,and here's why you shouldn't be
doing what you're doing.
Don't just say don't do it.
Give them reasons, give'emexplanations, but give them
options as well.
My young man listened to what Ihad to say.
(15:51):
He stood very true to hisvalues.
Now he has a lifelong friend inthis young lady, and that's
good.
That's great, and that'shealthy.
And he's not just snapping thefirst girl up just in case
someone else doesn't come along.
(16:11):
Because you know what?
He's got a good friend inhimself.
He's got a good friend in hisbrother, and he's got a good
friend in me and as parents.
This is part of how we helpyoung people navigate
relationships and strongfeelings.
We lead by example.
(16:31):
We admit our mistakes, and weteach and give options.
Thank you for listening to thisepisode.
I felt it was a very importantone to say, and as always,
please like, subscribe, share,and review this podcast and jump
on to Facebook at a Magical Lifepodcast.
(16:53):
Tell us what else you want tohear about.
We're recording this in a timeof turmoil, a time of community
breakdown, and as parents.
We have to take responsibility.
We have to help navigate withour kids through these
(17:14):
relationships and strongfeelings.
Thank you again for listening.
Go forth and create your magicallife.
Welcome back to a Magical Life.
I'm your host, magic Barclay,and today we're talking about
helping young people navigaterelationships and strong
feelings.
Now, disclaimer here, I'm goingto talk about one of my kids,
and yes, I have his permissionto do so.
So.
Buckle up, let's go.
Feelings.
(01:03):
What are they?
Feelings are complicated.
That's what they are.
Feelings are messages from ourlimbic brain, so the center of
our brain taking informationfrom our reptilian brain, which
is at the base, at the amygdala,and the reptilian brain tells us
if we are safe or not.
(01:24):
So.
Information comes from there toour limbic brain where we have
the emotions form.
Now that's fine if you're anadult and you can handle your
emotions, but our young peopleoften cannot.
So babies will have, andtoddlers will have tantrums
(01:44):
'cause they don't understandemotions and big, strong
feelings.
When they're little kids, theymight act up.
When they're teens, they mightrebel.
They might be angry when they'reyoung adults.
All of a sudden they're throwninto the adult world and they're
still having big, big feelingsand then throw in the first
(02:09):
relationships.
And this can be a really, reallyconfusing time for our young
ones.
And so today I really wanna talkabout through those life stages.
And in two young adulthood, howcan we as parents, how can we,
as leaders of our families andof our communities, how can we
(02:30):
be supportive withoutoverbearing?
How can we be guiding withoutbeing judgmental?
And how can we navigate or helpour young people navigate
through that?
You know we have to do that too,so let's get into it.
(02:52):
Babies and toddlers.
Now babies and toddlers don'tunderstand what's going on.
Their limbic brain is workingjust the same as US adults, but
they really don't get it.
But they're at the boundarystages.
They're learning theirboundaries.
They're learning what behavioris acceptable and what is not,
(03:15):
and where to draw the line.
As parents, it's our job toguide them.
It's also our job not to reactto them.
Now, easier said than done, whenyou've got a toddler that's
pushing your buttons and you areso done with that, it can be
really hard, but we need to trynot to react negative.
(03:42):
In fact, we need to, at thattime, dig deep and be role
models because they are spongessoaking everything up and
learning from us.
So babies and toddlers, let themfeel the feelings.
Try not to react.
And if you do need to react,take yourself out of the
situation and help them learnboundaries.
(04:06):
They're learning how to form.
Friendships at that stage.
It may be at kindergarten, itmay be at daycare.
It may be in community care.
It may just be in the home witholder or younger children and
with pets and with yourself andyour partner.
But they need to learn.
Let them learn.
(04:28):
Young kids.
Well young kids, they're gettingtheir first waves of hormones
coming through, setting them upto be pre-teens, and they're
often in their first big socialsituations, be it school
homeschool groups.
Be it community groups, be itsports, they are finally thrust
(04:49):
into a community, and this ishard for them because they don't
even know who they are yet, letalone navigating 20 or 30 other
little personalities.
