November 23, 2025 • 24 mins
What if the feeling you’re chasing isn’t meant to be chased at all? Carmen shares why happiness is a spark and joy is a lighthouse, and how learning the difference changed her life. From a tender childhood memory - horseback riding boots - that cut into the back of her knees while her heart soared - to a recent doctor visit that spiraled into anger, she shows how accessing joy can steady your breath, shift your perspective, and help you move forward when everything feels heavy.
We talk about happiness as external and fleeting: bonuses, sunny walks, a favorite song that hits just right. Then we pivot to joy as internal, durable, and trainable - an inner practice built on stored memories of being loved, seen, and worthy. You’ll hear practical ways to build a “joy library,” from saving three anchoring memories to keeping a playlist ready for emotional first aid. Carmen also digs into negativity bias, why we rubberneck at wreckage, and how to flip that reflex so your attention feeds what you want more of.
Boundaries play a starring role. Protecting joy means becoming more selective with people and inputs, not as a wall but as a welcome mat for the right ones. As you curate relationships that amplify your peace, you create space for new light to enter. The goal isn’t to erase sadness or cling to happiness. It’s to trust that both pass - and to practice the skill that outlives every mood: joy.
If this conversation helped you see a way through, share it with a friend who needs the reminder. Subscribe for more grounded, practical tools, and leave a review to tell us your favorite joy memory - we’d love to hear it!
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carmen Lezeth (00:00):
Hey everyone, welcome to All About the Joy.
This is Carmen Talk, and I'mCarmen Lisette, your host.
Here's a question I want to askyou.
If there was one thing that youcould share with the world that
you think would make the worlda better place, what would it
be?
Right.
It's a tough question, but it'ssomething that was asked of me
(00:24):
recently, and I immediatelyanswered that it would be
teaching people the differencebetween happiness and joy and
why it matters.
And it's so weird because Ifigured this out a long time ago
for a lot of different reasons,but I'm very analytical.
(00:45):
So I always overly analyzeeverything, and I don't know
where that comes from.
But do you remember that song,Joy and Pain and Sunshine and
Rain?
Remember that song?
Um, and I always used to singthe other verse of that, which
is actually not part of thesong, but I think I heard it in
(01:08):
church somewhere.
Um, but I used to always say,Joy and pain and sunshine and
rain, sing it, all God'schildren, joy, which actually is
not part of the song, but youknow, our memory, our memory
does this amazing thing.
But that song, I remember beinglike, I don't know, do I
(01:29):
believe that?
Do I think, you know, pain andrain, like I love the rain, you
know?
And I remember just overlyanalyzing and then thinking
about joy really deeply.
I've never really shared this,but there's a story in my first
book, Canela, which is a storyabout my mom taking me on a trip
(01:51):
on a bus to all these differenttowns because she was
surprising me with the one thingI ever wanted at that time as a
little kid.
Um, I was put in the localchurch band, which is we would
march in parades.
And I remember when I was reallittle, I used to hold the
banner at the front of theparade.
(02:12):
And everybody, all of the olderkids, all of the older people
that were marching, all hadquote unquote marching boots.
But marching boots, especiallyin the color guard, which are
the people who carry the flagsand rifles and sabers, and they
do more of the choreographedpart of the parade.
You usually see them at thebeginning.
Um, all of them had real bootsfor marching.
(02:36):
And at the time I didn't knowwhat they were, but they're they
are horseback riding boots.
And at least back then, that'swhat we were wearing.
And I couldn't afford them andI didn't have them.
And so what they would do,because I I wasn't the only kid,
this was kind of a you know,middle class, poor neighborhood.
It wasn't like I was the onlyone, but you'd wear sneakers,
(03:00):
and then the parents would putlike these kind of pleather uh
canvas things on your on yourcalves.
Um I'm sitting here showing youmy calves as if you can see me
doing this, but um, and therewould be like this string that
would go underneath your foot inyour sneakers, and so it would
(03:21):
kind of mimic looking like youwere wearing a boot, but you
were not, right?
You were wearing sneakers and ablack pleather thing, a majiggy
or whatever.
And sometimes we were white.
I think when we were younger wewore white.
But this story is when we werewearing the black ones, and I I
was really kind of um, I was so,you know, I I always knew we
were poor.
I don't know when I knew I waspoor, but I always understood
(03:44):
that there were just some thingsI was never gonna have.
And so one day my mom woke meup and um, you know, told me to
get dressed or whatever, and wewent on all of these different
bus rides.
Um, and we finally got to ourdestination, and it was a store
where it was just all cowboyboots and all of these boots.
(04:04):
And I knew in that moment whatwas going to happen, I was
finally gonna get my horsebackriding boots.
And there's more to the storyin the book about this, but she
got me the boots, but wecouldn't afford to get them cut.
So when this again, this isback then, okay?
When you buy horseback ridingboots back then, you needed to
(04:25):
get them cut because they mighthave been too long.
