When Spouses Cross Lines: Dear Abby Edition

TALK TO ME, TEXT IT

What happens when trust is broken in a relationship? Today we explore the complex boundaries we set and the red flags we sometimes ignore when dealing with those closest to us.

The show kicks off with a look at concerning news stories - from a Canadian police official suggesting traditional values might indicate extremism to the DOJ investigating doctors performing transgender procedures on minors. But the heart of our conversation revolves around three jaw-dropping relationship scenarios straight from Dear Abby's mailbag.

First, we meet a woman whose husband of 32 years has been secretly inviting a young female bartender to their home - planning their meetups specifically when his wife would be out of town. The secrecy and text messages between them leave little doubt about inappropriate boundaries being crossed, despite Dear Abby's lukewarm advice about "marriage counseling."

Next comes a husband who gave his bankrupt ex-wife a "huge amount of money" without consulting his current wife - then when confronted, offered three choices: be happy about it, accept an equal amount of money for herself, or get a divorce. This ultimatum-style approach to marriage raises serious questions about partnership and financial boundaries.

Perhaps most troubling is the oil rig worker who abandoned his wife immediately after her spinal surgery to hang out with friends, despite doctor's orders to monitor her for complications. His dismissive "I can't spend time with my friends?" response when she called in pain speaks volumes about his priorities.

These stories prompted our question of the day: What red flags do you notice when meeting someone new that make you reconsider engaging with them? For me, it's inability to maintain eye contact during conversation - what's yours?

Share your thoughts on relationship red flags and join me and The Gent this Sunday for Brood Awakening and Sunday Scuttlebutt at 2pm Central!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, hello, welcome .
Good morning Friday.
Oh, we made it through the week.
How about that?
All right, so just I'm gonnatell you a couple of stories,
excuse me, and then we're gonnaread some Dear Abbeys.
But the first one is Canadianpolice official warns
traditional values may be a signa person is becoming extremist.

(00:21):
I put that out on my X-File Ifyou would like to go read that.
It's from the New York Post.
Of course, these people aregoing to call us extremists if
we believe in God andtraditional families.
And there are only two sexes,not genders.
Sexes, gender is gender.
The term gender is a made-upword for the 1950s to start

(00:42):
introducing all of this crap.
So there are only two sexesmale and female.
Okay, all right, go read that.
This is a Canada, of course,but still it's close to America.
All right, doj subpoenas morethan 20 doctors and clinics
providing transgender medicalprocedures to minors, mutilated

(01:03):
children.
Yes, finally, good, make it.
So, make it happen.
All right, so let's go on andread the Dear Abbeys.
Here we go.
There are some doozies here.
Oh, this one here.
I can't even believe that thisis even happening.
Oh, of course, there's an adpop-up.
I'm sorry, hold on.
All right, here we go, dearAbby.

(01:25):
My husband, oh, there's anotherfreaking ad pop-up.
Okay, my husband invited a youngbartender to our house behind
my back.
What?
I don't even need to read this,but I'm going to.
If your husband is inviting ayoung bartender back to your
home, you don't need to bemarried to him.
No, all right, dear abby.

(01:45):
I am 57 and have been marriedfor 32 years to my husband, who
retired from his full-time joblast year.
I still work full-time.
Since his retirement, he hasbeen going to a bar once a week
or so or so, which probablymeans every night spending a few
hours visiting with thecustomers and staff.

(02:08):
One of the staff has taken aninterest in being his buddy.
My husband is outgoing andsomewhat flirtatious.
Hmm, the staff member is ayounger female bartender whom he
invites to our home bar fordrinks.

(02:29):
No, this, no, this isn't.
This would not be happening atmy house.
Uh, they have also establisheda social media relationship and
send text messages.
No, sir, no, this is no, thisis not happening.
When I had an out-of-town tripplanned, they concocted a plan

(02:50):
for her to come over forcocktails with another of our
friends.
They planned to keep it asecret.
Okay, look, if you got to keepit a secret, something's wrong
because I might become upset.
I found out and did become upsetand have remained so.
I have discovered othermessages and I no longer trust

(03:13):
my husband.
I don't think they are in aphysical relationship.
Oh, hun, they are.
But despite his reassurances, Ican't let go of what might have
been shared about me and feel adeep sense of betrayal.
Yes, you should.
How can I move up forward?
I'm gonna tell you this is fromsuspicious in washington.

(03:33):
I'm gonna tell you how you canmove on.
Kick his ass out.
He can go live with his littlebartender girlfriend.
How about that?
All right, so let's see what's.
Let's see if dear.
Let's see what Dear Abby says.
Read more.
I'm wanting to read more.
Did she even respond to it?
Okay, oh my gosh, thesefreaking pop-up ads, dear
Suspicious.