Not to mention all those otherlittle personalities have
parents too who may or may notbe exhibiting.
(05:10):
Good behavior.
They may be responding to what'sgoing on.
They may not have a grasp ontheir little one's.
Emotions.
So again, boundaries.
This is a time of learning.
These little walking spongesneed to know what they can do,
(05:31):
what they can't do.
It's very important, especiallyin this day and age, that we
commit ourselves as parents tohelping our young ones, because
guess what?
Before the age of seven, most ofyour feelings are starting to
develop most of what you arelearning, of fitting into a
(05:55):
group behaving.
Being a good person is formingbefore the age of seven.
So in this childhood phase, wereally need to provide safety
for them.
We need to provideunderstanding, we need to
provide support.
We need to just provide goodrole models.
(06:18):
And if that's not possible inyour family, I get it.
If you are the only good rolemodel for them in a sea of.
Waste, and I'm going to saywaste because I don't wanna call
people names, but you need to bethe shining beacon for your kids
(06:40):
going into pre-teens.
Well, you know, their bodies arechanging.
Their minds are changing.
They're starting to formindependence, and you need to go
with the flow now.
I will let you know I am an AGrade helicopter.
Mummy always was, probablyalways will be, but instead of
(07:04):
me just doing everything for mykids, I let them explore,
especially when it comes toemotions, thoughts, and
feelings, because I'm not alwaysgonna be.
So I need to make sure that theyknow how to self-regulate.
I need to make sure that theyknow what is acceptable in
(07:24):
society and what they need toaccept or deny for themselves.
Past preteens, we are goingright into puberty.
So yeah, wild ride, isn't it?
Any parents out there shakingtheir heads nodding yes, it's
(07:44):
wild, but do you know what?
This is the time that you canstart being their friend.
This is the time that you canstart guiding them, and this is
the time where they startlooking to you more as a peer
than a parent.
Now, you do still need to parentthem.
I will let you know that theystill need to be pulled back
(08:07):
into line and they still needboundaries because.
A teen with no boundariesbecomes a street criminal, a
thug, a really nasty person, andthat then affects the rest of
society.
It's not up to schools to teachyour children what's right and
what's wrong.
(08:27):
It's not up to the police toteach your children what's right
or what's wrong.
That's your job.
That is probably your mostimportant job to make your young
people functioning well,respectful members of the
community.
(08:47):
And if you are not prepared todo that, find someone that will
for them, an auntie, an uncle, afamily friend who's got kids the
same age.
If you can't put yourself thereto be with your kids, you make
sure they've got the supportthey need.
Because guess what?
A thug on the street with aweapon, a young thug, that's a
(09:10):
parental failure.
I will be controversial and Iwill say that.
All right.
Back to the happy stuff though.
So now we've gone throughpuberty and our young ones are
starting to become young adults.
Your job's not over as a parentbecause now they're having first
(09:32):
relationships.
And I'm going to give you anexample and yes, I do have his
permission.
Just a reminder, my young fellahad a girlfriend.
Same age as him, same values ashim.
Also, we thought everyconversation was leading towards
(09:53):
permanency in a relationship.
They were talking marriage, theywere talking kids, they were
talking where they're going tolive.
They were talking everything.
And then something changed andshe started talking more and
more about her work.
Talking less and less with himabout them and not prioritizing
(10:18):
their time together.
And he came to me for advicebecause we're friends and he
asked me what I would do and Isaid, listen, I'm going to tell
you I am not the best personwith relationships.
My own track record isn'tfantastic, but.
(10:39):
If you feel this relationship isnot going 50 50 on its way
forward and that you are doingall the heavy lifting, you need
to say something.
So he did.
I've always taught my kids tostand up for what they believe
in and to my dying day, I willbe teaching them that.
(11:02):
So he did.
He had a conversation with theyoung lady and realized that.
She wanted the kids, but shedidn't necessarily want the
marriage and for his values thatis important to him.