They hit the back of my knee.
Um, but we couldn't afford toget them cut, but I wanted to
wear them for the next parade orwhatever it was.
I remember the back of my kneesbleeding because they were
cutting into the back of myknees, but I didn't care because
I loved them.
I was I I don't know.
(04:48):
I know everyone has had thisexperience of wanting something
so bad, like maybe at Christmaswhen you would write to Santa
and then you got it.
Like I just remembered thismoment in time that was um it's
still one of my favorite momentswhen I think about my mom.
And I was in the parade and Iremember the, you know, I could
(05:09):
feel the blood, you know,dripping, not horribly, but on
especially I remember it was onmy left knee, you know, it was
on the back.
And the other part that Iremember that gives me so much
joy is when I remember one ofthe parents, uh, Mrs.
Wall and Mr.
Wall, but Mr.
Wall took the boots off of meand and then Mrs.
Wall was wrapping my leg andcleaning it up or whatever, and
(05:33):
they they they ended up gettingthe boots cut for me, um, so
that I could wear them all thetime.
And I just the reason why I Ibring this up is because when
you can recall these moments,that's joy, that's that little
(05:53):
part of joy that you can alwaysgo back and revisit, right?
The happiness part was gettingthe boots, right?
It was an external thing thathappened.
And and that's what I want totry to explain.
I always say it on the show,you know, happiness is what
happens to you.
I use the example all the time.
(06:14):
Like if you get a bonus at workthat you weren't expecting,
you're gonna feel happy, right?
If uh you eat a piece ofchocolate cake, if that's your
jam, you know, it makes you feelhappy initially, you know, and
and and then of course we dreadit because we know the calories
or whatever.
I don't know.
I don't, but a lot of peopledo.
There are a lot of things thathappen to us, right?
(06:36):
That happened there external.
And it's even like taking awalk on the beach and just
feeling the air, you know, onyour face, you know, when you're
taking that walk, you're like,wow, this is so beautiful.
That's happiness.
It's it's something thathappens in the moment and it's
happening to you.
The easiest way I could explainjoy is this ability to not just
(07:01):
remember that feeling, but todig for it, to find it when you
need it most, right?
When you're feeling sad, whenyou're feeling like life is so
hard, when you're feeling likethings are just not working out,
instead of digging the holedeeper, instead of going into
(07:22):
that horrible, sad place, if youcan find your way out of it.
And remembering some of thosemoments, remembering what it
feels like, that to me is partof what joy is.
Joy is the ability to findwithin yourself that moment that
(07:45):
can give you perspective andpossibility and the silver
lining and the light at the endof the tunnel.
And I, if there was one gift Icould give everyone that I know,
or everyone on the planet, isto not always feel like
(08:06):
everything is negative andeverything is bad and that the
world is horrible and that yourcircumstance is dire and nothing
is ever going to fix it.
Like those things may be trueto a certain extent, but we can
always find, even in the worstof moments, a way to see the
light, a way to see a way out.
(08:30):
And that to me is aboutaccessing joy.
It's about accessing a momentthat can take you out of what
you're going through in thatmoment.
So it look it, it's not aboutdenying the circumstance you're
in.
It's not about being like, oh,you know what?
I don't care, I can't pay mybills, whatever.
I'm just gonna sit here and bein joy.
That's not what I'm saying.
(08:50):
I'm saying sometimes when we'rein a bad space, it's so much
easier to keep staying in thatbad space because we don't know
how to get out.
And sometimes when you canremember a moment, you know
what?
I might do it this way.
Have you ever been feelingreally, really sad?
(09:11):
And then some song comes on theradio and you're like, oh my
God, I remember this song, it'sso good.
And you just start to feelgood, it's kind of that same
thing.
It doesn't mean that whateverwas going on is now no longer an
issue.
It doesn't mean that whateveris happening is now fixed.
But when you can change yourspirit that way, when you can
(09:33):
turn around and be like, oh myGod, this song is so good,
that's also being able to accessjoy.
Now I know the music is makingyou feel happy, right?
It's it's an external thing.
The joy is being able to find away out.
You can also, without havingexternal things, music come into
(09:55):
your way to make you happy inthat moment, you can also access
joy from within.
I was explaining to someone theother day that I was just
really having a hard time afterI had gone and met with my
doctor.
You know, they had told methings that I wasn't happy
about, right?
You know, health-wise, I'vebeen really trying to get back
(10:15):
on track.
And it just, you know, as shewas explaining things to me or
whatever, then I was findingmyself getting really upset.
And when I left, I got in mycar and I tried to take like,
you know, a few breaths andtried to like clear my mind.
And I was just so angry on somany levels because I started
thinking about why is healthinsurance like this?
(10:36):
Why is, I mean, besides thefact that I have some actual
physical issues I have to dealwith, like most people, I was
also upset about the fact that Icouldn't have the conversation
with the doctor.