(03:55):
What the bartender and yourhusband are doing is
inappropriate, no crap.
It might be worthwhile to askher employer whether there are
any rules about their staffsocializing with patrons outside
the establishment.
No, I don't need to do that.
There's rules in my life thatmy husband is not bringing home

(04:16):
a female bartender to the house.
Ask the establishment if thereare any rules.
That's stupid advice as to yourlack of trust in your
flirtatious husband.
Under these circumstances, itis understandable.
Marriage counseling may help no, no, may help to repair your

(04:37):
relationship.
No, these people have beenmarried 32 years.
I know what he's after and it'sa younger bartender.
So, yeah, nope, not happening.
All right, let's see.
Uh oh, this was anothersterling husband.
My husband bailed out his exbankrupt I'm sorry, my husband

(05:01):
bailed out his bankrupt ex-wifeand didn't tell me well, how did
you find out?
This is more than just that,though.
Get this, this is a doozy.
My husband is still in contactwith his ex-wife.
Okay, whatever, I'd understandthat if they have children, but
if they don't have children, Idon't know why you need to be in
contact with her.
But we're going to find out whyhe gave her a huge divorce

(05:23):
settlement because he feltguilty.
Here's why he felt guilty shesupported him financially
through medical school and hefeels the needs to help her out
every time she needs money.
I can understand that.
All right, if she supportedyour ass through medical school,
then yeah, I can see why youwould want to give her money.
But if you gave her a hugedivorce settlement, I think that

(05:47):
would be calling it.
Even I don't know what thedivorce settlement was, but this
woman seems to think it was alarge sum.
So, moving on, the last timeshe didn't.
She didn't ask for it, but hehad heard from his sister that
she had declared bankruptcy.
So he gave her a huge amount ofmoney, but she didn't ask for
it.
So, okay, all right.
When he told me he wanted to doit, I said no.

(06:12):
When he told me he wanted to doit, I said no.
If it were for a medical reason, I would have agreed, but it's
not.
A few days went by.
When I asked if he was stillbouncing around the idea, he
said he had gone to her houseand given her a check.
He knows this bothered me a lot.
He gave me options.
I could be happy that we couldhelp her.
He would give me the sameamount of money or I could get a

(06:42):
divorce.
Oh my, how do you like thoseapples?
Oh my, okay, I'll apply for adivorce If that's your option to
me.
If you want to throw divorce atmy name, all right, we'll go
down that path.
Yeah, I'm like that.
I'm petty.
I love my husband, but he istoo good to people.
He gives me anything I ask forwhich I don't, but this time I
just don't know.
He did tell me he loved me buthad to help her.
What do I do?

(07:02):
Present wife in Texas.
Dear wife, if you love yourhusband, take a bite of that
apple and be thankful he canafford to be so generous.
However, if you feel thisgenerosity has somehow
shortchanged you, and becauseTexas is a community property
state, perhaps you shoulddiscuss this with an attorney.
Ooh, all right, what do y'allthink about that?

(07:23):
All right, last, dear Abby.
And then we're going toquestion of the day.
Dear Abby, my husband works out.
This one is my husband worksout of state for an oil rigging
company 20 days out of the month.
He gets 10 days off.
When he comes home, we may havetwo days of quality time
together.
The rest of the time he spendson his phone outside.

(07:45):
Okay.
When I recently had spinalsurgery, he came home supposedly
to assist me.
My doctor gave him instructionsto follow after the surgery.
The first was that he observedme for 24 hours to avert any
complications.
Well, after a few hours, heleft me alone so he could spend
time with his friends.
I was sleeping when he left andthen, when I woke up, I was

(08:09):
pain.
When I called him and askedwhere he was, he, as usual as
usual, hint hint got upset andsaid I can't spend time with my
friends.
I replied no problem and hungup the phone.
This is a little bit toodetailed.
He returned two hours later andwe discussed it, but he left
the house again.
I don't know how to communicatewith him without causing issues

(08:32):
.
What should I do?
Am I wrong?
All right, first of all, ifyou're why, this job that he has
I think should be for singlemen only.
If he's gone that long of atime, I don't think I'd want to
be married to him, just my,especially when he comes home
and then doesn't want to spendany time with you.
Maybe.
Maybe it's time to part ways.

(08:55):
Let's see what, dear wife, let'ssee what dear Abby has to say.
You are not wrong.
What you need to know.
Okay, I'm not even going toread this, it's dumb.
If you want to go read it, it'son my X file.
All right, we need to move on tothe question of the day.
All right, since we're speakingabout relationships from dear
Abby, my question to you is andsince you're already married my

(09:16):
listeners are already married,already in an established
relationship.
This could be somebody that youmeet new, as in passing, if
you're at the grocery, whatever,if you're going to be friends
with them, whatever coworkers,stuff like that it doesn't have
to be your spouse because you'realready married.
So my question is when you meetsomebody, what is a red flag

(09:39):
about that person that standsout to you that you might be
like hmm, I may not want toventure down this avenue anymore
with this person.
What would be a red flag foryou from the other person?
Mine would be if they, if we'rehaving a conversation and they
can't look me in the eye, that'smaybe a red flag for me.
Um, I don't know what other, Idon't know what other kind of

(10:01):
red flag there would be, um, so,yeah, that's my red flag, I
guess.
What would yours be?
Okay, I got to go.
Thanks for listening.
The Gent and I will hopefully beback Sunday for Brood Awakening
, so be.
Oh, and then also don't forgetSunday Scuttlebutt Sunday, 2
o'clock Central.
Alright, gotta go.

(10:22):
Love y'all Bye.