So I congratulate him forstaying true to his values, for
(11:24):
doing what he feels right.
I will say they are still veryclose and they still talk nearly
every single day in his mind.
The doors likely closed to arelationship now, but they split
being respectful, stayingfriends, and holding similar
(11:46):
values.
In many ways, that's a healthybreakup.
I only wish I'd done that when Iwas his age.
I mean, let's be honest, he'sgot a lifelong friend now.
He's talking about, you know,when they're both parents with
other partners.
Now their kids will have friendsand you know, I really applaud
(12:08):
him on standing up for what hebelieves in.
And I think as parents, this iswhat we need to do.
We need to encourage our youngpeople to not only stay true to
their values, their corebeliefs, but to not accept.
(12:29):
Anyone that comes along becauseof scarcity, because of, I will
never find the right person if Idon't snap this one up.
And I think we really, reallyneed to help them navigate this
Now, the emotions involved inthis breakup, yes, he was sad.
And I will tell you, I wasgetting angry.
(12:52):
I very nearly messaged this girland said, you are hurting my
kid.
Watch it, but I didn't.
I respected the boundaries.
I put my helicopter mama hataside for a minute and I said to
myself, how can I support myyoung man here?
How can I support him?
So he learns valuable lessonsfrom this, and so he can move
(13:18):
with powerful tools into thefuture.
But without overstepping mybounds.
And I let him know, I'm here foryou.
I'm here to support you, but I'mnot gonna run your life for you.
He appreciated that.
Now we talk about a lot ofthings, more about relationships
than we ever did, really, and Iknow he'll make healthy choices,
(13:43):
and I said to him.
My choices in relationships havenot been as healthy.
I applaud you for this and I'mso proud of you for this.
So moving forward with youryoung people, your job as a
parent will never end.
And if you think it does, youare in a dreamland because I can
(14:06):
tell you, even into my elderlyyears, I will still be parenting
my boys.
Because they need that.
They always need that supportsystem.
They always need that shoulderto lean on.
They always need that.
You know, can I pick your brainfor a minute and just get your
opinion?
(14:28):
They're not necessarily going totake everything that you say and
run with it.
They will listen and they willbalance and weigh things up and
really play to their ownstrengths and values.
If.
You teach them to do so.
So to all the parents out therethat are wondering, how do I
(14:48):
parent my child into the future,I say, you need to do it with
grace.
You need to do it with ease.
You need to do it with respect.
You need to do it withunderstanding, and you need to
do it holistically.
So you are parenting them toguide them in their health.
(15:11):
You are parenting them to guidethem in their relationships.
You are parenting them to guidethem through community.
When you take your foot off thatpedal, things can go very wrong.
And to all the parents that tooktheir foot off the pedal way too
early, it's never too late toget that kid back.
(15:31):
It's never too late to say, doyou know what?
This is what I think is right,and here's why you shouldn't be
doing what you're doing.
Don't just say don't do it.
Give them reasons, give'emexplanations, but give them
options as well.
My young man listened to what Ihad to say.
(15:51):
He stood very true to hisvalues.
Now he has a lifelong friend inthis young lady, and that's
good.
That's great, and that'shealthy.
And he's not just snapping thefirst girl up just in case
someone else doesn't come along.
(16:11):
Because you know what?
He's got a good friend inhimself.
He's got a good friend in hisbrother, and he's got a good
friend in me and as parents.
This is part of how we helpyoung people navigate
relationships and strongfeelings.
We lead by example.
(16:31):
We admit our mistakes, and weteach and give options.
Thank you for listening to thisepisode.
I felt it was a very importantone to say, and as always,
please like, subscribe, share,and review this podcast and jump
on to Facebook at a Magical Lifepodcast.
(16:53):
Tell us what else you want tohear about.
We're recording this in a timeof turmoil, a time of community
breakdown, and as parents.
We have to take responsibility.
We have to help navigate withour kids through these
(17:14):
relationships and strongfeelings.
Thank you again for listening.
Go forth and create your magicallife.
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