And I was getting more and moremad because you have to
schedule a different visit ifyou're going to talk about
something else, which means adifferent co-payment.
You know, like so.
I started, you see, I'mstarting to go down that rabbit
(10:56):
hole because now I'm I'm upsetabout everything.
So I'm in my car and I waslike, and I started thinking
about my mom, and I startedthinking about my horseback
riding boots for the parade, andI started thinking about the
parents who turned around anddid so much for me when I was a
(11:16):
kid, who stepped in so manytimes when um I needed them,
especially after my mom passedaway, those same people.
Um, and I started thinking,like, oh my God, I'm so blessed.
I wish more people understoodthe power of joy, the power of
being able to remember thingsthat are more important than
(11:44):
whatever the thing is you'regoing through in the moment.
Because here's the thing aboutsadness that people don't
understand and happiness,they're fleeting.
They are going to happen.
And one doesn't exist withoutthe other, right?
Sadness is something that we'reall going to experience in one
way, shape, or form or theother, whether it's someone
(12:06):
passing away or some type ofdisappointment, or right?
This is the journey we're on ashuman beings.
We are walking a path and thereare going to be highs and lows.
And then we're going to havethese moments of happiness that,
oh, okay, great, you know, anew baby is born, or, you know,
I did get that advancement and anew job position or whatever.
(12:30):
Like there were going to bethese moments where we have
highs and lows, happiness andsadness.
But the real trick of it allfor me, and it's not a trick,
it's just a skill, is it's notjust that I want my life to be
content like this all the time,because if it was, it would be
kind of boring after a while,right?
(12:51):
But how do I deal with everysingle thing that happens along
the way?
How do I find ways to deal withthe lows, the parts that are
painful, the parts that arehard, so that I can get back up
here so I can keep enjoying moreof this life of mine and have a
more consistent pathway thathas more moments of joy and
(13:15):
happiness than sadness anddespair.
Because the thing that'sinteresting is, and I this part
I don't understand.
I don't know what it is aboutthe human species that we revel.
I don't know if that's theright word, but we revel in
pain.
And and I know everyone's gonnabe like, I don't.
(13:37):
Yeah, you know what?
Here's the thing.
I feel like we're predisposedto wanting to maybe help or see
what's going on, or I don'tknow, but like think about a car
accident.
If there's a car accident andyou're driving along, the reason
why you end up having trafficisn't because people are going
their normal, whatever.
They're slowing down.
(13:58):
This is, and I'm not talkingabout they're slowing down to go
around the accident.
You know what I'm talkingabout.
Most people are watching theaccident, right?
It's kind of like whensomething bad happens, people
are like now using their phonesto videotape it.
I mean, and sometimes I'mgrateful that people do that,
but we don't always understandwhy we're so fixated on the
(14:20):
negativity, the sadness, theviolence, the accident or
whatever, right?
Whereas things that are joyfuland beautiful and wonderful, we
kind of don't pay that muchattention to them.
We we kind of just let them go.
I mean, we're like, oh yeah,that was great.
And then we just move along andwe want whatever's next.
I mean, in that sense, I feellike human beings are pretty
(14:44):
remarkable.
The reason why we've made somany advancements is because
we're never satisfied.
Like there's good and bad tothat, right?
We're never satisfied in anyway, shape, or form with what
is.
We want what's next.
That doesn't mean we're greedy.
It doesn't mean we're, it meanswe're human.
This is why we've made so manytechnological advancements and
medical advancements.
And, you know, I mean, I lovehumans.
(15:09):
I think humans are amazing.
I think what makes me sad iswatching the breakdown of humans
so easily because they don'tunderstand that life doesn't
need to be so negative.
It doesn't need to be so sadall the time.
Life has its ebbs and flows,but you have the ability to have
the best life anyway.
(15:30):
Like you have the ability tograb joy over holding on to
sadness and despair.
You have that choice.
And I already said it earlier.
Some of the ways to starttraining yourself to feel this,
to understand it, is, you know,like music's an easy one.
(15:50):
When you're feeling sad, whenyou're feeling like, you know,
you thought you were gonna beable to do something, but you
didn't quite qualify, or you gotrejected, or whatever.
You went out on a date and youreally liked the guy and he told
you, you know, he wasn'tinterested in you, whatever it
is, whatever it is, you know, ormaybe you were gonna run a race
and you came in fifth and youthought you were gonna win it.
(16:12):
Whatever it is.
Um, one of the ways you canstart to train yourself to focus
on joy or focus on gettingyourself out of the sadness is
do a simple thing and starthaving music available to you
right away.
When you start feeling sad, andthis is not to deny the
(16:32):
sadness, you can have the cry,you can have the moment, but you
all know when you're way toosad and you're digging the hole
deeper.
We do know, you do know whenenough's enough, but you're
still there.
And then you start to getangry, and then you start
blaming other people, and thenyou start going to you know what
I'm talking about.
(16:53):
But if you could turn aroundand even do something as simple
as putting on a song that youlove that has always made you
feel good, and have thatavailable to you immediately,
that might be a way to startgetting you into that space.
For me, I have a lot ofdifferent memories that I put in
my first book, Canela, that Isometimes go to in my head
(17:17):
because I remember what it feltlike to be loved.
I remember what it felt like tobe nurtured.
I remember what it felt like tobe accepted.
I remember what it felt like tobe thought of as worthy.
I remember what it feels liketo be considered.
(17:41):
And I have all of thesemoments, right?
I have all of these momentsstored away so that when
something happens and I'mmiserable or sad, I can find my
way out of it.
I can trigger one of thosemoments instead of going down
the spiral of that rabbit holewhere I start to have more
(18:04):
resentment and anger, and I findmore things to be upset about
and who to blame and who to.
I wish I wish that people couldfeel what it feels like to be a
little bit more joyful everyday.
This is why I named my show AllAbout the Joy.
(18:28):
This is why my company, this isone of the companies that I
love and that I, you know, havethe trademark on, and all about
the joy is the thread that is mylife.
It is how I got through everysingle circumstance that was put
in front of me, and itcontinues to be what I do today.
(18:52):
I get angry, I get upset withpeople, I get disappointed in
people, but the reason why it'sso, I guess, easy for me to walk
away from people is because youalso start to understand when
you are a person that accessesjoy and understands how joy
(19:13):
works, you don't want anyone tointerfere with that.
So you put up these boundaries,you put up these blocks, and it
just happens accidentally or ithappens because of it.
It's like a side benefit ofunderstanding how joy is such a
powerful, intuitive, you know,human instinct that you can
develop as a skill.
(19:35):
It stops people from cominginto your life that are actually
not supposed to be therebecause they're not worthy.
And I know that sounds reallymean, but it's like if someone
is invading your ability to havejoy, you're not gonna want them
there anymore.
They can either find a way tohave joy in their lives too, or
(19:58):
they just get pushed out.
And so people interpret myability to walk away from people
as like, wow, she's so hard,she's so mean, she's like.
It's not even that.
It's just the protective spacethat I have been able to create
around myself, it's notisolating, but it is very
selective, right?
(20:19):
It is very selective, and it'sso rich in the people that are
in my life.
And I have said this beforetoo, and I know people don't
believe me, but when you areable to get toxicity out of your
life, other light, other love,other beauty, other people show
(20:42):
up.
The people that are supposed tobe in your life in that moment
in time are there.
And they understand and respectyour joy, and they actually add
to your joy and they add tomore of those memories, right?
All of my memories of joy arenot just from when I was a kid
and from that one story aboutthe boots and my mom and Mr.
(21:04):
and Mrs.
Wall and all the other thingsthat happened back then.
There are also moments of joythat I now have because I have
such beautiful, wonderfulfriends in my life, because I
have such beautiful, wonderfulpeople in my life now that it's
almost like you're curating yourlife and the people who are
gonna be in it.
(21:25):
And look at this also, I knowcan sound like, okay, and so
like I have all these friends,and that's not what I'm saying.
You don't have to have a lot offriends, but you don't want to
have a lot of bad people in yourlife just to say you have a lot
of friends.
You know what I mean?
Like if you have one friend youcan count on, one family member
that you know will be there foryou, you are one of the
(21:47):
wealthiest people on the planetbecause I know so many people
who don't have that.
And by the way, I've not alwaysbeen in this position.
This has been something thathas built over time my ability.
And it starts withunderstanding seriously the
difference between happiness andjoy.
Because here's the thing abouthappiness.
(22:08):
Once you know what happinessis, you don't invest in it too
much.
Like, okay, I got a bonus,great.
Woo-hoo, I'm so excited, that'swonderful.
And I move on, right?
Because happiness is fleeting.
You start to realize, and thenwhat you learn, sadness is also
fleeting.
You understand, like, oh myGod, I'm so heartbroken right
(22:29):
now, I'm sad, whatever.
This was a terrible thing thathappened, but it doesn't eat at
you.
It doesn't take the rest ofyour being to understand it.
You're like, this also, you'veheard the term, this too shall
pass.
That's what that's about.
But it also happens withhappiness.
But joy, joy is a skill.
Joy is a thing you can access.
(22:51):
You can learn to get so good atit that no matter what is
happening in your life, you cantake a real breath.
You can turn around and findthe light in it, you can find
the possibility in it, you canfind the joy in all of the
darkness that you're goingthrough to pull yourself out and
(23:13):
to move forward anyway.
And that's kind of what I wishI could help so many people
with.
It's what I wish most peoplewould understand.
I think that's been mysuperpower my entire life.
It's not, I don't have a lot ofmoney.
I don't have a ridiculousamount of friends.
I don't have what everyone,there's so many people make
(23:36):
assumptions about who I am, butwhat you are actually seeing is
a person who lives by joy.
So that's the gift I would wantto give everyone.
If I could wrap it up in apackage and hand it out, I
would.
I think it's probably one ofthe greatest things that I have
ever learned or that I everunderstood about life.
It's one of the things I'msolid about.
(23:59):
And I just wish everyone elsewould figure out how to access
joy more often.
I really do.
Thanks everyone for watching.
I really appreciate it.
And remember, at the end of theday, it really is all about the
joy.
Have a lovely and wonderfulday, and we'll see you next
(24:19):
time.
Thanks for stopping by, AllAbout the Joy.
Be better and stay beautiful,folks.
Have a sweet day.
Hey everyone, welcome to All About the Joy.
This is Carmen Talk, and I'mCarmen Lisette, your host.
Here's a question I want to askyou.
If there was one thing that youcould share with the world that
you think would make the worlda better place, what would it
be?
Right.
It's a tough question, but it'ssomething that was asked of me
(00:24):
recently, and I immediatelyanswered that it would be
teaching people the differencebetween happiness and joy and
why it matters.
And it's so weird because Ifigured this out a long time ago
for a lot of different reasons,but I'm very analytical.
(00:45):
So I always overly analyzeeverything, and I don't know
where that comes from.
But do you remember that song,Joy and Pain and Sunshine and
Rain?
Remember that song?
Um, and I always used to singthe other verse of that, which
is actually not part of thesong, but I think I heard it in
(01:08):
church somewhere.
Um, but I used to always say,Joy and pain and sunshine and
rain, sing it, all God'schildren, joy, which actually is
not part of the song, but youknow, our memory, our memory
does this amazing thing.
But that song, I remember beinglike, I don't know, do I
(01:29):
believe that?
Do I think, you know, pain andrain, like I love the rain, you
know?
And I remember just overlyanalyzing and then thinking
about joy really deeply.
I've never really shared this,but there's a story in my first
book, Canela, which is a storyabout my mom taking me on a trip
(01:51):
on a bus to all these differenttowns because she was
surprising me with the one thingI ever wanted at that time as a
little kid.
Um, I was put in the localchurch band, which is we would
march in parades.
And I remember when I was reallittle, I used to hold the
banner at the front of theparade.
(02:12):
And everybody, all of the olderkids, all of the older people
that were marching, all hadquote unquote marching boots.
But marching boots, especiallyin the color guard, which are
the people who carry the flagsand rifles and sabers, and they
do more of the choreographedpart of the parade.
You usually see them at thebeginning.
Um, all of them had real bootsfor marching.
(02:36):
And at the time I didn't knowwhat they were, but they're they
are horseback riding boots.
And at least back then, that'swhat we were wearing.
And I couldn't afford them andI didn't have them.
And so what they would do,because I I wasn't the only kid,
this was kind of a you know,middle class, poor neighborhood.
It wasn't like I was the onlyone, but you'd wear sneakers,
(03:00):
and then the parents would putlike these kind of pleather uh
canvas things on your on yourcalves.
Um I'm sitting here showing youmy calves as if you can see me
doing this, but um, and therewould be like this string that
would go underneath your foot inyour sneakers, and so it would
(03:21):
kind of mimic looking like youwere wearing a boot, but you
were not, right?
You were wearing sneakers and ablack pleather thing, a majiggy
or whatever.
And sometimes we were white.
I think when we were younger wewore white.
But this story is when we werewearing the black ones, and I I
was really kind of um, I was so,you know, I I always knew we
were poor.
I don't know when I knew I waspoor, but I always understood
(03:44):
that there were just some thingsI was never gonna have.
And so one day my mom woke meup and um, you know, told me to
get dressed or whatever, and wewent on all of these different
bus rides.
Um, and we finally got to ourdestination, and it was a store
where it was just all cowboyboots and all of these boots.
(04:04):
And I knew in that moment whatwas going to happen, I was
finally gonna get my horsebackriding boots.
And there's more to the storyin the book about this, but she
got me the boots, but wecouldn't afford to get them cut.
So when this again, this isback then, okay?
When you buy horseback ridingboots back then, you needed to
(04:25):
get them cut because they mighthave been too long.
They hit the back of my knee.
Um, but we couldn't afford toget them cut, but I wanted to
wear them for the next parade orwhatever it was.
I remember the back of my kneesbleeding because they were
cutting into the back of myknees, but I didn't care because
I loved them.
I was I I don't know.
(04:48):
I know everyone has had thisexperience of wanting something
so bad, like maybe at Christmaswhen you would write to Santa
and then you got it.
Like I just remembered thismoment in time that was um it's
still one of my favorite momentswhen I think about my mom.
And I was in the parade and Iremember the, you know, I could
(05:09):
feel the blood, you know,dripping, not horribly, but on
especially I remember it was onmy left knee, you know, it was
on the back.
And the other part that Iremember that gives me so much
joy is when I remember one ofthe parents, uh, Mrs.
Wall and Mr.
Wall, but Mr.
Wall took the boots off of meand and then Mrs.
Wall was wrapping my leg andcleaning it up or whatever, and
(05:33):
they they they ended up gettingthe boots cut for me, um, so
that I could wear them all thetime.
And I just the reason why I Ibring this up is because when
you can recall these moments,that's joy, that's that little
(05:53):
part of joy that you can alwaysgo back and revisit, right?
The happiness part was gettingthe boots, right?
It was an external thing thathappened.
And and that's what I want totry to explain.
I always say it on the show,you know, happiness is what
happens to you.
I use the example all the time.
(06:14):
Like if you get a bonus at workthat you weren't expecting,
you're gonna feel happy, right?
If uh you eat a piece ofchocolate cake, if that's your
jam, you know, it makes you feelhappy initially, you know, and
and and then of course we dreadit because we know the calories
or whatever.
I don't know.
I don't, but a lot of peopledo.
There are a lot of things thathappen to us, right?
(06:36):
That happened there external.
And it's even like taking awalk on the beach and just
feeling the air, you know, onyour face, you know, when you're
taking that walk, you're like,wow, this is so beautiful.
That's happiness.
It's it's something thathappens in the moment and it's
happening to you.
The easiest way I could explainjoy is this ability to not just
(07:01):
remember that feeling, but todig for it, to find it when you
need it most, right?
When you're feeling sad, whenyou're feeling like life is so
hard, when you're feeling likethings are just not working out,
instead of digging the holedeeper, instead of going into
(07:22):
that horrible, sad place, if youcan find your way out of it.
And remembering some of thosemoments, remembering what it
feels like, that to me is partof what joy is.
Joy is the ability to findwithin yourself that moment that
(07:45):
can give you perspective andpossibility and the silver
lining and the light at the endof the tunnel.
And I, if there was one gift Icould give everyone that I know,
or everyone on the planet, isto not always feel like
(08:06):
everything is negative andeverything is bad and that the
world is horrible and that yourcircumstance is dire and nothing
is ever going to fix it.
Like those things may be trueto a certain extent, but we can
always find, even in the worstof moments, a way to see the
light, a way to see a way out.
(08:30):
And that to me is aboutaccessing joy.
It's about accessing a momentthat can take you out of what
you're going through in thatmoment.
So it look it, it's not aboutdenying the circumstance you're
in.
It's not about being like, oh,you know what?
I don't care, I can't pay mybills, whatever.
I'm just gonna sit here and bein joy.
That's not what I'm saying.
(08:50):
I'm saying sometimes when we'rein a bad space, it's so much
easier to keep staying in thatbad space because we don't know
how to get out.
And sometimes when you canremember a moment, you know
what?
I might do it this way.
Have you ever been feelingreally, really sad?
(09:11):
And then some song comes on theradio and you're like, oh my
God, I remember this song, it'sso good.
And you just start to feelgood, it's kind of that same
thing.
It doesn't mean that whateverwas going on is now no longer an
issue.
It doesn't mean that whateveris happening is now fixed.
But when you can change yourspirit that way, when you can
(09:33):
turn around and be like, oh myGod, this song is so good,
that's also being able to accessjoy.
Now I know the music is makingyou feel happy, right?
It's it's an external thing.
The joy is being able to find away out.
You can also, without havingexternal things, music come into
(09:55):
your way to make you happy inthat moment, you can also access
joy from within.
I was explaining to someone theother day that I was just
really having a hard time afterI had gone and met with my
doctor.
You know, they had told methings that I wasn't happy
about, right?
You know, health-wise, I'vebeen really trying to get back
(10:15):
on track.
And it just, you know, as shewas explaining things to me or
whatever, then I was findingmyself getting really upset.
And when I left, I got in mycar and I tried to take like,
you know, a few breaths andtried to like clear my mind.
And I was just so angry on somany levels because I started
thinking about why is healthinsurance like this?
(10:36):
Why is, I mean, besides thefact that I have some actual
physical issues I have to dealwith, like most people, I was
also upset about the fact that Icouldn't have the conversation
with the doctor.
And I was getting more and moremad because you have to
schedule a different visit ifyou're going to talk about
something else, which means adifferent co-payment.
You know, like so.
I started, you see, I'mstarting to go down that rabbit
(10:56):
hole because now I'm I'm upsetabout everything.
So I'm in my car and I waslike, and I started thinking
about my mom, and I startedthinking about my horseback
riding boots for the parade, andI started thinking about the
parents who turned around anddid so much for me when I was a
(11:16):
kid, who stepped in so manytimes when um I needed them,
especially after my mom passedaway, those same people.
Um, and I started thinking,like, oh my God, I'm so blessed.
I wish more people understoodthe power of joy, the power of
being able to remember thingsthat are more important than
(11:44):
whatever the thing is you'regoing through in the moment.
Because here's the thing aboutsadness that people don't
understand and happiness,they're fleeting.
They are going to happen.
And one doesn't exist withoutthe other, right?
Sadness is something that we'reall going to experience in one
way, shape, or form or theother, whether it's someone
(12:06):
passing away or some type ofdisappointment, or right?
This is the journey we're on ashuman beings.
We are walking a path and thereare going to be highs and lows.
And then we're going to havethese moments of happiness that,
oh, okay, great, you know, anew baby is born, or, you know,
I did get that advancement and anew job position or whatever.
(12:30):
Like there were going to bethese moments where we have
highs and lows, happiness andsadness.
But the real trick of it allfor me, and it's not a trick,
it's just a skill, is it's notjust that I want my life to be
content like this all the time,because if it was, it would be
kind of boring after a while,right?
(12:51):
But how do I deal with everysingle thing that happens along
the way?
How do I find ways to deal withthe lows, the parts that are
painful, the parts that arehard, so that I can get back up
here so I can keep enjoying moreof this life of mine and have a
more consistent pathway thathas more moments of joy and
(13:15):
happiness than sadness anddespair.
Because the thing that'sinteresting is, and I this part
I don't understand.
I don't know what it is aboutthe human species that we revel.
I don't know if that's theright word, but we revel in
pain.
And and I know everyone's gonnabe like, I don't.
(13:37):
Yeah, you know what?
Here's the thing.
I feel like we're predisposedto wanting to maybe help or see
what's going on, or I don'tknow, but like think about a car
accident.
If there's a car accident andyou're driving along, the reason
why you end up having trafficisn't because people are going
their normal, whatever.
They're slowing down.
(13:58):
This is, and I'm not talkingabout they're slowing down to go
around the accident.
You know what I'm talkingabout.
Most people are watching theaccident, right?
It's kind of like whensomething bad happens, people
are like now using their phonesto videotape it.
I mean, and sometimes I'mgrateful that people do that,
but we don't always understandwhy we're so fixated on the
(14:20):
negativity, the sadness, theviolence, the accident or
whatever, right?
Whereas things that are joyfuland beautiful and wonderful, we
kind of don't pay that muchattention to them.
We we kind of just let them go.
I mean, we're like, oh yeah,that was great.
And then we just move along andwe want whatever's next.
I mean, in that sense, I feellike human beings are pretty
(14:44):
remarkable.
The reason why we've made somany advancements is because
we're never satisfied.
Like there's good and bad tothat, right?
We're never satisfied in anyway, shape, or form with what
is.
We want what's next.
That doesn't mean we're greedy.
It doesn't mean we're, it meanswe're human.
This is why we've made so manytechnological advancements and
medical advancements.
And, you know, I mean, I lovehumans.
(15:09):
I think humans are amazing.
I think what makes me sad iswatching the breakdown of humans
so easily because they don'tunderstand that life doesn't
need to be so negative.
It doesn't need to be so sadall the time.
Life has its ebbs and flows,but you have the ability to have
the best life anyway.
(15:30):
Like you have the ability tograb joy over holding on to
sadness and despair.
You have that choice.
And I already said it earlier.
Some of the ways to starttraining yourself to feel this,
to understand it, is, you know,like music's an easy one.
(15:50):
When you're feeling sad, whenyou're feeling like, you know,
you thought you were gonna beable to do something, but you
didn't quite qualify, or you gotrejected, or whatever.
You went out on a date and youreally liked the guy and he told
you, you know, he wasn'tinterested in you, whatever it
is, whatever it is, you know, ormaybe you were gonna run a race
and you came in fifth and youthought you were gonna win it.
(16:12):
Whatever it is.
Um, one of the ways you canstart to train yourself to focus
on joy or focus on gettingyourself out of the sadness is
do a simple thing and starthaving music available to you
right away.
When you start feeling sad, andthis is not to deny the
(16:32):
sadness, you can have the cry,you can have the moment, but you
all know when you're way toosad and you're digging the hole
deeper.
We do know, you do know whenenough's enough, but you're
still there.
And then you start to getangry, and then you start
blaming other people, and thenyou start going to you know what
I'm talking about.
(16:53):
But if you could turn aroundand even do something as simple
as putting on a song that youlove that has always made you
feel good, and have thatavailable to you immediately,
that might be a way to startgetting you into that space.
For me, I have a lot ofdifferent memories that I put in
my first book, Canela, that Isometimes go to in my head
(17:17):
because I remember what it feltlike to be loved.
I remember what it felt like tobe nurtured.
I remember what it felt like tobe accepted.
I remember what it felt like tobe thought of as worthy.
I remember what it feels liketo be considered.
(17:41):
And I have all of thesemoments, right?
I have all of these momentsstored away so that when
something happens and I'mmiserable or sad, I can find my
way out of it.
I can trigger one of thosemoments instead of going down
the spiral of that rabbit holewhere I start to have more
(18:04):
resentment and anger, and I findmore things to be upset about
and who to blame and who to.
I wish I wish that people couldfeel what it feels like to be a
little bit more joyful everyday.
This is why I named my show AllAbout the Joy.
(18:28):
This is why my company, this isone of the companies that I
love and that I, you know, havethe trademark on, and all about
the joy is the thread that is mylife.
It is how I got through everysingle circumstance that was put
in front of me, and itcontinues to be what I do today.
(18:52):
I get angry, I get upset withpeople, I get disappointed in
people, but the reason why it'sso, I guess, easy for me to walk
away from people is because youalso start to understand when
you are a person that accessesjoy and understands how joy
(19:13):
works, you don't want anyone tointerfere with that.
So you put up these boundaries,you put up these blocks, and it
just happens accidentally or ithappens because of it.
It's like a side benefit ofunderstanding how joy is such a
powerful, intuitive, you know,human instinct that you can
develop as a skill.
(19:35):
It stops people from cominginto your life that are actually
not supposed to be therebecause they're not worthy.
And I know that sounds reallymean, but it's like if someone
is invading your ability to havejoy, you're not gonna want them
there anymore.
They can either find a way tohave joy in their lives too, or
(19:58):
they just get pushed out.
And so people interpret myability to walk away from people
as like, wow, she's so hard,she's so mean, she's like.
It's not even that.
It's just the protective spacethat I have been able to create
around myself, it's notisolating, but it is very
selective, right?
(20:19):
It is very selective, and it'sso rich in the people that are
in my life.
And I have said this beforetoo, and I know people don't
believe me, but when you areable to get toxicity out of your
life, other light, other love,other beauty, other people show
(20:42):
up.
The people that are supposed tobe in your life in that moment
in time are there.
And they understand and respectyour joy, and they actually add
to your joy and they add tomore of those memories, right?
All of my memories of joy arenot just from when I was a kid
and from that one story aboutthe boots and my mom and Mr.
(21:04):
and Mrs.
Wall and all the other thingsthat happened back then.
There are also moments of joythat I now have because I have
such beautiful, wonderfulfriends in my life, because I
have such beautiful, wonderfulpeople in my life now that it's
almost like you're curating yourlife and the people who are
gonna be in it.
(21:25):
And look at this also, I knowcan sound like, okay, and so
like I have all these friends,and that's not what I'm saying.
You don't have to have a lot offriends, but you don't want to
have a lot of bad people in yourlife just to say you have a lot
of friends.
You know what I mean?
Like if you have one friend youcan count on, one family member
that you know will be there foryou, you are one of the
(21:47):
wealthiest people on the planetbecause I know so many people
who don't have that.
And by the way, I've not alwaysbeen in this position.
This has been something thathas built over time my ability.
And it starts withunderstanding seriously the
difference between happiness andjoy.
Because here's the thing abouthappiness.
(22:08):
Once you know what happinessis, you don't invest in it too
much.
Like, okay, I got a bonus,great.
Woo-hoo, I'm so excited, that'swonderful.
And I move on, right?
Because happiness is fleeting.
You start to realize, and thenwhat you learn, sadness is also
fleeting.
You understand, like, oh myGod, I'm so heartbroken right
(22:29):
now, I'm sad, whatever.
This was a terrible thing thathappened, but it doesn't eat at
you.
It doesn't take the rest ofyour being to understand it.
You're like, this also, you'veheard the term, this too shall
pass.
That's what that's about.
But it also happens withhappiness.
But joy, joy is a skill.
Joy is a thing you can access.
(22:51):
You can learn to get so good atit that no matter what is
happening in your life, you cantake a real breath.
You can turn around and findthe light in it, you can find
the possibility in it, you canfind the joy in all of the
darkness that you're goingthrough to pull yourself out and
(23:13):
to move forward anyway.
And that's kind of what I wishI could help so many people
with.
It's what I wish most peoplewould understand.
I think that's been mysuperpower my entire life.
It's not, I don't have a lot ofmoney.
I don't have a ridiculousamount of friends.
I don't have what everyone,there's so many people make
(23:36):
assumptions about who I am, butwhat you are actually seeing is
a person who lives by joy.
So that's the gift I would wantto give everyone.
If I could wrap it up in apackage and hand it out, I
would.
I think it's probably one ofthe greatest things that I have
ever learned or that I everunderstood about life.
It's one of the things I'msolid about.
(23:59):
And I just wish everyone elsewould figure out how to access
joy more often.
I really do.
Thanks everyone for watching.
I really appreciate it.
And remember, at the end of theday, it really is all about the
joy.
Have a lovely and wonderfulday, and we'll see you next
(24:19):
time.
Thanks for stopping by, AllAbout the Joy.
Be better and stay beautiful,folks.
Have a sweet day.
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